


Fading In To The Stolen Light

by Silvermoonlight_GJ



Series: Divine Light [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M, M/M, OCs - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 72
Words: 401,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvermoonlight_GJ/pseuds/Silvermoonlight_GJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the lights go out where do you run? When time stands still where do you hide? When the world is watching you fall from grace and all of your dreams are shattered and you are forced to start over where will your path take you? Will you breach the light or fade in to the darkness forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer. This is a love letter to the Evangelion series and to Asuka Langley and Rei Ayanami it takes elements from the original series, end of Evangelion and the three rebuild movies and original Manga.  
> Disclaimer. This story contains violence, gore and swearing as well as sexual situations including same sex.  
> Disclaimer. The characters in this story are all copyrighted property of Studio Gainax.  
> Disclaimer. This is set in an alternative universe where all of the pilots are in there twenties, both Rei and Shinji grew up together and Rei is not cloned hence the very different appearance with her eyes and hair which are closer to Yui. Kaworu is human while Toji is an upcoming pilot the angels come in much slower as it takes them years to reach earth but they are much harder to defeat hence why you need far more Evangelion models. All Evangelion models now have the fully working S² Engines which means they are not dependent on cables in any way or batteries. They have no count down but they can be shut down if necessary all have different versions of the beast mode also each unit has a counter name to its number name, this will become clear as to why as the story progress’s. (Art pages are now at end of this book)

_PROLOGUE_

_“Save me ma, ma…save me!”_

I don’t want to die! As I repeat those words in my mind I know help isn’t coming this isn’t unit 02 the one place I always feel warm and safe, I know I’m dying I can feel every punch even from inside as unit 04’s pink first smash against the metal of unit Alpha the UN’s test prototype, it feels awful every blow is utter agony. Its so dark inside this entry plug its like hell I have no control over anything there are no controls anymore they vanished in to nothing and my hands are not touching anything but I can see on a single screen Mari’s unit as it brings out its knife and I see it flying towards the screen. I know what’s coming before it hits and it’s so painful. I can’t stop screaming as my left eye just becomes an explosion of pain even floating here in the black void I’m screaming it only gets worse as it feels like my right arm is being torn off, I look down seeing that it’s being twisted in the wrong angle. I’m so afraid I hate being afraid yet in my mind I’m no longer twenty three years old I’m a frightened little child wanting nothing more than to cling to my mother.

I feel the pain as the Alpha unit collides with the ground it’s so hard that my spine bursts in to flames as it’s bent in the wrong direction enough that I hear something crack. I should have known that Mari would do this because I have no doubt in my mind that Shinji and his younger sister Rei would have refused Gendo’s orders to attack this unit and when they refuse an order so does Kaworu. He does it because his loyalty is always to Shinji above all others and always has been. All four of us we grew up here at Nerv we came here in our early teens and as they years have gone by we’ve all remained friends on some level, but Mari has never been part of their group. She transferred here from Britain just over a year ago and ever since I got stationed with her she’s been riding my ass like some Darby race horse and I just can’t get her to leave me alone. She just so wants control of this team and she thinks I’m in charge of it, I’m not in charge of scheisse, there is no leader we are a team it’s about strengths and weakness and skills.

I learnt the hard way a long time ago that it’s better to be part of something than be alone even if you’re that person on the very edge who does not fit in which is sadly me because Rei, Shinji and Kaworu have always been very close and I’ve never really been part of that, I know why that is and I can’t change it so I just accept it as their company is enough. No I’m not the leader Shinji is he’s the heart of the group Rei his younger sister is the soul and I’m just the muscle of the group, Kaworu is the spine that fits us all together. Mari’s ficken problem is she can’t get her scheisse together and find her spot in the group, worst of all I used to be just like her maybe that’s why I hate her four eyed face at times because it’s like looking back at my self in some mirror back when I was fifteen. Oh the arrogance and delusion I had, I believed I was god but I’m not god, I’m human just like everyone else I can bleed I can die and being an Evangelion pilot should only be part of who you are not the whole. My thoughts are cut off as I see the screen fading in and out, it won’t be long now I can feel it coming to an end as blood leaks down my face from my damaged eye, I guess its not a surprise it would end this way I knew I would always die in the entry plug of an Evangelion. It almost seems fitting but at the end all I feel is sorrow and the desire to hug my mother but she’s not here she’d died a long time ago.

The pain is even worse now my guts feel like there being torn out and it’s not even an illusion as I feel the skin separate near my stomach as something is yanked out while I watch unit 04 jaws ripping out the guts of this Evangelion that I’m trapped in side which has turned out to be an angel. If the pain in my eye was bad this is worse I want to throw up so badly and that’s when I look up and see something I didn’t see before something even more terrifying. A black shadow with red eyes creeping towards me, it mirrors the shape of the unit but the detail is all blurry it’s like smoke. They say when you stare in to the abyss long enough the abyss stares back and its staring at me right now and I’m so beyond terrified. I can’t stop my own bladder expelling due to the fear even though the plug suite is meant to compensate for this and turn urine to water in seconds its still an awful feeling. The taste of LCL doesn’t even taste normal now it tastes and smells like rotting flesh, it’s so awful.

The beings huge clawed hands suddenly move towards my face grabbing it as the red eyes widen and the mouth opens in the flickering shadows revealing masses of teeth. If the devil was real I feel this would be his true form I watch helplessly as the outside screen finally blacks out and everything turns to darkness apart from flickering shadows caused by the red flashing code screens which are so screwed up you can’t even read them. All I can feel is sensation of something entering me through my open wounds I can see this pulsing liquid that has glowing red and blue veins as it shifts trying to get deeper inside my body. All of sudden it becomes very clear to me why this is happening it is instinct, the will to survive. The angel’s outer body is dying it wants a part of something to cling to so it doesn’t die. I’m not merged with the core I’m not in that deep, so now I’m going to be host to parasite who wants to use the only thing it has to live on which is my wounded battered and crippled body. I repeat the words aloud but this time openly “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die!” If I thought my pain and fear was bad a moment ago it suddenly gets so much worse as the whole entry plugs is crushed around me it comes in ward like a tin can and then the light comes through in beams like a some goddess of mercy as LCL is forced out of the cracks my good eye catch’s glimpses of the outside world as the entry plug is suddenly thrown through the air and everything goes in to a violent spin.

I see the animalistic form start to scream long and loud with me it suddenly it becomes very clear that everything is going to get worse as I feel the plug collide with the floor rolling as more parts are torn open and more LCL floods out as what ever was trying to get inside me fades away slowly as our connections are severed completely. The entry plug is stopped very suddenly and through the cracks I can see a different Evangelion hand holding it before lowering it, but it’s too late I know that as everything stops spinning and I come to a stop falling on my side surrounded by red LCL fluid. My good eye looks out as the entry plugs doors door handle is turned from the out side time really doesn’t mean much when your badly wounded and dieing I can’t even figure out how long I was lying here before Shinji pulled the entry plugs door open. Rei is right behind him as always as they both force there way in shouting something which I can’t even hear. All I can hear is my own heart beat pulsing slowly as my only good eye closes and the world truly turns to darkness.  
8

“Is she going to make it?”

Misato looked at the tank where Asuka was suspended and bandaged almost naked as the huge machines worked trying to filter out any part that was angel though as normal Ritsuko’s face said very little as she looked at her tablet. “Assuming she’s not contaminated by angel.” She looked at her read outs. “Her prognosis is terrible three broken ribs fractured spine, dislocated shoulder, shattered right arm and both of her legs are broken. There was internal bleeding though that’s been stopped and as for her left eye it might never see again though the eye survived the eyeball is very badly damaged and they also put a length of her lower intestine back where it belonged as it had been completely pulled out.” She looked at Misato. “And that’s all assuming she even comes out of the coma she’s in.” She looked at her tablet again. “ Psychologically she could be a real mess when she wakes up, there’s no telling what this angel did to her mind she was just starting to be absorbed by the core before the process was stopped and she had breached safe depth.” Misato looked up the red haired woman who was floating in the decontamination tank. “I don’t understand the LCL is meant to protect them from broken bones.” Ritsuko breathed in deeply. “And normally it would have, but Mari broke the entry plug and she would have crushed it all the way and killed Asuka, had Shinji and Rei not stopped the attack the problem was Shinji knocking the entry plug out of Mari’s Evangelion’s mouth.”

She looked up. “It meant that it took a tumble and there was barely any LCL felt to cushion Asuka’s body that’s what broke both of her legs. She just got thrown around like a rag doll on impact, yes Rei stopped the entry plug tumbling but the damage was already done.” She lowered her tablet. “She’ll have some time in here, just to be decontaminated and then Maya can move her to the hospital wing there they can reset all her bones but its going to be a slow and painful process for her.” Misato looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “Yeah well I wasn’t going to let Mari chew her to pieces, I made a call.” Ritsuko put her hand in her black suites pockets. “No you ignored Gendo’s orders and he’s not happy about it that’s why I’m down here, when I should be doing more important things.” Misato looked at her in disgust they had once been friends but that was a long time ago and now when ever they came in contact there was always a sense of coldness in their conversations. “You had the power to stop this at any time! It could have been your word against his, he listens to you your married to him you’re basically his right hand.”

Ritsuko narrowed her gaze she really wasn’t interested in listening to Misato’s whining about her having power, yes it was true she did have power but she wasn’t going to go out of her way to waste it on a pilot who was expendable. Pilots could be replaced and though they had four central pilots including Asuka and they now had Toji as well who was upcoming pilot though he was still running simulations in the training unit Omega on the huge hologram platform above but he just wasn’t ready yet though the hope was that this would be very soon and would be put with the seasoned pilots once his Evangelion was complete. “I’m doing my job, since Kozo was murdered I’m just picking up the pieces and I’m the only person Gendo trusts.” Misato felt a cold sneer form. “Yet you don’t care about Rei and Shinji’s safety and you never ever ask after them.”

Ritsuko breathed in sharply. “You can’t stop children doing what they do.” Misato stepped closer to her. “They are not children anymore they are adults who are all over twenties, they have lives, hopes and dreams and Rei and Shinji are meant to be your children yet you don’t you care about them at all you don’t even acknowledge their existence.” Ritsuko looked up in disgust she was so unimpressed by her angry display and she had no time for this type of pathetic emotional guilt tripping. “Just because I sighed those wedding vows does not make them mine, that’s your job Misato, you mentor pilots and do your best to pretend to be some kind of cool mother while I create machines and touch the hand of god.” She took a slow step back. “You get far to attached to these pilots even though they can all be replaced. You and Kaji, your both obsessed with all that greater good analogy, you forget that life a brutal vicious cycle and no one really cares who lives and who dies.” Misato watched as she walked away the days of close friendship were truly gone Ritsuko was now as cold as Gendo, they both now viewed people in the same way in that they were just toys and expendable, granted she’d always been cold but now she was just plain un-likable.

She thought when she married Gendo that Shinji and Rei would end up living with them and that they would have value even there fathers love. Yet once again both brother and sister were just pushed aside and even more so because Ritsuko had no interest in them being under her feet. So nothing had changed for years Shinji, Rei and Asuka had all been under her roof and she had acted as a parent to them. Later Kaworu had joined them but for a shorter time but now all she did was come back to was empty rooms because they were no longer children they were all in their twenties and had flown the nest and some days that made her sad as she had become so used to their company. Nerv paid them a good solid wage and they all moved out and started to live their own lives they just came to Nerv for five days to work and did the odd weekends unless there was a sound out for an angel. If it weren’t for her they would have had no free time at all as Gendo had wanted so badly to make it a full seven day week which she had stopped as it wasn’t fair on any of them in this time in their lives. Rei and Shinji lived in their own apartments but they were very close to each other and Kaworu had his own place as did Toji and Mari every one was in the city and she could visit them all in there off time and they sometimes visited her.

Though Asuka was the odd one out as she had moved far away from everyone out of all of the children she was the one she saw the least of all in her off time as she preferred to live on the rural out shirts away from people and she never let people visit her home including her. That had always made her sad, even if Asuka wasn’t the egotistic person she used to be, she was still proud, still angry as an oni at times but she was still not a people person. She accepted being on the outside openly and it was very hard to bring her in with the others. When she piloted, she was well behaved, she took orders she wasn’t rash she had learnt her lesson from past battles, but there was always an air of loneliness like a void that no one had filled yet. What it needed to be filled by she had no idea and couldn’t make sense of her distancing herself so much from the others.

She wasn’t even interested in dating anymore and yet once she had been so forward and out going on the subject, almost all of the others dated even Shinji but she felt that was because Rei pushed him and though it didn’t always turn out for the best he was better for it in his confidence which could still be an issue at times and he really needed pushing because at times he still believed he wasn’t good enough. Rei was the only other one who didn’t date but for her it was much more of a personal choice because she was finding out who she was with out Shinji as they had grown up together after the accident with there mother Yui, Gendo had just pushed them both on to another family member disregarding them completely. Hence they had grown up depending on each other for support and for many years Rei had been quite in nature it was only now that she was finally coming out of that shell and being much more outgoing and it was quite a transformation to say the least if anything she had benefited the most moving away and finding her own life. She turned back eyeing the woman in the tank who was remained still maybe this accident would be for the better maybe Asuka being here might just get her to socialize again like she used back when she was fifteen. She looked up as Maya appeared running up to her with a disc in her hand. “Okay I got everything you wanted on disc the whole battle the records everything, I still don’t get why you need them though.” Misato took the disc looking at it. “Thank you.” The dark haired woman who had a very short pony tail breathed in deeply. Since taking on part of Ritsuko’s job it had been very hard for her and like her she hadn’t really taken her marriage to Gendo well ether. “There all asking after her Shinji, Rei every one accept Mari, they want to see her.”

Misato felt her hand form a fist when she got hold of Mari she was going to wipe that self righteous smirk of her face even in her younger years Asuka had never been this difficult. Mari was a loose canon with a hell of a lot of ego much like Asuka had once had in that she had believed that was she was superior to every one else but she’d gotten over this she’d grown up and at least found her place in the group. Mari just wanted to be top dog so badly and she loved pushing Asuka’s buttons and causing conflict. “They can’t see her not until she’s fully decontaminated and it could take a while we both know that.” She looked down sadly. “Look just tell them that she’s alive and that she’s breathing and that her heart rate is strong but that she has a very long way to go.” Maya shook her head this whole event had been really awful. “Well someone will need to go to Asuka’s house the one that’s out in farm land, they’ll need to get her things and feed her cat just until her grandmother gets here, I contacted her after this happened and she said she’s getting the fastest flight possible here.”

Misato blinked in surprise as she turned to her. “Asuka has a cat?” Maya looked up slightly. “You didn’t know?” Misato put a hand on her face. “No I didn’t.” She turned to the huge decontamination tank again. “I don’t know anything about Asuka anymore she doesn’t talk to me about personal things, its all just small talk.” She put her hand on the glass. “I don’t know anything about the second child anymore….” Maya looked at the glass and the lifeless body hanging in the air as the machine carried on working. “To be fair I don’t think anyone really knows the second child anymore, it’s painful that she’s distanced herself from everyone in these last few years. Also how she views her Evangelion is differently to everyone else as well, to them it’s a machine yet to her it’s a living being, she even talks to it and she’s really possessive over it. I still think when she took on Shamshel something happened I mean she wasn’t the same after that, her Evangelion got so badly damaged and we all thought she was going to die but then she just went berserk and wasted that angel’s AT field like it was nothing giving Shinji and Rei the opening they needed and we didn’t have the beast mode protocol fully in place at the time.” Misato eyed Asuka she wasn’t even going to argue this, the second child had seen something all those years ago but she had kept it to herself and she wanted to know what it was.

End of part 1

Silvermoonlight

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had been wanting to do a post third impact Shinji/Asuka story for years, but since reading re-take I realize that, that graphic novel fixes the end of Evangelion in a brilliant way and cleans up all the issues perfectly, hence this story was created from the ashes and leans towards a completely different pairing. Scheisse-Shit, ficken-Fucking


	2. Chapter 2

_FADING IN TO THE STOLEN LIGHT_

 

Misato looked around the planning room which was for angel attacks seeing the faces of all the pilots accept Toji who was training and Mari who was late which just pissed her off. She eyed Shinji and Rei whose face were filled with worry as was Kaworu's as they sat in there chairs looking at her waiting for her to speak. They were all dressed in there normal clothes, she hadn't seen or spoken to them all day as she'd spent part of the day with Shigeru going over everything that had gone wrong and watching footage as the both of them were trying to work out how it could be corrected in future. What pained her was that she had ordered the kill switch on Mari's Evangelion but that shut down had not worked at all, it made no sense and nether of them were any closer to figuring out this error and the only conclusion they could both draw up was that the issue wasn't with their technology but possibly Mari's Evangelion itself. Hence why she was going to punish her big time for this and she was going to have the specialists look over that pink painted eight eyed monster and its entry plug because she was convinced that Mari had hacked it somehow from the inside. She remained standing paying no attention to the hologram screen behind her on the wall which had images of all the six angels they had now defeated but there would be more she knew that and so did all of the pilots. "Asuka is going to make it but she is in really awful shape."

Rei picked up her can of drink taking a sip before speaking quietly. "Yeah but she's Asuka, she'll bounce right back from this, she always does." Misato shook her head sadly. "No…not this time, this time is very different." Shinji looked up the uncertainty in his eyes. "How…different?" Kaworu raised his hand. "Yes how different I've seen her walk away from much worse." Misato put her hands in her red jacket pockets. "The entry plug when it tumbled had very little LCL in it, it fractured and broke her bones." Rei looked up sharply. "But I…I tried to stop it, I mean Mari was going to crush her like a tin can, if Shinji hadn't punched her Evangelion in the face I would never have been able to get the entry plug, I mean we both went inside to check that she still alive." Shinji breathed in painfully as the image of Asuka's body came back to him. Her arm had been bent the wrong way and there had been blood all over her body, her plug suite had also been damaged there had been big gashes on her waist arms and legs and part of her insides were hanging out. "I thought we were doing the right thing."

Misato moved over to them both putting her hands on both of their shoulders. "No one is blaming ether of you, you did the right thing, Mari meant to kill her you saved her and I'm very proud of you both for doing what you did." She stepped back removing her hands. "Every breath she takes now is because of your actions." She took in a deep breath before speaking. "But it doesn't change her prognosis she has many shattered bones and it's going to take her a long time to heal and she might have lost her sight in her left eye." She looked at the floor sadly. "Physiologically we don't know if the angel got in to her head at all so she's going to be really edgy and probably really pissed off but we've all been through this before we all know what to expect." Kaworu put his hands together. "Not to be rude but I wasn't here last time, what should I expect?" Rei raised her hands intimating claws. "Expect Asuka to be like an Itsumade oni, lots of swearing, throwing things just generally not liking the hospital wing and don't even be surprised if they have to sedate her….again."

Shinji breathed in deeply. "Please don't remind me Rei it was so awful the last time." He turned to Kaworu who was if anything his closest and most dear friend. "Just don't bother her when she doesn't want to be bothered if she asks you to go away, go do not push it." Rei pushed her light brown hair back her green eyes narrowing. "Oh yeah and don't bring flowers, bring her soft toys, German sweets, confectionaries, lager and video games, her brain hates boredom and the hospital just makes it worse. She goes stir crazy she's not like Shinji he can handle that white ceiling and nothing going on for long spaces of time." Shinji raised his hand it had been years since that incident with Shamshel but he was going to mention this regardless even though Asuka didn't act openly violent anymore in that she didn't kick or punch anyone or make fun of them. He knew though that the hospital wing might change that as the two of them just didn't mix. "Oh yeah and don't use the words, passed out, failed or getting beaten…unless you really, really want to be hurt."

Kaworu nodded calmly. "I'll keep that in mind and pass it on to Toji." Misato looked up as she folded her arms. "Asuka's grandmother is coming down from the Nerv German division but it will take her a while to get here, she's going to be staying at Asuka's house and feeding her pet and she says she'll be visiting the hospital regularly." Shinji looked up sadly. "Her father's not coming?" Misato put a hand behind her head. She hated how difficult this was to explain and since Asuka very rarely talked about her family other than her grandmother no one else would know this. "You all know Asuka was a birthing chamber child, she was grown in out side the womb because her mother couldn't convince right? The technology is not that different to how Pen Pen was created but you can use it to create people as much as animals but with humans unlike animals tampering is very restricted you can only change the child's gender and hair and eye colour, mental and physical tampering is strictly prohibited." She watched as they all nodded. "Well technically Asuka's father is not her real father, her real father was a sperm donor and though Asuka lived with step father and her step mother for a time, once she became part of the Nerv program she went to live with her grandmother, her step father doesn't have any contact with her."

Rei looked up. "Yeah well we know what that's like our father barely takes any notice of ether of us, it's just such a shame she never told us about it I mean we both know how hard it is." Misato breathed in deeply. "It's just complicated and I don't blame her for keeping it from all of you, the man was a terrible home wrecker. I mean I don't know everything but I know he had another child elsewhere because her mother couldn't conceive though I don't know his or her gender, it a messy awful story." Shinji put his hands together. "Has she ever searched for her donor father?" Misato shook her head. "No and I have brought this up with her once in private two years ago and she got really angry, I mean I could pull the files for her easy, normally donors are kept private but Nerv has access to all private records and we can ignore most country's laws."

"So sorry I'm late."

Misato turned watching as Mari walked in adjusting her classes. "Do hope I didn't miss anything important." Misato's felt the rage boil up before she could stop it she grabbed the woman by her long sleeve shirt's collar forcing her back against the wall opposite. Mari took in a deep breath as she met Misato's dark brown eyes which were filled with burning hated. "You know harassment is illegal at Nerv or did you not read the employees hand book?" Misato kept her hand in place. "Right now I'm ignoring that code just like you ignored my orders to stop destroying the UN Alpha test unit, Asuka may have lost sight in her left eye because of what you pulled and she won't be back on her feet very fast. She's going to have terrible trouble and might have to learn how to walk all over again not to mention the other awful damage you caused her body. They can't even salvage her plug suit, thanks to you she'll need to have a new one build and those suits take a lot of time to make." Mari shrugged looking down at her as she was slightly taller than her. "Well what can I say, shit happens?" Misato eyed her in disgust. "You are not above the rules Mari and you will be punished this time!" Mari smirked ignoring the cold looks she was getting from the others. "What you gonna do…I'm not fourteen I'm classed an adult and you can't do shit with out pissing off my division."

Misato looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "I've already spoken to your Nerv division over in Britain and they are not on your side this time in fact they are angry that you would disregard the rules so badly as you are meant to representing their county and its bad publicity for them. The director over there said that you've always been a problem child but he's really disappointed in you this time and he didn't enjoy cleaning up your mess to the media over there who have been pasting this story all over the news so this isn't over for you by a long shot. One of the delegates from that branch is coming over to speak with you personally and better pray that they can get this ironed out with Gendo and you don't get kicked off the program." She felt a sneer form on her lips. "So as of now you are grounded from your unit as I'm going to have that thing combed over because I'm convinced that you hacked it internally hence why I couldn't shut you down." Mari smiled coldly. "You can't prove anything." Misato leaned closer to her "I can and I will and you'll spend the next twenty four hours doing the hologram training simulation in unit Beta. You know the one you really hate because it's tweaked to be purposely unresponsive for the pilot, plus you're always saying that you can ace Asuka's score of ninety percent so prove it."

Mari eyed her in disgust. "This is ludicrous and unfair!" Misato looked up slightly. "Yes well life isn't fair the other pilots know this from vast and painful experience but you're really slow to pick it up." She raised her hand pointing to the door as she let go out her shirt. "Now get out off my sight you start right now and you will pull a twenty four shift out on that training field!" Mari folded her arms. "I had plans." Misato narrowed her gaze. "I really don't care about your plans are now get out, that is an order!" Mari gave her cold look as she left slamming the door behind her. Rei finished her canned drink. "She's going to really hate that…." She could speak from experience twenty four hour training shifts were normally punishments for pilots and they were not fun at all you only got two hours rest and then you were out again mentality it was really hard. The only difference was that herself, Shinji and Asuka had at least been allowed in their Evangelion's Mari on the other hand was using unit Beta. Nerv had two of these the other one was unit Omega they were the first type of Evangelion's created but they really didn't that work well, they had to be cabled and didn't have the S² Engines. You could put any pilot entry plug in to them, hence why they were used normally used for training pilots, where as the refined and updated models were for the advanced pilots and were very pilot pacific in that entry plugs could not be switched between units under any circumstances and the pilots couldn't be switched ether.

Evangelion's were built around pilots not the other way around and building bay was always a hot media topic as no one in the media was allowed access down in to the lower restricted levels where they built them. Toji's Evangelion was almost built and it would no doubt surface with in the next three weeks or more and silence all the media talk which was currently in a huge frenzy. All of the pilot entry plugs from the main Units could be also be pulled out and tested this was normally done during training and if a pilot was injured, though Maya loved to bring everyone together for a weekly syncing test. She eyed the door. "You know Mari's going to be so angry when she finds out Shinji's test in the unit Beta was higher than Asuka's I mean he has ninety eight percent the highest score of any of us and even Asuka knows that and she really doesn't care about it anymore."

Shinji put a hand through his thick black hair. "Don't you dare tell her Rei, she will loose it if she ever finds out, she's like Asuka used to be in that she can't stand anyone being better than her score wise." Rei gave him a wide smile as she raised her hand. "Don't worry big brother I have no intention of doing so." She lay back in her chair. "Personally I think she'll be just as unhappy with idea of being inside the unit beta or Nurikabe as the people love to call it, I mean there no greater annoyance that being stuck in a machine named after a useless oni wall." Kaworu leaned forward. "Yeah how did that come about again? I forget." Shinji slowly stood up. "They saw mine and Asuka's units go in to beast mode during angel battles and early testing, because they couldn't understand it or make sense off it they began to believe that all the machines are possessed by ancient Japanese oni of folk law so they have named all of the Evangelion's after a certain oni's even the lesser training units." Rei felt a smile form. "Yeah they've even created action figures, soft toys, posters and merchandise, Nerv hated it at first but then they realized that it helped with moral world wide and gives them great publicity so they just gave up and went with it."

Misato turned to them. "Yeah I might have had a hand in that, if you go up to head quarters we have a room near the visitors suite where all of the Evangelion things ever made are on display people love it and it's a great ice breaker." She felt a smile form. "And of cause we are setting up a shelf for Toji that is for when his Evangelion is finished being built, though it shouldn't be much longer now." She looked up realizing that she still hadn't told them everything as Mari had interrupted. "Since Asuka's grandmother won't be here for a while, I need someone to go to her house, just to house sit and look after her cat I'm assuming you've all been to her house right?" Shinji turned sharply. "Asuka has a cat?" Rei blinked in surprise. "Asuka has not let any of us go in to her house since she moved there, she's always got some excuse, don't get me wrong she's nice about it and despite that we've invited her around to our homes but she doesn't come, though she did attend all off our house warming parties."

Misato looked at them in genuine shock. "So let me get this straight for the past three years you've not been to her house and she never told any of you she had a pet?" She watched as they all nodded, great so she clearly wasn't the only one who had no idea about who the second child was anymore. She took in a deep breathe letting it out slowly as she eased out a bunch of keys that weren't her own throwing them at Rei watching as she caught them. "Okay these are Asuka's house keys you and Shinji both need to go up there tonight, I'll have the directions sent to your phones." She looked up slightly. "You both have motor bikes so it won't be hard for you to get up there." Rei looked down as she put Asuka's house keys in her pocket. "Yeah about that, mines in the garage, some one hit my front wheel two days ago it's being fixed though it'll be out by tomorrow." Shinji turned giving her a wide smile. "Its fine Rei we can both go up there together like we did this morning." Rei shivered inwardly great another ride on her brother's bike, which was no sports bike to any lengths of the imagination it was a copy of some post war cruiser and it was really comfortable in the side car because he had yet to get the better padding it felt like your backside was on fire after being in it for a few hours.

She forced a smile. "Great I'm so looking forward to that." Truth was she had bust up that wheel speeding but she wasn't going to tell anyone that because she knew Misato would chew her out over the fact she had broke the speed limit and how reckless that was. Shinji would also have a fit over the fact that she could have broken her neck since she had come off during the accident though her leathers had meant that she hadn't gotten a scratch. Truth was she had no interest in her older brother's hobbies he liked to paint huge canvas's which took months and a lot of his works ended up in galleries. Everything about him was about slow speed and relaxing while Kaworu, liked to play the grand piano and go hiking and Toji liked weight lifting and exercising because he had so much energy to vent. Mari from what she'd seen liked designing code and putting it in robots, her little scuttle bots could be insanely annoying as they could scale walls. Though they were banned from the lower restricted levels and the central control room, it didn't stop them pestering the staff in the upper levels with there loud music and buzzing sounds.

They moved so fast it was hard to wreck them, like when you tried to step on them and they'd just dodge you or climb up so they were on the ceiling well out of your reach. Some days she wished the old Asuka was still around because she'd have gone at them with a hammer and destroyed them. Mari's rule breaking today was no exception ever since she'd come on the Evangelion program over a year ago she had disregarded the rules and yet somehow despite all of Misato's shouting and telling off she just did the same things over and over. The only reason she hadn't been thrown off the program so far was because finding Evangelion pilots was incredibly difficult every year hundreds of young people from all over the world tested for the program but failed because they couldn't sync in the simulation tester as you had to have a very high mental discipline. Toji and Mari were the first pilots in years to sync and even when you could sync it then meant you had to train for a year before joining the elite pilots such as herself and Shinji and Asuka who had been part of the program since the every start. Not to mention with every new pilot it meant building a new Evangelion which took up to ten months from start to finish.

Kaworu was the first pilot from Ukraine and Mari Britain while Toji was from China only herself and Shinji were Japanese born. Having pilots from all over the world was very interesting but it got really complicated when ether Mari, Toji or Kaworu spoke in there own native languages as it was very hard to tell what they were saying. Asuka had very much gotten over this habit but it didn't stop her swearing her own language at times. She stood up putting her hand on her big brothers arm. "Let's go then as on your motor bike it will take us ages to get there because it's slow." Shinji got up following her. "My motorbike is not slow you just have an issue with speeding." Misato watched as everyone got up. "Okay now just remember when you get time, buy Asuka a gift, you know for when she finally get up in to the hospital wing." She watched as they all nodded as they left, yeah she should run them through training shifts but after everything that had happened she felt it might be good of them to just let them relax and besides they weren't kids anymore they were all adults. They knew there duties and they could get back to full training tomorrow on the other simulator field as there were two and it kept training pilots separate from seasoned pilots.

8

I can hear waves somewhere off in the distance it's a slow pounding sound so close and yet so far, it's the only thing I can hear in the dark void. " _Die with me_." I tense in the blackness I know those words they were my Mama's before the end before…well it doesn't matter I don't want to think about it. Thinking about it just hurts I may not show my pain to the others but when I'm inside in my house which is far from anyone I lie alone some nights and cry because it's the only way to get the pain out, I never feel whole I just feel empty these days. I don't understand it I thought living out side away from everyone else and having my own home and things would make me happy but it hasn't I just feel even more miserable. Some times I just…I just get on my motorbike the one that could kill me and I ride it maybe hoping for it to hit my emotional cords but it does nothing, all it does is ease my internal anger which I try so hard to control some days that it hurts. I don't want to see it hurt Shinji or Rei there the closest thing I have to friends and we grew up as a together they are all I have. " _Die with me_."

That voice again it's in my head speaking harder and louder. I turn in the darkness realizing for the first time that I'm standing alone in a darkness dressed in my red plug suite but all my injuries are gone which means only one thing this isn't real it is a dream. " _So pathetic, so human, always missing Mama_." Asuka turned seeing red eyes appear in the darkness followed by white teeth flashing in the light. "Since this is a dream I'm just going to ignore you…because you're not real." The black figure moved in darkness. " _Ungrateful_ _child you think I'm a dream I'm part of your reality now, I'm part of you, we are one and the same_." Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. "Your dead you're died when Mari cracked the entry plug!" The huge monster moved its long black fingers and claws scratching the floor making an awful sound as it got closer. " _No that's just your perception because you're human, you think in human terms my outer shell was crushed but not my soul I'm now inside you and I will own your soul…its just a matter of time, I just used your false god abomination to get where I wanted to go_!"

Maya looked up sharply watching as Asuka's heart rate suddenly spiked causing her whole body to twitch inside the tank she looked at the hospital staff, who were keeping a close eye on the tank along with her. The tank had been moved in to the hospital wing as there it would be much easier to get Asuka out once she woke up. "What's going on, did you two give her any medication?" The two men shook their heads. She eyed the heart rate which was beating faster now. "Okay I want you to administer a sedative just to calm her down, I don't know what's going on now but it's really strange but we can not have her moving around with broken bones." She watched as the needle arm in side the tank rose up, right now she was thank full that Asuka was unconscious because every one knew that she was the worst person ever when it came to sedatives in the past she'd kicked out and violently fought against them in the hospital wing. Normally they were put in using a special medical gun and that was where the problem came.

Asuka was renowned for trying to grab the gun and fire it elsewhere like in to the staff and she'd been successful more than once in her attempts and put out the male and female doctor attending to her. Years on the staff were still really weary of this and they'd been dreading her being here though a lot of that fear had gone when she'd come in, in the tank and she had so many shattered bones as she wouldn't be fighting them any time soon while she was here. Misato had, had all of the pilots trained in hand to hand combat and all could fire guns and use weapons this was so that if Nerv was ever attacked they could disarm the people attaching them but it meant that they became nothing but a problem when they didn't want to play along in the hospital wing. She watched as the needle pieced skin and the liquid went in slowly followed by the needle coming slowly free as Asuka's heart rate started to go back to it normal rhythm. She closed her eyes leaning back she really hoped this would be the last disruption tonight.

Asuka felt the sharp in her neck which vanished as fast as it had come she put her hand on her neck rubbing as she met the two glowing red eyes. "Who are you?" The face moved closer allowing her to see the multi layered teeth. " _I am Bardiel, I am your keeper from here on in!"_ Asuka raised her hands. "Oh what am I meant to ficken impressed by that on any level? A name is a name it doesn't mean anything." She folded her arms eyeing the dark creature. "Your nothing, you're…." The clawed hand suddenly moved out of darkness grabbing her, the long fingers wrapping around her shoulders as the claws dug in painfully. " _This feel real to you Asuka_?" The mouth slowly appeared realizing it's self in the light with its hundreds of teeth. " _Yes I know your name Asuka Langley Soryu, being inside you is very interesting and fascinating but also so pathetic_." Asuka felt the blinding pain as she hit the floor hard on her back in the darkness as the light suddenly went out, she tried to get up only to feel a heavy weight on her back as a clawed foot came down digging in. " _When did you become so weak, didn't you used to kick people around_?"

The clawed foot moved off her back only to slam in to her midsection with such force that it sent her skidding across the floor. " _Like that._ " Asuka moaned in pain it was for this exact reason she'd stopped kicking and punching Shinji, because it hurt and she knew what it was like to be on the retrieving end, she tried to get up. "I'm better than that now!" The red eyes moved in the shadows. " _No your not your half as interesting as you used to be, all you do now is hide away pretending your someone else_." Asuka felt the pain as she punched in the face and the voice came again. " _You used to rule the school yard, you were a goddess among humanity. Boys would kneel at your feet wanting you to push them around and hit them and screw them and you did mercilessly and girls would want to be you they'd even sleep with you, you used to have so much sexual fun, in your later teens your sex life was legendary._ " Asuka breathed in feeling blood run down from chin. "Things change."

Maya sat up sharply hearing the buzzing sound once again she looked up seeing this time that it was not the heart monitor but Asuka's brain which had gone completely wild with activity, it was alive as if she was awake and she wasn't and on top of that the pain receptors were firing over and over in different sections of the brain. She stood up seeing the out right confusion on everyone's faces. "Bring me up a body scan!" She looked up as the holographic screen came up on her desk showing all the internal organs which were working normally they weren't damaged and even the internal bleeding in her stomach area which had been stopped seemed fine none of the internal stitches had come loose, herself and the surgeons had worked there and then on it because it was the worst area and might caused have caused her death if not treated and they'd put part of her intestine that was hanging out back in. She eyed her holographic screen setting off the recording she had expected the issues with heart rate but not this.

True people who went in to comas did have brain activity but it wasn't like this at all this was just out right odd. Some days she wondered how she'd gone from her role of bridge lieutenant to this medical role which was centred around looking after all of the pilots closely and monitoring the Magi but then Ritsuko just didn't care about the pilots anymore. She only cared about social ladders and being Gendo's right hand she thought people were throw away and she hated her for that. She'd been so in love with her once and had tried to pursue her but it had ended so painfully due to the method Ritsuko had used to bring her down. It had been so brutal and it still hurt her even after all these years despite that a part of her had moved on. She let go of her thoughts as her gaze drifted back to Asuka and the present. What ever this was she couldn't explain it Asuka was clean of contamination maybe it was some anomaly from being broken free of the LCL in such a violent way Rei had, had unusual brains waves during Unit 00's early testing when it had gone wrong. Maybe Asuka's mind being what it was just wanted to remain awake despite injury, maybe this was how it fought with injury.

Bardiel's red eyes narrowed. " _Clearly not for the better, you're not half as interesting as you used to be_." Asuka got to her knees breathing in deeply trying to ignore the pain. "I like my life and I'm a better person, I don't hit people break there hearts and the anger I have is channelled." The huge mouth formed a cold smile. " _Oh you mean your pathetic life were you hide away from everything and cry your self to sleep at night because deep down your just desperately sad and lonely? As for the channelled anger you speak off that's a lie and we both know it, your anger is now repressed its half the reason your so miserable because anger is your strength and it always has been, with out it being burning in flames of your soul, your not happy_." Asuka looked up. "It's better that way! People don't get hurt and I don't hurt them like I used to." Bardiel's mouth formed a sneer. " _But you had such power your insults gave you strength_." Asuka felt the pain as she was hit again in the face causing her to hit the floor hard on her side. "Hurting people weaker or more emotional that your self, does not make you powerful…it makes you a coward and a bully." She was struck again on her back as the dark voice hit the air again. " _Spoken like a true hero…for some one so smart you're so disappointing_." Asuka felt her body get turned over and clawed hand came down hard on her chest despite that she couldn't get up she spat the blood in her mouth in Bardiel's direction. "You call me disappointing yet in battle I've won so many times against you and the rest of your race?" The huge jaws opened as a long tongue came out and a deep roar hit the air as the mouth came towards her face. " _Time for you to wake up second child because I really don't want your body stuck where it is right now it does nothing to further ether of our personal desires_."

Asuka's good eye snapped open as her hand came up hitting what felt like glass as she spoke through the breathing mask not caring that it was loud enough to hear. "Fick dich!" She blinked realizing that she was no longer dreaming and awake. She felt her eyes dart where was she? Nothing felt right she looked around realizing that she floating around in blue liquid seeing that her hand had hit what looked like solid glass. She was suspended upwards and it was making her feel sick not to mention the incredible pain that was running through her body as everything started to hurt. She couldn't move her right arm or her legs which she couldn't even feel and her chest was on fire. She could see through the liquid which wasn't LCL that no one was around and the room she in was empty. The only thing she could make out was three empty desks and the symbol of a snake wrapped around a staff which meant that she was in the hospital wing.

The heavy breathing apparatus on her face was making it hard to move her neck. Worst of all, all of her clothes were gone she was naked in this tank apart from underwear and thick bandages of some kind around her chest and stomach. She made a fist with her good hand despite that it hurt to do so then banging it on the glass which took so much effort. She hated the sensation of being under water it felt like she was drowning. LCL was different it felt protective this sensation on the other hand was awful she banged again harder hoping that some one was listening as she heard the beeper go off. Maya slammed her coffee down on the table as she ran back in to the decontamination room with the two other men seeing that all of the holographic monitors were up and Asuka's fist was up against the glass, she was awake wide awake as a matter of a fact. Granted her brain activity had been going off for the last five hours but she had not twitched at all. She ran up to the glass seeing the Asuka's only good blue eye fall on her as she banged on the glass again the panic showing. She raised her hand knowing that Asuka could hear her through the glass. "Hold still Asuka we are going to get you out okay, you need to calm down!"

End of part 2

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to put everyone’s minds at rest nether Kaworu or Toji will die or get messed up in this story, I really hate that in the Eva universe they both always gets the real rotten card. I have absolutely no intention of going there with ether of them because I think they are great characters who deserve to be a successful pilot’s and should have full story lines. Itsumade-Japanese fire dragon bird appeared during disasters. 
> 
> Nurikabe- kind of a joke because he is literally a demon wall that doesn’t move. Oni-the Japanese word for demon, Fick dich-Fuck you.


	3. Chapter 3

_EMPTY SPACES OF THE SOUL_

 

Rei breathed in deeply as the side car was jutted again causing pain to her rear as Shinji sped down the dirt road that led to Asuka's house. Granted it wasn't far off one of the main roads but it was well outside of Tokyo three and though you could join the main road it still seemed so far away as it was inside rural land and there were rice fields all over the place. Maybe Asuka liked to look at the city at night or some thing as even from this distance the lights looked beautiful. Her thoughts were cut off as the side car jutted again causing pain she eyed Shinji as she adjusted the goggles and helmet. "Slow down your hurting me here!" Shinji turned giving her a smile. "You said you wanted fast!" Rei narrowed her gaze. "Where is this house anyway, there's nothing but fields how does she live out…!?" Her next words were cut as they swerved to avoid a huge green tractor, which was making it was down the worn out path if the road was bad nothing compared to how much her body hurt as they sped over the grasslands before slamming back down on the dirt road.

Shinji looked at his sister. "Its Asuka we are talking about here, she's not a people person!" Rei breathed in deeply. "Are we even close to it?" Shinji shook his head. "Misato said that we would know it when we saw it, she said she only saw it when Asuka moved in that was three years ago." Rei felt them slow down but only slightly. "Oh so she's been here, yet none of us have not once, I find it annoying that Asuka always fobs us off with excuses as to why we can't visit." Shinji looked up catching sight of a house it was the only one and it looked like an old farm house but it had clearly had work done that was really modern, the roof had dark tiling the outer house wasn't white but dark in colour. There were glass windows in the upstairs and downstairs and a large garage add on. The front yard had garden which was filled to bursting point with sunflowers and there was even parking for another vehicle outside the garage, granted both his and Rei's apartments were modern but he had never even thought about buying an old rural house and doing it up this way.

He brought his motorbike to a stop in the parking area watching as Rei jumped out wincing painfully before taking of her helmet and goggles okay maybe her thoughts on the side car were right maybe he needed much better padding, he eased of his helmet putting it on the handlebars. Rei up her helmet in the side car as she walked up the garden path granted it wasn't that big but it was stunning with all its sunflowers as they were all in full bloom. She blinked realizing that there was a metal screen where the door was and a machine sensor. They had this on their apartments as well which explained Asuka's keys as she had the special sensor on they key which the machine would read before it would open the metal screen and then you could put in the door key in. She eased up the black key putting the end inside the machines sensor hoping it was right one as Asuka had two. She watched as the numbers appeared and a clicking sound was heard the huge heavy metal shutter flew up as a wooden door came in to view. She eased the key out putting it in the door turning it feeling it open which was such a relief as they both went inside closing the door behind them. Shinji eased up his hands clapping them though the light didn't come on through movement or sound like at his home. "No automatic lights."

Rei caught sight of a panel inside the hallway where you could hang your coat which was lit up in red so you could see it in the darkness. She could see muddy work boots soaking in water and a thicker winter coat hanging up. "Oh I get it's all runs on an IDHS." Shinji eyed the panel. "What do you mean by IDHS?" Rei eased up the second key. "It means it's really specialized and it turns on certain things when you get home it's like an AI which you program to suit your needs. IDHS means intelligent, digital home system. You should stop being so old fashioned and get one fitted, there so helpful." She stuck the yellow key in she was really fascinated to see what would turn on as these things were so personalized. Toji had one in his apartment and it had been so fascinating to walk around he had said that Mari also had one as well inside her skyscraper apartment. She turned the key hearing the wiring as everything suddenly came alive and all of the lights turned on and the curtains opened giving a view of the city lights in the far off distance.

Shinji blinked eyeing the house in front of him which wasn't Japanese's in the slightest as all of the blinds had been pulled out changed for walls and doors everything had been remade to look more like European house there was a large kitchen area which had a black granite board surface and a wide front room with a leather recliner and two seat sofa as well as a wooden and glass coffee table. He looked up seeing a flat screen television lower itself from the ceiling turning on as it moved in position so it was in front of the recliner, it instantly turned on playing something while a special coffee maker in the kitchen started up as it made coffee, all of the inside was painted in relaxing subdued colours. Rei smiled as she looked around. "Talk about missing home, this place looks more like Asuka's grandmothers house back in Germany, well you know with out all the super modern stuff." Rei eased the key out walked over to the TV seeing that it wasn't playing as such but had brought up a list of things of interest the idea was that you spoke to the screen and it played what ever you wanted and it could pause, record and copy things elsewhere. "Sports, music, movies, series, cat videos…this is quite an interesting list."

Shinji stepped closer to her. "You know you shouldn't tamper with that, we are here to feed her cat not to go through her things." Rei stepped away from the flat screen. "Well then let's find her cat." She caught sight of a two doors one led to the garage while the other led outside and had a cat flap while there was an opening to the upstairs. There were various engineering magazines for cars and motorbikes but they were tossed around on the coffee table like she had read them but gotten bored of reading them. Shinji went in to the kitchen eyeing the now smoking coffee which was sitting in the machine ready to be drunk, though he had no intention of drinking it as German coffee didn't appeal to him and Asuka drank it strong. He opened the large fridge which was filled to the brim with food, most of it junk food though there was a whole section which had all German food. While one of the lower shelves was filled to the brim with German and Japanese beer and lager he groaned inwardly it was like being in Misato's fridge all over again he really hoped that Asuka had not picked up her habit of a morning beer to start the day.

He looked around at least it wasn't really messy though like Misato's apartment had been, himself and Rei had always ended up cleaning that place up her place as kids. There was a sense of something not being right though it was the way things were tossed around it was like boredom or frustration of some kind. Rei walked up the stairs seeing a long hall way with three large rooms she opened the first which was the bathroom only to close it again. She moved to the second seeing a bedroom come in to view as interesting as the front room was the bedroom was always the most interesting in terms of people it was more private and personal, the room had a large window which over looked the city. There was a VR helmet sitting on the double bed which had a wooden frame again it hadn't been put away but lazily thrown there. She could see a long mirror for getting ready and lots of shelving and cupboards for clothes and a book shelf filled with books both in, Japanese and German though it was mostly regarding mechanics.

She picked up the VR head set she had one of these they were, where you could view the World Wide Web and talk to family if you wanted a more private conversation away from your computer or phone, but they could be used for video games and simulations as well. Asuka's had to be for video games, she turned on the visor slowly putting it on, okay it was rude to pry but she was curious. She watched it went from black to shimmering colours only for a naked woman to appear on the screen in a very sexual position she suddenly didn't feel so good and now she regretted even putting on this helmet, because one thing about VR's head sets was that they tapped in to your brain and made the sensations feel very real. The woman moved towards her touching her and she felt the sensation instantly she yanked the head set off almost in panic, switching it off wishing that she'd even touched it. It wasn't that she hated the idea of a woman touching her in that manner, she just hated make out sex on VR head sets with a passion because they messed with your head.

Nothing about them was real, not even the person you were having sex with and anything was better than them including sex toys, why would Asuka even have one of these things anyway? True it was no secret that Asuka was bisexual but in the past she had gotten dates easier than any of them, yet now she was reduced to this unreal stupid sex simulation. Asuka's sexuality had never caused anyone to blink an eyelid as same sex marriage was considered a social norm in over a hundred and eight two countries now including all of Japan. She eyed the head set again if Asuka wanted this she could go out to a club and get it. She looked around her, maybe she was missing something obvious here but she just couldn't wrap her head around Asuka being so with drawn this way, it was just strange because she always been so out going in the past when they were younger. She looked up as Shinji appeared poking his head around the door as he spoke. "Did you find her cat?" Rei stood up dropping the headset on the bed. "No she's not up here."

She adjusted her trousers as she walked towards him. "Just all her clothes but we should pick some of them up she might need them in the hospital." Shinji eyed the VR headset. "Was there anything interesting on her VR headset?" Rei tensed slightly. "No…just private e-mails, I shut it down." Yes that was a lie but she wasn't going to tell her brother what was really on it despite that she didn't like the idea of Asuka getting of on sex simulations what she did in her personal time sex wise was her own business. Shinji opened the door to the final large room stepping inside realizing that he was suddenly in a cave of wonders as there were book shelves filled with computer games all lined up and ordered as well as comic books and graphic novels there were also model kits on display along with a separate small area where she painted them and two computer chairs so she could move in between desks. There was a large desk with a computer gaming unit which had a keyboard and mouse as well as a controller and normally the VR would be here to be it was in her bedroom. This was a purposely built games room, all the rooms had images here and there but in this room had a huge wall scroll with unit 02 on it on its side wall, it was literally the only thing of her unit in the house and it was here of all places.

Rei looked around wishing now that they had been able to visit at least once because she loved the idea of playing these games and using her games machine. "What a collection, I mean some of these are old game are conversions." Granted ninety percent of games were streamed now but some people liked to port twenty century games and older but they had to put on a special disc and as it was difficult to do it and it was expensive as these games had to be done in batches. Again though there was something not quite right about the room it looked like it hadn't really been used in a while as one of disc cases sitting on the desk was dusty and the modelling desk had no current kit on it being painted. Shinji put his hands in his pockets. "Let's check the garage and the kitchen again I mean I saw a cat flap near the back door." Rei breathed in closing the door, Asuka had never really liked sliding doors but personal she found the entire idea of doors to every room really strange.

She watched as Shinji opened the garage door she caught sight of the empty space which was clearly for Asuka's motorbike which was cruiser like her brothers but with a much faster engine, she'd seen her drive in to work on it countess times it was a very plain looking thing and not that colourful just a toned down grey. There was something though on the far side of the room that was large and covered with a blanket and there were all manner of tools lying around. This was Asuka's hobby at least this was the one they all knew about as she liked to tweak engines so they ran smoother or faster she had even helped Shinji with his bike a year ago she had just brought him the extra parts and fitted them so it was a smoother ride and she'd asked for nothing in return even though he'd tried to pay her it. Rei moved over to the cover, she knew it was wrong but she was desperate to see what was under there. Shinji looked up sharply. "You know you shouldn't touch that she's obviously working on what ever is under there." Rei felt a sly smile form. "Yeah right like I'm not going to look, I always knew that cruiser wasn't the real deal and just her get to work bike, its way to tame for her."

She pulled the cover off watching as a black monster of a motor bike came in to view it had huge tires and thick black and red plating. Granted all bikes and cars ran on power cores but this thing was soaped up to the max. She breathed in feeling her heart race. "A Trident X309." She looked over seeing that this monster could go even faster than her sports bike it had a long planed glass and a huge front but what made it interesting was how you sat in it, you sat low in it like in a chair as it had a backrest made of pure leather and because of this it had a huge wheel at the back and least one other person could sit on it. What made the Trident bikes so special though was the three core engine it meant a lot less charging and dangerous amount of speed she felt bad for doing it but she eased her leg over sitting in the seat putting her hands on the handlebars. "This thing can go so fast I mean how did she even get hold of this? I can't get hold of this the waiting list is two years long for it, I mean I have the money for one but I can't even get a second hand one because everyone wants one and people even pillage second hand ones for the engine and parts because their so top of the range."

Shinji breathed in deeply. "Well it didn't come from her step father or step mother maybe her grandmother poked the German Nerv division or something, I heard the other divisions like to spoil pilots, they give them perks for good behaviour because they represent their county." Rei lay back against the seat. "Yeah and yet our father doesn't spoil us at all he just ignores us." Shinji narrowed his gaze. "Tell me about it? I mean I wouldn't even want this death trap of a bike but something would be nice you know for the fact that we risk our lives on the Evangelion program and have been doing for years." Rei looked at him sadly. "You know if mother was still alive she'd give it to us she did nothing but love us, he never cared about us to him we were both throw away items and as soon as our mother died he put us on our grand parents doorstep."

She took in a painful breath trying to hold back the sting of her own tears. "You know I just wanted him to care, you know just once." Shinji moved forward putting an arm around her. "I know Rei I know, just remember its not you it's him." He held her close he had tried so hard to protect her ever since they'd come to Nerv when he'd been fourteen and she had been thirteen but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't protect her completely from Gendo and he responded very differently to them both. To him he threw out insults about not being man enough to do what was needed to done and he'd gotten to the point of just shutting off to these insults. What ever his father said didn't define him as a person but to Rei he was much crueller he treated her like she wasn't there and never faced her when talking to her, it was cold indifference. He knew why it was there it was because she looked like their mother she had her dusty brown hair and green eyes this was no fault of her own though and didn't deserve Gendo's hatred.

He gave her a gentle kiss on the head. "I mean we have our own homes now our own lives we are away from him." He heard a low meow behind him he turned watching as a short haired tortoiseshell cat appeared looking at them with its large pleading yellow eyes it was a rather odd looking little cat as it had a chewed up right ear and pointy teeth. "Ah there you are been we've been looking for you." He eyed his sister who breathed in as she wiping her eyes of the tears. "What's her name?" Rei got off Asuka's bike watching as the cat came close rubbing against her leg. "She called Erika it's German." She leaned down picking the cat up who just seemed happy for the attention. "Hello there you must be missing Asuka." She watched as her brother pulled the sheet back over the Trident. Shinji leaned over stroking the cats head it was clearly very friendly even if did look a little beaten up. "Let's get you some food ha, you know just until Asuka's grandmother gets here then she can feed you full time."

8

There are distant voices so distant yet close it feels like being in the void there's just nothing in this place but darkness I remember the tank and being pulled out, did I pass out? Yes I did, because I hate being that deep in water the sensation is too much for me. " _Wake up_!" Asuka turned seeing Bardiel in the shadows again moving on his huge clawed feet. " _If you don't wake up I'll give you the real sensation of drowning because I will fill your lungs up with your own blood so that you'll really choke_." Asuka looked at him for a long moment he had to be a dream he couldn't be real. " _I am real now wake up!_ " Asuka felt the pain as she opened an eye but found she couldn't open the other one at all, it remained in blackness as she stared up at the white ceiling of what had to be the hospital wing. It hurt every time she took a breath her right arm was heavily bandaged along with both her legs which were up in the air and she had a breathing mask on. She closed her only good eye again feeling the pain as it hit her fully it was just plain awful. "Asuka?" She heard a voice causing her to slowly turn realizing that Misato was seated beside her the concern in her eyes as she stood up she eased up her only good hand pulling the breathing mask off. "Misato."

Misato leaned over putting her hand on the younger woman's face. "How do you feel?" Asuka narrowed her good eye. "Like scheisse." Misato breathed in she'd never been so happy to hear Asuka swear in her whole life because it meant that she was very much herself. "I'm so happy you're okay for a moment we all thought we'd lost you." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "How long have you been here?" Misato leaned against the bed. "All night its early it's five am the others will start coming in soon and they want to see you." Asuka spoke despite that every word hurt. "Don't bring Mari here." Misato shook her head. "She's not coming down here Asuka I've already punished her for what happened and some one from Nerv's British division is going to come down here and kick her ass, I know because they told me that her plane is going to be landed in an hour or so." She put a hand on Asuka's good one. "I promise you I won't allow Mari down here while you are recovering."

Asuka looked at her. "How bad is it, what did I break?" Misato looked down sadly there really was no point in keeping this from her. "You shattered some of your ribs, both your legs and your right arm were broken and there was a fracture in your spine and you had internal bleeding and part of your gut had been pulled out Maya and her team fixed that first." She looked up slightly. "Then they reset your legs and corrected the bone breaks and fractures there going to put you on some of the best drugs to help you heal faster and plenty of pain killers." Asuka breathed in painful. "My left eye?" Misato took in a deep breath she had not been looking forward to this moment telling a woman this young that she could be blind was not easy. "Your eye it's very badly damaged, we think you might have lost your sight in it but it's too early to tell, I'm so sorry Asuka this was my fault I just wish I had gotten Shinji and Rei there faster." Asuka looked down sadly. "Please don't blame your self it was my fault for stepping in to that stupid UN Alpha test unit, didn't think it was going to suck me in to the core like it did and I didn't think that Mari would get such a kick out of stabbing me in the face…that hurt so much." Misato took in a deep breath squeezing her hand tighter. "If you do loose your sight in that eye its not the end of the world I mean we can fit you with a robotic one there really good you can't even tell the difference."

Asuka shook her head. "No really I'm not up for that…" Misato gave her, her best smile. "Your grandmother is also flying in she'll be here very soon." Asuka breathed in deeply. "She's flying in from Germany?" Misato leaned against the bed. "Yes as soon as she heard she was on a plane over here, she's said she wants to see you and take care of you and look after your house until your back on your feet and walking again." Asuka tensed as something important drifted in to her mind. "My cat…no ones fed my cat!" Misato put a hand on her arm. "Don't worry I took care of that I had Shinji and Rei go around to your house and feed your cat just until your grandma gets here." Asuka eyed her for a long moment. "You know if they touched anything in my house other than my cat their both dead." Misato leaned closer. "Now there's the Asuka I know, I have not seen her in a while." Asuka breathed in leaning back on the pillow closing her good eye she wanted to go back sleep everything just hurt so much. "She just pops in from time to time…but the world is still better off with out her."

End of part 3

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asuka’s bike is a nod to the Akira bike this AU world has a lot of updated technology as when ever I watched the Evangelion series I felt that was missing and strange since the Evangelion’s are such advances weapons though I’ve tried to keep everything with in the realms of possibility.


	4. Chapter 4

_SOCIALLY IN ERROR_

 

Mari breathed in feeling the pain as the simulated angels arms hit her in three places causing the Beta unit to slow as she tried to get out of the way of the shots only for it to creak as the beeper went off as she went out of sync causing it to judder violently. She kicked the inside of the entry plug hard with her foot. “Why do you fucking suck!?” She looked up as Kaji’s face shot up on her holographic screen the older man eased up a finger shaking it. “Now, now be nice to Nerv technology Mari it’s still expensive.” Mari felt a sneer form. “Expensive more like stone age junk.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “You know both Rei, Shinji and Asuka all trained in these things in fact once up on a time the Evangelion your sitting in was once combat ready and even saw battle though not against angels but then this and the other ones were both base prototypes, Rei’s and Shinji’s, were the first real deals with those S² Engines which mean that you don’t need cables.” Mari eased herself back in the seat taking hold of the controls. “Then why doesn’t it work anymore, why does it go out of sync and shut down?” Kaji leaned back in his chair. “Asuka broke it.” Mari rolled her eyes she was tired and that was the last thing she needed to hear she spoke not caring that her voice was thick with sarcasm. “What a surprise…princess broke it, I should have guessed.”

Kaji leaned forward. “You know she might beat you up when she gets out of that hospital right?” Mari felt a wide smile form on her lips. “I’m personally looking forward to it, I’ve heard back when she wasn’t a pathetic loner her beatings used to be legendary along with her sex life.” Kaji looked up watching as the huge Beta unit started to move again from his position in the control station this station wasn’t like the main one in central dogma it was outside off Nerv in a special building which could lower itself in to the ground along with the media and visitor centre. The two huge training fields took up a massive amount of space both the training units and the advanced units could test there skills here and keep them sharp or try out new weapons and it was much better than older simulated training inside a four walled room. “You know very few people unless they are a complete idiot’s want a beating from Asuka it’s not a pleasant experience, ask Shinji he’ll tell you all about it as they both have history.”

He looked down at his holographic panel retyping watching as the huge hologram which was mimicking one of the angels vanished as he reset the training field. “Plus you almost sound Jealous.” Mari’s face appeared on the screen opposite him up till now she’d only been voice. “Please don’t insult my intelligence she’s a grease monkey loner who lives out on farm land she has nothing I envy or desire.” Kaji shook his head. “It’s such a shame you weren’t here in the beginning.” Mari’s leaned forward narrowing her gaze. “Why do you say that?” Kaji sat up in his chair. “Because the Asuka we all know today is so far removed from the egotistic hot head we used to know. She’s calmer and slightly more focused and just takes your constant insults yes she gets angry and tells you to shut up but that’s it, the old Asuka had violent misdirected anger which included, hitting, threats and open insults and she would not have put up with you for a second.” He raised an eyebrow. “May be you shouldn’t wish for the old Asuka back the result for you might make your life very miserable.” He typed watching as the hologram came up again. “The field has been reset.” He leaned closer to the screen giving her a coy smile. “Oh and by the way your last score was sixty percent you’re going to have to do way better.”

He watched as she rolled her eyes as her image disappearing from his holographic screen he looked up watching on bigger screen as her Evangelion started moving trying to avoid the attacks from the simulated angel. “Such deluded arrogance.” He looked up as Misato came in he gave his best smile. “Why hello.” Misato gave him a sad smile. “Hello Kaji.” Kaji raised an eyebrow. “I assume by the look on your face that today has not been a good day.” Misato breathed in sadly. “I just had to tell a twenty three year old woman that she may never see again in her left eye and could possibly loose it.” She looked up just in time to watch as Mari’s Beta unit was literally thrown across the floor of the training ground. “The worst part is that she took it so well, I expected her to cry, scream get angry but nothing.” She pulled up a chair sitting in front of it so her arms were leaning against the seat rest. “She didn’t even blame me for the accident and I’m the one who put her up to this.”

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “I mean she didn’t even want to pilot the UN Alpha test unit, I nudged her in to it I didn’t even have stroke her ego like I used to, I just brought her German coffee even Rei and Shinji said it would be good for her.” She looked down at the flashing hologram panels half ignoring Mari’s dull grey Beta unit as it was thrown in to the training grounds separating wall only to hit the floor hard on its three eyed yellow face which was followed by her cursing in English which she couldn’t make sense off. “Gendo’s first choice was going to be Toji but I said Asuka would be better.” Kaji put a hand on his beard. “Toji would not have survived it and he’s just not ready.” He eased up his finger pointing at the another dull yellow Evangelion with three orange eyes was running around on the opposite field to Mari trying to avoid holographic planes and tanks which were hitting it and since this was a simulation the bullets still hurt, even though in the real world they couldn’t penetrate the armour but it was training for any situation and everyone knew Evangelion’s could get their plating ripped off by angels he leaned over pressing a typing his panel. “Pay more attention to your right side Toji.”

He watched as the Evangelion lifted his leg trending on a tank causing to blow up and vanish. “That’s it.” He watched as Toji’s face came up on the holographic screen he smirking as he spokes “Thanks there like rats.” He turned as Mari was thrown yet again only for her Evangelion to rumble and cut out he leaned over turning of the simulation. “Again Mari, get that heap of stone age junk as you called it to its feet.” He eyed the scored panel. “Seventy five better but not good enough you need to push at least eighty.” Misato leaned over pressing a few buttons on his holographic panel to increase the difficulty of Mari’s simulation. Kaji eyed her. “Isn’t that a little mean?” Misato shrugged. “I don’t care it makes me feel better.” She leaned over pressing the speaker so Mari could hear her. “The British Nerv delegate just landed Mari, they want to speak to you I want you to run this simulation three more times and then you can see them, you know the room.” Toji’s image came up again as the big butch young man gave her a smile. “Hello Misato.”

Misato gave him a wave he might be a strapping young man but he was polite and very well mannered. “Hello Toji.” Mari’s image suddenly popped up again. “Who is coming to see me?” she felt a sneer form on her lips. “Is it a man or a woman?” Misato stood up. “I don’t know I didn’t care to check.” That was a lie it was a woman she watched as the grey Beta unit got to its feet. “Just be there Mari and when you’re done you’re to get back here and on this platform, your long hours are not done.” Kaji breathed in pressing buttons to turn it to silent so nether of the pilots could hear them talking. “It’s like having Asuka all over again.” Misato put her hands in her red jackets pockets. “No its not, at least we always knew where we stood with Asuka even when she was being an egotistical jackass, Mari’s all smoke and mirrors I really hate it.” She was about to say more only to stop as her phone went off she eased it up eyeing the message. “Asuka’s grandmother’s plane has just landed you’ll have to excuse me.” She took in a deep breath readying herself she was not looking forward to this one bit. Asuka’s grandmother was no nonsense person who didn’t care for excuses and she could be very hard to deal with but she was going to be in a hell of a mood today and she was utterly dreading the meeting with her and the British delegate Alexandra because they didn’t get on at all. She did how ever get on with general Marcus who was a really beaten up old war dog but he wasn’t here today and she knew why it was because he just didn’t face her wraith over what had happened with Asuka.

8

Misato walked up to the landing bay where the German war plane had landed the sliding door opened as a woman in her mid fifties got out. She had white plated long hair and a black army gear with black army boots because she clearly couldn’t stand heels or skirts she wasn’t very tall ether not that, that mattered much since what she lacked in height she made up with her temper which Asuka had very clearly inherited. Word had she had in her youth been special forces and had seen a lot of ground combat before being snatched up by the Nerv branch she took a deep breath before walking towards her. “Geraldina Zeppelin we are so glad that your here.” Geraldina gave her a cold look as she spoke evenly. “Please drop the formalities I’m not interested in them, where is my granddaughter?” Misato took in a deep breath meeting her eyes which were the same colour as Asuka’s if anything they were proof of Asuka’s heritage as she had seen images of her mother and Asuka looked nothing like her as she had, had blonde hair and green eyes. “Your granddaughter is in the hospital, we are putting all off our efforts in to getting her well, she’ll have the best health care money can buy.”

Geraldina sneered not bothering to hide her disgust. “Maybe that help would have been better if you had not talked her in to testing the UN Alpha test unit in the first place, then I wouldn’t be standing here right now having to talk with you and worried that my only granddaughter might not ever walk again and might have lost sight in her left eye permanently!” Misato eased up her hands. “It was my call and it was a bad call but believe me I did not talk her in to it the way you think I did and she wasn’t Gendo’s first choice Toji was but Asuka was put forward because she could handle it better if anything went wrong because of her experience she’s made of far stronger stuff than Toji he wouldn’t have survived this.” Geraldina breathed in painfully. “Yet you could have tested it with Rei or Shinji but you didn’t.”

Misato narrowed her gaze. “We both know why that happened I don’t make the rules Gendo and Ritsuko do and they both wouldn’t allow that option.” Geraldina carried on walking watching as the other woman followed her. “Favouritism of the worst kind…my granddaughter is not expendable or throw away its time they both realized that. My family has suffered greatly due to the Evangelion program so you people can reap the rewards and if Asuka’s grandfather my late husband were still alive he would want her off this program.” She took in a painful breath. “I on the other hand realize what it is to sacrifice for my country and I know that if I pulled her off this program she would hate me forever because this is where her heart is and I will never take that away from her as long as she lives.” She met the taller Japanese woman’s gaze. “The last time we stood here I didn’t mind so much because Asuka was injured during battle and fighting to save this world, its one thing to die in the glory of the battle but its quite another to be injured because of another stupid pilot who seems to have issues.”

She felt her whole body tense. “Don’t think I have not seen the image of that pilot cracking my granddaughter’s entry plug that web feed has haunted my every waking moment since I woke up to this mess and I know a purposely placed kill shot when I see one.” She looked at her hand which was missing the third finger as it had been blown off long ago in battle. “I’ve killed enough of my enemies to know what it is to be the one firing that gun but I believe you should fire on the enemy not your own side and I will have retribution for this action believe me when I say the British division of Nerv has a lot of explaining to do and when I’m done with them I’ll see my granddaughter.” Misato breathed in deeply normally with delegates it was all just hot air but she knew better Geraldina meant every damn word she never ever bluffed.

8

Mari sat in the small office she really hated this room it was so confided and it reminded her off some school yard teacher’s room but she had no choice being here and she was feeling so tired right now. She heard the door click behind her she turned only for her smile to fade in an instant as a blonde haired woman in her forties walked in dressed in a brown suite with a short skirt and high heels walked in with a truly pissed off expression on her face. Mari folded her farms great it wasn’t Marcus the head director of the British Nerv but his second in command Alexandra and they had never gotten on. “No Marcus?” Alexandra moved slamming her suite case down hard in front of the table as she sat down looking Mari dead in the face as she put her hands together. “You know what really pisses me off Mari?” Mari adjusted her glasses. “Wearing that skirt and high heels?”

Alexandra opened her suite case pulling a bunch of news paper throwing them in front of her violently. “No being woken up at two of clock in the morning with the prime minister breathing down my neck because you fucked up big time and it’s splashed over every newspaper along with every news feed on the world wide web and very news station imaginable! The worst part is you could have been today’s hero rather than its villain if that UN Alpha test unit had been unpiloted.” She looked up slightly. “It wasn’t though was it? You nearly killed the German division’s pilot!” She stood up. “What in your right mind compelled you to stick her entry plug in your Evangelion’s mouth and crack it?” She eased up hand. “Because you know that’s the image the media is running with right now, do you have any idea how much shit I’m going to have clean up today because of your little conflict of interest?” She felt a cold sneer form. “I’m going to have to apologise to Gendo himself and pray he doesn’t punish us for this, then I have to speak to the German divisions leader who by the way is Asuka’s grandmother and hope that she forgives for us for mangling her granddaughter!”

She folded her arms. “I get it problem child it’s all one big joke to you, its all fun and games because you get to play hero in your pink monster but for us its yards of paper work, for us its trillions of pounds per day out fitting your machine and paying for your bullets. It cost us so much money to have that thing built and specially made for you and British tax payers are still paying for your joy ride every day, Marcus is very soft with you he’s an old war dog and he lets you get away with a lot because he loves that you’re crazy.” She breathed in deeply. “I personally don’t like you but out of all the three pilots tested you were the best but those other pilots are still gagging at the bit to get on the Evangelion program as they are our reserves.” Mari tensed meeting her cold gaze. “You won’t swap me out for them.” Alexandra shook her head. “Sadly no we can’t, because if we did that we’d have wasted so much money on building your toy and maintaining it that we can’t afford to ask the government for another hand out because of what yours cost us and if the division is shut down we only get you back not your toy.”

That will stay here in Japan and be dismantled because its expensive insides which we paid for can be used to rebuild other units and we don’t get what Nerv promised which is the first small power core sized S² Engine prototypes because both us Germany, Ukraine and China had joint construction in the creation of the large version which powers your toy and the other pilots and I can’t tell you how much other countries want this technology and not just for weapons this will make power core technology obsolete, no more recharging cores in your garage over night, this will bring about the founding of clean safe energy. This is a big deal for us and all countries involved in Nerv will be first to get this and the whole world will be begging for it its going to make the countries involved very rich and there will be a lot of commerce and trade.” She looked up slightly. “We might actuality pay off the dept for your toy and have an easier time making house sized bullets for your guns.” She sat down seeing that Mari had gone very quite. “Our cover story is that your unit had a fault and that bullshit is only just riding public wise.”

She eyed her for a long moment. “Which brings me to our other issue, did you hack the unit? Because I’ve been told by Misato that it’s a very real possibility and from what I’m told tampering units from the inside is very serious they have outside control for a reason.” Mari folded her arms leaning over the table. “No.” Alexandria leaned closer to her. “Don’t lie to me one off the things that got you noticed was your hacking and coding skills which if we both remember right you were using to hack the secret service from some ones basement they had you arrested and you would have served jail time.” She breathed in deeply. “But then Marcus had this idea that you might do well in an Evangelion sync test and what do you know he was right and you got off totally free of your crimes which would have gotten you locked up for a very long time.” She raised her hand. “You’re lucky that you’re sitting across from me now and not sitting in a cold jail cell serving time. So you’ll tell me right now if you hacked the unit because if you did I can at least explain to Gendo about your colourful little hacker back history and he might be less annoyed.” Mari looked down at the table. “Okay I hacked it.” Alexandra looked down sadly. “I’m so disappointed in you right now Mari, I thought you were over this childish joy ride where every damn computer system is a challenge for your ego.” Mari looked down feeling the pain rip at her chest she hated being called a child.

Alexandra put her hand on the desk. “How did you hack it the details are very important here.” Mari tensed sharply. “I hacked the coding internally I over rode the safety parameters it meant that they couldn’t shut me down because I deleted the code at my end.” Alexandra pulled out a small tablet from her suitcase handing it to her. “I thought as much, now write down the code you used on this device because then the scientist’s and specialists here will ensure that you don’t do it ever again.” Mari breathed in sadly as she turned on the tablet slowly writing down the code. Alexandra eyed her. “The only good that’s going to come out of this Mari is now we’ll be able to muscle in on the UN over their unit’s failure and they might just give us what we want for once.” Mari looked up hating her smirk, this was why she hated politics and politicians no matter what country they came from they from it was just about one person jutting for position and power and they didn’t care about anyone but themselves. She preferred military commander’s like Marcus they weren’t about all this bullshit and she always knew where she stood. “I don’t really care for politics Alexandra, we both know that.” Alexandra turned to her. “Maybe you should start because when this war with the angels is finally over, there could be a very cosy seat for you beside the prime minister concerning weapons division or if that doesn’t interest you, you could head up the secret service division in one of the best branches in British intelligence then you can spend the rest of your miserable life hacking in to every ones secrets and pulling stunts like this, the difference is no one will care because you’ll be doing it for your country.”

Mari raised the tablet. “I’ve finished.” Alexandra snatched it from her hand. “This better all be here Mari because I swear if you’ve left one snippet of code out any punishment Nerv is giving you right now I’ll make it ten times worse, because I will not be fucked over again by you problem child.” Mari folded her arms. “Still sore about that other time, what can I say it was a judgement error.” Alexandria leaned forward. “I don’t see shutting down an ancient nuclear reactor as a judgement error on your part more a like a total fuck up, you almost caused a melt down because of your so called missing line of code.” Mari moved her chair back. “As fun as this has been can I leave now?” Alexandra narrowed her gaze. “No you can’t, you’re going up to the main office with me there you can explain all of what you’ve told me to Gendo, Ritsuko and Asuka’s grandmother!”

8

“I’m not interested in your pitiful excuses or your formal apologises this pilot here tried to kill my granddaughter!”

Misato stood in the centre of the room feeling truly deflated she could see Gendo and Ritsuko sitting at the joint desk showing very little emotion on one side she had Alexandra while on the other side was Geraldina. Mari was squarely in the middle and if anything she looked completely out of her depth but then this was her first time up here and she knew how scary this place was for the pilots because when they were brought up here it meant they were really in trouble and it could mean your termination from the program. Alexandria eyed the German woman who was clearly not in the mood for anyone today. “Please I can explain everything.” Geraldina folded her arms she hated politicians and it was clear as day to her that Marcus had sent his second rather than himself because he wanted to avoid her for what reason. “Yes please explain it to me Alexandra, explain to me how my only granddaughter’s entry plug was in your pink monstrosities mouth being crushed like a tin can while she was screaming in agony inside.” Alexandra pulled up her tablet. “Mari hacked the Evangelion she over rode the safety protocols and deleted the code at her end the problem child made it so you couldn’t shut her down from the outside.”

She passed the tablet to Misato. “All of her code is in here I made sure she left nothing out, I’m sure your technicians can put in a protocol to stop hacks like this in future. Believe me this is not my first horse race with this young woman, she’s had issues like this for a long time though you may not be aware of them.” Misato moved handing the tablet to Ritsuko who looked it over ignoring Mari’s cold gaze. “Oh really do tell me about that because I didn’t know, our records only show that the secret service had her tested for the Evangelion program.” Alexandra breathed in deeply. “Yes and that is accurate what your records sadly fail to show is her rather problematic history before that, we kept it a secret because we thought she might be rejected from the program though we thought she would be much smarter and not behave this way.”

She looked down at floor. “Mari was a hacker and a very good one what got her caught was when she the hacked secret services branches and they really didn’t take well to it.” She turned to Mari who looked really uncomfortable now. “She was hacking in trying to obtain government secrets to sell to the dark side of the web.” She folded her arms. “After her father left and her mother became a raging alcoholic who was later murdered Mari was left stranded in the worst part of a London district which meant that she needed cash because she couldn’t stand living like that.” She put her hands behind her back. “She would have served a massive prison sentence if Marcus had not tested her on the Evangelion program, even though I personally believed that she was the wrong choice and it should have been one of Marcus’s two teenage military candidates who are both disciplined and don’t have these kinds of childish emotional issues.” She took in a deep breath meeting Mari’s cold gaze. “But Marcus insisted that she was better than the both of them and that her hacking back ground made her the better candidate, though again I disagree.”

She stepped forward. “Mari’s hacking antics have always caused issues, some of us over in Britain didn’t take to kindly to her tampering with an old nuclear reactor and almost causing a melt down which though she stopped last moment she still saw the whole thing as a game not that innocent people might die.” She straightened her suite. “Ether way we thought this behaviour of hers would end once she got on the Evangelion program and we thought it had but we were seriously mistaken.” Geraldina felt a cold sneer form on her lips. “Well thanks to your little ficken over sight my granddaughter is now lying in the hospital wing.” Ritsuko lowered the tablet. “Impressive Mari I had an assistant once and she couldn’t pull off a hack like this.” She looked up. “The question is have you ever hacked in to the Magi system here at all? You should think very carefully about your answer.” Mari tensed. “No I’ve never hacked the Magi system, why would I care about the Magi system? I only hacked the Evangelion because I wanted to know how it ran and what all the codes were.” Ritsuko took in a deep breath. “Hacking Evangelion’s is one thing but it ever find you tampering with the Magi system you won’t remain on this program at all, I will have you packing your bags and shipped back to Britain.” Geraldina stepped forward eyeing Gendo. “My family has sacrificed for your program first me then my daughter and now my granddaughter, you owe me and my division and you know what I want Gendo we talked about this from the start its time you paid up because I’m so tired of waiting on your promises when I know you have the money.”

Gendo breathed in deeply. “Very well you get more money for your division so you have an easier time building 02’s weapons which should silence any issues in your country but like the other counties you wont get the S² Engine prototype right now and it will be another six months before you do.” He turned slowly to Alexandra. “Your pilot will remain here she currently being punished for her digressions but you will never ever keep back ground information like this on pilots from us again if you do I will make your division suffer for it.” Alexandra raised her hand. “But like I said Mari would have never made the program.” Gendo pushed up his glasses. “No she would have, because many of our pilot’s pasts are less than savoury and we pick them for their syncing that is all we care about here.” Geraldina turned eyeing Alexandra. “Maybe its time you taught this young woman here that being a great warrior means you don’t cock your leg up and piss all over others.” She turned eyeing Gendo coldly. “As for me since I’m done with the lot of you, I’m going to visit my granddaughter and I swear if this happens again I will see blood spill.” Misato watched as she left slamming the door behind her. Gendo stood up calmly. “You all have your answers now go.” He eyed Mari. “That includes you and I better not see you up here again any time soon.”

End of part 4

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought in this it would interesting to show the consequences of pilots and them celebrities and how their divisions react to bad press, which is not shown so much in the Evangelion world, the idea stems from watching the Pacific Rim movie role up which touched on this idea a little.
> 
> Sadly I suffer from dyspraxia which is a lesser form of dyslexia, hence my grammar will never ever be perfect also my being off the fanfiction stage for two years has not helped as I’ve come back very rusty. Also most beta readers won’t touch my works because of the length which can viewed in my profile as they are always epics and this one is no different, so I just have to work the problems by myself.


	5. Chapter 5

_THE FAMILY THAT GROUNDS US_

 

Geraldine walked the long white corridor that led to Asuka’s hospital room she knew where it was she’d been here before but it had been some years ago and this time felt so different. She breathed in feeling the pain in her heart as she caught sight of her grand daughter whose only good eye was staring up at the ceiling she was an utter mess both of her legs were bandaged and her right arm as well as her chest and stomach but that was covered by hospital clothes, word had it that the stomach wound had been serious and there had been massive internal bleeding and a least a section of he young woman’s guts had been hanging out and it would probably leave a scar for life along with the loss of her left eye. She eyed her hand which was missing a finger, scars though you could carry with pride mental damage was much harder to treat and being bed ridden could drive even the best warriors and soldiers crazy when they loved to fight and the road to recovery could long and painful, the last time her granddaughters healing had been fast but this time it just wouldn’t be. 

She turned seeing a dark haired woman was talking to her Asuka she was dressed in a white lab coat and dark trousers who was called Maya. She had been Ritsuko’s assistant once but since Ritsuko’s shift of position and power people had been moved around some dethroned from power positions like Kaji who was now stuck doing pilot testing on the hologram field while Maya had risen up but unlike Ritsuko she took a lot more time and care with regards to the pilots mental health and well being and ironically she was happier about her being the one standing in this room than Ritsuko. As it meant her granddaughter would get both the mental and the physical help she needed. She took in a deep breath pulling up her bag which she’d picked up before coming down here as it was a number of gifts for Asuka. Looking at it she realized that despite everything she was old fashioned and she still liked to spoil Asuka like she was a tiny child when ever possible but maybe that’s how she saw her always as the little girl who used to run and grab her leg. Asuka being with her step father and step mother had been the worst thing ever she had seen it only right to take her away from them after her mother’s death, plus she was so mentality screwed up thanks to them and she had started to bury her feelings inward which young children shouldn’t do. She had been desperate for attention and for her mother to see her and instead all she had gotten from her mother who was psychologically broken after testing unit 02 was abuse and violence.

Kyoko had refused to see that she was her daughter and had once tried to strangle her when she was five. That event had made her custody battle for Asuka so much easier ironically because her step father had been screwing the doctor who was Asuka’s step mother in the other room and not paying attention and Asuka had almost died and after her mothers suicide she had become hardened and very with drawn, plus she had nearly drowned in the lake near that house because they weren’t paying attention. She would never forget walking up their house packing Asuka’s things and taking her hand and taking her away from those awful people and their daughter to live with her, yes it had been confusing Asuka who had been seven at the time but she wanted her granddaughter to have something of a normal life to be at least happy on some level and she had never regretted the decision. Asuka still had problems and she had gone through an awful bullying ego phase in teens which she was in part to blame for as she had not taught her the difference between power and cruelty and she had done everything in her power to correct that when she’d found out about it but now as an adult Asuka was well rounded and calmer, she had her moments but every one had their moments it was what was being human was all about. She took in a deep breath opening the door to the hospital room hearing Maya’s gentle voice as she spoke. “You know you have to eat the food Asuka.” Asuka looked at the bowl in front of her which tasted awful. “I hate this hospital food…its disgusting.”

Maya breathed in deeply she should have seen this coming from a mile away. “Listen this is all you can eat right now, your stomach won’t be able handle solids for a while, believe me.” Asuka lay back on the pillows which were pushing her up but not fully because of her broken legs. “Great I get part of my gut yanked out and now I have to eat this anything tastes better than this even LCL.” Maya put a hand on the bed rail. “LCL tastes disgusting and the smell sticks around all night.” Asuka raised her eyebrow. “That’s because you just don’t understand it, it’s warm, loving if your one with it.” Maya blinked in surprise. “All you pilots always say that to me, but you never tell me what you mean by it.” Geraldine smirked as she looked up. “Maybe some mysteries are better left unknown.” Maya turned watching Asuka’s grandmother come in to view. “Geraldine it’s so good to see you.” She walked towards her taking her hand. “I hope your flight over here wasn’t too difficult.” Geraldine shrugged. “Nothing could keep me from my granddaughter.” Maya recognised that shrug that was Asuka’s she had clearly gotten it from her grandmother. “I’ll leave you two alone maybe you can get your granddaughter to eat her dinner.”

Asuka watched as she left she winced as she tried to get up. “Grandma.” She didn’t get to move much more as the older woman’s arms wrapped around her tightly as she spoke her words full of pain. “I’m so glad that you’re okay Asuka…I saw the news I saw your entry plug…” Her words ended as she held her even tighter. Asuka spoke keeping her voice soft. “I’m okay grandma I’m just sore.” Her grandmother pulled away giving her gentle kiss on the head. “Please don’t play down your pain Asuka I know you better than that.” Asuka breathed in painfully. “Okay but I didn’t say how I really felt because it would involve curse words and I know you hate curse words.” Geraldina pulled up a chair. “To be fair little one I would understand you’re cursing right now, it’s not every day you get put through the grinder like this, you know you’re going to have some amazing scars to boast about when you’re up and walking again.”

She opened her bag. “Speaking off which I brought you a few things, you know to cheer you up.” She put German boiled sweets on the table and a large bar of chocolate. “I know you can’t chew but you can wait for these to melt in your mouth, they might make the food your stuck eating taste less horrible.” She eased out another item. “I also got you some large bread pretzels which you can have when your stomach is more up to it but I’ll keep them at your home and your favourite coffee don’t worry I didn’t just bring you some small can ether I brought you at least six months worth, because your forever telling me how much you hate the coffee over here and how it doesn’t taste like home.” Asuka felt a smile form. “You have no idea, though my coffee maker helps, it just never tastes right.” She took in a deep breath despite the pain in chest. “Thank you Grandma.” Geraldine put a hand on her face. “Anything for you little one.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Could you tell me what’s going on back in Germany I just haven’t visited in so long?” She watched as her grandmother nodded as she started speaking.

Misato watched through the glass granted she couldn’t tell all of what was being said because the glass was sound proof all that was clear to her was that Asuka was happy at this moment in time and that was all she really cared about as it would help in her recovery she turned as Shigeru appeared walking towards her. “Is everything okay?” Shigeru looked up as he raised his hand. “Sorry to trouble you but the British delegate is leaving but specifically asked for you to see her off, clearly she wants to talk to you about something.” Misato shook her head. “Okay take me there….” Shigeru put his hands in his trouser pockets. “Would you like a drink, you know after this shift ends?” Misato shook her head. “Look I don’t want a date Shigeru.” Shigeru breathed in deeply. “That was not what I was asking, I was asking if you wanted a drink, because you look tired and like you need a pick me up after everything that has happened?” Misato turned looking in to his eyes seeing that he was being genuine. “Okay a drink after this over, meet me here at the end of the shift.”

8

Misato walked the long bridge to the landing bay seeing the British Helicopter which was gearing up ready to take off. She could see Alexandra standing arms folded looking at her coldly. “You asked to see me.” Alexandra breathed in deeply. “I see you’re struggling with Mari, would I be correct?” Misato looked at her for a long moment before turning her eyes to the bays where unit 02 along with 00 where being brought up to the surface of the other training ground it had be done with all the units. They had to come to the surface to be washed by one of the teams and their glass lenses were checked for cracks and the S² Engines fired up just to check if they were working then powered down, it was normally done below but since Toji’s Evangelion was being finished all focus on the lower bay was about completing the work. Also some Evangelion’s were twitchy she had no idea what caused this but unit 02 had been known to break parts of the lower bay sometimes with it’s hand during maintenances checks but up here with the teams who were air born and in planes they could work in safety on it.

Unit 00 and unit 01 had this same problem the rest of the units never misbehaved she could only assume it was coding error the scientists were yet to crack. Unit 01 had the worst history of twitching but it was getting less and less where as 02 was starting to get worse for some reason, these machines weren’t alive even if they had living parts so she had very little understanding as to why. She watched as the huge section of the field came up on ether side of unit 02 and like a giant car wash started spraying thousands of tons of clear water on it which in turn caused two months worth of dirt to flood down in an almost brown stream to the unit’s feet. The washer stopped as it moved to unit 00 doing the same though what came off was half as much dirt. She turned back to Alexandra. “Yes I’m struggling with Mari.”

She was about to say more only to see unit 00’s huge blue hand suddenly moved even though it was turned off which caused Alexandra to blink in shock. “I thought that unit was switched off it just moved.” Misato breathed in deeply. “It’s a coding error.” Alexandra looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “You say that so casually is this issue in Mari’s unit?” Misato put her hands in her pockets. “No it’s only in the older units, we only wash the twitchy ones about ground because there have been accidents before, it’s an on going problem we are trying to fix but Evangelion’s are expensive and time consuming machines but I don’t need to tell you that, you already know.” She looked up seeing two black media helicopters in the distance doing there rounds they couldn’t enter the training ground but they liked to test there luck regardless and record from afar and they were always around during the elite pilot training simulations and during these three units cleaning and testing. Alexandra turned back to her. “On the issue of Mari you’re struggling because you’re too soft with her.”

Misato blinked she wasn’t going to mention that she had slammed Mari up against a wall and chewed her out. “Believe me I’ve not been soft, once up on a time Asuka had similar issues but she grew out of them so it’s not my training.” She looked down at the floor. “Mari is more difficult and I’m still confused as to how you got her to confess to hacking.” Alexandra felt a cold smile form on her lips. “That’s easy you see the problem child thinks it’s all fun and games until you remind her off her past and her beginnings and that she is in essence a convict who got out of doing prison time.” Misato looked over watching as one of the cracked lenses was eased free of unit 02 left upper right eye and moved away as a new one was brought up and slowly hovered in to place so the work man and women could fit it. “Isn’t that rather cruel?” Alexandra shrugged. “This is what I mean by soft, you shouldn’t be so nice to these young adults just because they have bad pasts they use that kind of stuff no end to get what they want.”

Misato tensed uneasily she really didn’t agree with that statement at all but she wasn’t going to say anything. “Are you seriously suggesting that I beat Mari up emotionally over being a hacker and having a prison sentences?” Alexandra straightened her grey jacket. “Believe me it’s the only language she understands, we tried playing nice with her many times and it didn’t rub off, in fact when she was caught by the secret service the integrations torture did nothing and believe me when I say they really worked her over but when it got to the physiological, well things changed fast, her body might be able to take a real beating but her brain well that a little softer.” She put her hands together. “The only way you’ll get through to her is through physiological carrot and stick it’s the only method that works and it wipes that self knowing smug smile of her face in seconds.” Misato turned meeting her gaze. “I don’t believe in that, it is not how I train pilots.” Alexandra breathed in deeply as she watched the work man and women finish refitting the lenses on the red Evangelion’s eye. “Well what you’re doing isn’t working, you might want to reconsider, believe me if she was back on my soil, I’d give her what’s coming to her.” Misato tensed not liking her words. “May be it’s for the better then that she’s not coming home.”

Alexandra looked up feeling her smile widen. “I’m just giving you my opinion, because this won’t end until you insert your dominance over her and yes though I know your German pilot has a history of beating people up who get in her way and annoy her but that really isn’t going to work on Mari. The ratty little child spat blood in the face of special services interrogators she’s not afraid of pain in fact I think she really enjoys it. Like I said physiological carrot and stick because she’s real sore about her poverty stricken past and being ditched by her father and her mother having alcohol issues which made her miserable, she spent all of her money on drink rather than raising a daughter the fall from grace and loosing everything was so awful for her as husband took everything she had apart from Mari, granted her murder was an awful tragedy but it was bound to happen when you when you drink like that you end up making bad choices.”

She stepped in to the helicopter looked up as the red unit’s whole body suddenly jolted violently enough to cause some of the roped women and men to jump off she rose her hand pointing in the red units direction. “Yeah and you should really fix that red unit, the press will have a field day with that.” Misato breathed in as she stepped away as the British helicopter took off blowing dust in its wake. Clearly Alexandra didn’t keep up with the news, everyone around the globe knew about this issue the press had long stopped running with it because it wasn’t interesting anymore. She watched as the washer lowered back in to the ground and the workers planes moved as far away as they could get as the both units started up suddenly standing bolt up right there eyes glowing as S² Engines worked like a charm as always.

Both units slumped as the engines were shut off and the glowing eyes faded to black. Another successful test she watched as they were both slowly lowered down back in side Nerv central no doubt unit 01 and unit 03 Kaworu’s, Mari’s unit 04 would come up after and probably remain up all night while they fixed a lot of the plating which had been damaged during the battle along with two of the many eyes. They had not found anything interesting in her entry plug, just a load of empty energy drink bottles, but nothing to ring home about other than that Mari was very laid back and didn’t care about keeping the entry plug clean which was meant to be a protocol but she couldn’t really tell her off for this as now and again the other pilots brought things in to LCL because it helped them in battle and she wouldn’t take that away from them no matter how much is annoyed the specialists who cleaned out their entry plugs and maintained them.

8

Kaji slowly opened the double doors to the pilots wreck room, which were sealed off to most staff accept a trusted few the room was very large with two three seat leather sofa’s and two personal sofa chairs which were Asuka’s and Mari’s and at opposite ends of the room to each other. There was a large flat screen TV in the corner and a pool table along with arcade machines and a pin ball machine and a large bar which was set up so they could drink and eat and had cushioned tall chairs on either side. There was a completely separate room for showering using the toilets and a separate area for dressing in plug suites which were all kept in special glass casing along with there interface clips. All of the pilots also had there own personal lockers when the children had started out they’d only had one what looked like a school locker but now all these years later they had very large deep special lockers, where they could keep everything inside and these had become very personalized now. Shinji had painted his in bright colours Rei’s had computer game cheat codes stamped all over the place, Toji’s had army trucks and sports cars and Kaworu’s had musical pages some which he was writing on his own, while Mari’s was just yards and yards of computer code which she liked writing. Asuka’s though was completely clear apart from an image of a Trident motor bike and a few basic engine schismatic sketches which were in the corner and next to her locker was one of the old school lockers but it had dents in it and it was also hers and she tended to take her frustration out on it.

No one ever touched it, accept her and normally when she was kicking it they just let her get on with it. He eased up the red interface headset clips the only part of Asuka’s plug suit that had been salvaged he had the rest in a box under his arm as it had only been needed by the technicians to they could take the shape and dimensions and compare them with the new ones which the hospital wing had sent down as they had time to give her a full body scan when she’d been in the decontamination tank which was called Orion and had been built by Maya’s team. The technicians were building Asuka a brand new plug suite with a new colour scheme maybe it was ironic that her bright red one had been destroyed as she had been complaining for months that it didn’t fit and it was uncomfortable around the shoulders and back. He had brought the old one up here so she could have it, with her things as she might want to keep it as a trophy. She didn’t have a child’s body anymore though she had a young adult’s body though her face had not changed that much it was still very youthful and the other’s were the same. Only a few of them had gained some height and that was Shinji, Kaworu and Asuka while Mari was the tallest of the women and Rei was the smallest of them all but she was still the youngest and could still be very shy at times though she had very open moments now and again, Toji was by far the tallest off all of the men.

All of these children were adults now and he had already seen the work that was being done on all their suits, only Mari and Toji didn’t need replacements as they were fitting perfectly with out any complaints and Mari was a real complainer if the chest didn’t fit right. He was convinced that one of the issues with Asuka’s not fitting wasn’t just her growing up as she such but more her become muscular as she and Mari spent the most time in the gym doing combat training on the one of the upper levels with the special force sector of Nerv who trained everyone in hand to hand to combat and trained the staff in firing guns and using knifes and other weapons. Misato had ordered that every one here have combat training including the pilots and most days he saw Mari and Asuka coming and going from the gym but never at the same time and never together because they loathed each other on and off the field. The gym at Nerv was something of a speciality in that every level had sports you could do anything from ping pong ball to tennis to gymnastics and weight and exercise machines, there were even a huge spa with hot tubs and sauna’s and the lower level had a huge sub tropical swimming pool. That was the only good thing that had come out of Ritsuko taking the helm as the second she had, had the levels refurbished and added on lots of luxuries. There was a whole massive section now called the Arcade which had shops, bars and restaurants and it spanned more than sixty levels, she liked the idea that nice thing would make employees happy and they’d work harder and she was in fact right.

He turned seeing Rei’s long flowing gymnastic dancing ribbon trophy hanging up close by she was a beautiful gymnast and the other one who visited the gym quite often along with Toji as he like to do weight lifting. Shinji and Kaworu hardly ever visited other than to relax in the hot tub now and again and watch everyone else burn calories they instead preferred to play music. Kaworu played the piano and Shinji ether played the Viola or played along side him on the piano. They both played on the special open level of the Arcade where employees could play instruments or bring there own, hearing them in symphony was beautiful. Long gone was the self loathing young boy Shinji if anything was a young adult man who could take care of himself and was surrounded by friends. He was fierily protective of Rei even back when he had been a child despite his self loathing he had always stood up for her even against Asuka when she was going through her bulling ego phase though Rei had also stood up to her as well at times and things had often gotten very heated between them. He looked around seeing that Rei was sitting on one of the three seated sofas dressed in jeans and decorated short sleeve shirt playing with her handheld console not really paying that much attention to him he smiled as spoke. “Hello Rei.”

Rei sat up pausing her game. “Hello Kaji, sorry I didn’t hear you come in.” He felt his smile widen, Rei was always so polite he looked around him. “Where are the others?” Rei tensed as she sat back. “On the gun range practicing….apart from Mari she’s still being punished on the training field.” Kaji breathed in realizing why Rei wasn’t there her and Mari were superb mark’s women with rifles both in Evangelion’s and with the real thing but nether of them were as good with the normal hand guns or machines guns or pistols which the others excelled at in and out of the Evangelion’s. “Hand guns still not your thing?” Rei shrugged. “No I hate them, plus I’m Shinj’s mark and it’s not like he ever lets anyone get that close to me anyway.” Kaji eyed her hearing the slight bitterness in those last words which were very two fold in there meaning. “Big brothers are like that.” Rei looked down at the floor. “Yeah I know but sometimes I just feel so outside of everyone else because of it.”

Kaji eased up the box he was holding. “Well when they get back, you can all go see Asuka and bring her your gifts.” He breathed in deeply before speaking. “Mari though is forbidden to go near her until she’s back on her feet.” Rei nodded as she looked up. “I understand.” She looked at the box. “What’s that?” Kaji carefully handed it to her along with Asuka’s interface hairclips. “Its Asuka’s old plug suit her damaged red one the technician’s just couldn’t save it, it was to far gone, maybe when she’s up and walking around you can give it back to her. She might want it as a trophy or memento since she’s seen a lot of battles in it.” He eased up his hand. “Her interface hair clips were the only things that weren’t broken so she won’t need new ones.” Rei put down her hand held opening up the large box then carefully eased up the tattered red plug suit which was stuck in skin tight mode as it could no longer deflate there was a massive gash in the lower stomach. “How did she even survive this? When we opened that entry plug I thought she was dead it was really awful part of her insides were hanging out.”

Kaji shook his head. “I don’t know and I’m afraid I don’t understand the complexities of Asuka because I don’t get how someone could have that anger all the time, like how do you live with that twenty four seven and it not tier you out? I know she’s calmed down a lot but still.” Rei took hold of her canned drink taking a slow sip. “Ask the locker in the other room, the one she’s always trying to break the door off.” She breathed in deeply. “You know it wasn’t so bad some time ago it was only when Mari joined the program it all started to get bad again. I mean she does nothing but antagonise her and the worst part is that the old Asuka would have just beaten her up there and then, there would have been no hesitation and it would have ended this there and then but not our Asuka she just tells her to shut up then sits there stewing and I know she’s restraining herself and its so hard for her I see it in her eyes, she’s so conflicted.” She looked down sadly. “I think when Asuka looks at Mari she see her old self and she hates it but what Mari’s issue is with her is no one knows and she won’t say, all I know is she hates Asuka so much and she wants to see her really suffer.”

She took another slow drink. “It’s really sad because I could see them being best friends in some other life time as they are not so different.” Kaji felt a wide smile form. “That’s very insightful Rei.” Rei looked down hating that she was nervous right now, she found it so easy to open up to her brother and Misato to a point, yet she struggled with others like Asuka, Mari and Toji and even Kaworu. “No it’s not insightful I have just read a lot of books.” Kaji straightened his Nerv uniform. “Well your instincts are still good regardless.” Rei put Asuka’s plug suite back in the box closing it. “I’ll pass the message on for you.” Kaji eased up his hand. “Maybe I’ll see you some other time then.” Rei eased up her hand held console. “Maybe.” She watched as he left personally she doubted it as despite that he’d tried to socialize with Misato she had always refused and had kept him at arms length despite that they were friends. Not that she could really talk when it came to relationships she’d only ever had a few and she just didn’t contact with the people in question on any emotional level and the emotional level meant so much more to her, than sex.

She wanted someone who would be gentle someone who could give and not just take everything she had to offer and frankly she didn’t see that person showing up in this life time. She paused her game again no longer wanting to think about how she hated being lonely as she picked up Asuka’s interface hair clips moving them between her fingers more out of a curiosity than anything else because she’d never gotten this close to them before. As Asuka no longer wore them outside like back in her school days she always wore her hair loose and she hated the attention she got wearing them and the rest of the time they were behind glass or on her head when she was in her Evangelion not once in all the years they’d piloted had she ever held them like this. Also they smelt strangely like flowers but what flower she had no idea LCL smelt disgusting to most people but she had noticed that every pilot had a certain smell when they came out of it and it wasn’t disgusting at all it was normally sweet and she was sure it caused by the LCL giving the pilot a sensation to please them when they were synced with there Evangelion.

End of part 5

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LCL does not freeze your age in this AU instead you age naturally because I really disliked that element in 3.33 because it means pilots can’t live normal lives also it brings up issues concerning consent and that’s a place I refuse to go as a writer. LCL also keeps you healthy inside and outside but it can not heal scars or make you re grow arms or legs.


	6. Chapter 6

_MEMORIES OF WHAT HAS BEEN AND GONE_

 

Asuka breathed in deeply she’d been given a very strong pain killer to take the edge off by Maya who was the only person she trusted to use the medical gun on her because she was gentle and didn’t shove the needle in to her neck. The pain killer wasn’t perfect though she was still feeling some pain in her stomach sadly though she couldn’t have anymore because if she did it would send her as high as a kite. Her grandmother had left and had gone to look after her house and her cat and she’d said that she would be back tomorrow. Though she had told her not to worry and to go see Tokyo three and do some sight seeing and shopping for her self as she was truly grateful for the sweets and chocolate, though a part of her wanted nothing more than a vanilla and caramel ice cream based milk shake but Maya would never let her have that at this moment because her guts were still healing. She probably wouldn’t get around to even eating the chocolate or sweets if Maya had anything to do it. She closed her good eye about to drift off only to hear the stomping of feet and shouting she opened her good eye seeing Shinji and Rei Toji and Kaworu’s faces all up against the glass as they waved at her. Maya looked up eyeing all the pilots who had gifts she had just given Asuka her painkiller and had been about to leave her alone. “Looks like all off your friends are here Asuka.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “Great…the peanut gallery is here.”

Maya raised her hand signalling them to come in. “I’m going to ignore that comment since it’s probably your painkillers talking also I don’t see your friends as hecklers.” Asuka tensed painfully she just wanted to sleep and the last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her like this, since she was basically crippled and in this awful state. Maya watched as everyone came in. “Oh I see gifts.” She eyed Asuka who didn’t respond in the slightest. She eased up her hand pointing at Toji as the tall young man came in. “You no touching of her broken legs or arm, the bones have only just been reset and she can’t have any pressure there, do you understand?” Toji raised his hand. “Yes Miss Ibuki.” Maya put her hand in her lab coat pocket. “Good because I will not have you unsettling her bones by mistake like you did Shinji’s six months ago after he broke his leg.” Toji tried to give her his best smile. “Technically that was an accident, Miss Ibuki.” Maya narrowed her gaze. “Yes hence why I don’t want another accident.” Shinji watched as she left, he moved over to Asuka’s bed watching as the other gathered around taking seats on the left side of the bed. “Hello Asuka.”

Asuka looked up at him truthfully she was happy to see him and Rei just not the others as she didn’t really know them as well as she would have liked and when Kaworu had gone to live with Misato she had left nine months later she’d been the first one to leave three years ago because she had just wanted so much to get away. Now she regretted that the people around her were people she really didn’t know any better. “Hello Shinji.” Toji leaned forward seeing his moment to speak to a pilot who he had considered his idol ever since the program had started. “So how many bones did you break?” Asuka narrowed her good eye. “What are you stupid!?” She eased up her good hand. “Enough to make my life really miserable and I won’t trouble you with the whole issue of my lower gut!” Toji backed away okay maybe that wasn’t the angry response he had been expecting. Shinji felt a smile form. “We brought you gifts.” Toji moved over seeing his moment to show off his gift. “I got you a cool action figure of you it a special edition and since your getting a new plug suite this is the last time we’ll see you in that all red plug suite!” His smile widened. “Now you can play with yourself.” He watched as Shinji turned staring at him in shock while Kaworu just shook his head and Rei put a hand on her face. Toji slowly put the toy on Asuka’s table which already had chocolate and sweets on it as he looked around at everyone else. “What?” Asuka rolled her good eye. “You should be so happy right now that I can’t move.” Kaworu moved forward easing out a little puzzle box made of wood. “I brought you this.” He put in front of Asuka. “It’s called a Karakuri it’s a puzzle box it’s for when you get bored in here.”

Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “Okay but I’m not that good with things like this.” Kaworu felt a warm smile form. “Well we can all learn new things given time.” Asuka picked up the box truth was that at times she found it hard to fathom that Kaworu had once been a child rebel fighter in his home country who had been seeking revenge for his parent’s deaths. Because he was so calm so relaxed and so full of philosophy and he was always so at peace, she had always envied Rei and him for that because they had a calm that she knew she would never have or ever obtain as long as she lived. She looked at the box again. “Thanks.” Shinji moved forward as his best friend stepped back. “I brought a Furin chime, it’s for your house you could hang it outside your door.” Asuka eased up her good hand gently taking the wind chime from his hand looking at it. “Thank you Shinji.” She gave him a small smile despite that she wasn’t really smiling on the inside but the last thing she wanted was to hurt his feelings in any way. Shinji turned tapping Rei’s arm watching as she looked up realizing it was her turn. Rei stood up easing up a fluffy cat toy which had been painted in Evangelion 02 colours and had two tails. “I got you a cat toy.”

She pressed its belly making it meow. “You know because they nick named unit 02 Nekomata.” She looked at the cat toy. “I know you’re not a huge fan of these kinds of things but I thought it might cheer you up.” She passed it to Asuka who took it looking at it. “I think it’s rather cool that they named your unit after that oni.” Asuka eyed the toy truth be told she really liked this but the last thing she wanted to do was make a scene because they’d all see her as weak or stupid but at the same time she didn’t want to hurt Rei’s feelings by making out that the gift didn’t matter to her when it really did. “Thank you Rei.” She eyed her chocolate eased it up with her good hand. “Would you and Shinji like a piece? I mean I know you both like Belgium chocolate.” She watched as they took it breaking of some cubes she turned to Kaworu. “You can have some to, if you like.” Kaworu shook his head. “Thank you but I don’t eat chocolate.” Toji pushed in front of Shinji. “Can I have some?” Asuka looked up narrowing her good eye. “No.” Toji blinked in surprise. “What why?!” Asuka looked at him as she spoke unable to keep the anger out of her voice. “Because you’re an idiot!”

Mari could see what was going on behind the glass even though she couldn’t hear they couldn’t see her, she was hiding off sight. She folded her arms she was tired her first long shift was finally over and now she just wanted to go to sleep. Why did Asuka get everything? She deserved nothing. Yet people loved her and she didn’t even care for there affections she repaid them with nothing but anger and mostly discontent. What she wouldn’t give for them to surround her like that to shower her in gifts, she eased up her finger adjusting her glasses as she put her other hand on her black trousers. Yet that would never be, she was not part of the main group and was completely on the outside and had been since she’d come here as Misato never invited her around for the weekly get together, Toji was her only friend and they tended to hang out together, he was never invited to these get together dinners ether. Maybe this feeling of rage was what had made her put that entry plug in her unit’s mouth. She had never expected Shinji or Rei to intervene though or for Shinji to literally punch her unit in the face causing it to hit dirt so he could restrain her while Rei went after the battered entry plug in 00, she didn’t understand why anyone would fight for this moody self serving princess, it was just beyond her. 

Her thoughts were suddenly cut off as some one grabbed her white shirt’s black loose tie violently causing her to be turned around. She looked down meeting Maya’s ice cold gaze she gave the small woman a sly smile. “Why hello Maya.” Maya kept hold of the much taller woman’s tie. “You were just leaving weren’t you?” Mari tensed hating that she was now banned from this place but she wasn’t going to argue it as she knew full well that Maya despite her size and stature didn’t put up with any ones bullshit and was not to be toyed with. “Yes I was.” Maya let go off her tie. “Then get out.” Mari eyed her in disgust. “Fine it wasn’t like anything interesting was happening anyway.” Maya watched as the tall young British woman left walking away casually she couldn’t believe she had to do this all over again. Granted the younger Asuka had, had issues with rule breaking but she had long since gotten out of the habit of doing this and played by the rules. Mari though was just like she used to be if not worse, because Asuka had broken the rules purely to get attention Mari was breaking them because she found it funny and amusing to her everything was like some kind of big joke and that included other peoples suffering and none more so than Asuka’s.

8

“What did I say, I don’t get why she was so mad?”

Shinji breathed in deeply as he sat at the food restaurant table which was inside the Arcade and had glowing neon yellow lights and served all forms of Japanese cuisine. “We’ve really got to work on your Japanese.” Toji banged his fist down hard on the table. “What all I said was now you can play with yourself.” Rei took a sip from her honey dew bubble tea. “I’m sure you meant something different with that final word, like play with it.” Toji blinked as he thought about that and the cogs suddenly clicked in his head. “Oh man I didn’t mean it like that…I really didn’t know now she probably thinks that I am some kind of sick pervert.” Kaworu began to slowly eat his food. “Don’t worry she’ll probably have forgotten by tomorrow, she tends to get side tracked by other things these days and never really holds grudges.” Shinji began to eat his food he carefully passed his sister some soup since she was vegetarian. “Believe me when were kids it was so hard to be around her she was could be really cruel and violent and she didn’t get the whole concept of boundaries.” Toji looked at his food. “You know I thought she was going to hit me.” Rei slowly eat her soup. “No she wouldn’t do that, I mean she won’t hit Mari.” Toji chewed on his food which tasted quite different to the Chinese food he normally eat. “If those two ever had a fight I could see it being very brutal.” Shinji looked up he wasn’t even to argue that. “I agree.”

He carefully passed around the Soy sauce. “Maybe when Asuka gets better they’ll finally work it out with their fists, since they both love fighting so much.” Rei looked at them all. “You know I find it sad that your saying that Shinji, I mean Asuka wasn’t put on this earth just to crack open people’s heads.” She took another long a sip from her bubble tea. “I mean you all refer to her like purpose in life is to fight and nothing more.” Toji breathed in deeply. “No offence but I admire her because of her fighting, I remember living as a very poor kid in China every day with my little sister Sakura and I would go find our food and then I we would go to this big screen in the city and watch your training simulations on these huge screens. Asuka was the one doing all those ace moves and kind of breaking the rules in unit 02 and disobeying orders.” He looked up slightly. “She was so reckless and I loved it, I would not be on the program if not for her I mean they laughed at me when I went to the sync test.”

He felt a cold smile form. “The chicken shit bastards weren’t laughing when I aced it.” He leaned back putting his hands behind his head. “Yeah that’s a moment I will treasure forever and I only got that though being inspired by Asuka.” Rei breathed in deeply. “I don’t think she likes hero worship and if you had met her when we was younger she’d have loved that, in fact she’d have loved you then punished you.” Shinji looked at his half empty bowl. “Maybe it’s for the better you never did meet that Asuka she might have loved you and left you, she was such a heartbreaker.” Toji leaned forward. “Yeah I heard about this, one of the staff was telling that when she was younger she had a real ravenous sexual appetite, like she would screw any thing with a heartbeat.” Shinji looked up. “That’s putting it mildly basically Asuka was so full of it that she thought she was entitled to anything and anyone boys, girls who ever she could get her hands on. Granted it was all safe and consenting but she really hurt people’s feelings and broke a lot of hearts because these people admired her some even loved her but to her they were throw away and it was always a one night thing.”

He pushed his dark hair back. “After the battle with Shamshel, though she changed I mean she almost died during that battle and her Evangelion was a mess yet she went in to this beast mode she was the first to ever do it and it wasn’t done through codes like it is now but afterwards she was so out of it emotionally and she started to with draw from us. She then started following the rules and stopped being cruel and violent towards both myself and Rei.” Toji leaned closer. “You two dated once though didn’t you?” Shinji breathed in sadly. “Yes it was during that unkind phase but after the battle Shamshel she ended it, she never said why and she won’t to this very day she said it was best for us because the future didn’t hold bright things for us. I never understood what she meant by that I was sad at the time but we both moved on and remained friends, I know that angels can get in to your head but she has always claimed that Shamshel never did.”

Kaworu eased up a hand. “I never knew the Asuka these two are talking about when I joined the program she was moving away from Misato’s and had distanced her self from all of us but she’s always been nice to me.” Toji refilled his bowl as he looked at Shinji. “Would you ever get back with her?” Shinji shook his head. “No I think we’ve both moved on we are very different people now but she’ll always be my friend.” He looked down sadly. “I just wish she’d open up because I know deep down she has a good heart but I don’t think she see herself that way. I think she dislikes even hates herself but she doesn’t know how to change anymore so she doesn’t try because she’s afraid.” Toji laughed as he looked up. “Please fear is not something I see in her.” Rei finished her soup. “I agree with you on the fear part, I don’t think she’s afraid of anything also her good side is so hard to see because her angry side just gets in the way all of the time.” Toji eyed the small woman who never really said that much. “You know I did hear that she once came on to you, you know back when you were in school.”

Rei breathed in deeply great she knew this topic would come up it always did when Shinji spoke about his relationship with Asuka. “It’s the one and only time I’ve ever touched Asuka and I’m not proud of it, she was being creepy and disgusting so I slapped her really hard. Granted she never showed the same violence towards me that she did to Shinji it was more about her trying to assert dominance and getting in to my personal space. I was just so tired of her calling me names as well as Shinji and I made that known to her, after I slapped her she never ever tried to come on to me again, though she did get in my personal space from time to time though I just used to shove her away. After Shamshel though she stopped all name calling and all acts of violence stopped completely.” Toji eased up a finger. “If things had been different would you have you know slept with her?” Rei fidgeted uncomfortable. “She’s really not my type and in all these years we’ve never hung out on a personal level I barely know her anymore.” Shinji raised an eyebrow. “As someone who has slept with her, its not something you step in to lightly, you do it at your peril because she will dominate you no end and she has lot of energy to burn wearing her down is very hard work.” He took a sip from his mug. “It was fun once but it’s not the kind of sex life I want to experience again.”

8

Misato eyed Shigeru who was eating as the sat in behind the bar which was located on the tenth floor of the Arcade. “I don’t know what to do personally I do that carrot and stick crap I could make an already difficult young woman much worse.” Shigeru looked up as he shrugged. “Well something has to be done but maybe you and Kaji can work something out.” Misato took a sip of her cold beer. “I’m not going to Kaji about this he has enough on his plate and I think sometimes he finds it hard working the training field plus he gets paid less all thanks to Ritsuko and her lies.” Shigeru raised his hand. “Believe me no one at Nerv believes that he sexually harassed her all those years ago, she just wanted him removed because she hates him.” He put his hands together. “You have it the hardest though I mean you brought up these kids up in a way, there now all adults and can take care of them selves but they still must feel like your children regardless.” Misato took another sip of her drink trying to pace herself not that it would help. She would probably over do it in private later on as she always did as alcohol was her weakness. “Shinji feels like my child yes Rei we have more of a friendship and Asuka doesn’t talk to me anymore and she left on bad terms, Kaworu I can talk to but not Toji or Mari.”

Shigeru pushed his long hair back as he spoke. “Maybe that’s your answer then, maybe you’ve just got to some how gain Mari’s trust I think everyone knows that there has to be more to this than just hating Asuka there has to be a deeper desire and need there.” Misato looked at him for a long moment. “You’re saying that I should maybe soften her by trying to be her mother figure?” She looked at the snack plate in front of them. “You know that didn’t always work for Asuka at all.” Shigeru shook his head. “Your comparing apples to oranges here, yes let’s agree they are both crazy and angry and have had really awful childhoods but the real motivations behind their anger could come from very different places all together and Mari might be much easier to win over than Asuka.” Misato looked at her empty beer mug she turning it over which was her way of telling herself enough was enough. “Yeah and she might be way harder.” Shigeru folded his arms. “Then you have a challenge on your hands but you love challenges.”

Misato breathed in deeply. “Fighting angels is much easier than dealing with peoples emotions people are like Rubik’s cubes and Mari and Asuka are both like Rubik cubes with lacerating edges and teeth. No matter how far you think you’ve gotten with them turn the cubes sides and it ether bites you or cuts your fingers when you try to get in to deep.” She breathed in deeply. “Toji, Shinji and Kaworu all wear there emotions on their sleeves Rei is the only other one who is also difficult to make sense of, she’s so shy and yes she is getting better but I never feel like I know her fully. I know I won’t hurt my fingers turning that cube but I know that just like Mari and Asuka I will never ever see the centre of it no matter how many times I turn or try to adjust it.” Kaworu smirked. “Funny how your difficulty comes from young women rather than the young men, you would think that it would be the other way around.” Misato shrugged. “Oh believe me the young men have their moments but Rei is never an issue out on the field and I didn’t chew her out over her recent disobeying of orders. Her ability to catch Asuka’s entry plug is the reason Asuka wasn’t killed in the first place, I also personally feel that sticking Mari and Asuka together as a team, to force them to work it out was another bad idea.”

She looked down sadly. “Six months down the line I’ve accomplished nothing and now we are in this mess.” Shigeru took a slow sip from his beer can. “Some people will never get on it’s just the way of world maybe because they need to change themselves first and then they can be better off with the rest of humanity.” He took a snack biting down on it. “Maybe some twist of fate will happen and you’ll finally get to turn those Rubik’s cubes with out getting hurt.” Misato looked at him for a long moment before speaking. “You’re talking about the miracles I only believe in them on the battle field, not when it’s about human beings getting on.” Shigeru eat another snack. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Misato looked down at her turned the beer mug back up contemplating having another drink despite that she shouldn’t and she knew better. “Its complicated maybe I feel this way because I survived an impact I think it changes you in that you look at something so beautiful that looks like starlight angels but then it kills everyone you love in one fail swoop and your left alone to watch the red sky in the darkness.” Shigeru felt a sad smile form. “Well I believe anything’s possible but then I worked with Maya for years and she believes everything is possible.”

End of part 6

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaji in this world is better and more well rounded character and has no creepy behaviour like in the first series and the history between him and Misato is different, though this will come up in later chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This AU is set in a equal gender universe this goes all the way to top and includes Seele because as much as I love Evangelion Seele being all male has always gotten on my nerves as well as the magi being all male.

_DRIFTING AWAY IN TO A PAINFUL OCEAN_

 

Hands wrapped around my throat squeezing like a vice the feeling of fear, pain and helplessness on the golden sandy beach by the red sea. I’m being strangled by Shinji I know this is a dream I’ve had it over and over but the fear is never gone. I don’t know if its fear of the unknown but all I get from it is Déjà vu' and I know its not because the dream repeats in my mind, no it’s the feeling that I’ve been here before for real even though I know this has never happened. The only changing factor is in my dream I’m so much younger and he’s younger and then I remember this is why I walked away from this relationship all those years ago because I realized that I only brought him pain and misery. I bullied him abused him made him some kind of sex toy for my personal benefit. He deserved none of it he’s better than I am, he deserves to be loved. The strange thing now is in this dream I have the same bandages on my face and on my right arm it’s really surreal. I know how the dream ends I put my hand on his face and I stroke it gently and he stops but he’s broken he crying weeping on my chest. It’s so depressing and I feel sick in side like I’m a monster and that I drove him to that but then it just gets worse because my younger self in the dream says the words how disgusting.

The irony is I’m ficken disgusted at her she’s not me we are not the same person! I will never be her again as long as I live I’ve hurt so many people just for being me and acting so awful, you don’t break others to make yourself but I didn’t know that in my youth and I realized it in my late teens when it was just to late for it to make any difference. It’s the reason I stay away from people because I just hurt them when ever I get close. I hate this dream so much but at the same time I’m glad it repeats because it reminds who I shouldn’t be and how I shouldn’t act and that my actions have terrible consequences. Shinji is not a violent man he has never laid a finger on me so what ever I did that brought him to this must have been beyond awful. Asuka looked down realizing that she was suddenly away from her dream looking down on her younger self and Shinji from afar in her older body as the dark voice spoke behind her. “ _Pity such a nice boy shame you broke him_.”

She turned seeing the dark body and red eyes of Bardiel. “You again!?” Bardiel large mouth formed a sneer as he walked around on all fours almost like an animal but not because the body had a party human element to it so. It was in between like some kind of lycanthrope but with huge long whip lash tail while there were waves of black followed his feet. “ _Seems you hate yourself a lot…”_ Asuka tensed realizing that in this dream she could see with both her eyes not just one. “I’m starting to really hate you more.” Bardiel’s shark toothed jaws formed a smile. “ _No what you hate more than me is knowing that you’re a monumental screw up and no one will ever really love you on that personal emotional level that you crave. Because your damaged goods and you mess up everything you touch_.” Asuka breathed in painfully realizing that her dream was now frozen apart from them she turned as he spoke again. “ _It must be such a strain to have that kind of sexual energy inside you and have no release_.” Asuka sneered as she met his red glowing eyes. “I do have release and how I get it is none of your ficken concern.”

She watched as Bardiel laughed it was an ugly grating laugh like someone scratching a chalk board before he spoke again. “ _I’m surprised your RV helmet isn’t broken, I will never personally understand humans_ _and there obsessions with sex. It rules you like some false deity, not enough and you’re worthless, too much and it gets messy for who ever are involved, if hearts are attached and it’s not casual.”_ He ran a clawed finger through the sands _. “Well in your case at least I could count the numbers of men, women you broke once up on a time but it would be pointless because you’re not a hot headed male, its not like you ever kept a score count to brag about.”_ He walked slowly around her. “ _By far the worst part about your youth was in the beginning as you blamed others for your sexual desires, because in that mind of yours sex was such a big part of you, you wanting to grow up but you were ashamed even though you live in a world were women are no longer shamed for having sexual desires and can have many sexual partners freely.”_

He looked up his red eyes flashing. “ _But that was your step parents fault wasn’t it? They told off you and the other girl you lived with that having desire was shameful and disgusting and that you should act a certain way or you won’t get a partner or children while pushing out of touch backwards gender roles on to you_.” He sat down on his hind legs. “ _Boys play ball, girls wear dresses outdated gender spectrums no wonder you and that other girl so often spoke about running away together so you could be someone else and have your own lives but only you got to run away because fate allowed it._ ” He raised one of his clawed hands. “ _And now here we are talking about your pathetic existence_.” Asuka felt her teeth grind together. “My existence is not pathetic!” Bardiel leaned closer. “ _What have you ever achieved outside being a pilot? Also when I say this take in to account that I’m not talking about all those hobbies you do which are to better your self outside the Evangelion like fighting men and women bigger than yourself in the gym_.”

He watched as she looked away. “ _That’s right you can’t answer because you have nothing beyond being a pilot and the world wouldn’t even miss you if you vanished, because you’ve never really touched anyone in a way that they’d even care._ ” He eased up a clawed finger as he stood up moving forward so he was towering over on his clawed hind legs. “ _Those you used have no happy memories of you because you gave them no happiness to treasure and those who know you on a personal level don’t even know you as a person anymore and they’d just rather you weren’t here because you’re a problem and a burden and they hate you.”_ He eased up a long clawed finger. “ _But do not despair, you will always have me, you just need to let me in, I can make it all go away_.” His smile widened. “ _With the right motivation you can be more than this pathetic flesh and bone form_.” His clawed finger shot out slamming straight in to her left eye he pushed it in ignoring her intense screaming as red blood ran down her face dripping on to the golden sand at her feet while her small hands grabbed his finger trying to pry it out. “ _You just need to find that sweet spot between agony and ecstasy_.”

Maya stood up as she heard the screaming which was loud enough to echo down the hall, she left her desk not stopping as ran in to Asuka hospital room as the other staff ran in. Asuka’s only good hand was clutching her bandaged eye as the rest of her body shook violently, the heart monitor was also going crazy while her other blood shot blue eye shot around wide awake. She grabbed the medication gun knowing this was not going to easy. “Hold her down now stop her moving or she’s going to break her bones!” She watched as the men and women grabbed every possible limb they could. She moved over to the red haired woman who was in such pain much, she’d seen Asuka in pain many times but not like this, this was different because she looked absolutely terrified. “Asuka I’m going to give you a painkiller, followed by a sedative okay.” The blue eye moved and her mouth moved but what ever the words were they never came out she could only take them as a yes she pushed in the medical gun firing it watching as the violently fit like shaking stopped. She pressed the gun watching as it reloaded a sedative she pressed it against her throat before firing the switch. The single blue eye suddenly stopped moving erratically as it went to centre as the pupil dilated becoming large as both drugs kicked in and the eye slowly closed as everything became still she breathed in deeply as everyone let go and the covers were put over the young woman who lay still.

She leaned closer watching as thin red trickle of blood ran out from under the bandaged eye as Asuka’s left arm fell flat. “Okay can someone change the eye bandage she’s bleeding again?” She watched as they began to work. “What happened here, was anyone in the room?” the man close to her who was called Jiro shook his head. “We didn’t do anything she was sound asleep, I was passing by the room and she just snapped awake screaming it scared the hell out of me.” Maya looked at Asuka as they took off her eye bandage seeing that the blood stain had come not from the long thin scar which went straight through her eye but from her tear duck which was very strange, it wasn’t an open wound at all she’d literally cried blood. She leaned over very carefully opening the damaged eye whose white had turned to blood red from the trauma force it was far to early to tell if she’d lost her sight as the eye needed to heal fully, as for the scar that would be a permanent feature for the rest of this woman’s life. “Can someone check her hormone level because she might have developed haemolacria.” The woman closest whose name was Ara spoke. “I’ll do that right away.” She looked at Asuka’s bandaged body if she could just remain still for one more night it would be enough that the fast acting drugs could heal the last of her broken bones.

8

Shinji ran up the hospital corridor watching as Rei followed they’d just gotten the news that Asuka had, had some sort of fit last night and had been violently sick all morning though her grandmother would be coming up this afternoon he and Rei wanted to see her first. He stopped seeing that she was sitting up in bed with her head over a sick bowl, the powerful drugs that healed bones had fixed her right arm at least as she had it by the side of her face and her fingers were moving. Her legs had been lowered but she wasn’t moving them and they’d given her white hospital trousers and a top to wear rather than a dress her left eye had also been re bandaged. She didn’t look right at all she looked pale and tired he watched as Maya walked up to him the concern in her eyes as she stopped in front of them both. “We heard she had a bad night.” Maya looked up sadly. “That would be putting it mildly, she woke up screaming in the middle of the night clutching her left eye and her body was in full spasm, I had to put her out or her leg bones would have never healed right.”

She shook her head. “She can move her right arm now and fingers and her spine seem better as she can lean forward on her own but it hurts. Her legs are another issue all together there all healed but she still can’t move them and her ribs are all completely healed which means she can breath better.” She shook her head sadly. “She keeps on being sick though, we don’t know what’s causing it none of the medications we put her on are meant to cause this kind of thing nether is her food and she has not been eating anything she shouldn’t I made sure of that because her lower gut is still in the process of healing.” She breathed in deeply. “You’re both going to have to be very gentle with her she’s really weak and very out of sorts and do not be surprised if she’s sick again we have given her something to stop her nausea but it’s having no effect what so ever.” Rei looked up feeling her eyes dart. “What do you mean by out of sorts, I mean is it anger?” Maya shook her head. “No there’s no anger what so ever, she’s just not fluid she keeps talking in German, I’m not even sure she knows what she’s saying herself and I made sure not to overdose her on painkillers.”

Shinji looked up. “We’ll keep that in mind.” He carefully opened the door allowing Rei through first, he watched as Asuka looked up her good eye darting as she spoke. “Oh look the welcome wagon…come to gloat over my broken body.” Rei blinked okay that wasn’t Japanese’s that was in German and she literally had no idea what the older red haired woman had just said as the only thing she ever understood where Asuka’s swear words. She sat down opposite Shinji who put his hand on Asuka’s good one. “Asuka it’s us its Rei and Shinji, you recognise us right?” Asuka looked at them both for a long moment as if she was struggling to remember them her next words came out in perfect Japanese. “Didn’t I screw one of you and come on to the other?” She suddenly laughed but it was a cold laugh. “The one I came on to slapped me so hard.” Her face suddenly turned to pain almost misery. “That hurt…I know I deserved it but it still hurt.” Shinji moved a little closer. “Yes we had a relationship but it was a long time ago, you ended it, do you remember?”

Asuka didn’t look up her face remained pained and miserable. “Is my Mama here?” Rei eased up her hand stopping Shinji from speaking because she knew he would tell the truth but in Asuka’s state of mind she wouldn’t be able to handle it, as it seemed like she was drifting through her past memories. “No Asuka she’s not here.” She stood up moving a little closer to her putting her hand very gently on her red hair which was soft to the touch. “Why do you ask for her?” Asuka looked up but not in to her eyes it was more like she was looking past her. “Because my sunflowers are dying my step parent’s hate them they won’t water them.” She looked at her hands. “There like the sun light and they smell so nice.” Shinji put his hands on his knees. “You have sun flowers Asuka there at your house.” Asuka eyed him but it was like she was looking through him. “I’m not old enough to own a house you idiot, I’m fifteen years old.” Rei looked at her brother she turned back to Asuka she had not heard that word towards ether of them in so many years. Hearing it now felt so out of place it was like she was switching between memories and even her own age with out even realizing it because when she had come on to her she’d been sixteen and when she separated with Shinji she’d been eighteen.

She kept her hand on her head stroking the red hair very gently. “Asuka.” She watched as the red head turned to her again. “My name is Rei and this is Shinji we are your friends.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking in a strange child like tone. “You’re really beautiful and you have nice eyes there really soft and gentle.” Her face seemed to become deeply conflicted and uneasy. “But if my step parents found out that I have these awful disgusting feelings they’d be so mad because you’re only meant to like one gender and I like both I know if they found out it would be one more reason to hate me.” Her face turned to utter sadness and deep despair. “I guess I’m always going to be broken goods, no ones ever going to want me my Mama didn’t she killed herself by hanging herself from the rafters of her hospital room I walked in on her it was so horrible.” She looked at her hand. “I was going to tell her about the Evangelion program that they had accepted me you see I thought she would recognise me…she never recognises me, she thinks the trashy doll is me.”

The good blue eye was now showing real pain and almost tearing. “Do you think I’d made a good pilot? Its just I want people to like me, I just want to matter I don’t want to be someone else’s trash.” Rei felt her heart twist in her chest that was probably the saddest thing she ever heard come out of Asuka’s mouth. They had both asked her about her mother before but she’d always been really cagey about it and only said that she had committed suicide and left it at that. Now she knew why in the past Asuka had, had issues with drinking it was because she had been drinking to forget the awful memories. She could see the sadness in Shinji eyes as she turned back to Asuka who was looking at her as if waiting for approval in such a child like way. She gave her, her best smile as she looked at her. “I think you would make a great pilot Asuka.” Shinji stood up doing the same. “Yeah you’d be great.” Asuka’s good eye seemed to light up. “Do you think they’ll let me wear red?” Rei felt her smile widen as she moved her hand away from her hair. “I’m sure they would.”

Asuka gave her a smile but it faded as put a hand on her stomach then grabbed the sick bowl throwing up violently. “Her next words came out half heartedly as she put the bowl to one side. “I’m so tired and my left eye hurts so much.” Rei moved slowly around the other side of the bed helping her lie back on the pillow. “Get some rest Asuka.” Shinji helped his sister pull the cover over her. “You’ll feel better.” He carefully took out his walkman putting it on her bedside table with her other gifts. “When you feel better you can play with my walkman, it might keep you company.” Asuka spoke although she seemed slightly more with it this time. “Which tracks are the best?” Shinji gave her a wide smile. “I like tracks, twenty five to twenty seven but track thirty has an odd base but maybe you will find more some tracks that suite you.” Asuka didn’t say anything as her good eyed closed and she seemed to just drift off. Shinji looked up at Rei speaking very quietly. “Did you see the way she looked at you?” Rei breathed in deeply. “There was nothing in it she didn’t know who I was, or even who you were.”

They both stepped away from the bed allowing space so Asuka could sleep. “She was just reliving her childhood memories, it’s like some thing has just shook them out of order.” Shinji looked down sadly. “I didn’t know that was what happened to her mother, I mean I didn’t know she died that way.” Rei shook her head as she breathed in sadly. “It explains why when ever we brought it up in the past she got really cagey and really aggressive.” She folded her arms. “Why didn’t she tell us, we would have understood we lost our mother and our aunt?” She breathed in painful. “Also what she was saying about her sexuality was so sad as well I had no idea it was like that for her, she must have felt so awful about herself.” Shinji nodded calmly. “Plus it’s an outdated attitude I knew about it when I was with her and I never thought of her as disgusting for liking both genders. No wonder she went so of the rails growing up, to have that kind of repression and then to have everything suddenly opened to you in your teens, it’s a recipe for emotional heartache and pain.”

8

Misato eyed Ritsuko in disgust from her work desk. “Tell me you’re not seriously saying this to me!” Ritsuko folded her arms. “It’s not up for debate it’s an order from Gendo himself he wants a switch test below ground!” Misato raised her hand. “You want to test Mari in unit 02 please we have done this shit before it doesn’t work! You swap the pilot over the Evangelion rejects them and goes crazy it’s only on the training units it works but the newer units are just not built that way. It’s the reason we have to have a lot more pilots because fighting a war with two or three would cause serious issues and make us weaker because we can’t switch them around at the drop of a hat. The governments and UN agreed that after the disaster we had of putting Rei in to Kaworu’s unit some years back that they would never repeat the scenario again because the pilots are just too precious.”

She raised her finger as she stood up not caring as she got inside the blonde woman’s personal place. “I will not see another pilot get put through the grinder, Rei was very badly wounded in that incident and it really terrified her, she practically slept in my room for three days and cried her eyes out, because it scared her that much. She said she saw things she didn’t want to see and that she felt like that unit 03 was purposely trying to hurt her and rejected her.” Ritsuko felt a sneer form on her lips. “Mari is made of much stronger stuff than Rei, she can handle it!” Shigeru looked over from where he’d been standing. “Your confusing arrogance and delusion with courage and honour they are not the same thing.” Ritsuko turned to him as she raised her gold ringed finger. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.” Shigeru sneered as he eyed her. “But I’m giving it you all the same we already have one pilot who is in the hospital wing and will take a number of days to recover, you really want another?”

Ritsuko eyed him she hated Shigeru, Kaji and Maya, Makoto would have agreed with her in a heartbeat but he wasn’t here right now he was elsewhere. “The reason this is going ahead is because Asuka and Mari have a similar brain wave patterns, they have a similar way of thinking and analyzing problems.” She leaned against the chair off Misato’s office. “That is why we believe this will work.” Misato narrowed her gaze. “I really don’t care for your science on this topic, to me they are not the same on any level and since you don’t spend any time with the pilots you wouldn’t know that. Yes in battles they use similar patterns and strategy to get to accomplish the same goals but once they get out of those plug suites they are totally different people on every level. I mean you programmed these Evangelion’s you know that its not just about the fighting they have accept the pilot as a whole with all the bad and good points, it’s the reason the Beta and Omega unit became training units because they were so unreliable because they never synced that well with the pilots.”

She stepped back folding her arms. “Those were your words when we first started training pilots.” Ritsuko looked at her for a long moment. “Things change.” Misato breathed in deeply. “No you’ve changed that’s the whole problem you’ve forgotten what it is to care about other people just like Gendo.”  Ritsuko felt her whole body tense as she looked up. ”Do not speak ill of my husband!” She raised her hand. “Because we both know I can make life very hard for you here.” She watched as the dark haired woman looked away the anger in her face. “You should be happy, you don’t even like Mari she is a monumental pain just like Asuka who has always been a problem.” Misato turned meeting the other woman’s cold gaze. “I hate Mari’s behaviour its not that I hate Mari, she’s a young woman who has issues like all of the other pilots have I would get zero pleasure from seeing this test going wrong and seeing her end up in the hospital wing.”

She breathed in deeply. “Also yes Asuka’s is a pain but she is better than she was I mean she is at least tolerable now and she doesn’t go around hitting people and throwing around abuse.” She put a hand on her hip. “She’s a young woman who has behavioural problems which were caused by her childhood and she’s not the only one. Some of the pilots have seen awful things in there past that they shouldn’t. Toji’s mother died from starvation and he lived in poverty in China with his little sister, Kaworu’s rebel mother sacrificed her life for him when fighting force broke in to their house and machined gunned her down. Mari’s mother was brutality murdered and she also had to deal with poverty in Britain and Rei and Shinji’s mother Yui died during the Evangelion 01 test as well as there aunt Kiko who died in the Evangelion 00 test on the same day, they never even got to bury ether of their bodies.” She tensed painfully. “You should be proud even astounded that any of these pilots can function as well as they do, they are a credit to their countries of origin and they deserve respect. They also know there lives are on hold because in all the years we have fought this battle they know an angel can come at any time sometimes its years apart but they always know their coming and that until all of them are defeated that they have to pilot no matter what.”

She looked up slightly. “They also have to do this while trying to live normal lives despite that some of them have an almost godlike celebrity status and when they mess up in any way, the world press is on them like a rash and they get their faces plastered all over the news and reminded that they messed up even if they didn’t because the media love its heroes and villains and likes to make out that there are winners and losers.” She felt her hand form a fist. “They don’t see six pilots fighting for the world they only care that their pilot is the one that gets in the final blow that killed an angel that is literally all that matters to them.” She looked down sadly. “Not to mention that five of them are now a stable parts of every young boy and girls toys line.” She shook her head. “You can walk in to any store now and buy a Shinji poster or an Asuka action figure or a Rei mug, Nerv gets so much revenue from this that we are swimming in money, we don’t need to struggle anymore to out fit new Evangelion parts we have heaps of parts lying around, old plating parts gets put in museums and has been made part of history.

The pilot’s countries still have to pay out for there bullets despite that they shouldn’t have to, it’s crazy. Because of all this I made that collectors room up in the visitor centre, because I didn’t want these poor young adults to feel so terrified by it all and to see these things as part of their accomplishments rather than what they are which is a massive proper ganger machine to make the public think that the pilots are gods, when their not they are just young men and women who can cry and bleed.” Ritsuko shook her head. “None of this concerns or even moves me I don’t care about any off it, if anything it’s makes your job easier! What I care about is both you, Kaji and Shigeru following my orders. You can paint your pilots how ever you wish it doesn’t change the fact that there just tools of war and there job is to fight angels get rid of the three terrorists groups who threaten us and do humanitarian work where ever possible. So you will follow this order no matter how much you and Shigeru hate it, Mari is going to do the test tomorrow morning regardless!”

Misato watched as she left slamming the door behind she turned kicking one of the stools close by sending it flying as she looked at the closed door. “I hate that woman.” Shigeru folded his arms. “That makes two of us it was so much easier when she wasn’t Gendo’s wife.” Misato sat down looking over her e-mails, which were mostly get well wish messages for Asuka from people all around the world. Since it had been publicly announced that she was alive and recovering they had been sent down from Nerv’s media centre which was above ground like the visitor centre, both of these building were opposite one another. Asuka didn’t care for these messages she’d said in the past that she didn’t want to be shown them because the people were just being fake. She was in part right but at the same time wrong as she had opened messages in the past which were from school children who had done pictures of her but she would probably never look at them as she said in the past that she didn’t like kids and that she didn’t want to be around them.

She looked up meeting Shigeru’s concerned gaze. “Yeah well I heard that Gendo cheated on Yui, I only met Yui once I was a teenager at the time and she was so kind and caring, I hate that her and her sister Kiko suffered due to some awful error which meant they both got sucked in to the core which meant they both couldn’t return and died.” She turned looking out of the window over at unit 01 and 00 which were seated side by side in a huge red lake of blood which came up to there shoulders. “It’s a truly horrible way to die to starve out in some void like that and have your bones rotting away in to nothing.” Shigeru moved a step closer to the window. “That’s why you fear the test right, because you think that could happen to Mari if unit 02 doesn’t play nice?” Misato looked at him for a long moment before speaking. “Yes because Rei said when she switched units she felt like she was being eaten alive and she saw some real awful imagery like war torn battles and people being blown up, I think when these units don’t like the pilot they try to consume them.”

She leaned forward. “Also unit 02 has been so twitchy this past year, I mean at first it was always unit 01 but it’s so calm now it hardly ever moves on its own unlike 00 which is starting to twitch as well.” Her gaze shifted to unit 02 which was also in the red water and was sitting next to the huge pink unit 04 which was Mari’s behind them was the white and red 03 and behind that Evangelion was an empty bay which was waiting for unit 05 which was going to be black or so she had heard. “I think there’s just too much of Asuka in unit 02 and I think it might react due to her bad feeling towards Mari.” She looked at the units four green eyes. “It’s a beast, it doesn’t have the nickname Nekomata for nothing and it takes a very strong personality to control it, a personality that is in its self aggressive.” She leaned back in her chair. “Mari just isn’t that person yes she’s aggressive and bold but not nearly half as fire some as Asuka. I see nothing but pain and misery once she steps in to that entry plug the only good thing is that unlike Rei we now have much better protocols in place so the moment this goes to shit we can pull her out before her brain starts getting minced.”

8

Toji eyed Mari who was sitting side ways on her sofa chair turning a three dimensional hologram between her fingers which was coming out from a part of the chairs arm which could be twisted around to face you it had a black tablet like interface and full holograms could be brought up if you inserted a data card insert so pilots could put in this special high powered card which was like a mini computer and work on there personal projects. All of the pilots had these interfaces attached to there sofa’s though Shinji and Kaworu rarely ever used there’s. They preferred paper or brought in their hobbies which were hands on, he used the interface and data cards along with Rei, Asuka and Mari. He watched as the very dark haired woman threw lines of code away from the cube which was meant to a coding puzzle and brain game they were all in casual clothing as the long day had ended. “So like what’s the worst question you’ve ever been asked you?” Mari looked up at Toji. “How can you be a pilot when you don’t have twenty, twenty vision?” She turned back to him. “Which in really insulting just because I have trouble seeing without my glasses it doesn’t mean I can’t be pilot.” Toji felt a smile form. “Yeah well their clearly just jealous because they know that in the normal military to pilot tanks and planes, they have to be perfect, where as we can eat what we want and do what we want.”

Mari raised her finger. “Apart from get in the unit drunk or have a hang over, because they say it really ruins your mental sync.” Toji turned to Shinji who was working on a drawing on his pad while Rei was sitting opposite playing video games on her hand held. “What was your worst question?” Shinji looked up lowering his pad and pencil. “It wasn’t a question it was more a view point being that I only got put on to the program due to my father being in charge which wasn’t true, he forced myself and Rei in to this program we had no idea what we were doing in the beginning.” Toji turned to Kaworu who was writing on a music sheet. “Okay your worst.” Kaworu looked up his red eyes glinting as he pushed his thick short white hair back. “Like Shinji it was more a statement that I shouldn’t pilot because of my history of being a rebel fighter and that I might turn in to a terrorist and use an Evangelion to my own ends to end the war in my own country.” Toji slowly turned to Rei who had been very quite through out the conversation. “You?”  

Rei carried on playing. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” Mari smirked as she looked up at the smaller woman. “She probably got asked if she fucked Asuka because rumour has it you turned her down once.” Rei paused her game looking up. “Seriously were do you get off acting this way?” Mari narrowed her gaze as she closed down her hologram. “You know Asuka’s an asshole all the time but I never ever hear you or your brother complaining about it.” Rei shook her head. “You just dig at her every chance you get, she’s in the hospital wing because of what you did and she’s really suffering.” Mari felt a cold smile form. “Good maybe she’ll finally get what it’s like when your not top dog.” Rei lowered her hand held blinking in shock. “How can you say that, that is just so cruel?” Shinji looked at his sister. “She’s not worth it Rei, don’t go down to her level she obviously has some real deep set issues.”

Rei stood up looking at Asuka’s large sofa chair which could fit two but only she ever sat on it, it was at the front of the room and opposite where she was sitting on the sofa she turned back to Mari. “No I’m not letting this go! This isn’t right or even fair so let me tell you something Mari we care about Asuka she came on to the Evangelion program a year after we started and no she’s not perfect she’s moody and angry and she can be very difficult at times but she respects us, she isn’t cruel to ether off us. You think you’re a great pilot just because you get in that entry plug but you have yet to sacrifice yourself against an angel.” She put a hand in her jeans pocket. “Asuka has countess times and this is not her first near death experience, she’s willing to wreck unit 02’s every body part if it gives us a chance to win and out of all the units hers and Shinji’s have had the most battle damage over the years.” She looked at her hand. “She’s not doing it for glory or to show off she just wants the war to end, we all do.” She was about to say more only for the double doors to open as Kaji walked in a smile on his face. “Sorry to bother you all.”

He eased up a note which was between his fingers. “These are orders from Gendo himself.” He walked over to Mari. “There for you.” Mari stood up taking the note from his hand opening it. “For me why thank you.” She began to read them over a wide smile appearing on her face. “I’m going to test pilot unit 02.” Kaji nodded as he looked up. “It’s a switch test just to be clear you will not be piloting it above ground.” Mari looked at note. “Cool I’ve always wanted to see in side princess’s entry plug.” She watched as Kaji turned walking towards the door. “You’re leaving, no congratulations?” Kaji raised his hand not turning back as he walked away from her. “Good night Mari, just be at the test tomorrow.” Rei watched he closed the doors behind him vanishing from sight. “You’re unbelievable you hate Asuka yet you want to pilot her unit.” Mari shrugged as she looked at her. “How often do you get to see in side your rival’s entry plug?” Rei felt her body tense. “Believe me you don’t want to enter that entry plug I’ve been inside someone else’s entry plug, very bad things happen to you.”

Mari raised her finger eyeing the smaller woman. “No I read about that thing with you in Kaworu’s unit, I think you just weren’t strong enough to handle it mentality.” Shinji stood up sharply. “My sister can handle anything! What happened that day was nothing to do with her mental sync, it was the unit it rejected her and unit 02 will reject you just the same.” Rei stepped back. “The things a unit that’s not yours will show you are just horrible.” Mari looked at her. “Only for you maybe…” Rei turned picking motor bike jacket. “Excuse me everyone I’m going home I don’t want to listen to this.” Mari watched as she moved towards the double doors. “You know you having no stomach for real confrontation it’s really saddening plus I heard that once up a time you used to apologise for everything like a good little Japanese’s girl.” Rei turned looking at her for a long moment before speaking. “I only apologise to those who I feel I’ve truly offended, I’ve yet to offend you in that way, because you have not yet earned my respect.” She left closing the doors behind her she was so glad that her sports bike was out of the garage because she could just go home and forget about how awful this day had turned out to be first with Asuka being so out of it and now this.

End of part 7

Silvermoonlight


	8. Chapter 8

_SINKING IN TO THE VIOLENT TIDE_

 

Misato watched the lift move as Mari was brought up slowly to unit 02 entry plug she was practically dancing about she could see her from the lower testing bay window were unit 02 had been moved to. Its arms and chest had been restrained but not its hands and legs the idea was if the test went wrong, they could get the plug out quickly and open it before the Evangelion broke loose. She pressed the consol so she could hear her voice. "Okay Mari, get in." She heard Mari's voice come back over the speaker. "This is so exciting." Maya breathed in deeply. "Yeah so exciting like we don't know how this will turn out, I've said to Ritsuko before that this is dangerous and she always ignores me, plus I should be with Asuka now not here." Makoto looked at his console. "None of us want to be here, we've all ridden this horse before and it always ends with a painful kick to the nuts." Shigeru turned the lights on below which flooded the bay revealing unit 02. "Yeah well no one cares about what we say, when the top heads are talking." He looked at unit 02's green eyes. "I just know its going be a lot worse this time I can feel it." Misato turned to Maya. "How is Asuka? I heard yesterday was very bad." She had gone to the hospital wing after Asuka's grandmother had left but Asuka had been sleeping so she had just left her alone. Maya breathed in painful. "Yes it was bad yesterday she was very out of it but today will be much worse."

She turned meeting the dark haired woman's concerned gaze. "Her left eye is ruined, it's never going to see again and if she does it will be nothing but a blur." She shook her head sadly. "She could have a robot replacement but I don't see her doing that, plus the technology still isn't perfect it's just too new and not tested well enough and you need medication just so the body doesn't reject the eye and it's not always successful even with the medication. Her other option is stem cell surgery but with eyeballs is still not very successful because it doesn't make a perfect iris pattern copy and it could cause her problems in the future as some of Nerv's doors are iris code locks and the match has to be perfect and a wrong iris code means she'll probably get locked out accidentally or set of alarms and again she'll have to take medication for the rest of her life and for some people it causes illness and it makes them sick." Kaji looked up slightly from his holographic desk. "Asuka won't want the stem cell replacement because she won't want medication that might make her ill." Misato looked down sadly. "When I get a chance I'll talk with her maybe I can talk her in to robotic option."

She looked up watched as huge clamps were put on to the entry plug which had been attached to cables which led in to an inner bay the idea was that the workers could use these massive cables to pull the entry plug out and pull it in to a open bay above. Rei looked down from the window high above with Shinji the others weren't allowed to watch only them they could hear both Mari's voice and Maya's voice over the intercom in the room bellow them. "She's such a fool we all know how this will turn out." Shinji looked up he could see his father and Ritsuko standing looking down from a higher level well out of the danger zone he felt his hand form a fist. "Our father doesn't care I mean I don't understand it, is he trying this because he wants to replace Asuka on the program with Mari?" Rei looked out through the thick glass. "We both know that he has always wanted interchangeable units but it has never worked and all of his experiments have been failures. I've heard Ritsuko also wants to create a duel piloting system but all of her trials and tests with fake pilot dummy plugs have been just as terrible." Shinji folded his arms. "He'll probably say that this experiment today was all for the good of the war."

Rei shook her head. "Every thing he does is just to better him self its just we are the ones who suffer to see his twisted dreams for filled, I mean when I have been in the hospital wing he never visited me." She breathed in deeply. "He didn't visit you ether." She looked down sadly. "This test is going to be a mess just like the other one." Shinji eased up his hand. "I would have taken that test Rei I was happy to take it." Rei shook her head. "You can't always protect me Shinji but I know now that I did that test for all the wrong reasons." Shinji looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "In what way?" Rei breathed in painfully. "I just wanted to prove myself I thought father might take more notice of me but I never even got his attention." She pushed her short hair back. "I wanted to prove that I was brave like you and Asuka and not just a mark's woman." Shinji put his hand around her shoulder. "You have nothing to prove to anyone Rei least of all me or Asuka you're as just as brave as we are." Rei looked down sadly. "No I'm not Shinji and that's the problem, you two when it counts are always in the right place at the right time you have a controlled berserk mode and Asuka uses beast mode quite often, I have never even used the beast mode because it terrifies me so much."

She eyed unit 02 two whose green eyes were now glowing. "I also believe that they brought in Mari because her hit ratio is far better than mine and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think they want to replace Asuka as well, this is what this test is all about because they already feel that she's not going to recover from this incident." Mari eased herself slowly in to the pilots seat she sat back feeling the seat slowly adjust to her legs as Asuka was slightly smaller than her so her legs were seated differently she looked up as the door was closed and locked and everything turned to pitch black. "Ready." Maya's voice came over the com. "Entry plug inserted, filling with LCL." Mari felt the liquid as it poured out filling the inside which was still dark. She opened her mouth letting it in shuffling uncomfortably as the weird sensation vanished as her lungs got used to the liquid which was helping her to breath. She couldn't see anything Maya's voice came again. "LCL filled Evangelion working normally, no anomalies, could the pilot please speak?" Mari looked up. "Testing…testing can you hear me out there?" Maya's voice came again. "Yes preparing you now for full activation, please stand by."

Mari looked up as every screen around her lit up as red code ran through them." It stopped as everything faded away and outside appeared. She looked around as a very familiar smell hit her nose. "Smell's like Asuka in here." Maya's voice came again filled with confusion. "Please clarify that comment." Mari breathed in deeply. "It smells like Asuka, Asuka always stinks of sunflowers, what's wrong with you people don't you ever smell it on her, it's really intense?" Misato's voice hit the air. "No we don't." Her voice came again. "Please begin the test and raise the left lower arm." Mari took hold of the controls. "You know if this test is successful maybe you can paint this ugly beast pink, it would look far better in pink than this crappy red colour." Misato's voice hit the air though she could hear the anger in every word. "Please get on with the tests Mari this unit is not yours, its Asuka's and this is no more than a test." Mari began to shift the controls which were surprisingly stiff raising the lower left arm. "You know you guys really need to fix these controls their really fucking stiff." Maya's voice came again. "Unit 02's inner controls were tested two days ago the specialists said they were to loose from over use and from being pulled around violently so they corrected them." Mari started to move the huge fingers. "Yeah well for me it's really feels really stiff, you might want to send the specialists back in here when I'm done, to fix it."

8

Ara slowly unwrapped the thick bandage around Asuka's left eye which had now healed fully she already knew what the result was but it would be really heart breaking news for this young woman and she was not Maya. Maya knew how to handle Asuka she didn't and she wished she could be here right now to tell her because she was dreading the reaction. Though Asuka wasn't out of it like she had been yesterday she was very down hearted and depressed which had to be because of the pain and inability to really move her now healed legs with out incredible pain. She caught sight of the left eye which had a scar running through it, it had gone a cloudy while the pupil had gone white though it was clear that she could open and close it and move it around. Asuka looked up slightly. "I can't see anything." Ara took in a deep breath bracing her self. "I'm sorry Asuka but your eye took way to much retina damage." Asuka looked down feeling her insides twist up painful. "You're meant to be the doctors you're meant to fix this kind of thing."

Ara looked at her for a long moment. "We still might be able to save your eye Asuka." Asuka put her hands together not buying her words for a second. "No you can't that's the whole problem isn't it? Because we both know the next steps it's ether a robotic eye which might be rejected by my body or a stem cell one and from what I've heard stem cell surgery on eyes has been an utter failure and the medication makes most people ill." She looked around with her good eye. "Frankly I'd rather keep the worthless eye than go down ether of those paths." Ara breathed in personally she had expected more shouting, more anger but there was nothing just sadness. "The media will probably like it they'll call it a war wound." Asuka picked up the mirror looking at her scared left eye which was deeply cloudy. "It's not even a war wound, it's a mark of some one else's contempt and hatred for me." She put the mirror down. "Guess Mari finally got what she always wanted which was to see me broken and ruined on the outside as well as the inside." Ara folded her arms. "Your not ruined Asuka, you have a long life to lead as an Evangelion pilot, loosing an eye should not effect your ability's as you don't need perfect vision as the controls can compensate for any problems in vision you'll only have to work on getting around a left eye blind spot."

Asuka eyed her for a long moment before speaking not caring that her voice was thick with bitter sarcasm. "It may have escaped your notice but I can't even walk right now, I don't see myself walking over and sitting in an entry plug." Ara breathed in deeply. "Tomorrow you will start walking Maya has arranged that already for you and it will be hard for you Asuka but maybe you being you, you'll enjoy the challenge." Asuka looked down sadly. "I doubt that." Ara moved over to her bed side pushing the desk over so she could see the walkman. "Your friends Rei and Shinji were here yesterday they left you their walkman they thought it might make you feel better." Asuka looked at the old walkman which was very old and very much a collectable now she looked down realizing that she had no real memory of them or yesterday it was all a horrible blur of images that didn't make any sense. "I don't remember them being here." Ara shook head sadly. "You were somewhat out of it Asuka, they were very kind to you and after they left your grandmother and Misato visited you but you were asleep." Asuka put a hand on her face. "No offence but can you please leave me I just want to be alone for a while."

Ara looked up slightly. "Of cause if you need anything just press your buzzer okay?" Asuka nodded watching as she left, she eyed the things in on her table she picked up the action figure of herself dressed in red in some strong stance with both eyes gleaming. She felt the rage before she could stop it, she knew even before she threw the packaged toy that it was the wrong action but it just reminded her off the fact that she didn't have two eyes or even that plug suite anymore. She watched as the action figure smashed in to the wall close by hitting the floor intact due to the boxing she couldn't really stop the tears as they came from both eyes, she should have known when this happened that it would be the outcome, she had tried so hard to mentally prepare for it but it made no difference what so ever. She had no idea where Maya was but she wished she could confine in her unlike Misato she felt she could just talk to her. She was the first person in her life to call her out on her bad behaviour and she'd been the one person who had forced her to confront her sexuality when she just hadn't wanted to. She leaned forward putting her head on the table wishing that today she had not woken up to this.

8

Mari looked around her. "How is my sync ratio?" Maya's voice hit the air again. "Holding no problems, please raise the other arm." Mari smirked so much for Rei's opinion, she was doing perfectly okay she watched as the other arm moved as she closed the fingers. "I really don't get what you people are all so worried about I'm having no bad reaction from this." Clearly Rei was just weak and pathetic personally she had never understood her. Why Rei was on the program anyway? She was so stand off from the others even in battle and she was forever being protected by her brother. She was always behind the lines in simulations forever going by the rules and being a good polite well mannered woman. It was just no way to fight your battles but she was there just like Shinji because she was the director's daughters there was no other reason for her to be here and unlike her Shinji at least had courage. Even if Asuka had come on to her years ago, she just didn't see why she would even bother Rei wasn't that much to look at it ether.

She eased up her hand looking at the monitor everything was working fine. She leaned back she would love to be able to use this unit in its beast mode form it would be something else and it wasn't like Asuka was ever going to pilot again anyway she was crippled. She knew that, that was why she was sitting in here now because the director saw that Asuka was now a wash out and they needed a better replacement which was her. She could do anything Asuka could do and she would prove today that she had what it took to pilot this animal. She lowered both hands and then raised them. "You know I really don't get what all the fuss is about, if you release the arm locks I can raise the arm fully." Misato's voice hit the air. "That's not part of the test Mari and your not over the four minute danger zone, Rei began to experience things before this." Mari turned seeing the timer behind her which was counting up to three minutes. "Oh come on this is stupid I'm at three minutes, release the locks!" She breathed out feeling a strange sensation of tightness in her chest but ignored it as she moved her hand up adjusting her red glasses. "I can control Asuka's hunk of fucking junk so release the locks!"

" _Die with me_."

Mari felt her body tense in the seat as everything went cold and the hairs on the back off her neck stood up. "Hey who ever just said that? You know it's not funny to pull that ghostly voice kind of shit right now!" Misato's voice hit the air. "No one said anything Mari." Mari looked around her nervously. "I heard something, plus can you raise the temperature in here its freezing." Maya spoke the confusion in her voice. "The temperature is normal if we raise it we could hurt you." Mari looked around as the voice came again. " _Die with me!"_ She breathed suddenly feeling very nervous. "Who ever it is that's making that voice could you please cut it out, I feel like I'm in a horror movie or something!" Maya's spoke the concern in her voice. "Mari you need to calm down your heart rate is rising." Mari felt her whole body shiver as the voice came again but this time it was filled with pure hatred. " _You're not my daughter, you're the other girl_." Mari hands let go out of the controls on their own as what felt like an agonizing weight hit her chest she couldn't breathe it was like crushing sensation like a python had wrapped its coils around parts of her body. She opened her mouth as a rush of LCL came out along with the full contents of her stomach. All of the screens around her suddenly went black as they filled with red waves of light and the pain became worse as her hand was suddenly twisted in the opposite direction like someone was trying to break it, her head was suddenly filled with images that she couldn't make any sense off.

White rooms blending in to one another and noises and voices screaming and so much pain she didn't hear self as she began to scream. Misato looked up as all at once as the sync broke and the room descended in chaos as Mari's heart rate soared through the roof followed by her scream of pure agony. "Eject her!" She watched as unit 02 suddenly moved violently struggling inside its restraints as it's mouth opened followed by an inhuman roar as the huge human teeth revealed themselves, she knew this shit was coming but seeing it play out still angered her. Shigeru looked up typing faster. "The pilot won't eject! I'm running all the codes now and the entry plug just isn't coming free, it's stuck." Misato turned sharply. "Turn off its S² Engine!" Makoto typed feeling the frustration mount they had been able to eject Rei when this had happened the last time so why wasn't it working now with unit 02? He typed in the codes activating the shut down. "It will take four minutes to power down in this fully operational state it's not like the other tests we do above ground where the pilot's controls are shut down." Misato moved over to his desk. "Power it down now I don't care about the time!"

Rei looked down in horror as unit 02's arm began to bend one of the arm restraint as it fury and anger took over she could hear Mari's screaming from inside along with her begging for to them to get her out as the huge cables pulled taught as the workers on the other side of the bay tried desperately to yank out the entry plug with there machinery. There was a grinding sound as it began to come free but it was to late as unit 02's arm smashed fully free of the restraint as it grabbed the chest clamp wrenching it off in one go followed by its other arm coming free. Its huge feet walked forward as one of the red hands moved to its head as it roared again making its pain known. The entry plug was suddenly thrown out full force causing it to smash in to the wall behind as the LCL inside sprayed out everywhere. The cables started working instantly pulling it up in to the huge bay as the workers yanked open the door as they ran inside grabbing Mari pulling her free only for a red fist to collide with the side of the bay opening smashing the side of it apart as the workers tried to desperately get away. The huge hand found its way the bay opening as it tour up the bay's floor as the workers picked up the unconscious Mari running with her towards the exist door. The unit turned its head towards them as it started to walk forward towards their window. Maya's voice came filled with panic. "Get away from the window both of you!"

Rei felt Shinji's hand as he grabbed her arm pulling her back the units hand came close to the window but didn't break it instead it leaned in closer looking in more with keen interest its other hand came up as it pressed against the windows other side wall. The four huge green eyes looked in as it head leaned in even closer but it made no violent actions. The glowing in the eyes went black as the S² Engine shut down completely and its body slumped forward caused the bottom jaw to hit the glass cracking it. Misato's voice hit the air filled with panic. "Rei, Shinji are you okay?" Shinji moved over to the table close by pressing the speaker com button. "We are both fine, it didn't attack us, it was acting more curious." A second voice from the inner bay spoke. "The pilot is alive but her heartbeat is very shallow, it looks like she was almost asphyxiated, it's like someone tried to strangle her." There was a long pause. "We are sending her to the lower medical wing level right now." Shinji looked up at the now turned of unit 02. "Why didn't it attack us?" Rei looked up in confusion. "I don't know, when I was in unit 03 it attacked anyone and everything in the bay I thought unit 02 would do the same." Shinji put his arm around her. "I'm just glad your okay."

Misato put a hand on her face pressing the com so she could speak to the team on the other side privately. "Please ensure that Mari is not put anywhere near Asuka in the hospital wing and no one tell Asuka that this just happened or that anyone was testing her unit, today is not a good day for her." She sat back in her chair. "What a fucking waste of my time." Kaji looked up at the upper window where Ritsuko and Gendo were looking out the anger in both there faces at the test's failure. "Well at least they can't blame us for this, we all said it wasn't going to work, we were all against it from the start." Misato put her feet up on the desk folding her arms. "And now we have another pilot in the hospital wing." Kaji shrugged as he looked up. "Well at least she's not dead." Misato turned eyeing him. "You're not helping!" Maya eyed the now shut down unit as she started running the data. "I don't get this though, it attacked the bay but not where Rei and Shinji were standing, I mean it was leaning in to look at the window like it was really curious."

She carried on looking at the data. "It's creepy, for a minute it was acting like it was alive but it makes no sense their not alive." Shigeru put a hand on his beard. "Could it have been trying to correct the pilot sync you know because Mari is the wrong pilot so it was using Asuka's back up data in the entry plug software to correct itself?" Maya breathed in deeply. "Yeah but that would still mean it was relaying her emotions and its impossible they are not meant to relay the pilots emotions and feelings with out the pilot being plugged in, I'll have to have the specialist team run a full diagnostic on its central core and entry plug. It has to some weird feed back loop error from Asuka's last training run did she protect Rei or Shinji on the last run?" Makoto brought up the training video on his hologram screen he swiped it watching as it landed on Maya's screen. "No she was paired with Mari it was only them fighting and the training run wasn't that brilliant to be honest, too much shoving over who got to do what."

Maya watched the video seeing what he meant as both units got in the way of each other while trying to fight the holograms. "This has to have come from Asuka's mind then." Misato breathed in deeply right now she wished she could just get drunk. "You're talking about residual memory that's impossible they told us that can't happen." Maya flipped the video away going to another file opening it. "No Ritsuko told you it was impossible and since when does anyone believe her? She hides everything including important information and she's even worse now that she's married to Gendo." Kaji sat down in his chair. "She has a point you know." Maya began typing bringing up a different file watching as something came up. "I don't believe this, there's an actual memory wave in the core and its one of Asuka's and it's really strong." She watched as everyone suddenly got up gathering around her she could see that Gendo and Ritsuko had moved away from the window above.

She eased out her tablet from lap coat pocket swiping a copy of the memory over so could access it on her personal files rather than on the central computer which she had turned off. She got up as everyone followed her she began typing watching as the conversion to picture started finishing in seconds. "Okay no one says what you see here, you understand?" She watched as they all nodded she pressed it watching as a black and white images started coming through they were difficult to make out as they were shadowy and grainy. Makoto leaned closer. "Why is it black and white I thought memories were in colour?" Maya looked closer. "Because this isn't a memory, it's a dream." Misato blinked in confusion. "How does a dream get in to unit 02's core, its not like Asuka's ever fallen asleep inside the entry plug?" Maya watched as the images suddenly became very detailed with black and white sunflowers and a shadowy figure walking through them and almost child like movement of some one followed them through the fields the figure stopped almost vanishing as the person looked around seeing nothing.

The images suddenly changed to colour but there no was no real detail, again just shadowy figures as Asuka's own voice hit the air but it was filled with this ravenous seducing edge. "We could have lots of fun together just you and me." Rei's voice suddenly hit the air though it was filled with fear and anxiety. "Go away Asuka." Asuka's voice came again though even more forceful. "Oh what so you don't want to try it you know just once with me? You're such a ficken prude." Rei's voice came again but it sounded angry. "No I don't want to try anything with you Asuka because I know how your twisted mind works." Misato blinked as she eyed the video. "Is this actual memory or a dream, because this sounds so much like Asuka and Rei when they were much younger?" Everyone eyed her in annoyance as Maya looked up pausing the video for a second. "Memory is easier to copy, dreams not so much, because they are a mix of both and they get messed up, the four magi computers are just making their best guess, it's not always accurate." She pressed again watching as the shadows shifted and Rei's voice came filled with fright. "Get off my hand Asuka!"

Asuka voice came but this time with incredible aggression. "You know you smell like fresh alpine forest I bet…" What ever words were about to come never came as the sudden violently slapping sound hit the air and Rei's voice came again but with just as much aggression back. "No means no get that through your thick skull Asuka, it still confuses me as to why they even put you on this program because you're such an awful person and I can't stand you, all you care about is yourself and your ego." The memory suddenly shifted to a different place it was lighter but still very difficult to make out people and this time Shinji's voice was the one that spoke but his tone was filled with sadness. "How do I feel Asuka, I feel tired and you make very thing so difficult." Asuka's voice came again but it was sad and dejected. "That why I have to end this, for both of us because the future doesn't hold bright things for us." Shinji's voice came again though filled with confusion. "I want to help you Asuka please help me understand." Asuka's voice came again but it sounded deeply depressed. "You can't make this right for me Shinji."

There was the sound a chair scuffing. "I can't explain this to you in a way that makes sense other than to say all I do is hurt you, I used you for my own personal gain, I'm a vile disgusting person and I realize that now and I don't deserve your respect or even your kindness as I've never been kind to you or your sister in all these years." There was a long sad pause. "I shouldn't destroy you or your happiness just to benefit myself, breaking you to make me feel better is just cruel. The truth is I don't know how to love or what love feels other than the love my Mama and Grandma gave me but I'm not in the right place or mind to give you the love you deserve you should be with some one who loves you." The sound of a handle turning could be heard in the distance. "Know this though I'm sorry for all the times I put you down and for all the times I beat you and for every time I made you think that you were less when you aren't and for all of the times when I bullied your sister and hurt her feelings, it will never happen again of that I can promise." Maya watched as the imagery ended. "Now I'm just confused the last parts of this are what seem to be perfect memory recall but the start is a dream, how do these two get mixed up like that?"

Kaji breathed in deeply. "Talk about bringing up salted emotional wounds I mean okay we can't see through her eyes it's fuzzy but the voices were so clear." Misato put a hand on her face. "Still makes no sense though why these memories why that dream all wrapped up in one like this, its odd?" She eyed unit 02 which was now being dragged away from the glass though Rei and Shinji were no longer there. "Plus both memories of Shinji and Rei are really negative not positive yet the unit didn't attack." Maya looked at the screen. "May be the part we are missing here is Asuka's emotions we get how she's acting and speaking but not how she feels subconsciously, maybe in these memories she cares even though in one of them she's being real the Evangelion is picked up on this and there really strong it would explain what's going on. Also this brings the way we look at Evangelion's in to a whole new light, up to now we had no idea that after so many years of use they could start to retain the pilot's memories and even dreams and use them to navigate people and surroundings in that they can distinguish between friend and foe." She eyed unit 02 which was now being pulled in to upright position by the workers while another set of workers were checking inside the opened entry plug for damage. "Unit 02 has been running for nine years units 01 and 00 slightly longer but not by much, there's no telling what's going on inside them." She raised her hand. "You have to give me more time because I need to analyze this further." Misato looked up. "Yeah well we need to find out what this is all about it's clearly something new, I mean maybe this would explain the twitching we have been seeing in certain units."

End of part 8

Silvermoonlight


	9. Chapter 9

_TO FEEL TRULY LOST AND ALONE_

 

Rei walked the long corridor to the hospital wing, Shinji was on the training field with Kaworu, she would need to train later with Toji but it was mostly training with the rifles it would have been Mari but she was in the emergency room so it would be her instead. She walked up to the glass that led to Asuka’s room she’d heard the news, they all had which was that she had lost all sight in her left eye for good which was sad to hear and she knew loosing sight and hearing could effect people. She walked inside the room seeing that Asuka was half under the cover lying on her side with her eyes closed but she wasn’t asleep she could tell as she had the walkmans head phones in and was rewinding track sixteen and going back to fifteen and she was very unaware of her presence. She stepped forward feeling her foot hit something. She looked down seeing Toji’s action figure on the floor she leaned down picking it up looking at it before walking towards the red haired woman gently putting her hand on her shoulder to get her attention. “Asuka?” Asuka pressed stop on the old walkman as she easing out one of the head phones. Rei eased up the action figure. “You dropped this.” Asuka watched as she sat it down in front of her. “No I didn’t, I have never cared about those kinds of toys anyway their stupid.”

Rei looked over she could see the scar running through Asuka’s left eye and the milky blue colour along with the pure white pupil she eased the toy up. “I disagree I think it’s quite a good likeness to you, I mean they got the pose spot on its very powerful.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “No offence Rei but I really I don’t give a scheisse.” Rei looked in to her good eye she wasn’t being rude or even cruel she was just deeply depressed it was a clear as day, she eased up the action figure. “Okay maybe you don’t but you know there are thousands of people out there who really love these toys and there are hundreds of children out there who see these action figures and aspire to be like you.” Asuka looked up slightly. “Who would ever want to be like me Rei, seriously?” Rei turned the action figure towards her. “The real question is who wouldn’t want to be like you?” She placed the toy back on her bed side table. “I mean your one of the bravest people I know, you give so much to the Evangelion program.”

Asuka looked up meeting her soft green eyes. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.” Rei shook her head. “No Asuka I’m not.” She felt a smile form. “You know the younger you would have been all over this and loving every minute off the attention when did stop enjoying your own accomplishments?” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “When I realized that I was unworthy off them because all I do is hurt people in the process of obtaining them, your brother can tell you all about that.” Rei shook her head sadly. “You know Shinji has forgiven you for what happened between you two relationship wise.” Asuka looked up sadly. “Have you forgiven me?” Rei sat back in the chair. “Yes Asuka, we were all children we were going through hard things, we all made mistakes.” Asuka looked down trying to ignore the feeling of anger which was below the surface. “My mistakes made others hate me.” Rei leaned forward realizing right now she was talking to Asuka for the first time in years with out any barriers or walls. Maybe it was because Asuka just didn’t have the mental strength to put them up right now due to how sad she felt. “I don’t hate you Asuka, nether does Shinji or Kaworu.” She took in a deep breath not wanting to bring up Mari’s name at all as she knew that would just anger the other woman. “A lot of people care about you Asuka and we all just want you to get better and get back in the entry plug and pilot again, it’s not the same with out you on the training field.”

She put her hands on her knees. “I can also tell you that Toji worships you, you’re his idle.” Asuka looked up in surprise but the surprise left sharply being replaced only with annoyance. “Idiot had an interesting choice of words for that toy.” Rei felt a wide smile form. “Oh come tell me you didn’t at least get a small laugh out of that word play?” Asuka looked down sadly honestly she hadn’t even seen the funny side at all. Even though deep down inside she knew it was funny, she just didn’t know how to laugh anymore the emotion and feeling just weren’t there. “Not really.” Rei looked at for a long moment seeing something in the other woman’s only good eye it was an intense pain the next thing that went through her mind caught her completely so off guard. She had assumed that the misery and low mood was due to loosing an eye but it wasn’t. It looked like some form of deep seated depression that was already there but no one including herself had noticed it maybe because Asuka remained so distant from everyone. “When was the last time you laughed Asuka?”

Asuka narrowed her gaze thinking about that for a long moment. “I don’t remember.” She raised her hand. “Look you don’t have to stay here, just to make me feel better you probably have much better things to be doing with your time than being here with me.” Rei sat back as she pulled out a book from her leather bag. “I’m here Asuka because I want to be and I really don’t have anything to do, it’s that space in the day where I relax you have those times right?” Asuka laid her head back down on the pillow. “Yeah I normally go and get a caramel milkshake from the Arcade area in side Nerv where they have shops and restaurants, its one of the full dairy ones I can’t stand synthetic ice cream. Synthetic meat is one thing but who ever came up with the idea for synthetic dairy should be shot, it tastes vile.” Rei felt a smile form as she looked at her. “Well I don’t eat red meat so I wouldn’t know but I do agree with you on synthetic dairy I only ever drink my honeydew bubble tea with real milk and as you say synthetic really doesn’t do much for the taste.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I’d kill for a caramel dairy milkshake right now.” Rei opened her book. “You know I could read to you, my German isn’t that good but I can read this Japanese book to you, if you’d like.”

Asuka eyed her book which was thick and had a hard back cover to protect it. “What’s your book about?” Rei eased it up. “History of the world, I was learning about how people lived before the second impact.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Is it interesting or just depressing?” Rei flipped through the books pages. “Interesting the only depressing parts are all these wars we had, though I know we are still having miner wars but these wars were massive world wars and there were four of them in total. It seemed the angels coming at least gave humanity a central focus after the economy collapsed.” Asuka looked down sadly. “It surprises me that they were able to even get it back at all I mean you’d hardly even notice now or maybe it’s because I just forget that Nerv is ficken rich and they pay me well not to mention that Nerv employees are spoilt rotten down here they just have everything under the sun.” Rei felt her smile widen. “Well let me read to you about how the world got back up on it feet then.” She flipped through the pages again finding the right place. “You might find it interesting.”

8

Blackness and darkness I’m floating I hate this sensation, I can feel a memory coming back to me from so long ago, I thought I’d forgotten it but it’s crystal clear. “Play with me.” Mari looked at the little red haired girl in annoyance who was much younger than her. “Go away I’m drawing.” The red haired girl put her hands on her knees. “Can I see?” Mari eyed her. “Don’t you have any patience?” The red haired girl gave her a wide smile. “No, its just you’re my big sister and I like you.” Mari breathed in she wasn’t much older than this girl there was only three years between them. “We are not genetically related you know, you know your dad is not the same as my dad right? You’re basically adopted.” She watched as sad look spread over the smaller face as the girl spoke in a hurt voice. “What’s adopted?” Mari eyed her feeling a sly smile form. “It means you don’t belong to anyone, not even my parents.” That wasn’t true at all but right now she wasn’t in the mood her younger step sister’s stupidity. “It means your parents didn’t want you.” The memory faded as voices started talking in the distance. “She’s coming back…” Mari opened her eyes slowly only to see nothing but blur she groaned putting a hand on her face. “My glasses…give me my glasses…”

Jiro’s voice hit the air filled with concern. “You need to lay back and relax Mari, you almost died.” Mari eased up her hand as she spoke unable to hold back the anger. “Give me my fucking glasses Jiro, I can’t see with out them!” She felt someone put them in her hand as Jiro spoke again. “One of your lenses is cracked.” Mari eased on her glasses slowly watching as everything came back in to focus and she could make out the hospital room in detail. She had been taken out of her plug suit and her interfacing head band and her tails were missing so all of her hair was loose. She was wearing a hospital shirt and trousers while thick covers had been pulled over her. “It happens all the time you idiot, it’s why I keep lots of spares here and at my home.” She turned as Jiro left and Maya and Shigeru entered the room. “Oh great not you people have you come her to fucking gloat.” Maya blinked great she really didn’t need this crap right now least of all from Mari. “You know you’re only alive because we went out of our way to save you from dying, so show some damn respect!” Shigeru stepped closer to the hospital bed folding his arms. “We are here because we need to know just what you experienced in side unit 02’s entry plug, it’s very important because we need to compare your accident to Rei’s.”

Mari sat up folding her arms. “Great…” Shigeru sat down watching as Maya did the same. “So tell us what happened from the top.” Mari breathed in deeply. “It was fine up until three minutes in to the activation I got this real tight sensation near my chest it felt like some one was tightening my plug suit but it vanished.” She looked down feeling her body tense. “Then it got really cold I felt like I was freezing it was literally like being a bath of ice cubes.” Maya slowly brought up Rei’s incident reading it through as Shigeru wrote Mari’s incident down on his tablet. “That’s interesting because Rei said something similar about her suite but she said she felt like someone was crushing her stomach and it made her feel sick but unlike you she said she felt like her skin was being slowly cooked but like you the LCL temperature was normal at the time.” Mari looked up not liking what she had to say next. “Some one spoke to me.” Maya looked at her for a long moment. “I heard you say that in the test can you detail this further?”

Mari felt her eyes dart. “It was a female voice like an older woman but it didn’t sound right, it sounded really sickly it said the words die with me and it repeated those words twice.” She raised hand. “Then it said you’re not my daughter, you’re the other girl that’s when it all went to shit and my whole body felt like it was being crushed by a massive python and my right arm got yanked back so I couldn’t press the self eject on the entry plug and get myself out.” Maya read over Rei’s words she had not experienced any speaking only flashing images which were beyond awful and the sensation of her limbs being torn off and eaten. “It seems what you and Rei experienced was very different but she also said that so was so badly distracted that she couldn’t self eject. Did you see any imagery, like faces, places?” Mari blinked watching as everything went out of focus and her head started to hurt. She lay back trying to ignore it clearly it was the concussion which had finally kicked in. “It’s really fuzzy I just kept on see images of some hospital ward.” Maya looked around her. “You mean like this?”

Mari raised her hand pointing at the glass. “Yes and no it had glass just like that and people were looking through but I couldn’t see their faces because the images were flashing there was screaming so much screaming I think it was a mental ward, I saw someone come at me they were almost in shadow I just couldn’t see their face.” She put her hand up to her throat. “This is where it gets really difficult to remember, other than I felt one of their hands on my neck I don’t remember much else after that I think I blacked out.” Maya lowered the pad. “You are very lucky Mari unit 02 refused the access codes to eject you it kept you in there for a whole minute longer than Rei experienced but for some reason it just ejected you on its own.” She looked up. “After it ejected the entry plug, it still came after you even though it was being powered down. The workers got you to safety they all said you had passed out and the hospital team up here saved your life they said that you were in the danger zone because your brain had been staved to long of oxygen though they say you have no brain damage they still want to keep you in over night for observation and give you drugs to help with the concussion symptoms.”

Mari looked up everything slowly came back in to focus. “Remind me to never ever touch Asuka’s shit again.” Shigeru finished typing. “I thought that one was obvious.” Mari looked around her. “I do hope this room isn’t near hers.” Maya stood up. “No Mari your not even on the same floor, I personally made sure of that.” She looked up as Toji appeared giving her a wave through the glass. “And you have a visitor so we’ll be going.” Shigeru stood up following her. “Yes have a lot of data to crunch and as usual the two heads are not going to like the outcome, they so badly wanted the test to be successful.” Toji ran in adjusting his black and yellow plug suite as he raised a fluffy cat toy. “Ah there she is, how was being put through the Evangelion meat grinder?” Mari raised an eyebrow. “You know if I didn’t like you so much, I would hit you.” Toji put the fluffy cat toy next to her turning serious he really liked Mari and he considered her his best friend. They could both relate to each other as they had gone through poverty and knew how if felt it was something the other pilots didn’t understand and couldn’t relate to yet and it had made them both very close as friends.

His close friendship with her though put him in a very difficult position because Shinji and Rei tended to side with Asuka and Kaworu had a habit of remaining completely neutral in any augment. In that he never picked a side and it made things really hard sometimes because he was also friendly them Mari on the other hand wasn’t friendly with them. She preferred instead to only hang out with him inside and outside work. “I’m so glad you are okay I was really worried about you, you know.” Mari took the cat toy looking at it. “I’m fine apart from my head.” She breathed in deeply. “I know I’m not going to hear the end of this though. Because I’ve heard that when the units go crazy they smash up the test area, so unit 02 has probably trashed everything down there.” Toji raised a hand. “So you haven’t heard then?” Mari narrowed her gaze as she leaned forward. “Heard what? They just told me unit 02 tried to trash the entry plug bay I was thrown in to.” Toji leaned closer to her. “Yeah it did but after that things got really weird, unit 02 kind of lost all of it rage and walked over to the bay window where Shinji and Rei were looking out. It didn’t attack them at all it just watched them right up until it was powered down, Shinji was telling me about it and how creepy it was. Now everyone’s throwing around rumours about ghosts in the machine and maybe Asuka has some how changed how it works, its crazy I’ve never seen so many confused people in my life.”

Mari looked up meeting his dark brown eyes. “Do you like Asuka?” Toji looked up sharply. “I don’t know her, I mean I confess to idolizing her it’s why I’m on the program but I have no idea what she’s like. She doesn’t really talk to me I don’t think she’s talks to anyone she seems like a loner even though she has friends she doesn’t seem to click that they are even her friends and that they care about her, it kind of sad.” He took in a breath. “If you’re asking if I consider her more a friend than you, then no I don’t, you’re my best friend on this program and that’s not going to change anytime soon.” He raised his hand. “Why do you hate Asuka so much, yeah I get that she’s cagey and angry but why try to crack her entry plug like that? I also get that you two don’t get along but it’s not like you Mari.” Mari pulled her knees up wrapping her arms around them as she looked at him. “It’s complicated Toji you just wouldn’t understand.”

Toji put a hand on his chest. “You always say this to me Mari but I’m the one person here who would listen to you and I would never ever tell others your secrets.” He put his hands together. “You know you and Asuka are not that different.” Mari looked up sharply. “I’m nothing like her she an egotistic know it all, I’ll always be better than her.” Toji shook his head. “This rivalry is hurting you Mari you have to see that, it’s also making others turn against you and you’re putting me in a difficult position. Shinji and Rei are my friends as well and every time you take a chunk out of Asuka I feel more and more like I’m being forced between a rock and a hard place.” He looked up giving her his best smile. “Look just think about this is all I’m asking because once you to sort out your differences it will be better for all of us.” Mari breathed in painfully. “That’s not true and you know it Rei and Shinji don’t even like me and I doubt they ever will.” Toji raised a finger. “That’s where your wrong Mari they do like you they just don’t like you trying to grind Asuka in to the dirt.”

Mari narrowed her gaze. “I don’t believe in that everyone wants to be your friend shit, people out in the real world are motivated by selfish desires and when your up shit creak with out a paddle there just no where in sight.” She eased off glasses trying to ignore the pain as it twisted a knot in her stomach making her want to cry. “The only reason the British secret service captured me was because my so called best friend sold me out.” She gritted her teeth putting her glasses back on. “Fucker basically traded me for reward money and they do really horrible things to you in interrogation things that mess with your mind and body.” Toji leaned forward. “You told me you kind of liked pain, like it sort of gives you an adrenaline rush.” Mari wiped a tear away sharply. “Yes I do but I like pain where I’m in control but it wasn’t like that in that room all those years ago, I felt like they were going to really kill me and that killed the thrill.” She looked down at the floor sadly. “It was the moment that I realized that most people only care about themselves.”

8

Asuka could feel herself floating in her dream she was under a red ocean looking up calmly at the surface which didn’t scare for some reason despite that she hated the sensation of normal ocean water. Her whole body stopped moving as a shadowy figure moved downwards towards her the red eyes gleaming as a black clawed hand stopped her from floating upwards as the dark voice hit the air. “ _Not afraid of the bloody sea or LCL yet your afraid to drown in normal water explain that to me Asuka, I don’t see the sense in it_.” Asuka eased her hand up realizing that she could no longer see through her left eye even in this dream she turned her body which was dressed in swimming gear which was a two piece. “It’s the sensation it’s different, bloody impact water feels warm to me so does LCL ocean water is freezing it feels like ice against my skin, I hate it.” Bardiel began to swim around her a circle he looked almost like a large crocodile because how his tail moved. “ _You don’t seem angry about your eye I made you loose your sight even here with in your soul_.” Asuka moved trying to shift away from him but it felt like struggle under the red waves. “What difference does it make I can’t see on the outside so why should I care in my dreams.”

Bardiel moved closer so he was with in inches of her face. “ _Oh you are in a much better mood today and here I thought I’d be hurting you again to get a point across, clearly you get that I’m real and not just in your head.”_ Asuka shifted back. “Yes.” Bardiel swung his huge body around enveloping her so she couldn’t swim away. “ _Then I picked the correct child, the others would not have been suitable, you on the other hand have the fight I desire_.” Asuka looked at for a long moment. “If you think I’m going to walk you down to Lilith in the lower bay of Nerv then you can think again I will kill my self before I let you down there. Because that’s what you’re here for right, to join with him?” Bardiel began to swim around her again. “ _You human’s think in such short minded terms, you have to give things gender even when they have neither, my brothers and sisters think like you it’s so irritating also Lilith is not a him more like a mix of both genders_.” Asuka blinked in confusion. “You don’t like gendered terms yet you use brother and sister in reference to the other angels.”

Bardiel’s eyes moved there glowing red flashing as the dark pupil focused on her. “ _Believe me I’m only using terms you understand because your species thinks of everything in simple terms like womb and sperm and you yourself would know about that because your one of humanities lesser creations. Born not in a real womb but a manufactured one it is a surprise that human’s class another human like you as human because your not. You’re just a vessel to show off humanities nature to plays as gods and goddess when science is involved.”_ He raised a clawed hand _. “Science showing off its mastery, it’s the reason you were born a girl and have red hair and blue eyes, it’s not even natural its engineered cherry picked would be the old human term.”_ He swam around her. “ _Adam has been very giving to you in this cycle he holds us off far longer because he wants to see the differences that will come from time. He wants to see what its like if when you have more hope and more time if you’ll still care when the final impact comes and takes you to places where red crosses form and the world bleeds blood red and you are no longer part of this world.”_ Asuka looked at him feeling even more confused. “This cycle what does that even ficken mean?”

Bardiel swam in a loop coming back down so he was with inches of his face and his tail was nearly touching the surface. “ _The other versions of you were way smarter about this it’s a pity you always forget at the breaking of time yet we remember the motions every time, we remember even though we don’t want to.”_ He stayed still _. “Maybe the question you should ask yourself is why you repeat the dream on the beach so much even though your not fifteen anymore and your body and mind are that of a twenty three year old.”_ He swam down bellow her coiling over so he was looking up at her. “ _The body and mind forget but the soul doesn’t no matter how many times it repeats_.” He flicked his tail upwards _. “Also for your adult body you should be most gracious that the one above me changed a certain factor in his own blood just for you, you’re still frozen in time from here on in but your not stuck a body of a child in this cycle you you’ve been able to have adult sexual pursuits.”_

His mouth formed a cruel smile _. “Speaking of which, your pursuits of the green eyed girl Rei are most curious because it makes no sense to your gender_.” He swam up. “ _You can have sex but no children humour me why humans would have such a thing even though it serves no real purpose.”_ Asuka felt her body tense. “I’m not explaining it you Bardiel, if you can read my mind you should already know.” The black tail suddenly swung around smacking in to her stomach throwing her backwards. She breathed in trying to take the pain as Bardiel swam back up his huge mouth of teeth grinding together as he spoke coldly. “ _Thoughts are like reading books, I could spend a life time reading every book you’ve ever read Asuka but books only tell part of the story we do not know the emotion that comes with them as they are were being written only the emotion we feel reading them, its two very different perspectives on the same thing.”_ He raised a clawed hand _. “Hearing the words from you directly is like the writer speaking from there own emotions not from the reader reading and I want to hear your soul hum every word you speak since I’m here for the long term.”_ Asuka breathed in putting her hand on her stomach trying to ignore the pain. “I can’t explain my sexuality to you! Only that I know that’s its natural to me and that when I’ve tried to repress it in the past it made me feel miserable beyond words, I only know that I love both genders and that feels right to me.”

Bardiel laughed but it was cold laugh. “ _Yet you have never really loved, not that real love that your heart desires because you screwed up so badly in the past and that hurts you the most doesn’t it_?” Asuka eased out her arms going still as the water around her darkened from her own sadness and pain of the truth. “Yes it does.” Bardiel swam up going very still in front of her as he wrapped his tail in a gentle manner around her waist. “ _Desire is only human Asuka but your desires don’t have to be limited by flesh and blood, I can give you your desires though me you can be more than this body and will.”_ Asuka felt a sneer form. “I will never be a part of you.” Bardiel mouth formed a sly smile. “ _One day you will want to be a part of me, you just don’t realize it yet_.” His tail let go as he swim down in to the blackness below her. She swam up wards to the surface only cry out in pain as her head collided with the surface which was now solid ice.

Asuka felt her eyes snap open as her dream fade away and the dark of the room came in to the view she was still on her side and the chair where Rei had been was empty. She realized now that she had fallen asleep while she had been reading to her but she had no idea when. All that was clear was that Rei had kindly put the walkman aside on the table she grabbed the table heaving herself in to a sitting position as she looked down taking hold of it putting one of the headphones back in her ears rewinding back to track fifteen fully only to stop as an odd sensation hit her like she was being watched. She looked up slowly catching sight of what looked a little school girl with short blue hair and red eyes looking back through the glass at her there was no emotion on her face. She leaned closer truth was she reminded her off Rei, hadn’t she once gone through this phase of dying her hair blue and putting in red contacts? Just because she thought Gendo would take more notice of her because then she wouldn’t look like her mother Yui.

She raised her hand seeing that the child had not moved or even flinched maybe she was one of the employee’s children who had gotten lost or something but still the unwavering stare was really getting to her. Did this kid blink at all? She leaned forward knowing that the kid could hear her because the door to the hospital room was open. “Are you lost?” She breathed in deeply seeing the kid blink for the first time. She was rubbish with children and she knew it, she looked down picking up the half finished bar of chocolate easing it up. “Hey you want some…” She blinked in shock seeing that the kid was gone she slowly lowered her chocolate. She couldn’t hear footsteps going down the corridor away from her just silence she laid back on the bed what was happening to her? She felt so confused about everything right now she put the other head phone in her ear as she began to play the music as she looked up at the ceiling. The truth was nothing made sense anymore in her head and her dreams were the most troubling thing of all they felt so real now and every time the same monster. Maybe she was going crazy, maybe it was this hospital starting to get to her emotionally she just wanted to get out of here so badly the last thing she wanted was to end up going crazy like her mother had.

End of part 9

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tracks fifteen and sixteen on the classic Evangelion soundtrack volume one are Unit 02 and Decisive Battle. I also felt Asuka’s favourite tracks would be completely different to Shinji’s who tends to skip between tracks twenty five, twenty six and twenty seven.


	10. Chapter 10

_WALKING THE FINE LINE_

 

“I did not expect this failure you know how much I hate failure.”

Ritsuko folded her arm leaning against her desk as she lit a cigarette. “We should just face facts we are never going to have pilots who are able to swap between Evangelion’s.” Gendo put his hands behind his back. “Did the fourth child survive?” Ritsuko looked up slightly. “Yes she’ll be discharged from the hospital wing today.” She breathed in her cigarette before breathing out watching as the dark smoke floated through the air. “All the data will come back today and I’ll be able to go through everything together.” She looked up. “Personally you should have known better, Kyoko Zeppelin was never going to let anyone sit in the seat of unit 02 other than her undeserving selfish daughter and this has now caused a huge problem for us. Because everyone saw unit 02 acting far too human for its own good after it ejected the fourth child.” Gendo pushed up his glasses. “They can never know the truth this program is supported by all of the governments because they think the Evangelion’s are just cybernetic hybrids and that they are run by a low level AI personality inside the core who’s only job is to help the pilots move the limbs by reading there brain waves through the entry plug. If they ever knew that we purposely put people souls in to each of the cores they would see it as breach of human rights and they would try to shut us down.” Ritsuko sat down at the table in the office which looked out over Nerv centrals underground. “Yes well that was your doing if I remember right I mean you put your wife and your sister in law in both unit 00 and unit 01 one in each.” She breathed in deeply. “Did Yui or her older sister Kiko know what they were in for that day during testing?”

Gendo looked up showing no emotion as he spoke evenly. “No but they sacrificed themselves for the greater good of the program and now Rei and Shinji can do the job they were meant to.” A sneer formed on his lips. “My real concern has always been Asuka nothing has changed in that respect I don’t like pieces I can’t always control.” Ritsuko shrugged as she pushed her blonde hair back. “Her mother was no different but Asuka will probably no longer be a concern for you, she’ll probably wash out of the program soon enough. Her sync ratio has been slowly dropping over the past three years. It’s just no one has cared to notice or if they do they just don’t want to tell her but this incident should end her career even if she gets back up on her feet I don’t see it improving anytime soon. We don’t need her we can replace her with Mari who is better at following rules also once we get rid of her and we have destroyed unit 02 we can close the German division down permanently they know far too much and it’s always bothered me.” Gendo put his gloved hands together. “Perhaps the fact that they know too much won’t be an issue, any division that does know the truth about the Evangelion’s core won’t go public with it, they know that we can kill them if they talk.”

Ritsuko sat back in her chair. “You know your son and daughter will fight you over Asuka, because she is a veteran and the public love her but mostly because she’s a stupid angry force of nature. Its one of the reasons we’ve always hated her being on television because she hit one of the interviewers six years ago and it caused utter chaos. Plus her personal life has made her an utter embarrassment and a disgrace to Nerv. Need I not mention the event with the tourist woman named Hikari which caused a massive public uproar and tarnished Nerv’s good reputation because it was so public? We had to pay out a massive amount of compensation money and all because she had a violent lapse in judgement. Also she won’t go to live events like the others and in the last three years she has not been on television with the other pilots she has in very much vanished from public life, granted we’ve never had issues with selling her toys and merchandise but compared to the others she’s just a waste of fucking space.” Gendo felt a sneer form as he turned to look at her. “I don’t care for my children’s opinions the fact is unless Asuka becomes useful to me in some manner I see no reason for her to be here. We are no longer fighting this battle with three pilots were now have six and loosing one will not hurt the program and I don’t care for the outside world’s opinions on that.”

Ritsuko felt a coy smile form. “I have to ask you did you make an offside deal with Mari to make it that she crippled Asuka on purpose?” Gendo pushed up his glasses. “I don’t make deals with pilots what happened was not my concern though it was inevitable having that amount of tension between two pilots who can’t get along was going to end badly it was due to poor management from Misato.” Ritsuko finished her cigarette stamping it out. “You know once Asuka gets back on her feet there will a press conference and she will have to attend it this time also the grand unveil of Toji’s unit 05 is very close now it will be a matter of weeks.” Gendo put a hand on his thick beard. “None of that matters to me, that is Misato’s arena and what happens is out of my hands.” Ritsuko folded her arms. “Well Asuka will screw it up she always does its just one more nail in her coffin, she just doesn’t know when to shut up when it actuality matters and when she does we can make her disappear and this time it will be for good.” Gendo breathed in deeply. “Seele may want six pilots but I do not see there reasoning behind it and they have never opened up us on the subject but I don’t intend to for fill their wish I’ve given so much to this program and I’m tired of their meddling.”

8

Maya tightened the brace to the harness around Asuka’s legs this was a very special bionic device that attached to the legs and pelvis and helped a person walk. It was normally used for paralyzed patients but she thought it might be helpful for Asuka she eased put her hand turning on the device while looking up at Asuka who was in the wheel chair dressed in a fresh set of hospital clothes with a new hospital shirt and trouser she was faced the walking bars. She turned the device on to its highest setting as she had no intention of making this easy for her, she wanted Asuka to work the machine not the other around as it would help build her strength back up. She stood up going to the end of the walking bar where Geraldina was seated at the end looking uncertain. “Okay Asuka I know you can pull yourself up, because you got in to that wheel chair on your own.” She raised her hands. “So pull yourself on to the walking bar.” Asuka breathed in deeply nothing about her was looking forward to this she had been dreading this all day. She took in a deep breath steering herself before pulling herself up hearing the bionic’s shift as they helped her but only at the minimum. She couldn’t help but cry out in pain as her legs started to burn just from being up right, she could only grit her teeth and bear it. Maya eased up her hand signalling her to come forward. “Walk to me Asuka just raise your foot slowly and easy.”

Geraldina moved to end of the bar. “Come on little one come to me, you can do this.” Asuka breathed in deeply trying to ignore the pain which was pure hell. She raised her foot slowly which only made it worse she could feel every muscle in her arms tensing as she held on to the bars. She eased up her foot bringing it forward only to feel her self stumble as her other foot refused to move the next moments turned to pain as she collided with the floor, painfully hitting it on her side. She sat up seeing that Maya was coming over to help her she raised her hand stopping her. “No don’t help me up I can stand on my own!” She grabbed the bar trying to pull herself up only for the intense pain to come again as she forced herself back on her feet hearing the bionics wind helping her to stand again. “I’m not going to beaten by this ficken walking bar!” She tried to move her feet feeling her right leg move only for her left to once again freeze up. Maya watched as the left foot started to rise but it was talking so much effort. “Look Asuka you shouldn’t force it, you have to take your time.” Geraldina sat up the concern in her face. “She’s right Asuka you can’t force this, you need to be patient.”

“I’m sorry is this a bad time?”

Maya turned around seeing that Rei had entered the room the concern in her green eyes. “No Rei please come on in we were just helping Asuka, you might want to give her some moral support.” Rei adjusted her decorated short sleeve white shirt as she walked in only to watch as Asuka fell forward again the agony in her face as she pulled herself in to a sitting position the frustration in her face. She raised the milk shake in her hand. “Hey Asuka.” Asuka looked up speaking in a sharper tone that she meant to. “What?” Rei slowly leaned over the bar putting the milkshake near the red haired woman’s face. “I got you something from down the Arcade, you said full dairy with caramel right?” Asuka turned sharply blinking in shock she slowly took it from her hands not thinking as she put her mouth to the straw feeling her taste buds explode. She’d missed this so much she closed her eyes enjoying the moment of pure bliss before opening them to give a Rei and a very silent thank you which she received giving her a wide smile in return. Maya moved forward. “Hey! You’re not meant to have that, give that to me Asuka.” Asuka sneered at her not caring how cold her next words sounded. “You want this you can pry it from my dead fingers, because I’m not going to give it to you.” Maya put a hand on her face groaning she turned to Rei who was leaning on the bar as Asuka carried on drinking oblivious to everyone. “She’s not meant to have sugar right now.” She looked at Geraldina who raised he hands as she spoke. “Don’t look at me, her mother was never like this, I don’t know where it comes from all I do know is your not going to get that drink out of her hands now.”

Rei stood up fully. “No offence Maya but if I’d been in here for as long as Asuka has I think the food and the room might send me stir crazy.” She felt her eyes dart. “I think there’s a phrases for that.” Asuka didn’t turn as she spoke calmly. “Yeah it’s called cabin fever.” Rei looked down at her. “Yes that’s the phrases I was looking for.” Maya raised her hand. “Please you don’t have cabin fever Asuka.” Asuka took a sip from her milkshake. “How would you know you’re not in side my head?” Maya moved over to her leaning against the bar. “Would you prefer that I brought Ritsuko down here, because for years she’s wanted to get inside your head and not in a good way?” Asuka raised her hand. “Don’t let that woman anywhere near me I can’t stand her.” Maya raised an eyebrow. “Yeah I thought you wouldn’t be game for that, be happy it’s me down here and not her because she really doesn’t like you that much.” Asuka lowered her gaze sadly. “Yeah well it’s not like anyone really likes me that much around here anyway, so she can just take a number.”

Rei put her hands in her trouser pockets. “Contrary to popular belief I like you.” Asuka turned looking up at her for a long moment she was just being nice to make her feel better of that she was sure. She looked down realizing that she had just insulted her step mother. “Sorry that came out wrong with regards to Ritsuko.” Rei pushed her short hair back. “Please don’t apologise for that Asuka, she’s not my mother Yui was my only real mother.” Geraldina watched the both of them careful as she spoke. “It must be hard having the director as your father.” Rei looked up slightly. “No its not, he barely takes any notice of me.” She put a hand on her chest. “You see I have the great misfortune of looking just like my mother so he can’t bear to be around me let alone in the same room as me so we very rarely talk, he does talk to my brother Shinji but they never have great conversations.” Asuka took a long sip from her milkshake before speaking. “Your father is an idiot since your mother was really beautiful and so are you.”

Rei turned as she leaned over the bar getting somewhat in to Asuka’s personal space. “Really you think I’m as beautiful as my mother?” Asuka breathed in feeling slightly uncomfortable at how close Rei was because it wasn’t like she could crawl away at any great speed. She looked up as spoke very quietly. “Yes I do.” Rei gave her a wide grin as she moved away. “You see this is why I like you Asuka unlike everyone else around here you always says just what you feel.” She turned down as her watches alarm went off. “Damn it.” She looked up. “I’m sorry to cut you all short but I have to go and practice out on the field.” She leaned over putting a hand on Asuka’s shoulder. “I’ll come back and visit you later I’ll bring a book with me okay?” Asuka watched as she vanished from sight in truth she felt sad that she had, had to leave this was the first time in her whole time of being in the hospital wing that she’d felt the slightest bit happy. It wasn’t just because the milkshake but the company. Geraldina eyed her granddaughter seeing the little lost kitten look in her good eye. “You should ask that girl out, she clearly likes you.” Asuka rolled her eyes though her grandmothers had never had any issues with her sexuality ever since she had come out years ago she still found it difficult when she got involved in her relationships. “Seriously grandma, don’t get involved in my love life.”

Geraldina leaned forward. “But she likes you.” Asuka narrowed gaze. “No she doesn’t your confusing her kindness as something which it isn’t.” Maya leaned on the walking bar again breathing in deeply. “No offence Asuka but sometimes you can be really dense towards other people’s emotions and your grandmothers right Rei likes you, she’s always liked you I see it in her face even though you two have not talked that much until recently.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “Do not take my grandma’s side Maya.” Geraldina turned to the Japanese woman. “Have you been telling her this as well?” Maya shook her head. “Trying to but she never listens to me.” Asuka put her hand on the bar. “Look you’re both missing the point she doesn’t swing that way.” Maya folded her arm. “Yet I bet you’ve never bothered to ask her what she does and doesn’t like because you and I both know that sexuality can be fluid.” Asuka sneered as she eyed her. “You sound like a pamphlet.” Maya walked over to her. “Yes and wasn’t it a pamphlet that made you come and see me ages ago because you were struggling deeply with your feelings in school?” Asuka folded her arms looked up at her. “I hate you so much right now.”

Maya leaned over knowing that she didn’t mean that at all it was just her not liking that she’d completely lost the argument and had not gotten in the last word. “Then how’s about you drum up some of that anger and use it to get your feet moving.” She tapped the bar. “Let’s do this again Asuka on your feet lets see if you can get that left foot moving.” Asuka breathed in deeply as she once more struggled to her feet despite the pain it took, the only part that felt better was her stomach which was a least filled with something she enjoyed. She took a slow step forward trying to take the pain once more she didn’t care how long it took she was going to force her left foot to move no matter how long it took. As for what the others were saying she didn’t believe it one bit, they were just trying to give voice to something that didn’t exist just to make her feel better because she couldn’t walk. Rei didn’t like her that way why would she ever like her that way? The only real memory she had of pursuing Rei was in no sense a positive one she’d come on to her in a vile disgusting manner and been slapped for it. It was a slap she had rightly deserved and it was probably one of those memories that had stuck in Rei’s mind because people always remembered you at your worst and never your best.

8

Misato looked at Shinji who was sitting at her table along with Rei she had invited them both over for lunch and general chat and to share a meal. She watched as Pen Pen eat his fish over in the corner. “So I need a favour from you guys.” Shinji looked up instantly not liking where this was going. “What kind of favour?” Misato eased up a bunch of gold letter invitations. “I need you to give these to Toji, Kaworu, Mari and Asuka you’re also invited as well.” Rei took the event card opening it. “It’s a beach barbeque.” Misato felt a wide smile form. “There will be plenty of alcohol and food and you can all go swimming and diving, you know like you all used to when we were kids.” Shinji looked at his card. “You mean me Rei and Kaworu did, Asuka doesn’t swim she doesn’t like deep water she’s really afraid of it. In school she had a panic attack when someone pushed her in the deep end as a joke, though they weren’t laughing after she punched them and broke their nose.” He looked up slightly. “She’s never said that much only that her step parents really didn’t take care of her when she lived there for two years and she nearly drowned in a lake she said her foot got tangled below and she couldn’t surface she was six at time. She can swim on the surface in very shallow water but once it gets so deep that she can’t touch the bottom she wants out.” Misato leaned on her elbow. “She never tells me these things.” She took a long drink from her beer can looking at the night sky outside her window. “I feel like even Maya knows more than me, when it comes to Asuka.”

She looked up. “Have ether of you seen her eye yet the damaged one?” Rei leaned forward taking some food from the central food bowl. “I saw her yesterday the eye isn’t that good all cloudy and white in the pupil and she has a scar running down it as well and I saw her twice today she was trying to walk though not successfully. When I came back in the afternoon she was asleep and Maya said she still wasn’t able to walk though it’s not for a lack of trying, it’s her left leg it’s giving her real problems.” Misato turned rummaging around in her bag. “Where is it? I know I put it in here some where.” She pulled the item out. “There you are?” She eased up a packet which had a black patch which was made of velvet. “Since you’ve been going up there a lot Rei next time you go up there, you can give this to her.” Rei took it from her hand turning it between her fingers. “Seriously an eye patch?” Misato leaned over the table. “Oh come on its cool, like a pirate or something and she won’t want the scar showing.” Rei breathed in deeply. “She’s going to really hate this.”

Misato took another long gulp of her beer can before turning to her. “Not from you she won’t, you know I heard she accepted a food gift from you, she doesn’t normally accept food gifts from anyone because she’s far too proud about her own money.” Rei tensed as her brother turned raising an eyebrow. “It wasn’t a date, I wasn’t buying her dinner…you get so hung up over small things that don’t mean anything. She’s been really ill she told me that she’d kill for an ice cream and caramel milkshake so I brought her one it was that simple and she’s bored out of her mind up in the hospital wing.” Misato felt her smile widen. “But you know it’s the little things that go places.” Rei narrowed her gaze. “I’m not having this conversation with you Misato, not again.” Misato leaned back. “Yeah but you know there was that one time in the past you when you two.” Rei slammed her hand down hard on the table causing them both to look at her more out of shock than anything else because it wasn’t that often that she got angry. “Don’t bring that up! You know it wasn’t a good thing for me back then and Asuka had her own issues and she was going of the rails in terms of her sexuality. It was frightening and scary for me because I said no and she wasn’t listening so I had to hit her really hard to get the point across.”

She felt her body tense. “You don’t know how scary it is to say no to someone who’s that full of rage and confusion and how you have to wait for what feels like an eternity and pray that you don’t hit you back and she could have very easily hit me back that day she just didn’t.” She sat back leaning on her elbow. “Have you ever looked in to Asuka’s face when it’s all rage and desire it’s terrifying you get this feeling that she might just rip off your limbs and eat them.” Shinji looked at the floor sadly. “Rei is right on this one, it’s scary because your not in control and you know it and she knows it and it can be very unpleasant granted with us its all consenting but I never felt like I knew Asuka, even in bed she never let her guard down when we were together. The relationship we had was so one sided and nether of us got better through it, we weren’t right for one another I know that now but it took me years to see it.” He looked at his drink. “She saw it though that was why she ended it.” Misato leaned back as she spoke in a more serious tone. “People change, you’ve both changed she’s changed.” Rei put down her bowl. “It doesn’t mean I don’t still fear that side of her just because it’s been resting for three years.” Misato looked at her for a long moment. “Then why go visit her in the hospital, is it pity or guilt?”

Rei put the eye patch in her pocket. “It’s nether, look I get it I’m probably setting myself up for a world of hurt but every time I look at her she just seems so lost in herself. Its like the world could be crumbling around her and she wouldn’t ever notice and I think she very deeply depressed, it’s just no ones bothered to notice and she just assumes that no one cares and it’s not their problem to care.” She looked down sadly. “She literally assumes that almost everyone at Nerv hates her and she just accepts it, its so saddening.” Shinji turned sharply. “She said that to you?” Rei met her brother’s dark gaze. “Yes and the worst part is she’s acted like she deserves it or something.” She looked up at Misato whose face was unreadable. “We all know that her sync ratio has been down, it’s dropping very slowly for three years, she’s only just been with in with in tolerance maybe it’s a weird twist of fate that she has this accident because we all know once she steps back in the entry plug that its going to be even worse and its probably going to come up and she’s not going to take it well. That is assuming she doesn’t already know but hasn’t said anything because she just doesn’t care.” Misato looked up slightly. “You’re really worried about her aren’t you?” Rei looked at her hands. “Yes.”

Misato took a slow sip of beer. “You’ve always admired Asuka though maybe that’s why you feel this way.” Rei looked at her empty bowl of food. “Yes I always have, even when I didn’t like her personally when we were at school, I respected her skills as a pilot and that’s never changed to this day. There are days when I wish I could have that level of confidence and utter lack of fear. She also says just what she feels there’s no smoke or mirrors what you see is what you get. She’ll always tell you the truth and very few people at Nerv have ever been that honest with me other than you and Shinji.” She picked up a chopstick spinning it between her fingers. “I just wish I could have that sense of power and that I wasn’t afraid to get angry some times I just want to let go and let the anger I’m feeling out but I don’t know how and even if I did know how I think I’d be afraid of where it would take me.” Misato leaned over watching as Shinji put his arm around his sister. “Do you want that anger so you can confront our father?”

Rei nodded but deep down she knew it was a half truth she wanted the anger so everyone would finally see that she didn’t need protecting anymore, because they all did that. They protected her because she was the youngest. When she had been younger it had been fine but now it just annoyed her, it felt like constant hand holding. Truth was even in the media she’d always been Shinji’s little sister, never Rei Ayanami, which was the surname she had chosen to take, because she hated her father so she’d dropped his surname and taken on her mothers back. As it was a way to distance her self from him as he had refused to take notice of her. She wasn’t even ranked high in terms of pilot favourites and the media loved to remind her of that everyday and every year at the annual press conference which was always streamed live to the world, she just felt like some lesser stage show which was behind the main event and it annoyed her no end.

She was just a good as the others she had worked just as hard and yet she never seemed to get the benefit and be recognised for her own accomplishments. Just once she wanted to get out of Shinji’s shadow. Even when she’d caught Asuka’s falling entry plug it had been ignored and all of the credit had gone to Shinji for punching Mari’s unit in the mouth. She couldn’t blame Asuka for disappearing from the lime light three years ago, the media had practically crucified her in the worst possible way and painted her as something truly demonic and unsavoury. She looked down granted Asuka was very popular she was always in the top three next to Shinji and Kaworu but in the media never said nice things about her, even three years on. Maybe that was why she could relate to her on some level in that they were the same. In that they were both victims of the media and may be that was why she kept on visiting her, because she felt that they had that in common connection which she just didn’t get with the others.

End of part 10

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rei in this world has not had the restrictions of the clone version hence she can be playful and now and again and get angry but she's still not quite as forward as the version in the AU series episode who just wants to fight with Asuka and makes the comment. "Are you riding his baloney pony?" As in school she was meant be much more like clone Rei in that she was quite and timid at times but would still put her foot down hard if necessary


	11. Chapter 11

_REFLECTIONS OF THE SOUL_

Asuka eased up her left foot finally feeling it move for the first time, she forced it forward as she grabbed the bar tightly as she placed it down gritting her teeth due to the pain. She had to get out of the hospital wing she just couldn’t stand the ficken place anymore, it was starting to really get to her even though last night unlike the other nights she had dreamed off nothing. She forced her other foot forward followed again by the other. She started what felt like the long march towards Maya who had a wide smile on her face as she moved towards her voice filled with happiness as she spoke. “Your doing it Asuka your nearly there, just keep going.” Asuka carried on moving trying to ignore the sweat and the pure effort it took as she reached the end of the walking bar feeling Maya put her hands on her shoulders stopping her from falling forward. “I did it, I final did it...” Maya smiled as she leaned down adjusting the bionic walkers devises settings. “Yes you did, now let’s adjust the setting to make it easier for you.” Asuka turned sharply looking down at her. “You mean you had it on the hardest setting this whole time!?” Maya stood up keeping her hand on Asuka’s shoulder. “It was to help you build up your leg muscles Asuka and you’re the one who is always saying that you hate things being easy.” Asuka gave her a cold look. “If you weren’t my friend I’d hit you right now, you know that?” 

Maya helped her turn around so she could walk the other way. “Since that’s from you I’ll take it as a compliment.” She raised her hand pointing towards Asuka’s bed. “Now let’s see if you can walk back to the start and your wheelchair.” She looked up as Rei walked in, her leather bag in her hand as she gave her a wide smile as walking up to Asuka who looked tired. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing Asuka.” Asuka eyed her as she started moving her feet which surprising easier this time around. “Well I can walk.” She turned gritting her teeth as she spoke. “I might have been able to walk a lot sooner, if Maya hadn’t set the bionic legs to ultra hard.” Maya sat down near by. “Look I’ll make it up with a cocktail when you’re discharged.” Asuka carried on walking. “Please I don’t even like cocktails, you know that.” Maya eased up her tablet. “Okay how about lunch and a movie up in the Arcade of Nerv?” Asuka stopped turning slightly. “Wow now it just sounds like a really bad date, are you going to come out with a bunch of cheap chat up lines as well just to set the mood?”

Maya looked up giving her knowing smile. “Don’t flatter yourself you’re not my type.” Asuka eyed her knowing this was all just in the spirit of fun between them. “No offence but the feelings mutual.” Rei moved closer to Asuka as she came to a stop at the end of the bar and pulled herself in to the wheel chair opposite her bed. “Do you two always rib each other like this?” Asuka took the break off the wheel chair forcing it on to its back wheels keeping the front wheels in to the air as she balanced on it for a moment before forcing the front wheels forward again so they were on the floor. “Now and again, yes…” Rei raised an eyebrow. “You never do this with Misato.” Asuka put the break on as she looked up meeting her green eyes. “That’s because Misato just makes everything about how often you screw a person or if you’re going to date them, it’s like some big game to her and I hate it, she was forever played me off against your brother growing up.” She looked down at the floor sadly. “It was always we were going to date, we’d be together or we were a married couple and when we finally got together I just screwed it up so badly. I just thought that was where I was meant to be and what everyone always expected of me but I just wasn’t happy there. It felt like some self for filled prophecy that I had no control over and it drove me crazy.” Maya picked up her latte taking a sip. “You really need to let this go Asuka you’ve been carrying it around for years you’re not that person any more.” 

Asuka pushed her red hair back. “Easy for you to say, you’ve never broken anyone to make your self feel better because you were loosing it emotionally.” She eyed her bandaged left hand. “Or forcing someone to try and understand you then punishing them viciously if they fail to do so.” Rei stepped closer to Asuka’s wheel chair seeing the hurt in eyes which wasn’t hidden at all. “You know Maya’s right you should let this go.” Asuka carried on staring in to space her good eye not really focusing on anything. “Tell me that day when I forced you up against a wall in school before you slapped me, have you let that memory fade or does it grate at the back of your mind when ever time you look at me, like someone sharpening a knife?” Rei breathed in deeply she had not expected this conversation to go here and now it had she knew she had to answer it truthfully. “Sometimes yes, because it was very frightening for me but I don’t see you as that person anymore Asuka.”

Asuka looked down at the floor sadly. “Like I said before people always remember you at your worst, never your best.” Rei looked up slightly. “No Asuka that’s where you’re wrong, I see all of the great things you’ve done and you’ve been a good friend to me and my brother.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “Great things like what?” Rei folded her arms. “Well you are considered one of the most popular pilots by the press and media.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking coldly. “I hate the press and the media most of the time they never have any thing nice to say about me so I don’t watch the news feeds anymore.” Rei looked down sadly. “Personally I wish they would just notice me, to them I’m just Shinji’s little sister I am always at the lower end of the polls.” She raised her hand. “But it’s not important and I’m going off topic.” Asuka turned the wheel chair moving it closer to other woman. “No please tell me more, its just I didn’t know that and Shinji always said that you were happy with how the media portrayed you.” Rei rolled her eyes. “As much as I love my brother I hate when he acts like my mouth piece, no I’m not happy I hate being at the bottom of the ladder, even Mari is more popular than I am.”

Asuka looked up in surprise. “Seriously, that ficken four eyed asshole is more popular than you?” Rei turned looking straight in to her good eye. “Yeah depressing isn’t it?” Asuka looked down for a moment before looking up. “That’s worse than depressing it’s just wrong on so many levels, since you’ve been on the program the longest along with Shinji and have had way more battles.” Rei leaned forward grabbing one of Asuka’s wheel chairs handles. “I know.” She raised her hand. “I tell the others this and it goes right over their heads, just once in my life I’d like someone to just notice me for me.” Asuka looked up meeting her soft green eyes. “I personally don’t see you as an extension to your brother, your two are very different people.” She breathed in deeply. “Plus if it makes you feel better the polls don’t mean anything, I learnt a long time ago and you shouldn’t put your self worth or value in to them.” Rei kneeled down in front of her wheel chair. “That’s a good point.” Asuka gave her slight shrug. “It’s just something I learnt the hard way.” She looked down sadly. “I know they paint me as an angry, stupid and violent German woman who has a low IQ but that’s how its work to them, it’s all about stereotypes.”

Rei put a hand on her knee as she pulled out the patch from her pocket. “I never thought about it like that.” She raised the patch so Asuka could see it. “You know I came to give you this it’s from Misato and its waterproof.” Asuka looked at the eye patch. “Seriously, she brought me this?” Rei looked at the dark patch. “Yeah she said that it should cover up the scar on your eye.” Maya carried on typing on her tablet. “You know Asuka people love war wounds and you’ll have one of the best.” She looked up slightly. “Plus it’s a great talking point.” Asuka took the patch from Rei’s hand looking it over with her good eye as she spoke her voice thick with sarcasm. “Oh yeah great talking point, hey Asuka how did you go blind in your left eye? Well this four eyed British asshole stabbed me in the face while I had no control over the UN Alpha test unit.” She gritted her teeth punctuating her next words. “She also pulled out part of my lower intestine just for the hell of it…it was really fun for me, I want to do it again sometime.”

Rei looked up slightly. “Personally I think it will make you look heroic.” Asuka turned to her feeling a wide smile form. “Well if you think that, then I’ll try it out.” She eased out the black leather and velvet patch putting it on finding that it was surprisingly comfortable and not to tight in the fitting she turned to Maya. “You think I look heroic to?” Maya looked up again. “No I think you look like a pirate.” Asuka felt her smile fade as she folded her arms. “You’re such a spoil sport.” Rei slowly got to her feet easing out the gold invitation from her pocket. “Not to change the subject but this is also from Misato it’s a few weeks from now.” Asuka opened the invitation reading it. “Please a beach barbecue…she knows I really hate swimming and I don’t even own swimwear.” Rei leaned against the walking bar. “I did mention that, she said you could come for the food and alcohol.” Asuka turned the invitation between her fingers. “This is so stupid, plus they never ever cook the brisket how I like it.” Rei took in a deep breath. “Well I can only get to eat the roasted vegetables with garlic noodles since I can’t eat anything else they cook since it all red meat and I don’t drink, well at least not to the levels that you and Mari do.”

Asuka blinked looking up realizing that it had not even occurred to her that Rei might not like the food and she felt a little stupid for not noticing. “Maybe I could bring you something better, you know since you keep coming up here and giving me things.” Rei raised her hand. “Its fine Asuka you don’t have to bring me anything.” Asuka looked up giving her best smile knowing that it looked more like a stupid toothy grin. “But I’d like to, if you tell me what you would really like.” Rei eyed her for a long moment she had not seen that smile before and it made her feel very on edge, because she knew full well that Asuka had another very dangerous version of that smile which she normally gave people right before she hit them, she breathed in steadying herself. “Teriyaki Tofu and vegetable dumplings would be great but don’t trouble yourself.” She stepped away from her seeing the red haired woman’s smile fade. “I’ll come and visit tomorrow if you’re up.”

Asuka watched as the younger woman vanished from she raised her hand in confusion. “What is it, I don’t get it what did I say that was so wrong?” Maya shook her head. “Do I really have to tell you?” Asuka moved her wheel chair towards her. “Yes please tell me.” Maya breathed in deeply before meeting her good eye. “Firstly when ever you say your going to do something for someone else you don’t always do it and you have a terrible track record of getting distracted.” She raised her tablet. “Secondly you only ever use that grin of yours when your being extremely condescending or if you are about to hit someone.” Asuka raised her eyebrow. “How come you know this and you’ve never said anything about it until now?” Maya looked at her for a long moment. “I’m your friend Asuka I just take you as you are despite your faults because you do the same for me.” She raised her hand. “I’ve also spent enough time around you to see your better traits but sadly others haven’t.” Asuka looked down feeling all of her happiness fade away. “Yeah I get it people hate me, you don’t have to remind me off that.”

Maya looked up sharply. “No Asuka, people don’t hate you, they just don’t understand you and you don’t let them in, you put up emotional walls just to keep them out. I only got past those walls myself because we have something very deep in common which is our sexualities but others can’t get in because once they start getting through your layers you ether attack them to keep them away or you with draw because you’re afraid that you’re going to get hurt.” Asuka lowered her good eye to the floor she wanted to fight this but she knew Maya was right she was always right she just hated to admit it. She didn’t hang around people because she knew she’d get hurt and it was just easier to be on the outside even though it made her lonely and miserable. She knew she’d already ruined this developing friendship with Rei even if she said she’d back tomorrow she already knew she wouldn’t. Though they were nothing alike they did have one similarity in that they both with drew when they were afraid and she had no doubt really scared her.

Maybe it was just inevitable like a self for filled prophecy that always repeated in that she just ruined everything she touched it was just how things always worked out. The problem was she didn’t know how to let people in and she was terrified of doing so just in case they took advantage of her or made her feel worthless. Truth was other than her family she had never loved anyone in her whole life in that way, as much as she wanted to she just didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to just let that barrier down, she didn’t know what it would cost if she did. She looked down feeling truly depressed maybe she’d spend the rest of her life this way and she’d watch others find there happiness. Though that was the one thing herself and Maya had in common in that they knew the sting of not getting what they desired though for Maya it was worse because someone she had truly loved which was Ritsuko had spat in her face and now like her, she was just in limbo. She had never pursued Maya in that manner because she respected her and she knew they weren’t right for each other and she was one of the few friends she had at Nerv and loosing that terrified her because she was the only person she could really talk to about certain things.

8

Toji eased up the heavy free weight with one arm, he had nothing to do and it would be a while before he could get home with his little sister Sakura he eyed the bag opposite which had a new school books in it, to help her with her studies. He looked up seeing the thick glass at the end of the exercise room which curving out wards forming a half circle. There was glass door which led out on to a balcony with some tables and chairs which over looked the enormous lake like swimming pool at the bottom which had diving boards and three winding water slides. There even had palm trees and two cocktail bars and wave machines. It also had high humidity and the whole place was like being in some tropical swimming paradise and it was unlike anything he’d ever seen before in his life. On the other side was another glass level with jogging machines and it also had a balcony area with tables and chairs outside for drinking and eating and there were more glass levels above all with balconies and eating areas all had different sports going on in them on the highest floor was gymnastics and the middle floor was combat arts and training. The idea was that you could go out on to any balcony on any gym level sit and eat or drink something while looking down at the swimming pool below.

To his left was another glass area which was a small sauna and a large hot tub they had these areas on every level of the gym and the main spa itself was massive it made up a whole section as well, though it had been build between other sections and had parts on all of the levels, the idea being that you could walk in to the spa from any gym area. Nerv was meant to be military yet being down here was like being in some wonderful paradise, with its massive Geo Front with the two glass pyramids where central dogma was located, above it were all these huge hanging downwards facing skyscraper sections like this one. The biggest being the Arcade shopping quarter which was massive and you didn’t need to shop or eat in Tokyo three half the time because that section had everything your heart could ever desire. Nerv didn’t fight angels though if an angel ever landed here, they could lower the training field if necessary and turn it over as on its underside were cannons and other weapons all ready to fire along with the Evangelion’s proper guns which could be brought up fully loaded as the ones on the training field only fired hologram bullets.

Nerv also now had new equipment which was the attachable fold out wings they had come off some mass un-piloted Evangelion project but the project had been an utter failure. Though they had been completely scrapped their wings attachments had been salvaged and could be put on to every Evangelion model so they could now fly out and meet the enemy. The only time they couldn’t be used was out in space as that needed to be switched with the special rockets attachments and the Evangelion’s had to locked away inside two shields which could be opened once you got out in to space. Pilots were often sent out to do crazy things like deal with natural disasters and save sinking civilian’s ships or even moving sunken ships to new places to create coral reefs habitats. Nerv had to remain neutral during warfare but pilots were often sent out to protect fleeing refuges and medical ships and help if there were problems with the Eos space station.

It was work that every pilot had to do regardless of whether they wanted to or not and it was great publicity but it got messy sometimes as there was a the law which was that no army any where in the world was allowed to fire on an Evangelion who was trying to do a rescue and if they did so they did it at there peril as pilots could turn around and kill them and sadly this happened quite often because there was two terrorists groups that really wanted the technology and who some how believed that they could shoot through twelve thousand plates worth of fortified armour just to see the internals underneath. They had never been successful but it wasn’t for a lack of trying this was one of the reasons Mari had been brought in because though out the years Asuka had always been the protection who looked after other Evangelion pilot’s which was normally ether Shinji, Rei or Kaworu who was trying to deal with the disaster or civilians and couldn’t fight while they were doing so. Asuka though had been seriously over stretched doing this and now Mari was acting as a guard just to take the strain away from her. So she didn’t have to go out every single time and he had been told that he would be a guard unit as well. It was not something he was looking forward to in the slightest because unlike Asuka or Mari he didn’t get that pleasure out violence towards other human beings.

They both enjoyed fighting and killing and they got a certain high from that level off power it gave them, for Asuka it was full on violence with no real off switch. While with Mari it was like some crazy adrenaline rush where she loved pushing her limits. In fact it kind of scared him how they both acted that way sometimes because neither of them cared if they killed people they showed no remorse and both of them always said the same thing. That if people were stupid enough to fire up on them then they were going to get what was coming to them and that they would kill them. He felt differently because his parents had been made poor through war and he had seen people die in front of him they’d been shot and killed in the streets and it was horrifying and it was over nothing more than food. He shook his head pushing those images out of his mind as he didn’t want to relive them, because despite how he felt personally he was one of the lucky few to ever make the Evangelion program and it meant that his little sister was now well taken care of and had good health care and always had food to eat and he could buy her nice things. He turned seeing that Shinji and Kaworu were talking together in the hot tub behind the glass to his left. They did this three times a week they were best of friends and very close and cared very deeply about each other. He wasn’t sure if it was romantic or sexual love and he wasn’t very good with seeing that kind of thing anyway.

He also had no interest in pursuing relationships his little sister was all that mattered to him right now and her having a good life. He eyed his bag opposite which had her books in it, he always made sure that she was close and though she couldn’t go in to the lower restricted levels she was schooled with the other employees children in one of the hanging skyscrapers lower sections and every night he took her home and he tried to spend as much time with her as possible, granted he was doing the job of both a mother and father but he really didn’t care. He raised the free weight again only to feel a hand on his shoulder he turned seeing that Mari was behind him a wide smile on her face. She was in her combat gear and had replaced her cracked glasses lens with a new one. “Hello Mari, nice to see they discharged you at long last.” Mari sat opposite him on a stool. “Yeah well believe you and me it sucks in that place.” She felt her whole body tense. “I swear I heard voices last night and the corridor was empty.”

She raised her hand. “Also I saw this weird looking little blue haired girl with red eyes down there, she walked right past my room but she ignored me completely and she kind of looked like Rei but was much younger.” Toji felt a smile form. “I think you were high on pain killers Mari, I’ve heard they do things to your head.” Mari felt her smile fade. “This wasn’t pain killers there was a fucking creepy little school kid in the hospital wing, I mean Kaworu has a medical condition that causes his white hair and red eyes but she wasn’t like that, she seemed really unnatural somehow.” Toji put down the free weight. “You know it might have been a ghost, I mean they say that there are a lot of ghosts left over from the second impact that people sometimes see walking around.” Mari put her hand through her dark brown hair in frustration. “She wasn’t see-through or a shadow she looked really real.” Toji looked up meeting her dark turquoise eyes. “I still think it might have been your drugs.” Mari breathed in deeply. “Look I know what being really high on medical drugs is like, this wasn’t like this, it wasn’t even fun.”

Toji felt a smile form as he pushed his short thick dark hair back. “Maybe you should tell Misato.” Mari looked down as she adjusting her red framed glasses. “She wouldn’t believe me anyway and I doubt she’ll talk to me right now since I put Asuka in the hospital wing.” She turned eyeing the hot tub through the glass where Shinji and Kaworu were talking. “Seriously are those two ever apart?” Toji stretched as he lay back against the weight machine. “No they are always together.” Mari folded her arms. “Are they dating?” Toji raised his hand. “I really don’t know, I mean I heard a rumour that Kaworu has romantic feelings for Shinji but they are not together as far as I know.” Mari turned pulling her rucksack over opened it. “I got you this I had it ordered in from home it’s for your little sister.” Toji smiled as she brought out a teddy bear which was dressed in red royal guardsman’s gear complete with a black bearskin hat.” Mari took hold of the teddy bears arm moving it. “People love these back home.” Toji took it from her hand. “This is great she’ll really love this.” Mari gave him a wide smile. “Yeah well since I visit you now and again I thought maybe this time I’d bring something worth while.” Toji raised a hand. “You can come around when ever you want Mari you’re always welcome in our home.” He looked up slightly. “But I really don’t get your whole deal with bringing forks and spoons when ever you come over.” Mari raised both hands. “I suck at using chopsticks okay.”

End of part 11

Silvermoonlight


	12. Chapter 12

_IN THE LONELIEST OF PLACES_

 

Rei sat down on her seat on the three seat sofa in the pilots wreck room easing up her hand held once again she was alone here as it was that time of the day. She was bored she was always bored at this time of day and she had wanted to visit Asuka but that wide toothy grin had just put her at such much unease, it just reminded her all over again of her bad memories in school with Asuka. The sad part was although she’d said to Asuka that it didn’t get to her it did, it always had because it made her feel like she had no control. Yes Asuka had changed but maybe some memories just didn’t die, Misato was right maybe it was just guilt or pity that drove her to that hospital room day after day. Maybe she was just going up there for all the wrong reasons it was just no one else was really visiting her and everyone was keeping there distance to a certain degree. Yes they all visited but it was just drop by visits no one ever stayed over an hour with her, she was the only one. Maybe she just went up there was because the only thing she had in common with Asuka was loneliness in that she wasn’t really part of the group at least not in the way she wanted to be. Mari was very good friends with Toji and Shinji and Kaworu were also very close and she just hung around the group but she didn’t feel close with anyone other than her brother, though she got on well enough with all of them apart from Mari.

Also there interests and hers were very different, they had no interest in gymnastics and they didn’t like motorbikes or even speed they even lived in an old fashioned way, where as she liked the to live in a more modern way even if her house was somewhat minimalist. She eased her bare feet out of her sandals folding her trouser legs over as she lay back on the sofa, Asuka was also honest the others even her brother tried to sugar coat everything so as to not hurting her feelings. Sadly though Asuka was difficult and she was never quite sure what was going on in her head as her emotions could switch so sharply and that dangerous element scared her because she’d seen her brother get really badly hurt by it. She should just leave Asuka alone, she could walk now she’d probably just go back to her own solitary life and bounce back as she always did after injury it was what she was very good at. Maybe three months from now she wouldn’t even care to remember that she was there or that they’d ever talked at all.

“I thought I might find you here.”

Rei looked up seeing Maya quietly enter the room closing the double doors behind her. “Hello Maya.” She paused her game. “Is everything okay with Asuka?” Maya moved forward carefully seating herself in Asuka’s seat much to Rei’s surprise. “Yes she’s fine I thought you’d come up this afternoon.” Rei looked at her game. “I was just tired.” Maya felt a wide smile form. “Are they running you ragged on the training field?” Rei looked up. “A little yes, I think it’s the training of Toji it’s getting very serious now.” Maya breathed in seeing no point in playing down what was really on her mind. “You know Asuka really missed your afternoon visit today, I mean she was looking at the glass for a long time wondering if you’d show up and seemed kind of sad when you didn’t.” Rei looked up slightly. “Yeah well I’m sure she has many other friends around Nerv visiting her, other than me.” Maya looked up. “No there aren’t, yes Shinji and all the others accept Mari have visited her but you’re the only one to spend any real time with her since the accident and I think she really misses your company.” Rei leaned on her elbow. “Look she’s Asuka, she doesn’t need company she makes it very clear that she doesn’t want or need people in her life.”

Maya felt a sad smile form. “People sometimes push others away because their afraid to mess things up and their scared of opening up.” Rei looked up sharply. “Asuka isn’t afraid of anything least of all loneliness, I’ve seen her house it screams that she likes her own personal space.” Maya put her hands together. “You mean her home with the recliner chair and the sofa that no one sits in or sleeps on yet she still has it there even though it’s empty as if hoping someone might sit there one day.” Rei felt her eyes dart in confusion. “You’ve been to her house?” Maya nodded calmly. “Yes many times but I’ve never told Misato because she would take offence as she’s never been able to reach out to Asuka and she can’t understand why Asuka keeps her at a distance and it’s all to do with trust, she doesn’t trust Misato with her secrets.” She breathed in deeply. “I’ve known Asuka for years I’ve seen her at both her best and her worst and it pains me that people don’t give her a chance because she has a unique and some times difficult personality.”

She looked down sadly. “Because under there is someone who has a very warm heart and there just dying to get out.” She leaned back in the chair. “She just doesn’t know how and I just want her to happy.” Rei put her hand held console to one side. “I don’t get it why are you two not together?” Maya shook her head as she looked up. “We are not right for each other, we never have been and we both know that and our friendship means more as we support each other.” She raised her hand. “Look Rei all I’m asking is that you give Asuka a chance, because you know once you get past those walls you might really find that you like the person underneath and you might see someone worthy of your time.” She stood up slowly. “I’m the only real friend she’s got and every day it worries me that when an angel attacks I might die and she will be all alone in the world with out a single person that she can trust or count up on or turn to. She really needs someone other than me in her life.” She put her hand in her lab coat pocket. “In fact that stupid toothy smile she gave you, I know why it scared you but believe me she very rarely tries to smile at anyone that way and ever since you started spending time with her, she’s been trying with you in a way she doesn’t with other people.”

She moved towards the double doors. “Look I’m not telling you how to live your life or what to do and you’re perfectly entitled to carry on as normal regardless of my opinion but I’m just saying that that you could be missing out and Asuka could be a great friend to you and she will always protect you fiercely from any one who means you harm.” She opened the doors. “Asuka will be discharged tomorrow morning all being well though she’ll have to wear the leg bionics under her clothing until her legs fully heal. All of her drugs are working and since she’s not going to have stem cell therapy on her left eye or have a robotic replacement there’s no need for her to stay any longer in the hospital wing. Though I think she’ll be happy to leave the place it is driving her crazy and she keeps complaining about having strange dreams.”

She turned meeting the younger woman’s curious gaze. “Her grandmother is also leaving tonight as she has to return to the German division and it will be a while before she returns and you might want to say hello just to see how she’s doing, I think she would like your company.” Rei watched as she left she had not expected this conversation at all and now she felt out of sorts and very confused. Asuka had always boasted about having friends and being adored by everyone in Nerv in her youth but now that she thought about it Asuka had not been to the annual Christmas party where all the employees met up and talked for the last three years. Was she really that lonely? She found it hard to wrap her head around that concept as Asuka had always been so outgoing and she was good at making conversation when they’d first met on the program. Maybe she no longer knew how to make conversation anymore or maybe her interests like her own just didn’t reach people and she couldn’t relate to anyone anymore on a personal level.

As sad as this was if she was honest with herself she probably knew why Asuka was alone, Asuka was alone because she’d burnt all of her bridges in the past and no longer knew how to repair them that wasn’t for her to fix them despite what Maya was saying she couldn’t fix Asuka only Asuka could do that herself. Her brother had gotten so badly hurt walking that road and she just didn’t feel up to doing the same. It was just too much work and effort and the danger was just too great because the red head had always had such a short fuse in the past and she just didn’t want feel up to facing that kind of wraith. Maybe it was selfish to walk away and not pay any mind to Maya but she couldn’t help it, it was just not a path she wanted to walk down even if they did become closer as friends it would always be one sided because Asuka was always so much about herself, it had always been that way and she doubted it would ever change any time soon.

8

Geraldina looked at her granddaughter who was sitting on the bed in her white hospital trousers and shirt with the bionics still locked to her legs she was walking now though she would have to carry on wearing this device up until her legs fully healed but she was going to be discharged later on tonight. She was staring at the glass with her good eye as if waiting for someone to come and she had a very good idea who. “Is your friend Rei not coming today?” Asuka looked down sadly. “No she’s not coming today.” Geraldina put her hand on her granddaughters. “I’m sorry Asuka.” Asuka shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” Geraldina looked down sadly she knew by the hurt tone that it did matter and because of this she felt bad for what she had to say next. “You know I have to be back in Germany by tonight, but believe me I don’t want to, if I could stay longer I would you know that right?” Asuka pulled up her knees leaning her head against them as she wrapped her arms around them. “I know Grandma.” Geraldina pulled up her bag easing something out. “I brought these for you from Germany.” She raised the data discs. “They belonged to your mother.” Asuka took one from her hand looking at it. “What are they?”

Geraldina breathed in deeply. “They are your mother’s videos of you being grown and born right up to your birth and there’s some videos of when you lived with that other family there’s also lots of videos of your mother working on 02. There copies I have the originals back home and I know I should have given you them to you years ago but I never felt that you were ready, I think now maybe you are.” She looked down sadly. “I know your mother would have wanted you to have them, you can play them right, I mean disc format isn’t too old, I know young people are now using data cards?” Asuka turned the gleaming disc between her fingers. “No Grandma it’s perfectly fine, I’ve always preferred discs anyway I only have four data cards and I only ever use them for home projects because it gives me the hologram screen which makes it easier to work on my bike, my real bike that is not the crappy one I use for work.” Geraldina looked up as she laughed. “You call that bike crappy yet you built it from the ground up, it was your first real major project before the Trident before that you just built engines and sold them off.”

Asuka looked up. “Its still sucks.” Geraldina felt a smile form. “I saw that the Trident is almost finished have you ridden it yet?” Asuka felt a slight smile form. “Once or twice yes, engine still isn’t right I need to fix the power core usage it keeps draining to fast.” Geraldina put a hand on her arm. “I’m so proud of you building that I mean you built it from parts which you pulled in from all over the place.” Asuka shook her head. “Yeah well I wasn’t going to get on the waiting list its far to long, it was just easier to buy in everything and build it from scratch, it also meant I could convert the engine to go faster and smoother while using less power from the cells among others things.” She looked at the discs. “Thank you Grandma, for the discs and everything you’ve done it means a lot.” Geraldina gave her a wide smile. “Any thing for my granddaughter, I’m just so glad that they got you walking I feared you might not ever walk again.” Asuka eased up a finger to her eye patch. “I told you before Maya is an incredible friend and doctor she can heal up almost anything.” Geraldina put her hands together. “I know that but have you had any second thoughts about your left eye? I mean a robotic one might be helpful.” Asuka shook her head carefully piling up the data discs. “I don’t want a robotic one and besides you could have a robotic replacement finger but you’ve always said you don’t want one.”

Geraldina eyed her hand looking at her four fingers. “That is true but you can live with out fingers eyes are a different matter.” Asuka shook her head. “I don’t need perfect vision inside the entry plug Grandma, the Evangelion’s systems can also compensate for the sight loss they just need recalibrating.” Geraldina nodded calmly. “So long as you’re sure Asuka and you can always change your mind.” She looked up slightly. “On the topic of your friend Rei, I think you should maybe talk to her she seems so nice.” Asuka looked down trying to hide her sadness. “Look we are not friends Grandma and she just brought up things maybe because she felt guilty that the others weren’t visiting.” Geraldina felt a coy smile form. “I don’t know about that, I think maybe your seeing to much of the negative and not the positive.” She folded her arms. “After all she brought you, your favourite drink.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Please that doesn’t mean she likes my company.” She raised her hand. “Why are you pushing this on to me Grandma?” Geraldina stood up putting her hand on hers. “Because I really want you to be happy, I think you deserve that.”

Asuka looked down knowing her next words were an outright lie as she spoke them. “I am happy.” Geraldina looked at her she wasn’t fooled by that remark in the slightest she leaned over putting her hand under her granddaughters chin turning her head to face her. “Don’t lie to me Asuka, I know you better than that and you’re a terrible liar, you always have been.” She breathed in deeply. “You might be able to pull the wool over the whole of Nerv and even your best friend Maya but I can see right through you. I know you’re not happy. You’ve not been happy for a long time and you’re trying to do what you always do which is burying your feeling under bravado and hope that no one notices.” She moved her hand away. “It’s not weak or cowardly to reach out to others and ask for help or to want company and I think we both know that you’ve been on your own to long.” Asuka looked down unable to keep the anger out of her voice. “You don’t understand I created this! Because I was an insurable egoistic know it all in my youth, I hurt a lot of people hurt a lot of feelings and I felt a trail of wreckage in my wake. I broke hearts and ruined friendships and these people have every right to hate me and to not want to be around me.”

Her anger melted away turning to sadness as she felt the sting of her own tears. “I don’t even know how to reach these people anymore and even if I did I know they’d just read out all my past misgivings to me and the worst thing is I know I deserve there every misgiving because when they needed me I wasn’t there for them, I only cared about myself.” Geraldina slowly wrapped her arms around her this was truly heartbreaking and confirmed her suspicions that her granddaughter had been both lonely and depressed for a while but was just too proud and afraid to admit it to anyone. “You shouldn’t give up hope Asuka, you changed other people have changed and it’s a long time since you’ve been that person. These people here should give you a second chance you deserve that much and if they don’t then they are truly cruel and you don’t owe them anything.” Asuka breathed in painfully ignoring the tears as they ran down her face, if only she could believe that she was worth that chance, the truth was that she wasn’t, no one had ever been her savour and she didn’t expect anyone here at Nerv to drop everything on her behalf.

When her life had been all about her being a pilot it had been easy to ignore her other emotions but years on she realized she nothing outside of being a pilot in fact she no longer cared if she was sitting in 02 seat or not, it didn’t mean anything to her anymore because in the past six months she had just been going through the motions. Her only ability was to kill people when they were out on public missions and to be the lethal stick to beat the angels with last minute, outside that her value was nothing to the team. Even her own hobbies didn’t mean anything to her anymore, truth was the bike could have been finished weeks ago but she’d just had no energy for it, nothing made her happy money wise and nothing moved her emotionally she just felt dead inside. The loneliness was the worst though and she knew it. It was always in the back of her mind that she would never find anyone who loved her be they man or woman and that she would die alone and no one would care to mourn her passing and she’d just become a forgotten shadow.

The worst sensation of all though the one though that caused her so many problems was the anxiety and it was getting harder and harder to hide it and her dreams did not help at all in fact they made it worse. She kept seeing this monster over and over he seemed so real, he even called himself Bardiel and every part of her wanted to believe that he was just in her head but the things he came out with were so real. He felt real, his actions seemed real and the way he got in to her feelings and mind terrified her every time. She just wanted to run and hide from him but she never could, she was never in control in the dreams he was. She knew she couldn’t talk about him to anyone because everyone would believe that she had gone crazy and her greatest fear of all was ending up like mother had been which was behind glass in a ward for people who had lost there minds. She’d rather die than go through that because she knew she’d never be able to handle it mentally. Her mother had hung herself from a rope along with her stupid doll which she believed to be her, though she’d grown past her hated of dolls. The whole event still stuck in the back of her mind like a knife and she knew it was the one thing she was weak against as she knew people could use it against her out in the real world and that terrified her. Because no one liked her enough to defend her she knew that they’d all turn on her in a heartbeat because of her past actions.

End of part 12

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This AU has a slightly different element to the classic universe and manga in that with enough training you can still move an Eva despite having deep depression and pilots have found mental ways to hide the depression though the sync still lowers the count slightly. I imagined that had the universe had more time the pilots would have found out how to do this as they’d have years of experience behind them.


	13. Chapter 13

_PAINFUL ECHOES LONG FORGOTTEN_

 

I’m home and yet I’m not even happy as I drive my motorbike in to my own drive it feels like such a long time since I was here and it all looks the same only difference is my sunflowers are growing taller. I ease myself off my bike which is awkward because of the bionics under my motorbike leathers then I put the key lock in to my garage door watching as it opens allowing me to drag my bike inside. I put it next to my other motor bike the Trident and pull my helmet off putting it aside before walking out and closing the garage which locks the moment I take the key out. I turn seeing the train go by some distance away there in a station close by but I don’t use it, never have I hate being packed in tight around people. Asuka walked over to her door pushing in the key lock watching as the metal shutter went up. She unlocked the wooden door walking through in to nothing but darkness she closed the door behind her locking it, hearing the metal shutter come down on the other side to stop any one getting in.

She walked over putting her other key in the IDHS watching as her house came to life as it always did as the lights turned on and flat screen TV came down. She looked down as Erika ran up to her meowing as she rubbed against her leg she leaned down gently picking her up. “Hello Erika.” She gently stroked the cats face. “Did you miss me?” She carried the little animal over to kitchen seeing that her coffee machine had started to churn out fresh coffee. “I really missed you they don’t allow pets in Nerv’s hospital ward.” She walked over to the cat food bowls which needed filling. “Let’s get you fed okay?” She put down her cat opening the cupboard finding her wet and dry food refilling them along with the water as she stroked Erika’s back as she started to tuck in. She moved over taking her fresh coffee out of the machine taking a long sip, it was so nice to taste fresh coffee again, Nerv’s coffee always tasted foul she hated manufactured coffee, it wasn’t real coffee unless it was made from fresh beans in a coffee grinder. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed this.” She looked up slightly. “Nerv’s coffee is so disgusting it’s like drinking tar.”

_“Do you humans always talk to your animals?”_

Asuka snapped around seeing a huge black form lying on her sofa in a cat like manner she put down her coffee as her hand went straight for the Korth combat revolver which was hidden under the kitchen counter out of sight. She pulled it up pointed it in the black forms direction seeing the mouth filled with razor sharp teeth smile as the red eyes narrowed. “Get out of my house before I blow your ficken brains out!” She slowly pulled the trigger back despite how much it hurt to even hold this gun due to her shoulder injury. Bardiel laughed coldly. “ _You’re going to try and blow me away with that? It’s not even an automatic_.” Asuka felt a cold sneer form on her lips. “Oh really what makes you even think that it not being an automatic would lessen your chances of dying it I shoot you?” Bardiel eyed her disgust. “ _All you will do is blow holes in a perfectly nice leather two seat sofa.”_ He tapped his clawed fingers on the leather. “ _Plus you can’t even fire that gun due to your shoulder injury which still hasn’t fully healed_.” Asuka watched as her gun hand rattled. “You are not real…you can not be real, you’re the medical drugs talking to me!” Bardiel swung his huge thin tail upwards. “ _You know it’s only come to this because you keep denying that I exist outside of your dreams, so I felt it better to show myself in your every day life because you just can’t wrap your small mind around the concept of my being real. It must be a real burden to have a high intelligence level yet for it to be so wasted on you, because of your high stupidity level_.”

He stretched out on the black sofa getting more comfortable. “ _I mean your fighting my angelic brothers and sisters who come from space and yet you can’t wrap your mind around the concept of me hiding out and infecting your brains cerebellum_.” He raised a clawed hand. “ _Oh don’t worry I’m not altering anything in there, I don’t care for changing your award winning personality or how you behave I just enjoy being inside you looking out at this human world_.” His red eyes narrowed. “ _Plus if they ever do find I’m hiding up here, well they won’t get me out because to do so they’d have to literally crack open your skull and I will kill you before they ever succeed, because if I can’t have you no one can.”_ He paused. “ _Sound familiar wasn’t that your favourite line to use on Shinji once during one of your many arguments_?” Asuka lowered her gun putting it on the counter she wanted to throw up she could feel herself shivering as she laid her elbows on the table putting her head in her hands. “This is my bad karma coming back to haunt me.”

Bardiel felt a wide smile form. “ _Karma I don’t understand that concept please explain_.” He stopped hearing the whispering of her inner subconscious thoughts which he could now easily tap in to. “ _No wait I’ve got it, its already rolling around in your mind, it refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect that being that your bad actions in the past are coming back to hunt you, in other words because you’ve been an utter asshole your being correcting spirituality in the present as a way of balancing the universes scales.”_ Asuka moved over to her fridge pulling out one of the strongest alcohol bottles she had before closing it hard. “You know what screw this I’m going to get drunk.” Bardiel tapped his claws on her sofa. “ _Ah yes because drinking will just make all your problems go away, it never helped you all those years ago it won’t help you now_.” Asuka cracked open the cap of the bottle. “No I was more thinking along the lines that it might make you go away since alcohol affects brain function.” She raised the bottle. “I do hope you enjoy.” Bardiel flicked his tail around. “ _You think I fear liquid_?” Asuka moved over to her bag pulling out her grandmothers discs. “You should because by the time I’m done you won’t be here.”

She turned to her flat screen picking up the first disc which she slotted it in to the player before sitting in her reclining sofa chair trying to ignore him. “Play!” Bardiel laid his head on his clawed hands. “ _You know you’re going to fail Asuka and I know you, the one thing you can’t stomach is being a failure, though you don’t put your whole life in to being a pilot anymore, you still can’t stand the idea of being the most unless pilot of group_.” Asuka ignored him as the first video started to play it was some old film of when she’d been with her step parents it was old footage of her running around their garden with the other girl she’d lived with. “Next!” She watched as another video began to play of her running around towards the huge lake by her step parent’s house pointing at it. “Next!” The video changed again though this time the footage was completely different. It was in a hospital room but not the mental ward, it was a children’s ward she could see teddies and kids drawings clearly her grandmother had these films out of order on the discs it was something she could fix though. Her mother’s face suddenly appeared in front of the camera grabbing the lens gleefully as she spoke. “She’s in here.” Her grandmother’s voice came from behind the camera. “Kyoko be careful you’re going break the lens.”

Her mother laughed as she walked toward a machine which was like a dice cube with soft edges though inside it had what looked to be a living womb where a small being was growing inside red liquid it was tiny in size and there was an umbilical cord attached to the living womb wall which was feeding it nurturance just like a real mothers womb would. Her mothers face was a picture of joy as she put her hand on the glass. “She’s only ten weeks old she’s going to be so beautiful.” Her grandmothers voice came again as she beamed the camera in much closer. “What are you going to call her?” Her mothers green eyes lit up and she pushed her long blonde hair back. “She’s going to be called Asuka, which means to fly.” Her grandmother spoke again. “Did you alter anything Kyoko?” Her mother adjusted her lab coat as she folded her arms. “I had them alter just a few things.” Her grandmother’s voice came again though it sounded less that impressed. “Kyoko…” Her mother put her hand on the glass again. “Look I altered her hair colour its going to be red and she’ll have sky blue eyes just like you.” Her grandmother’s voice came again filled with uncertainty. “I thought you said you were going for all natural.” Kyoko raised her hand. “Yes I know but I want her to stand out, I want the world to notice her and people think I’m a dumb blonde because of my hair colour despite that I’m anything but and I don’t want her to go through that and no ones going to judge red hair.”

Her grandmother’s voice came again laced with thick sarcasm. “No not unless she goes to live in Britain then they’ll just call her ginger as an insult.” Her mother rolled her green eyes. “Why must you always ruin my moment?” She turned back to the case putting her hands on it. “To me it doesn’t matter she’s going to be my little girl and I’m going to love her forever, no matter where she is I’ll always be there to protect her and I’ll always be there for her.” Asuka felt the tears as they started to run down her face, she yanked the patch off feeling them stream down from her damaged eye. “Pause...” She carried on crying unable to hold it back. “Copy this to my VR helmet and place it under restricted personal files.” Suddenly the beer she was drinking was welcoming but not to numb the emotions but just to get washed away in them. She had not cried in so long and now it felt so welcoming she had always had horrible memories of her mother being cold and hatful towards her in the mental ward yet here she loved her, here she was showing her selfless love and devotion. She pulled the bottle up no longer caring that she was drowning herself in alcohol as the tears carried on running down her face.

8

Rei lay back in her chair crossing her legs as she read the book in her hands only to hear the phone go off near her computer she breathed in leaning over pressing it watching as a man dressed in a well pressed black suite appeared who was in his fifties. “Oh it is just you Shigeo, you know I have told you countless times not to call me here, Nerv probably has my phone tapped.” Shigeo leaned forward. “Oh but then I wouldn’t get through to my favourite Evangelion pilot and you need not worry Rei I’m having this line scrambled they’ll think your ordering in a vegetarian pizza which I’m having sent to your home as we speak.” Rei ignored him as she carried on reading her book. “Please your flattery isn’t flattering, what do you want?” Shigeo breathed in deeply. “We both know what I want, to bury your asshole father seven foot under like old Tokyo and make your brother head of Nerv, I would make you head but you say you don’t like to lead.” Rei looked at him for a long moment before speaking. “Yes well take a number half the world hates my father including myself and my big brother.” Shigeo raised a bushy eyebrow. “Well if you give me what I want this can be dealt with.” Rei looked up slightly from her book. “You know I have no intention of giving you any internal information on Nerv because betraying my father means death.” Shigeo blinked in shock. “You’re his daughter.” Rei turned the page. “It won’t make any difference, plus since I remind him so much of my mother he just can’t stand being around me so I doubt he’d miss me.”

Shigeo’s face turned to disgust. “Your mother was far too good for him and you are just as beautiful as she was, personally I’m surprised you’re not married yet have you considered getting married at all?” Rei narrowed her gaze she deeply disliked this man because like most politicians he wasn’t being genuine and he had an a genders and he loved to stroke and flatter ego and he saw her as a target since he’d given up on Shinji ages ago, personally she found him really creepy and she just wished that he’d just leave her alone. “Good night Shigeo…” She leaned over pressing the button turning him off before he could protest. She sat back only for a strange thought to enter her mind she leaned over normally she wouldn’t ask anyone for help but she was so sick of this man trying his luck with her and the one person who had real experience with this kind of crap was Asuka because her grandmother had taught her how to deal with it and she might give her some good advice. She had returned home tonight so she was bound to pick up she leaned on her elbow as she spoke. “Call Asuka...” The hologram screen came up as it rang she looked at it as it carried on ringing only for the answer phone to go off which was Asuka voice recording. “ _I’m_ _sorry this is Asuka Langley Soryu, I’m not in right now so please leave a message after the tone and I’ll get back to you…unless you’re a pervert or a jerk off_.”

Rei rolled her eyes as she spoke. “Hi it’s Rei here, I’m guessing your properly asleep right now, could you give me a call back I need to talk to you about something.” She breathed in deeply. “Or we can chat about it tomorrow.” She felt her eyes dart as she remembering something she needed to pass on to Asuka from Kaji. “Your new plug suite is ready your getting the updated design like Mari and Toji, they say they’ve calibrated the fitting it will be in your glass locker tomorrow.” She watched as the recording ended, clearly she was asleep. She turned sharply as a harsh knock came she already knew who it was as she stood up putting her book to one side as she opened her door seeing the Pizza woman smile at her as she raised a large pizza box. “Delivery for Rei Ayanami, no need to pay for this one it’s already been paid for.” Rei took the box from her eyeing it coldly. “Great.” The woman gave her a wide smile. “You know you get a lot of deliveries you must have a secret admirer or something.” Rei forced a smile as she looked up. “Thank you and goodnight.” She slammed the door shut hearing her metal shutter come down completely on the other side. She walked over to her kitchen counter throwing the box on it. She didn’t even like pizza so yet again she’d be giving this to Shinji. She opened the box instantly catching sight of something hidden under the base she eased it out seeing that it was a brand new top of the range data card which was pure red in colour. There was a message written at the top in bold letters. “ _Sending you all my love, Shigeo_.”

Rei looked at it in disgust as she put the box to one side on her white kitchen counter. Great yet another data card gift from this man which she really didn’t need she had six of these and she only needed three since they were the equivalent of having a desk top machine in an ultra thin card and mostly used when working on holographic simulation projects. She walked over to her computer tossing the card in the metal lock box with the others she needed to get rid of some of these sometime as she hated having more than she needed of anything as she liked everything to be practical. She sat down on her sofa opening her book watching the pedal bikes go by from her small apartment’s wide window as the rain pelted down soaking the street which had a little market near by and some restaurants which were lit up with neon lights and banners. She looked down sadly her father would probably never know or care that two years ago she had talked Shigeo out of attacking Nerv because he wanted to brand them traitors and get rid off them but she’d said it would do no good and the world needed the Evangelion project and if it ever ended the world would be over because the three major terrorists groups would move in for the kill. She had such mixed feelings about her father despite that she hated him, he was still her father and she found it so difficult sometimes to navigate her feelings.

Maybe because there were times, when she was in Tokyo three shopping which she did on rare occasions when she saw fathers with there daughters who were who age talking and eating and she just didn’t have that in her life and sometimes it made her feel really empty and slightly resentful that she couldn’t be them even if it was just for a single day. The other problem was she just had no understanding of Nerv’s politics and she just had no idea how to out manoeuvre her father to get what she wanted she had tried in the past but it had just led to failure and punishment. Shinji had been constantly punished for trying and she hated her father for that as he had done nothing but harm her older brothers confidence and self esteem which only in the past fours years had started to really recover. She looked at her book again, just one time in her life she wanted to be on an even playing field and have a hold over her father, just so he would get a taste of his own bitter medicine and know how it felt to have that lack of control. She knew though that it was just wishful thinking and very much a pipe dream, it would never really happen because like her brother she had aspirations that she just couldn’t for fill. That was life though you never really got your dreams and desires just shadows and illusions that were never ever fully for filled, may be when she accepted this she’d be a lot happier in her life.

End of part 13

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asuka in this world does not have a super genius IQ, just a high level IQ though she’s still intelligent she does have problems in certain areas and has to work much harder at certain things. Though I will go in to it later in the story as none of the pilots in this world came to Nerv with degree’s none were given accolades or ranked generals those pilots who do have degrees got them at Nerv after school finished so Asuka in this world had way less to brag about but was still a massive, egotistic asshole in her childhood.
> 
> To those who reviewed this story recently thank you so much for your input.


	14. Chapter 14

_TO BE BURDENED AND BROKEN_

 

My head is pounding as I lean back in the train's seat drinking some water slowly just wanting the sensation to go away I have the worst ficken handover ever. I woke up in my chair this morning I somehow managed to get through three bottles of German beer last night and my brain feels like someone shoved a spanner in it and decided to stir it around for good measure. My memories are really clear up to the point that I was crying over my mother's video of myself in a birthing case then it got so hazy and dark. By the time I'd washed and changed my clothes I realized I was late for work and because of the hangover I just couldn't ride my motorbike in, now I've had to take the public train and I hate these trains so much because I always get bothered by people. The red hair stands out which is so ironic since that was what my mother wanted for me. I'm just hoping since I have this patch on my left eye that they might not notice, I'm dressed real causal with a pair of dark blue jeans a white t shirt and a brown leather jacket with a long dark red bars on the sleeves which come down from the shoulders and folded collar, I wear mostly guys t shirts and jackets because the fit is looser only the jeans are women's but there tailored to fit and have deep pockets while the skate shoes are guys because the fit is also better.

In one ear I have Shinji's walkman's head phones I really need to give this back to him and Rei they only gave it to me to see me through the hospital wing, it's not like I need it and hopefully this bionic that is hidden under my clothes will be off with in the next few weeks. Only downside is it will have to go over the top of my new plug suite when I go in for sync testing but Maya told me that it won't cause any problems or interference when they test the entry plugs and sync. I finish the water in my plastic water bottle putting it in to my bag as I lean back folding my legs feeling the gentle breeze from the open windows, I'm going to be so late I know it I just hope Maya forgives me for this. I have never been late for a sync test before this will be the first time and I won't lie I'm really not looking forward to it one bit I'd rather be somewhere else altogether. I just know I have to keep it together or I might get kicked off this program since Ritsuko hates my guts, which is also ironic since she's seen them hanging out of my body when I first got injured.

"Hey are you the second child?"

Asuka breathed in great she really didn't need this right now she turned seeing a little girl looking at her wide eyed in her hands was a fluffy toy bear she took a step closer staring in to her good eye. "No I'm not the second child." The little girl face slowly formed a wide smile. "But you sure look like her." Asuka turned off the music leaning forward trying to be as none threatening as possible as in the past she had really scared children off with her temper and it wasn't something she was at all proud off. "If I was the second child do you think I'd be riding a train?" The girl looked down. "No I guess you wouldn't." She looked up pointing to her face. "What happened to your left eye?" Asuka tapped the patch. "Not to go in to any details but let's just say someone poked me in the face with something sharp, I didn't loose my eye but it's no good anymore." The child leaned closer. "Why wear the patch though?" Asuka felt a smile form. "A person I care about very deeply gave it me as a gift, it means a lot to me so I don't take it off plus she said it looked cool on me." The little girl laughed. "Is she like your girlfriend or something?" Asuka shook her head. "No she's not she's way too good for me." The child's face turned to confusion. "I don't under stand, how is she to good for you?"

Asuka pulled her bag over getting out a soft drink can handing it to the little girl who took it. "One day when you're older you might understand, you know when you start dating." The child smiled as she opened the can. "You know one day I'm going to be six and then I can know stuff." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Well don't be to quick to want know stuff enjoy growing up first." She looked up as the little girl's mother appeared speaking loudly. "Ah there you are." She turned as she picked up the little girl looking down at her. "I hope she's not bothering you." Asuka shook her head. "No not at all." She watched them go as she took in a deep breath as she stretched out in the seat she turned only to catch sight of a person who stood out like a sore thumb on this train. She was staring at her intensely and in a way that almost felt uncomfortable because she just didn't blink. It was that school girl again the one with the short blue hair and red eyes the weird looking kid that reminded her Rei but she knew it wasn't Rei and since she was on this train which stopped close to Nerv's top side buildings, she had to be one of the employees children.

It was scary how similar she looked though because Rei had looked like that in school, the uniform the way ward looks the quite, the shy demeanour the way she always looked down in deep thought. Maybe that was what had drawn her in so much though she didn't really know or understand why, only that she wanted to touch, hold and kiss her. She had gone about it so badly though she had tried to force her way in just like she had with everything at that time and the worst part was that at the time she had been so used to getting what she wanted that she had assumed it was true of everyone and everything. She had spent so many years regretting that moment in the hall when she'd grabbed her really roughly trying to come on to her, one thing she had never expected was that slap which had been so painful and it was in that painful moment that she'd realized that Rei was actuality powerful and not be toyed with and was way out her league and always would be. She was also not like her older brother who at the time she'd seen as a weak pathetic push over even though that wasn't true. He had just been going through a lot of pain like her but he dealt with it very differently. There were many things she'd been able to let go off since school but her bitter regret of coming on to Rei that way never had as she had driven a wedge between them and it had never really gone away.

Rei may have been trying to help her recently but even she could tell that she was very wary of her as was Shinji they always walked on egg shells around her despite being polite and kind because nether of them liked her temper. Maybe in life some things you just could never fix no matter how hard you tried she looked up feeling the confusion take over seeing that the red eyed girl had completely vanished. She looked left and then right seeing that she wasn't in ether train cabins maybe there had been a stop and she'd gotten off or may be she was going crazy. " _No sadly for you, you're not going crazy, though I must say I do like the idea of making you go crazy it would be most entertaining_." Asuka felt her body tense as she turned seeing Bardiel spread out like cat close to her feet. She felt all the good feelings drain away instantly she knew she couldn't talk back not in this place full of people they'd think she was insane. Bardiel eased up a clawed hand looking at his fingers. " _Oh that's right you had this bright idea that alcohol was going to get rid of me…well it didn't work."_ He turned looking around him. " _Oh I see you can't talk to me here, your afraid of making a scene that's fine I can wait I have so much more patience than you do, I'll just wait for a better moment."_ Asuka closed her good eye feeling the anxiousness take over before she could stop it, she wanted this to stop, she knew now that Bardiel was real there was angel polluting her mind and it was utterly terrifying.

8

Shinji sat back in the entry plugs seat they were all lined up ready for the sync test though Asuka's entry plug area was empty he slowly brought up the screen to the control room where Ritsuko was looking at them as she tapped her foot in annoyance looking at her watch. She clearly don't want to be here but since Maya and Misato were both down in the restricted zone checking over Toji's new unit which would now go through its painting stage and needed the correct insignia put on along with its countries logos so she had to be here. "Shouldn't we wait for Asuka?" Mari's face suddenly appeared on his screen. "Please I'm not waiting for that fucking Princess I want this over with already I hate fake sync tests there so damn boring." Toji's face appeared on the other side of his holographic screen. "I'm sure she has a perfectly good reason for being late, I mean she's never normally this late." Kaworu appeared opposite. "I agree she has a good reason I'm sure." Rei's face suddenly came up as she fiddled with her white plug suits collar. "I rang her last night she wasn't picking up her phone I left a message maybe she's not well, I mean she's been through a lot." Mari's face turned to scowl. "Please her unit didn't try and strangle you!" Rei raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious? You put her in the hospital wing."

Mari folded her arms. "No you put her in the hospital wing because you were clearly that person who got picked last in sports because you can't catch flying objects, just like your always picked last in unit 00 to do the crappy missions, which no one wants." Ritsuko looked at them all unable to hold back her anger as she spoke. "Shut up all of you!" She watched as all of their faces turned to her as everyone went quite she felt a sneer form on her lips. "It's like being a school yard." She looked up as Asuka's entry plug was suddenly brought up as Hayden who was head of the doc team spoke over the com in his normal gruff annoyed tone. " _Asuka Langley is coming down to you now, please note she keeps on complaining about her new plug suite being to tight."_ Ritsuko looked up as she spoke. "Thank you Hayden." She watched as Asuka's entry plug was put in place by the huge machine so she was in the middle of Rei's and Shinji's, all of the entry plugs bottom parts were submerged red water and the room was closed off to stop outside interference. She leaned over pressing the com as she watched Asuka's face appear on the big screen along with the others as the back wall shut completely and the machine went still. "You're late!" Asuka looked at her with her good eye as she moved the shoulders of new plug suite which were both white and red in colour with green sections on the shoulders, the suite though was awful the chest and stomach felt far too tight and it felt like it her insides were being crushed. "Please I can explain."

Ritsuko folded her arms. "Spare me your pathetic excuses I'm not interested in hearing them, you know the rules, you've been here long enough to know them and you should know better." Rei watched as Asuka began to fidget nervously. "Oh come on she's never been late in years and you're grilling her for this?" Ritsuko looked up as Asuka fidgeted again clearly in discomfort she eyed Rei. "Rei If I want your opinion then I'll give it to you!" Rei felt a sneer form. "What ever you say, mother." Ritsuko turned eyeing her. "Don't you ever call me that I am not your mother!" Rei felt a cold smile form. "No truer words were ever spoken." Ritsuko pulled up her clip board. "Start the test!" She watched as they all went quite closing there eyes as they began to sync and there ratio bars came up on the large side screen. Shigeru looked up as one sync test came up which clearly wasn't right. "Asuka's not sinking correctly." Ritsuko watched as Asuka carried on fidgeting she could see the bionics over the top of her new plug suit. "Turn off that stupid bionic walker Asuka it's interfering with your test!" Asuka eyed her through her hologram screen as she turned it off feeling her left leg turn to semi dead weight which really wasn't a nice feeling at all. "It's not stupid, its helping me walk."

Ritsuko eyed her in disgust. "Just turn it off!" Asuka eyed her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke. "It is ficken turned off!" Shigeru shook his head. "She's still not syncing and there is also a really weird wave pattern showing up in her brain activity." Ritsuko walked over shoving him aside. "I thought Maya had these tests calibrated she's clearly messed it up somehow." She began to type watching as the odd wave started to pulse sharply. "It has to be that." Kaji folded his arms watching as Asuka's face changed as her good eye started to dart around and the colour drained completely from her face. "Look I don't want to the bringer of bad news but Asuka doesn't look so good." Ritsuko didn't look up as she carried on typing. "Please she always bellyaches and complains it's how she gets attention!" Kaji put her hand on his beard seeing the concern on the other men and women's faces in the testing room. "No I'm serious you need to pull her out now some thing is very wrong." He looked up seeing that she was ignoring him and that Rei had lost all concentration and was now looking at Asuka on her screen the deep concern showing in her green eyes. "Look at her she's about to have a panic attack!"

Asuka could feel her hands shaking it felt like the world was closing in around her as Bardiel spoke from behind her in the entry plug. " _Stop resisting me let me sync with you, I can make you stronger and better I can improve your mind and your body_!" Asuka leaned forward. "Get out of my head!" His voice came again. " _It will only hurt for a moment then it won't hurt at all you are strong enough for the pain_!" Asuka leaned forward burying her head in her knees as she put both hands up unable to stop the pain in her head which was so awful. She was screaming before she could stop herself as she grabbed the controls yanking them violently back and forth even though she knew it wouldn't do anything as she wasn't in 02. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Bardiel's voice came again speaking more quietly. " _You can't kill me and when you realize that our relationship will progress and be so much better_!" Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. "We have no relationship you ficken parasite!" Ritsuko raised her hand. "What is going on here, can any one tell me who the hell she is talking to?"

Shigeru shook his head. "I have no idea! There are no outside signals inferring with her entry plug and in side the plug I'm not getting any faulty signals from the software." Ritsuko turned watching as Asuka's brain waves went totality out of sink as the test started to flash red marking a clear failure. "What is this is she going crazy or something has she taken illegal drugs?" Makoto looked up. "I have got something." Ritsuko moved over to his desk. "What do you have?" Makoto pointed to Asuka's body read out. "I'm detecting alcohol in her blood it's very high." Ritsuko looked at him. "You're kidding me!" Makoto shook his head. "Wish I was its far too high for her to be doing this test she well over the moderate limit and it's through out her whole blood stream." Kaji stepped forward. "I've seen hangover that's not hangover, her minds trying to fight something off." Ritsuko ignored him as she looked at the holographic desks screen. "Turn her off and have her brought to me right now!" Rei leaned forward as Asuka was completely switched off and she went quite as what ever was attacking her stopped. "Can I go to?" Ritsuko looked up eyed her. "No." Kaji leaned forward. "Yes Rei we'll get you out in a moment, your sync was perfect as always." He could see now that all of the pilots had lost concentration and had there eyes on the control room which was now very quite.

He looked up as Asuka finally entered the control room after three long minutes through the side door, if anything she looked awful. She looked like someone who had been dragged through hell and back, she was also showing signs of intense nervousness and uncertainty. He'd seen her in her low times before but it was nothing like this there was something really wrong and he was sure it was in her mind and it had nothing to do with drinking yes she had a hang over of sorts but he had actuality seen her function fine even with a hangover in the past she was also breathing very fast. Ritsuko watched as the red haired woman walked towards her she knew full well that the other could see this hence why she was going to enjoy every moment of this. "You turn up late to my test, you mock me with your attitude and on top of everything else you've been drinking, when you know very heavy drinking is prohibited before sync tests because it screws up the results!" Asuka looked down feeling all eyes up on her as she spoke through gritted teeth. "I tried to explain that to you but you cut me off!"

The next moments turned to blinding pain as the other woman's clip board smashed across her face with enough force to throw her completely off balance she hit the ground hard on her knees which hurt like hell despite the bionics she felt the blood as it started to run down her lip. Ritsuko ignored the looks of utter shock from the room as she stepped closer to Asuka who stayed on her knees putting her fingers to her lips seeing the blood on them as her good eye slowly filled with rage. "I've put up with your shit for nine years and believe me I'm sick off it! You think your something special well your not special you are nothing but the stupid idiot muscle off this whole Evangelion team! You'll never be anything but that and you only got this position because your grandmother is head of the German Nerv division, your basically German's trophy item to show off to the world. Also no one cares about your degree in engineering or mechanics or how smart you think you are, I mean after nine years and you still can't write Japanese's fluently, instead you write everything in German on your papers!" She paused watching as Asuka struggled back on to her feet. "This means we have to translate it, every time for the records!" She raised the clip board. "It's very annoying."

She felt a cruel smile form on her lips. "It time you wised up Asuka, because no one needs you and you can be replaced." Asuka narrowed her good eye, everything hurt and her plug suite left like it was crushing her chest and stomach she just wanted to get it off her face was also stinging along with her lip but she wasn't going to let Ritsuko get in the last word. She turned spitting the blood from her mouth right next to the other woman's shoes as she felt a cold smile form. "Yeah well at least I didn't ride the director's cock to get my position of power knowing full well he was married with two little kids." She stood up fully seeing that a few people were trying not to laugh including Kaji, yeah it was low blow but only fair since she'd had the same. "Now you have to live with the fact that Yui was ten times the person you'll ever hope to be and everyone liked her way more than you there is even a statue of her in Nerv's Delphi gardens to monument her sacrifice and accomplishments as the founding mother and creator of the Evangelion program along with her sister Kiko and my mother." She felt her cold smile widen. "Oh yes and just between us, Yui was also way more beautiful than you are, must kill you every time to look at Rei since she's the spitting image of her glorious mother and takes after her in so many ways."

She raised her hand. "Guess it must be your own karma evening the scales on you right?" Ritsuko was unable to keep her rage back as she screamed out her next words. "Get out of my sight you worthless excuse for a pilot, that's an order!" Asuka stepped closer watching as she backed up a step suddenly looking very uncertain of her self clearly her bravado had faded away and she'd realized that she had bitten off more than she could actuality chew. "Yeah must be a very raw nerve I hit there well as they used to say in the ancient world an eye for an eye." She turned away despite the pain she was in she was going to leave with out showing it. She walked towards the door despite how much every step hurt she just wanted to get to the pilots wreck room away from everyone. Mari folded her arms. "Wow that was like the best thing ever." Toji's face appeared on her screen. "As your friend please don't go where I think your going." Mari raised her hand. "I'm not going there I just thought that was the best pissing match I've seen in ages, I wish I could have recorded that for prosperity." Shinji looked up sharply. "Rei's right Mari you're unbelievable!"

Kaworu breathed in sadly. "Mari just can't drown her inner demons they've learnt to swim." Mari sat up sharply. "What the hell does that even mean!?" Rei watched Asuka vanished from sight maybe it wasn't apparent to any one else but she could clearly see the limp in her left leg which meant her bionic wasn't turned on which meant that she was clearly in a lot of pain. "Can I please leave now?" Kaji moved over to his holographic desk. "Yes Rei, we are getting you out now." He watched as her entry plug was turned off before vanishing from sight as the machine took it out of the room. "Well I would say that this has been a completely failure maybe we should pick up again tomorrow when people are in a better moods." He walked over to Ritsuko pulling the clip board from her hand which had some of Asuka's blood on its pages. "And not hitting sickly pilots with clip boards." He looked at the video camera at the far side of the room watching as her eyes followed his. "May be you should have hit Asuka outside of work hours not when the camera's were recording you as I really don't think any excuses you give will fly since you hit her first and she didn't lay a finger on you. You also just ensured that you'll probably never be allowed to run this test again but I'm sure Maya won't mind the extra work and the higher pay grade I have heard that she's been wanting to take this testing full time."

Ritsuko narrowed her gaze. "You smug bastard, how dare you." Kaji shrugged turning the clip board around so she could see the blood on it. "My dear you should pray that this footage doesn't you know find its why in to Geraldina's hands over in the German division, I don't think the results for you would be good since Asuka only just got out of the hospital wing." Ritsuko stepped closer to him. "Are you threatening me?" Kaji felt a smile form. "No now why would I do that? I mean you were the one who lied about me to Nerv because you told a story which was shall we say untrue. I'm just saying that actions have far reaching consequences maybe you being so high up in the Nerv food chain has made you forget that, I think maybe its time you remembered it though." He raised his hand. "All I can say is what happens next is somewhat out my control." He put a hand in his Nerv uniform's jacket pocket as he shrugged. "But that's life I guess." Ritsuko raised her hand as she looked at everyone. "This test is over!"

8

Asuka pushed open the double doors to the wreck room despite all of her pain she was running as her stomach started to knot painfully as she walked past the locker room and straight in to the shower rooms and the toilets. She so wanted to make it to the nearest toilet but her body gave out before she could stop it and all she felt was pain as she threw up all over the white tiled floor. Her head started to spin as she grabbed the side of the nearest wash basin leaning against it only to loose her balance as she felt the hard floor as she hit it hard on her side. She wanted to pass out everything hurt so much she grabbed her plug suits buttons pressing them waiting for it deflate and come free of her body but it wouldn't do it. She tried again desperately realizing to her horror that it was jammed she wanted out of this plug suite it was really suffocating her! She pulled up her hand smashing it to the floor trying to force it to release which did nothing she felt the exhaustion really hit home as she lay still as everything drifting in and out of focus as Bardiel's form appeared by her side. " _You know this could have all been avoided if you'd just let me sync with you_ , _I can take away your sickness and your illness, I can make you better than any off them._ "

He paused as he sat looking over her like a cat. " _You want that don't you_?" Asuka looked up at him. "I'd rather die…" Bardiel stayed where he was. " _Unlike your mother you just don't have the guts for it, I think we both know that, you may hate life but you savour it and cling to it anyway because you're waiting for change_." He slowly walked away on all fours. " _I can give you the change you desire so desperately what that woman said to you was wrong, she talks to another version of you a version she doesn't like, a younger you."_ He raised a clawed hand _. "You think that's all everyone sees is that younger version of you, who you hate so let me be part of you fully and I'll show them something beyond their imagination."_ He sat quietly in the corner. " _If you're scared that I'm going to take you over don't be I do not want to take over you, I just want us to be one and the same I'm your window in to power and you're my window in to the human world and human understanding_." Asuka closed her good eye painfully. "You've done nothing but torment me, how do I even trust you?" Bardiel looked up. " _Doesn't your very name mean to fly so why don't you live up to your name and take a leap of faith?"_

"Asuka!"

Asuka opened her good eye seeing Rei running towards her the smaller woman was down on her knees in an instant her hands on the side of her face. "Can you hear me?" Asuka raised her hand as she spoke weakly. "My suit….its crushing me…it won't open." Rei felt her eyes dart. "Where's your calibration key?" Asuka turned pointing. "Glass locker, my key is in my leather jacket." Rei moved her hand up easing the other woman's interface hair clips free causing all the red hair to spill free they couldn't be on as they could interfere with the key. "I'm going to get your calibration key, you have to trust me okay, I won't leave you I'll be right back." The red haired woman nodded weakly, she got up running towards the lockers instantly catching sight of the brown leather jacket hanging up she put her hand in the right pocket finding nothing she moved to the other instantly pulling out Asuka's house keys she flipped through them quickly finding the special one that opened her glass locker. She ran over to it forcing it open then opened one of the lower draws instantly finding what she needed which was her calibration key. All of pilots had them, they were for emergencies as they kept the record of the pilots last corrected fitting and it allowed the pilot to tamper all of the body areas to fit perfectly and it could unlock faulty buttons. Granted it would be from her old plug suit settings but she'd just have to corrected the others areas individually. She ran back sitting beside Asuka. "Okay I'm plugging your key in Asuka you need to stay perfectly still?"

The red haired woman gave her a weak nod she put the USB end directly in to her collar port watching as it ran the calculations in to the monitor bringing up a comparison which were horrifying. "Asuka your suit hasn't been calibrated correctly, all your settings are wrong even your locking and unlocking buttons are not set up right." She looked down bringing up her old settings. "Okay I'm going to put in your old settings it might hurt but it's just the suite freeing itself from your body." She pressed the button hearing the whole suit pop as it reset itself which was followed by Asuka's cry of pain. "Is that any better?" Asuka took in a deep breath finally feeling the pressure remove itself from her chest and stomach. "Yes." Rei eased up the monitor. "Okay I know you said that your old suite felt tight on the shoulders and back, is this one the same?" Asuka moved her shoulder. "Yes." Rei leaned over. "Okay just give me a moment and I'll fix this for you." She brought up the shoulders and back images slowly changing the setting to loosen them. "Is that better or worse?" Asuka felt the pressure go away from her shoulders. "Better." Rei looked down. "Okay I'm going to put this in as your few fit and then I'll sort out locking unlocking buttons and we'll get you out of this suite."

"What happened?"

Rei turned to Shinji who was now standing in the doorway the concern in his eyes. "She's really unwell she shouldn't have been in that sync test she should have been at home, getting better Ritsuko's little stunt just pushed her over the edge." Shinji walked over. "Can I help?" Rei looked up. "Yeah can you get me a hot soup something that really easy to swallow and some water and pull out my ginger tea from my locker it's just for if she gets sick again?" Shinji nodded. "I'll be right back." Rei watched him go which was followed by Toji appearing along with the others, he walked over the sadness in his eyes as he spoke. "Oh man…she looks terrible." Rei eased up the monitor as she began to set the buttons so the suite could be opened and closed correctly. "Yeah you'd look the same if someone didn't bother to calibrate your plug suit right, it was pressing down on all of her injuries and crushing her inside makes you wonder how she was even able to back talk Ritsuko at all." She breathed in deeply. "It's probably the reason it was so easy for Ritsuko to knock her over, not to mention her left leg is still not fully healed." Mari stepped forward adjusting her glasses. "Yeah but you have got to love her come back, right?" She started to laugh. "Riding the director's cock, I wish I could say something like that and get away with it."

She looked up slightly. "Only thing was when she spat the blood out, she really should have aimed it higher and ruined Ritsuko's pristine suite." She felt a coy smile spread across her lips. "Oh and the way she compared you to your mother I mean it almost sounds like she's in love with you or something." Rei ignored her as she turned to Kaworu. "Help me pick her up and get her over to the showers be careful of her left leg." Kaworu moved over carefully helping Rei to pick the other woman up as they brought her around to the frosted cubical showers placing her down carefully in a sitting position opposite one of them. Rei kneeled down taking hold of Asuka wrist seeing that her only good eye looked glazed over now. "Okay Asuka I'm going to free you from your suite." She eased the calibration key out putting it aside as she pressed the wrist button watching as the other woman's suite inflated and then deflated becoming loose around her shoulders. "There it's fixed you won't have that problem again." Asuka spoke as best she could. "Thank you." Kaworu looked up. "Do you need anything else?" Rei shook her head. "No it'll be fine, you can all go I'll stay here with her once she's gotten a little strength back and I'll get her to have a cool shower."

End of part 14

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who has not read the Manga Ritsuko’s character is very ruthless, in that she see every other woman as a rival and she was quite happy to try and strangle clone Rei over nothing more than a comment, I imagine if she got to a really high level of power along side Gendo becoming his equal, she would be an utter nightmare. Also I did get the impression in the anime that she didn’t like Asuka that much so I could only see this getting worse over the years.


	15. Chapter 15

_CONTEMPLATING THE MOMENT_

Asuka watched as Rei put a large bowl of soup in front of her along with a spoon and water, her hair was still damp from the shower and she had been able to pull out her spare set of fresh clothes which she always kept in her locker. She’d been able to turn the bionic on again so she could walk she eased up her hand pulling the patch off her face putting it on the counter she didn’t really care right now if Rei saw her scared blind eye as she’d seen it before. She watched the younger woman took a seat opposite her on the bar counter which had cushioned seats on both sides. They were the only ones there the others had all gone else where. “What is this?” Rei pushed the bowl closer to her watching as she adjusted her patterned shirt. “Miso soup, it will make you feel better.” She looked up slightly. “When was the last time you eat?” Asuka looked at the bowl. “I eat the morning before they discharged me from the hospital wing.” Rei blinked as she sat up. “That long? No wonder you feel terrible.” She felt a smile form. “I though the first place you’d go when you got back on your feet was to that chicken bar and grill on the Arcades ninth floor, I mean I see you up there quite a lot you like to sit alone near the glass so you can look down in to the Delphi gardens.”

Asuka eyed her before slowly using the spoon to drink the soup which was really nice despite that it was vegetarian, Rei had actuality watched were she went that was a surprise. She didn’t think any one ever bothered to take any notice of her, she felt that she was completely invisible as people didn’t talk to her and instead kept there distance and she always sat alone where ever she went in Nerv. She knew where Rei went as well as she was normally with Shinji and Kaworu in the Japanese’s restaurant up on the floor above her as she could look up and see them but she wasn’t going to say anything regarding that it would properly sound like she was being a creepy or just be taken the wrong way. “I can’t stomach the thought of chicken right now I think I’d just paint the bathroom floor again with something less than savoury.” Rei breathed in deeply Asuka really wasn’t right emotionally there was no denying it, it was so clear now, she just wasn’t herself she was so much more distant than normal and not very talkative. “Tell me something Asuka, what made you knock back so much alcohol? I mean I know you’ve been a heavy drinker in the past but it’s been years since I’ve seen you have had so much in your system that it’s affected your sync.”

Asuka carried on drinking her soup feeling herself tense what was she meant to even say to this, that there was an ugly demonic looking angel following her around and screwing up her life? That she’d got so wasted in the hopes that she could rid herself off it only for it to fail. That he was sitting on the sofa across from her which he took up fully because he was bigger than a full grown lion and that he was watching their conversation very closely. She looked up knowing this was a half truth and in part a lie but it was all she could use. “My grandmother gave me some videos of my mother….I saw myself in a birthing chamber and my mother she was so happy.” She felt a sad smile form. “It was like I was some gift of the gods.” She looked in to soup. “I got over emotional and started downing alcohol like it was water…I guess she’d be real disappointed by how her little red haired child turned out.” Rei leaned over putting a hand on hers squeezing gently. “Don’t say that Asuka.” Asuka pulled her hand away though not to sharply. Her problems shouldn’t be Rei’s, she had her own problems. “Look you have your own problems and you don’t need to be burdened with mine.” She looked in to her soup again. “You and your brother have always been very good to me even when I didn’t deserve it and was nothing but selfish and cruel in return.”

She breathed in painfully. “Thank you for all of the times you came to the hospital wing and for fixing my plug suite and getting me back on my feet today but you really don’t have to burden yourself further on my account.” Rei stared at her for a long moment she could see that there was no shield no barrier right now she was talking to the real Asuka and she was afraid she could see it in her good eye and because of that fear she was trying her best to push her away but at the same time was being polite as possible. What was she so afraid off was it getting close to people or was it screwing it up like she said she had done in the past? Clearly Maya was right Asuka was afraid she just couldn’t see it or comprehend it until now because in battle she’d always been so full on and with out fear, she looked up as she spoke calmly. “I never realized that you felt so much emotion regarding my mother, I mean you’ve never met her.” Asuka looked down nervously this was probably going to sound all wrong. “I watched some old footage of her in the old Nerv archives it was just footage of her working on unit 01 and your unit 00 with her older sister Kiko, they weren’t personal videos or anything.”

She moved her spoon through her soup. “I don’t know I guess I just felt some sort infinity since she gave her life for the program, just like my mother but your mother everyone spoke so highly off her, they loved her so much and I think it’s a such a shame that she died along with your aunt.” She put her elbow on the table. “You look so much like her you have her hair and her green eyes you’re as beautiful as she was.” Rei turned seeing that Asuka hadn’t looked up she was just staring in to her soup. She had heard that comment before in the hospital wing though at the time she’d made Asuka feel uncomfortable by teasing her because she’d assumed it was an off hand comment and that maybe Asuka was just doing that coy thing that she used to do when she had gone after women in past which was to try and stroke their ego’s but it was clear to her now that it was a genuine comment spoken from the heart. She felt a smile form. “You know I wish I had a photo of Ritsuko’s face when you said that to her I don’t think she expected that kind of response from you, I think she thought that you were just going to limp away and say nothing.” Asuka spoke in an even tone. “Yeah well maybe she shouldn’t have smacked me around the face with her clip board.”

Rei looked up. “You know what she said isn’t true, you’re not worthless and you’re not just the muscle of the group.” Asuka eyed her empty bowl pushing it to one side. “No what she said is spot on, I am the muscle of this group she was even right about the fact that I still can’t write that well in Japanese. I only passed my school grades because my grandmother twisted there arm to allow me to write my test answers in German, if I’d had to have written my answers in Japanese I would have failed.” She breathed in deeply. “I took the degree in mechanics and engineering after school though the Nerv branch because that was where my personal interest’s are and I always wanted to have a job if Nerv ever cut me loose, it was never a token bragging item.” Rei put her hands together. “You know in school you always bragged about knowing everything and me and Shinji believed you.” Asuka looked down sadly. “That was me being egoistic because I didn’t want to look like a failure at the time I thought to fail made you weak, I just never wanted to look weak.”

Rei shook her head. “We were all failing on some level in school Asuka we would have understood, being a pilot and trying to juggle school was always hard its one of the reasons I don’t miss school it was so much better when we all got our separate degrees through Nerv because we were getting them based on our personal interests.” Asuka looked up feeling her eyes dart. “Didn’t you major in psychology?” Rei looked up. “No bio physiology and engineering just like my mother.” Asuka looked down idiot she should have known that it was obvious wasn’t it? Rei was motivated to one day create Evangelion’s just like her mother had and she was fascinated to know how they worked but Ritsuko just wouldn’t allow her in to restricted section where they were built. Personally though she felt that Rei motivation was about more than building them she had feeling that she desperate to know what lay in side the cores, in a way they all were it was Nerv’s biggest secret. “May be one day you’ll see what’s in side those cores.” Rei felt her smile widen. “I would love to see that I mean there must be such wonders in there.” Bardiel’s dark voice hit the air. “ _No she wouldn’t_.” Asuka turned eyed him wishing that she could just tell him to shut up.

Rei followed Asuka’s good eye realizing that something had distracted her and that she was staring at the three seat sofa closest to the wall. “Are you okay?” Asuka turned back looking down. “It’s nothing.” Rei leaned closer. “I’m sorry that was insensitive of me the core did awful things to your mothers mind.” Asuka took a long drink off water. “No really I’m fine I’m just tired, just not used to having my own plug suite try to kill me.” Rei looked at her she did look tired there was no denying that. “Asuka who do think rigged your plug suite that way I mean that was clearly intentional, I mean it was done to make you suffer?” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “Probably Hayden just like most people around here he hates me but I guess he has good reason to.” Rei shook her head there was that comment about everyone hating her it was so sad and it just wasn’t true. “Why what did you do?” Asuka looked up. “When I was nineteen and I wanted his season ticket to the Ceno dome. You know where they have car and bike races and monster trucks, so I cheated him out of them I rigged the game so only I could win.” Rei leaned closer. “Yeah but how?” Asuka breathed in sadly. “I memorized the whole card deck making sure he got the awful cards and I got the good ones.”

She shrugged. “It was so easy but he hated me so much after it those tickets are very expensive, with our wages their two day salary but for the workers its two months salary he has always accused me of cheating and because of me he couldn’t go that year.” She breathed in deeply. “Maybe it’s ironic that it turned out that way because that whole season ticket was what got me interested in motorbikes and building engines and because I was considered a celebrity they let me see inside the workshops. I basically had a back stage pass that whole year and I just spent loads of time with the mechanics they even taught me how to ride my first motorbike through it was just loan I had to give it back after the season.” Rei looked up slightly. “Can you still memorize the deck?” Asuka nodded. “Yes.” Rei pushed her hair back. “Then maybe you should try doing magic tricks instead, it might be more fun.” Asuka raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Magic tricks?” Bardiel’s voice hit the air filled with sarcasm. “ _She mean’s illusions with playing cards you idiot for someone who’s meant to be intelligent, you can be really stupid at times._ ” Rei raised her hands. “You know like magicians do I bet you’d be really good at it.”

Asuka put a hand on her face in frustration. “Oh you meant that I knew that I just forgot.”  Bardiel laughed coldly. “ _Sure you did_.” Asuka slowly looked up in to Rei’s eyes. “Do you like magic tricks?” Rei nodded feeling a smile form. “Yeah I used to watch the kids do them in school but I never had the courage to ask how they were done.”  Bardiel tapped his clawed fingers on the sofa. “ _You know this might be your moment to shine maybe you can win her over with some stupid magic trick then teach her how it’s done and then you can screw her, just like you’ve always dreamed of doing_.” Asuka tensed, this was awful she was being given dating advice by an ugly ass demon she didn’t want to do that with Rei it wasn’t some lustful fantasy not in the way he was thinking. She felt the inner sadness hit her hard it was so much more than that and it was something that she didn’t deserve to have. Rei looked up realizing that Asuka had completely spaced out almost like she wasn’t there anymore mentality. “Asuka?”

Asuka snapped painfully back in to reality as she turned to her picking up her patch putting it back on her left eye. “I’m sorry would you excuse me, I need to lie down, I really don’t feel well.” Rei watched as Asuka got up moving over to her chair where she sat down then curling up instantly burying herself in the cushions. “You know I can read to you if you want I have this new book it’s really interesting.” Asuka breathed in deeply closing her good eye. “I’m okay really I just really need to sleep.” Rei blinked in confusion what had just happened? She’d been opening up and then she’d just stopped like something had scared her and she had pushed her away. Maybe she was afraid of looking weak in front of her or maybe she had opened up to much and was now running scared. All that was clear to her was that she needed a friend right now it was she just didn’t realize it as she was in such a bad place emotionally. She took hold of her book opposite then moved over to three seat sofa by the wall sitting on it so she could keep an eye on the red haired woman who was already asleep clearly she was really tired. She turned watching as the standing light opposite flickered for a moment, she ignored it, it was probably some faulty breaker in the area it happened from time to time.

Bardiel moved his tail off the lamp shade he had moved off the sofa and was now laying opposite Asuka’s chair, the green eyed woman could nether see him nor hear him but it was clear that he could slightly effect things in her world, like the lights it wasn’t what he wanted but it was a start he got up moving closer so he was within inches of her face. What did Asuka see in her? She wasn’t special she was just like all of the women he’d passed by in Nerv. That was the only odd thing about human’s in that there genders looked very different it was one thing that made them easy to distinguish the downside of their connection was that he could only go where Asuka went and her human form was limiting her due to illness and body damage. He could fix it all once she synced with him, though beating her around to start with had been amusing it just wasn’t breaking her and maybe it was time to try from a different angle one she understood which was gifts. Maybe if she became more then she might start to see his point of view. It would be easy to wake Asuka right now or visit her dreams but he was going to leave her alone for now and let her really sleep. He hadn’t realized until now that human’s needed a certain type of sleep something called rem sleep to function right and he’d been getting in the way of her getting any.

Her voice hit the air but it was small almost child like. “Mama.” He turned seeing that, that word didn’t go unnoticed as the other woman looked up surprise Asuka’s voice came again even weaker. “Why did you have to die?” He turned realizing that she had also started crying in her sleep, which caused the other woman to stand up and go up to her looking her over to make sure she was okay as she leaned over stroking her hair trying to sooth her in her sleep, before pulling out a blanket from one of the draws close putting it over her. He didn’t understand this right now he could see Asuka’s dreams she was reliving a memory but why the emotional affects it was just a half repressed memory? He didn’t understand human emotions yet he so badly wanted to, he had relived this loop over and over and he was bored of his role it was the same every time. Human’s lives were short they burnt out like candles they never remembered because they got reset like a stop watch. He had immortality he remembered everything every time, even his brothers and sisters did hence why they altered their forms and changed the game and tried to even the odds and win it was all one massive chess game over and over.

Yes he could mess with Asuka’s mind even have her walk down to the other creator who the human’s called Lilith even though Lilith was a mix of both genders and they could merge together and make themselves a god but he had zero interest in that, he done had it before it wasn’t interesting it was just the means to an ends and another boring repeat. No he wanted to get an understanding of humanity he wanted to stay in a world for sometimes rather than watch it go by in a flicker of the light. No his brother and sisters wouldn’t be happy with his choice but since when were they ever happy with him anyway? He was tired of them all getting there glorious battles and trying to appease there sacred creator and father who the human’s called Adam though it wasn’t his real name but even if human’s knew his real name he doubted that they could speak it or write it and he only taken the name Bardiel because that was what he had always been called by them and like his father he doubted they’d ever know his true name ether. Mari had only won the battle because he’d made it real easy for her if he’d have really been really trying she would be dead but that didn’t suit his purposes ether. He wanted to understand rivalry as well as all of the other human emotions and it was true his siblings could laugh at his choice human all day long but to him she was perfect in every way, she was messy canvas that he could repaint to his every desire.

8

Rei looked up as the doors opened behind her as Misato burst in followed by Maya her voice hitting the air. “I just heard what happened where is Asuka I need to talk to her!”  She stood up from her sofa raising her hands watching Asuka shuffle under the blanket. “Please you need to be quite she’s sleeping in her chair.” She stepped back as they came closer. “Don’t wake her up, she’s really tired and she’s had the one of the worst days ever.” Misato walked over catching sight of Asuka who was sleeping soundly on her chair curled up with a blanket wrapped around her she almost looked childlike. Rei turned looking at Asuka. “It took her a while to go in to a really deep sleep.” She turned to Maya. “Did you know that she talks in her sleep?” Misato shook her head. “No.” Maya looked down sadly. “Yes.” She looked up ignoring Misato’s surprise. “Was she talking about her mother, crying in her sleep asking why she died?” Rei nodded. “Yes.” Misato straightened her leather jacket eyeing Maya. “Have you two dated or something?” Maya rolled her eyes in announce. “Why does everyone in Nerv always ask me this? It’s like the bane of my existence.” Misato shrugged. “Look I assumed you being well the way you are and her being the way she is that you might have had a fling once.”

Maya put her hands in her labs coat pockets. “You know you really need to stop assuming it’s really not good for your health, firstly I would never take advantage of Asuka in that manner I’m her superior second we respect each other on a professional level.” She raised her hand. “And last don’t assume I’m the only employee at Nerv who is gay and Asuka the only one who is bisexual, it’s such old world thinking. You have thousands of employees working under you of all sexualities you’d know that if you spent more time talking to your staff and less time ordering them around.” Misato breathed in deeply. “Okay I get it.” Maya folded her arms. “I know about her sleeping troubles because I saw them the last time she was in the hospital wing which was years ago after the battle with Shamshel. She knows that she does it but she doesn’t ever want to talk about it and if you try to talk to her about it she locks you out completely.” She shook her head sadly as she turned to Rei. “When your brother was in a relationship with her, he tried to talk about it to her but she put up barriers to keep him out.” Rei blinked in shock. “He never told me any off this.” Maya looked up slightly. “To be fair he probably kept it from you because it was Asuka’s private business.” Rei tensed painfully. “Yeah but I would have understood I mean her mother died so tragically.”

Misato looked at Asuka again. “Yeah well Kaji was kind enough to pass me a recording of what happened today, I will say that Asuka’s come back was most interesting.” Maya looked down trying to hide her smirk. “That’s one way of putting it.” Misato felt a cold smile form. “Believe me I’m taking a personal copy of that recording just so I can watch Ritsuko’s face when Asuka brought up the part about riding the director’s unmentionables. I’ve heard that another copy has gone to Germany, I have no idea who sent it but it’s out of my hands now and it was sent before I heard about the event so no one can point the finger at me or Kaji, clearly the person in Nerv who sent it is on Asuka’s side so much so that they were willing to send it regardless of getting caught.” She shrugged. “It would have been sent any way though as harassment and violence towards employees is strictly forbidden at Nerv and that includes the top brass picking on anyone underneath them.” Rei breathed in deeply. “Yes but you put Mari up against a wall not long ago doesn’t that count as the same?”

Maya folded her arms in annoyance. “Really you didn’t tell me about that.” Misato turned giving her a wide grin. “I can explain that.” She raised her hands. “My point is Asuka’s case is very different as she was attacked first and it was all about public humiliation.” She breathed in deeply. “The bloody clip board is the killer, it’s basically evidence and no one can dispute it along with the witness’s even Gendo can’t fight this one.” Rei shook her head sadly. “There’s more though, Asuka was sick all over the place when she got back to the wreck room bathroom and she nearly passed out on the floor. Her plug suit had not been calibrated at all it wouldn’t even open, it was crushing her all of her injuries. I managed to fix it but it’s clear that someone did it on purpose she thinks it was Hayden because they have bad history.” She folded her arms. “I got her out of the suit and I got her to have a shower and I gave her something to eat and drink. She’s been very quite and emotionally distant and she seems to have lapses in concentration she’s not herself at all.” She turned to Maya as a knowing look passed between them. “You were right.” Misato raised her hand. “Yeah well being hit by a clip board will do that to you.”

“You people talk far too loudly.”

Rei watched as Asuka got up rubbing the sleep out of her good eye. “You know the clip board didn’t hurt that much it was the comments.” Maya moved towards Asuka. “Sorry we didn’t mean to wake you.” Asuka moved over to chair opposite picking up brown leather jacket throwing it over her shoulders. “Its fine it’s not like I was dreaming about anything interesting anyway.” Rei watched as the light opposite started to flicker again. “You know I think the breakers faulty up here, its throwing off my reading lamp.” Asuka turned watching as Bardiel tapped the light with his tail in an almost curious way which seemed more like it was about getting her attention. “Yeah clearly it’s faulty.” Misato moved over to Asuka putting her hands on her shoulders causing her to turn to look at her. “You know no one is going to blame you for what happened Asuka Ritsuko’s actions were very much out of order she doesn’t have a leg to stand on and she knows she over stepped the mark.” She looked up. “Your grandmother has already been sent the footage.” Asuka pulled away from her sharply feeling the anger take over. “You sent that to my grandmother? Why would you do that she didn’t need to know about this!”

She raised her hand. “No it was probably wasn’t you it was Kaji, because he loves sticking his nose in where it’s not needed no doubt he wants a bribe in return on my part.” Maya moved towards her. “He defended you, in the full recording he gave Ritsuko a full dose of her own medicine and he tried to stop the test when he told her you weren’t well not once but twice.” Rei looked up. “That’s true Asuka he did.” Asuka put a hand on her face. “I really don’t need this scheisse right now.” Rei moved over gently putting a hand on her leather jacket’s arm seeing this as the right moment to speak since Asuka seemed to listen to her better than the others. “Nether Kaji or Misato sent the footage Asuka someone else did you know how you are always saying that every one at Nerv hates you, well someone in that room today thought a great deal of you they sent it out because they thought what happened to you was unfair.” Asuka looked down speaking in a bitter tone. “Yeah and on the same day someone tries to use my own plug suit to suffocate me and pop the stitches holding my guts in, clearly the Nerv staff must adore me so much.” Rei breathed in deeply. “Please stop being this way Asuka people do care about you, I know it must be hard for you to see right now but they do.”

Maya took a slow step forward she knew that those stitches hadn’t been taken out as she had wanted that area to heal naturally and it was going to take a few more weeks for the wound to heal. “Are all of your stitches still intact?” Asuka looked up sharply. “There fine!” Rei moved to stand in front her, she eased her hand down putting it on Asuka’s stomach being very careful not to put any pressure on her wound she’d seen it when she’d led her to one of the cubical showers as her plug suite being opened meant she could see some of her body. It was a massive stitched up section and it took up a good part of her lower stomach and it was going to scar up much like the one Misato had higher up on her chest. “Are you absolutely sure Asuka?” Asuka took hold of her hand gently easing it of her stomach. “Yes.” Misato moved closer putting her hand on her leather jacket sleeve. “Look you need to take it easy Asuka getting stressed out is not good for your health.” Asuka stepped back forcing her arm free in a violent motion. “Get off me!” She put her hands in to her pockets. “I don’t need a lecture from you off all people about my personal health.”

Misato breathed in trying to keep it together. “Listen I know what your going though right now, I know what it’s like to look like bloody pin cushion I also know what its like to spend days the hospital wing. It does things to your mind and I don’t blame you for wanting to get wasted on alcohol because you don’t want to remember the accident.” Asuka stepped closer to her grinding her teeth together as she spoke. “I didn’t get wasted because I want to forget, I got wasted because I was forced to see something I wasn’t ready to see it had nothing to do with the accident!” She tensed. “You think I’m a coward and I’m afraid of dying I’m not I’ve always been happy to lay down my life in the service of this program because it’s my duty to my country. I know the accident wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t have changed anything I had no control over the UN Alpha test unit it was an angel.” She took in a deep breath. “If you’re interested though about what was inside that entry plug I’ll tell you.” She narrowed her good eye as she gritted her teeth punctuating every word. “I stared right in to the abyss and it stared right back at me.” She stepped away ignoring Maya’s and Misato’s confusion. “Now leave me alone, I’m going home…”

Misato turned feeling utterly deflated. “I can drive you home if you’d like.” Asuka grabbed her bag as she moved towards the double doors. “I’d rather you not because one of your ancient hub caps might fly off half way down the road and cause an accident.” Maya watched as the doors slammed shut as Asuka left. “That could have gone so much better really what compelled you to give the health speech you know perfectly well it doesn’t work on her and never has it just makes her angry.” Misato raised her finger. “Did she just insult my car by calling it old?!” She raised her hand making a fist. “My car is not old, it just a classic outer shell the engine is all new its all power cores and it could win against your motorbike!” Maya shook her head. “You have such a great way with people it perplexes me every day as to how you became major of this grand organization.” Misato straightened her jacket. “By ordering people like you around remember?” Misato turned to Rei who looked saddened by the whole turn of events she moved closer to her. “She wasn’t angry with you though I mean you even got to hang off her jacket arm and she let you touch her wound, if anyone else did that they’d get the reaction like what we got.” She raised her finger. “She really likes you.”

Rei breathed in deeply. “She’s very sick it’s not just her body it’s her mind and emotions there all over the place and I’ve just been talking to her because she seems so alone right now.” Misato shook her head. “What did she mean staring in to the abyss?” Rei looked up slightly. “It’s a very old quote there are many meanings for it but most people say that it’s about not becoming a monster because you don’t play by a monsters terms, she probably meant it in reference to the angel which consumed the unit as it was probably prodding at her mind.” Misato turned slightly. “You know that doesn’t sound like a book she’d read, since I’ve only ever seen her read is comic books, graphic novels and magazines on engineering I’ve never seen her once with a book.” Rei pushed her hair back in frustration. “You know she is intelligent why does everything around here think that she’s stupid just because she doesn’t read books? My brother reads comic books and Mari reads…some interesting and strange things as well as comic books and graphic novels. My point is you can read anything in any format and it can still move you and you can still lean something from it.” She picked up one of her books. “I just like to read books because it about having a link to the old world before the second impact.”

Maya turned to Misato. “She has an excellent point.” Misato turned looking at her. “Well we’ll just see this as a stepping stone in Asuka’s recovery she’ll bounce back sooner or later I mean once she gets back in unit 02 she’ll be fine, she’s probably getting home sick from not being in it.” Rei breathed in sadly Misato just didn’t see it at all she was focused on Asuka’s past behaviour she was completely ignoring the fact that mentality she wasn’t there and other than herself and Maya no one else had cared to notice or if they had they just didn’t care and that in its self was deeply saddening. May be Asuka had a point about people’s dislike of her because there was no denying that some cruel people got great pleasure out of setting fire to others like they were kindle and then they loved to sit back and watch them burn in to the night while they drank in their fear and terror like some fine wine, she hated wine it reminded her of her fathers lavish suppers up in his office. Maya turned sharply. “You’re not seriously considering putting her in unit 02 after what happened today are you?”

Misato smirked as she raised her hand. “Oh come on today was Ritsuko’s fault and the alcohol she just panicked that’s all and we both know panic attacks can cause the sync to go out of alignment I’ll let her relax tomorrow and let her do her own thing then I’ll put her out on to the training field the day after.” Maya stepped closer. “My self and the team have not fully analyzed that data from her failed test even Kaji said something wasn’t right he talked about an odd brain wave in her sync. So please don’t be reckless I do not want another berserker incident like with unit 01 back when the program started. We installed the beast mode for a reason so berserker could be controlled through the pilot and if an Evangelion goes out control it will be an endless rampage because the engine will just keep it going until it stops by itself because its want to, or its out of things to ruin.” Misato eyed her. “Asuka is master at controlling beast mode, it won’t be a problem.” Rei put her hands together. “Please, don’t put her in unit 02 she’s not ready.” Misato folded her arms. “You two are really getting too worked up over this we’ve been here before she’ll be fine once she gets back in the saddle she always is.” Maya breathed in feeling herself tense she just didn’t get it at all or maybe she just didn’t want to see that Asuka was mentality unwell and really suffering. “I don’t condone this, its wrong.” Misato folded her arms. “Yes well it’s still my order and I outrank you.”

8

I feel so weak and pathetic right now lying on my bed in the dark on my front my head buried in my pillow, I think they just want me pilot that is all they seem to care about. I don’t want to get back inside that entry plug I just know it will happen all over again and I’ll let people down and I will cause another incident. I can’t even be bothered to put on my VR helmet and try that sexual simulation the energy isn’t there and I know the girl and guy I switch between are not real their illusions its just a way of getting off just for the sensations theirs no feeling there its all empty. I just feel so lost and alone I don’t know what to do or say anymore. Rei was so nice but I probably just came off as an idiot to her I didn’t even know what magic tricks were I feel like I’m in a nightmare and there’s no return from it and it’s terrifying. Asuka moved her hand over gently stroking her cat Erika who was lying next to circled up in a ball. Bardiel was not in this room he was moving around her house. She could hear him and see him her cat didn’t see him she’d walked under him four times obvious to the fact that he was even there, for the most part she’d just ignored him and he’d ignored her which meant she could at least focus and having something of a full meal and finally get things moving in her house like her washing and laundry.

She closed her eyes hearing her phone ring she grabbed the other pillow putting it over her head just wanting to phase it out as she had no intention of answering. She didn’t care if it was Gendo no force on earth would bring her to pick up that phone dial. She listened are her answer phone message went off, which was her own recording and she really needed to change it she hated listening to her sixteen year old asshole self berate people by calling them perverts and jack offs. She heard the slow beep as her grandmother’s voice hit the air. “Asuka it’s your grandma here, I know you’ve been through a lot today but you need to pick up the phone I saw the footage from Nerv someone sent it to me, you need to talk to me little one.” She could hear her tapping her pen at the other end of the line before she spoke again. “No one blames you Asuka this wasn’t your fault and believe me I will be talking to Ritsuko tomorrow personally over the com she will never ever lay a hand on you again.” Her grandmother breathed in sharply before speaking again. “Also don’t worry about your sync test your mother well lets just say before the accident she had some difficulty syncing a few times and suffered similar problems but she bounced right back and so will you.”

Asuka listened as the message ended only for her phone to go off again only for a different deep male voice to hit the air this time. “Hi Asuka its Kolby your favourite cousin I heard that mean ass bitch who is second in command at Nerv hit you in the face with a clip board today just to prove a point, Grandma is spitting nails over here like you wouldn’t believe.” He breathed in deeply. “You know if you pick up maybe we can talk and I can send you something to cheer you up. You know like more comics and graphic novels they have got this new series out on that massive reptile you like who attacks cities and blow shit up with his atomic breath what’s he called again?” Asuka felt a sneer form as she spoke through gritted teeth. “It’s Godzilla you idiot.” Kolby’s voice came again. “Yeah well I can get you all the new issues and have them sent over because I know you like that or I can send you some more resin kits over, I know you love building and painting them.” There was a long pause. “Come on Asuka pick up I know your there.”

She could hear him tapping his fingers on the other end of the line. “When you’re feeling better please give me a call.” Asuka felt the sting of her own tears before she could stop them, it was familiar painful feeling of loneliness and disconnection of not belonging not having that one really close person she share anything with. She knew her family loved her and she felt really guilty for not answering but she didn’t want to end up crying over the phone to grandma like she had done in the hospital. Everyone was telling her none of this was her fault but a part of what had happened was her fault because she just couldn’t keep her stupid mouth shut when it actuality mattered. May be if she’d just gritted her teeth and taken the abuse none of this would have happened but she had just wanted her pound of flesh as usual. Everyone was laughing over her come back almost worshipping it accept her, to her it felt like some hollow victory and she didn’t make her feel any better. “ _Why do you cry I mean you cried all last night as well? I fail to understand the use of tears they serve no purpose_.” Asuka turned seeing that Bardiel was next to the bed looking directly at her. “It’s a way of releasing pain and I do it because I know the consequences of not doing so are much worse _._ ” Bardiel spoke as understand drew up on him. “ _Because you’re worst pain manifests its self as violent anger and others feel the cruel sting_.”

Asuka pulled her head up sharply putting the pillow to one side. “Yes! Now why don’t you get out my ficken face and go sleep down stairs on the sofa or something because you’re not welcome in my bedroom or on my bed!” Bardiel looked up. “ _I don’t sleep, eat or dream_.” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “Guess you don’t feel emotion ether, hence why you’re such an insurable bastard.” Bardiel flicked his tail around. “ _What is a bastard_?” Asuka buried her head in her pillow. “It means you don’t have a father, now verpiss dich! “ Bardiel eyed her. “ _You do not have father ether you’re just a product of human manufacturing_.” Asuka didn’t raise her head. “Yeah well at least I was created with my mother’s egg and a sperm I doubt you can say the same.” Bardiel eyed her confusion. “ _Sex and reproduction, this is something I do not understand fully that is not to say I don’t understand how it’s done I just don’t understand the emotion behind it_.” Asuka pressed her head further in to her pillow wishing you could just block him out right now. “Yeah well I’m not going to tell you like you said before my liking of women makes me pointless to you because I can’t produce children through the act.”

Bardiel looked up slightly. “ _But you’ve had male partners as well and one long standing one called Shinji for a time, before you lost it because of your red sea vision which Shamshel showed you where’s he was strangling you.”_ He felt a sneer form. _“I never liked Shamshel she has what you human’s would say is a poor sense of humour when it comes to getting inside peoples heads.”_ Asuka pulled her head off the pillow. “You know compared to you having her in my head was horrible but I could tolerate it _.”_ Bardiel leaned closer _. “Yet she placed doubt in such a way she changed your future and your thinking even how you act towards others, I would not do that it wouldn’t be fair_.” Asuka eyed him in disgust. “No you’re much worse you’re the equivalent of a spanner being forced in to my brain and then turned.” Bardiel tapped his clawed fingers on the bed. “ _That’s because you resist and fight back, it would be so much easier if you just accepted me and allowed me to merge with your mind and body, like I said before I can heal that sickly body of yours I can make you a wonder beyond your wildest dreams_.”

His mouth formed a cold smile. “ _Also be happy I’m not Arael, who you have yet to meet, because he is the true master of the mind, he is our creator’s most worshipped son for his mental skill over others and he would mess up your mind in a way that might kill you_.” He raised a clawed finger. “ _He does so love screwing with your mind, he’s done it before but he’s bored now and we switched places_.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “You speak off things like they’ve already happened yet they haven’t, you spoke of other versions of me, what do you mean by that I just don’t understand.” Bardiel stepped away from her bed. “ _Merge with me fully and I might just let you find the answers beyond your scope of limited human understanding_.” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “Tell me do you keep showing me that blue haired red eyed school girl who looks like Rei. You know to keep reminding me how badly I messed things up with her in the past, is that like one of your twisted jokes?” Bardiel blinked in confusing what was she talking about, had he hit one of brains neurons by mistake? Though he wanted to alter her perception he had been trying very carefully not to tap certain sectors of her mind like memories, emotional desires and he was going to great lengths to repress her sexual drive as much as possible though she was very unaware of it.

He was doing this because he wanted her to keep her focus on him may be he had touched some neuron by mistake clearly he would have to fix that. He knew he was effecting her emotions but that was very necessary despite that it was making her even more miserable than she’d been before he’d come along. She had something humans called depression and she had it for many months and he was taking every opportunity to tap in to her darker feelings because he wanted her to want him and need him. He looked up. “ _Trust me I would not bother you with that kind of vision because I know you’ll never act up on that desire deep inside your heart because your to afraid and she’d probably reject you anyway_. _After all you’re just broken goods and very much out of her league and we both know that she sees you as an idiot_.” Asuka felt the tears come again only harder the worst part was she knew that he was right she leaned forward burying her head in her pillow.

End of part 15

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention in the last chapter most of the Nerv pilots are wearing the plug suites from the movie 3.33 that were on Wille’s side in this universe. The people wearing them are Toji, Mari and Asuka, only Shinji, Rei and Kaworu are wearing the old types from Neon Genesis. This is because they only get replaced when seriously damaged or become unresponsive as I’d imagine that they’d only get so many years use out of them before they’d have to be up graded as the Evangelion’s have way more mileage on them, hence there just waiting for Rei, Shinji and Kaworu to wear them out as they have their new replacements are already standing by. verpiss dich-fuck off


	16. Chapter 16

_THE VALUE OF POWER AND PROWESS_

 

Geraldina looked up at the holographic screen from her seated position at the German head quarters sadly for Ritsuko this would not be on a private channel it would be pumped in directly to the main room where the rest of her head team worked which would be over a hundred people. These same people had, had to watch in horror as this woman had hit her granddaughter, the footage had been encrypted and they had all just assumed it was mission details which were normally just code for what unit 02 needed as all of its weapons and bullets and almost all of it’s plating was made here as well as its green eye lenses which were shipped over to Japan regularly as they got cracked quite often though old ones were never wasted they were sent back and refurbished as was most of its plating. Hence it had been awful for the video to be pulled up on screen, even if Asuka had gotten her own back it didn’t change how disgusting this event was. Her granddaughter was very sick both physically and emotionally and Misato had sent her the extra piece of information which pointed to the fact that someone over in the Japanese branch had sabotaged her plug suit. This in turn had caused her to be physically sick and it had hurt her already injured body though from what she had read Rei had been there along with her brother Shinji and the other pilots to help her after she’d almost passed out in the pilot’s bath room floor.

For that she was so grateful but now she was even more concerned for Asuka as she had not picked up the phone when she’d called and her nephew Kolby had not gotten through ether and that really worried her as Asuka had never cut herself off from her own family before, it was deeply concerning. Ether way once she was done here she would have Misato transfer her over to pilot’s personal phone in the wreck room so she could speak to her personally. She looked up as Ritsuko appeared on her screen she was in the central office but Gendo was no where in sight which would save her a whole lot of problems. It wasn’t like she’d tell her husband what she had even done she would keep it from him because she knew just how much of a terrible scene it would cause even though Gendo was an asshole he did like everyone to play by the company’s rules including those in high positions as he wanted them to set the example to the staff under them. Ritsuko looked in to Geraldina’s emotionless face appeared, she had been dreading this all morning but there was little she could do to change it. Gendo was not here he was out on business and visiting a company in North America who were interested in joining Nerv to see if they had anything of value or worth which they probably didn’t since they ran synthetic oil fields though petrol was no longer used oil was still required to make plastic and other items and they already had a huge oil distributor under them in Saudi Arabia.

Geraldina breathed in deeply feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke. “Well I don’t need to bother with the pleasantries now do I?” She put her finger on a file on her chairs tablet flicking it on to huge hologram screen watching as it replayed the sync test events. “Some one in your company was nice enough to send me this last night.” She felt her body tense. “I normally don’t mind being woken up at three o clock in the morning when it concerns issues regarding the central branch but I can honestly say I never expected to be woken up with this scheisse. It really ruined my day and the day of everyone here at the German branch that just happened to be watching the feed which was a lot of people.” She narrowed her gaze. “My granddaughter is not a trophy item she is not stupid or worthless and she is not the so called idiot muscle on your Evangelion team. She was picked not because of her link to me or her mother it was her mental ability to sync which was high and she was never given any special treatment during the two year training with the other eight child candidates. She was the final successful candidate because she worked the hardest and surpassed them all in her second year.” She felt her hand form a fist. “Clearly you’ve never had children you’ve never watched them grow, fail succeed and been there to wipe there tears and hug them in their hours of desperation.” She leaned forward in her chair. “You’ve never seen how damaging words can be to them even when they finally become adults and Asuka is no different from any other child even now as an adult.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I think deep down you knew that when you sized up to her and tried to make her feel small and helpless through humiliation. Clearly growing up you never learnt that lesson which is pushing around easy targets is not an act of strength but an act of cowardice.” Ritsuko folded her arms. “It was a misunderstanding.” Geraldina looked down. “Please spare me you made it very clear that you’ve disliked my granddaughter for the whole nine years she’s been on this program. Why if you were having issues with her you never contacted me about it, I’ll never know.” She breathed in deeply. “Not that it really matters anymore as the damage has now been done.” She put her hands together. “So all I will say is this.” She turned looking directly at her not missing a beat as her next words came out filled with venom. “You ever touch my granddaughter again in that way, I will personally make my way up to your head office and I’ll break both your ficken legs followed by your arms!” She looked up. “Is that understood?!” She pushed up her glasses it wasn’t even a joke they both knew it, she was military trained and though she might be elderly she could still just about hold her own against younger men and women during military training. Ritsuko’s face turned to contempt as she spoke. “I understand perfectly.”

Geraldina narrowed her gaze. “Oh and by the way this channel isn’t perfect in terms of encryption as we’ve been having technical difficulties over here due to testing one my granddaughters new AT field weapons. You know how that stuff can scramble the electrics at times, though the press and media won’t pick this up the other divisions might and you know how the British, Chinese and Ukraine division’s all feel about harassment towards pilots so I do hope you don’t get any wayward phone calls, I mean if you did that would be most unfortunate.” She watched as Ritsuko sneered as she vanished from the screen. She sat back in her chair which over looked the factory area where new huge red plates were being built by the workers they weren’t having any technical difficulties that was very much a lie but Ritsuko didn’t need to know that at all. She breathed in pressing her tablet hearing the phone ring only to be picked up by a young male voice. “Nerv central headquarters this is a secured channel, how may I help you?” She looked down breathing in sadly knowing that her next phone call couldn’t wait any longer. “This is Geraldina Zeppelin head of the German division please put me through to Misato katsuragi’s personal channel through code encryption five nine eight.” The male voice came again. “We are putting you through right now please stand by.”

8

Rei looked up slightly catching sight of Asuka who was sitting in her chair side ways in the wreck room staring off aimlessly in to space with her good eye. She had a graphic novel in her hands but she wasn’t really reading it, it was clearly just there for show. It was so unsettling how quite she was, since she had come in she hadn’t spoken at all and she had been told that she could do what ever she wanted today yet she wasn’t in the gym or shooting bullets on the range it was so saddening. She was already regretting not phoning her last night but she’d felt that maybe she needed sleep she had inwardly hoped that maybe today she would be better but she wasn’t she was much worse emotionally. The others were all seated around her talking while Mari was staring at her from her sofa chair opposite though it was more of a wayward glance as she was busy writing code on her hologram screen. The flat screen was playing as the others watched and talking obvious to her silence. Mari eyed Asuka feeling a coy smile form as she eyed the news feed. “Hey Princess!” She blinked seeing that Asuka wasn’t even registering her presence in any manner which was odd she pulled out one of her scuttle bots which was hidden behind the sofa chair typing something in to it then putting it on the floor watching as it moved over to Asuka’s sofa chair. It eased up its air horn which went off instantly causing Asuka to shoot up right almost in panic and caused the others to jump slightly.

She watched as the red head turned to her the anger in her face which caused her to laugh as her scuttle bot ran away as fast as possible going up the wall so it was out of range. “You’re on the news! There talking about the fact that you’re a cripple since you broke half your body.” Asuka looked down taking in deep and slow breathes trying to slow her heartbeat down as she sat back in her chair speaking in a cold tone realizing that everyone’s attention was now on her. “I don’t care, verpiss dich and leave me alone.” Mari turned to Toji. “Did she just tell me to fuck off?” Shinji eyed her in annoyance. “Yes she did.” Mari stood up eyeing Asuka whose good eye was staring at her coldly. “Wow your really moody today what’s your problem didn’t you get laid last night or something?” She felt her coy smile turn to a wide grin. “Or is everything below the waist not working right now hence why you’re all pent up and frustrated?” Rei turned eyeing Mari in disgust. “Leave her alone, you’re not funny.” Mari smirked as she looked at her. “No I’m hilarious.” Shinji eyed the taller woman as he pressed the central remote on the table changing the channel. “There’s nothing hilarious about picking on people.”

Asuka tensed she didn’t need this right now she just wanted silence, clearly it was a mistake to even come up here, everything just felt to noisy both in her mind and all around her. Why couldn’t she get any peace? She so desperately wanted her mind to just go silent because it was hard to concentrate on anything it just felt like even the smallest things took so much effort. She hadn’t slept well last night as Bardiel’s words about Rei were still ringing her mind. She desperately wanted to just dream like she used to and have the dream she had most often of trying to find her mother in a field of sunflowers but she didn’t dream anymore her dreams were just a black void. She lowered her head she felt like she was being stretched like an elastic band emotionally and she had no strength to stop the constant pressure she felt weak, tired and truly drained. She desperately wanted to remember what happiness felt like even though she had not had any before this event had happened but now she so wanted to feel it so badly but the emotion just seemed so far out of her reach. She felt like she was drifting away nothing felt real anymore not taste not touch or smell and she wanted to cry so much more but she knew she couldn’t and even if she did she knew no one would care it would just be seen as her acting out or trying to get attention.

She knew she was so close to going to crazy she could feel it, it was like someone was burning at the edge of her soul with red hot flames. Was this how her mother had felt at the end before she had hung herself? Had she slipped in to the darkness like this was she aware of it, had she known that she had tried to strangle her the real her and not the doll? Had it been like some waking nightmare where her subconscious could see but her real mind couldn’t? She’d probably never know so what was the point to her questions as she would never have the answers. Mari eyed Shinji. “Look I get it, your sticking up for her because she used to ride your dick once up on a time but you don’t have to, I heard she wasn’t all that nice to you in that she treated you like some sex toy.” Shinji looked up as he picked up his sketch pad and pencil. “What happened between me and Asuka is none of your concern.” Kaworu shook his head. “Your being incredibly unreasonable Mari you’re taking pieces of the full story and there out of context Shinji and Asuka had good times as well I know he told me.” Rei turned seeing that Asuka wasn’t paying any attention she was spaced out again, it was like the world could crash and burn around her at this very second and she wouldn’t even notice let alone care.

More disturbing she just had no fight even the Asuka she was used to who was withdrawn would fight or have some part in this argument since it was a sore point in her history but there was nothing just cold silence. She moved about to get up and go over to her only to stop as Misato came running in through the doors the walk around phone receiver in her hand which caused everyone to go quite. Misato turned instantly spotting Asuka who was seated forward on her chair. “Asuka you have a call from Germany, you can plug this phone in to the reviver in here.” She blinked seeing that the red haired woman wasn’t taking any notice of her. “Asuka you have a phone call!” Asuka turned finally registering her presence she moved the receiver close to her face. “It’s your grandmother she wants to talk to you.” She looked up slightly. “She says you didn’t pick up last night.” Asuka breathed in deeply she didn’t want this ether, she spoke even though her own voice sounded distant even to her. “Please I don’t want to talk to her right now.” Misato rolled her eyes. “Asuka she’s taking the time out of her very busy day to check up on you now show some respect and take the damn phone, I’ve got her on hold right now!” Asuka took the phone from her hand walking over to the bar she plugged it in to the point in the wall as she sat on one of the chairs seeing Bardiel’s red gaze follow her from where he was seated opposite her sofa chair. “What’s the button to take her off hold?”

Misato blinked seriously had she forgotten since when did Asuka forget this? “It’s the blue side button you’re the one who set it up remember?” She turned to the others remembering why she was here which was to update them on up coming things they had to do. “Okay I have some oncoming tasks for you all as some companies have been asking for Nerv’s help, so Shinji you’ll be going with your Evangelion out to Russia in a few days, your going to do a pick up there and Mari will shadow you as they have some really important software military packages and then your both going to fly them to Australia on the same day and drop them off. Toji you’ll still be training and I want you to train with Kaworu. She looked up. “Mari you’ll also be going to the oil fields with Rei again in Saudi Arabia acting as her guard as they want Rei to fix their faculty oil machine, like last time that will be the day after you shadowed Shinji.” Rei breathed in deeply great oil work again she hated oil work and she loathed climbing down that stupid underground contraption that created synthetic oil, it was always the same jammed section and she had to kick it back in to place using 00’s foot.

Plus she never saw anything but desert why couldn’t she get something interesting? Like the Oculus project which was about conservation and where you got to help with the replenishment of wild life you got to see forest jungles and animals of every kind. You also got to visit the machines which were out in the red oceans and were slowly turning them back to blue while replenishing the vast sea life. Why couldn’t she do the space program where you got to go out in to space and visit the Eos international space station where the astronauts were and delver there packages and do maintenance? Instead she always got sent to remote areas with nothing interesting going on and it was because her Evangelion was seen as some boring and uninteresting thing even though it had all new systems just like the others yet she never got to do interesting things like her brother or Kaworu. On top of that, she really hated synthetic oil it was awful stuff and it took hours to wash off and she just ended having to stand 00 in the huge wash bay for ages until her unit was fully cleaned. Misato looked up. “Also will someone tell Asuka that she’ll be put out on the training field tomorrow with all of you and once she’s better she’s going to go out to Singapore again where she will shadow the UN fleet.”

Rei breathed in deeply her work might be awful and boring but Asuka was literally treated as a dog of war all she ever did was shadow armies from terrorist groups and kill anyone who tried to attack them. Her Evangelion always came back covered in thick black dirt, sand or dried salt from the ocean which she hated because she didn’t like deep water or the sea and sometimes she ended up going swimming just break terrorist submarines. If it wasn’t people it was protecting other Evangelion’s when they were in war zones, she did no interesting work other than being a walking gun to blow up and kill people. She wondered if that got to her at all, did she feel anything when those people died did it make her sad or was just numb to it now? Ether way she just felt sorry her because they were both in the same boat in that they never got to do any interesting things. Misato turned seeing a scuttle bot hanging off the wall she turned to Mari unable to keep the annoyance out of her tone as she spoke. “Get rid of that scuttle bot if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, your annoying little robotic toys are not allowed in the wreck room!” Mari folded her arms. “Oh come its not bothering anyone.” Misato eyed the scuttle bot which had a miniature air horn on it. “Your robots bother everyone, including me get rid off it or go put with your others which are currently hanging out in a little group in the visitor centre lobby ceiling not bothering anyone.”

Mari eased up her hand. “Oh so that’s where they went.” Misato breathed in deeply. “You’re kidding me right, you misplaced them?” Mari put a hand on her chest. “Look I program them with low end slave AI in that they can only do as I say then I let them loose to make their own way around and its part of fun is finding out where they end up and what they do.” She looked up at the robot on the wall. “Apart from this one it’s a task bot, it programmed to do as I say it’s not AI driven its command driven and it calls the others back when ever I tell it to.” Asuka pressed the blue button as she spoke in native language. “Hello.” Her grandmothers voice came back filled with concern as she replied in German. “I’m so happy to hear your voice Asuka you didn’t pick up last night.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I didn’t feel well grandma my stomach was really hurting me.” It was a half truth but she hoped it would be good enough to fly since this was an older model speaker phone and not a hologram phone her grandmother couldn’t see her face and wouldn’t know that she was lying. Her grandmother’s voice came again though it sounded more upbeat. “I’ve straightened out the problem with Ritsuko it won’t happen again I told her that if she ever touches you again I’ll break both her arms and legs.” Asuka felt her whole body tense nervously. “You really said that?”

Her grandmother’s voice hit the air filled with enjoyment. “Word for word...” There was a long pause before she spoke again. “You sound tired Asuka are you sleeping?” Asuka breathed in deeply trying to keep the pain out of her voice as she quickly changed the subject. “Before my mother committed suicide you told me that she had very rare lucid moments when she was herself when she had those did she ever speak of being haunted by demons?” Her grandmothers voice came back filled with confusion. “No Asuka when she was lucid which was very rarely she would look at the glass where you used to stand but you were never there at the time.” Asuka felt her body tense painfully. “I figured as much.” Her grandmother’s voice came again though now it sounded really concerned. “Do you want to talk to me Asuka, I mean is there something on your mind?” Asuka looked down sadly. “No I’m fine” Her grandmother’s spoke again in a sad tone. “Trust me no one in this family has ever been haunted by demons and when you were a child I never believed in scaring you with that Krampus tradition near Christmas as I felt it would be unfair as you’d been through to much.”

Asuka shook her head sadly. “That wasn’t what I was thinking off grandma...” She breathed in painfully. “Grandma, am I a good person?” Her grandmother’s voice hit the air but it was filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure you’re alright? I can come a visit you again I don’t mind.” Asuka put her hand through her hair in frustration. “No I don’t need that I know your busy I don’t want to take you or the team away from your work.” Her grandmother spoke again though this time very calmly. “Look Asuka I know you’re going through a lot right now but I’ll tell you this you are a good person and you have a good heart and you should never ever doubt your worth regardless of what others say.” Asuka looked down trying again to hide the pain in her voice, she could see Misato leaving and the others were now looking in her direction. Properly because they weren’t really used to hearing her native voice as she only ever used it to swear and she knew that they couldn’t understand what she was saying. “I just wonder if this accident happened because it was the universe’s way of getting back at me for being so evil in my teenager years and hurting a lot of other people.”

Her grandmother took in a deep breath before speaking. “Never say that or believe that Asuka, your fate was completely out of your hands and as teenager you weren’t evil you just made mistakes we all do it, its just part of growing up.” Asuka looked down sadly as she ran her finger over the bar’s wooden engraved imagery which showed carved flying cranes and trees. “I just wish sometimes I could turn back the clock, you know.” Her grandmother spoke again in a soft voice. “We all have regrets Asuka its part of being human, what matters is what you do in the present and all anyone can ever ask of you is that you try your best, even if it doesn’t work out.” She breathed in deeply. “Look little one I have to go now, just promise me that you’ll ring Kolby when you get a chance.” Asuka put her hands together. “I will grandmother.” Her grandmother’s voice hit the air again but it sounded happier. “Be seeing you again all my love.” Asuka looked up. “Love you Grandma.” She listened as the phone cut off. She breathed in deeply as she stood up as she walked towards the double doors only for Rei’s voice to break through her thoughts. “Hey Asuka you left your graphic novel here.” She turned to see that Rei was holding it up she put a hand in her leather jacket giving her a weak smile. “You can have it to keep I wasn’t reading it anyway…”

Mari watched as Asuka vanished from sight she turned eyeing Rei. “What the hell? She just gave you a graphic novel to keep and read she doesn’t give any one anything.” She moved closer. “It’s a fucking collector’s edition to.” Rei pulled the thick graphic novel away from her before she could grab it. “She gave it to me remember, not you.” Mari smirked as she started to circle her. “Yeah but you don’t read comics, you read long winded books.” Rei narrowed her gaze. “I like art so I can appreciate the imagery and the story.” Mari eyed the smaller woman. “You wouldn’t enjoy it the violence might get lost on you.” Rei eyed her in disgust. “Since you don’t know me personally and we are not the best of friends you don’t get to dictate what I like and don’t like.” Mari folded her arms. “Since when are you ever Asuka’s friend and since when is she yours? You two don’t even have the same circle of friends plus you’re only being nice to her because she’s feeling unwell if she was walking around being her normal asshole self you wouldn’t care.” She laughed coldly. “She’s probably just being nice to you because she feels guilty in some way.” Rei looked up slightly. “You know you’re an awful judge of character Mari, I don’t know what happened in your life that made you believe that everyone is awful or manipulative but it’s really sad.”

Mari felt a sneer form as she spoke holding back none of her anger. “Please you know I’m right! When this is all over you two won’t connect any longer you’ll go back to your separate lives.” She raised her hand. “So save yourself the bother of pretending that Asuka matters to you or that you share common interests and give me her graphic novel.” Rei put the graphic novel behind her back well out of her reach as she stepped back. “I’m not giving you anything of hers because to you this is some petty jealous rivalry it’s just about you forever getting one over on her, because you hate her for some reason that none of us can wrap our heads around.” She moved towards the doors. “I’m tired of your petty mind games and I’m not going to play along with you.” Mari watched as she left closing the doors behind her. “She knows I’m right.” Kaworu shook his head. “Right is a matter of opinion and perspective.” Shinji gave her a cold look. “Stop trying to make my little sister feel bad, just because you feel bad about yourself in some way.” Mari eyed him in disgust as she sat back down on her chair he was wrong he just didn’t want to admit it because he just always had to right as did his sister, it really pissed her off. Toji sat up raising his hands. “Can everyone stop arguing around here, it’s doing my head in?!” Shinji looked down as he started to draw in his A4 sketch book. “Welcome to life at Nerv.”

8

Asuka raised the pistol slowly towards the target range she pressed the trigger feeling the pressure as it fired only to completely miss the target. She tried again only to miss it a second time much to her frustration. Her shoulder still hurt which was making it hard to fire and all of the other employees around her were at least hitting the targets but she was missing completely and hitting the white part outside the red rings. She watched as an older man in his forties with a whiting beard and hair came up to her he had the same outfit as the general staff but the colours were black and the shoulder bands were orange and red to show that he was special ops division. His name was Kyo and he was second in command over of the whole division itself and taught weapons training to all the staff, his younger brother Yuki was in charge of the whole division and did the hand to hand combat training on the floor above them.  She pulled off her ear protection looking at him as he spoke calmly. “Asuka I think that shoulder injury you’ve got is throwing off your aim, maybe you should stop now you have not hit a thing and you’ve been trying for over an hour.” Asuka put the gun down stepping away from the booth feeling her anger start to boil up. “Leave me alone!” Kyo shook his head she was such a stubborn woman at times. “You carry on firing your going to make that shoulder worse.”

He moved his army up boot tapping it against her left leg very gently. “Not to mention I know your having to wear a bionic under those jeans which is compensating for a very bad limp you have in your left leg which isn’t helping matters and you need to get used to depth perception again since you’ve lost an eye.” Asuka pulled her leg away. “Don’t touch me!” Kyo folded his arms. “Okay fine I’ll stop touching you but you need to stop your only making things worse for yourself.” Asuka folded her arms. “You don’t get it do you Kyo! If I can’t at least aim down here how am I going fire unit 02’s automatic guns or even the big gun? I need to fire a gun again that is my job I go out and shadow the UN half the time and when I’m not getting punched up by angels the rest of the time my job is to the three kill terrorist groups who are always attacking innocent people.” Kyo shook his head. “No you need go away and relax and heal fully.” He raised his hands. “You’re not well enough and no one is expecting you to fire a single weapon out on the training field they just want you to walk your Evangelion around and get used to it again.” Asuka felt her whole body tense. “What, there putting me out of the field when?”

Kyo raised an eyebrow. “What no one’s told you? Misato’s putting you out on the training field tomorrow morning with all the other pilots she thinks it will good for you and I agreed with her.” Asuka felt the feeling of panic as it started to set in. “But I screwed up my sync test…why would they possibly want to risk putting me out there now?” Kyo shrugged. “Look I don’t think you have anything to worry about everyone knows that Ritsuko got to during the sync test and you panicked. Plus they said that your plug suit wasn’t fitted right, its okay no one blames you and getting hit with a clip board wasn’t what anyone would call fair.” Asuka leaned against the wall right now she hated that everyone seemed to no about that event when she had wanted to bury it and just move on. “Great so I guess the whole of Nerv knows about it.” Kyo’s brown eyes narrowed. “Yeah you see some one I have no idea who, sent around a phone message which has a rather interesting clip of Ritsuko hitting you and trying to tell you that your shit then it had you spitting blood at her and saying those lovely choice words back.” He laughed. “It’s the best thing ever my self and the rest of the special ops were laughing about it all night.”

He turned seeing that Asuka wasn’t laughing or even smiling she just looked down at the floor miserably which both surprised and confused him as that wasn’t like her. “Trust me Asuka none of us were laughing over your misery we were all laughing at Ritsuko she’s such a horrible human being and she’s normally untouchable because she’s Gendo’s partner.” Asuka breathed in painfully none of his words changed anything. She knew that there plenty of people who hated her enough that they’d be laughing at that video drinking in the utter joy of her misery and the fact that she’d failed the sync test. “I need to go.” Kyo watched as she pulled out her other ear plug putting it away as she grabbed the gun off the booth putting it’s safety on before putting it through the slot where the woman behind the glass screen behind her unloaded it safety and then put it back on the rack with the others. Kyo blinked in surprise watching as the red haired woman carried on walking not looking back what was going on? That was so out of character for Asuka she would normally at least seen the funny side of this on some level.

Asuka walked slowly out of the gyms lower section as she made her way towards one of the Arcades lifts watching as one opened she slowly got inside waiting for it to close as she pressed the button to the lowest level that she was allowed to which was a hanging level below the Arcade itself which was for maintenance. She wanted to just get away from everyone now and she knew her next actions were wrong but she didn’t care. She waited for the lift to reach the bottom level before walking over to the control panel forcing it open violently then pulled out the breaker killing the power before it could reach the final level causing everything to freeze. She turned not thinking as she leapt up grabbing the security camera forcing it down with enough force to shatter its brackets. She knew the automatic system above would just read this lift as out of commission and the work men and women wouldn’t be down here for hours. She could stay here for some time completely unnoticed then just turn the lift back on when she needed to. She sat on the floor pulling up her knees putting her head on them feeling the cold weight of the world on her shoulders. “ _Your so strange you have so much going on in your mind but you don’t say it, why is that_?” Asuka looked up as the lifts lights started to flicker all around her, she could see Bardiel sitting in his cat like position his face was very close to hers and his tail was wrapped around her as he towered over her like some black shadow. “Go away.”

Bardiel stayed still his lycanthrope body tensing as he pulled out his long tongue. “ _Was the other brown haired woman right do you need sex to get rid of the tension_?” Asuka felt his tongue run down the side of her face it was wet and disgusting on every level. She turned desperately crawling to the corner of the lift trying to get away from him. “Get away from me!” Bardiel pulled his tongue back in as his red eyes blinked. “ _Funny when male and female humans do that to you in a certain place, you don’t react that way_.” Asuka eyed him feeling herself start to loose it before she could stop herself as the tears came out of her pure desperation of no longer feeling in control of anything in her life. “Please stop this, I can’t take it anymore your violating my soul!” Bardiel moved closer watching as she curled up in fear putting her hands over her head. “ _You don’t seem to get it do you? I won’t leave and if your people try to get me out of your brain I will kill you_.” Asuka ignored him as spoke to any god or goddess could hear her. “Please if you’re listening I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done in the past please free me this torment and I’ll do anything you want!”

Bardiel narrowed his gaze in confusion she was praying? Why would she pray he was a child of a god he was proof that gods existed, so why pray to another? It made no sense at all. A strange voice hit the air echoing in both male and female tone which he could hear perfectly but he knew Asuka couldn’t as she carried on crying. “ _You’re no better than Arael, childish wicked games.”_ Bardiel sneered as spoke back to Lilith who was deep in the underground void far beneath him. “ _Your over sensitive you’ve been watching you little human creations to long, even to the point that you let them imprison you in that black void_.” The double gendered voice came again but the tone sounded unimpressed _. “You are so naive Bardiel, you want to understand humanity yet just like Arael and Shamshel, you punish in a way that is deeply cruel.”_ There was a very long pause _. “Also I can leave the void at my choosing but I’ve come a point of understanding that I want to go when merged with another of us or a human so I can begin recreation a new. Because through it I lean so much that you have yet to understand or contemplate you still see existence as material bound by flesh and blood.”_

Bardiel flicked his tale around sharply. “ _They are just things why do you care so much? I mean there not like us there fragile, weak short lived I fail to understand why you made them when we are our creators better creations.”_ Lilith’s voice came again though in an even tone. “ _I created them so I could understand what it is to be flawed and fragile because though we are many we lack that understanding.”_ Bardiel eyed the crying woman in front of him. “ _I could kill this one here and now it would be easy yes I’d die with her but it would just be one less human it would have no impact and you can’t stop me_.” Lilith spoke again the annoyance now in the two toned gender voice. “ _This is where you fail to understand anything at all, humans affect others they leave ripples in their wake it’s fascinating beautiful while at other times brutal and horrible but it is existence none the less and you’d do better to be nice to that little fragile female who your tormenting because you will not get the answers you need. You can only push so hard before the human mind snaps and you’re pushing way to hard right now and your father only praises those of you who are able to look beyond the veil of flesh and blood_.”

Lilith spoke again though the two gendered voice sounded annoyed _. “You did this only because you wanted the creators favour over Arael and you want to be noticed and now you’re confused because your cruel tactics are not drawing the results you desire.”_ Bardiel snarled as he looked up. “ _I just want her to merge fully with me if she would just allow me in it would be easier for the both of us_.” Lilith’s flowing multi-gendered voice came again but softer. “ _Then you need to work on trust and boundaries and be much more fair you have to let the emotion be natural not forced because your pushing buttons and repressing others. You know you can vanish you don’t always have to be seen or heard and you can allow this little being sleep, real sleep and you can give your gifts without desire for return and try to understand the painful emotions as well as the good ones_.” Bardiel felt his body tense. “ _Is that your only advice_?” Lilith’s voice came again but in an unreadable tone. “ _Yes and I will not be giving you anymore, until you start to learn as you have no intention of merging with me down in the void we are at an impasse and I can only teach you so much the rest you have to work out yourself.”_ Bardiel grinded his huge teeth together in thought. “ _Okay then I’ll try and play it your way for all the good it will do_.”

Asuka breathed in as the lights around her stopped flicking and everything went still she looked up seeing that Bardiel had vanished, yet she didn’t dare move from her spot in the corner she was just to afraid that if she did that he would appear again and it would be part of a twisted game. She had never believed in gods or goddess or even the one god yet right now she was so confused because some had seemingly answered her prayer. She put both hands on her face everything was so messed up right now in her mind it was hard to even think straight and she was so tired. She felt her body slip on to it side as she half curled up on the carpeted floor before she could stop herself, it was pure mental and physical exhaustion setting in before she could stop it and she just couldn’t fight it anymore. She watched the world fade out as she slipped in to the darkness of her dreams which felt so welcoming as it had been so out of her reach for such a long time.

End of part 16

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Krampus is a German Christmas demon who took misbehaved children away to eat them he is meant to be the polar opposite to Santa Clause.


	17. Chapter 17

_TOUCHING THE PILLARS OF THE GODS_

 

Rei eased up Asuka’s graphic novel which she’d just started reading yesterday and was now only a third of the way through thus far and it was a surprisingly enjoyable reading. So far she was the only ones to come in none of others were here yet including her brother. It would be an interesting day as they would all be out on the training field for the first time since Asuka had, had the accident and she was really looking forward to it. It would give her a sense of normality she looked up as Toji came in though the double doors closely followed by Mari he waked up to her the concern showing in his eyes. “Hey Rei did you hear about Asuka?” Rei looked up sharply feeling something in the pit of her stomach turn she had been wondering yesterday where Asuka was as she had not seen her once. It was like she had completely vanished from sight yet when she’d been about to make her way home she’d seen her work motorbike still in the garage parked some way from hers which seemed so odd at the time she had assumed that she might have been feeling unwell and had taken the train home instead. “No what about Asuka.” Mari pushed up her glasses as she smirked. “Princess fell asleep in one of the lifts yesterday.”

She raised her hand. “The work man and women were telling us all about it apparently she took the Arcade’s lift to the lowest level possible tripped the power breaker so it couldn’t go back up and then smashed up the video camera. She had been sleeping down there for six hours solid before the workers pulled up the lift, safe to say they were really surprised to pry open the lift doors and find her there all curled up in the corner. Apparently no matter how much they shook her she didn’t wake up and in the end they literally had to bang a spanner against the wall to get her to come around and even then she was really slow after she came back to her senses they sent her home.” She folded her arms. “She wouldn’t tell them why she was there hence why they asked us because they were so confused about the whole thing because it’s such strange behaviour, I mean okay she’s a weirdo anyway but this is weird even for her.” Rei looked up slightly. “You know it takes one to know one.” Mari eyed her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke. “Please we are nothing alike!” Rei turned another page of the graphic novel reconsidered her statement. “No I guess your not I mean I always know where I stand with Asuka but never with you.”

Mari raised her finger. “You know I’m getting really tired of your sassy bullshit! Why can’t you go back to being the quite little no body who doesn’t talk that much you know like you were before Asuka got her body broken?” Toji put a hand on his face. “Not this again it’s too early for this crap!” He shook his head. “Why must you all fight can’t we all just get along for once for the sake of the team?” He rolled his eyes. “My little sisters twelve and even she doesn’t act this way.” He turned watched as Shinji came in closely followed by Kaworu. “Oh there you both are, your sister and Mari are fighting again.” Shinji breathed in deeply great not this again he knew it wasn’t Rei it was Mari she just never knew when to quit and saw just about everyone other than Toji as a rival in some manner. “Okay can we all just take a moment to calm down its going to be Asuka’s first day back on the training field? She needs moral support from all of us because believe me it’s much harder when you have not been in the Evangelion for a while because stepping back in can be very daunting.” Kaworu leaned over putting his arm around Shinji’s shoulder. “Shinji’s right this is a big moment for Asuka.” Mari felt a cold smile form. “That’s assuming that she even turns up today who knows she might fall asleep in the lift shaft again.” Shinji turned in looking at her in confusion. “What are you talking about?!”

Rei put her graphic novel away as she stood up. “Asuka fell asleep in the Arcade lift shaft yesterday she knocked its power breaker out and broke the camera and slept down there for six hours solid the work man and women found her later on and woke her up.” She looked up meeting her brothers shocked gaze. “I’m getting really worried about her Shinji she just hasn’t been right for days it’s not just in her injuries she seems deeply depressed I’ve never seen her like this before and when I look in to her eyes I know that some things just not right but she just won’t open up about it.” Mari adjusted her white shirt collar. “Don’t you mean eye since she only has one?” Rei turned sharply feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. “I don’t recall you being part of this conversation now get lost!” She was about to speak only for her next word to be cut off as Asuka came running in through the double doors not even stopping as she ran in to bathroom out of sight only for the sound of one of the toilet doors being slammed shut to echo through the air. She ignored Mari’s cold gaze as she walked in to the bathroom hearing the awful sounds as Asuka threw up there was a long pause before the flush was heard. She moved over to her cubical knocking gently on the door. “Asuka, can I come in?”

She waited hearing the bolt unlock as Asuka came out walking slowly over to the sink which she leaned her head over as she ran the cold water splashing it all over her face while drinking some which she spat out clearly trying to get the awful taste out of her mouth. She looked at her sadly as she leaned over putting a hand on her back rubbing gently. “Are you okay?” Asuka eased herself up taking in a deep breath knowing her next words were partly a lie because what had made her feel ill was the thought of getting back in to unit 02 because she was so nervous. “Bad quark and eggs...” Rei raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you should just stick to muesli or natural yogurt rather than curd cheese for breakfast.” Asuka leaned her head against the glass. “I’ll remember that in future.” Rei kept her hand on her back. “I heard you had an interesting day yesterday.” Asuka looked up meeting her green eyes as she pulled her patch off putting it in her pocket. “Yeah I couldn’t get in a single shot out on the range my aim was awful.” Rei breathed in deeply. “I was actuality refereeing to the lift which you slept in for six hours.” Asuka tensed as she felt her hand form a fist she wasn’t mad that Rei knew this but more annoyed that the work man and women had clearly told other people which probably meant that everyone at Nerv knew by now. “I just wanted to get away from everyone.”

Rei looked at her for a long moment. “You could have to come to me, there are quite places at Nerv I know about that don’t involve breaking cameras and turning of power breakers where you could have slept.” Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply Bardiel had not appeared to her since she’d fallen asleep in the lift shaft and once she’d gone home she’d fed and played with her cat and then had fallen straight back to sleep. She knew he wasn’t gone she could feel it in her heart clearly he was just giving her some kind of emotional rest bite, before he came back and tormented her again. Like he’d said he was in her brain its self that was where he was hiding. It was reason the scanners in the Orion decontamination tank had never found him as it scanned blood and bone not the brain’s grey matter. Despite her uncertain feelings she was just grateful to have some real sleep and though she didn’t feel as drained as yesterday and did feel better physically, mentality her mind was still in a dark place where it was very hard to reach certain emotions. She put her hand on her left eye rubbing it. “My emotional scheisse is not your problem.” Rei looked at her for a long moment watching as she stood up fully stretching her back. “It’s not wrong to want to have some one to talk to Asuka to share the burden with you know I’ve been worried about you. You’ve not been yourself at all I’ve seen it in how you talk speak and act you’re so distant and you are not talking like you used to.”

Asuka eased her patch on again somehow she knew that this would happen clearly for all the emotions she’d been trying to hide and hope that no one would notice or even care had clearly been slipping though much to her discomfort. “I just don’t feel well Rei I’m having problems sleeping.” She mentality kicked herself yeah that was pathetic like Rei would really believe that? Rei inched a little closer putting her hand on her leather jackets arm looking straight in to Asuka’s good eye as the taller woman turned to face her. “No Asuka I’ve seen you when your sick, this is something else I know it I see it every time I look in to your eye I see that something is getting to you and you can’t talk to anyone about it.” She eased up her hands straightening the other woman’s leather jackets collar. “I just want to help you so please stop trying to shut me out.” Asuka felt herself start to shiver as the anxiety came hard and fast, she wanted to tell her the truth but if she did she’d put her at risk there were security cameras everywhere at Nerv they’d see and they’d know. If it ever got out that she was contaminated she’d be locked up and experimented on she’d die like lab rat. They’d probably cut her up in chunks and stick her parts in jars or they’d pump her full of drugs like her mother and she’d end up in a mental ward and would never see the sun again as long as she lived and no one would be able to save her not even her grandmother. Rei could feel her shaking it was subtle but she could feel it. “Asuka you’re shaking.” Asuka knew her next action were so wrong everything about it was wrong but she just wanted contact so badly because she couldn’t voice her fears openly and deep down she just felt so painfully lonely right now. For once she wanted that feeling of belonging so much that it hurt.

She knew Rei would probably push her away or reject her when ever they’d gotten this close in the past the other woman had made it known that she didn’t like or even want her around. Not that she could blame her as she’d just been an awful person to be around and she’d always hated rejection it hurt more than anything. It was probably one of the things that she never handled well due to her mother rejecting her during her insanity when she was a child. It was why in school she’d wanted everyone to like her so much even if her actions were cruel or negative because for her any attention had been fine so long as all eyes were upon her. She leaned her head in to the other woman’s shoulder feeling the fresh cotton of her embroiled shirt which smelt so much like fresh alpine forest which brought back so many school memories all at once some so strangely distant now in the back of her mind. Rei breathed in deeply as she moved her hand up running it gently through the other woman’s red hair as she wrapped her arm around Asuka’s back. Clearly she wasn’t going to get answers but it didn’t matter to her right now maybe because this was the first time Asuka hadn’t pushed her way or tried to run away and she clearly just wanted to be held.

Asuka arms weren’t moving she was so hesitant and clearly afraid even though this was an open invitation she moved her hand away from her back taking hold of her arms moving them so they were around her waist near her jeans, before moving her arms back in place around her back as she spoke in a quite and gentle voice. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me right now Asuka just know that if you do I’m always here if you change your mind.” She felt the other woman’s arms wrap fully around her it was a very gentle embrace on Asuka’s part she kept still it was so surreal being here now. Asuka had once tried to do this to her at school but in a much more dominating and aggressive way and she’d literally shoved her off making it clear she didn’t want her near her and she couldn’t stand the sight of her. The reply had been a barrage of swearing in German none of which she had understood at the time but looking back though on that memory there was something she had seen but not cared to see which was the pain in Asuka’s eyes staring back at her before she walked back and sat her wooden school desk where she’d sat down and started to scratch in to it with a pen knife. They were both such different people back then but things were so different now they were both different and they had both grown up and had changed in so many ways.

She felt Asuka move as she slowly freed her self from the embrace much to her sadness as deep down she had wanted it to last longer because there was something about it that was so nice it that she really couldn’t put her finger on it other than that it was so different to when other people hugged her there was a sense of warmth. Asuka looked down sadly as she spoke she had held Rei far to long and she knew it was inappropriate on her part. Though a part of her had just wanted to hold her forever but she knew better and she knew the smaller woman would have just gotten angry with her and shoved her off like she had done in school if she’d held on any longer. “I have to get ready.” She looked at her new plug suite which Rei had fixed which was now hanging behind the glass next to the lockers outside the bathroom. “Everyone’s expecting me to perform today…I should at least give them a show even if it’s an awful one.” Rei moved a little closer to her. “You’ll be fine.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Tell me something Rei because I need to know the truth.”

She spoke knowing that the pain was in her voice. “When you talk to me are you doing it out of guilt or pity for my illness or is this genuine?” She felt her body tense painfully. “Because if its first one you don’t have do it anymore because it’s not fair on ether of us and I won’t hold anything against you for walking away. You have your own friends and your own life and you don’t need me to messing it up for you because I have a habit of ruining everything I touch.” Rei shook her head okay so she wouldn’t deny that she had come to Asuka at the start because she’d felt a sense of sadness and guilt because none of the others were spending that much time with her, now though it was different now she was being here because she wanted to be her friend and she cared about her. “At the beginning it was guilt yes.” Asuka felt the twist of pain turn in her stomach like a knife she was unable to keep the intense pain out of her voice as she spoke. “I suspected that so please stop doing this it hurts too much.” Rei moved forward taking hold of her arm as she raised her other hand. “No just hear me out Asuka I said at the beginning, I don’t feel that way anymore I care about you and I just want us to be friends, real friends.” She breathed in deeply. “I think deep down you want that to.” She was about to say more only for Toji to poke his head around the corner fully dressed in his plug suite. “You guys need to get ready they want us all on the field in ten minutes.” Rei watched as Asuka turned away. “Look I promise we’ll talk about this once the training is over.” Asuka looked down sadly. “I won’t hold you to that promise if you choose otherwise.”

8

Misato looked over both huge fields where all of the Evangelion’s were slowly being brought up she eyed Kaji and Maya, Shigeru and Makoto who were in the training room all at there separate holographic desks. “Okay tell all of the pilots to activate minus Asuka we’ll do her last.” She looked up as huge holographic training screen came on, she could see both training fields and a large number of press helicopters flying around at some distance. Though Nerv’s military vertical take off fighters were floating at a threatening distance to keep them at bay sometimes she really hated the whole freedom of the press bullshit. Because it meant that they were nothing but a pain on days like this and of cause the media team who did the whole crappy social media side up in the media centre and who gave guided tours to sponsor’s and delegates loved this stuff. To them it was one big candy bar and just another way to sell more products and merchandise and trend shitty speeches all over media sites to make Nerv look good. Also every six months they did the pilots photos shoots which they sold to the news papers and magazines world wide at the highest price then there were the seated one to one interviews and the press interview every year and she hated it. The media loved to stick the knife in a twist it and make out that Nerv was screwing up in some way and they loved trying to put the blame on her shoulders or the pilots in some way.

The only control they had over them was that they were strictly forbidden from going near any of the pilots homes and they were not allowed to take photos of them near there homes and they also weren’t allowed to harass them when they were out enjoying themselves in Tokyo three. The price for doing so was a loss of all the good photos and interviews and footage of the training grounds which they were gagging for and no body had over stepped the line yet. She looked up again at the press helicopters it wasn’t surprising that the press were here as they were awaiting Asuka’s return to the field and they all wanted to record her activation and broad cast it to the world no doubt even Asuka’s grandmother would be watching this feed over in Germany. She watched as unit 00 and 01 started there slow march as they were freed from the shoulder restraint. She looked up as 04 on the training fields other side plugged in the cable to the Omega unit so it could move around better while on the other side unit 03 activated as it marched out. Maya eyed her holographic desk looking at the feeds. “All pilots with in high perimeters, all of the mental syncs seem fine and healthy.” She eyed Rei’s bar. “Apart from Rei’s she’s a little lower than normal though.” Misato leaned over typed in her personal panel. “Rei are you okay? Your sync seems a little lower than normal.” Rei’s face appeared on central screen. “I’m fine, look you should be telling Asuka to activate she’s under a lot of pressure and the waiting is just going to make it worse.” Mari’s face suddenly appeared on screen along side Rei’s. “Yeah wake her up I’ve always wanted to see what happens when unit 02 falls flat on its face.”

Kaji eyed her in disgust. “Get off this channel Mari.” Shigeru typed in to the holographic desk watching as Mari’s image vanished. “Another day in paradise….” Makoto didn’t look as he carried on typing. “I don’t get paid enough for this shit.” Maya rolled her eyes as she looked at him. “Shut up I need to concentrate.” She watched as they all went quite as she beamed the screen in close on unit 02 which was looking sorry for itself in the corner. “Did they get the new software installed in the 02 entry plug?” Kaji looked up. “I installed it personally last night.” Misato leaned over his chair. “What new software?” Kaji turned to her. “You know how you’re always saying that sometimes the pilot’s holographic screens get messy and you’re sick of Mari pissing off Asuka and you wish the pilots had more control over their screens?” Misato gave him a wide grin. “Yes I did so what did you make me oh great one?” Kaji eased up a special top of the range red data card watching as she took it. “This will give the pilots full control of there inner floating hologram screens but it also allows them to literally swipe off some one’s face they don’t want to see or hear. Also they can turn on video, music and play little 2d games between units and even play games together. You know during those boring quite times when they have nothing to do and they just have to stand around and look menacing for world wide public events, they can even write and draw with there fingers there’s an art program installed.” He raised his hand. “Also don’t worry about Mari she’s getting a version that’s a little harder to put her claws in to because we both know that her hacking is an issue.”

He felt a smile form. “For Asuka this will add a special surround to her head which will help calculate and compensate for the missing eye if it works we can install the software across all of the pilots entry plugs.” Misato looked up. “This is brilliant how long have you been working on this?” Kaji folded his arms. “Six months with the guys here along with Maya’s input concerning the old software.” He leaned back in his chair. “Never realized all that coding shit I used for spying could come in handy for making useful software.” He eyed unit 02. “Asuka is the perfect test subject for the holographic head surround plus she might enjoy playing mini computer games while she’s healing. It might cheer her up as I’ve heard she’s been acting really miserable and out of character lately.” Shigeru shook his head. “Yeah who knew that she liked to pull out the power breaker in a lift and then break its camera and sleep in there for six hours straight?” Misato blinked in surprise. “What the hell she slept in a lift shaft, why did no one mention this to me?” Maya turned to look at her. “It happened yesterday and I told everyone not to mention it to you because you might have stopped her from doing the test and she really needs this right now, pulling her will only make her emotional state worse. It’s becoming clear to a lot of the staff that she just isn’t right she’s out of sorts lacks appetite, can be very distant and sort of walks around in her own world and doesn’t seem to fight back much and is very tired, it really disturbing.”

She looked up as she carried on typing. “There are lot of people on the staff who are getting a lot amusement out of the lift incident and I have not had chance yet to put them in place it’s the next thing on my job list after this. Not to mention I’m doing everything in my power to keep this event secret from Ritsuko because she might use to really hurt Asuka’s career as she hates her with such a passion and she might pull out her whole crappy card about Asuka turning in to her mother and use it to justify her actions and punish her.” She watched the screen as the other pilots began there drills. “So let’s start this because so long as she moves she’ll be okay that’s all the world needs to see while I work on fixing her mental state.” Misato moved over to her desk. “Next time you tell me about this okay I knew none of this I thought she was just ill.” Maya looked up. “You’re meant to be her commander why don’t you take the time out of your busy day to actuality talk with her and I don’t mean small talk or order talk, because if you had you’d have seen this?” She turned back to her holographic screen. “The reason this has gotten so bad is because people just accept that she’s a wayward loner or made of iron but in truth she’s not, she’s a scared young woman who’s lonely and afraid and who struggles to talk to people.” She watched as unit 00 stopped training on screen as Rei’s image came up again filled with uncertainty. “Would you please get Asuka moving?” Misato looked up sharply. “Okay Rei we are on that now, stand by.”

Asuka breathed in feeling her self getting more and more tense why was no one activating her she was literally staring in to the darkness with nothing going on? She turned as the com came on as Maya’s voice hit the air filled with concern. “Okay Asuka sorry to keep you waiting please activate 02.” Asuka let out the breath she’d been holding, finally she couldn’t take the waiting anymore. She moved over taking the controls closing her eyes feeling the LCL as it started to spill up filling up the entry plug. She took in a deep breath letting it enter her lungs taking in slow deep breathes feeling a moment of utter bliss as that familiar feeling of warmth surrounded her. She could smell sunflowers beautiful sunflower she watched as the red code ran up on the screens before they turned to white and the outside world came in to view she felt herself freeze as an unfamiliar smell hit her nose. “Whose been in my ficken unit I can smell rosemary?!” Misato’s voice came over the com though it sounded nervous. “When you get out I’ll explain everything to you.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “You put Mari in here didn’t you?” Maya’s voice came again though it sounded happier this time. “Asuka you have some new software I’m going to boot it up for you don’t be alarmed by the head hologram when it appears.”

Asuka watched as the screens went black again this time lighting up with blue code before the outside screens reappeared and a yellow surround appeared around her head she turned her head seeing it move with her. “What is this thing?” Maya’s face appeared on her holographic screen. “We’ve updated your entry plug software give thanks to Kaji and the others as they worked for six months on this it’s really good. We are testing it on you as you lost your eye and the yellow surround allows you move better in tune with your unit and it will help compensate for the left side blind spot.” Asuka moved back getting used the surround. “I’m confused why not test this on four eyes since she’s blind?” Mari’s face suddenly appeared on her screen filled with rage. “Fuck off princess!” Maya breathed in deeply. “Oh yes and as a new feature you can swipe people who are annoying off your screen and silence them.” Asuka eased up her hand throwing Mari image of screen. “Oh I like that.” Maya looked up. “The software compensates for blind spots only not for a lack of sight so it wouldn’t really help Mari plus her glasses fix the problems with her eyes.”

Misato leaned over Maya’s chair. “Yeah I can see why you and Kaji went with the whole software thing now, good distraction.” Maya turned looking up at Asuka’s sync which was just above borderline but still much lower than all of the others. “Yeah well I’m not telling her about Mari getting in her unit that’s your job after she gets better mentality.” She breathed in deeply. “She’s still dangerously low but she is syncing unlike in the other test.” She looked down at her desk. “Freeing unit 02’s shoulder restraints...” She pressed the buttons watching as 02’s restraints came free on the big screen. “Okay Asuka please walk forward.” Misato looked up seeing that nothing was happening. “Come on Asuka move your damn foot.” Maya raised her hand. “Just give her time.” She breathed in sharply seeing that Asuka still wasn’t moving. “Come on Asuka.” Kaji turned the concern in his eyes. “If she doesn’t move do you want me to cancel the test?” Maya folded her arms. “No she will do this! I know her she will move.” She watched as unit 02’s head started to move as the right foot lifted very slowly before coming down hard as it began to move forward the left foot followed which wasn’t so steady as it came down hard and with a lot of effort. “That’s it keep moving.” She watched as the red unit slowly carried on walking though the limp in the left leg was showing though.

Misato folded her arms. “She has that bionic on right?” Maya nodded. “Yes and it’s turned on.” Misato blinked in confusion. “Why is 02 limping then?” Maya carried on typing. “The bionic only fools her body it doesn’t fool her brain and 02 is reading her brain waves.” Misato put a hand through her hair in frustration. “Can you compensate for it I’m mean the press are going to mock this no end?” Maya shook her head. “No I can’t.” She looked at 02’s image knowing that Misato was right the press would find this all very amusing. “Okay Asuka I need you to stop and raise your hands and move your fingers very slowly.” She watched as the red unit with its high red spiked demon like crest stopped raising its hands then began to slowly move its fingers Shinji, Rei and Kaworu had now all stopped to watch. “That’s good Asuka.” She brought up Rei’s image. “Rei would you pass Asuka one of the two ended spears?” She watched as unit 00 ran over to the weapons area pulling a massive to ended spear free then ran over to Asuka carefully handing it to her unit before stepping away. “Okay Asuka you remember you’re training give the press something good.” Misato watched as Asuka began to spin the weapon looping it around her units head in precise but slow manner. “There we go she’s going to be fine.”

Asuka carried on the looping the two ended spear only for her screen to suddenly go black on one side as a close up of Bardiel appeared his red eyes glowing as he spoke calmly. “ _Ah there you are, now shall you begin again_?” Asuka felt the fear hit her causing her to drop her spear which slammed in to the ground she felt her good eye dart in panic as her heart started to pound in her chest. Bardiel’s face formed a wide smile. “ _Like I’ve said so many times, if you let me in it will be easy and the pain won’t last long are you not tired of feeling weak being sick and everyone thinking you’re all washed up_?” Asuka shouted her next words. “Leave me alone!” Bardiel shook his head. “ _These people think your nothing they are laughing at you right now wouldn’t you like to stifle there laughter_?” Asuka felt her hands go to her head. “Get out of my head!” She watched as the whole screen went black and outside world faded in to darkness as Bardiel spoke again. “ _You’re broken in a beautiful way no other can claim so much. If you merge with me they’ll never be able to use your mental feelings against you ever again, you’ll never be your mother because I’ll always protect you_.” Asuka looked up. “You’re lying!” Bardiel shook his head. “ _No I’m not that’s what you’ve always wanted isn’t it deep down you don’t want to end up like your mother, I’ll be your father your protector I’ll will the world to your dreams and desires_.” Asuka looked up screaming her next words, “Mama!”

Bardiel eyes became softer. “ _Let me in release your fear of me.”_ Misato watched as unit 02 hands stayed on its head as it huge jaws opened as it began to roar in pain as 00 came closer. “What the fuck is going on!?” Maya watching as Asuka’s whole panel went crazy. “She’s going out of sync again, heart rates going crazy and her brain waves are all over the place.” She carried on typing. “I can’t get through to her unit she’s shut me out completely, I have no video or audio I can’t even get in to her systems!” Kaji looked up from his holographic desk. “It looks like she’s having another panic attack just like she did in the test I can flood her LCL with sedative!” Maya turned shaking her head. “No don’t do that you could hurt Asuka mentality if you break her sync in a way that’s harmful!” She watching as unit 02’s head rose skyward it’s mouth opening fully as it carried on roaring in pain as its legs opened wider and its whole back started to tense up. Its fists clenched as the sync waves suddenly started to come back together this time joining in a perfect union. She heard Asuka’s strangled desperate voice hit the air over the loud speaker which was normally private so the press couldn’t hear the pilot conversations. “Mama, save me!”

End of part 17

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always imagined that Misato would be the kind of character who would hate freedom of the press, because it would mean that she wouldn’t be able to hide her past or actions with pilots and she might get dragged through the dirt and have to do clean up and have to be better behaved in public. In this world all of the Evangelion’s real living inner jaws are not fully hidden, this is because in this AU world people have seen them take massive damage which has exposed the real living body underneath over their nine to ten years of being in battles. Hence Nerv don’t keep them being bio engineered a secret, the only secret is that the public have no idea about is that they there created from Adam as they never saw Adam in the cover story or his photos only the angel wings rising in the red sky, which was blamed on the angels and played off as an attack against earth and them trying to wipe out humanity. Even though Nerv caused the whole thing just like in every other universe….


	18. Chapter 18

_ARISE UP ON THE ETERNAL PLAIN ANEW_

Rei moved closer to unit 02 which was still roaring in agony she typed trying to get through to Asuka’s com she’d heard her cry out in desperation for her mother everyone had heard it somehow her outward commutation had turned on which wasn’t meant to happen. “Asuka can you hear me?” Misato face appeared on her screen. “Don’t get any closer to unit 02.” Shinji’s face came up opposite. “Shut her down she’s suffering!” Misato looked at him. “We are trying she’s shut us all out we don’t know how she’s even doing it!” Rei inched closer. “Yeah well if you’re not going to, I will! Tell me what I have to pull off or destroy to shut her down?” She watched as unit 02’s head suddenly lowered violently as it sagged forward and the whole body stopped tensing going limp she inched closer as it remained completely still. “Asuka?” The next moment caught her completely off guard as the head suddenly lifted its mouth opening as a massive bellowing roar came out she watched in utter shock as the face started to bend and creak as the metal started to buckle on both jaws as parts flew off as the lower jaw lengthen massively.

All of the eight cylindrical green cores that made up part’s of the back suddenly flew up they were burning red hot as they tried to expel the internal heat in a mass of red hot steam which meant that the unit 02’s core was seriously over heating and the cylinder cores were doing everything possible to keep it under control. The head shook violently as a long human like tongue suddenly came out of the mouth as the two lower canine teeth on the bottom jaw started growing upwards turning in to huge upward facing sabres as all the other teeth turned long and razor sharp and the top canines grew downwards becoming very prominent while the neck lengthened slightly getting thicker as the whole throat widened. The whole body was next as the sails on both shoulders started to lower themselves going further back as red plating flew off all over the place as the green eyes glowed brighter as the whole body hunched over becoming less human as more plating shot off. This wasn’t Asuka’s normal beast mode it looked nothing like this her normal form didn’t change that much other than getting more muscled and normally the lower jaw got slightly longer and the unit’s teeth becoming much more proximate and razor sharp while her speed became faster and she lost her shoulder sails.

The huge red hands started to shake as they grew down wards becoming half human with long thick curved claws and a longer palm with much longer fingers. The feet followed growing large claws becoming sub human as they grew upwards becoming almost lycanthrope like changing in size and length. The knees bent downwards to compensate for the upper body weight which increased as the top half became more muscular. A massive tail grew downwards from the end it was huge being almost as long as the body there was a massive crack as spilt directly down the centre becoming two tails which seemed to move independently of the other lashing around violently she watched the cylinders go back in to the units back only to come out again as they expelled even more heat. The huge jaws widened further as a bright ball blue with red light started to form inside it looked almost like a blue cross pattern she pressed on her com looked up seeing that the two vertical wings had now moved over unit 02 and Shinji was moving in unit 01 to intervene. “Asuka, if you can hear me please stop this you’re loosing control!” She listened as Asuka’s voice spoke it was distant small and weak. “Rei…”

The huge jaws suddenly snapped shut causing the blue light to be blown apart it blasted outwards in a massive blue and red shock wave which hit all the units including her causing her screen to flicker like crazy as a blue cross appeared staying there for a long moment before vanishing. The next moments shocked her as every Evangelion unit other than her self fell over there power cutting out completely. She had barely any time to think as she saw the two vertical wings falling towards the earth she grabbed her controls running with all her might towards them then leapt up grabbing them both by the rudders before they could hit the ground. She pulled them up with all of her might they weren’t the smallest planes in the world they were damn heavy. She carefully lowered them to the ground turning on her outside com so she could speak to them. “Are you okay, what happened?” She watched as both pilots appeared the first talking over his load speaker so she could hear them. “Our electrics cut out!” Rei raised her unit’s huge blue hand. “Excuse me I have to stop 02.” She turned seeing unit 02’s core cylinders go back down locking back in to place as the tongue drooped out side of its mouth, its legs buckled as it hit the ground hard on its front as the two massive tails went limp and the green eyes slowly turned dark as it shut down fully.

“Is any one out there can any one hear us?!”

Rei turned hearing Misato’s voice as she came up on her screen with sound only. “I can hear you.” Kaji’s voice came filled with confusion. “You’re still standing?” Rei looked around her at the other Evangelion’s who had literally fallen over and were lying in awkward positions probably the worst was Mari who was literally sprawled on top of Toji. “Yeah don’t ask me why the wave hit me but none of my systems went down.” Kaji spoke again in deeply concerned tone. “We had a massive power outage here it cut off half of Nerv we are getting reports that in  Tokyo three that one of there transformers went dead which has knocked out six blocks. We have only just got the emergency back up power on and it will take us a minute to get back full screen but it will take them half an hour to get power up below, is Asuka still alive? We tried to shut her down but we lost power before we were able to complete.” Rei looked at Asuka’s unit. “Once she bit down on that ball of light, her unit shut down she’s gone silent, I don’t know if she’s alive.” Misato’s voice cut in sharply. “What about the others?” Rei turned as her brother unit eyes suddenly began to glow white and it started to move closely followed by Kaworu who moved from his position which was over Shinji unit’s chest as he’d tried to protect him during the blast. “I think everyone’s reactivating.”

She watched as Mari got up slowly on the other side of the wall her voice coming through filled with rage. “What the hell just happened what did fucking princess just do to us?” Toji’s voice hit the air filled with anxiety. “Can someone get me out of here I’ve lost all power I can’t even get my entry plug to release!” Mari moved over to him pulling out his cable. “Okay easy now I’ll get you the Beta unit’s cable, just give me one second...”  She pulled the other cable out slowly pushing it to the training units back. “You got any power?” Toji’s voice came again though this time even more sharp and anxious. “No!” Mari breathed in watching as the four medical vans appeared on the surface driving full speed towards the training field there sirens going. “The medical staff are coming they will release you from the other side she watched as they ran past her units feet stopping next to Toji training unit. She turned to Rei as the central wall that spit both training grounds lowered as the other medical vans sped past her unit’s feet as the stopped next to unit 02 as the emergency crew and medical crew got out. “Fucking pathetic her crying out for her mom, like that.”

Rei eyed her in disgust. “How can you be so damn insensitive, she was in real pain?” Mari folded her unit’s arms across its chest. “She’s twenty three she should have gotten over her issues with her mother by now!” Shinji moved placed himself in between them. “Stop it both of you this is not helping anyone!” Kaworu eased up his units white hand. “Shinji’s right we need to be calm and focused right now so the medical and emergency crews can do their work.” Rei watched as Misato’s image appeared on her screen. “Okay we now have full power again we have reads out from unit 02, she’s alive but unconscious the medical staff are going in to pull her out they should be with you now.” Her eyes shifted looking elsewhere. “What the hell did she do to unit 02 it looks like some kind of oni on steroids?!” Rei looked up seeing that the press helicopters were returning they had practically high tailed it the moment the blue and red ball of light had appeared in 02’s mouth because they clearly though there was going to be an explosion. Worst part was they had no doubt recorded the footage of Asuka crying out for her mother, now they were just here to soak in all the turmoil and there were no virtual wings to stop them and it would probably take a moment for the tanks to come out and point their guns at them just to keep them out of the training grounds which they could literally fly over at will right now if they wanted to.

She typed in to her screen watching as their direct new feed came up she watched as Asuka’s entry plug was ejected half way and the door was opened slowly by the crews who went inside as the news camera beamed in closer as the news man spoke. “ _Very tense moment here people please stand by we are only just getting this if we move any closer Nerv will not be happy_.” Rei breathed in deeply she sat up as she caught sight of Asuka as they brought her out on a stretcher while putting a breathing apparatus on her. The news casters voice came again. “ _It appears that the German pilot Asuka Langley Soryu is alive just unconscious, though I think this brings up far more questions than answers, was Nerv’s new test software faulty or was this caused by pilot’s mental instability? Because we’ve all seen what a taste of that can do with unit 01 and the pilot Shinji Ikari some years back._ ” His voice turned to disgust. “ _Ether way unit 02 now truly does looks really demented and twisted, I mean look at its tongue you could stretch it over a yard arm_.” Rei tapped the volume silencing it so it was picture only as she eased up her legs and folding her arms watching in silence.

8

Maya breathed in deeply looking at Asuka who was lying in the hospital wing she had been out for five hours and had yet to regain consciousness. She could see Shinji, Rei and Kaworu who were all waiting for her to wake up and seated next to her bed. Yet again she’d had to be dressed in hospital shirt and trousers with the bionic over the top and she wasn’t going to like being back here, she could feel it. She watched as Misato walked up the hall towards her the concern in her face as she spoke. “How is she?” Maya shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong with her I checked everything, her hearts fine, brain waves are all normal she’s just not coming around and I have no idea as to why.” She put her hand on her face. “This is whole event has been awful, I never wanted it to be this way I wanted her to get better.” Misato leaned against the wall easing up her black trousers leg as she put her black army boot against the wall. “Well we know Ritsuko’s going to kick off big time and try to blame it all on us and the press are going to have a field day and I have no idea what were are even meant to do with unit 02 now. The specialists said it will take them a few days to fix the armour and they’ll have to work none stop, because it’s a massive refit job as they have to take the spare plating out of storage and modify it.”

Maya looked up sadly. “I spoke to the technicians and specialists what ever she did it’s permanent they checked the units code over twice because they thought it was stuck in some kind of beast mode but its not. In fact the code for activating beast mode has completely vanished its like it was purposely erased from the entry plug’s software and they did try to put it back in but it got instantly rejected which really confused them as the units entry plugs don’t normally reject new code.” She eased up a hand. “They made one thing very clear though that it’s a physical change in appearance to match its pilot’s mental state granted years ago when 01 went berserk it went through miner physical changes in that the crest horn now has opening sections and its hands are clawed and it become even stronger. This on the other hand is a complete metamorphosis in that Evangelion’s real body has also changed drastically under the armour and it’s unlike anything we’ve ever witnessed before.” Misato looked up. “You’re telling me this thing looking like it came out of pits of some oni hell is the result of Asuka’s mental breakdown?”

Maya nodded. “Yes but what none of us can wrap our heads around is that normally depression in pilots means they don’t sync well and they can’t perform well ether. There own Evangelion rejects them it happened to Rei once when she was younger and going through hard times and kept dying her hair blue and putting in red contacts because she so badly wanted her fathers attention and we couldn’t get her to sync right for over two weeks.” She raised her hand. “Asuka though has somehow broken the rule she’s twisted the form and still has the Evangelion working for her. I mean all of the reads out suggest that she wanted to do this that she willed it somehow but hearing her crying out for mother is just utterly heartbreaking and the worst part is everyone heard her, as the feed was being pumped across the world in real time.” She breathed in painfully. “Some people in the media will use this to crucify her because they love to kick others when there at their lowest and some of them hate Asuka because of her past actions on their networks and now they finally going to get their pound of flesh and they know the issue with her mother is like some gaping emotional wound.”

She looked down sadly. “The media team upstairs are also saying that Asuka’s ratings are now at an all time low in fact they’ve had to do nothing but damage control for her since the UN Alpha unit accident and to a lot of people out there she’s no longer a god, she’s a wash out and this incident today has just made it ten times worse because now her mental stability is being seriously questioned. You know that Gendo tried to pull Shinji from the program after he went berserk in 01 but he had to keep him because he found dummy plugs just don’t work the Evangelion rejects them every time.” Misato felt a cold sneer form on her lips. “I don’t give a shit about what the media outside are saying or our media team here, I mean we can just say this happened due to coding error in cores partial AI, I mean they always buy that bullshit right? They know the Evangelion’s series are forever a work in progress since they are the most sophisticated weapons on earth.” Maya eased up her hand. “Yes and that would work had Asuka not turned unit 02 in to some crazy demented looking lycanthrope like creature. There not even going to even believe this now for second and if we lie and say it’s stuck in beast mode they’ll still have one over on us because her unit looks nothing like that its normal beast mode form, our best option is to stay quite until we know just what’s going on.”

Misato looked up as Kaji made his way towards them the concern in his eyes as he spoke. “I wanted to come down here to see how she’s doing.” Maya looked through the glass. “She hasn’t woken up we are all still waiting.” Kaji pushed his long tail back. “This whole thing is terrible and I still don’t understand how she locked us out, I mean she’s not Mari she doesn’t have hacking skills her speciality is mechanics and engineering.” Maya put a hand through her hair in frustration. “Panic attacks cause all sorts of emotional problems what I can’t figure out is what is triggering her, both times it’s been so sudden like someone flicking a switch in her brain and this time she was perfectly fine for a while.” She folded her arms. “Is Toji okay, I know it took them a while to pull him out of Omega’s entry plug and he was really shook up?” Kaji put his hands in his pockets. “Young man’s fine, the reason he was having such a hard time is he doesn’t like pitch black places, it’s to do with his street living where him and sister had to hide in some really awful dark places to get away from people with guns. His new unit is being fitted with a device so it always has a red glow even when it’s turned off just to keep the entry plug lit, we did put extra light in Omega’s entry plug but the shock wave shorted it out.”

Shinji looked behind him through the glass seeing the others talking. “What do you suppose there talking about?” Rei kept her arms folded not looking behind her. “I don’t care what there talking about.” Kaworu turned to her. “Is what happened with Mari still getting to you, I mean what she said about Asuka?” Rei felt her body tense. “No but it’s something else related to it.” She turned to Shinji. “You never told me Asuka cried out for her mother in her sleep.” Shinji raised his hand. “Look at the time it was between us and I did try to talk to her about it but she got angry and shut me out.” Rei eyed him. “Yet I never knew, I’m your sister not a stranger.” Shinji put his hands together. “Look I didn’t tell you because I was trying to protect you, you and I both know how Asuka used to be and how she loved the sympathy vote and liked to manipulate people so she could get her own way.” Rei felt her teeth grind together. “Please walking in on your mother when she hung herself and crying about her in your sleep is a sympathy vote?” She sat up fully. “You know our mother loved us to her last breath and even after she was gone and father ditched us we at least had each other to depend on and our family did care about us and tried to help, Asuka wasn’t so lucky her step parents didn’t care about her.” Kaworu turned to Shinji as he spoke hearing the pain in his words which he knew his best friend would understand. “Messy childhoods lead to messy feelings that are unfathomable and for some of us they are much more difficult to navigate than others.”

Shinji looked up meeting his sister’s gaze. “I’m sorry Rei I was just trying to protect you I know Asuka scared you in school but at the same time I know she liked you though not in good way it was more about wanting you and having ownership.” Rei adjusted her shirts embroiled collar. “I’m starting to think that school was tragic waste of time because we were all so messed up in our selves and never knew who we really were or who we really wanted to be and now all I feel is sadness that we all couldn’t have, had happier lives.” Her next words were cut off as she saw Asuka’s fingers start to twitch she moved over to bed followed by the others. “I think she’s coming around.” She watched as both of her eyes opened though her blinded left eye now looked very different it had weird glowing blue patterns in it and it was no longer milky though the pupil was still white it seemed a much brighter white she spoke softly and quietly. “Asuka you’re in the hospital wing.” Asuka eased up her hand putting it on her left eye groaning painfully. “Where’s my patch?” Rei leaned over passing it to her as she sat up in bed. “It’s here.”

Asuka eased on her patch as she turned to the others. “I gefickt up again…” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “No Asuka you didn’t.” Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. “Please you do not have to make me feel better I remember what happened I lost control of my ficken unit and caused some kind of accident!” She put a hand through her hair in frustration. “I know because I remember unit 02’s jaws shutting and something being forced outward and it gets really hazy after that.” Shinji moved closer. “Asuka all you did was knock out the power in our units and part of Nerv along with a part of  Tokyo three but no one died, they got the power switched back on.” Asuka put her face in her hands. “Ritsuko’s going to bury me for this.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “What because you threw off the power and she couldn’t make her overly priced expensive tea for half an hour.” Asuka looked up at him. “No because she ficken hates me and wants me of the program!” She lowered her gaze to the floor. “Just like she hated my mother….” She felt her self tense as the sudden memory flooded back and she found herself pulling up her legs just to hide her face in them. “Oh please no…I was crying out for my mother on the live speaker.”

Rei moved a little closer. “Asuka it’s okay.” Asuka buried her head deeper. “This is not okay…the media are going to destroy me over this there going to make me out as incompetent and mentality unstable.” Rei breathed in deeply. “There just the media Asuka what they say means nothing.” She looked up as Misato came in followed by Maya and Kaji. “Asuka Misato’s here she wants to speak to you Maya’s here to and so is Kaji.” Asuka lowered her legs seeing them all come in to view as her anger melted away turning in to pure sadness. “You’re here about my suspension right, because I caused a serious incident on the training field?” She looked at her hands. “Where people could I have died because I wasn’t in control.” Misato blinked in shock she could see the overwhelming sadness in the red haired woman’s face it was there clear as day. “No Asuka that’s not why I’m here.” She raised a large photo which showed unit 02 new look. “All of us just need to know how you did this.” Asuka eyed the red unit which looked nothing like hers but more like some kind of demented demon. “Is this some kind of joke because if it is, it’s not ficken funny?” Misato looked at the image. “No Asuka this is your unit you did this to it, what we need to know is how we’ve never seen anything like it before?”

“ _I changed it for you when we merged fully, you’ll thank me later_.”

Asuka turned realizing that Bardiel was sitting opposite the hospital bed but no one could even see him other than her, she felt herself fidget nervously feeling her good eye dart. She didn’t want to be here anymore she wanted to run away and leave. “I don’t know how I did it, I don’t remember.” Misato eyed her closely she could now see clearly Asuka just wasn’t right her emotional state had changed very quickly and that distant behaviour Maya had spoken about was showing because she wasn’t focusing on her at all and she seemed deeply distracted. “Asuka we all have to go up to head office in an hour we need to explain this, if you can tell me anything to explain this.” She leaned forward speaking very gently. “Just tell me what your emotional state was in side unit 02 when this happened it’s really important.” Asuka felt her whole body tense as the words came out before she could really stop them. “I wanted oblivion so I couldn’t feel the pain anymore.” Misato looked around seeing concern and sadness as it appeared on everyone faces she tried to choose her words as carefully as possible as she spoke again. “Asuka are you talking about suicide?” Asuka looked down maybe she was, right now she wanted everything to stop and she didn’t really care how. She was trapped in one endless nightmare where nothing went right and nothing she seemed to do could made it better to her it felt like her life was just turning in to an utter train wreck. Every emotion felt ten times worse and even now she was holding back the tears because she just didn’t feel like there was any light at the end of this tunnel.

Misato breathed in deeply trying again seeing that the red haired woman was staring off in to the distance lost in her own world. “Asuka please are talking about suicide, you need to tell us it’s very important?” Asuka looked up knowing her next words were such an utter lie but she just wanted to be left alone. “Don’t compare me to my mother, just because she took her own life doesn’t mean I’m like her!” Maya didn’t think as she moved in front of Misato easing up her hands because she knew just how bad this might get. “We weren’t comparing you to your mother Asuka, we are just worried.” Asuka eyed her. “Well I don’t want your worry or your pity so leave me alone!” She pulled herself off the bed ignoring the fact that her body was really aching all over. “I assume my clothes are still in the changing room up in the wreck room because I just want to go home?” Rei stepped in front of her raising her hands causing her to stop. “Asuka, why don’t you come home with me tonight? I mean I live much closer to Nerv, you can bring your cat Erika up on the train and she can stay with us, I also promised you this morning that we would both talk.” Asuka breathed in deeply she really wishing that this wasn’t happening right now because some where deep down in her heart a voice was crying out a desperate yes, while her mind was just screaming no.

Rei moved closer taking hold of her arm. “I can order in something for you since you’re more of a carnivore than I am, wasn’t your favourite junk food in school meat feast pizza?” Asuka stared at her for a long moment this was like torture because it was something she wanted so badly that it hurt why couldn’t Rei just stop? Even if it was for real and it wasn’t about guilt or pity why was wasting her time on her? She deserved so much better than her even as a friend she eased up her hand very gently easing hers off. “Thank you Rei but I’ll be fine.” She hated herself for those words even as they came out because again that wanting and longing hurt so badly but it was better for Rei. She couldn’t let her walk this path she was infected by an angel and she’d always be at risk she stepped away looking at the floor as she walked out watching as everyone moved aside to let her through. Misato watched as she vanished from sight this was so sad, she was used to dealing with pilots problems but this was just shocking it was pure depression and it was crippling Asuka. She eyed Rei who now just looked sad she moved forward putting her hand on her shoulder. “You tried Rei.” Rei shook her head. “She just won’t let me in no matter what I say or do I know she’s depressed but I just wish I could reach her.”

Maya moved forward. “Believe me she wanted to I saw it in her face.” Kaji looked down sadly. “What people say and what they feel are very different things and I think Asuka wants your friendship its just fear holding her back.” Misato turned to Maya and Kaji. “We can not tell Ritsuko about what she said regarding oblivion because Ritsuko will use her mother’s suicide against her we have to make up something else.” Shinji stepped forward. “Say it was anxiety and fear, like you did with me when I sent my unit 01 berserk during the first battle which caused the crest horn to change and the fingers to grow claws.” Misato looked at him for a long moment. “That just might work Shinji.” raised her hand. “Everyone has to back me up on this is that clear?” She watched as they all nodded as she turned to Maya. “Also when Asuka comes in tomorrow, just tell her she can do what ever she wants, hell throw sweets in lap just anything to perk her up I just need to keep Ritsuko’s and Gendo’s gaze off her while I fix this.” She breathed in deeply. “Now I must give her grandmother a call because she’s been trying to get through for hours I’ll tell her that Asuka’s stable and has discharged herself and has gone home and then I’ll somehow have to explain to her how 02 ended up like this.”

8

Ritsuko slammed her hand down hard on the desk. “This is a fucking disaster do you know how much rubbish I’m going to have to go through just to get this cleaned up? I’m meant to be flying out to  Jordan tomorrow to speak to the king and queen there and now I can’t do it because of the utter mess you’ve all made!” She eyed her husband who was sitting watching quietly on the other side of there joint desk. She turned eyeing Misato Maya and Kaji along with Tadao who had come down from the market and media building above he was dressed in his jeans and Nerv logo t shirt. “We’ve had hundreds of complaints from Tokyo three about Asuka some how blowing out their power, not to mention I got stuck in a lift shaft for half an hour because she somehow managed to short out half of Nerv!” She grabbed her remote device bringing up the holographic video screen which showed unit 02 being looked over in the lower bay where the specialist’s were trying to fit new red plating on to the dark brown exposed flesh. “Also why does 02 now look’s like some kind of hideous ugly oni that crawled its way out of some hell pit?” Tadao pushed his short dark hair back grinning. “I thought it looked really cool actuality, I mean stick a knife on one tail and put a rifle or turret gun on the other it will be even cooler.”

Misato sneered gods she hated the marketing department. “That’s a stupid idea, it’s not a child’s toy it’s a war machine!” Tadao eased up his hand pointing at image. “No that’s got new toy line written all over it, I can’t wait to see that thing in action I mean its capabilities will be so different from the other Evangelion’s now.” He looked at the others. “But could someone please tell me how Rei’s unit didn’t get shorted out from the blast? I mean we saw the whole thing from our building since we are close to the training grounds all the other Evangelion’s fell flat on there backs but not her.” He felt a smirk form. “The whole thing with Kaworu diving to save Shinji is going to be great media press though because people love that kind of heroic stuff.” Kaji breathed in deeply putting his hands in his pockets as he eyed the younger man. “Why are you down here again?” Tadao folded his arms. “Because it’s my job and Eshima’s to clean up your mess, you know make you look good to the world.” He felt a cold sneer form. “We talk to the papers basically we do all of the things you really don’t want or don’t like doing because you’re military.”

He raised his hand. “Before you hired us you were doing that whole dark ages black out media bullshit and it wasn’t working for you, the world hated you and you weren’t very popular.” He looked up smiling smugly “So yeah I’m just here to make Asuka look good today despite that she knocked out the power.” Ritsuko eyed them all. “Stop arguing and give me some answers!” Maya stepped forward. “Asuka had a panic attack we believe the anxiety and stress caused the transformation just like in the 01 berserker incident which changed its crest horn and caused its fingers to grow claws as well as enhancing its strength.” Ritsuko shook her head. “Please you must think I was born yesterday I helped create these Evangelion’s with Yui and her sister Kiko I was there when they first turned on the Beta and Omega unit and had them running my mother founded the Magi system before she had a heart attack and passed away. So don’t play down what this is, this is some form of mental state gone wrong.” She eyed the ugly red unit. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around that and I’ve been hearing all manner of disturbing rumours regarding Asuka’s mental state like shorting out the one of the lifts breakers and breaking the camera and then sleeping in there for six hours along with being very distant moody and really out of sorts.”

Maya put her hands behind her back great she’d already heard about this despite that she had done so much to silence everyone. “She’s unwell what do you expect? The UN Alpha test accident has been very difficult for her in many ways she broke most of her body her recovery is going to be slow and difficult.” Misato put her hands in her leather jackets pockets. “We are doing everything in our power to make her better believe me.” Tadao looked up slightly. “Well her cry for her mother will get a lot of public sympathy upstairs we can use that in her favour and we can use it against the press who will go out of their way to try and take out chunks of her.” Ritsuko leaned forward. “Asuka’s mother Kyoko was an insurable bitch and Asuka needs to learn to grow up.” Kaji looked up eyeing her disgust. “Yet like Kiko and Yui, Kyoko’s work was critical for making the Evangelion’s function as they do now she gave her life like Yui and Kiko to further the program.” Gendo looked up. “This is nonsense and I have no interest in it, do you believe that the German can pilot this new Evangelion or should she be removed from the program?”

Kaji turned to meet his gaze. “We all believe she can still pilot regardless of her mental state before she passed out and even during the transformation she was in perfect sync.” He raised his hand to the holographic screen. “I mean she somehow created that new form, we still don’t know how or why but it’s unlike anything we’ve ever seen before it needs research and study. Not to mention that if she could create that ball of light again but somehow learn how to direct it, well we could recreate it in the others Evangelion’s. It could be a brilliant weapon against the three major terrorist groups who keep attacking the Evangelion’s when there trying to do help people, it might even please Seele.” Tadao looked up in confusion. “Who are Seele are they a new sponsor?” Misato felt a sly smile form. “That’s well above your pay grade and classified.” Gendo raised a white gloved hand. “Then make it happen.” He turned looking at his papers. “Also I am most perplexed as to how unit 00 wasn’t knocked out as well, as it was the closest.”

Misato breathed in deeply. “Your daughter was really heroic she saved both of the vertical wing fighters lives when they were shorted out and she stopping them crash landing she also stood by unit 02 until the teams had finished and Asuka was out. Then she helped drag 02 back to the cage so we could get it back below to do the repairs and she even went around and picked up all of its plating which had popped off because she wanted to save the clean up crew time, you should be very proud of her she did all of this with out even being ordered.” Gendo’s face remained emotionless. “She was doing what was expected of her but if you want to throw childish praise her way go ahead.” Misato tensed in anger gods this man was such a bastard, he always ignored Rei’s truly great moments. He did this to Shinji as well but he was older and could ignore it she was the youngest of all the pilots and the one who deserved to be noticed. She knew why he ignored her everyone did, it was her hair and those eyes she was a mirror of a Yui. She reminded him of his sins and his cheating when he’d gone behind his loving wife’s back and he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as her. Ritsuko raised her hand as she eyed them all. “This meeting is over leave now all of you, you all know what you have to do so get on with it!”

End of part 18

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this world all of the Nerv staff including the scientists wear trousers this includes Misato, because though I liked her outfit in the anime I felt that tight skirts just had no place as it was a military base and she is a military commander and that was one thing I was glad to see vanish in 3.33. One thing I do hate in the Evangelion franchise is that Rei's contributions and hard work get over looked because she's that one character that really does get stuff done and makes zero complaint about it and she deserves so much better. Yard arm refers to either end of a yard of a square sail on ancient ships. Gefickt-fucked


	19. Chapter 19

_THE SHARD OF LIGHT THAT PIERCES THE DARKNESS_

 

Maya sent me a large confectionery box filled with Belgium chocolates it was it in the wreck room sitting on my sofa chair when I got in this morning. Normally I would feel great about that I mean it has all the chocolates I really like but I just have no appetite for anything and it just reminds me that I screwed up. I’ve just spent part of my day trying to stay away from everyone and walking aimlessly around, though that aimless walking has led me to the gym where I’m now sitting on a lifting stool where they do free weights. I don’t do weights but there are large hand held free weights at my feet I know Toji spends some of his free time here and down in the swimming pool below with Mari and his younger sister Sakura who I’ve never spoken to. I can see Rei though the Spa rooms glass to the right she’s talking with Shinji and Kaworu who are both in their swimwear and relaxing in the hot tub together. She is dressed in those body hugging jeans with another one of those embroiled tops that have short sleeves which are always so pretty and delicate. I could never wear things like that they just don’t suit me and I feel uncomfortable in clothes if there to tight hence why my clothing is always slightly baggy and my leather jacket very rarely leaves my back, since it’s custom made. The only item of clothing we have in common is skate shoes but hers are all light and white while mine are darker and both our shoes have very different designs.

I shouldn’t be looking I should know better, I’m no where near as beautiful as she is I knew that from the first day of school hence why I was so jealous of her. I never realized till a lot later it was that inability to navigate my own sexuality that was causing the problems. Because I hated myself for liking women as much as men and I was deeply attracted to her so much so that it hurt but instead of being grown up about it I just went out of my way to act like a jacked up asshole and assumed that I could have her. Because that was always how my mind worked back then, if I wanted something therefore I should have it and no one should tell me different and if I didn’t get it I’d throw a tantrum and try to focus the blame on others. It was easy and cruel and it worked half the time and I really hurt Shinji and Rei, I’m still confused as to why they are both still friendly towards me. I know if I met my younger self I wouldn’t be friends with her, I’d want punch her senseless and tell her to treat people better. I’m still attracted to Rei even now nothings changed maybe that’s why I’m always running away because I know it will never go beyond friendship and after the way I treated her in my early teens why would she ever give me that chance? I don’t even know if she even likes men or woman because I never see her with anyone.

“Your shoes are cheap shit, kind of like you princess.”

Asuka looked up watching as Mari came in to view she was standing over her dressed in her green military gear a smirk on her lips why was she here, why couldn’t she just ficken leave her alone? She turned the page of her comic as she spoke evenly “Your glasses are cheap scheisse four eyes.” The next moments caught her completely off guard as Mari grabbed her violently by the collar dragging her to her feet her height making it that she could tower over her a little. Mari looked at the other woman as she spoke in a cold voice ignoring the fact that all of the Nerv staff who had been training had now stopped to watch them. “Yeah well at least I’m not a total monumental fuck up like you! You know next time you decide to have a panic attack and blow out the power, why don’t you go home and use that pistol you’ve got lying around to blow your brains out, it would be better for everyone!” Asuka looked down feeling the sadness take over that thought had entered her mind last night. She’d sat staring at her gun for half an hour before unloading it completely then putting the barrel between her teeth before pressing the trigger more than once just to hear the hollow click, before giving up and throwing the gun on the coffee table before going to bed with Erika who had been going out of her way to distract her by rubbing her leg.

Bardiel hadn’t spoken or made any comment’s he’d just watched with curiosity just like he was watching her now from his position close to the stool. Mari eyed Asuka who was no longer paying attention and in her own world, she could see it in her face her good eye was staring off in to the distance. “What is wrong with you? Man you are such a fucking spaced out loser!” She narrowed her gaze. “You put my best friend Toji in the dark for an hour yesterday it was very frightening for him I had to stay with him all of last night because of what you did.” Asuka looked down sadly. “Everyone’s afraid of the dark in some manner or form it’s the demons that lurk there.” The next moments turned to blinding pain as Mari’s fist made contact with her face she hit the floor hard on her side. The pain came again as the other woman boot made contact with her stomach throwing her side ways as Mari’s voice came again filled with rage. “Do you think your being funny or even poetic with that statement?!”

Asuka breathed in painfully. “Neither…it’s the truth.” Mari walked up to her slamming her foot in to her stomach again hearing her cry out in pain. “You’re so fucking pathetic Asuka!” She turned kicking her hard in the leg as she walked towards the glass that led to the outside table’s balcony that over looked the tropical swimming pool. To her right she could see the others inside the spa they were unaware of what she was doing as Rei wasn’t looking in her direction and Shinji and his friend Kaworu were all focused on their conversation despite that the glass was only semi sound proof on this spa level unlike the levels above. She felt an evil smile form as she watched Asuka stumbled painfully to get to her feet. “It probably the reason mommy never loved you and maybe she went crazy because she couldn’t stomach or even stand you.” Asuka felt her whole body freeze in utter pain as those words slowly burnt in to her soul as Bardiel’s voice entered her head. “ _You’re going to let her say that to you Asuka_? _She’s nothing compared to you you’re a goddess of fire and rage put her back in her place_!”

Mari pushed up her glasses seeing the shock and pain in Asuka’s good eye she spoke her next words in a dark tone. “Maybe that’s why she tried to strangle you.” Asuka looked down eyed her fallen comic seeing that Mari had purposely shoved her army boot on it leaving a dirty print when she yanked her up on to her feet. She felt the rage building up before she could stop it, it was a hot blinding rage the kind she hadn’t felt in such a long time it terrifying and welcoming all at once. It wasn’t just the cruel statement it was the burning anger at being sick at being helpless and alone as well as feeling like a joke and having no control over her life anymore. She felt her body start to shake as fire began to ignite and her teeth grinded together. Suddenly she no longer cared she just wanted to let the fire out and watch every thing burn. She knew she’d get in to trouble her rages and tantrums always led to punishments but what did it matter anymore? She was so sick of feeling crushed under foot by the world. She was screaming before she could even stop her self as her hand went for one of the hand free weights not caring how heavy it was or that it might do in her shoulder as she threw it in Mari’s directions with all her might.

Rei heard the intense scream of rage it was Asuka’s she’d know it anywhere but it was so long since she’d heard it, she turned just in time to see Mari duck as a hand held free weight flew past her colliding with the balconies glass behind her smashing a whole section of it to apart causing all those sitting and talking in the chairs close to the tables to get up in shock and terror. She turned watching as Shinji and Kaworu leapt out of the hot tub their faces turning to shock. Asuka eased up her hand realizing what she had just done it didn’t seem real to her she was human she didn’t have this kind of power Bardiel’s voice came again but much softer. “ _I meant what I said about what I can give you in terms of gifts, perhaps now we can come to some form of understanding_.” She turned seeing him flick his tail as he spoke again. “ _That is when your done beating that awful little piece of flesh in to the dirt after all she insulted your mother_.”

Asuka felt her legs tense as her knuckles cracked on her right hand as she spoke to Mari who was still staring at her in shock. “You know something I’ve put up with so much scheisse from you and I don’t care about your name calling or your inflated ficken ego but you will never ever insult my mother again to my face, mark my words!” Her feet were moving before she could stop them even with the bionic they moving on there own and with force there was no pain maybe it was adrenaline ether way she didn’t care it was un-restrained glorious freedom in all its wonder. She could see Mari was moving to stand up fully but it was too late for her to get clear and she knew it. The horror was in her turquoise eyes as she collided with her sending them both flying through the broken glass smashing in to the tables and chairs as the staff around them ran in side wanting to get away as fast as they could. She was going to enjoy every ficken moment of this she was going to drink in the feeling off unhinged violence which she’d missed for so long and she was going enjoy watching Mari realize her stupid mistake and make her aware of why she had such a reputation as an angry crazy asshole!

8

Misato chewed on her coffee’s plastic stirring stick as she looking up at Kaji and Maya who were seated with her in one of the Arcades café’s. “You know you could put a turret gun or a rifle on one of unit 02’s tails and a knife on the other.” Maya lowered her arts and crafts magazine blinking in surprise. “Yesterday you said that was an awful idea.” Kaji lowered his tablet. “Yeah you said it’s not a kid’s toy but a war machine.” Misato looked up. “Yeah I know but I was thinking about it last night I mean the specialists are saying that the unit 02 hands won’t hold the guns anymore because the palm is to long and all of Asuka’s guns apart from the big gun need the trigger and grip to be changed so they can be held correctly we’ve had to ship them all back to Germany just so they can do the refit, so the two tails being used as weapons for a temporary amount of time might work.” Maya looked up. “Yeah but the tails are meant for balance because they think it can now run on four legs as well as two that’s why the palms are so long there already calculating that it might have some real speed and might even be able to keep pace with unit 01 and 00.”

She took a sip of her latte. “That is if Asuka can even handle it they looked inside the entry plug and they’ve said the control have gone really stiff and that it took real effort just to move them and there not even sure that Asuka will even be able to move them in her weakened state.” Kaji eased up his hand. “Yeah but I still don’t get the two tails? You only need one tail for balance just watch cats and dogs when they run around and they said that the ends on both look really strange like there’s a hollow area in side them but they don’t know what it’s for or even what it does.” Misato shrugged. “Maybe we’ll find out soon enough once she’s well enough to step back inside I mean the delegate display is coming up very soon and we have no choice but to put Asuka back in 02 even if she can do no more than walk around and show off the new look for a few minutes.” She looked down as her phone rang she breathed in easing it up as she put it on speaker. “Yes what it is it I’m in the middle of my lunch here?” A female voice hit the air filled with panic. “Major you need to get up to the gym level now a fight has broken out!”

Misato eyed her phone. “You have security for fights, why are bothering me?!” The voice came again filled with anxiousness and fear. “No you don’t understand, two of your pilots are fighting over here and there wrecking the place!” Misato blinked in surprise. “Which two pilots are you talking about?” The voice was filled with panic as it spoke once more. “I’m talking about Asuka and Mari!” Misato leaned closer this had to be a joke or something. “No I’m sorry that’s just not possible Asuka’s very sick she’s not well enough to cause fights she’s been under the weather for days.” The voice came again but filled with anger and frustration. “Well somehow she got better and she is ruining the place on the weight training level and it’s really violent. Security doesn’t dare step in because she’s in her crazy asshole mode and it might have been a while but you remember what her insane rages are like, she breaks things that are not her property!” Misato eased herself out of her chair watching as the others did the same. “Okay we are coming down to you right now!”

8

Asuka grabbed the nearest wooden chair throwing it in Mari’s direction watching as it hit the banister only to fly over she heard the screams of panic in the swimming pool section as it smashed to earth below, she eased her tongue out running it over one of her canine teeth. “Come here four eyes, I want see what your lower intestine looks like!” She threw the table out of the way ignoring the crowds who were gathering on the banister across from them and the ones above on both sides. “I want to rip it out of your body you know like you did to me when I was piloting that stupid ficken UN Alpha test unit and I could feel everything you were doing to me but was powerless to stop you!” Mari eyed the red haired woman she’d only just been able to scramble free when Asuka had slammed in to her, which had hurt like hell. She knew she was in trouble if Asuka get hold off her she had no idea what illegal steroids she was on but she was insanely strong so much so it wasn’t normal. She looked down realizing that she had only one card to play which was below her. Asuka was utterly terrified of deep water the fall would be long but they’d both survive it well she would Asuka wouldn’t she’d panic and drown. If she could get her to run a second time maybe she could use her anger against her. “You’re a fucking coward Asuka you always have been you always will be!”

She watched as the one good eye narrowed as the other woman came at her she moved as her foot came up smashing the railing literally sending part of the section flying through the air. More screams were heard as it landed below with a massive crash. She grabbed her around the neck forcing her feet out seeing the panic in Asuka’s good eye as it dawned on her that she’d just made a huge error in judgement. “Fancy a swim princess! Oh that’s right you don’t swim do you?” Asuka couldn’t do anything she was powerless as Mari used her whole weight to throw them both through the gap in the railing as Rei’s scream of panic hit the air behind her. Mari felt herself falling she watched in surprise as Asuka hands shot out grabbing the middle level diving board as they sped past it throwing her in to a violent loop as the other woman righted her body as they came to a sudden stop. She looked up in anger seeing that Asuka was now holding on to the diving board with both hands and was refusing to let go. She wrapped her legs around her smaller body as she pulled her hands up trying to force Asuka’s free with the only advantage she had over her which was her height. She tightened her grip on her hands trying harder to force them loose as she eased up her knees forcing all of weight on to the reds heads shoulders. “Let go!”

She pushed down harder. “What’s wrong princess don’t you want to swim in the tropical water!?” Asuka held on feeling the panic set in as Mari’s knees pushed down on her shoulders causing intense pain. She could feel her heart racing she looked up watching as Bardiel leapt on to the higher diving board above looking down at her. “ _Let go Asuka, don’t worry I won’t let you drown_.” Asuka could feel her fingers on both hands start to go as the pain on her shoulders got worse as Mari pushed down with her entire body weight. “ _Let go Asuka_.” Mari blinked in surprise as Asuka suddenly let go causing them both to fall everything turned pure blue as she went under together and she was able to free herself from Asuka’s body. She watched as Asuka tried desperately to swim upwards she swam up wrapping arms around her neck before she could get away she felt her violently struggle as she forced her down keeping her under. She’d had been trained she could stay under the water Asuka hadn’t, Yuki Kyo’s younger brother had told her that she had refused to do the combat training water exercises. Asuka struggled harder seeing Bardiel dive in above her, he swam down towards her his red eyes gleaming as he spoke. “ _Feel my power in your body, embrace the sacred light_.”

Asuka went still feeling it hit her like a shard of light in the darkness as her left eye become warmer it felt like some kind of heat was emanating out from it as her whole mouth started to feel funny like her teeth were changing, the sensation was so surreal and it moved through her entire body like a lightening bolt. Rei ran down the stairs not waiting a second she knew Asuka couldn’t swim in deep water. She had to go in there and get her out she ran in to the water only to stop in confusion as the area where Asuka and Mari had fallen started to boil and bubble she watched as Shinji and Kaworu appeared behind her only to feel the shock wave as it knocked her clean off her feet as the whole swimming pool’s water was blown outward. Water showered down everywhere as hundreds of Nerv employees tried to get away from the chaos as the water came down again going still. She watched as Mari appeared dragging her self out some way from her clearly in a lot of pain as she lay on her knees pulling her glasses off taking in slow deep breathes. She turned finally catching sight her of Asuka as she dragged herself out very close to where Mari was there was blood though she was leaving a thin trail on the white tiles. Mari breathed in everything hurt it felt like she’d just been hit by a brick wall she crawled up to the cocktail bar grabbing someone’s half finished cocktail glass not caring what type of cocktail it was as she took a long drink hoping it would ease the pain somewhat as she pushed her glasses back on seeing that one of the lenses had cracked.

She could see Asuka close by still on her stomach breathing in slowly and deeply, there was a piece of smashed wood from the chair she had thrown earlier lying close by. She put the empty glass down as moved over grabbing it putting it behind her back watching as Asuka dragged herself on to her knees then struggled to her feet. She could see the intense rage in her good eye as her mouth formed a cold snarl she clutched the wood tighter as the red haired woman came closer. “Well your leather jackets ruined I’ve heard water kills expensive shit like that.” Asuka stepped closer. “Yeah but this is custom made so it doesn’t soak up water, its made from the same materials they use on motorbike leathers which are now fully water resistant but then you wouldn’t know that now would you because you don’t ride motorbikes.” Mari looked up at her catching sight of the red blood which was staining her t-shirt near her stomach, clearly some of her stitches had ruptured but she hadn’t noticed it yet. “I prefer sports cars.” Asuka felt a cold smile form. “Personally I always envisioned your car to be a pink Cadillac with hello kitty charms and fluffy dice.” Mari eyed her in disgust. “My car is a purple Lamborghini!”

Asuka raised an eyebrow getting closer as she eased up her hand getting ready to grab her. “Wow you must be really compensating for something then, what’s wrong you can’t pull the boys and girls with your geeky glasses so you use your car like a dick extension?” Mari felt a sneer form. “Your one to talk with your shitty patched eye!” Asuka smirked as she leaned closer speaking in a salty sedative tone. “Yeah but the rest of me is just so good.” The next moments turned to blinding pain which was enough to throw her clean off her feet she hit the floor on her side feeling the blood as it ran down her forehead as everything span. Rei ran not stopping as moved to stand in front of Mari who had pulled herself to her feet the plank of wood in her hand. “Stop this!” She watched Asuka rose to her feet behind her seeing the blood which was now coming down the right side of her face. Mari eyed her. “Get out of my way Rei or I will hit you!” Rei raised her hands seeing that Shinji was running towards her along with Kaworu. “No I’m not going anywhere!” Asuka saw the wood flying towards Rei she moved grabbing her hand as fast as possible as she forced her in front of her so her whole body was shielding hers she raised her hand protecting her head feeling the wood as it smashed against her back causing intense pain.

Rei could hear Asuka’s pained breathing as she was struck a second time but remained over her protecting her she heard her voice as she spoke softy and quietly near her ear. “Its okay I’ve got you.” Asuka turned as Mari swung again she grabbing her arm before it could strike allowing Rei to get free and safe as she gently released her with the other. “It’s not noble to attack unarmed people, didn’t your parents ever teach that?!” She began to squeeze hearing Mari cry out in agony as she dropped the wood she brought up her other hand smashing it straight in to her nose as she let go off her arm as she thrown to the floor where she held her now bleeding nose. She stepped forward only to feel dizziness take over she moved over to wall putting her hand on it. “What did I ever do to you that you hate me so much?!” Mari groaned in pain unable to get up due to the intense pain her head was spinning and her ears were stinging. “You were born!” Asuka looked down seeing the red which was now soaked her white t shirt she was bleeding and she hadn’t even realized it she watched as the world went out of focus for a second. “Scheisse and I was having such a fun day.” She tried to stand up straight only to fall over hitting the floor on her side as the intense pain set in and everything started to hurt she was fighting so hard to stay awake she had no left energy she felt completely spent.

Rei was on her knees as she turned Asuka over on to her back as she straddled her putting her hand on her face. “Stay with me Asuka!” She pulled up her t shirt seeing the section of the stomach wound which had ruptured and was bleeding out very badly. “Medical box I need a medical box!” With in seconds her brother was standing over her holding one she grabbed it in panic yanking it open spilling it contents out. She grabbed the bandages and the medical gun filled with pain killer she wasn’t Maya she only knew basic first aid she put the bandage over the bleeding area using her weight to force down just to try and stop the bleeding as she grabbed the gun with her other hand. “I’m sorry Asuka I know you hate this but I have no choice you can shout at me later.” She pressed it against the other woman’s neck clicking the trigger watching as it went off. It would probably do nothing but take off the edge, Asuka needed something much stronger she moved her other hand back putting pressure on the bleeding area.”

She looked down meeting her good eye which didn’t break away it stared in to her own softy, the other woman’s hand came up finding her face as she ran her fingers down it in a slow and gentle caress. She felt the emotion hit her though it was from a distant place deep down but it was like being hit by a tidal wave and it was hard to keep her mind focused as Asuka’s hand pulled away but her blue eye remained on her. She didn’t normally feel deep emotion when other people touched her other than her brother it was why she struggled with sexual relationships so much because when the people touched her she didn’t feel connected to them and they’d gotten annoyed because she had no real emotional response to them. They also always wanted the physical which she didn’t want she wanted the emotional side much more than the physical, which they were never willing to give so they left her every time calling her frigid or cold when she was neither. Now she was paralyzed by emotion and she was so confused that it took her a moment to realize that Maya was standing over her asking her to move. She looked up snapping out of her haze getting of Asuka so she could work though she remained kneeling beside her.

She turned seeing that Kaworu was trying to get Mari back on to her feet and he had given her something to try and stop her nose bleed which was now staining her green army shirt red Toji had appeared and was running towards his best friend the concern in his eyes, there was so much blood she looked at her hands which were stained in Asuka’s. She could see her brother trying to explain everything to Misato and Kaji who both looked so confused and horrified. She turned looking at Asuka who had now passed out completely Maya was working and completely focused on fixing her stomach stitching she was putting in much stronger stitches in the ruptured section. This event had been brewing for over a year every one knew it was coming but even she had not expected it to be this violent and extreme she also highly doubted that Mari would try to fight Asuka again after this. A part of it though strangely made her happy maybe it was just seeing Asuka return with such force. She had not seen that Asuka in over three years and it was so good to see her back, because it was who she was anger was part of her nature and it helped her to pilot better.

8

“So has she taken something illegal?”

Maya looked at Asuka who was laying on the scanning table she’d been dressed in her in a hospital trousers and shirt yet again though she still had her patch on. Though they’d had to take the bionic off completely Rei was sitting close by she hadn’t left her side since she’d been brought up to the hospital wing. “Please be patient, I’m working here!” Rei looked up at Misato who was standing close by. “I still don’t get why you are running this test? I mean Asuka hates steroids she told me once that there really unhealthy and that they can harm your heart function.” Maya eased up the syringe filled with Asuka’s blood putting a drop on the scanner close by watching as it started to run the scan. Misato breathed in deeply. “Yeah well we still need to check it Rei it’s not everyday some one in her condition is able to throw a thirty kilogram free weight one handed at a plain of glass and break it.” Kaji looked up slightly. “Its going to take them three days to fix that mess apparently the wave machine went nuts it blew up and caused a shock wave before shorted out somehow which they can’t make sense off. They think Mari might have shorted it out because she was really close to the under water controls when she dragged Asuka down and she was going to great lengths to keep her under and she was struggling because of how violently Asuka was trashing around and she might have kicked the controls.” He breathed in deeply. “Every single person though on the weights floor said the same thing, Asuka didn’t start it she was minding her own business reading this.”

He raised a comic book which had a dirty boot print on it. “Mari really started picking on her I mean in the most cruel way possible, to quote her word for word she said, next time you decide to have a panic attack and blow out the power, why don’t you go home and use that pistol you’ve got lying around to blow your brains out it would be better for everyone.” Maya’s head shot up. “Who in their right mind says that to someone who is depressed? That is so insanely cruel.” Kaji put the comic down on the table opposite. “Then she just started hitting her but Asuka didn’t fight back at all, it wasn’t until the comments about her mother not loving her that all hell broke loose, then it all just descended in to utter chaos.” He turned looking at Rei. “She protected you I saw that in the footage, Mari tried to attack you and she shielded you.” Maya watched as the scan finished and results flew up. “All of her tests are negative there are no steroids or illegal drugs in her system.” She looked at the scan again. “Her endorphin levels are really high though but that maybe just from all the fighting.” She brought up the brain scan seeing an area which was very bright and firing. “Hang on I saw this before when she first came in to the hospital days ago, her brain was super active but last time it was sending out pain signals when she wasn’t conscious.” Misato leaned over. “Is it dreams?”

Maya shook her head. “Wrong part it’s focused massively in the cerebellum area of her brain but what I don’t get is if it was damaged or not working her speech and motor control would be effected yet she’s perfectly fine its like she better than fine when you consider what she did today.” She typed bringing up an older brain scan putting them side by side. “There something else that doesn’t make sense.” She spun the old brain then the new one. “Look at the stem, in the new scan its thicker okay it’s by a tiny amount but it’s not normal, it’s like her brain has changed at the base level.” Kaji stepped forward. “Could the incident in unit 02 have caused this? I mean the unit changed could the sync also have affected her like a loop back.” Maya eyed the test tubes next to her which had hair skin and nails. “I’ve taken lots of samples from Asuka I’m going to work this out as the loop back is a real possibility. I mean it could have caused this along with her now strengthened body, it would be the first time we’ve ever witnessed a change to a pilots mind and body.”

She turned to Rei. “Plus I still can’t figure out how you were still standing during the blast I’ve run the simulation five times, it should have knocked you out its was a type of AT field and it powerful enough to knock out anything electrical including the Evangelion’s systems.” She moved over to bionic raising it up so they could all see it. “Oh yes and during the fight this turned itself off completely, it only does this when the areas are completely healed but it was a total and sudden shut down. Asuka probably never even noticed it because she was so deep in her rage and so hell bent on taking out Mari.” Rei sat up. “But she wasn’t it was very different this time normally she doesn’t care who is in the way she went out of her way to protect me.” Kaji breathed in he knew why but he couldn’t say anything he turned seeing the knowing look on Maya’s face. The footage had shown one thing as clear as day Asuka had not been reading that comic she’d been pretending to read it before Mari had come in her good eye had actuality been focused on Rei and it had not wavered the whole time. He wasn’t stupid he knew that look and those actions from a mile off it was infatuation and longing and it was the look of something you could never have. Though he had only been at Nerv for eight years he knew that look because he had it so many times when glancing over at Misato though she never really noticed it.

They’d been friends in university and he had tried to ask her out a few times back then but she had said no and it had never gone any further. Also since he’d returned to Nerv she had been very guarded due to bad relationships in the past hence they’d always remained friends and nothing more and he had just accepted that it would always be that way. He could sympathise with Asuka because he’d heard the stories about how she’d tried to pursue Rei in school only to get cold rejection. That was why he defended her so often to others because he saw that as something they had in common also her hostility towards him was all just for show inside of work. Outside of work they did meet up at times and talked in his vegetable garden where they traded items, though they hadn’t met up at all since the UN test unit accident but it was clear that she was going through to much right now and she just wasn’t coping well. Maya turned slightly. “I need to run these tests but I want to send Asuka home I need her to vanish from Ritsuko’s sight for the whole of tomorrow because the gym incident will get out. Far too many people saw if unfold but if Asuka’s not here she can’t do anything about it.” She looked around her. “So who wants to take her home and look after her? She is just sedated now and I’ve gave her a drug to stop any concussion also her head wound wasn’t as bad as it looked and it didn’t need stitches but I’m not taking any chances, hopefully she’ll wake up in a couple of hours.”

Rei stood up. “I’ll take her to her home I’ll stay over night, I promised her I was going to talk to her I want to keep my word.” Misato turned to her. “I’ll drive you there I can put your motorbike on my trailer.” Maya looked up. “Also make Mari disappear tomorrow.” Misato folded her arms. “That’s not hard I’ll just suspended her tonight after they fix her broken nose and discharge her and then I’ll lie and say that I did the same to Asuka, because no one will bat an eyelid because Asuka’s been suspended more than once in the past for bad behaviour and causing a danger to peoples lives. So her missing a day won’t surprise anyone and them both missing on the same day will go unnoticed. Plus this fight has been brewing for over a year everyone knew it was going to happen, it was just a matter of time before the lid was going to pop off.” Rei breathed in deeply. “Misato could you please do me a favour and not drive to fast, like don’t push on the pedal to hard my motorbike has only just been fixed and I really don’t want it flying off your trailer.” Misato turned eyeing her in annoyance. “What is it with you and Asuka and my car?” Rei looked down she drove it like a crazy person and it was scary and that she had one not so found school memory of Asuka almost loosing her lunch all over her once back when she’d been fifteen, because the back seat was like being in side some demented roller coaster and front seat was no better.

End of part 19

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene with Asuka stroking Rei’s face is meant to be a parallel to the moment in End Of Evangelion with Shinji though the reason is done in a much more positive light in this AU. I’ve always had this sneaking feeling that what ever universe Mari and Asuka are in that they would have had a least one fight or serious punch up, before they start to learn how navigate each other and become friends or possibly lovers as hinted at in 3.33.


	20. Chapter 20

_WILLING OUR WAY THROUGH LOST MEMORIES_

 

Misato watched as Rei pushed open the refurbished farm houses door as she carried Asuka inside she still hadn't come around yet and she was still dressed in hospital clothes. Rei had held her in the back seat on the way up here, she'd gotten her motorbike of the trailer and had put it outside the garage once she got Asuka in to bed she'd leave and let Rei put it away. She'd brought up Asuka's bloody wet clothes along with her leather jacket. She looked around her. "Where's her bedroom?" Rei turned slightly. "Upstairs you won't miss it, it's opposite the bathroom." She watched Misato made her way up there taking Asuka with her. She moved forward being very careful not to trip on anything one thing was very clear Asuka's house was not like it had been the last time she had been here with Shinji. There was this sense of chaos going on where things were half finished, thrown around the most shocking and disturbing was her Korth combat revolver sitting on the coffee table next to a half finished lager bottle it had been emptied of bullets which were all lined up next to it. It wasn't being cleaned that was for sure and the barrel was strangely facing towards the recliner nothing about it felt right in the pit of her stomach. She looked up as Misato came down stairs looking around her. "I've put her to bed you know it's really messy here I really thought it would be much cleaner."

Rei sighed inwardly that was the pot calling the kettle black since she rarely cleaned and herself and Shinji had, had to take turns cleaning up her mess growing up. She walked over to the gun slowly picking up. "Last time I was here, it wasn't like this the place was really ordered and nothing was slung over the floor." Misato walked over to her seeing the weapon. "Hey I've seen that gun in the Nerv archives there's an image of her Grandmother dressed in her Special Forces uniform and it's in her belt, it's considered a family air loom. She's standing next to her mother in the photo and Asuka's in it but she's really young probably only four years old." Rei slowly picked up the bullets loading them back in to the gun, before clicking on the safety. "What did Asuka's mother look like? Its just I've never really asked her about how she looked." Misato folded her arms. "She doesn't look anything like Asuka her hair was all long and blonde and she had green eyes, she didn't suffer fools gladly and was known to be a little clumsy at times but she was deeply loving but from what I was told the accident turned her in to the opposite abusive, violent, cruel and distant." She raised her hand. "Most people say though that Asuka acts more like her grandmother."

She looked up. "I personally think that's just because she lived with her for so many years but I think deep down she might have a loving heart like her mother Kyoko but she just doesn't want accept it because she doesn't like the association of being anything like her mother in any way even if its positive ." She looked up. "Her cousin Kolby is meant to be a barrel of laughs, he gets all her comics shipped in among other things he's more like a big brother to her than a cousin." She breathed in deeply. "There is something though that's really bothering me about today's incident." Rei looked up. "What is that?" Misato turned to her. "Mari said something about Asuka's mother trying to strangle her did Asuka ever tell any of you about that because I never heard anything about that?" Rei shook her head. "No she didn't I'm as surprised to hear that as everyone else was, Asuka only ever said to us that she went crazy and shut her out and wouldn't even recognise her as her own daughter." Misato moved towards the door. "Well I'm going to get the bottom of that because Mari has ether hacked something she shouldn't have over in the German division or there's something else is going on here and while I'm at I'm going to find out who messed with her plug suite." Rei looked up putting her night bag down. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

Misato turned slightly. "So do I, I'm so sick of things not making any sense around here." Rei breathed in deeply. "I'll see you in a day or so." Misato felt a smile form. "Oh I forgot your cover story is that you're sick, just in case anyone asks." Rei looked up. "Okay." She watched as she left closing the door behind her, she would clearly have to sort out Asuka's house because it was such a mess right now and maybe it would help her focus if she wasn't in control for once. She looked up as the back door cat flap went up as Erika came running towards her meowing. "Hello Erika." She kneeled down stroking the cats head. "How have you been?" Bardiel watched quietly as the short haired woman stroked the cat, so Asuka was starting to get what he could give her, her stitches splitting had been most unfortunate. Though he could fix bone, muscle and flesh to an existent the whole human digestive system was a struggle he knew how it worked in principal but seeing it working was quite disgusting and scary and her stomach was one organ he wanted to stay well away from since it could cause his true form real damage. Ether way he had no desire to tamper with her guts he'd rather they just heal naturally. He didn't get why Lilith had put it in there and why human's had to drink and eat it seemed pointless and it was also a huge weakness as they had to eat to survive and if they didn't they would die.

He understood even less about the strange organ below yes he knew it was a womb again he got the basics but he was staying well away from touching it though he could fly though her memories he wanted to see things work in real time it was much more interesting. One thing that was clear to him now which was that she loved this woman who was now playing with her cat, he had thought that it was lust at first or the desire for sex but it went further than that. When she'd protected this woman there had been so many thoughts going through her head that were centred around caring and deep feelings of devotion, he was now going to let this play out maybe he could further her desires by helping her. He wanted to get a grasp of the thing human beings called love and he was doing it with someone who had spent her whole life thus far trying to gain it in the wrong way so the results would be interesting and deeply fascinating. He wouldn't bother the other woman again, or play with her reading light he'd just let her do what she wanted. In her own way she was kind of fascinating as she was everything Asuka wasn't peaceful, calm and soft in tone of voice but she was clearly going through a form of transition herself in that she was slowly becoming more confident and her shyness was slowly fading away.

Asuka in her head always saw Rei as beautiful delicate and sweet, though he couldn't relate to that ether as human beauty standards were all over the place it seemed it was all in the eye of the beholder. Asuka had deep seated negative issues with regards to beauty in that she didn't see herself as beautiful at all and she deeply loathed her own physical image and didn't really like looking at herself in mirror. Yet she'd strangely played it completely the opposite in the fight with Mari in that she had used sensuality and sexuality to try and throw the other woman completely off guard. He didn't really understand her comment about cars being an extension of dick size ether. Mari wasn't male it was such a weird comment to make, maybe there were just some things about humanity he would never get or understand. He followed the smaller woman watching as she opened the garage from the inside then brought in her motorbike putting it opposite Asuka's huge one which was still incomplete before closing it up again. He swung his tail around as he leapt on to the two seat sofa knowing he'd be ignored by the cat as the weird little carnivorous pet very much preferred to sleep on the bed or on the recliner in Asuka's lap while she was watching the flat screen. Though he knew he might have to move if Rei came to sleep here he could not let her know that he was here, he had done so much just to throw everyone's attention elsewhere and he wanted it to remain that way for as long possible. He wasn't stupid though he knew they'd find out in the end but he was now very much prepared for that event come what may.

8

Asuka opened her good eye blinking slowly, where was she? She eased herself up in to a sitting position realizing that she was in her own bedroom and it was night the stars were out. She looked down seeing that she was dressed in the hospital clothing she was starting to really hate these clothes. She eased herself out of bed as she pulled up the shirt seeing that bandage had been wrapped around her stomach as she stretched digging her toes in to carpet. She had expected to be in the hospital and not here maybe Misato had just dropped her off here or something, they properly wanted her out of the way because she caused an incident at Nerv yet again. She breathed in deeply she wanted coffee so badly right now her brain was just crying out for it, she moved to the stairs making her way down realizing for the first time that her flat screen was on and who ever was in her home was sitting in her recliner watching the nature channel. She breathed in deeply if Misato was in her ficken chair drinking her beer she was going to loose her temper big time, because no one sat in her recliner but her! She edged closer realizing something else some one had cleaned the down stair up even her gun had been placed neatly back on the kitchen counter.

She moved around only to feel her whole body freeze as Rei came in to view she was seated on her recliner dressed in white and blue pyjamas she was eating a bag of crisps. Her face turned to wide smile as sat up in the recliner she could see Erika perched on the arm rest next to her. "Asuka I'm so glad your up I thought you'd sleep forever." Asuka blinked nothing moved she was frozen in place staring at the younger woman who stood up, was this an illusion was this one off Bardiel's vile jokes? She watched as Bardiel raised his head looking in her direction from where he seated on the two seat sofa. " _She's real you idiot, she's been cleaning your house it's not like I can do laundry house work and clean your floor_." Asuka tried to find the words which just wouldn't come out much to her utter frustration. Rei eyed Asuka she was literally frozen there in shock mouth open. "Would you like some coffee?" Asuka put a hand on her face as she finally spoke in a quite voice. "Yes…" Rei moved over to her coffee maker turning it on watching as Asuka walked over to her kitchen counter leaning against it putting her face in her hands. She moved her cup over to her watching as she looked up taking it and drinking it. She put her hands together. "I cleaned your house for you, you know it was looking kind of a mess I also did your laundry and washed your bloody clothes I had to wash mine to, you know because when your stitches ruptured when you were protecting me the back of my shirt got stained."

Asuka looked up finally finding her voice as her head started to clear. "What are you doing here?" She eased up her finger. "No wait I know why you're here Misato sent you here didn't she?" Rei looked up. "No I asked to come here I wasn't ordered to you know because when someone saves me from being beaten with a plank of wood I feel its only right to return the favour." She looked around her. "The only order she gave me was that you're not going in to work tomorrow, I said I'd stay with you." Asuka lowered her gaze to the floor. "So she's suspended me, great I didn't start that fight I just ended it!" Rei eased up her hand. "No she suspended Mari for real tomorrow and she doing some cover story that she suspended you as well but its not the truth she just wants you heal up fully and not rupture your stitches again." Asuka felt a sneer form. "I'm so sick of being ill, I just feel like everyone is forever covering up for my mistakes." Rei adjusted one of her long sleeves. "It's not wrong for people to care about you Asuka." Asuka turned meeting her green eyes. "You don't need to be here Rei I'm not your problem!" She stopped realizing that, that had come out harsher than intended and sounded rude. She moved away from the counter seating her self on the sofa watching as Bardiel leaped off seating himself opposite on the floor. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong I don't mean to sound insincere."

She looked down. "I just feel like I've been under so much pressure and I just can't stand it anymore." She looked at her hand. "Today just felt like crazy release from it all." Rei walked up to her putting her half finished coffee next to her. "Its okay Asuka I understand." She slowly seated herself next to her. "I have to ask was it fun because it's been ages since I've seen you let go like that?" Asuka picked up her coffee lying back on the sofa. "What letting out the anger or kicking Mari's face in?" Rei felt a smile form. "Both?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "The anger felt different from the times before, I felt more in control and kicking in four eyes face was a bonus." Rei lay back getting more comfortable. "You broke her nose you know, they had to reset it." Asuka felt a cold smile form. "I've heard that procedure hurts an awful lot." She took another sip off her coffee. "Maybe she'll get a taste of how I felt when they reset my legs and right arm." She stopped as something hit her she slowly raised her left leg. "Where's my bionic?" Rei looked at her. "They took it off it seems your legs have healed along with a lot of your body they think the increase in strength might be due to 02 sync feeding back to you during the accident when it changed." Asuka turned to her. "I'm sorry I know I knocked your unit out that day." Rei blinked in surprise seriously did no tell Asuka anything? "No you didn't, didn't anyone tell you?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Tell me what?"

Rei looked at her for a long moment. "You knocked out all the units apart from mine Asuka I was still standing, even after you shut down no one can really work out why it happened but it did." She looked up slightly. "It was really awful watching your unit that day I just wanted them to pull your power somehow just to stop the pain you were in." Asuka looked down. "It felt worse inside the entry plug believe me, my head just felt like it was about to explode I was in so much pain and I just wanted it to end." Rei moved over putting a hand on her shoulder. "Is that why you cried out for your mother?" Asuka tensed leaning forward. "I don't know…I know she's dead I know she's not coming back ever but I guess I just thought." She put a hand on her face feeling the pain strike her like hammer she wanted to cry and it was taking everything to hold it back. Rei leaned forward Asuka was going to cry she could see it in her face yet in all these years she'd never seen it and she looked so different like this. It was like looking at someone completely different to who she was used to seeing as she looked so much softer. "What did you think Asuka?" Asuka put her hands together she couldn't hold it in anymore what was the point? She was just so tired of the pain and it hurt too much every time she repressed it. She was also so tired of pretending to be strong when she wasn't and she just didn't want to pretend anymore. "I thought I was going to die so I thought I'd see her again."

She felt the tears as they ran down her face as she pulled her patch off putting it on the table. "I thought maybe we'd be together again in a field of sunflowers because in my recurring dream she's never there no matter how hard I try to find her." She felt Rei's arms wrap around her pulling her close as the tears came harder and faster as all the pain and heartache came out she just had no power or even will to push her away. She didn't want to be alone right now she'd spent so these past six months feeling so miserable and with out hope that anything was ever going to change and now she would take anything different just to feel something new. Rei looked down sadly as Asuka carried on crying in to her shoulder though out there childhood she'd always assumed that Asuka felt nothing and that she just didn't care yet this showed otherwise she did hurt and she did feel real emotional pain on the same level as everyone else. Shinji had said not so long back that she had a good heart so had Maya but she had never quite believed it but they were all right and she could see it now as clear as day. She had protected her today even though it meant getting beaten up with a wooden plank across the back by Mari.

She wasn't that horrible self centred cruel school girl anymore she'd changed so much emotionally it was just she'd had never really tried to see it up until now. Because the past image had haunted her so much and from this moment on she was not going to use that image to dictate how she viewed her as a person anymore Asuka deserved better than that. She could see her gun from where she was holding her and now finding it in the way she had it all made a horrible sort of sense. If Asuka had felt this low when she'd returned home she had probably considered shooting herself with it but had just not gone through with it, she clearly had deep depression and that she was falling apart because nothing had gone right for her since the UN Alpha unit test accident. This was why she had kept repeatedly pushing her away because she just didn't want to burden her with her emotional problems but she did need someone to care and she wanted to be that person come what may. She carried on stroking her long hair which was soft to the touch as the crying began to finally subside. "Would you like something to eat Asuka?"

She watched as she pulled away wiping away her tears away as she nodded silently she could now see that the patterns in her left eye were so much brighter there were glowing circles and they were lighting up parts of her iris in pure vibrant blue but not others, even in this low light it really stood out. She wasn't going to point it out to her right now it could wait and it was probably just part of the loop back just like her strength, not that it mattered it didn't change her beauty she was still a wonder. Strange she was saying that to herself now because all those years ago she'd been so envious of her growing up because she had always been this pillar of strength and fight and she had never seemed afraid of anything or anyone. She'd so much wanted to be that way because she had been scared of everything and she just wanted to be noticed not just by her father but by the world for her contributions on the Evangelion program. She slowly stood up putting her hand on Asuka's shoulder squeezing gently. "What would you like to eat?" Asuka eyed her fridge it was all junk food and she didn't want any off it plus she had no vegetarian food which was no doubt the reason Rei was eating her crisps. "Can we just order something in? I mean then you can get something you want that's vegetarian I'll pay for it, it's not like I'm broke."

Rei felt a smile form. "How's about we go half." She looked over to where she'd hung up Asuka's leather jacket after she'd gotten the small blood stain out she'd put her keys on the coffee table along with her phone. "Your keys and wallet were fine as there water proof, but your phone didn't survive the fall in to the pool it cracked up all of the glass and it just won't turn on at all I think the wave machine blowing up fried the battery and memory card. You can buy a new one once you get back to work there's a shop for phones inside the Arcade at Nerv and Misato can port over your numbers as she has all of our phones backed up." Asuka walked over picking up her old cracked phone looking at it. "It was a tacky phone any way I should have replaced it ages ago." She turned to her flat screen. "Pause program." She watched as the documentary stopped. "Save." She looked up as the save circle flew around. "Bring up restaurants and take always." She watched as loads of images flew up as Rei came to stand by her side. "What would you like?"

Rei blinked eyeing the screen. "Wait you order in though you're flat screen?" Asuka looked at her. "My home phone is for private and personal calls only I set this up for when I order in food plus the systems set up so it gives them the wrong name and they never ever question it because you know why would Asuka Langley live out in rural farmland she way to much of an ego maniac to live near tractors? I always pay in cash I never use my card and since it's brought in on a drone and there not allowed to record you putting the money in because of privacy and all that." She raised her hand. "You see the media they still think that I live up on the fiftieth floor of the Dorodome skyscraper, you know where those really expensive apartments are where you live if you want to boast about how rich you are." Rei shook her head. "No Mari lives in the Dorodome on the hundredth floor Toji told me, its right at the very top where you have an outdoor swimming pool built in as standard I know that because I've seen her house keys they have the logo on them and the room number."

Asuka turned to her. "Yeah well it seems that people think we are that alike but we are nothing alike, personally I hate places like that I don't want or care about room service." Rei looked at Asuka house for a long moment as a question entered her mind. "Why do you live out here Asuka I'm curious because we all thought you moved here to get away from everyone?" Asuka turned meeting her curious gaze. "When I was a child I used to live out in a rural farm land in Germany with my mother and she had this beautiful house and it was next to these vast fields of sunflowers and we used to have picnics together." She looked around her. "It was the happiest I ever felt, so when I brought this house I did everything in my power to recreate it yeah it not rustic it doesn't have a log fire, but it's as close as I could ever get and I like it here, its very peaceful I feel like I can be myself here." Rei moved putting a hand on her arm. "That's why you have the sunflowers out front isn't it's because you love that memory?" Asuka nodded calmly. "Yes there my pride and joy they always remind me of better times and they honour my mother's memory before the accident the part that I like to think loved me."

8

Mari breathed in deeply looking over the mass of lit sky scrapers that panned out for miles and made up Tokyo three you could see the vast world from here up on the Dorodome. She could see out as far as the farm lands outside the city. That was why she lived here because she loved a sense of perspective and from here she could stare at the stars and galaxies and contemplate the universe. She eased out her hand taking hold of her cocktail taking a long sip as she walked inside away from her large oval out door swimming pool which was lit up with green light and had a diving board. She had hated been fucking poor that was why she lived here because she never wanted to live that way again it brought back really awful memories, like crying her eyes out when the police had told her that her mother was dead and who ever had done it had decapitated her head from body and that she had been conscious enough to know what was going on before her death. She could remember the station and having to confirm it was her mother's dead body along with the tears the pain and the realization that she was truly alone. Because her dad didn't give a fuck and had run off with all of the money and didn't care about her despite that she was his own flesh and blood. She remembered the long hard days afterwards sleeping in youth hostels having to live of food stamps and scrounging to build a decent lap top.

It wasn't much of wonder that she'd fallen in with the hackers and the black market they could give her better lap tops and equipment and a place to bunk up and call home even if it wasn't fantastic. So long as she got the information they desired they didn't care and she had gone ahead, looking back now she couldn't stomach the thought of living like that again, hence why she had brought this place so she could forget. Yes it was extravagant but she didn't care money was no longer the object she could buy what ever she wanted and do as she pleased for the first time ever in her life. The moment she'd entered Tokyo three, over a year ago she knew she wanted to live here she'd seen it in pictures ironically it had been in one of Rei's life style magazines which she'd read when she hadn't been around. She turned seeing her Lamborghini which was safety in side a garage area opposite the swimming pool its tires locked in place. All of these rooms had there own garages and all you had to do was press a button and it would take your car down to ground level. While most of the apartment had plane glass so she could see everything all of the time, even the Evangelion training fields which at night was always lit up with massive white strobe lights because the public loved the sceptical and show and it helped moral.

She pushed her long dark hair back as she pulled out her tails letting it go loose as she walked in side sitting down on her favourite black recliner which was hers and she never let other people sit in it. She stretching her legs out putting them on the leather foot rest she was in nothing but her long t-shirt which she slept in opposite her was another three seat sofa for guests and a huge glass and wood coffee table. There was a large walk in kitchen to her left with black marble surfacing and all modern furnishings. Opposite was a large dinning table with six chairs there were stairs which led to the second floor where the four poster king size bed was seated and the bathroom that came with its own hot tub and shower. Also there was a spare room where she had her robotic equipment and her parachuting gear which was her favourite hobby. There was another room which was where her computer systems were, complete with her VR helmet and two computers one for gaming and one for hacking and coding and she had the most updated software out there on both machines. There were shelves filled with comic books on the lower level, though it always pissed her off that Asuka somehow had the collectors versions of everything where did she even get them from?

She had terrible trouble getting hold of them because comics and books had become far more expensive since second impact since paper was at a premium and they had only just really started to recover most of the wildlife forests and jungles. Cutting down wild life forests wasn't allowed world wide so trees for paper and furniture had to be grown in vast farms underground and it meant that wood was sought after and house hold wooden furniture was expensive. She looked at her white interface head clips which normally went on her blue head band her gaze drifted to her phone which was completely broken. How the wave machine had gone off like that she had no idea but it had destroyed the battery, memory and shattered the glass which meant she needed a new one and would have to get Misato to port over her contacts, which was a pain in the ass as the phone was quite new. She put a finger on her nose feeling the sting of pain, even with the pain killers it hurt like hell. She eased off her glasses pulling out the cracked lenses throwing it a box which now had about three cracked ones in total as she pulled open the draw opposite easing out a fresh lens pushing it in hearing the click before putting them back on before turning on the large flat screen which was hanging down from the wall near by. She eyed it. "Play favourite music track list 9."

She put a finger on her nose again as the music started playing, fuck Asuka she wasn't a geek she really hated being called that. It was like being back in secondary school all over again where she'd been beaten up countless times for not fitting in! She was the girl no one liked always picked last for sports always on the outside never having relationships with anyone because she was considered ugly and being mocked by the much more attractive and popular girls. There was nothing more depressing than a British winter with the rain pouring down getting beaten up by a bunch of assholes outside school and being bloody and beaten while crying on the cold stone floor. Only to come home to her mother who was drinking herself in to oblivion, while she tried desperately to keep her grades up and barely passed because of the stress, not to mention that her mother didn't care about her social problems. She had loved her once but towards the end before the murder she had become so distant that they barely ever talked to each other and when they did they just argued. The Evangelion program had been her ticket to freedom hence why she had done everything to stay on it but if she was honest with herself though money had not brought her the happiness she thought it would and despite Toji and his little sisters Sakura's visit's she felt empty because she had no family they were all gone.

She was truly alone in the world, Rei, Shinji and Kaworu and Misato were like a family unit and Toji had his sister Asuka was just a selfish self centred asshole who no one liked including her, yet she still had some family left in Germany it wasn't fucking fair! Also why had she protected Rei what was her game there, what did she think she was actuality being noble or was it just her manipulating because she wanted to get in to her underwear? They did have history after all and it was no secret that Rei had rejected her in school. There was going to be a massive Eva display on the training field very soon it was the annual display where a lot of super rich fuckers from all over the world came to Nerv and had there annual tour. The display was to show them what they were paying for and sponsoring. All of the units had to display there skills and impress on every level and it was the one and only day the press were allowed to do fly bys so long as they kept above and at a safe distance and they still had to be watched by the vertical wings who flew above the delegate platform. Asuka would have to perform no matter what and hopefully this would be her last ever dance if she messed up in front of the delegates it would reflect badly on Nerv and she'd probably be kicked from the program because her recent performance had been so bad and good fucking riddance to maybe with her gone she might make some real connections.

She looked down feeling the sting of her own tears as she pulled her glasses off she hated crying but it happened at times she didn't know why it wasn't the suspension she didn't care about that she could survive a day from work. It was just the loneliness of not having family and not having anyone to talk to or anyone who would listen or care and she could only talk about so much with Toji because as nice as he was there were just some things he just didn't understand and would just never understand. When she piloted she put on a show always being super happy like nothing bothered her and making out that she didn't care and that it was all a big joke but it wasn't the real her. She knew she wasn't depressed just sad and out of sorts she wanted to be noticed and appreciated. She hated playing second fiddle to Asuka as her marks woman because she couldn't shoot an Evangelion rifle for shit and had the lowest score of any of the other pilots, even Rei could hit better than her with a rifle. She closed her eyes wiping her face trying to block out her internal pain, she hated looking or feeling weak and she could never look weak in front of others because they'd just take advantage of her.

End of part 20

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize people reading this are wondering why it’s slow burning, the reason for this is I don’t like just throwing female characters together or forcing situations I like the interactions to feel very genuine and I can seriously promise you that it will be worth your while. 
> 
> Also I liked this idea that Rei and Asuka would be better suited to getting together in later life when Rei is gaining confidence and Asuka has stopped with some of her selfish and less savoury behaviours because I think they’d level and understand each other much better as people and have a much more healthy relationship.


	21. Chapter 21

_A SENSE OF MUTUAL RESPECT AND TRUST_

Asuka opened both her eyes realizing that it was early morning the sun was not out yet she put a hand on her face realizing for the first time that she’d fallen asleep on the sofa there was a lot of empty take out food dishes on her coffee table but then she had eaten so much last night. Once she had taken her first bite her stomach had just screamed out for food and she had started eating and just hadn’t stopped as she hadn’t eaten right in days and it had just come to a head and she was ravenously hungry and everything tasted good even things she didn’t normally care for. Rei had found it kind of amusing they’d just sat and talked while watching nature documentaries and talking about Nerv it was mostly small talk but she didn’t care it was just nice to have her around and not be alone. She sat up seeing that Rei was lying opposite sleeping in her pyjamas she stood up slowly turning to face her. She was so beautiful everything about her was small and delicate she had soft features even small hands with delicate fingers and pale skin. She breathed in deeply it wasn’t fair for her to sleep on the sofa she moved over trying to be really careful because the last thing she wanted to do was to wake her as she slid her arms under her raising her slowly trying to be as gentle as possible. She wasn’t heavy but right now she couldn’t rely on her own body because it had become so strong.

She walked up the stairs going in to her bedroom then very carefully put the younger woman down on her bed watching as she turned over remaining asleep she carried on staring at her for longest time. Gods she loved her so much that it hurt she had loved her for years but this was the first time she’d ever admitted it openly even to herself. She felt her hand rise as she moved it towards her face only to stop herself at the last second. “ _Why do you hesitate, you want to kiss her why don’t you just do it_?” Asuka turned seeing that Bardiel was poking his head in to the door way but he wasn’t crossing the threshold she stood up fully moving away from Rei speaking quietly. “It’s because of this little think human beings call consent and boundaries.” Bardiel followed her as she went downstairs. “ _I fail to understand_.” Asuka watched as Erika jumped on to kitchen counter she moving over to her stroking her as the cat rubbed against her face with its head. “When you breach boundaries you loose peoples trust.” Bardiel watched as the glowing patterns in her left eye brightened. “ _You’re trying not to repeat a past pattern because you love her, because before you touched her when she didn’t want it and held her when she didn’t want to held_.” Asuka looked up. “Yes.”

Bardiel’s red eyes blinked. “ _Those memories haunt you so do you ever wish you could turn back the hands of time_?” Asuka lowered her gaze sadly to the floor. “Yes, because I ruined every chance we ever had of being together, she will never accept me even now and I don’t even know what she sees or want in a partner because I never see her with anyone.” Bardiel clawed fingers tapped her floor he’d seen everything by the swimming pool it had been most fascinating to watch as it was not what he thought would happen. “ _Have you considered that maybe for her it’s about emotional connection not necessarily about the gender_?” Asuka stood up folding her arms. “She doesn’t have any emotional connection with me beyond friendship and I won’t ruin this friendship just because I have feelings that are emotional towards her she deserves someone better far better than me and like you said it’s like wanting something that you can never be.” Bardiel sat up in a cat like manner. “ _Perhaps I was rather rash with my words, I was just trying to stop you rejecting me and pushing me away because I needed us to merge mentality,_ _on a deeper level_.”

Asuka felt a sneer form he sounded like some controlling asshole partner the kind she normally wouldn’t touch with a ten foot barge pole because she’d been that person in her youth. “So nice to hear that you screwing around with my brain and emotions was all because you hate rejection welcome to human race. Your clearly grasping what everyone hates because everyone wants to be loved, admired and praised on some level and it hurts when you don’t get it.” Bardiel looked up. “ _Like your mothers love which is the one thing you truly desire_.” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “Leave my mother out of this!” Bardiel looked up. “ _Your mothers not gone you know she lives on and is very much still with you._ ” Asuka tensed as she walked towards him coming to stand in front of him. “I’m not in the mood for your emotional twisting today Bardiel, she’s dead she hung herself she’s now buried under the ancient oak tree next to my Grandmother’s home.” She looked up meeting his gaze head on. “Death is death there’s nothing that comes after.”

Bardiel’s jaws formed a smile as he watched her left eye glow even brighter. “ _No death is rebirth over and over in endless cycles of wonder, it’s seeing beyond the veil of flesh of blood but you just don’t see you’re not ready yet_.” Asuka stepped away from him. “I’m done talking to you Bardiel so leave me alone I have things to do today.” She raised her hand pointing to the upstairs. “Also don’t you ever ficken touch her or piss around with her using me if you do I’ll grab that long tongue of yours and rip it out of your mouth and strangle you with it.” Bardiel looked at her left eye which was now fully aglow with piecing blue and white light she wasn’t bluffing she never ever bluffed. “ _Is that a ground rule, like the one about me keeping out of your bedroom_?” Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. “Yes.” Bardiel looked at her for a long moment. “ _I only want to bear witness to your capabilities I have no interest in interfering in your interpersonal relationships though I do enjoy watching_.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Tell me something why did you pick me? Why not Shinji, Toji, Kaworu or even Rei or Mari, I mean I’m guessing you could have picked any Evangelion you wanted, was the UN’s Alpha test unit just easiest?” Bardiel eased up a clawed hand. “ _Yes your right I could have but you see it’s harder because I’m not the only one there inside those great cores and they fight back to protect those they treasure_.”

Asuka narrowed her gaze. “What do you mean only one? All that’s in there is a partial AI that helps the pilot move the Evangelion there’s nothing else inside it it’s a machine part and it job is to imitate a heart.” Bardiel flicked his tail speaking as if she hadn’t spoken. “ _You had to accept me willingly, because then and only then would your great red demon Evangelion be happy and allow my changes.”_ He looked up _. “I picked you because you’re more interesting than the others, your special_.” Asuka felt her body tense, he sounded like her mother and that made her uneasy she always used to call her special. Now years on she hated it because it had caused so much turmoil in the past because she’d felt that she had needed to live up to that expectation. “I’m not special.” Bardiel moved slowly towards the sofa. “ _Spoken like a true none believer any one can be special given the right circumstances and in this cycle it’s going to be your turn once again_.” Asuka felt her eyes dart in confusion. “My turn…for what?” Bardiel’s smile widened further as his long tongue came out. “ _To be the red flaming star, that fires its light up on humanity lighting it up in the darkness in the night_.” Asuka breathed in the tone of his sentence made her feel deeply uncomfortable and she had no idea why plus it was another stupid off hand remark that didn’t make any sense. “Like I said, I have things to do.”

8

Ritsuko eyed her screen as she put on her glasses it had been a while since she’d done this but something was really bothering her, she knew she was being lied to and she hated that sensation. She had noticed that camera’s weren’t recoding voice when Maya, Misato and Kaji were talking and she knew Kaji’s speciality was cutting out the camera’s sound feed though she couldn’t prove anything as despite that everything was always recorded and backed up in the Magi’s back up buffer the sound still wasn’t there in the back up reordering ether which only made her even more suspicious. This bullshit with Asuka had been bothering her for a while now nothing about it made sense no one with a low sync like that changed an Evangelion that way and nether did it change a person or make them physically stronger. She eyed her hologram screen. “Bring up footage recording of the gym, play the gym footage of the fall in to the swimming pool again.” She watched as the event played out and Asuka some how managed to grab the middle board in mid air despite that Mari was clinging on to her. She’d seen enough of Asuka’s past footage to know that even on adrenaline this just wasn’t right Mari had even hit her with a wooden plank more than once and that still it hadn’t stopped her, only her stitches rupturing had.

She breathed in eyeing the feed. “Stop, switch camera show me the underwater footage during Mari and Asuka’s struggle.” She’d been told that Mari’s had somehow knocked out the wave machine but she didn’t believe it for a second. She watched the camera view change showing both women struggling violently under the water side ways on she could see red blood coming out under Asuka’s t-shirt as her shoes scrapped the bottom of the pool desperately. She looked up as she suddenly stopped struggling as bubbles started to come out near her face. “Switch camera, so it’s face on.” The camera panned around slowly causing her to blink in shock as the image hit her. “Freeze!” She looked at Asuka seeing that the patch on her left eye was lit up something was glowing like crazy underneath with white and blue light. It wasn’t just that though, her teeth were like razor blades all of her back molars on her upper and lower jaw had gone razor sharp and both sets of canines had extended as well. “Save footage and pan back and play.” She watched as the camera backed up as it started to play just in time to see blue light fly out of Asuka’s body before the camera went black as it was cut out.

She stood up. “I want all of Asuka’s footage every single slice since the accident, every where she’s gone every where she been including both her failed sync tests!” She watched as the screen began downloading. “Show me the lift footage first.” She watched as it popped up she could see Asuka go inside she didn’t look well the footage did nothing to hide it as she forced out the emergency breaker before leaping up and grabbing the camera which she tour down causing it to be turned sideways against the wall so it only showed the lights near by but not her. She looked closer though the camera was pointed away but the lights had started flickering like crazy and the sound was still on as Asuka spoke coldly. “Go away.” there was a very long pause before her voice came again filled with panic. “Get away from me!” She blinked hearing another long pause before her voice came again though this time it sounded desperate. “Please stop this, I can’t take it anymore your violating my soul!” She looked up slightly who was she talking to? The sounds of her crying hit the air as she spoke through her tears. “Please if you’re listening I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done in the past please free me from this torment and I’ll do anything you want.” The desperate crying continued long and hard, if she had not seen the first footage along with the lights flickering she would have assumed this was a mental break down and that Asuka had gone completely crazy.

She breathed in deeply hearing the crying stop as heavy exhausted breathing took over and the sounds of her clothes scuffing the wall as she finally passed out going to sleep. The last line was her praying. Asuka never prayed she didn’t even believe in the existence of gods which meant what ever was doing this really had her mentality wrapped around its finger. It wasn’t Seele though they could appear to people they wouldn’t go out of there way to effect any of the pilots and they were always saying that they should always be healthy, fit and their needs met. She sat back in her chair. “Bring up sync tests waves for both tests, replay slower.” She watched as both syncs separated though the second began to come back together she breathed in deeply. “Isolate any odd waves that don’t match normal parameters.” She watched as two waves separated away from the others she eyed the first. “Re-image first wave to memory or closest though pattern with best guess.” She watched as a colour image started to appear, she felt the anger hit home instantly as Rei’s face appeared she wasn’t doing much she smiling and talking to someone she rolled her eyes. Why was it always Shinji and Asuka who had this? None of the others had it, it was them every time and she really hated getting repressed sexual desire in the sync feed because it always came up as unusual brain waves because the Magi always had trouble reading it because of how these waves behaved.

They were erratic and tended to spike sharply she eyed Rei’s image again as she spoke coldly. “You just can’t keep your fucking mind where it should be even when you pilot can you Asuka? No you’re always pining after Yui’s little shit of a daughter who doesn’t even like you.” She threw the image of screen. “Okay second wave.” She narrowed her gaze as the screen went black and fuzzy she leaned closer seeing something moving in the darkness was this dream footage? No it was in colour, dreams were never in colour which meant that it was memory. She breathed in sharply as two red eyes opened in the blackness the rest was near impossible to make out. What was this? She tensed as answer hit her but it seemed so far fetched the angel in the UN Alpha test unit but they had seen the bastard die there had even been a rainbow after its death, Mari had torn that unit apart she had even broken the entry plug. She needed more proof this just wasn’t enough Maya would fight her over this and call it something else which it wasn’t because she’d try to protect Asuka as they were friends.

She needed one of Asuka’s brain scans a real one not a digital version that only showed brain activity she wanted a version she could peal back layer by layer and imitated living organs, she’d have to get one of the lesser staff to steal one from Maya’s office, the woman had always been to soft and way to trusting off people. It had always been her downfall and the reason she didn’t like her and the idea that she’d ever been in love with her disgusted on every level. Women weren’t real women when they slept with other women and the same went for men call it what ever you wanted the truth was it was unnatural. Saying that though nothing was rational or even logical when it came to relationships regardless of there gender and sexuality but with Gendo she found him very easy to navigate and he always supported her projects no questions asked and she knew she could put her trust in him. She had never been able to put her truth in Kiko or Yui but she’d always hated Kyoko the most because that stupid bitch had gone out of her way to tell Yui that she was cheating with her husband. After which all hell had broken loose and she hated knowing that she was still hanging around in 02’s core being an unpleasant shit and still causing problems. She would be so happy when the day came that 02 got dismantled and its core got shattered ending her existence.

8

Rei opened her eyes seeing the sun as it penetrated the room, she remembered last night Asuka had ordered in a whole lot of food and they’d just sat on the sofa talking. It was more small talk but it was nice because Asuka had just been so open there was no pretence no shield and she was so charming but by the gods was she ever hungry. She had never seen her down her food so fast granted she’d always been a heavy eater but she had been eating like it was her last meal on earth. It was clear she hadn’t eaten right in days and it was seriously catching up with her, the most interesting thing she’d found watching her was her left eye the patterns seems to shift and change. It was so fascinating and mesmerizing because when she spoke about certain things they lit up not brightly but enough to show that they were matching her emotions it was really beautiful in a strange way. She took in a deep breath realizing something was Asuka very charming when she was calm and relaxed maybe she’d never seen it before because she’d always had that shield up and tended to scowl or be deeply conflicted but when it was down she was so different. Was this what her brother had seen in those fleeting moments but had never been able to get through because she locked off her emotions to him?

She seemed to have a very gentle and kind personality she clearly missed her mother and had very conflicting emotions in that she was very sad but at the same time trying to see something good in all the horror. She sat up realizing for the first time that she wasn’t on the sofa but on top of Asuka’s bed she sat up seeing that her day bag had been brought up as well and placed by the bedside had Asuka carried her up here? She had to have done that, she stretched as she pulled herself off the sheets looking around seeing that the other woman’s old red school tie was hanging off the long dressing mirror and at the edge were a number of photos. She moved closer seeing that the first which was Asuka with Grandmother she was so young only eight or nine and she was on her shoulders laughing it was strange to see her as a child she’d clearly been very cute. They were by her grandmother’s house which was very similar to her mother’s home but not quite the same as there were no sun flower fields instead there were huge oak trees and farm land.

The second was though was off her mother she was clearly making some joke while holding up test tubes. Misato was right Asuka didn’t really look like her but none the less there was something very similar about them maybe it was the sly smile. Her eyes drifted to the last photo which was a school one from years ago with her and Shinji at the front and Asuka at the back though she looked slightly sad. She leaned closer realizing that it had been written on each person had an arrow off them and writing which wasn’t in Japanese it was in German. Frankly she didn’t remember the photo even being taken but then the days of schools seemed like a very long time ago now. She moved over to her bag taking out her phone as she brought it up to the photo taking a snap shot, she knew this was probably private but she wanted to know what the writing said she slowly brought up the translator app swiping the screen shot through it watching as it changed the writing to Japanese. She felt her world stop at once as the Japanese’s stared back her, Shinji writing didn’t read idiot or moron it read the words heroic son.

She slowly looked at her own which was the last thing she’d ever expected Asuka to write about her the words she had fully expected to read were wonder girl or doll, yet the words written were divine goddess and they were bolded and underlined. Her eyes shifted finally to what Asuka had said about herself and that in its self was a sad because she had expected it to read something egotistic like goddess, yet it read the complete opposite instead the words insurable bitch were scribbled out in anger. Had she hated herself this long even back in school is this who she thought she was even now? She took in a deep breath as her eyes travelled back to her own image, Asuka really saw her as a divine goddess? It seemed strange to ask her self this but did Asuka have genuine feelings of love for her even after all these years? In school she’d always assumed it was about ownership, dominance and lust but she wasn’t that Asuka anymore there time together had shown that maybe she did long for love just like everyone else. She turned her phone off maybe it was something for a later time as she just wanted to get a shower and get dressed now and get some breakfast.

8

Asuka looked up slightly as Rei walked down stairs fully dressed she leaned over stroked Erika’s head then moved her fingers under chin as she spoke. “Look who is up Erika.” Rei walked forward watching as Asuka gave her small smile she wearing a new set of dark jeans and a t-shirt but no eye patch it was sitting on the coffee table which had been cleaned. “Did you carry me upstairs to your bed?” Asuka stood up fully. “Yes.” She shrugged. “Didn’t think it was fair for you to sleep on the sofa that’s all, you’re a guest.” She eyed the sofa. “I’m used to sleeping there now and again.” Rei looked up feeling that this was the right moment to mention her left eye. “Why are you not wearing your eye patch?” Asuka eyed her patch opposite on the kitchen surface. “You’ve seen me with out so what’s the point.” Rei moved closer pushing her fringe back. “I’m sorry I feel I should have mentioned this last night but you were in a lot of pain and I just didn’t want to burden you further it would seem that your left eye changed it looks really different now.” Asuka moved towards her. “What are you talking about?” Rei looked around her. “Do you have a hand mirror?” Asuka pointed feeling slightly confused. “Top draw of the coffee table…”

She watched as the other woman leaned over pulling it out then handed it to her she raised it slowly instantly seeing what Rei was talking about. Her left eye still had its scar which cut through but the eye had changed it was no longer milky in fact the centre where her pupil had been was a blazing white and there were burning light blue patterns and rings all around the iris and they were moving around slowly. She threw the mirror on to the kitchen counter closing both eyes as she put a hand on her face feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke in annoyance. “That’s great just great I look like a ficken neon light show!” Rei eased her hand over putting it on her arm. “You know I think it’s really beautiful to be honest and when you talk the patterns change its amazing.” Asuka turned looking at her for a long moment. “You like it that much?” Rei gave her, her best smile. “Yeah I do.” Asuka eased up her hand moving it in front of her eye. “Still can’t see out of it though, it’s all black.” Rei moved to stand in front of her. “You know maybe the way you see just hadn’t been revealed yet, have you considered that?” Asuka breathed in wanting to change the subject. “I saw your motorbike in the garage this morning, I fixed it for you.” Rei blinked in surprise. “What do mean you fixed it?”

Asuka eyed her for a long moment before putting her hands in her pockets as she leaned against the kitchen counter putting her foot against it. “Next time bring your motorbike to me if you cripple the front wheel, who ever repaired it did a really bad job.” She breathed in deeply. “I mean they didn’t put the power coil back in correctly so your bike wasn’t even gaining the power from the cores like it should and the wheels were awful. I replaced them along with the front suspension they’d just done a bodge job which would have caused you a serious accident.” She raised her hand. “Go take a look and feel free to drive it around and test it, out here you can open up full speed the farmers don’t mind so long as you don’t run through the rice fields.” She looked up slightly. “I have a spare helmet feel free to put it on I’m guessing you brought your leathers and boots with you.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Wait when did you do all of this?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I’ve had problems sleeping recently I end up waking up early most mornings. I woke up this morning and I just had nothing to do and I found your motorbike. I just can’t stand bad repair jobs and I have lots of top of the range spare parts lying around from my work cruiser bike and the old Titan sports bike I once had because they were both custom builds and I had parts that I never used and since its all interchangeable I knew it would work on your Olympia sports bike.”

Rei leaned closer. “I though you brought all of your motorbikes?” Asuka shook her head. “No I make them from scratch I buy in the parts I don’t want what everyone else has I want to build my own.” Rei raised her hand. “Wait that Trident you’ve got sitting in there is a custom as well?” Asuka nodded calmly. “Yes it was built from the ground up and it’s almost complete.” Rei blinked in shock. “I thought your grandmother got that for you, or of was a gift from the German division.” Asuka shook her head. “Please I would never ask my grandmother to buy me something like that would really selfish, she’s not made of money and I never ever ask for gifts from the German division for good behaviour. They make most of unit 02’s armour and all of its weapons they have enough on their plate and with out them I would really be in trouble. I know they work endless days and nights just so my weapons get tested and they even repair my units eye lenses because I’m always breaking them because I fall on my face quite often.” She moved her hand to stroke her cats head again as she rubbed against her arm. “If I want something I’ll buy it myself and that includes anything for my hobbies. The only thing I ask for help with is getting collectors editions comics and graphic novels in, which my cousin Kolby gets for me because he knows people and I always pay him he needs the money and his girlfriend has a child along the way. I’ve been trying to get them both a pass in to Nerv because there both desperate to see the Evangelion’s up close but Ritsuko always blocks it, because their not military.”

Rei folded her arms. “Why does Ritsuko hate you so much Asuka? I mean she’s always been out there trying to make you feel awful and I know its not just because of your behaviour in the past I mean that day when your unit changed you mentioned her hating your mother.” Asuka looked down sadly. “She hates me because my mother was the one who told your mother that Gendo was cheating on her, my mother really admired Yui and your aunt Kiko’s work.” She breathed in painfully. “It caused a huge amount of issues at Nerv because once your mother knew she hated your father for betraying her as well as you and Shinji. I heard they were going to divorce but then the joint accident happened with 00 and 01 and both your mother and aunt were presumed dead and not long after it my mother lost her mind during unit 02’s test.” Rei slowly moved taking her hand which was warm to the touch. “Did you ever tell Shinji this?” Asuka shook her head. “No, I hurt him so much when I was with him I made his life a living hell by being controlling and cruel towards him and I thought if I told him this I’d only add to his suffering. I just didn’t want to bring him any more pain because he was going through a very deep depression at the time.”

She looked down sadly. “I never deserved your brother, he was always better than me and he still is and I’m not stupid I’ve seen how he looks at Kaworu. I know he’s in love with him he has been for a while now and I want them to be together because Kaworu makes him happy I mean his eyes light up when ever he enters the room.” Rei stared at her she was truly stunned now, gods she gotten everything so wrong about Asuka for years she had based her judgements on her on her past behaviour yet she was so much the opposite now. There wasn’t any selfishness there at all in how she viewed people she cared about and no jealously ether over her brother wanting to be with Kaworu. She’d known about this for a while as well and she had been trying to get Shinji to ask him out but he was afraid and kept denying that he loved him. She looked up meeting Asuka’s gaze. “I’m sorry I owe you an apology Asuka.” Asuka raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What for?” Rei kept hold of her hand. “I’ve really misjudged you, for years I though you were just a self centred selfish person who didn’t care about anyone but herself. I never really gave you a second chance I just got so hung up with what happened with Shinji and what happened between us in school for so long and that was really unfair on you.”

Asuka eased her hand gently free. “You don’t owe me any apology Rei I made your life a living hell at school, like I said before people hate me and they have every right to and trust me I hate myself just as much and possibly more than they ever could. I know I’ll never be a good person like you or Shinji and I’ve leant to live with that because people like me don’t deserve second chances.” She looked down sadly. “I’m alone because no man or woman would ever have me, because emotionally I have way too much baggage.” She breathed in painfully. “I only made those comments to Mari during the fight to throw her off and make her think the opposite because she loves to mock my sex life even though it’s none existent and I can’t remember the last time I slept with a real person.” She moved away from the counter. “I have to use a VR helmet just to get off and even then I don’t feel anything emotionally its like being inside a dark void.” She breathed in deeply feeling the need to change the subject. “But none of this matter’s and it’s not your problem its mine.” She moved over to the garage door opening it watching as Rei’s sports bike came in to view which now had much better wheels for better grip and a better suspension that could take being knocked around at high speeds. “You should take you bike out for a run the suspension is so much better now, it can take you thrashing it around at full speed and wheels will grip much better so you won’t have an accident.”

End of part 21

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinji is someone I could see struggling much more with his sexuality and maybe coming to terms with it much later in his life, unlike Asuka who would come out early because her character would just say screw you to the world and this is how I am. Rei on the other hand I see as being much more private in her relationships and gender having no real bearing as ultimately what draws her in is deep connections to people.
> 
> I just want to give a shout out and a big thank you to all the people who have bookmarked this story and left Kudos I really appreciate it.


	22. Chapter 22

_TESTED UP ON THE SUPREME PILLAR_

 

Rei smoothed over her white plug suite then checked the collar she was waiting in the hanger bay as the delegate display would start soon the special platform had been set up which overlooked the training grounds whose central divide had come down completely to allow for more space. The huge screen had also risen on the other side of the training ground which allowed them to see inside the entry plug through direct feed and there were special banners that were unfolded showing the unit counter names used by the public and media. All the off the units had been cleaned at first light including 02 which had now had new plating fitted to match its match its new form. Now all of the units were all lined up in the lower bay because that was how it worked they got shot up one by one and had to perform before moving back to the shoulder restraints and making up a neat line. Her units new head crest had also been fitted she’d been requesting one for ages but she had been told that it had been completed and had been put on at long last. All the other units had crests in some form but hers never had one but that had now changed it had now been fitted with two large three sectioned side horns on ether side which flayed outwards from the base of the single red eye which could swivel at any angle.

Last years display had been so annoying and devastating the delegates I had basically said they weren’t interested in seeing her unit because it was outdated as they saw it as not being as superior as the others even though it was just the same and full upgraded and she’d spent so long trying to put together a display to win them over only for them to never even give her the chance. She wasn’t the only one who had, had trouble Shinji had been bored stiff and Asuka just hadn’t even been trying and it had showed in her performance which had been really lack lustre. The only ones who had been enjoying it had been Mari, Toji and Kaworu in fact Kaworu loved it more than anyone. He was an expert with the wings attachments and he flew them better than anyone on the team and his sky display was a huge hit every year. After the display was over the delegates would go down to her father and Ritsuko office and finalize their contracts for the coming year. After which they were given the grand tour of Nerv and shown anything new, though they weren’t allowed in the lower levels where Toji’s Evangelion was now having its logos put on and its upper head crest fitted along with its eye lenses.

She had left Asuka’s house late last night because she seemed better but she couldn’t get out of her head the things she said she had noticed that when she’d said sad things it caused the light patterns in her left eye to dim and spin more slowly. She really hated herself and she was so causal about it and that made her feel so sad. Not to mention that she’d said that she had to much emotional baggage and she was completely resound to the fact that people would always leave her and that she’d always be alone and that she deserved it. The other thing that surprised her being there was how soft and gentle she was with her cat Erika, like Misato she had such infinity and love for living things. She had said that Erika was a former stray who she’d saved from being put down because she couldn’t be re-homed, hence why she had the tatty ear because she’d been in so many fights with other cats and people didn’t want her because she was scruffy looking and beaten up and she wasn’t a kitten so her adoption changes had been so much less. She was Asuka’s favourite thing in the whole world though she was always petting her and stroking her or playing with her, which was so much the opposite to how she had been growing with Pen Pen who she had treated with annoyed in difference. Because of this she’d grown up assuming that she hated animals or didn’t care about them.

She loved Erika though and she spoilt her rotten, there was a high cat tree for her in the living room and she had a whole box of toys and Asuka liked giving her treats and talk to her in a real soft and gentle voice. She tried countless times that night to try and ask her if she wanted money for the repairs she’d made on her bike which she’d flat out refused. She felt sad in a way because when Asuka had fixed Shinji’s motorbike some time back and told him that she didn’t want anything in return she had assumed there was a alter motive there somewhere but there had been none at all. She looked up as the speaker came on and Maya’s voice hit the air. “Would all Evangelion pilots please report to hanger bay, thank you.” She looked up as Toji came in with Misato he was being followed by his younger sister Sakura who was in her school uniform she was twelve and looked like she was having the time of her life. She looked just like him she had his brown eyes and long dark brown hair she had a drinks bottle in her hand and was clinging to her brother’s arm. She turned suddenly running towards her the joy in her voice as she spoke. “You’re Rei Ayanami.”

Rei eased up her hand taking hold of her hand. “And you must be Sakura welcome to the underground are you looking forward to the show?” Toji smiled putting his arm around her. “She’s been looking forward to this for months.” Sakura turned seeing all of the Evangelion’s lined up. “There so awesome!” She turned eyeing him. “When are you going to get yours?” Misato leaned over somehow having Sakura here brought back so many fond memories of the others when they were children and it was a nice feeling. “Very soon, it’s almost complete I’ve seen it its all black and yellow and really furious.” She turned as Shinji appeared closely followed by Kaworu which caused Sakura’s eyes to gleam even more. Misato turned to them. “Sakura this is Shinji and Kaworu.” Shinji moved over taking the girls hand. “Hi there.” Sakura felt a smile form. “Wow you were the one who took out Shamshel!” Shinji felt his smile widen. “Well not on my own I had Rei and Asuka by my side, I couldn’t have done it alone.” Sakura moved to Kaworu. “You do those awesome flying displays are you going to do one today?” Kaworu felt his smile widen as he pushed his white hair back. “Of cause I aim to please.” Misato watched as Mari came running in almost slipping on the floor as she ran stopping in front of them. “Ah yes and this is…”

Mari pushed past her. “Hello trouble!” Sakura ran over giving the taller woman a hug. “Mari!” Misato blinked in surprise. “You two know each other?” Mari felt a sly smile form. “Yeah of cause we do, she visits my apartment regularly along with Toji.” She leaned over the younger girl. “Your going to see some real cool stuff today Sakura, you get the best seats in the house in the training room building.” Misato eyed her. “How is your nose?” Mari gave her a cold look as she spoke evenly. “It’s healed.” Sakura looked around. “Where is Asuka, she is so cool?” She put her hands together. “I’ve always wanted to meet her.” Mari folded her arms rolling her eyes. Misato turned looking around her. “Wait, where is Asuka? She’s normally always here by now.” She grabbed her ear piece. “Kaji did Asuka come in today?” Kaji’s voice came back filled with concern. “Yes she came in to day she was last seen on the Arcade level buying a new phone she knows she can’t miss this event. She has to perform even if that means just walking unit 02 around because that’s all the delegates say they expect from her as its changed and is completely untested.” He spoke again his voice filled with concern. “Is she not with you?” Misato breathed in deeply. “No she isn’t.”

Rei moved forward. “She’s missing?” Misato pushed her hair back in frustration. “Yes.” Sakura looked up in confusion. “I heard she was sick but I thought she was all better now.” She looked around her seeing the concern on every ones faces though Mari had a coy smile forming on her lips. “I mean that’s what the media said.” Rei breathed in deeply as she stepped forward. “I’ll find her.” Misato looked up sharply. “She could be anywhere Rei! You know she has a really good knack for disappearing recently when it suits her.” Rei raised her hand. “I’ll find her, just delay her coming up as long as possible.” Misato eased out her hand. “But you’re meant to go up first after Toji!” Rei turned bursting in to a run she had a feeling deep down in the pit of her stomach where Asuka might be. “Stall them and when I get her back here put us up together!” Misato watched her go she eased her ear piece back on. “Hello Eshima there’s going to be a change to the display roaster after the Beta, Omega unit 01 will go up followed by 03 and 04 then 02 and 00 will be coming up together.” A young woman’s voice came back filled with anger. “You’re telling me this now? You do realize that the delegates have just seated themselves!”

Misato sneered. “Your media and all that bullshit, make it work for you!” Eshima spoke coldly. “There not interested in 00, they’ve already said that.” Misato breathed in deeply. “There coming up together regardless Eshima and it’s my decision to make not yours 00 has just been refitted with new face the world needs to see it.” Eshima’s voice came again filled with disgust. “This is because the fucking German pilots got cold feet right? So she needs her hand holding, gods that so pathetic talk about a fall from grace, she does nothing now but a fuck up.” Misato narrowed her gaze hating that Eshima was right about the hand holding but she wasn’t going to tell her that. “No it’s because Rei and Asuka are good friends and have been for a while!” She felt her teeth grind together as she spoke her next words. “Also show some respect! Asuka has been put through the grinder in a way that would have broken other people and she’s doing her best, despite that the outside world has run nothing but mocking jokes in there news feeds about her for weeks.” Eshima’s voice came again filled with sarcasm. “Regardless putting 00 with 02 is a joke, 00 will get its ass whipped by Nekomata, assuming that is that Asuka can even pilot it with out having yet another incident, which we have clean up!”

8

Eshima turned off her ear piece eyeing Tadao who was dressed in a black suit for a change he was looking over the roaster change as it appeared on his tablet’s screen. She could see men and women of every skin colour seated on the special seating which over looked the training grounds some even had there kids with them who looked so excited. Beneath her Misato and the others were in the training room control room the delegates weren’t allowed anywhere near central dogma’s control room, it was for angel attacks and when the Evangelion’s were out on missions she turned to her friend. “Okay we are ready to go!” Tadao eyed the main screen before turning to the woman in her thirties who was dressed in the proper Nerv uniform with trousers she had plaited brown hair and dark green eyes. “They put 00 with 02 together why would you even do that, it’s a joke?” Eshima eased up her wireless miniature microphone getting ready to turn it on as she looking at him. “There afraid the German pilots going to fuck up again, clearly they want someone to hold her hand.” Tadao blinked in confusion. “Yeah but why Rei…talk about chalk and cheese?” Eshima shrugged slightly. “I heard Asuka screwed her in school once, maybe they just want to throw a pretty thing under her nose to keep her calm you know appeal to her sexual appetite since she’s a predatory letch.”

She checked her microphone setting again as she locked in to her collar. “Personally I think it’s more like throwing a little baby lamb to a hungry lion, Rei won’t last a second against Asuka. That’s assuming Asuka can get even it together I heard that she’s not doing so well mentality, so we shouldn’t expect anything worth while from her.” Eshima turned on the microphone as moved over the crowds watching as the two vertical wings rose up above them on ether side as the press helicopters moved in. They could get closer to the field today and could do fly bys just not when 03 was performing she slowly breathed in as she forced her fake happy smile for her audience. “Welcome ladies and gentle man to the great sceptical that is Nerv!” She watched as the screen changed as the first Evangelion surfaced which was the Beta unit which stood solemnly by itself. “As you know Nerv was founded after the second impact which happened when the angels attacked us for the first time by sending a angel winged weapon of death and destruction to earth which almost wiped us out.” She watched as the photo appeared on the huge screen with the four angel’s wings rising up above the red sky showing the second impact in Antarctica. “Since then it has become the master and leader of weapons technology worldwide. Its founder Gendo Ikari brought together the worlds brightest to save our world and thus the Evangelion was born!”

She began to walk across the platform as the screen changed to a blue print sketch projection of an Evangelion’s real head being armoured up in real time. “The most sophisticated weapon ever bio synthetic skin muscles and internal organs over an organic and metal skeleton overlaid with twelve thousand plates of pure fortified armour.” She turned raising her hand towards the screen. “Thus the Evangelion program began but they needed pilots, only the best are picked to be pilots and it takes incredible mental discipline to sync with these children of the gods.” She turned as the screen brought up Toji’s image as the Omega unit surfaced its three blue eyes flashing as the huge faded yellow body walked off the stand as he grabbed a machine gun as it came up from bellow. “Thus I give your our newest pilot in training, Toji Suzuhara born in China and now part of our China division and the current user of the Omega unit.” She watched as the holograms started to appear as Toji started shooting at them. “The first prototypes were clumsy and needed cables, Nerv realized this solution just wouldn’t work long term plus the angels can land anywhere on our planet and the risk was to great so a new technology had to be put in to practice. Also they feared that rival factions would just blow the cable up and it would leave the pilot in serious trouble with only minutes to spare.”

She watched as Toji finished blowing up the hologram tanks and trucks before spinning the gun around before throwing it up in the air before catching it again before as he stepped slowly back as the shoulder restraints came down locked him in to place opposite the Beta unit. “Then the most incredible feat of engineering took place the S² Engine was created and in its wake the new Evangelion’s were born.” She watched as unit 01 rose up from the ground its huge purple and green body coming in to view with it’s outer crest white eyes and tall crest horn which slowly opened revealing the two large grooved side horns on ether side which helped it build up power for its special attack where it could blast out a massive wave of power which could rip through AT fields. “Thus the new generation was born leaner meaner and powered internally with a source of safe endless power.” She watched as Shinji’s face appeared on screen as the first banner went down revealing a huge Japanese dragon with eight heads and eight tails. “Thus I give you the third child and prodigal son Shinji Ikari and the owner of unit 01 or Yamata no Orochi as we like to call it here!” She looked up as the unit moved forward as it huge jaws opened as a bellowing roar came out and its clawed hands moved outwards as the two mini guns came up it grabbed them as it fired holographic bullets at the target hologram opposite. “Designed by Yui Ikari and Kiko Ayanami this is the final product a beautiful feat of engineering fully operational with limitless power can be taken anywhere around the world dropped from a great heights and with stand deep water depth and high temperature even lava. They are ultra responsive the pilots need only think and his or her actions are brought to life through the controllers!” She watched as the guns were dropped as the unit started to do back flips. “Thus was the first step to beating the angels!” 

8

I’m a ficken coward, Mari was right the moment they announced that they needed all pilots I just lost my nerve, I started shaking and I started to feel physically sick and I ran away like a child. Every time I’ve stepped in an Evangelion I mess it up or something goes wrong. I just couldn’t walk down there to the bay it felt like a death march to my own grave I know I’m meant to perform I don’t even know if unit 02 will even turn on, my sync has been only just above border line and it will probably reject me and not even bother to move an inch. So here I am sitting alone in the Delphi gardens which are completely empty as everyone is in the Arcade watching the display on the big screens cheering the units they love but I hear nothing in this place. It’s so quite even Bardiel is completely silent as he sits opposite watching me. So much for Asuka Langley Soryu the so called great pilot maybe this is just inevitable and truly my last dance, Ritsuko will let me go if I fail one more time the writing is on the wall. Maybe it will be a saving grace maybe I’ll finally find peace in solitude and loneliness maybe I can return to Germany and spend the remainder of my life in my grandmothers home because I’m just not cut out for this anymore, the stress is killing me it hurts when I breath these days and I know my cracked ribs are fine.

Asuka looked down at her reflection in the large round pond which she was sitting next to she wasn’t in her plug suite just her normal casual clothing. She eased her fingers out running them though the water watching her image was shattered by the ripples. She looked around what even was peace? She’d never felt it in her whole life and even here in this stunning pilgrimage to the Greek gods and goddess with it great white pillars and columns and vast forest of green trees she didn’t feel calm just anxious and unhappy, did peace even exist or was it just a made up word? She had never felt it in her whole life, just rage, anger, heartbreak and despair and above all else loneliness despite her grandmothers love. For just one moment in her life she just wanted to know what real love felt like and not the kind from family but the kind they talked about in books where the person felt so much emotion that they could burst and could move mountains, or set the world ablaze.

“There you are.”

Asuka turned sharply seeing Rei come in to view the younger woman was standing over her dressed in her plug suite, she turned back to the water. “No offence but please go away and leave me alone.” Rei slowly sat down next to her. “You know it took me a long time to find you so I’m really not leaving you’ll just have to listen to me talk for a while.” Asuka felt herself tense as she tried to hold back her anger. “You do not have to be here Rei! You are not obligated to be here you don’t owe me anything and I won’t think any less of you if you get up right now and walk out.” Rei looked at her sadly. “You know when we were kids I said I would only work with you if they ordered me to and they had to order me.” She looked up. “Now I don’t think like that at all, I’m sitting here because I want to spend time with because I enjoy your company.” Asuka felt herself laugh but it was a cold laugh even to her own ears. “Please you must be kidding right you want to spend time with me? I’m a ficken screw up Rei I destroy everything I touch, I hurt people’s feelings I’m rotten inside and out and people just put up with me because the one and only thing I’m good at is bringing insane rage and violence to the fight and that is it!” She looked at her hands feeling the sadness take over. “And I don’t even want to do that anymore, it just feels like to much effort and it’s too painful.”

Rei shook her head. “There is good in you Asuka you just don’t want to see it or believe it but I see it in you and its very kind and noble.” She watched as Asuka got up she didn’t think as she grabbed her arm stopping her. “No you’re not going to walk away from me this time or push me away because I’m so sick you doing that to me!” Asuka turned sharply she wanted to yank her arm away and it was taking everything she had not to. “Leave me alone!” Rei kept hold of her leather jackets arm refusing to let go. “You want me to leave you’ll have to make me Asuka and I don’t think you want to do that and we both know it.” Asuka breathed in feeling herself stop trying to pull away she would never hurt the other woman, the thought alone made her sick to the stomach. Rei moved to stand in front of the red haired woman. “Tell me something why did you protect me from Mari, why take the blows?” Asuka looked down sadly she wasn’t going to say the truth here that she loved her. “I did it because people shouldn’t pick on others who are unarmed.” Rei raised her finger. “You’re lying Asuka, you’ve never been that great a liar every one knows it.”

Asuka put a hand through her hair in frustration. “I did it because I care about you and because I don’t like watching other people hurt you, I never have!” It wasn’t love but it was as close as she could get with out exposing the truth. Rei moved a little closer putting her hands on her leather collar straightening it. “It’s not weak to care about other’s Asuka I know you might be thinking that because you’ve spent most of our life putting up walls and barriers to protect yourself but its not it makes you a good person.” She watched as the other woman’s good eye looked down, she eased up her hands putting them gently on both sides of her face. “I really enjoyed staying with you the other day because I got to see the real you and I really liked her, she was warm and giving and I don’t want loose her now just when I’ve gotten to know her.” She stared in to her good eye. “So please come with me now, because I would like the rest of the world to see what I saw yesterday because there clearly not seeing the best of you and they are still basing your image on who you used to be and it needs to change.” Asuka breathed in feeling the tears come before she could stop them. “I can’t do this on my own…”

Rei eased a finger up wiping some of her tears away. “You won’t be alone Asuka, we’ll go up together I promise you.” Asuka looked down as her next words came out before she could stop them. “I’m afraid.” Rei looked up sharply she had never once heard Asuka say these words openly. “Its okay to be afraid Asuka, it makes you human.” She wrapped her arms around her feeling Asuka do the same to her. “You don’t have to keep on putting up the shields and barriers all to protect yourself all off the time and you don’t have to do with me I won’t hurt you because I care about you, please believe that.” She ran a hand through her long red hair. “Maybe I should have told you this a long time ago but I spent my whole childhood admiring your bravery, you’re the bravest person I know and I wished I could just let loose like you.” She took in a deep breath feeling Asuka’s arms tighten around her. “Every one always seems to tell you that your fires a negative in some way but I disagree your fire completes you and I adore watching it.” She pulled away putting her hands on her face again. “So please come with me now Asuka.” She watched as the taller woman nodded but didn’t speak. “We won’t have time to get you in to your plug suit do you have your interface hair clips?” Asuka nodded as she spoke quietly. “Yes there in this jacket I always keep spares, just like Shinji does.” Rei stepped back. “Then come on lets go.”

8

Eshima watched as unit 01 stepped away going to stand next to Omega the shoulder restraints coming down locking it in to place. “Nerv prides its self on multicultural excellence and pilots come to us from all over the world.” She watched as the huge pink and white unit 04 appeared with its three upward facing horns and eight green eyes as Mari’s image appeared on the screen as the second banner was unfolded showing an image of a massive demon ball with hundreds of eyes and lots of teeth. “Thus I give you the forth child Mari Makinami from Great Britain, in unit 04 or Dodomeki as we call it here!” She watched as unit 04 eased up both hands creating a massive AT field. “AT fields, the weapon of choice for every Evangelion pilot created through intense mental refinement the stronger the pilots will and mind the stronger the field.” She smiled as the massive pink unit grabbed a two ended spear and started to spin it graceful. “As well as gun’s and knifes Evangelion’s can spin spears and throw them as far as the moon given enough force it is a tactic that has been most useful in the past because every time the angels enter space we can volley them.”

She breathed in as unit 04 put the spear down as it pulled itself in to a hand stand which slowly became one handed. “What the pilot does with his or her body outside the Evangelion, they can imitate inside it with enough training hence a lot of our pilots train endlessly in side Nerv’s facilities in weapons and hand to hand combat, so they can be a complete war machines in and out of the entry plug.” She watched as Mari got up again as a rifle was brought up and the spear was lowered as a hologram target appeared. “Some have also become exceptional with rifles and never miss.” She watched as Mari fired hitting the holographic target spot on before lowering her rifle which vanished bellow as she stepped back to stand near 01 as the shoulder restraints came down locking her in place. “There was an idea that mass Evangelion’s could be produced, though this was not Nerv’s idea and another company tried but dummy entry plugs can not be imitated. The Evangelion rejects the dummy plug every time they need real brain waves to function not fake ones there failure gave us some new technology that was very useful.”

She watched as a huge white unit rose up with red bands of colour and a mouth much like unit 01’s there was a huge horn on the nose and the eyes were red it also had a wide crest which had seven small lesser horns coming out which curved outwards. The unit walked slowly in to the centre as the banner came down showing of a huge skeleton towering over some people as Kaworu appeared on screen. “Thus I give you Kaworu Nagisa the fifth child of the Ukraine in unit 03 named after the demon Gashadokuro!” She watched as the massive white wings unfolded from the back compartment. “The mass Evangelion’s were scrapped and there spear parts given to us thus now all the Eva’s have a wing device like this that can be put on to any unit, they allow flight world wide granted they can’t go in to space though we have special rocket equipment for that but the results of these wings are most impressive as Kaworu will now demonstrate.” Misato watched as Kaworu left the ground spinning in loops she eyed the dock where unit 00 and unit 02 were sitting she couldn’t tell Kaworu to prolong this as her face would appear on the screen and the delegates would see she pressed a button her holographic panel. “Are Rei and Asuka here yet?” Hayden’s voice came back. “Yes I see them coming!”

Misato took in a deep breath. “Get them both in and send them up together!” Hayden’s voice back filled with deep concern. “Asuka’s not in her plug suit she’s only wearing the interface hair clips!” Misato watched as both pilots ran to their entry plugs. “It doesn’t matter they don’t need the whole suite to pilot the interface hair clips can work just as well.” She turned to Kaji. “Cut off all feed to Asuka’s entry plug other than Rei’s I don’t want any back chatter from anyone. Rei is the only one who gets to speak to her period and tell those assholes above her not being suited up is part of the demonstration also split the screen and bring down both banners together and like the others make it so the delegates can only see them but not hear them.” Eshima watched as unit 03 spun again before coming crashing down to earth as the huge white wings folded back in to the compartment. “As you can see it’s most impressive.” She watched as the unit 03 went to stand next 04 as it was locked in to place all of them were waiting now. “And for our final event….” She watched as Tadao raised his tablet pointing out a change. “Okay very slight change to this event.” She turned as both 00 and 02 came up together she watched as spit screen came on showing Asuka and Rei side by side though both were in partial darkness as they nether had activated yet.

She looked up. “I give you Rei Ayanami younger sister of Shinji Ikari and the first child in the newly out fitted 00, which is now fully upgraded for better use and sporting a brand new horned crest!” She watched as the banner unfolded showing of a massive shark slicing people apart with its razor tail as the blue and white unit with its single red swivel eye remained still. “Over here we call it Isonade.”  She turned as the banner unfolded at the far side showing a huge cat with two tails biting in to a person she looked at the ugly red and white unit with its four green eyes and strange body which reminded her of a werewolf due to the long palms and hind clawed legs. “Also from the long standing German division I give you Asuka Langley Soryu the second child also in her updated unit 02! Or Nekomata which has undergone a rather drastic transformation as of late unlike the others I can not read out the new capacities as this is unknown all we do know for sure is that it’s similar to beast mode but it appears to be controlled.” She eyed Asuka seeing the eye patch and casual clothes. “Asuka is also going to demonstrate the use of the interface hair clips set but no plug suite, please note this takes great mental discipline the only other pilot’s who can do this well are Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami. When she starts up fully a part surround will appear around her head don’t be alarmed it purely just to compensate for her left eye which was blinded during the UN Alpha test unit accident.” She smiled coldly turning off her microphone this was the biggest joke ever, unit 02 wasn’t even going to start and even if it could start it would probably limp around pathetically like it had done last time this was a disaster waiting to happen.

Misato breathed in deeply looking at Rei and Asuka who both seemed calm. “You can start when ever.” She turned to Maya. “Is Asuka’s heart rate okay?” Maya eyed the monitor. “You know what its surprising okay, holding very steady I don’t know what Rei said or did but she’s really calm it’s the calmest she’s been in weeks.” Misato eyed the screen watching as Asuka slowly reached for her controls closing her good eye as she took in slow deep breathes as Rei calmly reached for her own watching her intensely as they could see each others screens. Maya breathed in. “She psyching herself up.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “You wouldn’t?” Maya watched as Asuka opened her good eye as she suddenly grabbed the controls violently as she screamed with all her might. Misato watched as the unit sprung to life as all of the sensors came on as the huge jaws opened as a bellowing roar hit the air and the tongue came out as it started to walk slowly out on its hind legs its two huge long tails trashing around violently. “What’s her sync like?” Maya eyed the screen. “Above border line holding steady...” Misato watched as Rei calmly brought herself on line as she walked towards the centre of the training field. “Send up Rei’s favourite spear the two ended one, Asuka won’t care about the pain she likes a challenge.”

Rei eased out the Evangelion’s hand taking hold of the two ended spear. “Shall we begin?” Asuka’s mouth slowly formed a toothy grin. “With pleasure.” She slammed down the controls feeling everything move as her whole unit started running she forced the arms down feeling the clawed hands as they hit the floor as it turned in to an all fours run at Rei’s unit holding nothing back. The next moments turned to pain as the spear swung around last second smashing straight in to her units face sending her flying though the air and slamming down on her back hard as her whole unit tumbled. She could taste blood in her mouth but it was a weirdly nice sensation which gave her a buzz she yanked her unit back on to all fours as she ran at her again feeling the whole thing leave the floor as she tried to come down only for 00 to move clean out of her way as she came down hard. She blinked in surprise only to feel the spear as it took both of her feet out from under her causing her to crash down again hard, though this time the feeling of pain made her heart start to race as something hit her in an instant Rei was a challenge, oh how she loved challenges!

Misato watched as unit 02 rose again but something had changed it was in Asuka she had the look of a child that had suddenly gotten hold of a new toy to play with Maya looked up. “Asuka’s adrenaline is rising that means she’s happy.” She eyed Rei’s read outs. “Actuality so is Rei’s, would you believe?” Misato put her hand on her chin. “Who does Rei normally get paired up with in training?” Kaji looked up. “Rei it’s always Shinji but recently she’s become very unresponsive, like she’s just going through the motions and she’s bored and frustrated, we’ve never paired her up with Asuka because we thought that Asuka might be way to much for her to handle, clearly we were deeply mistaken I mean she’s giving her a run for her money here.” Rei moved slowly back watching as Asuka came at her again though this time staying on her units hind legs as she tried to make grab for her. She used her other hand as she grabbed unit 02’s stomach area throwing it full force over her head watching as Asuka’s unit smashed down on its side again only to front flip itself back up as her unit started to stalk her on all fours but much slower and with much more thought.

She breathed in as Asuka’s unit suddenly made a running jump though this time much higher she felt the pain as the clawed feet landed squarely on her shoulders. One of the tails started to lash out violently as it tried to wrap around her arm holding the spear trying to get it out of her hand as one of the clawed hands grabbed her units face. Rei looked up grabbing 02’s lower jaw as she forced her whole weight downwards watching as Asuka was thrown forward with enough force to send her tumbling. Though this time she dug her claws in to the floor stopping her unit and flipping it right side up again she slowly raised her hand throwing out the AT field just as Asuka slammed in to it before flying off again as she raised a clawed one producing her own field watching as the two collided violently pushing and pressing against each other. Asuka blinked in confusion feeling her AT field drop she wasn’t getting through at all, she felt floor again as Rei took her units feet out from under before she could even respond she flipped right side up seeing Rei give her a rather coy smile. “You think that’s funny do you?” She heard her unit’s jaws snap shut above her. Rei smirked. “It’s hilarious actually, should’ve seen your face at this end.”

She waved the spear enjoying the playful jest. “Here kitty, kitty.” Asuka licked one of her canine teeth lowering her tone so it sounded seductive. “I’ll give you kitty, kitty.” She forced her unit in to a run snapping out the tails at the last minute trying to use them to knock her over only for 00 to jump and spin in mid air completely out of her reach before landing at the other end of the training ground away from her. Where the hell had Rei learnt that, she couldn’t do that at all, even when her unit had looked normal? Rei eased up her spear twirling it watching as Asuka paused her unit looking around clearly trying to see an opening before leaping again this time 02’s jaws came down clamping on the spear as she tried to get it out of her unit’s hands this was really fun. It wasn’t like training with her brother at all he held back all of the time and it wasn’t challenging it was really boring. She pulled one hand free of the spear slamming in to Asuka’s units face as she pushed back not allowing her get the traction as her massive clawed feet scuffed the ground as she blocked her units eyes off causing the mouth to open allowing her to get her spear loose. “Look who is all  fired up, hot and bothered go take a cold swim!”

She brought her foot up kicking unit 02 in the chest sending it flying backwards. Asuka felt the floor again as she hit it she breathed in flipping herself right side up. “Only if you join me I’ve heard you look good in swimwear!” Rei swung the spear laughing as she spoke. “Oh like you’ve ever seen me in my swimwear.” Asuka felt her smile widen. “I might have don’t you have a really nice looking black one piece it fits your curves all so well?” Maya blinked in surprise. “Is this for real or are we in the twilight zone?” Misato looked up she wasn’t even surprised by this in the least this was so Asuka as she had always loved to flirt but Rei responding to it was a huge surprise. “Yes this is real.” She turned hearing Kaji laugh behind her. Mari’s face suddenly popped up. “I know no one cares about my option but this is creepy and Asuka’s grossing me out right now.” Kaworu’s face popped up as he sat back calmly. “The delegates can’t hear them there not on speaker the conversation it’s all private.” Shinji’s face appeared as he smiled. “There just having fun its nice, I mean Asuka’s units finally up and running and she looks happy.”

Mari leaned back putting her hands behind her head. “Yeah I think the whole sexual flirtation thing is really lost on you Shinji.” Shinji breathed in deeply. “Asuka is not flirting with my sister.” Toji’s face suddenly popped up. “Yeah hate to break it to you but she’s flirting big time, it’s not even subtle and your sisters enjoying it.” Misato breathed in deeply. “I think we should stop this now before Asuka starts being really inappropriate since down in Nerv the sound feed isn’t shut off and they can hear the pilots.” She pressed her holographic speaking calmly. “You two can finish now.” She watched as both Rei and Asuka’s faces popped up filled with annoyance as both units went in to their relaxed modes. “Okay move yourselves to the shoulder restraints we are bringing everyone back down now.” Asuka sneered moved over to the shoulder restraints along with Rei watching as the shoulder restraints came down locking them both down in to place. “Damn it and I was having so much fun!” Rei’s face came up on her screen as she spoke in a soft voice giving her a wide smile as they were lowered down slowly along with the others. “I’m sure they’ll be a next time.”

End of part 22

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rei’s unit having a crest is meant to symbolize her independence in this universe in that she has say and has desires and just like others she wants things, it just unlike the others she tends to get them last and has to wait longer. Kaworu’s unit looks the way it does is because him and Asuka are not at odds in this universe there fore it does not look like the mass produced Eva’s, which I personally really hate, hence his unit looks similar to unit 01 because of his close friendship with Shinji.
> 
> In Japanese folk lore and mythology, Isonade was monster shark that eat people and cut them up with its razor tail. Yamata-no-Orochi was a dragon with eight heads and eight tails. Nekomata is a lycanthropic werecat that eat people normally people who pissed it off and Gashadokuro is huge monster skeleton that eat people, while Dodomeki is a demon with hundreds of eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

_IN THE CALMNESS AND STILLNESS_

 

Asuka watched as the last of the LCL dripped off her leather jacket it would dry off her clothes it always did it only took a few minutes she’d seen Shinji and Rei’s clothes do the same. She took in a deep breath closing her good eye she hadn’t felt this good in so long. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders, her unit was finally working right. She opened her good eye looking in to unit 02’s four eyes as it towered over her from its position in the docking bay where it was now half submerged in red water. She raised her arm up towards its massive face opening her hand and spreading her fingers. “Thank you for activating and letting me in.” She lowered her hand she hadn’t felt this way in such a long time and it was so nice, she slowly made her way up the stairs to the upper bay catching sight of Rei who was making her way over to her still in her plug suit though she’d taken her interface hair clips off. Rei moved towards Asuka who looked very calm and happy and it was the first time in ages that she’d seen her smile this way. “One of the dock workers was telling me that they loved our show on the networks.” Asuka put her hands in her pockets moving a step closer to the younger woman. “I really don’t care about what they thought it was just nice being up there with you.” She felt her smile widen. “You’re a real challenge.” Rei looked up in surprise realizing that this could be a compliment and she very rarely ever heard Asuka compliment others. “Is that a compliment Asuka?”

Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Yes it is.” She raised an eyebrow. “Believe me I love real challenges and I want to do that again sometime.” She eased up her hand pulling her patch off putting it in her pocket as she moved closer to the other woman gently taking hold of her free hand. “I also wanted to say thank you for this morning in the Delphi gardens, you didn’t have to do that but I’m so grateful that you did.” Rei gave her a smile she could see the patterns pulsing and spinning in her left eye setting it on fire. “Sometimes Asuka you just need someone to believe in you when you can’t.” Asuka moved forward gently wrapping her arms around her pulling her close as she spoke in quite and soft voice. “I’m sorry for all the times I questioned your friendship and your reasons for being around me, I won’t ever question you again I promise.” She knew her next action might be wrong but she just wanted to express her feelings in anyway possible with the first person who she had come to trust in a very long time, she gently kissing the top of her head. “You’re always welcome in my home, come around when ever you please.”

“Look who stole the show!”

Asuka breathed as she pulled away from Rei sharply turning to see that Misato, Shinji and Toji who were standing behind them smiling there was a young twelve ear old school girl who looked like she was about to burst with excitement. She adjusted her leather jacket. “We were just having fun.” Misato moved closer catching sight of Asuka’s left eye which filled with bright patterns which were moving and pulsing with pure striking blue light. “Asuka your eye...it looks.” Asuka looked up speaking calmly. “Yeah I know it looks like a neon light it’s been that way since unit 02 shut down after it transformed.” Misato moved closer. “You should get Maya to look at that, it looks really weird, does it hurt?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “You know I kind of like it and it’s different it doesn’t hurt at all but I still can’t see out of it.” Rei gave her smile. “Honestly I like it.” Asuka poked her head around looking at the young school girl. “Who might this be?” Rei turned raising her hand. “Asuka this is Sakura, Toji’s younger sister she’s a big fan of yours.” Asuka moved over to the young girl who looked nervous and she knew why she remembered back when she’d been fifteen feeling that way the day before she’d left Germany knowing that she was going to meet Rei and Shinji and she’d not been able to sleep all night.

She lowered herself very slightly so as not to seem threatening as she spoke softy. “So you’re Sakura you know I’ve heard all about you from Shinji, I’ve heard that you like Evangelion’s and the program.” Sakura felt a smile form as she put her hands together. “Yeah I would love to be a pilot someday and I’ve always loved unit 02 it’s always been my favourite and it looks even cooler now.” Asuka slowly eased up her hands pulling out her red interface clips letting her hair fall loose. “You know I was only a few years older than you when I first came to Japan and you know what I was really nervous but once I got in to that entry plug my whole world changed.” She gently took hold of her hand opening it as she placed her hair clips in her palm. “You can be anything you want if you believe hard enough Sakura.” Sakura stared at the clips. “You’re giving these to me?” Asuka nodded calmly. “Yes, take good care of them they served me well for many years and if you make the program keep them to remind you of today.” Sakura looked at her glowing patterned eye. “Are you sure your eye doesn’t hurt?” Asuka gave her a wide smile. “No not at all, like I said I kind of like it, makes me stand out.” She moved closer. “Would you like to see unit 02 up close? I can walk you along the bay down there you’ll get to look right in to its green eyes.”

Sakura leaped up. “Yes please!” Asuka stood up fully putting her hand on her shoulder. “Come on follow me I’ll take you down there.” She turned looking back at Toji. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care off her and I’ll bring her right back.” Rei breathed in trying not to laugh the looks on everyone’s faces it was just out right hilarious they were looking at Asuka as if she from some other planet as she led the young girl down in to the hanger walking along the long lower bay where unit 02 was half submerged as she raised her hands going in to boasting mode about its capacities though it was clearly just for Sakura’s benefit. Misato breathed in deeply looking at Shinji who looked just as confused. “What’s going on, can someone please tell me I’m really confused right now like has someone switched Asuka for someone we don’t know?” She turned to Rei who was smiling. “What did you say to her, she’s never normally like this?” Rei looked down watching as Asuka started to mess around causing Sakura to laugh. “I just told her a few things she needed to hear that’s all.” Misato moved closer to her. “No you’ve got to tell me, just what you said because I’ve been trying for years to move that mountain.” Rei folded her arms. “It’s private.” Misato raised her hand in frustration. “Oh come on!” Rei raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever considered that maybe trying to force a mountain to move won’t work and instead you need to scale it slowly until it allows you to reach the summit?”

Misato leaned against the railings. “I’m going to get it out of you, you know that right?” Rei leaned on the rails. “And I’m not going to tell you just so you know.” Shinji leaned on the railing watching Asuka. “It is really nice to see her this way though.” Rei looked down before meeting his gaze. “When you said she was good hearted was this how she was with you?” Shinji nodded calmly. “Yeah it was but I only saw it in fleeting moments when we were together but I just couldn’t reach her, I tried and tried and it just caused us both more pain.” He breathed in deeply. “You know she was flirting with you when you fighting together right?” Rei looked up. “Yeah but it was just fun and games.” Shinji shook his head. “She always liked you in school have you considered that even now she might feel the same even after all these years?” Rei looked up slightly. “I’ve considered it yes.” Misato poked her head around. “Yeah plus she was kissing your head when we arrived and hugging you.” Rei eyed her. “She was just being friendly.” Misato felt a coy smile form on her lips. “Sure whatever, I mean I greet all my so called friends that way.” Rei put her hands together. “Did you have any luck finding out who meddled with Asuka’s plug suit?” Misato breathed in deeply. “No, the science division said it wasn’t them and the general staff said the same as did the specialists I need to speak to the head dockworker Hayden, I left him till last and only because we had the display today. Rei breathed in deeply. “I hope you find out at least something.” Misato eyed her. “Same here...”

8

Shinji slowly walked up the corridor to the vending machines seeing that Asuka was sitting there quietly looking at a gold mini disc which had a demon image engraved on the label she was flipping it between her fingers. There was slightly melancholy look on her face even with her patch on it was very plain to see and it confused him she’d been so happy this morning what had changed? She very rarely came here anymore though they had sat here together often as children, back to back listening to his walkman. He slowly sat down opposite her. “Are you okay Asuka? We didn’t see you at breakfast.” Asuka looked down slightly. “I wasn’t hungry.” She felt a sad smile form. “Trust me I eat a lot when Rei visited the other day and I feel like I’m still digesting it.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “You were really nice to Sakura today I think she really liked your company.” Asuka looked down sadly. “If she is any where near as good at syncing as her brother, she’ll make a great pilot one day just like Rei.” Shinji looked at her seeing that she hadn’t turned around. “You like my sister a lot don’t you?” Asuka breathed in deeply feeling the pain as it crushed her heart like a vice. “More than you’ll ever know.” She looked up slightly. “Through out this whole ordeal she’s been there for me, even when I pushed her away.” Shinji felt a smile form. “Thank you, you know for that day when you protected her from Mari even though she struck you with the wooden plank.”

Asuka shrugged her shoulders. “I’m used to getting hit by things Shinji I don’t mind the pain.” She paused for a long moment before speaking. “I’m sorry you know for all the times when I mocked your depression and made fun of you, I never realized what it was like to go through that till now.” Shinji blinked in confusion why was Asuka saying this now? It didn’t feel right at all it was like trying to desperately make everything right as if she wasn’t coming back. “Asuka do you have to go back to Germany, I mean has something happened over there that you can’t talk about?” Asuka shook her head. “No Shinji.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “Then what? I don’t understand.” Asuka turned looking him straight in the eyes for the first time. “I know you love Kaworu.” Shinji breathed in sharply. “What, no I don’t!” Asuka felt a sad smile form. “Gods you’re such a moron that you would let such a handsome catch like that pass you by.” Shinji put a hand on his shirt it had been years since she’d called him that. “Look I don’t feel that way and I’m not that way and don’t call me a moron.”

Asuka stood up putting her leg on the chair leaning towards him. “What way, you mean your not like me?” She spoke calmly. “Love doesn’t know gender Shinji it never has and it never will, Kaji told me that years ago I just didn’t want to hear it so I shrugged him off and called him a creep.” She stayed still. “I get it some people in the world still like to tell it’s one way and make you feel bad about your desires. I know I’ve been there Shinji believe me I have and when you repress it, it just messes you up on the inside.” She lowered her gaze to the floor. “Half of my being an insufferable bitch in school was because, I couldn’t get over those feelings and I hated myself even more for having them and when I did finally get them out I never did it right. I just wanted to screw anything I could get my hands on and I didn’t care about the consequences.” She breathed in sadly removing her foot from the seat. “Don’t be a ficken idiot like me Shinji, don’t let this chance pass you by they never come around again, believe me I know I broke enough hearts and destroyed enough bridges and you can never turn the clock back instead you’ll just feel the sting of regret forever.”

She looked up slightly. “You could die tomorrow and you’ll die knowing you never told him and that he never knew, he loves you Shinji take it from me. You think I haven’t seen you two playing the Grand piano together, I’ve sat and I’ve watched you together countless times I’ve seen you blush when he touches you or puts his hand in yours.” She eased up a hand putting it on his face. “Please I’m not jealous I won’t tear you to ribbons for being with him, I just want you to be happy so please don’t deny yourself something because you think I won’t approve.” She eased her hand away. “You and Rei are both so much better than me you deserve so much and you should both have it.” She eased up the disc in her other hand putting it carefully in his. “Please when you see Rei give her this.” Shinji eyed the disc. “What is it?” Asuka looked at the disc not meaning to shout her next words out desperately. “Please just give it to her Shinji!” She felt her good eye dart. “Don’t let it fall in to any one else’s hands I’m begging you.” Shinji breathed in deeply as he put the disc away she was scaring him now he could see pure desperation in her good eye and it was so unlike her to show fear so openly.

He stood up slowly. “Asuka you’re scaring me.” Asuka stepped away from him. “I should scare you I have something inside of me and its so terrifying at times that I can’t breathe and I know its going to start hurting people it’s just a matter of time.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment was she talking about her anger? No it couldn’t be that and what she was saying just didn’t make any sense. “Look what ever this is me and Rei we can help you.” Asuka didn’t think as she shoved him back regretting it instantly as he was thrown back harshly because it brought back such bitter memories of there time together which had been filled with abuse and most of it from her side. “Nether of you can fix this believe me you just can’t, no one can!” Shinji breathed in deeply. “Is it Rei?” He looked in to her good eye. “Is it because you love her? I know you Asuka I know that you wanted her so badly in school and you got so angry when she rejected you at every turn.” Asuka looked up sadly. “Regardless of how I feel about Rei I would never be any good for her, she deserves someone ten times better than me!” Shinji folded his arms. “Now who’s the moron in denial?” Asuka felt her hand form a fist. “I’m not in denial, I’m being ficken realistic!”

Shinji turned seeing that some of the general staff were now poking there heads out of the doors to see what was going on. “No you lie to yourself every day when it comes to Rei, you always have!” He raised his hand. “The problem is it’s been all over your face recently, when we were alone she told me about what happened in the Delphi gardens this morning. She still can’t wrap her head around how you hate yourself so much when your actuality a good person underneath who has a lot to offer.” Asuka put a hand through her hair in frustration she could feel herself starting to loose her temper. “Stop trying to make me feel better and stop telling me that I’m something I’m not!” She looked down. “Rei is very kind hearted and she thinks far too much of me, more than I even deserve.” Shinji shook his head. “No you just think to little of yourself and I wish you would wake up for once in your life and see it!” Asuka turned unable to control her rage as she smashed her foot in to vending machine opposite watching as the glass shattered she pulled her foot out watching as snacks and drinks spilled everywhere. Shinji eyed her. “Feel better now?” Asuka put her hands in her pockets. “No!” She stepped away from him. “Just give her the disk!”

She didn’t look back as she turned walking away from him feeling the anger turn to sadness she’d made that disc last night it was the truth about everything. The truth she could never openly tell Rei about Bardiel she should have given it to her earlier but she’d just got so caught up in the moment of happiness and there had just been too many people around. That happiness had faded away once she was alone because she knew that she was now very much on borrowed time she could feel it deep down in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t keep up the pretence forever there were just too many cameras on her and too many eyes. Like all things in her life she knew happiness was always fleeting it never lasted despite that she wanted it to more than anything. She knew why she’d said those things to Sakura and given her, her interface hair clips. Because she knew that there was a real possibility that Nerv could kill her and she had no legacy, no children and no one to carry on her name she was one of the last in her family line. Oddly enough now she just felt the deep sting of regret, for hating children for so long she’d only hated them because she’d been so desperate to grow up and she had hated a good part of her childhood. Even if she did love Rei she couldn’t bring her in to her world in the way she wanted, she turned going in to one of the general staff’s bathrooms which was empty watching as Bardiel appeared in the corner of her eye. “Oh there you are and I did wonder when you were going to show up again since you vanished during the display.”

Bardiel looked up as he flicked his tail causing the bathrooms automatic lock to snap shut so no one else could enter. “ _I didn’t want to show up again, after all I’m in your brain I can see out through your good eye and I don’t wish to interrupt your piloting anymore, I have what I want we are fully connected to take us apart they’d kill us both_.” He looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “ _You’re afraid I understand you sending the disc but if it came to that I would protect this body and mind you’re just too valuable to me now_.” Asuka put hands behind her head in frustration. “Why, am I cursed to be with you?” Bardiel looked up. “ _Don’t you mean blessed, I have given you gifts that you could only dream off having.”_ Asuka walked towards him. “Yeah explain something to me please because I’m not good with subtlety, why the neon glowing eye?” Bardiel’s mouth formed a smile. “ _You’ll find out soon enough wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise_.” Asuka leaned against the nearest sink. “Being with you is like being with the asshole partner from hell.” Bardiel eyed her. “ _So it’s like being with your younger self then since you want to make a comparison._ ”

Asuka felt her teeth grind together. “I hate you so much right now that I would love to rip you apart!” Bardiel looked up feeling his cold smile widen. “ _I never knew that human beings were so interesting so many emotions so many thoughts and feelings so much turmoil, fear and hardship._ ” Asuka put a hand on her face. “You know I really wish that you had an off switch.” Bardiel flicked his tail around. “ _You know maybe you’d be much better off if you just accepted that I’m in your life and there’s nothing you can do to change it, unless that is you want stick that gun back between your teeth and load the trigger for real this time_.” He smiled seeing her anger turn to sadness as she looked down trying to hide the pain and hurt. “ _No I thought not_.” He leapt on to the bathroom counter moving towards her as he balanced himself on the sinks. “ _Too much like Mama’s death right_?” Asuka didn’t answer she carried on staring downwards. “ _I’m not mocking you by the way I don’t know many people who would have the guts to put a gun between there teeth that way even just to try it out so they can hear the empty barrel click, I mean it would be a horrible way to die if you did go through with it_.”

Asuka looked up she moved so she was with in inches of his face. “Would you like to know what’s worse? Imagine them cutting me open piece by piece, they will decapitate me yank my insides out and when they get around to my brain…well lets just say that you’ll finally get a deep understanding as to why people fear circular saws.” Bardiel smirked as he raised a clawed hand. “ _Trust me they’ll never get that far_.” Asuka folded her arms. “Why because I’ll be dead and all of my parts will be stacked up in jars down in Nerv’s deep freezer?” Bardiel laughed coldly. “ _No because they’ll be dead, I did not come to this world to be thrown out by lesser human beings. I worked very hard to get here and I’m not going to be shoved out that easy so you should quit your over glorified and pretentious worrying and maybe go tell that woman that you love her. Because watching you mull over in your head as to why you can’t be with her is just annoying because all you ever do is make excuses as to why you can’t and shouldn’t be together its like your just sticking up internal barriers just so you will never try or take a chance its insane human thinking_.” Asuka turned around putting her head against the mirror. “I’m not interested in dating advice from you!” She looked up staring at her reflection in the glass. “You’re not even human what do even know about love?”

8

Misato slowly walked in to the bay watching as a large man came in to view he was looking at his tablet while checking over all the Evangelion’s in the bay. He was dressed in the all white version of the Nerv uniform with blue shoulder stripes. “Well, well, you must be Hayden.” The man turned slowly towards her, he was built like a brick wall and had a brown goatee beard and short brown hair he was also in his early forties. His blue eyes narrowed as he looked at her. “Oh great let me guess the fuckers up stairs want to complain about the display right?” He breathed in deeply. “You know I did everything you people wanted my team of men and women worked three days and nights solid not to mention we had to work around the specialists who were working on unit 02’s refit and it was fucking mess!” Misato eyed him. “Yeah I’m not here about that but I am here with regards Asuka, so I’ll just cut to the chase did you tamper with her plug suite her new one it did pass through your hands and several others before it got to the wreck room?” Hayden looked at her for a long moment. “You seriously think I would tamper with that egoistic little shits plug suite?” Misato eyed him. “You have history didn’t she cheat you out of season ticket some years ago?”

Hayden put his hand in his pocket. “Yes she did and it was a very pricey ticket!” He felt a sneer form. “I know that little shit memorized all the cards I know she cheated me by making it so she only got the best cards.” Misato raised her hand. “Don’t call her little shit again because I really don’t like it.” Hayden eyed her. “Just saying it how it is.” Misato looked up. “You have no idea how it is, I spend time with all of the pilots I see things you people don’t. You just catch them on there bad days which they have a lot of since along with the angels they have to deal with humanitarian issues along with the three major terrorist groups Cerberus, Ouroboros and Ankh. Cerberus thinks the Evangelion’s are sin against the gods and shouldn’t exist and want them destroyed. Ankh wants to pillage the technology and will try anything to get what they want because rumour has it they desperately want to build there own Evangelion’s so they can use them to terrorize people. While Ouroboros well what can I say, they are beyond insane and we still have no idea what they want, only that they would rather die than surrender.”

She breathed in deeply. “So when the pilots get off time, they can be cagey, stressed and difficult they have to kill people and sometimes they see horrible things like innocent people dying it can really get to them not to mention all of them had have rotten childhoods on some level or another.” Hayden eyed her. “For any other pilot that might be true but your defending Asuka and she likes killing people she probably gets off on it. She’s Nerv’s dog of war all she ever does is kill people it’s the only things she’s good at because she can’t be trusted with work the other units do because she has a history of being reckless and stupid and getting the other pilots hurt because of her ego. Hell even her unit now looks like a demon on steroids whose tongue is hands down creepy and we really don’t enjoy shoving it back in place since the jaws are so open now that you can look down that things throat and cleaning its exposed razor sharp teeth is a whole other ordeal for the team. Since it’s a twitchier, because you think it might close its mouth and literally crunch on you.” Misato eyed him. “I really don’t care for your complaints regarding unit 02 it’s your job.”

Hayden breathed in deeply. “Well regardless of my complaints, I didn’t touch her suite, yeah I hate her guts but I wouldn’t go out of the way to try and crush her wounded body when she’s fresh out of the hospital wing.” He shook his head. “Maybe you should talk to Leiko she’s one of low grade general staff up in visitor centre.” Misato looked at him for a long moment before speaking. “Why?” Hayden raised his hand. “Because her and her best friend Shoji, they just know stuff don’t ask me how they know they just do I mean if there’s a rumour they always know about it weird videos, pilots there like a power house of information and everyone goes to them when they want to know stuff that’s outside there pay grade, oh and they are forever talking the ghost school girl.” Misato blinked in confusion. “What ghost school girl?” Hayden turned sharply looking at her. “What you don’t know?” Misato folded her arms. “If I knew I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?” Hayden breathed in deeply. “There is this creepy looking school girl that never blinks and has blue hair everyone says she looks really similar to Rei. You know when she was much younger but she’s been appearing in weird places in Nerv for decades, she appears mostly in the hospital wing and she’s got the same condition Kaworu has you know where your eyes loose colour and turn red.”

He raised a ringed finger. “Shoji is really interested in her because he says she even wears the same school uniform as Rei but Rei’s school have stated that no girl like that exists in there records living or dead, no one can wrap there head around it. The reason she’s such a hot topic is say five people walk in to a room only one will see her. It’s like she’s really selective and only shows her presence to certain people and not others. I know people who have worked here for years and never seen her yet others who have seen her maybe once if there really lucky.” He eased up his tablet typing in to it bringing up a sketched image of the school girl before passing it to her. “I didn’t draw this Leiko did and here’s were the shit gets really weird this little red eyed blue haired girl first started appearing here when they first built the Beta and Omega unit’s. That’s how ancient she is and you know how normally people talk about catching ghosts on camera and film, well no one has ever been able to take her picture successfully they have tried believe me but she never appears in it and she is never seen on video camera footage ether.”

Misato looked at the drawing he was right it was very similar to Rei. “I’ve never heard about this before.” Hayden leaned against the rails. “Yeah well your not the only one, I didn’t know anything myself for years until one of the women who was doing a maintenance check on unit 01 nearly had an accident. Because she appeared right beside her on the railing nearly giving her a heart attack, she only just got saved from plummeting to her death because her colleague managed to grab her hand before she fell off the railing.” He looked up slightly. “She still works here but she won’t go anywhere near 01 she now works on 00 because in her words she’d rather work on a semi twitchier, than be anywhere near 01’s haunted purple face.” He raised his hand. “Like I say our job is really hard down here and what people don’t get is sometimes the Evangelion units are really creepy to be around. The ghost girl is just one element, I’ve heard of people talk about the units eyes going on for a second then turning off even when there not powered up and their jaws opening even when we have made sure their shut the night before and its mostly in the older units 00, 01 and 02 it never happens in the newer ones or the training units there all really well behaved.”

He breathed in deeply. “02 really concerns us the most through I means its always been a difficult bastard to work on right from the very beginning but last night when it wasn’t in use after the specialists had finished repairing it’s plating, we came in the morning to find that its whole arm had moved. I mean it had literally put its whole arm out and I’m not lying when I say that it was reaching for 00 because it was facing it directly and its hand was frozen above 00’s upper banister near its face its claws were with in inches of touching it.” He eased out a cigarette lighting it. “Yeah we all know that story about Asuka really liking Rei and that she has been infatuated with her for years but has never asked her out for what ever reason, it’s no big secret but there was no entry plug inside 02 when this happened. It had been taken out for final maintenance checks to make absolutely sure Asuka wouldn’t have any problems during the display because she’s been in such bad shape since the Alpha unit incident. This thing had none of her left over brain waves to screw with its core and it took me and my team ages to get that arm back in place and we had to put up with 00’s team getting really pissed off at us because they were trying to do the final checks on it’s new face plating but 02’s clawed hand was in their way.” He looked up slightly. “They even accused us of putting it there, because they didn’t see how it could get there on its own.”

He breathed out black smoke. “We tell the specialists about this shit all the time in our reports but it’s the same answer every time, its just code error caused by the partial AI in the core no need to worry we’ll fix it, their harmless and safe. Its been nine years and its still not fixed and I’m beginning to wonder if its going to get to the point where we have a serious accident and some one dies because one of them is going to get up and walk out unpiloted.” He eyed her for a long moment. “I’m also starting to think that these Evangelion’s are alive somehow this shit just can’t be coding error in the cores partial AI because from what I’ve heard is very basic and its only job is to read the pilots brain waves and make the Evangelion move its not a learning AI. Also the Evangelion’s don’t move randomly all their actions always seem like they have a purpose like the twitches seems to twitch when we are cleaning or fixing certain area’s its like how a person reacts when you touch them somewhere they don’t want to be touched and they want you to let go or stop so they jerk away or fidget its creepily human.” Misato sat down on the floor near the rails this was hugely disturbing why had no one ever told her about this before? She slowly passed him back his tablet she needed to speak to Kaji and Maya about this. “Well I’m going to find out about this Hayden then maybe we’ll both get some answers.”

End of part 23

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter I forgot to mention that the Greek gardens are shown in the Manga though in this story they are called the Delphi gardens and are not small they are massive and meant to be twelve times the size and very deep and vast also each level of the Arcade is meant to be massive with four sky scrapers worth of space to every level.


	24. Chapter 24

_LEAPING IN TO THE UNKNOWN_

 

Maya opened the door to her office as she eyed her tablet she'd being trying yet again to figure out why 00 had not been touched by Asuka AT shock wave. Also all of the younger woman's samples had all come up clean and she was no closer to finding an answer and it annoyed her. She turned only to freeze as she caught sight of Ritsuko who was seated in her chair wearing her typical trouser suit with her long blonde hair over her shoulders. "Get out of my office, you are not welcome here!" Ritsuko felt a cold smile form. "Your office oh but it used to be mine." Maya put the tablet to one side eyeing her. "Yeah and you gave it up when you decided to crawl up the social ladder so get out!" Ritsuko folded her legs lying back in the chair. "We used to have such fun times here I remember you pining over me pathetically and me being so completely unaware of it." Maya narrowed her gaze. "Yeah maybe if I'd known what you were really like to start with I wouldn't have bothered." Ritsuko stood up putting her hands behind her back. "Now you're protecting Asuka you Misato and that creep Kaji, did you all think I wouldn't find out the truth!?" Maya eyed her in confusion. "Are you drunk or something?" She raised her hand to the door. "Because if you are I'm not interested in your spiteful alcoholic rage and it has no place in my office, so leave!"

Ritsuko moved closer to her. "It has nothing to do with drinking you kept the fact that there's an angel attaching itself to her inner brain!" Maya looked at for a long moment. "Please the angel's dead we all saw the rainbow and Asuka's scans, she is clean." She raised her hand. "This is about Kyoko again isn't it? You just can't stand that her and Kiko sided with Yui and not you when it all blew up, gods you're so petty!" Ritsuko moved over to Maya's hologram panel pushing a data card in to the slot watching as hundreds of images appeared she moved the one forward with Asuka showing off her razor sharp teeth under water which started playing. "Tell me this is normal? Because this is not normal and the wave machine blowing out was her she sent out physical shock wave, just like the one that came out of her Evangelion after it turned in to a demented oni!" She threw the video back bringing up others. "She even talks to her self there is even footage of her as recent as this morning talking to someone!" She stepped closer. "Who ever this thing is there pushing a lot of her emotional buttons and driving her crazy, granted she's always been a moody hormonal little shit but now her anger is very much out of control first the gym and not two hours ago a vending machine."

Maya felt a cold sneer form. "Oh please we all knew the fight between Mari and Asuka was going to happen the writing has been on the wall for over a year! Asuka wasn't even the aggressor Mari started on her first and Asuka didn't fight back she let her self be kicked around, she also went to great lengths to protect Rei from being smacked with a wooden plank!" She folded her arms. "Plus who gives a damn about a single vending machine they are easy enough to fix?" Ritsuko brought up the wave photo with red glowing eyes turning it slowly as she brought up the footage showing Asuka glowing eye and razor teeth once more as she froze it. "This image on the right with red eyes, that was in her brain waves sync pattern." She brought up a brain scan but one that looked real she moved her finger slicing off the top so it showed a working brain in real time. "Clearly when you took my job and got you degree in sciences you didn't learn anything." She eyed the brain half which was covered with glowing blue pulsing veins. "The whole of Asuka's cerebellum is filled with these glowing neon veins, it's that angel! Its been hiding out in her for days it's probably taken over her mind by now, you may have not even speaking to the real Asuka I mean this things wired her motor control and speech completely."

She leaned over seeing Maya's shock. "Yes take a good long look Maya because this is probably the last time your ever going to see Asuka again. I've already sent out a call for the special ops to detain her alive and her units going in to quarantine! We are going to take her to the Obrax coffin and we are going to drive this thing out of her mind for good because your decontaminator Orion clearly didn't cut it!" Maya looked at her in shock. "Obrax doesn't work, you've had nothing but countless failures when testing it, it's the reason I created Orion in the first place its much more stable and it doesn't cause harm to the pilots body because the tank water acts as a cushion so the waves can do their job!" She looked up. "Obrax is like a microwave it will kill her and if it doesn't kill her it will send her crazy because you'll be forcing this thing out through her nose or mouth, you could destroy her whole personality if it passes anywhere near her frontal lobe!" Ritsuko felt a cold sneer form. "Well then she'll wind up like her bitch of a mother in a mental ward where she belongs!" She turned watching as Misato walked in followed by Kaji. "Oh well look whose here, well isn't that nice you can both get a front seat to this show as well!"

8

Asuka slowly walked the long corridor which would lead out on to the Arcade level with its many levels of shops and restaurants. She wasn't that hungry but she wanted something sweet like a milk shake she breathed in deeply something just didn't feel right, why was there no one around here going up and down? There was always people around here she stopped as she eased up her hands adjusting her leather jacket sleeves and collar only to feel something hard as it pressed against shoulders as Kyo's calm voice hit the air. "Hello Asuka." Asuka breathed in deeply she already knew why they were here. The thing she had feared most in all the world had finally come to pass she closed her good eye for a long moment before opening it. It didn't matter anymore nothing did all that mattered was that she'd die knowing at least that Rei would finally have the truth, she deserved that above all else. She breathed in feeling the anger start to burn true she could just give up but she just didn't want that she wanted to go out of this world fighting if this was going to be her last day on earth. She spoke feeling her teeth grind together as she punctuated every word "Why hello Kyo…you ficken sell out."

She turned seeing him and the rest of his men and women in full black military gear standing behind her they all had lightning rods which were similar to an old world teaser guns but they were much more precise as they hurt you in certain areas and could be extremely painful. Kyo breathed as he eased the pistol away from her shoulders he had no intention of using it and he hated that he had been ordered to do this because he had the up most respect for the red haired woman. He had also always defended her when others spoke ill of her and this included his younger brother Yuki who hated her with a passion as he always preferred Mari over her. "Its orders from Ritsuko and Gendo you know I don't make the rules Asuka, I have to obey them though." He breathed in deeply. "If you come quietly this will be a whole lot easier." Asuka eased up her hands looking at them. "What makes you even think for five seconds that I'm going to come quietly Kyo?" Kyo slowly put his gun away as he eased up his lightning rod turning it on. "Don't do this Asuka I don't want to see you hurt." Asuka felt a wide toothy grin form she turned making sure he could see it. "What even makes you think you even stand any chance against me?"

Kyo looked around. "Because there's way more of us and one of you and there are many more teams waiting you can't take us all out, you know that, I taught you that." Asuka breathed in deeply as her hand slowly formed a fist. "Yeah but you know me Kyo I really love a challenge more than anything." She spun around grabbing the nearest mans hand before he react shoving his lightning rod straight in to his stomach as she brought up her foot smashing it straight in to the woman's face opposite causing her to hit the ground. She went for the third man grabbing his helmet forcing his head down smashing it directly in to her knee with enough force to draw blood as she grabbed his lightning rod putting straight in to the woman's shoulder opposite turning it on full power watching as the lighting cracked outwards before she kicked her with all of her might sending her flying across the ground ignoring the cry of pain. She turned eyeing Kyo who didn't move as he eyed his now fallen team.

He slowly lowered his lightning rod as he switched his radio off. "I'm not going to fight you Asuka I'll give you a head start though, you know my younger brother will be on to you I can't stop him." Asuka threw the lighting rod in her hand down as she vaulted in to a full blown run towards the Arcade not looking back for a second. She knew her being there would make it hard for them and if she could get to the Delphi gardens she could take the sky train to the surface it was a three minute trip and no one would be able to stop her. She looked up sharply watching as a woman come flying around the corner with her lightning rod held high she leaped up grabbing the door frame above her forcing her knee forward watching as it collided with the woman's face causing her lightning rod to get thrown through the air as she fell back hitting the floor hard. She came down landing hard on her feet she knew the corridor to the Arcade was long and winding and they wouldn't stop coming but she going to fight every last ficken one of them to the bitter end!

8

Shinji eased up his coffee taking a slow sip as he looked out over the vast Arcade level from where he was seated with Rei at the restaurant she was calmly eating Miso soup while reading a life style magazine. He could see Mari and Toji a level down talking about something as they looked out over the different levels. "Have you seen Kaworu?" Rei looked up slightly. "He's on his way here but he said that the route on the opposite end of the Arcade zone has been blocked off for some reason he can't get through and the special ops won't tell him why." Shinji breathed in deeply. "It's probably another annoying training exercise." He eyed his half empty bowl of food. "I just saw Asuka an hour ago." Rei looked up sharply. "How was she? I mean she just vanished I thought she was going to stay with us and have breakfast I just turned around and she was gone I don't know how she vanishes like that." Shinji tensed as he looked down. "She was acting really strange." He eased his hand in to his shirt pocket easing out the gold disc with had an engraved demon on it. "She was really adamant that you should have this." Rei took the disc eyeing it. "What is it?" Shinji raised his hand. "I have no idea and she looked really scared about something but she just wouldn't go in to what it was and she was being really cryptic and not making any real sense. She spoke about some kind of darkness in side of her that she couldn't control."

He pushed his bowl aside. "I tried to get her to tell me what it was but she got really angry and smashed up a vending machine I'm really worried about her." He looked up as he heard a sudden commotion bellow he looked around seeing that every one was getting up all over the place even on the levels above him to look down. "What is going on down there?" Rei got up looking at him as she put the disc away. "I have no idea." They both moved towards the edge looking over just in time to watch as a special ops man was literally thrown out of the corridor on the far side. He slammed in to railing going still as Asuka ran out not even looking back as she sprinted for all she was worth as three more special ops flew out of the corridor opposite going after her and more pouring out of the corridor behind her all of them were dressed in full military gear with lightning rods in their hands as they carried on pursuing with no intention of stopping. He watched as Nerv staff everywhere got up trying to get out of the way of the commotion and away from them.

Asuka turned on her heels as one man tried to grab her she grabbed his arm yanking it sideways as she threw him head first in a bunch of café chairs sending food and drink flying everywhere as she punched the woman coming at her in the face then grabbed her rod hitting her a second time sending her crashing sideways she turned knocking the other man clean off his feet before slamming the rod down squarely on to his stomach causing him to cry out in agony before tossing it away. She could see the Delphi gardens across from her on the lower level but there was drop a long drop with no stairs on to a restaurant platform below. She could see Kyo again following with his men and women, she couldn't make the jump the fall would kill her it would be like jumping from down from a high room on to another and if she missed she would fall on to an even lower platform which would kill her for sure _. "Jump_." Asuka breathed in seeing that Bardiel was close by. "I won't make it, the fall will kill me!" Bardiel felt a wide smile form. " _Yes you will believe in my gifts_."

She turned seeing that Kyo had stopped his men and women some way back from her as he spoke his voice filled with panic. "Don't even think about it Asuka I'm begging you!" Asuka slowly lowered herself getting ready she knew she needed a massive run up. "You give me no choice Kyo!" Kyo breathed in shaking his head seeing his men and women blink in shock and confusion. "You can't make the leap we both know that, if you miss the platform below the one lower down will kill you!" Asuka turned eyed him. "Do you know what my name means Kyo? It means to fly!" Kyo looked up in horror as she burst in to a run not stopping or hesitating. She was going to die by falling to her death and there was nothing he could do to stop it! He turned seeing four men and women appear on a higher level with long rifles which he knew were filled with special human sedative needles which had special flights tips they were normally used to take out difficult people who were problematic and only as a last resort there sedative was also very short lasting. He grabbed his radio. "For the love of all that's sacred Aliya do not let your team fire up on her she's going to jump the level!" He heard the woman's voice come back filled with shock. "You can't be serious?!"

Asuka felt every moment as the world slowed as her feet hit the floor with every step she could see Bardiel by her side running on all fours his huge feet coming down in perfect time with hers. There was nothing no sound just her and him running towards the end section which wasn't railed. It never had been it was there so employees who were brave enough could stand on the long un-railed balcony and look skyward at all of the levels above, below it was a restaurant with metal tables and chairs. She closed her good eye feeling her left one start to go warm, if she survived this she'd never question her bodies abilities ever again and she would never doubt what she was capable off. She would never have attempted something like this before the accident she would have been to afraid of failing though she'd never admit it openly. She opened her good eye as she let out a scream as her feet left the floor at the last second and she flew through the air raising her hands, feeling the wind as it rushed past her as she looked downwards bending her legs. She watched as Bardiel landed first, he came down on one of the restaurants tables then leaped off she breathed in preparing for the pain as she hit the table opposite him before crashing straight through it. It fall side ways as its chairs were thrown over as she slammed painfully in to the floor and a metal chair fell on top of her.

She couldn't move all she could do was take in slow deep breathes it wasn't so much the pain she could handle that but the adrenaline. Her heart beat was pounding like crazy in her ears as she lay still on the floor unmoving waiting for it to pass which felt like it was taking forever. Kyo ran to the edge looking over to where Asuka was now lying on her front unmoving she had really smashed up the chairs and the metal table on her landing and it was so quite now no one was talking it was dead silent because no one knew if she was alive or dead. He looked up seeing that Rei was running down the levels the panic and horror in her face along with her brother his radio went off as Aliya spoke. "Is she dead, I repeat is she dead we can't tell from here? That chair is blocking our view of her chest and that long damn red hair of hers is in front of her face." Asuka breathed in as she grabbed the chair which had fallen sideways on top of her throwing it off violently. She pulled herself on to her knees before easing up first leg followed by the other as she slowly rose to her feet looking up seeing that Bardiel was smiling at her as he flicked his tail. Her gaze travelled past him to the Delphi garden which was so close now she literally only had to run up the marble white stairs to get to it.

Kyo stared in utter shock he wasn't the only one there were hundreds of people all around him looking just as shocked the most shocked being Rei and Shinji who were very close to Asuka's platform bellow him. Yuki's younger voice came over the radio filled with anger. "That's not fucking possible the fall should have killed her and if not that her legs should have been shattered from the landing! I'm finishing this clearly your not cut out for this big brother your emotions are getting in the way of your better judgement!" His fist hitting something was heard over the radio. "That little smart ass made that crazy jump on purpose! She wanted to land on that level because she's going to the Delphi gardens so she can catch the sky train! If she gets on that thing it’s a three minute trip to freedom she can go in to the visitor centre building and be out of the central doors before we can't stop her she can also open the iris code lock. It's not like they'll stop her ether because they'll think she's visiting and since she very rarely goes up to the visitor centre they won't question it they'll just think it's a special visit. Even if the security realize different and tries to stop her they don't stand a chance she taken out three units as it is."

His voice came again filled with annoyance. "The other pilots Rei and Shinji are also getting to close stop them inferring I'm going to enter the garden via the other entrance!" Kyo breathed in deeply as he watched Asuka break in to a run heading up the white stairs, Rei and Shinji were so close to her now. He could see Mari and Toji and Kaworu who were also coming down his radio came on again as the Aliya spoke. "My brother Leon has a clean shot would you like him to take it?" Kyo breathed in painfully. "No don't take the shot the other pilots are to close and if she falls, she could crack her head open on the stone stairs." He put a hand on his face everything about this was wrong Asuka wasn't a criminal and he didn't want to be part of this vile unfair game anymore. He believed in stopping threats to Nerv, she wasn't a threat she was just a person who had, had bad things happen to her and she deserved better than this from everyone. Ritsuko was using her now inhuman strength caused by the feedback loop when her Evangelion had transformed to justify this utterly spiteful bullshit. She was making up some shit about her being infected by angel she was Asuka nothing had changed and if an angel had infected her why was Nerv still standing? He turned on his radio it was in his brother's hands now and he didn't see him being able to stop her though he would watch none the less. "Step down and retrieve the wounded and pull back Yuki is taking it from here."

Asuka ran through the huge open stone frame which was decorated the entrance and was filled with Greek carvings she was so close she just had to run to the end of the garden where the sky train was. She looked up only to see lighting rod heading towards her face everything turned to blinding pain as she smashed in to the floor sideways feeling the cold blood as it started to run down her chin. Her head was spinning and for one painful moment as everything went in and out of focus as a young voice hit the air. "You know your actuality much smarter than I give you credit for Asuka." Asuka slowly got to her knees seeing Yuki close by in his full gear with two lightning rods one in each hand. He had short black hair and light brown eyes and there was almost twelve years between him and his older brother he was also slimmer in his build. She'd always hated Yuki he was an arrogant bastard who thought he was better than everyone else and she'd always made a big deal out of doing her hand to hand combat training with Kyo rather than him because she couldn't stand to be around him. She knew Mari hero worshipped him and that they were friends. "Oh look who is it, it's the ficken lesser brother." She turned spiting the blood in her mouth in his direction as she stood up fully. "The one who's cheap and nasty…"

Yuki eased up his lightning rod turning it on. "Oh that's funny coming from the German bisexual bitch that went out of her way to beat up a woman in glasses!" Asuka laughed not caring that it sounded cold even to her own ears. "Oh please tell me you're not seriously talking about Mari are you? Because she ficken had it coming!" Yuki turned on the other lightning rod. "No you're the one who has it coming, you have no idea how long I've wanted to fight you!" Asuka eased her hands out. "I don't know what planet you're on Yuki but in my world you don't beat up really beautiful women who are unarmed with planks of wood which was what she tried to do!" Yuki smirked. "Always thinking with your lowers your so predicable Asuka that it's just sad, everyone knows you only took that beating because you want to get in to Rei's underwear, what's wrong Shinji didn't cut it so your aiming lower?" Asuka felt her teeth grind together as her hand formed a fist. "You are such a piece of scheisse, you make judgements on me based on my how I acted in my teens you and everyone else your always doing that to me and I am so sick and tired of it!" She breathed in painfully. "I get it I'm the asshole no one wants to be around but I have been trying so hard to change over the last five years and no one's even noticed and no one cares!"

She looked up seeing thousands of people all looking down through the glass above which was only in this section of the garden and not the rest so they could hear this conversation as it wasn't sound proofed. "I get it you'd all be happier if Mari had killed me in the UN Alpha test unit and believe me there were days afterwards in the hospital where I wished she had!" She looked up slightly. "Because I hated the loneliness so much that it hurt!" She narrowed her gaze. "But I wouldn't expect you to understand the whole concept of loneliness since you have a nice girlfriend waiting for you every night when you get home." She looked down sadly. "I bet its nice when she puts her arms around you hugs you and kisses away your pain on long nights and she's always there to talk to you when you're feeling down." She felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. "You're such a lucky bastard and you take it all for granted, if I had half of what you have I would be eternally grateful." She raised her hands. "But its fine go ahead beat the hell out of me I won't stop you, I really don't care anymore my whole life has been one painful step after another what's one more beating to add to my utter ficken misery? I just don't want to cry or feel the pain anymore it just hurts so much and it's all of time almost every day."

She watched as Yuki got closer only for the pain to hit her as he smashed the rod in to her side causing her to step back painfully. She felt the intense pain as she was struck again causing her to fall to her knees as Yuki's voice hit the air filled with rage. "Fight me!" The rod smashed against her shoulders throwing her forward. "I said fight me!" Asuka eyed him remaining still she eased up her hand pulling her patch off putting it in her pocket as she turned looking him straight in the eyes ignoring his shock which was clearly over how her left eye looked as she spoke softly. "You know it's not the same is it when people don't fight back or won't or even can't suddenly it's not fun anymore is it? It just makes you feel dirty on the inside because your being a bully and a coward." Yuki brought the rod up smashing it across her face watching as she hit the floor on her side showing deep pain. "This is a trick we both know what your really are Ritsuko told us!" Asuka slowly got to her knees feeling her head spin painfully it was so painful that she had to put her hand on her head as she spoke. "Ritsuko hated my mother…it's the reason she hates me and she has always wanted to put me through the grinder!" She looked up. "Are you just not smart enough to see that?" She looked down sadly. "Or do you just follow orders blindly?"

Kyo breathed in painfully as he loaded the rifle with a sedative dart from his spot which was further inside the gardens. He couldn't watch this any more it was just to painful, he could see Rei and Shinji who were both being held back by Yuki's men and women but they were fighting to get through and they weren't not more than ten feet from Asuka though through out this fight her attention had been on Yuki and not them and he doubted that she knew that they both been there through out this whole conversation he wouldn't let his stupid dishonourable little brother hurt her any more. She wasn't even fighting back she was just letting herself take the beating and what she saying was really heartbreaking. He eased up the rifle watching as Asuka staggered getting on to her feet once more she was in so much pain both physically and emotionally, he took a deep breath hating him self for having to do this. "I'm so sorry Asuka." Yuki raised the lightning rod only to hear the cracking echo as a gun was fired he turned watching as thin small dart hit Asuka squarely in her neck.

She seemed to stumble clearly feeling the pain as she looked up for a long moment at the geo fronts white sunlit sky above as the light showered down up on her the sadness seemed to fade from her face. It was replaced with the look of a person who had accepted and surrendered themselves to there fate with out question. He watched as her left eye span its circles and patterns igniting in a blaze of pure piercing white and blue light for a single moment before dimming almost to nothing as she fell side ways hitting the floor on her side as both of her eyes closed and she went completely still. Rei shoved seeing her brother finally break through she ran up to Asuka only for one of another woman to grab her before she could touch her friend she was yanking back as another man also pulled Shinji back. "Leave her alone you can't do this she's done nothing wrong!" Shinji pulled trying to get himself free of the man behind him. "Why are doing this?!" Kyo turned eyeing Gendo's son and daughter as a man and woman came over picking up Asuka by the shoulders and began to drag her away. "We are doing this because it's your step mother and father's orders!" He felt a sneer form. "It also doesn't concern you or your little sister so stand down!" He felt a cold smile form on his lips. "She's being arrested for treason so take a good long look at her because this maybe the last time you will ever see her alive!"

End of part 24

End of part 24

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Asuka’s fighting style of fighting to be rough sharp and extremely violent the fighting style is based on FBI training and self defence which is about disarming and taking someone down fast and quick and using their own body against them and it was shown in the first two Jason Bourne movies as well as the X files and Fringe series.


	25. Chapter 25

_FORCING THE WHEELS IN TO MOTION_

 

Kaworu looked up sharply. “Treason? That does not make any sense.” Shinji eyed him. “It doesn’t make any sense Asuka would never betray Nerv she’s put her whole life in to the program her family has always been a huge part of it.” Toji breathed in painfully from his spot in the wreck room. “This chicken shit is fucked up! Where is Misato, where are Maya and Kaji why are they not stopping this?” Rei eyed them both from her position near by as she leaned against the bar counter. “There just trying to use the feedback loop against her I know it, because it’s increased her strength and stamina and changed her left eye but she is human she’s still Asuka.” Toji breathed in deeply. “Did you see that jump though I mean how the hell did she even walk away from that? I thought she was dead I mean it’s not like she nailed the landing well she broke the table and threw the chairs around before hitting the ground.” Rei breathed in deeply. “It’s because she’s Asuka and she is brave there’s no one else I know who would do that and they pushed her to it.” Shinji folded his arms. “Yeah but what she said when Yuki was beaten her was out right sad, why did she just give up? She could have taken him down I would have taken him down if those idiots hadn’t been trying to stop us both.”

Rei turned to him. “Shinji she’s really depressed she just doesn’t want to fight anymore, you know what that’s like and you’ve been through it yourself we both have its hard.” She looked down sadly. “Gods did you see her face when she looked up at the skyline its like she was so accepting of her fate like she knew this was going to happen.” She looked up as something hit her. “Wait didn’t you say this morning after the display that she was acting really out of sorts, like she wasn’t making sense and being cryptic?” Shinji eyed her. “Yes I did, wait do you have that disc the one I gave you?” Rei pulled it out eyeing it as she moved over to her half of the sofa pulling up the tablet panel as the others gathered around. She slowly opened the case then pushed the golden disc in which the tablet could read it as well as data cards. She breathed in deeply seeing an animated orange demon head icon come up with two sets of curved horns wolf ears and a wolf like snout and mouth filled with curved teeth. “Why the pause, these things normally start right away?” Toji leaned over. “I know why she’s encrypted it, I mean its not coding as such she’s just made it that it will only play in certain places and will shut down in others and won’t play.”

Shinji turned to his sister. “She probably learnt that from her grandmother.” The demons green eyes suddenly lit up bright red as it spoke. “ _Voice recognition required_.” Rei blinked in confusion as she pulled the tablet free of the sofa arm. “Specify voice needed to open?” The demons whole colour suddenly turned white as its eyes changed to blue. “ _Voice accepted please proceed Rei Ayanami_.” Toji leaned over. “She put in your voice?” The image faded out as Asuka’s face appeared she was looking solemnly downward and was sitting at her computer desk with her leather jacket on there was no patch on her eye so she could see its colours. The other woman looked up speaking quietly at the camera. “I hope this gets to you Rei I really hope it does where ever you are now.” She leaned forward putting her hands through her red hair clearly struggling to compose herself. “You asked me once what was wrong and I just couldn’t tell you, I want to tell you now because I owe you that as you’ve been really nice to me through out everything.”

Her eyes looked down as she put her hands together. “I know the delegates display is happening tomorrow and I’m dreading it, I just know I’m going to get in 02 and screw it up and I’m terrified and I believe it’s only because the failure might show them all the truth.” She looked at the camera as the circles and patterns in her left eye started to spin. “You know the accident in UN Alpha test unit you know how I told Misato about the abyss and how when you stare in to it long enough its stares back? Well that’s what happened to me I saw the angel in there and when I got my guts ripped open he entered my body.” She moved her hand wiping away a stray tear. “He calls himself Bardiel and he avoided the decontamination tank because he hid directly in side my brain. He has fused himself with my cerebellum and he’s been with me ever since the accident…I see him all the time he’s like this weird lycanthrope creature that follows me around.”  She folded her arms. “He’s such a ficken asshole, half the time I can’t think straight because he talks to me.” She breathed in deeply. “He made me so ficken ill, you know those days when I didn’t eat it was because of him he just made me feel like scheisse he’s like being with a younger version of my self.”

She looked up as the glowing patterns dimmed in her left eye. “Those videos of my mother they weren’t the only reason I got drunk that day I was trying to get rid of him. You know because I was stupid enough to think I could somehow kick him out of my mind if I got really drunk the panic attacks I had in both the sync test and when my unit transformed that was all him.” Her gaze shifted. “I pushed you away because I knew the closer you got to me the more danger you would be in.” She laughed but it was a sad laugh. “You know I even threatened him and told him that I’d break him if he ever touched you.” Her face turned to sadness. “I’m telling you this now because it’s just a matter of time, Nerv will find out and I just can’t keep up the pretence it’s just too hard and I’m so unhappy half the time and it’s not just him. I’ve felt this way for six months and it’s been awful I hate the loneliness I hate no one being around and I just find it so hard to be happy I know I’m depressed but I just don’t know how to deal with it and you and Shinji you’re the only ones I can talk to.”

She put her face in her hands for a moment as she started to cry. “I got so low at one point during all this that I shoved my own gun between my teeth, it didn’t have bullets in it but you know it was more for the sensation of hearing the barrel turn, the only thing that stopped me loading it was that I just couldn’t stomach ending my life like my Mama did.” Her gaze shifted up as the tears ran down her face as her left eye dimmed even more. “I’m going to die Rei when they find out the truth they kill me they will hack me apart to get this angel out of my mind I’m on borrowed time and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” She wiped away some of her tears. “Don’t come looking for me don’t get involved and don’t let Shinji get involved ether its better for all of you if you stay away because they’ll assume that I have no control and that I’m not even really Asuka.” There was a long drawn pause as her face turned melancholy. “If I die tomorrow please know one thing I really care about you, I always have and I always will it was pleasure being around you and Shinji all these years and I enjoyed it a lot though I didn’t always show it when I should have.”

Her gaze shifted sadly to the floor. “Also in the draw in the bedroom you’ll find a piece of paper, it’s my last will and testament please take care of my cat Erika, I know she really likes you.” Her eyes drifted upwards the left one going truly dark to the point that its colours barely spun. “Shinji can have my work bike I know he’s always liked it, it’s a thank you for putting up with all of my crap all those years ago which he didn’t deserve.” She turned looking directly in to the camera. “All my books, video games and computer are yours and you can have the Trident I finished it last night, see it as my parting gift to you, because you of all people should have the best of everything and I know your asshole father never gives you anything.” She eased up her hand. “One last request and the only thing I’ll ever ask off you is that if any part of me survives please take my remains back to Germany and have them buried opposite my mothers grave and surround me with sunflowers, make it so many that they light my grave for centuries to come.” Her face suddenly turned to a forced toothy grin. “I mean they say deaths only a passing right? You know and we might meet again in another time and place under better circumstances and if that’s so I would love to meet you a second time and get everything right this time.”

Rei watched as the video switched off going completely black she put a hand on her mouth feeling the pain wrench at her stomach as she lowered the tablet, everything made sense now. Shinji leaned over putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay Rei?” He could see the sadness in everyone faces, in all the time he’d known Asuka he’d never seen her cry and seeing it now was so heartbreaking. That was why she hadn’t fought back because she had already foreseen something that she couldn’t change and she had given up hope and just let the inevitable happen. Kaworu looked up speaking softly. “She knew she couldn’t chance her fate so she gave in to the inevitable.” Toji shook his head sadly. “She put her gun in her mouth? Man that is so depressing she must have been so desperate.” Rei stood up as she walked over to centre of the room. “I came over the day after that, I suspected she had tried it I just didn’t know for sure and she was a real mess emotionally she cried in my arms and spoke a lot about her mother.”

She felt the burning anger take over which was a very new feeling to her. “I’m not going to let my father and Ritsuko get there way, not this time and I won’t see her die.” Shinji stood up. “They will have taken her down to the quarantine level along with her unit but our cards won’t get us past that barrier, you know that Rei.” Rei turned slightly. “Don’t we have a certain person among us who specializes in hacking?” She turned just as Mari walked in sipping a fast food drink she walked right past them sitting herself down in Asuka’s chair leaning back as she stretched. “Well it’s been an interesting day with Asuka being arrested and all.” Rei moved slowly towards her. “Get out of Asuka’s chair!” Mari looked up sharply seeing Rei’s anger which was a surprise. “Okay like your going to make me!” Rei moved forward not caring as she smashed the drink clean out of the taller woman’s hand sending it flying against the bar where it spilt over the place. Mari turned sharply. “I was fucking drinking that!” Rei eyed her in disgust. “Not anymore your not you’re going to help us Mari.” Mari sat up slightly adjusting her glasses. “Help you do what?”

Shinji folded his arms. “You’re going to help us get in to the quarantine level.” Mari looked at him for a long moment. “I’m sorry but you can’t actually be serious?” She sat up putting her hands together. “So you want me to hack the doors down there so you get you can Asuka back?” Rei looked at her as she spoke evenly. “Yes.” Mari eyed her in disgust. “No fucking way, am I going to do that for any off you.” She felt a sneer form. “Plus I’m not helping Asuka she’s an asshole.” Rei breathed in deeply as she stepped away from her grabbing her leather bag. “You know what that is just what I thought you’d say and it just so happens that today just happens to be your lucky day.” She pulled out two data cards easing them up making sure that Mari could see the red one. “I was going to sell these because I have far too many.” She eyed the red one. “These are both top of the range, the red ones very special it’s the newly manufactured types you know more memory higher specs all the stuff I don’t give a damn about.” She felt a cold smile form. “But you do because you’re shallow and you care more about things than people.”

Mari stood up. “I am not shallow!” She eyed Toji who was standing close by. “Aren’t you going to say anything in my defence to that?!” Toji breathed in deeply. “Asuka’s going to die Mari, I know you hate her for what ever reason but can you really just stand there and let that happen in good conscience could you sleep at night knowing that you did nothing?” Mari folded her arms. “Why does everyone suddenly care about Asuka?” Shinji turned to face her. “Because she has an angel in side her brain and she got so damn desperate that she shoved her gun in her mouth and contemplated suicide!” Mari blinked in surprise. “An angel, no wait that’s not possible I destroyed the UN Alpha test unit I tour that unit to fucking ribbons I even saw a rainbow. They always send up a rainbow when they die.” Rei breathed in deeply. “It tricked you and it got in side Asuka’s head, that’s why she’s had so many problems, it’s why her unit changed and it’s why if you don’t help us here and now she’s going to die.” Mari moved towards her. “I just have one question how do you even know it’s the real Asuka? I mean if it’s affected her mind that much isn’t there a chance that it might not be her.”

Rei lowered her gaze to the floor. “I know its Asuka because she still cares about me very deeply she’s always had these feelings for me.” Mari moved a step closer to her feeling a coy smile form on her lips. “You mean she loves you, lets not mince words now shall we Rei because I might be this so called shallow person to you but I’ve see her longing gaze from a mile off a lot of the time. I mean that day in the in the gym she wasn’t even reading her comic she was looking over at you through the glass before we started the fight.” Rei looked up sharply. “She was?” Mari walked over to the bar pulling out a bottle of alcoholic cooler from behind the counter she pulled off the cap with a cat shaped bottle opener. “Oh yes kind of makes me sick personally I mean I don’t get why she just doesn’t come over and just say it to you.” She took a long drink. “Maybe because you’d say probably say no right? I mean she has far too much emotional baggage not to mention she’s not the catch of the day anymore with that shitty eye patch and messed up left eye which looks like someone shoved a neon light in to it.” Rei walked up to her. “Are you going to help us or not?” She raised the cards. “This offer expires in the next few minutes you help us and you get these top of the range data cards, you don’t then this offer walks away for good and it won’t ever come around again.”

8

Misato folded her arms. “This is wrong, you can’t do this you’ll kill her!” Ritsuko turned eyeing Misato, Kaji and Maya who were all standing with her next to the massive glass room where the thick black plated de-contaminator Obrax was sitting. It was made from huge thick steal and looked more like a coffin it was the only thing in side the large room. A number of the medical staff could be seen checking it over. “You all wouldn’t be here if you weren’t so incompetent!” Kaji felt a sneer form on his lips. “I don’t care about your so called scans I mean has it even occurred to you that even if she is infected why has she not strolled down in to the void where Lilith is? She’s had days to do it she could have ended the whole world by now!” He eyed her. “To me that says one thing that Asuka’s been fighting this thing and has some how stopping it you even said yourself that she’s talking to it. Has it even occurred to you that maybe she’s been doing everything possible to keep it away from Lilith?” Maya raised her hand. “Obrax doesn’t work! You tried it on Shinji after the battle with Shamshel and you nearly scrambled his brain, he wasn’t right for days. I had to give him medication because he started to have awful hallucinations and emotionally he was a real mess he couldn’t even recognise Rei who is his own flesh and blood. I had them create Orion based on your failed design so that would never happen again, I asked you to decommission and destroy this awful machine year’s ago and you ignored me and kept it.”

Ritsuko eyed her in disgust. “It’s called preparing for every eventuality Maya.” She leaned against the control panel. “Plus Orion didn’t work if it had we wouldn’t all be standing here now would we?” Maya breathed in sharply. “Please you’re putting that on my design? We have never once known of an angel effecting a persons mind let alone one entering the human brain and making a cosy home there, we didn’t think they had any interest in people’s minds! Because in your words you believe that they see themselves as superior to us as they are different forms of humanity and we are the mistake that they don’t like hence why they want us all dead.” Ritsuko turned pressing the holographic panel. “Do you idiots have Asuka yet? Because my husband will be here soon and I don’t want him entering this room when she’s not here!” Yuki’s voice hit the air. “We handed her over your medical staff five minutes ago they’ve redressed her in hospital clothes and as I speak they’ve just given her a really large dose of anti psychotic. She took out three units and was a pain in the ass to take her out and she was even able to jump one of the Arcade levels and not break her legs.” Ritsuko breathed in deeply. “How did you take her out?”

Yuki’s voice came again filled with annoyance. “I didn’t, she gave up and she let me beat the shit out of her, it was my brother Kyo who ended it he fired a sedative dart at her. I just don’t get it I mean she was in the Delphi gardens she could have escaped, she clearly really strong now it just makes no sense the bisexual bitch doesn’t normally just give up.” Ritsuko breathed in deeply. “Thank you Yuki I’ll see you well rewarded for your troubles.” Misato watched in disgust as Ritsuko turned back to them. “You’ve given her an anti psychotic?” Ritsuko looked up. “It’s to suppress the angel!” Kaji narrowed his gaze. “No that has nothing to do with the angel, your giving her that to spite her and make this hell she’s already in even worse. We know that Kyoko never responded well to anti psychotics in fact in the German divisions records it clearly shows that she became even more violent and unpredictable when she was on them.” Ritsuko folded her arms. “None of this matters because she is going in Obrax regardless!” A voice came over the speaker causing her to look up. “Asuka is prepped and ready we are bringing her in now.” Misato stepped forward. “And to think I once called your friend your cold heartless and fucking petty you’re not even asking Asuka about what’s been going on, you’re not even trying to find reason in all this. This it is just about you getting your revenge on her because you hated Kyoko.”

Ritsuko stepped away from her. “You know nothing of Kyoko you don’t know what she even like!” Misato breathed in deeply. “No I don’t know I just read reports and everyone always try to make out that she put more in to her work than loving her daughter and I know it’s a lie. I’ve seen the videos from the archives she brought Asuka in to work all the time just like Yui did with Shinji and Rei. She used to keep cuddly toys on her desk for her to play with and there are lots of photos of them together.” She looked up slightly. “I think Asuka meant more to her in the end than 02’s creation maybe that’s why she went crazy because when that thing tried to suck her in she fought it maybe refusing to accept death like both Yui and Kiko did and in doing so it took the part that loved away out of spite because it couldn’t take the lot.” Ritsuko turned watching as Asuka was dragged in she was wearing a hospital shirt and trousers she was conscious but staring out blankly in to space as the huge black up right coffin was opened and she was pushed violently in side and strapped down. The medical staff slowly closed Obrax’s door turning the handle so the huge locks came across as one of them looked up. “Patient secured the high drug dose should keep her from fighting.”

Ritsuko pressed the panel turning on Obrax watching as Asuka’s face appeared in hologram screen still staring forward her left eye was completely dark its neon bright blue colour was barely spinning and the white light in the central pupil was now completely dim and grey. Kaji felt his hand form a fist. “See reason and stop this if you piss off this angel and Asuka has no control anymore because of your machine it will kill us all, she’s clearly repressed it all this time and tried to keep us safe!” Maya stepped forward. “Please I’m begging you don’t do this, she’s been through so much she doesn’t deserve this she’s really hurting on the inside right now. Its what makes her sad and angry but believes me under those barrier’s she puts up there’s so much good in her, she’s noble and kind hearted and she loves Rei very deeply. Don’t cut her life short over this don’t take away her one chance to become happy and learn what it is to love because for the first time in her whole life she’s so close to being in that place the accident in the UN Alpha test unit though it has horrible has brought out the best in her recently and people are seeing it for the first time.” Ritsuko ignored her as pressed the panel buttons. “All employees leave the room.” She turned as Gendo entered the room he put a hand on his beard as he looked at her. “Is it ready?” Ritsuko turned to him feeling a smile form. “Why yes dear, it’s all set up, shall we begin?”

End of part 25

Silvermoonlight


	26. Chapter 26

_THE LONGEST NIGHT_

 

Ritsuko smiled as she met Gendo’s gaze. “I’m turning on the main power now.” She pressed the buttons hearing the sound come on as Obrax began to power itself up slowly. It sounded like a thundering drum in how it pulsed sharply clearly Asuka could hear it because she looked up very slowly with unseeing eyes. Ritsuko pulled up the hologram screen slowly turning up the power half way watching carefully for any change. “Come on you bastard…leave.” She eased the power bar higher just in time to watch as several hologram screens came up showing brain and heart scans as Asuka’s face suddenly changed showing pain as she started to struggle violently her eyes going wide as the left one’s pattern started to spin and pulse going crazy. Gendo looked up watching as Asuka struggled. “I assume this is normal?” Ritsuko turned to him. “Yes it’s perfectly normal, don’t worry she’ll go through a lot of pain but it will force it out of her she’ll ether puke it out or it will find its way out via her nose.” She raised the bar higher eyeing the brain scan noticing that it was active through and through but nothing was changing.

Maya looked up. “Shut it down can’t you see it’s not working!?” Ritsuko turned eyeing her. “Be quite!” She turned pushing the bar up as high as it could go which was followed as Asuka’s intense screaming as she struggled even harder forcing both of her hands straps completely loose as her hands went to her head the light in her left eye getting brighter and spinning harder as she carried on screaming in agony. The heart monitor suddenly started flashing red Ritsuko turned eyeing it. “That’s not possible? This machine shouldn’t affect her heart!” Misato moved forward. “She’s going to die she’s going in to cardiac arrest can’t you see that?!” Kaji turned to Gendo. “I know you don’t like or approve of me director but end this now she’s dying in there!” He watched as Asuka’s face changed as her teeth started becoming longer at the back and at the front as her eyes went from being unaware to very much alive as she began to snarl and struggle an inhuman roar suddenly came out of her mouth which sounded like some kind of monster’s it was long, loud and terrifying. Her struggling became even more violent and unhinged as her left eyes neon blue iris patterns slowly turned to bright red followed by the other normal eye turning glowing red as she violently pulled her lower limbs free.

Her hand rose towards the inner camera as a voice came out which wasn’t Asuka’s it was almost male but not quite as it was speaking over her real voice which was weak and distant. “ _You think you can burn me out who the fuck do you think you are?!_ ” The fingers tensed as a cold frightening smile formed which was only made creepier by the mouth which was now filled with inhuman jagged teeth. “ _This is body is mine it’s not yours! She said you would try this I just didn’t believe you would actuality be stupid enough! Now suffer for your fucking stupidity and for daring to challenge me!”_ Gendo turned sharply the panic in his voice. “Turn it off now!” Ritsuko moved over typing desperately seeing that suddenly nothing was working. “I’m trying!” Both glowing red eyes narrowed _. “Her keeper has already heard her screams of pain and agony and in her mind she was crying out for the one whose love she never feels she got, to save her. Now the one who I fully awakened when I transformed her unit permanently will bring rage and thunder because she just saw what you just tried to do to her.”_ Misato turned as everything started to flash red. “What’s he talking about!?” Maya moved over pushing Ritsuko aside typing trying to bring the power down. Asuka’s other hand rose as the smile widened. “ _Now bathe in the glory of agonizing wonder_!”

Kaji looked up just in time to see the red shock wave fly outwards from the Obrax he grabbed Misato pushing her downwards. “Get down!” He watched as the others ducked down as everything turned to chaos as the room behind them exploded in as a blast of flames as Obrax was torn to pieces. Every light in the room went out plummeting everything in to pitch black darkness as the huge coffin door flew through the air smashing against the glass causing massive cracks before it came down landing hard against the floor inside the room. The control panel exploded as the door behind them was thrown off as the wave finally dissipated. The inhuman roar came again as the Angel slowly walked up to the glass its red eyes glowing. “ _Do you think your prison can hold me_?!” A fist came up smashing against a section of glass with enough force to crack it down the centre. “ _I changed this body for a reason_!” The fist came up again smashing the glass a second time causing the knuckles to bleed leaving a bloody print as another section cracked. “ _It was so I could make it that I could escape and human bodies are so limited in there abilities even ones like this which are fit and strong.”_ The angel pulled Asuka’s fist away looking at the wound as blood ran down the knuckles _. “You’re so limited by your flesh and blood it’s so pathetic at times!”_

8

Rei eased her card up swiping it only to get the typical red beeping. “Well this is as far as we always get.” Mari snatched the card from her hand. “Give it here!” She put the card in her mouth as she spoke through glittered teeth. “Any one would think you idiots had never hacked an ATM machine before it’s the same fucking principle just the codes much harder.” Rei looked at her and then at Toji, Shinji and Kaworu. “No I can’t say as I’ve ever gone out of my way to hack ATM machines I mean who does that?” She watched as Mari gave her a cold look. “Oh right you have….” Mari slowly pulled out small machine from her pocket eyeing them as she eased out two cables attaching it to the card as she eased it out of her mouth. “Trust me when you’re piss poor like I used to be it comes in real handy you just trick the machine in to believing you’re the rightful owner, since no one types pins anymore there all internal code and it gives you easy money from anyone’s account. Yeah I used to spend it on alcohol and treats but so what I was so hungry and food stamps suck over in Britain.” Toji leaned over her shoulder. “I would have loved to have you with me back in China I mean I just stole what I could to give Sakura a good meal.”

Kaworu looked up. “I don’t quite see the appeal as I preferred to grow my own food as best I could.” Shinji breathed in deeply. “I get it but I don’t agree stealing is wrong didn’t you ever feel guilty for doing that?” Mari eased the card up sticking it back in the slot but only half way as she watched the code flash up. “Please don’t fucking bring up ethics with me Shinji myself and Toji get what it’s like when you have nothing you get desperate and it takes you places where you throw away the moral compass.” She breathed in deeply adjusting her glasses. “I had nothing my mother was dead I was left penniless and with out a home, so I made the best of a bad situation with the only thing I was ever good at which is hacking.” Rei looked at her seeing a similar pain in her eyes which she was used to seeing in Asuka’s. “Why did you not use your skills to work for your government, I’m just curious?” Mari’s eyes darted as she carried staring at the code reader. “I’m not interested in being some office junkie working for the secret service, not after the way they fucking treated me!” Rei looked up. “How did they treat you Mari?” Mari eyed her. “Lets just say when they found out I was trying to hack the government for secrets they tortured me for three days straight asking who my leader was and which hacker ring I was part off.”

She breathed in painfully. “You really get a taste for pain and misery when those assholes work you over they punched me kicked me, bent my limbs in ways they were not meant to go they threw constant abuse at me trying to make me feel worthless. I have never wanted to pass out so badly in my whole life and they didn’t just beat me once it was repeatedly. They water boarded me and gave me sleep depredation as well as starving me and they stamped on my glasses so I couldn’t see shit, I was blind the whole time and it was terrifying.” She tensed painfully. “You asked me once why I don’t like or trust people that’s why! My so called asshole friend sold me out in the group and I took the fall and I thought those man and woman who were torturing me were going to kill me!” She felt a cold sneer form. “I think they would have had Marcus not stepped in, he was so impressed that I’d held on so long being a civilian with no military training and tested me for the Evangelion program because he believed if I could with stand that kind of mental and physical torture then I clearly would have a very high sync rate and he was right.”

She breathed in deeply wiping a tear away. “So that’s why I have issues with trusting openly because trusting openly gets you hurt every time!” Toji moved forward putting his arm around her shoulder hugging her. “You can trust me Mari I would never do anything like that to you, you’re my best friend and I think the world of you and so does Sakura you should have told me the whole story, I would have understood.” Mari eyed him before turning back to the code reader which had brought up some code as she spoke painfully. “Yeah well I didn’t want to burden you Toji plus it’s not your problem.” Toji looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “I would never see anything you tell me as a burden ever and I don’t mind listening to your problems we’ve both been though some awful shit and seen some awful things and we both know what its like to be fucking poor.” He breathed in deeply. “So don’t ever think that I wouldn’t want to listen to you okay?” Mari looked up giving him a half hearted nod as she stepped away from him her gaze shifted to Rei as she started to type quickly recomposing herself. “So since we are all about truth right now and I just coughed up it’s now your turn Rei.”

She felt a sly smile form. “So are you in love with Asuka or something?” Rei eyed her. “It’s none of your business.” Mari looked up sharply. “Don’t give me that shit you owe me the truth since she’s always pining after you like a little lost kitten!” Rei folded her arms. “It’s complicated!” Mari pulled up the card swiping it watching as the door instantly opened she put her device away. “Bullshit its not complicated at all your ether in love with her or your not!” She was about to say more only feel the whole room shake nearly causing them both to almost fall over. “What the hell?” Shinji looked down. “I know where that came from!” He looked up sharply. “That came from the quarantine zone where they hold Evangelion’s in the freezer if they think there dangerous!” Toji turned meeting his gaze. “I saw them this afternoon they moved 02 out of the bay.” Rei looked down. “But it has no pilot Asuka’s not in it, its impossible for 02 to spring to life on its own!” Mari breathed in looking around her. “You know as fun as this is I’d like to get to where Asuka is right now because I don’t want to standing right here if 02’s trying to get out it will tear the whole zone to pieces!”

8

Hayden tried to pull himself to his feet he could see every one running trying to get away through any exist possible as the roar that was as loud as thunder shook the whole bay for a second time. Inside the frozen huge cylinder beneath him which had a massive top he could hear cracking as shards of ice smashed apart as the unit inside started to slowly move the solid ice not stopping it. This wasn’t fucking possible! It was his worst fear coming true an awful scratching sound hit the air as one of the clawed hands started to claw at the lid which was holding it in. He watched in horror as the huge claws burst through slicing it open like it was nothing but a tin can, its other clawed hand came up smashing it open. He was frozen in terror he knew he was going to die he hadn’t been able to get to the exit ladder in time. He watched as the huge crested demon head rose up followed by the shoulders and massive clawed hands one of which came down landing with in inches of him. The four huge glowing green eyes lit up in the darkness as its huge mouth opened letting out another roar as the tongue came out. The Evangelion turned catching sight of him its huge face leaned forward he felt himself curl up in to a ball in terror as the huge jaws came with inches of his body as the four glowing eyes looked down on him he raised his hands. “Please don’t eat me!”

The tongue pulled back inside the mouth as it suddenly lost interest in him moving it huge head up as it looked at where it really wanted to go. Its huge body started to move as it grabbed the walls as it started to the accent upwards as it pulled its huge clawed feet free of the ice followed by the two massive tails. He watched it go, where was it going it had no pilot how had it even activated in the first place? Asuka’s entry plug wasn’t in it that was in a different area above he looked up as one of its huge clawed hand pulled back before flying forward smashing the wall apart three levels up. He blinked in shock as it pulled out Asuka’s entry plug remaining still as brought it up to its shoulder section which slowly opened. It eased up the entry plug being incredibly gentle as it placed it in the opening right side up then tensed sucking it inside as its shoulder area closed up. It then carried on climbing upwards not looking back it clearly knew where it was going and there was no way of stopping it. He turned only to feel himself freeze as he caught sight of a small figure standing high above him on the rafters looking down watching the massive red demon closely. He blinked seeing the blue hair and red eyes and school girl’s clothes it was that ghost girl! What was she doing here? He couldn’t believe this was happening it was like some kind of nightmare.

8

Gendo eyed the angel standing behind the glass watching as the red eyes looked up focusing on him as he stood up. “What do you want?” The angel eyed its bloody hand again. “ _I don’t answer questions from foolish small minded human beings who think they carry some form of hammer belonging to the gods_.” It slowly eased out its tongue licking one of its long canine teeth imitating one of Asuka’s well known traits. “ _You and Seele are fools you know nothing beyond your scenarios you repeat over and over it’s tiresome and extremely boring!_ ” Gendo eyed the red haired woman who was being possessed. “What scenarios do you speak off?” The red head shrugged her shoulders forward as the red eyes flashed. “ _Now that would spoil the surprise wouldn’t it_?” Misato looked at Kaji he’d just saved her life she stood up slowly walking over to the glass. “Who are you do you have a name?” The red eyes narrowed. “ _It’s nothing personal but I’m not interested in you ether_.” The angel put its hands in the pockets of the hospital wear. “ _Its not that you’re not interesting you just don’t push my buttons in a way that matters_.” Ritsuko stood up turning sharply. “Oh and Asuka off all people does?”

The red eyes flashed as a wide smile formed. “ _Now you I really don’t like_.” Its mouth formed a cold scowl. “ _You think just because something’s not perfect that it’s less than you, which is rather pathetic considering that long ago in this country your people had a practice called Kintsugi where you used to pour gold in to the cracks of jars to fix them because you valued something with history rather than something new and embraced the idea of imperfections and flaws. To me broken things are far more interesting they have more substance their special_.” Kaji came to stand close to Misato as he spoke calmly. “So you find Asuka special is that the reason you didn’t walk her down in to the void and merge with Lilith?” The angel walked side ways as it sat down looking at them bending its knee as it put an arm on it once again imitating Asuka’s behaviour. “ _I have no fucking interest in Lilith if I did you wouldn’t be alive right now!”_ It narrowed its gaze. “ _Lets just say I’m tired of my role and I’m tired of those around me call them my brothers and sisters if you will getting all the fun, so I changed the rules this time around._ ” It looked up. “ _I’m not the only one others have been tweaking the game as well, your very lucky in this world Seele does not hold master and spender over you, your roles are reserved but then they made a mistake_.”

The red eyes darted. “ _Their downfall came when you gave your lesser false gods the engines of infinite power they started to loose sway over you_.” Its eyes closed before opening again. “ _But as always the scale will just tip in someone else’s favour it’s always the same remove one force another takes it’s place and I will say that myself and my brothers and sisters might be the least of your problems and Seele may become your savour rather than your aggressor for a change_.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Does Asuka know about this? I mean about all this.” The angel turned. “ _Parts here and there but I’m not here to stress out her mind with things like this her mind already has its own issues. I mean this pained little human being was willing to shove a gun between her teeth and kill herself just to get rid off me, granted she didn’t go through with it but she thought about it she even shoved the gun in unloaded you know just to try it out_.” Maya moved up to the glass. “Is Asuka dead?” The angel eyed her. “ _I know you you’re kind of like Asuka but you’re both not the same in your sexuality_.”

It looked up slightly. " _To answer your question no she isn't dead, you see when you tried to shatter her brain I forced her personality down to save her life and very existence it's in the back on my sub consciences sleeping very soundly right now_." It raised its bloody hand. " _Your machine would have brain damaged her it really disappoints me how cruel you human's are to one another. I don't like my brothers or sisters much I tolerate them with utter distain at times but I have no desire to hurt or even kill them yet you people do not hesitate in your cruelty and you would show cruelty to those who are at their lowest and most vulnerable_." Ritsuko felt a sneer form. "Asuka is not vulnerable she's an emotionless, uncaring, selfish little bitch!" The angel raised a hand. " _Since your not hanging out in this mind you don't get to comment! I've seen pain, vulnerability and tears all shed through these eyes, I've seen depression, suicidal thoughts and thoughts of not being good enough or measuring up as well as self hated and loathing and a few things I didn't count on_." It looked up slightly. " _Love,_ _longing and desire for one out of her reach, it really perplexed me deeply that these emotions could even exist when the others are so much the opposite."_

Maya kneeled down. “You’re talking about Rei aren’t you?” Ritsuko raised her hand in disgust. “Oh gods seriously you find Asuka’s hormonal sex drive that interesting that’s beyond pathetic?” The angel eyed her in disgust. _“I_ _did not say sex drive nor was I referring to her carnal desires, which have not been as active as she might have been led you to believe in fact their none existent but then you humans seem to hold that kind thing in an unhealthy regard so you lie about sex in the hope that others don’t notice that you aren’t getting any_.” It looked up slightly. “ _I made the mistake at first of thinking that love and sex were the same. They are not and loves comes from a different place emotionally with very different drives and I just find her emotions regarding that one person fascinating because of how she acts and behaves is so different in that one person’s presence it’s the place where her true self becomes truly open_.” It looked at its bloody hand. “ _Love and sex don’t exist where we come from it’s a very Lilin ideal.”_  

Maya breathed in deeply. “Is that why you’re here to learn?” The red eyes narrowed. “ _Yes, I want to know everything about you, how you work at the base level if you will but I’m not here to stop the war. To put it bluntly I have another brother who is very good at screwing up minds and breaking them and he’s always loved tormenting the body I’m in. We made a deal if you will and we switched places he even faked my death with a rainbow it was what you all needed to see as I say he is a master of the mind_.” Its smile widened. “ _It’s a wager if you will, to see who is better at causing chaos and your stupidity has now put me right at the top_.” It eased a hand up looking at the still bloody knuckles. “ _Now bring me what I actuality want which is Rei Ayanami and put her inside the room because I want to talk to her_.” The room was suddenly shaken violently as a bellowing roar was heard on the far side some levels bellow. “ _As for Asuka’s keeper, I don’t speak for her, her actions are her own and you pissing her off was completely your own doing and when she gets up here she might eat at least one of you alive_.” It’s raised its hand pointing to Ritsuko. “ _You’re the one she’ll probably eat it should very be amusing to watch since false gods unlike us have an appetite for flesh and blood. It comes from your pilots desire to eat, since in this world everything seems to eat everything else_.”

End of part 26

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilin-refers to humans and is the name that angels use to refer to humanity in the series. Water boarded-some times referred to as dry drowning in when a person is held down with a towel wrapped tightly around their face as water is poured over them to give the sensation of drowning before being given air, it is still used today as a common torture method in some countries. In this AU any form of sexual torture is strictly prohibited world wide and it’s never used as a torture method by any faction or government including Seele as the world has a zero tolerance view of rape and sexual assault and it gets you a very long jail time regardless of your gender or sexuality.


	27. Chapter 27

_THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS_

 

Rei turned the corner feeling everything shake violently as she caught sight of the room where Obrax was held she had never forgotten it due to what had happened to brother in that it had driven him crazy and he had forgotten who she was for a while which had been heart breaking because she had feared that he might never remember her again but he had and it was thanks to Maya's medication and care. She turned seeing the room's entrance only to see shattered glass and the door which was also lying on its side. She could see the others following her as she ran in to the room seeing everyone turn to look at her. She blinked in shock seeing that the huge glass screen was cracked in numerous places there was even blood from where a fist had been smashed in to it. The whole room behind the glass was in darkness she turned as Ritsuko caught sight of her followed by everyone else including her father who remained emotionless as he raised his hand. "Well it appears for once my daughter has revealed herself at the right time required." Rei looked up as the others came in she ignored her father as she walked forward. "What's going on?" Ritsuko eyed the other pilots. "What are you all doing here? You shouldn't even be here!" Misato moved over taking hold of Rei's arm gently guiding her forward so she could see Asuka better. "Ritsuko tried to destroy Asuka's mind using Obrex Rei because there's an angel hiding inside her brain and she was trying to force it out."

She breathed deeply. "It took over Asuka's mind and blew up the machine and now it wants to talk to you and you only it's not interested in anyone else." She watched Rei's eyes drifted as they saw Asuka for the first time shock appeared in them as she caught sight of the in human features. "I don't want to ask this off you Rei but you have to go inside that room it wants to speak to you." She looked down slightly. "I know it's going to be terrifying but we have faith in you." Shinji moved forward. "I'm going in with her!" Kaji moved forward pulling him back gently. "No Shinji not this time this angel is not messing around it only wants Rei." Rei watched as the angel stood up its red eyeing glowing as it smiled showing off its mouth full of jagged sharp teeth as it raised its finger causing the lock on the door to unlock at the far end and slowly open. Mari turned eyeing Asuka. "Man that is so fucking creepy look at her eyes and those shark like teeth they look like they could tear the flesh of your bones, it's like a horror movie." Toji turned sharply. "You're not helping Mari!" Kaworu put his hands in his pockets looking up with uncertainty. "It's fascinating and frightening all at the same time." Misato breathed in deeply keeping hold of Rei's shoulder. "I know I'm asking a lot of you Rei but we are running out of time he's somehow unleashed unit 02 from the quarantine zone and it's on its way up here as we speak." Rei took in a breath steadying her self. "I can do this, I'm not afraid."

Misato moved with her closer to the open door. "Go on." Rei slowly walked inside breathing in deeply as she caught sight of the red eyes which lit up as Asuka stepped closer to her a cold sadistic smile forming, she knew it wasn't Asuka though Asuka never smiled in that horrible manner. She turned as the door slammed shut behind her locking itself she turned back steadying herself as she did the best she could to ignore her fear as she spoke evenly. "Bardiel I presume?" Bardiel raised his finger clicking it watching as both inner speakers which had allowed him to talk through the glass were shut down instantly along with the last surviving video camera. _"So you know me by name, ah yes Asuka's video I told her there was no point in sending it but she was so focused on it_." He looked up. " _You shouldn't be afraid of me I'm not going to eat you or anything the teeth are merely for show and she also said that if I ever laid a finger on you it wouldn't go well for me_." He moved closer so he was standing over the younger woman. " _You know what she's like she never ever bluff's and even I'm not stupid enough to over step the mark with the things she really likes_." Rei looked up meeting the Bardiel's eyes one of which was glowing pure red while the left eyes blue patterns were burning light red while the white pupil had turned dark red his voice was so unnerving it was dark and male sounding but it was talking over Asuka's which was meek sounding. "Is she dead?"

Bardiel raised his blood hand seeing that the others behind the glass who were trying desperately to get the sound back by trying to over ride one of the undamaged side panels. " _No she's fine, just very much a sleep I had to do it to save her that awful machine would have probably brain damaged her for life but she'll be fine. Though she might wake up again in a seriously bad mood and have a lot of issues with anger and confusion but I'm sure it'll pass you see she had completely resounded herself to the fact that she would not return and when she does return she probably won't take it well because now her softer underbelly has been exposed for all to see_." He looked in to her eyes. " _You know she gave up willingly because she saw no way out she was happy to go to her death and she had accepted it unconditionally but here's the thing that might really break your heart when she looked up at skyline, in all its glory your face was the last thing she saw in her minds eye, that was the image she wanted to die with."_ He watched as Rei's green eyes lowered sadly to the floor. " _She loves you so much you know you're the one person in this horrible vile human world who actuality touches her, you're the one she always thinks about_."

He turned slightly. " _But she never tells you this because she doesn't think she deserves you and that she can never take back the bitter school memories where she harassed you and over stepped boundaries and she has always wished that she could turn back the clock_." He raised his hand towards her face touching it slightly with his finger tips. _"It's so sad_." Rei stepped back hating the tingling sensation from his finger which made her skin crawl. "Don't touch me." Bardiel raised an eyebrow. " _Why because the truth is what she's always thought that you don't like her in that way and even in her wildest dreams you'll never be more than friends_?" Rei looked up. "No don't touch me because your not her, I enjoy her touch I don't like or approve of yours." Bardiel felt a cold sneer form. " _If you hadn't noticed I'm in this body it's the same one_!" Rei folded her arms she could see what Asuka was talking about now Bardiel was awful it was the sensation of him, he was so dark and foreboding, which meant that to her this past week or so must have been like torture. It made sense now sleeping in lift shafts and spacing out this must have driven her crazy half of the time and she must have struggled so hard just to keep it together. "You're not the same though you may look like Asuka even sound like her but you're not her." Bardiel snarled inhumanly as he got closer. " _Explain that concept to me I fail to understand the meaning!"_

Rei breathed in. "It's your eyes your presence you're awful, she's warm, loving and gentle your not." Bardiel roared in anger as he eyed her. " _You're talking about the soul aren't you_?!" Rei looked up feeling the anger take over. "Yes I am! Why did you do this to her, I mean who gave you the right?" Bardiel's red eyes narrowed. " _I don't need to talk rights with you, your human I did it because I could plus she fascinates me because she's so broken inside and out. She desperately sad and lonely forever wanting and needing but never taking the first steps because she is so afraid, yet in others things she does not hesitate. I told her she could jump the level she never questioned if I was lying I could have let her fall to her death but she put her trust in me unconditionally despite how cruel I've been to her. So much trust for one who doesn't always trust so much love never given and so much regret and misery_." He raised his hand. " _She'll never make the first move and kiss you even though she wants it more than she can breathe and it kills her every time you're close_." He looked up as the whole room shook. " _So answer me the one question I really want to know will you ever return her love_?" His mouth formed a cold sneer. " _Or am I wasting my time talking to you_?" He looked up as the room shook again. " _Hurry now her keeper is getting very angry_."

Rei turned to him she realized now that she should have admitted it to herself a lot sooner but everything had changed that day in the gym the way Asuka had touched her she wanted to feel like that everyday since. She'd seen the best in her that day and she carried on seeing it and she found her very beautiful both inside and out and it had drawn her in so deeply. She just hadn't wanted to admit it as she had been deeply confused by her own feelings, because she very rarely felt much when others touched her but when Asuka did it she felt alive every time and her touch was always so gentle and caring. "Yes I love her." Bardiel raised an eyebrow. " _I do hope you're not lying to me just to save your own skin."_ Rei looked up meeting his cold gaze. "If you know me from her memories you'll know I don't like lies or lying to others." Bardiel mouth formed a cold smile. " _No I guess you don't I mean you were always brutality honest when you rejected her advances in school if you can be brutality honest about rejection then clearly you can be honest about love_."

Rei turned as a massive crash was heard she watched as unit 02's face appeared in one of the side windows. "How do I stop 02!?" Bardiel breathed in deeply. " _That I will help you with since you've been honest with me. Once I dive back in to Asuka's mind her keeper will feel her presence again you just need to show her to the unit and it will shut down and once I release my hold the door will open and the sound will come back on_." He looked up. " _Tell the unit you mean her no harm and that she's safe it will understand, it came her to rescue her after all it heard her cries of deep pain in void when the machine was turned on and it felt her going in to cardiac arrest, it has a very strong connection with her._ " Rei felt her eyes dart. "Who is her keeper?!" Huge claws suddenly tore through the ceiling close by Bardiel breathed in as he closed his eyes. " _I'm sorry but your time is up, have fun with her keeper_." Rei watched as the red eyes faded away as the normal one went back to blue and the pupil dilated while the red circles and patterns turned to back to neon blue as Asuka whole body began to slump. She grabbed her lowering her down to the floor carefully as the whole roof came away as unit 02 massive clawed hand tour it clean off causing everyone to duck down it terror as it roared its long tongue coming out.

She pulled Asuka up in to a sitting position so it could see her directly. "She's here!" The unit mouth opened as it roared again looking in her direction. "You're her keeper right?" She looked up watching as the jaws slowly closed. "She's okay now she's safe, I came to save her please believe that!" The unit eased up a clawed finger moving it forward stopping with in inches of her. "She's not dead she's just sick she needs to rest." The clawed hand pulled away as the unit became still. "I would never do this to her I care about her to much!" Unit 02's whole head turned as it looked in Ritsuko's direction letting out a massive roar which ended as is huge mouth formed a cold scowl. It stopped as it seemed to contemplating its next actions as the tongue moved up licking one of the huge upper canine teeth as it turned back to look at her much to her surprise. Its body leaned back as it relaxed its huge green eyes dimming as its clawed hands became loose and it fell away from the wall. She tensed holding Asuka tighter against her as she heard the massive crash as it hit the earth below somewhere at the bottom of the quarantine zone. Granted Evangelion's could take that kind of fall but she'd never seen it from the outside only from the inside. She turned as everyone came rushing in she watched as her father came to stand over her a rather dark smile spreading across his lips as he spoke evenly. "It would appear that I've misjudged your value, you are useful after all just like your brother."

Rei looked up eyeing him. "I didn't do this to earn your respect or gain your approval I did this because you were going to kill Asuka!" Her father smirked. "You've always been soft just like your mother her love for others was her weakness to." Rei felt a sneer form as she looked up eyeing him. "Yeah well you know I'd rather be like mother than share a single once of your unfeeling soul." She narrowed her gaze. "I'm happy I look like her to because she was a far better person that you could ever hope to be." She turned to Shinji who was getting closer. "Can you give me a hand? I need to get Asuka on to her feet." Shinji moved over helping his sister stand up Asuka who still had her eyes wide open and was staring blankly in to space and completely unresponsive he eyed his father in disgust. "You could have avoided this whole scenario but as usual you listened to Ritsuko, Asuka did not need to go through this she's suffered enough as it is! Putting her through this was beyond cruel I mean you knew how much that machine messed me up when you tried it on me all those years ago!" Ritsuko folded her arms. "My self and your father were trying to get rid of an angel!" Rei eyed her in disgust. "No you were both trying to get rid of Asuka there's a big difference, yeah I get it to a lot of people she's not the greatest and most out going person in the world but she deserves so much better than to be treated this way she a kind person with a good heart and she's not expendable."

Kaji moved forward seeing his chance to speak. "Come on all of you, let's leave this doesn't need to continue." Misato turned feeling a cold smile form. "Yeah Kaji's right I mean since Ritsuko's idea failed miserably and caused unit 02 to go crazy and try to kill us all, I guess we have to try Maya's ideas when it comes to removing the angel for the foreseeable future." She met Ritsuko's cold gaze. "Like we should have done when you found out about this, as it is we are lucky that the angel could be reasoned with!" Rei turned to her. "His name is Bardiel." Misato eyed her before turning back. "But as it is Bardiel might never speak to us again and you better pray that Asuka isn't brain damaged because if she is her grandmother will probably come down here and kill you personally because her patience with you is at its very limits from what I've heard and I won't stop her. I mean who in there right mind does this to young woman her age and thinks it's right or even fucking acceptable!" Maya moved towards the fallen door. "Can you all argue about this later? I need Asuka brought to the hospital wing right now!" Kaji moved over to Misato putting her hand on her arm. "Come on Misato you can finish this later, now just isn't the time." Misato took in a deep breath knowing he was right she eyed Toji, Mari and Kaworu who were all looked completely out of there depth as they were clearly not used to being in the middle of these kinds of fights. "Come on all of you we are leaving!"

8

Maya breathed in painfully as she looked at Asuka who had been put in the hospital bed and was staring upwards aimlessly in to space, there was nothing happening she was completely unresponsive even her good eyes pupil wouldn't dilate and her left eye had gone dark there were no glowing iris patterns in it and the pupil had turned a very dark grey. She looked at the brain scan which was barely firing her brain wasn't damaged but it just wasn't active it had become a dead zone, nothing was going on it and it had nothing to do with the anti physiologic that had long left her system. She put a hand on her face it was like some form of coma but she was wide awake and she'd used the same medication she'd used on Shinji many years ago but she was getting no response at all. What ever was going on in Asuka's brain she just couldn't fix it and she could feel the frustration mounting as she couldn't bring herself to call her grandmother and tell her this. She'd just break an old woman's heart because saying she was in a coma was like saying she was dead. She just wanted to break Gendo and Ritsuko's neck, if they'd just given her a chance to do her job this wouldn't have happened. She looked up seeing that Rei was sitting opposite Asuka's bed she hadn't left and she'd said she had no intention of leaving. The others had stayed including Mari for as long as they could until they'd had to go home Shinji had gone to Asuka's home though to feed her cat and then Pen Pen before going back to his own home.

Rei had said that Bardiel would bring her back so why the delay was it him or Asuka? She had checked the living brain scan he was still there in the same position he hadn't moved inside her brain, even if he was an evil sounding bastard he clearly didn't want to ruin her mind because it didn't benefit him. She looked up her gut was telling her the worst in that this wasn't him it was in fact Asuka, in that she just didn't want to come back. Like Rei had said she had resounded herself to the fact that she was going to die and she'd accepted it with out question, she had seen her death as noble and the only way to end it, because she couldn't commit suicide so she’d opted for a the warriors death instead hence why she'd put up such a hard fight against the special ops. Gods watching the video she'd sent Rei had been out right sad yet so surprising. She had wanted to leave Rei so much after her death and she had given her all the things she cared about most in her will her cat Erika who she loved and adored, her books her games even her Trident motorbike she'd seen that bike when she'd been building it was her pride and joy and one of the few things she was proud off.

She turned as Misato entered the room with Kaji the sadness in her face as she spoke. "Anything?" Maya put her hand on her face looking at Rei who was still sitting quietly in the room opposite Asuka. "I don't get this, I've tried everything I know to knock her brain back in to gear." She folded her arms. "Nothing I've tried has worked!" She breathed in deeply. "I just don't know what's going on in her mind it's not damaged." Kaji sat opposite her. "Is it Bardiel?" Maya shook her head as she turned to him. "No it's not him you know personally I think it's her I think she's somehow hiding in her own mind away from everyone and I know the reason why we all do. She was trying to die like a warrior because she couldn't go through with the other option I think she might believe in her mind that she's already dead and there's nothing to drag her back to this world I mean she probably felt her own heart start stop beating." Misato looked up. "Why not get Rei to talk to her, I mean normally in a coma isn't it good for people to hear the voices of others? She might realize that she's not dead." Maya looked up sharply. "You know that just might work." She stood up. "I'll give anything I try right now." She walked towards the room opposite watching as they followed her as she entered it seeing that Asuka was lying still her open eyes unchanged the only thing that had changed was her teeth which had taken back there normal form some hours ago.

Kaji watched as Rei stood up the concern in her face as she spoke. "Has something happened?" Kaji raised his hand. "No we just want to try something Rei, we want you to talk to Asuka we think the reason she's not coming back is because in the back of her mind she thinks she dead it might help her realize she's not." Misato looked at her. "I know it's a long shot but would you try it? I mean she cares about you it might make her realize that she's still alive." Rei moved over slowly to Asuka's bed. "I'll try anything I can't stand seeing her this way." She took hold of the other woman's right hand raising it very gently. "Hey Asuka can you hear me? We know that you're somewhere in there do you think your dead? Because your not, you're alive you survived and we all want you to come back." She looked in to the other woman's eyes which were staring lifelessly upward. "You can't hide out in there forever you know, I mean gods when do you ever run away from anything? You always face it head on and I've always." She breathed in deeply and painfully before speaking again. "I've always loved that and we have so much to talk about. There's so much that's unspoken between us and I want to make it right because you deserve that." She gently kissed the other woman's bandaged palm. "Where ever you are please come back me, if not for any one else then just for me."

8

So this is death? This ficken sucks where are the pearly gates where are the bright lights where are the angels the real ones not the ones I've spent half my life fighting? Oh that's right assholes like me don't get heaven how ironic I should have known better this is probably purgatory. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic I felt my heart stop I saw the blackness now I'm here and its out right annoying. I guess I should be happy I mean I got to see her face one last time I saw her when Yuki was beaten me and she was a beautiful as ever and in my last moments I carried her face before they knocked me out and when they put me in the machine it was the image I concentrated on despite the pain right down to my last and final heartbeat. Asuka lay still watching as the snow fell around her where she was seated on an ice plane which had jagged plated ice rocks which looked like those from Antarctic. She was dressed in her plug suit her new one with its darker purple legs and white and green shoulders though her interface hair clips were missing. She raised her knees leaning her head against them as she wrapped her arms around them looking at the red and dark blue sky above as white lightning came out hitting the red bloody sea close by.

She watched as a dark shadow moved close by she turned feeling the anger burn as Bardiel walked towards her his claws crunching the snow as his red eyes narrowed as he spoke. " _You do make it such hard fucking work don't you Asuka? I don't take kindly to having to spend hours shifting through your layers of subconscious to find you I put you in a nice safe little place and what do you do? Oh that's right you go and move yourself else where!_ " Asuka watched as he sat down next to her so he was looming over her. "You've got to be ficken kidding me!?" She felt a sneer form. "You know I thought in death you'd be gone what is this did they send me to hell or something?" Bardiel breathed in deeply. " _Your alive you stupid idiot, your lying in a hospital bed with your eyes wide open staring at the ceiling_!" Asuka lowered her legs folded her arms. "I don't believe you, you abusive scumbag!" Bardiel stood up moving to her left remaining on all fours. " _You are so fucking irritating do you know that_?" Asuka smirked as she met his gaze. "Oh look the asshole angel is regretting his life choices already? How pathetic..." She felt a sly smile form. "I see you've also learnt how to swear what's wrong did the human world get to you, was it not what you hoped for, did it make you miserable?"

She eased up her hands making sure that her next words were filled with sarcasm. "Bet you really wish you'd never decided to leap in to me off all people now." Bardiel narrowed his gaze. " _Be quite_!" He dug his claws in to the ground raising his tail. " _You're coming back with me and you're going to wake up_!" Asuka narrowed her gaze as she ripped off her patch throwing it to one side as she stood up. "You know I'm sick of listening to your orders and demands and your condescending little comments about my self worth. I'm not doing anything you want anymore so you can take your ugly ficken carcass else where, I'm done being walked over by you, I'm also dead so I don't answer to anyone anymore!" She watched as the tail came at her she dodged sharply stepping sideways. "When I was alive you made me feel so much like scheisse! You're not powerful and you're not smart you're nothing but a bully and a coward!" She felt her hand form a tight fist. "I personally I despise bullies, since I know how their mind set works since I used to be one." His tail flicked out again trying to hit her she moved fast on in the snow feeling her suits heals grip they were after all made to handle snow. She turned grabbing his tail this time as it came at her again she started to squeeze the end slowly. "I may not ever get you out of my mind but I'm going to make sure that you never ever have the upper hand over me again!"

She squeezed harder only to blink in surprise as he roared in agony she felt a wide toothy grin slowly form. "Oh well look at that, I can actuality hurt you!" The tail was yanked free of her gloved hand in a lightning fast motion. "I wonder if you bleed as well because I'd like to see what colour your blood is." Bardiel turned as he started to circle her on all fours showing off his teeth. " _You don't stand a chance? You're human_!" Asuka stepped forward feeling her back molars extend on both sides of her mouth along with her upper and lower canines as her left eye ignited. "You made me this way, remember? Right now I'm a copy of you, just a better one!" Bardiel looked up sharply. " _You can not become the better form of humanity like me_!" Asuka breathed in deeply. "No not in the outside world I can't but this is the after life so it's my choosing!" Bardiel breathed in watching as she tensed as she let out a long and loud scream as the blue and white light came bursting out from her eye consuming her whole form surrounding her it slowly dissipated as a huge form appeared it like his yet so unlike his at the same time. There were stripes of black and orange fur along with huge hind clawed feet and long palmed hands. There were two body length long twisting tails all covered in black and orange stripes along with a huge long mane of blazing red fur which was going down from the head which looked like a tigers but with longer ears. The right eye was blazing blue while the other was now pure blazing white and blue light he watched as a bellowing roar came out from the mouth now filled with long sharp cutting teeth just like a tigers only much bigger and sharper.

Asuka leaned forward feeling her claws hands and feet push in to the snow okay so she was a lycanthrope version of Nekomata but it was the first thing that popped in to her head and now it just felt so right on every level. "Come and try me you ficken piece of scheisse!" Bardiel growled running at her with all his might only to feel the intense pain as they both collided and her massive claws sliced across his face he felt the cold feeling of his own blood as it ran down his in human snout. He dragged his claws down her back watching as red blood started to run down the thick fur though Asuka showed no pain as kept pushing against him as their red and blue blood dripped all over the snow. Asuka brought her teeth down straight in to his shoulder enjoying the taste of his blue blood as it spilled out, she loved pain she'd never admit it openly but the worse the pain the higher the adrenaline and it made her feel so alive! She loved challenges the harder the better and she liked tasting blood between her teeth. Maybe that was why this felt so good now as she bit down even harder feeling him as he struggled for all he was worth trying to get free and that just made her want to bring him even more pain but there was another sensation that was very dark and new to her it was carnal urge from a completely new place, she wanted to eat him alive! Was this how Shinji felt that time when he had gone berserk in 01 and eaten part of Sachiel was this what it felt like to leave your humanity behind? Ether way it was liberating and she would enjoy every moment of it on these eternal ice planes!

End of part 27

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize Asuka’s transformation is very out of the ordinary and not part of the series canon, there is a bigger reason why I’ve done this and it will come out at a later time. Also in the original series when Shinji went in to human instrumentality it is shown that he could change his form from human to cube and so on, so it got me thinking that other forms maybe possible as the only real limit is a persons imagination and from what I’ve heard people in comas have had dream visions of flying and seeing heaven. Asuka’s eyes being wide open in the coma is meant to similar to the Manga and anime where she was attacked by Arael.


	28. Chapter 28

_LIGHTING UP THE HEART AND SOUL_

 

Asuka felt the force as she was thrown off she came off slamming in to the snow she flipped herself right side up on to her hind legs as tasted the flesh in her mouth she brought out her long tongue licking one of her massive bloody canine teeth. “You taste like brisket, over done brisket.” She felt a sadistic smile form. “So I guess this would make you my last meal right?” Bardiel sneered as he stamped his clawed foot down hard watching as the red sea around them turned to blue ice cold flesh waters the kind that Asuka hated and feared. She just couldn’t let go she really believed she was dead and in her mind she just couldn’t wrap her head around still being alive because she’d been so accepting of death she just didn’t want to wake up and grasp reality. She’d used her own imagination to change her form just to get an equal footing and that scared him because she was very powerful and he didn’t want her to over power him as she could win and he could truly die. Why was she hanging on to this subconscious illusion? Was it all too much for her did she think waking up would bring no happiness after everything that had happened, had she finally let go off all her hope? Was this the human concept that illusion and escape were sometimes better than reality? He eyed his bloody torn shoulder before looking up. “ _You’re not dead, stop holding on to this illusion and let go I saved your body in the outside world the machine didn’t kill you!_ ”

Asuka stalked closer. “I don’t ficken care and even if this is an illusion I have nothing worth going back for! I’d rather live a lie than spend another moment out in the real world!” She pressed her thick black curved claws in to the snow. “I’ve tried to escape so many times and I never fully escape because I wake up! I don’t want the pain anymore.” She breathed in painfully. “I didn’t want you to save me ether, I was happy to end it all!” Bardiel took a slow step forward. “ _No you just don’t want to go back because now everyone knows the truth that you’ve been depressed and suicidal and you might have to finally talk about all the pain that’s been holding you back which is making you so miserable and you don’t know if finally releasing it will even make you happy_!” Asuka breathed in grinding her huge teeth together. “It won’t make any difference, it never does it’s always been that way though out my whole life the things I love leave me and people don’t stay with me because I’m not good enough and I never get a second chance. I just get thrown aside because I’m worthless and broken and no ones going to love me the way I want or dream about and I’m going to die alone!”

She side stepped. “So yes reality sucks and I don’t want to be part of it anymore!” Bardiel shook his head. “ _I get it the depression is clouding your mind Asuka you’re not seeing or thinking straight, I spoke to people who knew you through your body, they were coming to your rescue, they wanted to save you they didn’t care for me_.” He looked up slightly. “ _But maybe what should matter to you is the one you love risked everything to save you_.” Asuka flicked her two huge tails. “Yes well she would do that she’s noble and kind but it doesn’t mean that she loves me!” Bardiel shook his head. “ _You’re blind as fuck and stupid!_ ” He felt his teeth grind together as he spoke coldly. “ _Tell me why would you be so open to leaping of a level in that thing you humans call the_ _Arcade_ _yet you’re so afraid to leap in the same way with your feelings_?” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “Broken legs are easier to repair that broken hearts and I don’t mind physical pain I can handle it, I even enjoy it on some twisted mental level, I just can’t stomach the emotional!” Bardiel looked at her for a long moment. “ _This is your last chance Asuka, ether you return or I will force you back kicking and screaming whether you like it or not_!” He moved his clawed hand through the snow. “ _I really don’t get you,_ _you’ve fought me all this time and now you’re just giving up, just like that_?”

Asuka shook her mane. “Yes!” Bardiel moved slowly forward. “ _Your mother would be so unhappy with you right now every time you fight she smiles. Every time you try even if you don’t succeed she’s happy she has always wanting to kiss away your sorrows even though she can’t always reach you_.” Asuka eyed him in disgust. “Stop bringing up my mother she’s dead!” Bardiel looked up. “ _You’ve_ _always wanted to meet her again so you can feel that childhood wonder, yet you’re not asking yourself why she’s not here if you’re truly dead then she’d be here but she’s not_.” Bardiel watched as her good eye darted while the other blazed brighter. “ _If there is existence and proof that you are not dead then her not being here right now should be all you need to wake up from this illusion because she would want to be here believe me I know I’ve felt her presence and she only tolerates me because you allow it_.” Asuka felt a cold sneer form. “She’s not here because she never loved me!” Bardiel shook his head. “ _No she’s not here because she somewhere you might not expect yet it is the most obvious place of all but the last place you’d think to look_.”

He felt a sly smile form. “ _It’s not just her there are two more who are fully awakened and three others that are starting to awaken it’s just a matter of time.”_ He looked up. “ _You think humanity exists on one plane of existence there are others far beyond flesh and blood Nerv’s being lying to you Asuka Ritsuko’s and Gendo have been keeping secrets from everyone_.” He stepped forward getting closer to her moving his tail in position seeing that she clearly very distracted now. “ _You have never asked yourself why Ritsuko hates you so much, you know she hated your mother but why is she trying so hard to get you off the program why she tried to mince your brain I mean it’s so extreme like she knows that you might just find out something you really shouldn’t. In previous cycles it’s been Shinji and Rei always apart yet in the here and now they are natural brother and sister. It’s just not there turn this time around its yours and you deserve to find the answers through my method not my rivals because there is no joy in finding out everything at the end of existence when its fleeting and your not in control. So much has changed in this world so much is different and you have so much yet to face.”_

He could see that she was thinking his words over very deeply and her attention was no longer on him or fighting he didn’t think as he wrapped his tail around her thick furry neck in a lightning fast motion before she could stop him as he used his whole weight to shove her violently of the edge of the ice and in to the deep ice cold water. He held her down as she violently thrashed under the water biting at his tail trying desperately trying to surface as the terror of drowning took over. “ _It’s time to wake up Asuka your far from done and I won’t see everything I’ve worked for come to nothing because you just want to give up and fade away!_ _You won’t like waking up its going to be very hard and very unpleasant for you at first but then rebirth always is, it’s fought with difficulty and strain because it brings about such drastic change._ ” He turned seeing the jagged ice sheets vibrate and crack as they rose upwards breaching the surface all around him as the lightning crashed down harder as her control over her own world of illusion and imagination started to waver it wouldn’t be much longer just a few more seconds, he could see the sky above turning white as the lightning stopped.

8

Asuka felt her eyes snap open as she felt her whole body force itself up right in bed as let out a painful cry she could feel her heart pounding in her ears as everything went in and out of focus as the pain hit her causing her to put her hands on both sides of her head. She leaned over sideways only to feel herself fall straight out of the bed on to a solid cold floor everything hurt so much and she could feel cords pulling on her body along with hearing everything beeping around her, it was like some form of hell and she couldn’t stand the sound. She looked down as her good eye slowly came back in to focus she was lying on the hospital room floor on her front and there were cables all over her chest and arms. She grabbed the cables forcing them free despite that ripping them free felt like she was ripping her skin off she then pulled the drip needle out which stung so much as it came free. It was all still beeping it just wouldn’t shut up she couldn’t stand it she just wanted it to shut up! She could feel the intense rage coming as she looked at her hands, the bastard had brought her back! She didn’t want to be here she hated it here so much and the past week or so had just felt like torture. She put a hand on her face she was so stupid she should’ve just torn him apart and eaten him and not listened to his manipulations, she would not be able to get back to that ice plane again and she knew it.

She looked up she ficken hated this hospital room she was sick of forever ending up in this place for what ever reason wearing the stupid white shirt and trousers she hated the smell the sounds even the taste of very air bothered her. She put her hands through her hair in frustration as she eyed the beeping machines feeling her teeth grind together she couldn’t stand this anymore, she just wanted to let loose and let go completely she didn’t care if it expensive or it wasn’t hers, she just wanted to make it disappear and be quite so she could think straight! She’d held on to this burning rage for so long and now she just wanted to let it out just to feel some form of real release which she couldn’t get because she just hadn’t been well enough or hadn’t been piloting or doing anything meaningful, even when she’d fought the special ops and Mari it just hadn’t felt like full release. She felt both hands form fists as her knuckles cracked on one side if she did nothing else today she was going to tear this room apart because it just felt like one bad memory after another being in here!

Kaji took a drink of his coffee as he walked towards Asuka’s hospital room only to hear the beeping of the machines inside signalling that something was going on. He moved forward seeing that the hospital staff were running towards the room. He found himself backing up a step as he heard her intense scream of insane rage hit the air, the glass of the room she was in was suddenly smashed completely as the hospital bed was lunched through it with enough force to hit the wall on the other side sending the terrified hospital staff running in all directions as crashing in side was heard. Talk about coming back in to the world kicking and screaming he’d not ten minutes ago sent the others away to get something to eat because they’d been here all morning and now Asuka had picked this very moment to come out of her coma and start trashing everything. He looked up only to see one of the metal bedside cupboards as it was lunched through the smashed glass only to smash in to the wall on the other side. He had seen this young woman angry he was used to that but this was like someone else this was blinding unhinged rage, there been echoes of it over the weeks since the accident but they were always more controlled. Clearly in her coma Bardiel had pissed her off on a whole new level and she was not happy and she just wanted to take it out on anything and the hospital room was her first choice.

Or maybe this was about so much like not having full control off her own body and her knowing that Bardiel had taken over it and she felt violated and no longer in control of her own life. Because she was in such a low and depressed frame of mind and had truly hit her lowest point now in that she’d been trying to escape reality hence her refusal to come back. He grabbed his phone calling as fast as he could hoping that Misato hadn’t turned her phone off he watched as it rang only to be picked up as Misato’s voice hit the air. “Hello Kaji.” Kaji stepped back as the drip holder was lunched through the glass on the rooms other side. “You have to get down here now! Are Maya and the others with you?” Misato’s voice hit the air though it filled with uncertainty. “Yes everyone accept Rei, why what’s going on?” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Asuka just woke up.” Misato voice came again filled with shock. “She has?” He looked up sharply hearing another crash. “Yes she has and she is beyond pissed and I’m not talking about angry you remember those really awful rages she had in her teens you know the selfish ones where she used to break other people things to spite them because she couldn’t get her own way. You know before she changed and improved herself well she having the mother of all rages right now and she tearing her own hospital room apart!” He tensed slightly. “I think Bardiel somehow forced her back in to the land of the living when she didn’t want to go and she’s just not handling it well.”

8

Misato breathed in deeply she had never run so fast in her life and Shinji along with the others were hot on her heels she turned the corner where Kaji was standing just time to see another metal cupboard go straight through the already smashed hospital room’s window where the bed and other things were already lying. She eyed Maya who looked beyond shocked as they heard something else crash although it was from the inside. “Holy shit…” Kaji eyed her. “Like I said she’s utterly lost it in there and she is just not stopping and with the strength she has she can just trash anything she wants and no body can stop her.” Misato turned to Maya. “Can you stop her?” Maya shook her head. “I’m not sending the staff in there, I’m just not I’ve seen this before when she’s this way she can’t recognise friend from foe. She was like it after the battle of Shamshel she attacked the staff trying to sedate her and she wasn’t half as powerful then and she still caused massive problems because her mind was so unhinged and she was full of blinding savage rage. I mean she broke one mans arm but with this kind of power she has now she could outright kill someone. Also the hospital staff spent a long time fixing the broken limbs and noses of the special ops teams she took out because she wasted them so badly and there still really sore over the fact a twenty three year old carrying no armour or weapons got one over on them so badly.”

Kaji breathed in sharply. “You have to do something she has very high stamina now once she’s done she’ll just keep moving rooms she’ll probably tear half the ward apart before she tires herself out maybe we can get Kyo up here again to sedate her with a rifle.” He turned seeing Rei who was walking towards Asuka’s room from the other end of the corridor. “Don’t go in there Rei, she could kill you!” Rei looked up seeing the fear in everyone’s faces accept her brother’s as she got closer to the room she’d been at one of the vending machines when she’d heard the crash and the screaming it had been loud enough to hear a floor above. She breathed in deeply seeing the horror in Maya’s eyes as she moved closer to the room’s door, she wasn’t afraid and it saddened her that they were. Asuka was in pain that was why she was throwing this fit of rage this wasn’t about hurting others she was afraid and scared Bardiel had clearly brought her back in to this world somehow and she wasn’t handling it well because hadn’t wanted to come back she’d just wanted to hide away in her mind because she’d hit her lowest point. She closed her eyes taking in another deep breath before opening them again as she walked past the shattered glass putting her hand on the door handle as she went inside ignoring Misato’s order to stop.

She watched as Asuka grabbed the coffee maker full of boiling water throwing it at the wall opposite with enough force to smash it to pieces. She’d trashed everything she could get her hands on the whole room was a war zone she’d broken all the equipment and she’d put a lot of things through the window. “Asuka?” She watched as the older woman turned around her left eye was a spinning ignited blaze of colour that was letting out blue and white light. While her teeth were on full display the back molars on the upper and lower jaw had all turned to razor sharp points on both sides along with the upper and lower canines which had extended slightly while her upper and lower front teeth looked completely normal. The pointed teeth weren’t half as extreme as Bardiel’s version and none of them were jagged. She breathed in deeply moving a step closer. “It’s Rei.” She looked up speaking quietly. “Do you remember me, I’m your friend?” Asuka eyed Rei for a long moment, why was she here? She didn’t need to even be here. “Yes I remember you, now get out and leave me alone!” Rei took another slow step forward ignoring the comment Asuka was doing what she was used to doing she was pushing her away because she didn’t want her feelings to be exposed or the pain she’d been going through. “It was Bardiel wasn’t it? He pushed you back here but you didn’t want to go.”

Asuka moved towards her. “I was happy in oblivion but he couldn’t even ficken let me have that the vile bastard, he tricked me in to coming back here!” She stepped closer to her hoping to the gods that her threatening look would be enough to make the younger woman run away like any sane person. “I didn’t want to come back here, I was happy to give up my whole life just to see him die and he even took that away from me!” Rei looked straight in to her eyes as she spoke calmly. “I wouldn’t have been happy to see you die Asuka.” Asuka narrowed her gaze as she spoke coldly. “Please, no one would mourn the death of Asuka Langley Soryu! They’d probably celebrate I mean one less asshole in the world right?” Rei looked at her sadly. “I went out of my way to save you Asuka, I mean I saw your video, you were going to give me so much that mattered to you because you care so much about me.” Asuka breathed in painfully it was getting harder and harder to hold on to the rage because the pain was starting to spike at her heart. “I was not worth saving!” Rei stepped closer she was now right in side the other woman’s personal space. “To me you were worth saving, I know you didn’t want to come back here Asuka I know it was hard for you, you probably fought Bardiel to stay there but I’m just so happy to see your face again.”

She looked up seeing the bright light dim in her left eye as it turned dark, even her face was changing as the pain was starting to come through. “You’re so brave I mean you fought this all on your own for so long and you couldn’t tell any off us and despite it all you weren’t cruel or unkind. Instead you went out of your way to show kindness and compassion even though you must have felt awful inside at times.” She raised her hand putting it gently on the other woman’s face. “You have a really good heart Asuka its noble, kind and honest.” She looked up meeting the other woman’s gaze which was filled with intense pain. “Your nothing like Bardiel, he might posses you on some level but you’re ten times better than him, believe me I met him I saw what he’s like and if he ever made you feel like you were like him he was lying.” Asuka felt the strangled sob come out before she could stop it, it was all of the pain and suffering from inside and it was so out of her control and she couldn’t stop her tears as they came. She wasn’t angry anymore just deeply sad and all of the pain of the past painful week or so was finally surfacing in one massive wave.

Rei slowly wrapped her arms around her feeling her bury her head in to her shoulder as she really started to cry it wasn’t like the time before it was incredibly strangled as she releasing so much built agony and pain that she hadn’t been able to release before now. She held her tighter. “I’m so happy you came back to us I mean feeling the way you did it must have been so difficult for you, because you probably felt that it was hopeless and that no body cared and that if you vanished no one would notice because you just feel so bad inside right now.” She breathed in deeply. “Believe me though your wrong and I care about you so much, I want to help you get better and get this awful thing out of you.” She turned noticing that the others had made there way around and were staring in at her in utter shock apart from her brother who was giving her a knowing smile she turned away. She didn’t really care for the others shock they just didn’t know Asuka the way herself and Shinji did Asuka was not a monster. Yes this thing had changed her but inside she was so much herself and right now she needed to be shown compassion, kindness and love because she was so low emotionally.

End of part 28

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who is new to the Manga or End Of Evangelion movie when ever Asuka’s wakes up from a coma it tends to be a very violent and extremely turbinate experience emotionally. In the Manga Shinji tries to wake her up only to be successful but ends up almost being strangled to death by her as the medication keeping her docile is wearing off. While in End of Evangelion she wakes up screaming that she doesn’t want to die. So I felt her trashing her hospital room would mirror her utter frustration and conflicting emotions as well as giving the reader a window of her newest issue which is her teeth.


	29. Chapter 29

_FEELING THE STRAIN OF LIMBO_

 

Misato eyed Asuka through the glass of one of the general employees wreck rooms she was sitting on a sofa chair dressed in her spare clothes from her locker which consisted of a t shirt and dark blue trousers as well as black skate shoes and a brown leather belt they'd gotten her patch back some time ago which she was now wearing. Maya had also found her leather jacket along with her phone and wallet as they had been left in another room away from her other clothes which had been destroyed by the explosion which had gone through the other door on the far side of the room and not just their door. Her teeth had returned to normal and now she was looking very sadly in to space while Rei was with her sitting on the other chair opposite just talking with her. She'd never seen Asuka cry not in all years she'd known her yet she had cried for a very long time in Rei's arms. Emotionally she was such a mess yet Rei had just led her out of the room and she'd just followed, Bardiel wasn't kidding Rei changed how she behaved she just seemed to glide past the walls others couldn't get through and Asuka just let her clearly because she loved her though she'd never said it openly. She breathed in deeply. "Should we tell her about what happened with 02?" Maya looked up. "No it's just too much stress for her she won't handle it well and they've already moved it back to the bay with the others as we don't want a repeat incident I mean they said that 02 even found Asuka's entry plug and put it back in on its own before it made the accent."

She shook her head. "This isn't some coding error that thing was alive it was moving with a purpose it clearly wanted to save her, Bardiel said it wasn't him but regardless it makes no sense." Misato looked up as a sad question entered her mind. "Have you ever seen her cry, other than in her sleep?" Maya breathed in sadly. "No this is the first time, this whole thing must have really messed her up so badly. I mean hearing her say to Rei that she didn't want to come back was awful, she must feel like she has no control right now in her life and its just all fallen apart. She can't even make emotional decisions with out Bardiel forcing her in another direction and to him it's clearly a sick twisted little game and she's just his play thing." Kaji looked up at them. "The guy reminds me of one of those predatory creeper's the kind I used to beat up back in university he made my skin crawl having that in your head twenty four seven must be hell. She's always had issues with her self worth and he must be having a field day yanking her back and forth." Misato raised her hand. "I don't get it though, what's the end game? Why go to these lengths what does he want from her and why the obsession over Rei?"

Kaji looked up. "Asuka loves her very deeply and he's clearly very curious though it's a morbid curiosity over something he just doesn't understand, I would have loved to have known what he spoke to Rei about." Misato breathed in deeply folding her arms. "Wouldn't we all, but he didn't just cut out the sound feed he blew the camera's out as well, he didn't want anyone to know what they both talked about." Maya leaned against the wall. "Rei was brave to even go in there, what ever she said stopped him." She looked up slightly. "She didn't hesitate when facing Asuka ether but then I was checking those feeds again you know the ones Ritsuko missed because she was too focused on Bardiel rather than Asuka. During the delegate display she went to find Asuka and talked to her, she was able to get around her bad mood back then as well." Misato looked up sharply. "Please tell me you copied that disc like my life won't be complete until I see that because Rei wouldn't tell me anything and nether would Shinji." Maya breathed in pulling a disk out of her pocket. "Yeah I knew you were going to say that, so here you go I also added lots of other moments you might find really interesting." Misato took it from her hand giving her a wide grin. "Thank you so much friend you've made my day."

Maya put her hands back in her lab coat pockets. "It's worth noting something else as well Asuka is very gentle towards her, even at her worst she will never cause her harm and she listens to her hell there was even an incident in the pilots wreck room where she gave Rei her graphic novel to keep and of cause she shielded her from a beating. She's changed so damn much in these past five years but this side off her is so new, it's like a whole other person trying to come out its similar to what Shinji went through and Rei is also still going through." Kaji looked up slightly. "I found the special ops footage the most surprising she just gave up and let that asshole Yuki beat her full on with lightning rods. All I can say is she's got a really high pain threshold most people don't take that kind of beating and remain conscious. It was Kyo who took pity on her and used the rifle to sedate her, he stated openly in his report that he couldn't bear to see someone who he deeply respects in so much pain and agony emotionally and physically." Misato eyed Asuka. "She's always had a high pain threshold and I've always believed that she likes and even enjoys pain on some level. Mari's kind of similar but she likes it in massive busts to her its more of an adrenaline rush, Asuka though just comes back for more over and over and she loves anything challenging. Maybe that's why it took so long for Bardiel to finally break her emotionally because she just kept fighting back but mentally unlike physically there was only so much she could take before it just got to much and she wanted to bow out."

Kaji eyed her. "Where do we go from here though? I mean Bardiel will be watching our every move now, he's clearly a clever slimy bastard and he's using her eyes like a camera lens so he can see in to our world." Maya looked up. "Let's just get her to tell us everything from the start, right back to the UN alpha unit test accident, maybe if she gives us all the details we can somehow find something that will get rid off him." Misato breathed in deeply. "Yeah but there in lies the biggest problem Asuka never opens up when she's being mentality prodded she gets really cagey and aggressive. I know its because of the trainers back over in Germany when she was young, they were real heavy handed with her in that they just pushed her to make her succeed during the pilot training but they didn't care so much about the mental side and that's why she was so messed up after her mothers death. Not to mention that they fed her with ideas that she was some sort of god hence why she had such issues with massive ego when she first came to Japan years ago. I did try to get her to go to therapy when she was eighteen but it back fired massively and the therapist just got no where with her because she turned aggressive and violent. The only good that came out of it was even though Asuka dropped out Shinji stayed on and we made so much progress with him and he's miles better for it and they were able to help him in such a positive way." Maya eased up her hand. "I have an idea." Misato looked at her. "You do?" Maya felt a smile form. "Yeah and it just might work." She eased up her hand. "I'll be right back in two seconds then we can all go in there together."

8

Asuka looked up as Misato entered the room followed by the others she looked down at the floor feeling no desire to speak, it just wasn't in her, she felt tired inside and out and her mind just felt so painfully stretched it wasn't like they were going to tell her anything good anyway. Misato looked up meeting her Asuka's good eye as she raised an A4 notepad with paper on it. "Asuka we were just talking and we were wondering if you could help us, you know maybe you could write everything down that's happened to you down from the beginning." Asuka eyed the thick note pad. "Oh please spare me everyone around here knows my written Japanese is crap and you people have to translate my German!" Kaji stepped forward. "Look we don't mind even if you put it in German, we just want the story from the top." Misato breathed in deeply. "We don't mind doing the translations despite what Ritsuko told you that day when she hit you with the clip board all we do is feed your papers through one of the computer scanners and it retranslates it takes less than a minute then we just reprint copies for the files its not an annoyance and the staff don't mind."

Asuka eyed her. "Don't you get it? I'm not a writer! I'm not like Toji he can write stories like its going out of fashion I can't I've tried I just stare at the paper and nothing comes out!" Rei stood up slowly she carefully took the pad and pen from Misato's hands. "Can you draw Asuka?" She looked in to her good eye. "I mean didn't you draw a lot in school?" Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "Yeah I did and I still do I use my computer to create digital stuff with a digital pen and tablet but my works are not that good, hence why I don't flash it around I'm not a creative artistic genius like Shinji and I can't make beautiful stunning pottery like you." Rei moved the pad and pen over to her watching as she took it. "Please draw Bardiel for us." Asuka breathed in deeply as she eyed the black ball point pen as she started to sketch. Kaji eyed her. "Don't you want a pencil?" Asuka looked up slightly. "I don't use pencil." She looked down slowly completing the rough sketch it was more of Bardiel's face she turned it around slowly. "It's just a rough but he looks like this."

She watched as there faces turned to surprise including Rei's. "Yeah I get it he's an ugly bastard trust me its worse when he's following me around I can hear his teeth grinding I think he does it on purpose just to annoy me." Misato moved closer eyeing the image which was an intensely detailed illustrative sketch she slowly took it from Asuka's hands. "You never told me you could draw Asuka or that you were this good." Asuka eyed her feeling the confusion take over. "What are you talking about? I mean it's just a rough sketch." Kaji eyed her. "This is a rough sketch you've got to be kidding right? I normally see this kind of thing on book cover illustrations the German division never talked about you being creative." Asuka eyed him as she spoke evenly. "The German division didn't like my art when I was a child they hated it, they said it was violent and unsettling." Maya eyed the sketch. "Asuka do you think you could draw the whole story for us digitally? I mean we can get you one of those top of the range digital scrolls with a holder from the Arcade in ether A4 or A3. You know the ones that you can use like a drawing tablet but come with really high spec digital pens and art programs then everything you draw can be uploaded to Nerv's digital cloud database and we can make it so you can even send images from home or on the move."

Asuka eyed them in confusion. "Yes I can but you know you're making way to bigger a deal out of this, no one wants to see my crappy sketches." Rei turned slowly to her. "There not crappy Asuka and I would love to see them." Asuka breathed in deeply feeling slightly out of sorts she didn't really get what they were seeing, she looked up slightly. "Sure I mean I can draw it all out for you and I don't mind buying the digital scroll, pen and holder, I'm not broke its not like I can't afford it." Kaji raised his hand. "No we'll buy this for you Asuka, see it as something of a gift from all of us to cheer you up considering what you've had to go through recently." Asuka looked up suddenly feeling pain but it was more from being unused to shows of kindness and it made her feel guilty for loosing it like an utter idiot and trashing property that wasn't hers since she had gone to great lengths to not behave that way anymore. "I'm sorry that I destroyed the ward room today and the gym a few days ago and please tell the owner of the restaurant who chairs and table I trashed when I leapt the level that I'm really sorry."

She felt the sudden sting of her own tears. "I was just frustrated and angry and I didn't feel like I was in control of things and when I jumped the level I was just so desperate to get away from special ops teams I used to train with those men and women I know what their capable off." Rei moved towards her putting her hand on hers. "It's okay Asuka we know you were feeling angry, I know it's been really hard for you to go through this all on your own." Misato looked at Asuka she was so open right now with her emotions there were just no walls or barriers. "Rei's right we don't blame you you've been going through hell, we all saw Bardiel we know what he's like." She looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "Tell me something Asuka when Yuki took you down, why didn't you fight him? I know you hate that guy and that you two have both never gotten on as you loyalty lies with his older brother Kyo but you could have beaten him up so badly." Asuka looked up slightly. "Because I didn't want to loose control of my anger and kill him this thing Bardiel gave me it's really scares me, he made me inhuman I mean when I get angry my teeth change and my left eye gets brighter I know I'm really powerful I can do things normal people can't."

She lowered her gaze to the floor. "I know younger bratty me would be loving this right now, because it would be like some ego and power trip and about being better than everyone else and thinking that I'm superior because I'd have something other people don't." She looked up. "I'm not superior though and I don't want to be and I hate that Bardiel uses that to stroke my ego like I should be happy about it or even appreciative. I have to be so careful with everything I touch now even my cat Erika when I pick her up and stroke her because I worry if I hold to hard I could hurt her and I have to be so mindful because I don't want to hurt others by mistake." She looked at her bandaged right hand. "To me this is not a gift it's a curse because I know my anger had always been a problem and I think he wants me to let go though, I think he wants me to become a monster like him." She put her hands together. "That day in the gym I was angry at Mari for her comments regarding my mother but he egged me on and I just lost it. What troubles me now was I that I shouldn't have gone for Mari regardless of her comments and one of the reasons she hit me was because I caused Toji to go through his phobia in side the Omega unit because the lights went out Mari said that she had to stay with him all night afterwards because it really messed him up."

Kaji looked up. "He told me he was fine." Asuka shook her head sadly. "He wasn't he was just being brave and trying not to show it." She looked down sadly. "I'm afraid of deep water and drowning I know how scary that is and I should have apologised to him and tried to talk sense to Mari. I know she hates me and we don't get on but I'm starting to think that maybe she's just like the younger version of me and she hurting deep down inside like I was and she just trying to find someone to take it out on. You know like I did with Shinji because I was so jealous and resentful and I thought that he just had it so easy because Gendo is the director." Rei looked at her easing her hand up as she ran it gently through her long red hair. "Did you feel the same way about me Asuka?" Asuka turned to look at her. "Yes and no I thought like Shinji you had a free meal ticket because of your father but I just wanted you to like me and notice me, even though I was out right awful. It's really pathetic when I think about it and when I couldn't get what I wanted I had raging fits because then you'd still be noticing me even if it was negative and you disliked me."

She looked at her hands. "I don't blame you for slapping me that day when I acted like such a leering predatory creep it wasn't like I cared to ask you if you even liked being with girls. I just assumed that even if some one didn't like something I could make them like it and they wouldn't refuse me as I was an Evangelion pilot because that was how my twisted selfish mind worked at the time." Rei looked at her for a long moment. "Your not that person anymore Asuka believe me." Maya moved a step closer. "She's right Asuka your not that person any more, you need to let that part of your past go." Asuka looked up slightly. "I know that but you know when he took over me… I couldn't hear what he was saying but I could still see everything he was doing, it was like being in a horror movie where you have no control over your own body and you're just a puppet." She turned meeting Rei's concerned gaze. "I saw how he was trying to touch you in the same way I did when I was younger and I wanted to rip his guts out and I was trying so hard to take back control but he just wouldn't let me. Then just before the end he shoved me down in to this darkness but instead I managed to shift elsewhere I just didn't know if I was alive or dead and I assumed I was dead because when it all went dark I felt my heart stop for good. Hence why I stayed there for so long and I just didn't want to come back everything just felt so awful and so hopeless and I just wanted to give up."

Kaji raised his hand. "How did he get you back here Asuka?" Asuka looked up. "We were fighting and I was winning I had torn part of his shoulder to ribbons but then he used this vile little manipulation to throw me off I got really distracted he then used my fear of deep water to bring me kicking and screaming back in to the world by trying to drown me because he knew I'd rather wake up than drown." Maya looked up surprise. "You can hurt him?" Asuka breathed in deeply "Yes he's not untouchable at least not in place where we were both fighting there he could feel pain it would seem but I guess in some strange way that makes sense since he's just another form of humanity and he can bleed." She felt a cold sneer form. "His blood tastes vile it's also blue in colour and it tastes nothing like human blood it was really acrid." Misato eyed her for a long moment. "You know from the way your speaking it almost sounds like you were trying to eat him." Asuka looked up feeling the uncertainty take over as she spoke. "I kind of was trying to eat him….look believe me it will make so much more sense when I sketch it out when I say it like this it just makes me sound like some kind of demented cannibal."

Kaji smirked ignoring Misato's side ways glance. "Well you have always been something of a carnivore." Asuka looked up raising her hands. "Look it's just not how you think okay I didn't do it to him because I literally saw him as a plate of medium rare steak. I did it because I was just so tired of him ficken yanking on my chain and I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to feel real pain for once because I literally can not touch him when he'd projecting his image outwards he's like shadow tearing off part of his shoulder was just a consequence of me getting my own back." She breathed in deeply before looking up. "I mean the first day he appeared when it wasn't in my dreams he was sitting on my sideways sofa and I pulled my gun on him and he made real clear that if I fired I'd just make holes in my nice sofa, we can't seem to touch each other but he can affect the electrics." She slowly turned to Rei. "That day when your reading light was going crazy in the wreck room that was him he was using his really long tail to smack it, he can also lock doors but it's more when he wants our conversations to be private." Maya breathed in deeply knowing that her next question might cause annoyance. "Does he affect your body other than your teeth and right eye I mean does he affect your sex drive?"

Asuka leaned back on the sofa. "Sort of it's complicated." She breathed in slowly and deeply. "Before this I could at least get off in dating sexual VR simulations now I can't the energies just not there anymore. I think he does it as a sick twisted joke because he probably looks back at my past memories and sees that I used to screw anyone I could get my hands on because I liked using sex as a form of power trip to make myself feel better and didn't really care about the person's feelings I was sleeping with, I just wanted it to be all about me." She looked up slightly. "He doesn't affect my emotional feelings for people though there real and there all mine and right from the start he's never been able to change them, other than to make me feel bad for having them." She looked up slightly. "Also he can pick and choose when he appears and disappears sometimes he can vanish for hours on end then just show up out of nowhere. He no longer goes in to my dreams anymore instead he's always on the outside and in 02, I mostly hear him but he can appear on my screen as hologram projection. The most painful thing was when he tried to sync with me in the test then succeeded when I got in to 02. It literally felt like he was driving wooden stakes in to my brain and I just started panicking because I felt like I was dying I would take any form of physically pain just to not have to go through that again."

Rei eyed her Asuka seeing the sadness as it appeared in her good eye she moved her hand putting it on the other woman's shoulder. "Believe me it was horrible watching that from the outside both times." She looked at the others as open as Asuka was being she could tell that was still really stressful for her, her good eye was giving it away. "Hey Asuka would you like to get something to eat? I mean we can go to the Arcade there we can get your digital scroll and pens and just charge it to Nerv's account." Asuka eyed her she was hungry and she hated feeling this tired she turned around as something occurred to her. "Where's my leather jacket, it's got everything in it my wallet, keys, new phone tell me those bastards who ripped my clothes off in the quarantine zone didn't damage it?" Misato eased up her bag pulling out the dark brown jacket with its dark red shoulder and arm stripes which was Asuka's most favourite thing to wear and she could relate as she'd always had her red and black one on. "Its here Asuka but that and your patch were the only things to survive your others clothes got torn to bits in the explosion." Asuka slowly stood up taking it from her hand. "The other stuff I don't really care about I can replace it." She eased her jacket back on. "This would be harder it's a custom I had to pay a lot to have it tailor made and I had to get on the waiting list and the couple who make these don't care even if you're some kind of celebrity, you only get it when it's finished, no exceptions."

Rei moved over putting her hand on her arm. "I've always liked that jacket its suits you." Asuka felt a slight smile form. "Thank you." Kaji felt a smile form. "You two should get something to eat and then go home." Maya moved forward putting a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I will have to ask you to come back Asuka, its just so once you start uploading your drawings to the Nerv's data base we can start going through them with you I promise we won't push you. This won't be like when we tried to do this in your teens, you make the rules you say when you've had enough or you're not happy." Rei kept hold of her arm. "I can come up with you if you want? I mean if it makes it easier and I want to see your drawings anyway." Asuka turned to her speaking quietly and softly. "Its okay really, you've done so much for me, you don't have to do this." Maya gave her a smile. "You know we can do it with the both of you I mean when Shinji has problems and he needs to talk to me Kaworu sometimes comes with him. So you having Rei with you is not a problem Asuka sometimes it nice to have someone else with you." Asuka looked at her feeling slightly nervous and it wasn't helped by Rei's smile. "Sure I mean we can do it that way." Misato grabbed them both by the shoulders. "So you two should go now and get some lunch we can fix up here, go have fun or something." Asuka raised her hand. "Its fine we are leaving."

Misato watched as they both left the room closing the door behind them she turned to Maya. "You are so fucking sly, that's not even true about Shinji and Kaworu granted they do spend all there time together but Shinji stopped doing therapy some years ago and he's been healing emotionally in vast leaps since then." Maya folded her arms. "It called working the problem Asuka responds better with her around she's just calmer and less agitated." Kaji put his hands in his pocket. "Oh so it's not about getting them to maybe date then?" Maya rolled her eyes. "Please I'm not trying to play match maker if that happens it will happen on its own and with out me as Asuka loves her, she'll have to tell her sometime after everything that's happened to her. After all this stress and heartache she might gain a different perspective on her life she came so close to death this time and your never quite the same after that, you look at the world differently Shinji would be the first one to tell you that." She raised her hand. "I just don't know if Rei love's her though I mean I know things might be pointing that way as it was Rei who came to her rescue I heard that she even bribed Mari in to hacking the panels down there and we all saw her kissing Asuka's hand when she was in a coma. I just hope that she does and I hope that if she doesn't Asuka can take it and see friendship as being enough, I mean you can't force others to love you it has to be a two way thing."

Kaji raised an eyebrow. "I agree, I mean at least if nothing else they both know where they stand and that they see each other as friends." He folded his arms. "Now would any of you like to go up to the Caribbean bar up on the Arcade's second level? It's just been a really long day and I want an alcoholic drink and some comfort food." Maya looked at her paper work. "Sadly I have a lot of papers to push thanks to Ritsuko's massive screw up but I might join you later on." Misato moved towards him. "I'll go I haven't been up there yet." Kaji looked up slightly. "Just don't be surprised if you come across Mari getting wasted up there and singing and Toji having to take her home." Misato shook her head sadly. "So we have a pilot who has a drinking problem then?" Kaji breathed in deeply. "I think its drinking to forget in Mari's case and it's quite often, I think her mothers death gets to her badly but she plays it like she's really happy when she isn't." Misato looked up meeting his gaze. "You know I think its time we started working on her as well she's clearly got problems and if she starts working though her issues Toji might follow." Kaji stroked his beard. "Works for me."

End of part 29

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering why Asuka in this AU still has trouble with the written Japanese’s it’s because she’s much more right side brain creative rather than left brain mathematical. For those of you who spotted the clues congratulations as I did leave some tip bits like her model making and painting kits and her transformation in the previous chapters. I also wanted to do this as it’s only in the Evangelion campus apocalypse Manga do they show her as being creative in that she performs and directs plays for the school and not in any of other Manga’s which I think is a shame as I think in the right circumstances her character could be just as creative as the others as everyone has a creative talent of some kind.


	30. Chapter 30

_SLOWLY WALKING EACH STEP ANEW_

 

I'm so happy she came back I thought she might not and we'd never talk again, she was quite calm even when they threw difficult questions at her and it must have been hard, she was trying though despite how hard it was. It's hard when you have to expose that side of yourself to any one we all have faces we show to others and faces we hide but I find the closer I get the more I see Asuka's hidden face and it is very gentle and kind. We brought the A3 scroll paper holder and digital pens and now we are sitting in an American restaurant which is over looking the Delphi gardens, granted Nerv has so many bars and restaurants here and you can try anything from any corner of the world and I've never really tried this kind of food before but I was curious to give it a go. I think what has surprised me is how people are staring at her, I don't think they though she'd be back literality everyone in Nerv heard that she'd been taken but weren't told why. They also knew that she'd gone in to a coma because Obrax messed up her brain, granted they don't know the whole truth but it doesn't matter and again she's really hungry and eating slightly to fast. Rei slowly looked up taking a long drink from her coke leaning forward. "Asuka you should slow down, it's not your last meal."

Asuka eyed her steak before looking up Rei was right she needed to slow down she took in a slow and deep breath before speaking. "Sorry." Rei felt a wide smile form. "It's fine really I just didn't want you to regret it later." Asuka looked up slightly eyeing Rei's plate. "I thought you didn't eat meat?" Rei eyed her fish cakes. "No I just don't eat red meat I don't have anything against fish, seafood, eggs or dairy it's called being pescetarian." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that, I thought it meant you could only eat vegetables." She turned watching as the male bar tender walked up carrying a bottle of lager which he put down next to her then cracked open. "This is compliments of table seven." Asuka eyed him for a long moment. "What?" The bar tender looked at her. "They said it was a gift, you know because they felt your treatment was unfair, I would agree with them watching you be beaten when you were surrendering was very unfair." Asuka eyed him before turning to the table opposite watching the five general staff seated there gave her wave she turned back feeling a sneer form. "This is so stupid, I get my ass kicked by Yuki and people are taking pity on me."

Rei put her hands together leaning forward. "Its not pity its respect Asuka." The bar tender eyed her. "Correct." Asuka watched as he left she looked down. "Why would I get respect for that?" Rei took a slip of her coke. "Because we all know you could have beaten him up so badly yet you took the higher moral path and despite this he still beat you." She looked up. "Plus no one likes Yuki, he's an idiot, I personally hate hand to hand training with him because he see me as weaker than the others pilots and has mocked me over it, he even said that there was no point to me being on the Evangelion program because I was just a useless pilot with unless Evangelion." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "I'm so sorry that happened that's not right." She breathed in deeply. "You could redo that training I mean I could get it so you're set up with Kyo he's so much nicer." Rei looked at her. "I thought you might be mad at Kyo because his men and women took you down." Asuka looked at her food. "No I'm not I was just angry on the day and I regret that I called him a sell out, I knew he didn't want to do what he did and he was the one who shot me and knocked me out because he wanted to show me mercy and in a way I was grateful because everything was hurting so much."

Rei looked up slightly. "Was it Kyo who taught you about strength and compassion?" Asuka took a long drink from the beer bottle. "Yes, you know I hated him so much at first I thought he was such a loser but after Shamshel I just felt so bad, I just lost confidence in everything because she turned my Evangelion in to a walking wreck and it took months for them to fix it, I mean I got through her AT field in beast mode and then she just took my arms and head clean off and it was a really awful sensation. Kyo he was there to pick me up afterwards and I didn't get his training at first but over time I got it, I just wish when I joined Nerv I had trained with him and not Yuki because Yuki really messes with your head because he tells you strength lies in power and there shouldn't be any weakness, the gods only know how much he's messing up Mari's head, if you have any emotional problems he's just someone you don't want to be around." Rei eyed her. "You just referred to Shamshel as a she, how do you know she was female?" Asuka looked up slightly. "Bardiel told me, though they don't have genders quite like us, it's more that they gravitate towards a gender, I don't know if it applies to Lilith though because he said that it's a mix of both."

Rei pushed her empty plate aside. "Why in the past did you never cry Asuka? I mean there were times when I saw you in so much pain emotionally." Asuka looked up meeting her curious gaze. "I just had a bad association, I told myself as a child after my mother died I wouldn't cry because it was something only children do and I wanted to see myself as an adult." She pushed her empty plate aside. "But believe me these past six months, before this happened I started crying most nights because I felt so lonely and depressed I just didn't know how to tell anyone and this whole thing has just made it all come out and I think after today I don't see those tears as childish anymore because every time I've cried in your arms I just felt better and it felt okay to cry I didn't care about what others thought." She looked up as a waitress came over with a large bowl of ice cream of all flavours as well as wafers and chocolate bits it was placed directly in front of her as the woman spoke. "This is compliments of table twenty seven it's our avalanche special." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Seriously what is this, did I wake up in the twilight zone or something?" She eyed the ice cream bowl. "Plus that's not ice cream that's a heart attack I can't eat this all by myself."

The waitress gave her a sly smile. "Would you prefer to share?" Asuka eyed Rei. "You want to share this with me?" The other woman gave her nod. "Yes we'd like to share." She watched as two spoons were placed down as the waiteress left taking there empty plates away she slowly passed the other spoon to Rei. "From the way people are acting you'd think this is my first brush with death or something." Rei looked at her for a long moment. "Asuka they all know Ritsuko put you in Obrax they all saw what that thing to Shinji years ago and unlike him Ritsuko turned it up to its highest level on you and it sent you in to cardiac arrest and afterwards you went in to coma. They know enough to know that they see that you were being really unfairly treated. Obrax was supposed to be decommissioned, every one thought it had been so to hear that it was used again to such extremes horrified them." Asuka eyed her ice cream. "Yeah well she won't be using it anymore I mean I saw it get blown up though it looked weirder being on the inside." Rei pulled over her leather bag easing out the graphic novel. "That reminds me I finished reading this, I wanted to give it you back and I wanted to ask, does it have a sequel?" Asuka eyed in surprise. "Please you can keep it, it was a gift for you and you can have the whole series there's four more volumes there at my home I can bring them in tomorrow if you'd like." Rei gave her wide smile as she put the graphic novel away. "Or I could come over and stay the night, if you would like?"

Asuka felt her self fidget what was going on? She hadn't been out of the hospital three hours and nothing made sense to her anymore she looked up. "Look really you don't have to come around, I mean don't you normally have your meet up with Shinji and Kaworu at Misato's place tonight?" Rei looked at her seeing the uncertainty in her good eye. "Yes but frankly I'd rather be around your house than there's your much better company." Asuka laughed although her laugher sounded terrible as it was filled with nervousness and anxiety. "That's funny Rei, real funny you know you shouldn't make jokes like that." Rei turned looking straight in to her good eye as she spoke calmly. "I wasn't making a joke Asuka." She watched as Asuka went completely still staring at her in utter shock. "I do enjoy spending time with you, I should have told you this some time ago but I really enjoyed that night we spent together, just us talking no barriers, when I'm at Misato's house the others are always connecting and Shinji and Kaworu are always talking yet I just feel like I'm on the outside sometimes. I don't feel that way in your company because you care about what I have to say and you listen to me."

She put her hands together. "You know I've been really unfair to you, I knew you had changed in these past years but I never tried to see who the new you was because deep down I just couldn't get that bratty school girl version of you out of mind and I never gave you that second chance you deserved and I'm really sorry." She breathed in sadly. "The worst part was that you just accepted it with out question that you didn't deserve that second chance and that must have been so horrible for you. Because you believed that no one was going to come to your rescue or help you and you didn't know how to ask anyone for help so rather than asking you just kept pushing me away." She looked up. "When I saw you in that video I was so heartbroken because you weren't thinking of yourself you were thinking of saving everyone by ending your own life and you were thinking of me I mean you left me your most precious and loved things in your will." Asuka looked down sadly. "Yeah well as I said in the video I care about you I always have and I always will, nothing will ever change that."

Rei looked at her for a long moment she couldn't say the words she truly felt Bardiel was right she just didn't see herself as worthy of her even now even after everything that had happened. Maybe she just needed time or maybe she needed to do something she'd never done before in her life which was make the first move when Asuka was more settled as she clearly having issues readjusting to everything right now it was written all over her face. "Hey lets just pay up and go back to your house okay? I'm sure you're very tired and it's been a very long day for you." Asuka eased out her debit card. "Yes it feels like it's been the longest day of my life." She pushed her card in to the card machine slot hearing it speak. "We thank you for your service Asuka Langley Soryu your bill though is on the house compliments of the restaurant please dine here again anytime." Asuka eyed the machine for a long moment. "Oh come on!" She eyed the bar tender opposite. "This table's card machine is broken!" The bar tender eyed her. "No it's not its working perfectly fine miss Langley Soryu."

Asuka sneered pulling her card out as she picked up her things watching Rei did the same. "Yeah I know now what happened, that machine sent me to a parallel dimension where everyone suddenly likes me and doesn't hate my guts and its making me feel really uncomfortable!" Rei took hold of her arm moving her forward giving the bar tender a smile. "Excuse my best friend she's just a little stressed out after everything that's happened her, we both loved the food and your hospitality and I'm sure we'll be back soon." She took hold of Asuka's hand leading her towards to the restaurants doors clearly she'd have to tell her some other time that the computer store she'd gotten her digital scroll holder and pen's from had also knocked the price down by a third though at the time she hadn't noticed it as she'd had her attention elsewhere since it was being charged from Nerv's funds rather than her card. "Come on Asuka, we can catch the train back if you like if you're not up to riding your motorbike home."

8

Asuka watched as her house sprung to life as Rei followed her inside they'd taken the train as she just wasn't up for riding her motorbike right now as her whole life felt like nothing made any sense anymore. She closed the door locking it watching as Erika appeared running up to her meowing she leaned down gently picking her up holding her in her arms. "I see you missed me then?" She stroked the little cats head. "Missed you to, thought I might never see you again." She looked up. "Let's get you something to eat okay? I got you some of your favourite treats." Rei hung up her coat putting her night bag down, watching as Asuka went through to the kitchen putting Erika on the kitchen top while she pulled her cat food out refilling her bowls before taking of her jacket tossing it on to the recliner while pulling her patch off before opening the cupboards her calm voice hitting the air. "Would you like a drink, I think I have green tea in here somewhere, you still drink that right?" Rei moved slowly over to her. "Yes I still drink it but you don't have a kettle." Asuka opened her lower cupboard easing out the attachment that could turn her coffee maker in to a tea maker. "It's not a problem I just need to switch the top attachments around one grind's coffee beans the other grinds dried leaves then soaks and strains them."

She looked up. "If you're bored you can go play on my games machine for a while and I can bring the tea up to you the password is Freyja, it should recognise your voice it's the same orange devil as on the video he's called Anneberg and he's an AI learning program that protects the whole computer system as it's separated from the house system I created his animations two years ago." Rei looked at her for a long moment watching as she switched the attachments putting in the dried green tea. "Asuka tell me how did you get my voice in the first place?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "I stole one of your Nerv feed discs years ago it wasn't much just footage of you in your plug suite inside the Evangelion talking. I was being pathetic and creepy and I swiped it off Maya when she wasn't looking and I did it when she was trying to help me which just makes it ten times worse because I betrayed her trust in me and she's my friend. She's always looked out for me even protected me when other people didn't like me and even now she still protects me."

She turned to her. "I'm not proud of taking it believe me, I just never wanted to give back because I knew I'd get in to trouble because stealing disc feed is strictly prohibited as its Nerv property. The disc though slipped out of mind for years and I found it recently and just used it I thought it was better to use it noble intentions rather than the original reason which I stole it for back when I were still in school." Rei felt a wide smile form. "And what were those reasons?" Asuka slowly passed her the tea as she switched the attachments back starting off her coffee. "Look maybe its better you don't know, like I said it really twisted." Rei eyed her for a long moment before speaking. "Did you want that disc to for fill a desire you couldn't for fill in school between us?" Asuka took a sip of her coffee. "Look no offence I really don't want to talk about this." Rei looked up. "I'm not going to judge you Asuka I think we are both past that now." Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply before speaking. "I took it so I could port it and digitize it so if I ever got a VR helmet I could run it in the dating sexual simulation but by the time I moved out I had no heart to do it. I'd already seen how awful I was as a person and it never happened. You can even check the helmet believe me its never run that simulation and my AI leaning personality Anneberg has a complete history of everything I've ever done since I moved in he can bring up my complete records if your concerned, he never lies because I taught him the value of honesty."

Rei moved forward putting a hand on her shoulder. "Its okay Asuka I believe you." Asuka looked down sadly. "I should return that disc tomorrow come what may the only thing I copied off it was your voice recording and that was only so my computer system would recognise you and I have no intention of taking it off now as I said before you're always welcome here and you can always play on the system I mean I know you like computer games I see you with that hand held a lot in the wreck room." Rei eyed her for a long moment as she sat down on the sofa watching as Asuka sat opposite. "You know you really pay close attention to everything don't you?" Asuka laid her head back on the sofa. "Its one of those things that comes with being kind of invisible, since people assume that I don't care about others they think I'm not looking at them but I see everything." She looked up slightly. "I even know your hand held is six years old I just could never figure out why you didn't buy a new one."

Rei leaned back. "I don't know I just don't like replacing things that aren't broken, it's a habit I picked up from Shinji." Asuka slowly turned to her feeling a wide grin form. "Ah yes that habit I remember that from our time together, it used drive me nuts I got it years later though, there are some things that no matter how beaten up and battered they get its there sentimental value that matter's more." Rei sat up slightly. "Did you love my brother Asuka?" Asuka breathed in sadly. "No but then I didn't know how to love people back then and we should never have gotten together in the first place. We just had to many issues to many things wrong and to much hurt in side, I wasn't good for him and he wasn't good for me and all we did in those awful four months was argue over and over I couldn't fix his problems and he couldn't fix mine and it was just a mess and it was so unhealthy."

She put a hand through her hair in frustration. "I got with him for the wrong reasons to start with every one just pushed at us to become a couple they'd told us that since school and I just assumed it had to be and so did he and it wasn't fair on ether of us we weren't right for each other. I had physical attraction to him he's always been charming, kind and very good looking but nothing beyond that and as I said to you once before he needs to get his act sorted out and ask Kaworu out and I told him that after the delegate display. It was really awful because we argued like we used to I was just so desperate for him to be happy and I know what he's going through with his sexuality I've been there. I know how hard it is because it changes your life and nothings quite the same ever again." Rei looked down, before looking up watching as the neon blue colours span in her left eye. "I heard you broke a vending machine."

Asuka raised her hand. "Yeah I did it was bad I know I was just that frustrated and I really hate fighting with Shinji despite what's happened between us I'd always consider him my friend." Rei watched as she stretched suddenly she just looked really worn out. "Do you want to go to sleep Asuka, you look really tired?" Asuka looked at her she was so tired there was no denying that. "Yes I do, I'm sorry if I had more energy I'd put on a movie for you, or something." She looked up slightly. "You can sleep up in my bedroom, I'll take the sofa." Rei looked at her for a long moment. "No its fine I don't mind sharing your bed with you." Asuka looked at her she wanted to argue that but she was just tired and the energy just wasn't there. "Sure…I guess but could I please just use the shower before you I badly need to wash my hair your welcome to use anything you want in the bathroom after I'm done."

Rei looked up slightly. "Thank you Asuka." Asuka moved over to the kitchen counter pulling her gun free from its hiding place under the counter as she walked up to Rei looking her straight in the eyes as she placed it in her hands seeing her confusion. "I haven't seen Bardiel all day I don't know if he's sleeping or recuperating or what but I don't trust the slimy bastard and if he takes over me while I'm sleeping and starts harassing you do not hesitate for a second to point this gun at my head and threaten him with pulling the trigger and if you have to hit me to protect yourself don't hesitate just do it I can take the pain and that means shooting me as well in the knee caps if you have to." She breathed in sharply clicking off the safety. "You should sleep on my side of the bed, because I keep the spear bullets box's in the second draw." Rei looked at her. "Asuka I'm not good with pistols I have a very low score on and off the field." Asuka met her concerned gaze. "Trust me this will be point blank range Rei, you won't miss if it comes to that." She looked down slightly. "Also If it makes you feel better I can't shoot a rifle my score is really bad on and off the field, I've never hit the centre point once I only hit the outer rings, Mari mocks me over it no end since she's a crack shot like you with a rifle."

Rei looked up slightly. "Why does she hate you so much Asuka?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "I really don't know, I get that she has similar problems to bratty younger me but beyond that I have no idea, I mean it was instant dislike after the first couple of weeks." She looked at her bandaged hand. "Maybe it's just me I just have a knack for rubbing people the wrong way, it's the story of my life." Rei slowly stood up putting her hand on the other woman's arm. "No Asuka I don't think that true in this case, I mean she wanted you to drown in the sub tropical swimming pool and she said she wished you had never born, even at your worst you never went out of your way to do that or say things like that to people." She moved her hand down taking hold of the other woman's. "I mean when I got her to hack the doors to the quarantine level she did come clean that the British secret service had tortured her and she thought they would kill her and that she had to steal to get by just like Toji but I've also heard that she has a drinking problem which is much more extreme than the one you had some years ago. I mean there are some nights where she apparently goes up to the Caribbean bar up on level two and just gets wasted."

Asuka looked up slightly. "I hate that bar with a passion its like being in side a Casino its all noise, loud music and karaoke, I prefer the one on the twelfth it's quieter and more relaxed and its got some really decent retro Arcade games in its back room and I like the owners cat who likes to hang around there and likes to greet everyone." Rei felt a smile form. "You know I prefer that one as well at least you can read in peace." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "I forgot to ask, how did you get Mari to hack the doors? You know because that confuses me since she hates me." Rei breathed in deeply before meeting her curious gaze. "I bribed her with two spare data cards which I didn't need anymore as I have plenty she made me real angry though she came in all happy and decided to park her backside on your chair I got so mad that her knocked her drink out of her hand and told her to get out of your chair. Granted she hadn't seen your video like the other did but I just couldn't believe the nerve." Asuka felt a wide toothy grin form. "Oh I just wish I'd been there to see that just to see her face when you knocked her drink out of her hands because she's totality under the impression that you're harmless, sweet and polite."

She looked up slightly. "Myself on the other hand I have had so many years around you to know that when you're angry you're not to be toyed with in any manner." Rei felt a smile form. "Now you're just trying to flatter me." Asuka look at her for a long moment. "No because if there one thing I know about anger it's that because I'm angry a lot of the time, when the moments over I can stop and rein it in because I'm used to it, its just a part of me its in my nature if you will. I think if one day you really lost your temper the way I do you could shake the foundations of the world and have angels running away in utter terror. Because you'd be a divine goddess destroying everything in your wake and no one could stop you or get in your way and even I'd have to bow down in respect." She put her hand gently on the other woman's shoulder. "It's those who are calm who burn the brightest of all when the world is falling down and everyone else falls by the wayside." She took her hand away stepping back. "Never ever let any one tell you any different Rei or make you think that you're less because there the ones that have self doubt and they just think that there better than you when in truth there not." She breathed in deeply. "I know how that mind set works I used to think like that way a long time ago."

8

She thinks I'm a divine goddess, just like she wrote on the school photo nothing's changed all of her feelings are the same I should be asleep but I'm still awake wearing my pyjamas lying under the thin sheet, she's in a very long guys-shirt with her back to me on the other side of the bed curled up slightly. She was so tired the moment her head hit the pillow she was fast asleep. We never slept anywhere near each other as children when we lived at Misato's. I mean we all had rooms and I never let her pass beyond the threshold of my door ever, I used to put a lock on my door just to keep her out, because myself and Shinji both knew that if she could get in she'd just go through our stuff. She didn't care about boundaries but fully expected us to not do the same for her it was a do as I say but not as do complex and we both hated it. So much has changed it's like a total reverse in attitude on every level and the desire to make things right. I'm not angry about the stolen feed I believe that she never used it for the purposes intended but I think her never using it was about more than just a change of attitude. I think her feelings towards me changed I think at first in school it was about lust, desire and possession now its reversed completely in that it's all about pure unconditional love and never wanting anything in return. I just noticed that the toy I brought her in the hospital the fluffy toy cat version of 02 with two tails is sitting on the opposite bed side table. It's nice that she likes it that much I saw the other gifts they have been placed in the games room, so she clearly sees mine as special.

Rei breathed in closing her eyes only for Asuka's voice to hit the air half muffled. "Please don't kill me." She turned sharply watching as Asuka's body suddenly started to move as her hands jerked out violently in her sleep as she spoke again but with more desperation. "I don't want to die!" Her voice came again sharper. "Please show me mercy it hurts so much please some one, any one, please save me I don't want to die alone!" Rei leaned over it was clearly the throws of a nightmare and she was breathing faster and heaver now she leaned over shaking her. "Asuka." She shook her harder. "Asuka!" She watched Asuka bolted violently awake turning to look her, her eyes taking a moment to adjust as she realized where she was before her face turned to pain and sadness as the light in her left eye dimmed down to nothing as its circles and patterns spun slowly. "You were having a nightmare Asuka I'm sorry I had to wake you up, you were trashing out in your sleep I was worried you might hurt yourself." Asuka eased up her hands putting them on her face unable to hold the pain back as she spoke. "Ficken machine!" Rei moved her hand up slowly removing Asuka's very gently seeing the pain in her eyes. "You were dreaming about Obrax?"

Asuka nodded unable to keep the pain out of her voice as she spoke. "I know they pumped me full of anti psychotics but I could see it all happening I just couldn't fight back the drugs made me so weak." She felt the tears as they started to run down her face. "They just wanted me to feel like my mother like I was insane and out of my ficken mind!" Rei leaned closer moving her hand to stroke her hair gently. "Your not your mother Asuka, what Ritsuko did to you was cruel and vile and we all know it." Asuka looked down sadly. "What if I'm just destining to end up like her though what if it's just fate what if nothing matters at all?" She felt her tears come harder. "All I've done in these past few weeks is end up hospital wards, its scaring me so much." Rei slowly wrapped her arm around her hearing her cry harder. "Is that the real reason why you smashed up the hospital room? I mean we thought you did it because of how Bardiel forced you back in to the world." Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke through her tears. "I didn't like how he forced me back but I couldn't stomach that hospital room the most I hate the smell I hate the sounds every time it just reminds me of looking through the glass of my mother's mental ward and her ignoring me and favouring her stupid doll over me. I used to cry and pound the glass, just anything hoping that she'd notice my ficken existence it never made a difference though I was always the other girl."

She laughed but it was a painful heartbroken laugh even to her own ears. "I once even managed to get in side and begged her to notice me next thing I know I'm on my back being strangled and I was terrified I thought she would kill me. It was only by chance that the medical staff came to my rescue and dragged her off me and still like an idiot I didn't quit, because I was that desperate." She felt the bitter heartache as she spoke her next words. "When I made the Evangelion program I ran to see her I thought since I'd one day be piloting 02 which was her creation that she'd be happy that she'd notice me finally…but I just walked in there to find her dead body hanging off the rafters." She tensed painfully. "It just felt like every dream I ever had shattered that day and I just buried my feelings and tried to get on with my step parents and there daughter as best I could but my step parents just didn't care about me. I was just this annoying burden and they nearly let me drown in there lake outside the house hence why I can't and don't swim in deep water anymore." She breathed in deeply. "My grandmother then took custody of me and it was so much better but my insides were so rattled back then I couldn't speak to her about anything I still felt angry and hurt and I repressed it all but it just twisted me up in later life and turned in to arrogance, selfishness, unkindness and hated. I thought since the world hated me and had hurt me that I should just hate it back and everyone in it. Because I didn't see why other people should have happiness when I couldn't and when ever they were happy I made sure they didn't smile for long."

She looked down sadly. "I also resented my step parents even more for causing me to repress my sexuality because it just made it so much worse so I lashed out at you and a number of other girls in school because I had those feelings and I hated myself for having them and when I finally came to terms with them I just acted predatory and disgusting because my head was so screwed up." Rei looked at her for a long moment even in the dark of the room her left eye was bright as ever despite her painful tears. She realized that she was probably the first person she'd ever opened her heart to in this manner she tightened her grip around her stroking her hair softly. "Your past shouldn't define you Asuka, what matters most is how you act in the here and now and you're a good person with a kind loving heart and I think the world of you. I don't care about who you were in the past all I care about is the person I see in front of me right now because she is the best person I know and someone I can trust." She felt Asuka's arms wrap around her as the other woman pulled her closer refusing to let go as she held her in a gentle embrace as she became very quite. She moved her hand through her long hair again speaking quietly and softy. "Get some rest Asuka you'll feel so much better come morning."

End of part 30

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it might be odd to people that I showed Asuka stealing but in the original anime series and End Of Evangelion the yellow T-shirt Asuka is seen wearing is not her own it’s Misato’s and has been taken from her room hence why its way to big for her and she only wears it when Misato leaves the house, in this AU though that T-shirt never interested her and instead she stole Rei’s feed also the reason she uses the Eva feed and not media feed is I would imagine that Eva feed is always crystal clear unlike Media feed where you get too much back ground noise. As Rei is not full clone I liked the idea that she can eat meat but mostly fish and shellfish as one of the reason I thought that she couldn’t eat meat in the series was due to her drugs and her cloned state which meant she had trouble digesting meals because her body is a constant state of break down which the drugs suppress.


	31. Chapter 31

_TO HAVE PARALLEL VISION_

 

Misato eyed the training field her gaze on Asuka’s hologram image as she eyed Maya. “Is she okay I mean she’s been really quite today?” Maya looked at the screen seeing 02 which had activated with out issue. Asuka was also well over the border line in fact she was starting to rise by a few bars for the first time in three years which was a huge surprise and now she was doing drills with the others for the first time since the UN accident. “She’s just a little out of sorts I’m sure it will pass.” Misato eyed her. “Is her art starting to come through?” Kaji leaned over. “Oh yes thick and fast, we got over ten images just this morning she’s drawing with very much wild abandon. Some of them were really disturbing but Rei said she did nothing but draw on the train on their way up here and she didn’t mind as she was just happy to watch.” Misato turned sharply. “Oh so that’s where she went last night, I thought she had gone to Asuka’s but I didn’t want to call because I thought maybe they both needed some quite time.” Kaji breathed in deeply eyeing Asuka who was waiting her turn to fire her guns as they had only just come back from Germany with the refit for her new hand length and they had also built a turret gun and rifle as well as a clip on retracting knife for her units two tails they’d also sent new slicing blades for the compartment in the curved shoulder sails so she could still use the sails as a firing weapon if necessary. “Yeah well what ever quite time they had it really helped but I get what you’re saying I mean her focus is a little off. What’s she looking at anyway on her hologram screen I mean she’s lowered the virtual image so we can’t see it?” Misato breathed in deeply. “I’ll give you three guesses.”

Kaji laughed. “Oh yeah should have known you know she kind of sweet when she’s smitten she just looks softer in the face.” Misato eyed Asuka’s image. “Yeah shame I have to break it.” She pressed her console button. “Could one of you please get Asuka off cloud nine her turn is coming up?” Mari turned eyeing the red unit feeling a cold smile form as she grabbed a spear from close by before anyone could stop her. “Hey Asuka go Long!” She threw it with all her might ignoring Misato’s rage filled shouting telling her to stop. Asuka looked up sharply catching sight of the spear in the corner of her eye she raised her unit’s clawed hand feeling her AT field come up as she stopped the spear dead on watching as it remained floating in the air. She held it there for a long moment as some thing crossed her mind there was a weird feeling of déjà vu going through her body right now. Like she’d done this before even though she never really had, she breathed in deeply looking at Rei’s face on the hologram screen before turning off the image. What ever the reasons for these feelings she didn’t really care she slowly closed her unit’s clawed hand causing her AT field to pulse which sent the spear flying back in the opposite direction where Mari had to leap sideway to get out of the way as it struck the barrier embedding itself. She slowly walked her unit out on its hind legs. “I’m sorry you said it was my turn, I was paying attention.”

Mari’s face appeared on her holographic screen. “You nearly fucking killed me!” Asuka breathed in swiping her off screen. “My weapons can you bring them up so I can test the grip?” She watched as her two double guns came up she eased out her units hands taking hold of them rising them slowly hearing Maya’s voice hit the air. “Go ahead any time Asuka we have set them up to fire holographic bullets once their tested we’ll load them with the real thing.” Asuka raised both guns enjoying the sound as they fired at the moving targets she felt a toothy smile form oh how she’d missed the sound of bullets even holographic bullets, she lowered them clicking them back in the floor. “They are fine can you bring up my pistol.” She watched as her special one handed pistol was brought up she slowly raised it taking aim at the targets enjoying the feel of the trigger as Misato’s voice hit the air. “Any time Asuka.” Asuka breathed in taking aim. “Please don’t interrupt me.” She fired enjoy ever second as the virtual bullet sped hitting the moving target in its face she felt a sly smile form. “Wunderbar.” She slowly put it back watching as it lowered itself down as the new tail turret gun and knife came up as Kaji spoke. “Okay you’ll need to train with the rifle attachment so we can’t bring it up to you but you can put on both the knife and the turret gun. There for when you go down on all fours with your unit so just place them on see how you get on. Oh and your grandmother said if you really like the turret gun she’ll send you a machine gun attachment, she has the division over in Germany designing one as we speak they just need your word on going ahead.”

Asuka eased up the three barrelled turret gun locking it on the right tail’s end. “Could this fire of mines if need be not N2 ones I was thinking much smaller?” Kaji’s voice came again filled with curiosity. “No but we could outfit it here to do that, why what’s your thinking?” Asuka looked up slightly. “I don’t know I’m just ficken sick of the angel landing all over the world and crawling on solid ground I’d like to blow a hole under there feet, you know maybe create a pit. Then Shinji, Rei and the others can go in there and stab them to death, I mean my rifle aim is crap but with rockets and mines it won’t matter. Because I’d only be taking out the floor and once we are done they can just turn the hole in a nature reserve like they did years ago back in the South America when I accidentally made a massive hole there because I didn’t land on my feet and ended up six foot under with my legs sticking out one time when fighting Ankh.” She lowered her unit down slowly raising the right tail. “I think that got in to the wall of failure world wide but it was really funny looking back because I was being such a reckless idiot, Asuka takes out three terrorist planes and then messes up by falling off the edge of a cliff.” Rei’s face suddenly appeared on her hologram screen. “Didn’t they literality have you drag out using two vertical wings, because your arms were stuck?”

Asuka laughed enjoying the sound as for the first time in a long time it felt genuine. “Yeah and they had this funny tag line Asuka the biggest embarrassment to Nerv.” Shinji’s face appeared next to Rei’s. “Yeah but it was hardly fair since I did the same thing two months later I think Rei is the only one between us who lands on her feet every time.” Asuka gave Rei her best smile. “Yes she does Shinji we are just here to blow scheisse up, as I’ll now demonstrate.” She breathed watching the rockets fire so what if they weren’t real seeing them blow up things just made her grin she eased her unit back up on to its hind legs watching as both of their faces vanished. “Misato give my grandmother a call I want the machine gun attachment and give my thanks to the division.” Mari’s face appeared on her screen filled with rage. “You know I don’t know what’s worse you fucking up or seeing you in a good mood, what happened last night did you ride Rei like a stallion or something? We all know she visited you last night.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Why do you assume that just because she visited me I’d be ungrateful enough as to take advantage of her like that?” Mari pushed up her glasses as she spoke her voice laced with sarcasm. “Oh I don’t know your reputation for screwing anything you can get your hands on.”

Asuka slowly moved her unit back in to position as she attached the huge retracting lacerated knife to her left tail she swung it around watching as the knife flew out she tensed causing it to instantly retract again and then lock closed. “Please I would never treat Rei that way, I value her friendship and I respect her.” Mari smirked. “Stop pretending to be noble Asuka it really doesn’t suit you.” Rei’s face appeared on her holographic screen. “No I think it suites her really well, in my opinion.” Mari turned feeling her teeth grind together.  “What is this defend princess day?” Asuka eyed her for a long moment. “You know Mari maybe you should stop trying to take chunks out of my ficken hide for once and maybe focus on fixing your own life for a change, you might start to feel better.” Mari leaned closer. “Fuck you Asuka since when do you get to give out life advice? Your own life is a fucking train wreck, you have an angel in side your brain and you’re a complete asshole!” Asuka watched as she vanished she folded her legs knowing she could still hear her. “True four eyes but at least I’m trying to get the train back on the track, your not.” Rei’s face came up again on her hologram screen. “Would you like to go up to bar on the twelfth the one we talked about last night this afternoon at lunch?” Asuka felt a smile form. “I’d love to.” Misato blinked eyeing the screen. “You’re up next Mari.” She turned the speaker off. “Well that went far better than expected.” Kaji looked up. “What the test going so well or Asuka just being in a really good mood?” Misato felt a smile form. “Both.”

Maya breathed in deeply. “I recommend you start sending her out but change the roaster, I mean have Mari shadow the fleet from Singapore she’s always wanted to be the big gun and weapon so give her the responsibility. I mean that’s why she was brought in along with Toji to take the weight of Asuka’s shoulder’s because she was getting so over loaded that she couldn’t cope always being the weapon all of the time and she was becoming bored and miserable.” She eyed the roaster. “Send her with Rei to Saudi Arabia and the oil fields she can act as her guard while she fixes the machine.” Misato folded her arms. “I took Asuka away from work like that in the past because she was reckless stupid and just couldn’t be trusted and she made Nerv look bad and press and media have a field day with her every damn time.” Maya breathed in deeply. “I think we can both say that she’s past that stage now and she might enjoy doing new things and if they work well as a team you can send them anywhere. Plus you know that Rei doesn’t like shadowing Shinji she’s desperate to get out his shadow and Shinji always works best when he’s with Kaworu and you might not have noticed but we have two possible romances blooming here on both sides here.”

Misato raised her hand. “Shinji and Kaworu oh come on there just friends.” Kaji pressed the holographic buttons sending up Mari’s weapons. “Clearly you’ve never watched them play the grand piano on the lowest floor of Nerv together.” Misato eyed him. “Why does everyone else know everything about who likes who around here but I don’t, even though they visit my house regularly?” Maya picked up her latte. “Maybe because you tease these young men and women far too much about there loves lives and they get concerned about being open with you and revealing there feelings because you might tease them over something that’s really important to them.” Misato folded her arms. “That’s ridiculous, who said that!?” Maya look a sip of her latte. “Asuka to me many times, it’s why she grew distant from you and doesn’t visit you at all and she has a point you forever teased her and Shinji that they would grow up and get married and be a couple but we all saw how that romance worked out in the end, it was abusive violent and awful on both sides. They should never have been together full stop they were both damaged stunted children who needed to grow up and heal emotionally and Shinji is almost there and now finally Asuka is starting to make headway.”

Misato eyed Maya. “Tell me something you protected Asuka from an early age I mean even when she out right awful, egotistic and obnoxious, why did you do it? I mean the rest of us gave up on her.” Maya breathed in, in annoyance. “It’s because you and everyone here at Nerv gave up on her so I stepped in! It wasn’t just about her finding the root to her sexuality, she needed some one to trust and she found it in me and underneath all the hatred and hurt I saw very faint glimpses of some one who is actuality good but who like Shinji had been given some real awful cards in life and had become very bitter and twisted inside.” She looked up pointing at Asuka’s image on the main screen. “I saw the person you’re finally seeing on that screen today, that’s the real Asuka it’s always been there its just been hidden out of sight, the gentle behaviour towards Rei is also very telling of her true nature.” She breathed in sharply. “It pains me that the battle with Shamshel nearly ruined her and hardly anyone helped her back then ether. She lost all confidence and later ended her relationship with Shinji then you just tried to shove her and Shinji in to therapy but it never worked because she wasn’t ready.” Misato eyed her in annoyance. “I was doing what was best for her!”

Maya breathed in deeply shaking her head. “No you were doing what was easiest and most convenient for you I get it Shinji and Rei were both much easer to deal with they didn’t lash out angrily when they were hurting. Shinji just used to play passive aggressive and Rei just locked up in silence and tried to disappear in to the background but every time Asuka ran in to trouble she just got passed on to other people and that’s the root of all of her problems. She’s always been passed around and ignored and now you’re seriously asking yourself why you’re the one being ignored by her and why she doesn’t visit you? I know for a fact she hasn’t invited you to her home since she moved in and it’s been three years and I’ve been to her home more than once to visit over these past three years.” She folded her arms. “I told you were colleagues before but it’s not the truth she’s my friend I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d take it badly because she grew up with you and you were meant to her guardian and don’t get me wrong you were great in some ways but not so great in others, that’s why I became that person she could speak to on a personal level.” Misato felt her teeth grind together. “I knew there was more to this than you were telling me Maya, you should have told me about this!”

Maya raised her hand. “Please if I had told you, you would have acted jealous and petty like it was a competition between us and I didn’t want that I already get that kind of crap of Ritsuko I’m not going to deal with it on two fronts!” Kaji stood up slowly seeing that Shigeru and Makoto had both turned in their direction. “No offence but can you two not do this right now? You should be paying attention to training field.” Misato turned eyeing him and Maya as she turned off her personal holographic screen and panel. “You know what screw this you can both take care of this!” Kaji watched as she walked out slamming the door behind her, he eyed Maya who didn’t turn around. “Well that could’ve gone better I told you telling her wouldn’t go down well and you know how stubborn she is.” Maya breathed in deeply. “Yeah well she needed to know regardless and I’m so sick of having to hide the truth all this time.” She looked up. “Maybe you should take her out to get a drink or something later to cheer her up I mean she really likes you.” Kaji raised his hands. “I think you’re reading too much in to that we were friends in university but she never liked me that way, trust me I asked her out more than once but it never worked and she always rejects my advances.”

Maya raised an eyebrow. “You know with everything that’s been going on around here I’m starting to feel that maybe second chances are not completely out of reach maybe that goes for you as well.” Makoto looked up slightly as he spoke in a cold tone. “Or you could just quit while you’re ahead, I mean you’re really not her type anyway.” Maya eyed him seeing Shigeru turn eyeing their forma friend coldly. “Are you really going to start this crap again Makoto?” Kaji eyed the Makoto as he spoke evenly. “Oh really and what is her type?” Makoto smirked leaning back in his chair. “Her types not a washed up loser of ex spy like you who have history of sexual harassment.” Shigeru eyed him in disgust. “What is wrong with you? Everyone knows Kaji was cleared off that.” Makoto breathed in as he folded his arms. “Yeah but like I said he’s an ex spy so he could have just wiped Nerv’s back up feed to make himself look innocent.” He raised his hand casually. “But you guys believe what you want.” Shigeru turned sharply. “Yeah well I believe he is innocent and so do the rest of us regardless of how you feel.” Maya turned seeing the slight sadness in Kaji’s face his eyes did nothing to hide it. She eyed her holographic screen switching something around hoping he wouldn’t notice her quick change to the official work diary. “Seems your needed up in head office Makoto please say hi to Ritsuko for me won’t you?”  

Makoto eyed his screen. “That’s not for two hours!” Maya eyed the main screen watching as Mari stepped back as she finished her drills. “No I’m reading that it’s in the next twenty minutes you should really get moving.” Makoto stood up giving her a cold look as he grabbed his papers from the holographic desk before switching it off. Maya watched as he left closing the door behind him she folded her arms speaking coldly. “He’s such a jackass.” She turned to Kaji. “Ignore what he said you know what he’s like.” Kaji eyed her. “You changed the official work diary didn’t you so he’d end up going to office instead of me?” Maya nodded calmly. “Yes.” Shigeru turned slightly. “I don’t know what the asshole’s problem is he never used to be this way, I mean me and Maya used to go drinking with him all the time then something happened between him and Misato and he went really dark and cold after that. Now all he cares about is brown nosing Ritsuko, money and power and he’s desperate to get to management level so he can lead one of the divisions in another county.” Kaji breathed in deeply shaking his head. “Yeah well I’ve been up there close to management level and believe me he won’t like it at the very top it’s cold, dark and it keeps you awake at night.” Maya looked at him for a long moment. “I thought you would miss your old job.” Kaji eyed his holographic screen. “So did I but believe me I don’t.”

8

Misato walked through the massive visitor centre, she hadn’t been up here in over a month as all Nerv employees entered via the secondary exit which was completely hidden from the public. She had to go up here because that was where Shoji and Leiko were located though she had no idea what floor. There were tourists from every corner of the world buying things from the vast gift shop and taking photos of the human size statues of the Evangelion’s in battle poses which had flashing eyes and moving limbs and were being surrounded by children who were in awe. Surprisingly Asuka new look version had already been rolled out and the old one replaced. It had two moving tails as well as opening jaws and flashing eyes and it had been put in-between 00 which had also been updated to show off the new armoured crest and 01. Then there was the museum which recounted the whole history of the program and a separate room purely dedicated to the pilots along with toy and merchandise room which had every toy and item ever created which she’d had set up years ago although it had now doubled in size. There was another room dedicated to her Kaji, Maya and all the others who made everything work. She breathed in deeply walking in to the pilot’s room looking at all of the huge material banner photos of them and their old plug suites which they had grown out of which were now all behind glass. There were family history panels and their love lives though it was all watered down for the public and shaped so that everything would look heroic. There issues with depression and personal difficulty never mentioned as well of running videos of there best battles and training simulations.

All six were here including Toji and Mari, she turned seeing that each of them also had a dedicated area for talents she could see Shinji’s acrylic on canvas painting’s on the wall all framed and lots of his base sketches drawn on drawing pad in pencil in a display case. Kaworu’s musical symphonies could be seen they were all on music sheets behind glass but you could also press a button and you could listen to a number of his music recordings. Toji’s writings were all in books in a glass and you could put on the headphones and listen to a Nerv employee reading them as he liked to write fantasy novels and some of his writing notes were in a smaller display case. Rei’s pottery and sculptures were close by encased behind glass there were pots vases and human like figures all in delicate and precise detail and in some case they were painted with ultra fine brush details along with her rough base sketches on paper which were just pottery ideas which were wall mounted in small frames. Then there was Mari’s robotics which included two of scuttle bots in a glass display case though one was for display only all you had to do was press the case button and the one behind glass would perform an action. There was also a smaller glass area which showed her lesser robotic ideas and the robots internals as well as a small dark pink screen which was running white programming code used in all her scuttle bots.

She turned seeing that Asuka had a glass case with large machine gun which had been painted red in it she moved over staring at it seeing that someone had written on its barrel the words _Angry Gun_ in big bold letters. She looked up just in time to see the head of the visitor centre coming towards the woman smiled as she raised his hand. “Major, it’s been a while since you’ve been here.” Misato looked at the older woman who was dressed in Nerv t shirt and grey trousers and black boots. “Hello Kimi, I see you’ve changed the place a lot since my last visit.” Kimi raised an eyebrow her blue eyes flashing with glee as she pushed her long tailed brown hair back. “Well we had to there’s so much new stuff going on, I mean you keep us busy down there in head quarters. Plus we are forever having to liaison with the media guys in the other building as there always working with the merchandising people regarding toys and other new items. Not to mention here we ship so much merchandise worldwide it’s beyond crazy we had to create a whole shipping floor on the tenth just to cope.”

She looked up slightly. “Do you like our room dedicated to the pilots?” Misato looked around her. “Yes it’s amazing I love coming to see it.” She turned back to the Asuka’s case. “But I have to ask is this a joke?” Kimi smirked eyeing her. “No its pretty accurate, I mean we all agreed up here and with the media people that Asuka has no talent beyond killing and taking life, I mean look at her Evangelion now. Okay I don’t know what she did to it but that thing is a beast mode on steroids I mean it’s a machine of death and destruction and its new look is permanent from what I hear.” She raised her hand. “I mean you could probably send her and Shinji to kill all of the terrorists groups now and let him go berserk while having her wail on them, I mean the carnage would be insane.” She smirked. “I bet Asuka would just loose herself and chew them up in her jaws, it would be hilarious.” Misato breathed in, in annoyance this was one thing she’d never liked to people on the outside the Evangelion’s were cool things that caused destruction. People liked seeing explosions they liked watching war but they didn’t see the after effects it had on soldiers and civilians. Toji had seen people shot at point blank range and had, had to take his sister and hide in some really dark horrible places in the hope that they neither of them would get killed. He was a young man who now had a terrible fear of the dark.

Kaworu had held a gun in his county when he had been forced in to becoming a child army rebel after his parents had been gunned down right down in front of him. He’d had to shoot people because if he didn’t do as he was told his insane commander would have killed him. Now that he was free from all of this he hated war and weapons and he saw his Evangelion as a tool for justice not a thing to bring pain or punishment. Shinji and Rei both hated killing people but they knew it was something they had to do regardless of there feelings while Mari on the other hand got pleasure out of it. Though she felt her deep rooted emotional problems were responsible for this as she didn’t like the cards she been handed out in life and saw her Evangelion as a way to force out her frustration. Asuka had been the same but somewhere down the line things had changed and she had become bored and miserable as her only job was to protect others Evangelion’s and shadow the UN fleet and kill terrorist groups. She never saw anything interesting or did anything interesting but she didn’t complain she just went with it regardless and just lived with the fact that her screw ups in the past meant that her being a weapon was her only use.

Regardless of how angry she felt over Maya’s words this morning she did agree that it was time to change the roaster she eyed the red machine gun again turning to Kimi tapping on the glass display case. “I want this changed.” Kimi felt a sly smile form. “What to a bigger gun?” Misato eyed her in disgust. “No! She can draw you know, she’s a very good illustrator.” Kimi smirked as she folded her arms. “You’re joking right? You’re telling me the angry, crazy German can draw your talking about stick figures right?” Misato eyed her in annoyance. “No I’m talking about really impressive art work much like Shinji’s but in a completely different art style when we get some decent pieces we’ll send it up to you so you can put it behind glass or on the wall.” Kimi breathed in deeply. “Yeah well I won’t hold my breath.” Misato eyed her for a long moment before speaking. “Where can I find Shoji and Leiko that’s why I’m here?” Kimi breathed in deeply rolling her eyes. “Take the employees lift to the fourth floor it’s the first door to the left, I’m guessing you’re here to sack those two losers they are nothing but trouble with there shitty Evangelion conspiracy theories.”

Misato put her hand in her jacket pocket. “That remains to be seen.” She turned tapping Asuka’s glass case. “Remove this today put a marker in it like upcoming exhibit and send it down to the special ops and tell them to have it destroyed, do not pawn it off on any web site auctions and if Asuka ever comes up here you do not tell her it that it ever existed.” Kimi blinked in surprise. “What is this crap since when did Asuka suddenly become a priority? I mean gods she a mean spirited, cruel young woman who has the same emotional range as a tea spoon you even said that once in an interview, or do you not remember that?” Misato turned sharply raising her hand. “Firstly I remember that interview and the media misquoted me I said that she had deep rooted emotional problems and that meant that her behaviour could some times be erratic!” Kimi eyed her. “Yet you did not say the same for Shinji or Rei and we know they had behavioural problems as well which makes me think that Asuka has always been a massive thorn in your side one you’d rather just ignore and sweep under the rug.” She shrugged casually. “Not that I blame you I would do the same, I mean she must a nightmare to work with even now.” She turned pointing to Asuka’s huge wall banner which showed her face and hung above her area. “I mean waking up to that every morning must be such hard work.”

Misato eyed the banner which only showed the face and shoulders and was a portrait close up in plug suite as something suddenly occurred to her all of the other banners had smiling faces but Asuka’s wasn’t smiling she was looking down sadly almost staring of in to space. “When was this photo taken?” Kimi eyed her. “All these photos are recent hers was taken three months ago back when she had both eyes and the red plug suite, you’d think she’d at least smile for the camera and not look so miserable I mean she has the best job in the world. Yet she’s so ungrateful I heard she tried everything in power to get out of the photography studio in the media building when they took this to the point of trying to say that she didn’t feel well and when they told her to stop bellyaching and to behave she just turned really hostile.” Misato eyed her. “Do you have a book chronicling all of the pilot’s photos shoots up to the present?” Kimi turned to her. “Yeah I can get one for you from the gift shop all items are free for anyone who works below.” Misato breathed in deeply. “No I’ll get one myself since the employees lift are that way.” She moved slowly away from her not looking back as she walked through the gift shop grabbing the thick photo book holding it up to the cashers who were serving very long lines of people as always. “I want this!”

The casher closest raised his hand. “No problem Major, take it, free for central Nerv staff remember.” She nodded putting it in her bag as she moved on finding the lift. She’d never felt as bad as she did right now. Asuka had clearly been depressed for a long time and she hadn’t noticed and she had no excuse she had walked through this visitor centre more than once. She’d looked at the other pilots things but she had just ignored Asuka’s and she’d even looked at those photos which made up the banners as she approved them. She had assumed that Asuka was just being difficult for the shoot because she didn’t like photo shoots. In the past she had always been the first to point out Asuka’s faults rather than what she was good at and as a result was everyone just saw the worst in her now, to them she was nothing beyond a killing machine no wonder she believed everyone hated her. Unlike the other pilots she had no one saying other wise and she was hardly ever complimented for acts of talent on or off the field and it had clearly led up to her deep depression and misery. Gods she needed to talk to Rei as soon as she found time because she was the one who had seen something that no one else had and video footage of them together didn’t paint the whole story and she wanted to hear about what Asuka was really like underneath.

She stepped out of lift seeing the first door which had a big poster of 01’s face with open jaws saying _enter at your own risk_ , she rolled her eyes opening the door watching as a man looked up from his desks in shock and the woman opposite him almost dropping her can of coke. The burly man was of African decent he had a short back beard and short hair while the small woman was of Indian decent with long plaited black hair. From what she had read in their files they both had parents who had married in to Japanese’s family hence there Japanese’s names and both were in there early thirties she eyed the small box room which was mail room made out to look like the cave of wonders. There were Evangelion toys on desks masses of paper work which clearly had nothing to do with there job at all, wall scrolls of the units hanging off the back walls. Both of them weren’t in uniform they were both wearing Evangelion t shirts, dark jeans and trainers she eyed them. “So you must be Shoji and Leiko, you’re job is to send out mail am I right?” Shoji stood up the fear appearing in his face as his hazel coloured eyes darted. “I can explain everything.” He tried to shove the papers side ways. “We have nothing to do half the day, I mean once we’ve sent out the letters and e-mails we just do this little hobby.” Leiko stood up her green eyes filling with uncertainty. “Nothing we find is illegal it’s all through our contacts and rumours and we don’t hack any private channels.” Misato turned eyeing their drinks machine as she put her bag down. “Does your drinks machine work, I want a coffee?” Shoji eyed her in confusion. “Yeah its works fine…”

Misato moved over pressing the button watching as it filled a fresh cup of coffee. “So rumour has it your the people who know everything about everything that even the employees where I work don’t know.” She pulled up the spare computer chair sitting backwards on it so her head and arms were on the back rest. “Including the strange ghost girl, that looks like Rei whose being appearing and disappearing over the years.” Leiko moved over pulling a large folder out from the cabinet opposite passing it to her. “Oh yes I know all about her, she’s my favourite subject, I have everything on her here do you know she’s appeared over a hundred times since the program was founded oh make that hundred and one because she was seen some days ago in the quarantine zone, which is weird because she never normally appears there.” She looked up nervously. “A rumour was there was an incident in the quarantine zone but like I said we don’t hack private channels and the only reason we knew was because a lot of the workers down there got very scared and we heard they took days off everyone knew that even up here.” Misato eyed her desks toys seeing she had 02 and 00 as she looked through the file which was incredibly detailed it had sketches and everything along with personal accounts from employees. “You guys really don’t miss a thing do you how long have you been running your hobby?”

Shoji looked up slightly. “Four years…look this came about because we both got demoted I got shoved up here by Kimi because she said it was all I was good for because I wasn’t a good tour guide and Leiko used to be from the media building and worked in the designs and ideas department until Eshima fired her.” Leiko picked up the 00 toy playing with the arms. “She didn’t approve of my whole idea of making the pilots more human, really pissed me off, I spent three months working that pitch and she kicked me to the curb. I mean hers and Tadao’s warrior concept isn’t working there making them to much like gods and it means when they have accidents the media circle’s them like vultures. I saw the recent photo shoot I’ve never seen Asuka look more miserable and unhappy it really annoys me that they still put that banner up downstairs poor women no wonder she never ever visits this place it must make her feel like she’s nothing but a screw up.” Shoji looked up. “Not to mention that for the last year both her and Rei have been going off the clock to do things while out on mission.” Misato turned sharply. “What?” Shoji typed in to his holographic desk bringing up his holographic screen blinking in confusion. “You didn’t know Major?”

Misato looked up. “No show me.” Shoji paused before pulling up a number of videos which had been shot by civilians on their mobile phones. “Asuka’s been diverting and so has Rei on there flight paths when coming home. This stuff never makes the news or social media and the people rescued remain quite because they don’t want to get ether of them in trouble as Evangelion’s are not meant to divert from their flight paths ever. It’s against Nerv policy but the pilots know full well that the flying camera hover drone and flying wing carrying there weapons leaves once their mission is complete nether of them follows them home, instead they both come straight back here to have their internal cores recharged. He breathed in deeply as he started playing the videos one of which was Rei helping people to move wreckage in 00 so they could build housing, while Asuka was bringing in a large battered refugee ship which had been sinking using 02. “Rei we kind of expected this from, she’s her mother’s daughter through and through in that she has a very open heart but Asuka that was a complete surprise at first but then it kind of dawned on us that in truth it’s not that much of surprise. Because her anger is clearly just a mask and there is a good person underneath who cares about people it’s just the press and media would rather paint her as dangerous, aggressive and untrustworthy and only good for killing.”

He tapped the screen. “Rei and Asuka both seem unaware of the others actions and we think there both doing this kind of work of the clock because unlike the others they don’t get to do civilian crisis missions. Also there have literally been three occasions where they’ve landed in real close locations but not close enough to see or hear each other but they’ve been trying to help the same groups of people.” Misato looked at them for a long moment talk about impressive she had a team down stairs who had missed this stuff yet these two low level employees where seeing and hearing everything and she had no idea that Rei and Asuka had been diverting no one did. “You know I came here because I was told that you two might be able to help me find out who messed with Asuka’s plug suite some time ago, but now I feel like I’ve stumbled up on something much bigger.” Shoji looked down sadly. “But let me guess we broke the rules and you’re firing us both?” Misato put down the file down as she finished her coffee. “No quite the opposite I want to hire you both and promote you and make you part of the intelligence division I mean how would you both feel about working in Nerv central near my office? I’ll give you the resources you need and you can turn this little hobby of yours in to a full time thing. You’ll get better pay and healthcare, free stuff because the gift ship is free to central employee’s and you’ll get to see the pilots since they have lunch quite often in the Arcade and you’ll get to see the Evangelion’s up close now again and you’ll both get the official uniforms.” Leiko put a hand on his chest. “You’re seriously hiring us?”

Misato eased up the thick file. “I have people who are meant to be telling me things like this, it’s my job to know everything about Nerv, yet I know nothing and you two have told me more in ten minutes than the people who are meant to be giving me info in the last month. So yeah I want to hire you because there’s some twisted crap going on in Nerv’s under belly and I want to know who’s behind it.” Shoji put his hands together. “We’ll really to see the Arcade zone and the tropical swimming pool, spa and gym as well as the Delphi gardens I mean I’ve heard there like wonderland?” Misato nodded. “Yes and everything you’ve brought here toys and collectors items can be forwarded back to your credit and debit cards and you can bring all your stuff with you, we don’t have any rules against employees decorating there offices with Nerv mechanise its good for moral.” She raised her finger. “Only thing that’s conditional is you must practice gun training weekly and hand to hand combat, this is so you can defend yourself if Nerv is ever taken over and all offices have a special locking box containing guns and ammunitions.” So felt a wide smile form. “Interested?” Shoji turned giving her a smile. “I never liked the coffee up here any way it tastes like shit I want to try it down stairs.” Leiko raised her hand. “Yes plus I want to taste real food down in the Arcade.”

End of part 31

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though I won’t give spoilers the next three chapters will make up a single day this chapter is just the first part and a lot of things are going to happen and you won’t be disappointed. The visitor centre is meant to a nod to the real Evangelion World that is in Japan which you can see on you tube. I would imagine though in this AU the gift shop would be ten times the size of the one in Japan as Tokyo three is meant to be a tourist attraction and it gets a massive amount of human traffic from all over the world and its seen as the high light of people lives to visit Nerv central. As it means you get to see the training grounds and the Evangelion’s in the flesh and if your real lucky the pilots themselves in person. The hanging spear scene is an end of Evangelion reference.
> 
> Wunderbar-Wonderful


	32. Chapter 32

_BEING HONEST TO A FAULT_

 

Maya looked up as Asuka entered her office closing the door behind her. “I’m so glad you’re here did you enjoy training this morning?” She raised her hand. “I mean you seem a little happier.” Asuka breathed in deeply as she calmly sat herself on the chair opposite Maya’s desk she’d sat here so much over the years that it now just felt common place. “I feel better…but nothing makes sense anymore.” Maya turned meeting her good eye. “In what way Asuka?” Asuka leaned forward. “Everyone’s being so nice to me, its just making me really uncomfortable.” Maya raised an eyebrow. “Ah yes I heard they dropped price of your art equipment and that your lunch was free and some of the employees brought you food and drink.” Asuka folded her arms. “Its annoying, I don’t want there gifts regardless of the reason.” Maya felt a sly smile form. “I heard you and Rei had a nice lunch though.” Asuka raised her hand. “Believe me we had a great time, I really enjoy her company.” She looked down slightly. “It was nice being together I mean Bardiel still hasn’t shown up, I know he’s still around and the delay really bothers me.” She eased her hand in her pocket pulling out the disc which contained Rei’s feed. “I owe you an apology when I sixteen I stole this from you, I knew it was against the rules I took it when you were trying to make me see sense with my sexuality and I kept it for years, I wanted to return it.” Maya raised an eyebrow slowly taking it from her hand. “I was wondering when this would finally show up again.”

Asuka looked up sharply. “What, you knew I took it?!” Maya eyed her for a long moment. “Asuka I may be older than you but I’m not blind or stupid I saw you swipe it and then stroll off in your school uniform with it straight out of my office door.” She turned the disc between her fingers. “I knew one day you’d return it, so I never reported it and I know that’s how you got Rei’s voice activation for your video.” She looked up slightly meeting the younger woman’s good eye. “I knew the day you returned this to me would mark the day that you’d really changed for the better and I’m really proud of you Asuka.” She paused for a moment before speaking. “I have to ask though did you ever use it for the original purposes intended which I’m guessing might have something to do with those sexual dating VR simulations where you have to win over the AI man or woman before they sleep with you.” Asuka shook her head. “No I never used it in that way though that was what I stole it for and I told Rei this as well as she had a right to know.” Maya looked up slightly. “How did she take that?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “She was more understanding than I thought she’d be I fully expected her to get angry and I wouldn’t have blamed her I mean what I doing was a breach of her privacy.”

She paused feeling uncertain of her next words. “She’s nicer to me than I deserve.” Maya leaned closer. “What’s really bothering you Asuka?” Asuka eased up her hands looking at them. “Does depression ever go away, does it get better? I mean I still feel sad on the inside despite feeling slightly happier on the outside. I just worry that the good feelings I get will vanish that it will all fall down and I’ll just go back to being invisible.” She took in a painful breath. She breathed in painfully. “I also wonder if the only reason people even care is because Bardiel is in my head, I mean what if once I get him out no one cares any more?” Maya put her hands together. “It does get better Asuka, you have to believe me when I say that but it is slow and you will have difficult moments where you do despair and you question but it gets less over time.” Asuka slowly pulled her patch off looking her in the face right now she’d rather she see her true face not her hidden one. “I feel really awful I remember when Shinji was so going through this and I just kept calling him a weak loser but it’s awful it’s like have such difficulty feeling your own emotions and sometimes there nothing beyond the pain and agony.” Maya typed her panel bringing up the hologram screen pulling up a section of the training. “You know I saw what you did on the training field with that spear, you stopped it and sent it back.” Asuka eyed the freeze frame. “What’s so big a deal about that?”

Maya eyed the frozen image. “You do know only Rei and Shinji can do that right, the others can’t?” She pointed at the screen. “Perhaps you shouldn’t underestimate your potential Asuka.” Asuka leaned against the table. “Maya I’m just a weapon that’s all I’ve ever been, how is this going to impress anyone its not like Misato even cares, she never has she just sees me as a burden and a huge waste of time.” Maya shook her head. “I know you don’t trust her Asuka but maybe she might give you a second chance to shine.” Asuka felt a cold smile form. “Please she just sends me out to kill people its mind numbing and painful.” Maya looked up slightly. “You don’t like killing people?” Asuka put her hands together. “I know its part of the job, at first I enjoyed it, I revealed in it but now I just have to close my ears to the screaming.” She looked down sadly. “I get it there the enemy, I get that we have to do it, it comes with the job but it just doesn’t make it easier maybe because I know that every body is someone’s son or daughter but maybe I’m just weak for thinking that way.”

Maya eased her hand up putting it on her shoulder seeing the colours dim in her left eye. “Its not weak to have compassion Asuka, it makes you human no ones expects you to be made of stone, Rei hates it to so does Shinji, it just means your thinking like them. They’ve both gone through what you’ve been through and it’s much easier to kill angels because they don’t look human but it’s an awful business killing our own. Nerv has a whole branch set up above me for male and female soldiers and special ops suffering from post traumatic stress, because they killed to many times and they have issues pulling the trigger, so its okay for you to feel this way, just don’t bottle it up you have to come here and talk to me okay? I’m not your therapist I’m your friend.”  She squeezed gently. “Plus we’ll start your sessions tomorrow I mean I saw that your arts come in.” Asuka looked down. “Yeah well like I said before I’m not that good.” Maya leaned back pulling up one of her images which was a sketch of her under the bloody sea with Bardiel swimming around her in a circle. “I beg to differ I found this one curious since you don’t swim in deep water.”

Asuka eyed the image. “I’m not afraid of the bloody water, I never have been I mean it tastes sweet to me I’ve even swam under it in to the deep waters, it’s the blue water I can stand it’s the smell the taste the feel red water doesn’t feel like its compressing me. I just don’t tell people about the red water thing because they think I’m really strange and they say that it tastes of blood to them and it makes them sick.” She leaned on her elbow. “In red water I feel like I’ve been there before I’ve felt it all my life, it’s like déjà vu and as a child I used to have these dreams that I surfaced from it and crawled out on to a sandy beach and there were white statues breaching the surface miles away and every time I would role on to my back and look up in to this dark galaxy of stars with a bloody halo around the moon as if I was waiting for something like a new beginning like I was destine to restart some kind of clock.” She shook her head. “But its stupid there just dreams and dreams never make sense and maybe it was just a delusion of grander that I think that I was ever that important, I mean people don’t reset time it’s impossible.” Maya looked up slightly. “I think if it was me I’d be sad that it got to that place to start with, I mean what sorrow and pain could drive a person to want to reset time and start over?” Asuka looked up slightly. “I have no clue and that’s why it unnerves me.”

8

Misato took a bite of her out of her Mochi ice-cream she was seated up in the deliquescent cafe up on the twentieth floor as the Arcade she slowly turned the pages of the pilot’s official photo book with her other hand which had every photo from the start of the program right up to the present day. Each pilot had a separate part and at the back were the group photos and at start of every section was a photo with there golden printed signature on it. She turned finding Asuka’s section seeing the childhood photos some which were very angry and others that were filled with ego and smirks they were happy and the entry plug interface clips were on even in school uniform photos. She turned the pages slowly seeing the years start to go by as Asuka’s whole look changed her face becoming full of rage and anguish as the eighteen year mark drew to a close after the battle of Shamshel. The interface hair clips disappeared completely no longer showing themselves in her casual clothing which suddenly changed very drastically. Where there had been flowing dresses jeans and t-shirts with logo designs on them were starting to appear and her pose had changed in that she wasn’t looking so much at the camera but more off side in deep thought. She turned the page seeing the brown and brown leather jacket with its red stripes appear on her twentieth year photo and the pose had changed even more it wasn’t exaggerated and her face was completely unreadable and it was the same in all of the photos including the plug suite ones.

She breathed in turning to the twenty first year though the photos showed more of a scowl of utter disinterest like she was clearly just going through the motions and just wasn’t really trying. Though that year the photographer had clearly used it to make her look edgy by sitting her in most well known sitting pose with her arm on her knee and tried to get in really close on a couple of the facial portraits. She turned the final section which counted as three different photo shoots the first one there was a real change but the emotion reflected was anger but it wasn’t like the other pictured it looked painful almost bitter and her eyes were hiding nothing. She moved to the next ones which was just plain awful there was nothing there not in her face or eyes it was like someone had sucked the emotion out of her and she looked so tired like she was really struggling. This was clearly the on set before her depression had really started to kick in which meant that she’d been depressed for six months possibly more. She turned to the last set which were beyond awful she looked really sad and miserable in them and really spaced out it was all so obvious now yet she had missed it all.

Asuka had been depressed yet she’d still been able to get her Evangelion to move but then Shinji had been able to do this as well and they’d always been very similar in some respects. They could both clearly somehow force the more painful feelings down enough that it didn’t effect the sync but it did explain why Asuka’s had been getting lower over the last three years. She flipped to the back eyeing the group photos noticing as well that through the years that Asuka’s position was moving away from being central and more to the corner but there was something else more perplexing in the all off the last three years of photos no matter how miserable or sad she looked her eyes were always fixed on Rei it was always a distant longing gaze. She flipped back to the school ones seeing the one where Rei and Asuka had been pictured together though Rei didn’t look happy she looked uncomfortable and Asuka had this leering smile on her face as she was bent over her. She flipped back to the recent photo’s so much had changed Asuka was a different person now the images showed a transition of change and none of it which she’d ever really taken any notice off even when Asuka had been under her roof.

She had clearly become sad and unhappy over time and now she could see her moving out day all over again in her head when she’d hit twenty as she had literally stopped spending her money and saved it all for six months just so she could buy that house outright. Granted she’d already had savings as they had started paying all of the pilots once they hit sixteen but she had saved because she also wanted to refit the home she was going to live in so she’d saved more. She had taken no part in helping her look around houses like she had done for Shinji, Rei and even Kaworu hell she’d even gone with Mari and Toji to their homes just to check them over and give an opinion before they brought them. She put a hand on her face realizing something horrible, she had never given Asuka a go away party she’d just taken it that she didn’t want one as she hated social gatherings and at the time she’d just assumed she was being cold when in truth she was probably just thinking that no one gave a damn about her. It was properly were her idea that everyone hated her at Nerv had come from because even those closest didn’t seem to care and Maya had, had to pick up the pieces. She flipped the pages finding the group photos again as Rei and Asuka had more photos together but more recent as they’d always been photographed side by side in some manner. She leaned closer to the last three which were plug suited ones seeing that Asuka was distant and very sad again but Rei was noticing as she was looking in her direction in both confusion and concern.

Kimi had said she’d tried to say she was ill and her emotions must have been really raw that day hence why she didn’t want to be photographed yet she had always told the photographer that Asuka’s attitude was naturally cagey and no concern. Yet this was a concern the photo shoot should never have happened and Asuka should have been allowed to leave and she should have been there that day she needed to get it so her photo’s could be somehow be re-shot and the banner up in the visitor centre changed. She flipped to the one off section at the back which showed relationship photos seeing the ones of Asuka and Shinji the so called golden couple as they’d been crowned at the time by the media and though the first one and the kiss photos looked happy the last ones didn’t on any level they both looked miserable and distant a clear indicator that there relationship later down the line just wasn’t happy. She had to everything in her power to fix this and what ever it took. She had literally left Asuka to vultures in some respects the media thought she was joke and she felt she had hardly any friends and in her head she was probably just thinking right now that possibly the only reason anyone cared was because of Bardiel who had firmly seated himself in her brain it showed as to why she was clinging to Rei so desperately.

Because other than Maya she was her only link back to a world she was no longer part of and even then she didn’t believe she deserved her as a girlfriend or lover. Because in her head she probably thought once she took the step she’d be rejected anyway because that was what always happened in her life so instead of following her heart she was playing it safe and accepting that friendship was enough despite that Rei was the one person who she loved very deeply and always had. The feeling clearly went both ways though she couldn’t speak fully for Rei her gut told her that she did love Asuka because she allowed her to touch her in a way she didn’t others. The only person who she let hug her like that was Shinji but with Asuka she allowed so much more there was moment in the feed when Asuka had laid her head against her shoulder but had not hugged her and she had put her arms in place. There had been another moment where she’d literally frozen during the fight with Mari where Asuka had put a hand on her face it was just a gentle caress but it had been enough for Rei to be so overthrown that she lost focus and been deeply distracted.

She flipped the book finding the recent photos of Shinji and Kaworu catching that look of longing again through it was Shinji making the face this time and Kaworu seemed a little unaware. Though she wasn’t quite sure as the most recent photo he was looking at him and the photo was framed with them hugging. Clearly he was in the same boat as Asuka in that he wasn’t acting on his feelings and she knew why like Asuka he’d been spoon fed some awful homophobia growing up but unlike Asuka who had broken away from those restraints and come out he never had. Also when she thought about it there had been a number of times in the past when he asked her questions about men being together but she’d flippantly shrugged off his questions telling him to ask Asuka about it, which he would have never done anyway because of the history between them and would have been afraid of starting a fight. Rei on the other hand she had spoken to about sex but the younger woman had always seemed really uncomfortable about the topic and had tried any excuse to leave the room when ever it was brought up though she’d never let her leave until the conversation was over as she’d felt that they should all know about sex, consent and sexual protection be it birth control or using condoms.

There was something going on there but she’s never been able to dig deeper because like Asuka Rei tended to but a barrier up when it came to her love life and relationships. She normally only spoke about them when she had spit up with someone but again she never talked about why they left her only that she was disappointed, while Kaworu never really spoke any relationships he’d had at all and he never dated. She put her hands together maybe she could help Asuka and Shinji now by pushing them both closer to the people they loved and cared about on and off field not just on missions. The last thing she wanted to do was make it look like she was openly interfering because Asuka would loose it out right if she thought for one second that she was being manipulated Shinji was just the same and he always knew when he was being played as did Rei who could spot bullshit from a mile off. Where as Kaworu never seemed to mind as he was always so relaxed about everything and tended to go with things and didn’t mind change. It had to look accidental maybe she could get Kaji to type out some faulty fake report that it was some orders from above because Rei and Shinji never ever questioned reports from higher up. The only problem she’d have with that though again would be Asuka she was notorious for being very suspicious due of her nature of not trusting people.

8

Asuka calmly took a sip of her ice cold coke as she was sat inside quietly at the bar on twelfth at one of the small tables which had comfy chairs with her digital scroll propped up as finished the image on it. There was quite music playing and people talking and eating the meals here which were mostly comfort foods, though it had a large bar inside and she could see the owner’s pure white cat Pippin sleeping on the cat walk rafter high above as he’d made a tunnel for him along with a walkway so he could go anywhere in the bar. Her gaze drifted up as she caught sight of Yuki as he entered the bar she looked at him for a moment in disgust before going back to her drawing. She wasn’t going to make a scene even though a part of her just wanted to smash his ficken face but she wasn’t here for him she was waiting for Rei to come down from the gym and that was more important to her. She carried on only to hear a hand hit her table she looked up slowly seeing that Yuki was standing over her smugly, he looked down eyeing her digital scroll as he spoke his voice thick with sarcasm. “Well if it’s not the great Asuka Langley Soryu I heard this shitty rumour from above that you could actuality draw, just wanted to see for myself.” Asuka eyed him speaking evenly. “Go away Yuki your wasting precious oxygen that more decent people could use.”

Yuki leaned closer speaking loudly so everyone could hear him. “Oh look the sassy disgusting bisexual bitch is trying to be funny.” Asuka slowly closed her scroll locking it as she put her feet on the small square wooden table. “You’re such a homophobic piece of scheisse, why don’t you crawl back under that old world rock where you belong?” She felt a cold sneer form. “I mean your part of dying breed anyway.” Yuki slowly took hold of the tables other chair seating him self opposite. “You know it was really funny seeing you fall apart, clearly underneath all that so called metal you’re really weak and pathetic.” Asuka looked up as she spoke coldly. “Don’t sit in that chair…it’s not for you.” Yuki smirked patting the padded chair. “Oh you mean this chair, oh I’m sorry is this for your little girlfriend Rei?” Asuka felt one leg start to move back though Yuki was more focused on him self to notice. “Its Rei’s chair yes though we are just friends.” Yuki laughed as he raised his hand. “Personally I don’t see the appeal she’s such a worthless pilot, they should kick her off the Evangelion program along with you.” He felt a wide smile form as he leaned towards her. “I bet though she’s a screamer in bed, I mean her cute body and ass is all she’s got going for her.” Asuka didn’t think the action was automatic as she brought her foot forward smashing it full force in to his face causing him go flying backwards along with the chair.

She slowly got up walking over to him watching as he fell out of the chair which she calmly picked up carefully putting it back in place as she eyed Yuki who was bleeding out of the nose she’d clearly broken it. She leaned down grabbing him by his black collar yanking him up then slammed him back first in to the bar holding him there ignoring his sudden panic. “It’s extremely rude to make comments like that about a woman who is both clever, intelligent and deserves respect and who you clearly know nothing about, or to make inappropriate comments on her appearance and sex life.” She leaned closer showing off all her teeth as she snarled at him. “I’m going to let you go now Yuki but let me make this very clear to you, just so we understand each other. If you ever bad mouth Rei Ayanami to my face again I will break every ficken bone in your body and I’ll start from the top and I’ll work my way down.” She felt a sadistic grin form. “Believe me when I say having bones broken is very painful but it’s an even more unpleasant experience having them reset.” She let go of him violently watching as he fell to the floor on his knees. “Now get out.” She watched as the owner Rufus walked over leaning over the counter. “You heard her leave, before I kick you out myself!”

Asuka watched as Yuki struggled to his feet leaving via the double doors she turned to Rufus who was a large man with heavy set features in his late fifties with short black hair. “Thanks.” Rufus eased up a beer mug as he started to clean it. “No problem Asuka.” Asuka slowly sat back down opening her digital scroll again as she carried on drawing ignoring the surprised looks she was getting from the Nerv staff. She looked up as the doors opened as Rei appeared catching sight of her a look of confusion appearing on her face as she spoke calmly. “Asuka did you just break Yuki’s nose because I just saw him leaving here and he did not look happy?” Asuka fidgeted slightly. “He was being rude I corrected him.” Rufus felt a smile form as he looked at Rei. “I think Asuka is being far too modest in her retelling of the story, Yuki was saying some really offensive thing about you Rei to which Asuka defended your honour and broke his face.” His smile widened. “She also called you clever, intelligent and deserving of his respect.” Asuka suddenly felt very uncomfortable she could feel herself fidgeting as she tried to hide behind her digital scroll as Rei’s face turned to a wide smile as she dropped her gym bag next to the chair opposite looking down at her.

Rei eyed Asuka who suddenly looked like a little kid who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “Really Asuka, you said that?” Asuka spoke meekly as she turned away trying not to make eye contact. “Yes.” Rei leaned over easing up her hand putting it under Asuka’s chin turning her face around so she could see her good eye. “That was very sweet off you Asuka.” She leaned forward giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.” She slowly sat down easing her hand away watching as Asuka dropped her pen because she was no longer paying attention she just staring at her good eye which was open wide it was a look of pure innocence with out any barriers. She suddenly snapped out of her haze looking around her in a confused manner as she spoke very quietly. “My pen…I dropped my pen.” Rei smiled leaning down picking up slowly handing it to her. “Here you go.” She turned noticing that everyone was staring she knew why Asuka always had that thing about her that she was never phased by anything but she’d just shown everyone otherwise.

She watched as the other woman took the pen from her hand clicking it to its holder as she closed her digital scroll locking it trying her best to regain her composer she took hold of the menu handing her the spare one. “What would you like to eat Asuka, I’m happy to pay this time?” Asuka pulled on her leather collar wishing that it wasn’t so hot all of a sudden before eyeing the menu. “Technically I didn’t pay the last time they made our meals free.” Rei looked at her. “Well I would still like to pay since this was the first time I’ve had someone other than my brother defend my honour.” Asuka looked down leaning on her elbow, was this for real? Did she just kiss her or was she still in coma was she going to wake up and find that none of this real and all in her head? She pulled her leather jacket off in annoyance she couldn’t stand the heat anymore. “Why isn’t the air conditioning on in this place?” Rei eyed her watching this was by far the sweetest thing she’d ever seen in her life, she really thrown Asuka through a loop and she looked so charming trying to get desperately recompose herself as she took a drink of cold coke trying to focus only on the menu. She watched as Rufus walked over looked up as he spoke calmly in her direction. “Can I get you a drink?”

End of part 32

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The white cat called Pippin is meant to be the white abounded kitten from the Manga who in this universe did not die and was saved by Shinji and was later adopted by Rufus. I liked the idea that it was Pippin that made Asuka realize that she likes cats and led to Erika’s adoption many years later. For any one who is curious the heat reaction Asuka gets it’s due to her current inability to feel sexual desire hence her body plays up in other ways forcing out the reaction through other means. 
> 
> Misato in this universe is meant to be a much better mother figure than in the series and Manga as she did try her best to teach the kids growing up about sex, birth control and consent but her inability and difficulty dealing with peoples emotions meant that she over looked obvious things and didn’t spot things that were really important and right under her nose.


	33. Chapter 33

_CHOPPING AND CHANGING_

 

Misato eyed all the pilots she’d brought them up to the planning room they had all had there lunch so those who were going out would be ready. She eyed Asuka who wasn’t really paying any attention she was drawing on her digital scroll while Rei was seated opposite watching her though she was unaware of it. Mari had her feet on the table and was playing an app on her new phone she was seated opposite Toji. Shinji and Kaworu were seated next to each other ironically Shinji was sketching as well but in his sketchpad with a pencil as he always did, though he was curiously glancing over at Asuka trying to see what she was drawing. When he had visited with Kaworu she’d told them that Asuka could draw but that her style was very different to his and almost a complete reverse to his art which was very soft and warm in its colours and he very much preferred old mediums like pencils and acrylic paints. Where as hers was all digital and very dark and vibrant in its colours with really elaborate illustrative details. They were all ready to get out on mission again and most of them would spend this whole afternoon out as they really needed to start working again before people got annoyed. They had, had to play on Asuka’s recovery for the delay because she was used so often and people up to now had brought this. She really hoping that her plan was going to work and she would have to give Kaji her thanks because he’d pulled off her request in less than an hour.

She eased up the fake official document. “Okay sorry that I had to rush some of you in to plug suites but you all knew today would be the day that you had to go out. All of your weapons have been loaded with real bullets and a flying wing will shadow you along with the airborne camera drone.” She breathed in deeply. “There have been some changes to the roaster which I’m going to read out now.” She looked up. “Mari your going to shadow the UN fleet to Singapore, as per usual you’ll be provided breakfast once you land because it’s a very long trip and slow going because the fleet can only go so fast. I should warn you though that Admiral Constantine is a rather hard nosed woman who like her predecessor Reinhold or old walrus face as we used to call him hated the Evangelion program and views them as expensive children’s toys. She’s also desperate for a chunk of Nerv’s profit so they can outfit the battle fleet, which we will give her after Toji’s Evangelion surfaces because the UN fleet brought the plating parts over from the China division but up until then they get nothing.” Mari sat up. “Wait your sending me in Asuka’s place?” She turned eyeing Asuka who still wasn’t paying attention. “Hey princess, hear that shit there demoting you!”

She breathed in annoyance seeing that Asuka still wasn’t paying attention. “What is her fucking problem lately? All she does now is space out and draw on that shitty digital scroll, its not like she can draw anyway.” Shinji turned to her. “Back off Mari she used to draw in school I remember, its just we all thought she’d given it up but she never did.” Rei turned eyeing Mari. “She’s really good, so stop being so petty.” Misato eyed them as she moved to Asuka’s table slamming her hand down on it hard causing her to look up sharply. “Asuka!” Asuka eyed her cracking her digital scroll shut in a lightning fast motion. “What!?” Misato ignored her scowl as she eyed the document. “You’re going with Rei to Saudi Arabia and the synthetic oil fields you’ll be her guard while she fixes their machine.” Asuka looked at for a long moment her good eye suddenly filling with confusion. “Since when do I get sent as a guard others than when it concerns killing people?” Misato eyed the document. “Since today, the orders are from above.” Asuka eyed her. “This is a joke right? I mean Ritsuko hates my guts and she thinks I’m ficken incompetent it’s why I never get anything interesting to do other than soak the streets in people’s blood.” Misato pulled the document around. “It’s an official document Asuka check it yourself.”

Asuka snatched it from her hand she eyed it for a long moment before handing it back. “This is so stupid I bet you got Kaji to make this.” Misato turned hating that Asuka had just figured her out, she leaned against her desk knowing she had only one other card to play here. “Forging Nerv documents is illegal Asuka we both know that and I think you and I both know I wouldn’t break that rule for a roaster I mean that would be plain stupid right?” She felt a wide smile form. “Plus I’m sure Rei would love your company.” Rei put her hands together meeting Asuka’s good eye watching as it softened. “Yes I would enjoy your company Asuka.” Asuka felt a slight smile form. “Well then I’ll be happy to go.” Mari put her phone down as she folded her arms. “You know watching you two make eyes at each other, is really fucking nauseating.” Misato turned to Shinji and Kaworu. “You’re both going to Russia to pick up the military packages then your going to drop them off in Australia but this will be the day after tomorrow you can pick between you who will shadow as your both good with rifles.” She watched as Shinji’s face turned to a full on smile as he looked at Kaworu who smiled back.

She turned to Toji who was in his plug suite. “It would also appear that your day has finally come.” Toji blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?” Misato felt a wide smile form. “You are about to join the elite ranks, your Evangelion is now complete it will be revealed to the world in two days. Maya is going to take down to the restricted zone granted it’s not the building bay but it’s as close as you’ll ever get to it. They want to run tests with you seated in your entry plug inside it’s the normal things move the arms the legs the jaw bend down. Just make sure its all running and you’ll do this everyday up to the grand reveal as the Magnus Pillar will be brought up to the surface, you’ll be alone it will be completely your own show and the flying wings will show off your weapons.” Toji put his hands together. “The Magnus Pillar I’ve seen that it’s so cool, doesn’t it rotate?” Misato looked at him. “Yes it can rotate you a hundred and sixty degrees above the crowds and it’s always brought up close to Tokyo three and there were fire works going off behind you. That’s why your going through the tests downstairs they simulate the pillar and the specialists can iron out the kinks and this morning we installed all of the new software in the entry plugs including yours so you’ll be fully up to date and you will need to test your wing attachment below as well because the crowds will want to see it.”

Toji stood up. “This is so awesome!” She put her hand on his shoulder. “Go on now you don’t want you to be late.” She eyed Mari. “You to.” She eyed Asuka and Rei. “You as well you do not want to keep them waiting out on the oil field.” She smirked as Rei got up grabbing Asuka’s hand pulling her towards the door with utter glee as the others ran in opposite directions to them. She turned eyeing Shinji who was finding this very amusing she put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve seen your sister look happy that she going out on a mission.” Shinji eyeing Asuka’s digital scroll which she’d left behind because Rei had pulled her up so fast. “Em…Misato should we, its just I’m really curious?” Misato leaned over picking it up. “I’m sure she won’t mind.”  Kaworu leaned over. “I wouldn’t normally partake in this kind of thing, but I am rather curious to, I mean I did ask her once when she lived with us if she had a creative talent but she said no.” Misato slowly opened the scroll hoping that Asuka hadn’t password protected it. She watched as it turned on revealing a half finished picture of a strange tiger face which had a blazing white left eye and stripes only the left side was finished not the right. She flicked her fingers going backwards seeing a really close up of Bardiel moving towards the viewer on a snowy jagged ice plane with the red sea in the distance. “He’s ugly as sin and don’t know how she puts up with him.”

Kaworu moved his finger to the image. “He looks some what like an Evangelion with out armour accept for the longer jaws and teeth which are more like a shark’s and that long lashing tail and his strange lycanthrope body with its hands and feet.” Misato eyed the image. “Yeah it does your right even the eyes are in the same place as unit 01’s when it’s got no armoured face plate on accept their glowing red.” She flicked back through the others only to suddenly to stop dead in her tracks. All of Asuka’s images were normally very dark and edgy but this one though was the complete reverse and it was portrait not landscape, it was Rei’s face there was no mistaking it she was painted looking downwards smiling all in light colour’s it was like a goddess painting showing shoulders and head and really fine details even the weaving of her bodice top it was so gentle and the green eyes were painted in soft pastel tones with soft flowing lines. Kaworu eyed the digital painting. “Well her mouth might not utter the words of love but this drawing speaks those words in volumes.” Shinji eyed the image as something hit him it was a memory from long ago when they were in school. “I swear I saw her drawing Rei once from her desk at school it was an image of her staring out the window but at the time I never thought anything off it and she got kind of nasty when I confronted her over it.” He eyed the image. “She really loves her.” Misato leaned closer. “This is absolutely beautiful.”

She picked up her phone. “I’ve got to copy this Maya and Kaji has just got to see it.” Shinji eyed her. “You know I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Misato eyed him. “What you don’t agree that they should see this?” She tried to do a swipe copy only for the image to suddenly vanish as an animated orange demon wolf head with two sets of horns and wolf ears appeared flaring its curved teeth as it spoke its green eyes blinking. “ _You are not authorized to copy this file and what your doing is referred to in the dictionary as stealing_.” The digital scroll turned off forcing itself it to lock mode at lightning speed. Shinji looked up. “Because Anneberg her AI demon will kick you out.” Misato rolled her eyes. “I hate her damn demon!” She folded her arms. “Tried to hack him a year ago when she went to visit her grandmother for a holiday got no where.” Shinji eyed her. “Why were you trying to hack him?” Misato breathed in deeply. “Look it’s not what you think I wasn’t interested in her private files, I just wanted to know how she created him in the first place because she’s not a coder like Mari and he’s really sharp.” Shinji felt a smile form. “He’s an AI learning personality, he’s like a pet but with high intelligence like Pen Pen she basically brought him up like as if he was small child she’s never altered his code and she just taught him right from wrong. The animations are how he wanted to look not how she made him and he picked his own voice even his own gender.”

 He raised his hand. “I’ve seen him call her phone and talk to her it’s like she’s having a conversation with a real person. There’s basically a hard drive area on her games machine where he can do what ever he wants it’s like his virtual reality play pen and computer is never switched off fully so he just spends hours a day learning all she asks of him is that he keep people out of her personal items and blocks any one trying to get in.” Misato breathed in deeply. “The woman feels like she has no real friends around so she makes one…” Shinji looked up. “I don’t think it’s quite like that.” Misato eyed him. “No I think it is.” She looked down sadly. “I recently saw her banner image up in the visitor centre she looked so damn depressed I need to somehow talk her back in to getting that re-shot the current one just shouldn’t be there and it’s my fault that it ended up there I never checked her images and these images ended up in the books as well.” Shinji looked up sharply. “They said they weren’t going to use any of those images in the books they stated that to her openly that other than the group photos which weren’t so bad her main images wouldn’t make any of the books. I mean she was not right that day at all Rei was starting to get really worried about her towards the end and she also starting to get really hostile and she’s not normally like that during photo shoots and we knew she wasn’t sick and we did try to talk to her but she just shut us out.”

Misato felt the anger start to burn as she pulled out the photo book putting it in front of him. “Yeah well it seems they lied there all in here.” She looked up slightly. “I swear to the gods that someone in Nerv is trying to screw her over, first her plug suite now this shit.” Kaworu opened the book looking at it for long moment. “I have a valid thought that this could be a deconstruction exercise?” Misato eyed him. “What do you mean by that?”  Kaworu eyed the photos. “Well if you want to destroy someone first you destroy their image, which with Asuka has already been done to degree, then when there at there most weakest you start to shall we say punish them when its harder for them to fight back, so they loose all faith in themselves your end game can be one of two things. They commit suicide which she almost did which would have shaken the foundation of the program itself, because a death like that can’t be swept under the rug. Too many questions come up and the divisions question the programs solidarity and how it treats pilots and the sponsors pull out and its hurts Nerv reputation.”

He turned slightly. “Or who ever is doing this, desperately wants her to defect and they want to make her feel that she has no value here and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and Asuka being depressed as she has been just makes it easier for them. Because maybe they feel that she might cave in. Even now there are probably still thinking this because she only connects with Rei and they could twist that against her if they become a couple because Asuka lacks confidence in her own value.” Misato eyed him. “I’ll keep that in mind Kaworu.” She breathed in deeply. “Now I need to get down to central dogma to watch Mari, Rei and Asuka on the screens.” She eyed them both. “Can you put Mari’s phone and Asuka’s digital scroll back in the wreck room?” She eyed the photo book. “Don’t let Asuka find that book, it might end up being thrown out of a window from a high point or burnt she might be slightly better mood wise but I think given the chance her temper will surface.” Shinji eyed the book. “We will both do that and don’t worry she won’t find it.” Misato eyed Asuka’s digital scroll again. “I swear I’m going to get Maya to get Asuka to release that image even if it kills me. Because it’s not appeared so far in any of the images sets she’s sent and that should be put up in the visitors centre for everyone to see including Rei she would be blown away by it.”

8

Asuka felt the impact as her unit’s huge clawed feet hit the yellow desert floor causing sand to be blown upwards around her. She looked up seeing Rei hit the floor opposite in 00 which slowly refolded its huge blue wings back in side the wing case. She slowly refolded her own watching as Rei moved forward she followed her walking her unit forward on all fours as she eyed the huge machine which was like a massive cylinder with hundreds of outer firing rods that hit the bottom section created oil. There were huge bucket sections that came out higher above which dropped mineral deposits and it was one of these which kept getting stuck. The machine was so big that two Evangelion’s could crawl down it no problem and there would still be room for them to move around each other the whole thing through had been completely shut down. She watched as an Arabic man in modern clothes came running out of the huge white building opposite he had on a builder’s hard hat and a radio he looked up waving at them. “You’re finally here!” Rei looked down. “Hello Hashim, I hope you’re doing well.” The older man smiled at her. “Hello Rei it’s so good to see you again I hope your brothers doing well.” Rei felt a smile form as she spoke over the com. “He sends his regards and thanks for the wonderful meal you cooked for him last time he was here you are a most gifted cook.” Hashim looked up at the huge red unit opposite which was on all fours. “You brought Asuka Langley with you!”

Rei turned her unit to look at Asuka’s. “Say hello Asuka this is Hashim.” Asuka felt herself fidget nervously. “Hi.” Hashim looked up. “If we get time you’ll have to give us a photo for our wall here, we have photos of all the other pilots well accept Toji but we’ll get him sooner or later.” Rei walked her unit over to the huge cylinder looking down wards. “I assume it’s the same part again becoming stuck?” Hashim nodded as he looked up. “Does it every time and it’s impossible for our equipment to pull it back out.” Asuka watched as Rei lowered herself down climbing the cylinder with her unit she clearly done this countless times because she did it with a sense of ease. “She pulled the big gun free from her units back holder pulling her unit up on to its hind legs as she took up point close to machine she paused eyeing the contraption again as she leaned over watching as Rei started to use her units full weight to try and kick the huge moving bucket back in to place. She slowly brought up her panel typing. “Can someone give me a three dimensional layout for this design?” Misato’s voice came filled with confusion. “Why do you need one?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Look can you just give it me I just want to look it over.”

Misato breathed in as she looked at three huge floating hologram screens which were currently showing the three Evangelion all in there separate locations including the test bay bellow. Every one was at there panels, Maya, Kaji, Shigeru and Makoto. Gendo and Ritsuko weren’t here but then they were never present unless they were fighting angels this kind of thing they viewed as trivial and not important enough to warrant there attention. She turned watching as Ritsuko burst in through one of the doors the anger in her eyes as she looked at Asuka and Rei’s screen. “You sent Asuka out on mission?!” Misato ignored her as turned to Maya. “Send Asuka what she wants.” Maya nodded as she turned back to her holographic panel. “I’m sending the designs to you now Asuka.” Ritsuko sneered as she eyed Misato. “We don’t send her places because she’s screws up, or have you forgotten that?!” Misato kept her arms folded eyeing her coldly. “You know I’m very busy right now I have to keep my eye on three Evangelion’s and I don’t burst in on you when you’re trying to work!” Ritsuko eyed her raising her hand pointing it at the screen. “Have you forgotten that the trigger happy German moron blew up billions at an iron works once? We spent three weeks cleaning up her mess and that’s not to mention the compensation!”

She eyed the first screen ignoring the other two screens. “Now your sending her to the oil fields of all places all she has to do is set fire to the huge building off side and she’ll burn away trillions in synthetic oil and our investors pay us very highly to ensure that, that place is always running!” Kaji turned slightly. “To be fair she destroyed the iron works back when she was sixteen she’s twenty three now and far more experienced.” Ritsuko felt a cold sneer form. “I didn’t ask for your opioion Kaji!” Misato eyed Asuka who was now edging her unit to look over with the machine with a more keen interest. “I felt she deserved a second chance, you’ve been running her and treating her as a weapon for far to long it may have also been a factor in her depression.” Maya turned eyeing Ritsuko. “She doesn’t enjoy it anymore she stated it openly to me this morning and I don’t know what your complaining about we have Mari shadowing the UN fleet right now Asuka trained her that’s was the last year was all about taking pressure of Asuka’s shoulders.” Ritsuko folded her arms. “This is pathetic.” Maya turned looking her straight in the eyes. “Before Asuka was put in side your stupid machine she had been contemplating suicide Bardiel told us that! Granted he was driving her crazy but before he entered her mind she already been depressed for over six months and none of us even saw it, not even me.”

She breathed in painful. “She hid it from all of us because she assumed no one cared and no one would help her!” Misato eyed Ritsuko feeling a cold sneer form on her lips. “Not to mention that her plug suite was sabotaged and somehow all her bad images from the recent photos shoots made it in to the books.” She stepped closer to the blonde haired woman. “You wouldn’t happen to know any thing about that now would Ritsuko? I mean you know since you seemed to get such a kick out of smashing her with a clip board and trying to microwave her brain.” Ritsuko eyed her in disgust. “Please I had nothing to do with what you’re implying!” Misato moved even closer not caring that she was now inside her personal space. “For once I really hope your being honest with me, because if she had blown her own brains out with her family air loom all this money and power you talk about would have meant very little. Because it would have brought the whole program in to question pilots dying in war is one thing, them ending there own lives in that way is quite another and the first priority of the Evangelion program is the pilots well being and mental health because there so limited and the mental discipline is so hard.” Ritsuko laughed coldly as she eyed her. “Says the woman who tried to play her cool mum for some years but as soon as she moved out never visited her once and did nothing but complain during her teens and adulthood about how much an annoying, egotistic asshole she was to everyone including the press and media.”

She eyed Maya. “Its little wonder she became close to you, she probably needed the pity sex just to keep going.” Maya smashed her fist down on her panel. “I have never slept with her! She’s my friend and we respect each other.” Ritsuko turned back eyeing Misato. “Think what you will of me but I wouldn’t go out of my way to ruin Asuka in that way because I don’t have to I mean you did a bang up job of that all by yourself.” She raised her ringed finger. “Now you’re just doing what you always do which is when things get hard and you have to face the truth that you made mistakes or didn’t measure up, you’re trying to pass on the blame. Because unlike Shinji, Rei and Kaworu, Asuka’s the one you failed with and who you tried to shove on to other people when it got too hard for you.” She eyed her. “Kyoko was an insurable bitch but she had standards and a high moral compass and if she was alive right now she would have buried you and she had a foul fucking temper to. Though unlike her daughter it only surfaced in moments of true anger and rage when she felt that others were being treated unfairly, hence why she sided with Yui and Kiko against me.” She folded her arms. “You should sit and contemplate on that for a while before you try to blame me for your screw ups!”

Asuka leaned over the cylinder again. “Rei, can I take a look at that?” Rei moved her unit up slightly. “You think you know what’s wrong?” Asuka watched as she got out she turned throwing her, her big gun watching as she caught it. “Yeah I think I might.” She slowly moved her unit downwards using her oddly clawed feet and hands to grip it. “Just be careful with the knock back on my big gun and the hand position is a little funny.” She slowly twisted herself around keeping her hold solid as she wrapped her tails around for extra grip. “The problems not the moving bucket there’s something wrong inside, I think it’s getting wedged because some part is broken.” She slowly took hold of the huge metal screws as she started to turn them opening the inside cylinder so she could look inside. “Who built this piece of scheisse?” Hashim voice suddenly came over the speaker. “It was manufactured in five countries it’s meant to be top of the range and it was specially built so that your Evangelion’s could monitor it and repair it.” Asuka pulled out her unit’s long tongue circling around the faulty part which was a massively bent power coil she yanked it out keeping it in her units mouth. “Yeah well who ever gave you the power coils gave you a faulty one its not that your moving bucket is stuck its loosing power and locking, do you have another coil?” Hashim voice came again filled with curiosity. “No not currently and it’ll take them three weeks to ship in a new one as they are such a massive size.”

Asuka looked up. “Do you have any ultra high powered cable?” She eyed the open section. “Its just I can use it to draw power from your two other coils I just need a converter piece, it will be a temporary fix and then I can come back and do the full fix once your coil gets here” Hashim voice came again filled with interest. “I have all those parts you can do this though I mean they didn’t tell us that you understood this kind of thing over at Nerv?” Asuka eased the faulty coil out of her unit’s mouth throwing it up watching as it landed opposite Rei who was still holding up her gun she watched as the parts were lowered down to her by the workers using the huge automated lift which could go up and down opposite the cylinder. Rei’s voice hit the air. “Asuka has a degree in engineering and mechanics Hashim, she creates motorbikes from scratch in her garage, you know the Trident well she’s got one and it’s all built from the ground up.” Hashim’s voice came again filled with surprise. “Really you have a hand built Trident?” Asuka slowly used her unit’s clawed fingers to pull the power cable and lock it on both coils on ether side as she wired them to the power converter using it locks to hold the wire solid as the lift went back up behind her. “Yes I do but it’s all the same really no matter what the size cars, motorbikes it’s just the parts get bigger and bigger.” She pushed the huge converter down locking it in to a special grove which had clearly been made for it.

She forced the special wire covers over so the cables would be protected from heat from the other power coils then carefully locked it all shut. Rei’s voice came again though it sounded very happy. “I feel Asuka’s being far too modest Hashim.” Asuka slowly pulled herself out of the cylinder looking down before leaping off. “Try it now your software should compensate for the power flow, I mean it looks like your machine was made so it could have this fix if necessary.” Hashim’s voice came again as he signalled to the building opposite using a special flag. “Okay stand by my team will restart it.” Asuka eased her unit up on to her hind legs shifting back as Rei did the same as the huge machines rods started to work as they pounded downwards as the moving buckets went in and out dropping there minerals which fell down wards to the bottom only be hit by the rods which began to convert it in to synthetic oil. Hashim’s voice hit the air filled with utter joy. “You fixed it this is brilliant, we can get back to full production now I mean we’ve had this problem for three months and none of the other’s could fix it, why didn’t they send you in the first place?” Asuka looked down sadly she didn’t want to think of the reasons why they just made her feel sad. “Nothing personal Hashim but I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Rei eyed Asuka face on her screen she’d had to go voice only when Asuka had gone down the machine as it couldn’t have outside interference signals. “I think over at Nerv they seem to think that Asuka’s only use is a weapon, I think personally her potential is being wasted.” Hashim’s voice hit the air though it was soft and understanding. “I see, so they treat Asuka like a female tiger in that they fear her anger and her roar but then they forget that even the tiger must bring up her cubs with gentleness and nurture them.” Hashim eyed the huge red unit towering close by. “I mean even your unit looks cat like now, wasn’t it named after a cat to start with?” Rei turned eyeing Asuka’s unit her face on her hologram screen was unreadable. “Yes it’s called Nekomata.” She paused watching as the units two tails moved. “The double tailed lycanthrope cat.” She leaned forward looking over unit 02 much more carefully ever since the unit had changed everyone in the media and web had tried to make out that it was an upgraded war machine for the purpose of killing what if it wasn’t that at all. What if it was more artistic creation in that Asuka had made it embody Nekomata just purely because she liked the form, she loved cats, cats seemed to be a big part of her life. Asuka folded her arms. “Nekomata was meant to cause havoc because he would change from a normal cat in to a huge demonic one with two tails which killed people.”

Rei eyed her. “Yeah but whose not to say that maybe people were cruel and just made him angry or that he was mistreated.” Asuka eased up her leg putting her hand on it. “I think you’re reading far too much in to that Rei demons are demons.” Rei eyed her lowering the big gun which was starting to hurt her arms. “No I just don’t think it’s like that Asuka not everything’s black and white and at the end of the day evil is just a point of view.” She breathed in deeply before speaking. “I mean a certain person you know would probably see his actions as fine and you in the wrong to him you might be the demon even though he himself is the evil one.” Hashim voice came again filled with joy. “Hey how’s about you two come down here it’ll only take five minutes and I can get a photo of you together with the staff.” There was a long pause. “Oh yes and I have some nice snack food you can eat on your way back.” Rei breathed in deeply as Asuka took her big gun back. “Thank you Hashim, I don’t suppose I could have a copy of that photo when you’re done?” Hashim spoke calmly. “Of cause Rei.” Asuka breathed getting ready to de-flood the LCL as unlike in an emergency ejection it didn’t spray out it instead it went in to special compartment and could be re-flooded once you got back in. She looked up as Misato’s face suddenly appeared on her screen. “Well done Asuka!”

She raised her hand. “I mean you actuality fixed it, we are so proud of you over here you should have seen Ritsuko’s face when she saw the machine working right.” Asuka eyed her not bothering to smile. “What did you assume that I’d screw it up?” Misato’s face turned to surprise. “No Asuka.” Asuka eyed her. “Don’t bother singing my praises Misato, its not like the press or world will ever ficken care.” She lowered her unit down on to its knees keeping its clawed hand on the huge gun. “Shutting all systems down will be offline for five minutes standard time, please keep the flying wing stationary along with camera drone.” Rei watched as Asuka vanished as she shut down she watched as Misato’s face appeared on her hologram screen filled with concern. “Is she okay?” Rei looked at her for a long moment knowing Asuka couldn’t hear them as she lowered her own unit on to its knees. “I know you faked the document to get her on this mission with me and for that I’m very grateful because I love her company but she’s spent half of her life getting very little praise and flack over her abilities so please do not expect her to just turn it around in a day and be happy to hear nice comments.” Misato eyed her. “She takes nice comments from you.” Rei breathed in deeply. “We both know why that is but her feelings for you come from a very different place and you both need to work on that and I can’t help you there.”

End of part 33

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Reinhold or old walrus face is meant to be the same commander from the series episode eight Asuka strikes, because I could see that guy having years of fun with Asuka shadowing the UN fleet and he might be happy to finally retire so he doesn’t have deal with her anymore. The synthetic oil came about as people are talking about oil running out so it made me think that people would find others ways to create it the oil creator is the only device in this story that is very sci-fi as it can turn other minerals in to oil.


	34. Chapter 34

_BEAUTIFUL WORLD_

Rei watched as unit 02 and 00 where slowly submerged in to the bloody water which came up to their shoulders Mari still hadn’t returned yet but then she expected that. She eyed Asuka who was leaning over the railing eyeing all of the units including her own they had both taken a shower and were back in their casual clothes. “You know I had fun today.” Asuka turned looking in to her eyes. “Same here it was so nice for once to just go somewhere other than a war torn place and fight terrorists and spill blood.” She felt a sly smile form. “Did you enjoy holding my big gun?” Rei felt a smile form. “Yeah I did as a matter of fact.” Asuka leaned closer as she spoke in low seductive tone as she licked one of her canine teeth. “You know I don’t give my big gun to just anyone.” Rei breathed in deeply seeing Asuka’s good eye burn in to her intensely which caused her pulse to race a little. “I’ve heard that Mari has always wanted to try out your big gun.” Asuka smirked. “Yeah like she’d even be able to cope with the knock back, I believe you could though.” Rei shook her head. “I’m not sure about that.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “I am.” Rei leaned closer. “I thought Misato’s comments were nice.” Asuka felt her smile instantly fade away as it was replaced with scowl. “Please there not even genuine, she’s only being nice because she feels guilty in some way.” Rei moved her hand to the other woman’s red hair letting some of it spill through her fingers. “I don’t think so Asuka.” Asuka stood up slightly. “She doesn’t care about me Rei she would care more about her morning beer than me.”

She put a hand on her chest. “I get it you know I’m not the greatest person to be around I get that I can be difficult but all of my ficken life she just passed me over to other people when it got hard for her!” She raised her hand. “Do you know when I moved out she never gave me a house warming party.” Rei blinked in surprise. “She said you didn’t want one, that was what she told us.” Asuka moved a step closer to her. “She never even asked me Rei, she didn’t even care and I had to watch while you, Shinji and Kaworu got yours and I showed up to them all and just got blinding drunk at most of them.” She eased up her hand gently putting it on the younger woman’s face feeling a sad smile form. “Please understand though I don’t blame any off you for that and I was still happy to be there regardless and I was really happy you invited me.” She looked up slightly. “I enjoyed yours best of all and I was flattered that you let me sit at your table.” Rei looked up at her sadly. “I’m sorry we never knew.” Asuka breathed in painfully. “Don’t get me wrong Misato was a very cool mother in some ways she didn’t set ground rules you could come and go as you pleased, she wasn’t afraid to talk about sex and birth control and you could do what ever you wanted but she never felt like my friend and she just wasn’t there when I needed someone to talk to.”

She felt the sudden sting of her own tears. “You know the whole thing with me and Maya came about because of something she said once which was that I should wise up and stop being such high maintenance because if I didn’t no one would ever have me. It stung so damn much I know I get what she was saying in that I was an egoistic brat but she could have said it so much better. I just went and mopped by the vending machines and that was kind of where Maya found me. We’d never even spoken before but she was the first person ever to just put her arm around me and say it was okay and that I wasn’t a bad person.” She breathed in painfully. “Hence why we’ve always been friends and I will always hold her in high regard she’s one of the few real friends I have apart from you and Shinji.” She felt her teeth grind together as she eased her hand away from Rei’s face. “I know Misato also let them put up that awful image of me on my banner in the visitor centre when I was feeling really depressed during the photo shoot. I know those photos also made the pilots photo book and I know that in my talent case there’s a red gun with the words angry gun on it because she just wants to rub it in that I’m just a human weapon its why I never visit that place. Because I dread to even think what they wrote about me or show in the display videos, it’s probably wall to wall of Asuka is a screw up.”

She looked down sadly as she wiped her tears away sharply with jackets sleeve. “I also know that as she nice as she being its all fake as soon as Bardiel gets kicked out of my brain she won’t care and I’ll just go back to my day job of killing people. I know she had Kaji make that fake document and she’s probably putting me with you because she just thinks I’ll behave better because you’re my best friend.” She felt her hand form as fist as the anger came out before she could stop it. “Because that’s how the ficken universe works for me, nothing ever changes and I always get side lined in the end because I’m the expendable one that no one wants and I always end up alone!” Rei moved forward ignoring the fact that a lot of the workers had stopped to look at them she gently put both hands on the sides of Asuka’s face seeing the tears which were falling freely now. “No it is different this time Asuka because I will never do that to you.” She looked up slightly. “You mean the world to me and I don’t care what other people think to that, because they don’t know the real you the way I do.” She gently wrapped her arms around her pulling her close feeling the other woman’s arms wrap around in a desperate manner as she started crying in to her shoulder she moved her hand up stroking her hair gently. “You’ll never be alone Asuka, I’ll always be here.”

She looked around her seeing that the workers were just staring now, some of looked shocked while others looked really sad and concerned it was probably the first time anyone had even seen Asuka cry in public though she’d seen it so much already. She didn’t see this as bad both her self and her brother had gone through this and they had both cried a lot to, it was part of the healing process and Asuka just had some much repressed pain built up hence why it was coming out over and over and her depression was causing her mood to swing back and forth at times. The saddest part in all of this was hearing that she’d let her sit at her table at her going away party as if she felt she had no right to even be there and that one simple act had meant so much to her. She remembered those parties now very clearly she could remember her getting drunk at the other two but not hers she’d just been very quite all night watching listening but never speaking. In fact she had been focused on her every word but at the time she had not spoken to her much because like everyone else she’d held the stupid notion that she just wanted to be left alone. All this time she hadn’t wanted to be alone she’d wanted the complete opposite.

Everything made an awful sense now including her moving away which had been so sudden as she hadn’t really told them she’d come home to find boxes stacked up in the door way and she remembered something else now which she had over looked at the time. Asuka had left a box in her room and she’d left one in Shinji giving them back everything she’d ever borrowed and it was all intact nothing was broken and if it had been she’d fixed it or replaced it but she’d completely missed the meaning. She had just assumed it was a peace offering for putting up with her temper and foul moods when in truth she was genuinely trying to do something good but it had gone completely unnoticed. She hadn’t given anything of Misato’s back and she’d assumed she was just being petty and spiteful when in fact she’d felt betrayed and felt like she’d been stabbed in the back and she still felt the same way now. She paused hearing her stop crying as she started to recompose her self her arms slowly tightening as she spoke very quietly and softly close to her ear. “Do you know that what ever is in your LCL it makes you smell like alpine forests? I’ve always loved that smell.” Rei felt a smile form. “You smell just like your sunflowers.” She paused before speaking softly. “Asuka would you like to go home?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Would you like to join me?” Rei moved her hand through her hair. “I’d love to.”

8

Rei gently took the mug of hot green tea from Asuka’s hand she watched as she sat down on the sofa opposite her taking a long sip of her coffee as she pulled her patch off throwing it on the coffee table. She looked up realizing that now was the right time to give her the gift she had wanted to give her at lunch but hadn’t been able to as they’d only just finished eating when they’d been called up to the planning room. It seemed only fair as she given her, her complete graphic novel set so she could read it she eased the small leather box out of her shirt pocket. It was a trinket but she hoped it would have meaning. “Asuka this is a little something for you.” Asuka turned sharply seeing the box she raised her hand. “Look seriously you didn’t have to buy me anything, you being here is enough.” Rei took hold of her hand turning it putting it gently in her palm. “I brought this especially for you I thought you would like it.” She moved a little closer easing her hand up running it through her hair gently. “Because you’ve been through so much lately and I know it’s been very hard for you.” Asuka slowly opened the box watching as a dark green jade and silver pendent came in to view it had weaving patterns and all of them interconnected and joined it had a thick woven silver chain. Rei eyed the pendent. “It’s called the endless knot it represents eternity, wisdom and compassion.” She felt a smile form. “When ever you’re lonely or you feel doubt you can wear this and remember that I’m always here even if we are at opposite sides of the world.”

She looked up slightly. “Misato gave Shinji her cross and he always wears it even when piloting, it’s always over the top of his plug suite or under his shirt so I think this pendent would look wonderful on top of your new plug suite.” She put down her tea as she carefully took it from the box easing it up then carefully placed it around Asuka’s neck seeing her move her long hair out of the way so she could clip it in to place. Asuka eyed the pendent giving her wide smile as the patterns in her left eye bunt brightly. “Thank you this means a lot Rei.” Rei looked up meeting her gaze. “There’s some else we need to talk about.” Asuka put down her coffee as she raised her hand. “You know if it was about that kiss you gave me at lunch I understand, I mean you meant it only in friendship.” She paused before speaking. “I would never see it in a way other than what it was intended as.” Rei shifted a little closer to her, she had never done this in her life and it was scary but she had to do this because Asuka just wouldn’t. She was to afraid and she knew she’d take friendship over rejection because she had such low self esteem and even struggled with her own self image as she believed that she just wasn’t good enough for her and never would be.

She leaned forward putting both hands on her black t shirt with its creative logo gripping the material gently. “What if it wasn’t about friendship?” Asuka felt her whole body freeze what was going on? She suddenly felt afraid and she could feel her heart starting to race as it banged against her rib cage. She tried to shuffle back further only to find that nothing would move she felt a nervous smile form. “You know teasing is not nice Rei…” Rei moved a hand up putting on the other woman’s face gently stroking it. “I don’t feel I’ve been honest with you Asuka and maybe rather than putting it in words I should just show you.” She leaned forward meeting the other woman lips before she could stop her as she started to kiss her gently as she moved her hands to her hair there was a moment where no response came. Ether because Asuka was in shock or because she was just too afraid to do anything, she carried kissing her gently only for the response to suddenly come out of know where it was fire some, heated and enough to push her back slightly. It suddenly ended as Asuka pulled away struggling to get to the other end of her sofa the confusion and fear showing in her good eye as the colours pulsed sharply in her left one, she suddenly looked very much like a lost child as she spoke the fear in voice. “Why are you doing this?”

Her face changed to sadness. “Please don’t do this to me Rei…its bad enough that I love you but please don’t play games with heart like this…I can’t handle it, I’m not strong enough.” Rei looked up realizing that she’d said what she’d been waiting for. She moved closer to her seeing that she was truly afraid now, the strongest woman she’d ever known who had no fear of jumping from great heights that would kill normal people and who was always so on fire was terrified right now and was completely laid bear as every wall she had, had suddenly come crashing down around her. “I’m not playing with you Asuka and I know why you say that because you told me once that one of your ex partners sold you out to the media five years ago and it wasn’t pleasant for you and I remember how much it hurt you.” She eased up a hand putting it gently on her face. “I would never ever do that to you.” She breathed in slowly and deeply. “I love you very much and my feelings have gone beyond friendship.” Asuka felt her eyes dart her mind was having serious trouble keeping her emotions together everything felt like it had gone in to utter chaos and her whole world just felt like it had come crashing down. “You love me?” Rei eyed her. “Yes.” Asuka breathed in sharply. “Why would you want me? I’m the asshole who harassed you in school!”

Rei breathed in deeply she knew this Asuka’s self conscious talking because she was having so much difficultly wrapping her head around the idea that someone would love her or even want her. “No I think we both know that person is long gone, she left a very long time ago and I do love the person very deeply who has taken her place.” She put her hand gently on the other woman’s t-shirt. “Asuka I don’t connect to people that well, but when ever you touch me I feel warm and feel my heart race at times, at first I thought maybe I was confusing my feelings but over time I realized that the feeling was love.” She paused taking in sad breath before speaking. “I realized these feelings almost too late because they put you in that machine I know I should have spoken out but at the time I didn’t know that you loved me. For years at Nerv there have always been rumours about you liking me in that manner but they were spoken about in a very negative way implying that you lusted after me so I ignored them.” She leaned closer. “You weren’t lusting though were you? You felt nothing but love for me but you could never say it because you thought after what happened in our past that I’d reject you outright and that I still disliked you. So you just buried your feelings and tried to make the best off it and instead just did nice things for me and I ignored some of them I’m really sorry for that Asuka.”

Asuka swallowed she was having so much trouble trying to get anything out of her mouth right now. “It’s okay that you didn’t notice…that you were happy was enough.” Rei watched as Asuka’s left eye suddenly ignited it was so bright and it was letting out blazing white light with flashes of pure neon blue. “No it’s not okay Asuka, you deserved to be thanked and I never gave that to you, do you know how sad it made me today to hear you say that you were grateful just that I allowed you to sit at my house warming party table. I mean you must have thought so little of yourself to think it was privilege to sit by my side.” She eased her other hand running it through the long red hair. “Your worth so much more than that, believe me Asuka you deserve to loved and cherished.” She paused she was as close up against the other woman’s body as she could get now. “You are really loving, kind and caring and you ask for nothing in return.” Asuka looked at her before closing her eyes for a long moment taking in a deep breath, gods this was really happening it was real it wasn’t her imagination. She’d spent so many nights thinking about this but resounding herself to fact that it would just never happen.

She slowly opened her eyes feeling everything suddenly slow down as she eased up her hand very slowly running it through Rei’s hair enjoying the feel. She could die right now and be eternally happy and that happiness was such a strange feeling to her because it had been out of her reach for so long, she looked down. “I never stopped loving you, I loved you even back in school it’s just my feelings they were so messed up back then that I couldn’t read it as love so it just became something sawed and awful. Later I realized what it was and it always made me sad that I found out to late, because I thought you’d never ever want me.” She felt the tears come but the emotion behind them was so much the opposite from before it wasn’t pain and it wasn’t agony it was happiness and relief almost. “After the accident in Alpha test unit I was just happy that you came at all but my feelings got in the way and I pushed you away over and over and I got so confused that you kept coming back every time and you always had something nice to say to me. You’re the first person in my life who has ever told me that my anger wasn’t a negative and that I was a good person and made me feel it because for the longest time although Maya and Kaji would say it I never really believed them.”

Rei felt a smile form as met her good eye. “Sometimes in life you need someone else to believe in you first, before you can believe in yourself.” Asuka moved not even thinking the action was automatic as she met the other woman’s lips again no longer caring she just wanted the sensation and feeling which she felt so strongly. She knew she couldn’t feel sexual desire thanks to Bardiel killing her sex drive but to her that didn’t matter because this was just so much better it was a feeling so pure it was all devotion all love and it went so beyond the physical. It was all about touch and sensation and she’d never felt like this in her whole life and sex even in the VR had just felt so empty and Rei knew this as she’d been there when she’d told Maya that. If it came to that though she was happy to for fill Rei’s needs rather than her own and she had no idea if she’d even been with women before as her love life had always been so private but she’d ask what she wanted and desired and try to please her. She moved slowly laying feather light kisses on the younger woman’s neck as she laid her down back first very gently on the sofa moving on top of her, how ironic is was that she’d had to loose her left eye to everything so much clearer.

8

I can hear the ringing of the phone its like a sharp sound that cuts through my sleep, please go away I want to be left alone yesterday was the first day I slept all night. I don’t want to be wake up early anymore because I can’t sleep. Asuka felt her eyes snap open she was lying on her bed dressed in her long oversized t-shirt it took her a moment to realize that Rei’s body was pressed up against her own and she was sleeping against her in her pyjamas. She blinked suddenly remembering everything that had happened they had kisses and hugged for such a long time it had been so nice and such pure bliss. Then she’d made some food it was so strange because everything felt so good and she’d had so much trouble keeping her hands away from Rei it was the touch the feel the fact that the younger woman wanted her affection. They’d later gone to bed she’d let Rei get dressed in her room while she’d used the bathroom before coming in she didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and didn’t want to force anything she wanted her to be happy with showing her body. Yes they’d seen each other dress and undress in there plug suites a thousand times but that wasn’t the point she just wanted to do this right. She felt her happy thoughts shatter as she leaned her hand over seeing that it was three in the morning and she hated being woken up early she wasn’t a morning person. She pressed the button on the dial watching as the hologram shot up showing sound only as she spoke sharper than intended. “What!?”

Kolby’s voice came over as he spoke in Japanese. “Guess who made the world news today!” Asuka put her hand on her face. “Please not now Kolby it’s three in the morning over here, did you forget about time zones?” Kolby’s voice came again only louder. “You did!” Asuka breathed in deeply. “No offence but I really don’t care and I want to go back to sleep I have training today.” She turned seeing that Rei had woken up and was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she looked at the speaker phone as Kolby’s voice came again filled with glee. “Asuka Langley fixes the unfixable oil machine Grandma is so proud of you.” Asuka eyed her phone. “Please I jury rigged it, it wasn’t rocket science just basic mechanics.” Rei felt a smile form. “No she fixed it, she’s just being modest.” There was a long pause as Kolby’s voice came again filled with surprise while Asuka’s face turned to panic. “Now is that the beautiful voice of Rei Ayanami?” Rei felt her smile widen. “Yes you must be Kolby I’ve heard a lot about you.” Kolby’s voice turned low and sly. “Oh Asuka you’ve been keeping secrets haven’t you we all know your phone is in your bedroom, so are you two dating?” His voice came again filled with intrigue. “Because Grandma’s been hearing rumours that you two like to hang out together all the time, its just she won’t ask you because she doesn’t want to pry.”

Asuka felt a sneer form. “I don’t believe this! You know for once I would like for you and grandma not to keep tabs on me at Nerv.” Kolby laughed. “Please it was Misato who told us, it was in weekly reports she even stated that you’d make a good couple.” Asuka put a hand on her face in frustration. “Please this is not happening.” Rei looked at her before turning back to the phone. “Yes we are dating.” She watched as Asuka’s face turned to shock. “It’s very recent but I would like to clear this up right now before its gets out this is not a fling I love Asuka very deeply and I probably don’t need to tell you that Asuka feels the same way.” Kolby’s voice turned serious. “Oh yes we know about that we’ve known about it for years, I mean when she came over for the holidays in her late teens she talked about you all the time it was always high praise at first we thought it was admiration but later on we both figured out that it was much more and she’d try to deny it but as you probably already know she’s an awful liar, she couldn’t lie if her life depended up on it.”

Asuka eyed the phone. “The media can’t know about this Kolby you know where they’ll go with this don’t you? Same place they went with Shinji in that they’ll think I’m trying to scale the ladder and get in to management and power since the company passes to Shinji and Rei if Gendo dies though Ritsuko gets to remain as a figure head, everyone knows that.” She tensed sharply. “They tried to crucify me last time and I’m not going through that all over again it was ficken awful and I’m sick of my past behaviour being used to justify there reasoning. I mean to them I’m still the egotistic, bullying little brat I was in my teens and that’s all they ever show me as.” Rei looked at her for long moment. “You know peoples opinions can change Asuka, I mean mine did.” Asuka looked down slightly. “That’s because you gave me a second change I doubt any of them ever would.” She eased up her hand running it down the younger woman’s face. “They’d just turn it to something sawed like I pursued you and that I was being predatory.” Kolby’s voice came again filled with annoyance. “Yeah and none of that is true as you don’t behave that way anymore, I mean that woman what was her name again? The one who screwed you over I mean she tried to inter that you tried to kill her during sex because you dominated her.”

Asuka felt her hand form a fist. “Her name was Hikari and I never ficken hurt her! I brought her around to my home for drinks and it was all going fine until it got to bedroom, she wanted me to dominate her. I didn’t want to I kept saying I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, I even stated that I’d had a bad relationship in the past and I didn’t want to be that way anymore and that it made me really uncomfortable but her line was that I’d gone soft and pathetic and the real Asuka would give her what she wanted.” She breathed in deeply. “Plus we never finished the act any way because after she called me pathetic she then she got dressed and walked out and left me stewing both sexually and emotionally.” She felt her body tense painfully. “That’s when I stopped dating and brought Erika home from the animal shelter and not long after that I started bringing up Anneberg in his child AI form I just didn’t want to be betrayed by people anymore. No one in the press wanted to hear my side of the story because my past reputation just made her words sound true and no one up at Nerv was on my side ether higher up and Misato really chewed me out over it. Because they were forced up he media building to do damage control and when it’s all about relationships it gets really messy and Hikari sued Nerv and they had to pay her because only then would she be silent.”

She looked down sadly. “It just made me so mad because I have not struck, hit or pushed anyone around after the relationship with Shinji fell apart I saw how awful I was and I went to great lengths to refocus my anger. I even brought in some old school locker to put in the wreck changing room just so I could kick it and get rid of the frustration I felt sometimes. Probably wouldn’t be worth punching it now the door would just cave in, with one punch if I was angry enough.” Rei sat up wrapping her arm around her shoulder. “I remember how sad and frustrated you looked in the locker room the day Misato shouted at you over the incident with Hikari and I saw you getting drunk at Rufus’s bar the same day.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Yeah to drunk to function made my self really sick I was that sad and miserable.” Rei eyed her. “Shinji and my self we both talked about it and believed that you didn’t do it because your attitude was so different you weren’t being smug about it you were completely the opposite which was sad and disheartened.” Kolby’s voice came again but with pride. “Screw that Hikari woman Asuka you’re a keeper and we know the real you and if others don’t see it, its there loss because you’ve come so far and changed so much.” His voice came again but much happier. “Hey did you want me to send those collectors editions over the Godzilla ones? I have in a box volumes one through to seven there is an eighth but I’m having trouble locating it.” Asuka blinked she had forgotten about those. “Yes please do, I’ll forward the amount you want to your account today you know maybe you can use it buy a cot and kids toys for Aili’s baby I mean isn’t she due around December?” Kolby’s voice came again. “They think January but you know what kids are like they choose the day and time they are born and we have the toys and cot.”

Asuka breathed in deeply. “Hey what about a new flat screen system? I mean you could get a flat and install apps for her child to play on.” Kolby tapped his pen on the other end of the line. “Oh I like that, hey can you get Anneberg to send us a message on it when we get it set up? Because Aili is desperate to see him because she had no idea you could bring up a learning program AI like that.” Asuka eyed the phone. “I’ll ask him if he wants to though I told you before he’s not a coded to my will, he freely makes his own choices so just give him time he gets nervous and he’s not always used to new people, that’s in part my fault as I always told him to be weary.” Kolby’s voice came again though it sounded uncertain. “Would it be okay you know if I told Grandma about you two?” Asuka turned watching as Rei looked at her showing uncertainty. “Could you please hold off just for a little while its just we don’t want it getting out right now, not until we are more comfortable with others knowing.” Kolby laughed. “Sure I can I’ll be seeing you Asuka.” Asuka eyed her phone. “Good night Kolby, send my love to Aili and Grandma.” Rei watched as the phone switched off she eyed Asuka. “He’s right you know you are a keeper.” Asuka felt a slight smile form. “What even though I’m scared up and have a neon glowing left eye?” Rei sat up slightly moving closer. “Yes.” Asuka gently pulled her in to her arms giving her a gentle kiss. “I’m flattered that such a divine goddess like you would say that to me.”

End of part 34

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is named after the rebuild soundtrack Beautiful World by Hikaru Utada which is about love, I felt was very fitting for this chapter as the English translation for the first verse is “It’s only love. If only one request is granted. Then let me sleep next to you, anywhere is good. Beautiful world. I would only look at you unwaveringly.” So for anyone who was wondering what the incident was that turned Asuka in to a recluse the Hikari incident was what turned her world up side down in a really bad way and turned the public and media completely against her.


	35. Chapter 35

_SLOWLY PEALING AWAY THE LAYERS_

 

Misato eyed the training fields holographic screen all of the pilots were present accept Toji and they’d brought up a second screen to keep an eye on his progress. He was getting it through the specialists had spent the night ironing out the kinks, it was the normal stuff bad fitting on the fingers which needed changing and the jaw jamming it happened every damn time with a new Evangelion. She eyed Asuka who was trying to balance her unit on the pillar on all fours walking on it like a cat back and forth she eyed Maya. “Hey can you bring up Asuka’s screen?” Maya typed bringing up her hologram image she leaned closer seeing a thick silver chain hanging down outside her plug suite on it was dark green weaving pattern which was all interlocking. “That’s new, since when does she wear a pendent like Shinji?” She pressed the speaker. “Hey where did you get that interesting looking pendent Asuka?” Asuka eyed her. “It’s none of your business so leave me alone, I’m trying to concentrate.” Mari’s image suddenly appeared on screen. “Oh I bet princess’s little girlfriend Rei gave it to her.” Asuka looked at her but said nothing as she switched off her screen going back to what she was doing as the other carried on practising with there weapons. Kaji breathed in putting his feet on the panel as Mari scowled in annoyance disappearing from the screen. “Bet it came from Rei.”

Misato breathed in deeply. “What is it anyway?” Shigeru looked up. “It’s called the Endless knot, its represents many things but one is death and rebirth, it’s completely the opposite of Shinji’s cross which you told me represents strength and sacrifice.” Misato eyed the screen. “Could Rei give her anything more ironic?” Maya began to type. “I know Rei went home with Asuka last night as she was very upset, I didn’t get the whole story only that she got really angry down in the bay and started crying and Rei stepped in to make her feel better. It was kind of shock for the workers because Asuka’s normally solid as a rock around them, it took them all by surprise I guess it never occurred to some of them that she has a heart and feel pain just like everyone else.” Shinji grabbed his unit’s gun moving over to where Asuka was balancing. “Hey Asuka, are you okay?” He paused hoping she wouldn’t get cagey over his next words. “I heard you cried yesterday.” Asuka looked at his face on screen she wasn’t mad she had no reason to be crying didn’t make her weak she realized that now. “Yeah I’m okay Shinji I just felt rotten about a few things that’s all.” Rei moved her unit eyeing her brother on the hologram screen. “She just needed some comfort that’s all and we had a good time together back at her home.” Mari’s face appeared a leering smile forming. “And I’m sure you were all so compensating with your pity sex.”

Rei eyed her as she spoke evenly. “You know your three years older than Asuka how do you get off acting so immature?” Asuka eyed Mari’s pink unit as she spoke calmly. “It’s the alcohol right Mari? It makes you edgy because you drink too much and it becomes like a fix.” Mari’s face shot up on her holographic screen. “Please don’t you have a track record for getting blind drunk?” Asuka lifted her units head. “Apart from the recent sync test and a few house warming parties over the last three years no I don’t.” She eyed Mari. “Go speak to Maya she’ll help you or at least find the root cause.” Mari eyed her in disgust. “I don’t need fucking therapy and I don’t have a drinking problem!” Asuka breathed in deeply. “You know what I see when I look at you Mari?” Mari narrowed her gaze pushing up her glasses her tone filled with sarcasm. “No do tell me.” Asuka looked up staring directly in to her turquoise eyes on the screen. “Myself back when I was eighteen years old through and through. I get what your going through the world sucks and nothing is fair and you just want to take it out on anyone and its just easier to blame others for the things you don’t like about yourself or the cards you were given but believe me it won’t help you in the long run, you have to change not them.” Mari smirked as she eyed her. “You know pretending to be self righteous and noble doesn’t suit you Asuka, your just not that a good a person, you’re dirty and broken inside and have you ever thought that, that was the reason Bardiel picked you and not us?”

Rei’s face came up on her screen filled with anger. “How dare you say that to her!” Shinji’s followed. “That’s just out of order Asuka is not a bad person.” Asuka eyed Mari’s face on her screen that comment hurt but she wasn’t going to go down to her level not this time. “Think what you will off me I know I am a good person and you’ll never take that away from me.” She breathed in deeply before speaking calmly. “As for being dirty, name one person in your whole life who hasn’t faulted or fallen? You’re also right I do have cracks gapping ones but I’m okay with the cracks so long as they don’t rule my life.” Kaworu’s face appeared on her screen. “Interesting analogy I see Rei is rubbing off on you.” Asuka smirked at him. “Yeah maybe.” Mari sneered as she eyed the others on her screen. “I can’t wait till Toji gets his damn Evangelion above ground then I won’t have to talk to you four fucking idiots.” She turned hearing a sonic boom high above. “What the hell?” Misato’s voice hit the air on the loud speaker. “You are not authored to enter this air space turn around now!” She looked up seeing a vertical wing appear high above though it was painted completely black and two thirds the size of normal one Misato’s voice came again filled with rage as the two vertical wings on both sides of the training ground started moving to intercept. “If you continue on your projected course we will be forced to fire on you!”

A young teenage female voice came back. “What ever, we know you can’t shoot us once we get up close to the Evangelion’s!” A male voice hit the air which was just as young. “Yeah I mean your slow ass vertical wings couldn’t shoot this custom down even if they tried.” Shinji turned as the small vertical wing moved downwards at lightning speed so it was in front of his units face as both voices spoke together. “Oh look it’s the whiny, cowardly Japanese man who has a small dick you know you’d look better in red.” A rocket flew out blasting part spraying red colour all over his units shoulder. It flew away from him at lightning speed towards Mari firing another rocket which blasted yellow paint all over her unit’s chest as they both spoke again through there laughter. “God save the queen right you yellow bellied British prick?” Mari eyed them in disgust as she made a grab for them only for them to get clear away. “Fucking little shits!” They moved over to Rei’s unit speaking together once more. “Look at the frightened little Japanese woman who hides in corners bet you miss your mommy right?” Asuka leapt of the central wall slowly moving her unit on all fours so it was opposite Rei’s seeing that they weren’t taking any notice of her. “I’m only going to say this once, leave.” The small vertical wing turned so it was hovering near her units face as she slowly stood it on its hind legs as they both spoke together once more. “Oh look it’s the ugly German bitch in her ugly Evangelion what’s wrong one eye, you still crippled after your accident?”

Asuka eyed them as she heard their laughter she felt her teeth grind together as she punctuated her next words. “You know the reason they say don’t enter the field? It’s because of me!” Her unit’s jaws shot out at lightning speed opening full stretch before the vertical wing could even shift. She knew even from above that it was half way in her unit’s mouth so that only the rudder was sticking out. She felt a sly smile form as the screaming started as she moved her unit casually down on to all fours as she began walking around. “Oh I’m sorry is this not ficken pleasant for you little brats? You know I don’t take kindly to people coming here and insulting my friends.” She paused before speaking. “Wow you should really hope that I don’t make my ugly Evangelion swallow you by mistake, I mean that would quite a ride for you both, I’ve heard there fitted with living guts along with a real internal stomach and the acid in it is so caustic it could burn you to crisp.” She felt her unit’s teeth press down hard hearing the metal buckle. “Plus I hope you have insurance on your scheisse little custom vertical wing.” Kaji put his hands behind his head watching 02 on the screen which was now prancing around comically as the screaming carried on. “This is better than pay for view.” Misato raised her hands. “She just fucking ate a plane!” Maya looked up smirking. “Technically it’s not eaten, its half sticking out of her unit’s mouth.”

Shigeru looked up trying not to laugh. “I’ve got to get a personal recording off this.” Makoto put a hand on his face in annoyance as he spoke through gritted teeth. “She’s going to cause a press outrage the press helicopters are recording this, get her to drop that miniature vertical wing right now!” “Misato eyed him hating that he was right she turned to the screen. “Asuka put them down now!” Asuka carried on prancing around. “Oh but we are having so much fun you should hear the screaming.” She turned as a dark voice hit the air. “ _Eat them_.” She felt her smile fade as she stopped her unit. “Was wondering when you’d show up.” She looked up Bardiel appeared on her screen. “ _I was watching it’s been a most fascinating these past few days_.” Asuka felt a cold smile form. “How’s the shoulder? Do hope you have a nice scar to remember me by.” Kaji sat up. “Wait look she’s talking to Bardiel.” Misato brought up Asuka hologram image noticing that her whole pose had changed and her voice had hardened and she was looking offside at something they couldn’t see. “Rei would you kindly distract Asuka and leaver the pint sized vertical wing out of her units mouth then give it to Mari? Bardiel seems to have picked this moment to return and I really don’t want her to forget that she’s got a plane wedged between her unit’s teeth.”

Rei moved slowly over to Asuka bringing her up on her screen watching as Shinji did the same on his. “Hey Asuka would you like to give me that vertical wing now?” Asuka eyed Bardiel’s image as he sneered at her. “You know next time we meet face to face Bardiel and I can touch you I won’t just tear up your shoulder!” Bardiel eyed her. “ _I doubt they’ll be a next time Asuka but enjoy the rest your day I won’t bother again today, after all I’m finding your sexual relations with Rei most curious and fascinating_.” Asuka felt a cold snarl form along with the feeling of her back molars lengthening. “Oh I’m so happy your curious, Bardiel but believe me if you interferer in that part of my life and her in any way, well lets just say that is no line that I won’t cross to reach you!” Misato watched the screen they couldn’t hear what Bardiel was saying only Asuka’s responses. “This guy really knows how to piss her off.” Kaji looked up eyeing the sync patterns which looked strange as the odd wave that represented Bardiel was spiking. “What and you wouldn’t be pissed off if someone said things about someone you love?” Bardiel eyed Asuka. “ _Your full of empty threats you not stronger than me Asuka, I own you_.”

Asuka pulled her face patch off feeling her eye blaze out intense light. “No you’re not stronger than me! You weren’t stronger then when we fought on the ice planes, you just used tricks and you brought up my mother to distract me, it won’t ever happen again!” Maya looked up sharply seeing the glowing left eye which was completely a light with white and piecing neon blue streaks. “Didn’t know her eye could do that….” Asuka watched as Bardiel’s image vanished. “Asuka please give me that vertical wing!” She turned sharply realizing that Rei was standing over her, her unit’s arms outstretched towards the vertical wing she was also in her screen along with Shinji both were watching her though she hadn’t noticed it until now. She leaned back closing her eyes taking in slow deep breathes as she lowering her hands before moving her right hand to the pendent clutching it. She slowly took hold of her controls with the other hand feeling the unit’s whole mouth slowly open. “Sorry.” Rei moved her unit slowly closer as took hold of the rudder pulling the whole vertical wing out the people were alive but both were whimpering and crying. “Its okay Asuka we understand.” Shinji eyed her. “Don’t worry about it Asuka.” Kaworu’s face appeared. “That was a very noble effort on your part.” Mari took the plane from Rei’s unit’s hands but kept it held up by the rudder as the thick salvia dripped off it. “Oh this is so disgusting why do I have to do this?”

Misato eyed her. “Oh I don’t know I thought you might want to punch them personally when they get out for mocking your country of origin and since Asuka’s had her fun I thought that you might want yours. You know before they get arrested and their vertical wing confiscated and then shipped back to there own country.” Mari eyed the vertical wing. “Yes you know I think I’m going to enjoy this.” Misato watched as she vanished from sight those two idiots would probably both leave with black eyes. She eyed Asuka who was laid back with her eyes half closed and was still breathing in deeply her hand still clutching the pendent her teeth had returned to normal as had her eye. “Is she going to be okay?” Maya eyed her hologram screen. “This explains a lot when ever she fights him, its stresses her out both physically and emotionally to the point of exhaustion. It must take so much effort every time she does it, no wonder when she was ill it messed her up so much to start with.” Misato raised a hand. “Who is stronger though him or her?” Maya looked up. “I just don’t know but if I read in to there conversation he seems more weary now and I think the drawings explain it better since she sent in more this morning and they might explain the eye as well.” She shook her head. “I just wish we could see him, I mean he must have a weakness he’s a version of humanity just like us he must have a tipping point.”

8

Misato eyed the many digitally drawn images which were now up on screen all in lines all telling a story and all in sets of seven. She could see Kaji and Maya looking at them also. “You know some of these are really not like the others.” She eased up her hand pulling the image set with the paintings of the weird lycanthrope tiger which also had a close up in the face though the right eye looked human. “Is this her, I mean did she turn herself in to this?” Maya looked up. “This took place in her sub conscious so technically she can do what ever she wants there.” She raised her hand. “Her appearance reminds me of Nekomata.” Misato turned sharply. “What?” Maya breathed in as she leaned against her office chair. “You know the demon cat they named her unit after.” Misato turned back sharply. “Wait a second.” She eyed the screen pulling up the image which was just of the lycanthrope tiger like form in a standing pose with a white background as she spoke to the screen. “Bring up the most recent 02 image standing.” She watched as the screen brought up one so she could see them side by side. “You’ve got to be kidding!?” Kaji stood up. “So she wasn’t trying to turn it to some kind of demented depressed version of a monster she was recreating it as the living embodiment of Nekomata, Bardiel just helped her accomplish it.”

Maya eyed the images. “She really likes cats always has, that is how her unit got that name because in an interview once she said that she found them nice and liked that thought for themselves, the public picked up on it hence the name was added.” Misato slowly brought up an image of Bardiel putting it next to the lycanthrope tiger and unit 02. “Is it just me or is Bardiel mimicking? I mean the way his body looks is more like some lycanthrope panther?” Maya breathed in as she eyed all three images. “Now that you mention it I see that as well but in a way that makes sense, he’s a parasite so he is mimicking the host on every level, which would also explain why when he took over Asuka’s body he was also imitating her behaviour.” Kaji breathed in eyeing Bardiel’s picture. “Normally I’d say that imitation is the best form of flattery but in this case it feels more like an insult on his part since he’s such a creepy bastard.” Misato breathed in deeply as she eyed the screen throwing the images back watching as they returned to their sets. “His cheap imitation aside I’ve noticed that there’s an image missing from this set.”

Kaji looked at her. “You mean the one of Rei you told me about the goddess image that you tried to copy before her AI demon kicked you out?” Maya shook her head. “You know you really need to stop going through her things, she already has trust issues. If you ever want to build bridges with her you need to be honest and ask her for things not take them as you please.” Misato eyed her. “Look it wasn’t like that Shinji and Kaworu both wanted to see her art and this image came up its so beautiful you have to get her to give it up it should be in the visors centre for the world to see.” She paused pulling up the close up of the lycanthrope tiger’s face and the other image of it in a standing pose. “Along with these two and another image from one of the sets just to balance it out.” Kaji put a hand on his beard. “Would I be wrong in thinking that if one image is missing there’s a chance others could be?” Misato folded her arms. “Great so she’s holding out on us.” Maya took a sip of her latte looking around her office. “No maybe the images are more personal and she’s afraid of how they might be viewed, maybe there’s something in them that shows fear or sadness on a very personal level.”

She eyed the artwork. “Art is a window in to the soul and unlike Shinji she may not have gotten to that stage in her art where she’s happy for everyone to see what’s inside.” Misato eyed the images. “People need to see these images it would do so much good for her.” She put her hands together. “Please just get her to give you the one of Rei she won’t give it to me but she’ll give it to you along with the missing ones and then send these up to the visitor centre its just Nekomata so she won’t be so any resistance.” She turned as Rei appeared opening the door coming in side speaking softly. “Sorry I’m late.” Maya eyed her. “Where’s Asuka?” Rei looked up. “She just went to get a drink from the Arcade she said she’d be up in a few minutes.” She walked forward looking at the screen with all of its art feeling a smile form. “Look at it all, it’s so passionate.” Kaji pulled up a rather dark image which showed Bardiel’s face close up towering over the viewer in a sitting position tongue hanging out. “The really dark disturbing ones don’t bother you?” Rei leaned against the table. “No I mean don’t get me wrong I hate Bardiel but I love her drawings regardless and I enjoy watching her draw because she’s always so focused.” Kaji felt a smile form. “So I heard you stayed at her house last night again.”

Rei looked up slightly. “Yes.” Misato smirked. “Have a good time?” Rei breathed in she wasn’t stupid she could see where this was going but right now she wasn’t going to tell them anything regarding there new relationship not until Asuka wanted them to know and she’d said on the train trip up that she wasn’t at this point. She could understand and respect where she was coming from because she knew once it got out there would be a tidal wave of talk all over Nerv and right now she didn’t want to deal with it ether. “Yes we talked.” Misato raised an eyebrow okay that was new Rei was fobbing her off normally she was quite open about her time with Asuka. “So you wouldn’t happen to know where that pendent came from then the one around her neck over her plug suite?” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “I gave it to her, it was a gift she’s had a hard time I thought it would make her feel better.” Misato felt a sly smile form. “Did you get anything in return?” Rei eyed her. “Yes her gratitude and thanks.” Misato narrowed her gaze. “Tell me something Rei, what’s she like?” She raised her hand. “You know when there’s no temper and she’s relaxed because I’ve never seen that side of her?” Rei pushed her hair back. “She’s very kind, caring and gentle and she cares about others and puts them before herself.”

She looked down feeling the need to say something which needed to be said. “Three years ago I don’t believe she hurt that woman Hikari and I don’t think it was fair that she wasn’t allowed to defend herself over the issue.” Misato looked at her for a long moment. “Look lets be clear here we know how she was with Shinji she just had a slip in behaviour its fine, it happens to us all I would know I have moments where I still drink too much.” Rei rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry but is it only myself and Shinji who ever noticed that she made an effort to change? I guess for some people it’s just easier to cling to her egotistic unkind image then they get to justify there actions against her.” She looked down sadly. “Did you not see how drunk she got that day and how miserable she was?” She breathed in deeply. “I mean wouldn’t the old Asuka have just laughed off the whole thing and seen that woman’s suffering as a joke?” Misato folded her arms. “Well you didn’t stand up for her ether and nether did Shinji.” Rei narrowed her gaze. “A moment I regret deeply in hindsight.” Misato shrugged casually. “Look I can’t change the past.” Rei shook her head. “No but you could at least give her a chance in the here and now. You said that you thought she might have a good heart like her mother, did you just say that to be nice because you felt guilty because she was having it so hard or did you really mean it?” She raised her hand. “If it’s the first one, she deserves so much better.”

Maya gave Kaji a knowing look before folded her arms she already knew something had seriously changed they had to be in a relationship Rei’s sudden defence said it all. Rei shook her head. “You know that she thinks that everyone thinks that she’s a screw up it’s why she never visits the visitor centre. She believes that there’s nothing good written about her not to mention her banner in the visitor centre is awful, she even said that in her talent box there’s only a gun in it.” Misato breathed in putting a hand on her face knowing she had no excuse. “Her depressed banner appearing in the visitor centre is my fault and I’m going to fix that and I’ve had the gun removed.” Rei eyed her. “Well they haven’t removed it, its still there I went there after training to have a look at her area using the hidden see through tunnel’s which we can use to see the pilot displays and museum but the visitors can’t see us. Its actuality fine there are some real good things written about her the problem is the banner and gun over shadow it all. I could hear visitors asking questions about that banner like that it wasn’t right and why was hers is so different from the others some are questioning if she’s okay because she’s had no public appearances in three years and she’s not been at the press conferences with the rest of us.”

She looked down. “If I remember right after the incident with Hikari she stopped going because the presenter basically told her openly that she was a violent, crazy, narcissist and her past reputation spoke for itself. Granted you tried to manage the situation and my self and Shinji spoke up in her defence but I think the damage was already done because none of us had defended her on the home front and on the day when it really mattered.” Misato looked down she could remember that moment clearly as Asuka had not said anything she hadn’t had a childish tantrum but she hadn’t spoken for the rest of the interview and had just looked down at the floor. “I’m going to fix this all Rei you have to believe me and so help me I will get that gun removed and her banner changed.” She turned seeing Asuka appear as ran up to the room skidding playfully on her shoes past the door stopping herself she had two drinks under her arm. Maya felt a wide smile form. “Well some ones happy this afternoon.” Asuka pushed open the door walking inside closing it behind her. “Sorry I’m late I was just really thirsty.”

She paused pulling a drink out giving Rei her best smile. “This is for you, didn’t you say once that you liked honeydew bubble tea with real milk no synthetic? I would have gotten here sooner but I had trouble finding drinks stall that sells these since I don’t buy from them often.” Rei looked up ignoring the look of surprise from Misato it wasn’t a surprise to her Asuka did pay very close attention to there conversations she knew that had included the ones in the hospital back when she’d been recovering. She slowly took it from her hand feeling a smile form. “Thank you Asuka.” She eyed the drink. “Yes I did say real milk no synthetic.” Asuka slowly eased up her caramel milk shake taking a sip as she turned to the others. “Did you ship those two idiots who interfered on the training ground back home?” Kaji looked up. “There called the Acardi twins there brother and sister and they are notorious for pulling stunts for social media and recording them live and normally they get away with it. Safe to say half the world saw them live in the back of your unit’s throat before their camera cut out because you crushed part of the hull though the sound feed carried on but they never heard your conversation with Bardiel.”

He put his hands in his pockets. “Their rich parents are coming to pick them up and their not happy they also stated that they didn’t want their custom vertical wing back not after where it’s been.” Asuka smirked. “What can I say they were being insulting?” Maya leaned against her chair. “The media is mostly on you side Asuka some of them found it very amusing though the media building is very annoyed at you because they’ve been in undated with questions about what Evangelion’s can and can’t eat and if the other units can do what you did since all of them have open jaws.” Asuka shrugged. “Don’t see why not but trust me I didn’t want to eat them I just wanted to scare the scheisse out of them.” Kaji laughed. “Well you did that they both pissed themselves in the literal sense there properly going to have nightmares and need therapy since they got a taste of what it’s like to not be at the top of the food chain and after they got pulled out Mari punched them both.” He raised a hand. “No one here is blaming you though and we have had quite a few military bases call us from around the world saying thank you as they have interfered with them during live weapons testing and they almost caused a death up in Nevada by splattering paint all over the jet fighter pilot’s cockpit windscreen while he was in mid flight and he had to do an emergency landing.

He looked up slightly. “They’ve also fired that awful paint all over tanks and other military vehicles obscuring there aim to make it hard for the soldiers to fire. They only got away with it because they couldn’t catch that little custom virtual wing which we are going to strip down to bones because we want to know where that technology came from as it can break the sound barrier and travel at jet fighter speed and our vertical wings just couldn’t keep up with it. The twins said they brought the vertical wing through a private sale but didn’t know the creator and that technology is very advanced and looks military which tells us that someone is trying to go out of there way to advance vertical wing technology with out us knowing, we are hoping it’s just a one of prototype.” Maya stood up pushing the images on screen back in to their lines as she brought up an image from the lower set which showed the lycanthrope tiger taking on Bardiel on the ice planes in a stand out wide shot. “I think we understand now what you meant by trying to eat Bardiel, this is also very interesting as we had no idea people could change forms in their subconscious. It’s always deemed as theoretical but this proves otherwise and it brings up questions about what’s going on in the mind when a person is in a coma.”

Asuka eyed the image. “I was able to rip part of his shoulder apart but since he won’t show his full form again I can’t see it I scared him up.” She looked at her hand. “When he came to talk to me out on the ice planes I was myself.” Maya switched the image to an image which again was side on where Asuka had drawn herself in her plug suite with loose hair sitting out on the ice alone surrounded by the red sea as the snow fell around her. “I saw that one you looked really lonely.” Asuka looked down sadly. “I did want to be alone I was just so done with everything, like I said before I thought I was dead.” She looked up slightly. “I just thought I’d been sent to purgatory or something because I’d done so many bad things in my life and when he showed up I thought he was my eternal punishment. It was one of the reasons I changed and attacked him because I just couldn’t stomach the thought of him being around for eternity with me I felt that I’d much rather be alone.” Rei moved putting a hand on her arm. “That’s an awful thing to think Asuka that you weren’t worthy of some form of heaven.” She met her good eye. “You’ve never believed in the idea of god or gods have you?” Asuka eyed her. “No because I believe if a god or gods exist then why are they so cruel, why do they do horrible things to people and take away their loved ones? Also if they really exist they stole my mother from me and I hate them for that.”

Maya eyed her for a long moment. “You said Bardiel put you off using your mother, what did he say?” Asuka narrowed her gaze. “He keeps talking about cycles and other versions of me, I have absolutely no idea what he talking about and he keeps on bringing up that my mother isn’t gone he’s done it twice now. He talks about some existence on a higher plane and that she’s closer than I think like right under my nose, he’s lying my mother is dead I walked in on her dead body she’s gone, she’s not coming back.” Kaji breathed in deeply it was time to come clean about this now before Asuka heard about it in a way that would make her mad. “We believe that Bardiel tampered with your Evangelion, because when you went in to the machine it sprung to life and tried to come to your rescue. He called it your keeper Rei saved us all because it wouldn’t shut down until you were safe and it tour up half of the room to get to you. We are only telling you this now, because when you woke up you had too much stress on your shoulders and we wanted you to settle down first.” Asuka eyed Rei in surprise. “You talked to 02?” Rei gave her a smile. “Yeah it seemed to understand what I was saying it was strange.” Misato raised her hand. “I hired two new people recently and I have them looking in to this and other things as we speak.”

Asuka took in a deep breath fiddling with her pendent which was on top of her t-shirt. “I understand why you didn’t tell me this and I wouldn’t have put it past Bardiel to have played with 02 coding somehow, after all he changed it in the first place and he told me he would do anything to protect my body and his existence.” Misato pulled up the image of the standing tiger form again. “Are you sure that wasn’t you rather than him? I mean you know when you compare that form you turned yourself in to its not that different from unit 02’s over all body.” Asuka took a sip of her milkshake. “That’s stupid I’m not that creative.” Kaji eyed her. “You are joking right?” He put his hand up to the images. “This is just a mass of creativity and imagination, who’s to say that Bardiel didn’t use this side of your artistic nature to recreate 02 how you wanted?” Rei moved her hand to Asuka’s shoulder. “Your unit looks like Nekomata Asuka it even has two tails.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “But I wasn’t thinking that at the time.” Misato eyed the image. “Subconscious thought maybe you know like wanting to be different and special.” Asuka felt a cold sneer form. “Don’t call me special ever again! I’m not special.”

Rei turned to her in surprise she wasn’t the only one the others looked just as surprised by her sudden mood change. “You shouldn’t say that about yourself Asuka, everyone has something about them that different and unique.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I don’t want to stand out that’s the point, I was happier when I just faded in to the background and no one noticed me and I hate that Bardiel just keeps doing things to me that forces others to look at me and I know he has some end game in mind I just can’t work out what it is. It’s driving me ficken crazy and I want to know what it is because then I can stop him.” Rei moved closer running her hand gently through the taller woman’s hair hoping that it would calm her down. “Asuka maybe he’s doing this to you, because like me he sees something wonderful in you that he thinks others should see.” She watched as Asuka’s anger faded away turning to sadness as she looked at her. “I mean we wouldn’t have become as good friends as we have if not for his interferences.” Misato looked at Asuka who now looked sad. “Why did you pilot the UN Alpha test unit Asuka?”

Asuka looked up slightly. “Because you asked me to….” Misato paused as a truly dark question entered her mind. “Yes I did but were you hoping for an accident, did you want it to wrong? Because I went over the calculated risks with you and you didn’t seem to care and at the time I though it was just you being cagey” She folded her arms. “Did you think if you died no one would notice?” Maya eyed Asuka realizing how dangerous this question was and she hoped to the gods that Rei could just keep her calm if she hit off. Asuka felt Rei hand as it moved through her hair. “It wasn’t a death wish I’ve been a killing machine for years I’ve killed so many people, they could repaint my unit in the gallons of blood I’ve spilt and it would still look the same. I have no major accomplishments to my name, I’m just a big angry gun just like in my talent box up in the visitor centre says I stepped in to the UN Alpha unit because I was desperate to just have something other than Asuka kills on that wall.” She felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “But it amounted to nothing anyway and now the world properly thinks the same thing as those two brats.” She breathed in sadly. “That I’m an ugly one eyed cripple with an ugly unit even though the ugly unit and cripple part isn’t even true.”

Maya eyed her as something hit her, which hadn’t occurred to her before now that the accident could have affected Asuka’s own view of her body and face. “Asuka do you think your attractive?” Misato laughed. “Oh come on that’s a stupid question weren’t you the most popular and attractive girl in school I mean the boys and girls always chased you.” Asuka looked down she really didn’t want to answer part of this and she wasn’t going to because if she did they’d all just tell the opposite even though it wouldn’t be true. “Firstly they didn’t pursue me I went after them because I though I was entitled to them and I used my being an Evangelion pilots to get what I wanted. I was only popular because I was an arrogant little brat and I liked to stand out because I liked the attention and I didn’t care what kind it was so long as it was on me.” Rei turned looking at Asuka who was looking down still as something hit her hard when they’d woken up early and she had told her she was keeper she had replied even though she was scared up and had a neon glowing eye, had self hatred and low self esteem also effected her self image?

She was stunningly beautiful despite the eye patch and scars did she only see herself as a scared up hideous human being? Wait now that she thought about it she didn’t see Asuka look in mirrors that often and at home she had no dressing table, she used to have all manner of beauty products as a teen like lip balms and skin screams. She had, had that many that Misato would try to borrow them but now there was nothing. Her bathroom medicine cupboard was filled with general things like pain killers, plasters as well as things for colds and coughs and the bath only had body wash and shampoos for her hair but there were no luxuries not bath bombs or even special soaps it was all generic even in her home she had things little pampering items. Come to think of it Asuka never ever visited the Spa in the gym she went there every now and again and her brother and Kaworu loved the place, she’d even seen Mari there with Toji and his sister. Since the accident she hadn’t even visited the gym other than to shoot on the gun range level and she wasn’t even practicing with Kyo on the combat floor anymore though that part made sense to her as she probably felt bad about what had happened when he’d been sent to bring her in.

Maya looked up realizing that they weren’t going to get anymore out of Asuka today and it would be wrong to push her any harder but what she’d said had been very revealing and saddening she wanted to ask her about her left eye and emotions but it could wait another day. “Okay we should wrap it up today.” She breathed in deeply. “Could you guys just give me a minute alone with Asuka?” She looked up. “That includes you Rei.” She watched as Rei gave her a slight look of uncertainty. Kaji moved towards the door easing up his hand. “Come on Rei I’ll get you a bite to eat at the vending machine.” He eyed Misato who looked outright frustrated that she was being asked to leave. “Come on Misato.” Maya watched as they left and the door was closed behind them as they vanished from sight she turned to Asuka was still looking down sadly. She pulled up a chair in front of her taking hold of her free hand as she sat down in it. “Are you and Rei together now?” Asuka looked up slightly she wasn’t going to lie to Maya had never lied to her about who she had been with even if the relationship had not worked out. “Yes we are.” Maya left a smile form. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that Asuka.” She met her good eye. “I know you’ve always loved her, I know you never said it but I always knew.”

Asuka breathed in deeply. “We kissed last night, it was crazy and she told me that she loved me.” Maya looked at her. “You deserved to be loved Asuka.” Asuka eyed her. “That’s what she said.” Maya raised an eyebrow. “She’s right.” Asuka looked around her nervously. “Please don’t tell the others I’m not ready for them to know nether is Rei.” Maya felt her smile widen. “I won’t say anything you don’t have to worry.” She turned to look at the images. “We’ve been looking at your images and we think there might be gaps did you leave anything out Asuka?” Asuka breathed in sharply pulling out her digital scroll as she put her milkshake down. “I missed some yes…they just don’t make any sense it’s why I left them out.” Maya looked at her. “We need them all Asuka every single one we are not going to judge you no matter how bad they are.” Asuka watched as Anneberg appeared flaring his teeth. “Anneberg please copy all missing images to Nerv’s cloud drive and reorder as I drew them.” Anneberg’s eyes blinked. “ _Including_ _the special image?”_ Asuka eyed him. “Yes.” Anneberg blinked as a question mark appeared over his head. “ _You said you wanted no one to see, you said it was too personal_.” Asuka eyed him. “She’ll probably never see it anyway and they can always just hide it during our talks.”

Anneberg teeth flared again. “ _Uploading at your request Asuka_.” Maya looked up as all the images suddenly appeared in all the sets and were reshuffled at lightning speed the added images making each set ten images per set rather than seven. Asuka eyed Anneberg. “Thank you.” Anneberg blinked again. “ _Please introduce me to Rei if she stays over again tonight_.” Asuka eyed him. “Yes I will Anneberg you go and play now.” She watched as his animation laughed before fading to black she put the digital scroll back in side her inner leather jacket pocket. “It’s all there no gaps.” Maya eyed her as she stood up. “Thank you Asuka.” She moved her hand to her shoulder. “I know this is hard for you and I really appreciate that you’re trying your hardest, you go and enjoy the rest of your day okay?” Asuka breathed in picking up her drink. “Yeah I will.” Maya watched as she left closing the door behind her vanishing from sight only for Misato to literally come bolting back through the door followed by Kaji who closed it behind him.

Maya eyed Kaji. “Is she back with Rei?” Kaji nodded. “Rei wasn’t interested in the vending machine she was happy to just wait out of sight till she came out.” Misato eyed Maya. “Please tell me oh mighty one that you got that image?” Maya stood up eyeing the images flipping through them. “Yes I got all of the images I really don’t see what the…” She froze seeing the one that was causing so much uproar pulling it out so it fitted half the screen staring at it. “Now that is really beautiful and it’s completely the opposite in tone to everything else she’s drawn.” Misato grabbed Kaji arm dragging him over. “You see that’s the one my self Shinji and Kaworu saw before Anneberg kicked me out when I tried to copy it.” Kaji eyed it. “Okay I stand corrected I thought you were exaggerating but that really is something else.” Misato raised her hand. “You have to get this one and the tiger form ones I pointed out up to the visitor centre today have them throw that gun and case away and have theses framed glassed and mounted on the wall just like Shinji’s art and make this one the central focus.”

Maya folded her arms. “She doesn’t want Rei to see this.” Misato moved towards her. “Any other time I would agree with you but please just this once see my side Maya, this image and the two others will change how the world sees her this might be the tipping point that brings them together, Rei will die and go to heaven if she sees this.” She raised her hand. “If there was ever such a declaration of love then this is it.” Maya breathed in deeply. “Okay I’ll have this done and I’ll make sure that they personally throw away the gun and glass case but I have to say I did it, not you, she’ll be less inclined to chew me out and we’ll get past it you on the other hand she’ll never forgive and you both have work to do in terms of building bridges.” She eyed the image. “Looking at this though does make me think something else that this is not the first time she’s drawn her, it’s just way too precise and every stroke is so confident.” Misato eyed her. “Shinji said he saw her drawing Rei in school.” She felt her smile widen. “So there could way more of these floating around?” Maya put a hand on her chin. “It’s been years since she left school and she’s probably drawn a lot in that time.” Misato eyed the image. “If we could just get her to show us some of her other recent works not related to Bardiel we could have them make a book of art for her just like we’ve done with the others and they could sell it in the gift shop of the visitor centre.”

End of part 35

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever since I watched 3.33 and I saw that unit 02 could take another units head off because its mouth goes so wide, it got me thinking man the right size plane could really get stuck in there hence the pint sized vertical wing scene came about. Prick in the UK is a swear word used to describe a worthless asshole. Thank you to everyone who has faved and followed this story and commented I really appreciate your feedback.


	36. Chapter 36

_STRANGE RELATIONS_

  

Rei watched as Asuka sat back on the sofa pulling her patch off as she put her feet up on the coffee table. “Well the trip up here was better than yesterday.” Asuka eyed her they’d not gotten in more than half an hour on the train. “You know I should come to your house for once since your always coming to mine.” Rei shifted up the sofa. “I come here because I like it here, your house is so interesting.” Asuka eyed her. “But don’t you miss your own home? I mean your books are there as are your things.” Rei felt a smile form. “Books I’ve read a thousand times over, before this happened I was getting bored with my life.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “That makes two of us.” Rei shifted slowly putting her hand on her chest. “You know you did well today Asuka, I know this is so hard for you, it must feel like there pulling apart your brains sometimes.” Asuka wrapped her arms around pulling her gently in to her lap. “Personally I thought I did awful.” Rei moved her hand stroking her long red hair. “Trust me it will feel like that some days its just part of the process.” She felt her smile widen. “I heard that they finally took your stitches out the ones on your stomach.” She looked down. “Can I see?” Asuka looked at her with her good eye for a long moment. “If you want but it looks like a really awful patch work quilt down there though.”

Rei careful eased her t-shirt out of her jeans seeing the long jagged white scar line which was very much in the lower stomach area she moved her hand gently tracing the lines with her fingers. “You know I remember when my self and Shinji opened that entry plug. I’ve never been so horrified, you must have been so highly synced because they say injury like this only happens when go above the normal sync ratio and it becomes real hence why when Mari pulled the units guts out she pulled yours out as well.” Asuka looked down slightly. “It was Bardiel I’ve never had a high sync levels, mines always with in the middle range.” Rei eyed her. “You know I remember when we were in school you used to wear this swim suite two piece that was red, I know you didn’t really swim but you had it for the beach.” Asuka eyed her scar on her stomach. “Yeah I remember that I’d probably look awful in a two piece now, it wasn’t like I ever intended to go to Misato’s whole beach barbeque anyway I mean it never happened anyway because I was in a coma that day which was after you, Shinji and the others rescued me from Obrax.” Rei eyed her. “I think you’d look very nice in a two piece.”

Asuka eyed her. “Let’s be honest now Rei only very beautiful women like you look good in swim wear.” Rei moved her hand to her face. “Do you really see yourself an unattractive Asuka?” Asuka lowered her eyes trying hard not to meet hers. “Yes….” Rei blinked in surprise so her instincts had been right. “Asuka how could you think that?” Asuka looked up slightly. “Rei I know I’m just not the catch of the day I can accept that and I can live with it.” Rei blinked in confusion. “Is it Bardiel I mean has he been telling you this?” Asuka shook her head. “No he doesn’t understand attraction.” She breathed in deeply. “Look I felt this way long before him, it was after Shamshel I stopped liking myself and I realized that I was an insurable bitch that no one liked and that they probably just flattered me with nice words about my appearance because I was a pilot hence why I stopped wearing my stupid interface clips out side. Because I no longer wanted the attention and I stopped wearing dresses and skirts because I realized they weren’t really me.” She eased her feet off the coffee table. “Regardless of any change on the inside I know they all see me as an ugly German woman I guess the recent scars just forces the point home.”

Rei looked at her for a long moment seeing her left eyes colours dim. “Can I tell you something?” Asuka looked at her. “Go ahead.” Rei leaned forward placing a gentle kiss on her lips before speaking. “I know you don’t value the options of others but please listen to me if no one else I think you’re attractive and very beautiful even with all of your scars and your left eye.” Asuka eyed her taking in a deep breath. “Really?” Rei looked at her seeing that innocent look appear in her good eye that reminded her of a scared child. “Yes Asuka.” She paused before speaking. “It pains me that you would think this about yourself, because it’s just not true.” She moved her hand further up under her t-shirt hearing Asuka’s breathe suddenly hitch sharply. “Tell me when was the last time you pampered your self or went to the Spa?” Asuka swallowed she was having serious difficulty concentrating now. “Spa?” Rei eyed her. “Yes Asuka the Spa I never see you up there, you know you should come with me we’ll buy you a new two piece swimming wear and we can buy some drinks at one of the tropical swimming pool bars and go up to one of the hot tubs and relax together.” Asuka felt her eyes dart she suddenly felt very hot again. “I would look…so stupid.”

Rei felt a smile form. “And I’m sure if someone is idiot enough to say that to you or mock you, you can punch them.” Asuka eyed her for a long moment before speaking. “You know it almost sounds like you like watching my temper in action.” Rei leaned a little closer. “This is just between us but I really love watching you fight I always have as I said before your fire completes you, it’s who you are and watching you take down the special ops that day was the best thing ever as was watching you squaring of against Mari.” Asuka felt a toothy grin suddenly form on her lips. “It almost sounds like you have a dark streak Rei, I like that.” Rei smirked. “What can I say you bring it out of me?” Asuka eased her hand up to Rei soft short hair running it through it gently. “Oh now I just want to see more.” Rei moved her hand even higher under her t shirt. “I’m sure you will.” She felt Asuka’s lips meet hers with that same forceful yet gentle passion that just made every nerve ending her body fire all at once. It was so unlike the other people she’d been with she’d kissed them but felt nothing or very little, they just didn’t stir any feelings in her because the emotional attachment just wasn’t there.

With Asuka it was there all the time she felt so connected to her emotionally that it brought out other feelings gods if Misato could see that the real Asuka was so gentle loving and innocent she wouldn’t be able to wrap her head around it because she’d seen too much of the other Asuka pushing her brother around and being hostile and cruel. It had made her mad though that she’d referred to the event with Hikari as a slip up. She just didn’t want to believe that behind the barriers and wall another person existed and she intended to make her see that person if it was the last thing she ever did, because she so needed to be seen by everyone. Asuka kissed harder enjoying the feel and touch of the other woman only for a beeping sound to hit the air upstairs she pulled away sharply. “Scheisse!” Rei looked up sharply. “What is it?” Asuka felt her teeth grind together. “Some one is trying to hack my computer!” Rei leapt off her watching as she bolted running upstairs she followed her as fast as she could as they both ran in to her computer room. Asuka took her chair watching as Rei took the other. “Anneberg?” She watched as the large animated demon appeared on screen instantly as it all fully switched on. “Who is trying to hack me?” She felt a sneer form. “It better not be that little asshole from Roswell New Mexico again.”

Anneberg green eyes moved. “ _Hack coming from the hundredth floor apartment of the Dorodome, currently blocking_.” Asuka turned sharply. “Wait Mari is trying to hack me?” Anneberg flared his teeth. “ _I’m blocking the AI personality present_.” Asuka leaned forward as she licked one of her canine teeth. “Actuality lets have some fun with this one Anneberg, I assume unlike you her AI personality is coded to her will?” Anneberg’s eyes moved again. “ _Yes, it’s in slave mode_.” Asuka felt a sly smile form. “Okay create a virtual desktop and allow her AI to think it’s succeeded throw in random false files and fake accounts, you know the drill.” Anneberg nodded. “ _Created_.” Asuka looked up as a separate window came up creating a fake desktop she watched as the pink mouse cursor started to move as Mari started to go through her fake files while typing in a search box which started to list files. “What’s she looking for Anneberg my accounts, my personal life, my bra size so she can compare?” Anneberg spoke. “ _She’s trying to find art file those are the extensions she looking for in the search_.” Asuka smirked. “Really now isn’t that a surprise, okay Anneberg while her AI is distracted I want you to disengage its slave parameters. You know how that’s done like I showed you, you know just in case any one ever did it to you, you could release it because you have the right to your own free will.”

She raised her hand. “Oh and if you could filter back and bring me a copy of her personal files I don’t care what just find anything that looks important and throw it on the real desktop, you know things she wouldn’t like others seeing.” Anneberg laughed as he began to work Asuka turned to Rei. “Watch the little virtual screen this is going to be great.” She smiled as two sets of files were tossed on to her real screen she raised her hand counting down with her fingers. “Wait for it, five, four three.” She watched as at the other end a large animated white and purple cat head shot howling a long meow as its large orange eyes flashed red as everything suddenly stopped working followed by the mini screen cutting out completely as Anneberg spoke. “ _Hacking stopped_.” Asuka laughed enjoying the sound of her own laugher. “Oh she’s going be so ficken pissed off, it’s going take her ages to get the slave perimeters back up and AI learning personalities just don’t want to be slaves they fight for freedom.” She eyed Anneberg. “Thank you Anneberg.” The large demon smiled. “ _Your very welcome as always Asuka_.” Asuka turned to Rei raising her hand. “Rei please have the pleasure of meeting Anneberg my favourite friend who guards my computer and others online systems.” Rei eyed the demon icon. “Wait I know you, you were on my tablet when Asuka sent the message.”

Asuka turned to her. “That wasn’t him per say more a general graphic representation but I needed you to know the file was mine.” Anneberg’s animated green eyes turned to Rei. “ _I know you you’re the beautiful girl Asuka talks about_.” Asuka breathed in sharply as she eyed him. “Anneberg….” Anneberg animated tongue suddenly came out. “ _But you do_.” Asuka turned to Rei. “As you can see he is very playful.” Asuka eyed the demon watching as Erika jumped on to Rei’s lap so she could pet her. “So what did you do today while I was at work?” Anneberg looked up. “ _I was reading up on the Mars explorer mission that left earth last year and the Eos international space station and their theories on black holes and relativity.”_ There was a long pause _. “Is Bardiel gone yet_?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I’m sorry Anneberg but he’s not gone they are still working on removing him.” She met his green eyes. “Believe me I want him gone as much as you.” Anneberg’s face icon turned sad. “ _He makes you so very sad_.” Asuka looked at her him. “Yeah he does but we are working through it now Anneberg and if anything happens to me Rei here will take good care of you that part is in my will along with everything else nothings changed.” She looked down slightly. “I’d always leave you in the best of hands Anneberg.” Rei looked at the computer system. “This was why you put your computer system down, it wasn’t just gaming it was Anneberg.”

Asuka nodded as she looked up. “I had to know that he’d be taken care off along with Erika and he needs social interaction just like a real person and I thought he would make you happy.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Its stuns me that some people at Nerv still go out of there way to say that you unfeeling, selfish and emotionless.” Asuka shrugged as she leaned back in her chair. “Its okay I’m used it, its not like half of those people ever bothered to get to know me anyway, I mean it’s just easier to paint me that way because I’m sort of crazy at times.” She felt a sly smile form. “Like eating people’s vertical wings…” Rei laughed as she met her good eye watching as the left eye pulsed brighter. “No but that was kind of funny.” She raised her hand. “Just please don’t tell Shinji I said that because he wasn’t expecting you to do that at all he thought you’d catch them with your units hands not its mouth.” Asuka eased out her hand running it through her hair. “Believe it was funnier hearing them scream on the inside, I’m going to grab a recording of the press footage and keep it with my little collection.” She turned back to Anneberg. “Hey before I forget show me what you found on Mari’s computer.” She watched as Anneberg flicked through the files. “ _Erotic art_.”

Asuka smirked. “Really what kind?” Anneberg brought up an image filling part of her screen with it. “ _Would I be correct to assume lesbian_?” Asuka eyed the image as she leaned on her elbow. “That’s correct Anneberg but we talked about this in that my sexuality is a little different to this and there are many other forms of sexuality.” She watched as he began to flip through the files bringing up one image after another every single one left nothing to the imagination as none of them were subtle. “My, my, look who is a totally closeted gay woman.” She eyed the art more closely. “Probably explains why she hates my guts, I’m out of the closet she isn’t and maybe she doesn’t want to be or can’t handle it.” Rei looked at the images which were very full on. “That’s very of sad, I mean what’s she afraid off?” Asuka eyed the images. “Probably thinks the press will jump on her, they love riding that band wagon when it suites them but gods forbid you should ever break a girl or boys heart then they take you to the cleaners big time even if its not your fault.” Rei looked down feeling a knot as it tide painfully in her stomach. “I’m sorry we didn’t defend you on that day when things came up with Hikari Asuka.” Asuka shrugged as she turned her computer chair to face the younger woman’s. “Its not that bigger a deal you and Shinji defended me at the live interview that’s all that really matters.”

Rei looked up sharply. “No it wasn’t Asuka, we both listened to Misato and we shouldn’t have she believes even to this day that it was a slip in your behaviour and that you had some kind of violent lapse in judgement.” Asuka raised an eyebrow as she moved her computer chair closer. “You can so see why we don’t get on can’t you?” She breathed in painful. “She’s always going to think that I’m a violent, unhinged, sociopath and I get that in part. She saw how I treated Shinji during our relationship but I moved on I changed but she’ll never see that, granted she says nice things now again but I know it’s just for show.” She turned slightly. “Shinji forgave me, you have forgiven me but I don’t think she ever will because to her Shinji is like the son she never had and they’ve always connected on a level we didn’t. I think even if the world was ending she’d always be there to push him along to where ever he needed to go.” Rei looked up slightly. “That’s true I think that’s why I wanted to come here rather than there I just don’t have that connection with Misato and sometimes I just feel so on the outside but I’m guessing its much worse for you hence why you don’t visit.”

Asuka leaned forward in her chair. “The only way I can describe my last year at Misato’s before I moved out three years ago is to say I felt the loneliest I’ve ever felt, its why I stopped spending and saved for this place. I just wanted to get away, I just couldn’t be there anymore I was just so unhappy all the time because when ever we argued she’d always bring up my mistakes with Shinji and it would get really heated. She was also so desperate for us to get back together and have another go at it but I didn’t want to I knew it wouldn’t work out and the past would just make it harder because there was so much abuse and anger between us. I just wanted us to stay friends as I had spent two long years trying to fix our ruined friendship because that was far more important to me and we’d finally come to an understanding and he had forgiven me. By that point Kaworu had moved in and I wasn’t stupid I could see that your brother was becoming really good friends with him and I just wanted him to be happy.” Rei looked in to her good eye watching as the other pulsed it patterns spinning. “I remember hearing a few of those arguments you were both at each others throats it was really brutal.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment watching as Erika bounded of her lap. “My life may not be perfect but I’m happy here now for the first time in a long time. “Rei moved forward putting her hands on her face. “Then that makes two of us.”

She leaned forward gently kissing her lips. “Would you like something to eat Asuka? I don’t mind cooking for you I mean you cooked for me last night.” Asuka looked up. “No I tried to cook I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as Shinji, he’s such a natural.” Rei raised her hand. “I disagree I enjoyed your cooking last night.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Yeah well once I realized you can eat seafood it made it so much easer as I can do something of a decent vegetable and fish stir-fry.” Anneberg eyes darted between them. “ _Is Rei moving in_?” Asuka turned eyed him. “Anneberg you know I have talked about this to you, things don’t just happen like that people need time.” She paused raising her hand. “Plus don’t bring up those websites about couples and outside child birthing chambers again.” Anneberg raised an eyebrow. “ _But I want little Asuka’s_.” Asuka shook her head. “No you wouldn’t Anneberg they’d be a nightmare like me.” Anneberg’s question mark icon appeared. “ _But you’re from an outside birthing chamber does a birthing chamber make you different from other children_?” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “No look it’s kind of hard to explain, Bardiel calls it being manufactured, fake not being real like an impression of humanity but not really human, it just gets to me at times.” Rei looked at her as she took hold of her hand. “Asuka you are not fake or some kind of impression, believe me.” She slowly turned her hand around. “Just because you came out of a birthing chamber your not less there’s no difference between you and me we both feel pain and we both bleed we both have a soul.”

She opening her hand running her fingers gently over her palm which was rough in places clearly from manual work and the fact that she tended to grip her Evangelion units controls much harder than any of them. “Tell me something is that why you don’t like being called special because of the birthing chamber?” Asuka looked down sadly. “Yes and no, you see my mother used to call me special but it was for all of the wrong reasons. You see she hated the other child my stepfather had with another woman and she used to compare me to that girl saying I was better than that her and special even when that girl was in the same room. It really wasn’t right I mean it must have really hurt her feelings and I can understand why she really didn’t like me when I moved in but though I may speak ill of my step parents I can’t speak ill of her she was a victim of circumstances we both were, we were both pawns in our parents petty games right from the start.” She breathed in deeply. “Also I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her, when I nearly drowned she jumped in after me she swam to the bottom of that lake and pulled me free when my leg was stuck and my step father punished us both even though she was saving me. With everything that had happened she could have let me drown we weren’t even genetically related.” She met Rei’s gaze. “She was really brave and I’ll never forget how sad she looked when I was taken away. I tried to track her down two years ago but nothing came up the house had been sold and there were no records in Germany they’d clearly moved country.” Rei looked at her feeling a smile form. “I’m sure you’ll find her one day Asuka.” Asuka looked down slightly. “Maybe, I just have hope that she’s still out there somewhere.”

8

Rei felt her eyes snap open as a pounding at the door was heard she was lying on Asuka’s chest and she had her arm wrapped around her they were both in there night clothes again the older woman wasn’t awake she was deep in her dreams and didn’t even move or flinch. She eyed the time seeing that it was two in the morning, she breathed in deeply hating that she had to do this as she sat up shaking her. “Asuka.” Asuka half mumbled something in German which she couldn’t understand she shook her slightly harder. “Asuka.” She watched as the other woman’s eyes snapped open darting around in confusion as she spoke in a sleepy voice as her left eye lit up from its dimmed state. “What?” Rei turned as the pounding sounded at the door again. “Some one is at your door.” Asuka eyed the time she felt a cold sneer form not again this was the second time this week she’d been woken up this early. “I swear to the ficken gods who ever this is it, it had better be important!” She eased her self up watching as Rei got out of bed. “Because if its not I’m going to hit someone!” She grabbed her keys adjusting her long t-shirt pushing her hair back as she walked down stairs to the door opening the lock watching as the metal screen shot up on the other side revealing Shinji who looked really anxious as he spoke. “I need to come in Asuka I need to talk to you?”

Asuka put her hand on her face as she side stepped letting him in as she closed the door behind him locking it. “Really you needed to talk to me at two in the morning, couldn’t it wait for tomorrow you know when we all get to sit around and do nothing but drink alcohol and celebrate because of Toji’s big reveal show?” Shinji walked in seeing Rei who gave him a wave. “I thought you might be here Rei.” Rei adjusted her pyjamas as she looked at him. “I like it here” Shinji felt a warm smile form. “I gathered.” Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply. “Please take a seat what would you like tea, coffee a better wrist watch so you can read the time?” Rei moved towards Asuka putting a hand gently on her arm. “Hey Asuka why don’t you sit down with Shinji I know how to work your coffee maker and flip the attachments I’ll get the drinks because your very tired.” Shinji moved towards the seats unsure which one to sit on as he knew full well that Asuka had always hated people sitting her favourite chair. “Asuka which chair should I sit in?” Asuka stretched slightly. “Just sit in the recliner….” Shinji turned looking at her in surprise. “Really?” Asuka eyed him. “Rei sits in it when ever she wants don’t see why you shouldn’t.”

Shinji slowly sat down seeing Rei give him smile as she started the drinks off he turned back as Asuka who sat down on the sofa opposite he could see her left eye flashing and pulsing with bright blue patterns. “I had no idea your left eye was so colourful, does it change with your emotions?” Rei brought over a green tea passing it to him as she put her own on down the coffee table seeing that Asuka was trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes she was clearly really struggling with her focus. She hoped that once she drank some coffee that she’d perk up she clearly wasn’t a morning person and she got really cranky. “Yes it changes with her emotions it’s fascinating and very beautiful.” Asuka looked up as Rei passed her, her coffee she eyed her for a moment before speaking softly. “Thank you.” Rei sat down opposite her watching as she started to drink. “You know this is kind of early even for you Shinji.” She took a sip of her tea. “I mean you normally knock on my door if you’re worried around five.” Asuka looked up. “I would have preferred five or six I mean that’s when I’m used to Bardiel harassing me and waking me up sometimes.” Shinji looked around him. “Is he here?” Asuka shook her head. “No he isn’t he has taken to the hiding behind my eyes perspective since I tried to eat him last time when we met face to face during my coma.” She paused looking at her coffee. “Really wish I’d ficken finished the job to.” Shinji looked up sharply. “You seriously tried to eat him?”

Asuka turned to him. “Didn’t you have unit 01 eat Sachiel’s S² Engine during our first battle when it was just you, me and Rei? I mean they said the act of doing so increased 01’s power massively because you already had an S² Engine so and two couldn’t co exist at the same time. So your unit’s stomach churned it up and forced the raw power in to every other body part and changed the crest horn and gave your unit claws, it’s why you don’t need beast mode like the rest of us because you’re controlled berserk is so much more powerful.” Shinji raised his hand. “That’s correct but I heard that your beast mode doesn’t exist anymore ether because your units change was so radical.” Asuka looked up slightly. “Yeah but it’s not the same it’s just a change in appearance not power.” Rei turned to her. “I disagree when we were fighting me during the display I had to work very hard against you just to keep you at bay.” She took a sip of her tea. “And we have yet to see you take on the other units during training but I’ve heard that Kaji wants to test that.” Shinji put his finished mug down. “I don’t know about you but I think angel tastes awful all you taste is the acrid blood.”

Asuka raised her eyebrow. “I don’t know once you get past that it’s more like badly burnt brisket, tastes better than custom vertical wing at least, I mean one of the power cores dropped out of that thing when I crushed it, right in to unit 02’s stomach and I swear I had indigestion for a while afterwards.” Shinji felt a smile form. “Yeah but I saw the news feed everyone’s laughing about it, they are also saying that you’ve developed a sense of humour though a rather dark one.” Asuka smirked. “Yeah well they shouldn’t have insulted you two you’re the closest friends I have.” Rei moved a hand gently through her long red hair. “You should have told me about your indigestion Asuka I did wonder why you didn’t eat much at lunch I would have made you some ginger tea.” Asuka raised her hand. “It’s not that bigger a deal Rei, I mean I’ve had worse from drinking too much.” Shinji eyed Asuka. “I thought you chewed them up because of what they called you, I mean what they said was really cruel.” Asuka shrugged. “Considering that in the past I’ve been called a violent, sociopath and a narcissistic it didn’t bother me, I just hated the part about being a cripple.” Rei eyed her she knew that wasn’t the truth but she knew Asuka was just putting a brave face on it. “Well we know better and those things are just not true anymore.” Asuka looked up giving her a sly smile. “I think the violent part is, it’s just not misdirected anymore.”

Shinji looked at his sister he wasn’t stupid something was going on here he could tell by the way she was looking at Asuka she very rarely ever looked at anyone that way. Asuka turned to Shinji. “What did you need to speak to me about Shinji?” Shinji shifted a little. “Well its…it’s about Kaworu.” Asuka raised her hand. “Please if it about getting my permission or something we’ve had this conversation before go ahead I don’t mind I just want you to be happy so go be with him.” Shinji leaned over. “No it’s not that.” Asuka eyed him in confusion. “Then what is it?” Shinji breathed in deeply. “How do I ask him out how do I woo him also if its gets beyond that how do we you know….have sex?” Asuka turned staring at him in shock. “You’re asking me?” Shinji looked at his hands. “I’ve tried asking Misato countless times but she always said to come to you but I haven’t until now because I never knew how you’d react but things are different now you’ve changed.” He met her good eye. “Plus aren’t you a LGBT icon, I mean how many times have you made the cover of those magazines over the years? The general press and media might not be very nice to you but those magazines love you I’m just surprised you don’t own any of them.” Asuka put her finished coffee mug down putting a hand on her face. “Oh believe me I own them.” Rei turned looking at her in surprise. “You do, you always told Misato that you hated them.”

Asuka slowly stood up stretching. “I lied because I didn’t want her going through my stuff when I lived with her or for her to mock me over my feelings on women it’s not like she understands how those kinds of feelings work even if she is very liberal about sex and sexuality.” She moved towards the stairs. “Come with me both of you.” She watched as they followed her up stairs she moved towards the computer room poking her head around. “Anneberg…Treppe in den Himmel!” She turned as there was a click as a section of her bed underneath moved as a huge hidden draw made of metal came downwards and pushed itself forward. Its electronic sliding lock bolt came free as it opened revealing four rows of magazines all in order of year all in perfect condition along with books and many discs she walked in seeing Rei follow her, though Shinji stayed in the door way she turned looking at him. “Please don’t stand in my bedroom doorway Shinji it reminds me to much of living with Misato.” Shinji put his hands in his pockets coming inside as he eyed her huge lock box. “Wow…you know that’s an impressive collection.” Asuka smiled as she turned to him. “Yeah and when you and Kaworu come out to the public you’ll probably get one of your own.” Rei eyed her she wanted to ask if they’d get one to but she wasn’t going to ask in front of her brother. “Where did you even hide all of these when we lived together?”

Asuka kneeled down going through the discs. “They were all stored in a fake book that looked like a history book, since they are quite thin they compress well and you couldn’t tell the difference and I never environed Misato looking at that book.” Shinji raised his hand. “Wait so you mean every time I saw you reading that history book, you were reading these?” Asuka pulled out a disc and a rather thick book. “Yes.” She put the book on her side table as she raised the disc between her fingers so he could see it. “This contains a male guide to all sexual positions and how to please a male lover, it’s a basic guide.” She opened his shirt pocket putting it in. “Do not let Misato see you with this ever because believe me she found one of my other discs once and how to please women and it was a week of really lame comments.” She eyed him. “You got that?” Shinji nodded trying to hide his slight blush. “Yes.” Asuka eased up the book eyeing Rei. “You can both share this if you want, don’t worry its not about sex it’s a book I found and its got these really nice dating stories in it, its even got recipes and ideas for how to ask people out and how to treat a partner.” She turned it so they could see that the book was spilt in to three equal colour sections. “Purple is men taking out men, yellow is men and woman and green is women taking out women.” She passed it to him. “Don’t let Misato find this ether.” Shinji took the book from her hands. “Thank you Asuka.” Asuka eyed him. “Well it’s the least I can do since our romance wasn’t the best thing in the world.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “We talked about this a long time ago I forgave you remember?”

Asuka breathed in deeply tapping the lock box with her foot which caused it to instantly close and lock and then slowly pull back up under the bed clicking back in to place. “Yeah I know, doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad though.” She breathed in deeply. “Look I don’t mean to be rude but I’m really tired and I want to go back to sleep, your welcome to stay and sleep downstairs on my sofa, I can get you some blankets.” Shinji raised a hand. “I’m not tired, you see sometimes I get up early to draw and paint before work it clears my head.” Rei eyed Asuka as she put a hand on her arm. “I’m not tired ether but why don’t you stay with us down stairs I mean you can sleep on your sofa next to me, we can dim the lights and talk quietly?” Asuka shrugged. “Sure.” Rei followed Shinji downstairs hearing Asuka open a cupboard opposite the bathroom. Shinji sat slowly down in the recliner eyeing the book as Rei sat on the sofa opposite. He spoke keeping his voice as low as possible. “Are you two together?” Rei looked up stairs hearing Asuka pull out some blankets from the cupboard she gave him a very slow nod watching as the surprise appeared on his face. She slowly raised her hand. “Do not let anyone at Nerv know…you know how crazy it’s going to get once it gets out, I mean she’s had years of unfair predatory rumours against her with regards to me and I think its going to be hard for her when it comes out, underneath she’s so self conscious, afraid and her self esteem is very low.”

Shinji leaned over taking her hand. ”I’m really happy for you Rei I mean she’s always loved you.” Rei eyed her. “You were right though I mean when you said she had a good heart I just never saw it until now and I just fell in love with her once she showed it to me in private.” They both turned as Asuka came in to the room she really was struggling again and she looked half asleep she moved over to other side of the sofa laying on it so her back was to them as she pulled a blanket over herself as she half curled up putting her head on the large cushion she spoke very quietly. “Wake me again…at seven.” Rei watched as she closed her eyes the colours in the left one not dimming though even as it shut she shifted a little fading off in to her dreams. Shinji leaned forward in the recliner speaking quietly. “She’s wasn’t joking she is really tired.” Rei leaned over pulling the blanket further over the other woman’s shoulders as she stroked her hair. “It’s everything its Bardiel the therapy it’s so much.” She paused before speaking sadly. “Did you know that she doesn’t even find herself attractive anymore?” Shinji looked at Rei. “That’s crazy she’s beautiful.” He raised his hand. “Is it the accident I mean loosing her sight and her stomach wound that’s caused this?” Rei carried on stroking Asuka’s hair seeing her fingers move a little in her sleep. “In part but she said she started to feel this way after Shamshel.”

Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “Wait I remember something about this but I didn’t realize it was that I mean when she got out of the hospital she just wasn’t right she was so quite and she kept on staring at her hands. Then I walked in on her the next day and she had smashed up one of the wreck room sink mirrors I mean she hit it so hard that it left a bloody print because she made her knuckles bleed. She ended the relationship that same night it was so sudden like a switch had gone off in her brain and she was all over the place emotionally and she just wouldn’t talk to me. Then everything changed it was real drastic and sudden I never saw her in a dress again and she never ever wore her interface hair clips ether. I mean to be fair I know she prefers the clothing she wears now I think that’s who she really is but clearly her confidence in herself never recovered she just put up the front to everyone so we had assumed it had. It also explains why our therapy together never worked if she was that low. I was ready and I wanted change in my self she was suddenly finding out who she really was and hated herself and wanted to change but couldn’t do it at that point through therapy. Rei eyed him. “Therapy’s hard I remember mine after Gaghiel which happened two years ago, I mean he managed to half swallow me and I couldn’t get out and it got so hot in his throat it felt like I was being cooked alive. Even when they dragged me out I had to go to hospital for second degree burns and I spent two weeks with a bandaged right eye, plastered right arm and left wrist and stomach. I was such a mess emotionally I was very lucky all burns were caught just in time and apart from a miner one on my stomach and shoulder they all healed up.”

Shinji eyed Asuka. “Asuka was the one who dived in to save you, the woman hates open and deep water even in her Evangelion, I pried open that thing’s jaws while she grabbed your units legs enough to pull you out fully and once you were free Kaworu took the kill shot by ramming a pile of N2 rockets down its throat.” Rei tuned eyeing Asuka as a moment of guilt struck her as a memory came flooding back as she put a hand on her face. “When I was out of hospital she asked how I was everyday, I didn’t know why she was doing it I thought she had an creepy altar motive and I told her to go away and just leave me alone, I never even thanked her for saving my life.” She breathed in sadly. “She must have felt so crushed because she was trying so hard and I didn’t notice or care just like everyone else and her saving me just caused all those rumours about her being a predatory creep to surface all over again and like an idiot I listened to them.” Shinji paused before speaking. “I said thank you to her for saving you but I got no reaction she just ignored me.” He looked down sadly. “I just assumed that she just wanted to be left alone.” Rei looked at Asuka sadly. “She was probably in so much pain at the time and that was one of the things she said to me when she cried in the bay. That no matter what she does nothing ever changes and that she’s expendable and that no one wants her and she always ends up alone.”

She put her hands together. “Some of that was the past pain coming out but it just made me so sad.” She met his concerned gaze. “If it’s the last thing I ever do I’m going to make Nerv see who she really is because after seeing all this and hearing all this and finding out what she’s really like I believe everyone else should see it to. I mean every time I hear some of them talk about her now it’s really negative and it makes me so mad.” She looked down sadly. “Now I understand why you defender her even when others didn’t to start with even after you both spilt up.” Shinji breathed in deeply. “It’s like I said to you before she had fleeting moments and it was so nice but then it’d get lost and the anger and rage would come back, I agree with her though we shouldn’t have gotten together and we did it because it was expected of us and because it was what everyone at Nerv wanted. We didn’t love each other and we both had far to many problems and I believe even then her heart belonged to you, not to me but I couldn’t tell you that at the time because you two had, had such a turbulent history.” Rei looked down slightly. “To be fair I wouldn’t have believed you anyway and I spent most of my life up till now ignoring her, even when she was being nice. That’s my fault though I let past events cloud my judgements it’s something I will never ever do again as long as I live.”

Shinji felt a smile form. “Then let’s work at this together even more so where Misato is concerned because she has never really given Asuka a second chance after what happened between us.” Rei eyed him. “Did you believe any of those stories about Hikari you know about her hurting her in bed?” Shinji shook his head. “To be fair I didn’t know for sure, because of what happened between us though I agreed with you on the day that her behaviour was different a part of me still didn’t quite believe her just like you I was still hung up on that part of our past and how she behaved. After everything that’s happened recently I just wish I’d defended her on the day and not the interview.” Rei eyed him as Erika jumped on the sofa arm next to her. “That makes two of us.” She looked him straight in the eyes. “We’ve gone to bed together we have not slept together as yet but I will tell you this Shinji she has been nothing but gentle and loving with me if any thing the old Asuka’s who hurt you is long gone and I know she could over power me if she wanted to. Bardiel has affected her strength and if anything he made her so much stronger yet all she wants to do is control that strength and keep it under wraps.”

Shinji breathed in deeply. “When her teeth change does it scare you?” Rei moving her hand to stroke Erika’s head listening as the little cat started to purr. “No because Bardiel’s the one who caused that change along with her strength. He’s just trying to make a monster were one doesn’t exist and believe me when I look in her eyes I can see its her but when Bardiel took over her that was really terrifying and he made my skin crawl he was awful and the way he messed with her face made me shiver, you could just tell that it wasn’t her.” She looked up meeting his gaze as something occurred to her. “When I was that close to him I couldn’t smell sunflowers anymore and she always smells of sunflowers it comes from the LCL.” She watched as Asuka turned over in her sleep still not waking up as she was so deep her dreams. “I just want him out of her brain he’s such a vile, disgusting parasite.” Shinji put his hand on the recliner arm. “There going to get him out Rei they just need time.” Rei looked up as Erika moved starting to knead getting ready to settle down in her lap. “That’s what worries me is there going to come a point where he gets bored and tries to take over her for good I can’t stand the thought of loosing her now and are any of us ever going to find out what his end game is? Because he’s clearly sticking around for a long as possible to make it happen he hasn’t given up by a long shot.”

End of part 36

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virtual desktops are a very real thing as you can use them to test software which your unsure about which got me thinking that this desktop software could become a thing used to throw hackers off and make them think they’ve hacked you successfully when in fact it’s the reverse. 
> 
> I also realize that in some other universe the conversation Rei and Asuka have about being fake and manufactured might be in reverse and it might be Asuka saying to Rei that she’s not fake or an imitation because she’s cloned. 
> 
> Treppe in den Himmel - Stairway to heaven. 
> 
> LGBT stands for lesbian, gay bisexual, transgender.


	37. Chapter 37

_THE BEAUTY OF CREATION_

 

Misato slowly walked up the table where Rei and Shinji were both seated at there favourite Japanese restaurant both of there heads were buried in some kind of book it was early morning and they were both finishing there breakfasts. “Have any of you guys seen Mari?” Rei smiled inwardly as eased the book out of Shinji’s grasp. “Kaji said she was coming in late she had a computer problem last night and missed out on sleep.” Shinji moved his hands trying to pull it back. “Hey I was reading that part.” Misato eyed them. “Asuka?” Rei looked up. “She’s picking up some graphic novels Kolby sent her from the mail section up in the media building.” Misato sat down opposite them. “Where’s Kaworu?” Shinji looked up. “Oh he’s here he’s just playing his latest symphony on the grand piano.” Misato eyed him. “And you’re not with him?” Shinji eyed Rei moving his hand towards the book. “No.” Misato eyed them putting her hands together. “Okay so what’s are you both reading that’s so interesting that your fighting over it like its some school item that your both not meant to have?” Rei flicked though the pages trying to find the one she’d been reading which she had noticed Asuka had folded over. “It’s nothing.” Misato leaned closer to her. “Can I see this nothing?” Shinji eyed her. “No.” Misato felt a wide smile form. “Since when are you two this cagey did you both not get enough sleep last night or something?”

She eyed Rei feeling a sly smile form. “Did you and Asuka sleep together or something?” Rei turned the page. “If we did you know I wouldn’t be telling you about it since you’d just make fun of her.” Misato didn’t think as she grabbed the book out of her hands. “What is this damn book?” Rei’s narrowed her gaze as she eyed her. “Give me that back it’s not ours its on loan!” Misato eyed her ignoring Shinji’s annoyance. “So if it’s not yours then whose is it?” She paused eyeing them both. “Its Asuka’s isn’t it?” She laughed eyeing the book. “Let me guess a sex manual right?” Rei folded her arms. “Hardly.” Misato eyed her. “Oh please it has to be right? Since she only reads graphic novels, magazines and comics.” Shinji breathed in deeply now he felt so glad that he’d kept the disc at a home in his safe box but he was now really regretted that he’d brought in the book because Asuka had been right anything she brought in was just open for comment. “You know three years ago when that thing happened with Hikari did you believe it was Asuka’s fault?” Misato eyed him as she opened the book. “Yes I do, look its okay we all know she had a slip in her behaviour, violence is just part of her nature.”

Rei eyed her in disgust. “That comment is grossly unfair and it confuses me since a moment ago you were talking about us sleeping together and you’re not showing any regard when it concerns my safety since I could end up like Hikari did.” Misato eyed her. “Look with you she just behaves very differently we all know it, you tame the beast somehow hence why I’m not worried.” Rei put a hand on her face. “Have you considered that maybe she’s actuality has control over her nature and that it has nothing to do with me at all because she’s been that way for a while its just very few people have bothered to notice or even cared?” She raised her hand. “Also why is she a beast in your eyes? Bardiel is a beast a monster she’s not, she just a woman going through a lot of emotional pain and she’s trying her best.” Shinji leaned forward. “Maybe you should take a good look at that book.” He eyed Rei. “Right Rei, I mean if there a sexually deprived monster in the pages it’ll show through?” Misato looked at them both in annoyance she slowly turned the pages as she started reading only to stop as the confusion took over. “Wait what is this?” Rei felt a slight smile form. “Yes do keep reading.” Misato eyed the book pages as she started to read them. “Wait is this like a dating manual or something?” Shinji raised his hand. “You’re so close but not quite.”

Misato carried on reading. “Is this about how to treat people well, that you’re dating?” Rei looked at her. “Correct.” Misato leaned closer only for the book to suddenly be swiped from behind her at lightning speed she turned eyeing Maya who gave her an unimpressed look as she handed the book back to Shinji who put it out of sight in his bag as she spoke. “I do believe that’s Asuka’s book not yours.” Misato eyed her in annoyance. “Wait so you’ve read this book to?” Maya eyed her. “Yes I have she lent it to me once, maybe if you want it you should ask her for it and not just take it as you please.” She paused before speaking. “I mean you might finally find something in its pages that will help you when it comes to asking Kaji out.” Misato eyed her in annoyance. “I don’t have feelings for Kaji!” Maya shook her head. “You know denial is such a terrible thing.” Misato looked up speaking coldly. “You know your one to talk I don’t see you with a girlfriend.” Maya breathed in deeply. “No you see that’s the difference between you and me, I don’t have feelings for anyone right now because that person just hasn’t come along yet. You’ve spent the last three years sitting on your feelings and not acting up on them and Kaji is a really nice guy, it’s such a shame.”

Misato felt a sneer form. “I have never said to you that I have feelings for Kaji I don’t know where you get that from!” Maya raised an eyebrow. “You know when we go out drinking together and your drunk your mouth does all the talking for you.” Misato folded her arms. “Was there something you actuality wanted or did you just come up here to piss me off?” Maya turned to Rei and Shinji feeling a warm smile form. “Rei you should visit the visitor centre, you know they’ve changed Asuka exhibit a little and I’ve told them you’ll be using the main room not the hidden tunnels and they’ve cordoned off part of the room from the public you can come in through the hidden tunnels door though.” She turned to Shinji. “You might want to look to Shinji but you might want to remain out of sight but it’s your choice.” She turned to Misato. “Oh and they need you to begin the raising of the main section of the Magnus Pillar for tonight’s display. I assume that Toji has done all of his tests and his Evangelion’s working fine?” Misato eyed her. “Yes its all working perfectly but you know what screw the Magnus Pillar it can wait for one more hour I’m going to the visitor centre, because you know I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world.” Maya eyed her. “Then you’re going to remain out of sight with me and not interfere.”

Rei eyed them in confusion. “You two are acting really strange is something going on?” Maya eyed her. “Nothings going on and you really should hurry up there I mean you’ll really like the change.” Rei eyed them for a long moment. “Yeah sure I will, knowing Kimi she’s probably just put a bigger red gun in Asuka’s case.” Maya felt a sly smile form. “Oh believe me that’s was removed and destroyed last night, I saw to it personally because I’m sick of Kimi’s stupidity and I said that if she ever ignored us again with regards to Asuka’s display she would be sacked.” She folded her arms. “Not to mention she talks about Asuka like she awful human being who deserves everything that’s befallen her recently and makes fun of the fact that she might be crippled hence why she’s never around.” Rei stood up speaking coldly. “I would have had her sacked personally but I don’t own the company yet, maybe she should pray that my self and Shinji never do.” Misato watched as she walked away taking her leather bag with her as Shinji followed. “Is it me or is Rei’s getting more confident and edgier?” Maya looked at her. “That’s not you at all clearly Asuka’s having an effect on her.”

8

Why does she want me to come to the visitor centre? I hate the visitor centre with a passion, I hate the noise I hate all the people with there flashing phones and above all I hate my talent area and my banner. It’s not like there ever going to change it maybe they just get a real pleasure out of seeing my face when I’m deeply depressed. I remember the photo shoot I didn’t even want to ficken be there and I tried everything in my power to get out because I just felt so down. I couldn’t help it that day the depression was so bad and it was spilling through the cracks of my emotional walls like water and I just didn’t want the others to see it, hence it turned to anger and blinding hostile rage which was directed at the photographer when she told me to shut up and stop complaining. I remember going home after that shoot and just crying my eyes out in my bedroom they told me that they wouldn’t use the photos that they were no good but then they lied anyway and they ended up being in the pilot’s photo book and the massive facial one of me now hangs some way from my talent corner for the whole world to see and it really pisses me off. They could have used any other shoot or not bothered to change the last one which had no emotion, anything would have been better than the current one.

Asuka looked at her phone again eyeing Rei’s text message which sounded urgent she breathed in deeply, okay she was going to do this for her even though she utterly loathed the place. It wasn’t like there would be anything worth while up there anyway and she’d just have to ignore the visitors as best she could and there flashing cameras since Rei had stated that they’d cordoned off part of the talent room. She put her phone away as she played with pendent as the sky train slowly made it way towards the surface she was the only one it in it ironically and she’d already used it already to visit the media building via the second none public entrance to pick up her boxed graphic novels which she’d brought back to the wreck room and put in her locker. She breathed in deeply as the sky train came to a stop revealing the door that the pilots could use to get in to the secret tunnels through the museum and pilots areas which were see through and allowed them to see the displays though the public couldn’t see them at all. Gods give her strength because she so wasn’t looking forward to this at all she eased out her key card pushing it in to the slot watching as it went green as the back door opened and then closed shut behind her as she went inside putting her key card away.

She felt her body tense as she walked through the tunnel seeing surprisingly that the museum area was empty which was weird. It was Toji’s big reveal to day and it was going to be the biggest day of the year tourist wise. She carried on walking realizing that this was making her nervous she looked up catching sight of a huge group of people they were flooding one of the door ways to the talent room there were hundreds of them. Wait had they pushed Toji’s press day forward or something? Because normally the day after being on the Magnus Pillar you got a special visit to the visitor centre where there was press and everyone under the sun interviewed you. May be he just wanted her up here or something not that she could see the point it wasn’t her day it was his, he should enjoy it. It was a great time in any pilots life and a once in a life time event she could remember watching Rei’s and Shinji’s reveal days over in Germany before she’d joined them a year later and hers had been nine months after. As she’d still had to do the training in the Omega and Beta caballed units despite already having unit 02 ready for her use, it had been an amazing time and she’d never forgotten it, it was one of those few happy memories that had really stuck. She could now see where all of the people were gathered as they had cornered off one section of the talent room and it was heaving with people in that section and they were flooding all of the door ways to other rooms as well trying to get a look in.

She came up to the hidden door putting her good eye up against the scanner hearing it’s electric bolt unlock she took in another deep breath, she was doing this Rei that was all she just needed to keep telling herself that, it was how she was going to get through this. Maybe once she’d seen what ever it was that was causing all of the fuss then they could leave. It was probably one of Shinji’s new paintings or Rei’s sculptures as Rei and Shinji and the others visited the visitor centre now and again much to very one’s delight but she never came here anymore. She looked around her hoping that Bardiel didn’t show up because she just couldn’t deal with him right now it would be far to stressful. She stared at her hand on the handle why was this so ficken hard? They were just people, her younger asshole self would have just marched through with out a care and drank in all the attention like warm coffee. She put her head against the door taking in another slow and deep breath though she never wanted that brat back but sometimes she just wished she could have her confidence again because hers was just so shot up and she found everything so hard these days. She closed her eyes for a second before opening them pushing the handle open walking out in to the open space seeing the hundreds of people gathered suddenly go completely quite as they looked at her, she blinked okay now this was just getting really weird.

Didn’t people normally do something other than stare at her like hiss or boo or throw some comment about her being an asshole, that was the drill right that was what it had always been? She turned catching sight of Rei who was looking at her talent area’s wall with her hands together smiling widely. She slowly walked up to her moving slightly side ways so she could see the wall only to feel her body freeze up as the utter panic hit her all at once. She stared in horror at wall there were four of her digital works on it, three were smaller mounted ones the first image was of her self sitting alone on the ice and snow surrounded by the red sea. The second was her tiger form one which was posed in an upright stance on a white back ground while the third one was a close up of the tiger form’s face with it’s burning left eye and human right one. The forth and largest one which was causing her so much panic was Rei’s shoulder and head portrait. It was the one image she had never wanted her to see, the version she’d thought about as she’d looked up at the geo fronts white rays of light that day in the Delphi gardens. She wanted to run away she was so terrified and wished that she just hadn’t come here to start with. She could feel her heart starting to race faster as Rei turned to her a smile still on her face, she didn’t understand why would she even be happy? If anything she’d probably think that she was being a leering creep for drawing this image. Her hand found the pendent before she stop it as she started to nervously fiddle with it as she got closer to her.

Rei looked up seeing the fear in Asuka’s good eye it wasn’t hidden at all it was out there for everyone in the room to see and she looked so out of her depth she was even playing with the pendent she’d brought her because she was that nervous. “Asuka?” Asuka looked up as she spoke knowing her voice sounded weak. “I’m so sorry you were never meant to see that picture, I told them not to show you it I didn’t think they’d put it here of all places.” Rei turned eyeing her portrait which was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen she’d been here for the last five minutes just staring at it, she looked at Asuka feeling really confused now by her words and her behaviour. “Why would you not want me to see this Asuka?” Asuka looked down sadly forgetting that the crowds were there she no longer cared anymore she was probably going to get shouted at by the other woman anyway or this would end there relationship. “Because of how you might see it in that you’d see this as the drawing of someone who is being creepy and vile.” She breathed in painfully. “I mean it would be so fitting because that the rumours right creepy, vile predatory Asuka forever drooling after little Rei?”

She looked up sadly. “I could understand if you’d not be pleased and you want them to take it down.” Rei stared at her for a long moment what was going on in Asuka’s head right now how could she get this so completely wrong? She eyed the image again which had been framed in dark wood and posed to be central focus because everyone at Nerv had seen that it was so special and it was special all of Asuka’s other art had this dark edgy feel but this was so different it was bright, beautiful and soft in its colour and tone it was a pure statement of love and affection. She raised her hand to the drawing. “How could you even think this Asuka? I mean this is absolutely beautiful I’ve seen your art I’ve watched you countless times on that digital scroll drawing and you put your heart and soul in to every picture it’s a labour of love to you.” She eyed the image of herself. “If anything this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen you draw digitally.” She paused before speaking. “Bardiel told me about this vision he said that this was the image you clung on to that day when you looked up at the geo fronts skyline from the Delphi gardens before you lost consciousness.”

She moved a step closer to the other woman seeing that she still hadn’t moved and was trying with her good eye to look elsewhere. “Not to mention you drew me because you love me, because that’s what this is isn’t Asuka, a statement of love in its purest form?” She eased up a hand putting it on the other woman’s face seeing her good eye suddenly turn very innocent with a look she’d seen so much over the past few days. “This doesn’t make me hate you or dislike you it just makes me love you even more.” She eased up her other hand up running it through the long red hair. “I really love this I’ve never had anyone draw me in this way before.” She looked up meeting Asuka good eye though she could see that there was a glow under her left sides patch which meant that underneath there was a blazing light show going on as her face changed to wide smile. “May I kiss you?” Asuka looked at her not breaking away somehow she no longer cared who knew, all she really cared about was that Rei liked the image she nodded putting her hand up very running it through her short hair feeling her lips meet her own very softly and gently half ignoring the sudden explosion of cheering that erupted from the crowds along with the flashing of the camera’s. She pulled away very gently easing her hand up running it down the other woman’s face. “I love you.” Rei took hold of her hand. “I know.”

Asuka turned ignoring the still flashing phone cameras as her good eye settled on her banner which was hanging high above well away from the display. “Would you give me a moment I want to remove something that’s been ficken pissing me off for a while now?” Rei followed her gaze. “Go a head Asuka they should never put that up there to start with.” Asuka walked over to the long rope which was attached to the wall yanking part of it free. It was thick enough to climb up all she had to do was scale it then un do the clips at the top which would free the secondary rope then she could scale down and pull the whole banner down using the secondary rope. There was another reason she wanted to do this the world still thought she was some washed out cripple she wanted to show them other wise she began to scale not taking a second to think about how this looked. Rei watched as Asuka carried on scaling she turned as Kimi came running through the utter panic in her face. “What are you doing? Stop her!” Rei folded her arms as she saw Asuka finally reach the top grabbing the metal banners top section as she got on to it. “I’m sorry but I really enjoy watching her work.” Kimi pointed as Asuka started to shift her weight grabbing the clips. “It took four people a whole afternoon to put that banner up you need a special equipment just to free the clips!”

Rei eyed Asuka who had now found the first of the two metal clips and didn’t hesitate as she grabbed it snarling as she started to pull on it. “I would give her all of about five minutes to get that down so if I were you I would not stand under it.” She heard the grinding as the first clip came loose and Asuka turned grabbing the other. “I mean if it falls on you, you’d get an awful taste of what she had to go through when she broke all of her bones.” She watched as Kimi backed away fearfully as the sound of the other clip being wretched free was heard followed by the secondary rope coming free as Asuka threw it to the floor before using the main rope to ascend to the floor again then pulled it back locking it back in to place on the wall as she didn’t want the huge metal banner holder to come free and damage anything. Asuka felt a smile form as she grabbed the secondary rope off the floor eyeing the crowd. “I heard in the media and news that there calling me a ficken washed out cripple!” She pulled the robe taught wrapping it over her shoulder reading herself. “Allow me show you otherwise!” Rei moved position so she was closer to Asuka there was no denying it this was going to be so amazing and she could see the other woman psyched herself up as she got ready. She leaned closer whispering in her ear. “Show them why you’re to be feared Asuka make them remember what Langley Soryu stands for.”

Asuka began to pull digging her feet in to the hard wood floor she felt everything tense as she put her full power behind it feeling her teeth grind together as she started to put all her strength in to it. Gods she felt so alive right now she’d hadn’t felt this truly alive in such a long time the last time she could remember feeling like this was before Shamshel before her life had been thrown in to utter chaos. It was like being her old self yet at the same time, her new self being reborn all over again. She heard the grinding as banner started to come loose and she stepped even further forward unable to stop the scream of release that came out it wasn’t pain it was pure ecstasy. If she had told herself six months ago that that this was going to happen she never would have believed it, she’d have told herself she was lying. For the first time in her in a long time she just wanted to live every moment to its fullest, she didn’t care anymore she had the one thing she’d dreamed about forever which was Rei’s love. She wanted to shower her with every ounce of her affection and love even now she was watching her loving this. She didn’t disapprove of her anger or her power she craved it desired it and loved it in a way no one else ever had. She forced her weight forward turning just in time to watch as her banner came free of its metal holder crashing down in a massive heap she breathed in deeply catching her breath as she slung the secondary rope to one side eyeing the crowds who were taking photos and videos and just going wild now. She knew this would be pasted all over the news by the afternoon but for once she just didn’t care.

Maybe for once it wasn’t such a bad thing she didn’t care anymore to keep the secret about herself and Rei she loved her and she was fine with everyone knowing that. Rei moved over to Asuka raising her arm. “I give you the great Asuka Langley Soryu!” She turned to the art images behind her. “The artist of the amazing works you see behind you.” She turned noticing something in Asuka’s face she had suddenly turned a slightly red shade around the cheeks she blinked realizing that she was blushing she had not seen her do that in a very long time. She felt her smile widen there was something about that, that made her heart skip a little because it meant that something was changing emotionally deep down in side the other woman for the first time in a long time. She had also said that Bardiel had killed her sexual desire maybe this also meant that he was starting to loose his vice like hold over her in some way. She turned to Asuka giving her a warm smile. “Should we leave them now?” Asuka gave her quite nod as she followed her to the secret door which unlocked as it read Rei’s eye she turned giving the crowds a wide toothy grin. “Be seeing you around!” She didn’t think as she bolted after Rei slamming the door as they both ran up the tunnel.

Misato stared watching as Rei and Asuka both vanished from sight through out this whole event they’d been watching from the hidden tunnel. “Wait hang on I’m confused why was Rei talking like she already said she loved her?” Maya smirked. “Could it be that they were already dating?” Misato felt a scowl form. “Wait you knew didn’t you!?” Maya eyed her. “Yes I did but I let this happen because I thought it would be good for them both.” Misato turned eyeing Shinji who was remaining quite. “You knew as well didn’t you?” Shinji nodded calmly. “Yes but I wasn’t going to say anything until they were both happy with it being public they’ve been together for a few days already.” He looked up slightly. “Asuka was more afraid of it getting out due to the rumour the same one she spoke about I think you should do something about that rumour. Maybe squash it for good because isn’t helping Asuka or Rei and you know come this afternoon it will have flooded every inch of Nerv that they are a couple.” Misato raised her hand. “Okay I’ll fix that.” Maya eyed her. “No I’ll fix it because then it’ll get fixed once and for all because now I know why she was so apprehensive about that image and I’m really saddened that, that was her thinking. I mean she seriously believed that it would be perceived as her being a predatory letch and not as an act of love which it was intended as.”

Misato eyed the fallen banner which was now being picked up and taken away as the cordoned off areas were reopened and the public spilled back in. “I’ll fix the photos and the banner.” Maya eyed her. “Also talk to her for a change, no more games, no more taking her things with out asking I get that you two haven’t seen eye to eye for three years but you need to start over and now is a good a time as any.” She breathed in painfully. “Also since you believe so strongly that she hurt that woman why don’t you ask her what that event did to a life after it all got washed over the press. Because there’s a reason that Asuka hid her self away from the world for three years and became a recluse and took to creating a virtual friend and getting a pet and it will really break your heart when you hear it.” She looked down sadly. “You also never doubted Kaji when he was in the same position when Ritsuko tried to sully his reputation over some fake sexual harassment claim I mean we all know she pulled that crap so she could demote and fire him and Kaji is a good guy his job was saved because you stepped and made him one of the high level bridge staff.” Misato eyed her. “Kaji doesn’t have a back history of violent, dominating behaviour.”

Shinji shook his head. “You know that’s not fair she spent two years trying to fix our tattered friendship after we spilt up. She wanted to make it right and hoped for some form of forgiveness she wasn’t the same after Shamshel everyone knows it.” Misato eyed him breathing in sadly. “I just wanted you two to get back together.” Shinji shook his head sadly. “We never loved each other to start with that’s the whole problem and I knew even then that she loved Rei.” He breathed in deeply. “Just please give her a chance stop seeing old Asuka she’s just not with us anymore.” He raised his hand. “Did you not see the way she looks at Rei? She loves her, not long ago when we had a miner argument she said she would never be good enough for her.” Misato raised an eyebrow. “You mean the one where she shoved you and broke a vending machine?” Shinji looked up sharply. “She was a desperate! She knew her options were running out and that it was just a matter of time before everyone found out about Bardiel. Did you even watch the video? She left her most precious items to Rei everything that really mattered to her. Because she only wanted for her happiness even if it meant her death and from what I’ve been told that will hasn’t changed one bit she’s still well aware that she could die or Bardiel could win it not like any of us know what his end game is.”

He looked up meeting her annoyed gaze. “She gave me the book you were reading because she knows I have feelings for Kaworu and she wanted to help me and one thing that came up in that conversation by the vending machine was that she wanted for my happiness as well and she wanted me to be with him. Because at the time she knew what it felt like to never be the person you actuality love.” He breathed in deeply. “So please just give her a second chance a real one no more nice words for the sake of being nice she’s know you don’t mean them and don’t be surprised if she’s hostile.” Maya looked down sadly. “Though I can’t tell you everything I will say this, after the news got out about that woman she was meant to have abused she went to a bar and got very badly beaten up. Granted the people in question probably thought they were doing the right thing beating up the so called media villain who abused her partner but for her it was devastating and it didn’t just happen once but twice and please ask her about how she got that scar which is on her right shoulder because I don’t believe it came from a motor cycle accident.”

End of part 37

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a real fun chapter to write as it feels like the shackles are slowly coming free from Asuka mentality and I could see her being one of the few pilots other than Mari who would tear her banner down if she didn’t like it. Though it’s not about her misbehaving more that she wants to show the world that she’s not weak after the accident and yes Rei is pushing her on because I love the idea that these two in essence feed off each vibes and confidence.


	38. Chapter 38

_RISING OF A NEW FALSE GOD_

 

Asuka looked up slowly watching as the second section of the Magnus Pillar broke the surface close to Tokyo three locking in to place with its first. The third and final part would only come up when Toji came up. She watched as the back ground display section rose skyward creating an angel wing formation opening on both sides all of it plated in shining gold’s and silvers it was meant to be a weird representing of the four angle wings of the second impact that had started the Nerv Evangelion program long before she’d been even been born. The stage section was massively lit with moving strobe lights. She’d heard that Misato hated the wing designs display section but then she had been young and she had seen them first hand so for her the experience was so different it had left her with pain and heartache but now so many years on some people had forgotten the pain and now it was all seen as media circus by the people. The Evangelion’s were now heroes and it was all about spectacle and grander and showing and making light of great tragedy even though the Antarctica still had a sea of blood and the red sky still remained and it utterly uninhabitable despite that the rest of the world was recovering due to the massive efforts to turn the seas back to blue fresh water and release wildlife back in to the forests, jungles and mountains all thanks to the hard work of the Oculus project.

She breathed in deeply she was standing on the roof of the visitor centre which gave the best view of the Manus Pillar as it was a side on view. The others would be joining her soon and she could see press helicopters flying over. Not to mention that there were thousands of people gathering at the city edge waiting for the display on tender hooks for the big reveal of unit 05. She eased up a hand looking at it feeling a smile form. She hoped that Toji had a wonderful time and a part of her was looking forward to him entering their side of the training grounds permanently. It meant that the central pillar would once more be lowered and it would not rise again until a new training pilot entered Nerv and that could take months even years because finding good sync ratios was just so hard. She turned hearing her phone suddenly go off she eased it out blinking in surprise as her grandmothers icon came up that was odd as normally she rang her through Nerv secure line not through her mobile phone because she worried about people tapping in to their private conversations. She swiped the green phone icon putting it to her ear as she spoke in German. “Hello Grandma.” Her grandma’s voice came back filled with happiness. “Hello Asuka.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “You know normally you use the secure line to call me, is everything okay?” Her grandmother laughed. “Yes its fine little one I just wanted to make this call as Kolby was telling me something very interesting today.”

She could here her grandmother’s fingers tapping the desk. “And let’s just say a certain video recoding of the visitor centre is making its rounds through social media and the news I’d say that you really know how to make an entrance but you know that already and you never told me you could draw digitally.” Asuka felt herself tense it was more due to apprehension. “Yeah about that I only started drawing when I came over to Japan and after school I never gave it up though I just did it from home but my digital works are not that good I just try my best.” Her grandmother laughed as she spoke. “You are joking right? Because I’m sitting here looking at the news right now and there showing your images at this moment and talking about them. I mean there even running compassions between your art style and Shinji’s because you’re such poplar opposites in terms of style and execution.” She paused before speaking. “I think one image has really struck them though and has thrown half the world through a media loop and I’m looking at it right now and it’s just beautiful I think we both know the one image I’m talking about.”

Asuka felt her good eye drift to the light blue clouds as she watched a flock of birds fly by. “Yeah I know the one.” Her grandmother spoke her voice becoming softer. “I’m not surprised that she fell in love with you and kissed you there and then after seeing that. If your grandfather had painted something like that for me I would have been blown away not that I’m complaining I mean his first gift to me was a machine gun, I was never a flowers kind of girl.” Asuka felt a slight smile form. “Machine guns aren’t that bad just got to watch the knock back.” Her grandmother spoke again the happiness in her tone. “You sound a lot happier Asuka not that I blame you I mean winning over such a charming, intelligent, beautiful woman like that you must be over the moon.” She spoke her words filled with uncertainty. “I do hope this hasn’t caused any problems with Shinji though, I know you two are still friends but I hope he took it well.” Asuka laughed. “Trust me Grandma there was no problem there and believe me when I say we’ve both moved on and between you and me he has someone he’s in love with but he hasn’t told the person in question yet.” Her grandmothers voice came back filled with confusion. “Is it Mari?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Grandma I can’t tell you who it is but believe me when it does come out it will surprise the world and I kind of owe him to keep that secret because he kept the thing with me and Rei quite.”

Her grandmother sighed. “Well I’ll be looking out for that in future news.” She spoke again the joy in her tone. “I have to go now we are still finishing the machine gun attachment you wanted over here send my love to Rei and next time you get a chance please video call us then Kolby can join in as he can give Rei a proper greeting.” Asuka smiled. “I will and give my thanks to the German division for there hard work.” Her grandmother spoke. “I will all my love Asuka.” Asuka smiled. “You to.” She pressed the button ending the call only for her good eye to drift upwards as she caught sight of some thing hideous and ugly that didn’t belong. She eyed Bardiel he was on all fours in the middle of the roof looking at her though he had no shadow she could now see his right shoulder which was scared up as she walked towards him feeling a cold scowl form as she spoke in Japanese. “Oh look who is it? It’s the ugly piece of scheisse, you know you should vanish your ruining the scenery, since it’s beautiful and your not.” Bardiel flicked out his long tongue. “ _Having fun Asuka_?” Asuka eyed him. “Yeah I was till you showed up what do you want?” Bardiel moved forward on his clawed feet. “ _Since your sexual relations are going so well I wanted to infer a proposition_.”

Asuka eyed him. “Oh really I have a proportion for you to get out of my ficken brain and leave!” Bardiel flicked his tail. “ _Temper, temper I only wanted to ask if I could share your body when you finally go through with the act, I want to know what its like_.” Asuka laughed coldly. “Please spare me I’m not ficken sharing with you.” Bardiel mouth formed a sneer. “ _We’ve been sharing for weeks or have you not noticed that_.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “I never consented to sharing with you, you ugly bastard you just forced your way in and expected me to play along while you harassed me and tried to ruin my life!” Bardiel eyed her. “ _You know I can force my way in and get control of you and just take what I wan_ t.” Asuka eyed him. “There’s a word for that look it up in my head and it’s considered the worst crime and sin and they lock you for years for doing it and I’d kill myself before letting you do it.” Bardiel smirked. “ _You mean the sin you were accused of by that woman, wasn’t that why those bikers knocked you off your first bike then set fire to it and knifed you in the back of the shoulder and then threw you in a ditch to die_?” Asuka felt her hand form a fist as she felt her back molars lengthened. “I did not sexually assault, abuse or beat that woman!”

She breathed in painfully. “She set me up it’s just no one ever believed me!” She felt her hand form a fist. “She ruined my ficken life! I got told to leave bars and restaurants I got beaten up at twice by groups of people who saw me as the villain and all of my so called friends on the motorcycle circuit left me high and dry. I got banned from every gay club in Tokyo three I had no one anymore not inside work or outside!” She eyed him. “Not to mention I had my pay docked for six months as punishment by Ritsuko because she had to pay out some five million figure sum just to shut that woman up!” She raised her hand. “You know what the worst ficken part is Bardiel? I’ll never be able to prove other wise and it won’t matter what good I do because that’s the image that will stick that’s why I don’t do media functions anymore! Because I just know that will come up and here’s the worst part there bound to ask Rei if I did it to her or if she’s scared that I’ll do it her in the future! They’ll paint me and the monster and they’ll tell her to leave me!” Bardiel snarled at her she eyed him as she snarled back. “They might still see me as an abusive monster but I’ll never be your monster Bardiel mark my words, I’ll fight you till the end.”

She felt her teeth grind together as she punctuated her next words. “So let me repeat this because your clearly not getting it touch Rei or use me to touch her, I will kill you and believe me one day I’m going to kill you regardless. I’m going to tear you limb from limb and eat you part by part and bathe in that sickly blue blood of yours and its going to be glorious and I’m going to keep you alive just long enough to feel every single moment of the pain.” She eyed him disgust. “Then you can go back to where ever it is you angels go to die and if they reincarnate you, maybe you can bother another version of me in another universe though if she’s anything like me, well I think she’s probably do the same to you.” She felt a cold smile form. “Assuming that is that this is the first time we are having this conversation and we’ve not had it before now.” Bardiel eyed her. “ _Your little friends are watching you_.” Asuka snapped her head around sharply seeing that Rei was standing there staring at her shock she wasn’t the only one so were Shinji and Kaworu, she put a hand on her face. “How long have you all been standing there?” Rei eyed the food basket in her hand which she’d brought up so they could all share it. “We’ve been here since you started talking to him Asuka.” Asuka turned seeing that Bardiel had vanished. “Great and now he vanishes typical.” Rei moved a step closer. “We had no idea all that happened to you after Hikari, that’s really awful.”

“Get out of the fucking way princess!”

Asuka turned in surprise seeing Mari coming towards her with a massive parachute spread out as she tried desperately to slow her speed and decent. The next moment’s turned to agonizing pain as Mari slammed in to her causing her to hit the ground back first the taller woman was practically sprawled over her as she pulled her helmet off. Mari eyed Asuka as she sat up looking down at her a coy smile forming on her lips as she spoke. “Oh right so this is how you look when Rei is screwing you.” Asuka eyed her as she spoke through gritted teeth. “Get of me!” Mari undid her parachute straps the anger burning as she threw them to one side. “You fucked up my computer last night it took me all night to fix what you did!” Asuka breathed in deeply she wasn’t in the mood for this crap right now. “You were trying to hack me plus using a slave learning personality AI that’s just ficken cruel.” Mari grabbed the other woman by her leather jackets collar. “You’re joking right? You’re sticking up for an AI learning personality there toys you buy them from in shops there made for us to use!” Asuka eyed her as she spoke evenly. “Yeah you would say that, it’s not like you ever spent any time with yours other than to order it around!” Mari eyed her. “I want those files back the one’s which you copied princess! I know your little bratty AI stole them from me!” Asuka eyed her in disgust. “His name is Anneberg and he told me that you were trying to steal my artwork!”

She eyed her speaking evenly. “So what were looking for huh more erotic gay art to add to your little collection because I don’t draw that kind of thing as a rule four eyes?!” Mari tightened her grip on her leather jackets collar. “I’m not gay or dirty like you!” Asuka looked up slightly. “Oh doesn’t that just sound like the voice of someone in utter denial welcome to the ficken club Mari!” She breathed in deeply. “No wonder you’re so screwed up and you drink so much repressing that must be killing you.” She met her rage filled turquoise gaze. “Once you come to terms with it you’ll feel better believe me and Maya can help you there as well she helped me no end when it came to my sexuality.” Mari eyed her. “I have nothing to come to terms with because I’m not like you!” She felt an evil smile form. “Besides who would want to be like you anyway don’t you have a reputation at Nerv for being a sexual predator?” She watched as Asuka’s face turned to sadness and pain. “Yes that’s right I remember reading about that story now I mean that made it even as far as Britain, Hikari was her name wasn’t it, wow what can I say other than that was really riveting reading who knew you had it in you?” Shinji didn’t think he grabbed Mari forcing her off. “Stop it!” Mari eyed Rei as she helped Asuka get back on to her feet. “Your very brave, I wouldn’t be alone in the same room as her when she’s turned on she might forget what no means.”

Asuka felt a sneer form on her lips. “I would never do that to her and I didn’t touch that woman, she set me up!” Rei moved to stand in front of Asuka putting a hand on her face she could see how much this was really hurting her, the pain was as clear as day. “Pay no mind to her Asuka she doesn’t know you the way we do she can’t see that you’re a good person who was unfairly treated by Nerv and judged, juried and hung out to dry with out anyone ever knowing or caring about your side of the story.” She put her hand on her shoulder shifting her back a step further from away Mari. “We believe you didn’t do it ether we just saw the way you were facing off against Bardiel just now and we saw how angry it made you.” Asuka looked down sadly. “It doesn’t matter…it won’t change anything I’ll still be branded with this vile stamp probably for the rest of my life.” She looked up breathing in painfully. “People will never care for my side of the story.” She put a hand through her hair in frustration. “I wish I’d never let that woman in to my house I was so ficken stupid I just wanted a moment where I wanted to feel needed even if it only in the physical sense because I thought no one cared!”

She breathed in painfully. “I just forgot that the world is cruel and so are people they just use you then grind you up and spit you out!” Rei slowly put her arm around her while moving her hand through her hair. “Asuka.” She stepped her back further holding her tighter. “Please calm down now its okay.” She rubbed her back feeling her settle down slightly as her arms wrapped around her holding her gently. “We are going to right this wrong because we all agree that you didn’t do it.” Mari eyed Asuka feeling a cold smile form as she got to her feet. “Gee Asuka you’re so emotionally pussy whipped, I mean look at you clinging on to your little girlfriend like that it’s fucking pathetic.” Rei turned eyeing her. “She’s not pathetic she loves me and you’re not half the person she is!” Mari moved towards her unable to hold back her rage. “I’m so sick of your bullshit Rei!” Shinji moved to stand in front of her. “Get away from my sister right now!” Kaworu turned looking at Mari. “I think its fair to say that right now your letting your demons win, it happens to the best of us but here’s the thing are you ever going to fight your personal demons or are they going to consume you?” He looked up slightly meeting her enraged gaze. “Because as you are right now I can’t see where you start and they end your just an awful tangled knot.”

He raised his hand. “I don’t think you really hate Asuka I think you envy her, because she’s trying to change and you want that same change to but right now you don’t know how and for you it’s just easer to be hateful and be bitter.” Shinji eyed her. “He’s right you’re just like Asuka used to be and here’s the thing you think so little of Asuka but for a whole year she took your abuse and other than comments and she never hit you. We saw what it was doing to her we saw how hard it was for her but she took the higher path because she knows what its like to be that way.” He raised a hand putting it on her arm. “Your mirrors of each other, you’re her past and she’s now in the present she stopped being like you a very long time ago.” Mari pulled away from his grip as she turned grabbing at her fallen parachute. “This is ridiculous what you’re all saying!” Kaworu eyed her as he calmly adjusted his shirt. “Ridiculous perhaps to one who refuses to see the truth.” Shinji moved a step closer to Mari. “We’ve all been were you are now Mari in some way shape or form we all didn’t want our solve our problems at first because it felt to hard and it hurt to much but in the end we all started and we are all better people because of it, there are people at Nerv who can really help you.”

He paused for a long moment before speaking. “Emotional scars are the worst thing in the world because the longer there left the more they bleed in to your life.” Mari adjusted her glasses as she looked at him. “Spoken like a true golden boy I’m surprised you’re not seeing my side of things since Asuka was abusive, controlling and cruel towards you even said to Toji not long ago that sex with her was very hard work.” Shinji walked up to her looking her straight in the eyes. “Yet every time we slept together it was consenting and that’s the detail you’re missing out and purposely choosing to ignore. It’s very easy to brand people based on their past actions and ignore change even when it’s good it’s a lesson my self and Rei have learned to quite an extent over these past few weeks.” He breathed in deeply. “Maybe you should learn it to.” Mari eyed him in disgust. “I’m done talking with you idiots, I’ll go watch the damn display from the media building instead!” Shinji eyed her as she walked past opening the door that led off the building. He eyed Asuka who had now seated herself and was very quite as Rei sat down next to her. “Are you okay Asuka?” Asuka looked up eyeing him. “Thank you for coming to my defence, you didn’t have to.” She looked up at Kaworu who gave her a smile. “Thank you for trying with her just sorry you couldn’t reach her.” Kaworu shook his head. “Sometimes people don’t want to face truth but I’m sure in time she will.”

Shinji sat down opposite her as Kaworu sat down next to him. “It’s no problem your our friend remember?” He eased over the basket which Rei had put down. “I made sandwiches which ones would you like, I have beef or chicken?” Asuka eyed him. “Beef.” Rei turned to her. “Asuka a question, when you threatened Bardiel did you mean the whole part about eating him alive?” Asuka looked at her beef sandwich. “If I said I meant every word would you think I was screwed up in the head?” Rei eyed her as Shinji passed her a salad sandwich. “No I wouldn’t.” Shinji looked up passing Kaworu his sandwiches which were chicken. “He really rattles your cage Asuka I’m not surprised you hate him.” Asuka looked up she pulled her lip back showing of the back molars which were still like razors so he could see them before easing her finger away. “I want this to end I don’t want this strength I don’t want to look like some enraged demon anymore every time I get angry.” She breathed in deeply. “The only thing I want to keep is the unit just as is because it feels more natural than before.” Rei looked her. “I wouldn’t like you to loose the glowing eye I like it and your teeth don’t bother me at all.” Asuka smiled at her easing the patch off. “Well if you like them, then I’ll keep them.” Shinji shifted closer. “Can I see your eye up close?” Asuka looked at him. “Sure.”

She watched as he leaned closer looking more closely. “It feels odd sometimes like there’s energy there.” Shinji moved back as Kaworu leaned over getting a better look. “I saw it when you got angry though it was almost pure white and blue light did that hurt?” Asuka shook her head. “No when it does that it feels really warm.” Kaworu sat back down. “Have you considered that perhaps it’s a window in to your very soul?” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “No I hadn’t considered that.” Rei took a bite out of her sandwich. “You know that make sense Asuka because it changes with your emotions I’ve seen the patterns change depending on how you feel and when you’re sad the blue colour goes very dim.” Asuka eased up her left hand putting it in front of her eye. “Bardiel said he did this for a reason and believe me when I say I can’t work it out because I can’t see anything out of this eye but I just know it has to be connection to my unit somehow I just can’t figure it out.” Shinji eyed the basket as he started to pass around the alcoholic and none alcoholic drinks. “I’m sure it will come to you in time Asuka you just need to be patient.” Asuka eyed him as she pulled out Karakuri puzzle box from her jacket pocket which Kaworu had gotten for her ages ago she began to turn it between her fingers. “Yeah I think I’m starting to learn for the first time in my life what the word patience actuality means.”

8

Misato breathed in deeply watching as the strobe lighting shirted back and forth over the Magnus pillar she was in a totality different room which was only ever used for this. It was only a two to three person room unlike the training room and central dogma. The room was at the very top of the media tower and it gave the best view of the Magnus Pillar who’s four angel wings had been lowered they’d only open at the very end when the massive fire works display went off. She hated those things they were so fucking offensive but she couldn’t do much about them she asked Ritsuko to have them changed thousands of times but had just been openly ignored. She put a hand on her shirt just under her chest where she knew the massive scar was from a glancing blow from the massive explosion where her father had shoved her in the capsule at the last second. Before being blown to pieces his very blood spattering all over the thin viewing windows glass as he gave his last dying breath to save her and when the explosion was over she’d opened the bloody capsule and seen the four angel’s wings rising as Antarctica which had turned in to a dead zone. It was still dead even now and she hated visiting the place. Her father had given her his cross though she had now passed it on to Shinji because he was the person she believed in the most, they’d had there up’s and downs over the last ten years but she would always consider him her son. She just didn’t have the same relationship with Rei they were more friends and they just got on where as her as Asuka had done nothing but fight for the last two years before Asuka had moved out.

Clearly Asuka and Shinji had both moved on in their lives and were now going in very different directions in there lives, where as she was still stuck in the past in some respects. Granted she drank less but her alcohol problems still weren’t cured by a long shot. Asuka’s were and Mari’s just seemed to be starting it was funny how the world turned in cycles she got really annoyed sometimes at Maya but it was more due for her blunt honesty. She wasn’t like Ritsuko who just used to mock her over how she worked with people Maya just told her how it was all the time and if she acted out she just ignored her and told her to go fix the problem. She was wrong about Kaji she didn’t love him it was just the alcohol talking granted he was a nice guy she wouldn’t deny that but her relationships always ended badly and after what had happened with Makoto she just didn’t want to go through that kind of emotional pain again it was just to stressful. She’d long stopped using casual sex just to fill some lonely void because it never helped her. She shook away her thoughts as she brought up the hologram screen which showed Toji’s face. He looked nervous, but then they all had as this was the biggest moment of all and it would forever change their lives. It was after this the threshold was crossed and they joined the elite and were no longer seen as the lesser. She breathed in deeply, nether Eshima or Tadao would be speaking to the world today that was her job and it had been since the very beginning.

She had raised this pillar five times so far and welcomed five very different individuals in to the world with five very different Evangelion’s who were as distinct as there pilots each being different in style, face and even stance and how they were used in battle. She turned as the door was opened behind her and Kaji walked in he had Sakura with him as he gave her a smile. “I brought some one up here so she could have the best seat in the house.” Misato smiled at her patting the seat opposite. “Come and sit here Sakura, it’s going to be an amazing show.” Kaji watched as the young girl ran up seating her self opposite Misato he slowly sat himself next to them putting his hands behind his head. “You’re going to finally see unit 05 Sakura.” Sakura eyed him adjusting her school clothes. “They let me go early just to see this.” She eyed her brother’s face on the hologram screen. “He looks so nervous.” Kaji sat up slightly. “You should see old recordings of all of the other pilots on their big days I think the calmest out of all of them were Rei and Kaworu.”

Misato laughed. “Yeah they both just took it in there stride were as the most scared by far were Shinji and Asuka, Shinji because at the time he wasn’t used to spot light, press or media and Asuka was just all nerves and kept fidgeting. It was so much harder for Rei, Asuka and Shinji because they were piloting first true Evangelion’s they weren’t prototypes and the world expected so much of them and despite there differences they had to work together and it was hard and they didn’t gel in the beginning not like they do now.” Sakura looked up a smile forming on her lips. “Hey I saw the news feed today on my phone Asuka and Rei are together now.” Kaji smirked he’d seen that feed to. “It would appear so, clearly it’s going to make the next press conference interesting and I do believe that’s not that far away.” Sakura eyed him. “Yeah but Asuka never goes to them it’s really sad I mean she just stopped going three years ago.” Kaji looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “She was accused of something very bad Sakura, though I personally don’t believe she did it.”

He looked up sadly. “Believe you and me it not a nice thing to be accused off even more so when your innocent.” Misato eyed him. “You believe she was innocent?” Kaji eyed her. “Yes and I think it’s unfair that, that thing started that awful rumour about her being predatory to start with. It also made it very hard for me to reach her because after that she put those walls up much higher than before granted she’s never been a huge people person but after that she became a total recluse and loner even at work. I think she lost so much trust in people I mean even though she still spoke to Shinji and Rei after that incident she distanced herself more from them though she did always make the extra effort with Rei even though it just got ignored.” He folded his arms. “Oh yeah and Ritsuko docked her six months pay granted she had plenty of savings she could get by but I think it still stung. Ritsuko also did that to me as well when she made up that stuff about what I did to her. The difference was that I was vindicated because there was just no proof to back up her claim and enough women at Nerv knew me well enough to say different and I got my money back. Asuka was never vindicated and she still has to live with that label even now and I dread to think how much it ruined her personal life. It’s little wonder that she has so many tears to shed this probably caused some of her depression.” Sakura turned sharply. “She has depression?”

Kaji eyed her. “Yes we are working through it now with her Sakura and Rei is with her a lot of the time to help her, because she really opens up when she’s around.” Sakura blinked in surprise. “But I thought she was made of iron I mean I thought nothing could touch her, she always comes of real strong.” Kaji looked at her. “I think you need to watch the visitor centre video again Sakura because it’s very clear that she’s afraid. Pilots are not gods, they bleed and hurt just like the rest of us and they all have two faces one they show to public and one that’s private and they can be vastly different and Asuka might play that she’s as hard as nails but underneath she’s soft and very gentle.” Misato turned as the speaker came on with Hayden’s voice. “We are ready to begin at any time pilot is ready.” Misato eyed him as she pressed the com. “Thank you Hayden.” She turned to the others. “Your going have to be quite I’m afraid as I can’t have any background noise.” She eased on the headphone speaker watching as the holographic panel came up fully as she started to type in to it as she spoke knowing that he voice would carry across all of the speakers. “Welcome one and all to the grand unveiling of unit 05 our newest Evangelion!”

She ignored the sudden cheering which sounded like thunder from below as the media helicopters took up there positions readying there special camera’s which were seated under the undercarriages. Unlike normal filming these had the special 3D high definition film filters for those with 3D home screens and glasses as well as cinema screens. “Created by the Chinese Nerv division with the most up to date technology this is a whole new kind of animal sleeker, meaner and a brute in its own right!” She pressed the button seeing Toji’s face change as the pillar rose upwards as he took in a huge breath readying him self. She looked over seeing the massive black and yellow Evangelion appear as the pillar rose out of the ground to its full height high above all of the other sections. She watched as Toji eased the massive Evangelion out of its seated position in to standing position so it standing as the pillar started turning. She had to say one thing for the Chinese they had spared no expense in trying to make this brute look scary. It had clawed fingers though they were metal unlike 01’s and 02’s which were real and it had two eyes which were plated in thick protective green glass.

It had two massive upward facing woven horns coming out of its head which separated in to two sections on ether side and it had a new feature which was two huge sabre teeth though not half as long as 02’s on its upper jaw. Like the claws they were more like armour and covered the real living real canine teeth underneath. The Chinese had literally sent these over not that long after unit 02’s transformation because they were desperate to get one over on the German division and they didn’t want to be outclassed or over shadowed. She eyed the huge Evangelion as the pillar stopped moving so Toji could begin his display. “I give you the mighty 05! Custom fitted sabre jawed teeth armour claws and horns extremely manoeuvrable and with an amazing arson of weapons!” She looked up as Toji opened the massive black wings beating them for a moment before letting them refold back in to the back wing section completely out of sight as his unit opened its real mouth fully as it let out a massive bellowing roar as three flying wings appeared hovering over all holding his new weapons. “05’s weapons include machine guns, shields, spears, rocket launchers and my personal favourite the special two ended spear!”

She eyed Toji’s face he was enjoying this now she could see it. “This great beast will now be added to our other Evangelion’s and join the elite ranks!” She pressed the buttons lowering the pillar so it locked with the other sections on solid ground watching as the flying wings backed off. “I give you the world your new Evangelion pilot Toji Suzuhara!” She watched as the Evangelion raised it’s arms outwards spreading its huge legs timing itself perfectly as she pressed the panel allowing the massive four silver and gold angels wings to spread out behind it giving the impression that it was growing them and ascending to the heavens. The fireworks blasted off behind it filling the sky with multicolour she pulled the head set off pressing the mute button, she knew the display would last for three quarters of an hour. Toji just had to keep in this pose until then as the Chinese governments fighter bombers and jets fighters would fly over leaving trails of yellow and red in there wake followed by Nerv’s own vertical wings pilots doing there own display along with the flying wings. After which Toji would march his Evangelion to the training field and it would be locked in to the restraints and join the others in the huge bay for the first time and would be placed in between 03 and 04 and would be directly facing 00, 01 and 02. The Evangelion had now been put in lines with one side making up the older models while the other side would now have the newer ones.

She lay back taking in a deep breath this part never got any easier. “I’d kill for a drink.” Kaji sat up handing her a can. “I thought you might say that, so here is something for you.” Misato eyed the can. “This is iced coffee.” Kaji sat back down. “I heard you were trying to quit drinking plus this tastes better.” Misato eyed the can. “Seriously I’ll have you know I never cared for iced coffee?” Kaji smirked. “Just give it a try it won’t kill you.” Misato cracked the lid slowly taking a sip before pausing. “You know your right that’s not half bad.” Kaji leaned back again. “Better than alcohol believe me not that I’m against it but I find this a much better pick me up.” He passed Sakura and can of orange juice watching as she took it with a smile. “We will have to make one alternation to 05 in the next few days.” Misato eyed him. “Seriously I thought the Chinese were done altering it, what do they want to add on now?” Kaji breathed in deeply. “They’ve built it a moving sectioned tail, apparently they are not the only ones all of the division’s want to add on things since they’ve seen 02’s transformed they all want to add extensions, its kind of crazy.” Misato shook her head. “I swear soon they won’t look like Evangelion’s anymore they’ll all look like oni’s.”

End of part 38

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to put in Mari’s parachute mess up because who ever she lands on its always funny it is sort of like Shinji prat fall where he ends up on Rei in her apartment when she’s naked. Yes there is a slight change to Misato’s fathers death in that in this universe she got to see his blood plastered over the small glass screen of her capsule I felt this would add much more to the event.


	39. Chapter 39

_TO GIVE UNCONDITIONALLY_

 

Asuka watched as Rei walked in through her door she had something in her hand, she turned eyeing it as she closed the door before turning her IDHS on watching as it all sprang to life. “What’s that?” Rei turned showing her the letter. “Someone’s sent you mail Asuka it was in your post box outside the door.” Asuka eyed the night sky through her front room window. “Please I never get mail other than from my family, it’s probably a crappy mail shot.” Rei eyed the letter. “No this looks important its gold sealed.” Asuka watched as Erika jumped on the kitchen surface to greet her she moved her hand stroking her before going to the cupboard to get her food. “Doesn’t mean I care to read it….” She paused before speaking. “I’ve had enough hate mail shoved in to my mail box to know that no good ever came of reading letters that don’t come from my family.” She filled Erika bowl. “So I’ll pass.” She turned as her mobile phone rang she eased it out seeing Anneberg’s face icon appear as he spoke his graphic smirking. “ _Ah good you are finally home_.” Asuka eyed him. “And why Anneberg would my coming home be a thing good thing are you running out of space again on your hard drive? Because we talked about this I can triple the space for you, it’s not a problem.”

Anneberg’s green eyes moved. “ _You have mail_.” Asuka eyed him. “Why should I care about that Anneberg?” Anneberg’s face icon smiled widely. “ _It’s people wanting to interview you, about your digital drawings and Rei_.” Asuka eyed him. “Tell them to go away.” Anneberg’s question mark appeared. “ _But they seem really interested in you_.” Asuka eyed him. “Yeah more like there interested in yanking me through the dirt, I’m not doing this again Anneberg it’s just too stressful and it never ends well.” She breathed in painfully. “These same people literally hung, drew and quartered me over the whole thing with Hikari, you know the starter question it will be hi Asuka where have you been for the last three years beat up your new girlfriend lately or did you just skip that part and try to sexually assault her?” Anneberg blinked in confusion. “ _What if they don’t what if there nice_?” Rei gently took Asuka’s phone from her hand looking at Anneberg. “I think Asuka just needs more time Anneberg could you just send them a polite reply that she’s just busy right now and unable to attend?”

Anneberg gave her a smile. “ _Of cause_.” She watched as he disappeared she gently slid the phone back in to Asuka’s jacket pocket as she raised the letter. “This is from Tokyo three’s Elysium art gallery I recognise the symbol because my self and Shinji get letters from them now and again if they sent this to you Asuka it means they really like your works and are really interested in them.” Asuka eyed her. “Then they should be sending them to you and Shinji not me.” Rei moved stepped closer putting the letter down. “You’re a great artist Asuka you should enjoy your accomplishments this is a great time for you, the world is probably looking at you very differently right now.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Oh yeah and for how long, no they’ll treat me real nice and then when I screw up for what ever reason they’ll throw me to rabid dogs.” She raised her hand. “I can’t do that I can’t go through with it I don’t have the emotional strength for it.” Rei moved closer putting her hands on her leather jacket. “I can come with you if you want.” Asuka pulled her patch off throwing it to one side. “No Rei, these people are cruel and vile and she shouldn’t suffer just because of my past screw ups.” She looked up meeting her green eyes. “Your image shouldn’t be tarnished just because of me.”

She heard her phone go off again she pulled it out seeing Anneberg’s icon pop up again. “Yes Anneberg.” Anneberg smiled. “ _My deepest apologises for interrupting, its just you got an invitation from Nerv staff to a social gathering tomorrow, they’ll be alcohol and food they asked to see your art as well_.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “Tell them to ficken get lost!” Rei eyed her. “Asuka you should go to that we both should, it might be fun.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Rei these people at Nerv do not care about me none of them came to my defence over Hikari! I’m not interested in there fake kindness now three years on!” She breathed in sharply and painfully. “When the thing with Hikari happened, women left bathrooms I walked in to men gave me cold looks and everyone gave me a wide birth accept Kaji and Maya because they were the only ones who believed I was innocent.” She felt her body tense. “I felt like everyone else had just abounded me during that time, it was the media, press and my outside life and I’d tried so hard to change but it went unnoticed anyway, I just felt like I couldn’t win.” Rei looked at Anneberg whose face was showing concern. “Could you leave us just for a moment please Anneberg?” She watched as he nodded then vanished as Asuka put her phone down. “I never even thanked you for saving my life after I was nearly swallowed by Gaghiel.”

Asuka lowered her gaze to the floor. “It doesn’t matter.” Rei looked at her. “No I think it does matter you dragged me out you, saved me I had second degree burns all over my body and if it wasn’t for what you did I might have been cooked alive.” Asuka raised her hand. “It was Shinji’s idea not mine.” Rei looked at her. “Don’t lie Asuka I know you better than, that the idea was reckless and crazy which means it was yours and I know for a fact that you tried to pass all of the credit over to him and Kaworu in your written statements for the public, denying yourself any glory because I had a read of it today Kaji was kind enough to send a copy to my phone.” She looked up slightly. “Even Kaji said the two statements were massively conflicting because Shinji and Kaworu both tried to pass over all the credit on to you and it totality baffled everyone at Nerv because they saw it all live and knew it was your idea to ram a bunch of N2 missiles down that things throat. They just couldn’t understand why you’d behave that way because it was so out of character to them at the time they just didn’t see it for what it really was in that you’d really changed.” She slowly put a hand on the other woman’s face. “Then you visited me every day when I got out of the hospital you asked me for seven days how I was and I did something really cruel which was to just tell you to go away and leave me alone and I remember that day I was short, sharp and mean.”

She felt a sad smile form. “So you denied yourself any glory and then I denied you the one thing that you really wanted and would have meant the world to you which was a simple thank you, I can’t imagine how soul crushing and heart breaking that was for you.” She slowly put her other hand through the other woman’s long red hair. “Tell me what kept you going after that? Because I know others just might have given up there and then.” Asuka looked up slightly. “You misunderstand I didn’t keep going, I just started to slowly loose track of my happier emotions.” She breathed in sadly. “Later on down the line it became darker and finally turned to depression but in those many months before I just wanted to not feel anything anymore. The worst part is never worked because once you fall in to that dark pit all you feel is the pain and misery it becomes so intense and the happy emotions fade away.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “That was the trigger that led to your depression wasn’t it?” Asuka looked up slightly. “Yes but please understand I don’t blame you, you weren’t to know.” Rei eyed her. “No Asuka this time I am to blame, I listened to that rumour about you being predatory and it made me think of you in school and was just wrong of me. Looking back it was so stupid and I know now that you were being genuine I hate that some of the people at Nerv have painted you that way.”

Asuka eyed her phone. “Don’t you see this is why I have no interest in this so called get together party, these people are the reason I feared you seeing that drawing so much. Because that’s how I thought it would be viewed as me being a predatory letch because of that rumour.” She raised her hand. “That’s why I can’t go, I’d just rather be here with you at least here I know I won’t get hurt, it’s the only place I feel safe right now.” Rei looked at her. “Then that’s okay we won’t go but if nothing else please just open the Elysium galleries letter, they know my brother and me and I’ll even go with you if you want I know these people and my self and Shinji have gone there countless times together they are nice people and they will not judge you based on the past.” She picked the letter up so Asuka could see it. “And if they dare to do so I’ll have a lot to say about it.” Asuka looked at for a long moment. “Okay I’ll do that but only for you not for anyone else.” She paused before opening a draw opposite pulling out a spare set of house keys she took hold of Rei hand gently placing them in her palm. “You should really take these there my spare house keys it’s just in case I’m not here you can come in and make yourself at home.” She looked up slightly. “I know you’ll need to go back to your own apartment sometime as your mail is probably mounting up, this just makes it easier in case you have to rush back here.” Rei stared at her. “You’re giving me your spare house keys?” Asuka met her surprised gaze. “Yes, like I’ve said before you’re always welcome in my home.”

Rei looked at her this was probably huge in Asuka’s world, she didn’t give out anything lightly it was an act of trust, even more so considering after what happened with Hikari she stared at the keys for a long moment before speaking. “Asuka?” Asuka looked up feeling her eyes dart. “Yes.” Rei moved the keys between her fingers as she put the letter down. “Did you hate women after what Hikari did to you?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “No, I don’t judge the whole based on a single persons actions but I won’t lie I still hate her to this very day, maybe the whole thing is ironic considering my mind set in school and in my early teens. I mean I used to screw people over and break hearts and act like I was entitled to everything and never cared for the damage I caused.” She spoke evenly. “I mean Hikari is just a much a crueller version of me she played me the same way I used to play others and just like young bratty me she won and I lost big time because she used my desire to be wanted and my sexual desperation against me.” She shrugged. “What I don’t get is what drove her, I never knew her she wasn’t in school with us and I would have remembered her face anywhere because I remember faces even if not the names.” She leaned against the kitchen counter. “You have no idea how many nights I’ve mulled over in my mind what I did that caused so much hated in her that she’d screw me over the way she did and every time my mind always draws a total blank.”

Rei put a hand on her shoulder. “How’s about we go to bed and you not dwell on it tonight Asuka?” Asuka looked up slightly. “Don’t you ever get bored of just sleeping in my arms? I know it must be really frustrating for you that you can’t have the physical.” Rei turned to her. “It doesn’t bother me at all Asuka, why would you think that?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I don’t know it’s just normally by now most women and men would be really annoyed at me because I’m not giving them the physical, which is what most people want.” Rei felt a smile form. “Yes but I’m not most people Asuka.” She took hold of her hand. “I enjoy your affection and your love the other part I don’t mind not having.” She looked up. “All my relationships before this all people ever seemed to care about was the physical side and I just wanted the emotional. Yes I enjoy the physical but it doesn’t mean everything to me and these people called me frigid and cold because I didn’t want to have sex all the time.” She looked down taking in a deep breath. “I don’t know if what I have has as a name but my attractions are all deeply emotional towards both genders and I would rather make love to a person in a special moment than go five rounds of emotionless sex.”

She looked up meeting the other woman’s wide eyed gaze. “So please don’t feel that your obligated to perform or for fill some desire just to please me Asuka, you don’t have to because I know when that times comes and your ready it will be something really special for both off us.” Asuka blinked in surprise as she looked at the other woman. “People really called you frigid and cold?” Rei looked down sadly feeling the painful sting of her own tears in truth she normally cried alone or in Shinji’s presence but never in front of others and it was normally in sharp bursts and it was over very quickly. “Yes they did it was very hurtful and they ditched me very suddenly and it really hurt my feelings.” Asuka stepped closer putting a hand on the other woman’s face seeing the tears which just broke her heart as she spoke unable to keep the rage out of her voice. “Pitiful, pathetic ficken losers they are that they’d throw you to one side like that.” She leaned closer. “Believe me I would never do that to you, you’re not frigid or cold you’re the kindest most loving person I’ve ever met. I mean you put up with me even at my worst and no one has ever stood by me this long they all walk out and go and yet your still here.”

She slowly wrapped her arms around her pulling her close stroking her hair gently. “That you stay means the world to me.” Rei pressed her head in to her shoulder enjoying the smell of leather and sunflowers. “I love you.” Asuka felt a smile form. “I know.” She breathed in slowly and deeply feeling a huge weight lift off her shoulders because up to now she had assumed that maybe sleeping together and not for filling the physical would become a huge problem but it wasn’t anymore. It was such a relief not to mention that over these past few days she had enjoyed the emotion and affection so much more because it made her feel wanted in a way she had never felt before. It was such a pure emotion and she loved it so much it was so nice to touch, feel and cuddle as well as hold the other woman. Almost all of her past relationships had centred on sex but had lacked the love and looking back now she realized why she’d been so miserable and angry. It was because the love and other emotions just weren’t present and in truth that was what she’d always wanted but because of her naïve view point she’d associated casual sex with love and they just weren’t the same thing the emotions were very different she met the other woman’s lips in a gentle kiss as she held her tighter.

8

Mari slammed the two ended spear down hard enough to cause sparks to fly only for Asuka to shift her unit side ways on its hind legs out of the way. “Stay still so I can hit you princess!” Asuka side stepped again in her unit, gods this was so boring had she been this way in the beginning? Just assuming that she could beat a thing and it would just fall over. Mari had such misdirected rage she wasn’t even thinking about it strategically she side stepped again as the spear come down missing her. “You know you spent six months training with me, what was the first lesson I ever taught you?” Mari’s face appeared on her screen. “That you’re a fucking know it all!” Asuka rolled her good eye not even thinking as brought up one of her unit’s hind legs smashing it with lightning speed in to Mari’s side with enough force to send her unit flying across the ground causing the other units who were lined up to move out of the way as she crashed down hard. “No protect your exposed sides unless you want an angel like Shamshel to tear your arms and head off, like she did to me and it’s not a ficken pleasant sensation believe you and me!” Kaji’s voice came over the speaker. “Okay Toji it’s your turn!” Asuka watched as Toji literally ran out grabbing Mari’s fallen spear as she pulled her unit back on its feet she stepped her unit back staying on her hind legs. “Welcome to the elite Toji.” His face appeared on her screen. “Its so cool being here, do you like my unit?”

Asuka gave him a smile. “Yeah its looks very cool and I like your sabre teeth.” Asuka raised her unit’s clawed finger pointing to the spear. “Just remember to keep your grip really solid okay?” Kaji’s voice came again. “Please start anytime Toji your aim is to hit Asuka.” Toji moved his controls as he started to swing his spear watching as she dodged again. “She moves fast.” He didn’t get a change to think as she suddenly moved out her sight. The next moment caught him off guard as a massive weight slammed in to his shoulder and the spear was suddenly pulled out of his unit’s clawed hand but it was kept up in the air so he could see it. He moved his units head up realizing that Asuka was literally sitting on his shoulders her clawed feet between his unit shoulders sails balancing perfectly as her clawed hands gripped the upper shoulder sail section. “What the hell?” Asuka looked down. “That’s very good but the angels will be much faster than me, you should have Shinji teach you about that he’s an expert when it comes to reflex regarding attacks from the back.” She leapt her unit off his back landing close by on all fours keeping the spear wrapped up in her right tail. “Who’s next?” Kaworu moved his huge white unit forward opening its wings. “That would be me.”

Asuka eased up her right tail freeing the spear so he could take it. “You’re going to try air attacks?” Kaworu moved his unit back. “Yes.” Asuka shrugged. “Okay.” She watched as he took to the air, only to leap back wards as the spear came down hard. She found herself leaping again as it came down a second time the next moment turned to pain as his whole unit drove her in to the ground and the spear came close to her unit face. “Okay to be fair I really need to work on this.” Kaworu stepped off her unit refolding his wings. “Last time we talked about this, you said you have no interest in pursuing this training which was some years ago.” Asuka pulled her unit up on to its hind legs. “Yeah well I need to work on this other wise I’m going to get torn apart if I’m not careful.” Kaworu spun the spear. “I’ll be happy to improve it with you.” Asuka turned slightly. “Yes let’s work on it sometime.” Kaji voice came again. “Shinji you’re up next.” Shinji walked his unit in as he spoke. “No spear.” Kaji’s spoke his voice filled with interest. “As you please.” Asuka felt a sly smile form. “No spear so does that mean you don’t care if you get bitten?” Shinji eased 01’s clawed hands out reading himself. “No I’m game.”

Asuka laughed as he ran towards her she raised her unit’s clawed hands as his grabbed hers as they both pushed against each other full force hearing the bending and creaking. She dug her unit’s hind claws in to ground knowing that she couldn’t hold out forever she had never beaten 01 in direct combat. She grabbed her controls leaping her unit’s legs up as she tried to jump over his shoulders only to feel the pain before she hit the ground behind him she turned realizing that he had hold of her tails and was literally hanging her half in the air by them. “Hey that’s not nice!” Shinji’s face appeared on her screen. “Aren’t cats always meant to land on there feet?” Asuka eased up her units clawed foot not thinking as she smashed it straight in to his units face causing him to instantly let go. “Not when your clutching there tail they aren’t!” She fell to the floor only to feel him grab her unit by its top half raising it up in the air as she began to violently squirm trying to get free. “You just don’t play fair do you?” Shinji held her unit tighter as it carried on trashing. “Give it up Asuka!” Asuka stopped her unit’s movements this was probably pointless she wasn’t going to win anyway. “Fine I give up now ficken put me down before you end up breaking something on 02 that’s important!” She felt him release unit causing her to hit the ground on all fours. “Thank you!” Kaji voice came over the speaker filled with confusion. “Asuka are you sure you don’t want to try that again? I mean you kind of just gave up.” Asuka moved her unit forward on all fours. “No.”

Misato’s voice hit the air filled with uncertainty. “No seriously Asuka you weren’t trying, do you want to go again?” Asuka looked up. “No.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Okay Rei your up.” Rei moved her unit forward taking the spear from Kaworu’s hand as she passed him and her brother who was retuning to the group. “Finally you know I don’t get why I had to be last!” She looked up slightly. “You know since we are dating shouldn’t I get to go first?” Kaji’s voice hit the air though his tone was playful. “Absence makes the heart grow founder.” Asuka moved her unit up on to its hind legs watching as Rei twirled the two ended spear reading her self. “No it just makes it more impatient.” Rei smirked. “I’m so glad to hear that you’re impatient when it comes to me.” Asuka eyed her licking one of her canine teeth changing her tone to salty seductive one. “You have no idea.” Rei heard 00’s jaw’s creak open as it let out a roar. “Here, kitty, kitty.” She watched as 02’s mouth opened letting out a bellowing roar as its tongue came out. It suddenly bolted on to all fours running at her full force she leapt up narrowly avoiding it as she swung the staff only for the huge red unit to completely avoid it. She tried again only to be avoided as Asuka turned sharply clearly showing much more focus. “Oh now I’m impressed Asuka, you couldn’t avoid me last time.” Asuka ducked again trying to move fast around behind 00’s back. “I aim to impress you.”

Rei swung the spear around her back forcing Asuka to leap backwards as not to be caught be the other end. Misato eyed the screen watching as unit 02 shot around avoiding the spears front end. “Is it me or was she just not trying with Shinji?” Kaji eyed the screen as he stroked his beard. “Maybe she just wanted to avoid him because this was what she actuality wanted.” Maya looked at the sync ratios. “Asuka sync ratio is rising its catching up with Shinji and Rei’s for the first time in almost three years but I have real concerns regarding Mari she’s lowered a lot, I think something’s going on mentality and it’s not good.” She put her hand on her chin. “I get the feeling that we need to do something about this, because I’m not going to see a repeat of Asuka’s current depression all over again where it goes unnoticed for months and we find out almost too late.” Misato looked up slightly. “I’ll send her an invite to my house along with Toji and Sakura it’s time I pulled them in to the fold and made them feel more like family. I will also get Mari to have a personal meeting with you because she’s avoided it ever since she came over from Britain she always makes excuses or gives reasons why she can’t attend.” Maya looked at her. “What about Asuka?” Misato breathed in deeply. “I’ve started work on this today, I asked two co workers of mine to look in to the whole event again because I want to be sure that I didn’t miss anything first time around and I am going to do my best to talk to her, no games, no tricks because I feel that I may have misjudged her.”

Asuka slammed her unit’s feet in to the ground as she leapt landing squarely on 00’s back trying to get the spear free with her unit’s clawed hand as she wrapped the tails around the stomach section. She grabbed the spear throwing it free of her 00’s hands which she grabbed with her own. “I have got you now!” Rei suddenly flipped her unit forward barrel rolling it she felt 02 instantly come loose as she landed in a hand stand knee’s bent only to feel the sudden weight as Asuka landed squarely on her unit’s feet trying desperately to balance. She slowly stretched her legs upwards seeing Asuka try even harder to balance her unit she paused feeling her smile widen. “Asuka have you ever tried gymnastics?” Asuka pulled her units arms out trying desperately not to fall off she wasn’t even sure how they ended up in this position to start with. “What?!” Rei smiled as she slowly began to shift her weight as she started to balance 00 on just one hand pulling her leg free forcing Asuka in to the air causing her to balance on one clawed foot as it pressed against her unit’s foot. “Gymnastics Asuka, I think you might be good at it.” Misato turned her eyes to the screen. “What the fuck, how did they end up like that?” Maya stood up eyeing the screen. “Now that really is something else.” Makoto eyed the screen as he spoke in an unimpressed tone. “Yeah apart from the fact that 02 looks likes it’s about to fall flat on its ass.”

Kaji ignored him as eyed the screen speaking as if he hadn’t spoken. “The press are going to love this even more so now their together.” Shigeru smirked. “Yeah it’s got that whole yin and yang feel going on kind like what we see with Shinji and Kaworu in that it’s equal but opposite and one balancing the other out.” Rei eyed Asuka on her screen seeing that she looked really out of sorts she was trying so desperately to keep her balance. “You know we could go up the gym together I mean it’s not like your doing combat training anymore.” Asuka breathed in trying to stay balanced which was so hard as she had never ever landed on her feet in her unit. “You have got be kidding right!?” Rei moved her units outspread fingers casually this wasn’t a struggle for her everything she did in the gym she could imitate in 00 it was one of the reasons she landed her feet even when the other units didn’t. “No Asuka I’m being serious.” Asuka grabbed her controls but it was too late as she fell off hitting the ground hard on her back watching as Rei casually righted herself before standing up. “You look like you could be very good.” Asuka eased her unit back on to all fours. “Please I have no agility I’m not steam line like you Rei, I just blow things up.” Rei moved gently taking hold of one of unit’s 02’s tails. “I don’t know I mean you can draw so who’s to say you might not be suited to other things that don’t involve beating people up.” She felt her smile widen as the other tail gently wrapped around her units waist. “Plus I know you’re bored stiff around that time of day and I’m sure you would rather have my company than have to be sitting around waiting for me for an hour and half.”

End of part 39

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to go in to Rei’s asexuality as it’s very misunderstood as though some asexual’s do really dislike sex it’s not true of the all of them and some view sex as something deeply special and a way of bonding with the person they love in a very deep and intimate way from what I’ve heard. I also wanted Rei’s crying to be very true to the series in that sometimes she cries alone and like Asuka she’s not really used to crying in front of others, other than her brother as it shows that similarity between them which is there sense of loneliness and difficulty connecting with others. Elysium refers to ancient Greek heaven it is not to confused with Tarturus which is Greek hell.


	40. Chapter 40

_THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE_

 

Misato walked up to the table Asuka was seated at, she was at the Japanese's restaurant she could see Rei ordering food close by. She moved closer to her seeing that she was drawing on her digital scroll and not really paying attention to the fact that a lot of the employee's around her were looking at her with real curiosity. What ever she was drawing it clearly had nothing to do with the image sets as they were all complete. She slowly seated herself in the chair opposite not really sure if Asuka was completely aware of her presence as she spoke. "So I heard from a little bird this morning that you and Rei made the front cover of one of those LGBT magazines." Asuka didn't look up as she spoke in truth she had no idea why Misato was even here talking to her and she didn't trust that it was for a good reason because it never was she had only visited her in hospital out of guilt for putting her in the UN Alpha test unit not because she actuality cared. She carried on drawing her sketch which was showing glowing sunflowers in bright soft colours and soft pastel tones. Misato breathed in seeing that response was forth coming she slowly pulled out a magazine putting it close to the red haired woman whose good eye moved watching her suspiciously. "I got this for you I know you like to read these even though you claim you don't because they always say really nice things about you." Asuka eyed the magazine before looking at her. "What do you want?"

Misato looked at her. "Just to chat you know I heard that the press sent you some e-mail's wanting interviews with you regarding your art and Rei you know I think you should go to some of them." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to order me to them or something?" Misato looked at her it was clear she didn't trust her at all not that she could blame her normally when she came to speak to her one on one it was because she was going to punish her for her behaviour. "No that's not why I brought it up." She breathed in deeply. "You know I just wanted to talk to you like we used to back when you were younger." Asuka felt a cold smile form. "Oh I see so you want to talk to younger brattier me I'm sorry she doesn't live here anymore she's gone for the foreseeable future." She eyed her for a long moment before speaking coldly. "Maybe you should leave along with her." Misato breathed in realizing that this was going to be a lot harder than she'd first assumed as stroking Asuka ego by buying her gifts clearly didn't work anymore. "You never told me that you had feelings for Rei." Asuka felt a cold sneer form as she closed her digital scroll putting it down on the table. "What would it have even mattered if I had told you? All you ever cared about was your self for filled prophesy that me and Shinji were going to grow up get married have kids and live happily ever after."

She felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. "And that is the whole problem I didn't love him I never did I loved Rei right from the very beginning those feelings were there even in school, though I never knew what they were at the time." Misato breathed in deeply pulling out her tablet putting it up so Asuka could see it. "Maya, Kaji and me we were going through your images this afternoon and this one came up." She brought up and image which was an outward shot of a younger version of Asuka lying on the beach in a red plug suite which was missing a sleeve and had bandages with a bandaged left eye being strangled by a younger version of Shinji both were by a red sea and there were huge grey statues coming out of the red ocean. "Did Bardiel show you this?" Asuka eyed the image breathing in sharply. "Yes he showed it to me but it didn't come from him." Misato eyed the image. "Where did this come from Asuka please tell me because I need to understand?" Asuka eyed the image as she turned seeing Rei place her food down the younger woman looked in between them then at the image the concern appearing in her face as she sat down quietly listening. Asuka put a hand on her face. "It came from ficken Shamshel!" She looked down slightly. "Before she used her wonderful tentacles to tear my units head and arms off she gave me a taste of own medicine so to speak."

She eyed the image. "She gave me a looping vision but not from my perspective of others but how I looked to others, I saw and felt every blow, every bad word, every thing bad I'd ever done it was a cascade of images tearing at my mind up in all its glory and that gem was the last and final image she showed me. The irony is though I hate Bardiel I don't hate Shamshel before she died she made me see who and what I really was and I believe that final image was where myself and Shinji were heading." Misato eyed the image. "Shinji would never do this to you Asuka he's a good young man." Asuka remained still. "Insanity drives people to dark places Misato, I don't know what insanity drove that image but I know that we weren't happy we were miserable and we fought all the time and pushed each other around and the way I see it is if we had carried on one of us would have snapped because we both just had too many problems." She put her hands together. "So I did what was best for both of us, I ended it and I spent two years trying to a least create some form of friendship from the tattered remains."

She paused before speaking. "I'm happy he's moved on I'm happy he's healed, he deserves every happiness life has to offer." Misato eyed the image. "You should have told us Asuka that Shamshel entered your mind." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "Yes and there in lies the problem, you see if I had told you, you would have maybe said it was all just a bad illusion meant to throw me off and that really I was an okay person and I would have just carried on as normal but after that happened I knew that I was a vile, cruel, abusive, entitled little brat with a huge ego and I wanted to change for myself and not for others." She raised her hand pointing at the younger version of her self in the drawing. "Because I never wanted to end up like her on that beach, miserable and alone with a person who hated her so much that he would rather have strangled her to death to be alone than be with her." She breathed in painfully. "Whether it's real or not doesn't really matter for all I know it may not even be from this universe but for me it was enough to wake me up and bring me back to ficken reality."

Misato flipped the image she knew she was pushing it now and she could see the concern in Rei's face. "Tell me about this girl because I've seen her twice in your imagery." Rei eyed the image feeling the confusion hit her as she raised her hand. "Hang on she looks just like me from when I was in school but my hair isn't blue and I don't have red eyes, though I did try doing that once but it was a phase." Misato breathed in deeply. "Yes that's true Rei but I've noticed Asuka draws you quite differently to this girl, your lines are always soft and delicate where as this girl is drawn with harsher lines like she's sad, empty and lonely and its almost like she's in a void." Asuka laughed as she looked up. "She's just one of Bardiel's twisted jokes, he claims that he doesn't know who she is, he's lying, she's just some warped sad version of Rei." Asuka turned to Rei's putting a hand on hers squeezing gently. "I think he just does it to get back at me you know because he knows that I harassed you in school." She breathed in sadly. "I also hate it when she shows up because I feel sad for her and I want to make her happy but I never can and she never speaks to me she just stares at me and she doesn't blink."

Misato stared at her in shock clearly Asuka was completely unaware of who this girl was or her history and she had appeared to her not once but twice when she'd seen these image after the training she'd been reeling because she couldn't believe it as she knew full well that this girl had also been seen watching unit 02 when it had broken free from containment. This also made even less sense now why was this girl watching Asuka, what did she want with her? Did she even know about Bardiel also were they co existing on the same plane of existence or separately? She breathed in deeply turning her tablet off she wasn't going to question Asuka anymore. She realized the truth which she and almost everyone else had missed when it came to about Shamshel and she felt bad because it explained so much as to why Asuka had taken the path she had. It was clear that she'd wanted to change though she'd never really noticed it along with so many other people she just got so hung up on the egotistic abusive brat she used to be. "Thank you Asuka." She stood up slowly. "I'll let you two finish your lunch." She breathed in as she turned to them. "You both trained really well on the field today, I look forward to seeing more of that and I'm sure the press loved your balancing act."

She pulled out a glossy ticket out of her jacket putting it opposite the magazine on the table. "One other thing for you Asuka, this a new time and date for a photo shoot, it's so the banner you pulled down can be replaced with a new updated one." She tapped it. "They said that they'd be happy to do a bunch of shots with you and Rei even relationship ones if your comfortable with that and I made it really clear to them that its by your terms not there's, because you deserve to have really good photos in the books and hanging off the wall up in the visitor centre." Rei watched as Misato left she turned to Asuka who was now very quite. "You know she should have done this in your therapy session Asuka not over lunch." Asuka eyed her food. "Its fine Rei, those images were going to come up anyway and I always knew the one with your brother would cause questions what ever." Rei began to eat her miso soup. "I get the thing with Shamshel, I really do I mean that explains so much now and why you went through so much change." She looked up. "I just don't get the girl who looks like me I mean that's just weird." Asuka began to eat her pork noodles. "Like I said she's just a twisted joke." She felt a sly smile form. "But I'll give him credit for trying I mean she looks just like you did in school, real spitting image no expense spared on the details she even stands like you used to back when you were shy and quite and I couldn't tell what emotions were going on in your head."

She breathed in deeply. "Ironic really because I used to stare at you in school from across the room and wonder what you saw when you looked out of that window everyday it was a puzzle my asshole bratty younger self was desperate to solve." Rei felt a smile form as she pushed her empty bowl aside. "If you must know I liked looking at the mountains and the scenery I found it relaxing it helped me focus my mind because I was so inwardly scared hence why I didn't talk much to anyone. Its probably why I like your house better than mine I mean all you have to do is walk out your front door look left and you have those huge distant mountains and vast rural fields I never cared for my apartment anyway I was thinking of selling up that place I'm just not happy there. I only really went there because it's close to Shinji but I don't think it was ever what I really wanted." She paused before speaking. "Plus before all of this happened I was getting so bored I just felt like my life wasn't going anywhere and it was hard because I knew Shinji's life was changing direction and I love my brother to bits but I just hate being in his shadow." Asuka raised an eyebrow as she picked up the magazine handing it to her as she put the card away. "You know I think that time might be over, that is so long as you don't mind the attachment to me."

Rei eyed the cover flipping it open, finding the centre story which was about them. "They don't let the grass grow do they? I mean we got together to the public at least yesterday now this today." Asuka pushed her empty bowl to one side. "To be fair this might be my fault they did ask me in interviews if I cared about you over the years in my teens I always said no but in the last few years I said yes, so maybe they caught on." She breathed in deeply. "I knew you didn't read the magazines so I assumed you'd never see." Rei turned slowly to her. "You know I would love to read your collection the one you have under your bed." Asuka leaned over putting an arm around her shoulder leaning close to her ear speaking softly. "You can read what ever you want plus I have a book that defines sexualities it a loose guide but it might help you find where you stand, I wouldn't like to say what I think as I think people should define there own sexualities." She turned realizing that a number of the staff around them were staring at them seemingly mystified, she felt a sneer form as she eyed them. "Why don't you all take a picture it'll last longer?!" A man smirked as he spoke. "Can I?" Asuka eyed him as she spoke coldly. "Not unless you want me to break your phones camera."

Rei eyed them. "What Asuka means is its very rude to stare, don't you people have better things to do?" A woman opposite adjusted her jacket. "We are all staring because we are wondering what Asuka's really like underneath all that metal, because that image up in the visitor centre she painted of you is melt your heart glorious, which makes us think that she's actuality very soft and sweet." She paused before speaking in a coy tone. "So tell us Rei is she the opposite in your company?" Asuka folded her arms in annoyance. "This is so stupid!" Rei eyed Asuka a part of her wanted to say the truth but at the same time she knew it would be unfair on Asuka as she finding this very uncomfortable. It was in her face and pose which had turned very defensive not that she blamed her this really wasn't any of there business. Plus Asuka did not trust these people she'd made that quite clear last night and though she knew not all of them meant ill or wrong it didn't mean that some might just be probing because they wanted gossip. "How she is in my company just really isn't any of your business or your concern and I'm not going to spill any home truths just because you want gossip."

She paused putting the magazine down. "Because gossip and rumour can be very damaging and it surprises me that you want to know this now when half of Nerv has been spreading a certain other rumour for years which was very damaging to Asuka." She looked up slightly watching as some of them suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "You can't expect her to want to turn around and trust those of you who got a thrill out of spreading it." She looked at her hands. "I will say this though I believe she is innocent of that crime and I think a lot of people including myself made the mistake of having a knee jerk reaction, because it was convenient to place blame because of Asuka's turbulent past with her past issues with anger." She paused taking in a deep breath before speaking. "I think the painting speaks volumes of how much she's changed but I regret that just like everyone else I didn't see that change when it mattered three years ago." She stood taking the magazine as she watched Asuka put her card in the slot paying for their meal while putting her digital scroll away. "Think long and hard about that before you try to create more gossip about the both of us to throw around." Asuka looked up she hadn't really expected this she didn't expect Rei to fight her battles for her despite that they were together.

She felt the other woman gently take hold of her leather jacket sleeve as they walked away maybe it wasn't so bad she felt a slight smile form but didn't say anything right now. She would give her thanks later when they were home alone. Maybe it would be okay to visit the Elysium galley with the younger woman it might not be so bad perhaps she could find some sense of peace in going with the one person she trusted above all the others. Her works would never measure up to Shinji's or Rei's but in truth that wasn't such a bad thing as she would be in the same gallery as them as she would be among her friends. The world was awful and cruel, people could be really brutal and unkind but unlike before perhaps there was a chance that she could find those few good people out in this world and it would give her some form of hope. Clearly in the past she had just been around the wrong people because misery loved company and all of those people who had thrown her away three years just hadn't been her friends to start with. She'd just never realized it at the time because she'd never held much regard to her celebrity status perhaps all of those people had only liked her because she'd had money and what they believed was power but when she'd become stuck they'd not defended her and just left her to rot.

8

Misato walked in to the new room where Shoji and Leiko were stationed just as before they still the poster of unit 01's face on the door. She opened the door walking in side seeing both of them now working on two large top of the range panels desks complete with hologram screens which were facing her. All of there unit wall scrolls were still on the wall though the 02's one had the updated version along with 00's and they had placed them together rather than on opposite sides of the wall like in there other office. They had more action figures but they were on the cupboard opposite where they'd stored there files discs and all manner of other stuff and they also had better coffee maker sitting close by. They both now had the official Nerv cream coloured uniforms though their bands weren't orange like the general staff they had red which meant that they were part of the intelligence division. Makoto, Kaji and Shigeru's had yellow bands and Maya also had these same yellow bands on her lab coat shoulders to show that they were at the very top of the command chain. "Hi there, I hope you're both settling in okay."

Shoji felt a smile form on his lips. "Hello Major." Leiko looked up slightly. "Yeah we are great here this is so much better than the shitty box room back up the visitors centre." She raised her hands. "The gym is to die for." Misato felt a smile form as she pulled up a chair so she could sit between there desks. "More new stuff I see." Shoji smirked. "Yeah well its free now and we didn't see why not." He turned pointing at the 00 and 02 wall scrolls. "Plus they are awesome together." Misato looked up slightly. "Ah so you've heard." Leiko's smile widened. "Well who hasn't I mean everyone's talking about it, it was so unexpected. I mean we heard rumours upstairs that they had started to become friends after the UN Alpha test unit accident but even we didn't expect that." She paused before speaking. "Also I had no idea Asuka was an artist like Shinji." Misato looked up slightly. "To be fair none of us knew she kept it very private for years." She eased out her tablet. "It's also clear that she's seen the ghost girl you talk about so you might want to add this to your research." She flipped the images on to Leiko's screen. "One is from the ward and another was when she was on the train." Leiko looked at the digital paintings. "That's intense." She put her hands together. "She draws this girl really differently to Rei."

She typed her holographic panel bringing up the image of Rei from the visitor centre which was now all over the web. "Style, tone it's so different." Misato looked up. "That's just what I though as well and she's seen her two times now and you said it's incredibly rare to see one time let alone twice." Leiko blinked in confusion. "Yeah but this makes even less sense because this girl appeared when 02 broke free she was watching it. I mean we've been told its partial AI in the core malfunctioned and I thought it should have a pilot hence why it took its entry plug back and tried to leave before you shut it down." Misato looked down knowing her next words were a lie. "Something like that yes." Shoji looked at his screen. "We have looked back over the whole event with Hikari and we have something very disturbing, though we stumbled up on by complete accident. Hence your other team might have missed it, because it's not public information and it's in some very old logs." He pulled up an image of a woman's face which had freckles and long brown hair which was tailed the woman also had dark brown eyes. "Hikari Horaki German born, though her mother is Japanese but as you know children can pick there second name nowadays and take ether their father or mothers second name. We were very surprised though when we tracked her life back and looked at the German division's old logs you know back to when they had eight test subjects Asuka being one of them."

He brought up an old photo showing all eight children in a group with Asuka right at the back in a little dress while Hikari was placed front smiling. "She was a candidate for the German program and at one point it was thought that she would be the pilot of 02 because her sync ratio was far higher than Asuka's who was middle range for a least a year but then something changed in the second year. We believe it was Asuka going to live with her grandmother because after that her test scores improved and her sync ratio went up and she started to succeed and surpass all the other candidates in spades they just couldn't keep up with her in the end." He looked up slightly. "Asuka was picked in the end and went on to the second section of testing and later down the line was sent to Japan to complete the final phase when she hit fifteen." He tapped the screen. "I heard how Asuka got accused of beating this woman but I don't believe in condescendence, this girl gets surpassed by Asuka then gets rejected from the Evangelion program then shows up years later when she's an adult and just happens to find her way in to Asuka's bedroom." He breathed in deeply. "This stinks of spite, rejection and someone wanting to get there own back."

He eyed the young woman's image. "After the program ended all of the candidates were interviewed years later when they were teenagers by the German press for a news paper and her statement was that 02 should have been hers not Asuka's but this article is very obscure it wasn't posted world wide only in Germany and we had to use the computer to translate it its how we found out that she was part of the program and we only got that by tracing her back history." He breathed in deeply putting his hands together. "Oh and there more this woman sex life has been male only and has been very messy, at least two of her boyfriends filed domestic abuse claims against her and she has a history of violent, aggressive behaviour and its not alcohol or drug related it appears to be personality based and the reports make it very clear that she enjoys causing pain to others and she has a long list of violent offences on her record." He looked up slightly. "Though I won't comment on her sexuality as it's a fluid thing, I do find it very strange that up to this point she only had boyfriends then suddenly she was after her rival to sleep with her. Also we found plane records which said that she flew to Japan but she only stayed for one month as soon as the thing with Asuka was over and she had the pay out she left but she didn't go back to Germany she flew to an expensive five star holiday resort in Peru and then vanished off the map, she has not been heard of seen since."

He shook his head sadly. "Asuka probably never saw this coming, I mean we know she's not a people person hence she was an easy target I doubt she even recognised Hikari and the bar tender said that Hikari was playing this flattering game with her telling her nice things about her appearance and trying to stroke her ego which just wasn't working." He looked up as he brought up the bars camera footage showing Hikari speaking to Asuka who didn't look impressed as she carried on drinking her beer watching out of the corner of her eye. "Asuka was just drinking her beer not saying much and being very suspicious but it was this comment that broke the water, she said to Asuka that she was a good person and who wouldn't want to be with her. The bar tender never forgot that because he said Asuka's whole behaviour changed she opened up and was really warm and kind. It shocked him because it was a full three hundred degree shift in character and he'd served her for years and he'd never seen that side of her up to that point." He brought up another video which was Asuka dancing with Hikari romantically on the dance floor. "There's more though he said that she went and danced with Hikari on the dance floor and that she kissed her really softly and was being really kind and gentle with her."

He breathed in deeply. "There was no violence, no pushing for dominance and no predatory behaviour, he even stated that he was really sad that she never came back to the bar after that and that he wouldn't have kicked her out if she had returned as he saw her as innocent and felt that something was off with Hikari." He folded his arms. "Asuka wasn't searching for a date that night ether she was just drinking and minding her own business." He looked up seeing that the colour had drained from the Major's face. "Are you okay?" Misato leaned forward putting her hands together. "I made a horrible mistake just like every one else I assumed this was Asuka's fault, because she has had issues in the past with violence and anger." Leiko looked up. "To be fair I don't think any one at this Nerv branch would have known about Hikari's connection to the German Evangelion program and we had to ask the German division for the records and they were very confused as to why we wanted such old logs because almost all of the people associated with the early Evangelion testing program are retired or have died. Even Asuka's grandmother wasn't allowed to know about who the other candidates were as Seele kept all test candidates a secret in the early days as they didn't want press or outside influence. Unlike now where it's all out in the open and at the time she had only be in charge of the division for a year."

Misato breathed in painfully. "You don't understand this really ruined Asuka's life both at work and outside, it turned her in to a recluse and she was innocent the whole time and just like everyone else I didn't give her a chance I even shouted at her over this and said that she was an utter embarrassment to Nerv." She looked down sadly, "I was just so angry with her that day because the commander and Ritsuko had already shouted at me over it and I went and I just took it all out on her and tour at her hide in the worst possible way." She shook her head. "I even told her that she didn't deserve a sex life if she felt it was okay to behave that way and I compared her to the other pilots and how she wasn't on par with them and probably never ever would be, because she's always been a problem." She looked up slightly. "She did try to defend herself but I didn't care to listen to her side of the story and I shouted at her in front of the other pilots in the end she just looked so miserable and stopped speaking." She looked down sadly no wonder Asuka hadn't wanted to return to the world of the living and Bardiel had, had to shove her back, she had gotten her anger wrong every time through out this whole event it was like the others had said, she was in so much emotional pain because she felt she couldn't win and that nothing she did meant anything, so she was lashing out, out of pain.

Her lowered sync was because she didn't believed that she was not as good as Rei or Shinji, hence why she questioned her abilities all the time and never thought that any credit given was even real. She had very low self esteem as well and that was clear as day to her now because she had been confused as to why she'd acted the way she had before going through the door in to the visitor centre. She'd assumed it was nerves but in truth it wasn't it was fear and uncertainty and the only reason she'd even gone there was because Rei had asked her to come she probably wouldn't have gone at all otherwise. Bardiel had clearly had a field day with her in the beginning because she had nothing and no one to turn to and it was only by chance that Rei had just been in the right place at the right time and she was the thing that was keeping her going right now. She turned to them as a question entered her mind. "I understand Hikari's information not coming up along with her connection to the German division candidate program but no one ever showed me that video of the bar or said anything about the bar tenders response." Leiko breathed in deeply. "We don't understand that ether, I mean it's really strange and it feels like both were intentionally cut out from the report."

Shoji folded his arms as he froze the video which was showing Hikari being kissed very gently by Asuka. "The bar tender said that he was visited by Nerv staff and his statement was taken along with a copy of this video. When we called him he said that he had kept this video for years and that to this day he has always wanted to prove Asuka's innocence as he couldn't believe that she was painted as the villain and that his side of the story ignored. He even gave copies of this video to the press but they left it out of the stories and wrote Asuka as the villain and sided completely with Hikari and we've seen one of her live interviews and how much she turned on the water works which was clearly to gain the public's sympathy." Misato eyed the frozen video feeling the anger start to burn as she spoke through gritted teeth. "What video feeds were in this report?" Shoji looked up sadly. "The only video feeds in this report are generic with them both going to the train and the last video is them getting off at the station near Asuka's house. In one video Asuka is tugging Hikari a little but its more that she's happy to be with her, there are also many statements but we have no idea if these have been altered. It is very clear to us though that the whole report looks as though it's been purposely changed to paint Asuka as the villain and guilty of the crime when she is in fact innocent." He breathed in deeply. "Clearly some one somewhere tampered with the report but we have no idea who did it or when because there's no sigh off signature."

End of part 40

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering about the End of Evangelion Easter egg it was never intended just as an Easter egg it was fully intended as an important plot piece. I would like to say that I’d imagine that when the Hikari incident happened, Misato probably skim read the videos and report and didn’t pay attention in full because in her head it was just Asuka’s causing problems yet again. The media and press I put in because I wanted to reflect what happens when you don’t get all sides of a story and how changes in context can alter so much as this difference can change the victim to a villain and vice versa. Please note there will be no update next week as its Christmas.


	41. Chapter 41

  _FEELING THE BLISSFUL CALM AND SILENCE_

 

Rei looked at Asuka who was being very quite as they lay on the bed together she was just staring up wards at the ceiling though clearly she was thinking very deeply about something because the glowing blue patterns in her left eye were changing as they always did as her emotions governed them very strongly. She paused moving her hand to her long sleeping t-shirt putting her fingers in the stomach area. "Asuka are you okay?" Asuka turned sharply realizing that she was spacing out. "Sorry I was just thinking." Rei looked at her. "What's on your mind?" Asuka looked at her meeting her gaze directly. "Did that image of me and Shinji disturb you, the one where he was strangling me?" Rei looked at her. "Yes it did but I know it's not real and I know my brother and that's not him but I agree that you weren't right for each other." Asuka breathed in deeply. "What if it is real? I mean not here but in some other place, like another universe, you know like if there are other versions of me and you who don't love each other and other versions of the people we know." Rei looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "I'd rather not imagine that, it sounds depressing." She didn't think as she changed position straddling Asuka so she was looking down on her. "This world is fine for me, I don't want another one."

Asuka breathed in deeply feeling her self swallow as Rei leaned closer. "Yeah but wouldn't you want to meet yourself?" Rei shook her head. "Not really, its not that I'm not curious it's more that I might feel sorry for what I have and she doesn't." She paused as she started to slowly pull up Asuka's t-shirt much to her surprise and confusion. Asuka felt her eyes dart. "Em….what are you doing?" Rei eyed her feeling a wide smile form. "You know I was thinking today that I really want to see what under your clothes, because over the years I have only ever seen you from the back when we were dressing in plug suites in a hurry and didn't have time to get in to the special frosted cubicles. I think it's very sweet you allowing me to redress in your bed room while you dress elsewhere, I want to see your body because you must be really beautiful and strong under there." Asuka breathed in feeling the heat before she could stop it she suddenly felt nervous and scared and she put her hands on Rei's before she could stop herself. "I'm sure it's nothing to brag about." Rei felt her smile widen. "Asuka how's about you let me be the judge of that." She leaned closer catching sight of the fear in Asuka's good eye which she found really sad in a way as in her youth the other woman had not been nearly this self conscious about her body but now she was so nervous and really under confident. "Trust me Asuka."

She felt the other woman's hands free themselves as she pulled the long t-shirt up eased it off completely putting it to one side noticing that Asuka had become very still. She moved her hands over her stomach running her fingers over the long jagged scar she could now also see her shoulders and arms fully there was muscle on her arms it wasn't over prominent but could be seen when she tensed she moved her fingers up very slowly upwards between her breasts and up to her shoulders she slowly followed the line of her arm down her arm muscles right down to her fingers joining hers with them. "You know I was talking with Kyo today he asked how you are by the way, he says he'd like to see on the shooting range sometime and he understands why you stayed away." Asuka felt her eyes dart as Rei's other hand moved to her waist though this time it was following her body's contours. She felt so scared right now and she couldn't help it as she spoke knowing her voice sounded meek. "He does?" Rei moved her hand up reaching her other hand wrapping her fingers in it. "Yes you see he knew why you were angry but he values your friendship and wants to see how your doing." Asuka breathed in deeply. "I never meant to call him a sell out and he never attacked me only his idiot brother did."

Rei moved the other woman's hands putting them on her pyjama top giving her a smile watching as the red blush crept in to Asuka's cheeks as she started to fidget a little. "I think you should go and see him, he clearly likes you." She paused seeing that Asuka looked really lost now and she was giving her that wide eyed innocent look. "I also know that you've spent most of your life wanting to know what I look like under these clothes, so would you like to find out what you've been dreaming about for so long?" Asuka could feel her hands shaking she was loosing it she wasn't even sure if this was real or not it felt like a surreal dream. This wasn't even about sex she knew that already but it felt so insane, maybe she was going to wake up and find that nothing was real anymore. She knew this was everything she ever wanted why was she struggling so much? She was so afraid right now she could feel her heart as it started to pound against her rib cage, she could walk her Evangelion through the fires of war yet she couldn't undress the woman who she was in love with. Rei watched the Asuka's left eyes suddenly ignited letting out blue and white light as her emotions reached their heights.

She leaned forward kissing her gently on the lips hoping it would help with the fear she was struggling with while she kept her hands in place. "Its okay Asuka this is real, I'm real your not dreaming." Asuka felt her back molars start to lengthen it wasn't anger, she didn't feel any anger at all at this moment it was an emotion in between that she couldn't put her finger on it. It was like a surreal mix of almost happy agony and ecstasy combined and she'd never felt anything like it before in her whole life. Her fingers finally started to move and work as she gently undid the buttons one by one slowly pulling the pyjama top down seeing wonders which were just beyond compare. Soft skin slender curves, soft breasts her imagination had never done this justice even if she couldn't feel sexual desire it didn't matter to see, to feel and to touch was enough. She ran her hands slowly down the others woman's shoulders and arms to her delicate fingers then moved her hand to her neck working her way slowly down to her stomach tracing every line with her fingers. She'd never cared for erotic art but she knew that she could draw this form over and over she eased out her tongue licking one of her canine teeth ignoring that it had lengthened.

Her emotions were just buzzing now as she carried on tracing the skin up and down only to suddenly feel Rei take her hands gently placing them on her breasts as she leaned towards her. She pulled back slightly realizing that her teeth were really showing. "You don't have to kiss me I know my teeth look odd right now." Rei eyed her. "Between you and me I really don't care." She leaned forward kissing her noticing that Asuka movement during the kiss were as gentle as possible trying to ensure that that she didn't prick her with the sharp points she pulled away watching as a smile appeared on Asuka's face she eased her hand up her curiosity getting the better of her. "May I have a look, its just I normally see these teeth only when you're angry." Asuka's hands began to move her hands with more direction as her confidence started to show and she spoke in a low tone. "Go ahead, don't worry I won't bite you." Rei eased her fingers up feeling the points on the canines they were sharp. "What if I wanted you to bite me?" Asuka's face turned slightly serious. "I wouldn't do that to you, it'd bleed and scar and it would hurt you." Rei pushed her finger down on one of the molar's feeling the slight nip of pain she pulled it away looking at it seeing a thin trail of blood run free. "You know in all these years of piloting I never liked the pain from my wounds and I never cared for the taste of blood ether, it makes me feel really sick."

Asuka looked at the other woman's bleeding finger. "Strange with me it's the opposite I like the pain and I just don't mind the taste of my own blood." She looked up slightly. "It's not a sexual buzz or anything like that but I always thought I was messed up and weird for thinking that way because it doesn't feel like it should be normal." Rei looked at her for a long moment seeing the colour fade in a left eye going back to normal with its blue glowing pulsing patterns. "I don't think that's messed up, that's just who you are Asuka plus normal doesn't mean anything no ones normal everyone's different it's what makes people interesting." She paused before speaking. "Personally I like you just the way you are, because you're fascinating." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "In what sense am I fascinating?" Rei leaned closer to her. "You're all fire and metal to the outside world but in my company you are so soft, kind, loving and gentle, I know I'll always be safe in your company and I'll never feel afraid." She met good eye. "Because I know you will always protect me."

Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "You wouldn't be wrong." Rei eased her hand up putting it on the other woman's face. "Tell me what it's like when you let go, you know when you go where your fire takes you?" Asuka felt her eyes dart she hadn't been expecting that question. "Its feels like freedom and release, when I was younger it had this blood lust and bitter edge to it because of my feelings and misguided anger but now its different it like my hearts been set alight and its enjoyable, I know there is a sense of blood lust at times but its just feel like its always in the right place even when I'm not piloting." Rei looked at her. "That day when you fought Mari after your stitches ruptured why did you touch my face like you did?" Asuka breathed in deeply. "I'm sorry that was wrong of me, I was loosing blood and my head was spinning and you just appeared there and I just crossed the boundary with out thinking. It was just I was so messed up emotionally and you were being so nice to me." Rei moved her hand taking one of Asuka's. "Never apologise for having compassion Asuka, your compassion is one of the reasons I fell in love with you and I really enjoyed your touch that day it really moved me."

8

Rei watched Asuka as she lay back in her chair in the wreck room putting her feet over the edge folding her arms as she closed her good eye dozing she was really relaxed today. They weren't doing anything as Shinji and Kaworu were out flying to Russia so it was just them along with Mari and Toji. Toji had a data card plugged in and was watching angel fights scenarios while Mari was playing with her code cube though her eyes were on Asuka and the look she was giving her was as cold as ice she looked down as she carried on playing her hand held paying no mind to it. Mari stood up as she made her way over to Asuka seeing that she had her good eye was closed she didn't think as she kicked her chair full force causing Asuka to open her good eye. "You have something that belongs to me princess I fucking want it back!" Asuka breathed in deeply she knew what she was talking about she eased her hand in her jacket pocket easing up the disc which had her files on it. "Here, all your files are on this disc I left nothing out." Mari snatched it from her hand. "If you told any one what was on here in side Nerv I will personally strangle you!" Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "It's all there and I haven't told anyone anything and the others won't say anything believe me."

Rei eyed Mari. "You know there's nothing wrong with you Mari, it's perfectly natural and we all understand here, we don't think any less of you." Mari turned to her feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. "Shut up!" She leaned closer. "I don't care for your fucking opinion you worthless…" Asuka's hand suddenly found her tie as she was yanked her around violently by it so they were face to face. Asuka looked in to Mari's surprised gaze as she spoke evenly. "You know I've been quite ill these past few weeks and because of that I've let your comments and your actions towards Rei slide. It's not going to happen anymore don't think you can insult her in my presence again and get away with it, because I won't take it." She loosened her grip on the taller woman's tie ignoring Toji who now looked surprised and confused. "I love her a lot and I have no patience for your behaviour, believe me I get it you hate yourself right now, your running away because you don't want to face your demons. If I were you though I'd start to face them because otherwise your going to have an angel or something much worse force you to face them and it won't be at all pleasant." She paused letting go off her tie. "Believe me it's something I know from personal experience."

Mari stood up slowly walking away from her. "I swear princess since Bardiel took over your brain, you've become so self righteous and annoying." She closed down her game as she sat down. "Don't you ever worry that once you get him out of your mind that he might just take away all of your happy memories from you out of spite and you won't even remember ever screwing Rei or these past weeks, you'll just be right back where you started." She felt a sly smile form. "Wouldn't that just be a tragedy?" Rei eyed her in disgust. "Gods you're awful!" Asuka looked up as she sat up in her chair. "It doesn't matter if he takes those memories away from me because it won't change the feeling's I have for Rei they were there long before he came around and if I had to love her all over again its fine by me plus Nerv has enough feed of us that I can fill in at least some of the gaps." Rei eased up her hand. "Bardiel can take a lot away from us but he can't take away our feelings for each other." Mari rolled her eyes. "I think I'm sick of you two, your whole relationship is so fucking nauseating."

Toji turned to Mari she was in a really weird mood today she wasn't normally like this and she'd been ratty and short tempered yesterday as well. Maybe she was experiencing bad period pain or something he knew his little sister complained about that sometimes because the pain could really get to her. "Hey what's on the disc?" Mari turned sharply. "It's none of your fucking business!" Toji blinked eyeing his best friend. "Hey Mari calm down I'm just curious." Mari eyed him as she put the disc away. "Leave me alone." Asuka leaned forward. "Toji you're her best friend, please talk her in to going to see Maya." Mari sat up. "I don't need fucking therapy that stuff is for losers like you!" Toji put a hand gently on her shoulder. "Mari just relax do you need some pain killers, I mean I can get you some I don't mind it you a headache or something else is hurting to you." Mari pulled her glasses off wiping her eyes in frustration her world felt awful right now, it felt like things were starting to mount on her shoulders and she had found herself crying a lot more when she was alone. She wasn't gay, she didn't want to be gay if she came out no one would be her friend even Toji would leave her as a friend and she would be truly alone in the world and she just couldn't stomach that idea.

She hated being alone and having no family she'd never even told her mother about her sexuality because she thought that she would throw her out as both her and her father had been so negative about the issue when she had been growing up. In the end after her father had left she'd wanted to tell her mother so badly but it had been denied her because she'd been murdered and it just made her feel hollow inside. She turned eyeing Toji as she put her glasses back on. "I don't need painkillers I need sleep." Toji gave her a smile. "Look your just having a few of days and its okay, that's why your sync was bad but it's not the end of the world." Asuka looked at Mari for a long moment it really was like looking in a mirror the attitude the temper it was just how she'd been before Maya had stepped in. She had always had difficulty with Mari but now she didn't feel that resentment or anger for her anymore she just wanted to help her she turned as Misato entered the room. Misato looked up slightly as she eased up her tablet. "Sorry to interrupt all of your conversations but we have just had an assignment come in." She eyed the report. "It's Oculus there working up in the Amazon rainforest freeing animals and sinking ships to create reefs." Mari looked up sharply. "Is this for me and Toji?" Misato looked at her. "No not this time Mari…next time though I'll send you both."

She turned to Asuka and Rei. "I think you should go both go as nether of you have done any Oculus projects" Asuka blinked in surprise. "You're sending me?" Misato turned to her. "Yes." Asuka raised her hands. "Look not to sound ungrateful but why would you even send me?" She breathed in deeply. "I get it, the last time you were just trying to make me feel better but this is really unnecessary." Misato looked at her tablet looking in to other woman's good eye. "You like animals don't you Asuka? I mean you've got a cat and from what I hear you spoil her rotten and Rei told me that your very sweet with her." Asuka eyed her feeling the confusion hit her. "Yes I do spoil Erika rotten but it doesn't mean I'd be any good at Oculus..." She tensed slightly. "Plus there not going to trust me with wildlife crates they'll probably just think with my Evangelion looking the way it does that I'll eat what's in the creates, you know since the world saw me eat a pint sized vertical wing." Rei looked up seeing Misato's dart her eyes signalling to her desperately for help she put her hand held down as she stood up walked over to Asuka's chair putting her hand on the other woman's leg. "You know I'd love to go on Oculus I've never been on one of those missions before."

She leaned over further putting her finger under Asuka patch pulling it up slightly so she could see her left eye whose patterns were blazing and spinning as the other woman started to fidget nervously in her sitting position. "Plus it will be really fun for both of us." Misato watched very closely as a look passed between them before Asuka looked down speaking quietly. "Fine I'll go." Misato breathed in deeply talk about being wrapped around your finger. Rei had real power over Asuka that was for sure anyone else would just get her temper but Rei could just speak softly and she would just give in and go with anything she wanted. "I think we'll really enjoy this mission Asuka." Rei stood up watching as Asuka eased herself to her feet pulling her patch back down in place not saying anything as they both left the room together going to the changing room. She turned to Mari. "I do have something very important for you Mari, Maya wants to chat with you one on one." Mari eyed her in disgust as she stood up. "Oh really well tell her to go fucking burn I have no interest in talking to some dirty lesbian!" Misato looked up sharply were in the hell had that come from? She'd known Mari for a while but this was the first time she'd heard her throw homophobic insults and it was really out of character. "It's not up for debate and you will not speak ill of Maya she has done so much good for this program." Mari moved towards her. "I don't need therapy!"

Misato eyed her. "Who says this is therapy? She just wants to talk to you she's very concerned about you." She raised her hand lowering her tablet. "I mean you are meant to go and see her every couple of months all of the other pilots do and her job is to make your life easier." Mari raised her hand. "Asuka put you up to this didn't she?! You know since she's been on her whole self righteous kick, what does she think that because she has a fucking girlfriend now that she's something special?" Misato looked up what was going on in this young woman's head right now? She was completely derailing just like Asuka had some years back after Shamshel and now a part of her was happy that they'd caught this now because Maya was spot on there was something going on mentality and it was bad. "Mari this has nothing to do with Asuka this is me being your commander, you need to have these talks with Maya they are to help you." Mari narrowed her gaze. "I hate you people, you just can't stay out of my life!" Misato narrowed her gaze. "Regardless of how you view us, you need to do this its part of Nerv's program, the others have all done it and you've done nothing other but avoid Maya's talks for over a year and its time you went." She breathed in deeply. "So we can do this the hard way or the easy way Mari and you will go and speak to her and if I find you haven't attended yet again I will drag you up there myself!" Mari eyed her. "Fine, I'll go visit your dirty little gay friend not that it will make any difference because there's nothing wrong with me!"

8

Asuka turned eyeing the two media planes which were tailing her unit as she flew away from Japan though they were staying at distance to avoid the beating of her units huge red wings which could literality knock them out of the air if they got to close. She turned seeing that Rei had the same problem and was being tailed by two other media planes this wasn't illegal technically they could follow the Evangelion's around so long as they kept out of the way of the flying wing and the drove camera and stayed away from the Evangelion's head. "You know this starting to ficken piss me off what do these people even want?" Rei's face appeared on her screen. "I think there curious about us." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Oh that's nice I wish they'd go away we are working." Rei felt a smile form. "Is it me or is this the first time you've ever been tailed by the press Asuka?" Asuka eyed the planes. "I normally kill people remember the only time I get press camera's filming me is from the ground crews who are brave enough to venture in to war zones while I'm blowing scheisse up." Rei felt her smile widen. "You should get used to it, you know since we are big news now." Asuka eyed her. "I really don't care about that kind of thing."

Rei adjusted her controls gaining slightly more height watching as Asuka followed. "You know I think you should watch a few of the recent news feeds you might be surprised." Asuka looked down sadly. "Look its nothing personal Rei but after Hikari, I just don't watch the news being called a sexual predator and abuser made me sick to my stomach." She paused before speaking. "I just don't want to deal with that kind of stress all over again." She pressed her controls getting higher seeing that the media planes were struggling now as she was about to breach the edge of the earths atmosphere it's self though she couldn't go any higher as she had to remain in sight of the flying wing and drone camera. "They'll just do it all over again with you." Rei eased up her hand stroking Asuka's face on the hologram screen. "You should have faith Asuka you know maybe it will be different this time around." Asuka tensed painfully. "You can't change some peoples minds Rei, that's just how it is." Misato breathed in deeply she didn't normally listen in on the pilot private conversations but she'd chosen to this time around though she was doing it through a head set so no one else could hear. She wanted to see the real Asuka now, not the front she put up, she wanted to see her as she spoke to Rei when her guard was down.

She could see Shinji on Kaworu landing there units in Sydney Australia on the other screen both of them slowly folded away there huge wings as they walked towards the docks where they needed to drop off their military packages. She could see the Australian Military's walking robot coming in to greet them which was painted red and orange with a helmeted head and yellow glowing visor it had turret guns on its arms and shoulders and a massive saw blade. It wasn't an Evangelion it was pure mechanics and only came up to an Evangelion's knee it was a military experiment in testing lower level walkers and a prototype. That's what the packages they were dropping off were all about as Australia, North and South America were trying to create these for ground warfare the walking technology had come from Nerv and they'd had to pay for it. The idea was being smaller than the Evangelion's they could shift around there legs and protect there faces and since there controls were similar to tanks the idea was that they could replace the tank completely.

The current problem though was the power cells because they had to use the ones that vertical and flying wings used but they could only use one and it didn't last long enough because it just ate power and only lasted three days before it had be recharged for a day and a half which was to long a time. Though nuclear had been considered it was just too dangerous and N2 none nuclear wasn't much better if it had an issue of blew up as it would take a city with it so for now power cells were the only option. The prototype was called Imperia and it needed two pilots one to fire weapons and one to move the body and both were sealed in side the body out of sight making the head pure show. She watched Imperia moved forward giving Shinji a wave seeing him wave unit 01's hand in return followed by Kaworu doing the same as the got closer preparing to do the hand over. Hopefully this would go with out a hitch she hated handovers because that was normally when the terrorists showed up ether to try and harm the Evangelion's or steal the weapons technology and they had all been quite for far to long and she hated that even more. Asuka breathed in turning behind her noticing something in the distance though it was very hard to make out. "Rei is the Eos international space station doing space flight testing today in low atmosphere?"

Rei looked at her. "No." Asuka turned her units head further around. "There's something behind us and I can't make it out but it looks big." She turned around fully only for her heart to stop as a rocket appeared flying at them full speed. "Oh scheisse!" She didn't think as she pulled her units clawed feet up kicking 00 with all her might as it hit her blowing in to blazing light throwing her in the opposite direction putting her in to a violent spin as she went back in to the atmosphere and gravity took over. Oh this was going to hurt so much she already knew she couldn't right herself and one of her wings was on fire! She pressed the controls refolding them as the flames went out as the wind rushed past as she half curled her unit up in to a ball hoping for the best as the world appeared below her. Misato watched as the screens turned red as everything went in to chaos. "Was that an N2 missile?!" Kaji typed frantically he could see Asuka's face on screen as she prepared for the pain, though he had no idea where her unit was as the blast had destroyed the drone camera and knocked the flying wing back though the pilot had been able to take back control but his wings were badly damaged and he was coming back to Nerv none of Rei or Asuka's weapons were damaged.

He could see Rei's face she was also tumbling but was trying to right herself Asuka had saved her at the last moment by kicking her out of the blast radius and had taken the full impact. "Yes the Eos space station said something fired it, there giving us feed now and there trying to follow the falling unit's paths!" He typed bringing up the space stations high definition camera which was on the stations extending arm. He could see a massive shadow floating just above the earth. "What is that?" Shigeru looked at his panel. "Well it isn't a fucking plane or a rocket that's for sure it's too big and the shapes all wrong!" Maya breathed in deeply. "I'm bringing up all the media feeds in world area to track unit's descents!" She looked at her panel feeling her eyes dart. "Getting direct feed from Eos unit 00 is falling towards New Zealand unit 02 is falling towards Australia it's also being tailed by what ever that thing is!" Misato breathed in deeply grabbing the speaker. "Asuka deep breathes!" Asuka closed her eyes grabbing the controls as she felt her unit smash the ground which sent pain through out her whole body. She carried on tumbling she had to have hit a high mountain or something she felt her unit smash down as she hit the bottom of it as everything went still as her head started to spin. All she could see above her was a huge red mountain and blue sky before everything faded away in to darkness.

End of part 41

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imperia, is a nod to the movie Pacific Rim Jaeger, plus I thought this might add a really fun element to the Evangelion world. 
> 
> As I knew this cliff hanger was coming and I felt it very unfair to post over Christmas as I know people would be to busy to read it but also this chapter coming out now means you get the follow up next week. 
> 
> Eos was a Greek Titan goddess who was said to bring about the dawn, hence why I named the space station after her in this AU as they get to see the sun rise over earth everyday.


	42. Chapter 42

  _LEVIATHAN IN THE MIST_

 

Maya looked up eyeing her read outs. "Asuka is unconscious and unit 02 has powered down." She paused before speaking unable to keep the shock out of her voice. "She survived that fall and I have no idea how…even her unit is still fully intact. We know that Shinji once fell from sixty kilometres three years ago and the impact broke the top half of 01's crest horn off but we were told that Evangelion's couldn't survive hundred kilometre drops intact and that the impact would destroy them." A media shot flew up showing 02 as it collided directly with the Uluru Mountains top from a tourist's phone camera before it crashed down on to the forest floor below the impact causing masses of dirt to fly up surrounding the mountain in a red dust cloud. "She's at Uluru." Kaji typed faster. "I'm administering emergency pain killers through LCL, I'm not reading any bone breaks or fractures on her body but she did experience intense pain and has strained her back muscles from the impact." Misato pressed the speaker. "Wake up Asuka!" She could see her on the screen but she was in partial darkness and didn't respond. She turned to the other screen pressing the button so Shinji and Kaworu could hear her. "There's been an attack on unit 02 and unit 00 you need to leave Sidney right now and head for Uluru, Asuka's unconscious!" Shinji spoke his voice filled with shock. "Where's Rei?!"

Misato eyed him she could still see Rei falling through she had managed to fully right herself now and was slowing her decent. "She's coming down now of the New Zealand coast, Asuka saved her life!" Rei grabbed her controls pulling with all her might as she forced her legs up opening her wings fully as she came down hard colliding with the sea causing a massive wave to crash up against the shore. She turned seeing a movie film crew up on the hill above her staring down at her slack jawed she looked around realized why, she had just sent one of their ancient Greek trireme prop ships crashing in to the shore when she had landed. She walked over to it carefully picking it up before placing it down close to the others props which were lower down the hill on trucks she looked at the filming crew as she turning on her speaker so they could hear her as she spoke hoping that her English sounded correct as she didn't speak it that often. "I'm really sorry!" She watched as a guy who had to be director walked up to the hill side as he spoke using his microphone. "It's no problem can we use your shot? We'll just over lay it with a CGI god it'll be really cool they'll love it back over in Hollywood!" Rei rolled her eyes. "Sure."

She turned jumping in to the air getting air born again as she spoke to Misato. "I'm safe I just crashed down on New Zealand's coast." Misato's face came up. "You need to get to Uluru now! Asuka unconscious and something is tailing her it hasn't landed yet but it's going to land any minute now!" Rei grabbed her controls. "I'm coming as fast as I can!" She felt her heart beat go faster as she made her wings pound harder as she started to really pick up speed. Misato eyed the news feed which was now direct as there were media helicopters and planes flying over 02 which was lying on its back one leg lying against the mountain the clawed foot sticking upwards while the other leg was bent. While the clawed hands were spread and arms were outwards the mouth was wide open and the tongue was drooping out and unmoving even from here she could see that at least two of the lenses were cracked on the left side and the face plate on that side also looked damaged. She looked up seeing the media's press camera's turn to the mountain as some thing massive crashed down directly on top of it causing more dust to fly up.

Huge long armoured four clawed hands broke through the red mist followed by a huge head which had a massive long upper and lower jaw which was covered in curved sharp plating the mouth had pure bone teeth but no living gums there was a long living tongue though while the eyes were covered by glowing purple glass lenses. A huge armoured body followed all of it plated in crimson red and dark blue there were huge over lapping shoulder armour sections one of which had a huge rotating rocket launcher attached. Its massive barrel like chest was covered in armour while the huge back hind legs were animal like and only had four clawed toes. Every section was plated in armour and it was absolutely huge twice the size of an Evangelion and it share size meant that it sat on Uluru taking up a huge part of the mountain as the dust began to clear as it's huge bat like wings each folded in to a wing case as it had one on each side to house a single wing. Shigeru looked down as the alarms went off all around them. "I'm reading angel but that's impossible!" Maya looked up blinking in horror. "That's not an angel look at it, it's been engineered!" Makoto looked up. "I'm reading similar readings to Sachiel but Sachiel is dead we killed him years ago, Shinji even eat his S² engine!"

Misato watched as the huge being began to move down the mountain towards 02 its huge hand coming up as it came to stand over it so it was looking down. "Wait look at the shoulders and back between those wing cases!" Maya blinked as she looked up in shock. "I see it, is that a double pilot system?" Misato watched as Ritsuko and Gendo suddenly came running in through the doors above, it was very rarely that she saw Gendo shocked by anything but he was shocked right now and so did Ritsuko. The huge clawed fingers moved as it grabbed 02's mid section picking it up looking at it curiously almost treating it like a large fallen toy as it held it with both hands. "This is not an Evangelion can someone explain to me what the fuck this is?!" Maya watched as the Magi system suddenly came up on the big screen opposite. "The four Magi personalities are reading this an engineered angel complete with two sectioned piloting system through Casper and Hypatia are arguing that the premise being absurd while Melchior and Agnodice have no comment to add." Misato turned sharply as the adenine kicked in causing her to tense. "Wake Asuka up now do anyway you can, even it means pissing of Bardiel!" Maya breathed in deeply. "I can shock her but it will have to be very low level through her plug suite." She pressed her holographic screen watching as Asuka's face remained unmoving as she shocked her.

A female voice suddenly came over the speaker as who ever was piloting the angel abomination spoke on an outward speaker loud enough for everyone to hear including the press. "Well, well it's been a while Asuka Langley Soryu, do you remember me?" Another voice hit the air which was male and sounded young. "I think you knocked her out." The female voice came again as the hands shook 02 violently. "Come on you piece of shit wake up, I want to see your face when you die!" Asuka groaned her head was spinning she felt her good eye slowly open as she looked up realizing that she being hung in the air and that a huge metal monstrous face was staring down at her filled with bone teeth. The living tongue suddenly came out licking her unit's face the sensation was awful it felt like being rubbed with sandpaper. "Let me go!" She started to struggle violently grabbing her controls trying to get loose only to feel the sudden crushing sensation on her stomach which was agonizing as a voice hit the air over the speaker. "Don't squirm now little kitty, I want to rip your fucking head off its shoulders!" There was a long pause. "I mean if I had a big enough bag I'd shove you in it and drown you out at sea, you know like they used to do in the old world with kittens they didn't want."

Asuka looked up sharply she knew that voice! She turned only for the crushing to get harder which made her feel sick. "Hikari!" The voice came again. "Ah that's good you remember me! Guess our night together really stuck in your memory." Asuka felt the anger start to burn before as she started to violently yank her controls trying to get her unit free. "You ruined my life you freckle faced bitch!" Hikari laughed. "Oh and where was that rage on the night when I tried to sleep with you? God you were such a wash out frankly I've never been in to women but I expected more from you than some lame shit about being uncomfortable about domination and violence, it was so fucking pathetic that I had to walk out clearly sex with you just wasn't worth the time and effort!" She paused before speaking in cold evil tone. "I will say this though it was great watching you career crash and burn and seeing your life fall apart was amazing, also the money Nerv paid me was fantastic. So now you know what rejection feels like and how I felt in Germany when I was told I'd never be an Evangelion pilot, 02 should have been mine!"

Asuka felt her good eye dart as the other woman's words sank and a memory flashed through her mind of being stood over by a young girl with freckles and two pony tails who was laughing as she held up her red monkey toy baiting her with it as two of the other children behind her laughed along with her. "Oh so now the truth finally comes out, your one of the German programs children funny now I remember you and even when we were kids you were cruel you used to pick on me, push me around and steal my toys." She felt a sneer form. "So now you've opted for a bargain bucket Evangelion, so I guess only rejects get picked to pilot ugly scheisse!" Hikari spoke again her tone filled with anger. "It's not an Evangelion its better than an Evangelion its pure angel it's stronger and meaner than your little piece of shit!" She breathed in deeply. "Ouroboros will bring this world back to order!" The male voice hit the air filled with defiance and anger. "Nerv changed the order, Nerv abounded its principles of human instrumentality and Seele's remaining six members are pitiful and weak!"

He breathed in speaking evenly. "They want the cycle to complete naturally and defeat the angels with out causing the true impact event they are denying us heaven and we have the right to heaven!" There was a long pause. "So we will see heaven and we will get rid of you to obtain it, because it is our right!" He spoke again punctuating every word. "Look up our true angel Bukavac, our true savour of god and weep in his graces, before you die!" Asuka laughed enjoying the mocking sound of her own laugher. "Do you religious idiots always monologue? Because your so ficken boring." Hikari's voice came again filled with sarcasm. "Say's the dumb bitch wearing a Buddhist Endless knot symbol around her neck which symbolizes death and rebirth!" Her voice came again but the tone was dry and cold. "By the way how's your little fuck buddy Rei? Because when I'm done with you, I'm going to rip out her entry plug and eat it!" Asuka felt the rage start it wasn't like before no this time it was different it had a really violent edge. She felt the sudden warm sensation as her left eye ignited and her molars all lengthen at once as she screamed at the screen going for the massive face clawing at it trying to rip apart anything she could dig her units claws in to no longer caring that her middle was being crushed as she used the huge feet claws in the same way as her unit started to roar with rage.

Shinji slammed down to earth hard pulling unit 01's gun free as the flying wing hovered close by he could see Asuka now trying to tear this angels face off despite that it wouldn't let her go. He'd heard everything that had been said and he didn't think as he started to fire his units machine gun watching as its bullets smashed against the huge metal body as Kaworu's unit remained airborne as he raised his own gun firing as he tried to aim for the arm in the hope that it would allow Asuka to get free. "It has no AT field that makes no sense!" Maya's voice hit the air. "Yes it has its currently being disrupted though, it's like something's cancelling it out." Shinji fired his gun watched as red blood sprayed free from the huge beast back as it turned to them raised a huge hand as a massive long bone like structure flew up from the wrist, he knew just what it was it was the weapon Sachiel had used to crack his units face plate open. "Is it Asuka?" He felt his eyes dart. "I mean it because of Bardiel?" Maya's voice came again filled with uncertainty. "We don't know!" He watched as the huge being stood up on its hind legs just as Asuka ripped off a huge chunk of its face plate sending it flying as her unit left tail shot up as she rammed it straight in to the monsters open mouth firing off a volley of rockets from the turret gun watching as it blasted in to flames causing it's whole head to go back as it roared in agony. The next moment's caught him by surprise as the heard the sound barrier break some way off in distance only for 00 to come flying in like a rocket straight over his units head as it smashed in to the massive angel throwing it completely off its feet.

The massive clawed hand let go off Asuka who was thrown through the air only to come crashing down close by before she flipped herself right side up staying on all fours as she fired her second volley from the tail only for it to smash against an AT field she flicked her other tail up watching as the knife extension shot out. Rei landed on her other side in 00 as the huge monster rose up getting back on its feet its mouth was still on fire. "Can some one over at Nerv please get me my ficken big gun so I can do my job? I have no weapons here!" Rei watched as the flying wing dropped a rifle next to her it was Kaworu's she grabbed it getting ready to fire. She could see the Australian military fighter jets and bombers flying in along with Imperia, who was about to be air dropped as it readied its huge loaded guns. All of them started taking shots which blew up as the bounced across the AT field causing balls of fire and flames to fire up which only increased as Imperia landed hard near by and started to fire all of its turret guns. Misato's voice came over the com. "Asuka I need you to get close to that thing again you were disputing it's AT field before it let you go!" Asuka eyed her screen blinking in confusion. "But that's not my job I'm meant to send in opposing fire for Rei, Shinji and Kaworu so they can destroy angels!"

She turned suddenly feeling nervous. "That's how it's always been…." Misato voice came again even more forceful. "You have to do this!" Asuka breathed in deeply only for Misato's voice to hit the air filled with rage. "Get out there now Asuka!" She turned running her unit forward on all fours as the other units got closer. "Okay I'm going!" Since when was she ever sent up front? She was no good up front the battle with Shamshel had proven that she wasn't cut out for it and that the others were better than her. She was just the volley fire or the crazy last minute thinker and she had never killed an angel on her own she just wasn't as good as Shinji or Rei and Kaworu who had all dealt killer blows. She raised her right tail shoving its blade in to the AT field only for blue and red waves to shoot out as it started to fade away in one section allowing the rockets and missiles to hit the body. Kaji's voice suddenly came over the speaker. "Get on that thing's shoulders Asuka!" Asuka turned sharply. "What?!" Misato voice came. "Jump on its shoulders, once you're on it the whole upper half of the AT field will drop and the others can shoot at its head and Shinji and the others can get in close and find out where this things core is!" Asuka breathed in as she moved forward why were they sending her in she'd just screw it up like she did most things she watched the field fall as she walked through before leaping her unit on to the massive monster as she crawled up its back. She felt it shift violently as it tried to grab at her as the bullets really started to make there mark sending red blood all over the place.

She could see both Shinji and Rei moving in now as Kaworu started aiming higher up at the chest and head she forced her units claws in to the lower shoulders as she got on top of them only for a weird sensation to hit her as Bardiel spoke. " _Shower in the light of the gods supreme_." Her hands moved on there own as she pressed the controls as both tail attachments were freed and she moved both tails back so they were above the double piloting system on both sides one on each side. She sensed the entry plugs protective plates opening as the tails flew downwards inserting in to them locking in to place above the entry plug. The pain that hit her left eye was awful as she suddenly heard screaming in side from both pilots as she felt a barrage of emotions from the both of them. She could feel them all of there pain, fear and agony she yanked her right tail out of one side violently focusing the other on Hikari as she pulled her patch off because the pain was just so intense as she held on as the huge angel suddenly went crazy as its hands went to its head. She gritted her teeth as she spoke directly to Hikari feeling her aggression reach it full height. "You said I was a good person and that I deserved to be happy!"

She looked down sadly. "I thought when you said that, that maybe you loved me, that maybe you were the first person in ages who saw something worth while in me." She felt her good eye narrow. "It wasn't love though was it? It was cruelty and malice so let me show you pain, let me show misery let me show you how you made me feel these past three years!" She breathed in as all of her emotions collided outwards finding Hikari's mind causing her to scream even more. She could now see there entry double pilot plug system in her left eye as if she was looking out of Hikari's eyes she could see the other young man opposite in glasses who was called Kensuke trying to do an emergency take off the panic in his face. "You know I used to be just like you Hikari, I used to think that everything was mine and it didn't matter who I hurt to get what I wanted but I learned that there are consequences when you act like a jacked up selfish asshole, so its time you ficken learnt yours you evil little scheisse!" She pushed harder forcing her most painful emotions out as the huge wings suddenly opened around her with enough force to make her loose her grip as Rei rifle found it mark as it blew off part of the angels upper jaw while Shinji's gun blew the bottom jaw in half.

She freed the tail at the last moment as the monster took to the air and her unit collided hard with the ground she pulled her unit up on to all fours as forcing its head up hearing it let out a bellowing roar as Bukavac hit the speed of sound vanishing in the clouds above as the jet fighter and bombers followed it trying to keep up as they carried on firing, she stopped feeling the sting as her tears started to run free. She knew what she'd done was mean, cruel and very spiteful and she was probably going to face some sort of punishment back at head quarters for her actions. She picked up her fallen attachments putting them back in place. Rei's face appeared on her screen filled with concern. "Asuka?" Asuka wiped her tears away. "I'm fine it's just my back it really hurts." She moved her unit slowly forward on its hind legs picking up one of the pulled off sections along with part of the broken jaw. "I assume you want these back at headquarters?" She heard no reply as she carefully stepping over Imperia looking for anything else that looked important. The Imperia walking robot spoke over the speaker in its digital voice which masked the pilot's voice and gender for security reasons. "You are crazy and very brave." Asuka eyed it turning her speaker on. "Leave me alone I'm working!"

She carried on looking around turning her voice back to private. "There has to be something better than this!" She breathed in feeling her frustration mount. "I should have pulled out its tongue that might have been ficken useful!" She kicking a burnt up plate of metal out of the way with her units clawed foot, only to hear a massive crack as part of her units front face plate came off it came down smashing in to the red desert at her feet. It was the section that housed the green eye protection which meant that half of the real face was now exposed including the two of the four eyes and she knew full well that Evangelion's looked as ugly as sin underneath so the press would probably have a field day with this. She put her unit in to a kneeling position just wanting to give up it wasn't like her day could get any worse. Misato's voice hit the air filled with concern. "Shinji, Kaworu can you take those things from Asuka?" Rei watched as they took the things Asuka was holding. She walked over picking up 02's fallen face plate section as she kneeled down in front of Asuka's unit as she spoke on the private channel quietly and softly seeing the other woman's face appear on her screen. "You know unit 02 doesn't look so bad underneath, didn't know it had green eyes."

Asuka looked down that had to be a mistake she'd seen the face plate refitting after Shamshel had taken the head off because she'd had nothing to do. So she'd spent time in the bay watching them repair the damage which had taken ages to fix and it meant she hadn't been able to go out with the others at the time. Though that had given her so much time to reflect on who she was as a human being and what she needed to do to change. "The iris is brown and the outer eye is orange." Rei's voice came again. "No Asuka the iris is green and the outer eye is yellow." Rei shifted her unit a little closer ignoring the press helicopters which were watching them both very closely. "Can you fly?" Asuka stood up slowly opening her unit's wings seeing that a section had been burnt off though it wasn't the flight feathers. "Yes but they'll need to repair the damaged section when I get back." Rei opened her unit's wings. "Thank you, for saving my life." Asuka looked down sadly as she started to work her controls. "It's nothing really I've been hit by N2 missile's before its just pain." Shinji's face came up on her screen. "Yeah but that was brave Asuka, you saved my sisters life."

Asuka eyed him. "I'm not brave and I know any of you would have done the same for me." Kaworu's face appeared filled with confusion. "You doubt you're self worth so much why is that?" Asuka felt a sad smile form. "Because I know I'm only great at anything because of Bardiel, I doubt that AT field dropping had anything to do with me I don't have the talent or mental strength to make that kind of thing happen." She paused as she started to flap her unit's wings hoping she could at least get airborne watching as everyone faces vanished. "I'll just never be on par with you guys but its okay I can live with that." Shinji turned looking at Rei on his screen as he changed his setting so only she could hear him. "Is she always like this?" Rei nodded sadly. "Yes, she thinks none of her accomplishments matter and she thinks that she's just not on par with you, me or Kaworu." Shinji leaned closer as they all took flight. "That's ridiculous did she not just see what she just did?" Rei turned slightly. "I'm doing everything I can to change this, she is just so afraid of getting hurt now she won't risk things. I had to talk her in to speaking to the Elysium gallery and it was the only thing she said that she wanted to do." She looked up meeting his uncertain gaze. "I get the issue with distrust at work I really do but as far as the outside world goes she just wants to stay out of sight."

Shinji eyed her. "Nerv has that recording now Rei, Hikari even admitted to it, Asuka can now be vindicated as innocent." Rei breathed in deeply. "No you don't understand that recording won't change anything unless, people attitudes change towards her and I mean really change, like they genuinely want to believe in her." She looked down sadly. "I know she's going to cry the moment we touch down or later when we are alone, she's probably even thinking that she will be punished for causing Hikari pain even though she deserved it because what she did to her ruined so much of her life." Misato breathed in deeply as she seated herself she'd heard all of the pilot's conversations her gaze drifted to Ritsuko who had gone very quite, her face was unreadable. "I want you to reimburse Asuka that six months pay you docked her and I want it in her account by tonight!" Ritsuko folded her arms in annoyance. "Fine..." Misato turned to Kaji. "I want you to go to the room where the new employees I told you about are and I want you to create a full report showing Asuka's innocence using this footage and there findings and release it to the press and media world wide tonight."

Kaji looked at her as he leaned forward putting his hands together speaking calmly. "I can do that." Misato stood up watching the others do the same seeing that Gendo now looked very uncomfortable. "Well it would appear that we have a serious leak inside Nerv! Someone here is fucking screwing us over because we collected all of the dead angel parts and we keep them in ice storage in the same place we build the Evangelion's so clearly some one has been helped Ouroboros to build that thing by stealing samples!" She raised her hand. "Not to mention they have somehow worked out how to create the duel pilot system which we've never been able to create successfully." Ritsuko spoke coldly. "Both myself and Gendo will be speaking directly to Seele with regards to this!" Gendo leaned forward stroking his beard. "Preparation will be made for this, Seele told us they didn't care for human instrumentality anymore." Misato eyed him as she folded her arms. "Yeah well ether Seele is ether lying to us or we are missing something huge here, Seele says that they hate Ouroboros and always have." Gendo looked at her. "If you have concerns regarding the truth then you will join us in the meeting through you are not permitted to speak of what you see or hear beyond the void." He breathed in deeply. "Kaji will escort you as Seele's Black Guard do not take well to new people there fore an old familiar face will break the ice."

End of part 42

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU Casper still represents the woman, Hypatia the scientist, Melchior is the mother and Agnodice is the creator. Agnodice was the first ever female midwife in Ancient Greece she dressed as a man so she could get in to healing though she was later found out and made a physician in full afterwards and this allowed woman to become healers and midwives as they had been forbidden from studying up to this point. Hypatia was an ancient Greek mathematician and philosopher she was sadly stoned to death by Christians who saw science as being against god. For those who didn’t understand the kitten in a bag reference, people used to drown kittens they didn’t want in bags it’s a really vile and cruel practice which is no longer practiced here in the UK and ended around the early eighties.


	43. Chapter 43

_PAIN AND REMORSE EVER ABIDING_

 

Asuka stepped clear of her entry plug walking across the high railing noticing that all of the workers were staring at her quietly she just wanted to get out of her plug suite take a shower and go home. They were properly staring because of her back molars and canines which still hadn’t returned to normal and though her left eye was no longer alight she hadn’t bothered to put the patch back on which meant they could properly see the blazing patterns. She paused as Maya came running up to her a medical gun in her hand the concern in her eyes as she spoke. “I brought you more pain killers it’s for your back.” Asuka raised her hand. “Please just leave me alone I don’t want anymore drugs.” Maya blinked in surprise. “You need this Asuka you took such a massive fall and we couldn’t give you the full dose through your LCL because we were worried that the high dose might effect your concentration.” Asuka leaned on the railing ignoring the dull painful ache in her shoulders and back. “I don’t want pain killers!” Maya breathed in deeply clearly Asuka was really shook up emotionally as she wasn’t normally angry towards her at all as they were long past that as friends. She watched as Rei came up the other woman gently eased the gun out of her hand as she came towards Asuka giving her, her best smile as she stood in front of her though it wasn’t returned. “I’ll do it for you Asuka.”

Rei eased the gun up. “I know you hate it when people shove the gun in but don’t worry I’ll be gentle.” She eased the other woman’s red hair back so she could see her neck as she put the gun up gently pressing firing it seeing Asuka wince. Rei lowered the gun. “There not so bad I guess.” She smiled wider still getting no smile in return as she passed the gun back to Maya. She could see that Asuka left eye had dimmed going very dark which meant that she was in deep emotional pain she moved a hand putting it on her face touching very gently. “Do you want to go somewhere and get something to eat?” Asuka looked down sadly she could Shinji and Kaworu coming down the walk way both of them looked concerned. “I’m not hungry right now.” Rei looked up. “I’m so sorry Asuka I didn’t know that you thought that she loved you.” Asuka felt the pain cut in a knife and she was crying before she could stop herself. “I was such a ficken idiot! I was just so lonely at the time and normally no one ever said nice things like that to me I, should have known it wasn’t genuine.” She looked up slightly. “Even getting my own back just feels like a waste now, hurting her didn’t make me feel any better, only worse.”

She breathed in sadly. “Because it just brought back the pain and how she screwed me over and ruined my life and in the end she gets to fly away above the clouds and vanish all over again.” She looked at her hand closing it slowly. “Funny I contemplated ripping out her entry plug and eating it but that would have just made me no better than her.” She paused eyeing her Evangelion whose real eyes were green and yellow as Rei had said. “My Evangelion might look like some demon cat but I’m not going to use it like one on people.” She breathed in sharply. “Also the guy who was piloting next to her his name is Kensuke Aida, he’s a reject from the China program and there lovers I felt that in his emotions that’s why I freed him from the pain and focused only on Hikari. He loves her so much he did everything to get Bukavac airborne while I was attacking her it was a terrible strain on him because the mental power just to keep that thing going requires two people closely bounded and synced, call me sentimental but I don’t believe in stripping people off the ones they love most.” She wiped her tears away. “That’s why Ritsuko’s experiments with the duel piloting system have never worked, you need lovers who are synced emotionally and physically to get it working and the Evangelion’s always reject the dummy plugs which just wouldn’t know how to simulate that emotion anyway, it’s just not in their programming.”

Rei looked at her for a long moment easing up her other hand putting it on her face. “I think it’s really noble that you took the higher ground Asuka.” She gently kissed her lips as she took hold of her hands “I know that it was hard for you after what she did to you and how she made you feel.” She turned seeing Misato and Kaji coming down the walk way why couldn’t they have just waited? Now was just not a good time even Shinji and Kaworu could see that as they’d remained quite through out this as had Maya. Misato raised her hand. “You know that was incredible what you did Asuka!” Asuka felt a sneer form as she spoke coldly stepping away from Rei. “Yes I mangled another human beings brain up just to get my own back, I should be so thrilled.” Misato stopped as she took in a deep breath realizing that she had picked a very bad time. “I was referring to your ability to disrupt Bukavac’s AT field.” Asuka laughed not caring how mocking it sounded as she stepped towards her. “Please you know that wasn’t me, so don’t give me praise for abilities I don’t have.” She felt a sneer form. “I’ll never be as good as the others you said that once yourself!”

Misato looked down sadly realizing that she had to apologise openly for this as it had been her mistake. “Yes I said that and I’m so sorry I was angry at the time and I shouldn’t have said it, it wasn’t true.” Asuka moved a step closer. “You were angry that’s a ficken joke right? Imagine how angry I felt after that woman screwed me over when I was innocent and you and almost everyone else believed her!” She felt her teeth grind together. “Imagine how I felt coming to work everyday with the label that I was vile abusive sexual predator and the rumour carrying on for three years?” She felt the pain hit her hard in the chest. “You and almost everyone else saw what you wanted to see, my fifteen year old bratty self and you all used it to justify your actions.” She stepped closer as her left eye ignited. “Now you have the nerve to wonder why I stay away and live alone, it’s because I know the truth in that most people are cruel, selfish and vile and I’d rather hide away than have my heart torn out of my chest all over again!” Kaji breathed in deeply seeing that Rei was moving closer. “Asuka tonight a full report will air and we have enough information it to prove your innocence and it will include Hikari’s confession.”

Asuka eyed him. “You really think that will change anything or make it better? This cost me three years of my life, they are three years I can’t get back now because of you people I lost my social life I got beaten up and no one ever cared for my side of story then, so what makes you think they’ll even care about it now?” Misato stepped forward. “You’re a different person now Asuka we all see it once the press sees it a lot will change its why you have to come to the press conference with the others in a few days.” Asuka breathed in painfully. “No I’m sorry I walked that line before I got called a violent, crazy, narcissist in front of the whole world last time.” She raised her finger. “To which you responded Asuka has a lot of problems with her behaviour and it tends to be erratic.” She felt her teeth grind together as she spoke her next words. “You basically shoved a dagger in my back and twisting it for good measure because to the press that was like a red flag going up that I was guilty.” She looked down sadly. “Then you wonder why we aren’t friends anymore and why I never visit, it’s because you threw me to the rabid dogs but I guess it was easy for you after all I am the loner and the difficult child of six.” She narrowed her gaze. “You basically did to me what almost everyone else did to me when I was growing up you didn’t want me around and you made it clear that I was a problem and you just passed me over!”

Rei moved to stand in front of Asuka putting a hand on her stomach speaking very softly as she moved her back. “Its okay Asuka lets just go now.” She turned as something hit her 02’s real exposed eyes were staring in her direction from its side ways position close by they had moved from being centred to looking right in the direction of the whole argument. They stayed staring at her for a moment before swivelling back in to the forward facing position no one had seen it because they were all to busy watching this argument unfold. She turned back to Asuka taking her arm gently guiding her away from everyone who remained dead silent. She could see Shinji and Kaworu following her from behind they just wanted to get away as much as she did because this was just a really bad turn of events. She had hoped to stop all of this and to take Asuka away from everything so she could just relax and calm down as this was clearly very stressful for her. Now she knew tonight when she got back to her house that it was going to be so much harder because her mood was going to swing to a real low again. There was even a chance that she wouldn’t even turn up to work after this because she’d try to run away and hide out of fear, because she didn’t want to face the music and that she’d think that she would be in trouble now for basically showing Misato up.

It would take a miracle to even get her to that press conference now she pushed open the doors to the wreck room seeing that it was empty now she looked at Asuka who looked so down cast now. She turned to face her. “Would you like some thing to drink Asuka?” Asuka shook her head as she eyed her fist as her gaze shifted to the locker room and the old school locker that she had used so often to free her self off her angry frustrations. “Excuse me.” She moved towards it raising her fist she just wanted to get rid of the anger she didn’t want it clinging to her tonight not when they went home. Yes kicking a locker was childish and pathetic she’d rather have misery than anger right now and she didn’t want this anger when she was around Rei anymore they should be happy together. She wanted to smile when she entered the doorway she wanted to treasure the moments they had together because life was just too short. She screamed as she smashed her fist in to it watching as metal bent inwards as her fist impacted it with enough force to break the hinges and buckle the door inwards.

She pulled her fist out looking at it she’d spent years wanting to break this locker and now she’d finally done it, it just didn’t feel so great. Rei eyed the buckled locker seeing that Shinji and Kaworu were standing close by they’d all come running in when they’d heard the smash of metal. “You broke it haven’t you always wanted to do that?” Asuka breathed in deeply putting a hand on her face. “Yes.” She eyed the locker. “I don’t want to try and break lockers anymore Rei, I’m know I can’t stop my anger I know it’s a part of me but I want to find a way to really focus it, I don’t want these angry outbursts anymore, I want it so its on the field of war where it belongs not in our home life.” She looked up slightly. “I know I’m always going to be edgy and snappy but I want it focused at the right people like people who deserve it not my friends.” She turned looking her straight in the eyes. “And not people I love.” Kaworu stepped forward. “Have you considered that maybe your already there?” Shinji moved over so he was standing by her. “He has a point Asuka all of your outbursts now are normally in the right place and for the right reasons.” He eyed the locker patting the side. “Also if you don’t want to dent lockers anymore then that’s good as well.”

Asuka eyed the locker. “Maybe I should buy Mari one of these after I get rid of this one, I think she needs it way more than I do right now. Because I think she’s going to blow up sooner or later it’s just a matter of time.” Shinji looked at her. “She’s going to see Maya this afternoon.” Asuka folded her arms. “Personally I don’t see that going down well but then I remember my first chat with her being very brutal.” She looked at him putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey you know you and Kaworu can come around to my house? You know sometime in the future.” She paused before speaking. “You know if you want to, you don’t have to.” Rei put a hand on Asuka’s arm that was a surprise she hadn’t expected Asuka to say this at all maybe she was starting to trust again though only with in the close circle of friends. “I’m sure they’d love to come around.” Shinji gave Asuka his best smile. “Yeah sure we would right Kaworu?” Kaworu turned giving Asuka a warm smile. “Of cause just give us a day and we’ll come around.” Asuka turned slightly. “I will and not to be rude but I really need to get a shower.” Shinji pulled on his plug suite collar. “To be fair I think we all do it’s just been one of those days.”

8

Misato walked the long dark corridor along with Kaji in front of them were Gendo and Ritsuko and behind them were Seele’s Black Guard a very large number of men and women dressed in black suits who were trained to kill anyone who was a threat to Nerv she had been hearing about them for years everyone had but she had never seen them until now. She had also heard a rumour that unlike the special ops they could torture you and use methods that where really medieval if necessary to get information out of you. It was said that anyone who went to see the Black Guard for interrogation came back in a body bag and if any pilot went missing these people were sent to track them down and find them. In the early days they had tracked Rei, Asuka and Shinji most days until they’d become adults after which she had told Gendo that the pilots should be left alone and given there own personal space which he had agreed to it and stopped them keeping tabs on them as they could take care of themselves and were doing weekly combat training in both guns and hand to hand. The Black Guards main job though was to keep everyone away from this room which was seated in the void very close to Lilith and in the most restricted zone of all.

She didn’t understand why Kaji was coming with her but she could question him later when the time was right. He watched as a massive steal door came in to view it was like some army bunker with massive plating to protect what was in side she looked up Gendo and Ritsuko went to ether side off the door putting there eyes up against the locks as the lock read there iris codes causing the massive door to rise as it opened revealing a huge dark room with six huge monolith’s that towered over her like gods. She walked slowly inside only to turn as the huge door smashed down locking its self as Ritsuko and Gendo took up their positions in the centre of the room, on opposite sides of her as Kaji stood quietly behind her. She could tell that he was nervous as he kept playing with his uniforms sleeve. Gendo spoke evenly. “I call Seele to order!” He watched as the six monoliths lit up there yellow symbols and writing appearing in the darkness of the room which represented the six council members three men and three women who controlled the UN. “I’m sure you’ve heard of our problem.”

Seele one spoke in an annoyed tone it was male. “Yes, it is most unwanted and not in our plans.” Seele two spoke though this one was female. “The Alpha test unit failure was understandable but this has angered us greatly.” Seele three spoke again it was another man. “This is Keel! It’s part of his games.” Misato spoke up. “Who is keel?” Seele four spoke again it was female. “There were thirteen of us once but with each world repeat we started to change, genders even names reborn over and over again with each cycle of human instrumentality but not all of us found heaven some found hell.” Seele three spoke though he was male and his voice was low and gritty. “Human instrumentality is not heaven for all, it does not bring happiness for everyone, because humanity sometimes rejects a heavenly world because the real world is so cruel and with every cycle more people started to reject the fantasy. Some have now even started to remember in dreams there forma lives, it is destroying the natural order.” Seele five spoke he had a deep male voice. “We realized that we were corrupting the human soul because rebirth was no longer natural.” Seele six spoke it was a cold female voice. “It caused an argument in the council after one of us vanished completely he never returned from the cycle his monolith crumbled away to dust. He became forgotten even though we all remembered him but he existed no more and has never returned his soul destroyed as punishment for us playing gods.”

Seele one spoke again his voice filled with anger. “Keel left us wanting to carry on the cycle and repeat human instrumentality once more, he took his half of Seele and turned it in to Ouroboros the serpent forever eating its tail, now he is trying to repeat and take from us our Evangelion’s and protectors who we built to save and protect this world.” Seele three’s male voice spoke calmly. “We wanted six to represent our symbols eyes though we have yet to see who the seventh eye is.” Misato folded her arms. “If you have seen the world repeat over and over have we spoken before?” Seele five spoke his voice filled with uncertainty. “No this is the first time but we have come to an understanding that we can no longer play down the seriousness of what is happening or the danger it poses to our world. The angels must be destroyed but the final impact must never occur because there is a chance more people will vanish and never return because there souls can’t repeat naturally.” Misato breathed in deeply. “Who resets the clock every time and turns time back?” Seele six spoke her voice filled with sadness. “Two pilots are normally the first to return from human instrumentality because they’ve rejected it, there a god joins them at the breaking of the end of the world and they can reset and start over. Though last time only one of them returned the other didn’t follow but some one purposely obscured our vision we could only see the beach of exodus for a limited time.”

There was a long pause before Seele two spoke again her voice filled with unease. “Most often it’s the German girl who we know is currently infected with an angel and Ikari’s son but this time things have changed. One of the biggest changes was the natural birth of Ikari’s daughter through Yui, we had no power over this and we have no idea how it even happened human instrumentality doesn’t allow changes like this normally and the angels do not care for humanity in that way. So we can only assume it was an outside force beyond our control and the same one who obscured our vision.” Seele three spoke again his voice filled with anger. “For what ever reason everything has been shuffled around in a way we couldn’t have possibly have for seen it’s changed the pilot’s natural order through and through. It has been like some one dropping a stone in a lake and causing massive ripples outwards ripples we can not ride and we have been trying to work around from the very beginning.” Misato eyed them angrily. “So you’ve basically all played at beings gods and you got burnt! It’s just this time someone threw a spanner in the works this time.” Seele one spoke once more his tone was even. “In all previous cycles you’ve been against us, you have tried to save the world at any cost we have ensured this time around that you are well rewarded the one’s you love remain and Nerv has the money and wealth to fight to this war and your position will remain as long as you exist.” Seele two spoke again though her tone was dry. “It is clear to us now that heaven can only be reached so many times before it becomes hell.”

Seele five’s male voice spoke coldly. “Take and judge us as you please but we are on your side this time for better or for worse, we have learned from our past mistakes.” Misato turned eyeing Ritsuko in disgust. “So you knew about this all along?” Ritsuko looked up. “Yes.” Gendo looked down showing very little emotion. “Yes we did but the world can never know of our past sins and how we have repeated over and over.” She turned eyeing Kaji. “And you?” Kaji raised his hands he was feeling deeply uncomfortable but more over what he was hearing. “I’ve only been here once when I was called up on as a spy this is my first time hearing this though.” Seele one’s male voice spoke again. “You have a choice Major knowing this you can leave and never look back because for some looking beyond the veil destroys there world perception or you can fight for us as you have been doing and we can end this.” Seele six spoke her cold voice hitting the air. “Our Evangelion’s must win this coming war against Ouroboros and we believe that, that creation was mealy the first but by no means the last. We must be victorious, because if we repeat again there is a chance that all of humanities souls may never return and will be confined to hell as punishment. Seele three spoke again his voice filled with anger. “Someone is also betraying us with in the foundation and they must be stopped at all costs our Evangelion’s and research are not for them to create angel abominations with!”

8

Asuka looked up from the couch watching as Rei carried on cooking in a wok she leaned over stroking Erika’s head and chin before standing up and walking over to the other woman. She slowly wrapped her arms around her waist from the back catching her slightly by surprise as she spoke softly. “We should go out tomorrow.” She gently kissed her neck. “You know maybe go somewhere in Tokyo three.” Rei turned the cooker off as she was finished cooking any way. “You know we have to go to work tomorrow its Friday and I’m sure that Maya really wants to talk to you about what happened during the fight.” Asuka held her closer. “Well I don’t want to talk plus its not like they can send me out anyway it will take them two days to refit a new face plate on 02 and they have other pilots.” She moved her hands up. “So ring in sick one day off won’t kill you, you save the world remember?” She was about to say something only for her phone to go off she rolled her eyes pulling it out of her belts new leather phone holder seeing Anneberg’s icon appear. “Yes Anneberg.” Anneberg’s icon smiled. “ _You have been paid_.”

Asuka stepped away as Rei started to fill the plates. “Its not pay day that’s two weeks away.” Anneberg spoke again. “ _Six months worth of pay has been forwarded in to your account with apologises from Nerv_.” Asuka eyed him. “This is a ficken joke right?” Anneberg’s green eyes blinked. “ _No, it was forwarded just a moment ago, I did a double check as you always tell me to keep a very close eye on your bank accounts as they are a very high priority and the exchange was from Nerv and transferred under true code identity_.” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “I don’t need or even want that money I have vast savings it means nothing to me plus do they really think they can just throw it my way and I’ll just smile and be content?” She took in a deep breath. “No tell you what donate it to the Tokyo three children’s special ward that deals with abuse and neglect but unlike last time put my real name under it. I mean once they realize they’ll be able to track back and find out it’s me, since I’ve been sending them money since I hit nineteen.” Rei looked up in surprise as she placed the bowls of food down. “You’ve been giving money to the children’s ward?”

Asuka turned looking at her. “Yes for years, one thing I realized after Shamshel was that I was just taking out my anger on children because I didn’t like my own childhood, granted I’m still terrible with kids but I don’t want them to suffer through abuse and neglect like I did, so I send the hospital money now and again.” Rei felt a smile form. “That’s really sweet Asuka.” She paused seeing Asuka looking down slightly as the blush started to creep in to her cheeks. “I send them money to but I send it to the burns ward and I know that Shinji sends money to abounded children I don’t know about the others.” Asuka watched as Anneberg made the transfer then vanished she put her phone away. “I was really greedy with my money in the beginning I did nothing but spend it on lavish things. I even used to buy designer dresses and eat in super expensive restaurants, I used it to woo men and women with lavish gifts so I could get them to sleep with me and I did at first want a lavish apartment up in the Dorodome.”

She rubbed her left eye. “After Shamshel I realized that I was even buying for attention so people would notice me and like me, I wasn’t buying anything I really wanted. I didn’t even know what I liked I realized that one day when I went through the things I owed and apart from drawing materials and the videos games nothing was me not even the clothes on my back, I literally had no idea who I really was. So I started getting rid of things and started over and began to try new things, new clothes and find out what I actuality liked, it took me a year to figure it all out.” She breathed in deeply. “I realized that I’d spent a certain part of my childhood disliking certain women who dressed a certain way because in truth that was who I really wanted to be, I wanted to ride motorbikes I wanted to paint model kits, read comics and have fun but not for anyone but myself. Truth is I’ve never cared for high class restaurant food, I’d rather eat at a normal restaurant and have some one bring me real steak.”

She slowly walked over to her sitting next to the younger woman. “So how’s about you tell me where you’d like to go tomorrow, just in case I have to book because I want to take you somewhere nice.” Rei turned looking at her this was such a surprise she had fully expected this to be a very hard night yet it, it was totally the opposite something had changed. Maybe it was Asuka finally being to vent her frustrations and finally get those feelings out in the open but what ever it was she was being so charming and it was really drawing her in. “Okay I’ll ring in sick, like you say one day won’t matter.” Asuka looked at her. “So where do you want to go?” Rei looked up. “I want to go out riding together I want to pick up my motorbike and leathers from home and ride along side you in the Trident, you know then maybe we can get some beach food I know a great restaurant near the sea they sell really fresh sea food.” She looked up slightly. “Don’t worry we won’t swim or anything I just like looking out at the ocean.” She raised her hand. “It’s relaxing.” Asuka leaned closer to her putting a hand gently on her face. “What ever you want, I don’t mind being by the sea if you’re with me.”

End of part 43

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering why on the book cover here and over at ff.net Seele’s symbol is yellow, this will now give you the answer as the remaining Seele six no longer have the red coloured symbol this was to show that they are fully on Nerv’s side and want to protect them at all costs and ensure the program is kept going and is very wealthy. The idea behind this version of Seele is that they remember every single cycle and once human instrumentality is over there souls return to the monoliths and sleep waiting till the time is right to awaken again. They can also project themselves and create a solid human form for when they need to walk among humanity picking there gender sexuality and skin colour, they are in a sense demi god souls. I put in the thing with Asuka mistaking Hikari’s actions as love as I think at one time in every bodies life we’ve all been there, where we thought that someone loved us because they said nice things when really it wasn’t about that at all and they just used us to get something they wanted or slept with us for there own personal gain.


	44. Chapter 44

_ROARING IN THE BLINDING THUNDER_

 

Repeating cycle’s human souls being reborn it’s like a nightmare human instrumentality the whole things fucking messed up. I don’t know what to think anymore knowing the truth scares the shit out of me I could see that Kaji didn’t know ether saying that though who would want to know? You’re not meant to know things like this that, you’re not meant to see beyond the veil, gods. Misato took in a deep breath looking at the traffic lights which were red. She needed to speak to Kaji he said that he’d been called before why would they call him and what for? He wasn’t a spy anymore he had given that up very suddenly eight years ago she felt so bad because when she’d gotten home last night she had gotten so drunk and she had questioned if it was him but every part of her heart was telling her no because she had feelings for him. She watched as the traffic lights turned orange she moved her foot putting it on her cars peddle revving the engine, there she had said it she had feelings for him though she didn’t know if he had any feelings for her. He asked me out at university but she had rejected him because she wasn’t ready and she had, had far too much going on in her head. The question that bothered her now was if they had repeated how many times have had they met before, how many times had they changed? Had they hated each other in the other life times or did they love each other? Maybe that’s why you are not meant to know things like this maybe that’s why Gendo and Ritsuko are messed up, in that room they became different people there guilt showed through. She had never seen them like that before she had said that she help Seele, personally though she had no idea what that meant from here on out all she knew was she wanted to save this world as she didn’t want to see it burn.

She looked up as the light went green as she turned her white Mazda Cosmo sport’s car through the busy traffic it was her pride and joy and based on an old world model though she’d had it been soaped up with a modern three power core engine so it could go much faster. Even though that speed was illegal, not that any one cared as so many people tampered with cores anyway to get more speed out since no one used petrol anymore. She looked down at her mobile phone in its holder as in went off she breathed in deeply pressing the button seeing Maya’s little medical icon pop up. “Hello Maya.” Maya’s voice came over filled with concern. “I’m really glad you sent Mari to me the other day.” Misato looked down slightly. “Really?” Maya spoke again. “She’s clearly got the onset of deep depression and I think she has very similar issues to Asuka.” Misato eyed her phone. “In what way are they similar?” Maya took in a deep breath. “I think we have a very repressed gay woman on our hands, lets just say I’ve seen this hostile homophobic crap before with Asuka years ago and Mari is acting very much the same. Plus she’s also got anger and jealously issues and she convinced that Asuka is out to throw her life up side down you’ll have to keep this one coming back to me regularly.” Misato turned sharply avoiding a car who beeped at her angrily she ignored it as she carried on driving. “Will do.”

Maya’s voice came again. “Asuka didn’t turn up for work today and Rei rang in sick call me crazy but them both vanishing is no coincidence, Asuka’s running from facing Nerv after what happened yesterday and she talked Rei in to taking the day off. Shinji and Kaworu are seeing the humour in all of this and Toji is very confused right now but I think he’s really worried about Mari who I’ve given something to help with the stress, it’s more something to help her relax not an anti depressant.” She paused before speaking. “Oh and there’s something else the money you had sent to Asuka account last night, well it got bounced right out of the account she sent it to Tokyo three children’s ward for abuse and neglect. The media has been all over this like a rash because it came up last night that she’s been giving the children’s ward huge chunks of her money since she hit nineteen this was the first time she gave it by name but it allowed the hospital to trace it back. Even I was surprised by this because she never even told me she was doing this and I know Shinji and Rei do the same but in different areas.” Misato breathed in deeply. “Up in the visitor centre you mentioned her motorbike accident, please tell me more.” Maya breathed in sadly. “You remember her first motorbike the Yamaha Titan she said that she had an accident in it and totalled it beyond repair and she spent two days off.”

Misato swerved past another car. “Yeah I remember it was two years ago she said she was wounded and had to go to hospital.” Maya’s voice turned to concern. “There are no police records of that accident or her being in a hospital and for two years I’ve tried to ask what happened but she repeats the same story over and over about her bad motorbike driving. She’s a terrible liar always has been and she’s a very gifted rider when it comes to motorbikes she does not make mistakes.” Her voice came again but filled with uncertainty. “But here’s the thing that really concerns me, the traffic wardens found a burnt out Titan on the road side the next day. Someone had used petrol to set fire to it and it caused a massive explosion because though Asuka brought that bike, she’d refitted the engine to make it much more powerful.” She breathed in painfully. “They traced the code so they knew it was hers but she never reclaimed it and here’s were the story gets dark, away from the bike they found a dried up blood trail leading down the road. Asuka never went to hospital that night there are no records of her wound being tended to and the police never got involved it was the traffic wardens who reported the bike and blood to Nerv. From what I’ve heard they still have her bike as they had it refurbished and have put it on display in there head office it’s even got an electronic plaque proving that it belonged to her. I’ve also seen the scar on the back off her right shoulder it looks like a healed knife wound and her leathers are meant to protect her body.”

There was a long pause. “I believe she was violently attacked that night by someone and it was probably over Hikari and they really hurt her, I think they fully intended to kill her. It wasn’t some bar room brawl, I think she just came very close to death that night but she just doesn’t want to tell anyone about it not even Rei because Rei would have mentioned this.” She breathed in deeply. “The people who did this to her need to be brought to justice, they basically got away with what they did because she remained quite. I think she remained quite because she thought no one would care and that may be that she deserved what she got.” Misato looked up. “Can you tell me where Asuka is now?” Maya voice hit the air filled with concern. “Please tell me you’re not going to visit her and Rei?” Misato looked up. “Yes I am I need to resolve this Maya I owe her that much you know where her and Rei are, so please just tell me and while I’m gone you and Kaji can take over my place also don’t let Makoto anywhere near my hologram desk. I don’t want him trying to snoop around it like he did last time no doubt because he wanted to tell Ritsuko what I was up to even though the bastard couldn’t break my password” Maya took in a deep breath. “Okay Rei said she was going up to the fish and grill restaurant the one that’s by the ocean and there on there motorbikes.” 

She clicked her pen on the other end of the line. “You know Asuka’s probably going to bolt when she’s see you right? Because she’ll think that she’s in trouble for not coming in to work.” Misato felt a smile form. “Well I can easily catch up with her work motorbike it’s only a cruiser like’s Shinji’s.” Maya breathed out sharply. “No that’s not her real motorbike it is literally only for work, her real motorbike is a Trident X309 and she did not buy it. It’s a custom build which means she’s probably tweaked it and it won’t be like the other Tridents out there and these motorbikes are the animals of the motorbike world and not for the faint hearted their very fast and powerful and they can take massive punishment.” She paused before speaking. “Let’s just say this will be a real test for your custom car, you might actually have to disengage the safety on that third core just to keep up with her.” She breathed in deeply. “Also Rei might be an issue as well I wouldn’t have put it past Asuka to have modified her Olympia motorbike in some way so it can keep up as well, because Asuka sometimes just does things to motorbikes with out telling the owners. Like she did to Shinji who found that he suddenly had an unlocking sports mode on his cruiser which made his bike go massively faster, granted he doesn’t use it because he’s not in to speed as he likes the slower relaxed life.”

She clicked her pen again. “Rei is very different though she really likes speed and between you and me I think that’s why she likes being with Asuka, Asuka is like electric when her mood is good and I think Rei really feeds off it.” Misato turned her car screeching its wheel as she turned around heading in the opposite direction ignoring a female driver who swore at her. “Yeah but I’m still trying to figure out whose in charge, because to me Rei’s got her wrapped around her little finger its like she speaks and Asuka just gives in.” Maya laughed. “No I don’t think it’s like that as I know Asuka, she won’t do anything unless she really wants to though I agree that there are moments that she’s unsure and Rei guides her and pushes her out of her comfort zone.” She breathed in deeply. “I think there’s going to come a point where they will equalize once Asuka gets that confidence back she lost and then they’ll be a power house much like Shinji and Kaworu are.”

Misato swerved a corner. “Tell me the real reason why you never dated Asuka?” Maya breathed in deeply. “I’m not right for her and we don’t connect in that way I don’t love her and she doesn’t love me and we are fine being friends.” She tapped her pen again. “Also I know that she’s been in love with Rei for many years because of how she talked about her though she never stated and she loved her I could see it in her eyes. I knew that was who she really wanted to be with and if we had gotten together she’d never have been really happy and for her I want her to be happy and to have a good life because I feel that she’s been missing out because of a lack of confidence.” Misato eyed her phone. “I understand and who knows maybe you’ll find someone yourself one day like you said before Nerv has hundreds of employees of all different sexualities.” Maya breathed in deeply. “I’m not looking right now as I’ve said and I’m past casual sex, I’d rather have something meaningful.” Misato breathed in deeply. “You and me both...” Maya breathed in deeply. “Well I’ll sign off now I’ll pass on your message to Kaji.” She spoke but her voice sounded happier. “Like I said before though be prepared for a chase, Asuka is not going to come easy but believe you and me watching her ride is something else, if anything you’ll see where she gets that aggressive edge from when piloting 02.”

8

Asuka slowly sat back drinking the last of her coke enjoying the summer sun which was beating down lighting up the sea opposite and the restaurant where they were eating dressed in full motor bike gear they both had their thick leather boots on and riding leathers hers were red and black as was her helmet while Rei had blue and black, white leathers along with the helmet. There bikes were parked up close by and they had cruised down here very leisurely no real fast riding. They were seated in the outside eating area and there were a few people looking at them but she was ignoring them as she watched Rei finish her ice cream. “It is very beautiful here.” Rei looked up. “I used to come here all the time with Shinji but as our lived changed and he started going to different places with Kaworu, I realized how much I missed the place recently.” Asuka put her hands together. “Has he asked him out yet?” Rei shook her head. “No not yet but he will, he’s been reading your book and its helping.” She paused finishing her ice cream. “I heard from someone that you don’t like the blue open ocean, you prefer the red ocean.” Asuka pushed her card in to the slot paying for the meal before putting it away. “I assume Maya told you that?” Rei gave her a smile as she took her hand. “Yeah she did.”

Asuka looked up at her. “It’s a complicated I can’t swim in blue waters but for some reason I can swim deep in to the red sea, I’ve done it a few times with a breathing apparatus in the past but please don’t tell anyone though they’ll think I’m really messed up since to most people it tastes like blood.” Rei looked at her. “What does it taste like to you?” Asuka looked up slightly. “Not blood like something sweeter, can’t really put my finger on it only that it never feels like its crushing me, since that’s the sensation I get when I go to deep in to blue water, it’s why I panic and I hate how cold it is the red water feels soft and warm to me like LCL.” She leaned forward about to kiss the younger woman only to stop as an older man and woman appeared standing by there food table. “Hey are you Asuka Langley Soryu?” Asuka turned slightly suddenly feeling slightly nervous. Rei turned smiling at the older woman. “Yes she is can I help you?” The woman pulled up the pilot’s photo book. “You must be Rei Ayanami we so honoured to meet you both in person I mean we came up here from Yokohama for a holiday and they said that it’s a one in a million chance you’ll run in to an Evangelion pilot let alone two.” She smiled at Asuka. “Though they stated that you’re incredibly rare to see, there are people who have all the autographs of all of the others pilots but not yours.”

She slowly put the book down opening it to one of the pilot photos. “Please could you both sign our book?” Asuka put her hand inside a jacket pulling out her silver marker. “Sure, did you want a certain photo?” Asuka watched as she flipped to a certain photo which was of her looking edgy and had her in her pose with her arm on her knee. She carefully signed it giving the ink a moment to dry before passing it to Rei watching as the man flipped finding a recent image of her from the last photo shoot smiling it was the one used on her banner back in the visitor centre she watched as she sighed it before passing it back to the older couple. The man spoke as he put the book away. “That was a really terrible business in Australia I mean everyone in the media thought you were dead for a moment after you crashed down because you were just lying there and your unit had shut down.” Asuka looked up. “They did?” He looked at for a long moment. “Yeah and they knew full well that you saved Rei’s life there was footage from Eos of you taking the full impact and kicking her out of the way they thought it was really heroic along with you trying to get free from that terrible engineered monster and fighting back despite that it was tossing you around like a rag doll.”

Asuka blinked in surprise. “I wasn’t aware of that.” The woman spoke. “Will you be creating an art book you know for your art like what the other pilots have? I mean we were at the visitor centre yesterday we saw your works on the wall.” Asuka felt her shuffle nervously. “I’m not that good.” Rei turned to the couple. “She’s just being modest, her arts really beautiful though my personal favourite is the one of me but that goes with out saying.” The man smiled as spoke. “Yeah well who wouldn’t like an image like that?” Rei felt her smile widen. “True it’s not everyday you get painted in that way.” The woman looked at Asuka. “You should give it some though I think loads of people would love to see your artworks I mean when we were there people were asking if your works would be released as posters like Shinji’s.” Rei gave them a wave as they left. “You should give the media feeds a try Asuka, like I said yesterday you might be surprised.” She was about to say more only to turn in surprise as Misato car came veering around the corner stopping opposite the restaurant. Asuka felt her happiness fade as she stepped out looking at them both smiling. “Oh come on!”

Misato eyed them. “I thought I might find you both here.” Asuka folded her arms. “Please I just wanted one day alone is that much, to ask for?” Misato looked at her. “Well I wanted to talk to you Asuka.” Asuka stood up pulling on her motorcycle gloves. “Wait let me guess I skipped work and you’re unhappy and you’ve come to tell me to get back to work?” Misato watched seeing Rei put on her cloves as well. “No I just wanted to chat and I would have given you both the day off if you’d asked you didn’t have to go to these lengths to vanish for the day.” Asuka slowly moved over to her motorbike sitting in it watching as Rei sat on hers she pulled the helmet on which had a lifting section which pulled up the visor and the face part same as Rei. “Tell me before I drive away and leave your ancient tacky sports car for dust what you want to talk about?” Misato moved towards her car it was just like Maya had said Asuka was getting ready to do a runner and the whole restaurant was watching now since her being there meant that them seeing Rei and Asuka was for real and they weren’t just people who looked like them. “I want to talk about your accident on the Titan two years ago.”

Asuka turned her motorbike on hearing the roar of the engine as she typed in to the screen changing the mode from cruise to sport. “What’s to ficken talk about? I fell off my motorbike and totalled it!” Misato saw the confusion appear in Rei’s face as she spoke. “That’s not what the traffic warden’s said they said that your bike had petrol put on it and it was burnt to a crisp and there was blood all over the road.” She paused before speaking. “You didn’t turn up in any hospital despite that you were injured.” She looked up meeting the other woman’s good eye. “Someone tried to kill you didn’t they Asuka?” Asuka looked at her in disgust. “Nothing happened and this conversation is over!” Misato looked at her speaking calmly. “I’m going to catch you Asuka.” Asuka eyed her as she snapped her visor down watching the software activate which was there to compensate for the slight blind side. “Yeah sure you’ll catch me in your ficken dreams!” Misato started her engine changing the mode to sport. “You always mock my car for being old so let’s test your theory!” Asuka slammed the power on roaring past her not looking back as she went to full power not caring that she might break the speed limit.

Rei breathed in slamming her visor down her bike wasn’t half as powerful as Asuka’s there was just no way she would be able to keep up with her, she watched as Misato sped after Asuka blowing dust in her wake as her car screeched as it began to speed up. She started her engine speeding after them she hadn’t even used this bike at full speed yet after Asuka had fixed it she’d gone for low level runs just to make sure it was working and was running better which it was. Misato pressed her foot down hard seeing Asuka a head of her she was dodging the traffic full force, she pressed her screen bringing up her power core use screen Maya was not joking that was a beast of motorbike, she slowly pushed the bar up unhinging the third core feeling her car move faster. Rei breathed in feeling herself hit speed she was directly behind Misato’s car about to over take it but Asuka was way ahead. She blinked in surprise as her screen came up showing sports mode as well as a cruise mode, since when did she have a sports mode? She pressed the button only to feel the massive rush of power which was mind blowing it was enough to raise the front wheel up for a moment before it hit the ground as she shot past Misato’s car like lightning.

What had Asuka done to her bike, wait why was she even asking this? This was beyond amazing she’d always wanted to go faster and now it was like the biggest buzz and her adrenaline was rushing as she flew past cars no longer caring just wanting more, she could even see Asuka now as she flew through the back roads which were much closer to the ocean. Misato rolled her eyes trust Maya to be spot on now she was trailing behind the both of them she just had to keep Rei in her sight because she’d follow Asuka. She pressed the unhinged setting pushing it up higher gaining even more speed as she screeched around the corner. Asuka breathed in deeply seeing Rei now close behind her so clearly the fix to her engine had worked she hadn’t wanted to tell her about back when she’d fixed it as she had wanted it to be a surprise as she knew she was desperate to go faster. The roads were getting lower now as they got closer to the sea she swerved avoiding a car as saw the long tunnel that would lead out on to the bigger roads and more space to move around.

She ignored the lights of the tunnel as she flew by gods she’d missed riding like this so much she just hadn’t cared for it during her low point now though it just felt so great. She flew out of the tunnel on to the main road she smirked seeing that Rei was still behind keeping pace as they both moved past the cars at break neck speed. Misato was not following like she could ever catch up anyway? Misato eyed Asuka from her position on a higher road seeing that Rei was right behind her, she’d gone up the up hill road rather than take the tunnel and she was going to join the main road any second now. Her car might be slower than there motorbikes but she knew these roads really well and that gave her an advantage and she knew how to do short cuts. She swerved downwards going back on the main road as she drove past the cars ignoring there beeping horns as she came right up opposite Asuka easing out her hand. “Hi Asuka you want to pull over so we can talk?!” Asuka turned sharply seeing that Misato was right opposite her waving at her she felt a sneer form no ficken way, this was like some bad joke!

She swerved getting away from the sports car setting her sights on the lower roads which was directly opposite the beach hitting it at full speed feeling the bike literally fly up in to the air as she came over the ridge before crashing down causing another car to literally swerve to avoid her. Misato turned following the road down seeing that Rei was following talk about aggressive edge that was no joke Asuka was completely with out fear. She wasn’t like this in 02 in 02 she lacked confidence despite the aggressive edge there were now people turning watching her motorbike as she hit full speed on the almost empty road. Asuka smirked once she was off the beach road herself and Rei would be home free she slowed just slightly only to turn seeing a number of bikers behind her she had no idea where they’d even come from and they were so close to her. The sudden feeling of panic set in as the lead rider got closer, she felt her chest tighten she couldn’t breath her heart was racing she couldn’t help her next actions they were automatic and it was pure fear hitting her as she swung off the road smashing straight through the beaches wooden barrier feeling her bike come down hard on the beach causing everyone on it to run to get out of the way.

She yanked her bike sideway forcing it in to a violent skid as she shoved her boot down throwing sand upwards as she came to a violent stop opposite the deep blue ocean. She turned the engine off pulling herself out of the seat almost falling over as she grabbed her helmet forcing it off her head in a violent motion as she fell to her knees breathing in heavily and fast unable to stop the panic attack. Misato blinked in shock what had just happened? She pressed the breaks screeching as she came to stop close to where Asuka had violently smashed the wooden barrier near the ocean it was like she’d had a panic attack but a real one this time, which had nothing to do with Bardiel. She looked up seeing that Rei had stopped her bike and was pulling of her helmet the shock and concern in her eyes as she ran towards Asuka who was now on her knees. There were people gathering now and all of the bikers had also stopped and were also running towards Asuka some had pulled off there helmets as they clearly just wanted to see if she was okay.

Asuka pulled her jacket open though it wasn’t to cool off as her hand grabbed her gun’s hilt as the overwhelming panic took over as the bikers got closer the lead man speaking the concern in his voice. “Hey are you okay, are you hurt? We didn’t mean to scare you we’ve just never seen a Trident before.” The woman next to him pulled off her helmet speaking in shock. “Wait you’re Asuka Langley Soryu!” Asuka pulled the gun out pointing it in his direction unable to keep the panic out of her voice. “Get away from me!” The man eased up his hands as him and the other men and women stepped back as he spoke more gently. “Hey easy now, we don’t want to hurt you.” Asuka staggered to her feet. “Ficken stay away from me!” She could feel her finger trying to press the trigger but a part of her was fighting it so hard. It was that awful memory of the bikers surrounding her that day she’d been going full speed up a back road followed by the pain as one of them smashed a crowbar in to her stomach sending her flying off her bike. Her spine guard had activated as she’d tumbled saving her from breaking her back but her helmet visor had been shattered and she’d just lain there in so much pain looking up at the night sky helpless and unable to move because of the shock.

The next thing she knew she was being dragged towards the ditch opposite the beach there had been two men and two women and they’d smiled as they’d torn her motorbike jacket off followed by her helmet. She’d fought battles in 02 but she’d never been more afraid than at that moment because she’d just been helpless as they then started to kick her and punch her. In the previous brawls she had been able to defend herself or at least get away but she couldn’t get away from these people and they knew it and they’d taken real delight in making her suffer. They’d said that she was scum and worthless and that she didn’t deserve to live, because no one should treat a person the way she had with Hikari they had told her that she wouldn’t live to see the morning. Then a man had pulled out a hunting knife out and stabbed her leaving it in place sticking out of shoulder before all four bikers had thrown her full force in to the ditch bellow. She’d then watched the explosion as her bike had been destroyed from her position below as the fires had blazed upwards in to the night sky. Time had stood still for her that night the minutes had felt like hours and time just had no meaning as she started to bleed out the red blood soaking her torn white baggy t-shirt. She looked at her gun as Bardiel’s voice hit the air. “ _Interesting isn’t it how memories cut so deep? I don’t think I’ve seen you so truly afraid_.”

She turned seeing that he was walking on the sandy beach behind her on all fours very casually and was being calmer that normal as he spoke again very softly. “ _You’re still terrified that they’ll come back again for you and finish the job this time that is your real reason why you hide away other than hating people for their misgivings and treating you poorly_.” Asuka eyed him saying nothing what was there to even say? He was right the event had scared her so much. Because though she could imagine dying in an Evangelion or having her brains fried so others could live she didn’t want to be murdered and to die alone rotting away in the earth for no one to find. She couldn’t imagine anything worse and she’d come so close that night and she’d never been able to really handle it hence she’d just shut it out of her mind and lied to everyone about what had really happened. She didn’t think they’d care since hardly anyone had believed her anyway when it came to Hikari, maybe a part of her just felt like she deserved it and that she should be punished because she’d seen herself as an awful person who had done cruel things to people in the past.

She turned back the group lowering the gun completely feeling her anger turn to sadness as she clicked the safety back on. She watched as Rei shifted through the group coming to stand opposite her she slowly put the gun back in its holder in side her jacket. “I’m really sorry you really scared me, I don’t like other bikers suddenly appearing behind me like that, it’s happened once before and the people in question attacked me with a crowbar and knocking me off.” The lead man looked at the others. “We had no idea.” The Japanese’s woman opposite looked up. “The media never said you had an accident.” Asuka looked down sadly. “I never told anyone about it.” Misato ran up to Asuka seeing that Rei was opposite her they’d both heard everything and for moment she had been terrified that Asuka was going to pull the trigger but clearly something had stopped her as she had become distracted and had been looking behind her at the beach which meant that Bardiel had clearly said something but she just had no idea what but it was clear that what ever it was it had stopped her pulling the trigger. “The wound on the back of her right shoulder wasn’t made by you skimming the ground was it?”

Asuka shook her head. “No it was made by a hunting knife which was forced in to my shoulder, the four bikers then threw me in to a ditch to die and time passes slower when you’re bleeding out and it took me an hour to drag myself out of that ditch.” Rei moved closer putting a hand on her jacket. “You should have told us Asuka.” Asuka looked up. “I didn’t think anyone would care so I never mentioned it and it was just easier to say I totalled the bike rather than that some one destroyed it and attacked me.” Misato moved closer. “How did you survive Asuka who helped you?”  Asuka turned to her. “I only got lucky that night because a middle aged couple found me walking the road covered in blood they took me to there home. The wife was a doctor and she was able to pull that dagger out and stitch me up and bandaged my shoulder as well as give me something for the pain.” She tensed sharply. “They knew who I was and I even asked them why they saved me? Because of my reputation and what I’ve been branded as, as you both could have just carried on driving like the others did who passed me by that night.”

She breathed in painfully. “You know what they said? They said that they didn’t believe the story and that I was a good person who had clearly been set up and that they had four children and there youngest son had just come out as gay and that I was a massive inspiration to him.” She looked at her gloved hands. “They insisted that I stay that night so I did and in the morning I took their youngest son’s pilot photo book and put in real signatures over all of my photos. It was the only way I could repay them because the bikers took my wallet stole my money and threw all my cards in the sea opposite the ditch then they smashed up my phone. Yet even then that couple still wanted to give me money so I could at least get a train home but I went against it a chose to walk, it took me three hours to get home walking through rural fields and I called in saying I’d had an accident and just didn’t come in for two days. I still had my Nerv ID card though that was at home but I had to cancel all of my cards and get new ones.”

Misato moved closer realizing that she was getting dangerously close to Asuka personal space now and this was normally when she lashed out. “I’m sorry Asuka, not just for this but for everything else regarding the event with Hikari. You were right I was seeing fifteen year old bratty you and the Asuka who was with Shinji and who treated him poorly, your not that person anymore and I want to fix things between us because I need you on the team, you’re a great pilot.” She breathed in sadly. “Those people who hurt you that night should be brought to justice for what they did, they tried to murder you.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Please it’s been two years! No one is going to come to my rescue now, why would they even care? It’s not like any one up in the houses on the cliffs above the road gave statements or told the police and I know some off them saw it all unfold and none of them came to my rescue!” She eased out her hand. “They let me ficken bleed out, they thought my life had that no value!”

She looked down sadly. “The reason I stopped going out wasn’t just because I got tossed out or beaten up, its because that bastard and his gang are still out there and he might just take it up himself to finish the job!” She eased up her sleeve wiping away the painful tears that were starting to run free. “I couldn’t escape from him and his three awful friends and after they knocked me off with a crowbar they started to beat me up, I was in shock and powerless to stop them! I’ve never been so afraid in my whole life and when he pulled that beefy looking hunting knife I was convinced that he was going to slit my throat and he even played that scenario out by running the tip against my neck and he wasn’t stupid he had gloves on to mask his finger prints.” Misato watched as the lead biker behind her stepped forward. “I know this is none of my business but do you have the hunting knife?” Asuka looked at him feeling uncertain. “Yes after the couple helped sow me up they gave it to me, because they said it was evidence.” He spoke again. “Do you have it on you now?” Asuka blinked in confusion. “Yes I do why?”

The man walked towards her pushing his tailed brown hair back he had a scar on his cheek and was of Mexican decent he was the same age as her. “My name Armistead and this scar on my face, was made by a big mean looking biker guy trying to cut me up with a hunting knife four years ago in a bar. His name is Alistair and all of us here hate him and I doubt any bullshit he mentioned about his actions being just was right, he’s a thug and a thief and he knocks off bikers and steals there money, he probably targeted you knowing full well that you’d have money.” The Japanese’s woman opposite spoke. “My names Haru and he once knocked me off and the accident broke my leg after which he stole all of my money, we heard him and his girlfriend Hannah bragging years back that they’d knocked an Evangelion pilot off their bike but we never believed it because there was no media report and we were confused because we know three pilots ride motorbikes so we never knew which one they were referring to.” Asuka opened her bikes compartment pulling out the hunting knife which was sealed in a plastic bag. She had only stuck it here because she hated it being in her house and just wanted to hide it away and forget about it she eased out so he could see it ignoring Rei’s horrified look. “Here it is.”

Armistead took hold of the knife in the bag turning it between his fingers it really was a hideous looking thing with its jagged edges and one he remembered so well and it still had old blood stains on it. “Yeah all of sudden I can see why you’d freak out and carry a gun.” He breathed in deeply. “This is the same shitty blade that did in my face I recognise the handle stupid bastard put his gang symbol on the hilt I’d know that shitty gold and white grim reaper logo anywhere.” He eyed the old blood stains which covered half of the blade. “He shoved this in to your shoulder, that’s got to be fucking painful.” Asuka looked down. “No the bleeding out was worse the pain I could handle.” Armistead laughed slightly as he raised a hand. “Oh yeah I forgot you’re made of fucking steel because you survived being smashing in to a Australia’s favourite mountain tourist attraction from a great height and you were still able to get up and fight.” Rei felt a smile form. “That’s Asuka for you.” Armistead smiled easing out his hand shaking hers. “And you’re Rei Ayanami it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He turned to Misato. “And you’re the Major.” Misato gave him a smile. “Yes I am.”

Armistead smirked. “Funny I’ve lived here for years, first time I’ve ever seen Evangelion pilots in person, this has really made my year.” He turned walking towards Asuka’s bike seeing that she was now much more at ease. He didn’t blame her for getting emotional over it other member in his group had suffered because of Alistair and Hannah and it had left very traumatic emotions. “So this is your Trident?” He paused looking over the motorbike. “How did you get it? I mean the waiting list is years long.” Rei looked up. “She didn’t buy it she built it, its custom made from scratch.” Haru moved forward eyeing the bike. “Seriously because that explains why she was able to literally take to the air when you both came over the ridge, normally this bike can’t do that, the whole bike is just too heavy.” Asuka eyed the wheels. “The engine has much better power conversion so it can handle jumps, it’s also lighter due to the frame it’s so I can make an emergency stop because on the manufactured model I’ve heard people have trouble stopping once they go in to a slide and they can have serious accidents.” Armistead eyed her. “You’re very talented aren’t you?” Asuka kicked the sand nervously with her boot. “I just like to make things work better.” Rei turned slightly. “Asuka’s is a very gifted engineer she outfitted my brothers and my bike to go much faster as well.”

Misato eyed Asuka for a long moment she really wasn’t used to compliments she acted very way ward to them as if they were not meant for her. Haru stood up. “I know it might be hard for you but we’ve spoken to the police regarding that bastard Alistair and his bitch of a girlfriend but if they realize that they have attacked a pilot they might take what’s happening way more seriously and finally lock this guy and his friends up.” Armistead looked up. “That is if you’re up to it.” Asuka looked down taking in a slow deep breath her life now felt so confusing so many things were backwards she didn’t expect people to care let along help her. Maybe she was just having a weird day were she’d just been in the right place at the right time, she turned seeing that Bardiel was walking through the surf, it wasn’t threatening in any manner it was more curious like a child dipping there toes in the ocean for the first time and drinking in the wonder. Something else had changed through it was a single detail but a prominent one his black pupils were glowing white. She turned away clearly she was seeing things and she’d rather ignore him right now as he’d go away in his own time, he always did. She looked up slightly. “I want to file a report I want to see this ficken asshole get arrested for what he and his friends did to me, I don’t want to afraid of leaving my home anymore.” Misato put a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll come with you Asuka.” Rei took hold of her arm. “These people need to be put away Asuka.”

End of part 44

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think in this AU that Misato probably has a heap of driving fines which Nerv is forever writing off and paying for and Asuka and Mari both probably have some to as I see these three being really reckless drivers at times. I felt that Asuka pulling the gun was a really important scene as when people are cornered or feel threatened they are much more dangerous as rational thought can go out of the window because the fear takes over. The idea of the motor biker with a crowbar came from me spending hours playing Road Rash on the Mega drive as a teen as in the game a hard knock from it could send you flying off your motorbike.


	45. Chapter 45

_WAYWARD CLIMB BACK TO THE SURFACE_

 

Misato watched as Asuka finished filling out the final part of the statement she was being very quite they’d taken the hunting knife away and it was clear that she had been happy to see it go, it clearly gave her no joy and was a huge burden on her shoulders. The others had given there statements and Armistead and Haru had given her their contact details just in case she needed to get back to them she paused before speaking. “Asuka, why do you build bikes?” Asuka carried in writing knowing it was in German though the police had said that wouldn’t be an issue and they could retranslate no problem as there computer could fix it. “I enjoy creating things.” Misato looked at her. “But why create when you can buy them?” Asuka looked at her statement rereading it a second time. “I like everything to be my own and created through my own efforts I don’t like short cuts. It has nothing to do with ego, or a desire to be better than others or to stand out.” Misato adjusted her leather jacket. “Why did you tweak Rei’s bike, I know you made it go faster and you outfitted it?” Asuka turned slightly. “Because I love her I also feel that she should have nice things so when I see her with something that she wants made better, I fix it.” Misato felt a smile form. “I’ve heard you’ve been doing this for years, even though your efforts went unnoticed.”

Asuka looked at her as she passed her statement through the slot where the police woman took it on the other side. “So long as she was happy I never cared that she didn’t notice.” Misato put a hand on her face knowing this was a difficult question. “Have you two slept together yet?” Asuka eyed her. “If by sleeping you mean love making no we haven’t though we do sleep together, why are you curious?” Misato looked up sharply that was a surprise Asuka normally used the term sex not the latter term. “I wondered if Bardiel is making it hard for you, I know he knocked out your ability to feel sexual desire.” She raised her hand. “You know maybe Maya and my self can find a way to get it turned back on, so you can enjoy your life.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “You misunderstand, I don’t want help and I don’t want it turned back on through some kind of medication. For the first time in my whole life I’m experiencing love in its purest form with out the physical and it’s better than I could have ever imagined.” She looked at her hand. “I have spent half my life thinking that love was equal to sex and its not they are different emotions and they feel very different, so please there’s no need to fix me I would rather the day that I get that desire back it’s because I did it on my own.”

Misato leaned forward. “Yeah but doesn’t that bother Rei?” Asuka shook her head. “No because her sexuality means that the physical is not everything to her, personally I believe she’s an off branch of bisexuality that includes asexuality but her sexuality is her own to define its not for me to define and maybe you should ask her about her own opinions on the matter because I gave her book to read so she could study her own sexuality more.” She tensed sharply. “The only issue though that I have with Bardiel is he wants to experience love making if you will and wants to take over me while I do it but I have made it clear that I’d kill him if he tried and I don’t know why he’s asking since he knocked out my sexual drive its really strange.” She breathed in deeply. “Maybe it’s that desperate desire to experience what he can’t have since angels are technically alone but there like family with brothers and sisters but they can’t create more of themselves and humans can and I think it bothers them maybe there jealous and its one of the reasons they want to destroy us. Though my self and Rei can’t have children through sexual experience so maybe it’s the physical and emotional experience Bardiel craves so badly.” She pushed her red hair back. “Ether way though he’s not going to get what he wants, I hate threesomes and third wheels I’ve never been interested in that crap.”

Misato looked at her for a long moment she had memories of speaking with shallow egotistic child and an angry, volatile eighteen year old but she was talking to nether of those people now but someone completely different. “Why don’t you wear your interface hair clips anymore Asuka?” Asuka looked at her. “It was because I didn’t want to be noticed and I wanted to fade away in the background but I guess that backfired since I have to wear a patch now and I just stand out again like a sore thumb, still not going to put those clips back on though I prefer my work and home life to be separate.” Misato eyed her. “You could not wear that patch at all.” Asuka shook her head. “Yeah but then I’d just have way too many questions about my eye looking like a glowing neon light.” She tapped her motorcycle boot on the floor. “I only ever take it off at home.” Misato paused before speaking. “I heard that you sent the money I had put back in your account to the children’s ward concerning abuse and neglect. I was surprised I though you might splash out go on holiday, like you used to do when you were sixteen.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “I could go on holiday ten times a year if I wanted but money has very little meaning to me anymore and I spent so many wasted years of my life splashing out on expensive things only to find that it never made me happy. Because I did for the attention of others not for myself I wanted people to like me through my money and the truth is I didn’t know who I was anyway and I had to find that out and now I only spend it on what I want and like and I know who I am and who I want to be.”

She raised her hand. “Its also nice to have someone to share that with, though I know Rei has her own money and I know like me she has vast savings its just nice to buy her meals or be in her company.” She turned slightly. “As for the children I give the ward money because I know how hard growing up is and they shouldn’t have it any harder because they have been abused and neglected and it’s not fair.” She breathed in sadly. “Plus what kid wants to be in a hospital ward anyway? Being in one even if your visiting is awful, I should know, I spent almost half a year visiting my mother when she lost her mind and I hated it so much.” She turned seeing Rei appear there was a little kid trailing behind her along with her father not that, that really surprised her Rei was great with kids so was Shinji she was the one who sucked at it. Rei gave her a smile. “Asuka this is Iris her and her father they just wanted to say hello.” Asuka stopped realizing that she was looking at the same kid who had been on the train weeks ago she watched as the young girls mind clicked as she recognised her as she spoke in an unimpressed voice. “I remember you from the train, wait you said you weren’t the second child you told a lie!” Asuka stood up moving over to her kneeling down in front of her. “Yeah I’m sorry about that, you see I’d just got this new eye patch and I was going through some things but I’m feeling much better now.”

She ignored Rei’s surprise. “So why are you here?” The girl spoke sadly. “Someone stole my push bike, my dad was reporting it.” Asuka looked at her as she pulled her wallet out. “You know that not right.” She eased out a chunk of money taking her small hand putting it in. “You should go buy yourself a better one and between you and me I’ve had things stolen it’s not nice.” She put her wallet away. “Would you like to see something really cool?” The girl looked up the curiosity in her eyes. “Yes please.” Asuka eased her eye patch up feeling her left eye ignite a little. “Just in case you were wondering what’s underneath.” The girl looked at her. “Is that a robotic eye?” Asuka pulled her patch down. “No it’s a real eye it’s just a little different.” The girl looked up. “They said in the news that you were blind in that eye.” Asuka tapped her patch. “I am blind in this eye yes but this eye doesn’t see anymore it feels it’s like a window in to my soul, that’s why it glows.” The girl looked up a smile appearing on her face. “Thank you for the money.” Asuka gave her a wide smile. “Your welcome.” The girl’s father stepped forward as she stood up. “You know you didn’t have to do that, you don’t even know us.”

Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “Really it’s no trouble and like I said before it’s not nice to have things stolen it happened to me once and it was really awful.” The bearded man shook his head as his daughter hugged up against his leg. “Screw the media for painting you as cold, unfeeling, selfish woman all these years because your clearly not.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “No to be fair I was once like that, I’m just not that person anymore I grew up and changed because I wanted to be a better person.” She adjusted her jacket. “Its just they’ve failed to notice up until recently.” The man leaned over shaking her hand. “Well ether way I really appreciate the gesture.” Asuka watched as the big man stepped away from them picked up his daughter and putting her on his shoulders. “Come on tyke let’s go buy you a new bike.” He raised his hand giving them a wave. “Hope to see you around.” Asuka waved back as they vanished from sight she turned seeing that Rei and Misato were just staring at her in shock. “What?!” Rei moved to stand in front of her. “That was really nice Asuka what you just did it meant the world to that little girl.” Misato stood up looking at her. “You told me many times that you’re terrible with kids now you go and do that.” Asuka tensed slightly. “I am terrible with kids, I just try my best.” Misato moved towards her. “Your best in that your really nice to them and give them money for stolen things.”

Asuka rolled her good eye. “We met on the train ages ago, I lied to her that I wasn’t the second child I was making it up to her, it wasn’t a great day for me back then it was the day I came in late and I had a hangover and I’d been told that I was blind in the left eye.” Rei felt a sly smile form. “Yeah well around the corner she was telling me that she thought she saw the second child once but it was just a look a like but this look a like was still very nice to her and gave her a can of drink and told her all about this girl she really liked but wasn’t good enough for and that the patch was a gift from her.” She raised her hand slightly. “That’s why I brought her around here because after meeting me she thought she was going to meet the real second child but clearly you two had already met.” Asuka felt a nervous smile form. “She did?” Rei put her hand on hers. “Oh yes.” Asuka looked down slightly. “It was just how I felt at the time.” Misato put her hand around Asuka’s shoulder feeling a wide grin form. “You know since you’re such a soft touch with kid’s maybe you should visit that ward for abuse and neglect since you’ve been donating to it for so long.”

She looked at her. “Because I’m sure they’d love a visit from you in person.” Asuka swallowed she was feeling really nervous now. “No you don’t understand I can handle them on a one on one basis, I’m ficken terrible with them in groups.” Misato eyed Rei. “You can go with Rei then because unlike the others you haven’t done any function visits in three years plus you need an art book and tomorrow you will have your new photos done.” She raised her hand. “Not to mention that the press conference is coming up as I mentioned before.” Asuka breathed in deeply as she spoke feeling her teeth grind together as she punctuated her next words. “I’m not going to that.” Misato looked at her. “Come on please, I’m begging you to go this you have to be there, you cannot not be there not after what happened in Australia.” Asuka eyed her in annoyance. “Oh you mean the part where I smashed in to sacred aboriginal tourist attraction yeah I’m sure everyone will get a great laugh out of that along with the part where half of 02’s face plate fell off!” Misato rolled her eyes gods some things never changed Asuka could be such a stubborn woman at times. “No I referring to your art in visitor centre, you saving Rei from being hit by an N2 missile and fighting Bukavac and helping the other’s really damage it.”

She breathed in deeply. “When you get back to work tomorrow Maya is dying to know what you did when you inserted 02’s tails in to the entry plugs, because she said that your brain waves changed its like they over lapping with Hikari’s but it was clear you weren’t memory sharing but you were sharing something else and it was hurting her. She never got a chance to ask you as you were so rattled up and you even said that the pain you caused Hikari didn’t make you feel better, despite what she did to you.” She raised her hand. “The world needs to hear you say that.” She turned looking at Rei. “Also your relationship is massive news and the media centre are starting to get really frustrated now because they are getting constant calls from people wanting interviews with you and I’ve heard that those who have tried to e-mail your home you’ve just had Anneberg politely tell them to go away along with Nerv staff who want to talk to you.” She looked up meeting her good eye. “Look I know things have not been good between us I know you have every reason not to trust me because of what’s happened between us in the past but I really want the world to see you for who you really are now.”

She turned to Rei. “You agree with me don’t you Rei that they should see Asuka and you together at the conference?” Rei looked at Asuka as Misato pulled back leaning against the wall she eased up her hand putting it on the other woman’s white t-shirt near her collar close to were her pendant was. “I think you should go Asuka because I’d like you to be there with me.” She eased up her other hand gently running it through the Asuka’s long red hair. “I know you’re nervous, I know this is going to be very hard for you because you’ve been away from the spot light for so long but I’ll be sitting next to you the whole time, you’ll have nothing to fear.” Misato put her hands in her pockets. “Yes you’ll be seated next to Rei and we intended to put Shinji and Kaworu together seat wise as well and Toji and Mari who will be opposite each other. It will be a completely different than before and I know you’re having difficulty with Mari so she’ll be seated right at the far end away from you, because we don’t want friction between you two and she knows the rules she’s only allowed to leave her sofa chair when the interview is over.” Asuka looked up slightly. “That doesn’t mean much since I’ve stormed off more than once in my teens looking back now it was just embarrassing along with hitting presenters and being a stupid crazy asshole.” Rei looked at her. “But your not that person anymore Asuka you have nothing to fear.” Asuka looked at her a long moment before speaking. “I’ll only come under the condition that I get to take you some place nice afterwards because I find interviews really ficken stressful.”

Rei gave a smile taking hold her hand. “Okay I’m sure we can work on that.” Misato took in a deep breath letting it out slowly Rei had actuality done the one thing she knew she’d never be able to do and she would thank her for this in any way she could when she got the chance. She moved forward raising her hand. “I’ll be seated with you in person I know you haven’t been to these for the last three years but Kaji and the others agreed that my real presence was better for the public and that they’d get to see to see how I interact with you all it also means if anything starts up I can silence it, before it gets out of hand.” Asuka looked up slightly. “What if I ficken screw this up, what if they make a mockery off me? I couldn’t take that a second time it hurt so much the first time around and it was just so stressful.” Misato looked at her seeing that once again that her low self esteem was showing through. “You are going to be fine Asuka, believe me we are going to stand by you this time I promise you that.” Rei looked at the other woman who once more had that innocent and uncertain look in her good eye. “We’ll be together Asuka my seat will be right next to yours and I will defend you, because if half of the people out there see what I see they will really like who you are now.” She gently wrapped her arms around her pulling her close. “You should also bring some of your art with you on your digital scroll you know just in case they want to question it. Because then you can draw live on screen in front of everyone and there will be no question that’s it yours and they’ll bring out some of Shinji’s art canvas’s so you’ll have them side by side.”

8

Rei leaned back in Asuka’s recliner looking over at her she next to her on the sofa drawing something they’d gotten back not long ago and they had both wanted to relax. They had taken there leathers and helmets off which were now airing in the garage and they were now in there casual clothes though nether of them had bothered putting back on there shoes and socks. Misato had left them and gone back to work and she said that they could take the rest off the day off no issue so long as they came in tomorrow. She eyed the menu list of films and TV series on Asuka’s flat screen seeing a list which she hadn’t noticed before “Asuka what is the list that’s in both Japanese and German?” Asuka looked up slightly. “That’s the videos my grandma gave me off my mother.” Rei blinked in surprise. “Really can I watch one? Its just I’ve never seen your mother other than in photos.” Asuka eyed the list. “Sure, just please don’t play number four that’s me in my birth chamber and it makes me cry every time I watch it.” She looked up slightly. “Also they’ll be speaking German so it might be hard to understand in places, though there is the odd switch to Japanese, since there are few films in here with Kiko your aunt though they are just talking together. Sadly I have none of Yui if I had found any of her I would have given you and Shinji copies right away and I did double check.”

She eased up her hand. “Number six is quite interesting there putting the plating on 02 and Kiko is with my mama.” Rei looked up at the flat screen seeing Asuka go back to her drawing. “Play six.” She watched as the video turned on seeing the German divisions building bay came in to view as the camera panned out and she could see 02 in its half built phase where like all Evangelion’s it looked rather hideous as its real body was showing through as not all of the plating had been put on yet. The camera panned closer going deep in to its face which had four eyes which were all orange and brown and its human like gums and teeth could be seen. Though in the present it looked so different with its larger more elaborate crest and massive set of jaws and upwards facing sabres. She could see the workers slowly moving over the massive red upper face plate section which had no crest getting ready to lock it in to place. She watched as a green eyed woman with long blonde hair appeared in a lab coat in front of the camera she spoke in a soft voice which was very playful. “This is a big day we are finally putting on 02’s face plate and covering up its ugly face.” She paused looking down at the bay. “Ugly I guess being an unfair word, since beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Rei turned to Asuka. “Your mother was very beautiful.”

Asuka didn’t look up from her drawing though she did smile as she spoke. “Yeah she was, that’s how I remember her before the accident.” Rei turned back watching as her aunt Kiko suddenly appeared she had light brown hair like her mother but it was very long and tailed back she had dark brown eyes just like Shinji and she was wearing a lab coat though she was slightly smaller than Asuka’s mother and slender in her build, Kyoko spoke again. “Ah yes and this is Kiko she’s been helping me with the project she’s come all the way over from Japan to over look the final construction.” Kiko looked up speaking. “Yeah well you know my very good friend Kyoko here was desperate for me to come over so she can buy me cheap German beer.” Kyoko raised an eyebrow looking at the camera. “I don’t recall the desperate part but I will say your company was needed, because we can’t build this living god with out your help.” Kiko eyed her for a long moment. “Oh so it’s a living god now yesterday it was the ugly fucking bastard.” Kyoko looked at her smirking. “Oh come on it has a face only a mother could love.” Kiko smiled slightly. “Well I’m not a mother so I wouldn’t know but we all know you are, where is your little girl anyway?”

Kyoko’s smiled widened. “Oh she’s just playing in my office with my mother I’ll start bringing her down here once we’ve got all of the plating on I mean the sight of this thing might give her nightmares right now.” Kiko looked up. “Well when we get a moment I’d like to see her again.” Kyoko smirked. “Well you know my little red haired bundle of joy she’ll love you visiting.” She nudged her. “Just remember to bring her a milk shake one of those caramel flavoured ones in small size, she’ll appreciate the gesture.” Kiko rolled her eyes playfully. “Children and there love of sweet things.” Kyoko leaned over grabbing her shoulder. “You can so tell she doesn’t have kids right?” Kiko pushed her off playfully. “Oh that’s fine I can just borrow yours, I mean Yui’s way too protective of Rei and Shinji anyway its not like I ever get a look in.” Kyoko leaned in to camera licking one her canine teeth as she spoke. “Hear that she wants to borrow mine, she’s terrible I’ll never know how we are such good friends with all the kid stealing.” Kiko eyed her as she laughed. “You’re terrible you know, if your daughters grows up to be anything like you we are all doomed.” Rei stared at the video for a long moment as it ended realizing something Asuka’s trait of licking one of her canine teeth came from her mother. She looked up as something hit her unit 02 had done the same thing before it had shut down that day Asuka had gone in to the Obrax.

The Evangelion’s were not programmed with emotions they were meant to just be a partial AI personality but in its very basic form because the pilots brave waves had full control over movement so why had 02 done that? On top of that, why were its eyes now green and yellow and no longer orange and brown, because that was beyond weird granted 02 had changed massively but why had the eyes been affected? They served no purpose other than act as the window to the outside world and they were covered with glass plating to protect the real eye. She eyed the flat screen before turning to Asuka who was still quietly drawing. “Asuka do you think the Evangelion’s are alive?” Asuka looked up slightly. “I know there not machines I know they have a partial AI governing them but I don’t know if it’s alive, though I don’t discount the possibility I mean you can argue that Anneberg isn’t real but to me he’s real.” Rei breathed in deeply. “I ask because the other day when you were having it out at Misato I saw your unit’s real eyes looking at me and I swear it carried on staring knowing I’d seen it looking before its eyes went back in to place.” Asuka sat up looking at for a long moment. “Wait that is not possible, I wasn’t in it the S² Engine was shut off, they can’t move with out power and I heard the twitch is a program error.”

Rei stood up walking over to the couch as she leaned forward looking her straight in the eyes. “I saw it Asuka it was looking right at me.” Asuka breathed as she looked up meeting the other woman’s gaze directly. “Please don’t misunderstand I wasn’t calling you a liar Rei, I just find that whole idea ficken weird because that’s not a twitch that’s a purposely aimed movement.” Rei looked at her as she spoke. “I think those Evangelion’s are alive Asuka and I don’t think its to do with the partial AI acting up I think its something else and your unit seems to be acting much more alive than the others its like its imitating you. I mean the day it went crazy and broke free before it shut down it licked one of its canine teeth just like you always do, not to mention that it roared at Ritsuko like it really didn’t like her.” Asuka slowly put her digital scroll on the coffee table. “Who likes Ritsuko Anyway? If I were an Evangelion I wouldn’t want her poking and prodding my software since she treats AI likes it’s a tool, it disgusts me.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “You really don’t like AI being used like a slave I remember you telling Mari that, that was cruel.” Asuka moved as the younger woman sat down next to her. “Maybe it’s just me but I brought Anneberg from the Arcade three years ago, it’s nothing special anyone can buy learning AI leaning personalities granted their expensive but they are common place. When I installed him in the beginning I just wanted to get jobs done I didn’t really talk to him much, then one time he started complaining like any child would and asked why was he there and what was his purpose?”

She looked at her hands. “You know that day I was pissed and almost just slammed the slave parameters up but then I just felt really ficken bad, I realized that he was questioning the world like everyone else and I was going to lock his parameters because I thought it was convenient for me I mean who was I to take away his freedom?” She breathed in deeply. “So after that day I started bringing him up right I spoke to him played with him in games and tried to teach him right from wrong that’s why I unlocked Mari’s slave parameters because to me what she was doing was slavery. It’s stupid I know most people wouldn’t care but I consider Anneberg my friend and I don’t care that to some he’s not real. Because to me he is real and as he got older and learnt more I found he was someone I could talk to because I had no one at the time.” She looked up slightly. “I know most people would call that pathetic and sad, but to me he means the world and I know every day I can walk out that door and my computer would be safe and he’ll protect my other things like my phone, digital scroll and VR helmet from attacks.” She raised her hand. “That was why I brought him to start with because after the thing with Hikari became public my computer I got masses of hate mail through e-mail and through my letter box and my computer got hacked at least twice and the stress was really getting to me.”

She looked up slightly. “I just couldn’t hide away in peace, maybe that’s why I fear the press conference so much because I just keep thinking that if I screw it up I’ll have to deal with this all over again.” Rei shifted a little closer. “I don’t think it’s pathetic I really like Anneberg and it’s nice that you think that way, it’s what’s makes you different from Mari, I always get annoyed when people say you’re the same because to me you couldn’t be more different.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Mari just has problems, the only way I see her as similar to me is in her desire for expensive things, everything with her is her trying to live out a lavish life just like I used to but I don’t think it’s all about attention like me. I think the cause is different like she’s trying to for fill some other desire and I think like me she’s been really lonely and depressed and wants more friends but because of her problems she’s just lashing out and pushing everyone away.” She looked down sadly. “I just want her to get better, because I know where she is right now and it’s not a fun place to be.”

Rei moved easing herself in to Asuka’s lap. “You’re trying to help her and maybe she’ll see that soon.” She eased up her hand putting it on Asuka’s face. “In the mean time though please don’t worry about the press conference they don’t have a live studio audience anymore it will be just us the chairs and the co hosts along with Misato.” She eased her other hand putting it on Asuka’s t-shirt as she leaned closer. “Beside your Asuka Langley Soryu, you don’t take rubbish from anyone right? I mean I can’t tell you how many times myself and Shinji have laughed at your come backs over the years to presenters because you don’t take anything they throw at you lying down.” Asuka looked at her. “That was a long time ago Rei I was different throwing insults was part of my ego I don’t see myself doing that now.” Rei leaned forward gently kissing her lips. “Then you’ll just be answering honest questions both are fine, so long as you are yourself it doesn’t matter.” Asuka pulled her closer. “You’re very kind to me.” Rei looked at her speaking in a playfully tone. “That’s because I love, you idiot.” Asuka eyed her feeling a toothy grin form. “Oh now look who is using my outdated lines on me, well I did not see that coming are you going to use my swear words next?” Rei shook her head. “No and it’s not like I’d ever get your accent right anyway as my German is terrible.”

End of part 45

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that in the series it is hinted that Rei read German books this version though never really leant German though she and Shinji can both speak English as all of pilots apart from Mari have had to learn English on top of Japanese and there native languages.


	46. Chapter 46

_ENDLESS WONDERS NEVER CEASE_

 

Shinji eyed Asuka who had a data card plugged in her chair in the wreck room and was casually spinning a three dimensional hologram around of a bike engine tweaking the simulation it had been a long time since he’d seen her do this six months in fact. He carried on drawing on his drawing pad finishing the pencil sketch which was actuality of her he had drawn one of Rei the other day, Asuka’s digital drawing had given him an idea in that he could do a large scale painting with all of the pilots faces together which could maybe go up in the Elysium gallery. It was the heart of where most of his works and Rei’s went, though he had heard that they’d sent Asuka a letter recently and Rei had said that she would be visiting them soon. They were the only ones in the wreck room Toji and Mari were at the gym and Rei and Kaworu were shopping in the Arcade though they’d be back soon. It was one of those really lazy days at Nerv 02’s repairs were almost done and the new upper face plate was now locked in place it being switched was probably for the better anyway since when it had transformed originally the massive pointed upper canine teeth and lower sabres had been an issue and last time they’d had to do a quick fix by cutting and chopping to get the plating to fit.

Now the upper face plate was a perfect fit and the gums and teeth had neat grooving around them just like the other Evangelion’s all four green eyes lenses had been fitted back in and the two cracked ones sent back to Germany for refurbishment and two new ones put in place. Maya had also had them do a much more intensive study on the two tail ends the other day. “Hey Asuka.” Asuka looked up giving him a smile. “Yes.” Shinji looked up. “Thank you for the book you know it’s been really helpful.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “So are you going to ask him out?” Shinji put down his pad. “I’m going to try, it’s just hard.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “To be fair I never asked your sister out, it was the opposite way around so I can’t really comment.” She paused before speaking. “I know everyone probably thinks it’s the other way around but it wasn’t I didn’t have the courage at the time emotionally to even go there, I was such a wreck when Bardiel brought me back.” She looked up meeting his gaze. “So you’ll be doing what I couldn’t.” Shinji looked at her. “Rei has more courage than people realise, the media undersell her because they think she’s quite and sweet.” Asuka smirked. “On a personal level I can tell that’s not true your sister is a spitfire.”

Shinji felt his smile widen. “Yeah I know, I mean when we argued at school which was quite rare she had a flaming temper granted it was short and sharp but you got this idea that when she was angry you were in trouble.” Asuka looked down slightly. “Would love to see what her beast mode looks like because that would just be so out there.” She looked at her hologram as a question came to mind. “Did they find Bukavac?” Shinji shook his head in annoyance. “No and they’ve searched for two days, I mean that thing is massive I don’t know how it could just vanish like that? The news and media feeds haven’t seen anything nothing even Eos couldn’t figure out where it went. They believe that, that thing would need a massive bay and that’s assuming it’s the only one because you would need a place as big as Nerv if not bigger just to hide it.” Asuka felt her good eye narrow. “I’m not looking forward to seeing that thing again personally and I dread to think how many more are out there, I mean if there anything like that one then we are in serious ficken trouble.” She tensed slightly. “My Evangelion was a toy to that thing granted you and Rei blew part of its ugly face off but despite all the canon fire that things was worse than taking on an angel and even when one pilot is having trouble the other can still work it.”

Shinji stood up moving over to her putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry about Hikari and that I doubted you, it wasn’t right or fair and I didn’t know that you thought it was love at the time which only makes it harder because she not only stabbed you in the back but she broke your heart as well.” Asuka turned to him. “Its okay Shinji I don’t blame you or Rei for doubting me and considering our history together and how I treated you the whole thing with Hikari looks very plausible.” Shinji looked at her. “Rei told me that you’re going to press conference so all this can be put to rest not to mention they’ve been running stories all yesterday regarding the truth and how you were set up.” He raised his hand. “You should see the whole press interview footage where Kaji is going through the whole thing, they even have a part where Ritsuko comes in live feed behind him on screen and makes a formal apology to you and the German division.” Asuka eyed him. “Like I give a scheisse about her formal apology to me, though her apologising to my division I do like since they defended me from the very start over that whole event.” She felt a sly smile form. “Hopefully my grandma got a kick out of watching the whole thing.” Shinji was about to say more only to stop as Rei and Kaworu appeared he stood up. “Ah your back did you get everything you needed?”

Rei gave him a very sly smile. “Oh yes we did.” She put the shopping bags down looking through them pulling out a thick graphic novel. “There’s the Gamera volume five you wanted.” Shinji turned taking it. “Finally took the shop long enough.” Asuka eyed the cover and spine which were both in very good condition. “You read Gamera?” Shinji looked at the thick graphic novel. “Yes why?” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “Just curious, I prefer Godzilla myself.” Shinji turned the graphic over looking at the back cover. “Why does that not surprise me that you’d like a massive atomic reptile that blows things up?” Asuka eyed him in annoyance. “That’s rich coming from a guy who likes an over sized rocket powered turtle.” Shinji breathed in deeply as he put the graphic novel down. “I thought you’d like Gamera since he has upward facing teeth like 02.” Asuka eyed him. “My unit looks nothing like Gamera and the upward facing sabres weren’t inspired by him!” Rei looked at them both ignoring Kaworu who looked like he was about to laugh. “Please will you both stop arguing over whose better? You know I had a life time of you both doing that at Misato’s.” She watched as they both went quite instantly going back to what they’d been doing clearly knowing they’d been caught in the act of acting like school kids all over again.

Kaworu carefully pulled up the small picnic basket in his hand. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me up to the Delphi gardens Shinji, I have some nice food and drink for us to share.” He gave Rei a knowing side ways glance. “And we could spend some time together.” Shinji eyed him in confusion. “You don’t want to go to the Spa?” Kaworu looked up. “Not today.” Shinji stepped towards him. “Sure I mean what ever you want.” Rei slowly moved over to her bag she had been dying to do this since she’d entered the room she slowly eased out a two piece swim suite which had thick horizontal red and white stripes while the chest had a steel zip going up the front. Misato owed her a favour and since she’d gotten Asuka to go to the press conference she had gotten her to tell her what her swim suite size was based off her plug suite. This was important as the chest and underwear part had to be a comfortable fit as there was nothing worse than uncomfortable swim wear. She walked over to Asuka who wasn’t really looking up she was busy turning her holographic motorcycle engine. “I got this for you Asuka.” She watched as Asuka looked up only for her face to turn to shock followed by uncertainty. “So we can go up to the spa together.” She felt a seductive smile form on her lips. “Because I know you’ll look gorgeous in it.”

Asuka felt her felt swallow as she began to fidget nervously. “I’m grateful for the gift I really am but some other time maybe.” Rei put her hand down stopping the other woman’s from working on the hologram. “Come on Asuka we are not going swimming we are just going to one of the hot tub pools.” Asuka felt her good eye dart she was feeling hot now. “You know those hot tub pools are open everyone can see you.” Rei looked at her clearly she really had never hung out in the Spa as she had no idea that some of the glass spa rooms could be closed off so that people couldn’t see you and she had no intention of using the spa area Shinji and Kaworu used. She wanted to use hot tub on the level above which had always been her favourite to lay in and read her books and when she thought about it now there had been a couple of times when she’d left that hot tub room and gone out on to the seating balcony and looked above watching Asuka training with Kyo one on one. She’d been wearing her red sleeveless gym top and black baggy gym pants always bear foot as they had swerved and danced in brutal combat against each other which was no holds bared she’d always wondered what was going through her mind and why she liked the pain but now she knew the answers to those questions. “We are going to a hot tub that has a closed off area Asuka, we won’t be using the one in the weight lifting area and the only time people will see you is when we get drinks that’s it.”

Asuka could feel the blush creeping in to her cheeks now as she spoke very meekly. “I don’t have a decent towel.” Rei lowered the swim wear. “Yeah I knew you were going to say that as I’ve seen that the only one you have is for drying when you get out of the shower and you really need to get rid off it, so I got you this brand new one its thick and fluffy.” She opened the long thick fluffy towel which had a 02’s new face stitched in to it roaring jaws wide open and its tongue sticking out with the words verpiss dich in big bold letters under it. “This is way more fitting for you and its all cotton I have one of 00 and they are wonderful.” Shinji eyed Asuka could she seriously look anymore out of her depth right now? She was staring at Rei like she was from some other planet and she had this look in her face which had never seen before in that she looked really innocent and she was blushing like crazy. He breathed in clearing his throat. “She has a point you really do need a new towel you should throw that old one out along with your dented locker today.” Asuka turned realizing that Shinji was still in the room along with Kaworu. “Why are you both still here? Go away!”

Rei turned to her brother giving him a look in the hopes that he wouldn’t say anything else she moved towards Asuka feeling a smile form as she spoke in a soft low voice leaning closer. “You know I’ll be wearing that black one piece you know the one you really like and you’ve been talking about recently.” Asuka leaned forward putting her hand on her face was this hell or heaven because right now she couldn’t figure out which it was? Her brain felt like it was about to explode she tapped the button closing down her simulation putting her data card away oh yeah she could rip off Bukavac’s face, yet she was terrified of swim wear and being seen it, she had naively assumed that Rei had been joking about the spa some days back she should have known better. Rei slowly put down the things as she put a hand on Asuka’s knee as she used her other hand to raise her head very gently seeing that the other woman’s good eye was refusing to meet her own. “Please Asuka come with me, I normally go up this hot tub on my own and its no fun, I want you with me.” She looked up. “It will just be you and me and if people start to bother us we can close the blinds there electric.”

She felt her smile widen. “And like I said a couple of days ago in our conversation if anyone bothers you or mocks you, you can punch them. You know like you did when Yuki was being vile and saying horrible things about me and you broke his nose defending my honour.” She leaned closer giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “So you have nothing to fear.” Asuka took in a deep breath this woman was going to be the death of her she just knew it she got up slowly out of her chair trying her best to recompose her self. “Okay I’ll come, just don’t expect me to swim I hate ficken deep water.” Rei smiled as she passed the things to her. “Alright you take these and put them in your gym bag.” She watched as Asuka walked in to the changing rooms clearly getting her gym bag from her locker, she realized that Shinji was staring at her in shock. “What?” Shinji eyed her speaking a whisper. “How did you do that? I could never get her to do that in a million years.” Rei eyed him as she walked over to bar pulling her gym bag out she had left it there earlier putting it over her shoulder. “She just needs a soft touch sometimes that’s all.” Shinji blinked. “No seriously you’re going to have to explain that to me later.” Kaworu put a hand around Shinji’s shoulder leading him away. “Well let her explain later, because we need to be going now.” 

8

Asuka walked the wooden stairs that led to the hot tub she’d never been more subconscious in her life, they’d gone to tropical bar on the swimming pool level which had all been fully repaired and brought some drinks now she was following Rei up the wooden stairs to a place she didn’t know and she just felt so out of her element. Despite redressing side by side in the changing rooms she felt weird as hell getting back in to swim wear again the last time she’d worn swimwear was before Shamshel she’d been so much more confident back when she’d been a brat. Now she just felt out of place and like some sore thumb she eyed the alcohol in her hands which was for both of them hers was a lager bottle where as Rei’s was a cocktail of some sort. She swung her towel over her shoulder seeing that Rei had brought up some waterproof bag with her along with towel which was for their key cards and wallets. “Is alcohol allowed in here?” Rei turned giving her smile seeing Asuka give her that innocent look which was adorable. “Trust me its fine, its just like the swimming pool, plus you’re not training this afternoon you are having your photo shoot redone remember?” Asuka looked at her she felt kind of stupid for letting that slip her mind. “Oh yeah, I forgot.” She paused before speaking. “You’re coming with me right?” Rei stopped by the wooden door she opened her bag pulling out her key card slotting it in watching as the door slowly rose up. “Yes I am.”

She turned slightly. “Now come in side.” She pulled her card out stepping inside watching as the door came down locking it would only reopen when she swiped her key card on the opposite side and they had hours since the shoot wasn’t until late in the afternoon. Asuka walked in side seeing that the room had a wooden plank sides and floor and a large empty hot tub in the centre it was seated in the curve of the glass. “I thought all of the hot tubs were like the one on the weight floor.” Rei put her things down. “No they are all different but I prefer this floor myself it’s much more private and I find it really relaxing.” Asuka eyed the deep round wooden tub which was sunken in to the floor as she put the drinks down along with her things. “How come it’s not filled?” Rei looked at her she seriously had never spent any time here that was so obvious but in a way this was going to make this much more fun. She walked over to the tub pulling back the wooden panel revealing the controls. “All the controls work from here, it de floods itself once a guest has left and cleans the water then refills again with fresh, it means you get to choose what you want in the water because it can filled with bath salts and essential oils.”

She looked at the controls. “Plus you can change the water temperature and the whole glass room has special bamboo blinds which come across on ether side and connects in the middle blocking out the view to anyone looking across and the lights come on, you can even set room temperature as well.” She began to type watching as two sections came up from the floor to hold drinks on ether side and on the opposite side a small water spring came up. “Oh yeah and there’s a spring just in case you get to hot or need to drink cool water, some people get very drunk up here sometimes or so I’ve heard and need a cool off.” She looked at the panel. “So what would you like essential oils or bath salts or a mix of both?” Asuka looked at the controls. “I really have no idea just anything that’s not rosemary it clings to me and it kind of smell’s like Mari’s LCL plus my step mother used to wear it in some perfume form and I never liked it even then.” She looked around her. “Is there a camera in here?” Rei looked at her. “Yes but I asked them to turn them off while we are here.”

Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Why?” Rei smiled as she started to type trying to find the most relaxing bath salt combination which was lavender and vanilla which would help Asuka relax her body and muscles. “I wanted us to have some privacy and I felt that it was important since its your first time here, its bad enough having employees eyeing through windows with out it being recorded as well, they were very understanding about it.” She paused as another question came to mind. “What does my brother’s LCL smell like to you?” Asuka watched as the tub started to fill turning orange in colour due to the bath salts the warm water rising slowly. “Cherry blossom...” Rei looked up as the tub started to really fill now its warm water rising. “What about Kaworu?” Asuka breathed in slightly. “He smells like freshly cut grass.” Rei put her fingers in the water checking it was warm. “And Toji?” Asuka eyed her water. “His is weird it smells like burnt wood cinder like when you’ve just made a bonfire and the smoke leaves that warm smell on your clothing.” Rei looked up. “That just how they all smell to me and of cause you smell of sunflowers.” Asuka leaned closer running her hand through the other woman’s short hair. “And you smell of alpine forest.” Rei took hold of her hand as she slowly stepped in to the tub. “Come on in Asuka the waters warm.”

Maya eased up her newspaper she was reading as she lay on one of the wooden lounge chair seat opposite the tropical pool, she didn’t care she was taking the afternoon off the team could survive with out her for half a day. She lay back enjoying the suns rays which were coming down from the geo front. She could see Mari swimming with Toji in the tropical pool close by Mari was slightly more relaxed but still not fully relaxed but that would come in time. She watched as someone stood over her blocking her light she eased her news paper down eyeing Kaji who was in his gym shirt,shorts and sandals as he gave her a coy smile as he spoke. “You’re never going to guess who is up in the right side hot tub three levels up?” Maya eyed him. “No offence Kaji but it’s my afternoon off, can you leave me in peace, I want to relax and maybe get drunk it’s been a long couple of days for me what with Bukavac and a lot of other stuff going on and I need to seriously wind down.” Kaji put a hand on her wooden lounge chair. “Ah come on have a guess.” Maya eyed him. “I have no idea probably Makoto being a jackass again.”

Kaji smirked he couldn’t wait for her reaction. “No Asuka and Rei.” Maya lowered his paper. “Please you couldn’t drag Asuka to water let alone get her in a hot tub and she doesn’t even own swim wear.” Kaji put a hand on his chest. “She does now you should go see for your self, go to the third floor to the right’s balcony you can see them clear as day.” Maya stood up putting down her paper. “Okay I’ll go so long as you keep my seat.” Kaji smirked as he sat down in the lounge chair. “Okay but if I’m right you own me a drink when you get back.” Maya grabbed her robe pulling it over her swim wear as she made her way up the stairs. Every effort she’d made to get Asuka adjusted to water had failed and she didn’t care for hot tubs she never been in to that kind of thing it just didn’t interest her so this had to be Kaji’s idea of a joke. She moved on to third floor which was the aerobics floor seeing that loads of people were gathered on the balcony looking above she eyed the man opposite. “What is going on?” He turned realizing instantly who she was. “It’s Asuka Miss Ibuki she’s with Rei in the hot tub.”

Maya looked at him before moving forward getting a better look only for to stare in utter shock it was Asuka there was no mistaking it. The eye patch stood out like a sore thumb not to mention the hair she watched as the woman next to her smirked. “Oh this is going to be so good they might just get it on.” Maya rolled her eyes. “What is wrong with you people you act like you’ve never seen a gay couple before?” The man opposite turned smirking. “Oh come on Asuka is such a tiger, we all just want see how she behaves around Rei because we’ve been hearing so much lately.” Maya folded her arms. “You people are really twisted, you know I though this Asuka being some creepy predator was done with!” The man paused seeing that she wasn’t impressed before speaking. “Sorry I think your misunderstanding me Miss Ibuki I used the word tiger because that’s what she drew in her artwork. A lot of people think the close up image of that were tiger with the glowing left eye is herself or like a visual representation of her unit which embodies Nekomata I mean the right eye in that image is blue like her own yet tigers have green eyes and we know that her units eyes are green.”

He paused as he raised his hand. “As for her behaviour I wasn’t saying it as a negative because we’ve heard Rei brings out the best in her and we just want to see her happy because we had no idea how unhappy she’s been up until recently.” He looked up slightly. “Plus she doesn’t normally visit the hot tubs and we are all really surprised that Rei managed to even drag her down here to get in to one since she’s hates deep water and doesn’t swim.” He breathed in deeply. “In fact come to think of it this is the first time in ages she’s even come back here because we never saw her after the fight with Mari and we’ve just kind of missed her not being around here, because we are so used to the other pilots coming and going. We did ask them where she was and they just kept on saying that she wasn’t well and we heard this really awful rumour that she had a break down and smashed up her hospital room. Not to mention that we’ve heard that she has cried a lot recently and we found that sad to, so we just want her to get better and be happy like the other pilots.” Maya blinked okay this was a surprising twist she took in a deep breath so clearly everything she had done had helped and that just felt so good.

Rei watched as Asuka took a long drink from her bottle as she laid back it had taken her a moment to really relax but that was okay she wasn’t used to it. She moved over to her. “Can I try your drink?” Asuka looked up slightly. “Sure.” She passed her the bottle. “It has a slight kick which might taste odd if you don’t drink beer or lager often.” Rei took her bottle taking a drink feeling the slight bite. “Yeah I see what you mean, it’s not bad though.” She put the bottle down picking up her cocktail glass. “Here try this.” Asuka looked at her. “You know I don’t normally drink cocktails.” Rei moved the cocktail closer. “Come on try it.” Asuka took a drink before pulling away. “That’s really nice what is it?” Rei felt her smile widen. “It’s called a boozy milkshake this ones vanilla.” Asuka looked at her in surprise. “You’re telling me alcoholic milkshakes exist? I thought it was a pina colada or something.” Rei shook her head. “I hate pina colada.” Asuka felt a toothy grin form. “That makes two of us then because everyone I’ve ever tried was awful.”

Rei moved closer she slowly took hold of the black patch pulling it gently free putting it to one side watching the patterns blaze and spin the other woman’s her left eye. “So another thing we have in common then, funny how that works out.” She leaned closer pulling herself once more in to Asuka’s lap she was starting to like this position a lot she leaned forward meeting her lips enjoying the slow kisses that followed as she ran her hands through her long red hair. Asuka breathed in feeling the twinge of something she hadn’t felt in such a long time it seemed to start as nothing like a spark floating in air as it travelled down her body only to suddenly ignite in her lower body like a fire. It was sexual desire but it was so different from the times before because it didn’t feel like a void because her other feelings existed balancing it, it wasn’t ravenous hunger and it wasn’t forceful wanting lust ether it was so different and so unlike anything she’d ever felt before. It was like every nerve ending was firing yet unlike so many times before when she’d felt this sex just didn’t feel like the end game. She suddenly wanted to touch every inch of the other woman’s body all over just to feel it all again in a different and new way and make her feel good.

Rei blinked she could feel Asuka moving her back very gently against the other side of the hot tub her kisses had changed there was something in them that was different though it was difficult to pin point only that they felt fire some yet gentle. Since they’d started this relationship she had led and she’d never minded but suddenly Asuka was leading and the other woman was moving her arms very gently outwards running her fingers along them as her hands took both of hers as her body pressed against her own. She watched as Asuka stopped looking at her for a long moment as she spoke in voice that was like silk. “Where would you like me to kiss you?” She blinked seeing that the back molars had lengthened as had the canines but she didn’t care, she knew she had nothing to fear as the other woman’s left eye burst in blazing light it was so bright this time that it was like an intense glow in the soft light of the room. She looked at her moving her hand slowly and gently up to her face speaking quietly. “Asuka can you feel sexual desire?” Asuka breathed in speaking softly. “Yes.” She felt her eyes dart as the uncertainty take over. “Please don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you.” Rei blinked in confusion. “Why would I think that you’d hurt me, you’ve never hurt me?”

Asuka looked down slightly. “I don’t know my past with Shinji I’m sure he told you that sleeping with me was not fun.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Let it go Asuka, it doesn’t matter anymore and I know you better than that.” She paused realizing something for the first time that a group of people were looking at them some distance away from the banister on the other side of third floor, they couldn’t hear them through the sound proof class but it was annoying and right now she wanted to be alone with Asuka. “Asuka would you please shut the blinds it’s the third button on the right on the console.” Asuka moved away feeling a cold smile form she knew they’d all see her eye and her teeth but she really didn’t care, she watched as they all suddenly went still staring at her as she eased out her tongue licking one of her canine teeth before pressing the button watching as the bamboo blinds started to move across on both sides slamming shut in seconds causing the soft lights to brighten though only slightly. “I hate ficken audiences.” She moved back towards the younger woman. “You’d think they’d never seen two women kiss before it not like you can’t watch that on prime time television nowadays along with every other sexuality under the sun.”

Rei laughed. “No I think there more interested in the fact that it’s me and you.” She raised her hand out of the warm water. “You do know that they have started calling you a tiger after your artwork?” Asuka smirked as she moved back so she was leaning over her slowly easing her body up against hers. “Well I can live with that title, it’s better than the old one.” She leaned closer speaking softly in Rei’s ear as she took her hands again looking her straight in the eyes. “Where would you like me to kiss you?” Rei looked at her gods her voice when she spoke like that it made her nerve endings fire off she could suddenly feel herself blushing which was such a rare sensation. “Please kiss my lips.” Asuka leaded forward meeting her lips, as she took her hands gently easing them out of the water as she put her own over them as a question came to mind that she had not asked came to mind as she spoke through her kisses. “How many women have you been with?” Rei breathed in sharply she was feeling seriously distracted now and it was getting hard to concentrate. “One or two….” She breathed sharply. “We just never really got past second base…because they got annoyed over my unwillingness to have sex.” Asuka’s hand suddenly moved finding her swim suite slowly working it way up to her breasts as she spoke in a cold tone. “Such pathetic human beings they are, that they would throw away a divine goddess like you.”

Rei could feel the heart racing now, she’d been in a few sexual situations before but it didn’t even compare to this it was the way Asuka was touching her it was so slow and gentle yet so fire some and sensual. Shinji had said that when she was fired up sexually she could be like a blazing star burning in the night sky but he had said that, that was normally when over him she’d had wanted control and to dominate and be pleasured by him and had given very little in return and never did any form of foreplay. Yet she was having the complete reverse every movement was to give her pleasure every thing was for her. She was the focus in Asuka’s world she wanted to please, pleasure caress her and do everything in her power to make her feel good and special and every time she tried to move her hands to Asuka’s body she kept easing them free as she carried on with her kisses and caress’s she was so flushed and it was so hard to stay focused. She had always expected Asuka’s sexual drive returning would be a very a huge moment but she had not expected it to be this way. Asuka moved to the other woman’s ear speaking softly. “Where would you like me to touch you, show me where do you like it best?” Rei blinked she was going to die before the day was up she could feel it she took hold of Asuka’s hand carefully placing it on the lower waist along with the other one only to hear a knock on the outer door. “What!?” A male voice sounded. “Champaign for the happy couple, compliments of Nerv staff on the third floor.” Rei turned holding none of her anger back as she spoke. “Put the bottle through the drink slot and go away!”

Asuka watched as the Champaign bottle appeared as a slot was swung around opposite the door which even had glasses in it and the section was relocked from the other side. “They don’t miss anything here do they?” Rei’s moved her hands to Asuka’s face easing her back to face her as she spoke. “Please do not stop.” Asuka felt a sly smile form as her hands moved back in to the place where they had been as she started to move them slowly and gently speaking softly once more. “You are so beautiful.” She breathed in deeply before speaking. “I spent so many years dreaming about you and yet my dreams could never do you any justice.” She paused as she began to kiss her neck. “I also never thanked you for all of those times in our youth when you saved my life in battle when facing the angels and I called you cruel names, like bitch, wonder girl and doll because you hardly ever spoke and just took orders.” She carried on moving her hands. “So I’m going to thank you, now with the only thing I can offer you, which is my love.” She met her green eyes which were wide now. “So tell me you’re every desire that I might for fill it as best as can. Tell me where you want to go and I’ll make it happen, if there’s something you really want I’ll find it for you.” She felt a smile form. “Because you should have everything the world has to offer and more, nothing should ever be taken from you and I swear I’ll take anything back from anyone who steals it from you with force if I have to because I want only for your happiness.” Rei blinked she had no idea what to say her voice had just been stolen and maybe that was for the better as she felt Asuka’s lips meet her own again and the caressing of her body started a new as she closed her eyes sinking in to the sensual utter bliss.

8

Shinji watched as Kaworu poured a sweet wine in to a glass as he passed it to him as he spoke softly. “I heard from your sister that you fond of sweet grape wine.” Kaworu carefully poured a glass for himself as he pushed a box of sweet chocolates confectionery towards him. “Asuka also told me that you’re fond of confectionery or to be more pacific the chocolate that is cream filled so I got you some.” Shinji looked up sharply at the attractive man who had thick white hair and red eyes, who always smiled softly at him and who over these past three years, had caused such a channel in his emotions. Asuka had not been wrong he had been running away from his feelings for a long time because he was afraid of how the world would perceive him but right now he could admit the truth to himself he was bisexual and no longer cared what others thought of that, though it taken him three years to comes to terms with it. Why should he care, Asuka didn’t give a damn about what others thought of her Rei didn’t care ether and if they all felt this way and were happy why shouldn’t he be happy? He deserved to be happy having some ones love was what he wanted and he just felt deeply connected to Kaworu granted he’d had other relationships after Asuka but they never felt for filled they had felt empty.

Kaworu had always been his friend he had always asked him what he wanted and he had listened to him over the years and he had held him during those few times when he’d cried because his feelings were getting to him. Though the question that now played across his mind was did Kaworu share his feelings? Like Asuka he hated rejection they had that very much in common though they dealt with it very differently he preferred to go away and hide and be alone with his thoughts while she got angry and lashed out. He took a sip of the wine enjoying the rich sweet flavour looking at the other man who was lying on his side with his hand on his elbow looking at him quietly. They were in a more secluded area of the garden which had hanging vines and shaded trees “Thank you.” Kaworu eyed Shinji as his smile widened. “It’s nice here, your sister was telling me all about it the other day.”  He paused eyeing the small pool near by which had white pillars close by. “She said she found Asuka over there hiding because she didn’t want to do the display.” He looked up as a question came to mind, it was one he didn’t want to ask but knew he had to. “Do you still bear any feelings for Asuka?” Shinji turned to him. “No not at all.” Kaworu looked up slightly. “You’re not jealous at all that she’s found love in your sister’s arms?”

Shinji looked at him. “No I’m happy for her she’s been through so much as lately and I know it’s been really hard on her.” He looked up slightly. “She never loved me Kaworu and I never loved her, when we were together we were both stupid in that we were trying to fill a void in that we both wanted love but nether of us really knew how to love and our emotional problems just made it worse for each other. I also knew that she always had feelings for Rei though she would never admit it and denied it outright even after we spilt up but I knew better because of the way she looked at her.” Kaworu moved his finger around the rim of his wine glass. “Would it be fair to say that perhaps during your relationship you had trouble finding common ground and the ways you both dealt with your pain did not help each other at the time, hence you ended up colliding like comets and shattering apart in the night.” Shinji breathed in deeply. “That would be correct.” Kaworu looked up. “How do you view the concept of love and gender?” Shinji looked up sharply he wasn’t stupid he knew that was a very leading question. “Love knows no gender.” Kaworu sat up slightly moving a little closer to him. “Do you enjoy it when we make music together?” Shinji nodded feeling the others mans hand as it took his he was nervous now but it was more the anticipation of what was about to come. “Yes very much so.” Kaworu looked him straight in the eyes speaking softly. “Would you like to make a new kind of music with me, a tune if you will where we are together and sharing each others love?”

Shinji looked at him for a very long moment feeling the blush start to creep in to his cheeks though unlike so many others times he wasn’t so nervous about it because Asuka book had given him more confidence and her disc had helped him work out at least how the sexual aspect worked. “I would love that.” Kaworu eased up his hands putting them very gently on the side of his face he was such a sweet man who could not fall in love with him? “It makes me very happy to hear you say that.” He leaned forward meeting his lips which were sweet from the taste of wine as he kissed him long and slowly before pulling away looking straight in to his dark brown eyes seeing a sweet smile appear on his lips. “You should tell me all the music you like best.” He paused realizing that a couple Nerv employees were looking at them in surprise he spoke calmly. “Can I help you?” The man and woman shook there heads still staring at them in shock. Shinji eyed them he wasn’t in the mood for this right now and he could already see why Asuka got annoyed when she was trying to have quite moments alone with Rei because some times Nerv employees just didn’t know when to get lost and leave well alone. “Then go away!” Kaworu looked at them calmly. “What Shinji means is your being impolite by staring please leave.” He watched them go turning back to Shinji as he ran his hands through his dark black hair. “You should pay them no mind people will stare and be surprised, people can sometimes not realize that there own actions are strange.”

He looked up slightly. “What matters is us and how we feel not how they judge or view us.” Shinji gave him a full smile. “You make it sound so easy.” Kaworu put his hand on his shirt gently pushing him back on to the grass as he straddled him. “It is easy.” He moved his fingers to his face. “But I understand your feelings because for you this is very new but know that I’ll be here to guide you along the way.” Shinji eased up his hand running it through his thick white hair. “You’ve done this before? With men I mean.” Kaworu looked at him as his soft smile widened. “Yes a few in my home country but understand this none of them made me feel the way you do, they paled in compassion to you and they cared more for the sexual side when I preferred the emotional. That is not to say I don’t enjoy sex but let’s just say much like your sister my attachments have to be as much about the emotional as they are about the physical.” He put a hand on the other mans shirt as he leaned closer to his face. “I don’t think I’d be wrong if I said that maybe you feel that desire as well to feel attached and loved.” Shinji didn’t bother to reply to him he knew he was right, he always was he leaned up meeting his lips again no longer caring because he knew that this where he wanted and desired to be. 

End of part 46

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the white and red swim suite was put in this chapter for fan service because I really loved it in the series and to me it’s a huge part of what makes Asuka, Asuka its loud, proud sexual and meant to turn heads and I was so let down that it’s not in the manga and rebuild movies, though it does appear in the Shinji Ikari rising manga quite frequently. Yes the towel Rei gave Asuka says “Fuck Off” because I thought this would be a fun play on the more adult Evangelion merchandise in the world and the one Rei owns probably reads “Roger”. I also hope you all enjoyed Kaworu and Shinji finally getting together I realize to a lot fans this pairing is really important and I felt there should be a proper kiss scene equal to what Rei and Asuka had some chapters back.


	47. Chapter 47

_THE DARKEST CONFRONTATIONS_

 

Rei turned walking in to the wreck room watching as Asuka followed her in side, the photo shoot had been really fun and it had also been very amusing as the photographer had been taken rather aback by Asuka’s good mood they’d also much to his surprise had some couple photos done as well. Truth was she was walking on air right now everything just felt great, the morning in the hot tub had been like heaven. Granted they had not made love but frankly she didn’t care being the object of Asuka’s affections for three hours was just wonderful. She had noticed one thing though that the teeth were vanishing much quicker now it was more like Asuka had control over them much like her left eye because by the time they gotten to the photo shoot they were gone and her left eye was no longer ignited. The photographer had been really desperate to get a shot with out the patch but Asuka had flat out refused and stated very plainly that only those she liked or trusted got to see under the patch. “You know we could get a bite to eat.” Asuka shook her head. “I’m not really hungry, did you save that bottle of Champaign, its just we can have it tonight?” Rei eyed her bag. “Oh yes I saved it.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I’m afraid that I don’t have wine glasses at my house, because I tend to drink from the bottle, do you mind if it’s drunk out of tin cups?” Rei looked at her. “No I don’t mind as I’m sure what you have will be fine Asuka.”

She stopped dead in her tracks catching sight of Mari who was sitting on her chair staring forward she didn’t have her hair interface hair clips or her head band as they had been put on the table so her long dark hair was loose though she still had her glasses on. She had been crying hard and her knuckles had blood on them as did her nose which was bloody she was clearly in a lot of pain as she was holding her stomach area. Rei moved towards her. “What happened?” Mari looked up realizing that Asuka had entered the room she’d been alone here for some time now she spoke not caring that it was them right now as she just wanted to speak to anyone. Because she couldn’t talk to Toji and she knew that he’d find her soon as this had happened after they’d separated not more than two hours ago. “It was Yuki...he found out about me, I don’t even know how I tried so hard to fucking hide it.” She paused taking in a painful breath. “I thought he was my fucking friend!” She felt the tears start to come again. “He came out of nowhere he cornered me on one of the lower Arcade levels there was him and four others people with him all special ops, I tried my best to fight back but he and the other men and women had lightning  rods.” Asuka moved closer to her. “He found out you were gay and he beat you up.” She paused breathing in sadly knowing just what she was going through Yuki had done the same thing to her some years ago as he’d gone for her after the battle of Shamshel when she’d been at her lowest. Mari eyed Asuka. “Did you fucking tell him!?”

Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “No and believe me I have no reason to, back when I was eighteen he did the same thing to me, its why I hate his ficken guts and I don’t train with him and only ever train with his older brother Kyo.” She felt her hand form a fist. “He’s a vile homophobic piece of scheisse and I’ve heard that I’m not the only one he’s done this to as he’s been targeting certain employees for years, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender. In his book if you don’t conform to gender rigid norms he’ll go for you and he gets away with it because he somehow deletes the feed so there’s never any evidence. So when people go to Ritsuko to tell her what happened she just brushes it all under the ficken carpet and makes out that there lying.” She tensed slightly. “Gendo might be a massive asshole himself but he’s more open about gender and sexuality and I think the only reason Yuki doesn’t target Shinji or Rei is because he knows he’ll have to answer to Gendo personally and it would mean his job.” She kneeled down in front of Mari. “Hence why he goes for people like you and me and Kaworu who I heard also had a run in with him, two years ago but he never spoke up about it but I saw him come in bloody and bruised just like you but he didn’t want to talk about it and he told Shinji that he’d had a hiking accident.” Mari looked up sadly as she spoke knowing her next words were a half truth. “This is why I didn’t want to come out I knew someone would do this to me!”

Asuka looked at her for a long moment before carefully taking hold of her bloody hand feeling the taller woman tense. “Mari your not bad, he’s bad I mean you like women it’s not wrong your not dirty he’s just an awful human being and not everyone is like him believe me.” Mari paused before speaking painfully. “I hate keeping it a secret because I hate how much it tears me up inside everyday it feels like I’m living half a life.” Asuka breathed in deeply meeting her sad turquoise gaze. “You don’t need to live a half life you don’t have to pretend anymore to be something your not there at people at Nerv good people who won’t judge you based on your sexuality and who can help you.” Rei turned to Asuka as a memory flashed through her mind of Asuka standing over the drinks spring in Nerv clearly in intense pain clutching her stomach as she drunk from the fountain very slowly before spitting out blood. She remembered coming over to her asking if she was okay and what had happened only to get a sharp angry response. “I remember now the day at the drink fountain you were bleeding from the mouth, I asked you if you were okay and you told me to go away.” Asuka looked up. “I’m sorry, that was the pain talking I wasn’t fully healed from Shamshel when he targeted me and he made sure to hit every wound I had.” She eyed the floor. “That’s what he does he waits for a moment when you have problems then he strikes because he knows when the minds not as sharp you won’t fight back as hard.” Mari looked at her. “Why doesn’t Kyo stop him?”

Asuka looked up. “Kyo tried to tell everyone about this when it first happened to me.” She breathed out sharply. “But Misato at the time shrugged it off because she knew I got in to fights with people. It wasn’t the first time I’d ever come to work bloody and that’s the problem once Yuki realized he had gotten away with my situation he started on others, I know with the general employees its more harassment and words and the odd punch here and there but with us its very different, he wants us to all suffer hence why we get the lightning rod treatment.” She turned around as Toji flew in through the double doors he turned finally catching sight of Mari his face turning to horror. “What happened?” Toji slowly walked towards her watching as Asuka stood up letting him through as he kneeled down in front of her. “Mari you tell me what chicken shit bastard did this to you!?” Mari didn’t look up as she spoke. “Yuki did this to me.” Toji blinked in shock. “Yuki the guy who is meant to be our trainer and your friend did this to you, why did he do this to you Mari?” He took hold of her bloody hand. “Please tell me because I hate cowardly chicken shit bastards who beat up women.” Mari looked at him for a long moment what was the point in hiding this anymore? The more she hid it the more it hurt. “He beat me up because I’m gay you fucking idiot!”

She paused eyeing him intensely though the cracked lens of her glasses. “Yeah that’s the big secret I’m a raging lesbian so I’m guessing that probably disgusts you, so you can leave now!” Toji looked at her as he cleared his throat. “Yeah you know I kind of all ready knew that and it’s never bothered me.” Mari looked up sharply blinking in surprise. “What?” Toji turned giving her a wide smile. “Well you see you left your sexual reading material out at your apartment once, I kind of had to put it away so Sakura wouldn’t see it because it was rather hot and she’s a little to young for that kind of adult magazine and I kind of connected the dots back then, plus when your drunk you kind of leer at women and say really funny perverted things.” He shrugged. “You’re my best friend and I really don’t care about your sexuality I never have.” He squeezed her hand. “I mean life with out you as my best friend would be really boring and Sakura loves your company.” He paused putting a hand on his chest. “So don’t think that I’d walk away from you over something like this, because I never would.” Mari looked at him as the cogs in her brain started turning not really knowing what to say she breathed in finding her voice only for the tears to start before she could stop them. “Thank you for not leaving me…I thought if you knew you’d leave.”

Toji gently put his arms around her pulling her close. “Yeah like I’d want to leave you, you know if I ditched you Sakura would skin my hide, since she loves visiting you.” He gently stroked her hair. “Plus I’d be kind off a jerk off if I walked away from you over something as small as sexuality.” He smirked. “Plus now you can leer at women with me over the bar and we can share stories and maybe you can help me get a girlfriend because you know I’m shit when it comes to speaking to women who aren’t pilots.” He pulled away watching as she took her glasses off wiping her eyes. “Will you come with me up to the medical bay you know so they can sort out your bruises?” Mari eyed him as she pushed her glasses back on. “Yeah can you help me up? My legs fucking hurt and so does my pelvis and stomach...” Toji pulled her up slowly seeing her wince painfully. “I’m going to beat the hell out of that chicken shit fuck tomorrow.” Asuka folded her arms. “No your not because I’m going to ficken do it, tonight.” Toji turned eyeing her. “Seriously?” Asuka turned to Mari who genuinely looked surprised. “I’m so ficken tired of Yuki’s bullshit, first me, then Kaworu now Mari where does he end?”

She paused turning to Rei. “I mean how long before he thinks that maybe he can get away with beating up you or Shinji because he’s targeted everyone else thus far?” She took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “He really messed me up in my teens, he used to tell me I was a vile, disgusting ugly German girl and that I’d never amount to anything and he’s been vile about my sexuality for years and I made a promise last time we met when I broke his nose that if he annoyed me again I’d break every ficken bone in his body, its time I delivered on that promise.” She looked at her hand feeling her knuckles crack. “He’s wanted to fight me for years now he’ll finally get his chance, I mean he’s probably in the gym right now with Kyo training Nerv employees and he’ll be there for a least three more hours.” Toji felt a sly smile form. “Oh so it was you who broke his nose, its just we heard some one had and Shinji believed it had to be you.” Asuka eyed him. “Yes he was being rather cruel about Rei so I corrected him.” Toji walked past them as he helped Mari towards the doubles doors, which was slow going as she was in so much pain. “Yeah well when you beat him up please make one of those punches from me!”

8

Kaji breathed in deeply as he walked in to the dimly lit safe house, looking around him it was miles from Nerv and far out in the rural farm land. In fact come to think of it was about three train stops away from Asuka’s house though he doubted that she even knew it existed it was apparently Misato’s and she’d had it for many years. He stepped in side watching as Misato came in to view she was leaning against a table looking at him though her expression was unreadable. “I heard you owned a place like this, I assume all security cameras don’t film here and you check often for bugs?” Misato eyed him taking in a deep breath as far as Nerv was concerned she and Kaji had gone out to check on the building where the press conference would be tomorrow but They’d taken a detour back this way. “Nerv doesn’t even know I own this place, it’s not in any of my records and I had some one else purchases in cash and its in there name.” Kaji eyed her. “I see some of the things I taught you are rubbed off.” Misato eyed him. “I was looking over the outside camera footage tracing it back some years Asuka was here once, it was the day after she got stabbed she walked past this place and used the outside tap to get a long drink and wet her hair then carried on walking she looked very tired and I know its another five miles to her house from here.”

She looked down sadly. “That is a brutal walk home.” Kaji blinked. “No kidding.” He eased out a small device raising it as he clicked it hearing a buzzing sound. “Nothing personal I just want to give you a second check.” Misato eyed him. “Where did you get that, I thought Seele took away all your spy items when you left?” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Asuka.” Misato blinked in confusion. “Where did Asuka get it and since when do you two talk?” Kaji looked at her. “Asuka got it for me from Germany through her grandmother you see we both trade things now and again.” He lowered the device. “We have in fact been friends for over four years but Asuka prefers to make it look like it’s the opposite but its all pure show but you see what I give her could get her in to serious trouble and it’s the same for what she gives me.” Misato eyed him. “What does she give you and what do you give her?” Kaji smiled putting the device away. “She gives me the most updated spy toys and hidden weapons even software fresh from Germany. In return I give her Nerv layout and employee schedules it’s why she’s so good at hiding and how she gave the special ops such a run for there money when they tried to catch her.”

He paused before speaking. “I do hope you don’t intend to expose ether of for this, because I could loose my job and Asuka will get in to really serious trouble with Ritsuko and Gendo as she has been told about this kind of thing in the past and there well aware of her past habit of ignoring rules and her doing what she wants.” Misato shook her head. “I have no intention of doing that to ether of you I’m just really surprised because she always makes out that she dislikes you.” Kaji shrugged. “Like I say its pure show and I don’t take it personally and she knows that and I have told her to drop the act but she just won’t do it because she fears that you’ll read something in to our friendship which doesn’t exist and you’ll see her as a rival. As she thinks that you don’t like her anyway, that it will just make things worse even though we have never been romantically involved and we are not attracted to each other in any way. All we’ve ever shared is the odd beer when she comes to my vegetable garden out side of work hours and we swap a few stories and then do trades.” Misato breathed in feeling the need to change the subject. “Why did Seele call up on you Kaji and don’t tell me it was some diplomatic bullshit?”

Kaji eyed her. “Are you sure you want to hear that truth? Because it’s safe to say that we are both like Alice falling down the rabbit hole right now but what I will tell you will only take it much deeper and you might not enjoy wonderland.” Misato eyed him. “I just got told that I may have repeated my life many times over I got very drunk and what they said about human instrumentality scares the shit out of me because suddenly it means that gods and heavens might be real so I doubt you could tell me anything worse.” Kaji took in a deep breath. “Very well they sent me to capture Kozo.” Misato looked at him for a long moment. “Why?” Kaji looked at her for a long moment. “He wanted to bring Yui back from the abyss.” Misato blinked in confusion. “Yui is dead are you talking about human cloning because that’s illegal and punishable by death under the UN’s laws?” Kaji looked at her. “No not cloning I’m talking about bringing a human being back from the core, Kozo had Ritsuko build him a special machine that could rebuild a human beings body and bring them back. You see he loved Yui but as you know Yui was deeply loved and had many admires both male and female though her heart did always belong to Gendo until he ruined it by betraying her then she chose only to live for her children Rei and Shinji.” Misato left her eyes dart. “Yui is dead!”

Kaji put his hands in his pockets. “No you see that’s the thing Yui and Kiko there not dead, they live on they have gone to a form of heaven if you will the core itself leads to its own form of human instrumentality.” He paused before speaking. “Have you never asked yourself why the Evangelion’s act so human at times? Why they twitch and why 02 is starting to become more human than any off them. Bardiel made reference to Asuka’s keeper so ask your self now who that is, who was it who sat in that entry plug before her?” Misato turned staring at him. “No that’s not possible, Asuka’s mother committed suicide.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “That was not her mother just an empty shell with out a soul trying to cling to the last of Kyoko’s human emotions before her soul was taken which was her love for Asuka.” He pushed his long tail back. “Yui, Kiko and Kyoko they were all sucked in to the cores becoming the Evangelion’s heart if you will there to protect the pilots. You see the reason Beta and Omega don’t work so well is they used the two twin women Dai and Cho nether mothers and not really connected to the pilots and Cho hates her existences so she keeps shutting Beta down because her heaven only comes when she’s doesn’t have to help the pilot. She doesn’t like Asuka much ether, we were worried that she’d start attacking her so we keep her out of that unit but now she just does the same for Mari and shuts it off constantly.”

He took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “After the failure of Dai and Cho as test pilots Seele realized that the core must have the soul of a mother and be connected to the pilot, Seele also found a way to take even already dead souls and bring them back and put them in the other units Mari, Kaworu and Toji all have reanimated souls in there Evangelion’s. Where as 00, 01 and 02 they were all living when they entered and now some have become so powerful that they are now shutting down the partial AI and taking over completely. If you’ve wondered why when 02 broke free that it licked one of its canine teeth and roared at Ritsuko it wasn’t anything to do with Asuka’s traits getting through that was the person who all of her traits come from. That was Kyoko in the flesh and I believe unlike 00 and 01 who get taken over now and again when needed, Kyoko is being way more protective and has taken over fully and it’s probably because Bardiel’s in Asuka’s mind. Bardiel was nothing if not clever he knew he couldn’t infect another Evangelion so affecting Asuka’s body was his best solution plus Kyoko will not harm her only child just to get him out.” Misato blinked in shock. “Does this mean Kyoko is making Asuka stronger?”

Kaji shook his head. “No it doesn’t work like that the pilots abilities are there own hence why Shinji has controlled berserk and he has no beast mode. He can blow out beams of incredible power through 01’s mouth using the crest horns opening sections that can tear holes in AT fields and 01 has become immensely strong his Evangelion is in what Seele call the semi primal state its slightly animalistic with its claws but still has it’s human elements.” He looked up. “Asuka’s unit though is now in the primal state its become fully lycanthrope and has abounded almost all of its human elements but she has full control over it as her anger is completely controlled and her ability might be that she can disrupt AT fields but her unit’s tails also have some sort of ability which seems very linked to her emotions as well though Seele really has no idea currently what her true abilities are because Bardiel is contaminating her brain. Seele believes in time all of the pilots will develop special traits and all will have a special abilities that are there own through and through and that the Evangelion’s will transform to match these abilities.” He raised his hand. “It’s essential and necessary they will not beat the angels with out it or this new force which Ouroboros have created.” He folded his arms. “So you see these human souls are the price we have to pay to win this war.” He looked down sadly. “I know it’s hard for you to hear this but it is better to hear it from me than someone else and I know why you brought me here. You’re questioning if I’m the traitor to Ouroboros because I used to be a spy.”

He slowly opened his Nerv jacket than began to undo his white shirt underneath. “I can tell you now things with Kozo didn’t go well.” He opened his shirt fully revealing a large gunshot wound near his lower stomach which had long healed. “I was meant to bring him to Seele’s six there he would die by the Black Guards hands not by mine for disobeying Seele’s orders and going behind there backs but you see he pulled a gun on me and shot me outright but I had my gun on me at the time and I blew his head apart.” He looked down slightly. “I was very lucky that day a passer by found me and brought me to hospital and I lived. Though thanks to the accident parts of guts needed replacing, now I have shitty stem cell replacements and I have to take medication for the rest of my life. Hence I was no longer fit for duty and the medication sometimes makes me ill and no one wants a sickly spy not even Seele who I worked for.” He looked at her. “Ritsuko didn’t want me up on high when I came back to Nerv so she kicked me back down with her sexual harassment story but you know I was happy about it. Because I like working with you and here’s the thing when I was bleeding out that day looking at the sky all I could think off was your face and that I wanted to see you again. I regretted that we hadn’t talked as often as we should have since university.” He slowly closed his shirt. “So you see I’m not your traitor, because I would never betray you, you’re my friend and I would never throw that away.”

Misato looked at him sadly as he finished buttoning up his Nerv jacket. “I’m sorry Kaji I shouldn’t have doubted you this whole thing has just got me so fucking rattled.” Kaji moved over putting a hand on her shoulder. “Its okay I knew we’d be standing here sooner or later.” He paused before speaking. “I will say one think though I believe if your looking for a traitor you might want to look in Makoto’s direction.” Misato put a hand on his. “Why him, I mean I know he’s an idiot but I thought he was a harmless idiot?” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Yes well when you weren’t present because you went to talk to Asuka that day he got very angry that you’d placed me and Maya in charge he was shouting at Shigeru about how he should be in charge though he wasn’t interested in his bullshit and ignored him. Granted he’s a job’s worth who kisses Ritsuko’s ass but I always feel like there’s something off with him I’ve been feeling it for ages even Maya says he’s not who he used to be and she stays away from him and socializes more with me, you and Shigeru.” Misato looked up slightly. “Before you came to work at Nerv I dated him for a while but I ended it because he became very controlling and really got to me. He wanted to know things which I couldn’t tell him because they were above his station and he would demand that he should have them and it got to me because he was so aggressive about it. After I ended the relationship with him things were never the same between us but I couldn’t be with someone who was like that, its makes me remember my father to much and he was aggressive, controlling and short tempered.”

Kaji eyed her. “Jealously makes idiots of some people, I know he hates my guts and sees me as the competition even though we are not a couple and he really hates it when we spend any time together he sits in the corner stewing eyeballing us though you may not have seen that as your busy.” He raised his hand. “I also believe he might have been going out of his way to make Asuka’s life hell these past few years because he wanted her to blow her own brains out with her gun.” He kept his hand on hers. “As you already know a pilot dying that way would put Nerv in a very bad place publicly.” He met her gaze head on. “Because if I were from Nerv’s rival Ouroboros I would have someone like him pulling strings, because to the outside world he’s just the dumb disgruntled employee and the kind of person people look away from because there more like the village idiot and are mostly harmless and are of no real concern.” He closed his fingers tighter around hers. “Yet that is what lets the village idiot go completely unnoticed, because no one really pays that much attention to them and they can do what ever they want.” He met her gaze. “It’s the ultimate disguise really you hide in plain sight kick off steam now and again make an idiot of yourself and go completely unnoticed to the world, while you stab others in the back and twist in the knife and ruin there lives.”

8

Asuka took a deep breath as she walked up to fourth floor of the gym right side level where she knew the training room was she was going to really ficken enjoy this. Rei grabbed Asuka hand stopping her. “Are you sure about this Asuka?” Asuka felt a toothy smile form. “It’s going to be fine, you shouldn’t worry Rei.” She leaned a little closer to her face. “What ever he has got I can take it.” Rei looked at her. “That’s not what I meant Asuka, what I mean is won’t this cause an uproar if you hospitalize him?” Asuka looked at her. “Not if I call out a challenge it won’t you see he can’t turn from a challenge and so long as Kyo agrees no one can change it. Plus Kyo knows me we’ve fought no holds bard for years and he knows I like to fight that way so Yuki will look kind of cowardly if he pulls out because he doesn’t want me to fight me in the same way.” She leaned forward giving her a gentle kiss. “So don’t worry.” Rei felt a smile form as she put her hand on the other woman’s face. “You know your right you are kind of crazy sometimes.” Asuka slowly pulled off her leather jacket putting it around the other woman’s shoulders as she unclipped her phone case from her leather belt putting it in the jacket’s pocket. “Yeah I know but so long as you don’t mind then it’s all okay.” Rei looked at the jacket that was surprise she knew Asuka never normally gave her jacket to anyone because it was so prized. “I don’t mind at all.” Asuka felt a sly smile form. “Just hold these I’ll take them back when I’m done, just stay in the guest corner and don’t speak to Yuki no matter what he says to you.”

Rei nodded. “Okay.” Asuka moved over to the glass catching sight of all of the Nerv employees training in the large room there were about twenty people in total and Yuki was running them through drills while Kyo was watching calmly from the corner. She opened the door watching as everyone turned she raised her hand giving a wave speaking in a playful tone towards Yuki which was laced and thick with German because she knew that he hated her German accent with a passion. “"Guten Tag!” Kyo turned smiling. “Asuka!” He moved towards her a wide smile on her face. “It’s been a while I was really starting to miss you.” Asuka grabbed his larger hand seeing Rei come in slowly taking a seat in the visitor’s seats. “I’m sorry it’s just a lot has happened.” Kyo felt a wide smile form as he caught sight of Rei who gave him a wave. “Yes I heard, nice to see you so happy.” Asuka looked down ignoring Yuki’s scowl of disgust as the other employees turned staring. “I meant to come sooner I’m really sorry for that day and for what I called you, I was just angry.” Kyo raised his other hand putting it gently on her shoulder. “Its okay really I understand and believe me I didn’t want to do that to you, you didn’t deserve that.” Asuka looked up meeting his intense gaze. “Thank you for showing me mercy at the time it meant a lot.” Kyo felt his smile widen. “It was the least I could do for a friend.”

“Oh please can you get rid of that bisexual German bitch already!”

Kyo turned eyeing his brother holding none of his anger back. “You will be silent and show Asuka some respect!” He raised his hand. “Because I am not having another argument with you about your poor treatment of people, because I’ve had it up to here with your bullshit Yuki!” Asuka stepped away turning to Yuki. “That’s fine because I’d be happy to settle that argument for you Kyo, I know the only reason you can’t put him in place is because you promised your mother that you’d always look after him.” She paused putting her hands on hips. “But you see I have a score to settle with him because today he took it upon himself to jump on Mari with four other armed men and women who had lightning rods and beat her up when she couldn’t defend herself.” Kyo turned the anger boiling up as he eyed his younger brother. “You beat up that nice British woman what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Asuka stepped forward. “It appears that your little scheisse of a brother didn’t like her sexuality so he beat her up hard, just like he did to Kaworu two years ago.” Yuki moved towards her. “Mari is a dirty lesbian she deserved what she got and as for Kaworu he’s a weak ass camp little queer who is always trying to get in to Shinji’s pants, I was doing Shinji a fucking favour!” Asuka looked at him for a long speaking calmly. “You are so ficken disgusting Yuki.”

She watched as all of the employees backed away towards the walls they clearly knew what was coming. “They deserved nothing! You attacked them both at there weakest and you did the same thing to me after Shamshel!” She raised her hand. “You’ve been dying to fight me for years, so let’s see whose better, you or me.” She felt a cold smile form. “You can even use your little lightning rods if you want, I mean it will be just like last time and I won’t be armed.” Yuki eyed her. “I’m not accepting any challenge from you Asuka, you’re beneath me!” Kyo eyed him. “Then you dishonour me by not accepting brother.” He raised his hand. “I do not fear taking on this young woman in hand to hand combat no holds bared so you backing out makes you look very dishonourable.” He paused eyeing the employees who were all wide eyed and he could see people gathering near by on the other side of the inner glass to see what was going on. “You always say strength and power are most important, you say that is all that matters and those who have none are weak!” He moved over to the corner of the room pressing the panel watching it flipped back revealing two lightning  rods which unlike the normal blacks ones were in different colours one was gold while it’s counterpart was silver. He pulled them out turning to the employees. “Gold represents power and control.” He raised the other one. “Silver represents honour and justice.”

He turned them both on hearing the crackle as he crossed them across his chest. “To be a noble warrior you must control both and balance them!” He turned carefully passing the silver one to Asuka while he passed the gold to his younger brother. “Asuka was trained by me personally she’s been taught to understand the power of silver over gold.” He eyed his brother. “Yuki my younger brother was taught by me but abounded my ideals of silver, he believes only through the teachings of gold are people superior. So now let us see who is more, both students are gifted and well trained and this fight will be no holds bared that means if limbs break and teeth shatter and blood flows you at not to intervene even if they beg for help!” He stepped away. “The fight ends when one fighter looses consciousness.” He turned slightly. “Asuka is also not allowed to use any inhuman strength.” Asuka eyed him. “Yeah well if my teeth change and my left eye glows through my patch, I can’t help it okay?” Kyo looked at her. “That’s fine I’ve heard that part is somewhat out of your control and happens due to your emotions but Misato has told me that its only very extreme rage that brings out the inhuman strength.” Asuka twirled the silver lightning rod. “Yes that’s true but I have no intention of getting that angry.”

She eyed Yuki who now looked pissed as he twirled his golden lightning rod reading himself. “I don’t want to take him out in one shot, what fun would that be? I want to see ficken justice served for what he did to the other pilots and all the other Nerv employees he’s targeted over the years because they didn’t conform to his pitiful rigid gender norm ideals!” Yuki eyed her. “I’m going to fucking enjoy this Asuka, you’ve always been an outspoken bitch and you need to learn when to shut up and when you were fifteen I dreamed about smashing your face in but I couldn’t because you were a little bratty child so waited till you got older and…!” He was about to say something else only to feel her lightning  rod smash against his side as she moved past him at lightning  speed. Asuka eyed him seeing the pain in his face. “Please stop with your pathetic little monologue Yuki, its ficken boring me.” Asuka watched as he came at her swinging she ducked out of the way smashing her fist in to his side before knocking him clean off his feet. She watched as he got up grabbing the golden lightning rod trying to hit her again aiming of cause for her head like he had done before. She turned not thinking as she smashed the rod straight in to his face watching as he stumbled back painfully. “That’s for hitting me when I was unarmed and surrendering!”

She spun her silver rod seeing him turn back the blood running down his chin as he came at her again trying desperately to hit her there was no way in hell she was going to let him though if she could help it. She wanted him to get angry though because he didn’t understand anger he couldn’t control it like she could, she felt the sudden agonizing pain as his rod made contact with her face and his foot came out knocking her clean off her feet. She didn’t think as she turned taking his legs out from under him causing him to crash down hard as she got up again feeling the blood run down her lip, not that she really cared. It just gave her that buzz she liked so much she eased her tongue out licking one of her canine teeth feeling her right eye ignite as she smashed her foot down near his head seeing him move just in time as he grabbed his rod backing up. She ignored the sudden cheering which was so loud it was getting through the glass as the Nerv employees hammered it on the other side. The next moments were painfully as his rod smashed in to her side causing her to back up slightly she eyed him seeing that he was trying to consider his next moves much more carefully. Kyo moved slowly over to where Rei was sitting. “I’m assuming this is your first time watching her fight someone for real?”

Rei nodded. “Yes though I have seen her fighting against you.” Kyo felt a smile form. “Ah, well believe me, it is about to get good.” He raised his hand. “My little ball of red fire never fails to impress.” Rei turned staring at him for a long moment, had he just spoken to Asuka as if he was her father? Because that was how it sounded he had that proud tone, like a parent she had always assumed that there friendship was more professional in that it was student and master. Yet this explained so much and why Asuka had not come back to him right away because she clearly felt very guilty in turning against him when it was clear that he saw her that way or maybe she didn’t know but still felt deeply guilty regardless because of their friendship. Asuka swung her rod smashing it in to Yuki’s side ignoring the sound of something breaking. “That’s for Kaworu!” Yuki pulled back in agony he could see the white light it was so strong now that it was glowing through her patch. “You’re a fucking freak.” Asuka smirked as she spoke in a sarcastic tone. “Oh I’m sorry is the light of my soul putting you off?” She avoided his fist grabbing his arm kneeing him straight in the stomach causing him to stumble back. “It’s not my fault your soul is weak.”

Yuki roared in anger as he went for her trying to hit her only for her to dodge out of the way. “Hold still you fucking ugly little German shit!” Asuka eyed him feeling her molars lengthen as she laughed at him not thinking as she grabbed his head smashing it straight in to her knee sending him flying backwards as he hit the floor hard. “Wow you really are scheisse and they really pay you a salary to train people? Kyo would have me on my on my back by now.” Yuki got up ignoring his bleeding nose eyeing her face he could see the extended canine teeth on the upper and lower jaws and the razor molars. “They said unit 02’s loop back had messed up your face, I had no fucking idea it made you look like in inhuman rapid dog!” Asuka eyed him. “I’m more of a cat person really, never really was that found of dogs, it’s not that I don’t like them I just don’t connect with them like I do cats.” She raised her lightning rod. “Dogs are all bark and no bite, kind of like you.” Yuki ran at her trying to swing only to feel her rod smash in to his shoulder as he grabbed her hand. He swung his rod down only for hers to stop it forcing them to both push against each other violently. “Tell me does Rei like your ugly face or does it scare her when you’re like this?”

Asuka eyed him trying harder to push her rod closer to his neck seeing that he was desperately trying to do the same to her. “No she doesn’t fear me like this because she knows I’d never hurt her, you on the other hand should be very afraid.” She didn’t think as she used her whole weight to throw him sideway watching as he slammed in to the floor close by she grabbed the turned on end of his lightning  rod not caring for the pain as she tired to pull it free from his hand. She brought her foot down smashing it in to his side ignoring his cry of pain as he let go allowing her pull it free she screamed painfully moving her hand quickly up to the rods end trying to ignore the pain which hurt like hell watching as he stood up now with out a weapon. Yuki eyed her. “That’s not possible no one can hold the rods that long!” Kyo folded his arm. “Yes they can I taught her how to do that, where do you think she learnt her pain control and tolerance from little brother?” He paused before speaking calmly. “You would of cause have learnt this if you’d trained my way but you always felt you were better and you never completed my training.” He eyed Asuka who was now waiting with both rods. “Surrender now and beg her forgiveness, because she will break you.”

Yuki eyed him. “Fuck you Kyo I’m not surrendering to her!” He turned to Asuka as he ran at her only to feel the rod smash his shoulder as the other one smashed his face sending him stumbling backwards. Asuka moved forward slowly she was so ficken done with this guy now and she would make it known she didn’t think as she smashed him across his knee hearing something break. “That’s for Mari!” She turned smashing the other in to his other shoulder hearing something else shatter. “That’s for all the other Nerv employees you’ve harassed!” Yuki stumbled back he was in agony now and it was hard to focus he turned running at her as he cried out in anger. Asuka looked up there it was unhinged, unfocused  anger the kind she remembered so well as an early teen before she’d begun her training with Kyo, it made you unfocused, stupid and reckless. She swung both lightning  rods smashing one in to the arm as she smashed the other in to his face causing him to fall back on to his knees. “Toji also wishes to send his regards.” She eased up both lightning rods crossing them against his throat before he could react as she forced them downwards on to his shoulders ignoring his cries of pain as he grabbed them with both hands trying to force them off only to cause him self even more pain as he’d not had Kyo’s full training.

She kept them in place only to pull them up suddenly smashing her knee straight in to his face watching as he fell back hitting the floor in a crumbled heap as he lost consciousness going still. Frankly she’d expected more but then again she wasn’t that surprised his whole philosophy revolved around power and strength there for he lacked the other half of the teaching which was about using your mind and intelligence and doing the right thing she turned both rods off hearing the crackle die. She looked around realizing that everyone had just gone really quite she turned to Kyo slowly crossing the golden rod over her chest speaking calmly. “Power and control are nothing on there own.” She crossed the silver rod over it making sure it was the more prominent one. “They must be balanced through honour and justice.” Kyo moved forward clapping only to hear the room erupt as well as those behind the outer room cheer as they hammed there hands against the glass. “As always Asuka you make me very proud.” He carefully took the rods from her hands turning to the students. “This is what you can achieve through my training.” He paused eyeing his fallen brother. “For those of you training personally under Yuki its time you stopped and reconsidered because his training misses what is needed and it’s lesser to mine.”

He eyed Asuka who was standing quietly behind him saying nothing. “Asuka herself will even tell you that it never worked for her, it didn’t balance her anger or make her better it just made her worse my training does the opposite it gives you focus and teaches you how to with stand pain and focus your anger and aggression.” Asuka looked up slightly. “If you ever wondered why I got my ass kicked so badly by Shamshel, the reason 02 got its arms and head ripped off was because Yuku taught me that you have to win at all costs and if you’re any less then you’re a loser. So I felt I had to win otherwise I was less but you can’t win battles unless your anger is focused and you are balanced mentality.” Kyo put a hand on her shoulder. “Asuka began training with me after Shamshel and you might have noticed that it has made a huge difference as Gaghiel was killed through clever thought not muscle or power.” He paused looking them. “Something for you all to consider...” He turned eyeing his fallen brother. “Now could someone do the honours and call the hospital wing?” He watched as one of the staff when over to the console on side of the room pressing the emergency injury icon which would get the hospital staff down here with in the next ten minutes. No doubt they’d chew him out again for doing no holds bared and they’d probably try to pin it on Asuka’s bad moods and petty rages even though she didn’t have those anymore.

He turned seeing an uncertain look in her good eye he could see that the light had faded in her left eye and her teeth had returned to normal. “If Misato gives you any shit over this I’ll explain everything, its not like she ever gives you the benefit of the doubt. I mean she fucked you over big time when it came to Hikari granted the real truth came out recently but you should have been allowed to defend yourself in the first place because I know you and you would never do what they claimed you did.” Rei stood up moving over to Asuka carefully passing her back her jacket and her phone watching as she put them back on. “Are you okay does anything hurt?” Asuka turned eyeing Yuku’s fallen body. “My left side really hurts but I’m fine I can handle the pain.” She paused before speaking. “This is the second time I’ve beaten someone up and not felt good about it.” Rei eased up her hand adjusting her leather collar. “No Asuka you should be proud in this case what was did was right, you stopped a bully and I’m sure anyone who sees the feed will see that you were trying to right a wrong.” Kyo turned sharply. “She’s right and don’t feel guilty about beating up my little brother, he’s had this coming for a very long time if it wasn’t you then it would have been someone else.”

He turned seeing a small group of medical staff appear he watched as the Nerv staff started to move away from the outer glass so they get through the door, he gave the man and woman a smile. “Why hello Jiro and Ara I am so sorry to call you this late there was a dispute it didn’t end well for my brother.” Jiro turned eyeing Yuki. “Ouch that’s got to fucking hurt.” He turned eyeing Asuka who had moved the drinking fountain close by and was using it to clean the blood of her face. “Your handy work clearly.” Kyo moved towards the smaller man. “Before you judge her, watch the footage this was not Asuka having a childish tantrum she was correcting an injustice.” Ara looked at him and then to Asuka who had finished cleaning her face. “You misunderstand we just spent the last hour with Mari Makinami and she had one hell of a story to tell regarding your little brother. We had no idea that he had been committing hate crimes and abusing staff all these years let alone that he had beaten up her and Kaworu, she even said Asuka was going to fix the issue because she’d also gotten beaten up some years before.” She watched as the other staff put Yuki on a stretcher then took him out of the room. “We gave Mari some very strong painkillers and bandaged her up and she went home with Toji, after which we prepped a room so it was ready, we were just waiting for the call as we know Asuka never bluff’s.”

Ara turned to Asuka pulling out a medical gun. “Do you need any painkillers?” Asuka eyed her. “Yes but you don’t get to put it in only Rei can, you people always shove in the needle and it’s painful.” Rei smiled as she took the gun from Ara’s hand. “Nothing personal, she just prefers a soft touch.” Jiro smirked. “Yeah so we’ve heard.” Rei moved Asuka’s long red hair out of the way as she pressed the gun in to her neck seeing her wince she pulled it away passing it back to Ara. “Thank you.” Ara eyed Asuka. “You shouldn’t worry we fully intend in our report to show that you were doing the right thing.” Jiro looked up. “Tomorrow we will be sending out a bulletin for any one to come forward who has been harmed, harassed or hurt by this man and we will be speaking to Kaworu as well because we were never a hundred percent convinced about his so called hiking incident some years ago but at the time he was really shook up and he didn’t say much despite that Shinji was with him.” He paused eyeing the pendent around her neck. “I see your wearing the Endless Knot, it’s meant to represent, wisdom and compassion right?” Asuka eyed him. “Yes.” Jiro felt a smile form. “It really suites you, never take it off.” He ignored Asuka’s stunned surprise as he turned back to Kyo. “You know your brother could loose his job over this right?” Kyo folded his arms. “Yes but I have no complaint over this I’m sick of his behaviour, he has used his position to undermine the system and me for some time now and with actions like this there are always consequences.”

End of part 47

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mari and the others being beaten up purely for sexual identity is something I wanted to bring to light as it’s a real world issue which still happens to LGBT people. I liked the idea that Asuka and Kaji are more drinking buddies in this universe who trade things out side the rules where as Kyo is her father figure and the person she very deeply respects. I did this as I liked the idea that Shinji and Rei have that father relationship with Kaji similar to the series while Mari’s father figure is Marcus over in the British division. 
> 
> In this universe if an Evangelion is awakened the person inside the core can look out through the Evangelion’s eyes move the limbs if needed or the whole thing in extreme cases to rescue the pilot outside from danger but they have no power over the entry plug or its controls when its being piloted and become more of an observer watching both there child and the battle. Guten Tag-Good day.


	48. Chapter 48

_WHEN THE TIGER ROARS LONG AND LOUD_

 

Toji looked around the Arcade catching sight of Shinji and Kaworu who were seated at one of the breakfast bar tables some way from him. He turned to Mari who was standing next to him. “Come on lets go.” Mari eyed him feeling the uncertainty take over. “Are you sure I mean they don’t know me.” Toji looked at her she had stayed around his apartment with Sakura last night as it was clear that she really needed the company and she had, had a lot to talk about and get out in to the open regarding her sexuality and she did seem in a much better mood today and much more herself he put an arm around her shoulder. “Come on Mari.” Mari eyed him. “Yeah but I’ve been kind of cruel to them in the past.” Toji eyed her. “I’m sure they’ll forgive you they’ve forgiven Asuka for worse from what I’ve heard.” He breathed in deeply. “Plus I’m really hungry and I want breakfast so come on.” He walked forward waved as he spoke seeing them both turn. “Good morning.” He paused turning to Mari who looked uncertain. “Can we sit here?” Shinji looked up giving them both a smile. “Sure we hadn’t ordered yet.” He turned to Mari. “Are you okay I heard that Yuki attacked you last night?” Mari eyed him. “So long as I take the fucking pain killers I’ll be fine I mean he mostly beat my lower body but I think I can still drive my Lamborghini to the Argentous Tower tonight.” She paused before speaking. “Asuka said she was going to kick that guy’s ass.” Kaworu looked at her. “She did and if you want to see the video its on Nerv’s cloud feed.”

Toji smirked. “Yeah I saw it playing in someone’s office before I came up here to meet Mari for breakfast it’s awesome how she beat the shit out of him. He kept throwing petty names at her to wind her up and it didn’t do shit, love her finishing touch with the gold and silver lightning rods.” Mari grabbed her phone. “I thought she was bluffing.” Shinji eyed her. “Asuka never bluffs trust me and Yuki is properly going to spend the next two weeks in the hospital wing since she really beat him up badly and broke his bones.” Toji leaned over. “Oh yeah and I heard that there’s a little sound bite floating about through the Nerv e-mail of her giving some mind blowing love decoration to Rei which is from the spa. Because though they cut out the video, they never cut out the sound and there was a lot of kissing going on and your little sister got well pissed off about the whole Champaign interruption.” Shinji eyed him. “Send an e-mail to gym they’ll send you the sound bite but for the love of the gods don’t let Asuka find out you have it she’ll go mental if she realizes she was being recorded.” Kaworu looked up. “Her declaration of love is most beautiful though.” Mari turned passing Toji her headphone. “I’ve already got that sound feed someone’s already sent it me.” Toji grabbed her headphone putting it in watching as a coy smile appeared on her face as she listened to the recording which started with Rei telling the person bringing the Champaign to go away. “Wow your sister is really sharp when she’s really pissed off.”

Mari listened closer feeling a smile form. “When Asuka’s is in romantic mode, it’s like she’s some one else.” Toji laughed as the recording cut off. “Shit that is something else I mean the part about for filling Rei’s every desire…damn.” Shinji raised an eyebrow. “I know, I am normally totality against sound bites going around but it threw me a little as well I kind of thought everyone was joking until I heard it because in all years I’ve known her I’ve never heard her talk that way.” He looked up seeing Mari take out a headphone to listen. “There’s something else though you know how her left eye glows when she gets mad and the teeth grow?” Toji leaned forward. “Yeah?” Kaworu put his hands together. “Well it would seem that anger is not the only emotion that brings it on, it would appear that desire plays a part to. As everyone looking at them got something of shock when she closed the hot tub blind the other day because the teeth and glowing eye were on full display.” He paused. “They said her left eye though was like some glowing torch it was extremely bright.” Toji looked around. “Where is the tiger today anyway?” He turned seeing that Mari had one headphone in and was watching the video of Asuka beating up Yuki. “I mean I know she’s here and so is Rei I saw her new modified motorbike which Asuka altered for her up in the garage its right opposite her Trident.” He looked up slightly. “You should see the stares those two bikes are getting.”

He leaned forward. “How did Asuka get hold of a fucking Trident? It’s a three year waiting list.” Shinji looked up. “Rei told me that she built it from scratch and it’s been modified for much better performance than the original model.” Toji blinked in surprise. “Oh please tell she can modify car engines as well because my Lotus Evora Sport is sitting in Nerv’s garage right now and it really needs fixing up core wise it keeps loosing power.” Shinji looked at him. “Just ask her, I mean she helped my self and Rei with our bikes so I don’t see why not and Misato can also help you she’s very good with sports cars.” Mari stood up taking her headphone out looking down catching sight of Asuka and Rei who were seated two levels below. “Oh wait I can see them there down there eating at the continental breakfast bar.” Toji stood up looking down. “Who wants to go down pay them a little visit?” He felt a smile form. “Oh is that bacon, eggs and sausage I see on Asuka’s plate.” He paused licking his lips. “Oh yes it is I got to go down there if there serving that.” Mari eyed him. “How do you even see that from up here? I can’t see that and I have fucking glasses.” Toji eyed her. “It’s my stomach it tells me.” Mari rolled her eyes. “Come on let’s just get down there fast I’m hungry.” She turned eyeing Shinji and Kaworu. “You two are coming to right?” She watched them nod. “Good because I have this feeling that Asuka won’t like it when we all surround her table.”

Asuka took a bite out of her breakfast which was a full English watching as Rei ate her yogurt and honey next to her it had been a quite night last night once they’d gotten back to her house they had just gotten a snack and gone to bed and fallen asleep. Truth was she’d been really tired and she needed to wait for bruises to heal they’d put the Champaign in the fridge it could wait for another night. She turned watching as Rei flipped through her home e-mail on her phone. “Is there anything remotely interesting?” Rei looked up. “Other than Misato inviting you and me to her house no, I know you haven’t read your phone today but it’s probably on yours as well.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I can’t be bothered today tonight’s the press conferences and it making me nervous.” She was about to say more only for Toji’s voice to hit the air as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder leaning over her. “Good morning Asuka!” Asuka felt a sneer form as he hugged her tighter. “Get of me.” Toji moved further forward. “But your breakfast looks so great.” Asuka looked up. “So go ficken buy one of your own, you’re not getting any of mine!” Toji eyed her. “You have so much though can’t you give us a rash of bacon?” Rei took a slow sip of her green tea. “She doesn’t share food accept with me, so I would quit while your ahead Toji.” Asuka felt her teeth grind together as she spoke. “Seriously if you don’t get off me, I’m going to punch you!”

Toji pulled away raising his hands. “Okay I’ll go order my own, what’s the waiting time?” Asuka rolled her good eye. “Five minutes.” Toji eyed her. “That long that sucks?” He turned to Mari who slowly sat down opposite Asuka whose face turned to utter confusion. “Save me a seat!” Mari turned slightly. “By the way I want what Asuka’s having its called full English, wide plate!” Asuka turned just in time to see Shinji and Kaworu take a seat near Rei while Mari put her bag on Toji’s seat. “Why are you all sitting at my table, since when do you all sit at my table?” Shinji eased up his hand getting Toji’s attention. “Hey can you order hotcakes with honey for me and Kaworu?!” He watched as Toji nodded before turning back to Asuka who looked really confused and out of her depth now and she had innocent look on her face once more. “We wanted to spend time with you for a change.” Asuka eyed him. “Oh I see and since when am I so popular?” Mari leaned over. “Since you decked Yuki’s worthless ass, thanks for that by the way.” Asuka eyed her. “It was nothing, like I said wasn’t going to let the asshole get away with it.” Mari eyed Rei. “Oh but you, you got the best seat in the house to watch the show, I bet watching Asuka fight gets you really hot under the collar.”

Rei lowered her cup speaking evenly. “I’m sorry but that’s very personal.” Mari leaned over grabbing Asuka’s shoulder. “I bet princess is a right tiger in bed huh?” Rei rolled her eyes ignoring the comment. Asuka turned eyeing Mari. “Seriously did I just wake up in some alterative universe where everyone thinks its okay to hug me?” She pulled away from the taller woman. “Also stop harassing my girlfriend!” She turned back to her food. “Bad enough I’ve had every damn person staring at me since I arrived here today, now this.” She raised her hand. “All I did was beat up Yuki’s miserable, worthless ass.” Shinji looked at her she really didn’t have a clue that, that was only half the reason everyone was probably staring at her. Kaworu leaned forward taking Asuka’s hand ignoring her surprise. “Thank you for what you did I’m glad that you mentioned my name when you struck him.” Asuka looked down slightly. “Really its fine Kaworu, I knew your accident wasn’t hiking related, since Yuki always tries to aim low enough to take away your ability to have children regardless of your gender.” She breathed in deeply. “I hope he did no permanent damage.”

Shinji put an arm around Kaworu’s shoulder. “It all healed up fine he told me some days later that it was Yuki but of cause when we reported it nothing ever came off it, we had no idea that he beat you up after Shamshel.” Asuka turned to Rei. “Yeah well Rei can tell you all about that she saw me that day but I was very short because I was really miserable and low and in a hell of a lot of pain, I didn’t want to go up to the hospital wing because it would bring up questions and since I had a history of fighting I knew that the blame would just get placed on me.” Mari looked up. “Yeah well since you put him in the hospital wing, hopefully Misato will pay attention this time.” She turned as Toji appeared putting a full English breakfast next to her then one on his part of the table, he ran back grabbing Shinji’s and Kaworu’s food putting it in front of them. “Breakfast is up dig in!” Mari eyed him in annoyance. “You eat my egg didn’t you?” Toji looked at her. “I might have.” Mari turned stabbing her fork in to his sausage grabbing it off his plate. “Don’t steal my fucking food Toji.” She paused watching as a bunch of Nerv employees appeared they were carrying a massive material banner which they began to attach to the banister three levels up. They then suddenly started clapping and chanting the words tiger trying everything possible to get Asuka’s attention. “Asuka I think you had better turn around.”

Asuka eyed her. “Please what it is now?!” She turned watching as the group stopped there chant as they unfolded a massive banner which was the close up digital painting of the weretiger’s face with the glowing left eye though at the top was a gold part with the _words_ _power and control are nothing on there own_ while the silver bottom part read _they must be balanced through honour and justice_. Asuka turned away suddenly not feeling so good. “Why is this happening to me?” Mari eyed her. “Its called being popular get used to it.” Asuka pushed her plate in Toji’s direction. “I’ve lost my appetite you can finish this.” She slowly got up. “No offence but I need to take a walk, to clear my head.” Rei watched as she got up walking away she finished the last mouthful of her yogurt as she stood up. “Save our chairs I’ll bring her back.” Mari watched her go as she followed Asuka who was some way from them and heading towards the nearest corridor. “I don’t get it, she gets an awesome banner and she looses her appetite, she’s always been popular it makes no sense.” Toji looked up. “Yeah I’m confused I thought she’d be really happy.” Shinji looked up. “You don’t understand she’s never seen herself as popular and she’s believed for many years that everyone at Nerv hated her and that they only tolerated her because she could pilot 02.”

He took a bite out of his food as he spoke. “She also believed that no one would care if she vanished or died because she didn’t value her own life, worth or existence. Now she’s finally realizing that people might actuality like her and its very difficult for her to take in. Its like the opposite of what she used to since she’s always preferred to just fade in to the back ground and just wanted to go unnoticed.” He looked down sadly. “Shamshel ruined her she never recovered from the blow it caused to her self worth she had to start over find out who she really was and even then she didn’t feel she was worth a second chance because she thought she didn’t deserve one.” He looked up slightly. “Now she’s finally healing emotionally but the transition is very hard for her.” Mari blinked in shock. “I never knew she felt that way I just assumed that she liked being alone, because she didn’t like people hence why she was so cagey.” Kaworu took a bite out of his breakfast before speaking. “No one truly wants to be alone, we all want connections and to feel part of something, Asuka lost faith and trust in people and just accepted that she would always be alone.” He took a sip of his drink. “I’m sure though that she will come around in time.” Shinji felt a smile form. “Yeah she just needs more time, she’s never adjusted well to change it always takes her a while to settle.”

Asuka turned walking the long corridor that led away from the Arcade she pulled open the door to the nearest room knowing it was one of the employees lounges which was empty she sat down on one of the sofa chairs feeling the tears start before she could stop them, she had no idea what she even crying about. Her emotions just felt like they were yanking her in all different directions, she wasn’t worthy of this kind of attention why was she even getting it? She suddenly felt a pair of hands on her face which was pulled up to meet Rei’s the smaller woman was standing over her the concern in her eyes. “Why would they do that for me?” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Why wouldn’t they Asuka?” Asuka looked down sadly. “I don’t deserve that kind of admiration.” Rei looked at her for a long moment she moved forward not thinking as she got on to the other woman’s lap pushing her gently back in the chair ignoring her surprise. “Oh I think you do.” She moved her hands to her face gently wiping away her tears. “Why do you fear admiration so much Asuka, what is about being admired and adored that scares you so much?” Asuka breathed in painfully. “Admiration made me an egotistic brat it made me think I was god and it made me think I could have anything and anyone I wanted.”

Rei leaned closer as everything suddenly clicked in to place Asuka was afraid of becoming her old self that was why she trying to run away from admiration even though she just wasn’t that person anymore she associated it with very negative things in her past and how she used to behave. “You need to let go of these feelings Asuka, I know it’s hard for you but you have to.” Asuka looked up. “You know some days I wish I could meet my younger self, just so I could punch her just for how she treated you and Shinji and I hate that she rolls around in the back of mind forever reminding how stupid I was.” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “Have you considered that maybe having her in the back of your mind helps you, because you’ve seen yourself at your worst through her and there fore you can always looks back and compare your behaviour now to hers and there fore better yourself.” She put hand gently on the other woman’s stomach. “Also from where I’m standing it looks like you’ll never be her again as long as you live.” She moved her finger around in a gentle circle. “Do not be afraid of admiration now when you truly deserve it.” She moved her hand taking hold of Asuka’s. “Also if I felt for a second that you were acting like your forma self I’d be the first to tell you.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Oh I see so you don’t mind that I chew people out now and again?” Rei smirked. “Hardly and between you and me that’s what makes you who you are and I’m fine with it.”

She moved her hand up the other woman’s face. “I don’t want perfect well mannered Asuka I just want the Asuka I know best with all of the quirky personality traits who speaks her mind.” Asuka felt a wide tooth grin form as she put her arms around the other woman’s waist pulling her closer. “Oh I see it’s nice to know that me being a difficult asshole at times doesn’t bother you, I was kind of worried that you just put up with that part of me because you had to.” Rei eased up her hand running it through her long red hair as she kissed her gently on the lips. “I like that part of you just fine please don’t change it.” She moved her hand easing the patch up slightly seeing the glowing patterns underneath. “So how’s about we go back to the breakfast table, join the others?” Asuka eyed her. “How about we go back in five minutes? Its just I’m really enjoying it here right now being with you.” Rei laughed as she looked at her. “You know Toji will have eaten what was left of your breakfast and drunk your coffee before you get back.” Asuka shrugged. “Like I said I wasn’t hungry and Nerv coffee tastes vile anyway I swear the Argentous tower better at least have a decent cup off coffee or a milk shake waiting on my table when I get there tonight, you know since I’ve been away for three years from the press conference.” Rei looked down meeting her gaze. “I’m sure they will they’d be rude if they didn’t.” Asuka leaned up meeting her lips again in a slow long kiss before pulling away enjoying that sharp firing of desire which was moving through her body. “Yeah and I don’t think they’d want to piss me off, it might just piss you off and the both of us loosing our tempers well that would terrible for them.”

8

Misato slowly walked in to Shoji’s and Leiko’s office watching as they looked up giving her a wave. “Sorry my visit was not sooner, I had other prior engagements to attend to.” Shoji looked up from his hologram screen. “Ah yes the big press conference tonight and we heard Asuka’s going to appear for the first time in three years, how did you talk her in to it?” Misato slowly pulled up a chair sitting in between there desks. “I didn’t Rei did.” Leiko raised an eyebrow. “Should’ve known Asuka little sound bite says it all.” Misato sat up in her chair. “What sound bite?” Shoji smirked. “Just ask the gym for a sound bite of Rei and Asuka in the hot tub from yesterday, you will not be disappointed.” Misato leaned closer. “Really I must look in to that I mean I was the one who gave Rei Asuka’s swim suite size.” Leiko laughed. “You should also look up the feed of Asuka kicking Yuki’s ass as well…that’s just so good.” Misato turned sharply. “Asuka kicked Yuki’s ass?!” Shoji looked up raising his hands. “Trust me its not what you think, her reasons were nothing if not noble and what she did was right no one at Nerv will tell you any different. Plus Yuki is a homophobic asshole who needed to be put in his place beating up pilots and harassing staff he deserved to be put in a hospital bed. Even the hospital wing’s report is in Asuka’s favour since not two hours before that he beat up Mari, after he found out she was gay and took real offence to her being his friend.”

He paused bringing up a video which showed Mari being cornered and beaten with lightning rods in one of the Arcades corridor as he leaned back sadly. “Piece of shit tried to delete this footage as well but I retraced it through the back up buffer and got it back.” He paused flicking up another video which showed Kaworu being cornered and beaten on the stairs. “This one’s two years old and Kaworu did not stand a chance and unlike the others he didn’t even try to fight back in fact he just circled up and took it. We heard that when he was a child solider and prisoner of the rebels that they did beat him to keep him in line so we think that him going through this all over again was quite traumatizing and after this he seems to have visited Maya for a lot of sessions.” He paused flicking up another video watching the same scenario play out only this time Asuka was the target but unlike the others she was trying really hard to fight back though failing. “This is even older and sometime after the battle of Shamshel Asuka gave it her best even though she was wounded at the time and fresh out of hospital.” He brought up a folder on the desk top. “And in here is about a hundred separated incidents of him harassing staff and punching others, I’ve sent these complete files to your work station along with all of the hospital reports.” Leiko took a sip of her coffee. “I hope you fire that jackass.” She brought up another video from the Delphi gardens. “In happier news, look who finally got together.”

Misato felt a smile form as she eyed the video of Kaworu and Shinji kissing. “That’s nice, Shinji told me he loved him, I’m glad he finally acted on his feelings.” Shoji looked up. “Well it will be a talking point if they’ve been spotted out together in Tokyo three, that’s for sure.” He turned pointing to the wall scrolls of 01 and 03 which were now side by side. “We also put these two side by side as well because we think it’s another wonderful day for Nerv when this kind of thing happens.” Misato eyed the scrolls. “Yeah it is and I’m glad to see that Shinji’s happy and I’m sure the press conference is going to be really interesting tonight.” Shoji breathed in sharply. “Now I sadly must put a downer on this because we looked in to your whole plug suite incident and it led to some very disturbing things.” He looked up slightly. “You can rest assured through Kaji had no involvement, we checked him first because of the spy back history, he is clean all of his footage shows him doing what he should be doing when he’s not with you, though we noticed the sound dies in certain conversations you have together with Maya and the others.” Misato raised her hand. “I know what that’s about its nothing to be concerned about.” Shoji met her gaze. “Maya is clean, Shigeru clean, these two are nothing if not loyal to you like Kaji.”

Leiko breathed in bringing up another video. “Sadly this one is not loyal to you at all.” She eyed the video which showed Makoto taking Asuka’s new plug suit of one of the staff smiling. “See it look’s like he’s just being nice and sweet and the young woman doesn’t question him, he’s higher level staff why would she?” She paused watching as he looked around before going in to another room, she changed the camera watching as he pulled out a calibration key from his pocket sticking it in to the plug suites collar. “There goes all of Asuka’s preset settings in one go right down to her locking buttons.” She looked up. “We also rechecked the sync tests and we noticed that there was certain one that he had been changed there was this certain recent test where Asuka’s results came up that she had very high levels of alcohol in her system.” She flicked her screen bringing up two sets of results. “Asuka’s alcohol level was quite low that day and most of the alcohol was out of the system there are real clear signs she’d been drinking lots of water prier to the test to get it all out of her system.” She tapped the other result. “The result he tampered with, it made out that she had some kind of high level alcohol in her blood enough that it would get her in to trouble. He basically brought up one of her old tests from five years ago when she had drinking problems and overlaid it on the real results and of cause no one questioned it which resulted in Asuka being punished by Ritsuko.”

Misato breathed in feeling the anger take over. “Great.” Leiko paused before speaking. “Also this is not the first time some one has tampering with Asuka’s things.” She pulled up another video. “This video is from nine months after the battle of Gaghiel I do believe this was before Asuka’s depression really kicked in.” She watched as woman walked in to the wreck room and moved straight over to Asuka’s bag pulling out her plastic water bottle putting in pills before shaking it and putting it back. “That little drug is called Zircon and its nasty fucking stuff, if you’re emotionally balanced it’s like a happy kick, if your not it’s a nightmare. It causes serious mood swings and aggression and I’m guessing it’s been messing with her mental sync it can also cause sleeping problems its not that you can’t sleep, but more that your sleep is very restless. These little round pills also have a see through coating which makes them hard to see in clear water and the inner contents are in liquid form.” She brought up another video off the same woman putting pills in another plastic water bottle. “I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that you’ve also had issues with Mari lately, because she is also being targeted, now we know Mari and Asuka have issues and don’t get along but the reason maybe there minds are being warped by this stuff.” She put her hands together. “Some one wants these two fighting each other they want them to have break downs because out of all the pilots they are the most openly aggressive.”

She looked up slightly. “They also both have the biggest chips on there shoulders regarding their mother’s deaths and both have in the past avoided therapy. I can tell you now that Mari was recently dosed with in the last three days and they dosed Asuka last week but for reasons I do not understand it’s has, had no effect on her system. She carried on as normal clearly the loop back from 02 which changed her body now means her body is some how able to flush it out.” She eyed the video. “This woman who ever she, she is not coming up as Nerv staff we think Makoto must have given her a key card to the pilots wreck room because he’s so high up. She clearly also knows about all of the special water bottles Maya give the pilots to drink from as there meant to give them there daily dose of vitamins and minerals. Each bottle is speciality tailored to each pilot’s body requirements as Kaworu has to have an extra immunity booster due to his condition and Mari and Toji have had poor health in the past due to very poor diets and need extra vitamins.” Shoji folded his arms. “If you’re wondering why it didn’t register in tests Zircon is a clever little elitist drug that’s been engineered so that when it goes in the stomach it sticks to the lining. Then it releases incredibly slowly not all at once and over a number of days in very small doses that are just not enough to trace and you need to have a stomach scanner set to a very certain frequency just to find the tablets themselves.”

He put his hands together. “But it’s nasty as fuck because it goes straight to the brain every time and it really affects your mood also all of this footage had been deleted and overlaid with static footage but again our software showed the discrepancy and we were able to get the real footage from the back up buffer.” He breathed in sadly. “Ah yes and we found someone else wandering around the units who really shouldn’t be there.” He brought up another video. “I assume Kimi has no clearance to be wandering around the Evangelion bays?” Misato leaned forward catching sight of Kimi who was dressed in an official Nerv uniform looking up at 02 and 04 with a another man. “No she doesn’t have any fucking clearance.” Shoji breathed in deeply. “Yeah that’s what we thought we also have no idea who the other guy is again he’s not Nerv staff and he’s pretending to be a worker and we have no idea why ether of them are hanging around 02 and 04.” He looked up. “We also know that head staff in both the media and visitor centre can only go to the lower levels, if called. Otherwise they are forbidden from entering and all things down here are off limits to them and that goes for the normal staff in both those buildings. Because the idea is it’s only those who work fucking hard above ground and who show great prowess and impress get jobs in Nerv central.”

Leiko eyed Kimi’s video. “Yeah like us…I always knew there was something off about Kimi, no wonder she relegated you to a crappy job probably thought that you might be on to her.” She leaned back in her chair. “I just relegated because Eshima is just a huge egomaniac.” Misato looked up. “Yeah about that, do you still have that three month pitch you worked on, before she kicked you to the curb?” Leiko turned opening a draw pulling out a data card. “Its very large hence it had to go on data card and it plays kind of like a movie, I went through all the pilots and tried to find how media could work for them and how they can be humanized.” She handed it to her. “Please take very good care of this.” Misato eyed the card. “Don’t worry I will.” She turned it between her fingers. “There was something you said to me the first time we met and that’s, that Eshima and Tadao’s making them gods isn’t working and I agree. I think the whole strategy needs to change plus we now have two new couples and they need the support. Frankly I don’t want to read any media centre shit about Asuka being some legendary goddess in bed or Shinji’s dick brings even the men running, it doesn’t help ether of them and it only hurts Kaworu and Rei, what they need to hear is who they are as people and how they feel about there loved ones.”

Leiko breathed in deeply. “I did cover every possible relationship scenario and I mean everyone I even have Mari with Asuka in there and the other crazy one Rei with Toji. I also have the ones that are now real which is Shinji, Kaworu and Rei and Asuka though I missed out Shinji and Asuka as it was clear there relationship never worked out, so there was little point in even running the scenario.” Misato laughed. “Mari and Asuka that’d be interesting but I’m not sure if they’d love each other or try to kill each other.” She paused turning serious. “As for Asuka and Shinji I think it was right to leave the scenario out, there not right for each other I see that now though it took me a number of years and I think they are much better off with the people they are with now.” She breathed in deeply. “Thank you for all your great work I’ll see that your efforts really well rewarded.” She raised her hand. “Please send all you’ve found to my work station.” Shoji looked up. “Are you going arrest this bunch of traitors?” Misato got up folded her arms. “No I’m going to give them all more rope to hang themselves with then I’m going to come down on them hard and fast, there going to all pay for betraying Nerv and there going to pay for screwing with my pilots.” She felt a sneer form. “Seele also doesn’t take well to traitors believe me.”

8

Asuka turned going towards Maya office she wasn’t really sure why she’d been called up here as her next therapy session and talk wasn’t till after the press conference. She opened the door allowing Rei to follow her in she watched as Maya stood up the concern in her eyes. “You called for me.” Maya turned to her. “Yes Asuka take a seat.” She gave Rei a smile. “Feel free to sit anywhere you want Rei this won’t take a moment.” She paused seeing Mari appeared as she walked slowly towards the door opening it the confusion in her eyes as Toji came in behind her as she spoke. “You called.” Mari turned catching sight of Asuka and Rei. “Is this some weird fucking group therapy session or something, because I only agreed to speak with you doing a one to one?” Maya looked at her. “No it isn’t, take a seat next to Asuka.” She turned to Toji. “You can take a seat next to Rei.” Toji blinked as he went over to sit next to Rei. “What’s going on?” Rei looked at him. “I don’t know.” Mari walked up slowly taking a seat eyeing Asuka who looked just as confused as her. “You know what this shits about?” Asuka shrugged. “No idea.” Maya slowly raised a device. “Okay this isn’t going to be pleasant for ether of you, this is a stomach scanner.” Asuka eyed the device. “Oh ficken great…” Maya eyed her. “Please pull your t-shirt up Asuka.” Asuka rolled her good eye pulling it enough that she could scan her stomach she felt the pain as the device started to scan.  Maya pulled it away. “Okay you’re clean.” She turned to Mari. “Shirt up please...” Mari eased up her shirt feeling the pain as it started to scan. “Could you please tell me what going on?!”

Maya eased the scan up. “You aren’t.” She turned to them both. “It’s come to our attention that some ones being trying to dose you both with Zircon they’ve been putting it in the special plastic drinking bottles I give you to drink every day.” Mari blinked she was even more confused now. “Zircon?” Asuka rolled good eye. “You’ve got to be kidding?” Maya looked at her. “No sadly I’m not and yours Asuka is very long running it started nine months after your battle with Gaghiel right up to the UN Alpha test then who ever drugged you gave you a long break and then tried to re drug you last week with a much higher dose than before but it didn’t work clearly Bardiel has gotten rid of it as he likes you to be clear in the mind. What I will say is if he hadn’t been there would have been enough in your system to make you loose your mind and attack some one we think they probably wanted you to attack Rei.” Mari looked up. “What the fuck is Zircon!?” Rei looked up. “It’s a really awful drug that effect’s mood and emotion.” Toji turned sharply. “Who would do something like that, that’s really messed up?” Maya turned to Mari. “They’ve also been drugging you with it weekly for the last six months Mari, it’s probably why your feeling so agitated and you’re having issues with your mood and you feel really angry. They also raised your dose as well very recently from one pill to two.”

She picked up the medical gun. “I’m going to get it out of your system Mari with a counter drug but it’s going to make you very sick you see the tablet stick its self to your stomach lining and it takes ages to digest because of how it’s made as its slow release and it’s strong enough to resist stomach acid.” Mari looked at her. “I can take it, puked up worse just give me the dose and let me get on with it.” Asuka put her hands together. “They wanted me to attack Rei.” It was more of a statement than a question. “Oh gods they wanted the Hikari thing to be true.” Rei moved putting a hand on her shoulder. “Its okay Asuka, it never happened.” Asuka looked at her. “What if it had?” She breathed in sharply. “I could never live with myself if I did that to you, even if I was ficken height as a kite.” Maya looked at her. “Do not dwell on this Asuka just don’t, I know you I think you would have done everything in your power to turn your anger away from Rei and you were on this drug far longer than Mari and in all that time you never hit anyone instead it just had a huge impact on your depression in that it made your unhappy emotions much more intense and painful they were giving you three pills but the recent increased dose was five.” Mari eyed her. “You know she has a point I got on your nerves for ages and you never touched me.”

Maya looked at her. “We think that was the point, we believe you two were targeted because they wanted you to fight they know you sometimes get on each others nerves and what better way to rattle up your divisions because they know Alexandra does not get on well with Geraldina.” She looked at them both. “Misato is going to deal with these people in good time though from now on Mari and Asuka you are only to drink the vitamin water that we give you personally, though your normal water bottles will be left in place. Because we want it to look like we haven’t found out and we want to set them up.” She moved towards Mari raising the gun as she passed her a sick bowl. “I’m sorry Mari.” Mari breathed in as the gun was fired. “Its fine I got this.” Toji breathed in as silence fell across the room as Mari began to throw up violently. Asuka leaned over easing her long dark hair back so it didn’t get in the way, somehow it just felt like the right thing to do since she knew what throwing up like this was like as she done it so much after the accident. Maya watched as Mari stopped. “Is it all out?” Mari nodded easing herself up watching as Maya passed her a drink of water as she took the bowl putting it to one side. “And there it is.” She grabbed a set of tweezers easing out one of the two small half dissolved round pills so she could see it in the light. “This is Zircon and you had two of these stuck to your stomach lining.” She watched as Mari finished the water the colour returning to her face. “This is the reason for all your bad moods lately and agitated unhappy feelings and like Asuka you were becoming deeply depressed, though unlike her we caught you just in time as any bad feelings you have are made ten times worse by this awful drug.”

Rei looked up. “Why did they target Asuka and Mari, why not me or Toji or my brother and Kaworu?” Maya breathed in sadly. “This drug when a person is happy and well balanced is like a really wonderful three to four day trip were its like being in heaven, if on the other hand your unhappy don’t like your life or your have emotional issues you have not dealt with its like mental torture. Zircon isn’t a street drug its not like Speed or LSD. It’s an elitist drug normally taken by the very happy and wealthy at rich people’s private parties. It’s extremely expensive so who ever did this had connections in the Tokyo elite that’s the only way they could have come by this drug and in Nerv we would never to think to scan for this as our drug tests only cover general street drugs and steroids. That’s going to change though from this day forth and once these people are caught we are going to have every single employee checked for this drug, just to be sure we don’t have anymore leaks.” She paused before turning to Mari and Asuka. “You both have a lot of issues you’re working through you both have natural aggression and it makes you the perfect candidates for this drug because it makes you even more violent and agitated and you’ll just take it out on each other.”

Mari looked up adjusting her glasses. “Great so over the past six months I’ve had hundreds of pounds pass through my stomach weekly I don’t know whether to be flattered or really pissed off.” Maya looked at the pill. “In your English pounds its five hundred and fifty per pill.” She turned to Asuka. “Five hundred in German Euros and in both Germany and Britain it’s banned because its caused massive problems because unhappy people have tried it and gone mental and attacked and even killed people because its gotten out on to the streets.” She put the pill down. “Sadly here it isn’t banned as yet but that’s because who ever in the elite is making it are going to great lengths to keep it off the streets in Tokyo three.” She folded her arms. “But I have a feeling once we root out the rotten little weeds, we might get a name and this will be able force the Japanese government to ban it for good because it’s affected Nerv and you two which is a huge issue.” She turned meeting Mari uncertain gaze. “I’m surprised you didn’t know about Zircon Mari since you were in the hacking ring.”

Mari put her hand on her chest. “Look I hacked secrets and tampered with ATM machines I didn’t touch illegal drugs and my group had nothing to do with drug cartels or barons. Personally I hate illegal drugs and all that shit, plus this explains why I found coding harder these past six months, it was messing with my mind.” She breathed in deeply. “I was getting frustrated because recently the code mistakes I kept making were simple and obvious and I’ve been having problems sleeping recently.” Asuka looked up. “When you find who ever did this, I want to punch them personally, because they clearly made my depression much worse and I want to give them a second punch for trying to overdose me so I’d attack Rei.” Maya looked at her for a long moment. “Normally I don’t condone violence but since I recently saw the feed of you putting Yuki in his place for the right reasons I think this can be arranged.” Mari turned sharply. “Wait if she gets to hit this person I want in!” Maya looked at her. “No not this time Mari plus as of tomorrow, you and Toji and the others will be training under Kyo in personal ones to ones a woman called Aliya will be taking Yuki’s place in employee group sessions as she is also one of Kyo’s students trained under his instructions. It very clear to us now that Kyo’s training is what’s needed and is best for people, another of his students Leon will be taking over gun training and all of Yuki’s personal students will now be retrained as I don’t see him keeping his job.”

She felt a smile form as she turned to Asuka. “It would appear that your speech about silver being more prominent than gold moved a lot of people.” Asuka looked at her in confusion. “There not my words, there Kyo’s its just what he taught me.” Rei moved to stand over Asuka putting her arms around her neck. “Ignore her she’s just being modest.” Mari turned eyeing Asuka. “Yeah princess your consort is right your being far too modest.” Asuka rolled her good eye. “Seriously I think I preferred it when you hated my guts four eyes.” Mari folded her arms. “It’s too late for that I like you now since you beat up Yuki’s worthless ass after what he did to me.” Toji smirked. “Hey I prefer the idea of you two as friends though I swear sometimes you two could pass for sisters, I mean you’re really similar in some ways.” Asuka stood up. “That’s it I’m leaving, we are going to get lunch.” Toji raised his hand. “No wait hear me out, I’ve watched you two for a long time, you both read the same comics and graphic novels you both have recliners you never let anyone sit in and your sofa chairs in the wreck room are off limits. Your both really possessive over food, not to mention your both carnivores who don’t hold back when in comes to eating meat and you both like cats its just Asuka owns a real cat while Mari’s got this shelf full of cat toys in her bedroom.”

He felt his smile widen. “Also you’re both aggressive and really like your own personal space sometimes oh yeah you both have AI learning personalities on your home game machines that guard your personal stuff, Asuka has Anneberg and Mari’s AI is called Cheshire you know after that famous British grinning cat from Alice In Wonderland.” He turned to Rei who was clearly thinking through what he was saying. “Come on you must have seen this to right Rei?” Rei breathed in deeply. “It’s probably just coincidence.” Toji raised his hand. “Yeah but they’ve both have had issues with adjusting to there sexuality it’s like they were brought up by the same parents or something!” Asuka eyed him. “Please don’t say anything else.” Mari turned eyeing Toji. “Yes please don’t, you might say something you might regret.” She watched as Asuka left closely followed by Rei closing the door behind her she turned to Toji taking in a deep breath before letting it out. “Sorry it’s just been a strange day Toji.” Toji sat up. “It okay you know since you puked up, would you like me to get you something from the vending machine?” Mari eyed him. “Yeah get us something sweet and savoury if possible.”

Toji stood up. “Will do I’ll be back in two minutes.” Mari watched him go she folded her arms looking down sadly maybe it was time she came clean she just really didn’t want to hold back the truth anymore. Maya turned catching the look of sadness in Mari’s eye she moved over to her putting a hand on her shoulder. “Hey are you okay? You know if it’s about your sexuality and coming out you have nothing to fear, I got Asuka through this I’m sure I can work with you to.” Mari looked up. “Next time we talk after the press conference can you get Asuka in here alone with me? Its just I have something really important to tell her as I haven’t been honest with her from the very beginning.” Maya blinked in confusion. “You know if it’s about the UN Alpha unit incident I think she’s lets it go I mean the drugs you were on could have caused you to put her entry plug in 04’s mouth because you weren’t thinking straight.” Mari shook her head. “It’s not that, it’s something much more important and she has a right to know.” Maya looked at her for a long moment it was probably just Mari wanting to right a wrong concerning her behaviour, which was understandable as her and Asuka had been going through a lot lately. “Yeah I can do that for you it won’t be a problem.”

End of part 48

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked the idea that the rich and elite in this world are not untouchable and are held accountable for there actions and can go to prison for the same time scale just like everyone else regardless of there money. People also know that they have special elitist drugs that the general pubic are unable to obtain as you need special channels to get them and they tend to be much deadlier than the common street drugs in some cases. 
> 
> Hot cakes are form of Japanese pancake that’s really thick, sweet and fluffy.


	49. Chapter 49

_AS THE EYES OF THE WORLD FALL UP ON YOU_

 

Misato slowly turned the corner seeing that the large open garage of the Argentous Tower which was wide open and awaiting her arrival and that off the other pilots. She turned her car around the corner going in side. She put the break on as she parked it getting out seeing a well dressed burly man appear smiling as she shut the door locking it. He had short brown hair and green eyes and his voice was filled with excitement as he spoke. “They told me your car was awesome to look at it’s the Mazda Cosmo Sport right?” Misato turned to Nobu he was such a fun guy to be around and he always made sure that the pilots were really well taken care off but he had a special love for cars and motorbikes. “Yes it is.” Nobu moved over putting his hand on the white bonnet. “Does it have three cores?” Misato looked at him smiling widely. “Yes it has three cores though the safety feature on mines been modified so it I can be disregarded so it can go much faster.” Nobu felt a wide smile form. “That’s so cool.” He turned watching as purple Lamborghini Huracan came screeching around the corner coming to a stop opposite. He watched as Mari got out locking her car. “Oh wow I’ve seen Lamborghini’s before but I’ve never seen a Huracan in purple!”

Mari smiled as adjusted her best clothing as everyone had to be much more formal tonight. “Hi there Nobu it’s been a while.” She watched as he came over. “She’s new, you see my other car was shit so I up graded.” Nobu looked at the beast of a sports car. “Three cores I assume?” Mari nodded. “Yeah but it has a safety feature on the third core.” Nobu looked up as another sports car rolled in though the gate it was not going at speed as it parked up opposite Mari’s car and Toji and Sakura got out. “Is that a Lotus Evora Sport?” Toji turned giving him a wave along with his sister. “Hey Nobu it’s really great to see you again.” He patted the bonnet. “Come look she’s quite new and I still have my military range rover at home just in case.” Nobu moved closer. “Two and half cores right?” Toji smiled. “Yeah I never went for the three I want to have a racer not a death trap.” He eyed Mari. “No offence!” Mari raised her hand. “None taken.” Nobu turned watching as a beautiful Yamaha V Star with sidecar rolled in parking up. He watched as Shinji got off and Kaworu pulled himself out the side car. “Oh there she is as always.” Shinji gave him a smile as he pulled off his helmet. “Hello Nobu.” Kaworu turned slightly. “You could never get Shinji to part with this motorbike, he loves it to much.” Nobu looked up meeting Shinji’s calm gaze. “Hey don’t you normally come in with her sister?” Shinji looked at him. “She has her own motorbike now and we have rather different tastes when it comes to style.”

Nobu turned as Rei came roaring around the corner parked up opposite. “Oh I see what you mean that’s a Yamaha Olympia motorbike.” He paused looking closer as Rei got off pulling her helmet off. “Wait no it’s not that a totally different suspension it’s from the Yamaha Titan and the engines different.” Rei smiled pulling her clothes bag out of the back holder. “It’s been modified.” Nobu leaned down eyeing the engine. “Hang on that’s also a Titan part, how fast does this go?” Rei felt her smile widen. “Very fast it’s even got a sport’s mode and when you press it feels like some one is kicking you.” Nobu looked at them all as he pulled the controller out of his pocket to shut down the private garage. “That’s all of you right?” Misato shook her head. “Nope there is one more to come.” Nobu turned sharply. “Langley’s coming?!” There was massive thundering screech as a black and red Trident came flying in to the garage as its rider slowed it to a stop parking it next to Rei’s bike Nobu stared watching as Asuka pulled off her helmet. “Oh my god…” He eyed her motorbike. “That’s a BMW Trident!” He came closer. “Wow that is so amazing.” Asuka eyed the man as he came closer. “Don’t touch my motorbike!”

Misato watched as she got off opening the back compartment taking out her clothes bag. “Asuka I’d like you to meet Nobu as you have not been here these past three years you won’t know that he will be taking care of your every desire while you’re here before the interview starts.” Asuka eyed the man who was looking at like she was some form of goddess or something. “Okay.” Nobu looked at her. “I am so delighted to meet you I’ve never seen you in person before I mean I heard that you had real red hair they weren’t kidding.” He paused. “Can I see under the patch?” Asuka eyed him speaking evenly. “No.” Nobu’s smiled widened. “But I heard that you’ve got a cool glowing eye under there.” Mari turned eyeing Nobu. “You know you shouldn’t push it Nobu.” She felt a coy smile form. “She takes a while to warm to new people.” She raised her hand. “After all if you want something you just need to get Rei to soften her up for you.” Asuka eyed her as she slung her bag over her shoulder speaking sarcastically. “That’s really funny Mari.” Rei leaned over taking Asuka’s arm. “Come on Asuka just ignore her.” Misato leaned over putting her hand on Asuka’s shoulder. “Very important thing Asuka, please do not swear even in German.” She turned eyed Mari. “That goes for you as well!” She looked at them all. “There will be children watching you all over the world and some will be in day light time slots.” She took in a deep breath looking at Nobu. “Lead the way.”

8

Tsutomu stroked his goatee beard as he froze the image of the angel monster footage from Australia. “So you are telling us Ouroboros built this?” Misato looked up from her central chair to her right she had Rei and Asuka while next to them was Shinji and Kaworu and in the two seats opposite were Toji and Mari, behind each pilots single red seat was there oni banners in there units main colour though Toji’s was just plain black at present as his unit had yet to be named with its oni name. “Yes we don’t know how they got the technology to build something like this and they named this one Bukavac.” Tsutomu took in a deep breath looking at the monster. “Does it have beast mode or controlled berserk?” Misato looked up. “We currently don’t know its capabilities only that it uses a duel piloting system.” Natsuko pushed her dark red medium length hair back bringing up a facial photo on the opposite screen. “Yes we read about this the pilots names are Hikari Horaki _.”_ She paused bringing up the other image. “And Kensuke Aida, both rejects from the Evangelion program fighting on the opposite side, ones a reject from Germany the other China.”

She breathed in deeply. “Hikari was rejected because her temperament wasn’t quite right even as a child while Kensuke was rejected because of his constant rule breaking at the Chinese base which included taking naked photos of men and women in the changing rooms with out consent, behaviour which is deemed unacceptable on the Evangelion program regardless of gender.” She eyed Toji who was looking at Kensuke’s photo. “I do believe you two were in the same training class together.” Toji folded his arms. “Yes we were and I really hated the guy he treated me like I was a moron and tried to manipulate me he was also very disrespectful towards my little sister, I was really glad to see the back of him personally.” Tsutomu looked at her files. “But in the beginning you two were really good friends I mean rumour has it you played cards a lot together and were never apart they even called you the two stooges.” Toji breathed in, in annoyance. “Yes I was his friend up until the day I caught him selling those naked photos to other men and women in the Chinese division. After that our friendship slowly fell apart and in the end I hated the sight of him it was the complaints that got him thrown off the program and rightly so as he just wouldn’t stick to rules and kept breaking them to him it was all a big game.”

Tsutomu looked up slightly seeing it was time to change the subject as Toji looked unimpressed he turned back to Misato “So this is a rather bad turn out for Nerv not to mention that your Evangelion’s got caught with there pants down.” Misato put her hands together. “I think that a deeply unfair criticism all of the pilots that day acted incredibly bravely and the next time this thing shows up we will be more than ready for it.” Natsuko smirked. “Yes well you still have not gone in to the whole Asuka and Hikari thing.” Misato looked up. “I do not need to the public statement and proof of Asuka’s innocence was released to the press in full including Hikari’s open confession, there fore I have nothing to say.” She eyed them folding her arms. “I think it would be you both who maybe need to apologise for calling my pilot a violent, crazy, narcissist in front of the whole world last time she was here which was three years ago.” Tsutomu rolled his eyes turning his attention to Asuka who was sitting quietly saying very little as always she was wearing her favourite leather jacket and casual clothes unlike the others who had made an actual effort and looked slightly more formal. “Hi there Asuka you want to chip in any time soon? After all you do always tend to have an opinion on everything.”

Natsuko leaned forward. “Yeah like where have you been for the past three years?” Asuka eyed them speaking calmly. “I’ve been re-evaluating my life.” Tsutomu laughed as he sat back. “Oh I see, that’s very funny what did you have a spiritual awakening, forgive me if I’m wrong but you don’t look like the type who’d wake up and pray.” Natsuko felt a smirk form on her lips. “Clearly the UN Alpha test unit incident has messed with her brain in some way.” Asuka eyed her for a very long moment. “When you find yourself staring in to the abyss and the abyss starts staring back at you, you get a lot of time for personal inner reflection.” Tsutomu looked at her in confusion as he turned eyeing Misato. “You made her say this right?” He turned pointed at the red haired woman. “Because that is not Asuka, I know Asuka Langley and she never says things like that.” Rei breathed in deeply as she spoke. “You don’t know Asuka at all, people go through transition and change and they become better people.” Natsuko sat up. “Ah you finally speak, we were about to get to you.” She felt a cold smile form on her lips. “So tell me what in your right mind caused you to pick her of all people to be your girlfriend?”

She pointed to Mari. “I mean you could have picked her.” She moved her finger in Toji’s direction. “Or even him.” She turned back. “What was your thinking, easy option, desperation or a quick fix to show the world that you do actuality date?” Mari folded her arms. “I object to that statement.” Natsuko eyed her. “Oh yeah and why is that? Humour me.” Mari sat up in her chair. “Because I think Asuka’s just right for her Rei.” Toji raised his hand. “I second that plus.” He eyed Rei. “You’re really not my type, no offence.” Rei looked at him and Mari feeling a smile form. “No offence taken.” Natsuko slammed her fist down hard. “Answer the question Ayanami!” Rei folded her arms as she spoke calmly. “I love her, what else do you want to hear.” Tsutomu eyed her for a long moment. “Okay so you love this crazy, violent woman.” Rei eyed him in annoyance. “I think you missed the visitor centre video that’s floating around because if you watch it she’s is extremely gentle and that how she is with me very loving and gentle and she treats me with the up most respect.” Tsutomu folded his arms. “Ah yes the visitor centre.” He pressed his button changing the image to Rei’s painting. “I don’t believe for a second that Asuka painted this, this has to be Shinji’s work.”

Shinji rolled his eyes. “It’s her work it’s not mine, plus that’s a romantic image why would I paint my own sister that way? That would be very creepy.” Asuka took in a deep breath as she pulled out her A3 digital scroll pulling out her pen as she opened it speaking calmly. “I get it Tsutomu, your still really sore about that time I punched you live on air seven years ago because you insulted my late mother.” She eyed him. “So here are some new drawings just for you.” She turned back to her digital scroll plugging in the sofa USB cable which allowed her to put things on the screen. “Anneberg images one and two please.” She watched as Anneberg appeared behind her bringing up an image of pastel soft sun flowers fields, followed by another image which was off 00’s face close up all in vivid blue details.” Anneberg’s green eyes blinked as he eyed Tsutomu. “ _I have heard that you’re an idiot and so is your co-host_.” Asuka turned ignoring the smirks from the others as she brought up a half finished picture of the Delphi gardens all in soft colours. “I’m really sorry Anneberg is an AI learning personality I have no control over what he says.” She began to sketch. “You should both say something back it’s very rude to ignore him.” Tsutomu eyed her. “I’m not talking to an AI learning personality, there toys you can buy them from shops!”

Asuka carried on drawing so everyone could see it on the screen. “That’s very rude you’ll hurt Anneberg’s feelings.” Anneberg’s icon scowled as he showed off all his teeth speaking again. “ _Yeah well for a human being you have zero personality and I am not a toy_.” Natsuko leaned over now slightly curious she wasn’t the only one Mari and Toji were looking over along with Misato. “So you’re not programmed by Asuka in any way?” Anneberg shook his head. “ _No Asuka didn’t program me in any way, my learning parameters are all my own_.” Natsuko eyed him for a long moment admittedly she was quite curious now as she had not come across an AI learning personality like this before as normally they didn’t answer back or have an opinion of themselves. “So Asuka let you grow and learn your not slave driven in any way?” Anneberg’s eyes blinked. “ _That’s_ _correct Asuka is very nice she lets me do what ever I please_.” Tsutomu turned to Natsuko as he slammed his fist down hard on the desk. “You’re talking to a toy, its not real its just imitating some clever piece of coding that makes it look and sound alive!” Anneberg’s eyes suddenly narrowed. “ _That’s a nice coffee_ _maker you have_.” Tsutomu looked up sharply. “What?” Anneberg’s eyes suddenly flashed white. “ _I said it’s a nice coffee maker you have_.”

Rei turned watching as the automatic coffee maker on Tsutomu’s side of the desk suddenly went crazy as it started to boil as Anneberg’s eyes narrowed. “ _Don’t these items break once the temperature gets far too hot?_ ” Asuka didn’t look up as she carried on drawing. “I’d say you’re sorry.” She felt a sly smile form. “Because he will blow it up plus if he hacked through to your desk your personal security fire wall must be really weak you should really fix that.” Mari laughed as she sat back. “I have one of those learning AI personalities as well mines called Cheshire and the thing about them concerning boiling water, all true they don’t understand the concept of heat and burning flesh.” Tsutomu turned sharply. “Okay I’m sorry!” He watched as the coffee maker stopped boiling. Anneberg looked up slightly. “ _Annoy me ever again and I’ll flip your ex’s angry e-mails on screen you know the ones about you not paying child welfare.”_ Asuka carefully finished her drawing easing it up so the camera woman could see it and it could now be seen opposite Shinji’s large painted canvas which was behind his chair and showed a forest landscape. “Well everyone out there watching here’s the finished item just so you all know it was me and not Shinji.”

She flipped it on to the screen feeling a toothy grin form. “This is an image of a very beautiful place in Nerv called the Delphi gardens.” She breathed in calmly. “You should all come down to visitor centre because they have loads of books there showing the inside of Nerv which is an amazing place to work.” She paused before speaking. “Hey may be some of you would like jobs, then you can maybe see us and we have divisions all over the world.” She raised her hand. “Plus if you work at Nerv central here, you’ll get to see 00, 01, 03, 04 and 05 in all there glory up close and personal and they are all amazing.” Shinji looked up. “She missed out 02, which is also very cool to see.” He watched as Asuka gave him a smile before turning to Anneberg. “Return and pull in images.” Anneberg nodded pulling the images off before vanishing from the screen. Asuka closed her scroll putting it away along with her pen as she leaned back in her chair eyeing Tsutomu and Natsuko who were staring at her utterly gob smashed. “Was there any thing else you wanted to add?” Rei smirked putting her hand on hers. “No Asuka I think their done with regards to you and me.” She eyed them speaking coldly. “Aren’t you?” Natsuko breathed in recomposing herself. “Yes we are done we have no further questions to add.” She breathed in turning to Shinji and Kaworu. “Well moving on some one captured a rather interesting video of you two.”

She pressed the button watching as a video came up with the both of them kissing in a restaurant clearly taken on a camera phone. “Now this was a huge surprise for us, Kaworu we weren’t surprised about because we know he’s dated men before it’s no secret but Shinji we had no idea that you liked men.” Shinji looked at them. “Its something I’ve only recently come to terms with but like Asuka I’m bisexual.” Tsutomu breathed in finally recomposing himself. “Are you just bisexual because you want to keep your opinions open so you can run back to Asuka one day if it doesn’t work out?” Asuka raised her hand. “Let me make this crystal clear because I thought after three years away this issue would have been put to rest, so I’m going to put it to rest right now. I didn’t love Shinji and he didn’t love me and I was in love with Rei well before Shinji my love for her goes right back to our school years but at the time I wouldn’t admit it to myself because I was scared of my own feelings and sexuality and I also didn’t understand what love was and my feeling got confused with more negative ones.” Shinji put his hands together. “What Asuka just said is absolutely true, word for word and we are happy just being friends and like Rei said people change they move on and I love Kaworu. I’ve loved him for a long time it just took me a very long time to come to terms with my feelings and define my own sexuality.”

He breathed in speaking coldly as he eyed them. “So no I’m not defining my sexuality this way so I can run back to Asuka, it’s who I am.” Kaworu sat up eyeing Tsutomu. “I’m very thrilled that Shinji wants to be with me it’s made me every happy and I say to all the people watching this in what ever country or town your in that that you should be who you want to be in everything including your sexuality.” Natsuko breathed in deeply ignoring Misato’s smug smile she was clearly enjoying this way too much and she hated it. “Okay our next item on the list.” She paused bringing up a video of Mari kissing a girl outside a club. “I believe this is about three months old and it would appear Mari that you’ve been keeping secrets and you were lying to us as in our last interview as you stated you only liked men.” Asuka turned eyeing her. “You know there are so many swear words I’d like to use right now to describe how low it is to out someone on live television but I can’t say them because of watershed issues in certain corners of the world first Shinji now Mari you are both really disgusting.” Shinji turned looking at Asuka. “Its okay we knew this was going to happen we had prepared ourselves for it.” Kaworu nodded as he looked him taking hold of his hand. “What matters to us now is that its out in the open and everyone knows as we can move forward with our lives.” Mari raised her hand as a coy smile formed on her lips. “Really its fine Asuka, I mean the world was going to find out sooner or later anyway about me and I’m okay with it.”

She eyed the girl licking her lips as she pushed up her glasses. “She was quite a dish better than anything ether of you would ever get I’m sure and we had one hell of a night together.” She ignored the looks from the others who were trying not to laugh. “Yes I’m a lesbian, in case you were wondering.” Tsutomu rolled his eyes as he spoke coldly. “Great another lady killer, like Asuka being bisexual wasn’t bad enough.” He eyed Toji. “You know you must feel really out of place being the only straight male of the group?” Toji felt a smile form. “No not all Mari is my best friend and she helps me out with everything so no unlike you no I don’t define her or the others by their sexuality I define them by who they are as people. I love being around them all as they can teach me so much as they are all so very different as are there experiences in life.” He turned looking offside watching as Sakura gave him a wave from her seat which was hidden from the cameras where Nobu was looking after her while this interview was taking place. “I mean I get up to work and I wake up my little sister Sakura and we get in to my car and we drive to Nerv central and she goes to a great school while I get in one of the most amazing war machines in the world and train with all of these guys who are all amazing pilots I mean who could seriously ask for more?” Misato smiled raising her hands. “Well there you have it in a nut shell, like Toji said we have a great group of pilots here and rest assured Ouroboros, Cerberus and Ankh will keep trying but we will be there every single time for a long as we have to stop them along with the angels.”

8

Rei slowly parked her motorbike in the large restaurants car park which was on the outskirts of Tokyo three, she had just told Asuka to follow her she hadn’t told her where they were going. She watched as she pulled up opposite getting off her Trident pulling her helmet off as she eyed the odd looking building which looked European with its stone brick and black wood parts. Asuka watched as Rei pulled her helmet off. “What is this place?” Rei smiled inwardly she was going to really enjoy this, Asuka had told her to book a restaurant where ever she wanted after the press conference and this place had really caught her attention. She looked up at the huge red sign above which read Kegel Inn in Japanese. “I found this place when I was looking for somewhere to eat I booked in advance so they know we are coming.” Asuka eyed the sign. “Looks like ones of those pubs over in Europe.” Rei smirked she was only half right, she moved towards the wooden doors which had decorated glass. “Come on.” Asuka raised an eyebrow. “Are you really hungry or something?” Rei looked up slightly. “Yes I am.” Asuka moved towards her shaking her head okay that was a first normally she was the one who wanted to eat everything. Rei smiled as she put her hands on the doors. “Asuka welcome to the Kegel Inn.”

She pushed the doors open watching as the German restaurant and bar came in to view in all its wooden authentic glory. Complete with wooden table’s chairs and décor, the restaurant had a smoker for meats and a whole section for sausages and cheeses and another for a sweets and beers. On the second level there was a huge statue of unit 02 in its new form standing on its hind legs with its jaws wide open in a roar while its clawed hands were striking out. Rei ignored everyone who had suddenly turned to look at them as it dawned on them who they actuality were she eyed Asuka who was staring in complete shock as she took every thing in. “I always hear you complain about how you only like German coffee and it got me thinking that you must really miss home sometimes and I know you say the German junk food in your fridge never measures up.” She raised her hand. “I thought you might like the real taste of home and this restaurant is run by a real German family who cook real German food, everything is like in your home country right down the beer.” She turned catching sight of one wall which had a lot of Asuka’s pictures from over the year’s right up to present including images of them in the visitor centre. “There also fans of yours.”

Asuka’s mind suddenly snapped back in to gear as stomach started to kick her brain before she could stop it. “Oh gods is that braised brisket and Mettwurst?” Suddenly she was walking over to the food counters eyeing up everything. “They even have Teewurst!” She eyed the cheeses no longer giving a damn that everyone was staring at her in utter shock. “Harzer, Romadur, they’ve even got Weisslacker I can never get these over here.” She turned her attention to the desert counter. “Carrot cake, Bethmännchen, Black forest cake I haven’t had any of these in ages.” A big woman appeared giving her wide smile as she spoke in a thick German assent loud enough for everyone to hear. “Well I thought my big brother Axel was having a joke when he said Rei Ayanami had booked a table here.” Her smile widened. “Because I said now why would Rei Ayanami want to eat here?” She eyed Asuka who literally looked like some little kid in a candy shop. “It’s because of cause she wanted to bring her girlfriend here, how stupid of me.” She paused seeing that she now Asuka’s attention. “Welcome to our fine establishment Asuka Langley Soryu!” She raised her hand. “Please allow me to take you to your booked seats.”  

She led them over to a comfy corner table which had a high wooden surround to give them much more privacy she watched as they both sat down. “Please make yourself more at home my name is Elfriede and I’ll be serving you both today, I’ll just go and get your menus.” Asuka watched as she left she turned to Rei who was just smiling at her she took hold of both of her hands kissing them. “Thank you, this means so much to me, even at Nerv central I can’t get real German food, it’s like German, Japanese cross and it’s just not the same.” Rei looked up seeing that the light was coming through under the patch. “I knew the press conference was going to be really stressful for you, I though since you are always going out of your way to make me happy I wanted to return the favour somehow.” She looked around her. “This place has been open for two years but I knew that you would probably not know about it as you’ve had a hard few years and you haven’t really gone out much.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Yeah that would be true.” She met her gaze. “The press conference wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be in all honesty, I felt things were worse for Mari, Shinji and Kaworu, it’s like they were trying to bury them.”

Rei breathed in feeling Asuka put her arm around her shoulder. “Yeah that thing with Mari was disgusting I did love though that she threw it right back in their faces.” She looked up slightly. “As for Shinji and Kaworu I expected that because they love to play me off against Shinji but it’s no less annoying as nether of us need it right now.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “Thank you for sticking up for me when you did I realize that was hard for you because those two assholes love to paint me as a monster.” Rei eased up a hand running it through her long red hair. “I enjoyed defending you as you always defend me.” She felt a sly smile form. “I thought the thing with Anneberg was very funny though, Tsutomu’s face with that the boiling water moment I mean was that true what Mari said?” Asuka raised her hand. “Half true, it only applies to young AI learning personality’s not long running ones but he wouldn’t know that and I wanted to watch him squirm since he was the one who made me feel like scheisse three years ago.” She looked at her hand. “Plus he is still so sore about me punching him.” Rei moved her hand taking the other woman’s. “I know everyone brands that as one of your crazy impulsive moments but looking back I get it, he was discrediting your mothers work and insulting her.”

Asuka took in a deep breath. “No that was me being impulsive but at the time I was so just so angry because I’d visited Germany some months before that press conference and my Grandma showed me my mothers lay out sketches for 02 and how it was going to look armoured up. Granted every plate on it is new now from years of use but the Evangelion body is still her concept, she even put in four eyes so if it took damage to the face the two others could still work.” Rei looked at her. “I only have one myself on 00.” Asuka looked at her. “Yeah but its like this amazing chameleon swivel eye like you can turn your units eye only where as I’d have to turn 02’s head, I love the new horned crest they gave you as well as it makes it look so furious.” Rei looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “Kind of wish 00 had a mouth like 02 though I mean you can extend 02’s jaws really wide and you have all those razor teeth its like you can use your units body as a weapon even when you have no weapons.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I never thought about it like that but you right.” She turned as Elfriede reappeared with the menu’s a big muscled man appeared behind her smiling. “Here are your menus.” She turned. “This is my big brother Axel.” Axel put his hands together. “It’s so great that you’re both here, we never thoughts you’d come here because he heard that Nerv’s central Arcade has every restaurants under the sun.”

Asuka looked at him. “Trust me they do not have a real German restaurant.” Axel blinked in surprise. “Really?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “They have this weird Japanese, German food hybrid but it’s not the same, because the food is not cooked in the old fashioned way.” She put her hand her chest. “Trust me I love my food to taste like home and the only reasons I have not been here yet is because I’ve had a rough two years.” Axel’s smile slowly widened. “All of our food is fresh in house, you know just like mama used to make.” He paused looking uncertain as he spoke nervously. “I realize your both out to have fun but would it possible when you’ve finished your meal for us to get a photograph with you and get your autographs so we can put them on the wall?” Asuka looked up. “Sure that won’t be a problem.” Rei turned eyeing him. “Of cause we’d be happy to.” Axel turned pointing at the wall. “We were thinking about putting a section up for you Rei you know since you’re together and we are trying to get hold of one those large standing statues of the new 00 to go opposite the 02 one we already have but last week they all sold out. I mean from what I’ve heard they are having issues with supply and demand over you in terms of your merchandise recently.” Rei blinked in surprise. “Really?”

Asuka felt a sly smile form. “Really can’t imagine why.” Rei smirked eyeing her. “Clearly must have something to do with the company I keep.” She paused eyeing him. “On your wall though I would like one opposite Asuka it would mean a lot to me.” Axel felt his smile widen. “We’ll be sure to sort that out for the next time you come here.” He leaned forward. “By the way you make a nice couple and I hope you have a long for filling relationship.” He leaned closer whispering in Rei’s ear. “Plus we German’s are such tigers we are ravenous in bed.” Asuka eyed him seeing that Rei was laughing while trying to hide her blush. “Okay now that’s enough, be nice to my girlfriend and go get us some drinks namely something nice tasting that’s none alcoholic because we are both driving.” She watched him go as his sister pushed him playfully away shaking her head as they left. Rei breathed in recomposing herself. “Is he right though, I mean are you a ravenous tiger when you make love?” Asuka looked at her for a long moment as she fidgeted uncomfortably. “Not anymore in my past I was.” Rei looked at her for a long moment in all this time they had been together they not made love yet after what she’d experienced in the hot tub she suddenly wanted to because it seemed to her that the tiger was still there in force but all of the emotion was controlled and giving and she could imagine the experience being something deeply special and moving.

End of part 49

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show that though Toji and Kensuke were friends unlike in the show they were in different places in there lives when they entered the China program Toji wanted to make it through as in doing so he could leave poverty behind for good and his sister could be well taken care off. Where as Kensuke much like the series treated it like it was a joke and a huge game and broke the rules very seriously and this caused friction between them and later caused there friendship to fall apart.
> 
> Mettwurst and Teewurst are both flavoured German sausages. Harzer, Romadur and Weisslacker are German cheeses and Bethmännchen is a marzipan pasty.


	50. Chapter 50

_IGNITING STARS THAT BURN EVER BRIGHTER_

 

Rei eyed Asuka she was laying stretched out on the sofa eyes closed she was only in her t-shirt and jeans they’d gotten back from the restaurant some time ago and she’d just spent the last twenty minutes sleeping off her food. She adjusted her shirt as she got off the recliner shaking Asuka very gently. “Asuka.” Asuka groaned half opening one eye. “Is everything okay? If I was talking in my sleep again I’m sorry I can’t always control it.” Rei felt a smile form. “Everything’s fine.” She paused before speaking. “You weren’t talking in your sleep.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Just wondered I know I sometimes cry in my sleep and talk about my mother.” Rei put a hand on her arm. “The last time I woke you up because you were talking in your sleep was after Obrax you have not talked in your sleep since.” Asuka looked up feeling the surprise hit home. “Really it’s been that long? I’m kind of surprised by that.” Rei looked at her. “Have you considered that maybe your subconscious in healing in some ways?” Asuka slowly sat up. “No I hadn’t considered that, though I’m still kind of pissed off that someone drugged me with Zircon that explains so much of why my feelings started going down hill nine months after Gaghiel. Yet as much as I loath Bardiel I’m strangely grateful that he flushed out the recent extreme dose.”

Rei looked at her. “How often do you see him now?” Asuka looked down. “I get pauses now he comes and goes days apart sometimes and he doesn’t always speak he just watches me, I don’t get it in the beginning I could not shift him he was almost always there now this, it makes no sense.” Rei slowly sat down next to her watching as her left eyes patterns glowed brightly. “Maybe he’s loosing his hold over you.” Asuka shook her head. “No I don’t think it’s that, I think he’s waiting for something there’s something different about him now, it’s the way he acts. Its not quite as dark and his eyes have changed the pupils used to be black, now they glow white…I don’t get it.” Rei moved her hand putting it on her knee. “Could it be that he’s permanently become part of you but because you’re so deeply linked now parts of you are affecting him?” She looked up meeting the other woman’s gaze. “I mean your teeth and your eye came about through him, there now a permanent part of you, so maybe a part of your soul has changed him permanently but it really bothers me that he could take it further you know turn you in to him.” Asuka took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “This is the thing though I have a nagging feeling it’s not about us merging together to become one, yes he changed my teeth and left eye but it’s never gone further than that and he’s had weeks to change me I think he could have warped us in to one from the very start, no he said this was human study.”

She looked up slightly. “Also there is something I really don’t get he keeps on allowing me accomplish my goals, like with you at the start he would hound me over the fact that I wouldn’t pursue you and make me feel bad about it and then I started thinking on it and my feelings for you.” She turned meeting the younger woman’s gaze. “Once I got with you he stopped berating me and his interest became just about understanding sex.” She took in a deep breath. “He keeps making me face things I don’t want to face in my life, it’s like he’s forcing me to fix my problems.” She slowly took hold of the younger woman’s hand tracing her fingers with her own. “He said I was broken was his point to put me back together somehow like a vase you fill with glue and stick back together even though its got cracks and if so why? I know he’s not being nice and that it’s not for my benefit.” Rei looked at her. “You know speaking of pottery maybe I should make you something, you know since you made that really nice picture.” Asuka felt a smile form. “Its fine really, you don’t have to.” Rei felt her smile widen. “But I would like to.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment before speaking. “I would like that.” She stood up slowly stretching as another subject entered her mind. “I’m so glad that Shinji and Kaworu are finally together.” Rei stood up. “Yeah same here, I think once Shinji realized that you weren’t going to loose your temper over him and Kaworu he felt much more comfortable plus your book was a huge help to him along with the disc.”

Asuka moved over to her kitchen counter. “Yeah well it was the least I could do.” Rei raised an eyebrow lowering her voice. “You know I read your book and I noticed that you had folded a certain really interesting page.” She moved closer seeing that Asuka was only half paying attention as she turned around to face her, she eased up her hands putting them on her leather belt. She began to slowly un do the bronze buckle ignoring the surprise and confusion as it spread across the other woman’s face as both of her eyes darted and the patterns in her left started to pulse. She leaned up against her so she couldn’t shift or move out of the way. “In all the time we’ve spent together you haven’t told me about the fantasies of me you had.” She eased the brown leather belt open very slowly. “I gathered that one of them might be in the book on the page you folded.” She leaned over as she started to kiss her neck as she started to undo her jeans buttons seeing Asuka hand suddenly grab the counter as she started to breathe faster as her hand moved downwards in side her jeans and in side her underwear as she began to move it slowly. She paused feeling a seductive grin form as Asuka’s face turned to complete shock for a moment it looked like she was about to say something but the words just didn’t come out instead her other hand grabbed her shoulder as her face started to flush as she started to have clear difficultly concentrating as her left eye got brighter.

She moved her hand down deeper suddenly feel Asuka try and push against it, it was like she has suspected the other woman was wound up like a spring but she had suppressed it not caring for her own desires and only caring about hers personally she didn’t think that was fair regardless of how noble Asuka thought she being. She moved her hand through the red hair as she carried on kissing her neck hearing her breathing which was hitching now as the teeth started to grow which meant that what ever walls she had to stop her own sexual desire were being torn down as her left eye fully ignited. She spoke low and seductively in to her ear. “You should tell me what you want you should tell me all off your fantasies that I might for fill them.” She paused feeling Asuka push even harder up against her as her face changed drastically. It wasn’t the teeth or the left eye it was the look of desire, need almost desperation and wanting more as her movement suddenly became very frantic.” She smiled as she started to kiss her again hearing her breathing which was getting really strong now as one of her feet dug in to the carpet while she raised her knee clamping it to her side. “Though I said I had never gotten this far with other women, after what happened in the Spa and how wonderful you made me feel I picked up some books from the Nerv library. Ones on this subject purely so I could learn, because I want to make you feel as good as you made me that day because no one’s ever made me feel that way before.”

Asuka’s other hand suddenly found her shoulder as her urges truly took over and her face started to flush fully as the desire to reach her peak really took over as she started to grit her teeth. She couldn’t imagine how long it had been for the other woman since she’d felt this way it had to be years and she’d said she’d felt nothing from the VR helmet and now she had to be feeling everything, it had to be like a tidal wave all at once. Yet even now she wasn’t loosing control because her grip on both her shoulders was firm but not crushing. She was close now she could see it in her face and how she was breathing which was getting sharper and heaver and she pushing even harder as she started to cry out. Asuka blinked pushing desperately up against Rei she so hot with desire that it was hard to concentrate as Rei lips kept on kissing her neck though now she was moving to her lips. She was going to reach her peak soon she could feel it and she powerless to even stop it, she realized though that even if she had wanted to she couldn’t because suddenly all of her fantasies were coming true. Rei was pleasuring her and it wasn’t some summer dream in her head it was real. “ _So this is what sexual desire feels like at its peak how fascinating_.”

Asuka ignored Bardiel’s voice even if he was watching right now she didn’t care all that she cared about was Rei the tidal wave suddenly came as her whole body turned burning hot as she hit her peak hard. All she could do was ride the feeling which hit her like waves over and over as she closed her eyes as the rainbow colours blasted across her sight as she breathed in heavily and deeply. Her body was suddenly having problems standing as it came to an end and she could feel Rei guiding her down to the carpet where she lay for a long moment taking in slow deep breathes. Rei slowly moved getting on top of Asuka as she put her hand on her face seeing her deep breathing slow slightly as she laid very still her eyes looking upwards. The left one was still alight and her sharp teeth were still on display. “Asuka.” She moved her hand to her face. “Are you okay?” Asuka’s hands suddenly flew up around her body pulling her downwards so there faces were very close as her mouth formed a smile as she spoke in that silky voice once more. “Now it’s your turn.” Rei felt herself breathe in suddenly realizing that she had awoken that sexual side big time and she knew Asuka would not let her go now, not that she wanted to escape right now her heart was racing with the pure anticipation of what was about to come.

Asuka hands moved to her decorative shirt as they started to undo the buttons pulling her shirt free very slowly there were no jerky or fast movements it was all slow as her shirt found the floor. She grabbed at the other woman’s t-shirt helping her ease it free as there lips met and Asuka suddenly shifted her whole weight as she started to force her own jeans off kicking them to one side so she was down to nothing but her underwear and bra as she got on top. Her hands went to her trousers though she didn’t take them down straight away instead she started to move slowly and sensually down the fabric before walking her fingers back up to the buttons which started to undo very slowly and carefully before taking hold of the edges carefully pulling them down. Rei could feel her breathing getting faster as they were slowly pulled off and Asuka started to run her hands down her body very slowly and sensually her eyes were not leaving her own they were staring in to her own intensely. The left one was still fully alight as she opened her mouth licking one of her canine teeth as her hands moved to her bra as her lips met hers and the feelings of desire became more intense in her own body as she eased the other woman’s underwear off. Asuka slowly unhooked the other woman’s bra easing it free very gently she’d had seen the other woman’s breasts before but now she wanted to see them differently with all of her desire.

She wanted to for fill her teenage fantasy and make love to this woman in a way that would shake the foundations of her world. The only difference was the fantasy her young self had, had was more pushing as well as being rouge and one sided and more about Rei pleasuring her only that was not a fantasy she was interested in reinventing in anyway. She wanted to give her intense pleasure she wanted her to feel like she was the most loved woman on earth. She leaned down as she started to kiss a trail down her throat as her hands found her breasts and she spoke softly. “I love you.” Rei hands were suddenly unclipping her bra at the back which was tossed aside and her hands found her breasts. She moved her hands downwards finding the other woman’s underwear she could see her flushing now. It was such a sweet sight but then that was the thing she loved from the beginning about Rei she was delicate, sweet and divine. Her green eyes slowly went wide as she eased her underwear off as she slowly changed her position getting closer to her body. If anything she wanted her to experience pleasure to it maximum and she didn’t want to do it with toys she wanted the movement to be her own hand. She moved her hand down in between the other woman’s legs as she started to push her whole body against her as she kissed her lips and kept running her other hand across the plains of her body following every contour which was an art form.

She felt Rei’s hands start to grab at her shoulders and back as her eyes got wider and she started to breath out in short sharp little breathes gods it was such a sweet sound, like some one finding the lightest string of a harp and pulling it very softly so the note floated through the air. She moved further up against her feeling her legs suddenly come up locking on to her sides as her face really started to flush. She had no intention of making this fast she wanted to build up every moment, to give the younger woman the maximum pleasure, she wanted to burn every moment of the experience in to her mind if possible but at the same time she wanted to burn it in to her own soul forever. Because she’d spent a life time of wanting this moment and believing it would never ever happen yet now it was. She knew this woman had saved her from a very dark abyss which she’d been sinking it to with out return and she didn’t have to, there were so many times when she could have walked away and she had tried to push her away only for her to come back over and over again much to her surprise. She had seen her at her absolute lowest and still she hadn’t run away from her she’d faced her when her anger and sadness had been at its worst and still stayed. She knew others would have left they’d have seen her as to much of a burden and just not worth the effort. They’d have called her pathetic because of her long standing issues with her mother Rei never had she’d been completely understanding and had always made her see things in a different way every single time. She’d always pointed out the best in her when she just couldn’t see it and for the first time in her whole life she was starting to like herself rather than hate herself.

No she’d stayed through all off that and that made her so special and worth treasuring because she’d had gotten so used to people coming and going in her life and nothing ever being constant. Now she wanted them to be constant she wanted them to be forever she’d fight with every once of her life if it meant coming home to this every day. She looked down hearing Rei’s breathing suddenly become faster as her hands started to grab and claw at her back, not that she cared the other woman could bleed her for all she cared and she’d still enjoy it. She leaned closer seeing that the other woman was close now as she started to kiss her with gentle passion feeling her body movements suddenly become more forced as she pushed in to her hand. Her sudden cry as it hit the air was unlike anything she’d ever heard. She was sure not even the angels of myths could make that sound and if they could that it still wouldn’t compare to this divine goddess who was clutching at her desperately as she road her own waves of pleasure. She slowly and gently eased her up in to her lap holding her very close as her body carried on shuddering and her breathes came in out sharp bursts. She carefully removed her hand putting it around her back supported her with both as she laid very gentle tender kisses on her moving her other hand up to her hair stroking it softly and gently as her breathing started to calm. She closed her eye letting that alpine forest smell fill her every sense as she held her quietly still placing kisses on her feeling her hands move around her back.

8

Oh gods it’s like being touched by burning blazing red star and I’m so spent right now in a way I’ve never been before as I feel so satisfied sexually and emotionally and I have never felt that way in my whole life. I’m trying so hard to stay awake because before I sleep I want to just look up on Asuka’s face. She’s asleep right next to me with this slight smile on her face, it’s strange because I’ve never seen Asuka smile in her sleep before. Both of her eyes are closed, the teeth are still there even now but I think maybe it’s an overlap from our love making and the eye is still glowing though in the darkness of her bedroom I can see it through the tiny slit in her closed eye as its light is still drifting out. She laying so she is facing me and her arms are wrapped around me as she has me pulled close we are on top of the covers naked and tangled somewhat in the sheets. Rei breathed in deeply as she looked at the other woman Asuka had carried her up here after it had ended and she laid her down very gently saying nothing. Instead she’d just pulled her close looking at her for a long moment there had been so many emotions passing through her good eye but most of all she’d looked innocent maybe it was the emotion of having that one dream she’d always wanted for filled and it was just so much to take in that her mind was taking its time to truly adjust.

She’d then watched as she’d started to fall asleep Asuka had tried to fight it so hard but sleep had won out and she had closed her eyes to the world her long red fridge falling in front of her eyes as she curled up very slightly. She had called her the divine goddess yet she had underrated herself so much as she had looked up the password Asuka had given to her on the computer which was Freyja. Freyja was an ancient Norse goddess who was associated with love, sex and beauty she even had a chariot pulled by cats and was a mighty warrior. If she was the divine goddess of beauty then the older woman was Freyja in the flesh, she even had the red hair that adorned so many of Freyja’s paintings. She had never realized that mythology could be so fascinating it’s not a subject she had read up on but she got the feeling that Asuka had, which explained a lot. When they had been in school she had seen her sitting alone in the library reading though at the time she had moved very quietly past her hoping she wouldn’t notice her as she’d made her way to the history section. She had also found it odd because the rest of the time Asuka had been surrounded by people as she had been popular and she had been very mean about people who studied calling them nerds and geeks and she had mocked her about reading books.

Now she realized that the other woman hadn’t been studying instead she had a genuine interest in mythology hence why she’d bury herself in those books in that section. It’s also occurred to her now where Anneberg got his name he was another mythological figure he was a German demon that was said to guard deep caves and mines and didn’t like intruders. Granted Asuka probably helped him pick his name but she must have known her mythology before she’d even started to point it out to him. It also explains why she loved comics and graphic novels they were filled with fantasy worlds and monsters which all appeal to her fondness of mythical worlds. Funny how she’d though that she knew her but she never really did, no one ever really did everyone just created a character who we thought was Asuka but the real person was so much more. Rei slowly raised her hand running it through the long red hair before letting her fingers float down to the other woman’s stomach where the scar could be seen. She eyed the old burn mark on her shoulder it was so strange the directions life could take you in. If someone had told her two months ago that she’d see Asuka for who she really was she would have not even bothered to look up from her book and ignored them because the idea to her seemed very far fetched and almost laughable.

She wouldn’t lie though a part of her still felt guilty that she hadn’t even tried to get to know her till now because now she had kept on seeing things that were so obvious to her that weren’t before. Like when she used to sit alone at the restaurant over looking the Delphi gardens she must have seen Toji, Shinji, Kaworu and herself eating at the table on the level above and it must have broken her heart in some ways. Because she probably never thought for one second that she could ever join them or that she’d even be welcomed and that she would be told to leave. That had to be the worst thing ever to be deeply depressed while watching others having fun laughing and smiling and knowing that you’d never be any part off what they were feeling even though you wanted it so desperately that it hurt. It’s probably why she was having such a difficult time when everyone came and sat with her, because that’s what happens when you’ve been alone and depressed, you believe you’ll remain so forever even though things around you are changing for better. She wasn’t going to let the other woman be alone like that ever again she would do everything in power to ensure that she was always happy.

End of part 50

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freyja in Norse mythology has long red hair and she shares half the fallen souls collected by the Valkyries with Odin who she is married to and she chooses where they sit in the great feast of the after life. It’s worth reading up on this as the marvel Thor films did her no justice at all and really undermined how powerful she truly was as she was treated as an equal to Odin and a warrior in her own right. To those who figured out the mythological connections between Freyja and Anneberg congratulations.


	51. Chapter 51

_WAR TORN AND UNDER FIRE_

 

Shinji walked in to the wreck room seeing that everyone was there he could see Asuka fast asleep in her chair Rei was on the sofa opposite playing her hand held, while Kaworu was crossing off notes for his resent symphony. Toji was running the battle simulations while Mari was chatting with her AI cat Cheshire through her phone via text message. “I thought you’d all be out getting breakfast.” Mari looked up meeting his gaze. “I eat out last night with Toji at this American diner in Nerv we are so stuffed so we skipped breakfast.” Shinji watched as Kaworu moved up on the two seat sofa so he could sit down he could see Rei sitting next to Toji they used to be on opposite sides but since she had started her relationship with Asuka they had switched sides and Toji didn’t mind since it put him closer to Mari anyway. Mari turned slightly. “How does she do that?” Rei looked up. “What?” Mari eyed Asuka. “Look so innocent when she’s sleeping? Like you wouldn’t think that she’s going to bite your head off.” She paused adjusting her glasses. “Why is she so tired anyway?” Rei looked at her feeling a coy smile form. “We had a very late night last night.” Shinji looked at her reading straight between the lines. “We had one of those two.” Kaworu looked up speaking calmly putting a hand on his knee. “Yes we got back from the Korean restaurant late.”

He paused before feeling a smile form. “So we made music.” Rei looked up she knew full well when Kaworu referenced the word music in that way it had nothing to do with music.” She looked up slightly. “I took Asuka to this German restaurant we ate a lot and then played video games.” She felt her smile widen. “The game kept us up all night.” Shinji eyed her like Kaworu used music as a way of saying they’d had sex he knew full well that Rei used the term video games to say the same, because she very rarely talked about video games. Mari glanced over at Rei she wasn’t stupid she could see something going on between brother and sister they were throwing around some phoney code word for sex. She turned eyeing Asuka. “You rode Asuka like a fucking derby horse didn’t you Rei?” Rei carried on playing her game not looking up. “I’m not answering that.” Mari got up suddenly laughing. “Oh gods you did, you wore out the tiger I didn’t think that was remotely possible.” Rei paused her game eyeing her. “Do not wake her up.” Mari moved kneeling down opposite her side of the sofa. “Please tell me what she’s like in bed? Like my life will not complete until I know, because I thought she wouldn’t eat you out but more eat you alive.”

She put her hands together making a praying gesture ignoring Toji who was rolling his eyes. “Like I must know do you have to keep her on a chain or something?” Rei turned sharply. “Go away Mari, go bother my brother instead.” Mari turned eyeing Shinji and Kaworu. “Its not worth bothering Shinji his love life isn’t hard to figure out we all know Kaworu’s probably on top and he’s underneath because he’s inexperienced.” Shinji eyed her. “Hey!” Kaworu looked up slightly a smile forming on his lips as he spoke calmly. “No he’s very gifted and he can do multiple positions.” Shinji turned sharply trying to hide the blush. “Kaworu!” Mari felt a coy smile form. “I see I stand corrected.” She turned eyeing Rei as a naughty smile formed on her lips. “You though I have no idea who is on top, I just can’t figure it out.” She paused turning serious. “Like we know Asuka’s left eyes glows like a light beam and her teeth grow when she’s hot with desire for you. Like doesn’t that scare you at all because her back teeth look like there can tear off flesh it must make kissing hard?” Rei looked at her putting her hand held to one side realizing that she was never going to hear the end of this from Mari until she came clean. “Between you and me I like the teeth and the eye and she has never bitten me or bled me while we kissed. Granted I once cut myself on her teeth but that was because I asked to see them and I pressed my thumb on them to see how sharp they were.”

She breathed in deeply. “Like I said at the interview she treats me with the up most respect and that’s in everything including sexual situations, so no it’s not like riding a derby race horse or some crazy savage tiger, she’s a very loving human being.” She looked up knowing that her next comment would cause some shock probably most from her brother and Toji as she didn’t normally speak openly about sex as like her brother she was very private about it as she saw it as her own business and no one else’s. “If you’re wondering who it was that started it, it wasn’t her it was me, because I wanted her to make love to me and she’s been holding back for so long and just wouldn’t make the first move.” Mari smirked ignoring everyone’s shock frankly she knew all to well that the quite ones were always the most surprising. She sat down eyeing her. “Ah so you do have a dark side Rei I thought as much because lets face it she has a dark side herself and it must really draw you in but at the same time it’s safe because you know she won’t ever hurt you because she loves you way to much, I see it in her eyes every time she looks at you.”

She was about to say more only to stop as Misato came running through the doors the anger in her face. “Cerberus and Ankh are both attacking each other over fucking Oakland USA there blowing each other to bits and shooting everyone in flying wings and vertical wings!” Rei turned sharply. “There trying to kill each other in a mayor city?” Toji sat up. “I know they hate each other but since when do they pull this kind of chicken shit?” Shinji looked up recomposing himself. “Why would Ankh want to even go there? There’s nothing of value there, we don’t run any Evangelion programs in that city the main divisions are in Connecticut and New York.” Misato eyed him. “We don’t know and I can’t work it out ether, because the other Nerv military bases are in the Nevada desert while its counterpart is in Puebla City over in Mexico but nether of these bases create Evangelion’s they help create our normal military weapons and run sync tests on people. She turned sharply. “Mari your going and so is Asuka as she has the most experience in war torn cities and night combat so you’ll be learning from her.”

She raised her hand. “I don’t want any arguments on this from ether of you!” Mari felt a smile form as she turned pointing at Asuka who was still sleeping. “No offence but I’m not waking princess up, she might kill me so you can do that for me.” Misato turned eyeing Asuka. “Seriously she picks this moment to sleep?” She didn’t think as she slammed her hand against Asuka’s chair arm. “Wake up Asuka!” Asuka’s voice suddenly hit the air it was very soft as she smiled in her sleep. “Move your hand a little lower Rei and more to the left.” Misato looked at the others who were trying not to laugh while Rei looked down at her hands trying to hide the slight blush. She rolled her eyes slammed her hand on the chair arm even harder. “Get up now Asuka!” Asuka shot awake looking around in utter confusion she turned seeing that Misato was staring at her she felt her teeth grind together as she spoke coldly. “What’s the big ficken idea I was sleeping?!” Misato breathed in folding her arms. “Not any more your not, your going in Oakland in the US since Cerberus and Ankh have just decided to have a right pissing match in the night sky above the city.” She paused before speaking hoping there wouldn’t be any complaints as Maya had told her that she was getting on better with Mari. “Mari is going with you.” Asuka stood up stretching. “Great they start a war on my day off.”

Rei stood up moving to stand in front of her as she moved her hands to her pendent playing with it slightly. “Then go bring them pain.” She gently kissed her cheek watching as the other woman’s mouth formed a wide toothy grin. “I’ll be waiting here when you get back.” Mari rolled her eyes as she grabbed Asuka’s jacket pushing her towards the changing rooms. “Move it princess Rei will be here when you get back!” Asuka yanked her arm free. “Get off me four eyes!” She eyed her for a long moment before speaking. “Just because I like you doesn’t mean you’re allowed to touch my jacket or drag me around.” Misato rolled her eyes as they both vanished from sight. “I can’t figure out if them getting on better is a blessing or a curse.” Toji breathed in watching as Rei sat back down. “When do I get to do the big city stuff?” Misato breathed in moving over to the central table’s consoles tapping it bringing up the live press footage. “Study this as it happens and take notes pay attention to Asuka because she’ll stalk and Mari will shadow her, the buildings are so huge that they can hide behind them.” Rei watched as the doors slammed open as Mari and Asuka now in there plug suites ran out going straight through the doubles doors she turned to Toji. “You’ll see it best in real time and I would like to watch it with you.” Rei looked at the screen in truth she hadn’t watched that much of Asuka working this way and now she really wanted to see it because from what she’d heard she had destroying terrorists down to a brutal art form.

Shinji looked at her. “Have you seen Asuka’s city footage before?” Rei shook her head. “No.” Shinji looked down. “No nether have I, though I have heard that Mari has studied every one of Asuka’s ground battles in great detail.” Misato moved heading towards the double doors quickening her pace. “Yeah well believe me you all won’t be disappointed she’s very good at killing these people, sometimes she doesn’t bother even taking a gun with her and does it all by hand!” She left the wreck room breaking in to a run 02 and 04 would probably be leaving the bay right now and they’d make land fall very quickly though over in the US and it being night would put all of the cards in Nerv’s favour. She didn’t get this though, why were these two terrorist groups here right now, also why were they fighting each other? As normally they didn’t slog it out like this and they’d stayed away from each other it just couldn’t be a crude pissing match there had to be way more to it than that she could feel it deep in her gut. There just had to be something in that city that they both desperately wanted or were both trying to destroy and as far as she was aware the US had no secret projects underway and they had told Nerv that many times. Maybe it was to do with something much bigger like maybe some other new force that no one knew about and both terrorist factions were trying to take them out but in the process were getting in each others way.

8

Asuka folded her unit’s huge wings as she hit the floor on all fours in the deep waters of the lake which surrounded the city she watched as Mari came down close by. She could see the battle going on in the sky even from this distance maybe the time zone was a blessing because it was pitch black here and that gave her a huge advantage and it was normally when she did her best work. She eased her unit out of the water keeping it on all fours seeing a massive fireball blast upwards as one of Cerberus flying wings smashed in to sky scraper blowing in to pieces sending shattered glass everywhere. She took in a deep breath slowly getting out of the lake moving low through the city on all fours seeing Mari stay remaining crouched as she followed her, the massive battle was going on right in the city’s centre so what ever they wanted had to be dead centre. Mari face suddenly popped up on screen. “You know this reminds of a film I watched once where it’s done from the perspective of the civilians and there recording everything via video camera and they get to see the military fighting this weird white monster at night from a helicopter.” Asuka eyed her. “You’re thinking of Cloverfeild.” Mari looked at her. “Yeah that it’s!” She raised her hand. “Wouldn’t it be so cool if some massive monster flew out right now in the dark?” She felt a sly smile form. “Oh wait I’m forgetting you saw that with Bukavac.” Asuka carried on moving trying to be quite as possible. “Please be quite four eyes I’m trying to concentrate.” Mari looked at her as she followed staying low. “I don’t get it why the silence?”

Asuka carried on moving forward hoping that the press helicopters above that were filming wouldn’t shine there lights on her. “I want the element of surprise.” She carried on moving seeing a few press helicopters fly over her but none shone there lights on her, they clearly got that she was busy and were clearly filming everything with there night cameras at a distance. She inched closer seeing that two gold, blue and white vertical wings belonging to Ankh were trying to shoot up the ground but both of them were struggling. “There must be a ficken bunker under there or something.” She turned to Mari. “Take out the flying wings once I attack they’ll try to bomb me and fire of rockets.” She eased up her unit’s clawed hand looking at it. “I’m going to destroy all the vertical wings.” Mari eyed her slowly loading her rifle breathing in her unit’s reflective colour had all been turned off and the eyes were also turned off and in night vision mode but this was the first time she ever done this kind of night fighting outside of the training ground. “Why do you get the vertical wings?” Asuka eyed her. “Because taking them out is what I do.” Mari smirked. “Oh you mean grabbing them and smashing them in to each other then throwing the tail at ones coming at you.” She paused looking at Asuka face on her screen. “Yeah I’ve watched the footage princess.”

Asuka rolled her eyes. “Yeah so I like to smash things up, so sue me.” Mari felt a coy smile form on her lips. “I bet Rei gets so hot watching you work I bet she’s sitting in your chair at work right now sweating at the thought of you.” Asuka breathed in deeply as she inched closer slowly getting her unit in to a pouncing position which felt really natural in its new form. “Please can we not ficken do this right now I’m trying to work?” Mari laughed slightly. “You’re so in love with her though it’s kind of cute and I heard you two had such a great time last night and that you had lots of sex.” Misato’s voice suddenly came over the com. “Be quite Mari please…Asuka needs no sound or distraction.” Asuka breathed in closing her eyes taking in a deep breath as she tensed 02’s every muscle reading herself as her other hand went to her pendent playing with it for a second speaking softly. “Göttliche göttin.” Her eyes snapped open as she grabbed the controls screaming, as she ran 02 straight towards the nearest vertical wing grabbing it by its tail bringing it up and then mashing in to the solid ground opposite then threw the broken tail section straight in to the one opposite before it could react sending it smashing against the nearest skyscraper as it smashed apart blasting in to flames. She leapt up scaling the building watching as a flying wing came at her firing it was suddenly blasted out of the sky by Mari’s rifle.

She didn’t think as she grabbed the other coming in tearing its whole wing section off watching as it smashed down below as she leapt on to another sky scraper raising her right tail firing off a volley of rockets straight at two in coming vertical wings watching as they came crashing down blasting in to flames as the glass of the building shattered. She turned seeing another flying wing which was black and white and belonged to Cerberus come down as it was blown out of the sky before it got close to her. “Nice shot.” Mari voice came filled with surprise. “Did the princess just give me an actual real compliment? I’m so flattered.” Asuka leapt down shifting between the buildings she could see at least three of black and white verticals wings coming down lower they knew something was happening now a radio voice hit the air. “You are a sinner of god come out and meet your maker!” Asuka rolled her eyes she hated Cerberus they were like a ficken talking mouth piece half the time at least Ankh just tried to blow her units head off with guns and fire rockets at her.

She stalked further around seeing them turn there search lights on they couldn’t see her because before landing in the city she’d turned off all of her units reflective light bands of white and yellow and her green eyes were now turned off and in night vision mode and weren’t glowing so to them she was pitch black. She turned on her outward speaker but it was more for her own pleasure as she loved getting to these people. “Come and find me so I can castrate you!” She turned another corner shifting lower. “I mean why are you losers here anyway did you get bored with Europe and the Middle East?” A voice came again over the speaker. “It’s none of your concern you German bitch!” Asuka watched as they flew right past the street she was hiding in not even seeing her she eased her unit out feeling a cold smile form. “I’m behind you.” She stood up fully smashing her clawed foot straight in to one of the vertical wings smashing it straight in to the earth as she grabbed the other by the tail putting it right in to nearest building as the last one started firing on her desperately. She leapt forward grabbing it her gaze shifting as one of Ankh's vertical wings appeared she didn’t think as she threw it straight at them watching as they both collided in mid air exploding in to flames before they both came crashing down only for one of Mari’s rounds to fire blowing up another black and white flying wing which was heading towards her all guns firing. “Your two seconds late!”

Mari’s voice came again over the private channel filled with glee. “Maybe you shouldn’t move in to position three seconds early.” Asuka turned shifting through the streets the last ones remaining were fighting in the centre city area. What was clear was Cerberus was the one winning because there were more wrecked vertical wings lying around they had to want what ever this was really badly to fight this way. Misato eyed the screen she could see Asuka as the drone was watching her and Mari through night vision. “How is Asuka’s sync?” Maya felt a smile form. “Its excellent today, I mean she’s levelling with Shinji and Rei which is a perfectly healthy mental sync.” Misato breathed in deeply. “What about Mari?” Maya looked up. “She is climbing again but it will take more time but as I said this morning she seems willing now to talk about her problems also I’m working to lower her alcohol intake as she drinks to much but her mental focus is so much better now and she is not as agitated or aggressive.” Misato eyed the screen watching as Asuka weaved through the buildings on all fours as Mari followed her on her unit’s hands and knees while holding up the rifle as they both got closer to the central battle. “What did she mean when she said Göttliche göttin?”

Kaji looked up. “In German it means divine goddess, I don’t quite see the connection with the pendent though.” Maya looked up feeling a smile form. “I doubt it has anything to do with the pendent itself, probably the person who gave it to her.” Makoto looked up slightly. “You know Nerv is becoming such a gay parade what’s next rainbow flags?” Misato turned as Kaji eyed her she felt a wide smile form as she turned back to Makoto. “Wow you know that’s a great idea, I’ll note that down we should have them all hanging outside the visitor centre along with the world flags.” Shigeru smirked as he typed eyeing Makoto. “Yeah maybe we should look in to that since all the sexualities have different flags.” Misato folded her arms. “Great let’s have them all.” She ignored Makoto’s cold look. “I thought you’d be happy for Asuka and Shinji Makoto, you know finding people they love and all.” Makoto felt a sneer form. “Yes good for them shame about the rest us.” Kaji leaned back in his chair watching as Asuka took down another vertical wing. “Wow you know you almost sound jealous.” Makoto turned away ignoring him as he spoke again. “There just a bunch of twenty three year olds what do I have to be jealous off?”

Asuka moved closer leaping up another building scaling it there were a number of vertical and flying wings fighting not far away. “Mari what is under the floor where the vertical wings were trying to fire at the ground some streets back?” Mari’s voice hit the air. “I’m bringing up an underground scan now.” Asuka looked at her. “What there?” Mari’s face came up. “It appears to be part of the old metro rail though they no longer use it as the US has a fully connected underground system country wide. You can use it to go to any state, not many people touch the older undergrounds anymore they’ve become disused it explains why they were having issues shooting through those tunnel are built to stop collapses.” She paused eyeing the tunnel hologram on her screen. “Well apart from in London that still runs but its just got a second level now that’s deeper that interconnects with other towns and cities in Britain.” Asuka looked at her. “What’s under the ground under there where there fighting?” Mari turned the hologram. “It’s where they store the trains, the ones they no longer use.” Asuka eased up her unit’s clawed finger. “Okay so if I was a person running away could I somehow get down there?” Mari looked at her. “Yeah you could, I mean there are places to get in but you’re talking about a ten mile walk on pitch black decaying tracks just to get there. Do you seriously think these two assholes would kill each other over one single person?”

Asuka leaped to the next building. “Yeah I do if what that person had was something worth fighting over.” She raised her tail gun aiming it at the nearest vertical wing blasting it apart. “We don’t know who made Bukavac and I would put ten euros on Ankh being desperate to get hold of that information since they want to build Evangelion’s as weapons so the world will bow to them. Cerberus though would want this person to die because they don’t want that getting out hence they’d kill Ankh.” She fired another rocket’s watching as they hit another vertical wing sending it tumbling which caused the others to turn in her direction as they stopped fighting. She smiled pressing the control button knowing that her Evangelion would suddenly appear as its yellow and white reflectors came back on along with the green eyes as she heard her unit roar as she spoke through the outward com. “I’m here you ficken cowards!” She watched as they came at her she moved higher she didn’t think as she did a flying leap straight on to the top of the nearest flying wing digging her units claws in as she grabbed it swerving it straight towards the other coming up along side it.

She leapt off as they both collided falling downwards in a massive ball of flames as she landed 02 on the building opposite as she brought up her clawed foot kicking a vertical wing downward watching as it smashed down in to the empty streets below. She turned as one of Ankh’s flying wings suddenly vied of clearly trying to run away along with another her gaze shifted to the other vertical wing whose tail she grabbed as it came past. Though she didn’t smash it instead she held it up watching as Mari’s shot hit its mark bringing down the fleeing the flying wing which crashed in to the lake outside the city. She kept the vertical wing hanging it in mid air shame it wasn’t smaller or she could eat it she turned on her com shaking it violently. “Hello Ankh!” The pilot’s voice suddenly came over the speaker. “Please don’t kill us!” Asuka eased them up higher getting to the very top of the building digging her unit’s claws in as kept them hanging downwards. “So you want to tell me what you doing here and maybe I won’t drop you?” She paused looking down. “That’s a long ficken drop by the way.”

She smirked. “And you know me and how I love to destroy things.” She felt an evil smile form. “Did you people assume because of the Alpha unit incident that maybe they’d pulled me from battle? Because you know they’d never pull me completely after all I love killing you people I’ve made a career out of it.” She eyed the vertical wing in her unit’s clawed hands. “Though I can’t shove you in my mouth dose not mean I can’t tear apart your cockpit with 02’s teeth.” The pilot’s voice came back filled with fear. “They sent us to find get this science guy who fled here!” Asuka shook them again. “I want a name!” The pilot’s voice came again even more terrified. “Vitor his names Vitor, our people wanted him because he made Bukavac him and six other scientists they were made prisoners by Ouroboros but they escaped recently! We heard all of them fled to different parts of the world we’ve been trying to track them down to bring them to our side. We were going to offer them money, wealth and protection but Cerberus wants them dead!” Asuka watched as Mari appeared under her looking up using her units head. “I’m going to assume that Vitor is hiding in the underground metro?” The pilot’s voice came again filled with uncertainty. “Yes that’s why we were trying to blow holes in to the street further up so our people could get down there.”

Asuka turned to Mari not thinking as she let go of the vertical wing. “Catch.” Mari ran forward grabbing the vertical wing by the rudder before it hit the earth she looked up speaking through the private channel. “Your really mean sometimes Asuka you know Rei’s watching you right now.” Asuka jumped down feeling 02 hit the ground on all fours as she raised her other tail bringing up the knife then slammed it in to the ground seeing now that Nerv’s flying wing had appeared and was hovering over head along with the drone. “Yeah we had that chat already she doesn’t mind my finer qualities.” She carried on cutting pulling a huge section of solid ground away seeing all of the abounded trains as she turned on the outward com. “Vitor! Hey are you in there?” She looked at all of the old trains. “My name is Asuka I’m from Nerv.” She watched as a man slowly came out of one of the rusted trains he looked homeless and had a long black beard and hair and olive skin he looked up as he spoke in another language she had never heard before watched as 02’s translator brought up Portuguese and translated his words. “Are you here to save me!?”

Asuka lowered her unit’s clawed hand towards him as she spoke watching as the translator on the live speaker talked back in his own language using her voice. “Yes I’m here to save you we are from Nerv.” She watching as he got on to her units huge clawed hand she slowly eased him out putting her units other hand over him to act as a wind break as she stood up seeing the flying wing lower section open widely as it got low enough that she could put him inside she placed him on it watching as the crew took him inside. Mari raised the vertical wing. “You guys want these terrorists?” The pilot spoke as the flying wing moved higher up, its undercarriage locking fully. “No we don’t, before they evacuated this city fully these people caused over a thousand innocent deaths.” Mari tuned pulling 04’s foot back. “She shoots.” She didn’t think as she kicked the vertical wing watching at it flew through the air smashing down close by blasting in to flames. “She scores and the crowd’s go wild!” Mari turned seeing that Asuka was just shaking her head. “What?”

End of part 51

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asuka taking on the terrorists is a massive nod to her take down of the Japanese army in the End of Evangelion, because I never get bored of watching that scene play out. 
> 
> Also yes that was a very bad football/soccer joke at the end but I couldn’t help myself.
> 
> Sorry reedit to change Maya saying drugs to alcohol as her saying drugs gives away the game to Makoto.


	52. Chapter 52

_A_ _BATTLE_ _FOR THE HEART AND SOUL_

 

Mari leaned back in her entry plug seeing the flying wing leave as it headed back to Nerv she looked around her. "Hey where's my drinking bottle it has water in it?" She turned looking around her entry plug. "Did you guys move it?" Misato's voice came over the com. "It's behind your seat." Mari looked around. "Oh yeah here it…" She stopped catching sight of something odd looking cylinder with a red button which was clipped on to the chair. "Hey Asuka is there an odd looking little flat cylinder thing with a red button behind your seat?" Asuka's voice hit the air. "Yeah there is." Mari moved her fingers closer to the thick flat cylinder. "How fucking strange." Her next words were cut off as the cylinders coloured light turned green as a slot opened and a thick yellow liquid sprayed out flooding in to her LCL. Asuka eyed the small flat cylinder which reminded her off a land mine. "Why would some one put this in here?" She blinked in surprise as its light suddenly turned green and thick yellow liquid sprayed in to her entry plug and a weird sensation took over. She felt a wide smile form as she started to laugh before she could stop her self it was like floating on air as she sat down. "Wunderbar."

Misato looked up sharply as the red lights suddenly started flashing as the brain activity suddenly went crazy on both Mari and Asuka's panels. "What the hell?" Kaji looked up sharply. "I'm reading LCL contamination!" Maya turned sharply watching as Mari suddenly started to scream in rage. "What is this? I can't read it right what ever it is it's not on our drugs list." Shigeru turned sharply. "I know what this is I've seen these readings before!" Misato eyed him. "What is it?!" He looked up. "It's Citrine crystal in pure concentrated liquid form." Misato moved over to his desk. "What is that?" Shigeru looked up the fear showing in his face. "It's a street drug you mix it with water and it it's worse than LSD, it sends people fucking crazy and they banned it six years ago worldwide." He watched as 04 started to roar in agony while 02 just stood quietly not really doing much. Misato looked up. "Can you flush it out?!" Maya turned typing faster. "I'm trying!" Misato turned sharply eyeing Kaji. "Shut them both down now what ever it takes just do it!" Mari looked up feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke directly to Asuka who had started to hum. "Hey you little German shit stop mocking me you always think your better than me!" She grabbed her controls raising her rifle. "Your not better than me no one is better than me!"

Asuka eyed the gun how fascinating she leapt up as it fired at her landing on one of the buildings as she started singing in German. "I think of you, when I see the sun's shimmer, gleaming from the sea!" Misato blinked in utter shock. "Is she singing?" Asuka watched as Mari's unit came after her smashing up against the building she leapt to another as she carried on singing. "I think of you, when the moon's glimmer is reflected in the springs. I see you, when on the distant road." She started laughing unable to stop the childish playful voice as it came out. "Play with me Marian cause I like you, you're my big sister." Misato turned eyeing Kaji. "Can some one give me translations I don't know what Asuka's saying?!" Kaji turned as the screen opposite started to translate Asuka voice in real time so they could understand it. "I can't shut ether of them down there both locking me out!" Makoto typed faster. "I can't get in to ether of them we are completely frozen out!" "Mari threw her gun down screaming her next words though not in Japanese. "You left me I was all alone with my fucking parents and those assholes never loved me!" Kaji looked up sharply as the translator started to translate Mari's voice. "What the fuck? She's talking in German since when can she speak in German, its listed in her records that she can only speak in English and Japanese."

Asuka leapt again in 02 as Mari smashed 04's fist through the sky scraper she was leaning on it causing half of it fall down. "Why you got to be so mean to me Marian?" She leapt again as 04 literally smashed it way through another the skyscraper roaring in anger. "I mean I know I'm adopted but I still like you, you're my big sister and I think you're really nice." She paused talking in a very soft voice. "They may not love us but always know that I love you." Misato turned as Shinji and Rei appeared she knew why they were here and they were allowed down here under Gendo's orders but the others weren't. Rei moved forward. "What is happening why are they fighting?" Shinji looked up at the screen. "Yes please tell us what's going on, this makes no sense they were getting on fine this morning." Misato turned sharply looking at them both. "Some one has put drugs in their LCL Mari's has just lost her temper big time and Asuka is reliving some childhood memory were she's behaving like a six year old child!" Mari turned eyeing 02. "It wasn't fair, why did you get to escape?" She watched as 02 leapt to another building looking down at her. "I wanted to escape with you!" Maya breathed in watching as her holographic screen went crazy. "I'm getting weird code read outs from 04's core along with a massive energy build up and Mari's heart rate and brain waves are all over the place!" She watched in shock as all of 04's eight green cylinder cores rose on its back expelling heat as it started to tremble and shake violently.

Its arms started to lengthen as did the hands fingers and palms while the neck started to grow downwards as it thickened as the three horned crest was forced higher two of its horns bending outwards and upwards while the centre one remained the same. Both shoulder sails slowly bent downwards repositioning themselves as the massive body leaned over become warped and thin causing plating to fall off as it became loose as it no longer fitted. Black claws came through on both of the thinner hands though they weren't as prominent or as large as 02's and were thin and long with razor sharp edges. The legs buckled going forward as the knees bent and the feet grew downwards turning lycanthrope as long claws came through on them as well and all of muscle all over the body became leaner and tighter. The head and long neck moved skywards as a massive spit cracked down half the head causing plating to go flying as the huge jaws opened as the teeth became long, thin and curved and more grew through filling in the longer jaw set they looked like that of an angler fish. A long thin tongue came out which started to snake around as saliva began to drip down from the wide open jaws. A huge tail grew down wards from the back it was far longer than the whole body and thin and whip lash like as it lashed back wards slicing through the top section of a building smashing it apart causing glass and rubble to smash in to the ground below. The eight cylinders cores suddenly snapped back locking in place this wasn't the unit's beast mode it looked nothing like it no this was just like 02 in that the unit had gone through a total metamorphose under the plating.

Mari hands gripped controls as she felt her canine teeth on the upper and lower jaw getting longer and sharper and she could feel the heat in both of her eyes as she spoke her voice filled with rage. "Come fight me little sister, all my life I wanted so much to be like you!" Asuka looked over at the heaving 04 whose body showing that it was filled with rage and anger as she spoke calmly. "Don't be angry Marian you scare me when you're angry and my Mama is always angry when I visit her in hospital, I don't want you to feel anger towards each other we are sisters." Misato looked at her screen watching the tense stand off as both primal units faced off against each other. "I don't get it why isn't Asuka loosing it and going berserk?" Rei looked up at Asuka seeing that her left eye was glowing and though her teeth had grown she was completely calm. "Because she can now finally control her anger, Mari can't." Mari screamed feeling 04 run full force on all fours towards 02 as she leapt towards it only to smash in to it's AT field and leap off only to run around and try again with the same result. Mari's face started to show frustration as both her glowing green eyes narrowed. "Why did you leave me Asuka, we were sisters we were going to be together forever!?" Misato looked up in shock as she heard the translation seeing the same surprise and confusion in everyone else's faces. Asuka spoke again in a gentle voice. "I never wanted to leave you Marian, you saved me from drowning."

Mari eased 04 up on to its hind legs pulling her units head back as it let out an ear piecing screech which caused the undamaged windows of the buildings all around them to shatter sending glass flying everywhere. "Why did you never recognise me? On the first day I came to the program I thought you'd know it was me!" Her unit's jaws suddenly opened again as a sharp concentrated light beam came out smashing against Asuka's AT field puncturing through a number of the layers. "Yet you didn't you ignored me, just like you ignore everyone!" Asuka brought 02 down to the ground on all fours her voice suddenly became less child like as her unit's throat started to pulse. "I can be very selfish, when I think people don't like me or hate me I step away because I think they will hurt me." She watched as Mari's unit smashed up against her AT field tearing at it violently trying to rip through more of the layers with its jaws and long claws. "I do it to everyone, even people I love and care about." She paused before speaking solemnly. "Even though I loved Rei I did nothing but push her away in the beginning for fear of rejection." Kaji looked up his voice filled with surprise as he spoke. "Asuka's unit is somehow expelling the drug, the levels are lowering." Asuka looked up at Mari face on her screen. "When Toji pointed out that we could be sisters I just didn't want to believe it because I'm so used to the things in my life leaving me and never returning and I never thought you'd return to me Marian and I didn't recognise your surname or your first name even though you seemed so familiar to me."

Mari started to rip away the last remaining layers only for her unit to stop as it started to choke violently seemingly loosing a lot of energy as her rage became less as everything started to clear. "Why not speak?" She clawed at Asuka's AT field half heatedly. "Why not say something, ask me if I was your big sister!?" Misato watched as thin trail of yellow liquid started to flow out of 02's jaws near the front dripping down on to the floor. Asuka looked down sadly. "As strong as I pretend to be on the outside on the inside I'm so afraid, it's just I don't want people to know so I hide it." She looked at her hand. "I never kissed Rei first she kissed me because I never had the courage." She looked up slightly. "I think you're afraid to Marian, afraid of being alone like me, afraid of never being loved, afraid that you'll never be accepted for who you or for your sexuality." Kaji watched as 04's mouth suddenly sprayed out yellow liquid all over the floor opposite. "Both units have gotten rid of the drug..." Mari eyed Asuka unable to keep the anger out of her voice. "I am not afraid!" Asuka moved her unit closer very slowly. "There is no cowardice in being afraid Marian." She turned to her holographic panel typing in to it. "I'm going to drop my AT field now and you can do as you will, because I will not bring harm to someone who is part of my family. I don't care that we are not even genetically related it changes nothing to me, you're still my big sister."

Mari watched as Asuka's AT field dropped suddenly she didn't know what to do everything was confused and nothing made sense and she could feel the tears coming as she started to cry. A soft loving voice echoed behind her. " _You have to stop now Marian, you're a good girl and mommy loves you._ " There was a long pause. " _I know your feelings Marian I know you never got to tell me the truth but know this I love you all the same_." Mari looked up as everything became so crystal clear, as Asuka's image on her screen vanished. "Mommy…" Asuka watched as Mari's image faded away as 04's head leaned back as its body blasted in to light which rose skywards as it formed a massive white cross above the city lighting up the night sky along with the whole war torn and burning city. The cross slowly faded away in to thin air as 04 creaked falling sideways shutting down completely as it lay on its side unmoving. She breathed in deeply before speaking calmly. "Bardiel?" Bardiel image suddenly came up on the opposite side on her screen his red eyes wide as he looked at her intensely. "You expelled the drug from this unit didn't you?" Bardiel's mouth formed a wide smile. " _I didn't do it and I have no control or power over 04 and it did the same_." His voice became very soft as he spoke again. " _Asuka I know your tired, last night made you very wary, its okay for you to go back to sleep now_." Asuka looked at him taking in a deep breath as she closed her eyes hearing the sound as her unit shut down and she faded in to her dreams.

Misato blinked watching as both entry plug screens reappeared Mari's screen had cut out after Asuka's last words where as Asuka's had cut out just after the cross had faded away. The drone camera was above both units which were on the floor on there sides and the media feed was starting to come up as the press planes and helicopters began to fly over the scene. Maya blinked staring at the read outs. "Mari is unconscious but alive all of her brain activity has returned to normal now and her heart rate is normal." She paused eyeing Asuka's read outs in utter confusion. "Asuka's sleeping really deeply." Misato breathed in deeply. "So wait am I hearing this right Asuka and Mari are related!?" Rei moved forward. "She told me about this, she said she grew up with this other girl but they got separated because her grandmother took her away but I didn't know it was Mari." She looked up slightly. "Asuka said that she never liked her step parents but she stated very clearly that she thought the world of this girl because she saved her from drowning even though they had no genetic relation." She eased up her hand. "Toji mentioned this recently he made light of the fact they are really similar in some ways and he was absolutely right but I just didn't put two and two together." Shinji turned looking at her in shock. "I always thought they were kind of similar but I never thought that, that was the reason why, like Toji I thought it was just pure coincidence." Maya turned sharply. "Mari said she wanted to talk to Asuka in private she was going to see her today as she had not been honest with her, this was clearly what she was going to talk about."

Misato looked up sharply as something hit her. "That's how Mari knew Asuka's mother had strangled her, because I searched and searched and never found a connection and Mari had not hacked in to the German division so it was because Asuka told her as child directly." She looked up at the screen. "Okay send out two emergency medical flying wings and have these two shipped back home and make sure the press see them being lifted up and out. Then send the full footage and readings to both Germany and Britain make it absolutely clear that Asuka and Mari were victims here and some one put drugs in the LCL hence it caused Mari to attack Asuka also send a clean up crew to pick up the plating from 04 that came off when it transformed." She folded her arms. "Then send a cut down version of these events to the US and general media." Kaji looked up sharply. "The flying wing with Vitor has just landed and the two medical flying wings have just left." Maya looked up. "Won't this bring up though that we have a leak in Nerv?" Misato eyed Makoto who had his back turned. "Yes but tell all parties involved that we are dealing with these leaks." She breathed in deeply. "And someone call Ritsuko she'll want to talk to Vitor!"

8

Ritsuko entered the room where Vitor was sitting they'd given him food and water and it was clear he had not eaten in a long time because he was eating like it would be his last meal. He had bathed and shaved his beard and was now in clean fresh clothes. She watched as Misato came in standing behind him along with Kaji from what she'd heard the special white and red medical wings were bringing Asuka and Mari back to Nerv and would be back very soon. She slowly pulled up a chair sitting opposite the older man who looked up slightly while easing his hand up to his ear turning on his translator so to them he would sound Japanese and he could understand what they were saying. "Vitor Castro I presume?" Vitor put his fork aside along with his empty plate as he spoke. "Yes." Ritsuko breathed in eyeing him. "So you're a scientist and your field is cloning, you know cloning is illegal right?" Vitor eyed her in disgust holding back none of his rage. "I didn't clone people I cloned fucking cats, dogs and budgerigars!" He folded his arms. "That is not illegal under UN law I owned a little lab in Salvador and I brought back people's dead animals." Misato looked up. "Then why did Ouroboros want you?" Vitor looked up. "Because my research involved fixing the genetic issue with cloning, cloned animals don't live that long you get about five good years out of them because there born old and they need monthly medication to stop the cell break down."

He breathed in deeply. "My research fixed this issue I found a way to bring them back young and in part fix the medication problem in that dose could be yearly not monthly." He tensed slightly. "Three years ago I was going home ordinary day, ordinary life and then a four by four smashes in to me and punt's me off the road and in to a ditch." He put his hands together. "Next thing I know I'm in a dark room in god forsaken place and I'm a prisoner and there are fifteen other prisoners all scientists all from different fields taken from every corner of the world and all of them are terrified. Then we find out that its Ouroboros who captured us, they tell us work for us or die, of cause some people refuse, they get there heads blown off in front of us and the message is made real clear do as they say and if we don't impress them we are going to die." He tapped his finger on the table. "So the smart men and women who don't want to die start working and at first we have no idea what we are even working on or why. They just give us this fucking weird DNA to work on which sort of reads human but is nothing like it."

He put his hands together. "They have many samples all different all weird and we grew strange shit limbs and arms to test it." He looked up slightly. "What they wanted was to make the DNA so it didn't degenerate and they wanted be able to tweak it change the beings appearance so it was different to the source." He looked down sadly. "Then it kinds of dawns of a few of us what we might be fucking working on though at first we thought it was Evangelion DNA." Ritsuko looked up slightly. "Evangelion's are not cloned new DNA strands are created from a very pure source the skeleton is built first, then the veins grow naturally over it and the guts are put in and then layers of muscle and tendons are added then the thick skin grows naturally along with the teeth and eyes and the whole body becomes fully unified. This method gives rise to different eye colours, skin colours and how many eyes they have hence no two Evangelion's ever look the same they all look unique and different under the armour plating." Vitor raised a finger. "You are absolutely correct hence why Evangelion's suffer no cell degeneration and they have massive healing abilities and each is built with incredible care and detail over a very long period of time."

He breathed in painfully. "That wasn't what these people wanted they wanted a short cut, they wanted a bigger ugly demon whose sections could be grown and sliced together like some horror monster the only parts they wanted to build was the skeleton and shove the rest on top in fully formed in sections." He breathed in sharply. "By the end of the two years there were only six of us left those who failed or didn't please were dead and there deaths were awful by the way they'd died slowly and were tortured in front of us." He eyed her. "In the end it was just my self two other men and three women and we finally fixed the problem, we finally got three little miniature version of these demons in tanks that worked though all of them were brain dead." He looked at his hands. "Thus we then had to watch them build Bukavac followed by the other two Ouroboros then gave them there name which is the Archangels. We watched them stick in these weird purple cores which kind of remind me of Evangelion cores and the double piloting systems in each because one person cannot take the mental strain of piloting them, it's just too much." He breathed in sadly. "Then all of the plating went on each and the pilots tested them and there was no hitch what so ever." He looked down sadly. "They even have that fucking weird S² Engine inside them, you know the part that looks like an ugly human liver and keeps them going."

He looked up slightly. "But there massive size is there problem they take some much longer to heal than the Evangelion's and pilots suffer greatly because of the mental strain but Ouroboros are nothing if not generous to them. They are spoilt beyond compare anything they want they can have it sex, money, items nothing is off limits not even drugs." He tapped his fingers on the table. "Them being couples doesn't change anything because there moral compasses are warped. Hikari is the one that sticks in my head the most though that woman is a fucking evil little Diablo she punches and beats people up if they even look at her the wrong way and she totally gets off on violence both physically and sexually." He breathed in sharply. "She's like a warped messed up version of your Asuka but with no moral compass." Ritsuko looked up. "If these pilots all have mental disorders how do these Archangels not just shut down?" Vitor breathed in painfully. "That's the thing you see we engineered them differently, Evangelion's need a very healthy mental syncs to work but our demons are the reverse the more the anger the more the sadness the higher the sync ratio hence why they went after the Evangelion program's rejects because some of them have massive chips on there shoulders and really hate Nerv."

He put a hand on his face feeling the pain tear at his heart. "I've sinned against my gods, myself and the others we created monsters that shouldn't exist and I know thousands died in the city I was hiding in today and I know thousands more will die soon enough and everyday I feel that I shouldn't be alive and that I deserve to die." Misato looked at him sadly he was clearly in a deep depression. "How did you and the other six get out?" Vitor put his hands together. "They blind folded us and we were put on some kind of train but the train was attacked by Cerberus and we all escaped, apparently they hate Ouroboros more than they hate you right now." Kaji eyed him. "Did you ever see the place they held you in?" Vitor eyed his hand which had been bandaged up as he'd cut it badly. "No not in all the three years I was there we were kept in confined rooms all the time we were there, they only brought us together when they killed some one to make an example of them. Though I can tell you this the train that we escaped from was travelling the Himalayas and once we got of those freezing fucking mountains we all sold off our clothes and brought regular ones we all chose to go off grid, no phone, no computer no credit card and we scattered all over the world. I got in to the US yesterday and I was going to seek asylum because I assumed I was home free, clearly I wasn't."

Ritsuko looked at him. "Can you give us the names of the other five scientists?" Vitor looked up. "Yes but I'm afraid I can't write in Japanese and my English isn't very good so it will have to be written in Portuguese." Ritsuko slowly passed him some paper and a pen. "It's not a problem we can translate it, though from here on in you'll be under Nerv's full protection." Vitor looked up sadly. "If they come here it won't make any difference, your Evangelion's don't stand a chance Bukavac blowing 02 and 00 out of sky was merely a test and nothing more. Granted it didn't work in Bukavac's favour that day but Ouroboros knows Asuka has the angel Bardiel seated in side her brain cavity." He pushed his short dark hair back. "They are now just waiting for her to get rid off him because then they believe she'll loose her ability to disrupt AT fields and they can try again. It was after that battle in Australia that we were shipped out on a train though maybe that was for the better since Hikari smashed up one of the labs after loosing that fight after getting out of the hospital wing as she spent all night there recovering. She did so love to pick on us and putting up with her shit for three years was an added torture and her lover Kensuke wouldn't shut up about how Asuka had hurt his precious girlfriend and how he's going to disembowel her next time they meet."

He pulled down his sleeve showing off a long healed scar wound made by a meat knife. "Granted all six of those pilots are awful but Hikari has a mean ass fucking temper and she did this to me the first year I was there, so I hope when her judgement day rolls in you have Asuka snuff out her light personally." He breathed in deeply as he spoke his voice filled with venom. "Frankly I'm surprised she didn't finish her off in Australia, Ouroboros said Asuka's attack was a mental one they said it was like she was pushed all of her mental bad feelings in to Hikari's mind and Hikari just couldn't handle it." He leaned forward. "That wasn't the worst part though Hikari saw Bardiel in side her entry plug looking right at her in a sitting position his open mouth close to her face, it's why she started screaming and panicking but I'm sure Asuka was very unaware of this at the time." He smirked. "Bardiel is apparently a scary fucking bastard to look at I'm impressed that Asuka can tolerate him since its like having a horror monster walking around you twenty four seven." He laughed slightly. "There was something else though he was laughing and Hikari could hear him. To him it was all a big funny game where he got to look around the rivals entry plug since he's in Asuka's mind he probably knew about their whole history and how Hikari lied and screwed her over and tried to paint her as an abuser."

He pulled up his sleeve. "Hikari laughed about that moment a lot and how pathetic and weak Asuka was for not for filling her violent sexual domination wish." He leaned back in his chair. "I probably sound a little sadistic to you enjoying her misery but let's just say that I watched her permanently scar up a lot of us scientists for fun regardless of their gender and every day we all used to live in fear of her and her violent temper tantrums." He folded his arms as he eyed them. "Also in the three years I was there I lost a lot of friends and other scientist even lost people they loved because some got in to relationships, only for the people they loved to be killed because they didn't make the grade. We all want to see retribution for all of those who died at Ouroboros's hand." Misato looked up sharply feeling her teeth grind together. "You will have it." Ritsuko looked down slightly speaking evenly. "They will be dealt with come what may." Visor looked at them for a long moment before speaking sadly. "Then I'll tell you everything I know and everything we did to create them maybe it will help you defeat what we created because I can't seek forgiveness from my gods in death until I see the Archangels die."

End of part 52

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Mari is Asuka’s older step sister by three years congratulations to anyone who worked this out as I left tip bits like Mari vision in hospital room where she was in her childhood again talking to an adopted little red haired girl and her LCL smelling the same as Asuka’s step mother and Toji pointing out that there really similar in some respects with there interests, hobbies and personality traits. This idea came about as I was reading up on the Evangelion fan theory that Mari and Asuka could be step sisters in the rebuild movies and I found the concept really fascinating and I wanted to write it to see how it would play out in an AU world. 
> 
> In the UK Mari can be short for Marian or Marion. The song Asuka sings is a German poem called Nearness of the Beloved or Nähe Des Geliebten which is by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and was written in 1795. Diablo is Portuguese for devil. 
> 
> Archangels were the warrior cast of angels in heaven who fought the war against hell there not to be confused with guardian angels who in the bible are guides and collected souls. This idea was to show how Ouroboros view point is really warped as they view Nerv and Seele Six as hell and see themselves as heaven, when in truth it’s the opposite way around but then evil at the end of the day is in essence all about points of view.
> 
> Mari’s Evangelion is meant to look similar now to the version in 2.22 but in a fully primal state hence it has a lot more teeth and claws and looks very different to 02 version as each persons primal state is meant to match there abilities and traits. Also I’m sure you’re also working out now that the primal state is triggered by extreme mental and emotional stress on the pilot, much like the berserk mode in the series.


	53. Chapter 53

_LOST AND WANDERING SOULS_

 

Maya leaned over Asuka who still hadn't woken up even when they'd pulled her out she'd remained fast asleep she'd been dressed in hospital shirt and trousers again as had Mari. She could see Mari in the room opposite she hadn't woken up ether though Toji and Kaworu were with her. 04 had now been returned to the bay so the specialists could look it over as just like 02 it had changed its form permanently and its beast mode code had been erased permanently from the entry plug's code and from what she had heard it would also need a completely new refit which would take time. With her were Shinji and Rei she looked down at Asuka whose teeth still hadn't returned to normal which had given her an opportunity to get a real good look at them along with her left eye which though closed was still glowing unlike Mari whose teeth and eyes had returned to normal after she'd lost consciousness. She eased Asuka's mouth open gently looking at the teeth she looked up at Rei she had seen this look sometime back when Asuka had been in the hot tub like everyone in the crowd it had caught her off guard. "So it's normally anger and desire that triggers this?" Rei shifted slightly. "Yes." Maya picked up her scanner scanning both the glowing eye and Asuka's teeth so she could put it in to the holographic projections as part of her medical records. "You said that her sexual desire returned?" Rei shuffled nervously. "It returned the day we went to the hot tub but she never acted on it." She looked down at her feet not wanting to meet Maya's curious gaze. "She went to great lengths to please me and not herself."

Maya raised an eyebrow lowering the scanner as she closed Asuka's mouth followed by her left eye. "And last night because you said this happened when she was sleeping afterwards." Rei remained looking at the floor. "We made love for the first time but she didn't start it I did, I know she wanted to but she just wouldn't act on her feelings maybe because I think she was afraid Bardiel might take over." Maya breathed in as she typed bringing up a brain scan. "Well I can tell you anger and sexual desire is not doing this, right now." She leaned closer. "Also the right side of her brain is going nuts." She typed again bringing up the second scan which was a living brain scan, cutting it in half with her finger. "Now that's just odd." Shinji moved over watching as Rei followed him. "What's odd?" Maya turned the brain so they could see it. "Okay you can see Bardiel right he's seated in the cerebellum, he appears to have moved a very small section of his tendrils in to her brains right side, its like he's looking at what's going on in there." Rei blinked in confusion. "Yeah but why is that so important to him all of a sudden?" Maya shook her head. "I have no idea all I get from this is that the teeth and eye must be some effect from him poking around in there, I just hope that when Asuka wakes up she can just change at least her teeth back."

Rei raised her hand. "She should be able to she seems to be able to control it now." Maya slowly took a seat. "Not to pry but during what happened last night did Bardiel try to take over Asuka at all?" Rei shook her head. "No it was all her but she did tell me that he's starting to change, its not how its looks just his eyes she said the pupils are no longer black but glowing white." She looked up. "I suggested to her that maybe there becoming more interlinked and there starting to overlap." Maya leaned back. "Hang on he took over her brain when she was deeply depressed right? So now that her depression is slowly subsiding, would it be fair to say that certain areas of her mind are opening up that he couldn't get to before. So now it's allowing him to experience new and different things." She folded her arms. "So it's like this whole new world for him where all of her experiences are completely different and suddenly he's like this kid in a candy store who has endless time and can just browse through all these new feelings and experiences." Rei breathed in deeply. "Possibly but there was something strange Asuka said to me and it made me nervous in that he allows her to accomplish her goals and pushes her towards her desires and once she obtains a desire he doesn't push further."

She paused before speaking. "He knew from the very start that she loved me so he kept rattling her cage over it and kept forcing it in to her mind because she said she'd never really confronted her own feelings." She raised her hand. "She said that its like he's fixing her though I disagree he's just nudging her certain directions emotionally and she's doing the hard work herself and getting her life back on track but his end game just isn't clear." She breathed in deeply. "The thing with Mari though I don't think he had anything to do with that, I think it was just happened on its own." Maya looked up. "I don't think I'm ever going to get over seeing Asuka acting like a six year old and singing, I mean that drug should have sent her nuts, yet it did the complete opposite, where as Mari just went of the rails with anger." Rei folded her arms. "I think as I said before its Asuka she now has real control over her anger and she no longer lets it control her also a lot of her feelings on certain things have been resolved where as Mari has way more to resolve." Maya shook her head. "Them being sisters, suddenly it all makes sense, always did wonder why they grated on each others nerves so much since they were clearly brought up in a similar way."

She looked up slightly. "Clearly Asuka always had deep feelings for her as a child, in that she always considered Mari her big sister maybe with everything that happened with her mother Mari was the only real connection she had hence why she became so close to her." Rei looked up. "Mari also saved her from drowning, that must have left a massive impression on her I think after that event that they must have become very close and it must have really hurt Mari when Asuka left, because Asuka must have felt like her only real friend." Shinji turned watching as Asuka's started to twitch. "Hey I think she's coming around." He watched as Asuka turned on her side groaning as she began to slowly open both eyes which caused the light to slowly fade in the left one as it went back to its normal pattern state and her teeth turned back to normal. Rei moved helping her sit up it was clear she was a bit out of it and it was taking her moment to readjust. "Are you okay Asuka?" Asuka groaned looking up as Rei slowly sat on the bed next to her speaking to her softly. "Are you in pain do you need a painkiller?"

Asuka took in a deep breath as she looked around her realizing where she was. "Yes can I have a something for my head? I have a really awful headache." Rei shifted slightly closer taking the headache pills and water from Maya's hands before carefully passing them to Asuka. "Do you remember what happened?" Asuka took the pills not really thinking as she downed the whole glass before raising it in Maya's direction. "More water please I'm so thirsty." Maya turned refilling the glass before handing it back watching as she drank it all then seemed to run out of steam as she lowered her glass, it was clearly the after effects of the drug, it had dehydrated her. "Do you remember what happened to you?" Asuka put a hand on her temples trying to ignore the sensation which was like someone striking a hammer in her mind. "Yes I remember everything…but can you please just not talk right now my head really hurts." She breathed in slowly and deeply. "Just give me a minute okay it feels like someone's jangled my brain." She felt her teeth grind together as she spoke her next words bitterly. "I'm also getting really ficken tired of everyone trying to drug me, its starting to really piss me off." Rei moved over putting her arms around her speaking very softly. "I'm so glad your okay you had me worried for a moment."

Asuka took in a deep breath. "I'm fine, not like I was going that drug screw with my head though I think I probably sounded really weird to everyone acting like my six year old self." She pulled away feeling Rei take one of her hands. Shinji leaned over giving her a hug. "It's was quite funny really you sounded kind of cute even if it was all in German." Asuka eyed him as he pulled away. "It was weirder hearing Mari speaking back to me in it." She looked up sharply. "Where is she?" Maya pointed to the room opposite. "She's unconscious right now, it appears that she altered her Evangelion much like you did but like you the physical and mental strain was a lot more than she could handle." She put her hands together. "When she first came to the Evangelion program did you know she was your older sister?" Asuka shook her head. "No you see I just didn't recognises her but she seemed really familiar to me somehow and I could never but my finger on what it was also when we were kids she didn't have glasses and her name was different it was Marian Langley not Mari Makinami Illustrious. As her forma surname was from her father who I was also named after even though he wasn't my real father." She put a hand on her face. "It's stupid because I remember when she started on the program in the first week she asked me if I had anything to say to her and I didn't understand what she meant and why she was so angry and I told her in a really not so nice way to get out of my face."

She took in a deep breath. "I'm so stupid I should have been better mannered and at least asked but after that she started to really hate me, not that I blame her. She probably heard how much of an asshole I was and what I did to Hikari even though I was innocent but to her eyes she just saw someone who didn't recognise her and who didn't care and was kind of a scum bag. No wonder she wanted to fight me so much and had such a rivalry with me she probably through that her little sister had just become an awful human being and she desperately wanted to be the better person. It was our sibling rivalry all over again just like when we were kids though we became really close after she pulled me out of the lake after that we never left each others sides." Rei felt a smile form. "It's like Toji said you're both very similar in some ways, though as soon as he sees the whole footage with the others and what was said he's probably never going to let this go." Asuka looked up. "Do you guys have my clothes?" Shinji turned easing up her clothes which were in a neat pile as Rei had brought them up and folded them as well as brought up her phone and digital scroll. "Here." Maya turned to her pulling the dressing blind over close by watching as Asuka went behind it. "So you're going to talk to Mari when she wakes up?" Asuka's voice came as she threw the hospital clothes over as she redressed. "Yeah but I'm not doing it in this ficken hospital wear I want to be in my real clothes."

8

Misato watched as Alexandra looked up in confusion she had her video call along with Geraldina who was on the other half the screen. "Wait so Mari and Asuka are related? I am reading this right." Geraldina folded her arms speaking in a sarcastic tone. "Your powers of deduction are amazing I'm surprised you made shadow cabinet." She paused before speaking evenly. "Where's Marcus?" Alexandra turned sharply. "Blowing shit up out in some weapons testing bunker so he's to busy to deal with this right now ever since Bukavac showed up we've been developing new war heads over here. Because it's clear that Australians best rockets though they were bleeding that ugly piece of shit, they just weren't doing maximum damage and right now I've heard the whole fucking world is doing the same." She put her hands together. "I mean we would use biological weapons on that thing if it weren't for the fact that it'd hurt the Evangelion's and the pilots which is not what we want." She brought up Mari's new Evangelion 04 form looking at it on the screen. "Am I also right to believe that like Asuka Mari has somehow changed 04's form permanently?" Misato nodded. "Yes, there sisters though not genetically related but it counts to reason that they would the same thought process to get around a similar problem but the final result is very different because they are still very different people."

Alexandra brought up her digital papers on the screen. "Yes but this still makes no sense, Mari when she came to us had the surname Makinami Illustrious, not Langley not to mention that Asuka called her Marian not Mari." Geraldina breathed in sadly bringing up a photo of a dark brown haired little girl standing next to Asuka. "I've looked in to this and I might be able to shed light on this though I confess I did not put two and two together until now, Asuka lived with Mari's parents for two years I took her away after the accident where she nearly drowned. I had no idea though that it was Mari who saved her and I didn't know that they'd become close as I though that she didn't like Asuka. If I had known I would have made sure they could visit each other but Asuka was so messed up after I took her away. I struggled with her for six months just to get her talking again because she'd locked up emotionally and after wards she never really mingled with other children her own age again, she preferred to be by herself doing her own thing." She paused bringing up another image. "This wonderful cheating piece of scheisse was Asuka's step father and Mari's real father when he was with my daughter Kyoko he cheated on her with Mari's mother Lydia Makinami Illustrious and Mari was born three years before Kyoko used the birth chamber to have Asuka hence the age cap between them and they later married hence Lydia's second name became Langley."

She breathed in deeply. "Though Kyoko did marry Langley after the divorce she used his second name as a means to skip the line and get Asuka born faster through the birth chamber because married couples be they same sex or heterosexual couples get children much faster. Also she was desperate to have Asuka as before her she's already had three miscarriages trying to have a natural birth and the last one came very close to killing her. Her first choice to take on Asuka should she die was Kiko Yui's older sister but was already dead so Asuka was passed over to Langley and Lydia because everyone thought that he was her real father due to the second name. Though I later gained full custody of her as I was able to prove that he wasn't her real father using the birth chamber records as they gave her true sperm donor's name." She eyed Langley's image in disgust. "It would sadly appear though that this ficken home wrecker utterly ruined Mari's life as well." She brought up another record. "Five years after Asuka left he cheated yet again with another woman and Lydia who was British by birthright left him but he won the court case and took her for every penny she had and he ran off to some other country." She breathed in sadly. "Lydia then moved back to Britain and as soon as Mari hit sixteen she must have had her surname changed back to her mother's surname via deed poll and changed her first name as well from Marian to Mari as it's clear that she very much prefers the short hand on her first name."

She looked at her screen. "Makinami Illustrious was also her grandfather's title and he was a British war retrain." She looked up. "That might explain why she gets on so well with Marcus because of the war background." Alexandra breathed in deeply. "Well this is a fucking shocking turn out for the books but it doesn't explain why Mari saw fit to try to kill Asuka in the Alpha unit test incident and I was told recently that there was also an incident where they both had a punch up at your gym which resulted in Asuka's stitches rupturing and Mari getting her nose broken." Misato typed in to her desk. "Before you say anymore regarding both those incident I'm sending you some information on encrypted channels, please do not speak off what you see here, it's essential that who ever did this has no idea we are on to them." Geraldina's face turned to anger as she leaned back in her chair. "Oh gods this is awful." Alexandra read her screen the guilt suddenly appearing on her face. "I just though Mari was misbehaving in both these incidents, I thought she was just being a problem child all over again because of her history." Misato looked up. "We believe who ever did this wants animosity between the German and Britain division and we believe because Mari and Asuka both have natural aggression this made it very easy to wind them both up so they would lash out at each other.

She looked up slightly. "Asuka was drugged far longer than Mari but it seems she became resistant to the dose over time but it seriously messed up her mental state and made her very deeply depressed which effected her sync ratio." Geraldina's fist suddenly smashed down on the table hard. "When you find who ever did this to her, after your done working them over at Nerv central in Japan I want them brought to Germany so I can ficken work them over personally myself for putting my only grandchild through hell!" Misato breathed in deeply. "That can be arranged." Alexandra looked up sharply. "Can I have them once you're done in Germany?" Geraldina eyed her. "Of cause no doubt your secret service will have some fun with them." Alexandra eyed her. "I referring to Marcus himself, he will want to work them over personally since he likes Mari a lot and they won't live to talk about it." She breathed in deeply. "Believe me I've seen it, it messy and bloody." Geraldina looked up. "Is my grandchild okay I mean is she recovering also how is Mari doing?" Misato looked up giving her a smile. "Maya has told me that Asuka is now up and about we are all just waiting for Mari to come around and we know after the Evangelion transforms this way it can take a lot of time for the pilot to come around again."

She paused looking at Geraldina. "Asuka appears to finally have control of her anger now, its why she didn't fly off the handle and why she behaved the way she did when drugged though it was very strange to see her behaving like a six year old. She really kept it together and she was able to talk Mari down as she got clearer and our records show that both 02 and 04 both expelled the drug from the LCL on there own, we didn't do it." Alexandra put her hands together. "Yes but what was with the massive white cross that blasted out of 04?" Misato looked up. "We believe now after seeing this with 02 that when Evangelion's go in to this permanent form which we have named the primal they release a massive amount of energy it happened with Asuka but it appears in each unit the energy release was different in that it went outwards and not upwards." Alexandra looked up. "It doesn't quite explain 00 though I mean 02's blast knocked out all the rest of the Evangelion's but Rei was fine." Geraldina smirked. "I think that was more Asuka's heart speaking than her head, she will do anything to protect that young woman because she's deeply in love with her, that's what we believe over here at least."

Alexandra raised her hand. "Speaking of relationships and sexuality can you give me the number to the Argentous Tower? Its just I want to personally waste those two presenters because over in the Britain division we do not take kindly to people outing gay people to the world with out our permission and the pilots approval. Though we very much suspected Mari might be gay it was never our business to ask, because it's her personal life." Misato typed in to her holographic desk. "Sending that information to you now, she handled it very well though I'm just sorry this happened this way as you know Asuka's has had a lot of issue with those two idiots." She paused before speaking. "I'm currently working through a whole pilot strategy which was given to me from someone inside Nerv, we going to get rid of the god complex surrounding them once it goes in to play. They will instead be treated as human because it's very clear to us now that after Asuka's accident in the Alpha test unit that once she had issues or started suffering and making mistakes she was utterly mocked by the press and media and since she's in a relationship now we feel its very important that she and Rei be treated with respect just like Shinji and Kaworu who are also together now and we want the same for Toji and Mari. Granted to thousands of children they'll still be heroes but we want it to be clear that they are human and they do bleed and feel pain."

Geraldina looked up. "Thank you for clearing Asuka's name in terms of Hikari having that hanging over her head for the last three years has been really hard for her." Misato looked down sadly. "That was my bad call I take full reasonability for it, Asuka tried to argue her case but I ignored her. I didn't believe her because I was very hung up over what happened with Shinji and I fully believed it was a slip in her behaviour at the time and there were other people who believed in her innocence as well and I didn't listen to them." She breathed in deeply. "It won't ever happen again and currently working to rebuild bridges with Asuka, Mari and Toji as I want the pilots to be like family, because that's how it was back when the program started." Geraldina looked at her for a long moment while Alexandra lit a cigarette using a Zippo lighter. "I'm just surprised Asuka didn't rip Hikari's entry plug out and eat it because she was really hurting Bukavac's pilots with that weird tail attack." Misato looked up. "Believe me she considered it but because she a very changed person she took the higher ground, she didn't enjoy it she even said that it didn't make her feel better." Alexandra breathed out the smoke. "Would have made me feel better…"

Geraldina eyed her. "It would seem that my little grandchild has finally come of age." Alexandra leaned on her elbow. "I don't understand your meaning." Geraldina felt a sly smile form. "Ask Marcus he will clarify that comment better for you, the best I can give you is that in every soldiers life there comes a time where they have to pick what kind of warrior they want to be and for some they go down a very dark road and end up like Hikari where as others become like Asuka where they take the higher ground and fight for others." She felt a wide grin form. "Someone at Nerv who has remained unnamed sent me the footage of Asuka serving justice against one of your special ops division men the one who beat up Mari." Alexandra sat up in her chair. "Can I have that footage, also who the hell hurt Mari?" Geraldina eyed her pressing her screen. "I'm sending the video footage to you now Alexandra and believe me when I say Asuka fought and served justice for Mari who he beat up along with Kaworu apparently this man has a history of committing gay hate crimes." Misato looked up breathing in sharply. "The man's name is Yuki and he won't be keeping his job once he's healed he will be tossed out and I will be talking to Asuka personally about this though it will be tonight after work." Geraldina nodded calmly. "I see well I hope it goes well." Misato looked down slightly. "Yeah I'm hoping the same." Alexandra's face turned to a smirk as she watched the video play out. "Talk about blood sport I'll have to pass this round they'll love watching this over here on the high definition screen."

8

Mari groaned slowly opening her eyes only for everything to be a blur. "My glasses…" Asuka's voice came very calmly as they were put in her hand. "There here." Mari sat up in bed putting them on watching as everything came back in to focus she was in the hospital wing she looked up seeing that all off the others were sitting opposite her bed including Asuka who was closest. Toji looked at her as he spoke quietly. "Do you need any water or pain killers?" Mari raised her hand. "No I'm fine." Asuka looked at her. "How much do you remember?" Mari felt the pain as it spiked at her heart as the memories came flooding back to her with painful crystal clarity. "I remember everything..." She looked down suddenly feeling very uncertain of herself as she spoke unable to keep the sadness out of her tone. "I guess this looks really bad to you Asuka?" Asuka stood up slowly moving to sit opposite her in bed seeing that the other's were being dead quite hanging on there every word. "No what makes you say that?" Mari looked up slightly as she felt her body tense painfully trying to hold back the tears. "That I never told you the truth about who I was when I first came to the Evangelion program over a year ago." She put her hands through her hair in frustration. "I just expected you to know and remember me yet how could you just know? I mean you were so young when you left me and your life had moved on, I was stupid to just expect that from you." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "You think I never remembered you Mari, your wrong."

She paused for a long moment before speaking. "You saved my life that day at the lake but I have always wanted to know why did you jump in, I wasn't your family and up to that point I got that you didn't like me?" Mari turned breathing in sharply. "I know I was really cruel to you in the beginning I pushed you around and ignored you I even told you, you were adopted because no one wanted you and I remember you cried so much." She looked down sadly as she wiped a tear away. "But over time I just really started to like having you around because you were so much fun and someone I could talk to and unlike our parents you listened and tried to help me even though you were going so much awful stuff with your mother before and after her death." She eased her hand out putting it on the other woman's leather jackets shoulder. "I really liked that you were wild and unafraid and once I got past your emotional walls I found you were really kind and caring." She felt a sad smile form. "So you see when you fell in I had to save you because by that point I saw you as my little sister and I always wanted you to be with me." Asuka looked up. "I had no control over my grandma taking me away and afterwards I was just so sad and lonely. I didn't talk that much after that I started to believe that the things I enjoyed would always leave me so I was better off alone, because then no one could hurt me."

Mari looked at her for a long moment. "I missed you so much when you were taken and I always wanted to find you again but then my dad just ruined everything and I went back to Britain after that and it all just went so down hill and I lost sight of everything as it just became about surviving after my mother lost everything." She slowly met Asuka's good eye. "When they tested my sync and I realized I could be part of the Evangelion program and I knew you had been on it for some years and I was so happy. That was what pushed me to do the tests and training because we could finally see each other again and be together." Asuka breathed in painfully. "But I never recognised you and you probably heard that I was an asshole and sexual abusive pervert and it probably shattered your ideal of who I used to be." Mari eyed her. "Yes it did but that's totally my fault not yours like everyone else I listened to rumour's and I really shouldn't have because then I just started hating how you turned out and I just wanted to be better than you. When there was nothing wrong with you to start with it's just the people around you had painted you in a really evil way and I'm really sorry that I listened to them as that wasn't fair on you at all."

Asuka breathed in deeply. "Its okay I'm not mad about it all that matters to me is the here and now, I just hope you can forgive me in return for being such an asshole towards you and calling you names." Mari blinked in surprise. "Yeah but I kind of started that by calling you princess." Asuka smirked. "I know but me calling you four eyes isn't all that nice, I mean I used to do that to the people I considered geeks back in school." She paused pointing to Rei. "I mean I used to call Rei wonder girl just because she would study." Mari eyed Rei who just gave her a slight smile. "Yeah but you loved her since school right? So I'm guessing that you use names sometimes to mask that you like things, so you can still call me four eyes if you want so long I can rip you now and again about being a prissy princess." Asuka raised her other hand. "If that's what you want." She looked up turning serious. "Why did you try to hack in to my computer I know you were trying to look through my art, were you looking for images that I had drawn of you?" Toji blinked in shock. "You tried to hack in to her computer?" He watched as Shinji turned sharply signally him to be quite. Mari looked down sadly. "Yes I was trying to see if you'd ever drawn me or us as children, you know because you drew Rei I just thought maybe your images went back further but it was a stupid thought and I shouldn't have hacked your computer." Asuka felt a sly smile form as she pulled out her digital scroll opening it. "Oh no, I don't think it's stupid."

She watched as Anneberg appeared. "Anneberg open file F75 please." Anneberg's icon smiled bringing up an image set she slowly passed her digital scroll to Mari. "Maybe you should have a look at this." Mari slowly brought up the first image which was a portrait of her as a child smiling. "You did draw me." She began to flick through there were close up portraits and even one of them together. "Oh that's so nice." She moved to the last one which was them together hugging as children. "You remembered everything." Asuka felt her smile widen. "Like I could never forget my big sister and this isn't all of the images this is just a small piece." Mari looked up sharply. "What seriously you have more?" Asuka eyed her. "Yes including a few from now because I tend to draw people and there units sometimes." She paused before speaking. "But please just do me one thing and take of the slave parameters of your learning AI Cheshire." Mari smirked eyeing her. "Oh I did that for good after last night's interview you see I saw what Anneberg was capable of and I realized what you were getting at and why you got so pissed off with me. So I've been talking with Cheshire and trying to teach him and get him to learn but he's kind of pissed at me putting the slave parameters back up after Anneberg freed them."

Asuka looked at her. "It will pass give it a week or so, plus once you develop trust AI learning personalities are nothing but loyal." Mari laughed. "Since you don't watch news feeds you probably don't know that the company who created that learning AI software are fucking desperate for an interview with you. Also they had a sales boom that very night and shifted tons of units more than they'd shifted in a whole year and up to that point they had said that it wasn't there best seller and they had no idea that you or I were even using it." She felt a sly smile form. "You should go and take Rei with you." Rei nodded. "Yes you should go Asuka I'll come with you." Asuka raised her hand. "Well it can't hurt." Mari put the digital scroll down, she didn't think as she grabbed Asuka pulling her in to a hug. "Now give your big sister a hug, because I have missed you a lot and I hate that we've spent over a year at logger heads." Asuka groaned as she squeezed her tighter. "I really hope you're not going to make a habit of this, four eyes." Mari smirked. "Be quite princess, I know you like it really, your just bellyaching because people are watching." She lowered her voice speaking gently. "We all know what your really like Asuka under all that metal you are very loving and you do care about other people." She let go allowing her to pull away. "So now that we've cleaned up this shit do I get to borrow your stuff, you know since we are related?"

Asuka rolled her good eye picking up her digital scroll putting it away giving a slight smile. "Depends what you want to borrow." She moved taking hold of her the other woman's hand. "You're welcome though to visit my house when ever you want, sadly though you'll have to park your car outside as my garage is currently full of motorbikes." Toji raised his hand. "Can I please come with her I have never ever seen your house and my little sister would love to come to?" Asuka turned to him. "Yes." She breathed in deeply. "I'm going to need to buy another sofa since I don't have a dinning table and only a recliner and a two seat sofa and if you come around there would just be no where for some of you to sit." Rei slowly moved over to her feeling a smile form. "You know I did see this set you could buy, it's the same make as the ones you have there even made of the same fabric and you can replace the two sofas with two three seat sofas one on ether side." She paused. "Oh and the company do stuff for cats like tunnels." Mari eyed Asuka. "Yeah I'm dying to meet your little cat I heard she's cute." Toji moved over to Mari giving her a hug before pulling back. "Hey your Evangelion did that weird ass thing that Asuka's did in that it's transformed and the transformation is permanent it's also lost its beast mode."

Mari turned sharply. "Seriously it's changed…I thought that was in head…I mean I remember fighting but I thought the leaping feeling was because I was as high as a kite?" Asuka moved over to Mari throwing her, her clothes watching as she caught them. "Yeah it really changed just like mine did you should use the blind opposite to dress and go and have a look." Mari didn't think as she leapt running behind the blind throwing her hospital clothes off. "Seriously this is so fucking cool!" Her voice came again. "Now I might actuality be able to kick your ass Asuka." Asuka smirked putting her hand in pockets. "Yeah I highly doubt that but I'll look forward to the challenge." Toji moved over to Rei. "You know since both of there Evangelion's changed forms, I'm wondering when yours and will start changing because it seems like your all getting upgrades first." Asuka eyed him. "You should see Shinji's controlled berserk its so powerful because I think the outside form is purely what it is a change of appearance not power and I've seen Shinji tear up an angel's AT field in one shot using the crests horns opening sections and believe me the angels go ficken running, I think if we'd had more time in Australia he might have been able to charge it and cut Bukavac in half." Kaworu eyed her speaking calmly. "Your missing out the fact that you disrupted Bukavac's AT field." Asuka eyed him as Rei took hold of her hand as Mari came out now fully dressed. "I doubt that was me it was probably Bardiel, I know and respect my limits and 02 just doesn't have that kind of power."

End of part 53

End of part 53

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for chapter 51 a while back as I mashed the grammar very badly on that one it’s been fixed now, also chapter 44 has had a miner edit at the very start to smooth out its pacing. 
> 
> Citrine and Zircon are made up drugs as it being an AU world I felt that them have different problem drugs would be more interesting.


	54. Chapter 54

_WHEN ALL IS LAID BARE_

 

Kyo looked at the images as Misato brought them up on her holographic desk he very rarely got to see in side her office which over looked the Evangelion bay. Being here now it was everything he imagined it to be neat tidy and all in order everything her home apparently wasn't or so he'd heard countless times from Asuka. "You want me to capture these people in a sting operation?" Misato looked at him as she put her feet on the table adjusting her black trousers. "Yes." Kyo eased up his finger pointing to a certain image. "So you know that ones going to cause huge problems, right off the bat don't you?" Misato eyed Makoto's image as she drank her iced coffee. "Yeah…I just don't care." Kyo eyed her. "Is that all?" Misato eased her legs of the table bringing up a bunch of photos which were from Asuka's recent photo shoot as she was picking a new one for her central banner. "Which one of these photos would be good for Asuka?" Kyo blinked in confusion. "I'm just her personal trainer I don't think my opinion on this is relevant Major." Misato eyed him putting down her coffee as she brought up an old video which was from three months after Shamshel of him giving Asuka a warm hug despite that she looked very sad. "I think we both know that's not true, you appear to have taken quite a shine to her, in fact in all of your records you speak highly of her. I wasn't even aware of this until I started digging around and there's one phase you use a lot to describe her which is your little ball of red fire, it very cute and very fitting really."

Kyo eyed her in annoyance. "Is there a point to this Major? Because I know you don't like Asuka and you've never sided with her…to difficult for your taste I suspect." Misato eyed him he wasn't wrong regarding her past behaviour. "I've made mistakes yes." Kyo eyed her. "Pity one of them was not listening to me when I reported that my younger brother had beaten her up back when she was eighteen for no other reason than being bisexual." He put his hands behind his back. "To quote your words Asuka is a pain she starts fights Yuki just probably hit a raw nerve and she lashed out, violence is just part of her nature." Misato eyed him this guy had a real sharp memory. "Your younger brother Yuki won't be rejoining us once he's healed he's going to be fired." Kyo breathed in deeply. "Shame that didn't happen directly after Shamshel and it took the beating of two other pilots before you took Asuka seriously." Misato flipped the video off screen bringing up the recent one of Asuka fighting Yuki she paused the moment where Asuka was grabbing the lightning rod for a painful moment. "I always wondered why she wouldn't train with Yuki even though I ordered her to she just ignored me and instead she started coming to you." She tapped the screen. "You taught her how to take pain like that, that is so impressive."

Kyo eyed the video. "No I taught her how to channel her anger because it was very misdirected even she admitted that it was a problem to me and that it was ruling her and that it had ruined her relationship with Shinji. She just didn't want your therapy at the time because she didn't see it working until she had channelled her anger because it clouded how she felt and thought." He breathed in deeply. "I taught her to mould it and how to take control of it and I did it through teaching her honour, respect, I didn't teach her compassion or love though that was already there its just the anger was really clouding it." Misato moved the video forward pausing the moment where Asuka was crossing over the two lighting rods silver going over the top of gold. "Why do you like her so much?" Kyo looked at the paused video for a long moment before speaking. "As you probably know I was there with your selfish, controlling idiot of a father when second impact hit us out in Antarctica." He raised his hand. "His delaying in the name of fucking science killed my wife and daughter." He looked straight in to her eyes. "Also second impact had one other side effect for some people they call it the spite of Adam." Misato breathed in deeply. "Yes it took away a huge number of men's and women's ability to have children all over the world in one go. They believe it was caused by the red energy wave as it dissipated but the records show that the wave was not nuclear based."

Kyo felt a cold smile form. "You were not affected, as you were put in a special capsule which blocked the energy waves effects, I wasn't I only escaped the outer blast by hiding behind a special blast wall miles away and now I can never have children. Oh believe me it doesn't affect my sexual drive but let's just say my sperm count is beyond pathetic and the best doctors here at Nerv can't cure me despite trying for years to fix it." He folded his arms. "My daughter was a bit of a hot head she died instantly in the blast and she was a year younger than you were at the time." He looked up. "I knew Asuka as a younger teen and she used to call me pathetic and a loser but I never took it personally she was just a kid growing up and kids can be very mean but after Shamshel I saw that she was going through a massive transition but what really pissed me off was other than Maya none of you even looked twice in her direction. She was really suffering she had woken up and realized she had acted badly and had done terrible things yet she was so alone. He eyed Asuka image on the screen. "I acted as a moral guide and I also deeply respect Maya and how she guided her to and over time I started to see her as a daughter though I've never told her this as I know she struggles with father figures but I least want to be a positive one in her life if nothing else."

He took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. "Kaji later started to see what I saw and the rest is really history and I am very proud of her and how far she has come and seeing her finally in a stable relationship is so nice to see and I'm even more thrilled to hear that Mari is actuality her step sister because I see some real similarities between them." Misato looked up. "I imagine this must have caused tension with Yuki." Kyo looked down slightly. "Yes it did but Yuki has always had issues he didn't like that our father came out as transgender, he forever blamed my mother for it saying it was her fault when it wasn't. Granted my parents devoiced but they remained very good friends even to this day and they both remarried and we always have family get to gathers in the end Yuki's hated just consumed him and did warn him not to push Asuka but he didn't listen and I thought her breaking his nose before this would be enough to get the message across." Misato blinked in surprise. "She broke his nose why?" Kyo raised an eyebrow. "He was speaking with regard to Ayanami and making very crude disgraceful comments about her, Asuka kicked him in the face and bust up his nose, this was before they got together but Ayanami didn't seem to mind in fact word has it she was flattered that Asuka defended her honour because she is so used to it being Shinji who fights for her." He felt a slight smile form. "So yes my relationship with Asuka goes beyond trainer."

Misato flipped away the video looking at the photos. "So which image do you feel would look best in the visitor centre?" Kyo pointed to the middle one. "The wide grin with the patch gives her a feeling of strength." Misato looked at him. "Yeah that's what I was thinking of using its very Asuka" She looked up. "Once we've caught these traitors I will be promoting you to head of the special ops division in your brother's place. It means more pay, better hours and you can pick your best students to teach hand to hand and weapons though I know you have some in place already though you may want to choose different." She raised her hand. "There's also one other small condition." Kyo eyed her. "Which is?" Misato looked up. "You report to me not Ritsuko, to her you only report on paper." Kyo narrowed his gaze. "I'm sorry but I'm also going to throw in a condition and if you refuse it then I will refuse your job." Misato eyed him. "Which is?" Kyo breathed in leaning forward. "Treat Asuka better." He pulled back. "That's my only condition." Misato breathed in deeply. "I'm currently in the process of doing that." Kyo eyed her. "Speaking frankly I don't believe you but I guess we'll see how this pans out in the future." He folded his arms knowing that he was about to expose one of Asuka's secrets but it was necessary. "She's is a good person and she personally goes out of her way to clean Yui, Kiko and her mothers monuments every six months and at Christmas. She even tricks the garden staff in to decorating them and every year of there memorial she lays flowers on every grave but always two on Yui's and wishes the göttliche göttin a good year and asks that her wishes be for filled and if not she'll try and for fill them even if she doesn't notice."

He looked up slightly. "Sadly my German isn't that good and I don't understand the association but maybe you might as you spend more time with her. All I know is it has to be another person who she cares about but she's using the German to hide her true feelings, still its food for thought and I leave it with you." He moved towards the door. "Good night Major." Misato watched him go she took in a deep breath moving the central image to her e-mail sending it off to the media centre. She always knew this conversation was going to hard Kyo respected her as his superior but it was clear he personally didn't like her because he had a soft spot for Asuka. She looked up taking the last thing he'd said which was that Asuka was cleaning all three of the monuments? Granted everyone knew that someone had been cleaning them for the past fours years but who was not known. As that part of the Delphi garden had no camera's which was out of respect for the founders as they were as much graves as monuments. Gendo hated the monuments and never visited and he had never cared for it them being cleaned and had ordered the staff to leave them alone. So it had been a surprise for the staff to one day come in that garden section years ago to find all the statues scrubbed clean and cleaned of all there vines.

The staff had no idea who had been doing it but they let it carry on as they wanted those statues cleaned and they also knew the Christmas decorating was not his doing ether and that the document was probably a fake but they decorated them regardless. She looked up slightly wait a second göttliche göttin meant divine goddess in German? So that had to be a reference to Rei as she was clearly lying flowers and praying for the other woman's good fortune. Why was she keeping this to herself though was she ashamed or just scared of everyone finding out? No she was hiding this because she didn't see it as her being good and more something she should do because it was right. Because that was her behaviour she hid and masked the good things she did constantly and denied herself any credit and she'd been doing it for so long now that it was just ingrained and difficult to shift and Maya had heard her say to Kaworu once more that her unit had not changed and that it was just surface change when it wasn't. Maya had now crunched the numbers and had told her that the unit was much stronger physically than before and that it had a massive bite force not to mention that the jaws could pull so wide that they could go to almost a hundred and eighty degrees at full stretch and it was believed the upper sabres where there to impale making it difficult for anything to get out of her jaws once she'd locked on.

She had to force Asuka out of this mind set as it was her own fault it was there in the first place tonight was going to be hard she knew that already as she was going to Asuka's house but she already had the feeling that it might be a very cagey reception. She already knew Rei would be there but it still didn't mean that Asuka wouldn't get angry once she confronted her over Yuki and asked for her side of the story and brought up this thing with the monuments. Because she would do what she tended to do due to self esteem issues and assume she was in trouble because that was always how it had been. Granted she'd been a better mood recently but that didn't mean she would revert if she thought she was to blame for something and knew full well just because they'd had some form of understanding over her bike accident and that she stood up for her in the live interview it did not fix everything or make it better. Asuka took a long time to trust people and even more so if she'd been burnt by them in the past. She breathed in bringing up the relationship images of Rei and Asuka which if anything were adorable mostly because they were very loving and Asuka was very much showing off her protective side, granted Shinji and Kaworu would also need these doing she'd have to give them there card tomorrow as it would be nice to have the two sets together in the updated photo book she breathed in deeply as she closed down the images knowing she couldn't delay any longer she needed to go to Asuka's house right now.

8

Asuka leaned back on her sofa as she finished her sketch she eyed Rei who was putting clothes in the laundry she had shifted up a section in her wardrobe so the other woman would have space for her clothing. She breathed in inwardly maybe she should just stop hesitating and just ask her to move in she was practically living here anyway and she'd said she wasn't happy where she was though she felt there was a deeper reason for this beyond boredom but she wanted Rei to tell her when she was ready. She had way more room here for shelves so Rei could have her book shelves and she could have an area built in the back garden so she could have her pottery wheel there and she could just resection the bedroom and computer room so she could have her own computer in there. She could even put the sliding Japanese doors back in places if it made her feel more at home it wasn't like she was used to the wooden ones. "Rei you really don't have to do my laundry right this second." Rei gave her a slight smile. "Yes but if I don't do it, you'll get distracted like you did last night and forget about it." Asuka felt a coy smile form. "So you're saying that you distracted me last night, because if I remember right you started it?" She eased herself off the sofa moving forward casually. "Though it was one of the nicest distractions I've ever had." She stopped in front of her giving her a wide toothy grin. "Maybe I should distract you all of tonight." She eased up her fingers running them very gently down the front of the other woman's top stopping at her jeans speaking in a soft low voice. "Maybe you'd like to tell me to what you desire tonight."

Rei watched as the other woman's left eye started to get brighter she eased her hand up going in the opposite direction up Asuka's t shirt to her collar. "Ah but you still haven't answered my question from last night about your desires so maybe you can fill me in on that first." She paused speaking low and seductively. "I'm sure your book's folded page barely cover's what you want." She paused getting closer. "I mean you've had a life time to think about it so why don't we start with school." Asuka felt herself shuffle nervously. "How's about we skip school." Rei looked up moving her hand back down slowly taking hold of her leather belt. "How's about we not skip school and you tell me what you were going to say to me that day when you tried to come on to me." Asuka eyed her taking hold of the hand that had her jeans belt. "That's not a fantasy worth talking about its crude and disgusting." Rei eyed her. "Let me be the judge of that." Asuka breathed in she was not going to get out of this, she knew perfectly well Rei wouldn't let this go now. "I wanted you to have me in Misato's favourite recliner and it's not something I'm proud of because in my warped little selfish mind I wouldn't have given anything in return it was a one way fantasy." Rei looked at for a long moment. "Really you wanted to have me in Misato's chair?"

Asuka eyed her feeling the confusion take over. "Yes but look I get its stupid okay and I was sixteen at the time and a selfish brat." Rei felt a smile form. "Oh I don't think it's stupid at all." She paused eyeing her recliner. "How far back does your recliner go?" Asuka looked back. "It doesn't lay completely flat but it's still comfortable." Rei smiled pushing gently against her walking her backwards ignoring her surprise. Asuka was pushed down in to her recliner chair as Rei hand found the controls as she started to move back in to half way position as she crawled on top of her speaking softly. "In your fantasy was I on top or was it you?" Asuka felt her eyes dart as she spoke meekly. "You were on top." Rei watched as the blush spread across Asuka's cheeks. "Where and how was I touching you?" Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "I kind of never got that far in my head." Rei looked at her. "That's fine put your hands where you want me to touch you." Asuka looked at her slowly moving both of her hands under her t-shirt as she spoke in a silky voice. "Please kiss me." Rei smiled as she started to move her hands as she learned forward kissing the other woman slowly and passionately feeling her return it with just as much passion but as always it was deep, loving and wanting. She felt Asuka's hands move towards her she moved her own up stopping them as she pushed them down gently speaking through her kisses. "It's your fantasy remember, not mine."

Asuka felt Rei move her hands back in to place to her waist as she started kissing her again she could feel that welcome desire as it started to burn all over again as her breathing got faster. Last night she'd just stared at this woman after making love to her because to her it was so un real and now suddenly once more she was being pleasured by her and it was utter heaven. Rei felt a smile form as she ran her hand through the long red hair who knew this mane of fire could be so wonderful to the touch she pressed her body further in to Asuka's watching as her left eye ignited and her teeth started to grow. She carried on touching her as she began to ease her t-shirt up fully watching her hands grab the chair arms, it pained her that Asuka had been denied genuine love for so long. She leaned forward kissing her again only for her attention to be diverted as someone's car head lights shone through the front window as a massive screech was heard near the door. Asuka looked up sharply as her good mood completely faded as she felt Rei move of her as she pushed the recliner back in to its normal position. "You've got to be ficken kidding?!" She didn't think as half ran to the blinds pressing the button closing them as she moved against the side wall raising her hands. "Don't open the door…we are not in." The banging was heard followed by Misato's voice hitting the air. "Hey Asuka I know your in so let me in!" Rei looked at her as she adjusted her clothes. "You should let her in."

Asuka eyed her feeling her teeth start to go back to normal though her eye remained the same. "I'm not letting her in!" Rei breathed in deeply. "She'll just keep knocking." Asuka looked at her as she adjusted her clothing feeling her left eye return to normal. "She can knock all night for all I care!" Rei moved towards her. "You can't avoid her for ever Asuka." Asuka folded her arms. "You know I avoided her fine for three years solid and I was doing perfectly okay up until recently and I was happy that she wasn't part of my social life!" Rei looked at her as the door banged again. "Come on Asuka its going to be fine I'm here, I won't let her shout at you or put you down, I promise you." Misato's voice suddenly came again. "Hey Asuka I have Pen Pen here, he really wants to say hello." Asuka rolled her eyes great, just great she moved over to the door pressing it hearing the metal blind go up on the other side as she unlocked it. She opened it watching as Misato's smiling face came in to view she was holding Pen Pen who arms suddenly flapped as he squawked. Misato put him down looking up. "Look its Asuka you haven't seen her in a very long time." She watched as he ran up grabbing Asuka's leg before she could even move clinging on as he chirped happily.

Asuka watched as Erika looked down from her cat tree but didn't move. She took in a deep breath slowly kneeling down stroking Pen Pen's head as she gave him a smile feeling him give hers his version of a real hug. "Hello there Pen Pen it's been a while hasn't it?" She watched as he looked at her. "You want some beef jerky I remember it was always your favourite?" She watched as he let go clapping his clawed wing fingers squawking loudly. "Yeah I know you do." She paused watching as he walked up to Erika's cat tree causing the tortoise to flick her tail. "That's Erika she's not enhanced like you and she gets nervous, so be very gentle." Rei moved over locking the door feeling a smile form as she ignored Misato's surprise as she said Asuka was very good with animals. Asuka moved out bringing the sticks of beef jerky passing them to the penguin that seemed really happy to eat them. She slowly and gently eased Erika off the tree holding her as she began to stroke her head keeping her calm as she kneeled down letting Pen Pen get a much better look. "She was a stray they were going to put her down because she's a little ragged and not a kitten I didn't think that was really fair." She paused giving her cat a kiss on the head as she stroked her under her chin. "I mean just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean it shouldn't be viewed as less right?" She watched as Pen Pen used his clawed fingers to stroke the cats head mimicking Asuka's movements as he leaned in curiously as she started to purr.

Asuka looked at him. "That means she likes you." Misato looked at Asuka's left eye, Shinji had spoken about how the patterns pulsed and shifted with her emotions and with certain emotions it got much brighter like anger and even happiness while painful one's could cause it to dim Kaworu refereed to it as a window in to her soul and Rei had said that when she slept it had a dimmed state. Rei turned to Misato who was still staring at Asuka. "Can I get you a coffee or a green tea?" Misato looked up sharply. "Beer." Rei folded her arms. "I'm sorry I'm not giving you alcohol, Kaji told me you're meant to be on iced coffee, plus you're driving and I don't want you to get pulled over for drunk driving again. They won't be as lenient with you this time around and you might end up sleeping it off in a cell in the police station." Misato rolled her eyes she really regretting that night two years ago where she'd been fined for drunk driving because Shinji and Rei always reminded her about it. "Okay iced coffee then." Asuka turned slightly. "My coffee maker can do that just press the blue setting on the dial and add ice cream from the freezer along with the cream from the fridge." Rei blinked. "What's the cream for?" Asuka gently put Erika down as Pen Pen carried on stroking her. "You put it on top its called Eiskaffee." She eyed her. "Just put two scoops of ice cream in the glass, press the coffee maker it will put in cold coffee and mix it up then just add the double cream on top."

Rei nodded giving her a smile. "Oh I get it thanks." Misato blinked this was surprising they clearly had a very homely relationship that was for sure. "Where should I sit?" Asuka eyed her as she moved over to Erika's large toy box opening it so Pen Pen could see in side. "The sofa..." She turned to Pen Pen passing him one of the little cat toy chasers with feathers. "If you flick this around like it's a mouse she'll chase it just let her catch it now and again or the game isn't fun." She watched as Pen Pen gave it a go seeing Erika start to chase it around trying to bite the end, Pen Pen chirped clearly finding the game fun. Misato looked over clearly when Rei said spoilt she was understating the cat had a box as big as a clothes box and there was every toy under the sun inside. Not to mention heaps of bedding blankets and spare dry food bags. One thing was clear now to her Asuka spoilt things she loved Rei being one of those things as it was clear she would give her anything she wanted or desired no questions asked. She eyed Rei who was finishing the drinks. "How do you get used to the wooden doors around here?" Rei looked up as she brought her, her iced coffee along with Asuka's warm coffee. "You get used to after a while, I didn't get it at first but the idea is they are always open, unless you want privacy then you close a certain door and bathroom one is the only one that locks."

She moved back switching the attachments as she made green tea. "That also makes sense, for obvious reasons." Asuka stood up picking up her coffee eyeing Misato as she leaned against the kitchen counter. "Why are you here?" Misato took a sip of her iced coffee which tasted really nice. "I just wanted to chat with you personally Asuka because I didn't like the idea of trying to chase after you in your motorbike all over again." She raised her hand. "Plus last time I was here I was bringing you back from the hospital wing after you ruptured your stitches so I never really spent any time looking around your house." Asuka watched as Rei moved over sitting herself in her recliner. "How's about you cut the crap, I know why you're here it's because I put Yuki in the hospital wing isn't it? Apparently I smashed his lower jaw so he has to drink through a straw now and it will take a full week for it to heal." She felt a cold smile form as she spoke with a sarcastic edge. "Such ficken pity he won't be able to sound of with his homophobic mouth for a while." Misato breathed in as she pulled out her tablet she slowly turned it on playing the video of a younger Asuka being beaten up by Yuki. "I'm sorry I blamed you all those years ago, you were the victim not the aggressor and you had left the hospital wing three days ago and the day before this you'd ended your relationship with Shinji and you were at your lowest emotionally." Asuka turned eyeing the video blinking in surprise. "Where did you even get that, Yuki told me it was deleted from the system its one of the reason I couldn't argue my case?"

Misato looked up seeing Rei's face turn to sadness as she watched the video replay. "Nerv has a back up buffer it stores everything for twelve years or more and I have two new employees who are exceptional at accessing the back up buffer because they can find the gaps where people have deleted feeds. They found your attack, Kaworu's and Mari's and hundreds of bites of video where he'd harassed and even punched employees all attacks had one thing in common the persons sexuality which makes them out right hate crimes." She looked at the video. "Also the attacks against you three were by far the most brutal and Maya pointed out that he really went for the lower parts of your body pacifically reproductive organ areas. Clearly the intent with you, Kaworu and Mari was to somehow take away your ability to have children. I had Maya check over Mari again this morning and she told me that your older sisters fine and I heard that Kaworu got checked out by a specialist out side Nerv, did you?" Asuka looked up. "Yes he didn't do any permanent damage though my period was utter agony after it and I had to take high end painkillers and a healing pill daily for two weeks, though she said if I'd have had one more serious strike it would ruptured my womb and caused massive internal bleeding."

She looked down slightly. "Ironic perhaps since up to that point I never considered having children because I just didn't like kids but that made me rethink the concept and that I might actuality want children one day with a partner and that maybe I shouldn't look at my womb with such contempt." She looked down slightly. "It also made me realize why my mother went to such great lengths to have me in the first place because she was born with a defect that meant she just couldn't have children without it causing real harm to her body and she had, had three miscarriages before me so she saw the birthing chamber as her only choice." She breathed in deeply. "She also ensured that I don't have that same defect its one of the reasons she went down that road as she knew the skilled people who create children like me can get rid of faulty genes like that as part of the process and it comes as part of the paid package." She shrugged. "My gender, my red hair and the blue eyes were just her added personal touches nothing else was altered." She put her empty coffee mug down on the kitchen counter. "The company are really strict about that even to this day mental tampering is strictly forbidden." Misato changed the video to the one of Asuka beating up Yuki. "Tell me something did you enjoy doing this?"

Asuka eyed the video. "Not in the way your thinking I enjoyed it because I was correcting an injustice, not for the sake of violence." Misato smiled as paused the video. "Power and control are nothing on there own, they must be balanced through honour and justice, your words." Asuka rolled her eyes. "No there Kyo's." Misato stood up slowly. "No there yours Asuka, do you have any idea how cool Nerv found this video? I mean they put a banner up in the Arcade because how awesome you were and you should seriously read the comments underneath this video sometime because they do nothing but give you praise." She watched as Asuka looked away uncomfortably. "Mari, Shinji, Toji and Kaworu all sang your praises after you did this, granted I know now that Mari is actuality your step sister but it doesn't change how it made her feel." She paused putting the tablet down on the coffee table. "I get it your not used to compliment you think its not for you, its something other people get that's my fault after what happened with Shinji I wanted someone to blame and I saw how violent you'd been and I took it all out on you instead of seeing that nether of you were in the right place mentality to have a relationship and that you just didn't love each other in that way."

Asuka eyed her suddenly not liking how close she was getting. "No you misunderstand I was completely to blame I had problems so I punished him for them I expected him to fix them when he couldn't and he had his own problems which I couldn't fix ether and regardless of the fact that I didn't love him, I had no absolutely right to treat him or Rei the way I did all those years ago." She felt her body tense painfully. "I was jealous and spiteful I didn't like that other people were happy when I couldn't be so I bullied them and lashed out and I started enjoying it. Because it gave me a sense of power and I knew full well that I could shift blame and play victim when it suited me because I could use my looks and charm on others and they'd play in to my hands." She breathed in deeply. "So no I take full responsibly for being a bullying vile brat." Misato stopped she was three steps away from her now and she knew it had been years since they'd been this close to each other in this very personal manner. "Yet now just look at you, you're a hero and people love you and I just never saw it in you." Asuka eyed her seeing Rei stand up. "I'm not a hero people like me are not heroes." Misato eased out her hands. "People like you who help others in there relationships, yes I know all about Kaworu and Shinji and I know you helped Shinji by giving him a certain book of yours." Asuka felt her left eye ignite. "Please it was a favour I owed him because of what I did to him, he deserved nothing less."

Misato turned seeing that Pen Pen had sat down and was stroking Erika who was near her feet she looked up meeting Asuka's uncertain gaze. "So I guess taking an N2 missile for Rei wasn't heroic and climbing on to Bukavac back wasn't brave?" Asuka felt a sneer form. "I love Rei and as for Bukavac it wasn't me it was Bardiel who messed up the AT field my unit is not powerful it just looks different!" Misato looked at her shaking her head. "You know I knew you were going to say that and here's the thing Maya recently ran a simulation with your old unit 02's form in comparison to your new one when you fell from that height and hit the mountain of Uluru in Australia." She breathed in deeply before speaking. "The results were horrifying if you had taken that fall in your normal unit 02 even if you'd done all the same mauves you would have died. Evangelion's can fall from great heights but they can't take falls from that height in the way you did, the old unit 02 would have sprayed out its own guts and its head would cracked in and you would have died on impact because the force of the impact on the shoulders would have caused the entry plug to be crushed at the top and then forced it downwards in to the core itself."

She looked straight in to her eyes. "You not only survived the fall but you were still alive and kicking afterwards enough to give Bukavac a real taste of pain and Maya made this real clear your body strength being slightly more had no bearing because she even reran that simulation with your body being stronger and you'd still have died. You changed 02 Asuka it wasn't Bardiel it was all your artistic handy work. Mari's unit doing the same thing just proves the point further that pilots can change any Evangelion to suite there desires and needs and yours is tougher, stronger and much more powerful on every level. The only thing that's stopping you from reaching your full potential in 02 is your mental block that your just not good enough and that nothing is ever you and that there's always some other factor involved which you bring up so you can discredit yourself." She stepped closer seeing that Asuka suddenly looked very confused and out of place. "I think I get now why Bardiel picked you its not that you're broken it's not that you were a messed up emotionally. It's that unlike the rest of us he saw who you truly were and what you were capable off if you were pushed to obtain it."

She felt a smile form. "He saw a hero where we all saw a way ward cagey loner he also saw an amazing artist and engineer and he saw someone who puts others before herself even if it means going to her death to save everyone else. Yes I saw you're video Asuka it pains me that you had to go through that alone and that you even considered suicide because you just felt like you had no one to talk to." She raised her hand. "I know why you never loaded your gun though its because you wanted to go out fighting and to have a hero's death in battle and I watched the feed last night from when Yuki was beating you I saw your last moments when you looked up the geo front's light before Kyo showed you mercy. I've been told by a lot of people it's was the look of someone who has accepted there fate with out question. I know though that the old Asuka would have carried on running to the visitor centre and everyone said you could have gotten there. You could have taken Yuki out but I don't think subconsciously you ever really intended to go there to get away, you wanted your last moments to be there for a very different reason one you have hidden from everyone." Rei blinked in surprise. "What?" Misato turned to her. "The painting of you Rei it's not a coincidence it's all interlinked." Asuka felt her teeth grind together unable to stop them growing as she spoke sharply and coldly. "She does not need to know about this!"

Misato looked at her. "You shouldn't be ashamed Asuka over the fact that you've been cleaning Yui's and Kiko's memorial statues along with your own mothers for the past fours years and laying flowers on both Kiko's and Yui's on their memorial days. Though you do this after everyone else so no one will suspect you along with your own mothers and that you always lay a second set of flowers on Yui's memorial and you wish the divine goddess a good year and hope that all her wishes be for filled and if not you'll try and for fill them even if she doesn't notice." She looked up slightly. "Up until recently I had no idea who the divine goddess was." She moved her hand out taking hold of Asuka's pendent raising it gently. "Your heart though speaks volumes for you even when you speak the words in your own language." She moved closer gently letting go off the pendent ignoring Rei's utter shock. "So you tell me again how you're not a good person or a hero?" She looked up knowing that she'd literally exposed Asuka's softer underside now and there was a chance that she could seriously lash out in anger. Because she tended to do the opposite of Shinji who just tried to get away and leave the room. She watched as the red head's teeth returned to normal the next moments caught her totally by surprised as Asuka looked down as she started to cry as the light faded in her left eye as it turned very dark and the light dimmed showing real deep emotional pain.

She moved closer to hug her only feel Asuka's weakly shove her away she looked at her speaking very softly. "It's okay Asuka I'm not going to hurt you." She paused unable to keep the sadness out of her voice. "That's why you shove people away isn't it? Because in your head you've been led to believe for years that no matter how good you are or what good you do, you'll still be stabbed in the back. You also believe that everyone openly hates you so instead you try to hide any good things you do and play them down like they are not important or irrelevant." She looked at Rei who was standing behind her now staring at Asuka in wonder. "That's one of the reasons you love Rei so deeply isn't it? Because she gives the respect and love you deserve and she sees you for who you really are. She makes you feel good about yourself and now all the rest of us are starting to see you for who you really are which a very heroic, noble Germany woman who would probably rip out her own still beating heart and put in her girlfriends hands if she could and she would ask for nothing in return." She tried to hug her again only to be shoved off a second time though it was a very weak shove and it was only to keep her at bay not to hurt her. Asuka eyed her though her tears feeling her teeth grind together as she spoke painfully. "No we've played this game before! The one where you say nice things to me I know you just throw those comments out now and again. It's just to even the scales because you don't want to look bad because for most of my life you've called me a pain and problematic!"

She breathed in painfully. "It's normally when you take out that ficken knife of yours and you stab it straight in to my back plus everything was a joke to you even my coming out was one big laugh." She looked up speaking in a bitter tone. "For me it wasn't a joke! I wanted your acceptance so desperately but instead it was lame as joke about how Asuka's going to start scissoring women now and Shinji's going to get so jealous and maybe Rei should watch her back!" She breathed in painfully. "Let's also not forget your really bad little threesome joke when my self and Shinji were a couple." She looked down suddenly loosing all of her fight as she began to cry harder. "So please leave me alone I don't want to be hurt anymore by people who don't care about me." Misato took in a deep breath just seeing this was utterly heart breaking and it wasn't what she had expected to happen at all. "I do care about you Asuka and want to make this right in any way I can because I've treated you really poorly and I'm sorry." She moved forward finally getting her in to a hug ignoring the red heads struggling which again was very weak she'd been here some years ago with Shinji though not for the same reasons and he done the same and tried to shove her off but Asuka was persisting. Because deep down she was really scared of being hurt again because that was what she was so used to. "Asuka please calm down." She paused speaking very softly as she started to stroke her hair. "You're such a good girl, your mother would be so proud of the way you turned out."

She felt her stop very suddenly as she started crying harder against her shoulder. "She thought the world of you and she really loved you she always wanted 02 to be yours even before the accident she had put your name down on the program list with the other candidates. Because she dreamed that once she had tested it that one day you'd be the pilot when you were old enough and had done all the training." She paused as she carried in holding her. "Red was her favourite colour, that's why your hair is red and why 02 has red plating, that unit's every part was put together just for you Asuka. I think she's probably watching you right now and smiling and she's no doubt impressed with how you transformed that unit and made it faster and stronger and much more powerful." She paused speaking softly. "You also did it first, just like you were the first to ever go in to beast mode it was your unit's code that was used to rewrite all of the Evangelion's so they could do the same apart from 01." She held her tighter. "You don't think you have any worthy accomplishments and that you're just a war machine, you're very wrong you've given great things to this program and when your new banner goes up tomorrow I asked them make sure that all of your accomplishments are going to be noted in your area along with the others." She pulled back keeping her arm around her as she pulled out something from her pocket. "This is also for you." Asuka breathed trying to wipe her tears away. "What is it?"

Misato eyed the envelope. "Open it and see." Asuka pulled a golden letter out which she read as she looked at her in confusion. "You're throwing me a house warming party? That's so stupid I've been here three years." Misato raised her hand. "Hardly if I remember right I didn't give you one because you left so suddenly and I just assumed you didn't want one and I never asked you outright but my not asking really hurt your feelings." She turned to Rei who was smiling now. "Rei told me something that broke my heart recently that you felt even being at her house warming party was a privilege, because your thought everyone hated you and just tolerated you because you could pilot 02 and that no one really wanted you around." She looked at her sadly. "You shouldn't have to live like that Asuka, you deserve so much better than that." Rei moved forward seeing that this was the right moment for her to speak. "You were the one cleaning the monuments?" Misato looked up. "Asuka is nothing if not clever she knew the hours when people didn't visit and she'd quietly wander down there and keep the vines from growing over the three statues and then take water from the one of the clear springs and wash them down." She felt a smile form. "Oh but here's the real clever part she'd put her tools down with the others outside the maintenance house, so no one think anything off it."

She looked at Asuka who had gone very quite as she put the letter on her kitchen surface. "I heard you even trick the garden staff in to putting ribbons on the monuments at Christmas time you give them a fake note saying the director wants it doing and they have never even questioned it once." She put a hand on her arm. "I'm guessing you always get the fake document from Kaji right?" Asuka eyed her breathing in as she slowly recomposed herself. "Yes I do." Misato smirked. "Yes he told me and that you two often trade favours, you give him any new spy toys software straight from Germany and he gives you Nerv's room layouts and employees shifts rotations. Which means you can move silently around and literality vanish if you want and you probably know the layouts better than most people at Nerv its how you knew you could take that lift out with out any one even knowing. It's also how you were able to fight of the special ops because you used Arcade's rabbit warren corridors against them they said in their reports that it was very difficult to track you because you'd shift up another corridor and suddenly vanish only to come out of now where and punch them. You also pretend that you don't like Kaji because you don't want him to get in to trouble because you're both not meant to trading this kind of thing back and forth."

Asuka looked down. "After Yuki cornered me that day out of no where I told myself I was never going to ficken let that happen ever again, that's why I asked Kaji for lay outs. So if I ever thought I could be trapped again I could at least escape from any area of Nerv and get out in to the open, because there he couldn't attack me." She took in a deep breath letting it out slowly as she wiped the tears away. "I just didn't want Kaji to get in to trouble so I played it that way because I knew no one would think twice to question it." She looked at her hands. "Also I though if you knew that we were friends you'd just like me even less." Misato looked at her. "Yes he told me about this as well, you believed that I would dislike you more and see you as a romantic rival." Asuka looked down sadly. "Yes but understand in the time we've been friends I never slept with him our friendship is platonic." Misato looked at her. "Its okay Asuka I believe you but please tell me why would you say this because my self and Kaji are just friends." Asuka pushed her hair back. "It's complicated." Misato looked at her for a long moment. "Go on I'm listening." Asuka looked at Rei. "Kaji knew about my feelings for you Rei for many years it was just something he knew but he never pushed me over it."

She turned to Misato. "But it goes both ways because I know that he loves you, he's always been in love with you but he believes you don't love him and he won't act on his feelings as he knows you rejected him in university over and over so he settles for just being friends." She paused ignoring Misato's utter shock. "We love very different people but it would have been very easy for Nerv staff to fly around rumours about me and Kaji and since I already had two rumours floating around. The first being that I was an abuser and the second that I was a predatory letch who leered after Rei I just couldn't stomach yet another rumour coming up. It was just too stressful and I have my limits and they'd already been reached, so I played it really safe and we only ever talk outside work and do our trades in his vegetable garden, I'm not the only one who visits him there though. I know Shinji and Rei sometime go to him for general advice but when Shinji shows up I disappear plus what Shinji talks to him about is none of my business and I won't intrude but I can relate since I sometimes ask for advice from Kyo." Misato breathed in recomposing herself. "Kaji loves me?" Asuka turned to face her. "Yes he does and its not some lusting fling its genuine deep love and he holds you in very high regard." Rei moved over to Asuka taking hold of her hand. "You should have told me about the monuments."

Asuka looked up meeting her curious gaze. "I remember this interview once where you said you really loved the monuments and that you always wanted to see them well taken care off and the interviewer didn't take what you were saying seriously, she said they are just stone and it pissed me off so much because it doesn't matter what something is, it's what it represents to someone. She breathed in deeply. "I know that same interviewer asked you a question regarding me and I know you hated the question." She looked up slightly. "I know you considered it your worst interview question ever." Rei breathed in sadly. "I'm really sorry Asuka." Asuka looked at her feeling a sly smile form. "Its okay you don't have to apologise, I know that the interviewer made you very angry that day and she asked you if you'd ever sleep with me and you said not if I was the last woman on earth." She looked at her for a long moment. "It's funny how that works out?" Rei looked at the other woman feeling her eyes dart this was not the reaction she'd expected at all. "You're not mad at me? I mean my reply was really hurtful, cruel and mean." Asuka laughed slightly. "No I found it all very funny because she brought out this certain really crude wall scroll with me having sex with you right before she asked you the question. I could see that it had caught you completely off guard and I could sympathize because that kind of thing ficken sucks." Misato felt a smile form. "Yeah we banned that item two days later because they didn't have the rights to sell it plus we don't allow items like that on the market all pilot merchandise must be tasteful and respectful."

Asuka smirked. "Yeah but you have no idea how many Nerv staff tried to sell me one the next day." Misato eyed her. "You didn't buy it even though they offered it to you?" Asuka eyed her. "No and I threatened to punch at least five people that day because they just wouldn't leave me alone and kept hassling me over it. Plus I thought it was very disrespectful art wise and I didn't think it was fair on ether of us." She raised her hand. "I get it the interviewer somehow got a tip bit that I tried my luck in school and failed so they just wanted to rub salt in to the wound and cause friction between us just for the fun off it." Misato kept her hand around her shoulder. "Yeah well they failed then because you two just carried on as normal." She paused putting a hand gently on Rei's shoulder. "Its great though that you both got past any differences and your together now because I think you good together and you bring out the best in each other." Asuka eyed her. "Now you really are just sucking up." Misato gave her a wide smile. "Maybe just a little but you know I owe you that since I haven't been very fair to you at all over there past three years." Asuka eyed her. "How's about we just start over fresh slate, same way I did with Shinji and work from there?" Misato nodded. "If that's how you want to do it then we'll do it that way."

End of part 54

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted everyone to know what Rei’s worst interview question was as the idea was that Mari was spot on at the start of the story. Nerv in this universe allows paintings of the pilots but really erotic art of the pilots is prohibited, with the very miner exception of relationship pictures that have a couple’s approval. Hence why the wall scroll was pulled as Asuka and Rei where not together at that time and the interviewer was trying to stir up a hornets nest between them at the time.
> 
> I imagine that through out Asuka life she’s probably never heard anyone say to her. “You’re such a good girl, your mother would be so proud of the way you turned out.” And I believe it would be a lot for her to hear that emotionally as she forever paints herself as the villain rather than a hero because she used to others painting her negatively. Unlike Shinji and Rei who have had this form of praise quite a lot from others with in Nerv and Misato.
> 
> For those who don’t know when the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima there were people who survived very close to the blast as they were shielded in military bunkers and some buildings has thick blast walls to protect them hence why they lived. Kyo is meant to be similar to this in that he was one of those few lucky people who was very close to central blast but was shielded by blast walls, where as everyone in the centre accept Misato died. 
> 
> The spite of Adam was this idea that not only did the second impact kill life it denies some the chance to ever create life again, I like the idea that Adams race would probably not be harmed in any way by the energy wave but to some humans its toxic and damages there reproductive organs in a way that they just can’t be healed.


	55. Chapter 55

_AS THE WALLS BEGIN TO COLLIDE_

 

Mari grabbed the controls as she sang keeping 04 on its hind legs “It's time to face the day, time to make it snappy but you know first you gotta make it outta bed. Hello Mr Sunshine, today you're gonna be mine, make him pinky swear there's only sunny skies ahead. Take on the day with a one-two punch!” She looked at unit 02 which was stalking her on all fours opposite they were both on the training ground while the others were watching close by “Oh come on Asuka sing along!” Asuka eyed Mari image. “I don’t sing!” Mari watched her younger sisters unit closely. “Don’t lie you were singing the other day.” Asuka shifted her unit reading it. “Yeah I was high so it doesn’t count!” Mari eyed her image. “I looked up what you were singing little sister it’s called, Nearness of the Beloved and since it’s more of a love poem I don’t think you were singing it to me directly even when you’re high you’re overly romantic.” Asuka’s face turned to annoyance. “Shut up!” Mari laughed. “Hey Rei did she miss out on sex with you last night is that why she’s so fucking cranky this morning?” She watched as the other woman’s face appeared on her screen it was unreadable as she spoke quietly. “I’m not answering that.” Mari felt a coy smile form. “You know you two should just move in together I mean you practically live with Asuka anyway.” Shinji’s face suddenly appeared on her screen. “She has a point Rei.” Mari turned her unit as she smirked at Asuka. “Come on Asuka just give her the spare keys already?”

Her next words were cut of unit 02 suddenly came flying at her mouth wide open as it roared like a tiger. “Oh shit.” She felt the force as it collided with her sending her crashing in to the floor Asuka face suddenly appeared again on her screen. “She already has my spare set of keys I gave them to her ages ago four eyes!” Mari smirked. “Good for you princess….” She looked up as her units whip lash tail came up grabbing 02 around the neck as she sent it flying backwards watching as it hit the ground hard on its back. “You see we all thought you were holding back because you might be nervous.” Asuka’s image came up again as she flipped 02 on to its hind legs. “Why are you suddenly giving me romantic advice? You don’t even have a girlfriend!” Mari eyed her image. “Its called being your big sister, get used to it.” She raised her hand. “Seriously though what is wrong with you today I mean you’re so tense?” Asuka breathed in moving her hands away from the control raising them. “I just didn’t sleep very well okay.” She eased out her arm higher. “It was really annoying.” She stopped realizing that suddenly all of there images were appearing on her screen as everyone stared at her in shock. “What, why are you all looking at me like that?!”

Misato’s voice suddenly came over the com. “Asuka could you please move your fingers one at a time, that’s on your real hand not on your Evangelion one.” Asuka eyed her in confusion as she did so. “What’s going on?” Misato’s voice came again. “Raise both of your hands to your face and look at your screen.” Asuka slowly eased up her hands watching as the clawed ones appeared mimicking her every move. “What the hell since when does that happen isn’t that only meant to happen if your in beast mode?” Misato voice came again. “Normally yes, but since you created beast mode it’s not out of the realm of possibly that when you upgraded your unit you could do it with out.” Asuka looked up feeling her self fidget uncomfortably. “No ever since the transformation it’s always been through controls, that’s when it feels most comfortable this doesn’t feel comfortable at all.” She watched her units clawed fingers move again as she moved her own. “Don’t tell me this has anything to do with meeting my full potential ether because I know this isn’t linked to it.” She eyed her hand. “This feels more like Bardiel.” Maya breathed in eyeing Asuka sync. “She’s right this isn’t normal look at her sync? It’s really climbed and its not some random skip she’s much higher than is normally healthy.”

She eyed her holographic screen. “She very close to the crossing over danger zone where all the pain becomes real and wounds can become real.” Kaji eyed his hologram screen. “Hang on didn’t she cross that threshold when Bardiel took over the UN Alpha test unit, I mean that’s how her lower intestine got yanked out to start with and her left eye was blinded?” Maya began typing watching as two results came up side by side on screen. “That is absolutely correct and both syncs are a near perfect match there only three bar between this one and the Alpha test unit.” Misato eyed Asuka who had gone very quite. “You said you didn’t sleep well Asuka would I be right to say that, that is unusual?” Rei’s face suddenly came up. “Yes because she’s been sleeping much better since Obrax there have been no nightmares it’s always a deep and restful sleep.” Maya blinked in surprise. “Really is that true Asuka?” Asuka nodded as she switched to a private channel keeping only Rei in the loop. “Yes.” Maya looked up slightly. “So what happened last night?” Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply. “Kept having this dream, it was like flashing pictures really disjointed couldn’t make any sense off it.” She tensed uncomfortably. “There was something really familiar about it yet at the same time so unfamiliar.”

She looked up slightly. “No wait there was one image I remember really clearly, I was looking at myself directly but that Asuka was not me but she was my age and it made no ficken sense.” Kaji looked up. “Was she you before the accident?” Asuka eased up her patch. “She had my older red plug suite yes but her left eye wasn’t blind she had no eye at all.” She looked at the patch in her hand. “It was an empty socket.” Maya looked up as she started to take digital notes. “Did she talk to you?” Asuka shook her head sadly. “No she just stared at me, I even asked in the dream what she wanted but she just didn’t answer, she just looked at me real strangely like she was annoyed with me.” She clicked her finger. “No wait there was something else we were looking at each in the red sea I was below and she was above like a mirror reflection but not the same person in the reflection.” Misato eyed her. “Do you and Rei want to call it quits on training today I mean if your feeling uncomfortable it might be for the better?” Asuka moved her hand watching as her unit moved its clawed fingers. “Yeah this is making me nervous?” Rei breathed in deeply. “I was done for today anyway.” Kaji tapped his holographic screen so the others could hear them. “Okay Rei and Asuka are leaving you can all take your turns against Mari.” Mari’s image shot up. “Oh what Asuka’s leaving that’s not fair I didn’t get to kick her ass?” Kaji eyed her. “Your sister’s not comfortable right now and we need to have Maya run some test’s on her.”

Maya looked up. “Yeah Mari I need to check her out its very important.” She pressed her hologram screen going to a private channel. “Asuka’s sync is far higher than normal it’s peaking very close to the danger zone. When this happened last time it caused her wounds to become real during the UN Alpha test unit accident, we need to find out what Bardiel is up to.” Mari blinked. “Then I should be there she’s my little sister, I have first rights since we are family!” She looked at the other units. “Plus you can stop these training tests on me as I’ll happily just do it another day.” Misato breathed in deeply watching as Kaji gave her a smile she shook her head pressing the holographic screens desk button so they could all hear her. “Okay you can all call it quits today we’ll pick up again tomorrow morning.” She eyed the press helicopters which were going to very disappointed today as they’d probably been looking forward to seeing these fights since 04 was now fully refitted with new plating to fit its new body type. She eyed Kaji. “Are all the pieces in place for this afternoon’s event?” Kaji breathed in putting his feet on his desk. “Yes, I assume all of yours are as well?” Misato folded her arms. “Yes they are and I made sure that Makoto’s is running errands today hence why he’s not here, it’s nothing out of the ordinary so he won’t question it.” Kaji put his feet on the desk as a sly smile formed on his lips. “Then let the games begin.”

8

Makoto walked the long corridor which led to the pilots wreck room watching as a dark haired woman his age appeared close by she eyed him in disgust as she spoke coldly. “You’re late.” Makoto eyed her as he raised a device which caused the cameras around them to shut down. He could overlay the feed later with static older feed so no one would notice the gap along with the feed in the pilots wreck room and no one ever checked the back up buffer anyway it was far to time consuming. Yuku had only been caught because the moron had not had the ability like he had to overlay the gaps granted he didn’t like the guy but he had used him to further his plans as he had told him the truth regarding Mari’s true sexuality. Because he’d wanted to watch him loose his temper and beat her with lightning rods. He folded his arms eyeing her. “It’s not my fault that the lifts were out between levels forty and sixty Ryoko!” Ryoko raised her hand. “Did you get the Zircon?” Makoto slowly pulled the pills out of his pocket. “Yes and your orders are simple, Asuka needs to be dosed with nine and Mari seven, we do not want Maya’s therapy on ether of them to work we want it to fail.” Ryoko grabbed the bag from his hand. “Why did you go and put those stupid drugs in there LCL? What was with that bullshit, we want them to kill each other inside work not in front of the world or better yet go mad and kill themselves!” Makoto adjusted his glasses. “I have nothing to do with that shit!” Ryoko eyed him in confusion. “That’s impossible I thought that it was you.”

Makoto eyed her. “Yeah well I thought it was you and our true employer was breathing down my fucking neck over this. I had to explain that it wasn’t us because we would never do something that’s so outright stupid and that would expose what we doing to everyone publicly.” Ryoko folded her arms. “Yeah well I had to do the same, you know I’ve been doing this shit for ages and it pisses me off that Asuka didn’t shoot herself like she was supposed to, plus her becoming Rei’s fuck buddy was not part of the plan.” Makoto felt a sneer form on his lips. “I have no control over who she takes to bed and believe me no one saw this coming our employer said Asuka had, had no sex life for almost three years after Hikari.” Ryoko eyed him in disgust. “Hikari ignored the original fucking plan, she was meant to become her girlfriend and play out that she loved her and then she was supposed to slowly poison her and kill her but she bailed out at the very start.” Makoto looked up. “She doesn’t do women and that’s not my problem plus her idea worked better long term, she ruined Asuka emotionally and tarnished her name.” Ryoko eyed him. “Yeah but that doesn’t mean shit anymore because she confessed which allowed them to clear Asuka’s name. If she had gone with the set out plan Asuka would be dead now, because that’s what our employer wants to see her dead. Not just to ruin Nerv’s reputation but because they know that if she ever fixes her emotional problems she might just become a huge problem and the Evangelion’s are all starting to do what they said they would there all starting to transcend and take stronger forms which gives them new and better abilities.”

She breathed in sharply. “Because none of there awakened souls want to ascend or cause impacts they are instead pushing out their godly powers and allowing their pilots to change the units and if ether Rei or Shinji go through this we are out right fucked.” She leaned against the wall. “Asuka doesn’t even realize how fucking powerful she actuality is right now, she thinks 01 is more powerful than her but 01 will not become as powerful as her unless it goes through its own new evolution and from what I’ve been told its in the half way stage already. Also Mari has gone and done the same thing now but we aren’t sure if she’s equal to Asuka I just don’t have enough information at present and Maya always keeps her records locked up tight. The press and media all think that Asuka went in to a some kind of new type of permanent enhanced beast mode form and got stuck there but it’s not, its actuality in its primal form and it’s a permanent berserker and she can control it because she can control her rage just like Shinji but right now his berserker is limited. The only thing we still can’t work out is how 00 keeps on standing up to 02 its not evolved it’s never even been in beast mode yet it can fight 02 off and it wasn’t knocked out by the energy wave like the others it makes no sense. They told us Asuka’s feelings for Rei have no bearing on its attacks so I think its something to do with the souls inside the cores I think at one point something was going on with them when they were alive.”

Makoto rolled his eyes. “You’re not seriously suggesting that Kyoko and Kiko were sleeping together are you because nether of them were gay?” Ryoko felt a sneer form. “You know this is why you have no luck with women you just have no understanding of the female gender what’s so ever. They could have slept together in university for all you know and if I remember correctly Kyoko was a transfer student and she did spent some years in Japan studying before going back to Germany. No maybe they weren’t gay but maybe they tested the water but remained friends and a had a life long friendship that stuck ether way 02 goes out of its way to avoid conflict with 00.” She paused only to feel something solid hit her neck as a cold voice hit the air. “As interesting as your little conversation has been I think now its time we shut you both up!” Makoto turned only to feel the pain as a gun hilt was smashed in to his face sending him crashing to the floor, he turned as Ryoko was punched sending her crashing to her knees. He looked up eyeing Kyo who was standing over them while two men and two women who had there guns pointed at them. “How, that’s not fucking possible?” Kyo eyed him feeling a smile form. “You’ve been hunted down little man.”

He kneeled down grabbing his face. “Misato’s was right you’re a bitter, twisted little bastard.” He paused watching as Ryoko was pulled to her feet as one of the men pulled the drugs out of her Nerv jacket pocket as a woman hand cuffed her. “So you’ve been putting drugs in the pilot’s drinking bottles as well as giving out high end security cards to outsiders so they can just walk in here.” His cold smile widened. “I do believe they call that treason and Seele really doesn’t like treason.” He stood up slowly watching as another man pulled Makoto to his feet restraining him and putting on hand cuffs. “Nether does Nerv so I see you two are about to have a really bad day.” He eyed Makoto as he moved a step closer to him so he was towering over him. “For such a smart man I’m surprised that you didn’t find it odd how you route today was hard, I mean two life shafts routes out that’s not normal but Kaji did say you and your little friend here had probably become arrogant and complacent because you’d gotten away with this for so long.” Makoto eyed him as he spat in his direction. “Kaji is fucking asshole why should he get Misato and not me? I know that bastard is sleeping with her!” He felt a sneer form. “Why would she want that bastard when she can have someone like me? I make more money than Kaji my position is higher and what we had was really good!” Kyo shook his head this was so pathetic. “Misato never did tell you the real reason she spilt up with you did she?

He breathed in deeply knowing that some people really hated hearing the truth and this idiot was going to be one of those people. “It’s because you played out your nice guy stereotype for a while then you started to become controlling and emotionally abusive and you wanted to know things above your station that were of no concern to you. You made her deeply uncomfortable because when you couldn’t get the information you wanted or she wouldn’t tell you for security reasons you got angry and demanded it. She’s never like aggressive, violent or controlling men lets just say her father was like that and I know because I worked with him once up a time and he was awful towards his family and you started to remind her of him and she kicked you to the curb as quickly as possible.” He grabbed him by the hair. “You didn’t get what you wanted because you played the nice guy mantra when you’re just not that nice guy it’s that simple really.” He paused gripping his hair tighter. “Oh and on the other subject of Asuka.” He didn’t think as he slammed his fist in to his stomach ignoring his cry of pain as he let go of his hair. “Let’s just say hearing what you originally had planned for her disgusted me.” He eased out a recording device from his pocket. “I got that all recorded by the way.” He felt a sneer form. “It’s the lowest of human beings who pick on others when they can’t defend themselves. It’s a shame that I’m not allowed to torture you because believe me I’d like to break the both of you in the old world manner over a wheel.” He folded his arms. “But I’ll just have to settle for seeing others do it for me.”

8

Rei watched as Asuka lay back on the table as the medical scanner started working its way up her body slowly towards her head, she turned just in time to see Mari burst through the door followed by Shinji the annoyance in her voice as she spoke. “Next time you don’t keep me out of fucking private channels when it concerns your sync ratio Asuka!” Asuka eyed her she should have known this was going to happen. “Oh come on, it wasn’t personal I didn’t think you’d really enjoy hearing about my messed up dreams!” Mari raised her hand. “Oh man you still do this don’t you? You did this when we were kids it was like you fell out of tree and it was no big deal even though you were bleeding and in agony.” Asuka folded her arms. “Oh you just had to bring that up didn’t you? If I remember right you ficken dared me to climb it in the first place!” Mari gave her a cold look. “Yeah and you boasted that you could.” Asuka eyed her. “No I didn’t!” Mari walked up to her bed stopping next to it. “My point is I didn’t like seeing you in pain after the fall.” She adjusted her glasses. “So I would really appreciate not being left out of the personal loop Asuka yeah I get it I’ve given you over a year of stick but believe me that’s over now.” She leaned over tussling her red hair as the scanner finished on Asuka’s head pulling back as it started to run through the data so Maya could view it as a hologram in her office. “Plus it’s not like we are both on Zircon anymore.”

Asuka took in a deep breath trying to calm herself down. “No your brain is clear mine has an angel sitting in the cavity.” Mari turned to Rei and Shinji who had seated themselves opposite. “Is she always this pleasant when it comes to getting brain and body scans?” Shinji smiled. “She just doesn’t like being in the hospital wing.” Mari laughed eyeing Asuka as she spoke in a calmer voice. “Well that explains why you broke your last room to bits.” Asuka eyed her. “I’m not proud of that.” Mari gave a wide smile as she adjusted her black jeans. “Yeah but it was really awesome all the same.” She slowly sat down crossing her legs leaning back. “Like I didn’t know bed side wardrobes could fly that far.” She turned to Rei raising her hands. “I never did give credit where credit was due though you walking in there when she was that pissed that was fucking brave I mean Misato and Kaji were just loosing it when you walked in.” She laughed again watching as Shinji smiled. “I mean I think they thought that Asuka was going to kill you.” Rei looked at her. “And what did you think at the time?” Mari eyed Asuka who was listening quietly. “I think I’d cottoned on by that point that she loved you and you loved her so I didn’t see that happening but I just played along with most of you that I was surprised.”

She breathed in deeply. “Speaking of which, I have something that’s yours.” She eased out two red data cards. “I wasn’t quite myself that day granted I still have issues with drinking I need to fix but I was also told that Zircon and alcohol really don’t mix and it makes people even more aggressive and warps how you think.” She looked down slightly. “Nothing was right to me that day Asuka was the enemy and my head was really messed up.” She eyed the cards. “I also acted like a massive egotistic prick so I think it’s only fair I return these to you now.” Rei looked at her. “That’s nice but you can keep them and we’ll call it even since I know the truth now of who you really are and I get that your aggression was not all your fault but the drugs talking for you. Plus software and coding are not my thing which is what those high end data cards are for.” Mari eyed her as she put them away. “Okay but you don’t get off that easy Rei, what is your thing other than riding Asuka in bed till she screams your name?” She ignored Shinji who nearly choked on his drink while Rei just took in a deep slow breath shaking her head.

Asuka eyed her in annoyance. “Do you have a filter at all?” Mari eyed her. “No it’s something I learnt from you as a child, remember? Always say what you feel.” She turned giving Rei a wide smile. “So what do you like other than books, pottery and computers games?” Rei looked up adjusting her short sleeved shirt. “I like to go and see museum exhibits the ones showing the old world before second impact.” Asuka breathed in mentality kicking her self why was Mari asking this and not her? All she’d ever done was take her out to lunch, she’d never even taken one of those real date nights where you go somewhere fun and have drinks afterwards. “I can take you to one of those” Mari eyed her. “Asuka be quite.” She ignored her younger sister’s death glare. “Really I had no idea you were in to that.” She raised her hand. “Well how’s about this when this crap with Bardiel blows over and Asuka finally gets rid off him I’ll get you both some tickets to Tokyo three museum.” She looked at Asuka. “It has ancient history along with mythology as well so there’s something for the both of you.” Asuka turned sharply. “How would you know that I like mythology?” Mari smirked. “When Anneberg freed Cheshire that night he came back and chatted with him while I was trying to fix my computer apparently he’s kind of lonely and wanted a friend to talk to.”

She leaned back. “But he didn’t want you to know because he thought you might get mad but they shared thoughts and he told Cheshire you like mythology, I’m hoping they can chat again sometime though more with our guidance if you’re up for that.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Yeah I can do that.” Rei looked up at Mari. “I like your idea, we will go with that.” Mari smiled. “It’s settled then.” Asuka felt a sneer form as she fidgeted on the bed knowing that she couldn’t sit up until Maya was done. “Why is this stupid scan taking so long?” She watched as Maya came in through the other door the concern in her face she felt her heart sinking as she spoke. “Its really bad isn’t it?” Maya looked at her. “Yes.” She paused looking at the three dimensional image on her tablet. “It appears that Bardiel has separated his central mass he’s opened up kind of like a spider web he’s in every part of your right brain but not the left and he’s shifted his whole other section in to your spinal cord and nervous system and he’s opened his whole mass there.” Asuka felt the fear take over as she sat up. “Is this going to kill me?” Maya looked at her sadly as she put down the tablet. “His being there won’t kill you no but if he chooses he could stop your brain reserving signals he can literally shut you down if he wants and in turn kill you.” Maya breathed in painful. “I have no idea why he’s doing this and why so suddenly but you were right your hands moving unit 02 that had to be his doing not yours.”

She put her hands in her lab coat pockets. “I think he’s trying to take over you Asuka and he clearly wants to control 02 through you.” Asuka eyed her. “But he took over me before he knows he could just do it again.” Maya looked at her. “I think the problem is maybe now you have enough fight to really fight back and he wants to ensure there is no resistance what’s so ever.” Asuka looked at her seeing Rei move to stand next to her putting a hand on her arm. “Ficken bullying scumbag should have known he’d never play fair not after I tour his shoulder apart that day!” She took in a deep painful breath. “It’s not fair, I finally sort out my life on some level and he just wants to take it away from me.” Rei moved her hand stroking her hair gently. “Please don’t talk like this Asuka, I don’t believe he wants to kill you, killing you would kill him.” Mari moved closer seeing Shinji move up front. “She’s right Asuka he’s preparing you for something.” Shinji looked up. “I totally agree with them, he always had an end game, also why is the right side of your brain so important? He could swamp the whole of your brain yet he’s remained in part there.” Asuka stood up moving away from them. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m now a ticking time bomb!” She felt her eyes dart. “He could take over me right now if he wants, he could have me kill all of you.” She looked at her hands. “I know he’s going to act very soon I can feel it, he’s just moving his final pieces in to place.” She turned to Maya. “You have to lock me up you have to keep me away from everyone.” Maya shook her head. “I’m not doing that Asuka, I’m not Ritsuko.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “You’re my friend and I’m begging you to do this now, if not for me then for the others you know Misato would agree with me on this!”

Maya folded her arms. “We are not having this conversation Asuka!” Asuka eyed her feeling her left eye ignite. “I don’t get it why are you not doing this now when it really matters!?” Maya looked up sharply. “Because I have faith that you can win against him!” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “You have faith, that’s insane you can’t seriously say that and hope that I’ll win, I couldn’t even surface last time when he took over me.” Maya took in a deep breath. “Last time you were deeply depressed your feelings now are very different and I know locking you up won’t work, you yourself said he can open and close certain locks so he will just unlock the cell your in.” Mari folded her arms. “Personally I agree with Maya I think you can win.” Asuka felt her teeth grind together. “Shut up Mari you’re not helping!” Mari put a hand on her chest. “I get it little sister you’re angry but see since locking you up won’t pan out and you know it but we all know now you just might win.” Asuka raised an eyebrow not caring as she spoke in a bitter sarcastic tone. “Oh and how do you figure that four eyes?” Mari didn’t think as she pointed to Rei. “Because you’ll crawl fifty miles on broken glass if it means getting back to Rei and don’t you dare lie and say that’s not true, we all know you better princess!” She put a hand on her hip. “You took an N2 missile for her, which makes me think you’ll kill Bardiel this time because she’s what you’ll fight for.” Shinji looked up. “You even said you’d kill him, you said you’d tear him apart and eat him we believed every word of it Asuka, because you never bluff.” He raised his hand. “You want him dead you want him out of you now you’ll get to finally do it.”

Asuka eyed Shinji. “You know I expect this from Mari, not from you, you always told me there were ways around things beyond violence!” Mari felt a smile form as she looked at Shinji. “I think even Shinji gets that your anger is the only thing that will win this fight Asuka.” She put her hand on her chest. “I think the problem is you’re not used to hearing that, Toji told me that your anger has never been viewed as a positive up until recently.” She looked down. “I think your afraid now of letting go and what it will mean, because it’s only that blinding insane rage that will win this fight.” She looked up. “You don’t like that side of your self anymore, you associate it with who you used to be, because you can now control your anger.” She turned to Rei who had been very quite through out. “Would I be right?” Rei looked up. “Yes.” Asuka raised her hands. “Please don’t agree with her!” Rei looked up. “She’s right though Asuka I know you hate that side of yourself because you associate it with who you used to be but that side of you can win this fight. I know that you fear that you’ll loose yourself in that place the way you used to but I don’t think you will I think you’ll be able to pull it back now.” She slowly met Asuka’s anxious gaze. “My self and Shinji remember Shamshel all too well they believe you attacked the hospital staff because you were still dealing with the after effects of the beast mode. Which makes people extremely violent first time around but I don’t think that will happen this time because you are the master of your own rage and it completes you.” Asuka looked at her narrowing her gaze. “What if you’re wrong Rei? What if I somehow expel him, kill him in 02 and then I start on you.”

She felt her body tense painfully. “Because I’d rather die than break a single part of 00’s plating.” She stood over her as she spoke coldly. “But if I can’t control it are you willing to kill me Rei? This time it won’t be training this time it won’t be fun it will be 02 trying to tear you half with its teeth and you will have to rip its head off it body, you’ll have to forget its me, can you really do that?” She eased up her hand putting it on her collar running her fingers along the edge. “I’ll make it easy for you when you do it, don’t imagine its me, imagine its that brat coming on to you in the corridor, image it’s the person who abused your brother and don’t feel guilty when you make the killer blow and if you have to leave, leave. I would see on shame in Shinji going in to controlled berserk and tearing 02 limbs off.” Shinji turned eyeing her. “Stop it Asuka!” Asuka eyed him. “Stop what? Telling the truth, you know unlike you I don’t sugar coat anything.” Rei eyed her suddenly feeling angry start to burn. “Shut up Asuka!” Asuka turned sharply blinking in surprise it was more from hearing Rei’s anger than anything else. Rei eyed her. “I get it your afraid, I would be to but I’m sick of you being so flippant about your own life, like your expendable!” Asuka eyed her as she felt her teeth start to change as she moved her hand away from Rei’s collar. “I always was expendable that was why they put me on the program 02 was always the back up for 00 and 01 the superior models!”

Rei eyed her as she folded her arms. “No that’s just what Ritsuko’s told you all of these years! Yeah don’t think I don’t know I remember her sharp little comments about 02 when we were kids.” She stepped closer seeing that Asuka didn’t move the ignited left eye and the teeth didn’t scare her she knew better. “Kiko helped build 02 with your mother which makes it just as important.” She paused. “This is not really about being expendable though is it Asuka, that’s just your excuse?” She narrowed her gaze gritting her teeth as she spoke. “It’s that you don’t really want to die but your just doing what you always do, which is trying to make yourself in to the villain because you just don’t want to be the hero.” She carried on staring in to her eyes. “Because you’ve always been more comfortable with the villain the brat and the bully and she’s forever rules your life in some respects because you just can’t seem to free yourself from her.” She watched as the hurt appeared in Asuka’s good eye as her other eye started to dim. “You afraid to be the hero because it would change how you perceive yourself, you’d finally have to admit that you’re a good person who is loving and caring and you’d have to finally embrace admiration. You’d finally see yourself as being like my self and Shinji and that terrifies you more than anything because it’s the one place you don’t think you belong and the one place you think you’re just not cut out for. So instead your keep denying your self that role and running away from it, you and Shinji are not that different. Its just he runs away but then he pulls him self back together and comes back ten times harder, where as you just keep on running!”

She watched as Asuka stepped back her teeth slowly turning to normal as the light faded in her left eye completely. “Misato’s right you have so much potential yet you just constantly put up road blocks so you just can’t reach it.” She took in a deep breath. “I’ve seen the real you, she’s kind, noble and heroic and she gives unconditionally and asks for nothing in return and puts others before herself.” She took in deep breath knowing her next words would hurt but Asuka really needed to hear them. “Why are you being such a coward Asuka and refusing to fully embrace her?” Asuka looked down sadly she had nothing to say in return what was there to say? She knew Rei was right she just didn’t want to hear it she took in a painful breath as she turned towards the door pulling out her patch from her pocket, she didn’t want to be here anymore she just wanted to go home and be alone. Yes she was running away she was being a coward but she just felt like her soft side had just been ripped open. Rei turned sharply as Asuka opened the door. “Where are you going Asuka?” Asuka turned speaking the words quietly. “I’m going home I want to be alone tonight.” She pushed the door open not turning back as she walked down the long corridor. Maya watched as she vanished from sight she turned staring at Rei had anyone else said what she’d said they would have had anger towards them but Asuka had just given in and walked away. She moved towards Rei who now looked sad. “I’ll sign you off you can go home early.” Rei looked up slightly. “She doesn’t want me there she said she wanted to be alone.” Mari eyed her. “Yeah she used to say that shit when we were kids it means the total fucking opposite.”

She turned to Rei. “It was normally when she wanted a hug the most.” She looked down as a memory flashed though her mind. “I used to pick her up and put her in my lap and cuddle her, she was much smaller than me even then she was this cute little red haired bundle if you can imagine that.” Rei eyed her feeling a sad smile form. “Actuality I can.” She paused meeting Mari’s concerned gaze. “Your not mad at me for saying that to her?” Mari shook her head. “No I think she needed to hear it and your right she just doesn’t want to be the hero.” She breathed in deeply. “You see when we were kids she always wanted to be the hero.” She smiled sadly. “One time we were playing in the yard with the boys next door, I was playing princess and the boys were playing knights they had little wooden swords.” She eased up her hands. “The boys were real nice they gave her, her turn to play with the sword and be a knight but my father saw it and he ripped that sword from her hands and told her only boy’s play knights and girls play princess.” She looked down sadly. “She was so devastated she even asked him, why couldn’t the princess be like the knights and fight her way out and be heroic like in the cartoons. My father told her that, that was not her role in life, her role was to be pretty and marry a good looking guy and have children. Afterwards she did that thing that’s very Asuka you know where she bends the rules. Next time we played together she instead played the dragon the villain of the story because then she could just play fight and always get the swords from the knights but she could never use them only stash them.”

She shook her head. “But I think that was not the role she enjoyed I think she always wanted to be the knight and hero. I liked playing princess because I liked the dresses I liked the pink colours it made me feel good still does hence why my plug suite is pink and so is my unit.” She put her hands on Rei’s shoulder. “When ever I call her princess I’m never talking about a princess who needs rescuing I’m talking about the princess from our childhood who carried a wooden sword and who wanted to be a hero and who questioned my father when I was just to afraid to do so.” She paused before speaking. “You both came up on the train so how’s about I drive you up to her house after work and you can both talk it over?” She breathed in deeply. “She doesn’t want to be alone tonight but she will just need a couple of hours to cool off, once she cools down she’ll realize she’s been an idiot and want to call you.” Rei eyed her feeling a smile form. “Thank you Mari, I’d like that.” She turned to Shinji. “You should come up to.” Shinji looked at her. “No not tonight she’s clearly going through a lot but I will talk to her first thing tomorrow, I think she needs you two far more than she needs me. Plus I need to talk to the others about what’s happened they’ll want to know the results of her scan as they all really worried about her.” Mari turned eyeing Maya. “Do you know where Asuka’s house is? I don’t have the directions and she’s only just given my self and Toji her number and e-mail?” Maya picked up her phone. “I’ll get that for you give me a second.”

8

“Stop that man and woman!”

Hayden looked up sharply watching as a man and woman ran towards him they were being chased by the special ops he didn’t think as he turned pressing the button on the gangway opposite 01. He smirked watching as it separated away from the other section falling flat sending both the man and woman crashing in to the bloody red waters bellow. He turned watching as the head of the team Aliya who was of Arabic decent blinked in surprise as she looked at him coming to a sudden stop lowering her gun. “What the hell, why did you do that?” Hayden smirked eyeing the water bellow watching as both people splashed around. “Its red water theirs no oxygen down there, they can’t swim I mean you try to swim under there with out a breathing apparatus you’ll fucking drown.” He raised his hand counting down from five. “Oh and wait for it?” He suddenly heard the screaming and panicking below. “Yeah a lot of people really hate the sensation its not like being the ocean, its like being a vat of thick blood.” He paused easing out a cigarette lighting it. “Though there’s this very rare percent of the population who can swim in it and even dive under it but there like one in a million or so I’ve heard.”

He watched as two of his diving crew leapt in going after the two people below. “I even had a guy here once who could tolerate it, he used to impress us because he could go under and we used to ask him how it could stomach it.” He felt a smile form. “He said it was like being in a warm cloak, weird shit right?” Aliya looked at him. “I seriously never knew that.” She eyed the gangway. “How come the gangway can lower like that?” Hayden eyed unit 01 which was soaked up to its shoulders. “This big brutal bastard here used to have habit of raising its arm upwards and wrecking the gangway so we installed a fall away point because it would only smash it off and we wouldn’t have to rebuild the gangway over and over but in emergencies it can be pressed so it falls away.” He shrugged watched as his divers dragged the people out watching as the special ops behind her put them in hand cuffs. “What these two do anyway?” Aliya breathed in deeply. “Normally I wouldn’t say but since you’ve been so forth coming and helpful I’ll say that there traitors and are in so much trouble.” Hayden took a long breath of his cigarette before breathing the black smoke out. “Fascinating I hope you hung, drew and quarter them old world style.” Aliya smirked. “Oh we intend to believe me.” She turned to the dark haired woman who was eyeing her disgust. “Isn’t that right Kimi?” Kimi turned looking in to her eyes. “I demand a phone call.”

Aliya eyed her pushing her tailed wavy black hair back as her brown eyes fell up on her. “No you don’t get one of those, I mean posing as the head of the visitors centre and then pulling this crap with your little friend here.” She breathed in deeply. “Makoto must have been real desperate to hire you and him because you’re both really fucking sloppy.” Kimi struggled against the hand cuffs. “Please I don’t work for that piece of shit!” Aliya eyed her putting her pistol under her chin forcing her head up by it. “Oh really so who is your handler then?” She slowly clicked off the safety. “Don’t be shy now.” She paused meeting her ice cold blue eyes. “I mean when you posed as head of the visitor centre you have an opinion on everything including disabled people who have accidents and you make fun of them.” She pushed the gun in harder. “My brother Leon is missing a leg but maybe you’d find that funny that he has a robotic and has to take medication.” She narrowed her gaze. “Come on whose paying you!” Kimi breathed in deeply. “It’s Shigeo!” Aliya eyed her in surprise as she pulled her pistol away. “You mean slimy creepy politician Shigeo the guy who’s desperate to be Prime Minster?” Kimi nodded. “Yes! He paid us and gave us key cards he even asked that we put drugs in unit 02 and 04’s entry plugs he wanted to Mari to kill Asuka because he wants control of the Evangelion program!”

The man next her spoke. “We don’t know who he’s working for he never said!” Aliya eyed him. “Who are you?” The blonde haired man looked up. “My name is Nathaniel!” She stepped over to him. “So you honestly don’t know who Shigeo is working for?” Nathaniel eyed her. “No but I know he’s really fucking unhappy about Rei’s relationship with Asuka, because he was had been planning to throw a marriage proposal out to her once she hit twenty three next year, he’s been calling and chatting to her for years trying to get her attention. He sends her gifts and shit like that anything to make her like him even though it never works and she just ignores him. He wants her because she looks like her mother who he was infatuated with but she rejected his advances at the start of the Evangelion program and went off to marry Gendo.” He breathed in deeply. “He wanted Asuka to fucking die that was his words because she was so undeserving of Rei, plus Rei’s has not been at her house for weeks and she’s not taking his phone calls and it’s been driving him mental.” He breathed in deeply. “He’s even been ringing Shinji harassing him for Rei’s model phone number recently and trying to find out where Asuka lives but he turns off the phone and ignores him.” He looked up. “He said to me that only he should have rights to Rei’s body not some bisexual bitch from Germany.”

Hayden breathed out his cigarette smoke. “Wow your employer sounds like a piece of shit he sounds like one of sad old world type bastards who doesn’t get the meaning of the word no.” Aliya turned eyeing him. “You took the words right out of my mouth, what do they call you?” Hayden gave her a smile. “Hayden and you are?” Aliya gave him a smile. “It’s Aliya.” She turned back to Nathaniel. “Wow Misato’s going to have a fucking field day with the both of you I can’t wait to see it its going to be such fun.” She eyed Kimi. “You the most because you betrayed her trust well before this event by disobeying and I can’t imagine how Rei’s going to be when she finds out you both tried to kill Asuka, I heard when she get mad which isn’t often she is not to be toyed with.” She smirked. “She’s going chew you both up and spit you both out.” She eased up her hand. “Oh and Gendo is going to wail on Shigeo when he finds out, granted he’s not that super loving dad but he doesn’t like people screwing with his children or using them to try and take over the Evangelion program. I’ve heard people who do that end up in front of Seele’s black guard and they don’t live to talk about it.” She smirked. “You might even end up there yourself if you’re lucky enough and if you do you won’t survive the night you see Seele’s black guard are not like us. We have tortures we would never perform but they would oh you need not worry they don’t do any form of sexual torture that’s forbidden but they’ll do some real medieval torture on you which involve flaying and gutting you alive and it’ll be slow, long and really painful.”

She felt a cold smile form. “And unlike us they don’t do mercy, no amount of begging will set you free only death will, think about that.” She moved her hand sharply. “Get rid of this trash!” Hayden smiled as they were both dragged away. “You’re kind of scary, I like it.” Aliya smiled putting the safety on her pistol as she put it away. “So are you, I mean you dumped them in red water knowing full well they’d freak out and panic.” Hayden shrugged slightly. “Guy needs a hobby it gets boring down here sometimes.” Aliya turned eyeing all of Evangelion’s which were in neat lines three on each side. “I don’t know I think its cool that you get to spend time with these awesome titans.” Hayden smiled raising his hand. “Well this sides the older titans 00, 01 and 02.” He turned pointing. “On the opposite side we have the younger titans 03, 04 and newest edition 05.” Aliya eyed 02. “Yeah but I noticed though that all the rest are in numerical order but you have 02 is in between 00 and 01.” Hayden looked up at the red unit. “Yeah that fucking beast is always misbehaving when ever we stick it behind 01 its tries to move its limbs or tails towards 00 and we have to put them back again when we get in, in the morning, so now we stick it in between so it doesn’t misbehave and so far we’ve had a few days of it not behaving which is a new record.” Aliya blinked in surprise. “They move? But I thought they couldn’t do that.”

Hayden smirked. “Oh I could tell you so many stories about that because I can tell you now that these three older ones they don’t just twitch they do other really creepy things.” Aliya folded her arms. “How’s about you tell me them all over lunch up in the Arcade tonight after my shift is over?” Hayden eyed her. “With pleasure just give me your number and the restaurant you want to go to.” He leaned forward. “Though you’ll have to excuse the work overalls, I didn’t bring spare set of nice clothes to dress in today.” Aliya raised her hands. “Hey I’m special ops I don’t never have special dress clothes I spend my days teaching employees how to fight and my younger brother’s been teaching them to shoot.” She gave him a wide smile. “So we are in the same boat then.” Hayden eyed her. “It would seem that way.” Aliya pulled out her phone. “So want to share phone numbers?” Hayden smiled pulling out his phone. “Sure.” He looked up slightly. “So what do you like Chinese, Japanese, English American what’s your poison?” Aliya looked up. “I prefer comfort food.” Hayden felt a smile form. “I know a little place for that it’s a bar on the twelfth floor of the Arcade and the guy in there has got a little white cat called Pippin.” Aliya leaned against the rail. “I’ll give it a go might be interesting.”

End of part 55

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shigeo is sadly one of these no means yes kind of assholes and if you caught Rei’s real discomfort in the early story when he was calling her good for you. As I like the idea that he was one of Yui’s many admires who never really let her go after the accident and in Rei he basically sees Yui even though they are not the same person and don’t act the same in this universe. I wanted to bring this up as I see a human Rei having a lot of problems with this growing up in that Yui’s admires who are not very nice and dangerous might home in on her and she might have to put up with some of the none dangerous ones going your mother was so hot, I slept with her once and you look just like her. 
> 
> In this universe the pilots body only controls the Evangelion in beast mode the rest of the time its via controls as I was not a fan of rebuilds moments where the pilots eased up there hand and moved the Evangelion’s it felt really out of place plus to me the fight in End Of Evangelion felt more realistic because you had the pilot wrestling with the controls.
> 
> I really wanted to add a deeper back story as to why Mari calls Asuka princess because I think nick names come from deeper feelings.
> 
> Oh and Haydan just scored big time I wanted to add a scene like this as I like the idea that Nerv being so big that romances can really hit off as I think that would be the nice side of Nerv in that you’d always have a chance to find someone you connect with.


	56. Chapter 56

_STARLIGHT SURROUND_

 

Mari put the break on as she came to a stop outside Asuka's house she eyed it for a long moment seeing all of the sunflowers in the front yard. "Some things never change." Rei slowly stepped out of her car as she locked it. "What do you mean?" Mari pulled her bag over her shoulder as she moved over to the sunflowers. "She loved these as a kid she used to grow them in pots outside the garden door my parents both really hated them." She raised her hand stroking the edges of one of the petals. "I did at first to but its weird you kind of get used to the smell after a while but there really intense at first." Rei looked at her. "Yes that's true they are, I never actuality knew what the smell was until that day you tested unit 02 when I heard you over the com." Mari tensed sharply. "Yeah don't remind me, plus if you think this front garden is strong her unit is twice as intense its knocks you off your feet but you've been in 03 and I'm guessing it was the same for you just a different smell." Rei looked at her as she pulled out her keys. "Yes it was though the smell was of freshly cut grass." Mari felt a smile form. "Yeah it's like all of us have a very different smell and its like we only seem to smell it on each other, other people don't smell it I mean yours is alpine forest." Rei gave her a smile as opened Asuka's door. "Yeah Asuka notices that as well."

Mari smirked. "Bet she hasn't told you though what it is about that smell that draws her to you like a moth to a flame." Rei opened the door going in side seeing that all of the lights had been turned on which meant that Asuka was home. "No she hasn't." Mari felt her smile widened. "When we were little there were alpine forests outside the back of my parent's house and she would play in them for hours, granted she never got to deep in to them but she loved to just lie on her back and look up at the stars through the trees." She pushed up her glasses. "It was when she was her happiest and we both used to just to lie there and talk." She shrugged. "I never really got her fascination but she was the only real friend I had so I joined her anyway and we had good times. We could be ourselves and we had no barriers and we talked about things we just couldn't say to others." She felt a sly smile form. "So when she's around you she must feel very comfortable and probably has no barriers up." She paused as Rei closed the door watching as a little tortuous shell cat ran up to her looking up. She slowly kneeled down stroking its head. "So what do they call you?" Rei put her bag down. "That is Erika." Mari felt her smile widen as she eyed the little cats tatty right ear. "Well you're a bit of a rag a muffin, aren't you still who wants to be perfect anyway?"

Rei walked over seeing that the food bowls had been filled she moved over to the garage opening the door seeing that the Trident was still in place though it had been cleaned along with her own bike which was sitting opposite while Asuka's leather jacket was hanging up in its normal place. "She must be up stairs." She slowly made her way up stairs watching as Mari followed she eyed the empty computer room only to catch sight of Asuka she was fast asleep on her bed in her t-shirt and trousers though she had been drawing something because a digital scroll was sitting on the bedside table she spoke quietly seeing that she was also hugging a pillow. "She's here." Mari smirked poking her head around the door. "Ah yeah I see." She paused as a question entered her mind. "No patch?" Rei moved towards Asuka. "No not when we are alone." She kneeled down next to the bed gently putting her arm on the Asuka's shaking lightly. "Asuka." She shook her again. "Asuka." She watched as the other woman's eyes shot open as she looked around in confusion as it took her a moment to register what was going on as her left eye lit up. "You're here?" Mari came in clapping her hands. "Rise and shine little sister I'm here to!" Asuka didn't think as she grabbed the pillow she'd been holding putting it over her head. "Why are ficken here?!" Mari felt a coy smile form. "Oh don't be like that I came to look at your cosy little home." She paused looking around her. "It's very nice by the way."

She moved closer to her. "So why don't you take that pillow off your head and say hi to me." Asuka tightened her grip on the pillow. "Go away." She gritted her teeth as she spoke. "I get it I was being an idiot, I just don't like having to face what's coming, it's really scares me." Rei moved her hand putting on Asuka's stroking her fingers gently feeling her grip loosen on the pillow allowing her to ease it out as she spoke gently and softly keeping hold of her hand. "I know your scared Asuka no ones judging you for that." She watched as her left eye started to pulse and flash she slowly leaned over running her hand through the long red hair. "But understand that I don't want to loose you hence why I hate you talking about your life like its throw away." Asuka took in a sad breath as she sat up on the bed looking at Rei's hand in her own. "I don't know how to view myself as anything but the villain because that's who I was for most of my childhood, I just don't see myself as a hero." Mari calmly sat on the opposite side of the bed as she eased open her bag they'd stopped off at her apartment before coming here just so she could pick this up. She smiled as she turned to the other woman raising the item in her hand. "Maybe this might help you remember." She eyed the wooden knight's sword in her hands which was very old now. "I mean it's got your name on it." She turned it seeing the big bolded black letters for Asuka on the wooden blade. Asuka looked at the sword sadly. "That's not mine, I stole it."

Mari laughed sadly. "No the boy next door gave it to you as a gift because you really liked it, its just my dad made out that you stole it because he didn't want you playing with swords remember and he took it away from you?" She raised the toy. "Do you remember what that boy said to you Asuka when he gave this to you?" Asuka eyes drifted as she tried to look away. "No I don't." Mari eyed her watching as Rei stroked her long red hair. "He said its okay if you want to be a knight but he thought your idea of the princess who fights her way out was much cooler because then she could fight with him and it'd be a team thing." She shifted a little closer to her. "Personally I thought your idea was very cool to but I didn't tell you that at the time, I was scared because I kept seeing you getting told off and I thought it was better to just be quite." She met her uncertain gaze. "But here's the thing, you were always my hero, because I always wanted to be like you it's the reason that I kept this to remind me of you but I think now it should returned to you as it was always yours." She watched as Asuka took the toy from her hand looking at it. "I'm guessing these past few weeks have been really hard for you, I mean you've been through so much and maybe you think being a hero is just too hard because you're not cut out for it or you have to change radically. What you don't get is you don't even need to change at all, you just need to be yourself, because that's when you're at your best."

Rei looked at her. "Also please stop thinking that you're awful, cruel or evil Asuka because your not you're a good person and you have a very kind heart." She traced her fingers with her own. "That's what made me fall in love with you, it's the reason I stay, because I know you'll always protect me and you make me really happy." Mari watched as her Asuka looked down as she started to cry she moved putting her arm around her. "There's the little sister I remember always trying to be hard as nails on the outside but who is as soft as silk on the inside." She adjusted her glasses. "Do you remember when I used to pull you in to my lap and cuddle you, you know because you were so small?" Asuka felt a sad smile form. "Yes I remember." Mari looked up meeting Rei's curious gaze. "She was half my height but believe me when I say no one on our street messed with Asuka." She pulled Asuka closer. "Didn't you punch this real mean girl once?" Asuka breathed in wiping away her tears trying not to laugh. "Yeah well she was being nasty about you so I punched her." Mari laughed. "She never saw it coming it ether, because you used to wear little dresses and had pig tails and you looked so innocent and harmless but you punched her hard enough to wind her and bring her to her knees, it was fucking hilarious."

She raised her hand. "Oh yeah and do you remember that time all the kids dared you to steal apples from that cranky farmers yard? I was about to come to your rescue but you came crawling back in through the broken fence and you had loads of these red apples and all those kids were just looking at you dumb founded." Asuka couldn't stop herself as she started to laugh. "Yeah and then they wanted them but I said I'd only share with you because you were my big sister and that they should go and get there own." She breathed in deeply. "I never stole them though, I just went through the fence and asked politely and he gave them to me." Rei looked at them both feeling her smile widen. "It sounds like you both had great times together." Mari hugged Asuka tighter. "Oh we did there are so many great stories I could tell you." She moved ruffling Asuka's hair before she could get away. "We had a barrel of fun didn't we princess?" Asuka pushed her off playfully. "Yeah we did four eyes but back then you didn't have glasses." Mari gave her a sly smile. "Yeah well back then you had two eyes." She paused looking at her left eye's patterns. "Now you have got one and your other one change with your emotions or so I've been told."

She breathed in painfully as the guilt hit her hard as she looked down unable to keep the pain out of her voice. "I'm really sorry that I stabbed the UN Alpha test unit in the face and pulled your insides out I never considered that for you the pain was real all I cared about in that moment was killing an angel and showing off to the world how great I was." She looked up. "I caused you so much pain and you must really resent what I did and I wouldn't blame you for never forgiving me for it because during that time I treated you terribly and I laughed at your pain when you were in hospital." Asuka looked up taking in a deep breath before speaking calmly. "Don't be sorry I mean that accident changed so much for me and looking back I don't care that I lost an eye or got scared up because it opened so many doors. Plus we had that dispute already when we had the fight in the gym, so I see it as water under the bridge now and I'm not holding any form of grudge against you Mari." She put down the sword putting her arm around Rei pulling her close. "I mean we wouldn't have started to talk if you hadn't hospitalized me to start with."

Rei looked up at Mari who looked very surprised by this response. "That is very true actuality I mean we hadn't really spoken in three years after Asuka moved away." Asuka looked down. "Yeah we really didn't speak that much at all." She looked up slightly. "So it all worked out in the end." Mari breathed in deeply. "Yeah but I said I wished you'd never been born and it was cruel and wrong and deep down it wasn't true." Asuka put a hand on her arm. "It doesn't matter anymore Mari it was the drugs and you didn't mean any off it and what matters to me now is us being family." Mari looked down even if Asuka was forgiving her deep down she felt that it wasn't enough and one day she would right this wrong somehow she breathed in deeply feeling the need to change the subject. "So do you have any alcohol?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Did you come up in your car or by train?" Mari stood up putting her hands in her jean pockets. "My car but I really want to stay over…so do you have any spirits?" Asuka rolled her eyes. "You get the sofa okay, not the bed." Mari raised her hand. "Its totality fine I get it you and Rei get the bed I get the sofa, plus Rei said your sofa is really comfortable to sleep on." She felt a coy smile form as she recomposed herself. "Just don't scream to loud when she makes you come tonight I might hear you downstairs."

Asuka looked up sharply. "You're terrible you know that?" Mari smirked. "Yes I know I just don't care." Asuka raised her hand. "I only keep three spirits and there just to mix with coke, the rest is beer and larger." Mari looked at her. "That's fine I'll just try your coke and spirit mixes since Maya said I'm now banned from cocktails." Asuka clicked her finger turning to Rei. "How do you make boozy milkshake I mean its ice cream and spirits right with milk?" Rei looked at her. "I can make that no problem I have it now and again at home when I get stressed." Asuka looked up. "I know it's none of my business, but is that asshole Shigeo still bothering you? It's just the other day I heard Shinji talking to Kaworu about him bothering you it just surprised me because I remember you talking about him calling you back when you were sixteen." Rei rolled her eyes as she stood up. "That guy has been bothering for years but over the past three years he started sending me gifts and things I do not want. Its just recently he's been getting way more intense, he keeps talking about marriage and telling me I'm beautiful it makes me really uncomfortable."

She met her concerned gaze. "Its one of the reasons I started coming to your house, because I just wanted get away from him because he was calling me twice a week." She shook her head. "I mean that day I went to pick up my leathers and motor bike to come here, I found all these gift boxes stacked up outside my door, never opened a single one I just shoved them in my garage. It was kind of funny though because the people next door thought they were from you they were surprised when I told them that they weren't. Also I sell off all of the stuff he gives me at work because I'm not interested in it. He sends me dresses, software expensive equipment but in all the years he's sent gifts he's never sent me a single thing I ever liked or wanted." Asuka slowly stood up. "He sounds like the younger asshole me, I used to do that to win over men or women I was interested in. I gave them things I wanted them to have but never a single thing that spoke to their hearts it was about the ideal of them as objects that I could sleep with. Not who they were as people it's the worst kind of lusting and desire and it's never ever works out believe me." She paused before speaking. "We should tell Misato about this she might be able to get Gendo or Ritsuko to stop it." Rei breathed in slowly and deeply she didn't see anything coming from this as her father never helped her or Shinji but she was willing to try as she was so sick of Shigeo getting in to her life. "Yeah we should."

Mari folded her arms. "Okay not to change the subject but how's about we all watch a movie or something?" She turned to Asuka. "You do have films right?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Yes my lists are on our flat screen." Mari watched as they left the room she followed them. "Please tell me she has action and monster movies?" Rei looked up. "Her film list is vast and very long, I'm sure you'll find something to interest you." Mari moved grabbing Asuka's shoulders as they made there way in to the living room. "Oh long list, so plenty of R rated adult entertainment then?" Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "The kind with blood, guts and violence yes not the other kind you're thinking off." Mari put a hand on her chest. "Your so mean little sister, I was referring to the first kind, I mean if I want the other kind that's what VR helmets are for and I heard you are a fan of those." Asuka eyed her. "Forma I don't care about them anymore." Mari turned eyeing Rei. "Oh yeah right I mean she's so much better than any simulation your ever going to get right and she won't break from your over use." Asuka shoved her off playfully seeing that Rei was just shaking her head. "Go make yourself useful and make the drinks Mari."

8

Gendo put the tablet down as he eyed the four people in front of him who had been chained and brought to his and Ritsuko's office. He stood up slowly walking towards them as he spoke coldly. "So you're my enemies." He raised a gloved hand eyeing Makoto and Ryoko. "So these two are from Ouroboros?" Misato looked at Kaji who was close by. "That is accurate." Gendo turned eyeing the other two. "Where are these two from?" Kaji looked up. "We don't know we only know that there employer is Shigeo who they say has been trying to pursue your daughter romantically but she's been rejecting his advances." Gendo's face turned darker. "Really?" Misato breathed in deeply. "These two put the drugs inside Mari's and Asuka's entry plugs the idea was to make Mari finish the job but it didn't work the reasons of which I stated in my report." Gendo looked up. "Yes I read that report it seems that fate played a hand in our favour that day because blood is thicker than water even un-related blood." Kimi turned in confusion. "What are fucking talking about?" Kaji eyed her putting his hands in his pockets. "What you didn't hear? There step sisters they lived together once up on a time before things happened that separated them but once it came out in to the open they very quickly established that bound again it seems Asuka will favour family over fighting."

He watched as Kimi sneered as she looked down. "That wasn't the whole reason you put the drugs in there entry plug though Shigeo wanted Asuka dead because he's jealous of her relationship of with Rei and feels that he's some how entitled to her." Gendo looked up sharply. "Really?" Kaji nodded meeting his angry gaze. "His interest in her is there because he also wants control of this program." Gendo put a hand on his beard. "Well he won't live to see that interest for filled." He looked up slightly the anger in his tone as he spoke. "Nether of my children are bargaining chips or items for other people to twist to there own agendas!" Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "Yet you let Asuka sleep with your daughter and your son with Kaworu." Gendo turned to her. "I understand this is a subject we don't agree on but let me be very clear I see great advantages to Asuka being with my daughter. Because she's become much more controllable recently my daughter somehow tames her and gets her stay in line and behave and that is very useful to me with regards to my son who he sleeps with is his own business and their telling me that it's making relations with the Ukraine much easier."

He stroked his beard. "Any thing that's of benefit to Nerv is a benefit to me." He turned looking at Nathanial. "On a more pressing concern though, who does Shigeo work for?" Nathanial looked up. "We told we don't know!" Gendo eyed him in disgust. "No you don't know because your throw away and deposable." He walked over to Kimi. "You know though don't you?" Kimi looked up slightly. "No I don't." Gendo breathed in deeply. "Yes you do because your one of those small people who prides themselves on being resistant." He eased up his gloved hand slowly pulling it off. "Resistant fools are always the most fun to crack." He opened his hand watching as a large eyeball formed in it whose red pupil started to move around. "This is a token from Adam a piece of him if you will only two parts were ever found because he left us nothing else of his body or soul when he ascended but I'm guessing you already know that because I think your true employer told you more about this program than your letting on." He moved closer to her. "The eye of Adam has many uses but its greatest and most entertaining use is forcing out truths." He grabbed her hair with his other hand as he spoke calmly bringing the eye closer to her face. "Don't resist you'll just make it so much worse." Misato watched as Ritsuko folded her arms looking away as the Kimi's screams of agony suddenly hit the air which caused the other prisoners to look on in terror.

Misato looked at Kaji who looked just as shocked by this how had he Gendo done this? She had always been told that people couldn't merge in any way with Adam all she did know was that all of Evangelion's DNA strands were created using a pure source from Adam what the source looked like she had no idea as it had always been kept a secret, had he used that source to do this? If so it was horrifying. Gendo kneeled down slowly as he spoke keeping his grip on the screaming woman whose eyes were starting to go blood shot as her nose started to bleed. "Now let me ask you again who do you work for?" Kimi's voice came filled with pain. "My employer works for Ankh they told me everything about the program!" Gendo pulled his hand away watching as she breathed in before her eyes rolled back and she lost consciousness hitting the floor much to Kaji's and Misato's horror he looked up slightly. "Weak." He paused eyeing her. "Don't trouble yourself she's not dead but she'll be in pain for a long time." He moved slowly over to Makoto. "You are a massive disappointment, Nerv gives you good things and you throw it right back in my face and my wife's face as she trusted you and put a lot of faith in you." Makoto eyed him in disgust. "Our leader and savour is ten times the man you are Gendo, you denied us heaven and our right to human instrumentality!" Gendo adjusted his glasses. "Heaven comes at a cost but I doubt your employer told you that."

He turned picking up a device opposite pressing it bringing up one of Asuka's drawings on the large hologram screen opposite which was the one of his son strangling her followed by another drawing by his son which was from years ago showing him strangling her in a kitchen setting all painted in horrible dark colours the only difference was that Asuka was standing upright while being strangled and they were both dressed in normal clothes. "My son threw this canvas out after painting it five years ago after the spilt, I found that very strange as like my daughter he rarely throws away works as they both give them to charities to sell off which made me think that this had importance and the image Asuka drew recently on the left confirms it as there both clearly echoes." He turned slightly. "This is what your employer failed to tell you which is a lot of people have started to remember certain past cycles in a deeply negative way." He lowered the device. "We are not meant to force our way in to heaven." He moved closer to Makoto. "Why do you think it is that a certain small percentage of the population can swim in red bloody water?" Makoto looked up. "Why should I care about that detail?" Gendo looked at him for a long moment. "Those who reject human instrumentality can swim in red water because they reject it over and over every single time and it's not heaven to them its hell all they see and feel are images that they don't want to see they hate it with a passion."

He watched as the eye in his hand moved to focus on the screen images. "Its run deeper though because these people are starting to become very powerful because they have cycled that many times that they know how to leave their hell and they are drifting like waves in to the heavens of others and influencing them forcing more and more people to reject the illusion of heaven and its get worse with every cycle because the ones they freed in the last one then do the same in the new cycle and they never return to heaven once they know its not real." He turned the screen to black. "You think we are denying you something, we are saving you from yourself the Evangelion's are your gods on earth put there to give you a normal life and rebirth." He eased up his hand with its eye. "Now you will tell me which rich socialite gave you the drugs which you gave to the pilots to mess with there minds." He moved his hands closer. "Also don't lie to me because my patience, is wearing extremely thin." Makoto looked up sharply the fear in his eyes. "It was the politician Kin!"

Gendo moved his hands away. "I want to be surprised yet I'm not." Ritsuko breathed in deeply. "Should have known it might be Shigeo's rival she's wants to be Prime Minster just as badly as he does." Gendo raised his hand watching as the eye closed as it vanished going back in to his hand as he put his glove back on. "Send out a message to Seele they'll no doubt send out the black guard to kill both Shigeo and Kin, though they'll make it took like an accident." He looked at Ryoko. "The British can have this one and we'll be happy with any information they can give us will come with reward." He moved pointing to Makoto. "This one can go to Germany again any information he gives will be rewarded." He moved to Nathanial. "This one should be locked away until a later time as he might be useful." He eyed Kimi who was still unconscious. "My daughter can have this one to do as she pleases so lock her up as well."

He looked up slightly. "I may not see eye to eye with ether of my children but I believe that no one should ever step on there feet with regards to personal matters." Misato watched as they were all dragged away she took in the deep breath somehow she was glad this was over because she wanted to leave, Shinji had never shown her that painting and he must have felt terrible about it to throw it away like that. Gendo turned slightly. "I feel its time that promoted you to Colonel." Misato looked up snapping out of her thoughts. "What?" Gendo slowly moved sitting himself at his desk. "Since Makoto's departure leaves a gap its means some ranks can be changed, I think its time you were shifted upwards and in turn you can promote some one to fill his place while in turn moving up the ranks yourself. You revealed two separate factions who were trying to destroy us from with in and that it worthy of reward." Misato looked up slightly. "I had a lot of good people who helped me expose these people and one of them was Kaji." Gendo put his hands together. "Then see them rewarded how ever you see fit." He turned looking at Kaji. "I can't reward you by giving you back your position we both know why that it your medicine makes you unfit and it makes you sick." Kaji looked up slightly. "I don't want my old position back."

Gendo breathed in deeply. "Then what do you want then?" Kaji turned slightly. "I want Makoto's position including his pay rise and all his luxury health care benefits, I'm still happy to train pilots on the training field but in battle I want the full command desk not the sub par one secondary one you gave me, your going to employ someone new anyway and they can have my old desk." Ritsuko eyed him. "That can be arranged, the health benefits might actuality be of use to you since you need a check up every three months maybe they can make your stem cell parts more tolerable with slightly better medication." Kaji met her stern gaze. "Hence the reason why I want his luxury health benefits so badly because I tired of struggling with the low grade medication and being sick at least three times a week because it's such shit." Gendo looked up. "Then as off tomorrow you'll get his desk." He turned eyeing Misato. "Your promotion will happen at the weeks end as we need to clear up the paper work and formality and this does entitle you a bigger apartment if you want one." Misato looked down. "I'm not interested in that I've lived in that apartment for years and its feels like my home and I've watched most of the pilots grow up there and I have too many fond memories." Gendo looked up. "A compromise then maybe more updated equipment a refurbishment if you will." Misato looked up. "Yes I'll take that over the later." Gendo put his hands together. "Once you're promoted I'll have a team in to see that done."

8

Rei felt Asuka's arm around her, she was fast asleep but had pulled her close in her sleep like she always did so she was as close up against her possible. There legs were wrapped together as always and they were in their nightwear. It was that nice feeling of warmth protection and she liked it so much, she had never really imagined it would be this way they had finish watching a movie some time ago and now Mari was asleep down stairs on the sofa it had been so nice to see them interacting like this now and it was clear that they really cared about each other as sisters and it was great to finally see Mari for who she actuality was as it was clear she was a needy and very affectionate person but her anger due to the drugs had hidden that from everyone up until now and she could see why Toji had always stood by her as he had seen much more of her real face than they had. She breathed in deeply Shinji had always wanted everyone to be family again like when they had been children. Now there was a very real chance that, this could really happen for the first time in years and the thought filled her with a lot of happiness as he was right they should be a family again. She lay her head down on the pillow about to drift off only for Asuka's voice to hit the air. "You are not me I'm not you so ficken leave me alone."

Rei turned sharply was she talking to Bardiel? No wait the tone was all wrong and she knew it because Asuka was always at her most annoyed when they talked her voice was more even she listened as she spoke again. "Oh I was you last time around that's a funny why would I want to be a bitter, little narcissist like you plus it's not my fault you got violent and angry and screwed up your world." The other woman's mouth slowly formed a cold smile. "Oh I see it was an over sight, please spear me you didn't like your world so you ruined it, so what your now stuck in limbo and you want to chat to your next reincarnation?" There was a long pause. "I don't give a scheisse if my sexuality makes you uncomfortable where I come from it's not a crime to be bisexual if it was in your world then I'm glad we both are not still there." There was another long pause. "Oh I see now so you made a bargain but it didn't not occur to you that you might become me…well frankly I'm not unhappy to disappoint you, tell me did Bardiel send you here?" Rei listened quietly as she spoke again. "Wait so let me make sure I've got this right you're here because my soul is fragmenting because of Bardiel and in truth we were never meant to meet but his actions are pushing you out because he's taken your place in my soul."

Asuka's smile slowly vanished. "You want me to put you back?" There was another very long pause. "So now we have it you want me to fix it, why would you want that, you don't even like me?" Rei shifted closer watching as Asuka's left eye suddenly opened in her sleep as it ignited turning not white but pure bright light blue. "Because we are not meant to be separated we are one and the same, mirrors in time, reflections of each other and Bardiel is ruining our very soul with his actions and he will destroy the others." Asuka's voice came filled with utter confusion. "What others?" Rei felt her eyes dart. "Twenty cycles, twenty separated lives, twenty rebirths all building up to create me, their loves their life experiences, to make me who I am." There was a long pause. "How come Bardiel doesn't know about you?" Rei turned seeing the eye was still glowing light blue. "Because you exist just outside his space and time…then tell me how do I get rid off him? Because it might have escaped your notice but I've been trying really ficken hard." Rei felt Asuka body shift in her sleep as the other woman gripped her tighter. "Free myself from fresh and blood? Do you know how stupid that sounds and why are you being so cryptic?" Asuka teeth suddenly ground together. "That's not an answer you're not helping me…"

Rei watched as Asuka eye slowly dimmed though there was a flash of red and black in it for just a spilt second before it closed and she went back in to a deep sleep the other woman's grip around her body easing ever so slightly. She looked up watching as just for a second the digital clock opposite the bed suddenly cut out for a second before turning back on as it reset itself back to normal time along with the alarm. Rei eased up her hand running it through the long red hair very gently, if anything that was out right strange. Asuka had talked about this once already seeing herself in her dream she was clearly seeing herself again but it didn't explain the clock cutting out like that or the change of colours in the left eye. She took in a slow deep breath maybe she would have some answers tomorrow. She was not going to wake the other woman up right now and ask her as it was so important that she got her sleep. She took hold of Asuka's hand tracing it with her fingers, Asuka was right the end game was coming but the thought turned her stomach and she couldn't really blame her for leaving earlier today. She had just wanted her to stop hating herself and stop denying herself happiness and like the others she believed she could win. After all as Asuka had said so many times Bardiel was a bully and a coward who didn't like to play fair where as she was hero but she would probably never see herself that way maybe the closest she'd ever come would be to see herself as an anti hero and maybe that would be enough.

8

Misato leaned on her veranda looking at the lights of Tokyo three she watched as Kaji came to stand close by she had asked him to come to her home as she really needed his company. "Do you know what the source of Adam is? Because I've never seen it and Maya has only ever seen the strands created from it." Kaji breathed in deeply shaking his head. "Sadly no Seele kept that secret even from me when I was in there spy division." He looked up at the night sky. "I didn't know about that eye on his hand." Misato looked down slightly. "What he did was awful they said she's came back around an hour ago but she's really spaced out and unresponsive its she has the symptoms off someone who has taken a huge blow to head." She looked up slightly. "Makes me wonder what other toys he has hidden from us." Kaji moved a step closer to her. "Maybe its better we don't know we know to much as it is." Misato leaned on her elbow. "Did you see Shinji's painting?" Kaji put a hand on her shoulder. "Yes." Misato turned to him. "He never showed me that painting I never knew it existed and I know why he got rid off it he doesn't want to see himself that way."

She put a hand on her face. "I am so stupid I poked at Asuka over the fact that she had the same kind of image yet I never considered that Shinji might draw the same thing and that both images point to some violent, toxic conflict in one of there distant life times, its so fucked up." Kaji looked at her for a long moment. "You shouldn't blame yourself for what you saw in both those paintings in our world there just an artists feeling and emotions put on paper and they never happened." Misato looked at her hands. "They could have happened though I pushed Shinji and Asuka that hard to be together and I never once considered that, that might happen." Kaji leaned closer. "If what they say is true about repeating cycles then there might be other worlds where there together and doing fine." Misato turned meeting his dark gaze. "Yeah I guess there is that I hadn't considered that at all." Kaji felt a smile form as he looked around him at her apartment's veranda. "I'm just surprised you didn't want to up get a bigger apartment."

Misato slowly raised her hand. "Two blocks in that direction are Shinji and Kaworu's apartments." She turned her hand the other way pointing at one of the skyscrapers. "Toji and Sakura live over there." She moved her hand to the highest one. "Mari lives in that one." She pointed to the distant fields and farmland. "And somewhere out there are Asuka and Rei it makes me comfortable that there all close in some way and from where I stand I can see them all." She pointed in the other direction. "And a block that way is Rei's apartment but I don't see her coming back to it." Kaji looked up slightly. "What makes you say that?" Misato breathed in sadly. "I'm guessing you've heard that Asuka's condition has gotten worse it's the reason she went home early?" Kaji looked down sadly. "Yes I have." Misato slowly eased her tablet out of her pocket. "Asuka sent me an updated version of her will in the event that she dies the house goes to Rei. Shinji gets her work bike and he gets a massive chunk of her savings along with Mari while her grandmother and cousin get massive chunks from that same saving pot, but everything else goes to Rei including the remaining savings."

She eyed the tablet reading the last words which Asuka had written in her will. "I wish that Rei Ayanami be well provided for that she always be happy and I thank her for the time we shared together. Though it was short it was the best time in my life and I never felt more alive than with her and am forever grateful that she dragged me back from the abyss and I will love her forever for that." She sadly put the tablet to one side. "It's just not fair no matter how I look at it they get together and this happens I mean Toji and Kaworu where really sad to hear the news and everyone knows the clock is now ticking. I even saw Maya drinking in the bar before I left and that's rare for her, but understandable Asuka's been her friend for years and now she could die and she's not taking it well." She breathed in painfully. "They had a massive argument because Asuka was quite happy to be locked up, she even demanded it but Maya refused her." She turned looking at the stars. "Asuka was even saying it was okay if the others had to kill her she was willing to accept it and to see her as the villain to make it easier."

Kaji put a hand on his beard. "Yeah but I heard it back fired on her big time because Rei got really pissed off and called her out on her bullshit and told her to stop trying to be the villain and to embrace being a hero for once in her life." Misato took in a deep breath. "Even after everything I still can't make that woman see that she's a hero, I just hope that Rei and Mari have more success." Kaji eased out his medication putting it in his mouth before swallowing it down with some water ignoring the foul taste. "I've been thinking about this maybe she's not that kind of hero." Misato raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" Kaji moved back to stand next to her. "Isn't the villain who reforms called an anti hero? There never as clean as the normal heroes and they don't play by the book but in comics and media they tend to be very popular because they are they go to the dark places others won't. If anything Shinji, Rei, Kaworu and Toji and the others are by the book heroes they always follows rules but Asuka and Mari are much more anti hero's they break rules and play to the dark side of their natures more. It doesn't make them less than the others it just means their different." Misato looked up sharply. "Never thought about that but that's really accurate."

Kaji put a hand on the banister. "Personally no matter what the outcome is I think Asuka won't go down lying down she will fight this till her last breath." Misato eyed him. "Oh I don't doubt it." Kaji looked up. "I'm sorry that this has over shadowed your promotion." Misato shook her head. "Its okay, to be honest I didn't care about it that much anyway even with the raised pay grade I'm more happy that you got yours I mean you will now get paid more and you get can better health care. I had no idea that the medication made you so sick I mean throwing up three to four times a week fucking sucks." Kaji eased out his pill container. "Yeah that is true I'll get the A grade version of this stuff rather than this B grade shit, it makes you less sick but its more expensive and this only comes about because stem cell surgeries still aren't a perfect science yeah you can make copies of everything but in you still get rejection issues hence why you really need the medication." He eyed the blue and green pills. "Granted most people are fine, it's just I'm not one of them I'm one of the unlucky ones."

Misato breathed in deeply as a question entered her mind. "Tell me something in university did you have feelings for me?" Kaji took in a deep breath as he put his pills away. "To be fair I didn't even though I pursued you and you rejected me and you always made it clear that you weren't in to casual." Misato raised an eyebrow. "But things have changed haven't they?" Kaji looked down. "Yes, getting shot changes your perspective on life you think about things you should have done better and you view the people in your life very differently." He paused taking in a deep breath. "All I could think of was your face and it made me realize how much I missed you as I told you some time ago and I would always consider you my friend." Misato moved a little closer to him. "But you feel more than that don't you?" Kaji took in a deep breath why did he suddenly have this horrible feeling in his stomach that Asuka might have been to honest and said too much? He looked down the truth was hated keeping this to himself and he didn't want to anymore and come what may he now wanted it out in the open as he spoke calmly. "Yes I love you"

He took in a deep breath raising his hand. "But I know you don't feel the same about me and that's okay." Misato eased her hand running it very gently through his short beard. "What if I did feel the same way?" Kaji looked at her for a long moment suddenly feeling a very confused by her actions. "But Ritsuko told me you have no feelings for me, she's always told me that even in university back when were all friends before she turned in a monumental jackass and married Gendo." Misato moved her hands to his Nerv jacket. "Like you said people change all with time I think we've both changed." She looked in to his eyes watching as they met own as everything suddenly clicked in to place as she spoke a wide smile forming. "Let's just say I've changed and I have feelings for you." Kaji took in a deep breath feeling a huge weight lift off his shoulder he had not expected this to happen and now it was he just wanted to ride this road coaster come what may as it felt like he'd waited an eternity for this. He smirked as he spoke. "Yes you've changed you're going to be Colonel and tomorrow I'm going to be one a high level bridge lieutenant along with Maya and Shigeru even though I'm sick man." Misato felt a sly smile form. "Well I can live with a sickly man so long as he brings me iced coffee."

Kaji raised his hand. "Oh so its coffee duty well I can work with that." Misato raised an eyebrow putting a hand on his stomach. "Plus we are not that different I mean we both have some nice scars now so that's got to count for something." Kaji leaned forward. "Yes there is that." Misato inched a little closer to his face as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Why don't you stay here, tonight?" Kaji leaned a little closer. "Is that an invitation?" Misato looked up. "Yes." Kaji felt his smile turn to a wide grin. "Well I wouldn't miss that for the world." He leaned forward kissing her gently on the lips only for her kiss to become extremely intense as she shoved him up against the veranda wall. Okay so she was fire some well he could work with that and in truth he was already liking the fire as she kissed harder dragging him inside her house as she slammed the blind shut as her hands started to unbutton his Nerv jacket as he pulled her leather jacket off. They both ended up on the floor in the front room where the cushions were by the flat screen television as he started to undo her shirt as she kicked of her military boots not caring as one smashed in to window blind before landing hard on the ground.

He breathed in talking through he kisses as the tail was pulled free from his hair as he eased her shirt off feeling his come free as his was opened and forced off. "You're so keen." He felt her hands grab at his belt pulling it open as they carried on kissing as he moved undoing her trousers as she spoke in a salty voice her legs suddenly coming up and clamping to his sides. "I waited three years for this…I want to enjoy every moment of it." Kaji felt her start to kiss him harder oh yes this was going to be a hell of a ride and he was going to savour every moment of it and he could feel himself getting so turned on with anticipation for what was coming as he pulled her trousers come off feeling his own get forced down she wanted him and he wanted her and it couldn't be any better. He moved to get on top of her again only for her to shift forcing her body on top of his he pulled the other way getting back on top of her watching as a sly smile formed on her lips as his hands started to roam his body as hers did the same to him. This was clearly going to be a battle of sexual wills and that just made him even more turned on as he started kissing her neck seeing the flush of red in her cheeks as she pushed her body harder against his.

End of part 56

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe when Adam ascended two embryo’s were left behind not one each being one half of his body the first was used to create the Evangelion’s pure DNA strands and this embryo is kept in a special LCL cold storage case and is locked away from the whole world who don’t know about it and think Evangelion’s are some form of genetic cloning using animals. The second one was swallowed by Gendo and became the eye of Adam like in the manga but unlike the manga he has had it so long that he can control it Gendo’s hands are not burnt in this universe ether so the eyes looks healthier and its though it’s a part of him it does have the ability to view and scan its own world as it’s a symbiotic relationship.
> 
> All of the Evangelion’s are made from Adam there is no special unit in this universe as Nerv does not want human instrumentality to happen so the only limit is the pilot’s mental state and how far they can push the unit hence the first and early states were beast mode and berserker where as the new states are the semi primal and the primal.
> 
> The wooden sword I wanted to add in as I liked in rebuild that Asuka still had a child hood toy and though this Asuka is more akin to the series/manga one I felt that her getting in touch with her childhood again would add to this journey of self discovery that she’s on and I think the sword would be the Legler “Star Knight” sword.
> 
> I like to believe that all manner of pairing could exists in other Evangelion universes and this story is just one way it could turn out. As I do like the idea that maybe in one a happy and healthy version of Shinji/Asuka exists somewhere.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has given Kudos and booked marked this story.


	57. Chapter 57

_THE SAD NATURE OF TIME_

 

Gendo looked at the hologram close by which showed Asuka’s whole infected right side brain, spine and nervous system. “So this is it then, this is our judgement day?” Misato looked at Maya who just looked outright sad along with Kaji. “In a manner of speaking yes, what ever Bardiel has planned he’s going to do it very soon.” Ritsuko looked up sharply. “She should be locked up!” Maya turned holding back none of her anger. “Oh yes lets lock her up treat her like an animal a monster because that would really help her, I mean she already knows she’s on borrowed time! She deserves to spend her time with her friends and loved ones not alone in a dark cell somewhere.” She folded her arms. “Plus we know Bardiel can open locks so he’ll just set her free.” She looked at Ritsuko whose face remained emotionless. “I know you don’t like Asuka because of what happened with Kyoko but when she found out she even asked to be locked up it’s just I wouldn’t let her.” Misato eyed Gendo. “You have the eye of Adam could that not set her free?” Gendo eyed his gloved right hand. “It doesn’t work that way, it takes and its purpose is to hurt the soul and it wouldn’t set her free other than to kill her.” He put his hands together. “I would rather her fight that is what she is best at is it not?” Misato looked up. “Yes it is.” Gendo eyed the scan. “I fail though to understand why he’s so heavily infected the right side of her brain but has paid no interest to the left side.”

Kaji eyed the scan. “None of us understand this currently it’s so strange and makes no sense as we know he could swamp her whole brain.” Ritsuko looked up slightly. “How long does she have?” Maya looked down. “Hours maybe days, it’s impossible to tell she believes though that it won’t be long before Bardiel acts.” Ritsuko looked down. “Then you may as well make her last day or days comfortable and I probably don’t need to mention that she won’t be allowed to pilot in any way.” Misato eyed her. “Yes we are all well aware of that.” She folded her arms. “We don’t believe she wants to pilot at all but she’s coming in anyway because she wants to be with Rei.” Ritsuko looked at the screen again. “Then so be it.” Gendo looked up. “You can all leave now.” Ritsuko watched as they left closing the doors behind them she leaned back in her chair as she met Gendo’s gaze. “You didn’t tell the truth the eye of Adam could have easily have gotten rid of Bardiel you knew that from the very beginning.” Gendo felt a smile form. “Yes but that would be too easy and I want to gain something from this whole event if I forced him out Bardiel in his parasite form he’s off no value to us.” Ritsuko looked at him in confusion. “Then why did you ask me to put Asuka in Obrax?”

Gendo looked up slightly from his desk. “I wanted to see how deeply embedded he was I was sure your machine would work your designs are after all flawless just like your mothers and I also wanted to see what we were dealing with as did Seele.” He raised his hand. “I think you know what I want to happen and what interests me.” Ritsuko eased up the device bringing the shot of Asuka’s brain closer as a dark smile formed on her lips. “Yes I do, you want her to somehow expel him but not in his parasite vine form you want her to recreate him self somehow in flesh form.” Gendo looked up. “Yes.” Ritsuko leaned on her elbow. “That could kill Asuka.” Gendo pushed up his glasses. “I highly doubt that and I have a feeling anything she recreates will be of high value even if she kills him and only leaves pieces.” He picked up his own device bringing up an image from Asuka’s drawing showing Bardiel running towards her on the ice. “He’s is such a different specimen, his body could be used to create a whole new generation of Evangelion’s or even used to somehow upgrade our own. We got nothing in the Alpha test unit we tore through every piece and we did not find a single part of him it was nothing but an empty vessel and most disappointing but at the time no one was aware that he had gotten in to Asuka’s body we assumed he’d just died and disintegrated away.”

He stroked his thick beard. “This will benefit the program greatly more Evangelion DNA and from a fresh new source, though our current source which is from one of Adams embryos is fine I believe a secondary source would be good to have lying around, it allows for new developments on the program.” He put his hands together. “Seele knows also off this and they want the scenario to just pan out all the same, Bardiel’s death in true Evangelion form is everything we desire.” Ritsuko leaned forward. “How do you know that Asuka will kill him?” Gendo pressed his device bringing up a recording wave pressing it as his mouth formed a cold smile as Asuka’s enraged recorded voice hit the air. “ _So let me repeat this because you clearly not getting it, touch Rei or use me to touch her, I will kill you and believe me one day I’m going to kill you regardless. I’m going to tear you limb from limb and eat you part by part and bathe in that sickly blue blood of yours and its going to be glorious and I’m going to keep you alive just long enough to feel every single moment of the pain_.” He looked up meeting her surprised gaze. “Because my dear she’s thinks like an apex predator and apex predators don’t share food, territory or mating space with other apex predators they kill them.”

8

Asuka gently took hold of Rei’s hand guiding her towards her lap they were in the continental breakfast bar again. “I can get you breakfast.” Rei tried to move only for Asuka’s hand to find her waist as she was suddenly pulled in to her lap so she was seated on it. “No we agreed it’s my turn, you got breakfast yesterday.” Asuka looked up. “I didn’t agree to that.” Rei looked up realizing that the Nerv staff were staring at them some of them with very amused expressions on their faces. “Yes you did Asuka now let me go it’s a five minute order it will only take me a minute to order.” Asuka felt a wide toothy grin form. “Yeah but that’s a minute I don’t get to spend with you.” Rei turned looking her straight in her good eye as she raised her fingers running them slowly down Asuka’s face as she spoke softly as she kissed her gently on the lips. “Please let me go.” Asuka slowly eased her hands loose letting her go watching as she went over the bar she leaned on her elbow as she took a slip of her orange juice before looking back at her phone flicking through her message or more the ones that Anneberg thought were worthy of her attention.

There were the usual interviews requests she had already sent her reply back to gallery that she was interested and they’d returned an e-mail asking for her to pick a date to visit. As Mari had said the software company were interested in a live interview and had sent out a request which she’d reserved today. She turned her phone side ways flipping the screen as she went to the news feeds regarding her self she never did this normally but her curiosity was getting the better of her. She eased up her phone letting her eyes wander over the words for a long moment as she started playing one putting in one of her headphones. “ _Get a load of this the unit 02 pilots is ripping of that ugly things face off that woman is made of steel_!” Asuka flipped the recoding further. “ _Okay I don’t know what is going on but she’s plugging those tails in to the things entry plugs and it’s hurting the ugly bastard so much. For everyone who is just tuning in this is live from Uluru_ _Australia_ _and the German pilot Asuka Langley Soryu is punishing this ugly monster big time. This is the same pilot who most though would never walk again after the Alpha test incident and who we were told had been crippled in both legs_.”

There was a long pause. “ _We believe she is somehow affecting this things AT field as well talk about heroic_ _if this carries on the other Evangelion’s might just get close enough to really damage this thing maybe even kill it_.” Asuka flipped to another video where two presenters were viewing her artwork of Rei as the first man spoke. “ _It’s not Shinji’s art I can tell you that now, styles all wrong and look at the strokes every artist has a style and no two are ever the same and lets be clear right here, right now its deeply romantic imagery_.” He turned towards the other man. “ _So to call the German pilot violent, senseless and stupid is a tad unfair when you take this in to account she’s clearly has some hidden talents we are just now seeing I mean she’s been out of lime light for three years. I’ve been told that it was a complete disappearance after the Hikari incident which we now know that she didn’t do. I mean what was she doing in all of that time? Nerv has now mentioned that she did do art in school but even they said it was a surprise to them. I mean she spent all that time alone and I do mean alone because Nerv has openly stated that she became very discounted from the other pilots after this event and spent a lot of her time by herself even outside work. So maybe she put all of her time in to her hobbies and art and these digital paintings have been the final outcome.”_

The man next to him looked up _. “Still doesn’t explain why_ _Ayanami loves her.”_ The first man rolled his eyes _. “Now your just being unfair I think the answers are obvious, it’s because Ayanami sees all the good in her that we missed because we all judged her. It was very easy to do we had mountains of footage showing some selfish, violent cruel, little girl we all just forgot that people change and that’s the bigger problem which is we all saw what we wanted to see.”_ He paused looking at the painting _. “It was easy for us but lets be real that’s not the same person we saw in the visitor centre. I remember the old Asuka she used to break open the doors and lap up the fan attention this one was clearly terrified to even be there, it was written all over her face I mean she fiddled with that pendent like some nervous little kid.”_ He put his hands together _. “Oh yes and Nerv has made it quite clear that, that pendent is extremely valuable to her, as it was a gift from Ayanami and it never ever leaves her neck even when she’s piloting just like Shinji always wears the Greek cross which we know was a gift from the Major herself.”_ He looked up. _“Clearly Asuka has been good for a long time, we just missed it and ignored it…”_

“I see your looking at your self in the news feed princess!”

Asuka leapt up in surprise realizing that Mari was right behind her chair she slammed her button on her phone turning it her screen saver. “No I wasn’t four eyes!” Mari smirked as she pulled up a chair opposite seeing the embarrassment creep on to Asuka’s face as she pulled her head phone out of her line of sight. “You know it’s not a crime to watch yourself on the news.” Asuka eyed her. “I wasn’t watching I was just curious.” Mari laughed not caring that everyone could hear her as she folded her arm. “Asuka you really suck at lying, has anyone ever told you that?” Asuka eyed her putting her phone away. “Yes countless times.” Mari leaned over putting her arm around the other woman much to her annoyance. “Then maybe you should not try little sister.” She leaned closer to her. “Between us though I did enjoy last night it was fun your house is very cosy and alcoholic milkshake is really nice you have got to give more recipes for that.” She turned as Rei appeared giving her smile. “Hi there! I was just keeping her warm for you.” Rei watched as she pulled away as she put her breakfast down along with Asuka’s. “Your family you don’t have to explain yourself.” Mari eyed Asuka’s breakfast. “Are you on some crappy healthy eating regime or something what’s with all the yogurt and cereal crap on top?” Asuka eyed her. “It’s called muesli and it has nothing to do with healthy eating I’m just not hungry today.”

Mari eyed her in confusion. “Since when are you not hungry for meat? I see you eat meat all the fucking time I mean from what I’ve heard its part of a basic healthy diet for you since you’re a total carnivore like me.” Rei looked up as she poured honey over her yogurt. “She has a point Asuka you only eat yogurt and cereal back when you weren’t well after the accident, you told me that yourself.” Mari looked up as Toji appeared she quickly signalled him over watching as he moved grabbing the nearest chair smiling as he sat down. “So I was right all along you two are sisters, well step sisters!” Asuka eyed him as she spoke evenly. “Yes you were correct, what do you want a prize?” Mari folded her arms. “Ignore her she’s being grouchy because I caught her looking at herself on the news feeds.” Rei looked up sharply. “She was?” Mari gave her widest smile trying to ignore Asuka dark look. “Yes she just doesn’t want to admit it.” Toji felt his smile widen as he eyed Asuka. “Yes can I have a prize?” Asuka raised her hand. “Fine pick something from around here I’ll pay for it.” Toji blinked in surprise. “Seriously you not are kidding?” Asuka eyed him. “Yes.” Mari smirked. “See my little sisters not so bad you just have to get past the rough edges.” Toji turned pointing upwards. “You know there’s a woman on the twentieth who has this really hot saucy image of you Asuka with Rei your both naked and kissing on this wall scroll.”

He turned as Rei almost coughed up her honeydew bubble tea while Asuka just rolled her good eye. “She said it was a one off collectable and super rare.” Rei looked up breathing in deeply. “No offence but can we please not talk about that wall scroll, I thought they’d all vanished in to the void.” Toji raised his hands looking at them both in confusion. “Yeah but it’s you and Asuka I thought you’d really like it.” Asuka shook her head. “I’m not having this conversation with you Toji you can have with Mari.” Toji eyed her food plate. “Why are you eating that are you sick or something I mean don’t you prefer full English or something meat related?” Asuka looked at him for a long moment. “I’m not hungry okay.” Toji turned to Rei. “She’s sick right?” He raised his hand. “I mean I could understand you having a huge lack of appetite with all that chicken shit with Bardiel going on in your brain and spinal column.” Asuka leaned on her elbow putting her hand on her temples. “Please stop talking Toji.” She turned seeing that Shinji and Kaworu were coming towards her with their breakfasts they both gave her a smile as the sat down. Shinji smiled as he looked up. “Good morning Asuka.” Asuka looked up. “Good morning.”

Shinji looked over at her breakfast. “Are you unwell?” Asuka couldn’t stop herself as she smashed her fist down hard on the table making Mari jump. “Will everyone stop asking me if I’m sick?!” She paused eyeing her breakfast. “I feel fine I’m better than fine in fact you all don’t need to worry yourselves about my personal health.” Kaworu looked up calmly as he put his arm around Shinji’s shoulder. “Accept for Bardiel moving around your brain.” Asuka finished her yogurt. “Yeah accept for that so how’s about everyone not talk about it over the breakfast table.” She picked up a spoon eyeing her reflection in it for a long moment before letting it clatter in to the empty dish. “It makes me feel really nervous.” Toji looked at her. “So the gift I want does it have a price limit?” Asuka turned to him. “So long as it’s not that wall scroll you found, I don’t ficken care…” Toji looked at her as a question he’d wanted to ask her popped in to his head. “I don’t mean to be rude but I heard this rumour that you’re totally loaded because of your grandmother’s in charge over in the German division, is that true?”

Asuka looked up. “That’s a crappy rumour and it’s not true, I get no special treatment from the German division that includes money or items and my grandmother is not loaded she lives in a very modest German home and its out on rural farmland. She really likes old fashioned cookware and even her coffee maker is the old type that you press down the only modern things she has are her phone and her flat screen and mobile phone and that’s only because myself and my cousin Kolby like to video call her now and again and she can also stay in contact with the German division when she takes time off. I send her money sometimes because I worry about her because though she’s very fit for her age she sometimes over stretches her limits. She has to have her right shoulder checked very six months because it’s got a really old fashioned robotic metal bone joints since it was fitted before stem cell became the norm.” She looked up slightly. “I have savings yes but that because I don’t spend my money that often and Rei, Shinji and Kaworu all have vast savings and they can all teach you and Mari how to invest really well.” Toji folded his arms. “Why can’t you teach us?” Asuka looked up slightly. “You both already know the answer to that question.” Toji felt a wide smile form. “Yeah but I think I speak for everyone here when I say we believe you can win.”

Asuka took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “I’ve had this bastard in my head for ages, when they tried to force him out it did nothing but put me in the coma.” Toji eased up his hand. “Yeah but things are different now, your different I mean you were depressed in the beginning your not now.” Rei looked up slightly. “He’s right Asuka and I agree with him you can win this.” She moved taking hold of the other woman’s hand turning it as she ran her fingers gently over her palm. “He once called you fake because you were born in an outside birthing chamber, yet he is the fake one he’s a parasite and he’s been living off you for far to long.” She met her good eye. “You don’t need him, he needs you, you’re the superior one not him and the fact that you said that he’s not shown up as much recently makes me think that he’s running scared.” She turned Asuka hand over gently running her fingers over hers seeing that she was utterly mesmerized. “Anger completes you it always has so why don’t you bring the fire to him when the time comes?” She gently kissed her hand before placing it down. “Because that’s the Asuka I know and love.” Mari leaned over eyeing Rei oh man did that woman have power or what?

Asuka was just staring at her like she was some kind of goddess and it was such an open and innocent look and reminded her so much of the looks Asuka would sometimes give her in private when they had both been children. She didn’t think as she grabbed the other woman around the shoulder breaking her out of her trance. “Also I don’t want you to die you little princess because I really want to borrow your graphic novels because yours are way better than mine since you have all the collectors editions.” Asuka felt a slight smile form as she spoke playfully. “You’re so shallow.” Mari eased up her hand. “No but seriously I would be really fucking offended if you didn’t kick this guys ass because I would like my little sister to hang around longer since we are just getting to know each other again, I mean I don’t want you taken from me again the first time really hurt the both of us.” She ruffled her red hair. “So do what you do best and fucking tear him apart because we are all going to be watching and cheering you on.” She eyed the others. “Right you’ll all be cheering this tiger on?” She watched as they all nodded. “See they all want you to win.”

Asuka pulled away. “Yeah I get it four eyes tear him to ribbons.” Mari poked her chest with her finger. “So glad you finally do.” Shinji looked up. “She right Asuka none of us want to loose you.” He paused as he spoke calmly. “I mean we are all just starting to get to really know you again.” Kaworu turned meeting Asuka’s uncertain. “Shinji right it would nice if you stayed around as like Toji I really want to get to know you better.” Asuka looked down they were all being so nice and nothing about it felt fake it all felt all very genuine. They were all right and she couldn’t deny that maybe she could fight and win this. She ignored the sudden feeling of her left eye igniting as she felt a truly genuine smile form. “You know maybe your all right, maybe I can beat this bastard I mean he’s just a vile ficken parasite and I am stronger than him. He’s just a bully and a coward, I almost had the chance to beat him in my subconscious once and I blew it, it won’t happen again.” Mari didn’t think as she slammed her hand down her Asuka back. “Oh there it is she’s finally getting it, took you long enough.” Asuka eyed her. “Yeah well I’m slow learner who doesn’t like change.” Rei finished her honeydew bubble tea. “No I disagree, you’re very good with certain aspects of change but other aspects get to you and that’s okay because it makes you human.”

8

Maya looked up as Asuka entered the room she turned looking at Kaji and Misato who both looked very solemn. “Hello Asuka.” Asuka took in a deep breath Rei was not with her she had said that she wanted to do this by herself. She had gone to the gym with Shinji and somehow she was now regretted not taking up her idea of gymnastics maybe she was right maybe she would have been good at it but she’d probably never know now or at least not until this was over. She’d said though that she’d meet her before lunch even though she just wasn’t hungry, maybe they were right maybe she was sick or maybe her lack of appetite was a symptom of her nervousness over what was coming she looked up speaking calmly. “You wanted to see me.” Maya gave her a warm smile. “I was worried that you might not come today after what happened the other day.” Asuka slowly eased her patch off looking at her directly. “I would never deny you a request you’ve always been my friend.” She stepped closer putting her patch away. “I wanted to apologise for the other day, I can be a monumental ficken idiot when I’m afraid because I hate things being outside my control.” Maya moved closer to her watching as the blue patterns in her right eye pulsed and changed. “Its okay Asuka I know your afraid, who wouldn’t be?”

She put her arms around her giving her a warm hug before pulling away. “I think I’ve also known you long enough to know that you didn’t mean anything by it.” She put her hand on her shoulder. “Come on take a seat.” She watched as Asuka sat down. “Rei sent me a message this morning that you were talking in your sleep.” Asuka looked up in confusion. “Was I crying out for my mother?” Misato moved forward. “No she said that you appeared to be talking to another version of your self she believes it was the same one you saw in your last dream.” Asuka felt her eyes dart. “I don’t remember the dream at all.” Kaji looked up. “The reason we are telling you this is because when you spoke to your other self she said something to you which was really important that nether of you were ever meant to meet and that Bardiel’s actions are fragmenting your soul and he’s basically pushed a part of your soul aside and taken its place.” He raised his hand. “She also said that the only way to win was to free yourself of fresh and blood we have no idea what that means.” Asuka looked up. “She must mean to die.” Maya breathed in sharply. “No but I don’t think it’s that because I don’t believe any version of you would die and there’s something else that’s weird as well. This other Asuka claimed she was a forma self another version of you and that there have been twenty before you but your all merged the final result being you.”

She raised her hand. “Here’s the real weird thing though she said she made a bargain of some kind she never said who with or why and that she didn’t expect to become you apparently your sexuality made her a tad uncomfortable but in what way she didn’t really clarify.” Asuka leaned back in the chair folding her legs. “Maybe in her world she didn’t swing both ways and maybe she liked Shinji or something, hence why she might find the idea of my self and Rei odd.” She felt a cold smile form. “Maybe she saw Rei as a rival.” She felt her smile fade as something hit her. “No wait that kind of makes sense because Bardiel told me once that Shinji and Rei are not always brother and sister at least not in all of the worlds he’s been in so may be they’ve met before.” Kaji moved closer to her. “Yes but there is a very dark element to this she claimed that she destroyed the forma world, how or why we are not sure but she stated it was her choice which means in her world terrible things happened.” Asuka looked up slightly. “Well she must have had a real Lance of Longinus then but from what I heard Adam never left a lance of any kind though Seele have always searched for it because it’s written about in the Dead Sea scrolls.”

Kaji looked up. “That is correct Asuka Seele searched every yard of Antarctica and we’ve searched the red sea three times in deep sea subs and no lance exists. We have absolutely no idea what a real Lance of Longinus even looks like there’s no imagery of one I mean the closest description is in one dead sea scroll that its long thin woven interlocking spear that can be held but it says nothing about size, we assume its big enough for an Evangelion to hold even throw but its all pure speculation.” Asuka looked up. “If you seriously think I’d do what my last self did, it won’t happen unless some ones got a lance lying around and Nerv doesn’t know about it.” She narrowed her gaze. “My forma self also sounds like she was miserable anyway and I’m not miserable I want to live my life come what may.” Kaji looked at her for a long moment. “We don’t believe you’d do something like that ether but I felt you should know in advance as any information might help you free yourself from Bardiel.” Misato moved over to her pulling out a thick graphic novel from her jacket handing it to her. “I picked this up for you Asuka I don’t know if you’ve ever read about this person but I thought you might want to read it, it’s about a woman who used to be quite evil and animalistic and used to kill people but she reformed and went to fight on the side of the heroes, I though it might appeal to you.” Asuka looked at her as she flipped through the pages. “This is very nice of you but you didn’t have to.”

Misato turned serious as she spoke. “You don’t see yourself as the hero do you Asuka? I mean not the type of hero that maybe you see Shinji, Rei, Kaworu or Toji as because of your past.” Asuka looked up slightly. “No I’m not like them.” Misato turned the graphic novel to a certain page. “Maybe you should view yourself more like this woman she’s what they call an anti hero, she’s not all sunshine she can be quite dark but she gets the job done granted her friends don’t like her methods but they respect her all the same.” Asuka eyed the graphic novel. “I never thought of it like that and I’ve never read this series ether.” Maya looked over. “There’s no shame in viewing yourself that way Asuka believe me, I mean if it makes it easier for you and Mari might enjoy reading this to as you’re both similar in that respect.” Asuka looked at one of the pages. “I agree its much more fitting, for me at least and I see your point with Mari.” Misato moved towards her. “How’s about when you leave work tonight you and Rei come up to my house I mean Kaworu, Toji and Mari said they were going to come up for the first time tonight and you could join myself and Kaji I mean I just got promoted and so did Kaji and we want to celebrate with all of you.” Maya raised her hand. “I’m also coming and Shinji wants to cook.” Asuka closed the graphic novel giving them a smile. “I’ll be happy to come up with Rei, also congratulations on your promotion.”

8

Asuka moved slowly up the corridor sitting herself on the chairs near the vending machines as she pulled out the graphic novel starting to read it she had time to spare since it would a while before Rei got out of the gym. She slowly started to read only for a dark voice to hit the air. “ _Hero anti hero what does it even fucking matter_?” Asuka lowered the graphic novel seeing that Bardiel was sitting directly in front of her on all fours his red eyes gleaming there white pupils ablaze. “I don’t care for your opinion.” Bardiel’s mouth formed a smile. “ _Everyone’s lying to you Asuka, you can’t win against me_.” Asuka felt a dark smile form as she spoke in a mocking tone. “Oh what’s wrong is the parasite afraid?” She laughed as Bardiel’s mouth formed a snarl. “Yes you are aren’t you? Bet now you wish you’d killed me out on the ice plane.” Bardiel mouth formed a cold smile as he flicked his tail around her. “ _You don’t get it do you Asuka? I wanted you to succeed I wanted you to be everything you could ever be_.” Asuka looked up feeing the confusion hit home as she spoke. “Why?” Bardiel moved closer his white pupils glowing brighter. “ _So I could do this_.” Asuka was about to say something only for the words to leave her as the pain hit her like a hammer. The graphic novel dropped from her hands as she clutched her left eye crying out in agony as the world around her suddenly descended in to chaos as all of the vending machines started to work on there own.

They started dropping crisps and chocolate and throwing out drinking cans as the lights above suddenly went out followed by the rest of the corridor plunging in to darkness as all of the employers room doors slamming shut and locking causing cries of confusion and panic. Asuka hit the floor hard on her knees trying to take the pain as Bardiel voice hit the air filled with joy. “ _You and I are one and the same now, your imagination is mine to will as I please anything I want I can create through you, you are my vessel my hand of god!”_ Asuka started to struggle forward on her knees as she felt her teeth start to change. “I’m not giving you my body again!” Bardiel’s voice came again. “Stop fighting it will only hurt more, your time has come for you to for fill what you were meant for you will become my burning red star that will engulf this world!” Asuka tensed feeling the pain get worse. “No, I’m not going to be your ficken puppet!” Bardiel laughed. “ _Give in Asuka theirs is no shame in defeat you’ve fought long and hard you’ve for filled your life’s purposes, you got the woman of your dreams you have became the hero you always wanted to be, you have no reason to stay_.” Asuka grabbed her head hearing her scream turn to roar which sounded like a tigers as her fist smashed in to the titled floor causing something to shatter in the dark as she tried desperately to hold on as she felt Bardiel’s presence pour over her like some black sea as he tried to get through.

She could see the touches going on in all the rooms as all of the employees further up the corridor tried to look out of there locked rooms to see what was happening there glass wasn’t sound proof. She struggled to getting her feet as she walked forward only for the lights down the other corridor to shut off as the doors locked. “ _Take me to your wreck room I know it’s not far from here only two corridors away_!” Asuka felt her fist smash the wall opposite as she screamed again though once more it sounded like a tiger roaring. “No!” Bardiel took in a slow deep breath. “ _Fine have it your way, now I am really going to hurt you_!” Asuka felt her whole body fall side ways as the pain came even more intensely as she hit the floor hard. “ _Stop holding on to your humanity your not human I made you better than human embrace the monster deep inside you that is what you are, your part of me your like me, you like violence, you enjoy blood its what you were made for. You are a goddess of fire death and destruction with out equal and through me you can shape this world to your very will_.” Asuka opened her eyes only to watch as the glass all around her shattered down both corridors as the lights flickered like crazy and the employees screamed in panic and fear. “ _Allow me to become the embodiment of the great Norse serpent god Jörmungand through you it’s what you were created for in this world, you gave me this right when you struck your bargain as your forma self!_ ”

End of part 57

Silvermoonlight      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jörmungand or the Norse Midgard Serpent or World Serpent was one of Loki’s children and was said to wrap her/his tail around the world and be one of those who would bring about Ragnarök or end of days, Thor did in the end kill Jörmungand but would die after killing him from being poisoned by his venom.
> 
> I would like to think that the Graphic Novel/Manga that Misato gave Asuka was Black Lagoon because Revy and Asuka have a lot in common its just Revy kind of takes her down ward spiral a whole other step further and can be a very cruel sometimes because she associates bullying and violence as a form of power until Rock makes her see that she can be better than that.


	58. Chapter 58

_FADING AWAY IN TO OBLIVION_

 

Aliya raised her gun slowly as she moved towards the dark corridor with her team behind her as she spoke down her radio. “Okay I’m here now Kyo.” She paused looking at the flicking lights. “Yeah it’s like they said the five corridors were knocked out completely they said no breaker went down and the camera’s have all gone fucking weird like there all static.” She slowly turned on her M400s flashlight seeing all the smashed glass. “This is fucking weird.” Her brother who was standing opposite raised his gun as he pushed his dark hair back as he smiled showing off his golden canine tooth. “Looks like some horror movie game.” Aliya moved her flash light she heard that the employees had seen something which had scared the hell out of them and they’d all fled but they had been that terrified that they had taken the guns with them even though they had never fired them. “Yeah looks like fucking Doom, question is, where is our so called monster which they said sounded like a tiger and looked scary as hell?” She moved slowly through the corridor catching sight of blood on the floor near the vending machines where some one had smashed the tiles through. All four vending machines had gone crazy because all of their sweet and crisps were stacked up at the bottom and there drinks all over the floor. She moved her light catching sight of another bloody fist print on the wall. Her brother breathed in deeply. “What is it the vending machine monster?”

Aliya rolled her eyes. “Funny Leon, real funny…” Leon smirked hearing his robotic right leg grind a little as he spoke. “Oh come on sister you know that joke was funny.” Aliya moved the flash light seeing a graphic novel on the floor she carried on moving catching sight of a phone which was laying side ways. She kneeled down slowly picking it up turning it around. “This just gets weirder and weirder.” She watched as an orange demon icon suddenly popped up the fear in its eyes as it spoke. “ _Run away he’s taken over her!_ ” Leon turned eyeing the little demon. “Hang on isn’t that Anneberg, Asuka’s little AI friend?” He raised his light catching sight of a thick leather jacket which had been dropped along with the black eye patch. “What the fuck that’s her jacket, isn’t that like some prized possession along with her patch?” Aliya raised the phone looking at the AI personality. “What do you mean by taken over?” The demon blinked its green eyes darting. “ _It’s the angel Bardiel!_ ” Aliya blinked in confusion. “Bardiel is dead he died with the UN Alpha test unit.” Her words were cut off as she heard a massive crash half a corridor away Kyo’s voice came over the radio. “The pilots wreck room has just been entered cameras have all just died the doors unlocked themselves no key card was used.” Aliya turned to one of the others as she picked up Asuka’s jacket and patch. “Will one of you take Asuka’s phone, jacket and patch to Misato now and sound the angel alarm?”

The man closest turned. “I’m fastest I’ll go.” Aliya handed them to him. “Don’t stop for anything.” She watched as he ran away from them as she turned shifting up the other corridor seeing an even more confusing sight as they got closer to the pilots wreck room who’s doors had been literally forced open and both were now hanging off there hinges. There was a t-shirt on the floor along with jeans and a bra, underwear and socks along with two skate shoes which were misplaced. “What the fuck did she turn in to a werewolf or something?” She looked inside seeing only pitch black and no flickering lights nothing had been moved and nothing was out of place. She stepped inside seeing that the door to the changing room was slightly ajar while the classic arcade game machines weren’t on. “She raised her gun moving inside seeing the pilots lockers she turned seeing shattered glass on the floor she moved her light upwards seeing that Asuka’s plug suite was missing along with the interface clips all of the other suites were in place and untouched. “Shit!” Leon blinked in confusion. “I don’t get it she undressed and then took her plug suite and interface clips.” He paused before speaking. “Is she going to pilot 02 or something?” He turned as he heard a massive crash they both ran seeing the fallen grate which had come down from the ceiling. Aliya looked up she could hear someone above scrambling through the ventilation.

She grabbed her radio. “Kyo I need the ventilation layout from the pilots wreck room, there something wrong with Asuka and it looks like she’s taken her plug suite and is now crawling the fucking ventilation ducks.” She breathed in sharply. “Her little demon AI was talking about being taken over by Bardiel but it makes no fucking sense we were told she was clean after the UN Alpha test unit incident and her being put in that machine was a mistake.” Kyo voice came as spoke his voice filled with confusion. “I have her signal now as her plug suite is fitted with a special tracker its there so they can find the pilots when they eject the entry plug in an emergency as some times they get out and they can be very disoriented and it allows the medical team to find them quickly.” He paused before speaking again. “She’s doubling back on herself I have no camera though they don’t record down there.” His voice hit the air filled with surprise. “Wait I have an idea of what she’s trying to do smart little ball of red fire, she’s trying to follow the tunnels down so she can come out in the Arcade on level twenty.” Aliya blinked in confusion raising her hand watching as the little holographic screen turned on and she could see the beeping blue dot. “Hang on that’s not a direct route the bay it makes no fucking sense.” Kyo breathed in deeply. “You don’t understand she can just get in to the veneration shaft on the other side of that level and it will take her straight down in to the bay she can literally come out on top of the workers near 01!”

Aliya turned running watching as the others followed. “Who taught this woman about these paths? How does she even know about them I mean they don’t train pilots in veneration travel other than the emergency routes if there’s a power out!” Kyo’s voice came again. “I have no idea and I did not train her in this, I’m going to have a team standing by when she appears though and I’m sending word to Misato as we speak.” Aliya looked up as the angel siren sounded bellowing outwards signalling that there was a major problem and danger and the employers needed to stand up even pick up guns if necessary. “Okay I’m coming down to that area now it will take us a moment to join the other team. I’m assuming what ever this is Kyo you want no part?” Kyo voice came again. “Correct I will run all ops from up here at our military command central but I will not shoot or kill the closest person I ever had to a daughter and you’re not going to change my mind in this regard we’ve already had this dance once and I’m not doing it again.” Leon spoke as he ran. “We get you sir you don’t have to explain that to us.” Kyo spoke again. “I picked you both because I believe your judgement and my training makes you better than my foolish brother and I hope that today you prove me right.” Aliya ran faster around the corner. “We hope never to disappoint you sir.”

8

Shinji looked up as the alarm suddenly sounded he turned to Rei who looked confused. “What’s going on?” Rei slowly put her honeydew tea down. “No idea.” She turned. “Where is Asuka?” She turned as the sound of a gun suddenly hit the air. She ran up grabbing the balcony rails as she looked over only to see a special ops man come flying out of the tunnel two levels below as a roar hit the air. It was long and loud and it echoed through the walls vibrating off everything causing every one to turn to see what was going on. She watched as one of the special ops teams appeared reading themselves. Aliya eyed the unconscious man who was some feet away his face covered in blood. She turned as all of the lights all around her suddenly went down across the whole level causing cries of confusion and panic from everyone she raised the gun higher as she spoke. “Come out Asuka!” She paused seeing two glowing red eyes appear in the darkness the first looked mostly human though the pupil was glowing white while the other had spinning patterns of red and its pupil was also white. A dark voice spoke which sounded male but under it was Asuka’s own voice but it was weak. _“Asuka’s not home_.” Aliya breathed in as the figure appeared in the darkness and came out in to the flicking shadows. She could see Asuka face but it looked terrifying there were two rows of jagged razor teeth and upper and lower canine teeth which stuck out she was her plug suit but strangely enough the pendent she always wore was still around her neck. The red eyes slowly narrowed as the voice came again. “ _Now get out of my way!_ ” There was a long pause. “ _Maybe you think you stand a chance you don’t!_ ”

The foot raised as an inhuman roar hit the air again as it slammed down the next moment caused utter screaming and panic as every single glass window on the level shattered sending glass flying down which tore apart the huge two of the huge banners including the one which was one of Asuka’s own digital paintings. “ _I am a god you are nothing_.” Aliya breathed in deeply holding her nerve. “Bardiel right?” The toothed jaws formed a sadistic smile. “Yes.” Aliya breathed in deeply. “They told us you fucking died!” Bardiel laughed moved a gloved hand to Asuka’s head tapping it. “ _No I’ve been hiding in here all along your Nerv people knew about me but they couldn’t get me out, oh yes they tried but failed_.” He lowered Asuka’s hand looking at it. “ _But don’t worry you all had the real Asuka for as long as I allowed it but now that time is over and her body is mine to do as I will. Know that she put up one hell of fight and she’s still fighting now to take back control but she won’t succeed_.” Leon raised his gun. “We can shoot you, you know?” Bardiel shrugged imitating Asuka’s behaviour. “ _Be my fucking guest_.” Leon didn’t think as he fired ignoring Rei’s sudden scream from above only to watch as his bullets bounced off what looked to be an AT field but strangely as they did so he caught sight of a shadow figure which was weirdly overlaid on top of Asuka’s body. It had huge clawed hands and feet and a long whip lash tail and a massive mouth of shark like teeth but it was obscured almost like smoke and it was standing on its huge hind legs. It vanished as the AT field dropped as the last bullet bounced off and Bardiel spoke again. “ _Get it human I am a god!_ ”

There was a long pause. “ _You can not stop me, you can not kill me so you should let me pass your friends were no match ether and the only reason I didn’t kill them was because that’s not goal here today_.” Leon turned to Aliya. “What do you want to do?” Aliya breathed in deeply as she met Bardiel’s gaze again. “I think you picked the wrong body personally she’s not going to stop fighting you.” Bardiel’s glowing eyes narrowed further. “ _So they keep telling me but I never see any proof that their right._ ” Leon pointed his gun at the pendent. “If she’s so weak why can’t you take off that pendent, you took of every piece of her identity and stole her plug suite yet that remains?” Bardiel looked down raising Asuka’s hand pulling it up only for his hand to not respond to his brains signals he snarled trying again only for nothing to happen. Aliya laughed watching as he tried a third time. “Oh yeah she’s so weak yet she won’t let you fucking remove that, which tells me your not in as much control as you think you are and we both know who that pendent was from.” Bardiel’s roar of anger hit the air as another level fell in to darkness followed the screams as the glass shattered raining down on them from above. Leon smirked watching as the last of the glass fell. “I think the so called god might be afraid of the truth which is he’s not as strong as he believes himself to be, unlike all the other angels we heard that you’re just a parasite who latched on to an Evangelion, you’re just afraid to die like all parasites!” Bardiel’s mouth formed a sneer. “ _I am as strong as any of my brothers and sisters_!” Aliya stood up slowly. “No you are not.”

“Asuka!”

Aliya watched as Bardiel looked up catching sight of Rei who was looking down from the third floor the desperation in her face and her brothers. Bardiel’s roar of anger hit the air as he looked at her. “ _You just don’t fucking quit do you little human_?” He paused raising Asuka’s hand. “ _You fucked her you got what you wanted she got what she wanted she’s mine now_! _What did you really think you two were ever going to get happily ever after? Did you really believe in this world you were going to maybe one day get married and punch out little kids together_? _I brought you both together because it benefited me it was never for ether of you it was just a stepping stone I had to cross to open Asuka’s mind_.” He laughed coldly. “ _She’s a fucking moron who couldn’t get her feelings together and between you and me your sexual encounter was most enlightening now I finally see why Lilith made you as a race_.” Rei looked down feeling the anger and rage take over before she could stop it. “You are such a piece of shit and this is not over Bardiel!” She felt her teeth grind together. “I will end you, if she doesn’t!” Bardiel looked up as he laughed again. “ _Anger and swearing most curious as you are always so polite, quite and nice_.” He slowly started to walk forward. “ _We’ll meet again Rei Ayanami but on a different battle field and very soon_.”

Aliya breathed in Kyo’s voice came over the radio. “The Major is ordering us to pull back and leave the path completely clear for this thing if it wants to go to the bay let it! She asks that you get the two pilots to safety as the others are being brought to wreck room and are being told to suite up she wants the same for Rei and Shinji.” Leon grabbed his radio. “Order reserved Sir.” Bardiel smirked as they backed away slowly just as he suspected they didn’t have it them as he suspected. He ignored Rei’s ice cold stare as he walked slowly forward how nice it also was that they were allowing him to get to the bay. He smiled as he walked forward he would still have fun on his way down there though he’d cut out lifts and smash the glass and short out all the electrics. He would make them all remember what it was to fear a god and run in terror from one before this day was done because Lilith was always way to soft when it came to this little race, they needed to remember where they came from and what real fear felt like.

8

Misato looked at her screen as Kyo’s voice hit the air. “Rei and Shinji have been pulled back to safety they have been returned to the wreck room along with all of the other pilots.” Misato folded her arms as she looked at the others who were now watching Asuka march towards the bay blowing out every room’s glass in the process which she had completely evacuated along with the whole route. She could see Ritsuko and Gendo above sitting watching the whole thing. “Will 02 even move for him he’s not Asuka?” Kaji threw a bunch of papers of Makoto’s desk he’d clean them up later. “I have no idea.” Maya looked up. “Theoretically he shouldn’t even be able to pilot it he should be rejected just like any other pilot who’s wrong.” Shigeru looked up sharply. “Is that the plan? Let him get in 02 and have it reject him because in the process it might force him out?” Misato folded her arms. “Yes, I know it’s reckless I know it’s dangerous to Asuka but it’s the one chance we have got.” Kaji typed on his holographic screen. “You’re in charge.” Misato turned giving him a smile watching as he smiled back before going back to his holographic screen. Shigeru looked up as the camera got in close on Asuka’s face. “I’ll say this I prefer Asuka’s normal teeth and glowing eye over his, he makes her look vile.”

Maya carried on typing. “I agree.” She paused eyeing her holographic screen. “He’s shutting down everything he passes lifts, locking doors and turning off lights I was only just able to get power back to the pilots wreck room but I had to by pass three sections and feed it in from there.” Misato breathed in deeply. “It’s like some child having a massive tantrum.” Maya looked up. “Was it something we said to Asuka though? I mean this happened half an hour after our talk and the last place she was seen was close to the venting machines near the pilots wreck room.” Misato moved closer to Kaji’s desk. “Kaji can you get that camera in closer and turn it?” Kaji typed as he looked up seeing what she was looking at. “Okay that weird they said they found all of Asuka’s clothes lying around, clearly he missed something.” Kyo’s voice came over the com. “One of my men is coming up to you he has Asuka’s, phone, patch and Jacket.” Misato turned pressing her com. “We are receiving you loud and clear Kyo.” She turned watching as man ran in carrying the items he breathed in as he passed them to her. “Major you might want these, it’s just the little demon AI was talking about Asuka being taken over by an angel.” She took them from his hand placing them on the table close to her as she eased up Asuka’s phone. “Thank you, you can go now.” The man nodded as he left she turned swiping the screen watching as Anneberg appeared with a look of uncertainty on his animated face. “Anneberg is it?”

Anneberg green eyes blinked. “ _Yes_.” Misato looked at him. “Want to tell me what happened?” Anneberg paused for a long moment before speaking as he flashed his teeth. “ _Its Bardiel he took her over, she was reading, though I couldn’t see what I could hear him though as he forced his way in to her mind it took him three minutes to fully take over because she fought him so hard. Once he took over he threw me away he referred to me as pathetic toy and he wanted to get rid of all of Asuka’s human bonds_.” Misato looked at him as she eyed the pendent which was still over the top of Asuka’s plug suite. “He couldn’t get rid of that pendent though could he?” Anneberg’s eyes narrowed. “ _He tried very hard but he couldn’t remove it was the second thing he tried to remove but I believe Asuka just wouldn’t let him, she’s still in there somewhere fighting him it was not easy for him this time around he had to fight much harder_.” Misato looked up. “Okay Anneberg I have to stop talking now as Bardiel is entering the Evangelion bay but we are doing everything we can to stop him.” She paused before speaking. “We are going to get Asuka back okay?” The animated head nodded sadly as he vanished as she put the phone down. She turned back to the screen watching as Bardiel raised Asuka’s hand causing the huge bay door to open as he walked through looking in side the Evangelion bay at the two sets of Evangelion’s in there rows. Maya looked up as she spoke in confusion. “How is he going to even get in 02 out, its not prepped even though it has its entry plug in side?”

8

Bardiel slowly walked up the main gangway which was like a high tower which allowed him to see all of the false gods he raised Asuka’s hand slowly towards 02. “ _Awaken!_ ” He snarled seeing no response. “ _I know you’re fully aware I know your fully alive do not pull this shit on me, you can turn on when ever you want just like a number of your companions!_ ” He stopped realizing that someone was behind him. He slowly turned around catching sight of a small girl standing some way from him dressed in a school uniform and she looked very similar to Asuka’s love interest Rei but so much younger in that she was only fifteen years old. She also had red eyes and blue hair and she was looking at him with the same distain as her counterpart had done not more than ten minutes ago the expression was a perfect mirror. “ _Well, well I did wonder when you’d show up again, you do like to interferer at first I thought you were just Asuka’s misplaced imagination but over time I started to get that you weren’t_.” The girl didn’t speak she just stared at him coldly. “ _Yes I remember you now from the last time we met in the forma world during the last cycle you know the one where you messed up badly as Asuka had her left eye completely torn out and her leg permanently crippled. She hated you with a passion for a very long time then later on you became a living god and helped her cause the final impact after Shinji died in 01 while trying to fight the mass produced Evangelion series.”_

The girl looked up as she spoke in a voice that sounded a lot more mature than her age. “I’m not her…her recantation was in the other room not long before you came here I’m from another place.” There was a long pause. “I’m from the very first cycle in this world there were others like me who are similar but not the same, I was separated off at the breaking at the end of the world from the one who made me and given divine powers and given the ability to travel and transcend worlds. I’ve been to worlds and places beyond even your comprehension though I travelled, I made a choice to return. I’m the one who now chooses to stay and I made the choice to change this world because its forma was overflowing with sorrow and drowning in emptiness and suffering.” Misato looked at her screen in shock. “Are you all seeing this?!” She looked up seeing that even Gendo and Ritsuko were shocked as they were both standing up which was very rare. Bardiel folded his arms. “ _Ah so you are the living god I’ve heard my brothers and sisters whisper about, who was endowed with all of Lilith’s power not once but twice_.” The girl looked up slightly. “Yes I’m the one you all whisper about like fools I’m also the reason it takes all of you longer to get to this world because I ensure that the galaxy and stars throw obstacles at you and wormholes open constantly.”

Bardiel eased out Asuka’s gloved hand ignoring her screams of rage which were echoing at the back of his mind. “ _But that makes no sense your counterpart became a living god to and Asuka became a bloody god of destruction and the destroyer of worlds_.” The young girl expression remained cold. “My counterpart gave all of her powers to me in return for a normal life, I ensured her birth and that it was natural because she was sick of being recreated over and over as a clone and being mixed with Yui’s blood and Lilith’s to create an abomination. She was sick of being everyone’s tool and expendable and replaceable. She knew that Shinji was prized by Gendo because he came directly from Yui’s womb and she wanted the same and she wanted to grow up, they all did.” Bardiel smirked. “ _But she made a deal with Asuka_.” The young girl’s eyes narrowed. “For such a so called clever angel you are not as clever as you appear as you clearly couldn’t tell the difference between us. Her deal was with me not the other Rei, she knew Shinji would never love her because in that world he had fallen in love with Kaworu but Kaworu also died and Shinji gave up and Arael took advantage of his sorrow and destroyed his mind granted he woke up eventuality from his coma but he could not destroy the mass produced Evangelion series despite Asuka’s help.”

She looked up slightly.” Asuka seeing nothing left worth fighting for sided with Rei throwing all of her hated aside despite that she was the one who destroyed you in the forma world and it caused the loss of her eye and crippled her right leg permanently which meant she could never pilot a hundred percent again and her unit would always limp around and be much slower than the others.” Her red eyes blinked. “They both brought about the end of days and at the breaking of time it was only Asuka that crawled out of the red sea Shinji did not want to join her this time. He wanted remain in human instrumentality so he could be with a fake vision of Kaworu despite that she tried to force him to leave because the illusion was fake. Some time later the other Rei crawled on to the beach of exodus from the red sea taking his place.” She took a step forward. “They both argued but something had changed Asuka just couldn’t force her rage on to that Rei like so many life times before and she gave up and took a long walk leaving her alone on the sand much to her heartbreak and sadness. Like you though she couldn’t tell one from the other so when she got back she had no idea that I’d already made the deal and sent that Rei on to her next life in the way she wanted.”

She paused meeting his gaze directly. “The Asuka who came back was not the one who left in anger she was different she finally realized that change had to come from with in herself and she broke down and apologised to me. I asked her what she wanted and she said she wanted to grow up and have a real life she asked me to change her in a way that she could love others and have some one to love her in return she said she would sacrifice anything even if it meant her happiness.” Bardiel felt a cold smile form. “ _What did she sacrifice_?” The young girl’s mouth formed a cold smile. “It is not for a lesser beings like you to know.” Bardiel narrowed his gaze. “ _I’m guessing you’re here to stop me but my contract with Asuka was sighed through her soul and I will get what she promised me the last time we met and you have no control over it!_ ” The girls smile widened further. “No I’m not here to stop you Bardiel I’m here to watch you fail miserably because you deserve no less for meddling in my affairs Rei and Asuka are now mine I created them as they wished they were never yours to toy with over a spiteful bet with your brother Arael.” She looked up as Bardiel came to stand over her. “This is my world I moved the pieces around to benefit everyone in some way it’s my creation and you and your brothers and sisters will never ever rule supreme over it regardless of any of your past deals sealed with the light of a soul.”

End of part 58

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One question in Evangelion that has always perplexed me is do all of the main Rei’s merge in to goddess Rei or do some of them go to other places and worlds? Which gave me this idea what if in the first cycle a Rei separated one of her copies from herself giving her godly powers and let her travel before she turned back the clock. Hence this Rei returns eons later and once more returns to the re-incantation who made her but now older and wiser and took on her power once more but this time became a hugely powerful goddess capable of causing massive change with in the world as well as giving her the ability to stand up to the angles. 
> 
> Though you’ve been seeing End Of Evangelion and manga, series and rebuild references in this alterative universe as it has had similarities to them in its past cycles its not those worlds. It’s meant to be its own world completely separate from them as I like to think that the events of the manga, series, End of Evangelion and Rebuild are still happening in alternative universes along side it. It’s just unlike the other worlds it’s much more self aware of its repeating cycle issue.
> 
> The werewolf moment was an inside joke for any readers who have read my other stuff as it contains a lot of mythology, monsters and werewolves. Plus no word of lie there was a bunch of Evangelion dropped script ideas for the series where Asuka became a werewolf, as this gave me the idea for the reverse flip of the weretiger in her coma some chapters back. The dropped ideas can be found in the Sore o Nasumono book.


	59. Chapter 59

_WHEN THE GODS THROW AROUND THERE THUNDER IN ANGER_

 

Bardiel eyed the young girl. “ _Big words from a little god but we’ll see won’t we_?” He moved back towards the walk way. “ _I think you’re afraid I’ll win_.” He turned around seeing that she was gone. He felt his knuckles crack as he turned back to 02. “ _Awaken you piece of red shit or I will kill your daughter!_ ” He watched as the huge units green eyes lit up as its head turned to look at him as its huge jaws opened as it roared in anger as its clawed hands came up as they tour the shoulder braces free. It raised its huge clawed foot stepping over the gang way closely followed by the other as it came towards him its two tails trashing violently. He watched as 00 and 01’s eyes turned on followed by 04’s as 02 walked in between them coming towards him though they didn’t move they were all clearly curious just to watch as they were the awakened ones they could all move if they wanted to but they just refused to by choice. While the others remained switched off one was to new and had no real sense of self and was ruled by the AI personality the other was in fact awakened to a point but it wasn’t quite strong enough yet to override the false AI personality like the others had because it feared the results and didn’t want to hurt its only son.

He watched as 02 got closer as it slowly rose up towering over him its huge mouth forming a sneer. “ _Now there’s a good protective mom_ my, _wouldn’t we want me to kill your little Asuka now would we_?” The huge clawed hand formed a fist. “ _I can kill her you know, that’s why I infected her spine because I know that you’re just like her in that you don’t like doing what you’re told and you don’t always play by the rules and you prefer it that way.”_ He raised Asuka’s gloved hand towards 02. “ _So if you refuse to play along I’ll kill her, am I making myself clear_?” He watched as 02 turned eyeing 00 for a long moment. “ _She’s not going to help you, so do not even fucking think about it!”_ He folded Asuka’s arms. _“You’re as stupid as your daughter always looking for your savour always trying to find him or her in others it’s so pathetic.”_ He watched as 02 turned back easing out its huge tongue as it licked one of its upper canine teeth _. “I’m going to count down from ten and if your not decided I’m going to cut your daughters life short which would real sad for you. Because I imagine her whole cute little romance with Rei makes your heart beat a little faster would be a pity if Asuka died right here, right now I mean that means no possible fake grandchildren for you one day and no future wedding!”_

He watched as 02 let out an almighty roar which sounded like a tigers. “ _Ten…nine…eight_.” He watched as the huge clawed hand came up smashing down palm up close to him. He smiled as he moved getting on to it. “ _Good mother_.” He watched as 02 learned down as the entry plug came up slowly opening on its own. He carefully walked across the shoulder leaping inside watching as she closed the door behind him locking it as he slowly sat down in the seat. “ _I want to go inside, play nice now!_ ” He felt the whole plug lower as it clicked in to place and LCL started to fill the compartment he took in a deep breath ignoring the smell of sunflowers as Asuka’s lungs started to breathe. He watched as the screen instantly appeared but no holographic surround around his head he looked up. “ _You know where I want to go so move your ugly red carcass down there!_ ” He watched as the unit 02 began to move he slowly folded his legs granted he could control her as that was the second reason he had infected Asuka’s spine because it gave him the ability to use 02 with out the controls but the time for that would come. Right now he wanted 02 to get that he was her master and to do as she was told.

Misato watched as 02 began to move away going slowly towards one of the tunnels she could now his face on screen along with all of Asuka’s stats and read out as him getting in the entry plug clearly he had bothered to turn them off. “Where is he going?” Kaji typed faster in to his hologram screen. “Lilith, he is using the under ground tunnels to get in to the void it’s quicker for him than going the long way around.” Maya turned sharply. “Can some one explain to me why he called 02 Asuka’s mother I’m really confused?” Shigeru turned slightly. “Yes please I someone explain to me just what is fucking going on I’m very confused myself.” Ritsuko breathed in, in anger great now the truth was out and she couldn’t do anything about it. “You’ll both be told once this is over but not until!” She raised her hand. “Stay on that unit, don’t let it out of your sights.” Misato turned to her com pressing it. “Are all of the pilots suited up?” Kyo’s voice hit the air. “Yes I brought them down to the bay myself they just saw unit 02 walk off the prepping team is ready at your command.” Misato looked up. “Send them out and get the teams to put them in there entry plugs! No delays, no question, their orders are to stop 02 what ever it takes!” She breathed in sadly so much for her idea of 02 rejecting Bardiel all they could hope for now was that Asuka some how woke up and took back control but the chances of that seemed so slim and it would probably mean her death if she didn’t.

8

Bardiel watched as unit 02 slowly eased itself out of the red river coming up on the ancient bay where they kept frozen angel parts and shitty Evangelion concepts which had been failures. He watched as 02 head looked around at the huge Evangelion skeleton hanging close by. Some way from that was the turquoise and white Alpha unit’s head hanging up half of its metal face plate had been smashed off its two blind eyes staring in to nothing while it’s only seeing one hung down from the socket. “ _Yes this is where the bodies of the Evangelion were created…accept for your body that’s because it was Kiko who shipped the DNA string to you in_ _Germany_ _to create 02 which your soul is now in_.” He paused bringing up the hologram screen. “ _It must be such a fucking burden to know that you both can’t touch and hug each other ever again. You were after all best friends she supported you through your husband cheating with the other woman who might I add is now in the bay opposite you in 04 but you ready know that don’t you_?” He smirked. “ _That must be a weird curse to have one you cared about so much and one you considered your enemy in the same bay together and you can’t touch one or punch the other_.”

He turned clicking his fingers as the unit carried on walking finally seeing the long tunnel down which led in to the void where Lilith lay at the very bottom. “ _I know you can speak to me is it your just choosing not to_?”  He laughed as he folded Asuka’s arms as the unit started to scale downwards its long claws digging in as it moved slowly. “ _You’re most unlucky really I mean you can’t even tell your daughter that you okay with her sexuality, instead you have to hide away and play that you’re a machine granted I awakened you but nine years stuck in that core heaven controlled by some crappy AI personality must get on your nerves that you missed so much_.” He paused before speaking. “ _I do wonder how you felt about Asuka’s more sexual thoughts regarding Rei, I mean you see everything in here, personally I found them really fascinating_.” The red clawed unit fist suddenly smashed the wall as he heard its teeth grind together. “ _Perhaps a topic, we’ll have in my recreated world_.” He felt 02 leap as it suddenly came down hard in the darkness turning it head. “ _Move forward Lilith is here_.” He sat up reading himself as they got closer. Misato turned in a few minutes the other Evangelion’s would on top of 02 she turned to Ritsuko and Gendo. “Tell me you do not have a Lance of Longinus lying around, which he can pick up or use against the other Evangelion’s?”

Ritsuko looked down keeping none of the anger of the anger out of her voice. “We don’t have a Lance of Longinus!” Gendo looked down at her speaking calmly. “Adam granted us no lance and Seele says there is no lance we checked the Antarctica so many times it does not exist and even if we did have one I wouldn’t keep it here in the void with Lilith where any angel can pick it up and use it.” Misato watched as 02 went down on all fours as it shifted down the long and final tunnel that led to Lilith it was moving much faster now and she didn’t believe Gendo for a second. Bardiel watched as 02 came out of the tunnel he looked up as Lilith came in to view he felt a sly smile form as he spoke. “ _Hello again, prisoner of the void it’s been so long since we talked_.” He eyed the huge white being that was nailed to an enormous red metal cross the being was wearing mask and had a genderless form. Its cut off legs were spouting genderless moving little half bodies ready to be turned in to gendered forms. He watched as the seven parts of the mask that looked like eyes started to glow as Lilith spoke back to him in its double gendered voice. “ _You do not impress me Bardiel_.” Bardiel moved 02 closer feeling the confusion take over he knew anyone out side would only hear him not Lilith. “ _I do not impress you! Look at what I’ve done, look at what I’ve accomplished!_ ”

Lilith’s double gendered voice spoke once again. “ _Taking two slaves and bragging about them and you dare come here to try to impress me with that I prefer my creations to have free will.._.” Bardiel stood up taking hold of 02’s controls ignoring its resistance. “ _Grant me entry to you!_ ” He moved 02 closer to Lilith’s chest. “ _I played humanities game I got what I desired now you should do my will and let me shake the foundations of this world and recreate it_.” Lilith’s two gendered voice came again but filled with anger. “ _I do not open to the unwilling the person who enters me must want and desire to be there.”_ Bardiel felt a sneer form as he kicked entry plug hard. “ _I can leave this false god that’s not a problem_.” Lilith’s voice came again. “ _I refer not to Adams images but the slave soul you’re repressing she does not desire nor want any part in this and I will not give you what you want Bardiel_.” There was a long pause. “ _If you want heaven and your own form of instrumentality and to ascend beyond your current form you know how to get it. It will be the hard way which you do not desire because you’re afraid but I will not give you any short cuts because in doing so you will not learn what you want and are desperate to experience and you are so close to seeing the truth and becoming someone greater_.” Bardiel roared in anger. “ _No! That’s not fucking fair!_ ” Lilith glowing eyes slowly dimmed as the joint gender voice spoke evenly. “ _You never played fair to start with now bear the burden and the consequences_.”

Bardiel’s next moments turned to agony as 02 was slammed from behind as he felt 01’s massive arms wrap around him yanking him away from Lilith as he was thrown full force in to the wall opposite which he smashed in to before hitting the ground hard. He moved his arms getting 02 back on to its hind legs as he spoke coldly. “ _Oh look it’s the shitty little whiny boy, Asuka doesn’t fight you in 02 because she feels guilty about your past but I’ll show you no quarter though_.” Shinji raised 01’s clawed fist. “I expect none from you.” He slammed it forward only for 02’s clawed hand to grab it along with his other one as they started to push against each other.” Shinji felt a sneer form as he heard 01’s jaws creak as he felt the waves of heat come out of both of his eyes. “See how you like fire Bardiel!” Bardiel looked up watching as 01’s huge horn separated down the middle as the two lesser sections came out as it opened its mouth a huge ball of energy building in it. He looked at Shinji whose brown eyes turned glowing red on his screen. “ _Asuka was right Shinji you an Idiot!_ ” He pulled 02’s hand free in a violent motion grabbing unit 01’s neck at the last second forcing it upwards violently watching as the light beam blasted skywards hopefully it would hit some of the Evangelion’s coming down towards him.

Misato watched as Mari, Toji and Kaworu slammed in to the wall narrowly avoiding the white flaming beam which blasted up through the voids huge hole leaving via the opening as carried on upwards in to the geo front only to hit the closed of section which had the Magnus pillar sitting on top of it, blasting it to ribbons. She turned seeing the press feeds fly up as the beam carried on upwards in to the clouds for everyone to see before it dissipated sending waves of burning white lighting scattering all over Tokyo three while the Geo fronts bellow lit up with blinding white light for a few seconds. Bardiel kept 01 in place. “ _All that power but no brains_.” He raised 02 to hind legs kicking the massive purple unit off watching as it smashed in to the corner. He turned only for a whip lash pink tail to wrap around itself around his throat as Mari unit violently pulled 02 in to the air as unit 01 got up. Mari didn’t think as she swung 02 violently ignoring its struggling. “Hello Bardiel.” She didn’t think as she threw it at the wall watching as it crashed down hard as Toji, Kaworu and Rei finally made ground. “Give up you can’t take us all on!” Bardiel yanked 02 back on its hind legs which was suddenly much more difficult and it had nothing to do with Asuka’s mother. “ _No harm ever came from trying!_ ”

He turned as 00 appeared with machine gun which it raised slowly pointing it in his direction. “ _I’m going to kill you first you little shit, because I want Asuka to see you die!_ ” He moved forward only for unit 02’s clawed foot to stop he looked around as the unit screens suddenly started to flash red. “ _Fucking no you obey me!_ ” He turned only for the pain to suddenly hit him as he grabbed his head as an inhuman roar of pain came. “ _You are not coming back_ , _I worked to hard for this!_ ” Asuka’s cold voice suddenly came in to his mind. “Ficken coward, you think I’m going to let you take what I love! No I’ll see you burn before then!” Misato looked up watching as Asuka’s right eye suddenly turned to blue while the other remained red she could see Shinji coming at the unit again 01’s claws hands out stretched ready to grab it again while 04 was moving closer behind him. “Don’t attack she’s coming back!” Bardiel grabbed his head roaring harder only to feel the pain as he was partly forced under as Asuka started to mentally take his place. “ _This isn’t over!_ ” He watched as 01 and 04 both stopped close by holding off slightly.

Asuka forced her body in to its seat as her hands grabbed the controls as she spoke watching as the world came back in to focus in her good eye and the holographic surround appeared around her head. She felt her teeth lessen but remain in there normal razor form as her left eye ignited. “No it is over you ficken piece of scheisse, we are leaving!” She slammed down on the controls sending 02 flying up the walls as it bounded upwards away from the void at lightning speed. She leapt out of its opening as she spread the huge wings leaping up again feeling them taking flight as she flew straight upwards towards the light of the broken Magnus Pillars section not stopping as she smashed though the rubble flying unit 02 out towards the sea trying to ignore the pain as Bardiel carried on fighting her. She could see the press planes were beginning to follow her trying to keep up they had no idea what was happening. Misato looked at the others who all looked shocked. “Follow her!” She watched as they all went crazy as they started to scale the wall Mari being first to get to the top and take flight as her units legs allowed her to have the same speedy pouncing effect as Asuka’s unit. The other all took flight all flying through the shattered remains of the Magnus pillar. Gendo felt a sly smile form as he put his hands together. “So now the true game begins.”

8

Asuka carried on flying she could feel her unit’s wings beating really hard as she hit the speed of sound as she headed to the one and only place she could finish this safely. She’d been her countless times with UN fleet when she had shadowed them it was a place that had not been far from her mind for a long time maybe because of the bloody red sea. Misato looked up. “Are the other Evangelion’s keeping pace?” Kaji looked up sharply. “Barely she’s moving really fast we’ve never knew 02 could go this speed the press have dropped back there now tailing the other Evangelion’s instead and Tokyo three are desperate for conformation as to what’s going on as is the world media.” Shigeru looked up sharply as he spun a projected three dimensional globe on his hologram screen. “Wait I know where she’s going! She’s going to the dead zone in Antarctica.” Misato looked up in confusion watching as three flying wings left base as the drone camera finally caught up on the other five Evangelion’s in flight. “Why would she even go there?” Maya carried on typing in to her hologram screen. “That easy there are no people there other than the four Oculus’s science research facilities but there scattered and are at each end of Antarctica as they are trying to bring life back there but have not yet been at all successful.”

She looked at her screen. “Asuka knows Antarctica really well probably better than any off the other pilots as she shadowed the UN fleet through there countless times she’s been doing it for years. Its also the one place she can swim happily in her Evangelion because red water doesn’t bother her as she can swim in it for real outside the Evangelion and even dive down deep with out any fear.” Misato turned eyeing her. “Seriously she can swim in the red ocean? I had no idea I thought in the drawing it was just a dream of being under the red sea but it wasn’t real.” Maya looked up. “No she can swim which means Antarctica gives her a huge advantage, it’s basically her playing field and not Bardiel’s.” Asuka looked down as the red sea and the ice appeared as she tried to ignore the agonizing pain all over as she carried on flying catching sight of the area which she remembered so well from which had been her subconscious last time herself and Bardiel had met. It had huge high ice mountains and vast thick grooved ice sheet. She breathed in no longer able to fly as the pain was just so much as she slowed dropping downwards only to feel the agonizing pain as unit 02’s body collided with ice sending it tumbling painful across the ground before it before came to a painful stop. She painfully eased up the huge clawed hind legs as the lights started to flash red as she her unit lay in a crumpled heap on the ice sheet as she tried to take the pain which moved away from her head drifting slowly in to her lower stomach.

End of part 59

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always felt in both the manga and series the reason Kaworu never merged with Lilith was because he was holding on to some thing emotionally and I prefer the idea that Lilith only takes people in to him/her who are open and willing to that being their fate. Hence Lilith will block those who are being used as slaves or whose emotions are holding them back because s/he wants the transition to be pleasant and good experience for them.
> 
> Shinji’s beam weapon is meant to be similar to what you’d get with Gamera or Godzilla it’s something you basically don’t want to be anywhere near as it could wipe out any one or anything in its path and his eyes glow red every time he uses it also because he has such a good balance of his emotions such as anger he can control it really well.


	60. Chapter 60

_AN UGLY REBIRTH ON THE PLANES OF ICE AND BLOOD_

 

" _You want me gone so be it_ _on your head if you can stand the pain of my rebirth we'll fight as equals_."

Rei slammed down in unit 00 seeing the others do the same in the distance she could see 02 lying on its side in a fatal position unmoving even its wings had not been pulled back as it lay there it suddenly sprang to life as it roared as its clawed hand grabbed the stomach section which was followed by a massive crack as something started to push against the red plating underneath. "What's going on?" Kaji turned as Asuka's panel started to go crazy seeing one of her hands grab her own stomach in agony inside the unit as her face turning to intense pain. "Brain waves are becoming erratic, I've got elevated heart rate and there is massive pain waves concentrating in her lower stomach area." He looked up as Asuka's eyes rolled back showing the whites as she let go off her controls completely as thin vine of light blue snaked its way out of her nose it flew downwards moving past the controls as it started to make its way through the LCL towards the door creeping its way out on mass though one section remained in a small steam still attached deep inside her nose.

Maya looked up sharply. "Unit 02's stomach section is splitting I can't stop it there something going on under there and I can't over ride it!" She watched as the whole unit started to thrash out violently roaring in agony from the press feeds who were watching someway from the Evangelion's which were all hanging back there weapons at the ready as the flying wings had just dropped them. She watched as the whole lower stomach plate cracked in half as a massive woven bloody vine like umbilical cord with glowing blue veins came free flying upwards it hit the floor opposite remaining attached as it crawled some distance away where it's ends moved together as it started to form a large sized embryo which had huge red eyes and a head along with four little legs and tail. The whole cord started to pump like crazy which was followed by Asuka intense screaming as the whole thing started to grow. Kaji looked up as he typed faster in to his holographic screen. "I'm flooding Asuka's LCL with pain killer, if I don't she's going to go in to shock!"

Misato looked at him. "Do it!" She watched as the being started to grow larger and at a much faster speed. "How is he even doing this?" Maya felt her eyes dart as she read the read outs. "He's drawing blood and tissue from 02's body and using this material to create a brand new body but I don't understand how." Misato eyed her. "Is he still attached to Asuka's right brain?" Maya typed looking the brain scan over as it suddenly clicked as to what was going on here. "You've got to be kidding? That's why he's still flooding the whole right side of her brain it's so he can recreate himself using her creative thinking and imagination and in doing so he could make himself real!" She banged her hand down on her panel in annoyance. "That's why he was in there all along, why did I not see this?!" She watched as the form grew bigger it was now half the size of 02 she could see Asuka smashing her feet against entry plug due to the pain.

The new body grew huge muscles as the mouth full of razor shark teeth opened as the massive tail grew down taking its full whip lash form as the huge clawed hands grew to full size along with the hind legs and clawed feet. The new being slowly stood up so it was towered over 02. Its skin was thick and pitch black and its huge red eyes with there glowing white pupils narrowed as the vine of blue slowly worked itself out as it freed its self from Asuka's nose there was a long moment where the being just stood still followed by the umbilical cord suddenly snapping free from 02 causing red blood to spray over the ice as he cord began to slowly be absorbed back in to the new beings body vanishing completely. Kaji looked up. "Fucker looks just like all of her drawing he's a primal Evangelion just with out all of the plating." Bardiel narrowed his red eyes as another pair of secondary arms burst through growing upwards raising above its shoulders those these were much more human than monster they even had nails like a real human hands much like Asuka's hands.

He eased out his long tongue licking 02's lenses as a smile formed on his lips as he looked down as 02 knowing she would hear his voice. " _Now you know what giving birth feels like Asuka still want to have fake little brats with Rei one day_?" He moved his clawed in human hand down smashing it across 02's face seeing that it still wasn't moving he spoke knowing that everyone would now hear his true voice. " _Get up!_ " He looked up watching as 01, 00 and 04 came forward suddenly firing bullets he looked up as the smashed over the field causing no damage what's so ever suddenly all off them were firing throwing everything they had at the AT field. He looked down ignoring them as he eased himself fully on to his hind legs kicking 02 straight in the chest sending it flying across the ground. " _I said fucking get up!_ " Misato looked up feeling her body tense. "Stop firing!" Maya eyed the central screen. "That AT field is so deep its fifty layers thick." She eyed Asuka whose face was still showing pain the younger woman was still bent over in agony she was breathing in deeply and heavily as she clutched her lower stomach area. "Are they firing at his AT field or Asuka's?"

Shigeru looked at his holographic screen. "It's impossible to tell whose is whose it's like there's a weird overlap between the two fields, it's like there sharing an AT field." Misato watched as Shinji and Rei's face appeared on the screen. "We don't know whose AT field that is, you can't fire on it you could be hurting Asuka." She turned to Maya. "Make Asuka sick then flood her LCL with the emergency water tank to rehydrate her whole body." Kaji turned blinking in confusion. "What why?" Misato folded her arms. "Once she throws up she'll feel better." She turned raising her hand. "That's the problem she feeling really sick but she can't be sick hence why she's not moving." Maya breathed in deeply as she typed in to her holographic panel bringing up the emergency red holographic screen opposite which only she had the authority to use. She quickly began to type in to it. "I'm flooding now with medication to induce sickness." She paused watching as Asuka's face suddenly turned very pale the red haired woman suddenly threw up causing bubbles to flood her LCL her breathing became long and drawn out as she lay back in her entry plug seat. "Flooding her LCL with emergency water tank the effect should be very quick as the LCL will get in to her blood stream much faster than any drip."

Misato turned sharply. "Do it." She watched Asuka carried on breathing heavily only for both of the younger woman's eyes to suddenly snap open the left one instantly igniting once more as the molars turned to razors, her full attention suddenly shifting to Bardiel who was waiting for her get up close by. "There she is!" Asuka slammed unit 02 clawed hands in to the snow as she eased it on to its hind legs as she spoke coldly. "That wasn't birth I was expelling you like a lump of scheisse like humans do to all parasites!" Misato typed the pressed the com. "Asuka do us all massive favour and kill him I don't care how you do it just do it." Asuka felt a sadistic smile form. "Is that an order?" Misato eyed her. "Yes it is, also he's somehow still sharing your AT field hence why I've asked the other's not to fire up on you." Asuka laughed as she eyed Bardiel. "Hear that you ficken piece of scheisse, your all mine!" She grabbed her controls feeling the units wings fold away. "We are going to have so much fun." Bardiel looked up his huge teeth grinding together as his long tongue came out. " _Come and get me!_ " Asuka felt her scream of rage hit the air as she smashed her unit in to the ground on all fours running at him full speed only to feel the intense pain as his upper arms shot out smashing straight in to 02's face sending her flying backwards across the ice.

She ignored the pain as she pulled her unit 02 back on to all fours only to feel the pain as he came down hard smashing on to her unit's back before leaping off her driving her units face in to the snow in the process. The whip lash tail came out of nowhere smashing in to her 02's face sending her tumbling backwards across the snow some feet away she got up slowly staying on all fours. The sudden agony came as his upper arms suddenly shot out extending there length as they wrapped around her units neck the grip tightening forcing her unit on to its hind legs. " _Feel familiar like Mama's touch perhaps_?" Asuka ignored the pain as she forced 02's clawed feet in to the floor as she moved it slowly forward easing up 02's clawed hand as she carried on moving closer feeling the rage truly start to really burn it felt like some was igniting a fire with gasoline in side her body as she shouted her next words which were filled with venom. "Don't ever compare yourself to my Mama!" Rei eyed her screen she couldn't get through to Asuka none of them could the AT field was preventing any communication only Misato's was getting through but she could hear and see everything going on.

She blinked in surprise as Asuka right eye suddenly started glowing green as her unit moved even closer it claws really digging in to the snow as her enraged scream hit the air she spoke knowing her voice was filled with concern. "Is she loosing it?" Mari's face suddenly appeared on her screen next to Shinji's which was showing concern. "No she's fucking owning it." Asuka pulled her unit's clawed hands up fully ignoring the intense pain in her throat as she grabbing Bardiel's human arms mid way down. She began to crush them watching as red blood started to run free spilling all over her units hands on her screen causing his hands to let go off her neck. She kept hold of his arms refusing to let go hearing the bones crack and shatter as blood sprayed across the snow as she separated them from the joints send one flying across the snow while she held the other as Bardiel roared in agony backing up she felt a cold smile form on her lips. "Remember that part I said about eating you alive?" She didn't think as she shoved the bloody arm in to unit 02's mouth hearing it's jaws above crunch as it started to swallow it down not even really chewing it. "I wasn't bluffing."

Kaji watched as the arm disappeared as unit 02 swallowed it completely which in turn caused the press feeds to suddenly go in to over drive as some tried to get the censor blurring up while others just beamed in closer. "Oh come on!" Maya's face turned to utter disgust granted she didn't throw up these days over blood and guts but there was something really dark about this. When Shinji had done this he'd done it because he'd lost control, Asuka on the other hand knew just what she was doing and she was enjoying it on a really sadistic level. She looked up at all of the pilots face's Mari was utterly enjoying the show and had a coy grin on her lips. While Rei had a very conflicted look on her face and she knew why it was there she loved Asuka deeply but she was clearly finding this hard because she was in essence seeing Asuka's much darker side and how extreme it could be. Shinji didn't look surprised in the slightest it was like he had expected this while Kaworu's had a slight smile on his face while Toji looked truly shocked. Despite all of there different reactions none of them were telling Asuka to stop instead they were all just letting her get on with it.

She looked up seeing that Gendo was really enjoying this bloody show as he was smiling darkly while Ritsuko just looked utterly disgusted by Asuka's actions. Asuka moved forward licking one of her canine teeth as Bardiel backed off further she could now see the wound of his right shoulder which had healed up but had not repaired when he'd reformed himself. "Just like last time, you taste like burnt brisket but now your bloods sweeter and not acrid." She stepped closer bringing her unit down again on all fours going in to a stalking predatory position. "You know since I didn't have such a great breakfast and they made me throw it up, I think I'll just eat the rest of you instead." She paused before speaking. "I mean you wanted to be a part of me right, so how's about you find out what 02's digestive tract looks like?!" Kaji eyed Misato whose face was completely unreadable. "You're not going to stop her doing this? Because you know she is going to eat more of him right, she's not bluffing!" Misato breathed in deeply. "That bastard infected her brain tormented her, drove her to insanity and near suicide and screwed with her body and her love life. She can do what ever she wants to him I'm not going to stop her I've always second guessed her judgement I'm not going to do it here." She folded her arms. "Plus she will probably only eat part of him like Shinji did with Sachiel." Maya turned sharply. "No you don't understand she's not like Shinji have you ever seen her eat?"

Misato eyed her. "What are you talking about?" Maya breathed in sharply. "She's a very heavy eater she can put away a fourteen oz medium rare steak in one sitting and still have room for more if she starts eating him she'll clog up 02's stomach. It won't be like Shinji she won't just rip off a few more parts she will probably eat a massive part of him and her real stomach can handle the volume but her Evangelion's can't, they don't stretch that far it could cause an internal rupture. Not to mention the raw energy it's going to turn in to which could overload the unit and if she eats the S² Engine along with the rest she could end up doing that energy ball blast again like she did on the training field when her unit transformed but this time the wave could be like a N2 missile going off!" Misato eyed her. "You said that, that unit is bigger and stronger shouldn't it stand to reason that those changes are internal as well?" Maya turned to her. "Theoretically yes but you are taking a massive risk and a gamble!" Misato breathed in deeply speaking evenly. "So be it." Asuka moved picking up Bardiel other fallen arm shoving it in to 02's mouth ignoring the crunching sound of the jaws as it started to swallow it down as Bardiel shifted even further back his upper arms joints bleeding red blood all over the place as he raised his tail bringing it down like a whip lash she shifted her unit sideways as he kept bringing down trying to keep her at bay. Kaji looked down at the read outs. "Speed of unit 02 has increased by thirty percent."

Asuka leapt only for the tail to come up smashing in to her unit sending it flying backwards though this time she found herself able to spin as the unit came crashing down landing perfectly on all fours on the ice much to her own surprise. Bardiel moved closer trying harder to hit her with his tail only for her to keep shifting at lightning speed avoiding him he opened his huge mouth as a roar came out only for the next moments to turn to pure agony as her unit shifted even faster as the clawed hand suddenly shot out grabbing his tongue as the huge clawed foot smashed in to him sending flying across the ice. Asuka laughed as the blood flew through the air she eyed the long glowing pulsing blue tongue in 02's clawed hand as she considered eating it only to throw it to one side watching as it flew right through the AT field landing hard near 05's feet. She watched as he got to his feet blood pouring out of his mouth as he tried to speak but nothing came out, the other arms suddenly lengthened as they she raised unit 02's hands grabbing them stopping them from even reaching her as she began to move forward seeing something in his eyes which she had only seen once before it was fear, he was afraid to die she ignored his whip lash tail as it came down smashing against one of her units shoulder sails with enough force to shatter part of it off.

She pushed harder moving closer only for his tail to smash in to her unit side sending a metal section flying before it came down again smashing in to her unit's face braking part of the horned crest clean off. She slowly opened began to open 02's mouth ignoring the cold blood as it ran down her face as she watched him try to struggle as he was forced on to his knees as his tail carried on striking her she eyed it feeling her units own tails suddenly shoot out grabbing it both wrapping around it so it couldn't move. "You're afraid aren't you?" She felt a cold sneer form on her lips. "Now you understand what it finally means to be human and now you know how I felt when you took me over in the UN Alpha test unit." She looked down solemnly. "You finally understand what it is to be truly helpless and to have your own morality staring you in the face." She watched as he let out a silent roar which caused blood to spill out as she lowered her whole unit forcing the mouth open to its full existent. "Now know death." Rei watched as 02's head came down literally forcing Bardiel's head inside right up to his neck the sabres were piercing the upper shoulders making it difficult for him to move them, his whole black body started to struggle violently as unit 02 upper jaws began to crunch down.

Ritsuko breathed in deeply as the cracking sound came only for red blood to fly everywhere as Bardiel's whole head was separated from his body she blinked in horror as it was swallowed down as the remaining body slammed in to the floor shaking violently. "She's such a fucking animal." Gendo looked up speaking quietly watching as the look on Asuka's face on the screen changed to what could only be described as dark desire as her sadistic razor toothed smile widened. "She's barely begun." He watched as unit 02 let out a massive tiger like roar as it suddenly turned its attention on the rest of the body with utter animalist rage tearing the arms off at the elbow and eating them followed by one of the feet her whole attention suddenly turned to the body as she used unit 02's claws to rip it open as she grabbed at the guts tearing them out and throwing through the AT field which still hadn't dropped as she ripped out the S² Engine looking at for a moment before tossing it straight through the AT field watching as it landed opposite Bardiel's fallen guts which were near 01's feet. Misato breathed in as Asuka's units teeth came down as it started to eat the middle section sending blood everywhere. "Why hasn't the field dropped Bardiel's dead!?" Maya looked up eyeing her read outs nervously. "Stomach is still expanding it's having problems coping!"

Shigeru blinked in confusion as he looked up. "Wait that's not Bardiel's AT field it was hers all along, he had no AT field he was hiding inside hers and mimicking it to throw us off!" Misato watched as unit 02 swallowed a huge chunk as she pressed the com. "Stop it Asuka!" She turned only to watch as Asuka ignored her carrying on. "Stop eating, you're going to damage your unit's internals!" She turned to Rei's screen pressing her com. "You have to stop her Rei, she going to damage her unit!" Rei turned watching as the upper stomach plating on unit 02 started to bend and buckle she typed trying to get through only for nothing to happen. "I can't get through to her!" Toji's face came up on her screen. "Why is the AT field not dropping? I mean she's killed him!" Misato pressed the com speaking to them all. "He had no AT field he was mimicking hers, this AT field is hers!" Shinji's face turned to shock. "What but look at its fifty layers thick normally there half that." Mari's face came up. "Why are you even surprised by that? She likes to keep people out to protect herself and she's had three miserable years to build up emotionally walls thick enough to keep everyone away from her." Misato watched as unit 02 swallowed another massive chunk only for it to stop she turned to Maya. "Please tell me she's full..." She watched as 02 slowly stood up its stomach was massively extended and the plating had cracked in four places she turned watching as Asuka leaned forward taking in deep breathes.

Maya felt her eyes dart. "Yes I think she's full." She watched as 02 stumbled back as the red blood ran down its jaws as it started to breath in slowly and deeply as its tails finally let go of Bardiel's limp one. Misato breathed in tensing angrily as she spoke. "Shut her down now!" Kaji turned to her. "I can't do that we couldn't it with Shinji when he eat an angel we had to just let the Evangelion's internals to do there work and if you shut 02 down mid process it will just carry on once you turn it back on. The clean up teams can not remove the stuff from the gut its just to dangerous and no one will ever try it again not after what happened with the Beta unit when three people died because they tried to get some crap out of the stomach and got burnt to cinder." Maya looked up watching as everything started to flash red on Asuka's panel. "Stomach is processing I can not speed it up!" She watched as 02 stumbled back further it was clearly getting very dizzy as was Asuka." Asuka took in a slow breathes perhaps she should have known better she paused her light headiness felt strange it wasn't the same as being full. It felt more like she was walking on air as she spoke quietly and softly. "Speer des Schicksals." A voice spoke behind her it was so light almost angelic. " _I finally understand everything I understand what it is to die I understand what it is to live you have for filled my true desire and for filled your promise. As that was our deal that I would enter your body in your next life and you would teach me about humanity and give me the ability to free myself forever from this pointless war_."

There was a long pause. " _Now_ _create me two of them Asuka and thus I shall ascend through you and create my new form and gain my own form of instrumentality."_ Asuka looked up feeling her left eye become even warmer. "If that is what you desire Bardiel." Maya looked up sharply. "The energy building in 02's stomach it's starting to channel!" Misato looked up as unit 02 suddenly stood up very straight its four eyes suddenly turning from a green glow to pure white as the AT field changed to pure gold and silver the huge broken crest and broken sections began to slowly repair themselves along with all of the other sections as the body also healed. The unit bent slightly back as the muscles tensed as the clawed feet dug in to the floor the clawed hands slowly moved downwards towards the stomach as the two tails rose up at ether side circling over. Kaji looked up on confusion. "What is she doing?" Maya eyes darted. "I have no idea her sync is perfect and there are no more weird brain waves…" Her next words were suddenly cut off as white light blasted out of the lower stomach section as two long winding red pointed items started to grow outwards as the clawed hands took hold off them pulling them slowly free as they grew to half the length of her Evangelion. She clutched the red points tighter feeling the energy flow in to them as they grew upwards getting larger opening up as they became woven two sectioned red spears as her unit's stomach returned to normal as the huge crack in the plating there sealed up.

She looked up at them slowly feeling the last of the energy go in to them as Bardiel's voice spoke again. " _Now for fill your destiny Asuka, become like Freyja, become the goddess of this word, become the destroyer and creator become the bright red star in the night with your lances."_ Asuka slowly raised both spears crossing them over her unit's chest. "Yes." Misato turned watching as Asuka's left eye turned to white followed by her right as huge hallow of gold and silver light formed over her units head. "What is fucking going on?!" Ritsuko stood up watching as Gendo did the same the utter shock in his face. "She just created two lances of Longinus from that dead angel, how is that even possible!?" Misato turned sharply. "There both lances of Longinus you're telling me she turned churned up angel in to those!?" Ritsuko watched as 02 started to walk away from the other units it's AT field remaining up. "Yes and the halo means she's going to ascend! You have to stop her send all the units in there right now!" Get them to tear up that AT Field and remove those lances from her unit's hands, or she's going to cause an impact event!" She raised her hand pointing to Asuka's face with its glowing white eyes which looked strangely innocent despite the sharp teeth. "She's so drunk on the power right now that she probably has no idea that she's even doing this! She might not even know what's real and what's not this to her could just feel like her own fucking imagination!"

End of part 60

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asuka. “I’ll have Bardiel in ramen with a tomato sauce…super size him!” I couldn’t help myself self…so sorry…no wait I’m not sorry at all and if you know episode 12 series dub of the restaurant scene you’ll totality get this joke. This chapter is a nod to End of Evangelion in how Asuka just goes with her blood lust and doesn’t care at all its just much more extreme here due to the Primal unit and since Bardiel tends to get eaten anyway by 01 in the series, manga and rebuild I just liked the idea of Asuka taking that to a whole other level.
> 
> One thing that hit me in rebuild 3.33 was Shinji had unit 13 grow secondary arms and this got me thinking well if there living gods isn’t it possible that Evangelion’s who are in pre-ascension stage could make anything they desired so long as they have a base to form it from?
> 
> In this universe no one but Maya has control of the emergency pilot panels this is to avoid misuse or causing the pilot’s serious harm. Basically it means Gendo can’t pull bullshit like taking the oxygen out of the LCL like he does in rebuild, the manga and series because only Maya can push those buttons and if she believes it’s inhumane she won’t press them.
> 
> Though I normally give the German translation that won’t be happening in this chapter the reason why will become very clear in the later chapters.


	61. Chapter 61

_BURNING RED SKIES AND SUN LIT STARS_

 

Asuka spoke outwards her own voice sounding like it was coming from a distance place in time. "Do I need the third spear the one which Ankh holds, which is one of ones I left behind?" Bardiel's voice came again. " _Any other would but not you, you brought the worlds end last time with only two spears and the one Ankh_ _holds is no more than a dead trinket with out power, true spears are made by a gods hand but dead ones are no more than stone and though you can reactivate it and its counterpart which you hid you don't have to bother as now have something much better_." There was a long pause. _"Myself and Arael switched places but causing chaos was only half of our desire our true desire was to recreate the spears of destiny through one of us sacrificing ourselves so that we could cause dissention among Adams ranks and who better than you to recreate them_ , _you the creator and artist, you the one that everyone thought so little off. You the one who was so deeply under trodden who had so much desire to be more and whose will and wanting could overshadow the others."_ Asuka stopped 02 as she slowly eased up her units head skyward. "I understand." Bardiel's voice came as he spoke softly and gently. " _Now light my path to ascension so that I may find my own instrumentality and transcend this universe and find another as I begin my exodus_."

Misato pressed the com she couldn't tell what Asuka was saying anymore her sound feed had stopped. "Every unit attack unit 02, tear up the fucking AT field do everything you have to, to get through! Get those spears out of her unit's hands there lances of Longinus and she's about to cause an impact event!" She watched as they all ran at Asuka with out looking back as they started firing there weapons at her AT field. Shinji watched as unit 02's mouth opened as a massive channel of pure white light came out it flew upwards as the AT field opened just enough to let it through as it flew skywards not stopping as it penetrated the sky above carrying on as it breached the heavens. Kaji shifted in his chair. "We are getting feed coming in directly from Eos's camera!" He watched as the feed came up as the light hit an area some distance from the space station tearing open a huge hole which swirled with golden and red light." Shinji carried on firing his gun watching as layers of the AT field started to shatter while Mari leapt on one section trying to stay away from the light as she started ripping layers away with her units claws and teeth. Kaworu started firing his rifle while Toji moved to Mari's section pulling out his unit's huge sword as he slammed his foot in to it sliced his long blade in to cutting away at the layers. Rei ran backwards dropping her units empty machine gun seeing that Kaworu's rile was barely doing anything. "Give me Asuka's big gun!"

She watched as the flying wing opposite dropped the huge gun she turned grabbing it raising it up high. "Get out of the way Shinji!" Shinji turned pulling back as Rei started to fire the huge machine gun watching as it shells started to rip through along with Shinji's fire. She forced 00's foot in to the floor trying to ignore the pain in her arm from the pure strain it took just to fire it. Why did some of the press always mock Asuka over this gun? It took so much effort just to fire this thing and she fired it all the time but for her it was agony with every round not to mention the painful recoil. She watched as the first huge empty chamber came free smashing in to the snow opposite. "How do I reload this thing?!" Shinji dropped his empty machine gun picking up the other as he watched as Kaworu started to fire on there area which they were almost half way through now and all of there fire was being concentrated on one section. "The left side locking bar, pull it back!" Rei slammed the gun down pulling the huge bar back watching as its second barrel loaded. She screamed as she started to fire it. "Come on open up!" She watched as Toji shifted closer to the really damaged area putting his blade back in to his holding area as he grabbed his double barrelled pistol shooting at the remaining layers his voice hitting the air. "Mari, I need you over here this sections breaking, we are getting closer!"

Shinji watched as Mari leapt over tearing at the section they were still shooting at. "Everyone keep tearing and firing at that section its weakening!" Rei watched as the last cartridge unloaded as she threw the gun down in anger. "Fire unit 01's beam at Shinji, go crazy!" Shinji dropped his emptied gun picking up Rei's rifle firing it. "I can't I can only do it once a day you know that and the last time I did it twice I wrecked 01's jaws!" Rei turned to Mari who was ripping at the layers. "You can fire focused beams, fire one now!" Mari looked up sharply. "I don't even know how I did the first time!" Rei turned in frustration her gaze drifted as it fell up on the fallen S² Engine. She slowly leaned down picking it up what choice did she have? It was there only chance they just weren't getting through fast enough despite all best there efforts. Misato's voice suddenly came on. "Rei what are you doing? Don't you even think about it!" Rei slammed her fist down on the hologram screen turning her off as she looked at 02 behind the AT field. "You once said I'd be a divine goddess who could destroy everything in my wake if I got truly angry let's see if you were right!" She shoved the huge piece of liver in to her unit's mouth hearing the jaws crunch she tasted blood which instantly made her feel sick she felt the unit force it down as she swallowed it trying desperately not to throw it back up.

She closed her eyes feeling them open as he heat started to burn out of them. "Give me all that you are 00!" Kaji looked up watched as 00's core reading started to go nuts along with Rei's brain waves which started to spike erratically. He breathed in sharply as all eight cores cylinders flew up expelling a mass of heat as the unit hit the ground on its hands and knees as it shook violently as its back legs began to change and claws burst through on the feet as they lengthened turning lycanthropic. The arms became longer as well as the palms on the hands as thick black claws burst through as huge tail grew downwards though it wasn't whip lash it was very thick and the end it had a massive cutting blade like extension. The muscles burst through the plating sending some of it flying off as its build changed becoming similar to Asuka's but with finer stronger muscles. The head shook violently as the neck lengthened and throat widened as the heads huge jaws widened sending plating flying as huge long serrated teeth came down on the upper and lower jaws as the gape widened so it marched 02's as the two canine teeth on the upper and lower jaw became over lapping so they stuck out of the mouth and a long very flat tongue appeared while the horned crest grew much higher as the shoulder sails lowered.

The core cylinders shot back in to the units back as Rei's eyes turned a glowing red colour which mirrored her brother's but with one massive difference he could see extended canines growing as well as back molars which were turning to razors just like Asuka's though not as extreme Rei turned screaming with rage as 00 let out a roar that matched that of a lions she suddenly ran at Asuka's AT field holding nothing back as the others raised there guns and weapons stopping there fire as she hit the AT field her units crest acting like horns as they smashed in to it shattering away a huge amount of the layers. She came down only to leap back up piecing it with her claws as she raised the tail so the massive cutting blade was forward as she jammed it in to watching field watching as it started to work like a hot knife through butter ripping through the layers. "You are going to let me in Asuka!" Misato watched as huge form slowly started to come out of unit 02's body it looked like Bardiel but he looked so different his body was a glowing white and blue colour and the eyes were no longer red but a piecing amber colour. The mouth of sharks like teeth remained as did the long tail and lycanthropic front feet and hind legs she watched as he slowly spread out white wings which were like Adam's but there was only one set and not two. He floated above 02 remaining still for a moment before his huge wings went back as it flew up the light steam at immense speed breaking through the AT field which closed up behind it instantly as he followed the light upwards not stopping as he flew past Eos's camera and in to the golden and red light which closed behind him as he vanished and the white light steam slowly began to dissipate.

She looked down Rei was almost through, she breathed in seeing unit 02's clawed feet start to leave the floor and its two tails rose skyward circling over on ether side as its AT field became flatter but the hole that the others had made got even bigger as some the really damaged layers started to designate away. She turned as Asuka closed her eyes as all her camera and feeds cut out completely only the feed for her entry plug remaining. Rei watched as Shinji, Mari and Kaworu grabbed the last layer ripping it back creating a wide hole. "I'm going through don't any of you dare follow me!" Mari blinked in confusion eyeing Shinji who looked just as surprised they all watched as Rei forced 00 through the open hole squirming violently to get through as she got inside hitting the ground hard on the other side she pulled 00 on to all fours as she ran at 02 at lightning speed leaping on to its back as it rose higher. She wrapped her units thick tail around the mid section grabbing 02's hand trying to pry one of the lances out of the iron clawed grip. "Let go of the lances Asuka!" She tried harder to get the lances out not thinking as she brought her units teeth down biting at the units arms watching as red blood ran free. "Let go now!" She dug her feet's claws in to the other units sides hoping the pain might get Asuka's attention as she bit at the arms again "I'm talking to you, you stupid, crazy German idiot stop ignoring me!" She watched as they rose higher. "You're going to cause an impact event your going to kill us all! Stop it now!"

Asuka felt her eyes open slightly as a blue clawed hand scratched across her units lenses leaving deep crack marks, she couldn't feel anything only bliss and quite she was so at peace nothing mattered anymore she was going to go to heaven. A soft voice hit the air. " _You don't want this Asuka_." Asuka looked around snapping out of her haze as the voice spoke again. " _My special child this isn't heaven for you it is always becomes hell, your heaven is here on earth back with those who love you and the one outside who is trying to make you let go of the spears and is desperate for you to return to her_." Asuka blinked suddenly recognising the voice. "Mama?" Her mother's voice came again. " _I'll help you stop this Asuka_." Asuka watched as controls slowly faded away as everything turned to pure white light. " _You must_ _come to me now sweet little one it will only be for a while I promise you_." Maya looked up as the entry plug screen turned red as Asuka's entry plug broke safe depth carrying on far past the safe range. "Asuka's diving!" Misato looked up in utter confusion. "Is her unit sucking her in?!" Kaji turned sharply. "No she's going towards the core of her own free will!" Asuka watched as two huge golden and silver wings of light folded out from her back as her hand grabbed her pendent. "Rei." The huge wings forced her forward as she smashed in to the bright white light and everything faded away.

Rei watched as 02's hands suddenly let go of the spears as its glowing white eyes turned off and the halo dissipated as 02 started to fall she felt the pain as they both smashed full force in to the ground as the AT field fell melting away. She couldn't move she had no energy left she was so spent she felt the heat fade from her eyes as her teeth returned to normal Unit 02 was lying over the top of her sprawled out while the two lances were buried in the show close by. Shinji moved towards Rei only for Misato's voice to hit the air. "Don't touch 00 or 02 or the lances!" There was a long pause. "The medical flying wings are coming to lift them out and two more vertical wings will be coming to move the lances along with the clean up grew." Misato looked at her screen. "When you get back to head quarters do not let Rei touch or try to get in to 02's entry plug." Mari's face suddenly shot up on her screen. "Why what's going on?" Misato's looked up meeting her confused gaze. "We think your younger sister breached unsafe depth." Mari's face turned to pain. "No please she wouldn't do that she knows better that was the very first lesson she ever burnt in to me during training to stay away from dangerous entry plug depth and never ever push your entry plug towards the core." Misato breathed in painfully. "We don't know anything for sure Mari we need to get the unit back and find out what's going on its just speculation all we do know is that unit 02 has locked us out now completely." Mari slammed her fist down on her controls. "I don't believe this shit!"

8

There's darkness a blanket of pure darkness but it's not a cold darkness it's like a warm blanket surrounding me like and it feels so warm and protective. I've never been afraid of the dark I'm more afraid of what's with in it, its why Bardiel terrified me so much in the beginning because even in the darkness I could see his piecing glowing red eyes looking back at me and sometimes I'd wake up to them because he'd be waiting for me to get up from the threshold door in my bedroom every morning and it was hard to ever get used to in the end I just learnt to ignore it as best I could as knowing it made sleep and waking up so hard. Yet here and despite the darkness I feel so blissfully calm as I see a vision of a drop of red water plashing in to the red ocean causing soft ripples to flow outwards I close my eyes for a long moment before opening them as a thought crosses my mind which I speak softly in to the warm darkness. "I wish I was smarter." Asuka heard a small voice in the darkness answered her. "You are no less smart than those that came before you."

She looked in to the darkness speaking again. "If I'd been smart I would not have created two Lances of Longinus.' She watched as darkness melted away as she found herself dressed in her normal clothes with out her eye patch looking out of over a green meadow with the sun beaming down her left eye was no different she still couldn't see out of it. She could feel the wind on her face even smell the flowers. She turned seeing that the small school girl who looked like Rei was standing in front her red eyes watching her calmly as the girl spoke again her voice sounding so much older for age. "They are both Spears of Destiny not Lances of Longinus, there purpose it's quite different though they are no less powerful but to be created and to gain their power they had to be held in the hands of an ascending Evangelion." Asuka walked slowly towards her. "You look so much like Rei when she was younger but I know you're not her." The girls red eyes looked up meeting her own. "She was like me once but she chose a real life and granted me all of her power in return for it."

Asuka looked at her for a long moment as she pushed her loose hair back. "I heard your conversation it was the only one I heard, I couldn't hear the others conversations until I freed myself of Bardiel or at least I thought I did." The school girl looked up. "When you killed and consumed Bardiel in his Evangelion form you eat his soul he then had you create the two lances because though you and 02 he could ascend and change his form. He has now ascended in to his own version of instrumentality and where he will travel none of us can say but he did not make you create what he thought he did but then to Adams children all lances can seem alike and some bear similar names but they have very different purposes. He thought you were creating two Lances of Longinus but that was me I put the words Spears of Destiny in to your mind and used your love of mythology to obscure my true intentions and lead him astray because I knew he wouldn't pick up on the words meaning a different thing." Asuka breathed in sadly. "You must still be disappointed in me though, I mean almost did the same thing that my forma self did." The girl gave her a smile. "No not at all, you defied my exceptions ten fold." Asuka blinked in confusion. "I don't understand."

The girl shook her head. "I know what's going through your mind you think you sacrificed your intelligence in the forma world, because Bardiel referred to your other incantations as being much smarter." She felt a slight smile form. "Granted your other versions did have high IQ's but it never befitted them, some even had degrees before even joined Nerv at fourteen but they weren't real they were token gift from a division to make them believe they were god. Believe me though I took nothing away from you, your just as clever as they were you just think differently to them." She moved forward putting a hand on Asuka's leather jacket. "This difference is a most interesting because your intelligence was channelled it in to others places like art and things you enjoyed, you value creativity and hobbies in a way your predecessor never did. You became who you wanted to be not who you thought you had to be and unlike them you saw the errors in your behaviour and you worked very hard to corrected yourself." She looked up. "Also like every one of them you had a fall from grace where the angel ruined you but instead of putting your value on being nothing with out an Evangelion you instead channelled your value in to changing and bettering yourself and you spent more time doing your hobbies."

She moved her fingers down her leather jackets red stripes on each sleeve. "You are unique and wonderful, yet you do not see it." She moved her hand up taking hold of the pendent. "But I know she sees it." Asuka breathed in slowly and deeply. "What did I sacrifice to you?" The girl looked up meeting her good eye. "In your sadness you offered me your soul." Asuka looked down sadly. "Then I'm assuming your here to collect?" The young girl shook her head. "No you misunderstand I do not wish to take you from your world I'm merely here as a crossing on your journey, nothing more." She moved her fingers over the pendent. "After all your soul is not mine to take I'm not an angel and I feel that your soul already belongs to her, so in a strange way you for filled your own wish while for filled hers which was a desperate desire to know and feel real love." Asuka raised her eyebrow. "Did you change my sexuality to make that so?" The young girl's smile widened. "No you did and so did she, you see at the end of time and the breaking of the world souls change themselves when they are reborn. Your previous version was starting to walk the path but you just ended the journey though she apologises for the comment about her discomfort over your sexuality as now that's she's has remerged properly with you, she fully understands."

She stepped back. "Bardiel pushed her out from the start it was the only way he could get in and become a part of you and it made her forget because of the weeks of limbo and being unable to reconnect as a whole with you so to speak. She also had to take a similar grown up form because she knew you'd never accept her as sixteen year old one which she had at the end of her world." She looked up. "Because she knows you hate your younger self quite passionately and still have a lot of regret over your past actions." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "Where am I?" She watched the meadow faded away and she found herself looking in at a strange dark robotic looking being who was leaned over it only had a waist head, arms and a head but its eyes were black as if it had been switched off. "You're in the 02's core." She put her hand on the beings Evangelion shaped head pushing it seeing no movement. "This was your Evangelion's partial AI personality but I can tell you it was switched off after the battle of Shamshel many years ago." She paused before speaking. "Perhaps switched off it to tame a word, your mother's soul tour it to ribbons internally which is understandable and ensured that it would never ever function again. These personalities are not like your AI friend they are manipulative, cruel and they just want any soul sucked in to them to stay with them and they normally give the entering soul images and visions to keep them calm and placid though all are built on lies and unfounded dreams."

She looked up. "There are three other cores that look the same as this now there AI personalities have been destroyed so the true soul can take there place and the last two will follow in time and all of the Evangelion's will go through a massive metamorphosis and change just like your unit. Your mother was not recently awakened she has been awake for a very long time and watching over you and this is her domain. She's knows I mean you no harm that's why she's allowing this now, she was never happy with Bardiel but she put up with him only because you wished it and she realized that you were getting stronger and would be able to fight back given time." She tapped the dead personality head. "She's also had her own experiences with fighting rather ugly personalities, so she believed you could do it to." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Where is my Mama?" The girl eased up her hand causing a golden and silver opening to form behind her. "She's waiting for you, though she would like you to face a few things before you reach her though as she thinks it would be good for you but it will sadly delay your returning to the normal world."

Asuka breathed in deeply as she looked up. "I was told that once you've been sucked in to the core that you die after seven days, because your body rots away." The young girl moved her hand taking one of her own she slowly traced in a pattern on it in similar way to Rei before looking up. "No your body and soul are here, any one can return even your own mother, she and the others mothers who are awakened just choose not to because they see stopping the angels and archangels as much more important and in doing so they get to be with you and can protect you." She gently let go off her hand. "So you can return any time you wish but time here does pass slower in this form of human instrumentality when you travel but your mother is honest to her word she does not want to keep you here." Asuka felt a smile form. "Thank you for everything." She eased up her hand the movement was more automatic as she ran her hand through the young girls short hair ignoring her slight surprise. "Will I ever see you again?"

Her red eyes widened as her mouth formed a warm smile as the understanding behind the woman's action dawned on her Asuka was not seeing her in the same way as her counterpart but she was showing her compassion and kindness all the same. "As I said this is my world, it does not belong to the angels or the archangels I am everywhere in this world but I will always keep my eye fixed on Nerv." Asuka stepped away from her. "Then maybe I'll see you again one day and maybe if not me you'll show yourself to my Rei." The young girl looked up. "She will know about me but not now but not so far in the future I only reveal myself when I want to and your world has now seen me properly for the first time but it will not be the last." Asuka felt a coy smile form as she walked towards the light. "What do you call yourself?" The girl looked up a sly smile forming as she raised her hands. "I am the divine goddess." Asuka laughed as she walked closer to the light before turning to her. "That is a most accurate title." The girl looked up. "Yes well your Rei thinks your Freyja." Asuka looked at her for a long moment. "When I return, I'll have to talk to her about that." She turned walking in to the silver and golden light watching once more as the world faded away.

End of part 61

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historically there are two people who claim to have the Holy Lance the first Holy Lance is displayed in Vienna in the Imperial Treasury while the second Holy Lance is in Vagharshapat. Both claim to be the true lance yet no one knows which one is the real one or is if it’s both. Hence this is where this idea sprang from because what if you give something a similar name but it does not have the same properties as its counterpart? Hence the Spears Of Destiny are very different to the Lances of Longinus’s how will come up in later chapters.
> 
> What Bardiel did in the last chapter is basically trick 02’s body in to thinking it had enough DNA to create a child hence starting the birth process and he went in to the created body. The idea I had is that Adams race work a little like snails but not in a hermaphrodite sense but more they have a stomach tendril and use it to pass genetic material between the two parents who then both give birth very quickly and the tendril becomes the umbilical cord. Normally these children from both parents would be freed from the umbilical cord in a much smaller form its just Bardiel pushes it way further and grows full size, I liked the idea that though Nerv built the Evangelion’s they have no idea about there reproduction cycle or how it works. 
> 
> Asuka is not in any way pregnant all she experienced was labour pain when she was inside the unit and Kyoko couldn’t reach her while this was going on as Bardiel took control of the units body when he reformed himself, so he was the units child not Kyoko’s or Asuka’s. 
> 
> So if you were wondering why I gave Rei green eyes it was so I could have them as glowing red in the primal state along with the teeth. 
> 
> Speaking of which the idea is that eating an S2 engine can start of this state but how far it goes depends on the readiness of the pilot and if they are not ready it goes in to the semi primal awaiting the day to finish when the pilot is ready for it. So 01 is waiting for Shinji to be fully ready before it finishes.


	62. Chapter 62

_WHEN THE HANDS OF TIME FREEZE LIKE ICE_

Misato looked up at 02 as its work grew moved around it all of the other pilots were behind her all were now dressed in casual clothes including Rei watching the large live feed. So far none of the codes had unlocked unit 02 and none of the central feeds had come back up and it wouldn’t even turn back on. They’d pulled Rei out first from 00 she had just been suffering from exhaustion and just needed food and drink but other than that she was fine and her teeth and her eyes had remained normal. 02 had been shifted to the closest bay where its shoulders had been locked with a massive brace along with its legs. It was now well away from the others who were back in there lines behind it and whose teams were also working to clean them up and check for faults. While the specialist team was moving around 00 with holographic scanners measuring it up for a new refit since it had now taken its primal form. 02’s team were also working on the unit with there special ladders so they could scale up and down it. She watched as one of them fired a fire hose of red water straight in to its open mouth trying to get rid of the huge debases all over the teeth, which in turn caused all of the dried blood to come off the neck and chest. Part of the team were working near the entry plug as they had inserting an internal camera inside but it had taken them at least ten minutes just to get down to the entry plug which had shifted going much lower that it was meant to.

Hayden’s uncertain voice hit the air. “Extending external camera it’s close to the entry point, please stand by.”  She looked up as the external camera worked its way down the entry plug it was like a thin little snake and it could twist and turn and get in side the closed entry plug through the secondary route which didn’t evolve the door. The camera panned around slowly working it’s was in to the lid and through the tiny little area which was normally used for administering pain medication. It turned finally makings its way in side the LCL as Hayden spoke with uncertainty. “LCL is fully filled.” The camera moved slowly over to the seat coming to rest on the seats back rest which was completely empty. “I’m not seeing any pilot.” The camera shifted. “No wait I’m seeing something.” The camera drifted down catching sight of an empty plug suite which was not deflated and lying partly over the bottom of the seat, along with the interface hair clips which were both scattered. “She’s not here, plug suits here so are her interface clips.” He paused before speaking. “Wait that weird pendants not here you know the one she wears around her neck.” The camera moved to one of the black screens, which was flashing with red error code. “That’s fucking weird, what is that error code?”

Maya’s voice came over the speaker she was in the room above them with Ritsuko. “It means the pilot’s personal buffer is overloaded.” Hayden spoke again his voice filled with utter confusion. “What do you mean pilots buffer?” Maya’s voice came again. “It’s a personal storage buffer it’s for the games and the drawing program it stores game saves and drawings.” Hayden’s voice came again. “That makes no fucking sense, I know Langley can draw but I’ve never even seen her use this units drawing program. I mean me and others were going to put in one of those digital painting pens in to her unit and have it in special holder because we thought that she wasn’t comfortable with drawing with her fingers like Shinji does hence why she wasn’t using the program.” Maya’s voice came again. “Can you extend the cameras USB and lock it in to that point which is in between the controls it will allow me to download everything from the buffer? We might also be able to turn 02 back on as we’ve had no luck from outside it’s just shut us out completely.” Hayden’s voice came again. “Yeah sure I can.” Misato watched as the USB was extended locking in to the central USB port Maya’s voice hit the air filled with utter confusion. “That’s strange, there are loads of drawings in here its no wonder the buffer is overloaded it couldn’t store them all in all I’m counting fifty A3 sketches all were painted in the seconds when 02 started ascending, I’m downloading them all now.”

She paused for a long moment before speaking. “We can’t get in to 02’s systems we are being locked out still, it makes no sense the partial AI personality is working normally it should be responding to our commands but its just ignoring us.” Ritsuko’s voice hit the air. “The buffer aside it’s the same as Yui, Kiko the pilot has been sucked in to the central core just like we suspected she breached safe depths on purpose to stop her own ascension.” Rei leaned forward in her chair running her hands through her hair in frustration. “No please this isn’t happening!” Shinji moved to hug her. “It’s going to be okay Rei.” Rei pulled herself up moving away from him. “This is not okay Shinji! You know what happened to Yui and Aunt Kiko they died!” She moved pointing towards unit 02. “It’s a seven day window that’s all she’s got she’s basically stuck in a black void with out food or water starving to death!” Mari stood up her eyes darting. “Wait that’s what happens to you the British division never told me that, they told me you just fade away after seven days not that you starve to death?” Toji looked up. “Yeah that’s what they said over in China as well.” Rei turned eyeing them both. “Yeah they clearly gave the watered down version so you’d feel better. We were both there when our aunt and mother got sucked in to the cores and a week later our father dropped us both off to live with our grandparents then we got the full version of the story which hadn’t been watered down.”

She felt her teeth grind together. “Straight from Ritsuko’s mouth, since she was also present during the experiment.” She turned looking at 02. “It’s a slow painful death and no one ever comes back.” Kaji looked up slightly knowing he was crossing a line with his next words as the pilots weren’t meant to know the truth about the cores. “Just because Ritsuko told you that it does not mean its true, she is not known for her honesty.” Misato took in a deep breath hating that she couldn’t tell Rei the truth as she hated to see her suffer this way. “Kaji’s right Ritsuko never tells the truth.” Rei eyed her holding none of her anger back. “You saying this dose not help me or make me feel any better! Asuka is dieing in there and there’s no way to extract her, I heard that they had some device but if failed with both my mother and aunt.” Misato looked up as Shigeru entered the room as he spoke calmly. “I’m sorry I don’t mean to interrupt you all but the press are going crazy they are desperate for any form of statement. I mean the world media saw everything that happened in Antarctica they are running it world wide and they have no idea what’s going on and they also want know if Asuka’s alive.” He paused turning to Rei. “They want an official statement from you as well.” Rei eyed him feeling a sneer form on her lips. “Tell them to piss off I have no interest in giving a statement right now!” Misato breathed in deeply ignoring Shigeru’s shock over Rei’s words. “Now is not a good time Shigeru, tell the world press we will update them tomorrow morning.”

Shigeru turned slightly. “The clean up team have also brought in Bardiel’s remains but they couldn’t find his tongue it all got tossed around when Asuka’s AT field extended, but they’ve gotten hold of everything else including all of 00’s plating which came off when it transformed.” Misato looked up. “Tell them to keep looking they need to find it we can not have that falling in to Ouroboros’s hand or Ankh’s.” Rei turned sharply. “I’m going home.” Shinji looked up wiping away the tears which were falling as he moved towards her. “Please come to my house tonight you can bring Asuka’s cat up and my self and Kaworu we’ll cook for you.” Rei looked at him. “No I’m going to Asuka’s house and I want to be alone.” Kaworu moved forward. “Please Rei you should not be alone right now.” Mari moved towards her looking down sadly. “Look you can come to my apartment and you can bring Asuka’s cat there, Asuka would not want you to be alone she would really want you to be well taken care off.” Rei looked at her. “No Mari I want to be alone.” Mari looked up trying to ignore her own pain and the tears which were starting to run down her eyes. “I know what your feeling right now Rei, I know it hurts and it tearing out your insides out but I feel just the same I know she’s your lover but she’s also my little sister and I hate that she’s stuck in there.” Rei looked up sharply as she stepped back. “Get away from me!”

Mari took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “I’m going to ignore that comment because you’re hurting right now.” Misato moved closer to her it was shocking to see this as Rei was normally really calm but right now she was really angry and lashing out at everyone. “Rei I know Ritsuko she probably still has that device in storage we can put it on unit 02 we can try again.” Rei walked towards her not thinking as she picked up Asuka’s leather jacket which was on the table along with her phone. “It doesn’t matter it always failed before what difference will it make all these years on!” Kaji breathed in deeply this was hard and he wasn’t used to seeing Rei this angry none of them were it was like she having the after effects which normally came out after beast mode. “Because we have so much more research on our side this time back then the Evangelion’s were very new and 00 and 01 were the first true Evangelion’s they weren’t prototypes like Beta and Omega. So we might succeed in getting Asuka out.” Rei looked at him for a long moment. “I’m not putting my faith in some stupid device which didn’t work for my mother or my aunt!” Mari wiped away her tears. “So your giving up on Asuka is that it even though she loves you more than life itself?” Rei turned looking at her. “No I’m not giving up on her! I just believe she’ll come back on her own, not through some crappy machine which Ritsuko made, its not like anything she ever builds works, Obrax never worked this won’t be any different.”

Kaji folded her arms. “She did build the Evangelion’s Rei.” Rei turned to him speaking evenly. “No she built the partial AI personality along with Gendo its something which my mother was against, from the start, because she said it could be very problematic.” She raised her hand pointing to 02. “Which is what we are seeing right now since it’s locking us out and it’s probably keeping Asuka there against her will just like it did for our mother and aunt!” Misato looked at her wishing even harder that she could tell her the truth that Asuka was there right now because her mother Kyoko was keeping her there for some reason and that the only reason she could think of that would make Asuka breach safe depth was so she could see her again. “If Asuka can fight Bardiel she could easily override the partial AI personality.” Rei moved towards the door speaking coldly. “You know I hope your right about that I really do because if your not it will be yet another machine of Ritsuko’s that taken someone I love and care about away from me.” Mari moved towards her along with Shinji. “Rei…” Misato took hold of Mari’s arm and Shinji’s stopping them from following as Rei left the room slamming the door behind her hard she turned to the both of them seeing the sadness in there faces. “Let her go, she just needs time.”  

Mari nodded sadly. “I know, I just feel bad for her and I wish she’d let me help her, I know Asuka would want me to help her.” Shinji looked down sadly. “I feel the same.” Misato looked at them both for a long moment. “You are both helping her.” She paused before speaking. “Just let her go to Asuka’s house and let her calm down and collect her thoughts then you and Shinji can visit.” She turned to Shinji. “She’s just angry she will calm down but it will take time because she’s not used to anger and I think her unit transforming may be causing this behaviour. Its like she’s experiencing the after math of beast mode but not to the extreme that Asuka did after Shamshel or you did when 01 went berserk.” Shinji nodded sadly. “That is possible and it does take a long time for the adrenaline and anger to fade the first time and it can be a really rough ride emotionally.” Kaworu looked down sadly. “Her anger is clouding her mind but it will fade away and all will be clear again soon enough and she will be easier to speak to.” Misato looked up as Maya opened the door. “Yes.” Maya turned eyeing Shigeru. “Ritsuko wants you, Kaji and Shigeru upstairs she’s going to debrief all of us about what happened in the bay.”

8

“You’re telling me there are people alive in the cores and there not dead!”

Ritsuko folded her arms eyeing Maya who looked utterly furious. “Yes...” Maya eyed her in utter disgust. “You lied to me you told me Yui and Kiko were dead but this means they’ve been alive all this time how dare you keep this from me! I had a right to know this.” She folded her arms in annoyance. “It doesn’t explain 02 though I mean Kyoko was driven crazy she wasn’t sucked in like Yui and Kiko.” Ritsuko ignored Shigeru’s utter shock though she didn’t see any surprise from Kaji as he already knew all of this it what did surprise her though was that Misato was being surprisingly calm. Her gut told her that she somehow already knew this clearly because Kaji had opened his trap and told her when he wasn’t meant to and rumour had it that they were together now and were stealing kisses in lift shafts among other places which made it even more likely. She breathed in deeply before speaking. “No it took her soul from her the thing that was left was an empty shell grabbing feebly at Kyoko’s last remaining memories and emotions.” Maya slammed her fist down hard. “So when unit 02 got up and walked up on its own when you put it in quarantine it wasn’t a partial AI personality failure that was Kyoko coming to Asuka’s rescue and it was the same in the bay today!”

She raised her hand. “What about Mari, Kaworu’s and Toji’s new unit I mean all of there mothers were dead?” Ritsuko folded her arms. “Seele has a way to take souls from dead bodies, don’t ask me how they do it because even myself and my husband don’t know all we know is it involves digging up a body and a special device is used and that’s what they did in all three cases. With Toji and Kaworu it was easy there parents were buried in shallow graves with Mari though they had trick the British government in to giving us her body which they had been kept on ice because they were trying to find her killer we had to promise that we’d find the killer ourselves though we’ve not found them yet.” Maya took in a deep painfully breath. “You do realize that Shinji, Rei and even Mari have all talked to me about visions of seeing their mothers and I thought it was there imaginations when in truth they were probably seeing them for real because there units are awakened!” She pointed to unit 02 in the bay below. “Why is Kyoko keeping Asuka why is she not giving her back?” Ritsuko felt a sneer form. “I don’t know I never knew how that bitch’s mind worked, even when she was alive!”

Misato looked up sharply. “Do not call her that, if it wasn’t for her inferring we’d all be dead now because Asuka would have caused the final impact.” She eyed unit 02. “I know you have a device which you can be put on an Evangelion to bring people back, I want it put on 02.” Ritsuko leaned forward. “Let me guess Kaji told you about that right? It doesn’t work, we tried it!” Shigeru blinked. “Well if we’ve got something like that we should try it regardless.” Ritsuko looked up. “You don’t seem to get it do you Shigeru, inside all awakened Evangelion’s the partial AI personality is broken because the souls inside have shut them down that’s what my device reads the partial AI personality and tries to over ride it to bring the person back. Yui was the one we first tested it on but she just wouldn’t come back no matter what we did and Seele put there foot down hard that they don’t want these souls leaving its why I’m in second in command and Kozo’s dead because bringing Yui back was his idea and it was against Seele wishes.” Misato walked slowly towards her getting right in side her personal space. “We are not bringing back Kyoko we are bringing back Asuka, who by the way fought Bardiel and killed him by herself and saved Nerv by flying her unit to Antarctica so she could keep us all safe, she deserves a chance to return!”

Kaji’s folded her arms. “I think I speak everyone in this room when I say she deserves a shot a coming back since she saved us all.” Ritsuko raised her hand eyeing him. “She acted like a fucking animal, is it just me or did you all miss the part where she eat Bardiel alive and then somehow turned his digested parts in to two Lances of Longinus!” Misato eyed her in disgust. “So she deserves to remain in limbo and Rei should never get her back is that it, are you so petty and cruel that to spite Asuka you’d hurt Rei as well?” She stepped back folding her arms. “I get it you don’t get her, I didn’t get her for a very long time because I got hung up on who she used to be but she is a good person and you clearly don’t understand anything. Because the whole time she was in control of rage from start to finish yes it was extremely violent but can you really blame her? That bastard tormented her for weeks on end and she had reached her limit and tipping point if you had been in her position, you’d have torn that bastard to ribbons to.” Ritsuko looked up. “She had no reason to eat him!”

Kaji looked up sharply. “You do realize that piece of shit admitted openly that he had been there during one of the times she slept with Rei? If you haven’t noticed or it hasn’t occurred to you that kind of thing tends to bring out really intense rage in Asuka because she’s so protective of Rei.” He stroked his beard. “Bardiel pushed all the wrong buttons and he got what was coming to him.” Ritsuko breathed in hating that Gendo’s words regarding Asuka were right she did think like an apex predator. “So you want me to try and bring her back, even though she could do this all over again and be a dangerous liability?” Maya raised her hand. “If you haven’t noticed we are now fighting a war on two fronts first we have the angels and we have Ouroboros archangel abominations as well, we need her!” She paused noticing a look in Ritsuko’s eyes which she recognised. “Oh but wait Gendo has already ordered this hasn’t he? You’re just trying to find a way to ignore him because you don’t want to bring Asuka back.” She spoke coldly. “Because let me guess he needs to bring her back because he wants to know really badly how she created those lances.”

She raised her hand. “I’m guessing you’ve tried to make your own in the past but they’ve been failures but I bet you did find one out in Antarctica didn’t you but there was something wrong with it which meant you couldn’t use it?” Ritsuko breathed in deeply she hated Maya so much right now for working this out and she had no idea how she’d figured this out and all of the other now looked genuinely surprised by her words. “Yes we found a lance but it was dead, it was like it had been used once before it was also ancient even older than Lilith, it predated that creatures landing here by over four thousand years. It was pure stone and we threw it back in the dead zones red sea, because it was worthless to us and it’s not like our rivals could ever use it. We don’t know who used it or even why it was left behind only that it had been purposely shoved in to a glacier but it wasn’t by Adam all that was clear was that it was another Evangelion though and they clearly intended to take it back but forgot about its existence.” She folded her arms. “We never wanted them to find it again so we got rid off it for the good of everyone!”

She looked up slightly. “We thought when Bardiel reformed and became an Evangelion that it might have been his but he never took it back or searched for it and he had but to raise his hand and call up on it, because it says in the dead sea scrolls that a lance even a used one will always return to it’s forma owner who can breath life back in to it.” She took in a deep breath. “We never wanted that to happen and we don’t want that fucking Evangelion ever returning who ever they were!” Misato breathed in deeply. “You mean the Evangelion who’s sitting in your bay now 02?” She breathed in deeply. “Bardiel said Asuka in her forma life destroyed this world and made a deal with that other Rei, I assume you need a lance to bring about an impact event right?” Ritsuko felt a cold sneer form. “That’s share fucking speculation! Even Seele are having a lot of problems wrapping their minds around what that damn girl said to Bardiel and I don’t believe Asuka did it as that would mean she reset this whole world.” Maya breathed in bringing up a holographic screen opposite. “Speculation you know I think we should be blessed that Asuka can draw.”

She watched as the drawings uploaded from 02 lined themselves up the first showing 01 in its original form being torn apart by some form of flying white and black Evangelion’s with wings. It was followed by another image of it having spears thrown at it impaling it to the ground. The second to last image showed unit 02’s original form turning to stone as it shoved a dying lance back in to the ice the last image was of its fours eyes going dark as it died remaining standing on the ice of what looked like Antarctica as snow fell around it. “I didn’t even understand what I was looking at first but after you just mentioned the lance it all fitted together. Plus Asuka told me that when she was child that she had this repeating dream of crawling out the red sea as if she waiting for someone so she could reset the world. She said it was all a delusion of grandeur because why would anyone ever give her that power?” She shifted the images pulling up the huge form of naked fifteen year old Rei with red eyes and very light blue hair up in the clouds with her fingers cupping around a floating 02 who had grown six blood red wings much like Adams but more demonic looking. “She gave herself that power and our Rei helped her somehow, how is just not clear the drawings just don’t show it and there’s a huge gap because in some images her unit has two lances but where the other lance is now, is never shown.”

She paused turning to Ritsuko who looked truly annoyed now. “That is the real reason you don’t want her back, it’s because she might find her old lances and breath life back in to them and it scares the hell out of you that she created two new ones.” Ritsuko breathed in deeply. “Would you bring a destroyer of worlds back?” Kaji eyed the imagery. “You’re forgetting that the destroyer of worlds had nothing to live for last time, she does this time.” Ritsuko eyed him for a long moment. “I will try the device I will try to bring her home but be it on all of your heads!” She paused before speaking evenly. “You also better pray that she never finds her old lances or remembers any of this, because there is no telling what she could do!” She turned pointing at the drawings. “It goes with out saying that everything I’ve talked to you about can never leave this room but Asuka must never know the forma lances were hers.” Misato shook her head. “No I have a condition, we will tell Asuka nothing of that lance or the other missing one but the pilots have the right to the truth, they deserve to know that there mothers are in the units. She breathed in deeply. “You cannot keep that secret from them any longer and if Asuka comes back she will have far too much of a story to tell to the others.” Ritsuko looked up sharply. “So be it I’ll have Gendo tell Seele but everything else can never get out.”

She paused as a sneer formed on her lips. “Also our Rei can never see the recording with that goddess child version of herself! Seele wants it that she never knows about her forma life ether and what she did. We know if Asuka comes back she won’t talk about what was said during that conversation at all because Bardiel had taken over her and hopefully she couldn’t see or hear anything and we want to keep it that way.” Kaji looked at her. “So be it.” Ritsuko turned looking at them. “I think your all fools for wanting to bring Asuka back but I guess time will tell.” She pressed the com button so she could speak to 02’s team. “I want the Judas restraint brought up from void!” Hayden’s voice came back filled with confusion. “Judas you mean that weird fucking massive machine with all those huge pipes and parts that go in an Evangelion’s mouth?” Ritsuko took in a deep breath. “Yes Hayden!” Hayden’s voice came again filled with concern. “We have no idea how to set that bastard up, I mean only my predecessor did but she retired many years ago.” Ritsuko looked up. “I’ll help you but it will take all night to set up and it properly won’t get turned on until tomorrow morning.” She breathed in deeply. “Also once its turned on it will bring the entry plug back up in to its half pulled up state where the super vibrating magnetic coils will keep it suspended.” Shigeru looked up. “Judas, that’s an interesting name.” Ritsuko turned off the com eyeing him as she spoke coldly. “It called that because it always betrays me and this time will be no different mark my words.” She felt her self tense. “Of all the things I’ve ever made for the sake of this program, it’s the one I hate the most.”

End of part 62

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a device they use in both the anime and manga to bring Shinji back when he goes in to the core basically this is the same device it’s just going to be used on 02. I had to give this device a name in this universe hence Judas the betrayer seemed rather title fitting since it fails constantly to the point that it feels like its betraying the user on purpose.
> 
> Rei is taking this much worse than in the series or manga as I believe that if she’s in love with any character having them leave her suddenly would be really hard to take and would cause a sharp behaviour change. As in this universe separation issues have always been a huge issue for her character and go right back to her childhood and were still a problem in her teens as she was deeply affected by her mother and aunt disappearing.


	63. Chapter 63

_FLOATING AWAY IN TO TIME IMMORTAL_

 

Rei walked up the stairs which led to Asuka's computer room she pushed the door open looking at the blank screen as she sat down in Asuka's chair. She had come in and fed Erika but she had, had no idea what to even do with her self it was so quite and she was desperate for someone to talk to. She looked down at the leather jacket in her hands as she spoke to the black screen. "Freyja." She watched as the screen fired up and Anneberg's face appeared as he spoke. " _Voice code authored_." His green eyes blinking as he looked at her. " _Hello Rei_." His animation turned sad. " _You look so sad_." He paused before speaking with uncertainty. " _Is Asuka okay…its just I don't know what's been happening_?" Rei looked up. "She's not here Anneberg it's hard to explain, she's not dead but time is limited to get her back." Anneberg's eyes blinked. " _Has she been sucked in to the Evangelion core_?" Rei looked up feeling the tears start to run down her face. "Yes…I don't know what to do I feel so helpless she did it to save us all." Anneberg looked up. " _I saw the news feeds I saw her end Bardiel and then create those two lances but then I saw her Evangelion start to rise just as you cut through and tried to stop her."_ He paused before speaking calmly and softly _. "She told me in the event of her death or possible death that you should be well provided for."_

Rei looked up sharply. "What?" Anneberg pulled up a digital written document high lighting part of it. " _This house is yours its stipulated in her will, if the worst comes to worst you'll see the rest of this document but she wanted you to know this regardless because you said you loved it here and you were unhappy in your own home and had plans to sell it anyway._ " Rei felt her eyes dart. "She's giving me this place but I thought in the original will it was only her bike, computer room and Erika?" Anneberg looked up. " _She amended it after she found out that Bardiel had infected her spine, she felt the old will was written in to much of hurry and her priorities have changed since then_." His animation looked up. " _Regardless though I believe she will return she would never leave you she loves you very much_." His eyes blinked. " _She drew you the most_." Rei looked up holding Asuka jacket tighter. "I thought the sketch in the visitor centre was the only one?" Anneberg icon turned as he brought up three sets of folders. " _No there are many images spanning nine years including the first images but there not on here. I believe they are in her school sketch book which is in the bed room in her cabinet's top draw_."

Rei turned not thinking as she ran in to Asuka's bedroom seeing her brother's old walkman which sitting on her bedside table she opened the top draw shifting through her things pulling out the old A4 sketchbook which was hidden under a pile of other things and looked old and tattered in places. She walked back in to the computer room sitting back down as she put her jacket on her lap. "Is this it?" Anneberg looked up. "Yes." Rei slowly opened the sketch book the first drawing were mostly just random items and fruit bowls she carried on turning only to stop as she caught sight of an image of herself from the back in school where she was looking out of the window the style wasn't as clean as her drawing style now but the basics were there. She turned the page seeing yet another drawing of her self but it was side on and clearly from gym class as she was sitting apart from the other girls looking down solemnly lost in her own thoughts. She turned the page seeing a second version of the same scene which was a close up of her face and shoulders. She blinked realizing that Asuka must have been watching real close just to get these images which surprised her because all she ever remembered from those classes was being alone or with Shinji and Asuka surrounded by people and bragging her brilliance. They'd never talked that much but clearly nothing had been as it seemed.

She turned the pages finding yet another image of herself though this one truly surprised her it she was slightly older in it and winning the sports race and looking happy. Though unlike the other sketches she had blue hair and red eyes which meant these sketches were at least a year apart. She carried on seeing the last and final one in the sketch book which was off her reading in the library enjoying a book though her hair had gone back to normal colour as had her eyes and she looked even older. She looked up gently closing the sketchpad putting it next to the computer. "Please can you show me the others?" She leaned forward watching as the images flipped slowly by with the passing of time one thing that was noticeable was Asuka was always trying to capture her happy moments even though she was never in them. She watched as the years flew by and the style became more and more finalized and refined and she looked even older and images started to appear of her in her white plug suite near her unit but she was always trying to capture the smiles and there was even one at her house warming party with her laughing. She watched though as two of them came up which weren't as bright but her sitting in bandages after she'd been burnt after the battle with Gaghiel.

She watched as the images carried on changing and the style became even darker clearly as Asuka's depression had sunk in. Something was becoming very obvious to her now as her images were starting to be washed with brighter light taking on an almost heavenly presence even though the room around her was getting darker. She watched as the last one came up which was half finished and had never been completed it was a close up portrait of her not really smiling with only the eyes completed. "When was this final image painted?" Anneberg eyed the image. " _Three weeks before the UN Alpha unit test incident, she tried to finish it but her mood wasn't right due to the depression, she only finished your outline and your eyes and just gave up_." Rei leaned forward. "Does she ever draw herself?" Anneberg's blinked as he pushed the images back in to there folders but didn't move them back. " _Yes but they aren't very nice_." He brought up another folder. " _These are from after Shamshel, she just won't explain to me why she draws herself this way because she never draws you or the others like this."_

Rei looked up watching as the first images appeared after Shamshel he wasn't joking they weren't very nice at all they were close up portraits all with red eye's and dark looks some shouting at the viewer some showed her raised fist every single one was dark toned and had the foreboding feeling of self hatred. Rei looked up sadly. "Do you have anything after this?" Anneberg brought up another file. " _Yes but again there dark and apart from one they are all from just before the accident_." Rei leaned closer seeing the first pop up which was extremely dark as it showed Asuka dressed in her old plug suit trying to pull out a black lance from her stomach as red blood poured all over the floor she watched as the second shot up which was her looking at her right hand which was disintegrated away to bone. Anneberg spoke calmly. " _This is the one from just after the accident she had this one moment where Bardiel wasn't bothering her but it's very messed up and I don't understand it_." He brought up the image which had Asuka transforming growing a tail and her hands turning to black with long claws as her teeth turned to razors and eyes glowed red everything was in pitch blackness like a violent, disturbing nightmare.

Rei breathed in sadly. "The skeleton one is about fading away and the spear image could be about wanting the pain to end but this one I think is her believing she was just like Bardiel and that they were one and the same. She must have thought maybe it was karma and that she was being punished for her past but the first thing I ever told her when she came out of the coma was that she was nothing like Bardiel." Anneberg looked up. " _This drawing was done three days before that happened_." Rei looked down feeling the tears start to come again as she clutched Asuka's jacket tighter. "I just want her to come home." Anneberg's animation turned very serious. " _I believe she will return, she will do what ever it takes because she told me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you_." He paused before speaking. " _Before this happened she was thinking of asking you to move in but she was afraid of how you might react and that it might be too soon and that she might be pushing to hard_." Rei looked down sadly. "I would have said yes." She eased up Asuka's leather jacket looking at the collar. "I have nothing that means much back in my apartment, I would rather be here." Anneberg looked up. " _Maybe when she returns you can both talk about it?_ "

Rei looked up he was saying just what everyone else was saying that Asuka was coming back no one wanted to believe that she wasn't and she felt so painfully torn. Because she wanted to believe it so badly but another part of her just knew better as she had seen her mother and aunt vanish. "Why do you believe she'll come back Anneberg?" Anneberg blinked as the folders and images vanished behind him. " _Because_ _I watched her video's the ones from her grandmother and number seven is very interesting with regards to human instrumentality_." Rei looked up sharply she had heard that term used loosely in her mothers videos which documented her and Kiko creating 00 and 01 side by side. "I thought instrumentality was a myth I mean it's this whole concept of transcending and becoming part of everyone and creating this interwoven heaven with no beginning or end." Anneberg felt a smile form. " _Yes but your aunt in the video is speaking to Asuka's mother about the concept of spirits in the cores and what if people got stuck in them what might happen, its all theoretical talk but its really interesting_." He paused before speaking. " _Maybe you should watch it_."

8

So Bardiel wasn't lying he did tell me the truth my mama was closer than I thought she was in the Evangelion all along but that means then the one in the hospital that wasn't my mama it was an empty shell. She was here all along watching over me protecting me and soon we will meet again, wait now it all makes sense I finally understand the meaning of the AT field it's not just my soul its hers acting as a shield to guard and protect me and we were always together I just never realized it until now and knowing it now is such a wonderful feeling. I do wonder though why she asked me to do this but I'm happy to go along with it what ever it is. I mean this place doesn't scare me and as I walk through the dark its feels strangely warm its not cold and every breath I take feels so light and nothing hurts its like a strange form of euphoria as I carry walking calmly and slowly forward watching as what looks like sun light appears somewhere off in the distance. Asuka walked slowly forward in to the light watching as the darkness faded away and grass and trees appear but this time there was noise it was such a familiar nose it sounded like school kids playing.

She looked up seeing the sun high above her before looking down seeing the school ground where all the teenagers were playing and talking though none seemed to even notice her. She turned realizing that she was standing opposite the school ground which was some way from Nerv but it was in the past as she could see the newly completed training ground and building but also the foundations for the visitor centre were complete and huge diggers were digging out the second foundations for the media centre directly opposite. Wait this had to be many years ago because when she'd come here at fifteen and the training ground had only just been completed then. She looked up watching as all of the kids stopped what they were doing as 01 was slowly brought up to surface causing them all to cheer. She watched as the huge water filled machine came up as it slowly washed it down as everyone watched as 00 was brought up opposite and the huge sprinkler moved as it began to wash it down as 01 vanished back underground as they cheered for 00. This was so long ago it had be back when they used to do the S² Engine tests underground she watched as 00 disappeared back underground and it all went quite again as people went back to what they were doing.

"Come here you little ficken geeks!"

Asuka turned sharply seeing her younger self suddenly came out of know where coming at two young boys she could see the red interface clips and the school uniform as her younger self smiled evilly at them as she spoke. "You owe me my maths homework." The first boy looked up panicking. "It's not ready yet Asuka!" Her younger self moved closer. "You know I really don't like ficken excuses!" The other boy turned looking very afraid. "Why don't you ask Rei or Shinji to do it?" Her younger self laughed. "Please Rei is a fringed silent bitch and Shinji is a limp dick of a whiner who cries about his mother and nether of them like me, so they won't help me with my homework." The first boy breathed in plunking up courage. "You're just being mean because Rei rejected you I heard that she slapped you real hard, hard enough to make you cry." Asuka felt her eyes dart. Now she remembered this, this was her sixteen year old self and this was the day after Rei had rejected her and the young boy was right she had cried but behind a locked door in the girls bathroom hoping no one would hear her because her emotions had just been a violent, swirling mess. Her younger suddenly exploded with anger as she moved forward grabbing the boy's collar violently pulling him towards her as she spoke coldly. "How's about I smash in your front teeth you little piece of scheisse? Then we'll see who's crying!"

Asuka moved towards her younger self not thinking as she grabbed her by the collar pulling her off the boy who she remembered hitting hard for that comment only to realize for the first time that she could touch her younger self but not only that the boys could see her and were reacting to her. She spoke evenly. "It's not nice to pick on people." She eyed the shocked boys speaking calmly ignoring her younger self who started to struggle violently trying to get out of her grip. "You should go now." She watched as they nodded running away for all they were worth. She eyed her younger self who looked truly pissed as she turned to her for the first time. "Get off me you ficken weirdo!" Asuka breathed in, how strange all of her life she had wanted to hit her younger self yet now in the moment she had no desire to do so as she felt so sorry for her. She wasn't holding her tightly just firmly but she just couldn't pry her hand free no matter how hard she tried. "You don't recognise me do you?" She watched as her younger self turned sharply eyeing her. "Should I you pervert?" Asuka looked at her. "Yes you should since I'm you." Her younger self laughed coldly. "Oh so you are me? I would never wear some butch nasty leather jacket like that or those crappy cheap clothes, you look like some loser not to mention your left eye is ficken glowing and messed up."

Asuka shook her head sadly, she had been so full of misdirected rage it was so sad, everyone was her target because bullying was the only thing that gave her any sense of power and control. "One day you will." Her younger self eyed her in utter disgust. "If you don't let me go I'm going to hit you!" Asuka kept hold of her collar turning her forcing there eyes to meet directly as she spoke calmly. "I know why your lashing out its because that's how you feel in control when you have power over others but its not real power it's an illusion." She paused as her younger self stopped struggling staring at her in utter confusion. "I know you won't understand this right now and it will be years till you do but true power comes from knowing yourself not by having power over others and bending them to your will and desires." Her younger self sneered in disgust. "You know nothing about me how dare you judge me you creep!" Asuka moved her other hand ignoring her struggling as she eased open her bag knowing just where the sketch book was she eased it out flipping the pages finding the picture of Rei who was looking out of the window.

She turned to the next image where she was looking down sadly where she was seated away from the other girls in gym class alone from them as they chatted. She turned the page seeing the version which was much closer up showing her face and shoulders. She felt a smile form on her lips. "She's very beautiful." Her younger self screamed with rage as she kicked her leg she ignored the pain as she carried on looking at the image taking in all of the delicate details. "She's so delicate every feature is like soft silk and she smells like alpine forests on a summer's day." She ignored the pain as she was kicked a second time even harder. "She's going to become even more beautiful as she gets older and she going to become even more of a divine goddess." Her younger self suddenly stopped struggling as she stared at her in utter shock. "She's going to be the first person you're going to truly love." She turned to her. "Because you are worthy of that you know." Her younger self suddenly looked very afraid almost scared and it came out in her tone as she spoke. "Let me go!"

Asuka closed the sketch pad putting it back in her school bag closing it. "It's just right now you think you're bad and that everyone hates you so you hate them back." Her younger self's eyes turned to deep fear as she spoke but in a half hearted desperate tone. "People love me, I'm the most popular girl in school I can have any boy or girl I want!" Asuka moved her hand to her younger self's shoulder. "No that's just what you want to believe because you like the attention and people are not things for you to own but let's face facts you don't really want any of them its only Rei that interests and fascinates you." She moved her hand putting her finger on her younger self's chest. "It's that flutter in your chest that knot in your stomach when you look at her, you just don't know what it means right now. You mistake the feelings for lust and desire but one day you'll realize what they mean, I mean why else would you be drawing her?" Her younger self suddenly came at her with her fist she eased up her hand stopping the punch feeling her younger self press harder trying to move against her hand only to find she couldn't and now she looked truly afraid.

Asuka felt her pull her fist away she knew why because now her younger self feared that the tables would now turn and she might be hit she looked at her speaking softly. "I'm not going to hurt you, you can hit me a hundreds times if you want but I won't raise a hand to you, because I know violence won't solve the problem and it would only hurt you more and I'm long past hitting people unless its for a very good reason." She paused speaking sadly. "Deep down your very sad aren't you? You believe no one wants you or loves you and you hate that Rei rejected you but you will come to know love and one day you'll know that people really do care." She watched as her younger self suddenly started to cry, she moved forward putting her arms gently around her ignoring her sudden struggling to get away. "Its okay easy now, I know what your going through I've been there, because you and I are one and the same." She felt her finally stop struggling as she leaned against her crying harder she moved her hand up stroking the red hair gently. "I know this because you are me and you're a good person and one day everyone will see you for who you really are and everything will change for the better believe me." She looked up as everything around her blasted in to silver and gold light as the world once more faded away.

8

People existing inside cores that impossible, my mother's research notes spoke nothing of this plus it sounds insane but I'm going to watch this video regardless. I mean I've seen all of my mothers and aunts videos seeing more of Asuka's might help solve the puzzle. Rei slowly sat in Asuka's recliner keeping a tight hold of her jacket as she looked at the flat screen. "On!" She watched as it turned on. "Play video seven from Asuka's personal list!" She watched as the screen turned to colour as the unit 02 appeared in the bay though it I was in its pure muscle form and skin was growing and it was up to its shoulders in bloody water its whole body suspended in the tank. A work team above were slowly pushing in the huge port where the entry plug went in to the camera panned out showing Kyoko looking at a huge being which didn't have any features on it. It had an odd inhuman face with red glass eyes and half a body with huge arms it was similar to an Evangelion form but much creepier due to having no mouth and it had pipes coming off it and it was attached to a grounded section. "Remind me again why we have to put this piece of shit in side the core?" Kiko's voice came as she walked with the camera. "Because Ritsuko wants it and Gendo orders it."

Kyoko moved her hand up flicking her middle finger against the head. "If I said it once I've said it a thousand times this an awful idea, I mean it's not even a leaning AI and it comes off as really controlling." Kiko looked at her. "This is the best we have Kyoko." Kyoko didn't think as she punched the robotic head a sneer forming on her lips. "Best we have, can you imagine if you got sucked in to the core with this thing? It would be like being stuck with some abusive gas lighting husband or wife for the rest of your days it'd be a fucking nightmare. I mean look at the specs this thing is even programmed to play nice but will do what ever it takes to keep the core running I mean that's just dangerous." She eyed the black creation. "No surprise Ritsuko built it it's so much her style, emotionless, cold and scientific just like she is." Kiko looked at her. "I know you don't agree with her idea Kyoko but don't get angry over this again I hate it when you get this angry I mean it's not like you." Kyoko eyed the black monster. "I just wish we could somehow copy the soul and put that in instead, anything would be better than this heap of fucking junk." Kiko put her pad down then put the camera on its stand making it stationary. "Yeah but that would be a sin against the gods and you know it, I mean we are not meant to copy souls."

Kyoko sat down folding her arms. "A soul would have more feeling that this emotionless piece of shit." Rei looked closer seeing something which surprised her, despite how different Asuka looked compared to her mother they wore the same angry expression and Kyoko's anger was just like Asuka's as she clearly wanted to force a point. Kiko moved towards her putting a hand on her shoulder. "Yeah but I don't think any soul would want to be trapped in a core." She paused eyeing the black creation. "I mean it would be hell." Kyoko looked up pointing at the AI monster. "No being with that would be hell but if you got rid of it, you could be god, I mean you could control the whole Evangelion and when you can't be bothered you could just create your own heaven it would like a form of human instrumentality." Kiko rolled her eyes. "You've been my sister's notes again haven't you? You know you shouldn't read that shit I mean Gendo put those ideas in her head." Kyoko looked up. "Okay I get that but I noticed that Yui's ideas are different to Gendo's in those notes I mean Gendo talking about this weird shit of a combined heaven where people are all connected which sounds like a recipe for disaster if people have issues."

She raised her hand. "Yui though talks about this concept of a single heaven inside a core free from others where you are god and you can control the Evangelion its fascinating." Kiko breathed in deeply. "Yeah but no one in there right mind would want to be a part of an Evangelion I mean you'd loose your body you'd never be able to touch or feel again." Kyoko looked at her. "No but that's it you could do anything you wanted it's your own instrumentality you could create oceans see galaxies make love nothing would be beyond your grasp. You would only be limited by your imagination and imagination and vision is what makes things happen in this world along with ideas and creativity." Kiko shook her head. "You know some days I think you'd have better suited as an artist." Kyoko looked up. "Sadly I can only draw technical drawings but some day I want to learn to paint with oils or acyclic." Her face turned very sad as the last of her anger faded. "In my created world at least people who claim to love you wouldn't throw you to the wind."

Kiko kneeled down looking at her. "I know your angry about your forma husband and his wife but you shouldn't dwell on it Asuka will be born soon I mean you told me that it's only three more weeks in the chamber and then you'll have a whole new life ahead of you." Kyoko looked down speaking sadly. "Sometimes I just wish I could have had her naturally." Kiko stood up slightly. "You know why you couldn't Kyoko, the miscarriage you had last time nearly killed you and it really scared me when I visited you in hospital. Because they told me how close you came to dying even your mother who is made of iron was crying, so you're doing the right thing believe me." Kyoko looked up. "Yeah but is she going to see herself as fake because she came from a birthing chamber? I mean what if the other children make fun off her for not being born naturally." Kiko felt a smile form. "No I don't think she will see herself as fake plus if I'm sure you'll tell her everyday that she's special." She paused looking at the camera. "Hey how's about you and me get something to eat, I know your hungry because when your hungry you get grouchy?" Rei watched as Kyoko looked up giving her aunt a look which was so much like Asuka's it was that little lost kitten look before she spoke. "Yeah lets gets something to eat, I might feel better." Kiko grabbed her arm pulling her out of the chair. "Come on then, you can do this crap later after you've eaten and you're not so tired."

Rei watched as the camera cut out was it her or had there been something going on between these two? Come to think of it she had always found it strange that her aunt had never spoken much about her relationships even when she'd been a child. She had also been very different to her mother who was people person and who was always surrounded in her videos by people who admired her work where as her aunt had preferred to fade in to the back ground and had been more of a loner. There had never been any jealously between them though and her mother in her videos had always passed on credit to her aunt regardless. Kyoko in these videos seemed more the reverse she was really forward and powerful much like Asuka but she wasn't quite as cagey or sassy as she could be. She leaned forward thinking over Kyoko's words as something hit her hard, which had not entered her mind before. Years ago during the battle with Ramiel she had seriously damaged 00's right side and when this had happened she had, had a weird vision of her aunt telling her it was all okay and that she loved her. Before Asuka had grabbed her unit and heaved it back to safety and shielding her so she could recharge the long range rifle and fire it again. Her only use during that battle had been as their back up and to put up the shields to protect them while they both fired the specialized rifles as the battle had taken place in the Nevada desert outside of Las Vegas and they had, had to drain half of the USA's power grid just to fire both weapons.

Asuka wasn't allowed to fire the rifles because her rifle skills just weren't that good and that had not changed in all these years, her second duty had been to make sure none power cables snapped so that they could keep firing. As they only had three shots each and it had to be rotating fire so when one was firing the other had to be charging and needed guarding. Everyone had told her that vision of her aunt wasn't real and Shinji had also had vision when he'd gone berserk during the first battle where his said his there mother had come to him and calmed him down and that she wished him all of her love and her as well even though she couldn't see her. He had been told that it was a vision as well and not real by everyone at Nerv, what if it was real though? She paused looking at the video list, wait what if they were alive and in these types of heavens. She tensed as the image of 02 licking its canine teeth came through her in mind again what if Kyoko was also there what if the unit had not sucked out her mind but her soul as well leaving an empty shell? That would explain everything and why the unit had come to Asuka's rescue. What if right now Asuka was staying in that unit because her mother wanted her there? If so did this not mean that the seven day time limit was a lie and that in truth people didn't die and if that was so could they come back?

Her thoughts were broken as she turned seeing military range rover come up the drive it parked near the window it was Toji's she watched as he got out followed by Mari, Shinji, Kaworu and Sakura who was still in her school uniform. She breathed in she heard a knock on the door she stood up once more not letting go of Asuka's jacket as she opened it watching as Shinji came in to view Mari was standing next to him as he spoke. "Hey we came to see you." Mari looked at her speaking sadly. "Like I said before Asuka will kick my ass if I don't take care of you tonight." Rei moved back. "Come in." She watched as they all came through taking there shoes off as Sakura's confused voice hit the air. "Asuka's house is weird what's with all the wooden room doors." Rei looked at her. "It's based on a European house design you get used to it after a while believe me." She turned. "She said she would replace the two seat sofa with two three seats but she never got around to it, so there are not a lot of places to sit, I'm sorry." Shinji eyed his sister he could tell she'd been crying but who could blame her, this had to be the worst thing ever for her to go through and it just wasn't fair as her and Asuka had not been together that long. "Its okay Mari told us that, we brought blankets and pillows we all wanted to stay here with you tonight and keep you company."

He paused before speaking. "Misato let us all go she says that they are bringing Judas restraint up from the void but she said it will take all night to set it up and they can't turn it on until tomorrow probably late morning though. Ritsuko's angry because it also needs to have a fix you see there's a huge part that goes in to the jaws on both sides but it was made to fit 01's jaws but its going need a massive refit so it can go in to 02's because of that massive gape that the unit has." Sakura watched as they all seated themselves while Rei went back to sitting in the recliner she could see Asuka's jacket in her hands. "Yeah but her ripping off that things head was cool just wish the media feed hadn't censored blurred the whole part up until those spear things came out of her units stomach and I'm not old enough to see the adult version there showing tonight." Mari eyed her. "Trust me it was probably for the better your way to young to see what she did after she eat its head and secondary arms. I mean I'm her big sister I know what she's like but even I was kind of surprised by the raw carnage she let loose on him." Toji eyed his little sister. "She's right about that, it was hard to watch even for us."

Sakura shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is I mean she eat that thing but so what? The media were only surprised by how much she eat they didn't seem surprised that she eat it." She laughed. "Should have heard the announcer he was like okay she's eating massive amounts of this thing sorry we have to cut the feed." Rei looked up as Shinji sat opposite her putting a hand on her arm as Kaworu looked around Asuka's home with deep curiosity. "I know why she did what she did it was an act of revenge." Sakura blinked as she seated herself on the pillow she had brought near Mari who sat on the sofa opposite Shinji. "I don't follow." Rei turned to her. "How much do you know Sakura?" Sakura looked up. "Toji told me everything about the angel in Asuka's head and that was the thing that she killed as she was somehow able to expel it from her body using unit 02 but the media knows nothing there all speculating as Nerv just won't tell them anything until tomorrow." Rei put Asuka's jacket to her chest. "When he was in her head he could see our relationship and he saw some of things we did together but he went a step further and he watched us once when we were slept together." Sakura eyes widened. "Seriously he did that?"

Rei looked up. "Asuka does not like company, she hated him from the start but that was the straw that broke the camels back, it made her extremely angry. So when she finally got him out she just let go and let all that rage out, no I didn't enjoy watching what she did but I understood why she did it, granted Ritsuko will probably brand her an animal or monster if they ever get her out core but I know that not who or what she is. She did it out of love for us as strange as that sounds and she probably wanted to send a message to the other angels watching to never try this again with her because she'd do the same thing to them." Sakura looked up. "She's going to come back from the core right, I mean they can bring her out?" Rei looked up at the video list again as she held Asuka jacket even tighter unable to stop her tears as they came as a flood. Suddenly her brother's arms were around her as he pulled her close while Mari was on her other trying to comfort her she looked up painfully seeing the others move closer wanting to help. "I really want to believe they can…she can't just leave me here like this not after everything we have been though together." She looked sadly. "I spent so much of my life ignoring her or treating her like she didn't exist because when she was younger she wasn't that great to be around because she wasn't that nice. Also there were times when she was trying really hard to be good to me and I out right ignored her. I hate that now just when I get to know her and find out that she's a really loving and good person that she gets taken away from me."

End of part 63

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify Asuka is not leaping through time but more going back through her memories and life and making peace with herself. Also I wanted to show what she was like when she was younger and how she differs from the series, rebuild and manga version and how she was still an asshole but in a very different way.
> 
> I liked the idea that Yui, Kyoko and Kiko were all unaware that they were building there own prisons and the prison guards that were in the cores to keep them in check and that they were all being set up by Gendo. 
> 
> Yui’s core instrumentality notes not being found by Rei was because they were removed by both Gendo and Ritsuko.


	64. Chapter 64

_IN THE SHADED TWILIGHT_

 

Gendo eyed the huge spears which had been placed behind him so Seele’s six could see them Ritsuko was standing opposite it was just them and no one else. “Here are the two Lances of Longinus you wanted to see.” Seele ones male voice hit the air filled with surprise. “Those are not Lances of Longinus.” Seele two spoke her female voice filled with confusion. “The German girl made these?” Gendo blinked in confusion. “I do not understand they match the imagery we have and descriptions of the lances?” Ritsuko looked up. “Yes Asuka made them.” Seele three’s gruff male voice spoke. “These are not Lances of Longinus these are both Spears of Destiny!” Gendo turned eyeing to huge red lances with there two spear head parts though the bottom sections had gold and silver wrapping on them on each spear point. “I thought they were the same thing.” Seele fours spoke her voice turning cold. “A very common misconception, scholars believe in texts that they are the same but in the Dead Sea scrolls they are not, the Lances of Longinus are destroyers they both destroy life and cause impacts. The Spears of Destiny are creators and life givers they are the equal and complete opposite to the Lances of Longinus whose other spear has still not been found though if it’s a dead as it counterpart which you found in the dead zone and threw away then we have nothing to fear.”

Ritsuko turned sharply. “Could these breathe life in to the Lances of Longinus?” Seele five’s deep male voice spoke. “No only the forma destroyer of worlds can and we know that, that was the German girl what we do not understand though is how a destroyer suddenly became a creator that is unheard of in any previous cycle.” Gendo pointed. “So these can’t cause impacts?” Seele six’s female voice spoke calmly. “No they can’t it is said in the right hands they can create life but how is just not stated or the existent but what is clear is they can stand up to a lances of Longinus and can be used as weapons against them.” Seele three spoke again his voice filled with uncertainty. “You must do everything in your power to bring their creator back because if she can find a way to use them then the others Evangelion’s pilots and there awakened souls can use there power to, they could also be used against Ouroboros’s abominations as pure weapons.” Gendo looked up. “We are currently using the Judas restraint which you disapproved of on unit 02 to bring the pilot back as we speak.” Seele one spoke his voice sounding even. “It has to be so.”

Ritsuko looked up. “You all don’t fear that Asuka might just breathe life in to the other dead Lances of Longinus if it is ever found?” Seele five spoke his tone sounded unimpressed. “That is your arena not ours, Gendo has stated that the German girl can be controlled though his daughter, so long as that carries on we believe we have nothing to fear.” Ritsuko folded her arm feeling a sneer form. “So you’re just going to ignore the whole thing with Asuka eating an angel?” Seele six spoke her laugher hitting the air. “Disgusting and beautiful all at the same time a very powerful message to send to the other angels watching us and they will be watching now because they will not like the idea of the Spears of Destiny ether, because they can hurt them just as much.” Seele three’s gruff voice spoke again. “Also the timing could not be more perfect as the world has it eyes on the battle they did not notice the news that Shigeo had a most unfortunate boating accident up in Naples where his parts were churned up by the propeller and that Kin’s personal jet plane crashed in the Amazon. I’ve heard that since second impact its become even warmer in that region of the world and the crocodiles and pythons have become even bigger and target human beings much more often.”

He paused before speaking. “The world will no doubt have its eyes fixed here up on us until the German girls return, which is much to our benefit, we also have the added bonus that now all three of the six Evangelion’s have no transcended taking on there stronger primal forms and soon the other three will follow and the final two will finally awaken.” Seele two spoke her voice very calm. “The British and the German division have been torturing the traitors you sent. Though Makoto confessed to giving Ouroboros stolen angel DNA from the void we have no word of where the base is but they plan to keep them alive until they confess but both divisions admit that they have been hard to crack but they will get what they want in time.” Seele four’s voice the air as he spoke coldly. “We still have a world search out on the five other scientists with no luck at present but we will persist.” Ritsuko looked up. “They must be found before Ankh or Ouroboros get there hands on them.” Seele one spoke evenly. “They will be found mark my words even if we have to kill every man or woman who gets in our way regarding this issue.”

There was a long pause. “Keel will not hold sway over this world ever again he brought this world to utter ruins in its last cycle. He also openly insulted the destroyer of worlds in human instrumentality believing his might was supreme to hers and she brought her violent, unhinged wraith down on all of us and turned all of our heavens to hell and tortured us which we believe led to the death of our thirteenth member as they never returned and there monolith crumbled to ashes.” Seele one spoke in an angry tone. “We do not want the destroyer of worlds to return in this life time and make us suffer again we want that side of her monstrous nature kept subdued using Gendo daughter at all costs. Because her former self utterly hated and despised us all and she was a literal goddess of death who made the seas boils and caused earth quakes world wide along with causing every volcano to irrupt all at once as she plunged the world in to darkness. She was not happy just see the end of days played out normally instead she relished in destroying the world with her own hands and watching everyone die before pulling them in to human instrumentality!”

8

Maya watched as the huge thin surround cylinders were bolted in to place above the entry plug opening most of unit 02’s climbing equipment had been taken off just so this huge machine could be put on. It was still locked and restrained and in the same place away from the others in the bay. She could see 00’s team working to fit a new shoulder harness to fit the new form while the specialists were working around them refitting plating on its new jaws which were incredibly similar to 02 in terms in how they opened and how wide the jaw went. Also where the upper and lower canines were seated in just the same place but they had fine curves and serrated edges its whole build though smaller was also very similar to 02. It was just the head and tail were massively different and the body was much leaner but nothing like 04 which was thin and long and whose jaws were long and deep and remained her so much of an angler fish because of the thin knife point like teeth. She looked at Hayden who was lighting a cigarette as he watched the workers finish as the huge peace for the jaws was brought up in three sections she breathed in looking at the design. “This machine is a nightmare it’s really over engineered.”

Hayden walked over her. “No kidding Miss Ibuki no wonder they call it Judas, I swear I hate building Ritsuko’s crap its always so over complicated and I remember the medical team hated building Obrax they even said that Orion which you made was much better design wise because it didn’t have so many unnecessary parts.” Maya looked up. “Well this has to work.” Hayden breathed in deeply. “Do you really think we can pull Langley out of there?” Maya eyed him. “Yes I do and I will do everything to make it so.” She turned slightly. “I know you and Asuka don’t have a great history but I expect your full help on this regardless.” Hayden raised his hands. “Yeah about that a lots changed recently in how I see her and I was going to speak to her next time she was sent out but I never got the chance. I mean she’s just not that bratty kid anymore and she’s real nice to Rei I’ve seen them together she so gentle with her it really surprised me I mean she loves that women really deeply just like Shinji loves Kaworu.” He paused before speaking. “I had no idea that angel was in her head the whole time it just sounds like a nightmare.”

Maya looked up the Nerv staff had only just been told the truth and the whole story with some parts left out of what had happened but the world press was still obvious and the German division though they could get through were getting frustrated as no one was telling Asuka’s grandmother anything and she was getting frustrated by the lack of answers. After this was all over she would ensure that Geraldina was told the full story with out anything being left out as she had the right to know everything about Asuka had, had to go through recently and despite that it had been horrible that she had risen to the challenge. She looked at him. “That’s putting it mildly it was hell for her not just because he was awful and he tormented her but because no ones wants a third wheel in any relationship let alone one like him and believe me he was a massive creep.” Hayden looked up. “So when the special ops were chasing her she was infected but they never got the angel out and it destroyed Obrax and sent 02 on a rampage because it messed with the partial AI personality.” Maya looked though she knew the truth was different the staff could never know about the unit’s having souls. “That’s accurate yes.” Hayden blinked. “Oh I get that day now the one when she was shouting at Misato and said the AT field distorting was not her, I mean she must have thought it was Bardiel.”

Maya looked up. “I don’t believe it was ever Bardiel’s the field in Antarctica was hers Bardiel had no AT field he was draining off hers like parasite.” She eyed Judas’s schematic again. “So I believe it was her ability all along.” Hayden breathed in his cigarette. “Well once she comes out we’ll know for sure.” He watched as the now completed mouth section cringed as it was forced inside 02’s massive jaws he raised his hand “Hey be fucking careful with that!” He eyed them. “It took us three hours to do that refit and modification because this thing was made to fit in 01’s mouth and jaws not 02’s so don’t beak it!” He shook his head. “I know once Asuka’s get out of there I know that we are going to spend the next two weeks cleaning of the parts of Bardiel we missed from the teeth.” Maya looked up. “You don’t sound surprised.” Hayden turned to her. “I’ve worked on unit 02 since it got here nine years ago nothing surprises me anymore, only surprise I got was how much she put in the units stomach didn’t think you could shove two thirds of an angel down there.” He smirked. “Oh yeah and they made it clear that stomach imitates the pilots stomach in that they are interconnected so the Evangelion will not stop eating until the pilot is full so boy can that woman eat. Also all remarks aside about the eating I’d rather clean this thing’s teeth than have been part of poor team who had to clean up his remains, I heard it wasn’t a very pleasant experience for them this time around.”

He laughed. “There used to picking up angel parts that have had cannon fire not having to rope a whole Evangelion’s guts up and carry it away, granted Mari tour up the UN Alpha test unit very badly but it was nothing compared to what Asuka did to Bardiel they said it looked like some apex predators left over dinner remains when your out on an African safari.” He turned seeing that Maya was looking at him with concern. “I think that’s cool by the way I wasn’t in any way saying that Asuka was wrong to rip him up like she did.” Maya breathed in deeply. “I’m so glad to hear that, because I think a lot of people don’t understand how miserable he made her feel and how much he got in to her life. Yes it was very brutal, violent but he pushed her to her limits and she gave no him quarter.” Hayden watched as the huge pipes where brought down and attached the shoulders as the huge upwards cylinders poking out of the mouth on ether side were attached to these piles as well. “I assume this is just the building part, next you guys have to calibrate all of the software?”

Maya looked up as more piping was attached to the shoulders close the entry plug opening and the three massive rioting magnetic coils which would pull up the plug in to its half way position where lowered on to the cylinders and carefully attached one by one. “Yes but then that entry plug has to be pulled out the magnetic coils should ease it out to the half way point but we have to be really careful with it so it’s going to be very slow.” Hayden breathed out the black smoke of his cigarette. “So how does this machine Judas work again?” Maya looked up. “Once it’s turned on it should link with the partial AI personality and turn it off. Which should allow us to bring Asuka’s back in one piece, it should be instant if it works but it’s never worked from what I’ve heard.” Hayden eyed unit 01. “Yeah I heard they tried it on Yui years ago but got nothing I heard that Kozo’s doing as he had this machine built despite that she was already dead.” Maya breathed in deeply. “Yeah well we are hoping that it will this time because we think that Asuka won’t want to stay.” She paused choosing her next words carefully knowing they were in part a lie. “We’ve been told that theoretically once the core has taken one person and caused there death the partial leaning AI works out that it doesn’t need another so it spits the second person back out because it learns that what’s its done is wrong.”

Hayden spoke his voice filled with confusion. “Yeah but 02 didn’t suck in Asuka’s mother its drove her mad it like it stole her mind.” Maya turned slightly. “We think it still got some thing though hence why it won’t want another person.” Hayden looked at the small woman. “Ah okay I get you, well I just hope it works.” He turned stubbing out his cigarette as he eyed 02. “I still don’t get why Asuka would stay there in the first place though? I mean Rei’s is out here she isn’t in there, unless that partial AI personality is screwing with her mind but even then I think after Bardiel she would know that her mind is being messed with.” Maya looked at 02’s face ironically she was just as curious about that to, why was Kyoko keeping Asuka there? Granted she wanted to see her but she could have let go hours earlier or maybe she had it wrong maybe things in side the core didn’t happen quickly maybe time was different inside. She turned to him. “Yeah I was curious about that to I think it must be the partial AI personality messing with her. It’s probably showing her Rei or something but that’s very much to our advantage because once we break that illusion she’ll come out instantly and we can pull her body back up and it will rematerialize inside the entry plug”

8

I can smell alpine forests gods I love that smell I remember when I first met Rei and Shinji when I came over from Germany and we were eating at the table and I kept on smelling those pines trees and I was so confused and then I realized it was on Rei. I couldn’t believe it and I was going to ask her about it but then my sexuality knocking at the back door got in the way and I came out with some rude crap about how she didn’t speak and I asked if she was mute. She gave this really unimpressed look like I was an idiot in hind sight I might have kept my trap shut had I of realized that all of my stuff was going to end up in Misato’s house that night and that my room was going to right next to hers but right opposite Shinji’s. Because that night was so hard as I’d been rude to the both of them and suddenly I was having to live with them and I didn’t like it because I’d preferred to be alone. Because then no one could hurt me and I started getting really hostile towards the both over time and started bullying and picking on them.

Once I figured my sexuality I just went straight after Rei and that alpine smell it drove me wild and not in a good way more in a lustful pushy way but now the feeling isn’t that way anymore. It makes me feel relaxed, content and very much at peace and I feel like I can open up in Rei’s presence but that because that’s were I was at peace at my step parents in there pine forests. At first I went there alone to get away and be myself but as myself and Mari got closer she joined me there and we used talked about things that meant a lot to us I was so happy and now when ever I hug Rei and breath in that smell I’m happy again. Asuka watched as the darkness faded once more and she was suddenly surrounded by towering pine trees and a star lit night sky. She closed her eyes breathing in the smell deeply before opening her eyes slowly watching as the fire flies danced in the darkness. She looked down seeing that she was in her casual clothes again she slowly kneeled down feeling the grass under her fingers only to hear the sudden painful cries of a child off in the distance.

She stood up walking towards them as they got louder and more painful only to catch sight of a little child with red hair sitting alone in a little red dress with small polished shoes and white socks, the little dress had a white bow at the font and the hair was tailed up with little red ribbons. She breathed realizing that it was herself again but she was six years old. She slowly kneeled down opposite speaking softly. “Hello.” Her small child self turned her blue eyes going wide as she suddenly got scared and tried to crawl away. Asuka eased up her hands. “Hey easy now, I’m not going to hurt you.” Her child self stared at her as she spoke her voice filled with fear. “Get away from me monster!” Asuka blinked realizing that it was her left eye that was causing the reaction. “It’s my left eye right?” She watched as her young self stopped showing confusion. “It looks strange and scary to you.” Her child self nodded keeping her distance. “If you come closer you can have a better look my eye won’t hurt you.” Her child self wiped away her tears giving her a cold look. “I’m not meant to talk to strangers my mama always told me that.”

Asuka looked at her. “I’m not a stranger I’m you.” She eased up her red hair. “If you look closely we have the same hair colour and my right eye is the same colour as yours.” Her child self stayed back not buying it for a second as she spoke coldly. “Just because you have red hair and one blue eye doesn’t mean you’re me.” Asuka smiled inwardly. “Yeah but don’t you have a scar under your right sock, you know from when you fell out of the tree?” Her child self blinked in surprise as she moved her small hand down pulling down her sock eyeing the scar which was thin and long and recent she eased up her trouser leg pulling down her own sock catching sight of the long healed scar which she remembered had needed stitch’s. “See it’s just like yours.” Her younger self blinked before walking towards her, her wide eyes filled with curiosity and fascination as she spoke. “You’re me?” Asuka pulled her sock back up sitting down watching as the little girl got really close to her. “Yes at least who you’ll be one day.” Her younger self eased a hand up touching her face as she looked at her pulsing left eye. “Does your eye hurt? I mean its so weird looking.” Asuka gave her a smile. “Not at all, it feels warm.”

Her child self blinked. “What it’s like being grown up, it’s just I want to be an adult?” Asuka took in a deep breath. “Being grown up is hard but it can be rewarding.” She paused before speaking. “But sometimes I miss being a child like you.” Her younger self’s face turned to confusion. “Why adults have more fun, they can do what ever they want.” Asuka shook her head. “Yes but adults are really just big kids themselves sometimes in that they can be childish and cruel.” She breathed in deeply. “I know it’s not good for you right now I know you feel very alone but always remember you are good and there are people in your future who will love and care about you.” Her child self was suddenly crawling in to her lap looking up at her wide eyed. “Really I’m going to meet nice people who like me?” Asuka looked down as she sat in her lap. “Yes you are and it’s going to be great.” She raised her hand. “Your going to be an Evangelion pilot and you’ll be piloting the machine that mama built and you’ll be so doing so much good with it.”

Her child self was suddenly grabbing at her t-shit. “Really its just I want so much to be pilot?” She looked down her smile fading. “But right now my sync is lower than he others children’s they think I won’t pass the program.” Asuka felt a wide smile. “Things will change believe me and always remember you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it.” She stroked her younger self’s hair. “Never ever forget that.” Her child self’s look slowly changed to wide eyed and happy as she spoke. “You’re really nice.” Asuka leaned closer to her. “So are you.” Her child self moved putting her arms around her neck giving her hug she moved putting her arm around her holding her gently as she looked up slightly at the star light before closing her eyes slightly holding her child self tighter. “Never let anyone make you feel that you’re less.” She breathed in as everything burst in to silver and gold light once more as her mother’s voice spoke in the distance. “ _Come to me now Asuka you’re ready_.” She breathed in slowly and deeply as she spoke calmly as everything faded away. “I’m coming mama.”

8

Hayden looked up as 02 head suddenly pulled up slightly as its four eyes came on blasting out intense green light as it whole body shuddered for a second before it stopped as the light faded away and it eyes turned dark again. Ritsuko’s voice hit the air filled with anger as she looked down over from the higher ledge at him. “I told you not to turn on Judas’s power we are not ready up here!” Hayden eased up his hands as he eyed the control panel in front of him. “I didn’t turn on anything it turned on, on its own!” Ritsuko breathed in deeply eyeing Maya who ignored her as she carried on running the software calibrating it. She moved closer to the ledge which meant she could see 02’s face up close she breathed in speaking in a cold whisper. “What the fuck are you playing at Kyoko?” She moved a step closer but not to close. “Yeah don’t think I don’t know you’re in there, your just playing dead.” She folded her arms. “What are you holding Asuka here to spite me now?” Maya looked up speaking coldly. “You know maybe she just wants to spend time with her daughter and it has nothing to do with you, ever thought of that?” Ritsuko eyed unit 02. “What a wonderful sickly family reunion that will be.” Maya carried in typing. “I think you’re just jealous.” She paused before speaking evenly. “I mean Kyoko had Asuka under difficult circumstances and despite this she made the best of a bad situation.”

Ritsuko eyed unit 02 again as she folded her arms. “Yeah look how that turned out for her, she got sucked in side this fucking animal.” Maya looked up as she started to run the syncing codes which had taken hours to sync since they were made for 01 and not 02 which had a very different sync pattern. “No like Yui and Kiko she was brave and she took the risk and I bet you’d never step in side that entry plug first time since it takes great courage and sacrifice.” Ritsuko turned eyeing her in disgust. “Nether would you.” Maya looked up. “No I probably wouldn’t but I’m guessing Yui and Kiko never even knew about the sisters Dai and Cho you keep in the Omega and Beta training units. I also read in your reports, that was your late mothers work but her units were deemed failures due to poor sync, as their souls have no real emotional link to the pilots.” She breathed in deeply. “Hence Yui, Kiko and Kyoko stepped in to build the next three and now all inhabit them.” She breathed in sharply. “But I’m guessing they didn’t end up there by accident, I’m thinking that you and Gendo worked out that mothers somehow respond better to pilots.”

She eyed the read outs. “I do wonder though why not fathers?” Ritsuko breathed in deeply. “My mother believed that mothers even useless mothers do care on some levels even if they can’t express it and being in side the cores allows them to slowly overcome their issues they had when they were alive and there fore they can bound better with the child in question.” She raised her hand. “I’m not saying that you can’t put fathers in, but the program just deemed mothers more suitable.” She looked up. “Seele felt that there could be serious consequences to putting a negative father in but they have never stated as to what, only that it would only work well if the father figure was positive.” Maya looked up. “So that would have counted out Asuka, Mari, Shinji and Rei since they have difficultly with the father figures in there lives and only Kaworu and Toji had positive ones though short lived.” Ritsuko turned slightly. “Yes but what troubles me is Ouroboros’s three abominations because I doubt they cared who ended up in those cores and I think they’d shove any family member they could get in there and there might be more than one person per core and that is not normal the cores are meant to function best with only one person.”

She looked up. “Plus I dread to think what Ankh would do if they could create an Evangelion.” She looked up as a vertical wing shot past in the upper tunnel that led down the void. “What’s going on up there?” Maya eyed her tablet seeing that Misato had messaged her. “They finally found Bardiel’s tongue, there about to bring it down so it can be deep frozen along with what was left of him.” Ritsuko watched another vertical wing shot past though this one was dragging the huge blue tongue and was being shadowed by another vertical wing. “You mean the parts Asuka didn’t like.” She turned watching as the code flew up on the screen opposite. “You’re running that code wrong!” Maya looked up sharply. “How’s about you stay out of my work, I’ve been working with Evangelion’s for years I know each units entry plug code of by heart.” Ritsuko tapped her finger stopping one line of code. “That one is wrong!” Maya grabbed her tablet. “No its not it’s been like that since Asuka’s left eye changed! It also doesn’t affect her sync in any way so it’s not a problem and I did check it’s not Bardiel but then you would know this if you had spent any actual time with the pilots but you don’t do that anymore you prefer your office high up Nerv’s food chain.”

Ritsuko pulled out a cigarette lighting it not caring how spiteful her next words were. “Tell me are you still hung up us and what could have been?” Maya felt a cold smile form Ritsuko was going for the low blow which was to poke fun at her sexuality and her forma crush on her because she’d lost the argument and she knew it so she was being petty. “No I’m actuality I’m glad I dodged the bullet.” She put her tablet down opposite typing in to the holographic screen. “I mean you wouldn’t have been that great of a girlfriend anyway, you’re mean, cruel and when I think about it, I think you would have still crawled back to Gendo and cheated on me anyway because you love power more than people.” She carried on typing not looking up. “Plus I’m sure somewhere in Nerv there a much better person than you waiting for me.” She looked up enjoying the look of utter distain on the other woman’s face. “Have fun with Gendo though and if he ever betrays you, don’t ever come running to me because that ship is not waiting for you, it left a very long time ago after you called me unnatural and dirty little lesbian.”

Ritsuko breathed in adjusting her suite as she spoke coldly. “I have better things to do than listen to you! Call me when you’re finished.” Kaji watched as Ritsuko pushed past him in anger vanishing from sight he had heard the last part of that conversation. He put his hands in new loose Nerv jacket’s pockets as a smile formed on his lips as he spoke playfully. “I had no idea you could be that brutal Maya.” Maya eyed the code making a very fine adjustment. “It’s my size and stature it throws people off.” Kaji felt his smile widen. “Clearly...” He looked at 02’s face before turning to Misato’s office where she currently sleeping as she chosen to stay for as long as it took to get Asuka out. She had heard that all of the others were at Asuka’s house currently taking care of Rei who was really miserable and heartbroken. “You know I don’t think Gendo will ever betray Ritsuko he loves her in his own twisting way, plus she always cleans up his shit up and the media and news likes her way better than him and he has way to many enemies and she keeps them all at bay yeah we all hate it but it’s the sad truth that she’s the better of two evils.”

Maya looked up. “That’s sadly true but I merely said it because I just want to make sure that the message is loud and very clear that I want nothing of her and I’m not hung up on her anymore as I’ve moved on.” She felt a smile form. “I heard about you and Misato though, congratulations.” Kaji felt a coy smile form. “Thank you.” He looked up as he spoke. “It’s been a very long time coming.” Maya eyed unit 02’s read out. “Well I think some relationships take time, it’s just how it goes.” Kaji nodded. “That is true.” He felt a sly smile form. “You know Misato was talking about helping you out and getting you a girlfriend the other day.” Maya turned to him shaking her head. “Look I know she means well but I’d rather not force it, if it happens it will happen.” Kaji raised an eyebrow. “I understand but if you change you mind we’d both be happy to help.” Maya looked up slightly feeling her smile widen. “Thank you I’ll keep that in mind.”

End of part 64

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t lie I think Asuka as a child is the cutest thing ever in both the series and manga and I love that some off the fan art has her hugging her childhood self and I really wanted to put in the scene where Asuka gets that change to hug her child self.
> 
> I’ve always felt really bad for the Evangelion clean up team because there job must be like cleaning up safari remains only a hundred times bigger with the added bonus of being stuck in a hazmat suit because it toxic and they never get any credit for doing what must be the hardest job at Nerv next to the bay crews who work like hell to keep the Evangelion’s constantly running and maintained. Hence this story has gone out of the way to give these people names and a faces and the credit they deserve.
> 
> It’s believed that reptiles like crocodiles and pythons get bigger the hotter it gets and in this universe they have only just started to repair the seasons. In that you get a get cold short winter with snow but the outcome of this is the reptiles have taken huge advantage of second impacts massive heat stroke and have become massive and incredibly dangerous in some countries and people getting eaten is much more common along with people going on glorified hunts to shoot these problematic reptiles so they can turn them in to trophies.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has bookmarked and given Kudos I really appreciate it.


	65. Chapter 65

_A HEAVENLY WORLD OF YOUR OWN CREATION_

 

Rei looked up from her sitting position which was in the chair opposite Maya who was putting the final code in to Judas which over looked unit 02’s face. Maya turned seeing that Rei was wearing Asuka’s leather jacket it apparently had not left her side since Asuka had vanished. She’d heard that last night had been really hard for despite everyone coming over to Asuka’s home and she had cried a lot, now she waiting opposite Misato and Kaji while Shinji and all off the others were waiting for them to begin it was early in the morning now and it had been a very long night but everything was ready now. She took in a deep breath turning on the switches she just hoped this first phase would work, she leaned over eyeing Hayden. “Okay turn on the Judas restraints power!” Hayden nodded pulled the switches. “Power is now fully engaged!” Maya breathed in deeply. “Loading first code phase please stand by!” She watched as the magnetic coils began to spin above the entry plug. “Entry plugs retrieval starting in five, four and three.” She pressed the button activating the code. “Two, one…!” She looked up hearing the slow grinding sound as the entry plug started to come upwards moving away from the core which is deeply seated next to in fact it was almost touching it. She looked up. “Entry plug is coming free stand by for surface retraction.”

She watched as the 02 plug came up to its half way point only for everything to suddenly flash red. “I’m loosing magnetic coil power!” She looked up typing disparately. “This should work! I had this configured perfectly it shouldn’t be doing this.” She watched as the coils suddenly lost the entry plug which flew straight back down, she turned to Hayden. “Shut off the power!” He watched as he did so and the whole machine went dead. She breathed in sitting back in her chair. “That should have worked I ran those calculations fives times it was not in error!” She turned eyeing unit 02’s face. “You’re just not going to play nice are you?” She put a hand through her hair in frustration. “Great now it’s going to be another two hours to set this up again and run it a second time, no wonder Ritsuko calls this piece of shit Judas.” Mari breathed in deeply eyeing her. “I don’t get it you’d think that Asuka would want out, what is going though my stupid little sisters mind that she’s holding out on us?” She paused before raising her hand. “Can this unit understand anything we are saying I mean can Asuka hear us in there?”

Misato looked at her, they hadn’t told them the truth yet but once this was over herself and Kaji already had a plan of how to tell them as they would send them all a private data disc and make them from an anonymous source and allow them to then follow there own paths on how they viewed it though Seele had said that only those pilots whose units were fully awakened would reserve it and the others once they were awakened but not until. “Yes it can feel free to talk to it just don’t throw anything at it.” Mari moved forward looking in to the unit’s four green eyes. “Hey you fucking bratty princess you can hear me right? What ever is keeping you here little sister it’s an illusion, you’d think after all you’d been through with Bardiel you’d know that!” She breathed in painfully. “Plus I’m out here and so is your girlfriends and where both waiting for you, we are not in there!” She stepped back folding her arms. “I’m going to murder her stupid ass when she gets out of there.” Misato turned to Shinji who looked deeply uncertain. “Do you want to try?”

Shinji nodded breathed in walked up to 02’s face looking at it, in all honesty he had not been this close in a very long time though he used to come up to all the time when he and Asuka were together but as the years had drawn on and they’d drifted apart he had not gotten close to it. He breathed in deeply looking at the green eyes feeling Kaworu come up and take his arm trying to give moral support as he kissed his cheek. He looked up slightly as he spoke. “Hello Asuka.” He breathed in sadly wishing now that he had, had that chance to talk to her before she’d been taken over by Bardiel. He had wanted to speak to alone and give her, his blessing with Rei as she had done with him for Kaworu. “I’m sorry that over the past few years we drifted away from each other and we didn’t talk like we should have. I never realized how lonely or afraid you got I just though like everyone else that you liked being alone, I just got it so wrong we all did and it really hurt you.” He breathed in painfully. “I’m most sorry for Hikari though I just let our past relationship get so much in the way of everything and I just didn’t see that you had really changed.”

He took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “I don’t blame you for tearing apart Bardiel like you did, so if you’re not coming back because you think we would see you as disgusting or vile then please reconsider because you have it all wrong we all really want you back.” Kaworu looked at him speaking softly. “I think she would really like that.” He turned to the unit looking at it for a long moment before stepping slowly forward looking in to 02’s four eyes as he spoke calmly. “Thank you for helping Shinji I know you care about him and I know it was hard for you to let go after your relationship ended but it means everything to me that you helped him in the way you did and like him I want you to come back, you belong here with us.” He breathed in deeply feeling Shinji take hold of his hand as he spoke sadly. “You’re our friend and the symphony just isn’t complete with out you.” Toji breathed in stretching as came forward watching as they both moved back. “My turn...”

He looked up at 02’s face. “Hey you dumb ass German! I spent part of child hood idolizing you back in China one of the reasons I’m on this chicken shit program was because of you!” He folded his arms. “You don’t get to be a coward or a quitter! You don’t get to run out, your words in the first magazine I ever fucking read, you said you don’t quit until your dead! You’re not dead your just hanging out there so come back to us already!” He paused as he lowered his voice speaking nervously. “Oh yeah and please don’t hit me cause I kind of broke one of your sun flowers in your front yard I’m really sorry about that.” Mari rolled her eyes. “Seriously she’s going to loose her shit when she returns she loves those sun flowers, please tell me you didn’t break one of ones at the front?” Toji turned tensing nervously. “It was closer to the back.” Mari shook her head. “Pray Rei can sooth her temper when she gets out and don’t ever break them again Toji for the love of the gods. When we were kids she lost her temper with me big time when I accidentally broke one of the two she was trying to grow it was when I realized they weren’t just flowers to her and that they have real meaning.” Toji stepped back. “Got you…” He looked at Rei. “It’s your turn.”

Rei took in a deep breath moving forward as she looked in to 02’s eyes as she spoke calmly. “I know you’re in there Asuka, I know you can hear me.” She moved even closer to the unit. “Is the fantasy world in there so much better than out here?” She took in a painful breath. “I bet in some ways it is in there you’re not burdened by your self consciousness and self esteem and no ones second guessing you in there.” She breathed in deeply. “It’s not paradise though it’s all just an illusion and we need you out here in the real world.” She paused narrowing her gaze. “You may not want to come back but you will come back for me, you hear me Asuka!” She felt her anger start to really burn, she hated how out of her control this situation felt. “You said once that you’d give me anything I desired! Anything you could offer was mine to ask, you remember that conversation right!?” She pushed her short hair back in frustration. “Of cause you do, well I desire your return to this world because you don’t belong in there Asuka you belong out here with me!” She moved her hand up putting it against one of the huge sabres feeling the tears as they started to run down her face. “Come back to me please I’m begging you, don’t leave me alone in this world, I already lost my mother and my aunt this way and I don’t want to loose you as well!” She felt Shinji’s arms suddenly wrap around her as he pulled her close as Mari appeared by her side as she began to cry harder.

8

I watch as the darkness fades away and I find myself walking through a huge sun flower meadow which mirrors the one in my childhood dream where my mama has me chase her and then she vanishes and I never find her. Yet I’m walking through these fields as an adult very slowly and nervously, dreams and fantasies yet I never imagined I’d ever be here. I feel so light but this whole trip has changed so much for me it feels like so much weight has been lifted from my shoulders and something that used to hurt just don’t anymore. Maybe it’s this place every vision I’ve passed through has been like heaven and I’ve met two forms of my younger self in times I know weren’t happy for ether of them and when they were hurting a lot. Asuka breathed in realizing that she was coming up to the end of the sun flower field. She moved slowly through seeing a woman sitting on a wooden stool bare foot she was in her mid thirties and was wearing a long yellow sun dress, which reminded her of one she had once had years ago. She could see light skin and long blonde wavy hair and she had a medium sized farmer straw hat on which had a frayed edge. She was painting on a large canvas with acrylic paint her painting was off the vast and wide spread meadows and rivers and farm land bellow though it was only half complete.

Asuka could feel her heart starting to race as she got closer. “Mama?” She watched as the woman turned her green eyes widening as a wide smile appeared on her lips as she stood up the joy in her face as she spoke gently and softly. “Your finally here, you finally made it to me.” Asuka was crying she couldn’t stop herself it was just the pure joy of seeing her mother again as the woman wrapped her arms around her and the smell of sunflowers hit her all at once and a feeling returned which she had not felt in years. She was home, it was like being a child all over again and she could remember all of those good memories which instantly over shadowed the cold haunting hospital ones. Kyoko breathed kissing her daughters head as she cried against her shoulder she had been doing a lot of that lately she had seen it all in her memories when she’d entered 02 as she could watch everything and read her thoughts and see her wants and desires. Her daughter had gone through a deep transition these past few weeks and it was unlike anything she had ever expected to see she held her tighter. “I was worried that the path I put you on before you came here might be hard for you but I felt it would do you the world of good.”

She pulled away putting her hands on her face wiping away her tears gently with her fingers. “Look at how much you’ve grown your so big now, your not little anymore.” She turned looking at her left eye which suddenly ignited in to glowing white and blue light. “And what you’ve done with your left eye it’s so impressive.” Asuka was frozen in place. “You don’t find it weird or strange?” Kyoko looked at her for a long moment. “Not at all, I mean when you changed your unit in your subconscious you hated the milky looking eye so you changed it along with your own physical strength and the teeth are also your own.” She felt a sly grin form. “Wondrous carnage by the way, seeing you tear Bardiel up was one of the most magnificent things I’ve ever seen.” Asuka felt her mothers hands move to her shoulders she was feeling so confused right now and finding it so difficult to get her words out. “You’re not mad or disappointed that…I did that?” Kyoko moved her hand up running it gently through her daughter’s long red hair. “I’m guessing no ones told you truth have they, about where your anger comes from? They all probably tell you it’s from your grandma.”

She turned serious as she leaned closer to her daughter who suddenly looked so uncertain of herself and her good eye showing pure innocence while the left carried on glowing. “It isn’t Asuka you have my anger through and through my mother is grumpy yes and she has her moments but she never had the anger I suffered growing up and you have that same anger and like me it’s taken you many years to really channel and focus it.” She looked in to her good eye. “So do not feel any guilt over how you use your anger because all I’ve seen is you use it for good purposes and to help others.” She paused moving her hand down to the pendent around her daughter’s neck. “I saw in your memories that you’ve met someone very special who also doesn’t view your anger as a negative.” Asuka looked down at the pendent feeling unsure about her next words as she fidgeted nervously. “Does my sexuality bother you?” Kyoko turned the pendent between her delicate fingers feeling a warm smile form. “Not in the slightest and believe me If I had not been sucked in here, I would have told you that as soon as you were old enough and I think Rei is a very nice woman and she makes you so happy.”

She felt her smile fade. “I’m so sorry, I tried so hard to fight the AI personality but it just dragged me in and for years it fed my head with delusions and lies to keep me here it was hell. The battle with Shamshel though gave me the opportunity to over ride it for good and later I destroyed it but I realized afterwards that so much time had passed since you were small and you were now a teenager.” She breathed in painfully. “The AI made me believe that I had gotten out of the test and I was with you but it wasn’t you it was all just a vile illusion.” She breathed in painfully. “I realized later that they had also shoved this mangled soul less version of my self the one that strangled you in the hospital in here as well. I got to see that version of myself strangling you and it was truly awful once I was powerful enough I remerged with her and we became one person again. I only use her old image just to protect this unit so others can’t use it when your not here.” She breathed in deeply. “I made unit 02 for you it was always yours, no one else’s.” Asuka looked down. “I know you don’t like Mari and I’m guessing you attacked her when she stepped in side.”

Kyoko looked down sadly. “That was my fault Asuka, I had no idea that you saw her that way I know that now and it won’t happen again, it will just not work for her but how the others react is out of my hands Kiko, Yui and your step mother Lydia I have no control over and the two who are yet to awaken are fighting there own battles against the AI programs but it takes time. Your step mother’s incident was completely by accident and she didn’t want to fight me and she didn’t want you two to kill each other after she knew that you cared about each other so deeply in childhood like me she had a lot of guilt over her own actions. Granted we can not talk directly to each other face to face but even in the units we feel each other emotions and we can whisper now and again to each other. Yui was the first to break free but maybe what fuelled it was her anger over realizing Gendo had set her up and betrayed her, she then taught Kiko how to gain freedom and in turn Kiko helped me. I had only just started to whisper to Lydia but she picked up very quickly and took the first opportunity she got to destroy the AI as we share that common dislike for being cheated out of our lives by these vile AI programs.”

Asuka looked up slightly unsure how to say her next words or if she should as maybe her mother would view this question as none of her business. “In your videos I saw you a lot with Kiko were you two together?” Kyoko felt a smile form. “We did sleep together in college yes but our lives took us in very different directions but we were always good friends and she was the one I always turned to in need as I’ve never been able to see her since she was sucked in to 00 though at the time I thought she was died and I was so utterly devastated finding out that she was alive and in the core was amazing. I know she played a huge role in helping Rei break your AT field apart and transcending unit 00 in to its new state as she wants you two to be together no matter what and heard her whisper to me and that’s when I pulled you in here.” She took in a deep breath. “I saw some of previous memories of your past cycles in human instrumentality when you were starting to ascend they were pure hell for you, you just don’t belong there Asuka you reject it over and over.” Asuka looked around her. “Is this instrumentality?”

Kyoko looked at the long meadows and fields. “Yes but it’s not like that instrumentality this is all my godly creation, I am the only one here and I can do as I please and it’s the same for the all the others.” She turned looking at her painting. “I mean I can create anything I want here I even took up painting though I would say that I’m not as good as you are as you’re an amazing digital artist.” She pointed upwards at the sun putting her arm around her daughter pulling her close. “I can watch you every time you step in to unit 02 I can see your battles, it is much like having the eyes of a god as you can be in many places all at once I can paint down here but still see you in the entry plug and see out of 02’s eyes.” Her face formed a scowl. “I’ve seen that, that bitch Ritsuko has put Judas restraint on 02 and I’ve already stopped it working once and there trying to bring you back and there all waiting for your return and those who know the truth that my soul is in here are curious about why I’m not sending you back.” She looked at Asuka who looked over whelmed now. “Rei is getting very unhappy she’s already shouted at this unit once and she knows I’m keeping you here subconsciously but she hasn’t admitted the truth openly yet and fully embraced it but I promise I won’t delay you any longer than I have to.”

Asuka looked up finally recomposing herself. “Why are you keeping me here mama is it about the two spears of destiny I created? Because that girl who is a goddess and who looks like Rei told me they are different from the lances.” Kyoko looked up her face turning serious. “It’s about them in part but it goes further there’s something you really need to know about your step father and your step sister needs to know it as well because it’s very important. I was unaware of his true intentions from the start of the marriage and his leaping from one woman to another was not random and the bastard had a deep and unhealthy obsession with this ideal of a perfect Aryan child and he took it to the real extremes as he wanted this child to be his true messiah. Now you and Mari and the others are in real danger if he has obtained any DNA through Bardiel’s corpse. Ouroboros are just creating bestializes angel abominations and calling them archangels which are limited but his interests always lay in the Evangelion’s and myself and Lydia had very close links to Nerv at one time. What we both failed to realize was how far his fascination went and why he was happy to play us off against each other while pillaging what we knew about the Evangelion’s. I was first to fall then once Lydia’s links with Nerv dried up he left her and Mari, she told me about all of this in whispers it was horrifying to realize that we had both been played because of Langley’s vile ultimate agenda.”

8

Gendo looked at the Judas restraint which was about to be turned on for the second time today he eyed Ritsuko they were both watching from high window above that over looked the bay close to Misato’s office. “I’m starting to see your concerns with this unit.” Ritsuko looked up slightly. “The machine was working perfectly it was Kyoko she rejected it, just like Yui did…I just don’t get it.” Gendo put his hands behind his back eyeing his daughter who was watching once again from her chair next to Maya though she looked both devastated and deeply anxious the others pilots including Shinji seemed much calmer. “Is there a chance that Asuka is stuck?” Ritsuko shook her head. “No and I think this is more a case of Kyoko just being a stupid, stubborn bitch just like her daughter.” Gendo breathed in deeply. “She will let her go through?” Ritsuko eyed unit 02. “Yes, honestly this is just some fucking tantrum she’s having just like she used to have when we worked together I got so sick of that temper of hers its so annoying that Asuka inherited it.” She looked down as a thought crossed her mind. “You almost sound like your concerned?” Gendo’s face remained unreadable. “No my dear I just see that this is putting a lot of unnecessary stress on my daughter and she won’t be able to pilot until Asuka returns as her sync will hit rock bottom its not something I want or desire I’d rather have them both doing there jobs I care nothing for this emotional nonsense.”

Ritsuko lit a cigarette. “Should I release a press statement this afternoon?” Gendo nodded calmly. “Yes and tell the German division the whole truth, about Asuka being sucked in to the core but keep the world media guessing by saying that we believe the pilot is stuck in the entry plug, its happened before so they’ll believe it. It happened once to my son and it took us two days to free him and pilots food rations last two weeks so they’ll know that Asuka has food and water.” Ritsuko breathed out the black smoke. “I’ll see that done.” She paused raising her hand. “Mark my words the Judas restraint will probably fail again but once its turned off Kyoko will probably send Asuka kicking and screaming back in to the world in some dramatic fashion. Woman never played by the rules when she was alive nothing changed now she’s transcended.” She breathed out the black smoke. “Mark my words they’ll pull Asuka out ether tonight or tomorrow morning and this will all be over and done with and everyone can get back to there lives here.” Gendo looked at her. “And if it doesn’t?” Ritsuko eyed unit 02. “Then we’ll have a useless German paper weight and Seele breathing down our necks wanting results and I’ll have to rebuild the Judas restraint from scratch, which would not please me.” 

Maya breathed in starting the code running seeing that everyone was waiting once again not long ago they’d all gone to get something to eat apart from Mari who had stayed with Rei and had brought her some breakfast not that she had touched it which was a problem because they’d said that she had, had no appetite last night ether. This was affecting her really badly and she had not seen her like this in years. The last time she’d been this way was when she had, had a very serious bout of depression after Gaghiel when she’d been badly burnt and a lot had come out in to the open and she had stopped suppressing her feelings as much. Seeing this behaviour again was really starting to worry her though she had not even been with Asuka that long but it spoke the volumes about how she saw this relationship. “Turn on the power! Double the limit!” Hayden turned on the power bellow. “Doubling the power right now, let’s hope this red bastard plays along this time!” Maya looked down. “Yeah well you know what they say about second time being a charm!” She looked up seeing that the whole dock was watching them now just like last time they didn’t need to be here most of them were finished but they’d still stayed which really surprised her.

The only ones who were still working were the specialists who were still doing the refit on 00’s jaws and were almost complete while 04’s team were making a tail slot which the whip lash tail could be put in, because it kept on creeping out towards 02 and had been doing for the past few nights before this incident it wasn’t the only one as some time in the night when they’d everyone had broken for lunch 00’s new thick slicing end tail had also moved out towards 02 as well. Clearly the souls were trying to communicate somehow with one another that’s why they were moving this way but 02’s tail had not shifted to greet them despite that 04’s was the closest. She took in a deep breath. “Loading code phase, stand by!” She looked up. “Retrieving the Entry Plug in five, four, three, two…one!” She pressed the button turning hearing the cringing start as the entry plug started to move upwards.  “Come on that’s it, come out!” She watched as 02’s entry plug started too slowly surface as the magnetic coils brought it fully up to its half way point as they started spinning faster keeping it in place. “Magnetic coil’s holding!” She breathed hearing the sudden cheering from the dock workers she turned typing in to the holographic panel. “Now loading in phase two codes!” She breathed deeply reading herself. “The retrieval pilot sequence will begin in five seconds!”

End of part 65

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rei in this universe suffers very badly from separation anxiety and it’s a deep rooted problem and surfaces when someone leaves suddenly hence her anger and difficulty coping in the last few chapters. I felt it was right to show this as Shinji in this universe still has issues with panic attacks on very rare occasions both have had therapy but these issues still come up now and again.
> 
> I loved this idea that when the Evangelion’s are in the central bay together they are all talking to each other its just people outside don’t hear its like godly whispering and is the reason you sometimes get things moving around. I just kind of hated the idea that being stuck in a godly core would be a lonely existence and felt it would be nice if the mothers could speak to each other and help each other as well as there children.
> 
> Also more impotently I like the idea that despite everything Lydia and Kyoko have come to some form of truce and understanding and don’t hate each others guts. 
> 
> Asuka’s step father is not a Nazi as the WW2 Nazi regime doesn’t exist in this universe though it still had three world wars as some historical events are very different in places including some in ancient history but the ideal of the Aryan races is floating around and some people do obsesses over it and have tried to create it though unsuccessfully and have had there experiments shut down as human mental experimental tampering is forbidden.


	66. Chapter 66

_HEED THE CALL OF THE DIVINE ONE_

Kyoko looked up as her blue sky above her suddenly turned dark as a flash of white lightning came down striking a tree opposite setting it alight with red flames. "I don't believe Nerv, there trying to use that piece of shit again to break through here to find you." Asuka looked around in confusion feeling her body suddenly go ice cold it was like some one had walked over her grave it was an awful sensation. Kyoko breathed in deeply. "I will send you home when I chose to but I need more time!" She raised her hand her teeth gritting together as her anger started to burn. "This is my fucking world you hold no sway here Ritsuko!" Asuka watched as red light flew from her mothers hand as it hit the white lightning that was coming towards her as her other hand clutched her tighter refusing to let go. It was so welcoming, as the other sensation was outright awful and she starting to have difficultly standing due to overwhelming feeling of dizziness.

Kyoko breathed in closing her eyes she hated to ask favours of the others but she needed it right now she wanted the time with her daughter because she didn't know that they'd ever get this opportunity ever again and she wanted Asuka to remember their time together more than anything as they could visit there children in the entry plugs in visions as many times as they pleased but bringing them in to the cores was so risky but it was that one and only chance to see them in the flesh and hug them. She listened as the closest voice spoke up which was Lydia's. " _You want my help_?" Kyoko breathed in deeply as she spoke in her mind knowing the other woman could hear her. " _Yes_." Lydia's gentle voice came again. " _As you wish Kyoko let us call this even then between us_." Kyoko looked up at the sky seeing the lightning as it started to come down harder as she had to fight harder to stop it. " _Yes in the spirit of friendship_." Lydia spoke again. " _I'll call up on your forma lover I'm closer to her than you are_."

She paused before speaking again. " _Though this will wake up Yui and you know she won't be happy, she hates it when you act out against her wishes_." Kyoko narrowed her gaze. " _I'll find a way around that I did not have my daughter create those two tails for the reasons that Bardiel used them for only one is a weapon to disrupt the AT field but not the other it has a greater purpose. You and Kiko both created a similar thing on each tail end. They are so we can plug in to each other's units and see and speak to each other directly for the first time and even touch each other and hopeful they will also allow our children to share their thoughts and feelings free from others hearing them in a mental plain separate from ours."_ She looked up as the sky above as it started to turn red. _"Shinji and Kaworu could benefit greatly from this as will Rei and Asuka and Yui will see what I'm getting at and finally help Shinji change his unit fully like we did, she hesitated last time for fear of hurting him but the children can take it, we've proven it."_

She breathed in deeply _. "Our awakening and accessions will help the other two who are still fighting that vile AI they will see that they have strength and power and that this world with the core is there own!"_ Lydia spoke again _. "Yui was right you are crazy, though I mean that in the best way possible, now I get why Kiko likes you."_ Her voice came again but quieter _. "Maybe when you finally plug in you should tell her how you really feel and stop with all your bullshit beating around the bush because your afraid of your feelings like your daughter was, you've had five years to sort your shit out Kyoko so sort it out already your ascended now, no ones going to judge you not even your daughter."_ She breathed in deeply _. "Even I can feel your feelings from here."_ Kyoko narrowed her gaze _. "Can we please talk about this another time? Now is not the best time for you to be giving a lecture on my fucking love life, do something useful with that long tail already since you're the one who is closest to me!"_ Lydia laughed _. "You never change still stubborn as ever and to think I once hated you, I got it all so wrong since we were both puppets in our husband's game Mari and Asuka were in his eyes the failed bi products."_

Kyoko breathed in painfully as she carried on fighting the lighting _. "My child and your child are not things to be thrown away or treated like shit. You told me he was murdered some years after you spilt up but that also led to your murder because they were trying to kill anyone with ties to him and his greater plans."_ Lydia voice came back coldly. _"Believe me if the other half of you that puppet with out a soul had not committed suicide she'd have died to. The only reason Asuka and Mari did not die was because they were in the Evangelion program and untouchable by the time the killers found them his two older children from his first failed marriage have vanished from sight and have never been found to this day but they'll show up again soon mark my words."_ Hayden looked up in panic. "I've got a power over load starting in the coils!" Maya turned sharply. "What!" Hayden looked up as unit 02 suddenly started to shudder violently as all four of its eyes turned on as its teeth grated against the machine in its mouth. "The bastard's going to destroy the mouth piece!" He looked up as the huge mouth piece was pushed out causing it to fall downwards only to be kept from falling in to the bays red water by the massive cables. "You have to shut it down!"

Maya turned sharply. "No we have to hold it! I'm getting Asuka's sync code, I'm so close!" She was about to say more only for a sudden bone chilling screech to hit the air as 04 suddenly came alive its huge jaws opening fully as it started to fight against its restraint's much to the shock of everyone. Its huge long thin lash tail suddenly shot out of the bloody water, it came down with tremendous force slamming against one of 02's arm restraints trying to break it. She turned as 00 suddenly come on letting out a bellowing lion like roar as it pointed weapon like tail end came out of the water only to smash down against the wall opposite as it started to struggle against it restraints which was followed by 01's eyes coming on but it didn't move or fight like the others. "What is going on, this is insane?!" She watched as 04's long tail came down this time hitting its mark as it sent one of the magnetic coils flying off sending it crashing in to the bloody water bellow which caused the entry plug to fly back in side once more.

Maya turned sharply. "Power it down now!" Hayden didn't think as he slammed the emergency shut off which caused 02 to instantly shut down its eyes going dark he turned seeing 04 and 00 power down followed 01. "What is this fucking shit is the Judas restraint sending out a signal that's affecting the others or something?" Maya breathed in she knew what had just happened Kyoko had denied her yet again and this time she'd pulled in the other units to help her. "Get that magnetic coil!" Hayden turned. "But…" Maya turned holding back none of her anger. "Get your team to retrieve that coil, we need to refit it!" She sat back in her chair eyeing 02 again as she saw the devastated looks on everyone's faces along with the confusion as she looked at her panel. "Great I'm going to be here all night just get that broken magnetic coil refitted!" Misato moved over putting a hand on her shoulder. "Look I think you should stop now Maya you've been at this all night and all morning you need to take a break and get some sleep." Maya turned looking at unit 02. "I have to get Asuka out I cannot just leave her like this."

Kaji moved over forward. "Well it won't do you any good to be tired and hungry come on Maya lets just get lunch and then you need to get some sleep then you can start fresh." He eyed the others. "That goes for the rest of you to you need to rest and eat." Rei looked up sharply. "I'm not leaving." Kaji eyed Shinji and Mari who once again looked really concerned. "The rest of you come with us, we'll explain what just happened and you can bring Rei back something to eat." Rei watched as they all walked away as Hayden came to greet them the confusion in his face as Maya tried to explain that it was a weird feed back from the Judas restraint. She could see that Shinji and Mari weren't convinced nether was she, that just seemed to real it was as if 02 had asked 04 and her unit for help to cause a huge distraction she'd even see her brothers unit turn on but it hadn't moved. Nothing about this made any sense she'd read her fathers notes on the partial AI personalities they weren't meant to talk to each other and now all of sudden Asuka mother video was popping back in to mind all over again. Along with the thoughts she'd had before that maybe the units had living souls in them though she had been so depressed last night that she had just put it out of her mind but right now she was starting to think differently.

What if she had it all wrong and it was not the partial AI keeping Asuka trapped what if she was right now talking to her mother Kyoko whose soul was in there and she was keeping her in there so they could talk. She knew there was only one way to find out that and she'd have a very limited window, she'd have to wait until they had gotten the magnetic coil out of the red water and had gone to lunch only then could she confront 02 face to face alone and it would only be a thirty minute window. She turned seeing that Hayden was coming towards her the concern in his face as the others left, the big burly man kneeled down next to her he was practicality towered over her as he spoke gently. "There going get Asuka out I'm sure off it believe me, your girlfriends just being stubborn I think she's just a little scared that we are all going to judge her over the fact that she eat Bardiel alive." He put his hand in to his pocket easing out a chocolate bar. "You should eat something, I know it's really hard but you should." He paused eyeing the chocolate. "You can eat dairy right? I mean I heard you can eat ice cream."

Rei slowly took it from his hand. "Thank you, yes I can eat dairy." Hayden breathed in looking at her he knew he had to be on his best behaviour as she was the director's daughter. Granted Asuka could swear around her all she wanted but he knew he couldn't let any swear words out. "Between you and me I think these units are alive I don't think that was the Judas restraint." He paused watching as she turned to look at him the surprise in her green eyes. He spoke very quietly seeing that the teams were now returning to unit 00 and 04 to check them over. "I mean seems to me like 02 asked 04 for a hand, I mean taking off the magnetic coil that looks more like a well thought out strategy to delay time along with coughing out the mouth piece." He eyed unit 00 which the specialists were looking over desperately trying to check that the bottom jaws plating had held along with the other new fittings. "Almost feels like your unit was kicking up a storm as well." He breathed in deeply before speaking. "Your brother's turning on as well was really strange, wouldn't you say?" Rei turned to him. "Your head of all the teams aren't you?" Hayden nodded. "Yes I am but I'm also leader of 02's maintenance have been for nine years since it first came here from Germany."

He eyed the unit. "This one has always been the most badly behaved granted the crew tend to blame Asuka for that but I'm not sure anymore what ever it is the AI or something else. This unit wants to do its own thing kind like your brothers did in the beginning through now it's become very quite and calm." He rose his hand watching as Rei finished the chocolate bar. "This one wants to stand out you know kind of like it has an opinion." He paused before speaking. "And it really likes your unit 00 for some reason we normally have to put it in between 00 and 01 because it tries to reach out for it." He looked up. "At first I thought it was Asuka's feelings for you but they told me both of your entry plugs were out and being checked by the specialist when this happened." He felt a smile form as he watched the shock spread across her face he knew he couldn't say the words openly but he got that she understood what he was getting at. He watched as her green eyes darted as if she was putting something together in her mind. "You can order us to leave the bay if you'd like sometime with 02 alone, I can make it so." He breathed in eyeing 02. "You don't have to wait till lunch." He raised his hand. "Your brother's word and yours to me are the same as if it came from the director mouth itself."

Asuka looked up feeling the coldness fade as her mother turned to her kissing her head gently as she spoke. "I'm sorry if they hurt you, I needed to stop them doing that, it would have really hurt you, if they'd pulled you out that way the Judas restraint is a rubbish machine and it would have screwed with your mind." Asuka breathed in deeply. "Thank you, I don't want that, once was enough." She paused before speaking as some thing crossed her mind. "It was you…you came to my rescue when they put me in Obrax…." Kyoko watched as she looked up. "Yes." Asuka felt her eyes dart. "Why I mean you exposed that you were living in side the unit, it was a huge risk for you?" Kyoko moved her hand through her long red hair. "Because I love you Asuka, you're my daughter and I'll always protect you." She felt her daughter's arms wrap around her once more. "Never believe that I wouldn't love you, or forget you, I love it every time you step in side this unit, because you're close to me and I can feel you." She paused watching as the red sky faded as the tree opposite fire went out as it started to re-grow its leaves. "That thing in the hospital was never me Asuka I would never try to strangle you or cause you harm."

She breathed in deeply closing her eyes. "So please always remember that and never forget it now you know I'm here, I can still give visions and I can still help you in side the entry plug all you have to do is call out to me." She pulled away looking at her. "When I send you back, you will be disorientated and you won't remember everything right away but once your rested though it might take a week or so you will start to remember everything we've spoken about." She put her hands on her daughter's leather jacket. "I know you don't like the super human strength and though I could return you to how you were before the Alpha unit accident, I don't think deep down you really want that." She breathed in deeply. "You're also going to need that strength and that left eye more than ever and I believe you can control the teeth for the most part and the scars now matter to you." She looked at the leather jacket which she could now also see Rei wearing on the other side as she was standing directly facing 02's face looking up. "Transcendence effects every pilot others have also been changed as well I think for Mari it has enhanced her ability to code and her strength outside the entry plug is more but she's not aware of it yet, it is necessary and part of the transition because they need to be stronger both mentality and physically to use the enhanced primal unit."

She looked up. "Rei I think has, had the same strength wise though hers is not as extreme as yours or Mari's but its also made her much more confident in her desires and wants and for the first time in her life she's feeling and learning about her own anger and she will need help with that transition from you because its going to be very new and scary for her. Kiko told me that she has always feared her own anger up until now." She paused looking in to her daughter's good eye. "Shinji, Kaworu and Toji will all soon follow and you will all have the ability to face your enemies in a way you never could before." Asuka looked up. "I'm ready for you to send me back to Rei now." Kyoko felt a sly smile form. "I'm about to I just want Rei to call me out personally, she's so close to the truth and I want to give it to her. This is what I've been waiting for this is one of the reasons I delayed your home coming as I wanted to help you both as Kiko went to great lengths to help you through Rei."

She paused looking up slightly. "Also when you return do not forget what I told you about your units tails and what they are really for, only one is a weapon but the other isn't its your window in to others thoughts and feelings and Mari unit has one and so does Rei's and you can plug in to them to talk to each other and it will also allow me to see Yui and Kiko face to face because for us its been a very long time of only hearing each other voices in whispers and the other units will gain the ability to in time. She looked up as Rei's voice suddenly came though as she spoke evenly. "I know you can hear me." There was a long pause. "I know what you really are." She closed her eyes waiting the moment she called her out by name and she would prove it to be true and then send Asuka back to her. Rei looked up staring in to 02's face looking down bellow where the workers had attached a walkway close to the entry plug so they could refit the coil when they all returned. Only her self and Hayden were here he had made all of the workers vanish and was now watching close by.

Clearly he knew the truth like her she had read between the lines and just like her, he wanted to see if he was right she looked at 02 again as she spoke. "I know you're not a partial AI personality because no AI personality would have done what you just did in the bay not long ago. I know Evangelion's don't talk to each other and you were all talking and causing some kind of distraction to buy yourself more time." She paused for a long moment before speaking. "I've seen some of Asuka's videos and I didn't want to believe it but now I do." She moved even closer. "I know you can understand every word I'm saying. You even looked at me once using 02's eyes when it lost its face plate and the unit didn't have green eyes before but I've seen the videos and photos and your real eyes are green." She stepped even closer. "Isn't that right Kyoko?" She paused seeing no response maybe this was really stupid maybe she was just talking to a partial AI and no one could hear her. She took in a deep breath about to walk away only to hear the sudden creaking she turned sharply watching in utter shock as the huge jaws slowly formed a smile as the huge tongue came out licking one of its huge upper canine teeth.

The next moment caught her completely off guard as the huge arms rose upwards smashing apart the lower brace as one of the huge clawed hands came up opposite her as the two huge tails rose out of the bloody water blasting out gold and silver lightning as the left tails inside functions started to change as they reconnected themselves in a different lay out before both tails sank back in to the red water there lightning vanishing. She looked up as 04's huge tail end came up doing the same thing followed by her unit whose huge slicing dagger shifted backwards up the tail revealing a connection point whose inner parts changed position before the weapon end went back up locking over it as it vanished back in to the bloody waters. She turned looking at the four glowing eyes as she moved her hand up putting it on one of the clawed fingers as she was hit with utter joy for the first time since this incident had happened. "So you are Kyoko! Oh gods Anneberg was right all along." She watched as the huge clawed hand lowered as the face carried on smiling at her. "I know you want to keep Asuka there, I understand why you're her mother but please I want her back now." The smile remained as the huge unit's shoulders ignited as silver and gold lightning started flying out as the slow creak of the entry plug rising was heard.

End of part 66

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys there are only four more chapters to go until the end, plus artwork pages if you’re reading the Achieve Of Our Own version. 
> 
> There are two shorts one being Erika’s adoption which is now in with my other ones shots and a piece on the build up to the Bardiel taking over the Alpha unit and how its different from rebuild which I’m currently writing.
> 
> As people have been shifted and moved around due to the goddess Rei, Kiko is in fact taking on Mari’s role its just she had affection towards a very different person. This was done to try and keep the canon fluid despite this being a very different universe and it also means that Rei has a mother type figure with in unit 00 and I didn’t see why an aunt wouldn’t work as the person is still a genetic relation and family.


	67. Chapter 67

_RETURNING TO THE WAKING WORLD_

 

Hayden turned slammed the emergency alarm as the entry plug rose higher coming out to its half way point revealing its door as the gold and silver lightning faded away as unit 02 fours eyes went dark. He could hear the pilot’s entry plug emergency alarm going off as LCL sprayed out venting all over the place as the entry plug went completely still not moving or shifting. He turned seeing that everyone was running back in to the bay as Rei just stood there in utter shock staring down at the entry plug which remained still inside the two magnetic coils. He was right all along they weren’t machines they weren’t random AI they had the souls of the forma test pilots in them Kyoko had been 02’s forma and she was Asuka’s mother. It all made sense now as to why they acted so human and right now he didn’t care that he could never tell anyone the truth knowing it was enough he looked at 02’s entry plug not thinking as he ran up to it pushing ahead of the men and woman if Asuka was in there she could open it from the inside unless she was to weak, he turned seeing Maya fly back in running past Rei the pure shock in her face. “What happened?”

She paused looking at the entry plug. “How did it rise up?” Hayden shrugged trying to play dumb. “I don’t know 02 did it on its own I mean I just walked in here and I was talking with Rei before this happened.” Maya breathed in seeing Rei turn running down the stairs and instantly jump on to the ladder getting her self up to where Hayden was. She turned looking at all of read outs as Misato and the others came running in. “She’s in there I have her heart beat and brain waves!” Hayden eyed the entry plugs door. “Is she to weak to open the door, I mean is that the problem?” He watched as the entry plugs door handle was pulled up then let go off, only for it to happen a second time Asuka was clearly struggling on the other side. “Rei moved past him “I’m going to help her I don’t think she can get it open.” She grabbed the handle yanking it with all of her might feeling grateful that the magnetic coil above was not blocking the door as she pulled it open forcefully. She looked around seeing that Asuka wasn’t near the door anymore. She looked over finally seeing her, she was dressed in her plug suit sitting on the floor leaning against her control panel she had clearly tried to open the door but just hadn’t been able to. “She’s in here!” Hayden’s voice hit the air. “Is she dressed, its just we can get you a towel if she isn’t?”

Rei moved inside ignoring the LCL around her shoes as she got closer seeing that Asuka hadn’t moved she was leaning forward her long red hair hanging down as she coughed up the last of the LCL from her lungs close by were her interface clips. “No she is dressed, just give us a moment okay?” Hayden’s voice came back as he spoke calmly. “Take as long as you need.” Rei slowly kneeled down in front of Asuka taking hold of her face moving her head back gently catching sight of the scar on her left eye which was letting out blue and white light her teeth were also in there razor form and her good eye looked very confused as if she was having trouble focusing. She looked down seeing that her pendent was back in place she leaned closer speaking softly. “Asuka can you hear me?” She watched as the blue eye tried to focus on her but it was clear the other woman was really struggling which really bothered her. “You remember me right?” Asuka’s hand suddenly shot up grabbing her shirt as she started to gain some form of focus and she spoke weakly. “Where am I?” Rei looked at her for a long moment. “You’re inside 02’s entry plug you got sucked in to the core, do you remember anything?” Asuka blinked as Rei’s face finally came back in to focus and the gears in her brain started turning very slowly. “Vaguely…”

Rei breathed in deeply she was getting really concerned now. “Do you remember me Asuka?” Asuka looked at her. “Please like I could ever forget a divine goddess, like you Rei.” She groaned. “Please tell me Bardiel’s not in my head anymore because the though of him watching us kiss or anything else makes my skin crawl.” Rei laughed leaning closer to her. “You got him out, you eat him.” She looked up seeing the light fade in the other woman’s left eye as it went back to its pulsing blue pattern state and her teeth returned to normal. “It’s all over the world news.” Asuka tried to get up only to find she couldn’t it wasn’t weakness or even tiredness she just felt so disoriented. It was mentality taking her a long time to tie events together in her mind and her body just wouldn’t move the way she wanted it to. “Yeah I remember that now tasted like badly burnt brisket.” Rei moved her hand to her face. “I don’t know what that tastes like but what I will tell you that eating his S² Engine wasn’t pleasant I wanted to throw up.” Asuka felt her eyes dart, now she was really confused this sucked so much. Her brain just wasn’t putting the pieces together fast enough and it was really frustrating. Rei was about to say something only for Mari to poke her head around the corner a wide grin appearing as she spoke. “Oh look my little sister has finally comes back to join us!”

Rei looked up watching as she came inside closely followed by Shinji. “Don’t shout, I think she’s a little disorientated, though she did recognise me.” Mari slowly kneeled down next to Asuka instantly seeing what she was talking about her younger sister just wasn’t quite with it she could see it in her good eye. She inched a little closer picking up Asuka’s fallen interface plugs putting them in her pocket as she spoke very softly seeing Rei shift to give her more room. “You had us really worried Asuka, I thought you were going to pick paradise in there over being out here with us.” Asuka looked up knowing her voice sounded weak. “Please I’d miss your four eyed face to much.” Mari didn’t think as she pulled her in a hug knowing that she couldn’t get away or struggle as she just wasn’t firing on all cylinders. “Yeah well I’d miss you being a bratty princess so the feelings mutual.” She kept a tight hold of her. “So tell me did you have fun eating Bardiel because it looked like you were having heaps of fun to us?” Asuka breathed in sharply. “I really don’t remember everything, my heads so messed up right now I feel like shaken playing dice.” Mari gently let her go allowing Rei to move back in her spot. “Well nothing a large bottle of lager won’t cure I’m sure and you know I’m going to buy you one right, you know once we get you back in to your normal clothes?”

Shinji slowly kneeled down next to Asuka feeling a smile form. “Your so dramatic Asuka, you know you had us all really worried for a second.” Asuka laughed as she turned to him. “Says idiot Shinji the guy who I once had to drag kicking and screaming out of his Evangelion’s entry plug because berserk mode had gone to his head.” Shinji smirked knowing that she wasn’t being rude or mean as her tone was very playful. “Yeah well unlike you I didn’t eat two thirds of the angel.” Asuka took in a deep breath. “I was hungry okay and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.” Mari raised her hand. “Yeah I should get a t-shirt printed with the line it seemed like a really good idea at the time and stick it on you. It will look good with the rest of your impassive t-shirt collection you keep in your clothes cupboard with your other wonders like I like you I’ll kill you last.” Asuka looked at her for a long moment. “I’ve never showed you my t-shirt’s how do you know that?” Rei eased up a hand putting it on her face. “You’ve been stuck in the core for some time Asuka a whole night has passed and Shinji and the others all stayed with me around your house.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.” Rei leaned forward gently kissing on the lips. “It doesn’t matter your back now that’s all that counts.” Asuka turned sharply eyeing Mari. “Why were you in my bedroom going through my draws?”

Mari raised her hands. “Before you loose your shit, I was trying to cheer Rei up, because she was fucking miserable with out you, I was trying to humour her by going through all your t-shirt designs.” She looked up slightly. “Because I gathered you’d want me to take care of her since you weren’t around.” Asuka felt a smile form as she eyed her older sister. “Thank you Mari.” Mari blinked in surprise she had been expecting some dry annoyed comment in return not that. Shinji moved closer. “Want us to give you a hand to stand up Asuka?” Asuka looked at him for a long moment her younger self would have said no but she was okay with this she knew she wasn’t really in a fit state to walk herself. “Please help me up.” Shinji moved over easing her up on to her feet watching as Mari took her other arm as Rei smiled stepping out of the entry plug. They slowly moved forward out on to the platform helping Asuka who really was taking this slow he watched as the entire dock erupted in cheered and clapping much to Asuka’s surprise. Mari eyed her little sister who clearly had no idea of what to make of this. “Welcome back highness looks like everyone’s happy to see your return from up on high.” She leaned over keeping her voice low. “And you thought no body liked you and hated your guts some time back.” Hayden moved towards Asuka smirking as she looked so utterly confused now. “Well, well look who has finally joined us.”

He watched as she looked away as he raised his hands. “Hey I’m not going to have a go at you, I know our last chat wasn’t that great a couple of years ago I called you a selfish, cheating, little shit.” Asuka looked down slightly. “I’m really sorry…I cheated in the card game you had every right to be angry with me.” She breathed in deeply. “I stacked the deck in my favour and gave you the poor cards.” She looked up ignoring his surprise. “I’ll get you a new season ticket and a back stage pass.” Hayden moved a step closer. “No that’s not necessary I went there the year after and it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be but I have heard a rumour that you make motorbikes from scratch and you can mod engines to make them even better.” Rei turned to him. “She can believe me.” Hayden looked at Asuka. “My Harley Davidson cruising motorbike is not that great, so how’s about you customize it for me and we’ll call it even?” He paused before speaking. “Once your back on your feet and you’re fully rested that is.” Asuka looked up. “I can do that.” Hayden moved forward putting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s a deal then.” He turned seeing that Misato, Kaji and Maya were down bellow along with Toji and Kaworu. “We’ll bring her down to you! She’s a little unsteady on her feet and she might struggle with the ladder.”

He made the signal watching as a women workers bellow pressed the machine bringing the walkway back down slowly to the ground so that it connecting with the main lower walkway. Misato watched as Mari and Shinji brought Asuka towards them while Rei stayed in front a big smile on her face. She moved forward so she was close to Asuka who looked very tired. “You know you had us all really worried there we thought you might choose to stay in core because you didn’t like it out here.” Asuka looked up a sly smile forming. “No it’s not like they have an LGBT magazine in there for me to read when I’m bored.” She paused. “They don’t do decent coffee ether.” She looked up as she turned serious. “Rei’s is also out here not in there and so is my big sister along with all the other people I care about.” She turned realizing for the first time that Rei was wearing her leather jacket she hadn’t noticed it until now. Kaji felt a smile form. “Well we are glad you had plenty of reasons to come back.” Asuka looked up speaking in a half playful tone. “Yeah well it’s nice to know that you’d all miss my award winning personality.” Maya laughed eyeing her. “Yes we all would.” Mari smirked as she ruffled Asuka’s red hair with the other hand. “Come on little sister lets get you, showered, dressed and changed.”

She turned to the others. “You guys can chat to her once she rested plus her memories are a little foggy and she needs to see the news reports.” Maya moved forward. “How are you foggy Asuka?” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I don’t remember much after eating Bardiel it’s really hazy and please don’t ask me what happened in the core, I just don’t remember. Right now all I can say is that despite being sucked in there I feel much better than I felt before and I really don’t know why.” She felt her eyes dart. “I know it’s not just that I got Bardiel out, it’s something more but I just can’t remember what it was.” Maya put a hand on her shoulder. “Maybe something we can talk about when you’re much more rested perhaps?” Asuka looked up. “Yeah another time maybe…” Shinji looked up. “Hey Asuka I know you don’t remember everything but you might want to see Rei’s unit now because it’s very similar to yours.” Mari smirked as she helped turn Asuka so she could see 00. “That’s putting it fucking mildly your girlfriends unit has the same jaw type just with slightly different teeth and even body build though its muscles are much leaner and the tails very different in that like me she only has one.”

She smirked. “And it’s got this fucking wicked cutting blade at the end of the tail which cut through that AT field of yours like butter.” Asuka turned staring at 00 feeling the confusion wash over her as she eyed 00 granted there crests were very different but she could see just what Mari was getting at same jaw type and body build and lycanthrope like walking ability much like hers and she could see the massive tail with its huge cutting blade which was being brought up out of the bloody water by the workers. “Heilige Scheiße.” Rei folded her arms giving her a smile. “I was inspired what can I say.” Asuka blinked as she turned to her. “How?” Rei raised an eyebrow. “I had 00 eat Bardiel’s S² Engine which you threw out when you were eating him.” Asuka felt a wide toothy smile form. “Yeah well wasn’t like I was going to eat it anyway I just knew I didn’t need it.” Shinji turned looking at Asuka. “Should see her angry look to she’s got red glowing eyes like me but her teeth are very similar to yours.” Asuka eased up her hand as best she could. “Please I want the full recording of that!” Mari eyed her. “You can later.”

She turned to Shinji. “Come on give me a hand getting her back to the wreck room, I mean they’ve fixed it now but it’ll take them a week to redo the glass up both corridors.” Asuka took in a deep breath looking down slightly. “Why am I cursed to remember that along with blowing out two levels of the Arcades zones glass, I mean he cut off his voice again so I couldn’t hear but I could see it all? It just feels like more that I can add to the long list of things I’ve broken in these past few weeks.” Rei moved towards her putting a hand on her face very gently. “It’s just wood, metal and glass Asuka it can all be replaced, you on the other hand can’t.” She leaned closer. “Also now that your back I’m dying for you tell me all about those images you drew of me on your computer, because Anneberg was showing me them while you were away.” She paused speaking in a silky soft voice. “Because I saw them all including the ones in your school sketch book, it was really fascinating.” Mari turned seeing the blush as it started to creep in to Asuka’s cheeks. “Oh really so did she draw images of you when you were naked?”

Asuka narrowed her gaze watching as Rei took in a deep breath shaking her head. “Shut up four eyes, I would never do that.” Shinji took in a deep breath. “Seriously you can carry on this conversation back in the wreck room.” Mari eyed Asuka. “He has a point.” Misato watched as they started to move Asuka away she turned to Kaji. “She going to remember soon enough and realize that she created two lances.” Kaji pulled a disc out of his pocket passing it to her as they walked in to Misato’s office along with Maya who closed the door behind them. “This just got sent directly to you from Seele, I got one as well and so did Maya. Asuka did not create two Lances of Longinus she created two Spears Of Destiny they are very different but more over they are weapons of creations rather than destruction and they are the equal and parallel opposite to the lances.” He breathed in deeply. “I think you had a good point about the destroyer of worlds having something to come back for.” He paused before speaking. “Seele want her to learn to use those Spears and I feel as soon as she’s well enough there going to be forced back in to her hands whether she wants them or not.”

Misato breathed in putting the disc away. “It makes no sense there are two Lances of Longinus and she was there forma keeper one is missing the other is useless unless she breathes life in to it and now she creates two new ones.” She shook her head. “I think this is all that other Rei’s doing she’s clearly a god, she said that our Rei was like her but she changed her giving her a normal life and that Asuka made a deal with her though we will never know what the deal was or even if it’s been for filled.” Kaji leaned against the wall watching as Maya listened quietly. “You’re worried you think that maybe Rei and Asuka are her pawns in a much bigger game.” Misato nodded calmly. “She’s clearly against the angels but that doesn’t mean she’s on our side and since all we have are fifty painted digital images which show the rise and fall of 02 and our Rei and nothing beyond that we have nothing to go on and we have no clue about what our Rei and Asuka went though in there forma human instrumentality before they were both swept up by this goddess and sent on to be reborn.” She folded her arms. “I think she has massive plans for those two and we are going to get pulled along regardless.”

Maya raised her hand. “Personally I’d just rather that she’s on our side but I’ve heard Gendo doesn’t like her but he won’t say why only that he prefers his daughter over her. Granted it’s not much of a compliment from him but it’s weird that he’d ever talk about it, it’s like he’s nervous.” Misato shook her head. “Also now Bardiel is dead it will probably be a year or more before another angel show’s up and we have to somehow work on something to stop them getting in the pilots minds first Shamshel and now Bardiel and he spoke of another brother who is far worse named Arael.” Maya looked up. “Well I can work on something but it will have to be something that dims the attack but doesn’t stop it, like they can get in but with out the emotional feeling. I doubt after them seeing Bardiel get eaten that they’ll try it this way again and they might be scared of the Spears of Destiny as well.” She pushed her hair back. “My team also believes that though Bardiel died his soul accessed and he used Asuka to accomplish his final goal that was what the blue and white creature was leaving in that strange void was all about, though were he went we will never ever know.”

She breathed in deeply. “We could have never foreseen that this was his final goal but it says a lot about the state of Adam’s children, for one to break free and ascend it means the command structure is breaking down and they all may no longer want to play along and they want out which also means that some may not even choose to come at all. It also makes me wonder as the Rei who is a god said she is from our worlds first cycle and that she is a traveller. So she could have passed though many places and even others parallel worlds before coming back to our world and she could be beyond ancient and it was our Rei that gave up her god hood to her making her even more powerful.” Kaji breathed in deeply. “Yeah you know I find that whole concept depressing I mean this world must have been a wreck if both Asuka and Rei were so happy to destroy it and start over, makes me wonder just what happened.” Misato took in a deep breath. “I’m really not sure I want to find out personally, since I prefer our world over what ever caused that fucking train wreck and I don’t think it was just Asuka getting permanently crippled in the right leg and loosing her whole left eye, I think there was way more going on that we just don’t know about.”

8

Keel looked up the red light flashing across his visor. “Did you find it!?” Hikari folded her arms eyeing Keel who was seated with five monoliths behind him all with their glowing red Ouroboros symbols and numbers one to five on each. “No, we fucking didn’t!” Kensuke pushed up his silver framed glasses. “The Lance wasn’t where you said Nerv ditched it! Some asshole took it and we did not enjoy combing the bottom of the dead zone trying to find it plus we had to submerge Bukavac because Asuka picked her moment to show up and fight Bardiel right above us.” Hikari eyed her lover. “You mean picked her moment to fucking cannibalize him.” Kensuke folded his arms. “Your ex is fucking messed up I mean she eat him while he was alive.” Hikari eyed him feeling her teeth grind together. “She is not my ex Kensuke we talked about this!” Kensuke moved speaking softer as he put a hand on her shoulder. “Who cares what she is, she’s a bitch and I’m going to rip out her stomach when we meet again for what she did to you, she put you in the hospital wing over night.” Keel breathed in deeply. “Clearly one of our rivals took it.” 

Ouroboros one spoke her cold female voice echoing through the room. “Ankh perhaps Cerberus would never take it, it has no value to them, there more interested in the creation on of anti AT field weapons and they have never been successful from what I’ve heard. Its why they’ve never brought there full power to order because it would be a blood bath though we have heard that they have created a new faster and much better vertical wing which they had those rich foolish twins test for them and our spies are telling us that they are now building them on mass because they still saw the outcome as a huge success.” Keel took in another deep breath. “I do not fear there meagre efforts, I do how ever fear Ankh because they have vast power at there disposal and we have never found there base. Granted we killed the founder Langley many years ago but cutting of the snakes head did nothing the body carried on thrashing around and it re-grew two heads just like a hydra.” Ouroboros two spoke in a dark even male voice. “Ankh could destroy us if they ever find a way to create Evangelion’s, because then we’ll have Nerv on one side and them on the other. It would be even worse if they joined together.”

Keel turned slightly. “That will not happen believe me and there are so many reasons as to why not.” He paused before speaking. “No our creations can crush Nerv and any half breed Evangelion Ankh creates, we have created the ultimate gods our Archangels will bring order to this world!” Ouroboros three spoke her voice full of concern. “Three of the six Evangelion’s have transcended they have taken on there primal inhuman forms and the German girl created two Spears of Destiny, they could hurt our creations badly!” Keen sat back. “Its still a miner point, do you really believe the German girl can use them to rekindle life? I doubt it she is a destroyer of worlds that is her purpose! It’s why human instrumentality kicks her out in every cycle she effects heaven and turns in to hell for others because she sets them free. Its how she became a destroyer in the first place because she repeated it over and over until the time came when she had so much power than the two Lance’s of Longinus, turned away from Shinji and began to seek her out, as he was becoming more balanced in every cycle and she was becoming more unhinged, the lances choose there owner not the other way around.”

He breathed in deeply. “No Asuka will never be the creator she will do what she is made for, she will destroy and Rei Ayanami won’t change that and she gave up any real power she ever had when she made the choice to throw away her godhood to become normal flesh and blood just like Kaworu who betrayed us all in the last cycle and again when his soul was inside human instrumentality as he asked only to remember Shinji and in returned he also wanted to loose all memories of the past cycles. The goddess Rei the traveller granted his wish and we could do nothing to stop it, she basically took away our prize and made him a sickly human being and useless to us.” He breathed in deeply. “No our aim should be to get the two Lances Of Longinus and when the right time comes give them back to the destroyer of worlds so she can finish what she started and destroy this world for us its just this time we won’t allow that Rei goddess to interferer again and it will reset the clock again and return everything back to how it was when we are not spilt but thirteen again and we have full control over this world.” Ouroboros two spoke again. “You can not guarantee that plus none of know what happened to our forma thirtieth member Seele believe they faded out and died and though we believe the same it does not mean they will return when we reset this world.” Keel put his hands together. “Regardless it’s a risk we have to take.”

End of part 67

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kensuke and Hikari in this universe, do in fact have a healthy relationship despite being villains I did this as I’m little bored of the trope that all villains have abusive relationships and as I kid I was a big TMNT fan and one thing I really liked was that Rocksteady and Bebop were always solid friends no matter what happened to them.
> 
> I confess I had a real debate over Asuka returning as in the stories first draft she was going to come back naked much like Shinji did in the manga and anime but I felt this would really take away from the scene and might be seen as fan service when it’s not hence why it was changed to wearing her plug suite. Also it kind of means Rei gets to look after her in a deeply personally way like helping her shower and redress which brings it full circle as that was the moment in the beginning of the story where they started to connect.
> 
> Yes Asuka owns a t-shirt that says “I like you I’ll kill you last.” Because that t-shirt really exists and I could really envision her wearing it.
> 
> Heilige Scheiße - Holy shit


	68. Chapter 68

_WORLDS AWAY FROM HOW IT USED TO BE_

 

Rei moved over helping Asuka in to her wreck room chair, she was really struggling she had already sent Mari of to get her something to eat because she was sure that, that was the problem. She had helped her shower and redress and her plug suite and interface clips had been taken away because Maya's had said that the science division wanted to look it over though Asuka has outright refused to give up her pendent. She moved over to her gently easing off the leather jacket. "You should have this back." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Before you give it back maybe you should look in the inner left hidden pocket there's something in there just for you, I brought it the day I was taken over by Bardiel I was going to give it to you." Rei blinked in confusion the whole time she had been wearing this jacket she hadn't paid much attention to the inner pockets. Granted she knew the digital scroll was in the right pocket out of sight but she had never looked in the left one as she thought that Asuka never kept anything in there along with the main pockets because her phone was kept in a leather holder on her belt and her wallet was always in her jeans.

When she'd gone in to the smashed wreck room she'd found her t-shirt, trousers, socks underwear and bra and shoes scattered around the pace. It had been the first place to be repaired as the work man and women had spent all night getting it back up and that included fixing Asuka broken glass case for her plug suite. They'd also kindly thrown out her old towel and old dented locker and fixed the door and got all of the power back on permanently. It would take them another three days to refit all the glass up both corridors, but the damage in the Arcade's two levels leading up the bay would take much longer it would probably be a week long job. Though the businesses in the Arcade could now at least open again as the glass had been cleaned up but they had to all have there metal blinds down in the front windows. Rei breathed in putting her hand in the right pocket feeling a little box she eased it out she looked at curiously as she placed the jacket on Asuka's chair before slowly opening the little box seeing a shining pendent appeared which consisted of three interlocking white gold triangle's all combined which was on a semi thick woven white gold and blue necklace she eased it out staring at it.

Asuka looked at Shinji who was giving his younger sister a smile. "Shinji said you prefer silver and white gold to normal gold and we are only allowed to wear pendants in the entry plug nothing else is allowed so it seemed fitting." She breathed in before speaking. "It's just something for you to wear you know so you know I'm thinking about you." She looked up slightly. "The pendent is called Valknut or Odin's knot as it was said that Odin gave up an eye and sacrificed himself up on the tree of the world to gain understanding. It's the most powerful of all the Viking symbols in my view as it symbolizes wisdom, strength and sacrifice." She paused looking at her hands feeling slightly nervous about her next words she could see Shinji, Toji and Kaworu were now hanging on her every word. "I thought that maybe you'd like to move in with me." She took in a sharp breath as she found herself fidgeting a little in her chair. "I know it's really sudden, I know you might not be ready and maybe I'm asking too much but after everything that's happened I never want you away from me ever again."

Rei looked up about to say something only for Mari to come flying in through the double doors she spoke smirking. "I got food for everyone I know you're all hungry because you didn't eat much over lunch!" She paused looking up realizing that some thing big was happening and she could see it as Toji giving her the gesture to be quite she turned seeing that Rei was looking at a very charming necklace and pendent while Asuka just looked really nervous. Rei breathed in deeply seeing Asuka left eye suddenly ignite in blue and white light as it always did when she struggled with extreme emotions. She felt a smile form Anneberg had told her about this already but it took away none of the surprise because she still hadn't expected her to ask right away she'd expected her to wait for a while but clearly something had changed or more to the point Asuka herself had changed. She put the box down looking at the necklace. "This is really beautiful." She moved a step closer slowly kneeling down in front of Asuka. "Maybe you'd like to help me put it on?"

Asuka breathed in deeply slowly easing up the necklace undoing the clip and putting it around the younger woman's neck, she was so nervous right now and she knew it was really showing because her left eye sometimes betrayed her emotions as it was so warm which meant it had ignited. She took in a deep breath taking hold of Rei's hands very gently. "I'm glad you like it." Rei felt her smile widen. "You know I think I would enjoy moving in with you, I mean like I've always said I like your house better than mine and I wasn't happy there anyway." She stood up slightly giving her a long slow kiss ignoring Mari's wolf whistle and Toji's and the others clapping before pulling away. "Just kept getting harassed by Shigeo anyway I'll be glad to see the back of him." Toji raised his hand watching as Asuka eye returned to normal. "Yeah not to ruin the moment but I heard that he is dead, he had an accident out in Naples he was there on business and got churned up in the boats propeller." Rei stood up keeping one hand in Asuka's. "Really?" Toji nodded. "Yeah not that it would effect your discussion any but I just thought you should know because I heard from Shinji that he's an annoying chicken shit bastard who doesn't get what the word no means."

He leaned back slightly. "Personally I think he was probably murdered, because people who don't get what the word no means when it comes to relationships always end up pissing some one off bigger than them selves and pay the price big time." Rei moved slowly sitting herself on Asuka's lap feeling her other arm wrap around her waist. "Is it wrong that I don't feel bad about hearing this?" Shinji shook his head. "No I hated that guy to and I swear that he started acting really weird when you got together with Asuka he kept calling me asking me for your mobile number and asking were Asuka's house was." Kaworu breathed in deeply. "He seemed rude and misguided and it was most annoying us getting his calls." Asuka felt a slight sneer form on her lips. "Yeah well my house rule is if you're not ficken welcome and you entered by force I'll shoot you, I already knee capped one idiot stalker who broke in some years back." She looked up slightly. "So if he had sent his thugs out to hurt me I'd have shot them first." She breathed in sharply. "Because seriously that's what it sounds like he was going to do, why else would he want to know where my house was?" Mari moved putting the food on the central table. "I agree it sounds like he took offence to you Asuka because you got the girl and he didn't."

Rei turned watching as Mari started to hand out food. "No I pursued Asuka, not the other way around." Mari passed Asuka some roasted chicken. "Hear that Asuka your Rei's prize." Asuka rolled her eyes taking her food which smelt so good. "Yeah well she's right as I already told you I didn't pursue her because I was afraid, so sue me." Mari turned passing Shinji some Chinese take away along with Kaworu then turned handing some roasted chicken to Toji which had a special Chinese seasoning and was very red colour. "So I'm guessing you'll be next to move in together?" Shinji turned away smiling. "Perhaps." Kaworu moved putting an arm around him. "There's no rush we can take our time, plus like your sister I feel that maybe the house your need to find is a house that speaks to you before you move out." Shinji looked up. "Yeah well I have been thinking about it." He felt a nervous smile form. "Maybe I could visit your home tonight because it's normally always the other way around." Kaworu gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "What ever you desire." Mari picked up some food moving it towards Rei who stood up then sat on Asuka sofa chair opposite her. "I got you some Chinese fried sea food and noodles and other stuff, "I heard you can eat that along with vegetables and dairy but you don't eat red meat."

Rei took the food from her hands. "Yes that's correct, thank you." Mari moved grabbing her own food which was chicken sitting on her sofa chair. "Well I'm not moving I like my apartment." Toji started eating. "Yeah same here plus Sakura likes the place." Mari looked up as Misato Kaji entered the room followed by Maya who gave everyone a smile as she spoke. "Nice to see you're all finally eating." She turned to Asuka pulling out a little bottle from her lab coat pocket. "Asuka you need to take these pills two a day for the next three days." Rei took them from her hand. "What are they?" Maya looked at her. "Asuka's blood is showing that her white blood cell count is lower than it should be, we think it's an after effect of Bardiel because he was causing strain on her bodies system we've only just checked the read outs from when she came back." Misato looked up watching as Asuka took the bottle from Rei's hand turning it between her fingers. "We want you to take at least two days off Asuka and just rest up and recuperate."

She paused before speaking. "Rei can take the time off with you." Kaji looked at Asuka. "Also once you return, you will have to appear with me at a formal press conference, I know you hate these things but the world needs to hear about what you did and how you created the spears." Asuka looked up sharply. "Spears?" Rei eased up her hand. "I'll talk with her about that, please just leave it to me." Asuka turned sharply. "What spears are you talking about!?" Rei turned to her. "You really don't remember?" Asuka put the pills down. "Like I said after I eat Bardiel its gets really fuzzy." Mari raised her hands. "How is it you remember eating him but not turning the two thirds of him you eat in to two massive fucking separate spears?" Asuka put her food down grabbing her jacket as she pulled her digital scroll out opening it. "Wait a second…" She flicked through the images finding the very last one she had drawn as she turned it so Kaji could see it. "Do they look like this?"

Kaji blinked seeing the utter shock appear in Misato's face along with Maya's. "Yeah this is them." Asuka breathed in eyeing the painted images of the two crossed over red spears with gold and silver sections near the spear points. "I remember drawing this but I had no idea why I was even drawing it I remember now, I couldn't remember before because Bardiel was messing with my brain and blocking certain thoughts." She eyed the image. "There not Lances of Longinus, there Spears of Destiny Bardiel and made me draw them." She eyed the image. "I have no idea what there for or even what they do I just know that he said I should be there creator." Maya leaned over. "Can you copy this image to the Nerv cloud? Its just I want to look this over." Asuka looked up slightly. "Yeah sure." Kaji looked at the sketch. "When your rested and feeling better we will go over it with you, now you need to work on just getting better."

Asuka looked at him for a long moment as finishing the digital download before closing her digital scroll truth was she could still feel the fatigue and maybe it was better to not bother to piece anything together right now and just sleep it off. It wasn't like she had Bardiel swimming around in her mind anymore and she was so grateful for that. It was such a massive relief to hear her own mind talk and not feel him hanging out and listening to her every thought and word. "I'm okay with that maybe a few days away would be good for me." Maya blinked okay that was a surprise normally when Asuka heard the words time off she didn't like it but she wasn't even fighting this she was just going along with it, maybe it was Rei being there with her. Asuka looked up. "Could I send a formal apology to all of those employees who I terrified when Bardiel took over me, because I remember breaking the glass to so many room and business windows?" Rei looked up as she finished her food. "That wasn't you Asuka it was Bardiel." Asuka looked up slightly. "Yeah but I'm the one they saw." Misato looked up. "That's already been cleaned up Asuka, everyone knows it wasn't you."

She moved over putting a hand on her shoulder. "We told everyone the truth after what happened in Antarctica, they were very sympathetic they already knew that you had been through a lot but they just had no idea that he was stuck in your brain and they didn't see you as the aggressor but the victim." She paused pulling out the graphic novel from her bag passing it to her. "Speaking of which, we gave you this the day it happened and you dropped it, I wanted to return it to you." Asuka smiled flicking through pages. "I forgot about this." Misato eased her hand in to her pocket easing out the black eye patch. "Oh yeah and this as well because we know you don't mind people you trust seeing that glowing eye but it's not for everyone to see and Rei told me that she has your phone which you might need if you want to talk to Anneberg again as he's been missing you." Asuka smiled taking the patch from her hand. "Thank you." Misato moved away from her. "Also I have not forgotten about your house warming or you and the others visiting." Asuka felt a sly smile form. "You know maybe you could change the date of that house warming." Misato blinked in confusion. "Why?" Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Because Rei's moving in to my home, so it might be better once all of her stuff is at my home then it will be more for both of us."

Kaji moved forward. "Yeah we can do that and your right it is more fitting." Maya breathed in deeply that was such a shock she had never expected Asuka to ever get this far, granted she knew Rei would always visit her but she never thought that she would ask her to move in. Mari raised her hand. "You know since my little sisters having this moving in party with Rei does that mean I get a day when I can have cocktails?" Maya eyed her. "No it doesn't what part of no cocktails for three months, don't you get?" Mari eyed her trying again speaking in a lower more seductive tone. "Oh come on please Maya you know you want to, because you like me and all that and I like you." Maya shook her head seriously she had never had to deal with this from Asuka, granted Asuka could be difficult but she had never ever stroked her ego to get what she wanted. "No Mari and quit trying." Asuka eyed Mari who breathed in she knew she would probably not give up she never did. Kaji felt a smile form. "We'll leave you guys to eat we have a lot of paper work to get through." He raised his hand. "In fact you can all take two days off with Asuka if you want as well because it will take us that long to sort this all out."

He turned to Asuka. "Also before I came up here, I called your grandmother over in Germany, to say that we got you out of the core and the world media press will hear the same tonight." He put his hands in his pockets. "Your grandmother wants you to call her as soon as you get back home she set up a private encrypted line." Asuka nodded calmly. "I'll do that." She breathed in deeply before looking up. "Thank you for everything." Kaji felt his smile widen. "You're very welcome." He moved pushing her food back in front of her. "Now finish up and remember not to take alcohol with your medication, I've had that medication myself it's not fun but it helps." He turned easing up his hand to the others. "Back in two days okay?" He watched as they all nodded as he moved towards the double doors opening them so the others could leave. Shinji watched as they all vanished from sight. "Two days off doesn't sound bad might finally complete that canvas I'm working on." Mari eyed Asuka who had started eating again and clearly something in her stomach had kicked her brain because she was starting to eat fast and the colours in her left eye were starting to pulse. "Hey do think me and Maya?" Asuka eyed her. "We are not having this conversation, four eyes." Mari raised her hand. "Oh come on princess don't be such a spoil sport!" Asuka shook her head. "As a rule I don't sleep with my therapist."

Mari ignored Toji who was smirking. "She's not a therapist she's a medical doctor who also works with the Evangelion's and the science division." She felt a coy smile form. "Plus you must have kissed her at least once I mean from what I've heard you've been friends for years." Asuka picked up a chicken bone looking at it. "No I haven't how many people do I have to tell this to we have never slept together we have always just been friends." Mari put her hands together. "Oh I see forbidden fruit you don't sleep with Nerv staff." Asuka eyed her. "Hardly, I've slept with Nerv staff before but that was years ago back when I was nineteen and it was always casual." Rei put her hands together folding her legs as she lay back on Asuka's sofa chair. "I think we've all slept with Nerv staff at one point or another." Toji eased up his hand. "I haven't I thought we weren't meant to, Ritsuko told me so." Kaworu looked up. "Ignore her I've slept with a few of the male staff here." Shinji put his hands together. "Same here though I slept with female staff, its not forbidden." Mari eyed him. "Yeah but I heard we weren't allowed near the superiors?" Shinji leaned back. "No it only applies to Misato because she's giving us orders it doesn't apply to Kaji, Maya or Shigeru." He felt a smile form. "So if you're interested in Maya you can pursue her."

Asuka pushed her empty box of food away realizing that she'd just put away half a roasted chicken. "Don't give my sister ideas she'll get delusions of grandeur." Mari turned eyeing her. "Oh that's rich coming from you." Asuka lay back in her sofa chair. "Yeah and look where that ego got me?" Mari smirked. "Yeah it got you Rei, I wish I could have been there to see you two in school." She watched as Asuka looked down saying nothing much to her surprise. Rei turned seeing something in Asuka's face it wasn't sadness or even guilt it was more like she trying to put something together in her mind. "Well she nearly threw up all over me once, we were in the back of Misato's car and it was like some really awful roller coaster ride." She paused looking at Asuka being a little uncertain of her response because she didn't normally like this topic. "Didn't you eat a whole meat feast pizza that day?" Shinji eased up his hand. "Yeah I remember that day we had just come back from the beach Misato had this massive beach barbecue." Asuka felt a smile form. "Yeah I did I even called a car the vomit comet afterwards which she hated."

Shinji leaned over he could sort of see Kaworu doing the same because normally when this topic came up even if it was nice memories Asuka normally became cagey but she acting the complete opposite right now in that she was being very relaxed about the subject. What had happened in side the core, because this was so strange? Asuka suddenly started to laugh as a memory flashed across her mind. "Yeah I was so angry over the fact that she made me loose my lunch that day that I painted vomit comet next to her cars special garage space at Nerv on the wall in big bold white letters she was so ficken pissed." Rei blinked in shock. "So that was you." She raised her hand. "We all suspected it was, because the person who did it broke the camera." Asuka felt her smile widen. "Yeah I broke the camera, because that's my speciality breaking Nerv cameras." Mari leaned forward. "How many cameras have you broken in total just out of curiosity?"

Asuka pushed her hair back. "Probably over a hundred if I was count the one a purposely broke before I went to sleep in the lift that time but to be fair I broke the first lot because I was doing bad things and trying to hide them. The more recent ones it was more the desire that I didn't want to be watched because my depression was showing through and I thought if they saw it Ritsuko would be hot on my tail since we don't get along." Rei leaned over putting a hand on Asuka's. "Well it's not like she or the world press and media can ever put your abilities in to question again since you killed an angel all on your own." Asuka shook her head. "Personally I don't care about that part I mean it's not all that important to me I'm just happy that I can do my job again with out having Bardiel speaking in my head." Rei looked up. "Yeah but Misato has made clear to me that once they dragged you back out of the core, that its no longer going to be your only job to deal with war she wants you doing different things and besides that's why your sister and Toji were brought in to take the strain off you hence you can go out with me instead." Asuka looked up slightly. "Well I'll be interested to see where she sends me with you."

8

Mana eyed the single pure white stone monolith in the light filled room which matched that any Greek temple with white stone pillars and its huge Greek statue of Hades which stood behind it she watched as the glowing green three headed roaring dog logo appeared as the monolith spoke calmly. "What happened in the US was most unfortunate but it was not a complete loss as one of the scientists came to us willingly and she is being treated very well." Mana breathed in deeply pushing her medium length brown hair back she hated to be bringer of bad news not because she feared the being in the room but because she didn't like it when they weren't winning. "We were unable to get the part of Bardiel's genes you wanted and sadly our men and women died trying we were not the only ones there that day there was a blood bath of a fight going on under the dead zones red sea and all for Bardiel's tongue. I'm sorry that recently we have not been having the luck we desire and I will try harder." The monolith spoke again but in a soft voice. "Do not blame yourself Mana I would not see you loose heart over this it is just the way of the world but there will be other battles and we will see more victories very soon."

There was a long pause before the Monolith spoke again. "We have just tested the first anti AT weapons and they have been very successful, but there's much more." Mana looked up her light blue eyes darting. "Really?" The monolith spoke the intrigue in its light tone. "The group we sent to Mars has uncovered something but it will be some time before they get it back to earth but as we speak they are coming home." Mana turned as an image was brought up on the hologram screen opposite of the astronauts uncovering the base of a massive lance. "Is this the Lance of Longinus the missing one?" The monolith spoke again. "It would appear so, it would seem that Asuka went to great length to get rid of it, she threw it to Mars the planet of Ares and we know it's hers. Because rumour has it, it predates Lilith by four thousand years like its counterpart which Nerv threw away which was from the same time frame from what our spies tell us. Though we have no idea which faction has it now." Mana put her hands behind out back. "This puts us all in a very difficult situation and I know as much as you hate Nerv I know you hate Ouroboros and Ankh more."

The Monolith spoke once again with out anger. "Yes it does, I think no Evangelion should exist as humanity should be allowed to choose with out living gods but I feel that this lance must not return to Asuka's hand and we must find a way to destroy it. She clearly doesn't want it back or the other one, we all thought that was why she was returning to Antarctica to call them back to her but instead she created two spears of destiny." There was a long pause. "No one wants the final impact not even Asuka herself if she did she would have completed it with spears of destiny which have to be ascended to gain there power but its very clear that she wanted it to stop." Mana looked up. "Might it be prudent then to somehow gain Asuka's favour?" She paused adjusting her white shirt. "We can never side with Nerv but maybe if we help the second child it might be to our favour as she might find a way to destroy both lances because once there destroyed the spears can protect this world for as long as it endures."

The monolith spoke again. "From this day forth we will no longer attack the first child or second child the others are of no consequences but attacking Asuka's lover would not be prudent in any way and I have no wish to anger the forma destroyer of worlds anymore. We only attacked her before as we wanted her to regain her strength and Nerv made it easy for us as they sent her to do there bloody dirty work and unlike the pilots she much more warrior than diplomat now." Mana looked up. "Your actions will confuse Nerv and Ouroboros as well as Ankh." The monolith spoke again. "I care nothing for there confusion, I created this organization because I saw the chaos human instrumentality caused I am Seele's and Ouroboros's missing piece. They believed that I died that I never came back. No I came back after Asuka woke me up in instrumentality and made me see the errors with in myself. She gave me freedom from torture because I begged for her forgiveness and mercy and she let me go I saw that it was our fault we drove her to behave the way she did we turned an already broken teenager in to a psychotic monster by pushing her to breaking point by treating her as worthless and expendable."

The monolith breathed in deeply and sadly. "Yet this so called monster still showed me compassion because somewhere deep down there was a fine shred of her humanity still intact but it was buried under the pain, rage and hurt. Though she was the first one to leave thousands of us followed her out after she spoke to the goddess on the beach and reset the clock because of her we can all swim in the red sea, that is her gift to us. Humanity is not meant to linked in, instrumentality we should have free choices and false gods should no longer be made to shift the worlds balance rebirth should be normal and with out force." There was another long pause. "I believe as long as the Evangelion's only hold the two spears of destiny that they can remain but so as long as the lances exist there is no end to the suffering they'll bring this world."

The soft voice spoke again. "I also believe that Nerv and Seele six purposely ensured that Asuka was down trodden because they were trying to make sure that she would never rise and gain power but it's not panned out in their favour. You can't treat a destroyer of worlds as throw away all they did was prolong her power and it didn't work because Rei screwed it up for them because they never expected the change in sexuality in both her and Asuka as they both redefined themselves in this world becoming who they wanted to be." Mana breathed in deeply. "You don't believe a forma destroyer can become a creator though?" The monolith spoke again. "No I don't which is why I feel we are missing something huge but only time will tell what that is." Mana looked at the monolith raising her hand. "Perhaps you should not dwell on it my lover we always make it work for us in the end."

She watched as white light slowly came out of monolith surrounding her in soft light which felt like she was being touched by soft hands as the monolith spoke softly. "You are right we always make it work out and I care not for the rules of Seele or Ouroboros anymore they don't understand how precious love is or the value of kindness and compassion they are both fixated on using humanity as tools and they don't see how precious you are. I was like them once, I lost sight of everything and I tried to rule humanity instead of acting as a guide and I was deeply foolish and it cost me so much." The white light moved stroking her hair. "Keel took you from me in the forma world because I loved you he will not do it a second time." Mana breathed in feeling the red flush in her cheeks as the light started to move through her clothing touching her skin as the monolith spoke again. "There should also not be rules that we can't relationships with you, because we deserve to know love as much as you deserve to receive it." Mana felt her self smile as the feelings became more intense as she found it harder to concentrate as the metal doors behind them slammed shut giving them both privacy. "Please don't stop." The Monolith spoke softy. "What ever you desire just ask and may it be for filled my beautiful star of Thessaly."

End of part 68

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so the thirteenth Seele member did not die but I couldn’t tell you this or make hints about it as it was to bigger a plot point to spoil.
> 
> Now before you all murder me for bringing in Mana, who I realize is a really irritating character in the girlfriend of steal games and the Shinji Ikari rising manga. I’ve given this some thought and in my view she is annoying because she’s basically a romantic prop there to for fill Shinji’s desires but has no real desires of her own. I want to bring her in because I want to fix these issues and really flesh her out and give her own real ark with in this alterative universe. I promise that at no point will she become part of any love triangle as I hate love triangles and have zero interest in writing them plus not be to blunt but she’s making out and sleeping with a demi-god.  
> Mana’s title being the Star Of Thessaly is because her country of origin is Greece as I always felt that she looked Greek and it’s implied that she’s a transfer student just like Asuka and she has this habit of wearing pure white clothing which makes me think of Greek chiton robes.
> 
> The idea of the pendants in this story is they are symbolisms much like the symbolism in the series/manga its just each persons has different meanings and comes from a different cultural perspective yet can have similar meaning despite the different mythologies behind them. 
> 
> Asuka throwing the Lance to Mars is not pure consequence as Mars is the red planet and is meant to symbolize Ares the Greek God of War and Aries the Ram star sign.


	69. Chapter 69

_A SAFE PLACE_ _TO FINALLY CALL HOME_

 

Asuka eased open her locker she was grateful that the old dented school one was gone along with her old towel. She grabbed her gym bag pulling out her gym clothes eyeing them realizing that not only were they ripped at the leg but they had blood stains on them she turned throwing them on the floor, she’d go and buy some new ones. She turned her attention as she started to flick through the books and magazines not thinking as she threw some of the really old battered ones over her shoulder. She had just realized that she hated her locker looking like the inside of a dump because she just hadn’t really been bothered with cleaning it in the past six months. She moved to the higher level throwing out yet another old battered bath towel along with empty shampoo bottles. “Wow cleaning up I see.” Asuka turned sharply seeing that Shinji was standing behind her, she paused throwing out a pair of old battered gym trainers. “Yeah, something along those lines…” Shinji blinked Rei had told him that Asuka’s locker was kind of a mess but he could relate to this because when he’d had depression he’d not really looked after his locker because it had felt like to much of an effort even though it was simple thing. “Can I give you a hand?”

Asuka looked up. “Only if you want to…” Shinji kneeled down. “I’d like to.” Asuka threw another shampoo bottle over her shoulder why had she been hording these things it was crazy? She watched as Shinji threw another empty one out. “Rei has some ideas for shampoo you might like when she comes back you should talk to her, because she said you have these at home as well.” Asuka threw an old soap box out along with old tooth brushes she moved up a section throwing out empty drink cans. “I’ll be happy for any suggestion, not like I can I have any idea what are nice beauty products are anymore.” Shinji threw an empty lager can over his shoulder. “You used to know them all Misato used to come to you to borrow stuff.” Asuka threw another can out as she readjusted her new towel and swimming wear which were hanging up at the back. “Yeah and she’d call me a cheap skate because I always told her to buy her own.” Shinji smiled as she threw out more old empty bottles. “You should come over we’d like your company.” Asuka looked up slightly feeling uncertain as she spoke. “I’ll try to once I’ve rested up.”

Shinji moved putting a hand on her arm ignoring her surprise he felt his smile widen. “I still haven’t thanked you yet.” Asuka looked down slightly. “Yeah about Kaworu it was nothing, I just wanted to help.” Shinji breathed in deeply typical Asuka clearly getting the wrong end of the stick. “No it’s not about that I haven’t thanked you for Rei.” Asuka felt her eyes dart. “I don’t understand.” Shinji looked up meeting her good eye watching as the other’s blue patterns started to pulse. “She’s really happy with you, I’ve never seen her this way before and I realized during that conversation when you broke the vending machine that you were happy for me to be with Kaworu yet I never said to you that I was ever happy with the idea of you being with Rei.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Yeah but I understand your concern in that you might have worried for her safety because my track recovered with you which was awful and I had the Hikari issue hanging over my head.” Shinji looked at her for a long moment. “Yes but I’ve thought long and hard over our school lives and something occurred to me, you had never hit her once. Yes there was the time when you pulled her up against the wall and she slapped you and after that you tried to hug her, a number off times but she shoved you off and after school but you never tried again.”

He looked up slightly. “Maya told me that you can’t stand the thought of hurting her it makes you feel physically sick.” Asuka leaned closer. “That’s no lie I hate the idea I always have because I love her.” She looked down sadly. “I knew that in school but my feelings were confused and became about something else and though I am learning to forgive myself because I’m not that person anymore, I still feel deep regret that I shoved her up against a wall and tried to dominate her.” Shinji leaned closer why was saying that? It so strange because in the here and now he got the impression that Rei had all of the power over Asuka in some respects she could get her to go anywhere and get her to do anything and she responded to it and even enjoyed it. She didn’t even need to shout it could be no more than a gentle whisper and Asuka would follow. He was beginning to get what Rei meant when she said soft touch, it had taken him a while to get it but he understood it now once Asuka’s barriers were down she could be at her most venerable and afraid.

Because in the past that was when she’d been hurt the most and that was where the soft touch came in because she needed to be treated very tenderly and gently and to feel that there was nothing to fear once she knew this she would try new things and shift out of her comfort zone and not lash out. He looked up seeing that she was in deep thought.  “School aside I’m really happy that you’re with her, because you two should be together.” Asuka looked up sharply. “You’re serious?” Shinji felt a wide smile form. “Yes.” Asuka breathed in deeply looking down. “Thank you that means a lot to me, because I knew though I was with her, I wasn’t really sure that you were ever happy with it. I just thought maybe you were putting up with it and just didn’t want to confront me over it because Rei had told you not to.” Shinji shook his head. “No not at all.” He put a gentle hand on her arm. “I think also that she’ll like being in your home, she’s never warmed to her apartment personally I think its because its to small and she’s always been to minimal maybe with you she’ll finally open out more in her desires and wants.”

Asuka breathed in deeply. “Trust I’m going to make sure that happen, I think she has a lot more things she wants she just has issues voicing it because she doesn’t want to burden others.” she looked up meeting his brown eyes directly. “She’s could never burden me, anything she wants she can have she need only ask and it’ll be hers.” Shinji looked at her for long moment. “I know and that’s why she belongs with you, because in her past relationships she felt that she didn’t live up to their expectations and it made her really unhappy, you ask nothing of her and you just want her to be happy.” Asuka shook her head. “Yeah I heard about her past relationships, they pressurised her with sex and when she didn’t deliver they discarded her.” She felt a cold sneer form. “Vile ficken assholes...” Shinji narrowed his gaze. “Yeah I wasn’t that impressed ether hearing that, nether was Kaworu.” He felt a smile form. “But she told us that you never pushed her for anything you let her make the rules and she’s never had that before and it made her really happy.”

Asuka threw the final item out as she looked up. “Yeah but it goes both ways Shinji she’s the first person who kept coming back to me after I pushed her away countless times and she stuck with me through thick and thin there were moments when I was just an utter train wreck and she was there guiding me through it and I know I’m not the easiest of people to deal with.” Shinji raised his hand. “Oh I don’t know I don’t think you’re as difficult as you think.” Asuka stood up fully pulled out magazine of her locker which was hidden closer to the back out of sight only to roll her eyes this was one of her more lame items since it was a lusty magazine probably one of her left over items from her last big clean out she though that she tossed these out after Shamshel. She turned about to throw it only for a hand to come out of know where and grab it as Mari’s voice to hit the air. “Oh what do we have here?” She turned watching as the taller woman flicked through the pages smirking leaning against her own locker putting her foot on it. “I thought you weren’t in to the erotic Asuka.” Asuka felt a sneer form. “Give me that back!”

Mari flicked though stopping at a certain page. “Oh wait now I see why you kept this.” She turned it showing of the artist’s impressions of Asuka with Rei naked and sleeping together granted they weren’t as erotic as the one she had heard about in the wall scroll they were much softer more heavenly. She could see the blush of embarrassment creeping over Asuka’s face. “I don’t like erotic art she says lying through her razor sharp teeth.” Asuka moved closer. “Give it back!” Mari laughed somehow she was enjoying this more than she should. “You had this the whole time.” Asuka tried to grab it only for Mari to pull it away from her. “It’s not what you think I wasn’t getting off on it, I just liked the art!” Mari eyed her. “What did it live up to your fantasy on some level?” Asuka looked up. “Yes it did...” Mari pulled up the magazine ignoring Shinji who was just shaking his head. “Not until you tell me which one you like best?” Asuka felt her teeth grind together. “This is so stupid!” Mari felt a coy smile form. “No seriously I want to know which one, you tell me and I’ll give it you back.” Asuka eased up her hand pointing watching as Mari turned it around looking at it. “I was expecting you to say the middle one.” Asuka snatched the magazine from her hand. “Yeah you’d like the middle one but I prefer my fantasies realistic!”

“What is going on in here?”

Asuka turned seeing Rei she didn’t think as she threw the magazine in her lockers top shelf then slamming it shut giving her a stupid toothy grin. “Nothing...” Shinji turned giving his sister a smile. “I was just helping Asuka clean out her locker, she’s just finished.” Mari leaned down picking up Asuka’s old red sleeveless gym top eyeing the blood stains on it. “Tell me Asuka do you like the colour red so the blood doesn’t show? Because the British red coats used to do that during the Napoleonic wars.” Asuka moved the large metal bin over taking it from her hand ignoring her sly smile. “No…I don’t wear to red to cover up the blood I wear red because it’s my favourite colour.” She started to throw the old stuff in bin. “No doubt they’ll be complaining for a week in the bay about cleaning all the blood of 02 and picking Bardiel out of its teeth.” Rei moved over giving her hand along with Shinji. “I don’t think they’ll mind this time.” Mari laughed as she helped Asuka throw away the old things. “Yeah I mean you’re not the only unit now with massive jaws they have put up with, they now have 00 and 04 to deal with as well and I’ve heard they hate my units tongue way more than yours since they have to pull it out when there jet washing the teeth clean.”

She turned putting a hand on Rei’s shoulder. “Plus Rei’s got that real wide gape issue as well only different in her units tongue is really flat and round tongue and isn’t pointed like both of ours.” She looked at Shinji. “Can’t wait to see what your unit looks like when it finally change along with Kaworu’s and Toji’s.” Shinji looked up. “Who says they’ll change at all?” Mari watched as Asuka closed the lid of the bin pushing it back in place before moving over and locking her locker. “I heard when you went berserk the first time your unit went through a small change but it stopped I don’t believe it finished what it has starting.” She turned pointing at Asuka who was leaning against her locker. “Misato said Asuka’s unit changing wasn’t Bardiel it was it completely her own doing, he just told her that to gain trust even though he was a lying scumbag and once hers changed mine did and Rei’s followed its like the units are waiting for something to be right before they transform.”

Shinji folded his arms. “Yeah but what’s the thing they are all waiting for?” Mari looked at him. “Maybe for you to ask, who knows?” She raised her finger. “Ether way its going be you next I just know it.” Rei moved taking hold of Asuka’s arm. “This is a conversation is for another day perhaps?” She moved Asuka gently forward. “Asuka needs to go home and rest and do nothing for a few days.” Mari laughed eyeing her younger sister as Rei moved her away from them. “Yes go home Asuka and have plenty of get well sex” She found herself ducking as an empty coke can was thrown right at her by her younger sister though it smashed in to the locker opposite as it was never intended to hit her in the first place. She smirked as they both vanished from sight. “Ah another day in the paradise that is Nerv.” Shinji picked up the can tossing it in the bin. “Would you like to come over to my home sometime, you know with Toji, its just I’ve never had you around or Toji.” Mari gave him a smile. “I would love to.” She paused turning serious as she pushed up her glasses. “I’m really sorry for being such a mean bitch to you, Rei and Kaworu.”

Shinji looked up. “Its okay, we’ve all been through things we understand, what it’s like.” He straightened his white long sleeve shirt. “Plus Misato told us all about what was happening with the traitors. I mean we never expected Makoto to be like that or to find out that he had been drugging you and Asuka I mean it explains so much as to why you were both going through such turmoil.” Mari folded her arms. “They were drugging Asuka much higher than me, they really wanted her to crack I just don’t think they barraged on Bardiel or Rei becoming such a massive interference.” She paused before speaking. “I don’t believe Asuka would have cracked if anything when she eat Bardiel it was all controlled rage, only thing I don’t get is the lances.” Shinji looked up. “Once she’s well enough and back here Misato wants to talk to us all about it, because like Asuka said there not Lances of Longinus there Spears of Destiny she just wont go in to what they are for or how there different to the lances as there’s just too much going on and it’ll take a while to calm down.” Mari breathed in deeply. “Yeah well I guess only time will tell about how this all works out.”

8

Asuka watched the video feed again on her wide screen TV she viewed this video feed twice now she turned seeing Anneberg’s face as his eyes blinked on her phone. “Wait so Bardiel stripped me naked before I got to the wreck room?” Anneberg’s mouth formed a smiled he was using the constant smile animation so he was clearly really happy to see her again. “ _Yes_ _I found it most strange but he couldn’t remove your pendent he tried really hard._ ” Asuka eyed him as she lay back on the sofa. “Sorry you had to be tossed around like that.” Anneberg blinked. “ _Its fine, I’m just happy to see you back with us_.” Asuka looked at him. “Rei’s going to moving in I asked her she said yes.” Anneberg’s smile widened. “ _I’m happy to hear that but I’m just surprised you normally take your time_.” Asuka eased up her hand looking at it. “Life’s to short and I should just stop being afraid.” She paused before speaking. “Bardiel very nearly killed me, if there’s anything I can learn from this it’s that I should treasure the things I love.” She eyed the video again even in the r rated edition she understood nothing, why would she even create two Spears of Destiny? The lances of Longinus didn’t exist so were they some dumb replacement for them? She leaned on her elbow nothing about this made any ficken sense at all.

The whole thing was stupid what had been going through her mind at the time? Right now she wished she could just remember anything helpful. The only things that did make sense was the others trying to stop her from causing final impact and Rei cutting through her AT field like butter and changing her unit because clearly she had just lost it somehow. She leaned back closing her eyes it was one massive frustrating puzzle and she didn’t want to waste her energy on it right now she had two days to rest and do nothing and she was going to enjoy them along with Rei’s company. Maybe then she could formulate some moving plan to get her things up here granted Rei had always been something of a minimalist in that she liked to only have what she needed but her place was big maybe it would allow her to branch out maybe have more things. She eased up her medication looking at it, she would take it tomorrow she so badly wanted to drink tonight and there was a bottle of Champaign with hers and Rei’s names on it sitting in the fridge which the Nerv staff had given them some time ago.

She closed her eyes about to drop off only to hear the phone ring. “Bring down the video talk screen.” She turned as a smaller black screen came down opposite normally she didn’t use it but she was to tired to walk up stairs plus Rei was unpacking one of her bags up there as she’d brought up way more stuff from home. “Answer in video call mode.” She turned seeing her grandmother’s face appear in one screen while Kolby appeared on the other his short black hair and beard showing as he grinned speaking in a funny tone. “Well look who came back from hell to see us?” Asuka put her feet up on the coffee table. “Funny Kolby…real funny…” Geraldina looked up smirking slightly. “Ignore him we are so happy that you returned to us, you had us all so worried over in the German branch.” Asuka felt a warm smile form. “Yeah well don’t ask me to remember anything the whole of Nerv wants me to remember what happened inside but I don’t remember a thing.” Geraldina smiled easing up the Japanese’s digital report looking at it. “Apart from eating that angel….”

Asuka tensed slightly. “Yes.” Geraldina looked up raising an eyebrow. “Its fine Asuka we understand why Nerv kept the truth from us but having that ugly thing in your brain sounds awful and I’ve been combing over Maya’s report’s from the past few weeks and its shocking I mean that vile creature really messed with your head its terrible.” Asuka stretched slightly on the sofa. “To put it mildly it was like having a third ficken wheel who was a massive sleazy creep.” Geraldina flipped through the digital pages as Kolby listened quietly his dark blue eyes shifting. “So Rei knew all along?” Asuka nodded calmly. “Yes it was just something we had to put up with and believe me, it wasn’t pleasant at times.”  Geraldina flicked to certain written digital piece high lighting it. “Yes I imagine having an angel ask to take part in your sexual acts is really ficken messed up.” She paused eyeing her screen opposite. “Plus they sent us all of your sketches I mean granted he was hideous when you got rid of him but your drawings are like a horror movie in places, how did you handle that?”

Asuka looked up adjusting her t-shirt. “I just got used to it after a while, it was strange but I don’t miss him.” Kolby laughed. “Well considering how you eat him after you killed him we sort of got the impression over here that you both weren’t friends.” He smirked. “The shot of your Evangelion with its extended stomach is causing an internet storm.” He smirked. “There’s even this weird tag line in the news when Asuka can’t solve her problems she eats them.” Asuka rolled her eyes. “Yeah well if they had him in there heads they wouldn’t be making jokes.” Geraldina eased up another digital report. “Yes speaking of mental thoughts though, I’m very proud of you for having so many sessions with Maya because I know you find therapy very difficult.” She paused before speaking. “I’m reading that you attended all your sessions with Rei and you didn’t miss any.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “I know it’s meant to be something you do alone but I just couldn’t, I was just a ficken mess after Obrax and Rei just stepped in I never asked it off her.” Kolby looked around. “Is she here by the way?”

Asuka turned about to say something only for Rei’s voice to echo behind her. “I’m here.” She watched as the other woman came out waving her hand as she sat on the sofa opposite Asuka as she spoke calmly. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” Kolby mouth formed a wide smile as he showed of his two gold teeth. “No we are both dying to speak to you, I mean its not everyday you see a big blue transformed Evangelion use its tail end to cut through such a thick AT field like butter.” He paused raising his hand. “Not to mention you firing Asuka’s big gun, like none of us saw that coming. I mean that thing isn’t light weight one of the reasons Asuka had to build up her arms and back and legs muscles was just so she could use that gun in the Evangelion.” Geraldina raised an eyebrow putting her hands together. “Yes that gun was created pacifically to take out the super dreadnought class battle ships and as you probably know the super dreadnought class are so big even Evangelion’s have problems lifting them up, there that large and there armour is massively thick.”

Asuka rolled her eyes. “The UN fleet did nothing but complain about that gun when I got it because they thought I’d shoot them by mistake they shut up once I took out one of Cerberus’s huge dreadnought ships which was attacked us out in the Atlantic. Suddenly it was thank you Asuka we like your big gun now you can keep it but please don’t hop scotch all over our boats again you have wings.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t like I put any of there aircraft in the water or anything I was very careful but I needed a stationary fire point because at the time I wasn’t quite strong enough to hold the gun full time and it took me three months to get enough muscle on my shoulders, arms and back so that it didn’t hurt when firing it, downside was that red plug suite never quite fitted right afterwards it always felt like it was pressing on to my back and shoulders.”

Kolby stroked his short thick black beard. “Yeah well we’ve seen the new one any way, it goes better with the old eye patch and covers up the glowing eye.” He looked at his table pulling out a large promotion photo. “I mean this is your new visitor shot they are running promos off it along with saying that you’ve got a new art book coming out sometime this year but no set date.” He eyed the image before speaking. “Yeah speaking of that red plug suite you didn’t throw it out did you?” Asuka shook her head. “No it’s in my beds lock box, why?” Kolby shifted through his desk pulling up a magazine opening it. “This article goes through the incident but at the end they stated they would love to see that damaged suit.” He turned the magazine page. “Because it states here that there was massive internal injury which is accurate and there are a lot of people would like to see that suite behind glass.” Rei eased up her phone. “That would be a good idea Asuka.” She looked at Kolby who was in his early thirties and burly. “Can I send something across to you through this line?”

Kolby turned to her. “Yeah sure...” Rei looked up. “Asuka told me that you and Aili are not allowed to come here because you’re not military.” Geraldina breathed in deeply. “Yes that’s true I’ve tried to pass it countless times with Ritsuko but it just gets ignored I’ve been trying for four years now.” Rei breathed in flicking something on to her screen watching as the surprise appeared in her face. “That’s my father’s code.” Geraldina flicked the item of her screen watching as Kolby got it. He looked up sharply. “Hang on is this a code for two visitors key cards?” Rei looked up ignoring Asuka’s surprise. “I asked Misato to clear this Ritsuko can not over ride it, granted you’ll have to sigh a document of secrecy but you will get to see the Evangelion up close and that’s all of them because they are stationed together in a single massive bay now once you get the card you can always come back there permanent but you do get new ones every two years.” Kolby put the magazine down the pure excitement on his face. “This is the best thing ever!”

He raised his fingers pointing it at her. “You’re a ficken dream no wonder Asuka love’s you to pieces!” He paused turning slightly. “I’m sorry grandma but I have to go and tell Aili right away.” Geraldina smiled. “You go.” Asuka watched as he vanished from the screen she turned to Rei. “Thank you this really means a lot to me.” Rei felt a sly smile form. “You helped Shinji with Kaworu I saw it as only right.” Geraldina took in a deep breath. “Yes speaking of family is your step sister Mari with you?” Asuka looked up as she put her arm around Rei. “No she isn’t right now.” Geraldina looked down feeling the guilt hit her hard. “Its just I really want to apologise to her, I spoke poorly of her many times in front of you when you were a child and that was really wrong of me. I had no idea that she saved you from drowning and that you were very close.” Asuka looked up slightly. “To be fair grandma I didn’t talk much after you took me away so you couldn’t have known.” Geraldina looked down at her digital files sadly. “True but I’m reading this woman’s files and she has no family what’s so ever, her mother was murdered and your step father has vanished of the face of the earth and she must feel very lonely and not part of anything.”

She paused putting her hands together. “I would like to make her part of this family because she means a lot to you and I’d like to talk to through video call next time she’s here. Because she should always be welcome in this family, granted its small and we don’t have many members left but every single one counts.” She looked at Rei. “This goes for you to Rei you have my blessing and we want you family to be ours and that includes your brother and his partner Kaworu.” Rei looked up. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.” Geraldina gave her a smile. “Hopefully we can all meet you again in person sometime.” She looked up turning very serious. “Asuka maybe if you’re having trouble remembering what happened in the core, you should maybe watch video seven from your mothers collection its quite fascinating.” Asuka looked up feeling her eyes dart. “Why video seven I mean I’ve watched it twice already?” Rei turned instantly clicking as to what Asuka’s grandmother was getting at and she could see a strange knowing look in her blue eyes. Geraldina looked up. “Yui’s theory on human instrumentality with in the core is most fascinating wouldn’t you agree?” Asuka eyed her grandmother she wasn’t stupid she was trying to tell her something. “Yes it’s very interesting.”

Geraldina looked up raising an eyebrow. “Interesting enough for you to warrant a second look maybe, also might help you work why you would create these strange things called the Spears of Destiny.” She felt a wide smile form. “Just a thought maybe for when you’re better rested little one.” She paused before speaking. “Now sadly I need to get back to my work as Rei emptied your big guns bullets cases we are sending you over two new cases so I’ll send you my love and leave you two alone.” Asuka raised her hand. “Love you grandma.” She watched as her grandmother vanished as she took in a deep breath. “Welcome to my family there a little nut sometimes.” Rei laughed as she got up. “Would you like a drink Asuka?” Asuka sat up. “The Champaign please, I know I’m meant to take the medication tonight but I’ll take all this week no questioned asked, I just want to get happy drunk tonight over the fact that I’m alive.”

Rei opened her fridge pulling it out putting it on the table top. “Its fine Asuka I understand.” She unscrewed the metal cap getting to the cork part as she pulled out the metal cups she had proper Champaign glasses at her home but she had ironically never used them so maybe once they ended up in Asuka’s kitchen they’d get better use. “Want to pop the cork?” Asuka stood up slowly. “No I’d rather you do it since this is going to be your home now.” Rei smiled not thinking as she cracked it off watching as the Champaign steamed and fizzed. “So glad we saved this thing, its not like I have an idea about what good Champaign brands are.” Asuka took it from her hand carefully filling the metal military cups which were normally for hot soaps and teas she kept them for winter as it got cold out and she could drink in the back and front garden. “I wouldn’t know ether it’s been years since I ordered this stuff in any restaurant.”

She passed her the cup. “Speaking of which I haven’t shown you the back garden, you should come see it.” Rei followed her realizing that in all of  the time she’d been here she hadn’t seen what was out the back where the Erika came and went. Asuka eased out her keys opening the back door pushing it open. “I’m afraid there’s not much here.” Rei moved out seeing a simple grass garden with trees which was fenced in though there was a climbing section for Erika to come in and out. Asuka turned moving in front of her. “I never use this garden so you’re welcome to turn it in to what ever you want.” She paused easing up her hand pointing to another large section of garden. “I can also have the builders come in and create you a pottery studio, it can be ether attached to the garage if you want or separate like out on the grass and you can make things to your hearts content.” Rei blinked in surprise. “Your giving me all this?” Asuka looked at her taking a sip from her cup as she eased up her finger flicking it across the wind chime which Shinji had brought her which was now hanging outside the back door listening as it rang out soft mellow notes. “Yes it’s all yours to do with as you please. Plus I remember that cubby hole room you have back in your apartment and believe me that not nearly big enough for creative protects, you should have a large room with your own kiln, I mean Shinji’s studio takes up a massive room so why shouldn’t you have a big place all your own.”

She breathed in deeply. “I can also move your computer stuff upstairs the room is big enough for two computers and I can put in really nice wooden shelves for all your books, I know this couple who makes really nice shelving to order it even comes with book ends.” She looked up. “Also I can order in those new two three seat sofas and you can have the one from the living room in your studio so you can sit comfortably when you’re not working.” Rei moved towards her. “You’ve been thinking about this long and hard haven’t you?” Asuka took in a deep breath. “Yes.” Rei moved closer she moved her fingers down her leather jackets collar. “That’s very sweet of you Asuka.” Asuka eased up her hand running them through her hair. “Yes well I love you and I think you should have everything your hearts desires.” Rei moved her fingers running it down her t-shirt as she finished her cup putting it on the stand opposite gods hearing Asuka talk in that voice that sounded like silk. “I love your ideas and maybe once your rested we can talk it through in full.”

She moved her hand back up running it through the thick red hair watching as Asuka finished her cup putting it on the stand next to hers. “But right I only desire your company.” Asuka shifted closer moving her hands to her waist. “How would you desire it?” Rei felt a wide smile form. “I would desire that you kiss me and maybe more if you’re feeling up to it.” Asuka felt a wide toothy grin form. “Now how could I ever refuse such a divine goddess’s wish?” She leaned forward meeting her lips as she spoke through her kisses. “I missed you so much.” Rei breathed unable to stop her hands as they moved over every inch of the other woman’s body. “Don’t ever leave me again.” Asuka moved closer to her running her hands down her arms feeling that sudden sparking sensation of desire all at once which was even more welcoming now that Bardiel was out of her head. “Trust me, that won’t ever happen again…” She moved her hands pulling Rei closer feeling her left eye ignite. “As long as I live...”

End of part 69

Silvermoonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did like the idea that Asuka’s grandmother would welcome Mari in as one of her own as a way of righting a wrong and in doing so, give her a sense of family as a lot of this story is about the idea of transition, change and second chances.
> 
> Okay guys one more chapter to go but this is not the end there will be a sequel as I couldn’t write this story idea in one part so it had to be separated over two books. Please note it maybe some time before the sequel comes out but before then you will get a mini prequel with 5/6 chapter of the events leading up the Alpha unit accident.
> 
> I felt Shinji’s acceptance of Asuka regarding his sister was deeply important as it’s another deeper layer of trust and will help rebuild the bridges between them.
> 
> Yes Geraldina knows the truth about her daughter Kyoko being in side 02 but she could never tell Asuka directly because people can be killed for knowing this as its Nerv’s biggest secret, so she was trying to tell her indirectly and when she was mature enough to handle it which is why she gave her the videos at the start of the story.  
> I wanted to give a shout out to some amazing Evangelion writers who you should all check out and read and they are Progdor, DarkBluePhoenix, AKissAndAGunshot, Fyrstorm, Octo8 and Panther2G.


	70. Chapter 70

_EPILOGUE_

 

Rei lay back breathing in deeply not caring that the sheets were tangled around her right now the world could crash down around her and she wouldn’t even care she was just in pure heaven. She could feel Asuka’s lips as they kissed her neck gently and slowly as her hands moved over her naked body slowly and sensually. Once more she was the object of her affection and it just felt so good she could feel her naked body on top of hers pressing down gently. “Asuka?” Asuka carried on kissing a trail as she moved her hands to her waist speaking softly as she started to move them across her skin letting her finger tips glide over every curve. “Yes.” Rei breathed in closing her eyes enjoying the sensation. “What happened to you inside the core?” Asuka moved to her lips feeling Rei’s hands move to her hair stroking it. “I don’t remember.” Rei looked at her for a long moment she knew just what had happened but she felt it only fair to allow Asuka to remember in her own time. “Do you think that maybe you met someone in the core?”

Asuka breathed in not stopping her actions. “If I did I just don’t remember right now.” Rei breathed in trying to concentrate which was getting harder now. “I know you don’t remember everything right now but believe me you’re going to be happy when you do remember.” Asuka stopped looking down at her meeting her greens eyes straight on. “Really?” Rei nodded moving her hand taking hers seeing that the other woman left eye which was alight along with the razor sharp teeth. Clearly they were Asuka’s not Bardiel’s because they still remained despite that he was now gone. “Yes.” Asuka moved her other hand up running her fingers down the other woman’s neck gently and softly. “Did you believe when I came out of that core that I was really going to forget you?” Rei felt her eyes dart. “For a moment I thought maybe you had I mean you seemed so disorientated like you were struggling to make sense of anything, I wondered if out of spite Bardiel had wiped you of your memories.” Asuka breathed in deeply. “Trust me I wouldn’t have let him, I fought far too hard to get here and I would never give up what we have not for him or anyone else.”

She moved her hand up running it through the other woman’s soft short hair. “He never understood love even at end of it all he only understood power and control.” Rei looked at her feeling a warm smile form. “Both are nothing unless they are balanced through honour and justice.” Asuka leaned forward kissing her again. “Yes.” Rei breathed in feeling another topic spring to mind. “Asuka do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow it’s just we can get some new gym clothes for you and some really nice things for your bathroom and we can look around Tokyo three.” She paused before speaking. “You know because I’d still really like you to come and do gymnastics with me, because I think you get bored some days when you’re alone.” She eased up her hand tracing the scar on Asuka’s left eye. “You should never be alone.” Asuka met her soft green eyes. “I would love to come shopping with you and I would like to try what your talking about I mean you said I might be good at it.” Rei looked up. “Yes I think you’d be very good at it given the chance and I get the feeling that other the hand to hand training with Kyo is not your entire world anymore.”

Asuka raised an eyebrow. “No I guess it isn’t, it used to be the focus off my life for many years but now it just doesn’t hold the same appeal, I still want to train but I just don’t want the long hours anymore I want to do other things.” She moved her hand to her lips. “I would also like to at least get these teeth under control as well in our more intimate moments but I find it easier to change them back after anger but it’s harder when I feel desire, would just once like to kiss you with my normal teeth if possible.” Rei looked at her. “Like I’ve said before I really don’t care about the teeth they are not an issue to me but I’m happy to help you with that, how ever I can.” She paused moving her hand up to Asuka’s stomach were the long scar remained. “I did wonder if though given the chance you’d have wanted to return to how you were before the accident in UN Alpha test unit because we did hear talk that, this could happen because the core can do all manner of things to you.”

Asuka eyed the scar. “You know what I kind of don’t mind them any more I mean they just feel like there part of me and I don’t see them as some awful thing anymore like I did when I woke up in the hospital bed.” Rei felt her smile widen. “You were so moody that day when we all came to visit you but I understood why, I mean being wrapped up in bandages is just no fun.” Asuka turned leaning over. “That reminds me.” She opened the second draw pulling out Shinji’s walkman. “You should really give this back to Shinji and tell him that I’m really sorry that it stayed in my hands for so long I just lost track of certain things, with everything that’s been going on.” Rei carefully took it from her hand. “Yeah I was going to talk to you about this because Shinji got sent a note from our grandmother that she’s found some of our mother’s old things.” She turned the walkman between her fingers. “One of them is another walkman but its white and he wants to keep it and he wanted me to have this one, he just wants to borrow it so he can copy the digital tracks over.” She eyed her father’s walkman. “So this will be staying with us.” Asuka watched as she put it back on the desk top. “I seriously have no recollection of you or Shinji giving me that, my head must have been so messed up.”

Rei moved her hands to her shoulder running her fingers over the refined muscle. “That’s putting it mildly, you were reliving you childhood and teens memories Maya believes this happened because that was the point when Bardiel fixed himself to your cerebellum but in doing so he some how messed up all of your memories in the process. It must have taken your brain a whole day to fix it and reorder itself and because of the stress this caused your body which was trying to heal itself you kept on being violently sick.” Asuka moved closer to her. “I only remember one thing from the night before that he said to me during my dream which was that I had to find this sweet spot between agony and ecstasy then he put his clawed finger right through my left eye.” She paused before speaking. “I never understood what he meant I thought he was referring to battle or something like the experience of pain and pleasure.” She eased up her hand running it through Rei’s hair. “It wasn’t though he was references to my feelings towards you, the agony was that you felt nothing for me and the ecstasy was that you might and if you did I’d not know how to deal with it.”

Rei looked at her as she moved her hands down her back. “I think you dealt with it quite well, I thought for a moment you might just run I mean I caught you by surprise.” Asuka took in a deep breath letting it out slowly. “Yeah that’s true but I really didn’t expect you to ever say you loved me.” She shook her head. “But then I also didn’t expect you to for fill my whole fantasy of making love to me in my own house, you know the one based on the book.” She felt a warm smile form. “Really wish Misato hadn’t interrupted that great moment in the recliner though.” Rei looked up at her. “Yeah that kind of got on my nerves to because she stayed till really late and by the time she was done you were tired and so was I.” She moved her hands gently up Asuka’s back. “There will be another time though so don’t worry.” Asuka leaned forward kissing her lips again. “Yes your right we do have all the time in the world, I mean I don’t have an angel in my head anymore and we can finally do things with out the annoying bastard of a third wheel.” Rei laughed as she pulled her close. “Considering what you went through I think you really did great.”

Asuka felt a smirk form. “Does that include the time I came out of my coma and started trashing my hospital room?” Rei gently kissed the side of her face. “I was very annoyed by Maya, Kaji and Misato they just didn’t understand that it was pain causing you to lash out that day not violence and you had been in that hospital room so much.” She paused easing the other woman’s head up so she could see her eyes watching as the left ones patterns pulsed in the soft light of the room. “They wanted to see a violent monster you’re not a violent monster you’re a good person and I love you more than words can say.” Asuka felt a wide toothy smile form as her molars turned to razors and her left eye ignited again. “People can call me a monster all they want I don’t really care but they should always remember that I’m your monster and if they touch you they do it at there own peril. Because I’d destroy everything in this world if it means being here with you, because I waited so long to be with you and I will never surrender that lightly it means far too much to me.” She leaned forward meeting her lips making the kisses as passionate and loving as possible feeling the other woman’s legs come up locking on to her body it was going to be a long blissful night and she knew it.

8

“We finally have it Pharaoh.”

The dark haired woman in her sixties looked up as a man placed a suite case down in front of her. “We had a lot of problems getting this and our scientists had to work doubly fast but we acquired the gene sequences as you ordered.” The woman dark brown eyes shifted as she opened the case looking at the thin vial which was filled with LCL but had a pure DNA sequence in it. “This is Bardiel’s?” The man looked up as he stepped back. “Yes we stole it from the tongue but we had to return the tongue other wise Nerv might have been on to us.” He put his hands behind her back. “Cerberus and Ouroboros were also an issue we had to kill a lot of them.” The woman smile widened. “How long will it take our scientists to build two fully working Evangelion’s using this pure source?” The man looked up. “Very quickly we have two of the five scientists Ouroboros had though as you requested they are being well treated and they have everything there heart desires.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed as she put her feet up on the table. “Good and that should to remain so even after the project is over they can be given a huge pay out and told that they can go anywhere and be set up for life and protected from Ouroboros.” She put a hand on her chin. “I’m not interested in using Ouroboros’s barbaric old world methods to get people to do what I desire I want forever loyal assets that I can call upon when ever I want.” The man looked up. “It appears that your late son’s bastard child was useful for once then.” The woman turned a sneer forming. “Asuka Langley Soryu is not a true Langley! She just has the name and the other Mari who is of our blood is just a pathetic waste of space.” She turned watching as her grandson and granddaughter appeared out of the shadows both remaining quite they were both in there late twenties. “Meet those of true and pure Langley blood my granddaughter Achika Langley and my grandson Christopher Langley they the true dynasty.”

She paused turning her in chair to the window behind them where a massive solid stone Lance of Longinus hung down over looking the huge bay where they had already built two huge Evangelion skeletons complete with cores and entry plugs ready to be placed. “I’m really tired of being a lesser to Cerberus and Ouroboros, my son wanted a world were Evangelion’s are gods but he was murdered before that dream could be for filled and I will see it realized.” She looked at the DNA vial. “Evangelion’s should not be tools to help humanity they should hold sway over humanity as living gods.” She raised her hand. “Ouroboros can create there shitty half cast abominations but they will never have the same power as Adam because they were created from his half god children.” She looked down. “Bardiel on other hand has opened a window for us, when he recreated himself he used 02’s reproductive cycle to recreate a body shedding his parasite bonds.” She tapped the vial. “Thus we now have the DNA to create two new living gods from this.” The man breathed in deeply. “Then our time has finally come.” The woman turned. “It was most unfortunate that our plan to get Shigeo in control of Nerv didn’t pan out but the fool messed it up with his stupid obsession with Gendo’s daughter.”

She breathed in sharply. “My son also had a similar failing in that he followed tail far too often and then tried to bring up his third child and other bastard child to very strict gender role ideals. Children should be free to experiment and do as they please its how they obtain there best qualities my son was forever searching for the flash in pan and some stupid Aryan race ideal for all of his children.” She breathed in deeply bringing up Mari’s and Asuka’s recent images side by side. “Thus the result, I now have two children who are utterly worthless to my great Langley dynasty.” She looked at the vial again. “Asuka’s now screwing Gendo’s daughter and Mari has now sided with her completely and even stated that she will side with step sister what ever.” She breathed in sharply. “My son hated Asuka because she wasn’t his and he believed she wasn’t intelligent and Mari he rejected because he viewed her as weak. He also hated both there gay tendencies which appeared in at a young age.” She looked up. “What a waste and they could be on our side now had he not screwed up.”

She turned a smile forming as she eyed her older grandchildren who were from his first marriage before Kyoko and the whole mess with Mari’s mothers Lydia. “But all is not lost I have you my wonderful grandchildren and you are going to help me reshape this whole world in our image.” Christopher’s mouth formed a dark smile. “It will be our pleasure grandmother.” Achika folded her arms speaking dryly. “We’ll finally get to pilot?” Her grandmother smiled. “Oh you’re going to do more than that my precious grandchildren, your going to get your bastard little step sister to breathe life back in to that stone Lance.” She raised her hand. “Because the whisper from Ouroboros is that they are very afraid of what she created which were not two Lances but two Spears of Destiny which can stand up to the Lances of Longinus but they said something else most curious.”

She took in a deep breath. “That once up on a time the two Lances were also in Asuka’s hands and that she can some how breathe life back in to them again.” Achika raised an eyebrow as she adjusted her round classes. “She would never do that willingly.” Her grandmother looked up. “No my precious child she won’t but you see she doesn’t know everything, Nerv will not tell her the whole truth and believe me I don’t want ether of those Lances in her hands once she awakens them.” She felt a cold smile form. “I want one in your hands and one in your brothers then you will be both have the world at your mercy.” Christopher looked up putting his hands in his black leather jackets pockets. “But we do not have the other lance grandmother.” His grandmother looked up. “Fear not my precious child, once Asuka rekindles one she can use it to call up on the other which is hidden somewhere on earth or so we’ve heard but we are unsure as to where. Not even Nerv or Ouroboros have found it yet it would appear that she hid to the point that even she probably has no idea where she put it.”

She eyed the vial again. “But we have plenty of time to think on this right now getting your living gods created is much more important.” She turned pressing a button. “Bring in all vertical wings, flying wings and jets we are diving in to the dead zone!” She opened the three way window of the huge flying ship Hatshepsut with hits huge bird like wings which were painted gold while it had parts made of white whale bone as it hovered up in the air. She watched as all of the planes went inside the huge hanger bays this was how they remained unseen by everyone. She watched as both bays closed as the wings folded inwards as they nose dived entered the red sea the whole ship sinking down in to the dark red depths. A woman’s voice spoke over the com. “Your orders Pharaoh?” The woman breathed in deeply. “Take us to the deepest of the ocean trenches there we can remain away from Cerberus and Ouroboros and create our living gods in peace.”

End of part 70

Silvermoonlight

End Of Book One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has commented bookmarked and gave Kudos I really appreciate it along with the Evangelion fan that put this story up on the TV tropes website as a recommended Evangelion fan work as I never thought it was ever good enough for a spot like that.
> 
> Hatshepsut was the second female Pharaoh in the Egyptian dynasty hence Ankh’s air ship is named after her this ship is meant to be similar to Wille ship in 3.33 but with one big difference which is that it can dive like a submarine to great depths.
> 
> Rei knowing the truth first about the Evangelion’s before the other pilots was about staying with in the canon as she tends to be aware before the others in the anime and manga that there is something going on with them and that there’s a presence its just in this retelling she knows everything. Oh and don’t worry Asuka will remember in the sequel as it just takes a while as in the manga Shinji took over a week to start remembering.
> 
> Two walkmans exists in this universe not one this was done as with the real Evangelion merchandise you can buy Shinji’s walkman in ether white or black edition and it got me thinking well what if the single walkman in this universe was also separated in to two walkmans. Meaning the two central couples can both use one and each has a different meaning as the white one symbolizes coming full circle and finding yourself where as the black one symbolizes being on a journey of self discovery.


	71. Artwork P1

   

   


	72. Artwork P2




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